Speaker 1: Brod Ambition Episode four. Hey, hey, hey, it's Tiffany.
Speaker 2: And it's Mandy. Welcome back. I can't move you back?
Speaker 2: Well are they? We don't really know. We're taking these
Speaker 2: all in advance, so we have no idea who's going
Speaker 2: to listen to these.
Speaker 3: They're back. I could feel you, I could feel you.
Speaker 2: In the future. We're cautiously optimistic that there'll be people
Speaker 2: listening to this. But yeah, thank you, and let's start
Speaker 2: the show.
Speaker 3: Yes, let's get right into what is buzzworthy.
Speaker 2: What's buzzing. I don't know if this is like old
Speaker 2: news or not, but apparently Damon Wayne's like this has
Speaker 2: been came on some radio show and was saying the
Speaker 2: most offensive things trying to defend Bill Cosby. I got
Speaker 2: to read you, guys, these quotes that Damon said, and I.
Speaker 3: Was just telling Maddy, Oh, he's kind of fine, and.
Speaker 2: I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, I'm retracting that he's not
Speaker 2: that fine. He's not fine because here's what he says
Speaker 2: about Cosby and these women after forty years, these women
Speaker 2: having the courage to come forward and finally speak up
Speaker 2: for themselves. And this is what Damon Wayne says, big
Speaker 2: is Bill Cosby's penis that it gives you amnesia for
Speaker 2: forty years. If you listen to them talk, they go, well,
Speaker 2: the first time, the first time, how many times did
Speaker 2: it happen? Just listen to what they're saying. And some
Speaker 2: of them are really unrapable. You just look at them
Speaker 2: and go, you don't want that. Get out of here. Unquote. Wow,
Speaker 2: my blood is boiling. This is like, this is what
Speaker 2: happens when someone is so I don't know. Maybe he
Speaker 2: was just trying to be funny.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because he's supposedly, in quotes, a comedian, uh huh,
Speaker 1: And so maybe he was trying to be fine because
Speaker 1: I see that he there's some articles about him trying
Speaker 1: to defend himself saying, oh, my words were twisted.
Speaker 3: I'm like, really, those words are pretty clear.
Speaker 2: And what other context? Like he's saying, you should have
Speaker 2: the full context, But I don't know if we need
Speaker 2: the full context for that quote.
Speaker 3: Sometimes silence is platinum.
Speaker 2: We've said that before. Silence can make you sound smart. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you just got to no one to shut up exactly.
Speaker 2: But I think that there's been so much I mean,
Speaker 2: obviously it's terrible what happened to these women. But did
Speaker 2: you see the New York magazine feature where all of
Speaker 2: them were on the cover? Yes, they and you know
Speaker 2: they did individual features and not all of them wanted
Speaker 2: to have their names and their photos, but the majority
Speaker 2: of them did. Yeah, And do you know how rare
Speaker 2: it is for rape victims to come forward like that.
Speaker 1: Especially against someone like as huge as Bill Cosby. He's
Speaker 1: an icon, he's a cultural icon, like. You cannot deny that.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, and people have such deep emotional connections to him,
Speaker 2: and that's why you don't want to believe the worst
Speaker 2: of people. But you can't deny evidence when it's staring
Speaker 2: you in the face.
Speaker 3: Especially when he says himself that he used to in.
Speaker 4: His own words, out of his own mouth, people are like,
Speaker 4: oh no, I'm like, no, no, he said I have
Speaker 4: used drugs to have sex with women.
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know that it gets heady clearer
Speaker 3: than that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you're still defending Bill Cosby, then you are
Speaker 2: not paying attention and you deserve no one's time nor
Speaker 2: your attention. So I apologize for just talking about Dame
Speaker 2: Wayne's but does that say his name?
Speaker 3: Damon?
Speaker 2: That's how irrelevant he is. Even how to say his name,
Speaker 2: Damon Wayne Senior. Sorry, Okay. Next on the list of
Speaker 2: buzzworthy is another headline that I saw, which talks about
Speaker 2: something really interesting is whether college lectures might be unfair
Speaker 2: to minorities and people from low income backgrounds. I found
Speaker 2: this really fascinating because I guess it's something that I
Speaker 2: take for granted, the fact that I didn't go to
Speaker 2: the greatest schools. In fact, I went to three different
Speaker 2: high schools and they weren't you know, they were public
Speaker 2: schools in Georgia, and the public education system is fine.
Speaker 2: But I didn't realize how what an advantage it was
Speaker 2: that I went to a decent school and I had
Speaker 2: a lecture type of environment. Okay, And this article kind
Speaker 2: of talks about research that shown that people of color
Speaker 2: who come from maybe not the greatest schools, or people
Speaker 2: from low income backgrounds who tend to grow up in
Speaker 2: areas that have less funding for public education, aren't used
Speaker 2: to necessarily having this structured lecture listen to this professor
Speaker 2: drone on and on on and write notes on a
Speaker 2: board and then get quiz on it later. They're not
Speaker 2: used to that kind of atmosphere, and they tend to
Speaker 2: perform less. They tend to perform that as well, not
Speaker 2: as well as white male and typically more privileged students.
