WEBVTT - Children Forced Into Marriage: A National Disgrace" 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:02.480 Hey, fam, I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the 0:00:02.480 --> 0:00:05.840 Red Table Pop podcast all your favorite episodes from the 0:00:05.880 --> 0:00:10.040 Facebook Watch show in audio produced by Westbrook Audio and 0:00:10.119 --> 0:00:13.120 I Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review 0:00:13.400 --> 0:00:20.800 on Apple Podcasts. This particular show is about child marriages 0:00:20.920 --> 0:00:25.360 that we've been advocating to stop in third world countries 0:00:25.480 --> 0:00:28.040 is actually happening here in the United States. So crazy 0:00:28.160 --> 0:00:31.160 to me. So when the producers told me about this story, 0:00:31.920 --> 0:00:34.720 I was like, are you kidding me again? That there's 0:00:35.080 --> 0:00:37.760 this issue going on here in the United States that 0:00:37.840 --> 0:00:41.600 we don't know about. There's only two states, New Jersey 0:00:41.600 --> 0:00:44.120 and Delaware where you have to be eighteen years old 0:00:44.159 --> 0:00:46.360 in order to get married. Only two states in the 0:00:46.479 --> 0:00:52.040 United States. That's it. That's it. Wow, you can be 0:00:52.200 --> 0:00:55.640 seven years old. Does the law allow it because it's 0:00:55.680 --> 0:00:59.160 it's a religious thing. No, it doesn't have to be 0:00:59.200 --> 0:01:01.480 a religious thing. All you have to do is have 0:01:01.560 --> 0:01:05.039 the consent of either a judge in some states, consent 0:01:05.200 --> 0:01:08.039 of a parent in some states. Some states you need 0:01:08.080 --> 0:01:11.000 the consent of two parents. So what a lot of 0:01:11.280 --> 0:01:16.080 people do is that they're state shop, okay, to figure 0:01:16.080 --> 0:01:21.360 out where the laws. Why we're trying to figure why 0:01:21.600 --> 0:01:24.200 why would the parents. We're gonna we're gonna talk to 0:01:24.240 --> 0:01:26.120 some young ladies today and they're going to explain what 0:01:26.160 --> 0:01:29.440 their experiences were. But it varies. I need to hear 0:01:29.480 --> 0:01:32.839 the different reasons. Yeah, me too. What we're doing a show. 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:45.520 Thank you guys for being here with us, Genevieve Sarah, Yeah, 0:01:45.600 --> 0:01:48.320 we really appreciate you coming today. Thank you so much 0:01:48.600 --> 0:01:53.720 talking to us about this subject, because for us, we didn't. 0:01:53.760 --> 0:01:56.680 I was so shocked when the producers told me that 0:01:56.720 --> 0:02:01.120 this was something that's actually happening in the United States. Eights. Um, 0:02:01.280 --> 0:02:05.080 that's a common response. Yeah, we were totally unaware, Like 0:02:05.440 --> 0:02:08.440 we are aware of that it happens in certain religious 0:02:08.440 --> 0:02:15.160 cultures and overseas. It's a common misconception that child marriage 0:02:15.200 --> 0:02:18.799 happens abroad and it doesn't happen here. Them not us. 0:02:18.840 --> 0:02:22.000 That's that's them, it's it's not us. So I think 0:02:22.040 --> 0:02:26.680 people have this misconception of like the childhood sweethearts, that 0:02:26.800 --> 0:02:31.040 is child marriage of yesterday, of the fifties and sixties. Today, 0:02:31.080 --> 0:02:34.639 what child marriage looks like is the majority girls marrying 0:02:34.639 --> 0:02:38.840 adult men, and it doesn't just happen within religious sex 0:02:39.000 --> 0:02:42.360 or religious cults. It happens across the boarden for many 0:02:42.400 --> 0:02:46.160 different reasons, and generally it's one parent or both parents 0:02:46.280 --> 0:02:52.639 