Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: What makes a legendary journalist? Gravitas? Honesty, I so piercing.
Speaker 2: They can give you a nose ring. No, it's adaptability,
Speaker 2: and no one's better at that than Tucker Carlson, man
Speaker 2: of a thousand faces, but also somehow only one face.
Speaker 2: Tucker Swanson mcneer Carlson. His father was a journalist and
Speaker 2: US ambassador to the Seychelles, a popular vacation spot for
Speaker 2: people's money. His stepmom was an heiress to Swanson Frozen Foods,
Speaker 2: a heritage he still pays tribute to with his trademark
Speaker 2: frozen facial expressions. He has a brother, Buckley Swanson Peck Carlson.
Speaker 2: You don't really need to know anything about him, But
Speaker 2: how about those names?
Speaker 3: Huh?
Speaker 2: Others might have tried to downplay their wealth, but downplaying
Speaker 2: was never Tucker's style.
Speaker 4: Well, I'm like extraordinarily loaded just from like money I inherited,
Speaker 4: and I've never needed to work.
Speaker 3: He didn't need to work.
Speaker 2: We could be living in a world where Tucker Bronson
Speaker 2: mcchad Carlson isn't on TV every night, But luckily for America,
Speaker 2: that didn't happen. After college Tucker took his talents to journalism,
Speaker 2: rising to prominence as the liberal's favorite conservative. Everyone liked him.
Speaker 2: He seemed normal and on white supremacisty. Tucker Swan Lake
Speaker 2: mcnort's from Carlson took that palatable conservatism to CNN and PBS,
Speaker 2: eventually becoming the perpetually bow tide co host of CNN's Crossfire.
Speaker 2: There he helped steer cable news away from meaningful discourse
Speaker 2: and more towards people shouting talking points at each other
Speaker 2: like a housewives reunion. It was going great until one
Speaker 2: day when a Comedy Central extremist infiltrated the set and
Speaker 2: recked havoc.
Speaker 3: Your partisan what do you call it?
Speaker 5: Hacky? Now?
Speaker 1: This is theater.
Speaker 6: I mean, how old are you?
Speaker 4: Thirty five?
Speaker 3: And you wear a bow tie?
Speaker 5: I'd do so.
Speaker 2: After surviving that ugly attack, Tucker made the difficult decision
Speaker 2: to move on. Desperate times cold for desperate Tuckers. So
Speaker 2: the Butterfly emerged from yet another cocoon and flew to MSNBC,
Speaker 2: where he was both respected and likable, someone you could
Speaker 2: definitely trust, like Matt Lower. You know who was pals
Speaker 2: with him back then, Rachel Maddow it's weird to see now,
Speaker 2: like Emperor Palpatine going to brunch with baby Yoda. Carlson's
Speaker 2: low rated MSNBC gig didn't last long, but his personal
Speaker 2: brand only grew stronger. He was not going to rest
Speaker 2: until the world knew all thirty six of his names.
Speaker 2: Having flunked out of TV twice Tucker Semus McDuck, Carlson
Speaker 2: began rebuilding his journalism career by working with one of
Speaker 2: radio's most respected broadcasters, Bubba the Love Sponge, where he
Speaker 2: was able to channel his inner shocked.
Speaker 4: I love women, but they're extremely primitive. If you're talking
Speaker 4: to a feminist and she's given you a well, you know,
Speaker 4: men really need to be more sensitive and just you know,
Speaker 4: actually if you just need to be quiet and kind
Speaker 4: of do what you're told. I'm not defending underage marriage
Speaker 4: at all. I just don't think it's the same thing
Speaker 4: exactly as pulling a child from a bus stop and
Speaker 4: sexually assaulting that job. The rapist in this case has
Speaker 4: made a lifelong commitment to women take care of the person,
Speaker 4: so he is a little different. Rock as a crappy
Speaker 4: place filled with a bunch of you know, semi literate,
Speaker 4: permittive monkey to Canada's that called them a retarded cousin.
