WEBVTT - DELILAH DILEMMAS: Can I help?

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have

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<v Speaker 1>put together some of my favorite radio moments here to

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<v Speaker 1>share with you on our daily podcast. You know, each

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<v Speaker 1>night we have a little feature we call you a

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<v Speaker 1>Delilah Dilemma. I don't know how long we've been doing this,

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<v Speaker 1>but you tell me a problem, a situation, and I

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<v Speaker 1>try to solve it in you know, thirty seconds or less,

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<v Speaker 1>which we all know cannot be done. I know that,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's still kind of fun. If you would like

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<v Speaker 1>to send me your Delilah dilemma, I will do my

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<v Speaker 1>best to share some words of wisdom. Not that I

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<v Speaker 1>don't have a doctorate's, I don't have a PhD. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't have a master's. I don't have a degree. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not giving you professional advice. I'm a mom and

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<v Speaker 1>I've you know, been around the block three times maybe four.

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<v Speaker 1>Tonight's Llilah's dilemma is from a listener who writes, Dear Delilah,

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<v Speaker 1>my wife and I have been together since two thousand

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<v Speaker 1>and one. Our marriage was very happy until I started

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<v Speaker 1>and this is his words, not mine, misbehaving, drinking too much,

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<v Speaker 1>and being angry a lot. It created a distance between us,

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<v Speaker 1>while she begged me to change. I promised to and

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<v Speaker 1>then I broke those promises, and of course she drifted

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<v Speaker 1>away from me emotionally. Eventually I caught on and changed

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<v Speaker 1>my life. But she is saying that it's now too late.

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<v Speaker 1>She has found another and she has feelings for him.

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<v Speaker 1>We still live together, but I don't know if she

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<v Speaker 1>will ever forgive me, though I'm motivated to do whatever

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<v Speaker 1>it takes. I'd like to dedicate a special song to

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<v Speaker 1>her and ask if you have any advice. I do

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<v Speaker 1>have advice, and I will share those words with you.

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<v Speaker 1>Coming up now. Next. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from a

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<v Speaker 1>listener who's been with his wife for over twenty years.

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<v Speaker 1>Twenty one years, And the thing I want to focus

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<v Speaker 1>on is you write and you said our marriage was

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<v Speaker 1>happy until I started misbehaving, Like you're a child. That's misbehaving.

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<v Speaker 1>My six year old misbehaves sometimes, my thirteen year old misbehaves.

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<v Speaker 1>When my eighteen year old does things that she knows

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<v Speaker 1>are wrong, that's not misbehaving. That is making a conscious

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<v Speaker 1>choice to do something that you realize and you know

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<v Speaker 1>is hurting someone else. So no, you weren't misbehaving. You

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<v Speaker 1>were treating your wife like she didn't matter, because she didn't.

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<v Speaker 1>Your drinking came first, Your anger came before your love

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<v Speaker 1>for your wife. And over time, because you made promises

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<v Speaker 1>and you did not keep them, you showed her by

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<v Speaker 1>your actions that your addictions, your drinking, your anger, your

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<v Speaker 1>rage was far more important than her heart. So of

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<v Speaker 1>course she drifted away. You pushed her away. She didn't

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<v Speaker 1>drift away, You shoved her away, And every time you'd

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<v Speaker 1>make a promise and break it, you pushed her harder

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<v Speaker 1>and further, and now her heart is gone. If you

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<v Speaker 1>want to save your marriage, which I don't think you can,

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<v Speaker 1>but if you want to try to save your marriage,

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<v Speaker 1>work on you. Go to AA. If you need to

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<v Speaker 1>get help, go to a support group for anger issues,

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<v Speaker 1>talk to a counselor talk to a pastor or somebody

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<v Speaker 1>that you trust. Talk to your brother or your barber,

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<v Speaker 1>or whoever you trust that you can talk to, and

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<v Speaker 1>get this toxic anger out of your heart and out

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<v Speaker 1>of your life. Perhaps, as you truly change, maybe her

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<v Speaker 1>heart will soften. But even if she doesn't, you still

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<v Speaker 1>need to change, dude. For you, you still need to

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<v Speaker 1>become a better human being. So focus on you, focus

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<v Speaker 1>on healing you, and then see if magic might happen again.

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<v Speaker 1>Good luck, God bless you. If you need some book

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<v Speaker 1>title ideas, I can point you in the right direction.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, God bless.

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<v Speaker 1>Tonight's Delilah's dilemma, says Hi Delilah. I'd like your advice

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<v Speaker 1>on how to help her encourage my son. He is

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<v Speaker 1>twenty three and he is stuck in a rut. He

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<v Speaker 1>graduated high school four years ago. He attended community college

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<v Speaker 1>but didn't finish school wasn't easy for him. He does

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<v Speaker 1>have a job, it's the same job had in high school.

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<v Speaker 1>The hours vary so it's not even full time. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>worried for his future and his ability to support himself.

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<v Speaker 1>He doesn't show any interest in a specific field, nor

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<v Speaker 1>seem to have any ambition or motivation to change his situation.