forcing the child into the marriage. Genevieve, your story is heartbreaking, 0:02:52.880 --> 0:02:56.080 and what's interesting about it is that from what I 0:02:56.160 --> 0:02:58.760 know so far, that it wasn't based in any kind 0:02:58.760 --> 0:03:01.840 of religious And I know this is your first time 0:03:01.880 --> 0:03:03.960 that you're actually talking about it in public, and I 0:03:04.000 --> 0:03:06.320 really want to thank you. I'm so glad that you're 0:03:06.320 --> 0:03:10.200 willing to share this with us. Genevieve grew up in 0:03:10.240 --> 0:03:12.799 southern California as a child who fell through the cracks 0:03:12.880 --> 0:03:15.799 of this system. She never knew her father, really got 0:03:15.800 --> 0:03:18.680 to go to school, and frequently bounced between foster care, 0:03:18.960 --> 0:03:22.760 shelters and even juvenile hall. But it was one spring 0:03:22.840 --> 0:03:25.240 when she went to live with her mother that her 0:03:25.240 --> 0:03:30.840 world turned even darker. So I turned fifteen and I 0:03:30.960 --> 0:03:33.680 met a man down the street. He was forty two. 0:03:34.400 --> 0:03:38.800 Really prayed on me right away. Um, but keep in mind, 0:03:38.840 --> 0:03:41.000 you know, I mean, I feel like I have no value. 0:03:41.240 --> 0:03:43.520 But at this point, nobody's ever helped me, nobody's are 0:03:43.560 --> 0:03:47.280 reporting anything into me. You know, I was so alone, 0:03:47.680 --> 0:03:51.280 just utterly alone. So it was weird from the start, 0:03:51.360 --> 0:03:53.680 like the things that he would say to me. I mean, 0:03:53.720 --> 0:03:56.119 I knew it wasn't right, but at the same time, 0:03:56.160 --> 0:04:00.920 to have somebody notice you and compliment you, um, so 0:04:00.960 --> 0:04:04.520 it was very confusing. It wasn't long before things started 0:04:04.520 --> 0:04:08.000 progressing and behavior became more and more inappropriate, and he 0:04:08.080 --> 0:04:12.080 was arrested. And then within a few days, my mom 0:04:12.120 --> 0:04:14.920 approached me and said, you know, this is all your fault. 0:04:16.000 --> 0:04:19.120 You're slut, You seduced this man, this is this is 0:04:19.160 --> 0:04:22.200 your fault. And so she offered the solution. She said, 0:04:22.240 --> 0:04:25.800 if you guys get married, then he will not be prosecuted. 0:04:25.920 --> 0:04:28.960 So he's been arrested, he's posted bail, he's out, there's 0:04:28.960 --> 0:04:32.960 a pending court date. So the goal for her was 0:04:33.040 --> 0:04:36.080 to marry me before that court date, so then the 0:04:36.160 --> 0:04:39.160 charges would be dropped and he wouldn't be prosecuted. And 0:04:39.200 --> 0:04:41.240 she said things like, you know, because he had children, 0:04:41.279 --> 0:04:43.159 and she's like, you know, he's going to lose his children, 0:04:43.600 --> 0:04:46.880 and you know, he's going to lose everything, and just 0:04:46.920 --> 0:04:50.760 basically his life is more valuable than yours and we're 0:04:50.800 --> 0:04:56.400 going to swap them out. That she gravitated to what 0:04:56.440 --> 0:05:00.679 was about was best for you? So some she figured 0:05:00.720 --> 0:05:04.960 out that Mississippi was probably a good bet to get 0:05:05.000 --> 0:05:08.800 this feed accomplished. So she went and she signed over 0:05:08.880 --> 0:05:13.280 power of attorney to this man. She copied her driver's license, 0:05:14.320 --> 0:05:19.360 and she gave him me and they went to big 0:05:19.440 --> 0:05:25.120 lots and got cheap, scratchy lingerie and lube, and then 0:05:25.160 --> 0:05:28.799 he took me in um an RV that he had borrowed, 0:05:29.720 --> 0:05:34.640 and we drove from southern California to Mississippi, and