Speaker 2: They say that active learning courses, that's a new kind
Speaker 2: of style of teaching that structure class and out of
Speaker 2: class assignments to make sure that students are actually engaged
Speaker 2: with the material. So for example, like instructors would pose
Speaker 2: questions about the week's reading and they would ask the
Speaker 2: teacher that ask the students to answer the questions online
Speaker 2: four grade before they come to class, and that kind
Speaker 2: of like greases the wheels and get them thinking about
Speaker 2: it beforehand.
Speaker 3: I love them.
Speaker 2: And those sorts of things that have like more of
Speaker 2: a loose structure and get people really talking beforehand can
Speaker 2: help people. And I think that's something that instructors should
Speaker 2: pay attention to, especially if you have a diverse group
Speaker 2: of people.
Speaker 1: You know, I used to be a teacher for like
Speaker 1: ten years and we would call it like differentiated learning, okay.
Speaker 1: And it's so strange how the older the student gets,
Speaker 1: the less people are really concerned with making sure that
Speaker 1: learning takes place in an appropriate way. Like when I
Speaker 1: taught preschool, that was like paramount that like are you
Speaker 1: addressing the auditory learner. Are you is someone like a
Speaker 1: child who listens and hears. I literally had a child
Speaker 1: that when I spoke to him when I was teaching
Speaker 1: him his letters, he had to turn away, basically turning
Speaker 1: off his other senses and just listen. Are you addressing
Speaker 1: the visual learner? Like you know, the vast majority of
Speaker 1: people really learn from seeing. But then there's also kinesthetic learners.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you ever watched Aquila and the
Speaker 1: Bee where she's jumping rope and doing her ABC. That's
Speaker 1: a kinesthetic learner that they have to move as they're learning.
Speaker 1: And so like you know, making kids sit in the
Speaker 1: chair and if you're a setic learner, you might need
Speaker 1: to clap as.
Speaker 3: You send your ABC.
Speaker 1: That's one of the reasons why we do that with
Speaker 1: children because every child has kind of like you usually
Speaker 1: have one way that you lean toward, and there's like
Speaker 1: secondary and like third. So it's crazy that the younger
Speaker 1: the child, the more that's important. Like as a college professor,
Speaker 1: they're like, no, we're teaching you in this one way,
Speaker 1: take it or leave it.
Speaker 2: And especially when you talk about going into a career
Speaker 2: in the working world, if you work for a company.
Speaker 2: I mean, you come into a company and you're one
Speaker 2: of like, I don't know, I'm one of twelve thousand employees.
Speaker 2: So if I have a particular way of working, well, sorry,
Speaker 2: there's twelve thousand people here. We can't. This is how
Speaker 2: it's going to be. You have to accliment yourself. So
Speaker 2: that's it for that's worthy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you have.
Speaker 2: Any thanks, If you guys have any buzzworthy links or
Speaker 2: headlines or topics you think we should talk about, email
Speaker 2: us at Brown Ambition Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: We're gonna move on to Brown Break, Brown Break, what
Speaker 1: you're gonna do?
Speaker 3: I don't know why they came over me.
Speaker 2: Get tired of shit?
Speaker 1: All right, So a few of my friends they're going
Speaker 1: to kill me for this one because a few of them.
Speaker 2: I want you to die.
Speaker 1: Oh, they're not going to kill me, all like in
Speaker 1: real life, I don't think so I need a brown
Speaker 1: break from life coaches.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry to say, but there are so many life.
Speaker 1: Coaches, but not everyone should be coaching people on their.
Speaker 2: On their lives and such a wishy, washy squishy title too.
Speaker 2: I'm a life coach. I'll gonna help you better your life.
Speaker 2: But how, And then what did you study in college?
Speaker 1: And how does how is anyone really even expert at life? Well,
Speaker 1: I'll say this that some of my friends are life coaches,
Speaker 1: and they're doing an excellent job. I can see, you know,
Speaker 1: the changes they've made in women's lives. But for example,
Speaker 1: there's a young woman who reached out to me. She's
Speaker 1: all of twenty two, twenty three, okay, and so apparently
Speaker 1: she's lived enough life to coach others on life.
Speaker 2: Oh so she's wise bondered. Yeah, she's an old soul.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's been here before, so she's life coaching now.
Speaker 1: And that's what I mean about needing a brown break
Speaker 1: from life coaching because also to what I've seen, which
Speaker 1: is really dangerous and unfair, I've seen some life coaches
Speaker 1: really take advantage of women because a lot of women
Speaker 1: who are going to a life coach, they're in a
Speaker 1: low time, or they've suffered from some sort of like
Speaker 1: violence or just depression, and they're looking for help. And
Speaker 1: I've seen them be upsold for thousands of dollars for
Speaker 1: coaching sessions from people who are really just looking to
Speaker 1: make money, not looking to make change.
Speaker 2: How much do some of these coaches like.
Speaker 1: I've seen, like honestly, like one on one you can
Speaker 1: pay upwards of ten thousand dollars to.
Speaker 2: Speak one or Tony Robbins kind of thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, for that kind of thing.
Speaker 1: But then like on the lower end five hundred, one thousand,
Speaker 1: fifteen hundred, I've seen coaches who are not particularly famous
Speaker 1: sell twenty five hundred dollars packages in the back of
Speaker 1: the room.