Speaker 7: She just does seem a little you said it.
Speaker 8: I'm just agreeing with him.
Speaker 2: One thing couldn't be denied. Tucker Carlston said all that
Speaker 2: out loud on purpose, knowing other people would hear him.
Speaker 2: Plenty of people would be proud to coast on calling
Speaker 2: women the C word, but not Tucker. In twenty ten,
Speaker 2: he remade himself yet again as a public intellectual behind
Speaker 2: the new website The Daily Caller. Soon he was ready
Speaker 2: for his most important role yet, Fox News superhero. Tucker
Speaker 2: vander Pump McRib carlson was home, and this time he
Speaker 2: became something completely new, a man of the people.
Speaker 7: Democrats had become the party of the elite, professional class,
Speaker 7: eager to lecture you about open borders, global warming from
Speaker 7: their gated communities, the most privileged people in our society,
Speaker 7: shouting down at Trump's voters. Yeah, damn you, working class Americans.
Speaker 1: You must be quiet talker.
Speaker 9: You went to the elite schools of this guy.
Speaker 3: I did I did you shoot from that? It's a scamp.
Speaker 2: It was the performance of a lifetime an aristocrat who
Speaker 2: spent his entire adult life working in media, acting as
Speaker 2: if he had just crawled out of the coal mines
Speaker 2: and sat in front of a TV camera, And Carlson
Speaker 2: wasn't afraid to use his new cloud to uplift the
Speaker 2: most needy among US people who hate immigrants.
Speaker 7: Our leaders worship multiculturalism because all cultures are equal, except
Speaker 7: they're not all equal. Arsenals is superior, and we need
Speaker 7: to defend it. Latin American countries are coursing demographic change
Speaker 7: on this country to rate that. American voters consistently say
Speaker 7: they don't want. We have a moral obligation to admit
Speaker 7: the world's poor, they tell us, even if it makes
Speaker 7: our own country poorer and dirtier and more divided. Isn't
Speaker 7: it crowding your country the fastest way to despoil it?
Speaker 3: To pollute it? Tucker swamp thing McGruff.
Speaker 2: Carlson was like a beautiful reverse statue of liberty, telling
Speaker 2: everyone to get their tired huddle masses out of here.
Speaker 2: But any Fox News hosts could hate immigrants, In fact,
Speaker 2: most of them did so.
Speaker 3: Tucker upped the anti.
Speaker 7: How precisely is diversity or strength? Do you get along
Speaker 7: better with your neighbors, your co workers. If you can't
Speaker 7: understand each other or share no common values.
Speaker 10: White supremacy, that's the problem.
Speaker 7: This is a hoax. This may be a lot of things,
Speaker 7: this moment we're living through, but it is definitely not
Speaker 7: about black lives. And remember that when they come for you,
Speaker 7: and at this rate they will, we have every right
Speaker 7: to fight to preserve our nation and our heritage and
Speaker 7: our culture.
Speaker 3: The skull of the African here, the area associated with
Speaker 3: submissiveness is larger than any.
Speaker 10: Human or any other sub human species, won't Planet Earth.
Speaker 2: Tucker was on fire like a cross on a black
Speaker 2: family's lawn, but as twenty twenty one began, he was
Speaker 2: once again restless for a change. So Carlson put on
Speaker 2: yet another hat, this time made of tinfoil.
Speaker 7: Democrats rigged the election in front of all of us,
Speaker 7: and nobody did anything about it. And what about this vaccine?
Speaker 7: Why are Americans being discouraged from asking simple, straightforward questions
Speaker 7: about it? Questions like how effective are these drugs? Are
Speaker 7: they safe? And, by the way, how much are the
Speaker 7: drug companies making off this stuff? The Biden's affection is
Speaker 7: totally real. It's in no way part of a slick
Speaker 7: pr campaign devised by civical consultants determined to hide the
Speaker 7: president's slity by misdirection.
Speaker 1: Not at all.
Speaker 7: Their love is as real as climate change.
