WEBVTT - Honoring My Mother, Jenni Rivera 0:00:03.680 --> 0:00:05.440 She's like, yeah, have you seen Twitter? And I'm like no, 0:00:06.880 --> 0:00:09.160 and she says, well, I don't think you should look, 0:00:09.200 --> 0:00:14.120 but you know, apparently your mom's plane is missing. My 0:00:14.240 --> 0:00:20.000 family and I are not okay, my extended family should 0:00:20.000 --> 0:00:22.200 I say my siblings? And I think goodness were good. 0:00:23.640 --> 0:00:26.920 That's the way we can keep her alive is by 0:00:27.000 --> 0:00:35.800 listening to her music. Hello, guys, and welcome to another 0:00:35.880 --> 0:00:39.839 episode of cheek, Ease and Chill. I hope you all 0:00:39.880 --> 0:00:42.360 had a great weekend and your week is off to 0:00:42.440 --> 0:00:45.479 a really great start. If you're listening to me today, 0:00:45.680 --> 0:00:48.479 well I'm sure it will be. But thank you so 0:00:48.560 --> 0:00:51.120 much for tuning in. Today's episode is one that's near 0:00:51.120 --> 0:00:54.960 and dear to my heart. This podcast is very special 0:00:54.960 --> 0:00:57.560 to me for many reasons. I've talked about that before. 0:00:58.080 --> 0:01:00.520 It's a space where I can share very personal and 0:01:00.520 --> 0:01:03.080 intimate details with you, and that's exactly what I'm going 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:06.240 to be doing today. It's dedicated to my mom. You guys, 0:01:06.640 --> 0:01:11.919 it's going to be nine years since my mother, Jenny Rivera, 0:01:12.400 --> 0:01:17.640 left us. So grab some tequila, some coffee, probably some tequila, 0:01:18.200 --> 0:01:21.480 and let's do it. Let's get into checks and Chill. 0:01:29.880 --> 0:01:33.759 So this Friday marks nine years since my mom died. UM. 0:01:33.880 --> 0:01:37.640 December nine, my mom and six others died in a 0:01:37.680 --> 0:01:45.400 plane crash in northern Mexico, and that day, yes the world, 0:01:46.480 --> 0:01:48.840 we all lost her, and it was a very difficult day. 0:01:49.840 --> 0:01:51.360 Those of you that know me, that I have read 0:01:51.400 --> 0:01:57.160 my book, know that I lost my mom on October two. 0:01:58.640 --> 0:02:01.480 I lost her before everyone else did her and I 0:02:01.560 --> 0:02:04.480 had a falling out, a misunderstanding. There were a lot 0:02:04.480 --> 0:02:08.160 of toxic voices around her at the time, and we 0:02:08.160 --> 0:02:10.400 weren't talking. This is a second time that she had 0:02:10.440 --> 0:02:13.839 done that to me. Um, she kind of just she 0:02:14.040 --> 0:02:16.160 was a woman that was very strong and said in 0:02:16.160 --> 0:02:20.639 her ways, so her lessons were always very tough. UM. 0:02:20.840 --> 0:02:22.720 So the first time she did that to me, and 0:02:22.760 --> 0:02:26.000 it was honestly two months as well, I was fourteen 0:02:26.080 --> 0:02:29.400 going into my to my fifteenth birthday. It was that 0:02:29.560 --> 0:02:34.400 summer of when I was fourteen. Um, we were ending 0:02:34.919 --> 0:02:38.200 school and you know during that time, you know, like 0:02:38.280 --> 0:02:40.400 at the end ever, you're doing all the tests and stuff. 0:02:40.440 --> 0:02:44.480 So I'm I went with my friends. Instead of telling her, 0:02:44.520 --> 0:02:46.120 I got out early. I remember it was a Monday 0:02:46.120 --> 0:02:49.400 as well, and instead of telling her, hey, Mom, I 0:02:49.440 --> 0:02:50.960 got out early. I went with my friends to go 0:02:51.040 --> 0:02:54.440 have a cheeseburger and fries across the street. I just thought, okay, 0:02:54.480 --> 0:02:56.520 I'll tell her that I'm off, you know, at twelve 0:02:56.520 --> 0:02:58.680 o'clock the rest of the week. So she thought I 0:02:58.680 --> 0:03:00.519 had lied to her. Well I kind of did in 0:03:00.560 --> 0:03:03.440 a way. So anyways, she kicked me out. It was 0:03:03.480 --> 0:03:05.040 a big thing. I explained all of it in my 0:03:05.040 --> 