Speaker 3: And so, like I said, though not all are bad.
Speaker 1: So this is if you are considering any sort of coach,
Speaker 1: financial coach, life coach, business coach, whatever. To me, if
Speaker 1: your coach that you're considering does not give away a
Speaker 1: significant amount of value for free online somewhere or in
Speaker 1: person or whatever, then I would reconsider. Yeah, So if
Speaker 1: you go to their blog and they don't have some
Speaker 1: really great meatia blogs that really help to move you forward,
Speaker 1: or they're you know, they don't have some sort of
Speaker 1: social media group or a community that you can join
Speaker 1: and kind of see them in action, or they don't
Speaker 1: have some like free workshops that you can attend. You
Speaker 1: know that every time that you try to get any
Speaker 1: additional information, you're always hit with that's gonna cost you know,
Speaker 1: stop signed, well, that costs, and that costs, and well
Speaker 1: I need to see, you know, if you're really doing
Speaker 1: what you say you're gonna do. And also too, I
Speaker 1: would look to see because if you you'll be able
Speaker 1: to see based upon like what they put out there,
Speaker 1: what are people saying, thank you so much because you've
Speaker 1: helped me do this? You know, are you seeing those
Speaker 1: kind of comments underneath? If not, then I would reconsider
Speaker 1: because someone who is not willing to give without you
Speaker 1: giving them money upfront, I would be very cautious of
Speaker 1: because then what are they really here for? Are they
Speaker 1: just here just to make money? And we're all, you know,
Speaker 1: here to of course make a living. But to me,
Speaker 1: when you're in the business of coaching someone's life, there
Speaker 1: has to be a higher calling than just making money.
Speaker 1: So I need a brown break from all the life
Speaker 1: coaches all like the Snake Oil Yeah, the snake yeah,
Speaker 1: the Snake Girl life. Not all of them, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: Some of you, like I said, are great. Like there're
Speaker 1: a friend of mine, Lucinda Cross, She's an amazing life coach.
Speaker 1: I mean, I've seen women like literally change their lives
Speaker 1: and tell me like I'm not the same person.
Speaker 2: But it's all about referrals. I would ask, Yeah, definitely
Speaker 2: ask around to be sure that you're not, you know,
Speaker 2: spending money on like a fake Yeah, excellent.
Speaker 3: So definitely not a twenty three year old I mean honestly.
Speaker 2: I mean it depends on what they're gonna teach. You
Speaker 2: don't expect to get, like, I don't know marriage and retirement. Well,
Speaker 2: I was writing about retirement when I was twenty three. No,
Speaker 2: I speak to experts. I'm not saying that I'm a
Speaker 2: retirement expert. I'm a journalist. My job's talk to smarter
Speaker 2: people than I am. But yeah, I think that's a
Speaker 2: good point. So my brown break this week is something
Speaker 2: that I don't really make a point to go out
Speaker 2: of my way to visit this particular website. However, I
Speaker 2: am a user of Facebook, and some of my Ratchetor
Speaker 2: some of my Ratchetter family members love posting links from
Speaker 2: World Star Hip Hop. So I am like confronted daily
Speaker 2: with these videos of like black on black, brown on
Speaker 2: brown violence, people getting in fights at McDonald's on the train.
Speaker 2: I was just looking at their website. One of the
Speaker 2: headlines right now is some woman who had sex with
Speaker 2: a passed out homeless man or something like that. They're
Speaker 2: just like spreading, They're just proliferating the idea that minorities
Speaker 2: are like just a bunch of wild animals out there
Speaker 2: acting in these like animalistic ways. And I'm not saying that,
Speaker 2: you know, obviously violence, I feel like violence should be
Speaker 2: seen as a lesson and there should be consequences. But
Speaker 2: the way that they make money off of these videos
Speaker 2: and they like perpetuate these stereotypes and they're celebrating these
Speaker 2: instances of violence, it just doesn't turn off to me.
Speaker 2: I'm stick of seeing these and people are like us.
Speaker 1: I mean, have you ever seen people like they'll something
Speaker 1: will be going down and they'll say world SRD like
Speaker 1: people are looking now for they.
Speaker 2: Don't even help people.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they'll pull out their camera phones so they'll help somebody.
Speaker 4: They're like, oh, this is a world star and you're
Speaker 4: just like, wow, this is crazy. How about you help
Speaker 4: that baby that's being hurt instead of taping you know,
Speaker 4: someone beating up a child.
Speaker 1: That might be helpful. So yeah, world star, you on break,
Speaker 1: You're on a brown break. You and life coaches with
Speaker 1: no lessons to teach.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna have to unfollow a lot of my family
Speaker 2: members on Facebook.
Speaker 1: Oh I'm good for really taking what I'm good for
Speaker 1: unfriending and following.
Speaker 2: My friend has love the unfollowed button. They don't know
Speaker 2: that you unfollow them, but you are in a life,
Speaker 2: nice little bubble of just ignorance of whatever.
Speaker 3: They're one of my friends.
Speaker 1: What he does, which I'm like, well, I totally stole his.
Speaker 1: Thanks cabral for this, I totally stole his. His Uh,
Speaker 1: the way he uses Facebook. So if Facebook says, hey,
Speaker 1: it's Mandy's birthday, and I'm like, when did that friend Mandy?
