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Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. Donald

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Speaker 1: Trump has put the lives of tens of thousands of

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Speaker 1: American servicemen and women at risk all around the world

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Speaker 1: by stealing those documents. Donald Trump does not give a

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Speaker 1: damn if American troops live or die. Donald Trump hates

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Speaker 1: the troops. So why aren't we hearing that. It is

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Speaker 1: not the number of Republicans and Trump cultists who are

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Speaker 1: prostituting themselves for Trump that shocks. It is the number

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Speaker 1: who aren't. His Former Attorney General William Barr the quote,

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Speaker 1: you know, if even half of it is true, then

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Speaker 1: he's toast. Former US attorney and Fox News contributor Andy McCarthy.

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Speaker 1: If they can prove half of it, he's toast. I

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Speaker 1: sense an image theme New Hampshire Governor John Sanunu. If

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Speaker 1: even half of this stuff is true, he's in real

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Speaker 1: trouble and it's self inflicted. The National Review the Trump

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Speaker 1: indictment is damning. It is impossible not to be appalled.

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Speaker 1: Jonathan Turley Wait, Jonathan Turley, Jonathan Turley. It is an

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Speaker 1: extremely damning indictment. Tim PARLATORI, who was still a Trump

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Speaker 1: attorney last month, it appears to be a pretty strong indictment.

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Speaker 1: Jim Trusty and John Rowley, who were still trump attorney's

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Speaker 1: last Friday, they quit, and Scott Jennings, the rabid, cartoonish

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Speaker 1: CNN conservative. I seriously doubt you're going to hear a

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Speaker 1: serious person say, oh, well, this is fine. And then

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Speaker 1: Jennings hit a point which in normal times would have

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Speaker 1: been enough for the Republicans to have already unanimously and

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Speaker 1: irrevocably thrown Trump overboard for all time. Quote. If you

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Speaker 1: had a son or a daughter who was serving in

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Speaker 1: a hostile place and you thought maybe their information was

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Speaker 1: in a document that could have been picked off the

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Speaker 1: friggin floor, do you know how this could impact a

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Speaker 1: military family. The thing is, when you're commander in chief,

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Speaker 1: you have this responsibility to the military and the people

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Speaker 1: who serve. It's sort of offensive to me, actually, that

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Speaker 1: we would be so cavalier with the information that could

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Speaker 1: possibly put our people in jeopardy. And if there is

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Speaker 1: anything more shocking than the number of anti Trump statements,

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Speaker 1: especially from his supporters and from his lawyers, it is

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Speaker 1: the fact that in normal times the Democrats would have

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Speaker 1: taken the essence of Scott Jennings's point, Trump put the

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Speaker 1: lives of thousands of American servicemen and women at risk,

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Speaker 1: and they would have hung that fact around the next

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Speaker 1: of not just Trump and everybody close to him, but

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Speaker 1: around the next of every Republican who did not condemn him,

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Speaker 1: and the Democrats be screaming, why does Donald Trump hate

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Speaker 1: the troops? And why does Ron Desantus hate the troops?

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Speaker 1: And why does Lindsey Graham hate the troops? And if

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Speaker 1: the point itself were not decisive enough, the Democrats could

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Speaker 1: follow that up with a new CBS News poll that

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Speaker 1: asks is there a national security risk if Trump kept

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Speaker 1: nuclear and military documents? And the answer was yes, Trump

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Speaker 1: put our national security at risk, Yes, from thirty eight

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Speaker 1: percent of Republicans. And why aren't we hearing Democrats say that?

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Speaker 1: Why in the chorus of the sheep bleeding about Trump's

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Speaker 1: rights to do this and Hillary Clinton that and weaponization everything.

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Speaker 1: Why are virtually all of the publicly dissenting voices Republicans?

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Speaker 1: Where are the Democrats? Where are the Democrats talking about

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Speaker 1: the grave risk Trump was and is to national security

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Speaker 1: that thirty eight percent of Republicans agree with Democrats on

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Speaker 1: Where are the Democrats demanding that he will be president

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Speaker 1: again only over their dead bodies. Where are the Democrats saying, No,

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Speaker 1: matter how this trial turns out, Trump definitely put American

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Speaker 1: troops at risk for the sake of his ego, and

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Speaker 1: he may have gotten American troops killed for all we know,

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Speaker 1: and he may still get American troops killed tomorrow. Where

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Speaker 1: is the outrage? Axios is reporting the Democratic National Committee

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Speaker 1: asked Democrats in the Congress to no comment the indictment.

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Speaker 1: The president is no commenting the indictment. The entire hierarchy

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Speaker 1: of the Democratic Party is staying off stage because of

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Speaker 1: some kind of nonsensical nineteen seventy five alive notion that

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Speaker 1: to speak out against Trump's criminality and treachery and treason

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Speaker 1: is to somehow grasp a third rail. That because if

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Speaker 1: you speak up for truth and honesty and Americanism and

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Speaker 1: you are a politician, you have somehow politicized truth and

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Speaker 1: honesty and Americanism. Mister President, House Democrats, Senate Democrats, Leadership Democrats.

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Speaker 1: We elected you to stand up for the rule of law.

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Speaker 1: We elected you to defeat Trump and destroy Trump and

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Speaker 1: jail whatever was left of Trump. We expect you to

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Speaker 1: speak up for justice, and we want you to demonize

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Speaker 1: the Republicans, and we demand that you cut up Jim

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Speaker 1: Jordan and a last defenic and Mike Pence and these

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Speaker 1: other disloyal, opportunistic, amoral bastards, because there are only Republicans

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Speaker 1: saying anything right now, and all of you Democrats hiding

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Speaker 1: in the back have completely lost the plot of America.

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Speaker 1: Somewhere somebody in the White House to whom Joe Biden listens,

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Speaker 1: thinks that to speak is to authenticate the Republican claim

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Speaker 1: that this is all just to keep Trump from the

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Speaker 1: White House. God damn it, it is just to keep

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Speaker 1: Trump from the White House. Traitors do not belong in

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Speaker 1: the White House. And if Democrats you somehow think that

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Speaker 1: your silence is going to make Trump voters or Republican

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Speaker 1: apologists or anybody else, think, oh we're wrong, this isn't political.

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Speaker 1: We feel great shame. We must mend our ways. We

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Speaker 1: must turn the party over to the real future of

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Speaker 1: the twenty first century. Gop Asa Hutchinson, I have bad

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Speaker 1: news for you. They are not fleeing from Trump. They

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Speaker 1: are not going to be reasonable, They are not suddenly

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Speaker 1: going to negotiate. They are not acting in good faith now,

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Speaker 1: and they are not going to see your silence is

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Speaker 1: anything but squalid weakness, and to reinforce to their mob

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Speaker 1: and their cult that the reason Democrats are silent is

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Speaker 1: that Democrats know this is all political, and the Democrats'

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Speaker 1: silence is in fact the Democrats guilt. President Biden, you

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Speaker 1: are not having a shot with Ronald Reagan and Tip

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Speaker 1: O'Neil tonight. They are dead. That Republican Party is as

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Speaker 1: dead as they are, and the people who have seized

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Speaker 1: the brand name Republican Party now recognize that this is

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Speaker 1: an existential fight for both the soul of and control

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Speaker 1: of this nation. Either the Democrats and democracy prevail or

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Speaker 1: the Republicans and fascism will it cannot be both? And

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Speaker 1: standing back and hoping that your silence conveys the gravity

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Speaker 1: of the charges, is it best naive and at worst irresponsible.

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Speaker 1: Trump has been not to the floor by these indictments,

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Speaker 1: and you do not need every Republican leader and every

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Speaker 1: Republican voter to back away from him in order to

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Speaker 1: defeat the plague that is MAGA. One or two percent

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Speaker 1: of Republicans breaking with that cult for good is enough

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Speaker 1: to give the Democrats the House, the Senate, and the

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Speaker 1: White House again next year. But you are not going

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Speaker 1: to win them over with dignified quiet scorn. The Republicans

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Speaker 1: are a party of bullies, consumed by murderous and violent fantasies.

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Speaker 1: Trump is metaphorically on the ground. Now is the time

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Speaker 1: to metaphorically destroy his reputation with just enough Republicans, only

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Speaker 1: just enough Republicans, and to do so by using metaphorical

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Speaker 1: baseball bats. I had to do a two day deposition

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Speaker 1: in my lawsuit after al Gore and his business partner

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Speaker 1: tried to stiff me on the rest of my contract

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Speaker 1: once they had finally arranged to sell Current TV to

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Speaker 1: Al Jazeera. My lawyers gave me a thousand pieces of

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Speaker 1: great advice, but the best of them was this. Their

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Speaker 1: lawyers are going to ask you to read some of

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Speaker 1: your own emails out loud, onto the record, and other

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Speaker 1: statements onto the record. Do not explain them, do not

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Speaker 1: shrink from them, do not mumble them, do not but them.

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Speaker 1: Proclaim them as proudly as if they were the greatest

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Speaker 1: thing you ever did or said. Sure enough, there came

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Speaker 1: the hour on the second day, I think, where they

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Speaker 1: handed me one of my one paragraph emails to my agent,

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Speaker 1: fifty words, perhaps all about Gore's partner, and half of

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Speaker 1: them obscenities. The nicest part was when I called him

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Speaker 1: a little jimminy cricket pest bastard. I read that onto

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Speaker 1: the record like I was reading Shakespeare. Trump is the

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Speaker 1: worst political figure in American history. Trump is the worst

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Speaker 1: criminal in American history. Trump is the worst individual threat

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Speaker 1: to representative government in American history. And now he's been

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Speaker 1: indicted thirty seven counts, and for all we know, thirty

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Speaker 1: seven more counts to come about January sixth and thirty

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Speaker 1: seven more counts to come about, bilking money out of

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Speaker 1: his cult. We have hundreds of miles to go, but

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Speaker 1: we have started down this road. Democrats, stop shining from

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Speaker 1: the reality this scumbag should never live another day free

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Speaker 1: in his life. Proclaim it, exult in it for once.

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Speaker 1: It is not just the ethical power that is in

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Speaker 1: your hands. You have the hammer of justice. Take the

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Speaker 1: hammer of justice and use it to hit Trump and

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Speaker 1: everybody who lies for him, and God damn it. Sing

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Speaker 1: the national anthem while you do it, because this is

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Speaker 1: where we are. Democrats are being quiet, because that's exactly

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Speaker 1: the right play during a time in which the only

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Speaker 1: thing Republicans understand is noise. Politico asked Trump about taking

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Speaker 1: a plea deal that he said he did not anticipate

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Speaker 1: doing so, but quote, he left open the possibility of

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Speaker 1: doing so. Quote where they pay me some damages. That's

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Speaker 1: what he thinks a plea deal is in this, Trump said,

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Speaker 1: And you know, this is how he actually thinks that

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Speaker 1: after the indictment, America went to sleep with tears in

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Speaker 1: its eyes. And I thought, yeah, tears of laughter. The

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Speaker 1: only thing missing from this string of illogic with which

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Speaker 1: he still manages to keep his sucker's hypnotized like cats

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Speaker 1: jumping at feathers, is the argument that the documents were

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Speaker 1: secure at marri Lago, because who would ever be willing

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Speaker 1: to go inside Donald Trump's bathroom? And while the good

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Speaker 1: guys stay silent, Trump is still dog whistling, still hoping

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Speaker 1: to push the button of stochastic terrorism about Miami. In

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Speaker 1: a radio interview with Roger Stone yesterday, quote, we need

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Speaker 1: strength at this point, and everyone is afraid to do anything.

