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Speaker 1: Hi, guys, and welcome back to a new episode of

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Speaker 1: Couch Talks, which is the special Bonus Q and a

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Speaker 1: episode of You Need Therapy that comes out every Wednesday,

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Speaker 1: where you guys send in questions that you send directly

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Speaker 1: to me at Catherine at You Need Therapy podcast dot com.

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Speaker 1: Anybody is welcome to send something in. I will say

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Speaker 1: I am trying to not use so much specifics and

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Speaker 1: some of the questions that I answer. So I do

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Speaker 1: that because one this is as you guys, if you've

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Speaker 1: been listening, you know that this is not therapy. It's

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Speaker 1: a therapist talking about therapy, and so I can't really

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Speaker 1: give straight up advice on people's specific situations. But I

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Speaker 1: can talk about the themes that they bring up. And

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Speaker 1: I can't do that because there's just so much unknown

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Speaker 1: in what you, guys, in your lives and the lives

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Speaker 1: of the people that you send questions about. And I

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Speaker 1: do want to say that when you send a question

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Speaker 1: to me, I might answer it, I just might not

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Speaker 1: read your exact question, just to you know, maintain some

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Speaker 1: some safety and all of this. So today, both of

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Speaker 1: the questions that I am going to answer, I have

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Speaker 1: just taken the theme out of a couple of questions

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Speaker 1: that I've gotten, So we're going to do that. Before

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Speaker 1: we get started, wanted to say thank you to all

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Speaker 1: the people who have um rated and subscribed and commented

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Speaker 1: on the podcast. That means a lot to us. And

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Speaker 1: it seems as though Apple has done a little update

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Speaker 1: where if you want to subscribe to the podcast, it's

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Speaker 1: now called follow the Podcast. So if you guys to

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Speaker 1: follow the podcast, that would be awesome, and of course subscribe,

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Speaker 1: we really appreciate when you do that over here. And

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Speaker 1: let's just like get into the questions. So the first

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Speaker 1: one is, like I said, a theme that I've pulled

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Speaker 1: out from many questions that you guys seem to want

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Speaker 1: to know is how do I talk to a friend

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Speaker 1: who I should go to therapy? And this is a

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Speaker 1: tattoo subject. I will say. My first question for anybody

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Speaker 1: would be why is it that you want this person

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Speaker 1: to go to therapy? Is it because you see them

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Speaker 1: struggling in a certain area like an addiction and eating disorder,

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Speaker 1: unhealthy relationship, or their behavior is frustrating to you and

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Speaker 1: you want them to fix their stuff so your life

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Speaker 1: is easier. And maybe it's a combination of both, So

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Speaker 1: that would be my first question to anybody. But we're

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Speaker 1: going to talk about this generally, so let's get straight

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Speaker 1: into it. In the past, it seems as though going

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Speaker 1: to therapy is sometimes classified or was thought is like

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Speaker 1: embarrassing or shameful, and it was more hidden and you

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Speaker 1: don't talk about it or post about it, or it's

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Speaker 1: just something you do privately. And what I've loved to

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Speaker 1: have seen and what and kind of the purpose of

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Speaker 1: part of this podcast is to make that not a thing, right,

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Speaker 1: so for therapy not to be something that one would

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Speaker 1: ever feel shame about. Therapy is for everybody, and also

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Speaker 1: believe that you don't have to have something quote unquote

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Speaker 1: wrong with you to go to therapy. To me, it's

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Speaker 1: just something that we do in order to better know

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Speaker 1: ourselves and to be able to fully live our lives

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Speaker 1: the way they were intended and to gain awareness and

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Speaker 1: and all of that, and so it's not a punishment,

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Speaker 1: and I think in the past it has really been

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Speaker 1: thought of as a punishment or something that you you

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Speaker 1: do when your life is out of control, or just

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Speaker 1: the general theme of like anything shameful and like, so

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Speaker 1: anybody who's going to therapy must have something really wrong

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Speaker 1: with them, And what an insult it would be to

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Speaker 1: to be told that I need to go to therapy,

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Speaker 1: because that means you guys think there's something really wrong

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Speaker 1: with me, and that is not so much the norm anymore.