we 0:05:34.760 --> 0:05:39.040 had really painful intercourse. Often I remember just crying and 0:05:39.080 --> 0:05:42.440 crying and him telling me to stop and I needed 0:05:42.480 --> 0:05:45.960 toughen up. And he said that he was trying to 0:05:46.000 --> 0:05:48.680 help me, that he knew that my mom was really bad, 0:05:48.880 --> 0:05:50.800 that my home life was really bad, and he was 0:05:50.839 --> 0:05:54.320 just trying to provide me with a better situation that 0:05:54.440 --> 0:05:58.400 included having sex with me right now. At this point, 0:05:58.440 --> 0:06:00.640 I never met my dad. By I knew that he 0:06:00.720 --> 0:06:04.080 lived somewhere in Louisiana, and I kind of knew like 0:06:04.240 --> 0:06:08.200 some names and maybe some locals. I stopped and went 0:06:08.240 --> 0:06:10.320 through a phone book every chance that I got trying 0:06:10.360 --> 0:06:19.880 to find him. I thought, I thought about, um, you know, 0:06:19.960 --> 0:06:22.599 we stopped at a rest stop or something just walking 0:06:22.600 --> 0:06:25.960 out the back and maybe somebody would help me an interview, 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:30.920 but nobody could ever helped me before, So what did 0:06:30.920 --> 0:06:34.120 I think it was going to work this time? Why? 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:38.839 So we got to Mississippi, we go to the courthouse 0:06:38.920 --> 0:06:43.120 and we went up to this judge and my fiancee 0:06:43.800 --> 0:06:46.560 he Um, said, hey, will you marry us? And the 0:06:46.640 --> 0:06:48.880 judge said, while I'll marry her, she's kind of cute, 0:06:48.920 --> 0:06:51.719 but I'm not gonna marry you. And before I knew it, 0:06:51.760 --> 0:06:54.280 he took out this little book and he started reading 0:06:54.360 --> 0:07:01.040 words and everything started spinning, and I'm like, this is happening, this, 0:07:01.040 --> 0:07:06.040 this is really happening. It's it, It's over, and then 0:07:06.440 --> 0:07:09.359 I went to go throw up. So that was my 0:07:09.400 --> 0:07:15.640 wedding day. Good. Was he physically abusive to you at times? Yeah? 0:07:16.160 --> 0:07:20.600 He was also an alcoholic. These drugs we got eviction 0:07:20.720 --> 0:07:25.400 notices constantly. So I didn't have housing security, I didn't 0:07:25.440 --> 0:07:28.440 have food can security. I was not able to go 0:07:28.480 --> 0:07:30.040 to school. I never did get to go to school. 0:07:30.760 --> 0:07:33.880 He did not financially support me. So as soon as 0:07:33.920 --> 0:07:36.200 I was able to, I got a job at like 0:07:36.240 --> 0:07:38.840 a fast food place, and he had assigned my work permit. 0:07:40.000 --> 0:07:42.840 So you couldn't work, but you could get married. Right. 0:07:44.800 --> 0:07:50.080 This is insane. So at this point, I am so depressed, 0:07:50.360 --> 0:07:53.520 I am so anxious, I am suicidal pretty much all 0:07:53.560 --> 0:07:57.320 the time. I feel like my purpose in life and 0:07:57.360 --> 0:08:01.800 the only value I had was what I could provide. Actually, right, 0:08:02.280 --> 0:08:06.240 And I'm sure that wasn't consensual either. Well, I mean 0:08:06.240 --> 0:08:08.040 it's not like I really said no, but I didn't 0:08:08.040 --> 0:08:11.280 really feel like I had a choice either. You can't 0:08:11.320 --> 0:08:15.280 say no. It doesn't matter, like this is what your 0:08:15.320 --> 0:08:18.080 wife is expected, It doesn't matter what they want, and 0:08:18.120 --> 0:08:21.600 if you don't comply, then what's going to happen? I 0:08:21.760 --> 0:08:25.720 always wonder, like what's the biggest Like why can't you 0:08:25.880 --> 0:08:27.480 come to them and say I want to get