0:03:08.560 book Forgiveness or better than in Spanish. And she stopped 0:03:08.560 --> 0:03:11.400 talking to me for two months. And I'll never forget 0:03:11.440 --> 0:03:13.480 because for my fifteenth birthday I didn't get a call 0:03:13.520 --> 0:03:16.560 from her. Then later on, as I explained the book 0:03:16.560 --> 0:03:18.720 as well, how we started talking. You know, she just 0:03:18.760 --> 0:03:20.359 grabbed my little long because I was staying in my 0:03:20.400 --> 0:03:22.160 grandma's house, and she said, you know, I think it's 0:03:22.200 --> 0:03:23.959 time for you to come home. You've you've you've had 0:03:24.000 --> 0:03:26.520 a very nice time here at your grandma's house eating, 0:03:26.560 --> 0:03:28.600 so it's time for you to come home. And she 0:03:28.680 --> 0:03:31.640 put me on a diet and she fixed my hair 0:03:31.639 --> 0:03:33.640 because she had cut it. It's just so much, you know. 0:03:33.840 --> 0:03:36.640 So anyways, the second time that ever happened was in October. 0:03:39.240 --> 0:03:42.560 On October two, that was basically the last time I 0:03:42.600 --> 0:03:48.120 had heard from my mother in September, things got really weird. 0:03:48.960 --> 0:03:53.080 My mom was in a very weird place in her 0:03:53.080 --> 0:03:57.240 life um emotionally and mentally, I feel. And this is 0:03:57.280 --> 0:04:00.960 another thing that we've never talked about publicly because it 0:04:01.000 --> 0:04:05.720 was always just forbidden. But my mom wasn't wasn't doing 0:04:05.720 --> 0:04:08.960 too well, and I could tell, and all of us 0:04:09.000 --> 0:04:10.800 could tell, but no one could say anything because we 0:04:10.800 --> 0:04:13.320 were afraid to upset her. But things were getting kind 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:15.560 of weird. And on October two, I did get the 0:04:15.600 --> 0:04:19.680 email and the subject said lights on. I believe it 0:04:19.720 --> 0:04:23.960 was lights on. And it was a long, long email, 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:27.599 which maybe one day I'll share with you guys, very 0:04:27.640 --> 0:04:31.520 strong email, and basically what it said was that all 0:04:31.560 --> 0:04:33.960 everything came together and the lights were now on, that 0:04:34.000 --> 0:04:36.800 she could see clearly that I had been sleeping with 0:04:36.839 --> 0:04:43.680 her husband Estevan at the time. And I remember being 0:04:43.800 --> 0:04:45.800 at a dinner and I just dropped my phone. I 0:04:45.800 --> 0:04:50.680 said what I was in disbelief. I drove to my 0:04:50.760 --> 0:04:54.320 mom's house. I didn't even finished reading the entire email 0:04:54.920 --> 0:04:57.159 that night, but I drove to my mom's house. I 0:04:57.200 --> 0:05:02.440 had all the gate codes. Everything has changed, I remember, 0:05:02.480 --> 0:05:04.719 I don't know how I did it, but I pulled 0:05:04.760 --> 0:05:08.559 that gate open and I was knocking and on the door, 0:05:08.600 --> 0:05:11.960 banging on it. Everything was closed, the keys were changed 0:05:12.000 --> 0:05:14.360 on me. I was just like, what in the hell 0:05:14.480 --> 0:05:17.359 is going on? I fell to the floor. I was crying. 0:05:17.400 --> 0:05:20.800 I called my sister Jackie. I was confused. I was like, 0:05:20.880 --> 0:05:24.400 what the heck is going on? I tried my very 0:05:24.440 --> 0:05:27.480 best to contact her, and every way, through email, through 0:05:27.480 --> 0:05:30.239 her Twitter, she blocked me. Everywhere. She changed her email, 0:05:30.279 --> 0:05:32.840 she changed her number. I mean, coming from having all 0:05:32.880 --> 0:05:35.160 the access in the world to her to having none 0:05:35.279 --> 0:05:39.839 was devastating. And then my siblings had to forcefully be 0:05:39.920 --> 0:05:42.040 on her side because if not, it was an issue. 