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Speaker 1: They're afraid to talk, and they have to go out

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Speaker 1: and they have to protest peacefully. It sounds as if

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Speaker 1: he is implying that it's a shame they have to

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Speaker 1: protest peacefully. Our country has to protest, and he is

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Speaker 1: dog whistling for somebody to physically attack the special counsel

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Speaker 1: and his wife. Also to stone quote Jack Smith, he's

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Speaker 1: a deranged person. His wife hates me more than he does.

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Speaker 1: The wife hates Trump more than any human being who's

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Speaker 1: ever lived. Unquote, to which I say, hold my beer.

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Speaker 1: Three other pieces of business on indictment and arraignment Eve one.

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Speaker 1: Stuart Rhodes, the Oathkeeper's gun safety instructor who allegedly shot

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Speaker 1: out his own eye, called into a right wing show

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Speaker 1: from prison because you can his reaction to the Trump

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Speaker 1: document indictments. Wait until you see Trump get indicted for

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Speaker 1: January sixth for the same thing Rhodes and the others

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Speaker 1: were convicted over for January sixth. Rhodes expects Trump to

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Speaker 1: be indicted for conspiracy to prevent Congress from discharging its duties,

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Speaker 1: conspiracy to obstruct an official proceeding, and seditious conspiracy. From

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Speaker 1: your mouth to God's ears, Elmer two, it ain't a

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Speaker 1: purp walk, but apparently at the arraignment tomorrow afternoon. This

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Speaker 1: will be the full criminal experience for Donnie Trump should

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Speaker 1: be walked through and arraigned in a no frills and

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Speaker 1: very unfriendly Miami Federal courthouse. He should be fingerprinted, and

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Speaker 1: he should have a mug shot taken. And three the

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Speaker 1: photo of the judge assigned to this case. The Trump

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Speaker 1: appointee will already tried to derail this last year with

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Speaker 1: the special Master nonsense. The photo of Aileen Cannon in

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Speaker 1: her glasses and a Team Trump hat and Maga face paint.

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Speaker 1: That is not Eileen Cannon. That is somebody at a

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty Trump rally somewhere with similar glasses, not her.

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Speaker 1: Do not tweet that photo repeating it's not her. So

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Speaker 1: since we're going to live like this for a while,

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Speaker 1: Trump indicted, Trump arragned, Trump indicted again, Trump arraigned again,

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Speaker 1: let's at least enjoy a few jokes as they pop up.

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Speaker 1: Lauren Windsor, the journalist noted the photo of the boxes

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Speaker 1: in Trump's bathroom and observed violation of the spon Edge Act,

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Speaker 1: and from animator Matt Wells, the this parody of the

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Speaker 1: indictment and the Jack Smith indictment form, and the whole

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Speaker 1: borderline unbelievable nature of Trump's perfidy. I will quote it

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Speaker 1: in full, and if you don't get it, I will

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Speaker 1: not explain it. As they say, if you know, you

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Speaker 1: know Quote thirty three. On July twenty one, twenty twenty one,

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Speaker 1: when he was no longer president, Trump gave an interview

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Speaker 1: in his office at the Bedminster Club to a writer

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Speaker 1: and a publisher in connection with a then forthcoming book.

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Speaker 1: In the recorded statement, Trump stated that once reinstated as president,

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Speaker 1: he had plans to build a freeway through the Los

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Speaker 1: Angeles neighborhood toon Town by any means, even if it

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Speaker 1: meant flooding the Burrow with chemical warfare obtained from the

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Speaker 1: Department of Defense. The toxic substance was, in Trump's words,

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Speaker 1: the only way to kill a tune, and made up

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Speaker 1: a combination of turpentine, acetone, and benzene. This dangerous compound

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Speaker 1: is commonly colloquially referred to by the DoD as the

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Speaker 1: dip okay. I changed my mind if you did not

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Speaker 1: recognize that, it's basically the plot of the movie Who

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Speaker 1: Framed Roger Rabbit. Also of interest today, the Glenn Beck

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Speaker 1: provocateur who decided to menace and mock basketball as Brittany

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Speaker 1: Grinder in the Dallas airport. We are missing the leads

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Speaker 1: story here. She restrained herself, she did not touch him,

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Speaker 1: and thus he is still alive today. That's next. This

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Speaker 1: is countdown. This is countdown with Keith Old woman slight

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Speaker 1: format shakeup today postscripts to the news next later. So

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Speaker 1: I had a physical Friday with a new doctor and

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Speaker 1: he said, what did you do to yourself years ago?

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Speaker 1: Did you fall off a cliff or something? And I said,

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Speaker 1: as I always have to say, yeah, kind of while

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Speaker 1: I was making a TV commercial, like everybody does things,

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Speaker 1: I promised not to tell. Coming up first, the Daily

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Speaker 1: round Up, the Missus grants Moron's undunny Kruger effect specimens

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Speaker 1: who constitute today's worst persons of the world. I did

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Speaker 1: not plan this to be all sports. It just turned

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Speaker 1: out that way. The Bronze to this functioning idiot Alex Stein,

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Speaker 1: who works for Glenn Beck. This Stein decided to confront

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Speaker 1: the basketball player Britney Griner as she and her team,

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Speaker 1: the Phoenix Mercury, walked through the airport in Dallas. She

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Speaker 1: is still trying to readjust after months in a Russian prison,

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Speaker 1: as a hostage, so this moron Stein thought it would

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Speaker 1: be funny to record himself asking her if she thought

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Speaker 1: the exchange that brought her home in exchange for armsdealer

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Speaker 1: Victor Boot was fair since she was a killer on

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Speaker 1: the court, but he was a real killer. And then

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Speaker 1: he asked if she'd had sex with Vladimir Putin. Now

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Speaker 1: I appreciate that Glenn Beck is himself still recovering from

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Speaker 1: his remarkable drug addiction, and that he's an amoral buffoon

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Speaker 1: to begin with, but honestly, Beck, you have to save

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Speaker 1: this guy Stein for his own good, Fire him or

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Speaker 1: educate him, because if Britney Grinder was not a pro

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Speaker 1: who could and did restrain herself, she could have just

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Speaker 1: pushed him out of the way and he would be

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Speaker 1: in a coma right now. Speaking of which, the runner up,

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Speaker 1: Connor McGregor also not exactly mister stability. McGregor did a

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Speaker 1: bit during the fourth game of the NBA Finals in

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Speaker 1: which he was supposed to pretend to fight with the

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Speaker 1: Miami Heat mascot Bernie, But of course McGregor has no

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Speaker 1: control over himself, so when it came time to pretend

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Speaker 1: to throw hands, he knocked Bernie out with one real punch.

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Speaker 1: They took the guy in the Bernie suit to the er.

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Speaker 1: After treatment, they say Bernie will be back for Game

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Speaker 1: five tonight, which could make him the only member of

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Speaker 1: the Heat to actually show up for all five games

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Speaker 1: of the NBA Finals. Moving on, but the winner. Brian Kilmead,

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Speaker 1: who is I guess the comic relief on Fox's morning

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Speaker 1: show kill Mead has said some amazingly stupid things over

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Speaker 1: the years. He once tried to criticize interracial marriage by saying,

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Speaker 1: we keep marrying other species, but honestly, this may be

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Speaker 1: the worst. He was talking about Lionel Messi, the soccer

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Speaker 1: star coming to the United States to play in Major

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Speaker 1: League Soccer here and kill mea bemoaned the fact that

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Speaker 1: the great Messi does not speak English and does not

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Speaker 1: seem inclined to learn English, and he compared that to

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Speaker 1: another famous international star who came to Major League Soccer,

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Speaker 1: David Beckham two thousand and seven. No, seriously, kill Mead said,

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Speaker 1: quote one thing about David Beckham. He learned to speak

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Speaker 1: English for US only with an accent when he came

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Speaker 1: at thirty two years old. This was not a joke,

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Speaker 1: This was not a gag. This was not hyperbole. Brian

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Speaker 1: Kilmead thinks Beckham, born in London in nineteen seventy five,

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Speaker 1: had to learn English when he came to America. Now

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Speaker 1: this is already Hall of Fame level stupid. Before you

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Speaker 1: real that. Before he went to Fox quote news unquote,

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Speaker 1: Brian Killmead was a sportscaster, and not just a sportscaster.

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Speaker 1: His job the year before he went to Fox, Brian

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Speaker 1: Kilmead was a soccer reporter for coverage of games of

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Speaker 1: Major League Soccer. Brian, Yeah, but when are you gonna

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Speaker 1: learn English? Brian kill Mead two days worst person in

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Speaker 1: the English speaking word. Post scripts to the news, some headlines,

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Speaker 1: some updates, some snarks, some predictions. Dateline my house. Mine

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Speaker 1: arrived a year ago yesterday. Now, I know what you're thinking.

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Speaker 1: He's fine. He's in the other rooms sleeping right now.

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Speaker 1: Mine is nearly sixteen years old, and late last spring

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Speaker 1: he was surrendered to American Maltese Association Rescue and my

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Speaker 1: friend who runs that here texted rhetorically to me, who

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Speaker 1: is going to adopt a nearly fifteen year old dog

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Speaker 1: with dementia? My reply was the hand up emoji. I

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Speaker 1: told you parts of my story with dogs before. I

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Speaker 1: loved them as a kid, but I was allergic and

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Speaker 1: Mom was even more allergic, and for forty years the

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Speaker 1: allergists said that whole hypoallergenic dog thing, it's hit and miss.

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Speaker 1: A lot of hearts get broken, a lot of dogs

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Speaker 1: get returned. And then a former girlfriend needed what she

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Speaker 1: called a puppy fix because her family dog was dying,

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Speaker 1: and I finally let her talk me into doing something

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Speaker 1: her dozen predecessors never could to go in with her

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Speaker 1: to the pet shop, and within minutes I was in love,

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Speaker 1: and Stevie adopted me, And inside of a month I

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Speaker 1: was calling all my dog owning friends and saying to them,

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Speaker 1: why didn't you tell me this was the meaning of life,

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Speaker 1: and concluding that my first fifty three years on this

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Speaker 1: earth had been a waste of time. And parenthetically, Stevie

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Speaker 1: is sitting on the floor at my feet as I

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Speaker 1: record this. Soon the girlfriend and I got Holly and

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Speaker 1: Milo for her parents, and then we got Rose so

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Speaker 1: Stevie would have a sister, and then we split up

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Speaker 1: and I kept the dog, so that was a win

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Speaker 1: win win, And one day I met the Maltese rescue

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Speaker 1: leader in a pet coo here and I volunteered to

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Speaker 1: become a foster if they needed one, And before I

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Speaker 1: knew it, she asked me to take a three month

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Speaker 1: old with a heart so bad that it was not

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Speaker 1: clear that he would live past ten months. Well, happily,

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Speaker 1: the bets who said they had never seen what was

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Speaker 1: wrong with his heart were compensated for in this equation

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Speaker 1: by the cardiologist at the animal medical center, who said

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00:22:48,195 --> 00:22:51,515
Speaker 1: that was understandable as a diagnosis, but he operated on

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Speaker 1: this problem like three times a month, and so instead

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Speaker 1: of heartbreak. Now Ted is five and a half years

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Speaker 1: old nearly and the biggest issue with him is he

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Speaker 1: is the most amazing flirt I have ever seen from

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Speaker 1: any species. Brian Kilmead. If we go to the park

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Speaker 1: and there are girls on a blanket, he is going in.

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Speaker 1: It happened four times on the walk day before yesterday. Also,

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Speaker 1: Ted is also at my feet here sitting next to Stevie.