divorced 0:08:27.640 --> 0:08:30.720 and then they can just divorce you? Like with what's 0:08:30.760 --> 0:08:34.080 the hold up? Like like I'm just ignorant about that 0:08:34.120 --> 0:08:36.760 whole thing. Well, as a child, you may not even 0:08:36.760 --> 0:08:38.920 know where to go get the worst. You might not 0:08:39.000 --> 0:08:42.720 be able to get yourself there. It's a contract between 0:08:42.840 --> 0:08:46.400 two people, So two people enter into the contract and 0:08:46.440 --> 0:08:50.000 they both have to agree to leave the contract. Now, 0:08:50.480 --> 0:08:53.120 what happens as a minor if you try to get 0:08:53.120 --> 0:08:56.640 a divorce, can you enter into another contract with an attorney. 0:08:56.679 --> 0:09:01.200 Oh my god, you can. You're a minor, so you 0:09:01.240 --> 0:09:04.720 can't even get yourself out of It's honestly a perfect trap. 0:09:06.080 --> 0:09:08.720 There you go, it's a perfect it's perfect. It's a 0:09:08.760 --> 0:09:11.920 perfect trap. That's that's a perfect way to describe it. 0:09:12.440 --> 0:09:17.079 How long were you I was stuck in that environment 0:09:17.440 --> 0:09:20.920 until I was nineteen. How did you get out? By 0:09:20.960 --> 0:09:24.760 this point, my mom had moved from southern California to Virginia, 0:09:25.360 --> 0:09:29.640 and I mostly just wanted distance from my husband, so 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:34.080 I actually moved back with her. But I'm nineteen, so 0:09:34.160 --> 0:09:36.040 I am actually an adult. I can go get a 0:09:36.120 --> 0:09:39.400 job and I can leave. I want to write, and 0:09:39.520 --> 0:09:43.040 I'm even seeing somebody, this socially awkward young man who 0:09:43.080 --> 0:09:46.960 was nice, and I'm trying to get legally divorced, and 0:09:47.000 --> 0:09:48.959 I can't because I either don't have the money, or 0:09:49.000 --> 0:09:51.240 I haven't lived at the same address long enough, or 0:09:51.280 --> 0:09:52.880 I don't know what the heck I'm supposed to do. 0:09:54.440 --> 0:09:57.200 And I found out I was pregnant, So you're still 0:09:57.240 --> 0:10:01.600 married to still legally married. So at twenty, I had 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:05.599 my daughter and I became a mother, and that is 0:10:05.640 --> 0:10:09.280 when I woke up, got it, and then you say 0:10:09.320 --> 0:10:11.360 you woke up. I woke up and I had a 0:10:11.440 --> 0:10:18.200 reason to live. Yes, so beautiful, and the world look different. 0:10:19.000 --> 0:10:21.439 Whatever I had to do, you know, my daughter was 0:10:21.440 --> 0:10:24.079 going to have a different life than I had. Right, 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:28.040 I was able to progress professionally. So we had our 0:10:28.080 --> 0:10:31.439 apartment and it was the two of us, and I 0:10:31.520 --> 0:10:34.000 got more confidence. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go get this, 0:10:34.120 --> 0:10:37.080 get this wrapped up. So take us back to the 0:10:37.120 --> 0:10:41.600 beginning for you. Sara's parents were divorced when she was 0:10:41.679 --> 0:10:45.240 just five years old. She lived primarily with her domineering father, 0:10:45.520 --> 0:10:48.600 who was a member of a strict religious sect. Gender 0:10:48.720 --> 0:10:51.880 roles were rigid, and her father controlled every aspect of 0:10:51.880 --> 0:10:55.400 her life. As a teen, Sara moved in with her mother. 