Speaker 2: A little nuts well maybe, but unlike the moon landing
Speaker 2: or a forty four year marriage, you can't fake ratings
Speaker 2: like this.
Speaker 3: And well, yes, at least one.
Speaker 2: Person did sue for defamation. A judge dismissed the case
Speaker 2: on the grounds that any reasonable viewer knows that even
Speaker 2: things Tucker says or facts are not actual facts. So
Speaker 2: whatever the future holds for him, one thing we know
Speaker 2: is that Tucker severus McFly Carlson will do it with
Speaker 2: a smile or whatever's going on there.
Speaker 6: Now, the good story that I want to talk about
Speaker 6: is all the drama in news media. Apparently everyone at
Speaker 6: GMA is sticking the same guy. But these days the
Speaker 6: most scandalous place in TV news is Fox News. Now
Speaker 6: you're probably thinking Fox News, Oh shit, they're still out
Speaker 6: here smashing in these streets calling women hags. Nope, those
Speaker 6: days are over dealing with this cumbersome, ugly hardware. These
Speaker 6: are voting machines made by Dominion, who no one had
Speaker 6: ever heard of until Fox put them at the center
Speaker 6: of a mass conspiracy. Fox said Dominion stole the election
Speaker 6: with these R two D two looking janitor cars, and
Speaker 6: now Dominion is suing Fox for one point six billion
Speaker 6: dollars and the lawsuit is airing out Rupert Murdoch's dirty laundry.
Speaker 1: There was breaking news tonight involving Fox News and owner
Speaker 1: Rupert Murdoch acknowledging under oath that Fox News hosts endorsed
Speaker 1: false election fraud claims.
Speaker 9: It's a candidate mission from Fox News boss Rupert Murdoch
Speaker 9: about how his network handled Donald Trump's lie about the
Speaker 9: twenty twenty election. Murdock acknowledging quote, some of our commentators
Speaker 9: were endorsing false claims that the election was somehow stolen
Speaker 9: from former President Trump.
Speaker 7: Explosive newly revealed testimony in the Dominion Voting System's lawsuit.
Speaker 11: Shocking, new revelations, new bombshell admissions under oath, Oh is.
Speaker 1: It a bombshell?
Speaker 6: Is it shocking?
Speaker 1: Is it explosive?
Speaker 6: What Fox knew the election wasn't stolen, but they said
Speaker 6: it anyways, That's not shocking. If Brian Killme'd ever completed
Speaker 6: a wordle, that would be shocking. Now I'm not shocked,
Speaker 6: but I will say I am very entertained. Because of
Speaker 6: this lawsuit, a bunch of Fox News hosts had to
Speaker 6: release their text messages and y'all know this, Yeah, nah naa,
Speaker 6: you know this. There's LinkedIn you and then there's I
Speaker 6: message you. That's the deep dark underbelly of who you
Speaker 6: really are. And boy, oh boy, were these I messages good.
Speaker 1: New court filings show that in private, Fox hosts Tucker Carlson,
Speaker 1: Laura Ingram, and Sean Hannity were brutally ridiculing the claims
Speaker 1: of election fraud and the people who were making them.
Speaker 9: Fox hosts privately trashed the Trump legal team for lying,
Speaker 9: as Tucker Carlson texted Laura Ingram, Sidney Powell is lying.
Speaker 9: It's insane. Ingram responded, Sydney is a complete nut.
Speaker 7: Tucker Carlson referred to Donald Trump as a demonic force.
Speaker 11: The private mockery also targeted Trump lawyer Rudy Juliani. Sean
Speaker 11: Hannity wrote, Juliani is acting like an insane person, while
Speaker 11: Ingram remarked, such an idiot.
Speaker 6: Oh my god, do you realize what this means? These
Speaker 6: people are secretly sane. They also don't respect anyone they
Speaker 6: have on their show. These guys are texting each other
Speaker 6: all day about how bullshit Fox News is. Their group
Speaker 6: chat is basically MSNBC. But out of everything we learned
Speaker 6: about Fox News, there was one text that came out
Speaker 6: in discovery that truly freaking me out. It's when Tucker
Speaker 6: Carlson said Fox News had to be more supportive of
Speaker 6: Donald Trump's election claims.