0:05:42.920 --> 0:05:47.279 So it was very hard for me. It was a 0:05:47.320 --> 0:05:50.479 woman that came into her life a couple of months 0:05:50.480 --> 0:05:55.920 before that started throwing Vaneno just evilness into her ear, 0:05:56.080 --> 0:06:00.000 and I don't know how just made up this whole store, 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:02.640 and my mom again was not in the right place 0:06:02.680 --> 0:06:06.600 emotionally or mentally. Don't take my word for it. One 0:06:06.680 --> 0:06:08.960 day my siblings will talk and say the truth about 0:06:08.960 --> 0:06:12.120 what was going on during that time. I have actually 0:06:12.120 --> 0:06:14.360 on my evidence to show that that could have not happened. 0:06:14.360 --> 0:06:16.800 The night that she thought it happened. I had the 0:06:16.960 --> 0:06:20.880 phone record showing that when in the cameras it said that, Okay, 0:06:20.920 --> 0:06:24.400 maybe I was gone in the room with a Stevan, 0:06:24.560 --> 0:06:28.279 That's completely false. You could see my head in another camera. 0:06:29.040 --> 0:06:30.760 I have phone calls that I was actually on the 0:06:30.760 --> 0:06:33.640 phone with my uncle Juan and my ex boyfriend for 0:06:33.720 --> 0:06:35.480 thirty minutes during the time that she thought I was 0:06:35.480 --> 0:06:37.599 gone and couldn't see me in the cameras. So it's 0:06:37.640 --> 0:06:39.799 just I never had the opportunity. I tried to explain 0:06:39.839 --> 0:06:41.640 this to her many times, and to my aunt and 0:06:41.680 --> 0:06:44.839 everyone around tell her this, but she just wasn't She 0:06:44.880 --> 0:06:47.120 didn't want to listen. That's why it was so important 0:06:47.120 --> 0:06:50.640 to me to write Forgiveness and to explain this is 0:06:50.640 --> 0:06:53.240 my truth, for my future children, from my future husband, 0:06:53.839 --> 0:06:56.480 for the people my followers that knew me from chickens 0:06:56.480 --> 0:06:58.760 and control from chickens, and roxy from what I was 0:06:58.800 --> 0:07:02.479 already starting. I did not do this that I to me, 0:07:02.600 --> 0:07:04.880 it's accusing me of doing something like that is killing 0:07:05.000 --> 0:07:07.359 is like killing someone, is murdering someone. And I would 0:07:07.360 --> 0:07:09.320 never do that to my mother, first of all, as 0:07:09.360 --> 0:07:11.280 a woman, I just wouldn't do it, And secondly, I 0:07:11.280 --> 0:07:13.040 would be too damn scared to do that to my mom. 0:07:13.080 --> 0:07:15.840 I mean, I know my mother, like, there's no way, 0:07:16.000 --> 0:07:17.440 you know what I mean. And I loved to Stepan 0:07:17.520 --> 0:07:19.920 as a stepfather, and I loved him because he loved 0:07:19.920 --> 0:07:22.240 my siblings, because he was so good to my mother. 0:07:22.760 --> 0:07:26.560 So no, it's completely false. And I invite you guys 0:07:26.560 --> 0:07:29.840 to read Forgiveness so that you guys can understand the 0:07:30.000 --> 0:07:32.080 entire story in detail. That's why I wrote the book. 0:07:32.600 --> 0:07:34.640 But that was what happened, and that's what that was, 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:37.320 a falling out between my mom and I. But I 0:07:37.360 --> 0:07:39.000 always had a faith that we were going to talk, 0:07:39.280 --> 0:07:40.920 that we were going to talk and sit down and 0:07:40.960 --> 0:07:43.800 clear it up and everything was gonna be fine. But again, 0:07:44.280 --> 0:07:49.200 there wasn't enough time, and that's when I lost my mom. 0:07:49.320 --> 0:07:52.120 I remember going to therapy and the therapist told me, 0:07:52.160 --> 0:07:55.080 you know what, you are going to have to start 0:07:55.120 --> 0:07:58.040 living your life like if she was no longer here. 0:07:58.480 --> 0:08:01.280 And I remember saying, like, what do you mean. It 0:08:01.400 --> 0:08:03.000 was like, yeah, like if she had passed away. This 0:08:03.080 --> 0:08:06.240 was two weeks before December nine, and I'll never forget. 