0:10:55.920 --> 0:10:59.040 She began high school and even dreamed of becoming a lawyer, 0:10:59.640 --> 0:11:03.320 but her father had other plans. So I was living 0:11:03.360 --> 0:11:05.640 with my mom and she kind of let me have 0:11:05.840 --> 0:11:09.280 my freedom. Of course, like at that age freshman in 0:11:09.360 --> 0:11:11.719 high school, boys are starting to talk to you. That's 0:11:11.760 --> 0:11:16.280 like a normal thing. And then at that summer after 0:11:16.320 --> 0:11:19.880 my freshman year, um, my mom told me that I 0:11:19.880 --> 0:11:23.520 had to go visit my dad, and I don't want 0:11:23.520 --> 0:11:29.000 to go. Um. I was still afraid of him. Um, 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:30.840 But you know, I had to go with my dad. 0:11:30.960 --> 0:11:32.839 And that's not to say that I don't love my dad. 0:11:33.559 --> 0:11:36.040 You know, you don't stop loving your parents, So it's 0:11:36.080 --> 0:11:39.720 really hard to like, you don't think that somebody that 0:11:39.840 --> 0:11:44.720 you really love, it's just like you know. Um. But 0:11:45.360 --> 0:11:47.319 as soon as I got off the plane, he basically 0:11:48.160 --> 0:11:50.520 sat me down and was just like, you know, you 0:11:50.559 --> 0:11:54.160 can't have sex outside of marriage, and you're getting married. 0:11:54.600 --> 0:11:56.320 The leader of our group is going to pick somebody 0:11:56.360 --> 0:12:01.120 for you, and you're getting married. I think he thought 0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:05.240 that he had to protect my sexuality at all costs, 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:08.559 and if he didn't, not only I would go to Hell, 0:12:08.920 --> 0:12:11.520 which was a very real place for me, but he 0:12:11.559 --> 0:12:14.640 would as well. And I don't have any way to 0:12:14.679 --> 0:12:16.680 talk to my mom. I wasn't allowed to talk to 0:12:16.720 --> 0:12:18.840 my mom. Did she know that's what he was No, 0:12:19.840 --> 0:12:22.199 she thought it was coming back to live with her 0:12:22.320 --> 0:12:25.559 and like finish my high school. That's what she thought. 0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:28.800 How old were you? I was fifteen and he was 0:12:28.840 --> 0:12:33.440 twenty eight, and I was spiritually married to him that 0:12:33.559 --> 0:12:39.040 same night. You had a wedding you So it's kind 0:12:39.040 --> 0:12:40.920 of like when you go to the church and you 0:12:41.040 --> 0:12:43.640 just get married in the church, but it's not necessarily 0:12:43.720 --> 0:12:48.199 the legal part of it. And after that night, I 0:12:48.240 --> 0:12:50.960 was physically handed over to this man who I just 0:12:51.000 --> 0:12:53.640 met that morning, and for all legal purposes, he was 0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:57.280 like my guardian. So it was almost like I went 0:12:57.320 --> 0:13:00.360 from being a daughter to now a wife. And because 0:13:00.559 --> 0:13:03.760 just one night let him take you. And I just 0:13:03.800 --> 0:13:06.679 remember kind of like, Okay, like this is what I'm 0:13:06.720 --> 0:13:09.600 supposed to do. This is what I've been told what 0:13:09.720 --> 0:13:12.520 to do, like my entire life. So it's almost like 0:13:12.520 --> 0:13:14.880 I felt like, oh, I'm doing the right thing thing, 0:13:15.800 --> 0:13:18.319 I'm agreeing to something that I was always supposed to do, 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:21.120 like I've always been destined to do this. And I 0:13:21.160 --> 0:13:23.400 thought at that time, like I'm a wife now, like 0:13:23.480 --> 0:13:26.280 I have to accept this and like be a wife, 0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:30.199 you know, and like take on the duties you're I 0:13:30.240 --> 0:13:33.079 was told, like, you can't use birth control when your 0:13:33.120 --> 0:13:35.680 husband wants to have sex with