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Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio.

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Speaker 2: Good Morning. This is Laura, Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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Speaker 2: Today's tip is to skip the optional arguments. There are

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Speaker 2: times when the stakes of a decision are high and

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Speaker 2: the ethics or consequences require you to engage, But often

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Speaker 2: you don't have to argue with people, and you will

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Speaker 2: likely be happier if you skip the optional arguments. Today's

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Speaker 2: tip is inspired by Elizabeth Pasarella's new collection of personal essays.

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Speaker 2: It was an ugly couch anyway. As she puts it,

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Speaker 2: what happens as you get older is that you have

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Speaker 2: to slog through so many mandatory arguments and difficult relationships

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Speaker 2: that you stop choosing optional ones. This is something I

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Speaker 2: am trying to keep in mind on the argument front.

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Speaker 2: With five kids, there are definitely arguments I have to

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Speaker 2: engage in when it comes to keeping them safe and healthy.

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Speaker 2: The toddler really does need to be strapped into his

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Speaker 2: car seat, the teens do need to surrender their phones

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Speaker 2: at night so they can get enough sleep before school

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Speaker 2: the next day. But there are also a lot of

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Speaker 2: arguments that I can skip. The eight year old can

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Speaker 2: wear sweatpants to church if he wants. I am pretty

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Speaker 2: sure God doesn't care, and at this point in life

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Speaker 2: I should be secure enough if any one else wants

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Speaker 2: to judge. I value accuracy. And I also have a

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Speaker 2: three year old who spelts all sorts of fanciful ideas.

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Speaker 2: So if he yells I am not going to school tomorrow,

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Speaker 2: and he very much is and absolutely loves preschool so

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Speaker 2: much that he doesn't want to leave once he's there,

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Speaker 2: I don't bother pointing this out. I just say, ooh,

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Speaker 2: that's an interesting idea, and then we move on. I

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Speaker 2: try to pick my battles with older kids too. Yes,

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Speaker 2: it would be good if all the dishware were to

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Speaker 2: be returned in a timely manner to the kitchen. On

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Speaker 2: the other hand, it's not really that big a deal.

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Speaker 2: As a friend was talking to me about raising her

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Speaker 2: young people, she noted that if her kids were failing school,

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Speaker 2: or were in legal trouble, or were addicted to something,

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Speaker 2: the dishes would be the last thing she was worrying about.

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Speaker 2: We are blessed if our kids are doing fine. The

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Speaker 2: dishes will make it to the dishwasher eventually, so that's okay.

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Speaker 2: I also believe we can skip the optional arguments with

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Speaker 2: the adults in our lives as well. If your great

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Speaker 2: aunt has different political preferences than you, you can maybe

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Speaker 2: state your case once and then just talk about other

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Speaker 2: things when you see her. You don't need to correct

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Speaker 2: someone who pronounces a word wrong unless the person is

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Speaker 2: practicing a speech and actually wants that kind of feedback.

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Speaker 2: If you are pretty sure the tailor told you your

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Speaker 2: pants would be ready on a different day, but it

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Speaker 2: is not an inconvenience, you can just run with it now.

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Speaker 2: Of course, if something is immoral or illegal, or dangerous

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Speaker 2: or truly important to you, then by all means take

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Speaker 2: the battle. There are many hard things we have to

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Speaker 2: do in life. Arguing with a three year old about

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Speaker 2: whether it is going to snow tomorrow or not isn't

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Speaker 2: one of them. In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks

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Speaker 2: for listening, and here's to making the most of our time.

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Speaker 1: Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear from you. You can

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Speaker 1: send me your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just

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Speaker 1: connect with me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at Before

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Speaker 1: Breakfast Pod that's b E the number four then Breakfast Pod.

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Speaker 1: You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast

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Speaker 1: podcasts at iHeartMedia dot com that before Breakfast is spelled

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Speaker 1: out with all the letters, thanks so much, should I

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Speaker 1: look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a

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Speaker 1: production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the

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Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your

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Speaker 1: favorite shows. You old Yeah,