Speaker 1: He uses your birthday and the notification of birthdays to
Speaker 1: unfriend people that he no longer is interested.
Speaker 2: It's a good one.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So you're like, oh, so happy birthday, we're no
Speaker 1: longer friends. And so I do that sometimes because sometimes
Speaker 1: I have almost five thousand friends off Facebook, and I'm like, I.
Speaker 2: Don't add people. I don't add people anymore. And you know,
Speaker 2: because of my job, you know, you probably get tons
Speaker 2: of random friends request from people that you don't know,
Speaker 2: and I just stopped adding people. I'm like, you can
Speaker 2: follow my public page, but I don't want you to
Speaker 2: see my baby photos and like my post my dad
Speaker 2: post like my embarrassing parents posted me on my wallet.
Speaker 2: I don't know. There's too much information for you, stranger.
Speaker 2: So anyway, we're also hip hop brown break and from
Speaker 2: the people who post World Star hip hop links. Alrighty,
Speaker 2: it's time for the tip of the week. This is
Speaker 2: one that I feel like I'm an. I don't feel
Speaker 2: like I'm an expert about many things, but I am
Speaker 2: an expert about joint finances. I've been well an expert
Speaker 2: of a few years now. I think that cohabitating has
Speaker 2: become so much more common, especially with young couples. I mean,
Speaker 2: we're both cohabitating, yeah.
Speaker 1: Which is so weird because if you would have asked me,
Speaker 1: like in my early twenties, I'd be like, I'm not
Speaker 1: shacking up living in sins, right, and some of you
Speaker 1: guys are side. I guess I'm like I was like,
Speaker 1: only God could judge me.
Speaker 3: Now, okay, But it's.
Speaker 2: Complicated because you're in a weird you're not in a
Speaker 2: weird in between. You're living together, so you're kind of married,
Speaker 2: but you're not married, so you can't be like all
Speaker 2: up in their finances. But you need to be, but
Speaker 2: you don't know how and it's like so complicated. So
Speaker 2: I have some tips for couples who want to figure
Speaker 2: out a way to after you move in together or
Speaker 2: getting really serious, to start easing into co mingling your finances.
Speaker 2: So I'm going to start. There's four tips here. The
Speaker 2: first one I'm going to give is the idea of
Speaker 2: having a separate and joint bank accounts. It's called you
Speaker 2: can call it a your mine and our system. So yeah,
Speaker 2: consider keeping your own separate bank accounts. Actually do this
Speaker 2: with my boyfriend. We both have our separate credit and
Speaker 2: our separate checking accounts, but we have one savings account
Speaker 2: that we share, do you not smart? And we pay
Speaker 2: rent out of that account. So we both automatically set
Speaker 2: up direct deposits for the amount that we owe for rent.
Speaker 2: So when both us get paid, that money goes into
Speaker 2: the joint savings and then I'm in charge of paying
Speaker 2: the rent. It's so easy, there's no awkward, Hey, can
Speaker 2: you give me your check that you're about You know,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go down like you're kind of late. It
Speaker 2: just takes out all that awkward you know in between.
Speaker 2: You can even have a joint check, a joint checking
Speaker 2: account for joint expenses like bills or groceries, just something simple.
Speaker 2: I would say, open up. I use Capital one three sixty,
Speaker 2: which is an online only bank. If you're afraid of
Speaker 2: online only banks, don't be. They're also they're just they
Speaker 2: have just as many protections as traditional banks, and they
Speaker 2: charge way fewer fees and they actually have higher interest rate.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because there's no overhead with like the whole exactly.
Speaker 2: Yea, they save so much money. So that's my first tip.
Speaker 3: I like that one, Thank you.
Speaker 2: Secondly, I would say speak openly about your financial goals.
Speaker 2: You don't have to have this one like come to Jesus,
Speaker 2: sit down and just spill out your heart and soul
Speaker 2: and all my financial drama and all my financial baggage,
Speaker 2: and here's all my goals, and what are we getting
Speaker 2: married and how much it's going to cost. Don't do
Speaker 2: that all at one time. But I would say, if
Speaker 2: you haven't moved in yet you're thinking about it, do
Speaker 2: what I did. We had We had a nice dinner,
Speaker 2: We had a bottle of wine, and we had a
Speaker 2: kind of chat about what our budget would be for
Speaker 2: our apartment, how we might handle the bills. He and
Speaker 2: I earn different incomes. I earn a little bit iron
Speaker 2: you know, a substantial amount more than him, enough to
Speaker 2: make it a difference in terms of how much we
Speaker 2: pay in rent, Like if we were to split it
Speaker 2: down the middle, it wouldn't be fair, Okay. So we
Speaker 2: agreed early on we were going to do things based
Speaker 2: on our income, like just an even income split, as
Speaker 2: far as like a ratio for our bills at Yeah,
Speaker 2: so you know, I pay like I would say, two
Speaker 2: thirds two thirds of the rent. I'm bat anyway, it's
Speaker 2: it's I pay about four hundred dollars more a month
Speaker 2: in rent, and then you know, I pick up the
Speaker 2: bigger bill. Our bigger bill is cable. I'll get that,
Speaker 2: and then he picks up the electricity bill.