you. You You have to 0:13:35.720 --> 0:13:38.080 do it, like that's just what you do as a wife. 0:13:38.640 --> 0:13:42.040 And I became pregnant right away, So you were pregnant 0:13:42.040 --> 0:13:45.360 bust sixteen. I was pregnant by fifteen. I hadn't turned 0:13:45.360 --> 0:13:48.600 sixteen yet. We were living in the Bay Area, and 0:13:48.679 --> 0:13:50.959 at that point he would have been breaking the long 0:13:51.040 --> 0:13:54.840 California because you have to be eighteen years old in 0:13:54.880 --> 0:13:58.320 California to give consent to sex, but not to marriage. 0:13:59.440 --> 0:14:04.400 So it's a a loophole around statutory rape, and marrying 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:09.760 him protected him from being charged with statuatutory rape. Yes, 0:14:10.720 --> 0:14:15.160 that just is so backwards. Should be eighteen, but then 0:14:15.360 --> 0:14:18.319 you don't have to be eighteen to consent for marriage, 0:14:18.440 --> 0:14:22.120 but you have to be eighteen to consent. And we 0:14:22.200 --> 0:14:25.800 ended up going to Reno and doing this like drive 0:14:25.840 --> 0:14:28.920 through wedding chapel thing. In the state of Nevada, they 0:14:28.920 --> 0:14:31.760 only require one parent to give consent um in the 0:14:31.800 --> 0:14:34.600 form of a permission slip, like you excuse your child 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:40.400 from class. And my dad gave my consent for me. 0:14:40.960 --> 0:14:44.000 My mom did not know. She still do not know 0:14:44.080 --> 0:14:47.800 I was out to hear pregnant. The thing that really 0:14:47.800 --> 0:14:51.680 baffles me is like, how is there just no protection 0:14:51.760 --> 0:14:54.680 for these girls if all you need is just one 0:14:54.800 --> 0:14:58.880 parent signature. Well, the expectation is that your parents is 0:14:58.920 --> 0:15:02.720 your protection, and if your parent is agreeing to it, 0:15:02.800 --> 0:15:06.600 then I don't even remember being asked like do you 0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:10.040 want to do you? Do you want to marry this person? Like? 0:15:10.040 --> 0:15:13.760 Should I call your mom? So? What was your marriage like? 0:15:14.760 --> 0:15:17.640 Were you afraid? Yeah? I mean I was afraid, but 0:15:17.680 --> 0:15:21.280 then a part of me felt like, well, you know, 0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:24.480 I just have to make this work. He was controlling. 0:15:24.920 --> 0:15:28.840 I couldn't drive, He had complete control over everything, finances, 0:15:28.840 --> 0:15:31.520 like where we lived, and so it was. It became 0:15:31.680 --> 0:15:36.560 this very ugly dynamic between us. And would you say 0:15:36.600 --> 0:15:41.400 that it was more of like an emotional verbal abuse, 0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:45.960 But really I think the abuse was the imbalance of power. 0:15:46.720 --> 0:15:50.040 I never felt that I had a say in what 0:15:50.080 --> 0:15:52.680 was going on. I never felt like a human being. 0:15:53.520 --> 0:16:00.600 It wasn't until I had my daughter, who my daughter 0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:08.360 was the first love of my life, and like something 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:10.520 in me changed and I was like I have to 0:16:11.320 --> 0:16:18.040 there's something wrong, Like there's um. I didn't think it 0:16:18.080 --> 0:16:20.920 was wrong until that point, which sounds really weird, but 0:16:21.520 --> 0:16:26.240 that makes sense because when you had children, consciousness comes, 0:16:26.360 --> 0:16:29.680 you know. Yeah. I started taking classes at like a 0:16:29.720 --> 0:16:32.880 local adult school and I was almost through it and 0:16:32.920 --> 0:16:35.880 I found I was pregnant with my son, and I 0:16:35.920 --> 0:16:38.720 was devastated. I felt like, oh my god, I'm stuck again. 