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Speaker 1: In twenty twenty one, it was Mishu whose untreatable heart

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Speaker 1: disease really was untreatable. Michu had an extraordinarily happy life,

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Speaker 1: but an extraordinarily brief one, and after he died another

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Speaker 1: litter produced two of his brothers, and I brought them

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Speaker 1: in one after the other to see if they could

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Speaker 1: take his place in my brood. And they were nuts,

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Speaker 1: both of them, great dogs, but absolute alphas. They bit everybody,

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Speaker 1: including me, And so by summer last year I had

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Speaker 1: a spot open. I knew I could take care of

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Speaker 1: four dogs at once. I had done it, And anyway,

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Speaker 1: I didn't have a dog until I was fifty three.

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Speaker 1: I'm making up for lost time. Mine was one of

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Speaker 1: three maltesees whose human was a French teacher. Here mine

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Speaker 1: is in fact a French word translating as kitty, which

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Speaker 1: must have caused him considerable confusion. In any event, sometime

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Speaker 1: after Mine's tenth birthday, his human, who I believe was

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Speaker 1: around eighty five, began to decline rapidly. For the last

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Speaker 1: few years, she was usually able to feed the dogs,

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Speaker 1: but little else. Finally she went to the hospital, having

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Speaker 1: made no plans for the dogs, and when she did

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Speaker 1: not come back from the hospital, a caring neighbor did

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Speaker 1: what he could for the last survivor, Mine. He fed him,

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Speaker 1: he cleaned him, he walked him now and again. He

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Speaker 1: made preparations to adopt him. And then he got a

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Speaker 1: promotion that required frequent travel, and so with great reluctance,

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Speaker 1: he contacted the rescue organization. And that is how I

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Speaker 1: came to raise my hand at a year ago. Yesterday,

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Speaker 1: we met near Central Park and I saw mine, a

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Speaker 1: gaunt but active, healthy looking dog. One of his eyes

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00:24:52,595 --> 00:24:55,555
Speaker 1: was cloudy, but he had a strong, confident gait and

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Speaker 1: absolutely no interaction with humans whatsoever. I picked him up

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Speaker 1: and he flinched. I sat him on my lap and

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00:25:03,315 --> 00:25:05,875
Speaker 1: he jumped off. And understand and almost all dogs either

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00:25:06,075 --> 00:25:09,955
Speaker 1: instinctively warm to human touch or learn its value quickly.

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00:25:09,955 --> 00:25:13,315
Speaker 1: But the Maltese will respond to you sitting down by saying,

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Speaker 1: I see you have made me a lap. I will

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Speaker 1: now claim this map forever. The only true conflict I

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00:25:20,275 --> 00:25:23,595
Speaker 1: have ever witnessed among my crowd is the territorial brawl

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Speaker 1: over me. I have had four Malteses squeeze their way

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Speaker 1: onto my seated form in such a jigsaw like way

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00:25:32,075 --> 00:25:34,835
Speaker 1: that they can each claim they are sitting in my

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00:25:34,995 --> 00:25:42,435
Speaker 1: lap partially. Mine just wasn't present. He'll just be another

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00:25:42,475 --> 00:25:44,955
Speaker 1: mouth to feed, I was told. I was also told

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Speaker 1: he was pad trained. This turned out to be correct.

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00:25:48,155 --> 00:25:51,515
Speaker 1: He knows where to go. Sometimes he's standing on the

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Speaker 1: edge of the pad, pointed the wrong way, but still

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Speaker 1: not bad all things considered. He was quiet, he was

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00:25:58,075 --> 00:26:02,835
Speaker 1: self contained. This turned out to be too correct. He was,

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Speaker 1: in fact when he got here a roomba. He walked constantly.

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Speaker 1: He established one path through the rooms of my place,

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Speaker 1: and he followed it basically inch by inch, for up

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Speaker 1: to an hour at a time. He ate well, he

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00:26:16,635 --> 00:26:19,475
Speaker 1: slept well. I never heard a sound out of him.

401
00:26:19,595 --> 00:26:24,115
Speaker 1: Mostly he wandered, wandered along that one path. And what

402
00:26:24,235 --> 00:26:26,675
Speaker 1: he was looking for I don't know. But that path

403
00:26:27,075 --> 00:26:31,835
Speaker 1: ended at one window that went ceiling to floor, and

404
00:26:31,915 --> 00:26:34,675
Speaker 1: he stared out that window, and then he would do

405
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Speaker 1: that walk again. So I hesitantly I took him out

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Speaker 1: to the park one night, just me and him, to

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Speaker 1: see what would happen. And immediately I recognize an extraordinary difference.

408
00:26:44,755 --> 00:26:48,315
Speaker 1: Minee was outside and mine was serene, and he was

409
00:26:48,355 --> 00:26:51,555
Speaker 1: no longer wandering. He sat in the grass and he

410
00:26:51,635 --> 00:26:54,035
Speaker 1: turned his face to the breeze, and it was the

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00:26:54,155 --> 00:26:59,195
Speaker 1: surest sign he was still in there somewhere. Well. My

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00:26:59,315 --> 00:27:02,555
Speaker 1: vet checked him over that week and said, look, his

413
00:27:02,715 --> 00:27:07,035
Speaker 1: teeth are uniformly tear. They will probably all have to

414
00:27:07,075 --> 00:27:09,395
Speaker 1: come out, but some of them are in such bad

415
00:27:09,435 --> 00:27:14,035
Speaker 1: shape that this is urgent. That infection could spread to

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Speaker 1: his nose, to his brains, anywhere in his body. And

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00:27:18,475 --> 00:27:20,795
Speaker 1: they're so bad. Some of these teeth are going to

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00:27:20,835 --> 00:27:23,555
Speaker 1: come out with just a little anesthetic. I can take

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00:27:23,595 --> 00:27:26,355
Speaker 1: them out right now, she said, and she did, And honestly,

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Speaker 1: the sound he made was so heartrending. It was the

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Speaker 1: only time in ten and a half years with dogs

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Speaker 1: that I could not bear it, and I had to

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00:27:32,835 --> 00:27:36,435
Speaker 1: leave the room. That noise was still ringing in my

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00:27:36,515 --> 00:27:39,075
Speaker 1: ear when Minee woke up about three hours later from

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00:27:39,075 --> 00:27:41,595
Speaker 1: the anesthetic, and he came over and stared at me.

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00:27:42,435 --> 00:27:45,515
Speaker 1: I mean, this was a excuse me, where the hell

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00:27:45,595 --> 00:27:49,435
Speaker 1: am I stare? Within a day, mine was barking at

428
00:27:49,435 --> 00:27:52,395
Speaker 1: me when he was hungry, he was sniffing the other dogs.

429
00:27:52,595 --> 00:27:54,995
Speaker 1: Within a week, he was joining the group meal at

430
00:27:54,995 --> 00:27:58,155
Speaker 1: the regular hours, and knew instinctively when those hours were

431
00:27:58,515 --> 00:28:03,115
Speaker 1: it wasn't dementia, it was teeth. Minee got all of

432
00:28:03,155 --> 00:28:05,395
Speaker 1: his teeth taken out about a month later, and soon

433
00:28:05,435 --> 00:28:07,155
Speaker 1: when we would go outside, he would sit on the

434
00:28:07,195 --> 00:28:12,115
Speaker 1: grass or in my arms in complete contentment and walking.

435
00:28:12,755 --> 00:28:14,915
Speaker 1: It turned out he was the best walker I have

436
00:28:15,075 --> 00:28:18,635
Speaker 1: ever seen, let alone had he knew the entire deal.

437
00:28:19,115 --> 00:28:22,235
Speaker 1: If I slowed down, he slowed down. If I began

438
00:28:22,355 --> 00:28:25,195
Speaker 1: to stop, he would stop before I did. And if

439
00:28:25,195 --> 00:28:28,635
Speaker 1: he started up again and I needed him to stop,

440
00:28:28,675 --> 00:28:32,035
Speaker 1: I would just say stop and he would or if

441
00:28:32,115 --> 00:28:34,515
Speaker 1: I started up. All I had to do after I

442
00:28:34,635 --> 00:28:37,555
Speaker 1: realized his first human must have trained him in French, right,

443
00:28:38,115 --> 00:28:40,515
Speaker 1: all I had to do was say sweebe mine, and

444
00:28:40,675 --> 00:28:44,115
Speaker 1: off he would go. Every meeting with another dog was

445
00:28:44,275 --> 00:28:48,675
Speaker 1: a respectful, silent sniff. He let strange humans pet him,

446
00:28:48,955 --> 00:28:50,955
Speaker 1: and now he goes on virtually every walk I take,

447
00:28:50,995 --> 00:28:53,395
Speaker 1: because he immediately sinks up with me, or with me

448
00:28:53,475 --> 00:28:55,435
Speaker 1: and Stevie, or with me and Rose, or with me

449
00:28:55,515 --> 00:28:59,635
Speaker 1: and Ted. It was the teeth. There was so much

450
00:28:59,675 --> 00:29:02,835
Speaker 1: infection that basically all he could do was deal with

451
00:29:02,955 --> 00:29:06,395
Speaker 1: it and the pain all his tiny body could handle.

452
00:29:06,915 --> 00:29:09,115
Speaker 1: Once his teeth were gone, he began to eat his

453
00:29:09,235 --> 00:29:11,955
Speaker 1: soft food lustily. In the year he's been here, he's

454
00:29:11,955 --> 00:29:15,235
Speaker 1: gone from a two skinny five pounds to a robust eight.

455
00:29:16,315 --> 00:29:18,755
Speaker 1: He still eats the hard treats too. A Maltese is

456
00:29:18,755 --> 00:29:21,395
Speaker 1: a really strong jaw. He gums them, though he does

457
00:29:21,475 --> 00:29:23,875
Speaker 1: prefer them ground up in a blender, and why not.

458
00:29:25,195 --> 00:29:27,355
Speaker 1: But about a month after the teeth came out, I

459
00:29:27,395 --> 00:29:29,675
Speaker 1: saw him do something that made my jaw drop. And

460
00:29:29,675 --> 00:29:31,555
Speaker 1: I've seen him do it since. He took one of

461
00:29:31,595 --> 00:29:35,555
Speaker 1: the treats over to his water bowl and he dropped

462
00:29:35,595 --> 00:29:37,395
Speaker 1: it in the water bowl, and then he did his

463
00:29:37,515 --> 00:29:40,435
Speaker 1: jog around the house. If he's awake, he's moving. And

464
00:29:40,515 --> 00:29:42,835
Speaker 1: he came back to the water bowl and he stuck

465
00:29:42,875 --> 00:29:45,115
Speaker 1: his face in the water bowl and pulled out the

466
00:29:45,155 --> 00:29:47,315
Speaker 1: now saggy treat and he put it in his mouth

467
00:29:47,395 --> 00:29:51,515
Speaker 1: and sucked on it like a cough drop. It wasn't dementia,

468
00:29:51,595 --> 00:29:55,915
Speaker 1: it was the teeth. Don't get me wrong here. That

469
00:29:56,475 --> 00:29:58,515
Speaker 1: saw about a year for a dog is seven years

470
00:29:58,515 --> 00:30:00,915
Speaker 1: for a person. Stuff that's nonsense. But at nearly sixteen

471
00:30:00,955 --> 00:30:03,755
Speaker 1: minut is about the equivalent of a man who is

472
00:30:03,755 --> 00:30:09,595
Speaker 1: somewhere between a ninety years old. He forgets stuff. He accelerates,

473
00:30:09,875 --> 00:30:12,315
Speaker 1: like when he's right next to the wall he has

474
00:30:12,355 --> 00:30:14,315
Speaker 1: a processing problem. You can be right in front of

475
00:30:14,355 --> 00:30:15,955
Speaker 1: him and you can say hello, or you reach out

476
00:30:15,995 --> 00:30:18,555
Speaker 1: to pet him, and he will literally stop, spread out

477
00:30:18,595 --> 00:30:20,515
Speaker 1: his four legs like he's in a cartoon, and look

478
00:30:20,595 --> 00:30:24,315
Speaker 1: behind him. He's also a master of the double take.