Speaker 8: Tucker Carlson wrote his producer Alex Sfeiffer, do the executives
Speaker 8: understand how much credibility and trust we've lost with our audience?
Speaker 8: We're playing with fire for real? An alternative like Newsmax
Speaker 8: could be devastating to us.
Speaker 3: Do you understand what he's saying here?
Speaker 6: He's saying, if I don't say this bullshit, my viewers
Speaker 6: will leave me. This whole time, we thought Fox News
Speaker 6: was manipulating its viewers, but it turns out the viewers
Speaker 6: were manipulating Fox News.
Speaker 1: So just think of it like this, Okay.
Speaker 6: Tucker Carlson is a moral vacuum, a whole, if you will,
Speaker 6: who glorifies election deniers, so a glory whole, and his
Speaker 6: viewers expect him to please them with his mouth and
Speaker 6: he's constantly terrified that they'll find a new, more satisfying
Speaker 6: glory Hule. And that's why Tucker Carlson will never stop sucking.
Speaker 12: This is the Daily Show. So let's talk about Fox News.
Speaker 12: The deal with a big lawsuit right now, and because
Speaker 12: of it, a bunch of Fox newshosts had to give
Speaker 12: up all their private texts. So we've been finding out
Speaker 12: what they really think about Donald Trump, and it's hilarious.
Speaker 13: According to Core Documents, host Tucker Carlson texted a producer
Speaker 13: on January fourth, twenty twenty one, we are very very
Speaker 13: close to being able to ignore Trump most nights. Referring
Speaker 13: to Trump, Carlson says, I hate him passionately. I can't
Speaker 13: handle much more of this.
Speaker 3: Carlson added, we're all pretending we've got.
Speaker 8: A lot to show for it, because admitting what a
Speaker 8: disaster it's been is too tough to digest.
Speaker 3: But come on, there really isn't an upside to Trump.
Speaker 6: That's fighting words.
Speaker 1: Ah, why don't white crime.
Speaker 2: Let's go.
Speaker 1: All right.
Speaker 12: I know this looks bad, but their makeup sex is
Speaker 12: gonna be so much hotter. You know, this is so
Speaker 12: embarrassing for Fox News. If they want to keep their
Speaker 12: shit quiet, they should do what the crack dealers do.
Speaker 1: Use a pay phone. Yo, it sucker.
Speaker 12: Listen, Black lives matter, they really do, all.
Speaker 1: Right, hear me back on my burner.
Speaker 12: I'm enjoying this though. I have never seen someone's private
Speaker 12: text that was so opposite from their public persona. It's
Speaker 12: like finding out Nikki Haley has a black sin. She
Speaker 12: got texts like.
Speaker 3: Oh hell no, y'all ain't coming at them rocking like that.
Speaker 6: Sorry, boo boo.
Speaker 10: Let's figure with Fox News, which yesterday I agreed to
Speaker 10: pay seven hundred and eighty seven point five million dollars
Speaker 10: for saying Dominion voting machines help Joe Biden steal the election.
Speaker 10: Although now that more details of the settlement have come out,
Speaker 10: it turns out it's not all bad news for Fox.
Speaker 8: The deal sparing Fox from what would have been a
Speaker 8: very high profile trial with some of the network's own
Speaker 8: stars likely testifying.
Speaker 11: Dominion's legal team says there will be no on air
Speaker 11: apologies or retractions on Fox News.
Speaker 8: In a statement, the network is saying this settlement reflects
Speaker 8: Fox's continued commitment to the highest journalistic standards.
Speaker 10: That's ryan high journalistic standards like this.
Speaker 7: The Green M and M Gunner boots back but apparently
Speaker 7: is now lesbian.