0:16:39.160 --> 0:16:41.920 There was one point where I think we were sitting 0:16:41.960 --> 0:16:44.880 at dinner and he started screaming like he usually did, 0:16:44.920 --> 0:16:47.720 and I was just like, I'm kind of done with this. 0:16:48.600 --> 0:16:51.000 I don't need Why am I here? How did you 0:16:51.080 --> 0:16:55.240 really end up like getting the like courage to just 0:16:55.440 --> 0:16:59.560 make that, um, I mean my kids, But I felt 0:16:59.560 --> 0:17:01.640 like I had to be financially stable before I did that, 0:17:01.720 --> 0:17:03.280 and I wanted to be able to take care of 0:17:03.280 --> 0:17:05.399 my kids, and because I knew I was going to 0:17:05.440 --> 0:17:07.800 be responsible for that, So once you got financially stable, 0:17:07.840 --> 0:17:10.520 that that kind of gave you the confidence to be like, 0:17:10.600 --> 0:17:14.800 I'm going, But it took me three years to divorce him. 0:17:14.840 --> 0:17:19.000 I'm honestly starting to think that it's like planned, Like 0:17:19.320 --> 0:17:24.160 these laws are like it's systematic oppression of young girls, 0:17:24.200 --> 0:17:27.720 Like these laws are like it's broken, like we see 0:17:27.720 --> 0:17:30.520 it and it's broken, but it's like specifically set up 0:17:30.560 --> 0:17:31.919 this way for a reason, you know. I mean that's 0:17:32.000 --> 0:17:35.120 ultimately why we're sharing our stories to raise awareness. Yes, 0:17:35.160 --> 0:17:37.239 it is happening. This is how much is happening, and 0:17:37.280 --> 0:17:39.840 we do have to actually change these laws. It took 0:17:39.920 --> 0:17:43.400 me years to even just be able to talk about this. 0:17:44.160 --> 0:17:46.879 And it wasn't until I started going to counseling, Like 0:17:46.960 --> 0:17:49.320 counseling was a huge part of it to even like 0:17:49.480 --> 0:17:53.600 grasp what had happened. And even still I still struggle 0:17:53.680 --> 0:17:56.320 with it, Like it lasts for the rest of your life. 0:17:56.440 --> 0:17:58.200 It's not something that you can just be like, why 0:17:58.160 --> 0:18:03.040 don't you just get over that when you're feeling to 0:18:03.160 --> 0:18:05.040 your life too? And even when you think you're stable 0:18:05.119 --> 0:18:07.440 and you've got it going on, something else will pop 0:18:07.560 --> 0:18:09.840 up and be like, well, here we are some more 0:18:10.960 --> 0:18:14.600 for you to not see, like a child and the 0:18:14.720 --> 0:18:17.399 purity and the fact that you're putting them in a 0:18:17.480 --> 0:18:21.600 situation that is so the opposite of their purity. Like 0:18:22.040 --> 0:18:24.320 I just something had to have happened to them to 0:18:24.440 --> 0:18:26.840 make them think that that's okay. I still struggle with 0:18:26.880 --> 0:18:29.440 that myself, because I'm why would you have a child 0:18:29.520 --> 0:18:32.080 if you just want to abuse them? Yeah, I don't 0:18:32.119 --> 0:18:34.240 get it. I don't get it. Do you know my 0:18:34.359 --> 0:18:36.439 mother or she doesn't feel like she anything wrong? You know, 0:18:36.600 --> 0:18:38.600 he doesn't feel like he did anything wrong. They feel 0:18:38.600 --> 0:18:42.040 like I'm you know, really emotionally disturbed and a bad person. 