0:08:06.280 --> 0:08:08.280 And I looked and I looked at my therapist and 0:08:08.280 --> 0:08:10.760 I said, what it hit me and I cried and 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:12.560 I cried and I said, you know what, Yes, I'm 0:08:12.640 --> 0:08:17.560 dying slowly inside. I had suicidal thoughts. I didn't have 0:08:17.720 --> 0:08:21.440 everything and everyone, my siblings, my mother that were so 0:08:21.480 --> 0:08:25.360 important to me. But of course I didn't understand that then. 0:08:25.840 --> 0:08:29.120 Now that I look back, now that I know how 0:08:29.160 --> 0:08:32.840 God works and now I know everything that I went 0:08:32.840 --> 0:08:36.920 through had a reason. But during that time it was 0:08:37.040 --> 0:08:40.080 it was horrible. So when December nine came and the 0:08:40.120 --> 0:08:43.520 world lost her, I was already a few steps into 0:08:43.559 --> 0:08:47.719 the healing process, so I was able to be there 0:08:47.720 --> 0:08:50.520 for my siblings. And like I said, everything does happen 0:08:50.559 --> 0:08:54.840 for a reason. God's plans are perfect. And it hurt 0:08:54.920 --> 0:08:59.640 me very much. Obviously I lost her twice. But who 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:03.560 kept me alive were my siblings, all four of them, 0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:05.640 but more than anything, Johnny and Jensica. And my sister. 0:09:05.760 --> 0:09:09.840 Jennica was fifteen, she's now twenty three. Johnny was eleven, 0:09:10.000 --> 0:09:13.200 he's now about to be twenty one. So I took 0:09:13.400 --> 0:09:16.120 them under my wing and I said, I let's go. 0:09:16.200 --> 0:09:17.360 I'm going to take care of you. I'm not going 0:09:17.440 --> 0:09:19.559 to leave your side. And I didn't and I haven't. 0:09:20.840 --> 0:09:23.760 And that's the way that I honor my mother every 0:09:23.800 --> 0:09:26.599 single day since she passed. And yes, I was disinherited 0:09:26.640 --> 0:09:29.880 because of this whole fallout and this misunderstanding, and by 0:09:29.880 --> 0:09:32.880 the way, I gathered up all of my evidence to 0:09:32.920 --> 0:09:35.520 show my mom what is being said is not true, 0:09:36.280 --> 0:09:38.720 and she just kept saying that she needed time and 0:09:38.760 --> 0:09:42.439 time and time. And look, you know then there wasn't. 0:09:42.800 --> 0:09:46.920 Time just took its course and God had other plans. 0:09:47.600 --> 0:09:51.760 But anyways, I was disinherited. But I always say that 0:09:53.120 --> 0:09:55.520 the inheritance that my mother left me were my siblings. 0:09:56.240 --> 0:10:00.400 The most important and the biggest inheritance are my siblings. 0:10:01.160 --> 0:10:03.960 And that's how I honor her legacy every single day 0:10:04.000 --> 0:10:07.960 because I know how important her children. We're an art 0:10:08.000 --> 0:10:10.480 to her till this day. Because I feel her around, 0:10:10.520 --> 0:10:12.880 I feel her. I can't say because acio and that 0:10:13.280 --> 0:10:15.320 i've seen her. No, I've seen her twice in these 0:10:15.360 --> 0:10:18.200 past nine years. I've seen her twice in my dreams, 0:10:18.400 --> 0:10:21.320 and I get so sad the next day and for 0:10:21.360 --> 0:10:22.880 a few days that I feel she's like, I don't 0:10:22.880 --> 0:10:24.720 want to do that to her, so she doesn't come 0:10:24.720 --> 0:10:27.000 around in my dreams. As much anymore, because I'm pretty 0:10:27.040 --> 0:10:29.120 sure knowing her, she's busy in heaven doing her thing. 