479
00:30:25,075 --> 00:30:28,835
Speaker 1: But otherwise he is really smart and resourceful. And by

480
00:30:28,875 --> 00:30:31,275
Speaker 1: accident I found a bed that he loves, like it

481
00:30:31,355 --> 00:30:34,275
Speaker 1: was the womb. And he will sleep twelve hours or

482
00:30:34,315 --> 00:30:37,635
Speaker 1: fourteen hours some days and get up and have some water,

483
00:30:37,835 --> 00:30:40,515
Speaker 1: come out and pee. But now he will get up

484
00:30:40,555 --> 00:30:42,595
Speaker 1: and come out and talk to me in a very

485
00:30:42,635 --> 00:30:45,235
Speaker 1: sweet voice for a few moments, and then he'll go

486
00:30:45,315 --> 00:30:47,635
Speaker 1: back and nap for another couple of hours. And he

487
00:30:47,675 --> 00:30:50,035
Speaker 1: will still bark when he's hungry. And the other day

488
00:30:50,035 --> 00:30:51,755
Speaker 1: I gave him a plate of the ground up treats,

489
00:30:51,755 --> 00:30:54,715
Speaker 1: and I swear he stopped, he sniffed them, and he said, oh,

490
00:30:55,715 --> 00:31:00,235
Speaker 1: just like that, and he happily devoured them bluntly. I

491
00:31:00,275 --> 00:31:04,955
Speaker 1: would pay one thousand dollars ten thousand dollars, I don't

492
00:31:04,955 --> 00:31:08,195
Speaker 1: know how much to get a full story of Minet's

493
00:31:08,235 --> 00:31:13,755
Speaker 1: life before he arrived here. The Manet documentary that understanding

494
00:31:13,795 --> 00:31:16,755
Speaker 1: French thing is absolutely legit. On one walk last winter,

495
00:31:16,795 --> 00:31:19,515
Speaker 1: we encountered no fewer than three groups of people speaking

496
00:31:19,555 --> 00:31:22,515
Speaker 1: fluent French, and he bounded over to them and seemed

497
00:31:22,515 --> 00:31:26,875
Speaker 1: to take comfort just hearing the language spoken conversationally. He

498
00:31:26,915 --> 00:31:31,355
Speaker 1: does hydrate constantly awake. He is almost never seated and

499
00:31:31,395 --> 00:31:34,435
Speaker 1: never still. If he knows he is doing twice the

500
00:31:34,475 --> 00:31:37,395
Speaker 1: recommended number of steps for a geriatric dog, I wouldn't

501
00:31:37,395 --> 00:31:40,555
Speaker 1: be a bit surprised. He will still flinch now and

502
00:31:40,555 --> 00:31:42,515
Speaker 1: again when I pick him up because he can't see

503
00:31:42,595 --> 00:31:45,355
Speaker 1: or really hear me coming. But he fell asleep in

504
00:31:45,395 --> 00:31:48,995
Speaker 1: my arms the other day. His heart is in great shape,

505
00:31:49,035 --> 00:31:52,635
Speaker 1: his metabolism is outstanding. His coat is rich and gorgeous

506
00:31:52,675 --> 00:31:55,675
Speaker 1: and soft. He always walks quickly closer to a trot.

507
00:31:55,795 --> 00:31:59,275
Speaker 1: He does zoomies. He moves. He eats a lot when

508
00:31:59,275 --> 00:32:01,515
Speaker 1: he wants, sometimes twice as much as the other. Sometimes

509
00:32:01,555 --> 00:32:04,355
Speaker 1: he'll just have a nibble for a day and outside

510
00:32:04,435 --> 00:32:06,715
Speaker 1: walk looking on the grass on the bench. He is

511
00:32:06,835 --> 00:32:10,235
Speaker 1: the happiest dog on earth, and with no teeth in

512
00:32:10,275 --> 00:32:13,075
Speaker 1: the way, his tongue now hangs out to his left.

513
00:32:13,835 --> 00:32:15,555
Speaker 1: And if it's not silly to call the equivalent of

514
00:32:15,595 --> 00:32:18,555
Speaker 1: a ninety year old man cute, it is the cutest

515
00:32:18,555 --> 00:32:22,995
Speaker 1: thing you have ever seen. And something else happens again

516
00:32:23,235 --> 00:32:25,515
Speaker 1: and again, and it happens Saturday. I'm out there with

517
00:32:25,595 --> 00:32:28,435
Speaker 1: Mene and Ted, and Ted has found girls on a

518
00:32:28,475 --> 00:32:32,155
Speaker 1: blanket and he's flirting with them, and mine is standing

519
00:32:32,195 --> 00:32:35,275
Speaker 1: back by me, just enjoying the breeze. And one of

520
00:32:35,315 --> 00:32:38,475
Speaker 1: the girls says, are they twins? And I have to

521
00:32:38,515 --> 00:32:40,995
Speaker 1: explain that Manee looks nice and young, but in fact

522
00:32:40,995 --> 00:32:44,235
Speaker 1: he is old enough to be Ted's great great great

523
00:32:44,315 --> 00:32:49,835
Speaker 1: great great great great great great grandfather. And every walk,

524
00:32:50,675 --> 00:32:54,675
Speaker 1: every single walk with Manee, ends with me feeling as

525
00:32:54,675 --> 00:32:56,355
Speaker 1: if it were the first time I had thought this,

526
00:32:56,435 --> 00:32:58,555
Speaker 1: And it ends with me saying to him out loud,

527
00:32:58,995 --> 00:33:04,435
Speaker 1: it is a privilege to walk with you. Less sentimentally,

528
00:33:04,875 --> 00:33:08,275
Speaker 1: he is a walking set of instructions. First off, dog

529
00:33:08,315 --> 00:33:11,155
Speaker 1: people do not be afraid of taking in a senior dog,

530
00:33:11,635 --> 00:33:13,915
Speaker 1: even one who may not seem to have much time left.

531
00:33:14,795 --> 00:33:19,195
Speaker 1: You might be surprised. They're also the instructions for dogs

532
00:33:19,195 --> 00:33:25,195
Speaker 1: and man alike. Keep moving, stay hydrated, don't eat if

533
00:33:25,195 --> 00:33:28,755
Speaker 1: you don't feel like it, keep trying to make yourself better.

534
00:33:29,875 --> 00:33:32,795
Speaker 1: That thing about you can't teach an old dog new tricks,

535
00:33:32,835 --> 00:33:37,395
Speaker 1: that's nonsense. Learn a second language. And most importantly, if

536
00:33:37,435 --> 00:33:39,475
Speaker 1: you have a dog and you think you understand the

537
00:33:39,475 --> 00:33:42,595
Speaker 1: importance of dental care. You do not. I did not.

538
00:33:44,155 --> 00:33:46,715
Speaker 1: After this thing with me, Nay, I brought the others

539
00:33:46,755 --> 00:33:50,635
Speaker 1: in for checkups. Turned out Rose had advanced periodontal disease.

540
00:33:50,795 --> 00:33:52,995
Speaker 1: We didn't know that there were no symptoms. They took

541
00:33:52,995 --> 00:33:58,675
Speaker 1: out eighteen teeth. When she recovered, all her allergies vanished. Hell.

542
00:33:58,755 --> 00:34:00,515
Speaker 1: After all this, I went to my dentist. I told

543
00:34:00,595 --> 00:34:03,035
Speaker 1: him Minet's story, and I said, can you take a

544
00:34:03,035 --> 00:34:04,995
Speaker 1: few of my teeth out? I'd like to be about

545
00:34:04,995 --> 00:34:09,875
Speaker 1: twenty five percent smarter. Unfortunately, I had had a one

546
00:34:09,915 --> 00:34:13,915
Speaker 1: hundred percent healthy check up for the first time in

547
00:34:13,955 --> 00:34:33,395
Speaker 1: my life. Happy anniversary Miday, thanks for finding me just

548
00:34:33,435 --> 00:34:36,795
Speaker 1: ahead the things we do for art or for money.

549
00:34:37,115 --> 00:34:39,155
Speaker 1: I had to explain this to a new doctor just

550
00:34:39,235 --> 00:34:42,115
Speaker 1: last Friday. Yeah, yeah, I did fall off a cliff

551
00:34:42,795 --> 00:34:46,355
Speaker 1: while a high rock, just like you do while making

552
00:34:46,395 --> 00:34:49,995
Speaker 1: a TV commercial. Things I promise not to tell next. First,

553
00:34:49,995 --> 00:34:51,995
Speaker 1: in each edition of Countdown, we feature a dog in

554
00:34:52,075 --> 00:34:55,035
Speaker 1: need you can help. Every dog has its day. Back

555
00:34:55,075 --> 00:34:58,195
Speaker 1: to the New York Pound and the Everlasting Nightmare. There

556
00:34:58,755 --> 00:35:02,875
Speaker 1: they found Troubadore wandering in Morningside Park, and Lord knows

557
00:35:02,915 --> 00:35:05,595
Speaker 1: what his story was. He's seven. He does not like

558
00:35:05,675 --> 00:35:08,875
Speaker 1: having his legs and back touched, and this suggests abuse

559
00:35:09,035 --> 00:35:11,995
Speaker 1: or something. But he still loves people, and he loves walks,

560
00:35:11,995 --> 00:35:14,755
Speaker 1: and while he does not interact well with other dogs,

561
00:35:15,075 --> 00:35:17,835
Speaker 1: he will do what you want in exchange for food

562
00:35:17,875 --> 00:35:20,795
Speaker 1: and some gentle affection. And of course, who's going to

563
00:35:20,795 --> 00:35:23,595
Speaker 1: adopt a seven year old, sixty pound dog. So he's

564
00:35:23,635 --> 00:35:25,235
Speaker 1: on the kill lists, so we need to get a

565
00:35:25,235 --> 00:35:27,515
Speaker 1: rescue to save him. So we need pledges to help

566
00:35:27,555 --> 00:35:30,155
Speaker 1: them do that, because you never know what joy each

567
00:35:30,195 --> 00:35:34,035
Speaker 1: dog might still enjoy and might still bring. You. Look

568
00:35:34,075 --> 00:35:36,435
Speaker 1: for Troubadour on my Twitter feeds and help if you

569
00:35:36,475 --> 00:35:39,595
Speaker 1: can with a pledge or a retweet. I thank you,

570
00:35:40,155 --> 00:35:54,955
Speaker 1: and Troubadour thanks you to the number one story on

571
00:35:54,995 --> 00:35:57,635
Speaker 1: the Countdown. And my favorite topic, me and things I

572
00:35:57,715 --> 00:35:59,955
Speaker 1: promised not to tell. And it was this time of

573
00:36:00,035 --> 00:36:02,435
Speaker 1: year in nineteen ninety six when my agent called me

574
00:36:02,475 --> 00:36:05,875
Speaker 1: at ESPN. There's an ad agency in Santa Monica. They

575
00:36:05,915 --> 00:36:07,795
Speaker 1: just called me, would you like to do two commercials

576
00:36:07,835 --> 00:36:13,555
Speaker 1: for Boston Market? I answered, with profound indifference, Okay, would

577
00:36:13,555 --> 00:36:15,995
Speaker 1: you like to do two commercials for Boston Market? For

578
00:36:16,035 --> 00:36:19,795
Speaker 1: two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. I believe my next

579
00:36:19,795 --> 00:36:22,875
Speaker 1: words were, well, I can't do them today, but sure.