Speaker 3: Okay, but it's still like your like that kind of
Speaker 3: we don't.
Speaker 2: We didn't like get obsessive about getting it down to
Speaker 2: the tea. And we've adjusted over time. We've had other conversations.
Speaker 2: So when we first move in together, I was going
Speaker 2: to pay like two hundred dollars more. And then after
Speaker 2: a few months, I was like, hey, you know, boyfriend,
Speaker 2: how's it working out. Do you feel like you're able
Speaker 2: to make your you know, paying your bills. He also
Speaker 2: has some debties trying to pay off, and he's like,
Speaker 2: you know, I am kind of stressed. I'm feeling like
Speaker 2: I can't really manage. And I said, okay, well I'm
Speaker 2: going to pick up more of the rent. Okay, and
Speaker 2: we'll get to a place where we can, you know,
Speaker 2: to where you feel comfortable.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: Like so I'm sort of helping him toward his goals.
Speaker 2: So having that conversation beforehand. Okay, So what if you
Speaker 2: move in together and you haven't had the conversation and
Speaker 2: you're starting to realize that you don't really have a
Speaker 2: clear goals or a clear strategy for managing your finances,
Speaker 2: then just have a conversation. Still have that dinner away
Speaker 2: from the apartment I would recommend, and definitely not in
Speaker 2: bed before you go to sleep. Yeah, don't do it.
Speaker 2: I made a mistake before. I made the mistake of
Speaker 2: like we're both like getting to sleep and I'm like, hey,
Speaker 2: did you pay that credit card bill? A fight ensue
Speaker 2: was like why, oh my business, Like don't back back,
Speaker 2: yeah exactly. So you can come up like, oh, we
Speaker 2: had this one role that we do, which is if
Speaker 2: you're going to spend over a certain amount of money.
Speaker 2: We tell each other, okay, and our number is like
Speaker 2: two hundred dollars because we're saving it. We have you know,
Speaker 2: we're saving up for some joint some future stuff. Okay,
Speaker 2: And so it's important, you know, I think it's a
Speaker 2: sign of trust and it's a sign of It's not
Speaker 2: that I'm trying to control his finances. You never want
Speaker 2: to control. That's a form of abuse. You don't want
Speaker 2: to be controlling of your partner party. Yeah, but you
Speaker 2: do need to have an open line of communication. And
Speaker 2: two hundred dollars for us is a significant amount, and
Speaker 2: that you know, if you're spending that, then that that
Speaker 2: plays into how much we can save this month for
Speaker 2: a vacation, something that we're both trying to work towards.
Speaker 3: So how I try to work that? Because I tried
Speaker 3: that and Superman.
Speaker 1: Was like yeah, no, I was like, okay, And honestly,
Speaker 1: it's actually better because I at first I thought like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's a good idea, but I buy bigger ticket items
Speaker 1: than he does because I travel a lot.
Speaker 3: Okay, So I was like, actually, you know what, maybe
Speaker 3: we won't do that.
Speaker 1: So but instead what's worked is that we have we've
Speaker 1: automated savings, so he I've had him automated savings, so
Speaker 1: when his check comes, he has automated savings going to
Speaker 1: his daughter's college fund. We have an automated savings going
Speaker 1: to our savings account. The bills he's has automatedly taken out,
Speaker 1: so really what's left is kind of like what he
Speaker 1: can play with, so he could do whatever he kind
Speaker 1: of wants.
Speaker 2: Deposit as the best. You know, that helped my boyfriend too,
Speaker 2: so getting him to automate all exactly.
Speaker 1: So he's like, it's weird now because he's like, I
Speaker 1: hardly have any money left when I you know, but
Speaker 1: he like because he has like three different things that
Speaker 1: are he's saving for. He has his own personal savings
Speaker 1: account us his daughter, and then he has his play
Speaker 1: money that's kind of left over, but his own personal
Speaker 1: savings he can kind of if he wants to dip
Speaker 1: into it, that's his choice. But I've learned, like with
Speaker 1: your partner, to kind of lean in some places and
Speaker 1: like lean back on others. I'm like, you know what,
Speaker 1: Bill's paid safe and safe. He has a retirement account,
Speaker 1: so if he wants to kind of splurge within the
Speaker 1: confines of what's left over. I don't want to tell
Speaker 1: him no, right, you know so.
Speaker 2: But you need to feel safe. You have to feel
Speaker 2: in like a safe enough space to where like if
Speaker 2: you know that your partner has like a ton of
Speaker 2: credit card debt and a ton of student loan debt,
Speaker 2: and then you see him or her blurgeon going to
Speaker 2: the mall. I'm buying like a three piece suit, not
Speaker 2: naming any names. See, that would be me.
Speaker 1: See, he literally has no debt. So I'm the one
Speaker 1: with I don't have a ton of credit card debt.
Speaker 1: I'm credit card debt free, but I have like hefty
Speaker 1: student loans. And so you know, he I'm the one
Speaker 1: that he should be sideyed, like another vacation.
Speaker 3: Really because what about Sally Bay? She's not calling?
Speaker 2: But then do you pull them the budget Nista card?
Speaker 2: You can't tell me nothing.