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Speaker 1: I still think there's a lot of that out there,

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Speaker 1: but it's not the norm. And I think that's awesome

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Speaker 1: now because of that in my head, because I think

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Speaker 1: therapies for everybody, and I just think it's so great

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Speaker 1: and it's such a powerful tool. I don't take into

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Speaker 1: account what other people might believe about therapy based on

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Speaker 1: their story, their upbringing, their cultural norms that they're in,

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Speaker 1: their societal norms that they're living in, just any of

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Speaker 1: their history. I see therapy through my lens, which is

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Speaker 1: it's great. So I think that's something I would really

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Speaker 1: encourage people to take into account. Is you might think

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Speaker 1: you're encouraging something that's really awesome and nothing to be

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Speaker 1: ashamed about. But not everybody sees the world through that lens.

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Speaker 1: So sometimes we have to be gentle, and I think

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Speaker 1: the words we choose are so important here. This question

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Speaker 1: can't really be answered sustinctly because depending on your relationship

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Speaker 1: with the person that you would like to go to therapy,

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Speaker 1: your conversation is going to be different. Right, So this

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Speaker 1: is like my best friend, and I'm used to having

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Speaker 1: really intimate conversations. We probably also see the world through

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Speaker 1: a similar lens because we're so close. It might sound

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Speaker 1: different than if it was a co worker or a

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Speaker 1: distant relative or something like that. So in the realm

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Speaker 1: of best friend or somebody that you're close with, I

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Speaker 1: really would approach it kind of this way. I think

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Speaker 1: sometimes when we encourage people to go to therapy, it

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Speaker 1: borders the line of advice giving, and advice giving is

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Speaker 1: a touchy subject because a lot of times, I won't

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Speaker 1: say all of the times, but a lot of times

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Speaker 1: advice is really only appropriate when somebody's asking for it.

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Speaker 1: And if somebody's not asking for your advice, it's really

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Speaker 1: not our place or our job to tell them what

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Speaker 1: to do or how to do things. And so sometimes

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Speaker 1: saying you need to go to therapy could sound like

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Speaker 1: we are giving them advice or invalidating them or whatever

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Speaker 1: it is. So for me personally, I talk about therapy

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Speaker 1: all the time and how it's helpful, And so when

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Speaker 1: I see our friend struggling. What I would first do

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Speaker 1: is just ask them how they're doing before you give

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Speaker 1: them advice, before you give them feedback. And actually, this

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Speaker 1: can go to anybody that you're thinking about encouraging to

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Speaker 1: go to therapy. Really have a conversation about caring for

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Speaker 1: them and caring about them before you tell them what

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Speaker 1: to do or what you think they should do. And

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Speaker 1: I live by the idea that people don't care how

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Speaker 1: much you know until they know how much you care.

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Speaker 1: And that is a hundred percent something that is important

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Speaker 1: when you are encouraging somebody to do something that probably

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Speaker 1: would be really scary and hard for them. And so

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Speaker 1: if you can put out into the world, into the

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Speaker 1: relationship a vibe or a feeling or a experience of

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Speaker 1: them really thinking that in believing that you care for them,

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Speaker 1: that's going to gain you a lot of trust. Right.

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Speaker 1: And So rather than going to somebody and being like

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Speaker 1: I see this, and I see this, and I see this,

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Speaker 1: and I'm making this judgment and this is how you

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Speaker 1: should fix it, it's really like, hey, how are you doing.

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Speaker 1: I've noticed some things that kind of caught my attention,

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Speaker 1: and so I just really wanted to check in with

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Speaker 1: you and see how you're doing, and from that conversation

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Speaker 1: you can encourage them based on what you hear them say.

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Speaker 1: And even sometimes we can pull on some of our

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Speaker 1: experience of like, oh, yeah, I don't know what it's

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Speaker 1: like to be in that situation, or I've never struggled

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Speaker 1: with that, And at the same time, I struggled with

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Speaker 1: this and it was really helpful for me to talk

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Speaker 1: to somebody about it. Or gosh, that sounds really hard

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Speaker 1: and I really want to be the person or the

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Speaker 1: kind of person that could tell you how to fix

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Speaker 1: this or how to change this, or how to do

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Speaker 1: X y Z, But I know that's not my specialty.

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Speaker 1: And I wonder what it would be like if you

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Speaker 1: reach out to a therapist. Have you ever thought about that?