Speaker 10: Maybe yeah, Look, I'm happy for dominion, but dominion was
Speaker 10: not the only injured party here. What about you know,
Speaker 10: our faith and democracy. There are people who will not
Speaker 10: trust elections for the rest of their lives, and I
Speaker 10: have to talk to those people.
Speaker 1: I'm going to.
Speaker 3: Argue with them at Trump rallies every.
Speaker 10: Four years for the rest of my life.
Speaker 3: And you know what, I'm not naive.
Speaker 10: I didn't expect this lawsuit to restore our country's faith
Speaker 10: and elections, or even for me to get a little cashola. No,
Speaker 10: but I was at least hoping to get a couple
Speaker 10: weeks of joy out of seeing Sean Hannity up there
Speaker 10: on the stand, sweating through his shirt like a beach manatee.
Speaker 10: For that have saved democracy, I don't know, but it
Speaker 10: would have been nice to see. We're not going to
Speaker 10: get any of that. They don't even have to apologize
Speaker 10: on air, And frankly, we deserve that bare minimum. Yes,
Speaker 10: you deserve that, and you know what, if the settlement
Speaker 10: won't give it to you, then I shall.
Speaker 7: There's much fallout this evening and there will be for
Speaker 7: months admitting that we lied to you for saying the
Speaker 7: wrong things about the twenty twenty election.
Speaker 1: But why is that?
Speaker 7: Well, the truth is Donald Trump lost the election. I no,
Speaker 7: we didn't tell you because we don't care what you think.
Speaker 7: Now we have to pay hundreds of millions of dollars.
Speaker 3: We were wrong.
Speaker 7: We are completely irresponsible, and we're sorry America. I'm sorry
Speaker 7: for repeating something that was untrue.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry.
Speaker 7: I just got to take a quick break and go
Speaker 7: cry in a closet while squeezing a stuffed animal.
Speaker 3: Thank you, Tucker Welch.
Speaker 2: All right, let's move on to the big story rocking
Speaker 2: the media world today. You know that stupid look that's
Speaker 2: always on Tucker Carlson's face, Well today he has a
Speaker 2: good reason for it.
Speaker 14: This just in to CNN. Tucker Carlson is out at
Speaker 14: Fox News the right networks else the two have parted ways.
Speaker 14: CNN senior meter reporter Aliver our Darci is here with
Speaker 14: more on this. What are you learning he was out
Speaker 14: on Friday? While we see him say goodbye, we're not
Speaker 14: going to see him say goodbye. This is really stunning
Speaker 14: news coming from Fox. They say his last show was
Speaker 14: April twenty. First, they put out a very short statement.
Speaker 14: They say they thank him for his service, and that's it.
Speaker 14: That's all we know right now.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: Wow, I can't believe that a network that's so opposed
Speaker 2: to gender affirming surgery just cut off their own dick.
Speaker 5: Now.
Speaker 3: Apparently Tucker was forced.
Speaker 2: Out by Rupert Murdoch, which is pretty ironic. Tucker spent
Speaker 2: so many years saying that Mexican people were coming to
Speaker 2: take our jobs away. Turns out he should have been
Speaker 2: worrying about Australians. And we still don't know exactly what
Speaker 2: led Rupert Murdoch to fire his network's biggest star, but
Speaker 2: reportedly he was concerned over Carlson's conspiracy theories about January sixth.
Speaker 2: So let this be a lesson to everybody. If you
Speaker 2: try to topple America's democracy, you can stay on TV
Speaker 2: for two more.
Speaker 3: Years and that's it.
Speaker 5: Then.
Speaker 2: But whatever the reason was, Tucker's firing is going to
Speaker 2: leave a huge.
Speaker 3: White power vacuum at Fox.
Speaker 2: And I'm glad he's gone, But if I'm being honest,
Speaker 2: I'm also a little nervous about what he's going to
Speaker 2: do next. You know, It's like after Papa John got fired.