580
00:36:23,995 --> 00:36:26,395
Speaker 1: They faxed me the scripts. They're actually pretty funny, very

581
00:36:26,395 --> 00:36:28,795
Speaker 1: well done. I think you'll like them. I believe my

582
00:36:28,875 --> 00:36:31,275
Speaker 1: next next words were, if I don't have to kill

583
00:36:31,315 --> 00:36:33,915
Speaker 1: anybody in them, call them back and say yes and

584
00:36:33,955 --> 00:36:38,115
Speaker 1: get the money. Since the idea was these ads would

585
00:36:38,195 --> 00:36:41,355
Speaker 1: run on sports telecasts, most of them on ESPN, My

586
00:36:41,595 --> 00:36:44,835
Speaker 1: yes got back to management at ESPN pretty quickly. You

587
00:36:44,875 --> 00:36:48,475
Speaker 1: can't do these, one of the executives explained, dismissively. We

588
00:36:48,475 --> 00:36:52,755
Speaker 1: don't let anybody do commercials. I laughed. Every one of

589
00:36:52,835 --> 00:36:56,595
Speaker 1: us has done this is Sports center commercials. Some of

590
00:36:56,675 --> 00:36:58,955
Speaker 1: us have written that this is Sports center commercials. You

591
00:36:58,995 --> 00:37:01,475
Speaker 1: don't even give us days off for making them, let

592
00:37:01,515 --> 00:37:03,235
Speaker 1: alone give us money. This is money I don't have

593
00:37:03,275 --> 00:37:06,755
Speaker 1: to ask you for. The executive shook his head. Those

594
00:37:06,755 --> 00:37:10,035
Speaker 1: aren't commercials. Those are promotional announcements. They're in your contract.

595
00:37:10,395 --> 00:37:15,275
Speaker 1: Nobody here does commercials, I said. Chris Berman has done

596
00:37:15,635 --> 00:37:18,635
Speaker 1: a beer commercial in three out of the last five

597
00:37:18,715 --> 00:37:23,075
Speaker 1: Super Bowls. My commercial is just for food. Well, he's Berman,

598
00:37:23,875 --> 00:37:26,355
Speaker 1: I pointed out. I went to high school with him

599
00:37:26,555 --> 00:37:28,675
Speaker 1: and I was the star of their most popular program,

600
00:37:28,715 --> 00:37:31,075
Speaker 1: a little thing called Sports Center. TV guy had just

601
00:37:31,275 --> 00:37:33,115
Speaker 1: named US one of the top ten shows on TV

602
00:37:33,475 --> 00:37:38,835
Speaker 1: shows not sports shows. US and Seinfeld. Sorry, well, now

603
00:37:38,835 --> 00:37:41,595
Speaker 1: I got a little angry, which never happened to me

604
00:37:41,635 --> 00:37:44,275
Speaker 1: at ESPN, and I went to my ace in the hole.

605
00:37:45,675 --> 00:37:48,315
Speaker 1: My contract expires in like ten months, and you know

606
00:37:48,395 --> 00:37:51,235
Speaker 1: I intend to leave, and during those ten months, you're

607
00:37:51,275 --> 00:37:53,915
Speaker 1: going to pay me about two hundred and sixty thousand dollars.

608
00:37:54,115 --> 00:37:56,035
Speaker 1: So Boston Market is going to pay me two hundred

609
00:37:56,035 --> 00:37:59,595
Speaker 1: and fifty thousand dollars for two days work instead of

610
00:37:59,635 --> 00:38:03,075
Speaker 1: ten months work. Plus they're going to take me out

611
00:38:03,115 --> 00:38:05,875
Speaker 1: first class to LA for a couple of time, and

612
00:38:05,955 --> 00:38:07,955
Speaker 1: they're probably going to do some radio spots. And I'll

613
00:38:07,955 --> 00:38:10,635
Speaker 1: make another twenty five grant. So you're giving me a choice,

614
00:38:11,355 --> 00:38:16,635
Speaker 1: make say, two hundred and seventy five thousand dollars in

615
00:38:16,755 --> 00:38:18,635
Speaker 1: like five days for them, or make two hundred and

616
00:38:18,675 --> 00:38:21,675
Speaker 1: sixty thousand dollars here between now and next September when

617
00:38:21,675 --> 00:38:24,635
Speaker 1: I'm planning and leaving. Anyway, if you make me choose

618
00:38:24,675 --> 00:38:27,155
Speaker 1: between those two, which do you expect me to choose?

619
00:38:28,515 --> 00:38:32,155
Speaker 1: The executive coughed, we'll get back to you. An hour later,

620
00:38:32,195 --> 00:38:34,315
Speaker 1: he got back to me by phone. Okay, we see

621
00:38:34,315 --> 00:38:36,635
Speaker 1: your point, but there's still two problems. We can't just

622
00:38:36,715 --> 00:38:39,955
Speaker 1: let everybody do commercials. I said, well, you know, why

623
00:38:39,955 --> 00:38:42,195
Speaker 1: don't you just let anybody who went to the high

624
00:38:42,195 --> 00:38:44,915
Speaker 1: school that Berman and I went to do commercials. He

625
00:38:44,955 --> 00:38:48,235
Speaker 1: did not laugh at that. Well, how about only your

626
00:38:48,235 --> 00:38:51,795
Speaker 1: regular weekday sports center anchors get to do commercials? There

627
00:38:51,875 --> 00:38:54,995
Speaker 1: was a grunt and a maybe. Then we got to

628
00:38:55,075 --> 00:38:59,155
Speaker 1: the gist of the real problem. Here's the real problem.

629
00:38:59,395 --> 00:39:03,555
Speaker 1: People on your show. They'll be resentful. And I said,

630
00:39:03,755 --> 00:39:06,515
Speaker 1: why will there be resisful? Because the production assistants are

631
00:39:06,515 --> 00:39:08,715
Speaker 1: expecting that they're going to get their own commercials too.

632
00:39:09,395 --> 00:39:12,315
Speaker 1: And I said, how about this, the day I'm out

633
00:39:12,355 --> 00:39:15,875
Speaker 1: there actually shooting the commercial, I will get Boston Market

634
00:39:15,915 --> 00:39:19,715
Speaker 1: to like cater dinner for the show staff, even if

635
00:39:19,715 --> 00:39:22,195
Speaker 1: I have to pay for it myself. There was a

636
00:39:22,275 --> 00:39:27,395
Speaker 1: long silence. Would management be included in that? And can

637
00:39:27,435 --> 00:39:30,555
Speaker 1: we get all the side dishes too? I swear to God,

638
00:39:32,355 --> 00:39:35,795
Speaker 1: so off I flew at the beginning of December, during

639
00:39:35,795 --> 00:39:39,035
Speaker 1: a winter that had gone frigid in October in Bristol, Connecticut,

640
00:39:39,075 --> 00:39:40,675
Speaker 1: and the next thing I knew I was on the

641
00:39:40,715 --> 00:39:46,235
Speaker 1: beach in Malibu at Leo Correo State Park. The crew

642
00:39:46,995 --> 00:39:49,675
Speaker 1: is complaining because it is raining lightly and only about

643
00:39:49,675 --> 00:39:54,115
Speaker 1: fifty five degrees. To me, fresh from the hinterlands and

644
00:39:54,235 --> 00:39:56,315
Speaker 1: having not been back to la since I had moved

645
00:39:56,315 --> 00:39:58,595
Speaker 1: out in nineteen ninety two, It's like I'm in Taiti.

646
00:39:59,595 --> 00:40:02,195
Speaker 1: And my agent was right. The scripts were funny and original.

647
00:40:02,395 --> 00:40:04,595
Speaker 1: They were as send up of the old Calvin klon

648
00:40:04,675 --> 00:40:09,675
Speaker 1: I Obsession perfume commercials. There are two extremely thin models

649
00:40:09,875 --> 00:40:13,355
Speaker 1: and they are filmed writhing in frustration on the beach

650
00:40:13,795 --> 00:40:17,235
Speaker 1: on the big rock outcroppings at Leo Corrio State Park.

651
00:40:17,875 --> 00:40:21,675
Speaker 1: She is supposed to say, emptiness, How can I fill

652
00:40:21,715 --> 00:40:25,435
Speaker 1: this empty void of emptiness? They are in black and white,

653
00:40:25,795 --> 00:40:30,115
Speaker 1: but I emerge from behind a rock or wherever I'm

654
00:40:30,195 --> 00:40:32,675
Speaker 1: in color. They are in black and white, and I

655
00:40:32,755 --> 00:40:34,635
Speaker 1: say when they say, don't know what to do about

656
00:40:34,635 --> 00:40:40,115
Speaker 1: this emptiness, I say, eat something. I then sell the sandwich.

657
00:40:40,155 --> 00:40:41,955
Speaker 1: Then it cuts to a shot of me walking them

658
00:40:41,995 --> 00:40:45,675
Speaker 1: down the beach with my arm over each of their shoulders,

659
00:40:46,035 --> 00:40:48,635
Speaker 1: telling them eating is a good thing. And who's wearing

660
00:40:48,715 --> 00:40:51,915
Speaker 1: cologne or who likes sports or other stupid things like

661
00:40:51,995 --> 00:40:56,915
Speaker 1: that for a quarter of a million dollars. Well, we

662
00:40:56,995 --> 00:40:59,035
Speaker 1: start this at eight am, and the producer and the

663
00:40:59,075 --> 00:41:01,395
Speaker 1: director John say to me and the two models and

664
00:41:01,435 --> 00:41:03,315
Speaker 1: the crew, look, this rain is just going to get

665
00:41:03,355 --> 00:41:05,755
Speaker 1: heavier as the day goes on. So what we want

666
00:41:05,755 --> 00:41:08,035
Speaker 1: to do is not take a break for lunch. We'll

667
00:41:08,075 --> 00:41:10,915
Speaker 1: just shoot until like two pm, and then you can

668
00:41:10,955 --> 00:41:12,675
Speaker 1: have lunch, or you can take your lunch with you,

669
00:41:12,915 --> 00:41:14,715
Speaker 1: and you'll all get paid for a full day. And

670
00:41:14,795 --> 00:41:19,275
Speaker 1: everybody agrees. The actress agrees, and she swears as she agrees.

671
00:41:19,475 --> 00:41:22,875
Speaker 1: The actress is named Una. Una is from Chicago, and

672
00:41:22,915 --> 00:41:27,315
Speaker 1: it will soon prove Una swears more than a long shoreman.

673
00:41:28,155 --> 00:41:33,435
Speaker 1: This blanking colt can blank my blanking blank. To be fair,

674
00:41:34,475 --> 00:41:37,275
Speaker 1: Una and the guy are dressed in Calvin Klein rags,

675
00:41:37,315 --> 00:41:39,755
Speaker 1: and they are there and they are from there, and

676
00:41:39,795 --> 00:41:42,915
Speaker 1: they are freezing while I am wearing a production company

677
00:41:42,955 --> 00:41:45,915
Speaker 1: brand new suit and shoes, and to me it feels

678
00:41:45,955 --> 00:41:49,195
Speaker 1: like it's Tahiti. We take a couple of hours where

679
00:41:49,195 --> 00:41:51,635
Speaker 1: we do all the shots where I emerge from behind

680
00:41:51,635 --> 00:41:54,115
Speaker 1: the rocks, or go around the rocks or over the rocks,

681
00:41:54,195 --> 00:41:57,355
Speaker 1: or I look over the rocks, and the director finally says, okay,

682
00:41:57,395 --> 00:41:59,675
Speaker 1: we got five good options. Let's set up for the

683
00:41:59,755 --> 00:42:03,555
Speaker 1: walk down the beach with your arms around each other's shoulders.