Speaker 1: No, you know. I always feel so bad because I'm
Speaker 1: always the one getting on him. He's like, I have
Speaker 1: no debt, I'm debt free. Why are you getting on me?
Speaker 1: And then I have to remember, oh, he's right.
Speaker 3: So what's tip number three?
Speaker 2: One of my tips I kind of touched on before,
Speaker 2: but it's the idea of being fair and being equitable.
Speaker 2: You don't want to. I don't think it's comfortable or
Speaker 2: like even fun to be in a relationship where it's
Speaker 2: like we're gonna split the bill down the middle at
Speaker 2: dinner and like duke to credit cards and oh did
Speaker 2: you get the Klamario but you had a glass of wines.
Speaker 2: You're gonna pay seventeen, I'm gonna pay thirteen fifty. No, no, no,
Speaker 2: no no. I think you need to have like a
Speaker 2: sort of a game plan in place, like an are
Speaker 2: we going to trade off date night paying for that?
Speaker 2: Are we going to have a joint credit card that
Speaker 2: we use for date night and then we have a
Speaker 2: certain limit on that. There's a couple of apps that
Speaker 2: I like where you can split if things get confusing,
Speaker 2: if there's so many different expenses and you guys are
Speaker 2: going out, you go on a lot of group dinners
Speaker 2: and things like that, and you want to make sure
Speaker 2: things were equitable. This is probably more important for people
Speaker 2: who are cohabitating because or especially if you don't have
Speaker 2: joint checking and like if you're going the yours, mine
Speaker 2: and hour's route where you have your own money and
Speaker 2: you want to make sure that things are fair. You
Speaker 2: can download the apps like split wise where you can
Speaker 2: share bills and then Avocado isn't necessarily Avocado is cool app.
Speaker 2: It's not necessarily for finances, but you can you can
Speaker 2: share a calendar and keep track of each other, and
Speaker 2: you can add a to do list manager, and that
Speaker 2: to do list can be you know, oh, remember it's
Speaker 2: your turn to pay this bill, or oh remember you
Speaker 2: oh so and so we have to plan for this.
Speaker 2: It's a nice like couple's management. It's kind of cute
Speaker 2: and kind of like dorky couples to use, but I
Speaker 2: have married friends who use it and they love it. Okay, okay,
Speaker 2: So last and last, but not least, this is my
Speaker 2: sort of like reality check tip, which is to prepare
Speaker 2: for the worst. It's not it's possible that not every
Speaker 2: couple will make it. And when you move in together
Speaker 2: and things start commingling and you're sharing expenses, it's it's
Speaker 2: it can be hard to sever those ties if you
Speaker 2: ever break up. So I recommend you can do this legally,
Speaker 2: like legit with a lawyer and getting it notarized. But
Speaker 2: there's something you can drop called the cohabitation agreement. It
Speaker 2: can be like I said, you can do it with
Speaker 2: a lawyer and pay like I don't know. See if
Speaker 2: you know a lawyer, friend will do it for like
Speaker 2: one hundred bucks or something like that. But you write
Speaker 2: down basically the agreement you have this joint account. This
Speaker 2: person's in charge of these bills. This person's in charge
Speaker 2: of those bills. It's kind of like the pre nup
Speaker 2: for people moving in together. And it's a new concept,
Speaker 2: relatively new concept, but it's if you remember that episode
Speaker 2: of Sex and the City where Carrie Bradshaw and Aiden.
Speaker 2: I live for Aiden. I'm still magi. Yeah, I'm still mad.
Speaker 3: She chows back. I love Aid too, but I know
Speaker 3: her and Big that was just fairy tale.
Speaker 2: Oh no, it was not a fairy tale. It's another episode.
Speaker 2: I hate Big. That was a that was a dysfunction
Speaker 2: junction and relationship anyway. But the episode where Carrie and
Speaker 2: Aiden have moved in together, he's knocked out the wall
Speaker 2: in her apartment and he's built an extension and like
Speaker 2: expanded her apartment. And then they break up and she's
Speaker 2: sitting in a chair and he sends her a letter
Speaker 2: and she's all like cozied up in the chair ready
Speaker 2: to read this beautiful heartfelt my heart has been broken
Speaker 2: letter and she opens it up and she's been served
Speaker 2: with papers that he's basically suing her for the apartment
Speaker 2: or taking like I don't know if he sues her,
Speaker 2: but basically the bottom line is that she has to
Speaker 2: like either pay for the apartment from him or get
Speaker 2: out and he's going to sell it. And that's you know,
Speaker 2: that's a consequence of not being married and like not
Speaker 2: having any rights really, and he bought the place, so
Speaker 2: cohabitation agreement is something, and you know, it can be
Speaker 2: just a document, like like I said, my boyfriend and
Speaker 2: I every couple of months will sit down and have
Speaker 2: a check in and I'll be like, how are you doing?
Speaker 2: Do we need to rejig or how we're budgeting? And
Speaker 2: you could adjust that document, spreadsheet, Google doc basic, whatever
Speaker 2: you need and just have a record that you both
Speaker 2: can see and feel a little bit more peace of
Speaker 2: mind about. And if you're buying a home, it's especially important.