0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:44.880 Now what about your dad? Do you do you have 0:18:44.920 --> 0:18:47.560 a relationship with your dad or do you do you 0:18:47.680 --> 0:18:49.240 do you talk to him? Do you want to talk 0:18:49.280 --> 0:18:56.520 to him? It's just it's hard to I wish I 0:18:56.520 --> 0:18:59.000 could talk to my dad like we're talking right now, 0:19:00.080 --> 0:19:02.439 but he doesn't want to have that conversation. If he 0:19:02.480 --> 0:19:04.920 wanted to have that conversation, I would have it with him. 0:19:05.000 --> 0:19:06.760 But I want to have an honest conversation. I don't 0:19:06.760 --> 0:19:09.560 want to have a conversation where we're just like talking 0:19:09.560 --> 0:19:12.919 about the weather. Yeah. Right, you know you both have 0:19:13.040 --> 0:19:15.879 gone to school, You've got careers, you've got new lives. 0:19:16.440 --> 0:19:19.080 Let me just hear about that real quick. I finally 0:19:19.119 --> 0:19:21.280 went got my g D and when I was twenty eight, 0:19:21.640 --> 0:19:24.720 and I started at the community college and then I 0:19:24.760 --> 0:19:27.880 went over to the bigger college and US. So, yeah, 0:19:27.920 --> 0:19:29.760 I went from a g D to a master's degree 0:19:29.800 --> 0:19:34.240 in nine years. Yeah. So my undergraduate is in human services, 0:19:34.240 --> 0:19:37.200 which is like psychology and sociology. And then ultimately I 0:19:37.280 --> 0:19:40.040 got an m b A so master's in business for 0:19:40.160 --> 0:19:46.760 you in you, Um, I got my undergrad in rolled 0:19:46.760 --> 0:19:50.560 that into a master's and I just graduated master's program 0:19:50.640 --> 0:19:54.040 and Public administration, UM. And my undergrad is in business 0:19:54.080 --> 0:19:59.440 administration that's awesome. That's awesome. Like, honestly, there are so 0:19:59.480 --> 0:20:03.480 many like even hearing you guys stores and thinking of 0:20:03.520 --> 0:20:08.359 myself like I'm just like, I don't know, just at 0:20:08.400 --> 0:20:14.240 the beginning. So like some people like their soul can 0:20:14.280 --> 0:20:16.640 just be crushed by things like this. And the fact 0:20:16.680 --> 0:20:20.640 that you guys have become even more you know, expansive 0:20:20.720 --> 0:20:23.239 human beings is like we had strong daughters we had 0:20:23.240 --> 0:20:28.720 to raise. Yeah, exactly. Thank you so much, ladies. We 0:20:28.800 --> 0:20:32.800 can't thank you enough for um, thank you for listening, listen, 0:20:32.920 --> 0:20:35.200 thank you, thank you for being an audience and bringing 0:20:35.200 --> 0:20:38.879 it to audience. And there are organizations out there that 0:20:38.920 --> 0:20:41.600 will help you just fight the laws, being a challenge, 0:20:42.359 --> 0:20:46.040 UM to her a Justice Center and chained out Last. 0:20:46.400 --> 0:20:49.280 This is gonna educate a lot of people and help 0:20:49.359 --> 0:20:51.280 a lot of people too. So thank you, thank you 0:20:51.320 --> 0:20:59.040 for coming to ship. Appreciate Yeah, this is awesome. How 0:20:59.080 --> 0:21:01.840 do you guys be after sharing all of that. I 0:21:01.840 --> 0:21:05.720 feel a little weighted myself, but it feels Yeah, it 0:21:06.080 --> 0:21:07.920 brings stuff back, It brings a lot, It brings it 0:21:07.960 --> 0:21:15.680 all back. Yeah, So you guys are done, We're done. 0:21:15.720 --> 0:21:21.199 Come on a new friend. Yes, Hey, r T T family. 0:21:21.280 --> 0:21:24.440 Join our red table Talk group on Facebook become part 0:21:24.440 --> 0:21:30.359 of the conversation. To join the red table Talk family 0:21:30.359 --> 0:21:32.920 and become a part of the conversation. Follow us at 0:21:32.960 --> 0:21:36.800 Facebook dot com slash red table talk. Thanks for listening 0:21:36.800 --> 0:21:40.720 to this episode of Red Table Talk podcast, produced by Facebook, Watch, 0:21:40.920 --> 0:21:43.200 Westbrook Audio, and I Heart Radio.