684
00:42:04,555 --> 00:42:08,155
Speaker 1: Now it's noon or twelve thirty, and as they move

685
00:42:08,235 --> 00:42:10,675
Speaker 1: the cameras and the rain starts to move from a

686
00:42:10,795 --> 00:42:14,715
Speaker 1: mist to like a light rain, two prop guys bring

687
00:42:14,755 --> 00:42:17,955
Speaker 1: out rakes and I'm sitting with the crew and I've

688
00:42:17,955 --> 00:42:20,555
Speaker 1: been asking them questions all morning in between takes about

689
00:42:20,595 --> 00:42:23,315
Speaker 1: how this is all being arranged and made and lit.

690
00:42:23,355 --> 00:42:26,835
Speaker 1: And I say, rakes, what do you need rakes for

691
00:42:26,995 --> 00:42:30,075
Speaker 1: in a commercial? And they say you'll see. And then

692
00:42:30,155 --> 00:42:32,315
Speaker 1: each time me and Una and the guy walk down

693
00:42:32,315 --> 00:42:34,275
Speaker 1: the beach and the director says, cut, we go back

694
00:42:34,315 --> 00:42:37,195
Speaker 1: to the starting point. Now out come two stage hands

695
00:42:37,195 --> 00:42:42,235
Speaker 1: with rakes and they rake the sand on the beach smooth,

696
00:42:43,075 --> 00:42:48,435
Speaker 1: and I say, oh, footprints. So each time I walk

697
00:42:48,515 --> 00:42:51,075
Speaker 1: down this damp beach with the rain just a little

698
00:42:51,155 --> 00:42:53,675
Speaker 1: harder than it was the take before, in my brand

699
00:42:53,755 --> 00:42:57,675
Speaker 1: new dress shoes, what I'm basically doing is polishing the

700
00:42:57,715 --> 00:43:00,915
Speaker 1: soles of these brand new shoes on damp sand. I mean,

701
00:43:00,955 --> 00:43:03,395
Speaker 1: by the time the director John says we are done,

702
00:43:03,555 --> 00:43:06,275
Speaker 1: these soles of the These shoes are so shiny. I

703
00:43:06,315 --> 00:43:10,515
Speaker 1: could go ice skating in these shoes. And John comes

704
00:43:10,515 --> 00:43:13,075
Speaker 1: over and he says, listen, we got another half an hour.

705
00:43:13,155 --> 00:43:14,835
Speaker 1: Can we go back and try a new way for

706
00:43:14,875 --> 00:43:16,875
Speaker 1: you to appear on the rocks? I mean, can you?

707
00:43:17,155 --> 00:43:20,475
Speaker 1: Can you climb rocks at all? And I say, yeah, actually,

708
00:43:20,715 --> 00:43:22,835
Speaker 1: I'm surprisingly good at it. You wouldn't think so, but

709
00:43:22,915 --> 00:43:25,755
Speaker 1: I can climb rocks. And he points to one rock

710
00:43:25,795 --> 00:43:29,235
Speaker 1: out cropping on the beach. Maybe it's eighteen twenty feet high,

711
00:43:29,235 --> 00:43:31,595
Speaker 1: and he says, try to climb up that and go

712
00:43:31,635 --> 00:43:34,355
Speaker 1: as high as you can. If there's nothing that'll support you,

713
00:43:34,395 --> 00:43:36,635
Speaker 1: we'll forget it. And I try, and sure enough I

714
00:43:36,635 --> 00:43:38,515
Speaker 1: get up near the top and there is a perfect

715
00:43:38,555 --> 00:43:41,555
Speaker 1: little shelf in the rock that I can comfortably stand on.

716
00:43:42,275 --> 00:43:45,595
Speaker 1: And the director points the camera up and he says, oh, damn,

717
00:43:45,635 --> 00:43:48,195
Speaker 1: the angle's too tough. I can't swing the camera down

718
00:43:48,275 --> 00:43:51,115
Speaker 1: fast enough for when you say eat something, so I

719
00:43:51,315 --> 00:43:54,315
Speaker 1: refocus on the models. It won't work. Is there anything

720
00:43:54,475 --> 00:43:56,755
Speaker 1: lower on the rock where you could stand? Can you

721
00:43:56,795 --> 00:44:00,475
Speaker 1: come down at all? And I said I think so.

722
00:44:00,555 --> 00:44:03,195
Speaker 1: I think I can come down a little bit. Well,

723
00:44:03,275 --> 00:44:07,715
Speaker 1: little did I know? Sure enough, maybe nine ten feet

724
00:44:07,875 --> 00:44:11,755
Speaker 1: from the beach. Up in the sky, there is another

725
00:44:11,835 --> 00:44:15,635
Speaker 1: little foothold on this rock outcropping. It is not big

726
00:44:15,755 --> 00:44:17,795
Speaker 1: enough for me to put both my feet on it.

727
00:44:17,835 --> 00:44:20,035
Speaker 1: But I say, if you don't mind me holding onto

728
00:44:20,115 --> 00:44:22,395
Speaker 1: the rock as I say, eat something, I can do

729
00:44:22,435 --> 00:44:25,475
Speaker 1: it from here. And the director says, okay, let's try it.

730
00:44:25,875 --> 00:44:28,635
Speaker 1: And I climb down the rock and he's moving the

731
00:44:28,675 --> 00:44:31,635
Speaker 1: camera and I put my left foot on this flat part,

732
00:44:31,675 --> 00:44:33,675
Speaker 1: which is nine or ten feet up from the beach,

733
00:44:33,915 --> 00:44:36,835
Speaker 1: and for a couple of seconds everything is fine. I'm good.

734
00:44:38,275 --> 00:44:42,395
Speaker 1: And that's when I feel that my left shoe, my

735
00:44:42,595 --> 00:44:46,915
Speaker 1: brand new left shoe, straight from the floor, shine catalog,

736
00:44:47,195 --> 00:44:50,915
Speaker 1: bright and shiny, and now having been polished by four

737
00:44:50,995 --> 00:44:53,195
Speaker 1: hours of walking up and down on a wet beach,

738
00:44:53,235 --> 00:44:56,115
Speaker 1: complete with two guys there to rake the beach and

739
00:44:56,195 --> 00:44:58,875
Speaker 1: make sure it is as shiny as it possibly can be,

740
00:45:00,715 --> 00:45:04,995
Speaker 1: my left shoe slipperier than a diamond is, and now

741
00:45:04,995 --> 00:45:10,435
Speaker 1: moving of its own accord. I'm holding. I'm doing a

742
00:45:10,475 --> 00:45:13,835
Speaker 1: good rock climbing job, but the shoe, the shoe is

743
00:45:13,875 --> 00:45:18,355
Speaker 1: not holding. Hey, I say, with some alarm, I'm about

744
00:45:18,395 --> 00:45:22,715
Speaker 1: to fall off. I hit the sand no more than

745
00:45:22,795 --> 00:45:27,635
Speaker 1: five seconds later, So that's about a sixteen foot drop

746
00:45:27,715 --> 00:45:31,035
Speaker 1: from my head to the beach. And for weeks, for

747
00:45:31,315 --> 00:45:34,435
Speaker 1: years still to this day, it has amazed me more

748
00:45:34,435 --> 00:45:37,475
Speaker 1: than anything else that happened. It has amazed me how

749
00:45:37,595 --> 00:45:41,155
Speaker 1: much went through my mind before I crash. In fact,

750
00:45:41,235 --> 00:45:44,795
Speaker 1: before I actually fell, I know, I did a quick

751
00:45:44,875 --> 00:45:48,315
Speaker 1: height calculation. Yeah, fifteen sixteen feet. I recognized that the

752
00:45:48,355 --> 00:45:51,395
Speaker 1: outcropping was so vertical that I was unlikely to hit

753
00:45:51,515 --> 00:45:54,835
Speaker 1: any of the rock on the way down. But just

754
00:45:54,875 --> 00:46:00,115
Speaker 1: the same I remember that the rocks continued under the sand. See.

755
00:46:00,155 --> 00:46:02,955
Speaker 1: I took two years of geology, and this was going

756
00:46:03,035 --> 00:46:07,155
Speaker 1: to be a hard landing. More amazingly than all that,

757
00:46:07,195 --> 00:46:10,595
Speaker 1: Though I had taken judo as a kid, I hated

758
00:46:10,715 --> 00:46:15,035
Speaker 1: every minute of judo. Nineteen sixty five nineteen sixty six,

759
00:46:15,355 --> 00:46:18,555
Speaker 1: so twenty six and twenty seven years before we shot

760
00:46:18,595 --> 00:46:23,915
Speaker 1: this commercial, I was in the studio, the Judo studio

761
00:46:24,195 --> 00:46:27,435
Speaker 1: in White Plains, New York, the day of the nineteen

762
00:46:27,555 --> 00:46:31,755
Speaker 1: sixty five Northeast blackout, and the only happy memory of

763
00:46:31,795 --> 00:46:35,435
Speaker 1: the entire Judo experience I had was one our instructor,

764
00:46:35,515 --> 00:46:39,955
Speaker 1: Bob Durocher, locked us in the dojo that had been

765
00:46:39,955 --> 00:46:42,035
Speaker 1: converted from a store that had a front door that

766
00:46:42,115 --> 00:46:44,675
Speaker 1: was set in several feet from the streets so they

767
00:46:44,715 --> 00:46:48,155
Speaker 1: could put display cases up. And now it's pitch black.

768
00:46:48,195 --> 00:46:50,755
Speaker 1: So he went out and got his Volkswagen Carmen Gia,

769
00:46:51,275 --> 00:46:54,475
Speaker 1: drove it up over the sidewalk into that set in

770
00:46:54,835 --> 00:46:57,995
Speaker 1: entryway of this converted storefront. He put his high beams on.

771
00:46:58,235 --> 00:47:01,315
Speaker 1: He flooded the dojo with enough light that we kids

772
00:47:01,315 --> 00:47:03,675
Speaker 1: could change out of our judo stuff and back into

773
00:47:03,675 --> 00:47:06,595
Speaker 1: our regular clothes and wait for our parents to come

774
00:47:06,635 --> 00:47:10,595
Speaker 1: get us. He did a great job. I didn't like

775
00:47:10,675 --> 00:47:15,555
Speaker 1: the judo so much, but his blackout operations practice was superb.

776
00:47:17,035 --> 00:47:19,155
Speaker 1: So now with all of this having gone through my

777
00:47:19,235 --> 00:47:22,395
Speaker 1: head in a second, I began to fall, and everything

778
00:47:22,475 --> 00:47:25,075
Speaker 1: else from that year of once a week judo classes

779
00:47:25,115 --> 00:47:28,195
Speaker 1: comes back to me. Relax. As you drop, the more

780
00:47:28,275 --> 00:47:30,715
Speaker 1: of your body that hits, the less you'll get hurt.

781
00:47:31,195 --> 00:47:34,315
Speaker 1: Hands protect the head. Drop like a sack of sand.

782
00:47:35,875 --> 00:47:38,195
Speaker 1: I did not hit the sand, per se. I kind

783
00:47:38,195 --> 00:47:43,115
Speaker 1: of splattered on my left side swap as I rolled

784
00:47:43,155 --> 00:47:46,235
Speaker 1: over onto my back and took a breath and sat up.