Speaker 2: And this is actually something that's happening more commonly unmarried
Speaker 2: couples buying homes. Yeah, and some attorneys that I've talked
Speaker 2: to have recommended doing this, like I said, a pre
Speaker 2: nup for your home. Yeah, it says yeah, who says
Speaker 2: who's going to pay for it? And what happens if
Speaker 2: you break up? Who's going to get what? And you
Speaker 2: know that kind of stuff. Are both names going to
Speaker 2: be on the deed. It's messy stuff, but you'll be
Speaker 2: thankful if something goes wrong. All right. So that's it
Speaker 2: for Brown tips. So we're back, b ac k you Yes, okay,
Speaker 2: just preparing myself. Yes, she's gonna think every time, you guys,
Speaker 2: every time.
Speaker 1: Every single time. So we're back, and we're back with
Speaker 1: brown brilliance. And I have an amazing brown brilliance that
Speaker 1: I want to share today. So Latisa E. Wallace, some
Speaker 1: of you might have seen her video. She is the
Speaker 1: state representative for Illinois, and she was at the state
Speaker 1: House in Illinois and she spoke so powerfully against I
Speaker 1: guess there was a bill that they were proposing to
Speaker 1: cut childcare for low income families.
Speaker 2: Cut funding for a public service personse.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so she made it very clear that she
Speaker 1: didn't say it was because of race, but it was
Speaker 1: very clear that they were doing so as a just
Speaker 1: I guess as a result of the feeling that certain
Speaker 1: people did not deserve childcare, and the reason why they
Speaker 1: don't deserve child care is because they made poor choices
Speaker 1: and having children. And she was like, first of all, one,
Speaker 1: it's not your place as a lawmaker to impose a
Speaker 1: moral judgment on your constituents.
Speaker 2: That's one, But how often do our elected leaders do
Speaker 2: such a thing? Exactly just that thing?
Speaker 1: And she said and also too, that their moral code
Speaker 1: is not necessarily true. She used herself as an example,
Speaker 1: which I thought was brilliant. She said that she herself
Speaker 1: needed childcare assistance because she and her then fiance broke
Speaker 1: up they had a child, broke up because of domestic violence,
Speaker 1: and she had her master's at the time, and so
Speaker 1: she does not fit this mole that they have of
Speaker 1: just a woman who has all these children. It's very irresponsible.
Speaker 1: So we're not going to help you. And she's like,
Speaker 1: not every woman falls into that category, and even if
Speaker 1: she does, it doesn't mean that she still doesn't. They
Speaker 1: still don't deserve help. Something that she said that was
Speaker 1: really powerful to me in her speech, And if you
Speaker 1: have not seen it, please go to Brown Ambition our
Speaker 1: facebook page Brown Ambition.
Speaker 3: We posted the video there. You're gonna love it.
Speaker 1: If you're a brown ambition, you know, follower and lover
Speaker 1: of brown ambition, you're gonna love it. What was really
Speaker 1: powerful she said that if it was about the money,
Speaker 1: then they would vote to maintain this assistance for low
Speaker 1: income families because for every dollar that you put into
Speaker 1: a program like this, the economy gets back seven dollars.
Speaker 1: But she said, it's obvious it's not about the money,
Speaker 1: because why wouldn't somebody want to get back seven dollars
Speaker 1: for every dollar invested?
Speaker 3: And so I just want to just really go up
Speaker 3: for her.
Speaker 1: I'm like, she is my my bff online right now.
Speaker 3: I sent her a friend request because I'm.
Speaker 2: Gonna seller right.
Speaker 3: I was like, this needs to be my friend, be
Speaker 3: my friend.
Speaker 2: Well, you know she's done. I was looking at her
Speaker 2: like biography, and she was a mental health counselor. She's
Speaker 2: done a lot of work. She works for a nonprofit
Speaker 2: that helps women in abusive relationships. And God, this is
Speaker 2: why it's so important to have women of color in
Speaker 2: elected position in whatever it's at the state level, local level,
Speaker 2: national level, federal, whatever, because they put a voice to
Speaker 2: these issues that white men and just men in general
Speaker 2: will not get sometimes and you have to hear it
Speaker 2: from a woman's voice. There's studies that show that people
Speaker 2: are more empathetic of social issues such as childcaracter or
Speaker 2: even abortion things like that, or gay rights, for example,
Speaker 2: if they know someone who was going through this issue
Speaker 2: or is part of this issue. And the problem with
Speaker 2: having people that having a lack of diversity and elected
Speaker 2: positions is that they probably don't know people in exhabitions.
Speaker 2: You grow up and you're surrounded by constituents that agree
Speaker 2: with you and support you, and other elected officials who
Speaker 2: look like you, and you don't ever hear these other
Speaker 2: stories opposing points of view. And God, I just loved
Speaker 2: listening to her. And she was so calm, so chill,
Speaker 2: but she was so powerful.
Speaker 1: You could tell that she was livid yet like just
Speaker 1: really passionate, Like, well, before you vote, and she probably
Speaker 1: knew that they were already going to vote, so they
Speaker 1: voted basically the same way they were going to vote anyway,
Speaker 1: which is to get rid of this program, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, unfortunately, but and so she probably knew that.
Speaker 1: In the way she spoke, she you can kind of
Speaker 1: tell she knew that, but she wanted to make it
Speaker 1: very clear that she knew what they were doing, and
Speaker 1: she basically her speech was to hold up the mirror
Speaker 1: to say shame on you.