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<v Speaker 1>My husband and I both work, and we both have

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<v Speaker 1>a strong work ethic, so it's upsetting to see him

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<v Speaker 1>not having a clue on where or how to start

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<v Speaker 1>his life. I know all parents say this, but he

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<v Speaker 1>really is a very good person. He is smart, funny, caring,

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<v Speaker 1>has a great personality. My husband and I go back

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<v Speaker 1>and forth on how best to help him, and then

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<v Speaker 1>we end up arguing about it. Are ultimatums the only

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<v Speaker 1>way to proceed. I don't want my son to be

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<v Speaker 1>forty years old and living in my basement. What would

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<v Speaker 1>you do? That's a darn good question, and I will

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<v Speaker 1>I will share my lack of advice. Coming up next

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<v Speaker 1>Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from a couple who have a

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<v Speaker 1>twenty three year old living at home in the basement,

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<v Speaker 1>not motivated to do anything. What you left out is probably,

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<v Speaker 1>while he is living in my basement, he's playing video

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<v Speaker 1>games all day and all night, or he's watching TikTok

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<v Speaker 1>all day in all night, or he's watching foreign soap

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<v Speaker 1>operas all day in all night. How do I know that?

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<v Speaker 1>Because I have two adult children doing the same thing,

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<v Speaker 1>and I don't have any words of advice for you,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know how to get young people unstuck. I

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<v Speaker 1>was so eager to get out of my parents' house.

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<v Speaker 1>I was so eager to set the world on fire.

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<v Speaker 1>I blew out of my parents' house the day I

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<v Speaker 1>graduated high school. I couldn't wait to start my life

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<v Speaker 1>and do fun and exciting things. So just like you,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't get people who don't have that, who don't

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<v Speaker 1>have that drive or that desire. And like I said,

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<v Speaker 1>I have young adults, children in the same age group

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<v Speaker 1>as yours doing the same thing or not doing the

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<v Speaker 1>same thing. And what do you do?

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe somebody listening has some good advice. They've gone through

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<v Speaker 1>it and come up with a way to help their

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<v Speaker 1>child to reach their full potential, whatever that looks like.

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<v Speaker 1>If you have good advice for this listener and for me,

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<v Speaker 1>please write to me. Go to my Facebook page and

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<v Speaker 1>write to me. In the meantime, I think I'm going

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<v Speaker 1>to start filling my basement up with my chicken collection.

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<v Speaker 1>I have ceramic chickens, and I think maybe if I

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<v Speaker 1>just start moving my art supplies and my ceramic chickens

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<v Speaker 1>into the.

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<v Speaker 2>Bay, maybe they'll get the clue.

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<v Speaker 1>Tonight's Delilah's dilemma is from a sister who wants to

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<v Speaker 1>have a relationship with her other sister that doesn't quite

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<v Speaker 1>know how to go about it. She says, Hi, Delilah,

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<v Speaker 1>I listen to your show all the time and absolutely

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<v Speaker 1>love your inspiring words. I'm in need of a little

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<v Speaker 1>guidance a few years ago, my sister and I rekindled

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<v Speaker 1>our broken relationship. She is very active at a church

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<v Speaker 1>my husband and I attend regularly. Recently, I'm feeling that

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<v Speaker 1>she's not treating us fairly. For example, we got into

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<v Speaker 1>an argument at Christmas time because the meal reimbursement I

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<v Speaker 1>receive for volunteer work was late. She used to always

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<v Speaker 1>sit with us when we would go to functions along

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<v Speaker 1>with her adorable son. Now they set with her friends instead.

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<v Speaker 1>In fact, she spends more time with her friends than

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<v Speaker 1>with her family, and I'm feeling very hurt over this.

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<v Speaker 1>I haven't mentioned any of this to her because it

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<v Speaker 1>will probably start another argument. I don't want to lose

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<v Speaker 1>my sister again. Please help me, all right, sister friend,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to have my mother Delilah words for you

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<v Speaker 1>coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's dilemma is from a woman

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<v Speaker 1>who wants a relationship with her sister but doesn't quite

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<v Speaker 1>know how to go about that. And you say you

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<v Speaker 1>got into an argument at Christmas time over a meal reimbursement. Really,

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<v Speaker 1>you guys are arguing over things like that. If you

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<v Speaker 1>want a relationship with your sister, then enter into a

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<v Speaker 1>real relationship, and a real relationship does not have expectations,

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<v Speaker 1>it doesn't have parameters. You don't say I will love

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<v Speaker 1>you if or I will love you when you say

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<v Speaker 1>I love you, I love you, I love hanging out

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<v Speaker 1>with you. I'm not gonna argue over something as petty

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<v Speaker 1>as a meal reimbursement, whatever that means. Don't argue over

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<v Speaker 1>petty stuff. In fact, don't argue at all. If you

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<v Speaker 1>feel like you're starting to argue, just hold your tongue

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<v Speaker 1>and walk away and say I love you. Because if

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<v Speaker 1>you want a relationship and you want to feel connected,

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<v Speaker 1>then you're going to have to set aside petty grievances,

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<v Speaker 1>silly nonsense like anger about meal reimbursements, jealousy about who

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<v Speaker 1>she sits with, and just accept her for who she

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<v Speaker 1>is and lover for who she is, and spend as

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<v Speaker 1>much time as you can with her as she is.

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<v Speaker 1>If you can do that, if you can just love

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<v Speaker 1>unconditionally and without parameters or expectations, then I think you'll

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<v Speaker 1>be able to rebuild your relationship. I so hope you

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<v Speaker 1>have enjoyed these radio moments as much as I enjoy

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<v Speaker 1>bringing them to you. I'll share more with you each

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<v Speaker 1>weekday on Hey, It's Delilah do lo