785
00:47:46,875 --> 00:47:49,635
Speaker 1: Of all people, Una was the first to race over

786
00:47:49,715 --> 00:47:54,435
Speaker 1: to me. You want some blank and tea? I said, no, thanks,

787
00:47:54,795 --> 00:47:57,755
Speaker 1: let me see if I'm dead. The grips tried to

788
00:47:57,755 --> 00:47:59,275
Speaker 1: help me to my feet, but I felt some very

789
00:47:59,275 --> 00:48:03,435
Speaker 1: sharp pain that which suggested we should slow down. The

790
00:48:03,515 --> 00:48:06,235
Speaker 1: problem was, though, even if I needed an ambulance, there

791
00:48:06,275 --> 00:48:07,955
Speaker 1: was no way to get one down to where we

792
00:48:07,955 --> 00:48:10,795
Speaker 1: were shooting. As that rock out cropping that I had

793
00:48:10,835 --> 00:48:14,835
Speaker 1: just fallen from suggested, I like to call it a

794
00:48:14,835 --> 00:48:18,835
Speaker 1: cliff every now and again. Leo Correo State Park had

795
00:48:18,915 --> 00:48:21,555
Speaker 1: a real cliff in it and a flight of stairs,

796
00:48:21,595 --> 00:48:24,315
Speaker 1: I mean one hundred steps two hundred steps up to

797
00:48:24,355 --> 00:48:27,915
Speaker 1: the Pacific Coast Highway and a park. Sure enough, I

798
00:48:27,955 --> 00:48:31,995
Speaker 1: was able to stand, but I couldn't move easily. Everything hurt.

799
00:48:32,515 --> 00:48:34,595
Speaker 1: So the two biggest members of the crew let me

800
00:48:34,715 --> 00:48:37,475
Speaker 1: drape my arms over their shoulders, exactly the way I

801
00:48:37,555 --> 00:48:40,875
Speaker 1: had draped my arms over their shoulders of the models

802
00:48:40,955 --> 00:48:46,275
Speaker 1: during the beach shot. I stopped for a second. Heya,

803
00:48:47,035 --> 00:48:49,995
Speaker 1: you sure you don't want to Frankin carry me up

804
00:48:49,995 --> 00:48:55,235
Speaker 1: the stairs, she said, with genuine sincerity. Now that's blank

805
00:48:55,275 --> 00:48:59,315
Speaker 1: and funny. Seemed to me like it took about a

806
00:48:59,315 --> 00:49:02,355
Speaker 1: month to get up those stairs. I assumed there would

807
00:49:02,395 --> 00:49:05,795
Speaker 1: be an ambulance waiting by this point. Instead was a

808
00:49:05,955 --> 00:49:09,115
Speaker 1: park ranger. This is a state park. I have to

809
00:49:09,115 --> 00:49:11,355
Speaker 1: see you first, then I have to call the fire department.

810
00:49:12,235 --> 00:49:14,235
Speaker 1: I said, well, this pain on my side here, this

811
00:49:14,315 --> 00:49:16,475
Speaker 1: feels like fire, but I don't think it's actually fire.

812
00:49:16,995 --> 00:49:19,315
Speaker 1: He called the fire department. They showed up, They assessed me.

813
00:49:19,555 --> 00:49:23,195
Speaker 1: They called the ambulance. At some point, probably when I

814
00:49:23,235 --> 00:49:26,715
Speaker 1: was being half dragged up the steps, something happened on

815
00:49:26,795 --> 00:49:30,675
Speaker 1: the impact side. If I now tried to lower my

816
00:49:30,835 --> 00:49:35,315
Speaker 1: left arm from way above my head, I got severe shooting,

817
00:49:35,435 --> 00:49:38,755
Speaker 1: burning pain from my left arm pit to about my

818
00:49:38,875 --> 00:49:43,515
Speaker 1: left knee. Cleverly I figured out not to do that.

819
00:49:44,675 --> 00:49:48,875
Speaker 1: Keep your left arm above your head and it won't hurt.

820
00:49:50,155 --> 00:49:52,155
Speaker 1: I use the restroom in the ranger station. There was

821
00:49:52,195 --> 00:49:57,195
Speaker 1: no blood, so no kidney damage. I'm okay. It does, however,

822
00:49:57,275 --> 00:50:01,275
Speaker 1: hurt and something could be broken. Now I go back outside,

823
00:50:01,355 --> 00:50:03,715
Speaker 1: my arm above my head like I'm signaling for a

824
00:50:03,795 --> 00:50:06,515
Speaker 1: cab on the ste eats of New York City. And

825
00:50:06,595 --> 00:50:09,155
Speaker 1: the ambulance shows up and the amts tell me to

826
00:50:09,155 --> 00:50:12,195
Speaker 1: get on there gurney, and I said, I can't. I

827
00:50:12,195 --> 00:50:16,875
Speaker 1: can't lower my arm unless I want excruciating pain. I

828
00:50:16,915 --> 00:50:20,795
Speaker 1: can't move my arm. I have to stay in this position,

829
00:50:20,875 --> 00:50:25,675
Speaker 1: looking like a flamenco dancer. But I said, listen, can

830
00:50:25,715 --> 00:50:28,235
Speaker 1: you lock the wheels on this gurney? And they said, sure,

831
00:50:28,235 --> 00:50:29,875
Speaker 1: we can, of course we can. And I said, just

832
00:50:29,915 --> 00:50:33,315
Speaker 1: lock the wheels and I'll just back up onto the

833
00:50:33,435 --> 00:50:36,995
Speaker 1: end of it and I'll fall backwards. And it worked,

834
00:50:37,595 --> 00:50:40,035
Speaker 1: and so with my left arm still extended over my head,

835
00:50:40,075 --> 00:50:43,795
Speaker 1: they loaded me into the ambulance. Apparently, when I fell

836
00:50:43,795 --> 00:50:46,875
Speaker 1: from that rock or cliff as I call it, it

837
00:50:46,915 --> 00:50:50,635
Speaker 1: looked like I had been shot. Fifty sixty people on

838
00:50:50,715 --> 00:50:54,355
Speaker 1: a commercial crew. The shooting day is over. They have

839
00:50:54,435 --> 00:50:57,715
Speaker 1: missed lunch. There is a very nice catered lunch sitting there.

840
00:50:58,235 --> 00:51:01,595
Speaker 1: And they told me later that everybody was so disturbed

841
00:51:01,595 --> 00:51:04,395
Speaker 1: by what happened to me that only three people even

842
00:51:04,435 --> 00:51:07,915
Speaker 1: took something to go and know. The director was not

843
00:51:08,195 --> 00:51:12,635
Speaker 1: filming as I fell. Sadly, so we hit every pothole

844
00:51:12,795 --> 00:51:15,555
Speaker 1: on Pacific Coast Highway on the trip from the beach

845
00:51:15,595 --> 00:51:20,195
Speaker 1: to the hospital. Oh ah, ooh, I call my agent

846
00:51:20,315 --> 00:51:24,155
Speaker 1: from my cell phone, she laughed. I called ESPN. Actually

847
00:51:24,155 --> 00:51:26,115
Speaker 1: to check on the catered dinner. Oh what's new? Oh,

848
00:51:26,115 --> 00:51:28,635
Speaker 1: I fell off a cliff shooting the commercial, they laughed.

849
00:51:29,195 --> 00:51:31,355
Speaker 1: And I'm lying there in the emergency room waiting for

850
00:51:31,515 --> 00:51:34,195
Speaker 1: X rays when my cell phone rings again and I

851
00:51:34,235 --> 00:51:36,635
Speaker 1: reach into my left pocket and I had the phone

852
00:51:36,715 --> 00:51:39,355
Speaker 1: halfway to my ear when I realized, my left side

853
00:51:39,435 --> 00:51:43,515
Speaker 1: does not hurt anymore at all. It does not hurt

854
00:51:43,555 --> 00:51:48,395
Speaker 1: at all. Well, that was a quick recovery. I sat up.

855
00:51:48,595 --> 00:51:51,195
Speaker 1: My left side felt fine, In fact, it felt great,

856
00:51:51,715 --> 00:51:53,755
Speaker 1: and a nurse came over and suggested I should lie

857
00:51:53,795 --> 00:51:56,955
Speaker 1: back down again. I said, why. Somehow I got better

858
00:51:57,115 --> 00:51:59,475
Speaker 1: on the trip from all the potholes and just lying here.

859
00:51:59,995 --> 00:52:02,555
Speaker 1: In fact, I feel great. Did you guys remove my

860
00:52:02,675 --> 00:52:05,275
Speaker 1: left leg while I wasn't looking. Did you replace it

861
00:52:05,315 --> 00:52:06,955
Speaker 1: with the left leg that I had when I was twelve?

862
00:52:06,995 --> 00:52:09,235
Speaker 1: Because I could hop back to Connecticut on my left leg.

863
00:52:09,315 --> 00:52:13,595
Speaker 1: Right now, just cancel the flight, she laughed. She said, no.

864
00:52:14,235 --> 00:52:16,355
Speaker 1: What I was feeling would be the morphine they gave

865
00:52:16,395 --> 00:52:18,395
Speaker 1: me so they could twist me around and take the

866
00:52:18,555 --> 00:52:21,675
Speaker 1: X rays they needed. And I said, please never ever

867
00:52:21,835 --> 00:52:24,915
Speaker 1: give me any more of that ever again. Thank you.

868
00:52:26,475 --> 00:52:29,315
Speaker 1: My Judo flashback as it turned out had done the job.

869
00:52:29,395 --> 00:52:33,035
Speaker 1: I had broken nothing. The er doctor complimented me on

870
00:52:33,075 --> 00:52:35,835
Speaker 1: my fall and he said I probably had six or

871
00:52:35,835 --> 00:52:39,475
Speaker 1: eight different sprains on my left side. It would hurt,

872
00:52:39,635 --> 00:52:41,915
Speaker 1: but it would keep getting better and I'd be able

873
00:52:41,915 --> 00:52:44,275
Speaker 1: to make my flight home the day after next. He

874
00:52:44,355 --> 00:52:47,675
Speaker 1: was completely right, although I now I found twenty five

875
00:52:47,755 --> 00:52:50,355
Speaker 1: years later that it's beginning to hurt like I just

876
00:52:50,475 --> 00:52:53,715
Speaker 1: fell off the cliff. Anyway, I went back to the hotel.

877
00:52:53,795 --> 00:52:55,835
Speaker 1: I ate well, I slept well, I managed to walk

878
00:52:55,875 --> 00:52:57,475
Speaker 1: around with the help of a cane, and I went

879
00:52:57,515 --> 00:53:00,355
Speaker 1: back for day two of the commercial shoot. This one

880
00:53:00,395 --> 00:53:03,955
Speaker 1: is in a mansion in Pasadena, a room teeming full

881
00:53:03,995 --> 00:53:08,235
Speaker 1: of UNA's lying on the floor. They're photographed through chandeliers.

882
00:53:08,275 --> 00:53:10,595
Speaker 1: They're lazy, rich kids who also need to be told

883
00:53:10,635 --> 00:53:15,755
Speaker 1: to eat something. I arrived and walked into applause from

884
00:53:15,795 --> 00:53:19,635
Speaker 1: the crew, and I delivered a well rehearsed line. And

885
00:53:19,675 --> 00:53:22,435
Speaker 1: now for my next trick, which is when the director

886
00:53:22,515 --> 00:53:24,795
Speaker 1: John came over and apologized, and he said he thought

887
00:53:24,835 --> 00:53:28,475
Speaker 1: this entry into shot for me would be way easier.