Speaker 2: And it's not just happening in Illinois. That's like widespread cutting. Well,
Speaker 2: first of all, there's so little federal and national fund
Speaker 2: state funding for childcare for working mothers and working parents.
Speaker 2: There's some, but there's not like in the United States
Speaker 2: does not have like a federal mandated childcare support policy,
Speaker 2: like you see these Eastern European company countries that are
Speaker 2: I don't know, Denmark, Sweden that give all this childcare.
Speaker 2: And the fact of the matter is that childcare is expensive,
Speaker 2: like it is so I have some stats here that
Speaker 2: in nineteen sixty childcare made up just two percent of
Speaker 2: young parents' budgets. Today it makes up nearly one fifth
Speaker 2: of a young person's budget. And you're talking about the
Speaker 2: average childcare in America costing nearly twelve thousand dollars a year.
Speaker 2: And that's not even for like the Blockbuster.
Speaker 1: Yes, the fancy like my friends who are like have kids,
Speaker 1: they're like, I don't even know, Like my best friend Dreama,
Speaker 1: she just had a baby. He's Gabe is godmommy and
Speaker 1: he's such a cutie. He's about five kittie, yeah, about
Speaker 1: five months old. And she works from home. But she
Speaker 1: doesn't work from home because you can't. It was really
Speaker 1: a five month old. So her thing is twice a
Speaker 1: week his grandmother watches him so she can get work
Speaker 1: done because they can't afford, you know. Because I was like, well,
Speaker 1: why don't you get like, you know, help, She's like, well, how,
Speaker 1: you know, how can we afford we're young couple.
Speaker 3: How can we afford chocolate? As expensive as it is.
Speaker 3: So it's a real thing.
Speaker 1: And you know, she and her boo make decent money,
Speaker 1: so it's not like they're like, oh, you know, like no,
Speaker 1: she had a thriving business, but not being.
Speaker 3: Able to work like she used to.
Speaker 2: It's just like it's like an extra mortgage or rent
Speaker 2: pain for some people. And the fact that there's not
Speaker 2: the support for having I mean mean you have to
Speaker 2: The tendency is like this per like Latista was making
Speaker 2: her point. Representative Wallace was trying to make a point
Speaker 2: that people are so quick to do counties public services
Speaker 2: because they have this idea that it's poor, greedy, brown people,
Speaker 2: lazy don't want to go to work. But no, it's
Speaker 2: working class people. The fact of the matter, like, like
Speaker 2: she points out so eloquently in her speech, is that
Speaker 2: wages are falling for regular, average working Americans, and so
Speaker 2: many working Americans are relying on jobs that don't even
Speaker 2: pay them a living wage, she pointed.
Speaker 1: Out, which I thought was so powerful, that there were
Speaker 1: so many families with a mother and a father both
Speaker 1: working and still not able to afford childcare.
Speaker 3: So what are you really saying.
Speaker 1: I mean, we've seen graph after graphs showing how minimum
Speaker 1: wage from state by state is not enough to support
Speaker 1: a family of three or four, right, So then I
Speaker 1: don't get it, like you know, it's just.
Speaker 2: Like, oh, but then, oh, just go to college and
Speaker 2: get a degree and you wouldn't have to work at McDonald's.
Speaker 2: Oh well, then the average college debt people graduate with
Speaker 2: this thirty thousand dollars. It can cost you know, upwards
Speaker 2: of forty thousand dollars a year just to go to
Speaker 2: a state school. I mean, I could go on and
Speaker 2: on and on. There's just the fact of the matter
Speaker 2: is that expenses are hi today in America and wages
Speaker 2: that are not growing fast enough, and the government is
Speaker 2: supposed to be there to support people and you know,
Speaker 2: times like this, and I hope that we'll see some
Speaker 2: legislation at state and federal levels that will support working
Speaker 2: families who need child care in the future.
Speaker 1: So we would just want to say good on you,
Speaker 1: Representative Wallace, thank you for taking a stand.
Speaker 2: Come me on the show.
Speaker 1: Yes, we would love to have you. Since she did
Speaker 1: not accept my friend request, which is totally fine. She
Speaker 1: might I mean cee. So that is the end of
Speaker 1: our episode for today. We hope that you enjoyed and
Speaker 1: if you would like to share some Brown brilliance with us,
Speaker 1: if you have a question that you'd like for us
Speaker 1: to answer via tips, where can they find this, Mandy?
Speaker 2: You can find us on Facebook our groups called Brown Ambition.
Speaker 2: You can find us our website. We haven't talked about
Speaker 2: our website that much. We do have a website. You
Speaker 2: can find every episode along with links to the stories
Speaker 2: that we're talking about and photos and anything relevant on
Speaker 2: our website. The website is Brown Ambition podcast dot com.
Speaker 2: Funnily enough, that's also our email address Brown Ambition Podcast
Speaker 2: at gmail dot com and Twitter at.
Speaker 3: The BA podcast.
Speaker 1: So hopefully we will tweet you Facebook you website, you
Speaker 1: see you on the interwebs.
Speaker 2: Yes, bye guys.
Speaker 3: Bye.