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Speaker 1: So rather than telling somebody what to do, you're really

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Speaker 1: being curious with them and how to help alleviate some

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Speaker 1: of their suffering that they might be expressing to you. Right,

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Speaker 1: So instead of usually go to therapy or you need

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Speaker 1: to talk to a therapist, Oh man, I wonder what

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Speaker 1: it would be like if you talk to somebody who's

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Speaker 1: kind of trained in this stuff. Or I wonder what

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Speaker 1: it would be like for you to have some space

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Speaker 1: for yourself each week to talk to somebody about some

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Speaker 1: of the things that you just told me. That sounds

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Speaker 1: like it would be really helpful. What do you think?

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Speaker 1: What are your feelings about that? And so, really to

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Speaker 1: answer the question sustinctly right like we do that here,

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Speaker 1: I would really say too, instead of telling them what

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Speaker 1: to do, it would be kind of along the lines

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Speaker 1: of what we talked about on Monday is getting curious

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Speaker 1: with them, right, And that's how I approach a lot

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Speaker 1: of the things I do with my clients in session.

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Speaker 1: Instead of being like, you need to do this, or

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Speaker 1: you need to talk to your mom about this, or

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Speaker 1: you need to do this, it's hey, I wonder what

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Speaker 1: it would be like if you tried this, what comes

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Speaker 1: up when you start thinking about that, and be really

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Speaker 1: in a place of wonder to help encourage them rather

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Speaker 1: than push them, because you know, you never know where

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Speaker 1: that kind of conversation could go. So there is my

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Speaker 1: very overarching answer to that question, and I hope that

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Speaker 1: was helpful. Let's go to question number two. Okay, so

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Speaker 1: this question, I really don't know exactly how to um

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Speaker 1: phrase it, but we're gonna just we're gonna try to

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Speaker 1: phrase it. Should we use the words distinctly again? Maybe? Okay,

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Speaker 1: So the general and another general theme I was getting

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Speaker 1: from people is there's a lot of exhaustion and fear

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Speaker 1: and panic and push back coming up within people as

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Speaker 1: the world is starting to open back up. And so

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Speaker 1: I just kind of wanted to open up a dialogue

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Speaker 1: about that because we've been in the space of wanting

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Speaker 1: life to go back to quote unquote normalcy for so long,

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Speaker 1: and now that things are starting to pop back up,

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Speaker 1: a lot of people are having a lot of anxiety

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Speaker 1: about that, and a lot of people are getting really

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Speaker 1: tired really easily when it comes to social things, and

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Speaker 1: so let's just talk about if that's normal or not.

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Speaker 1: In short, yeah, it's pretty normal. We've been spending a

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Speaker 1: lot of energy relearning how to live life in a

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Speaker 1: different way, and a lot of energy hoping and praying

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Speaker 1: and whatever it is that we do that one day

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Speaker 1: life gets back to how it used to be. Knowing

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Speaker 1: that life is never totally going to be back to

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Speaker 1: the way it was, there's this is going to leave

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Speaker 1: a mark on the world forever, probably, and that's okay.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, even I've noticed that, you know, I've noticed

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Speaker 1: as weekends are starting to actually fill with social things,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh gosh, I I miss having nothing to do.

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Speaker 1: I was thinking the other day, I was looking at

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Speaker 1: my front yard and how it really needs to work,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, last year, I know, I've spent

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Speaker 1: like multiple saturdays like pulling up weeds in my yard

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Speaker 1: for hours, and it feels like I don't have time

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Speaker 1: to do that yet I really want to do that,

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Speaker 1: But then I have phono because my friends are doing

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Speaker 1: things and I don't want to miss out on that.

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Speaker 1: And so we're not just being asked to go back

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Speaker 1: out into the world again. We are being asked to

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Speaker 1: prioritize things again, right, Like we didn't have to prioritize

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Speaker 1: things as much before because we weren't doing much and

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Speaker 1: so it was kind of like we did what we could.

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Speaker 1: So I definitely want to say that it's normal that

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Speaker 1: this stuff is happening, and it's normal if you're feeling that.

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Speaker 1: And I also think it's okay to take this day

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Speaker 1: by day, week by week, um event by event, and

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Speaker 1: you don't have to go full force back into the world.

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Speaker 1: And honestly, I don't think any of us should be

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Speaker 1: doing that because you know, the pandemic is still happening.