Speaker 2: You just knew he was out there somewhere working on
Speaker 2: a pizza. That gives you even worse diary. By the way,
Speaker 2: Tucker Carlson isn't the only cable news.
Speaker 3: Anchor to get the act.
Speaker 2: CNN just fired Don Lemon after seventeen New Year's Eve blackouts.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry years of service, so it's been a tough
Speaker 2: day to be a news anchor on cable.
Speaker 3: Sorry. Sorry, what's up? Oh? Oh I'm also being fired.
Speaker 3: Oh that was fast. Okay, guess I'll pack up my things.
Speaker 2: Stapler, scissors, yeah, photos, Oh, my giant fish.
Speaker 3: The box is too small. You know, call me a
Speaker 3: girly girl. You know what this I just got here.
Speaker 2: I'm finishing this out. Yesterday Carlson got fired from his
Speaker 2: job at Fox News, and it was a huge surprise
Speaker 2: to everyone, including Tucker. Apparently they only told him ten
Speaker 2: minutes before announcing it publicly, which is so cold, and
Speaker 2: that's barely enough time to pack up all his Nazi memorabilia,
Speaker 2: not to mention he was Fox's most popular anchor and
Speaker 2: they still fired him.
Speaker 3: That'd be like if MSNBC fired well.
Speaker 2: Imagine if there was a show people watched on MSNBC,
Speaker 2: it would be like firing them. And look, I know
Speaker 2: people love making fun of Tucker, but just put yourself
Speaker 2: in his shoes.
Speaker 3: Say you're this massive piece of shit.
Speaker 2: With no real friends, and you got to giggle like
Speaker 2: a tickle me Elmo and a dumb, floppy haircut, and
Speaker 2: you always have your mouth hanging open like you're dry
Speaker 2: in your teeth. I forgot where I was going with this. Oh,
Speaker 2: Tucker's an asshole. Now we still don't know exactly what
Speaker 2: got Tucker fired.
Speaker 3: Maybe it was.
Speaker 2: Election liies that cos Fox News seven hundred and eighty
Speaker 2: seven million dollars. Maybe it was insulting his bosses in
Speaker 2: private text. Maybe it was his overall vibe of creepy
Speaker 2: dad driving the babysitter home.
Speaker 3: Or maybe it was this.
Speaker 15: The Daily Beast report that Tucker's repeated use of the
Speaker 15: sea word was a key factor in his demise. According
Speaker 15: to text messages from the dominion lawsuit, Tucker referred to
Speaker 15: Trump lawyer Sidney Powell as the sea word, and a
Speaker 15: former producer at his show alleges she heard the word
Speaker 15: around the office constantly.
Speaker 5: Female politicians who came on the show were mocked. There
Speaker 5: were debates about who they'd rather sleep with seaword all
Speaker 5: the time.
Speaker 2: They use the C word all the time, Like, how
Speaker 2: do you use the sea word at the office all
Speaker 2: the time? Oh, Susan's taking lunch orders. Tell them I'll
Speaker 2: just have a salad hold the cop you know what,
Speaker 2: do you want to share a for the audience at home.
Speaker 2: I know that just got blieved. I just said the word,
Speaker 2: but you know what, but you know what, It's okay.
Speaker 2: Tucker's allowed to say the C word because he is one.
Speaker 2: Let's kick things off with Tucker Carlson, the world's most
Speaker 2: unemployed boat shoe. No one's heard from Tucker since his
Speaker 2: surprise firing on Monday, except the pillow he's been screaming into.
Speaker 3: And it turns out there may be a good reason
Speaker 3: for that.
Speaker 2: Fox News executives reportedly have a dossier of dirt on him, Yeah.
Speaker 3: To keep him from attacking the network. That's right.
Speaker 2: They apparently have him saying the most vile things you
Speaker 2: can imagine. And the way they compiled it, and this
Speaker 2: is genius is by turning on his television show and
Speaker 2: pressing record.
Speaker 3: Very Snaky fuck.
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Speaker 1: This has been a Comedy Central podcast