888
00:53:28,715 --> 00:53:30,275
Speaker 1: What I had to do is lie on the floor,

889
00:53:30,595 --> 00:53:35,635
Speaker 1: then sit up and deliver the line eat something. If

890
00:53:35,675 --> 00:53:38,155
Speaker 1: you can sit up, he said, that is, if you can't,

891
00:53:38,475 --> 00:53:40,675
Speaker 1: we can do something else. Can you sit up? And

892
00:53:40,715 --> 00:53:42,555
Speaker 1: I thought about it, and I rubbed my lower back,

893
00:53:42,595 --> 00:53:44,795
Speaker 1: and I said, based on the day so far, yeah,

894
00:53:44,795 --> 00:53:49,035
Speaker 1: I could, but probably only six or seven times. And

895
00:53:49,955 --> 00:53:52,835
Speaker 1: I said, while I can sit up, it's clear to

896
00:53:52,915 --> 00:53:56,075
Speaker 1: me one of those bad sprains was in the muscles

897
00:53:56,075 --> 00:53:58,755
Speaker 1: somewhere of my lower back. And if I try to

898
00:53:58,835 --> 00:54:01,995
Speaker 1: lay back down, I lose control. I'll just crash back

899
00:54:02,035 --> 00:54:04,235
Speaker 1: to the floor. That actually happened getting out of bed

900
00:54:04,275 --> 00:54:09,155
Speaker 1: this morning. So after each take, the same two guys

901
00:54:09,195 --> 00:54:11,395
Speaker 1: who had walked me up the stairs after I fell

902
00:54:11,435 --> 00:54:14,435
Speaker 1: at the beach gently held my arms and shoulders and

903
00:54:14,595 --> 00:54:19,475
Speaker 1: lowered me back to lying on the floor. We got

904
00:54:19,475 --> 00:54:22,035
Speaker 1: what we needed. I went back to the hotel. I

905
00:54:22,075 --> 00:54:24,315
Speaker 1: had dinner with some friends. The next day. I was

906
00:54:24,315 --> 00:54:26,395
Speaker 1: a little sore, but perfectly fine to get back on

907
00:54:26,435 --> 00:54:29,515
Speaker 1: the plane east, and sure enough, only time ever, I

908
00:54:29,555 --> 00:54:32,435
Speaker 1: had a west to east tailwind. The flight from lax

909
00:54:32,475 --> 00:54:35,675
Speaker 1: to Newark took three hours and forty eight minutes. We

910
00:54:35,835 --> 00:54:38,835
Speaker 1: traversed the country like a dart shot from a gun

911
00:54:39,275 --> 00:54:44,115
Speaker 1: or an Ulderman falling from a rock out cropping. Oh,

912
00:54:44,115 --> 00:54:48,595
Speaker 1: by the way, the commercial was an immediate success, unlike

913
00:54:48,675 --> 00:54:52,355
Speaker 1: any that Boston Market had ever done before. In those days,

914
00:54:52,395 --> 00:54:55,435
Speaker 1: they were packed each night for dinner at every location,

915
00:54:55,795 --> 00:55:00,835
Speaker 1: selling half chickens and full meals with potatoes and salads,

916
00:55:01,315 --> 00:55:03,555
Speaker 1: and they were getting an average of twelve dollars out

917
00:55:03,595 --> 00:55:07,315
Speaker 1: of every customer the day the place was empty. The

918
00:55:07,355 --> 00:55:10,195
Speaker 1: idea behind my commercials. They were designed to bring in

919
00:55:10,235 --> 00:55:12,315
Speaker 1: a lunch crowd a sandwich and a soda and a

920
00:55:12,315 --> 00:55:16,875
Speaker 1: bag of chips for four dollars. Soon they were swamped

921
00:55:16,875 --> 00:55:20,875
Speaker 1: at lunchtime. Boston Market ordered three more commercials, these to

922
00:55:20,915 --> 00:55:22,755
Speaker 1: be shot in a studio in New York. They offered

923
00:55:22,795 --> 00:55:27,555
Speaker 1: me fifty grand a day. An entire new career vista

924
00:55:27,755 --> 00:55:30,115
Speaker 1: was opening in front of me. I was, for a

925
00:55:30,115 --> 00:55:33,635
Speaker 1: week or two in early nineteen ninety seven the most

926
00:55:33,835 --> 00:55:38,595
Speaker 1: successful male commercial actor in the country. We shot those

927
00:55:38,675 --> 00:55:42,715
Speaker 1: three spots. I interrupted a grunge concert to shout eat

928
00:55:42,755 --> 00:55:45,355
Speaker 1: something at the band, and then I got carried off

929
00:55:45,395 --> 00:55:48,355
Speaker 1: by the crowd in a mosh pit. And I interrupted

930
00:55:48,355 --> 00:55:51,275
Speaker 1: a Romeo soap opera surgeon coming on to his nurse

931
00:55:51,475 --> 00:55:54,715
Speaker 1: by rising from the operating table to shout eat something.

932
00:55:55,235 --> 00:55:57,795
Speaker 1: And then we did something with ballplayers at the stadium

933
00:55:57,835 --> 00:56:00,075
Speaker 1: on Randall's Island, and I remember nothing of that because,

934
00:56:00,155 --> 00:56:04,315
Speaker 1: unlike the first two, they never edited the film, because

935
00:56:04,355 --> 00:56:10,475
Speaker 1: that's when it happened, their equivalent of falling off the cliff.

936
00:56:11,115 --> 00:56:13,715
Speaker 1: I will confess it had not occurred to me. Then again,

937
00:56:13,755 --> 00:56:17,035
Speaker 1: I did not own Boston Market. I did not work

938
00:56:17,035 --> 00:56:19,755
Speaker 1: for their marketing department. I did not run the ad

939
00:56:19,795 --> 00:56:23,595
Speaker 1: agency they employed. But none of them anticipated it either.

940
00:56:24,275 --> 00:56:26,555
Speaker 1: After the first few weeks of giddy glee about the

941
00:56:26,635 --> 00:56:30,795
Speaker 1: lunch crowds I had brought them, somebody noticed something unfortunate

942
00:56:30,915 --> 00:56:35,195
Speaker 1: and unexpected. Basically, for every four dollar lunch they were

943
00:56:35,235 --> 00:56:39,315
Speaker 1: now selling, they were selling one fewer twelve dollars dinner.

944
00:56:39,995 --> 00:56:43,355
Speaker 1: They had not gained any new customers. They had just

945
00:56:43,475 --> 00:56:47,035
Speaker 1: managed to get their customers to each spend eight dollars less.

946
00:56:48,635 --> 00:56:53,155
Speaker 1: These very well made, very memorable commercials worked very very well.

947
00:56:53,795 --> 00:56:56,515
Speaker 1: And the problem with that was each time they did work,

948
00:56:56,595 --> 00:57:00,595
Speaker 1: it cost Boston Market eight dollars. By the end of

949
00:57:00,715 --> 00:57:03,995
Speaker 1: nineteen ninety seven, Boston Market was something like nine hundred

950
00:57:04,035 --> 00:57:07,915
Speaker 1: million dollars in debt. It had filed for bankruptcy and

951
00:57:07,995 --> 00:57:11,435
Speaker 1: had been taken over by McDonald's. On the other hand,

952
00:57:12,595 --> 00:57:15,835
Speaker 1: I got my money, and in the twenty five years

953
00:57:15,835 --> 00:57:19,075
Speaker 1: plus since Boston Market has not once used a celebrity

954
00:57:19,155 --> 00:57:22,755
Speaker 1: endorser to try to sell their food. Oh and there

955
00:57:22,835 --> 00:57:26,875
Speaker 1: was one other positive outcome. I'm actually very proud of this.

956
00:57:27,595 --> 00:57:30,795
Speaker 1: The ad agency got the award in question. I did not,

957
00:57:31,035 --> 00:57:33,635
Speaker 1: so I don't know which group gave it to us,

958
00:57:33,915 --> 00:57:38,635
Speaker 1: but that eat Something campaign actually won an award because

959
00:57:38,755 --> 00:57:42,635
Speaker 1: somehow my shouting eat something at una and the other

960
00:57:42,875 --> 00:57:47,395
Speaker 1: way thin models, somehow that cut through to at least

961
00:57:47,395 --> 00:57:52,755
Speaker 1: some victims of eating disorders. The Boston Market Eat Something

962
00:57:52,875 --> 00:57:55,955
Speaker 1: ad campaign for which I fell off a cliff, okay,

963
00:57:55,955 --> 00:57:58,355
Speaker 1: a rock out cropping for which I fell off a

964
00:57:58,435 --> 00:58:04,275
Speaker 1: rock outcropping got an award from a national Bolimia association.

965
00:58:17,595 --> 00:58:19,755
Speaker 1: I've done all the damage I can do here. Countdown

966
00:58:19,795 --> 00:58:21,915
Speaker 1: has come to you from the Vin Scully Studio at

967
00:58:21,955 --> 00:58:25,195
Speaker 1: the world headquarters of the Olderman Broadcasting Empire in New York.

968
00:58:25,835 --> 00:58:27,795
Speaker 1: Here are the credits. Most of the music was arranged,

969
00:58:27,835 --> 00:58:30,635
Speaker 1: produced and performed by Brian Ray and John Phillip Shanelle,

970
00:58:30,835 --> 00:58:34,235
Speaker 1: who are the Countdown musical directors. All orchestration and keyboards

971
00:58:34,275 --> 00:58:37,475
Speaker 1: by John Phillips Shanelle guitarist based on drums by Brian Ray,

972
00:58:37,835 --> 00:58:41,355
Speaker 1: produced by Tko Brothers. Other Beethoven selections have been arranged

973
00:58:41,355 --> 00:58:44,515
Speaker 1: and performed by No Horns Allowed. The sports music is

974
00:58:44,555 --> 00:58:46,915
Speaker 1: the Olderman theme from ESPN two, and it was written

975
00:58:46,995 --> 00:58:50,715
Speaker 1: by Mitch Warren Davis courtesy of ESPN, Inc. Musical comments

976
00:58:50,755 --> 00:58:53,995
Speaker 1: by Nancy Faust. The best baseball stadium organist ever. Our

977
00:58:54,075 --> 00:58:56,835
Speaker 1: announcer today was my friend Jonathan Banks from Breaking Bad.

978
00:58:57,555 --> 00:58:59,835
Speaker 1: Everything else is pretty much my fault. That's countdown for

979
00:58:59,915 --> 00:59:02,075
Speaker 1: this the eight hundred and eighty eighth day since Donald

980
00:59:02,075 --> 00:59:05,195
Speaker 1: Trump's first attempted coup against the democratically elect to government

981
00:59:05,235 --> 00:59:08,275
Speaker 1: of the United States. Don't forget. We're on a roll.

982
00:59:08,875 --> 00:59:12,235
Speaker 1: Keep arresting him while we still can. The next scheduled

983
00:59:12,315 --> 00:59:17,395
Speaker 1: countdown is Arraignment Day tomorrow. Till then, I'm Keith Olberman.

984
00:59:17,635 --> 00:59:31,675
Speaker 1: Good morning, good afternoon, good night, and good luck. Countdown

985
00:59:31,795 --> 00:59:35,515
Speaker 1: with Keith Olberman is a production of iHeartRadio. For more

986
00:59:35,635 --> 00:59:40,515
Speaker 1: podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or

987
00:59:40,595 --> 00:59:42,395
Speaker 1: wherever you get your podcasts.