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Speaker 1: But I would really actually sit down if you're someone

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Speaker 1: who's struggling with this, is sit down and have a

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Speaker 1: conversation with yourself about the shame you feel or the guilt,

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Speaker 1: or if there's something that feels off around you, and

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Speaker 1: then offer yourself some grace in that, and then also

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Speaker 1: sit down and think about, if I feel really overwhelmed

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Speaker 1: by a lot of this, how might I alleviate that.

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Speaker 1: What would help me feel less overwhelmed and less pulled

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Speaker 1: in a million different directions, less anxious. Maybe it's not

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Speaker 1: saying yes to everything right. Maybe it's looking at what

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Speaker 1: are my boundaries for social stuff? Because honestly, I think

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Speaker 1: what the pandemic was really helpful with is to pull

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Speaker 1: us back for a second and to help us look

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Speaker 1: at what's really important in our lives and how we

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Speaker 1: really connect and grow with people, and if it's it's

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Speaker 1: not just about events and parties and things, and it's

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Speaker 1: about conversations and and laughter and real connections with people.

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Speaker 1: And so if we can pull ourselves back to that

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Speaker 1: and remember what we learned in the pandemic that if

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Speaker 1: it's okay to be slow, and you're allowed to be slow,

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Speaker 1: and a full social calendar doesn't make you more worthy.

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Speaker 1: It might be helpful for you to really pick and

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Speaker 1: choose what it is that you want to spend your

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Speaker 1: time on. I think it's also valid to talk about

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Speaker 1: the fact that I think a lot of our anxiety

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Speaker 1: about things opening back up is just over the fact

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Speaker 1: that things are opening back up, and there's a lot

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Speaker 1: of fear around it being premature. And there's also a

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Speaker 1: lot of fear around is it ever going to fully

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Speaker 1: get back to where it was before? And I like

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Speaker 1: I mentioned and both of those are valid that there's

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Speaker 1: a rush to get there, and there's also like a

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Speaker 1: fear that I don't want to get there right now. Um,

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Speaker 1: there's a fear of I mean, I can't speak for

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Speaker 1: you guys, but your fears are going to be a

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Speaker 1: million different things. But I know for me what has

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Speaker 1: come up is I don't want to miss out. There's

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Speaker 1: a fear on missing out now, but there's also a

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Speaker 1: fear on me maintaining my boundaries and the things that

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Speaker 1: I've learned through the pandemic. So going back to something

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Speaker 1: that I actually posted on Instagram about this a while

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Speaker 1: ago is the idea that slow equals fast, Right, So

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Speaker 1: we tend as humans or I tend as humans speak

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Speaker 1: for myself to want to really just blaze through things

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Speaker 1: and get through things fast, and so when things start

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Speaker 1: opening up, it's like, ah, let's go do everything right now.

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Speaker 1: But the truth is slow equals fast, and we miss

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Speaker 1: things and we overlook things, and we you know, don't

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Speaker 1: use the best judgment when we rush into things a

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Speaker 1: lot of times. And so if we want to get

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Speaker 1: back to the closest version of where our lives were before,

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Speaker 1: it might be helpful to take it day by day,

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Speaker 1: step by step, calendar invite by calendar invite, and remind

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Speaker 1: ourselves that I still get to maintain boundaries about who

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Speaker 1: I want to spend my time with because it's very

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Speaker 1: important and how I want to spend my time. And

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Speaker 1: if you want to spend your time pulling weeds in

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Speaker 1: your yard on a Saturday, you don't have to go

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Speaker 1: to that party or event or friend's house or dinner.

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Speaker 1: And maybe that's what I'm gonna do this weekend. I

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Speaker 1: actually really need to. There's that answer to that question.

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Speaker 1: Thank you guys, everybody who has sent in questions that

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Speaker 1: had to do with those two things that we talked

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Speaker 1: about today, and I appreciate them, and it's always thank

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Speaker 1: you for all the feedback. You guys were very vocal

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Speaker 1: about this week's episode, so I appreciate hearing that and

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Speaker 1: hearing that it was helpful. And I hope that this

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Speaker 1: continues to be a resource for you. And if you

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Speaker 1: guys want to follow us, we are at at You

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Speaker 1: Need Therapy Podcast on Instagram and I am at cat

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Speaker 1: dotr FOTA. I hope you guys have the day you

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Speaker 1: need to have and I will talk to you guys

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Speaker 1: on Monday.