0:10:30.720 --> 0:10:32.160 I always talk to her though I took her Mom, 0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:33.560 I don't know where you're at, but I need you. 0:10:33.760 --> 0:10:36.560 So I just know that that's how I'm honoring her. 0:10:36.679 --> 0:10:38.480 And I know that her children. And she said in 0:10:38.800 --> 0:10:42.520 any interview, any Jenny Rivera fans out there know how 0:10:42.559 --> 0:10:47.280 important her children were to her. She said it any 0:10:47.280 --> 0:10:48.880 time and every time that she could, she said it, 0:10:48.960 --> 0:10:52.800 she said in her book. So to me, that's what 0:10:52.840 --> 0:10:56.160 I've done is I've done my best in every single 0:10:56.200 --> 0:10:59.520 way to be a good older sister, to be a 0:10:59.520 --> 0:11:03.000 good exam pulled to my siblings, to have their back, 0:11:03.120 --> 0:11:07.000 to keep us united. It's been tough sometimes because of 0:11:07.160 --> 0:11:10.840 outside noises, other toxic voices. It's made it a little 0:11:10.840 --> 0:11:15.080 difficult to have a peaceful relationship. But I've always said, hey, 0:11:15.080 --> 0:11:17.960 wait a second, let's come together. This is what Mom wants. 0:11:18.040 --> 0:11:20.360 She's always wanted this. She always told me, no matter what, 0:11:20.840 --> 0:11:22.679 you are the oldest, and I'm sorry that God made 0:11:22.720 --> 0:11:25.200 you the oldest, but you are the oldest for a reason, 0:11:25.800 --> 0:11:30.960 and you are too. Always keep your siblings united. Do 0:11:31.120 --> 0:11:35.000 not allow you and your siblings to be what my 0:11:35.040 --> 0:11:39.559 siblings and I are. She told me that countless times countless, 0:11:40.960 --> 0:11:47.680 and that's what I try to do. I do want 0:11:48.080 --> 0:11:51.800 to say that the day that I found out December 0:11:53.040 --> 0:11:56.199 that my mom was missing, because that's what it was 0:11:56.240 --> 0:11:58.679 at first, her plane was missing. It just disappeared out 0:11:58.679 --> 0:12:01.800 of the sky. I was in Las Vegas. We were 0:12:01.800 --> 0:12:05.199 celebrating my cousin Karina's wedding. She had gotten married on 0:12:05.240 --> 0:12:08.760 the eighth, so that was during the day and we 0:12:08.800 --> 0:12:10.400 all went to go eat, and then after we all 0:12:10.400 --> 0:12:12.720 went to go party, and I remember being at this 0:12:15.200 --> 0:12:19.319 roof top uh nightclub. I think it was called Voodoo, 0:12:20.240 --> 0:12:23.000 and I was fine. I had already kind of said okay, 0:12:23.240 --> 0:12:26.200 I took my therapists advice and said, okay, I'm gonna 0:12:26.200 --> 0:12:28.480 start living like my mom is no longer here. And 0:12:28.520 --> 0:12:31.240 I was feeling a little bit better emotionally and mentally. 0:12:31.559 --> 0:12:33.760 And I had just seen Johnny for the first time 0:12:33.960 --> 0:12:37.200 in months, in a few weeks, should I say, they're 0:12:37.240 --> 0:12:39.560 at my cousin's wedding. And it was so hard because 0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:42.520 it was just a weird energy. So it was kind 0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:44.400 of eating me up inside. So that night we went 0:12:44.400 --> 0:12:47.000 out and my friends and I were dancing on the 0:12:47.040 --> 0:12:48.920 dance floor. I was looking up at the sky and 0:12:49.000 --> 0:12:53.840 I felt this sadness come upon me that I can't 0:12:53.880 --> 0:12:57.360 explain that. I just felt like, oh, like I just 0:12:58.040 --> 0:13:00.160 I wanted to fall to the floor and I just 0:13:00.160 --> 0:13:02.760 started crying in the middle of the dance floor. I'm 0:13:02.800 --> 0:13:05.360 telling you, I was. We were on a rooftop, so 0:13:05.400 --> 0:13:07.000 I just said, you guys, I sat down and I 0:13:07.040 --> 0:13:09.319 was just bawling and bawling, like the sadness came over 0:13:09.360 --> 0:13:12.640 me and I didn't know why. So I remember just 0:13:12.720 --> 0:13:16.640 telling my friends, Hey, it was Gerald at the time 0:13:16.640 --> 0:13:20.439 in Brianna, and um. I said, let's just go back 0:13:20.480 --> 0:13:23.800 to the room, and we did, and we got McDonald's 0:13:23.840 --> 0:13:26.400 because food just you know, I've had an issue with 0:13:26.440 --> 0:13:28.280 food my whole life, so when I'm sad, I just 0:13:28.320 --> 0:13:31.440 want fatty stuff, you know, so um or should I 0:13:31.440 --> 0:13:34.880 say starchy foods. So I we had McDonald's. We sat 0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:36.840 on the floor, we ate it, and I fell asleep 0:13:37.800 --> 0:13:40.199 and at ten am in the morning, I was woken 0:13:40.240 --> 0:13:42.840 up by a phone call from my cousin Karina, who was, 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:46.040 like I said, always also in Vegas with me, and 0:13:46.120 --> 0:13:49.400 she said, hey, cousin, we gotta go. I said, wait, well, 0:13:49.400 --> 0:13:50.439 we have plans to do. What do you mean we 0:13:50.440 --> 0:13:52.520 gotta go to They know we gotta go. My dad 0:13:52.559 --> 0:13:54.280 just called me and said it's an emergency. We have 0:13:54.400 --> 0:13:57.720 to drive down to Grandma's house like now. And I'm 0:13:57.760 --> 0:14:00.080 like what. She's like, yeah, have you seen Twitter? And 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:03.600 I'm like no, And she says, well, I don't think 0:14:03.640 --> 0:14:07.000 you should look, but you know, apparently your mom's plane 0:14:07.120 --> 0:14:10.880 is missing. I'm like, what do you mean, Yeah, it's missing. 0:14:10.880 --> 0:14:14.520 They can't find it. So when I started, of course, 0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:18.640 I packed my stuff. I was driving a Prius at 0:14:18.640 --> 0:14:20.400 the time. I don't know how I did, and I 0:14:20.480 --> 0:14:23.320 don't recommend anyone to do this, but I got from 0:14:23.440 --> 0:14:27.040 Vegas to Lakewood, California in less than three hours. I 0:14:27.080 --> 0:14:31.360 was going so fast. After I read on Twitter Jenny, 0:14:31.600 --> 0:14:34.200 the late Jenny Rivera, like just so many things, like 0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:37.080 she had already she was gone, like she had already disappeared, 0:14:37.120 --> 0:14:38.680 like she was you know, I was like, wait a second, 0:14:38.680 --> 0:14:40.400 we don't even know what's going on. It was horrible. 0:14:40.440 --> 0:14:42.480 It was all over the radio. I couldn't listen to music. 0:14:42.840 --> 0:14:45.000 I was just in silence. The entire time crying and 0:14:45.000 --> 0:14:46.920 I'm like the whole time, Oh my god, you can't 0:14:46.920 --> 0:14:48.200 do this to me. No, you can't do this to me. 0:14:48.240 --> 0:14:51.120 Like that's what I kept just repeating. It felt like 0:14:51.200 --> 0:14:53.080 forever to get to my grandma's house, but I got 0:14:53.080 --> 0:14:55.640 there in less than three hours, which is crazy. I 0:14:55.680 --> 0:14:57.880 don't know how I did that. Again, I don't recommend 0:14:57.920 --> 0:15:01.760 anyone to do that. I was just so like in 0:15:01.800 --> 0:15:05.520 the need of getting to my siblings because during that time, again, 0:15:05.560 --> 0:15:07.680 I hadn't gotten a phone call from Jenica or Johnny. 0:15:07.720 --> 0:15:10.120 And they called me and they said, Jennica, call SI sister, 0:15:10.240 --> 0:15:12.760 where are you. I need you here. And when she 0:15:12.880 --> 0:15:15.720 said that, I was like, oh my god, Yes, they 0:15:15.800 --> 0:15:18.400 need me. And I felt so uncomfortable because I hadn't 0:15:18.400 --> 0:15:22.520 talked to none of my family and I was like, 0:15:22.560 --> 0:15:24.360 hardly going to receive me. And at that moment when 0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:26.400 I got that phone call, I didn't care. Everything you 0:15:26.520 --> 0:15:29.120 raced and I said, I have to be there for 0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:31.960 these kids. I don't care. I walked in there with 0:15:32.040 --> 0:15:34.080 my head held high and I got those kids and 0:15:34.080 --> 0:15:36.160 I'm like, these are my kids. I don't know what's 0:15:36.200 --> 0:15:37.800 going on with my mom. I still had a faith 0:15:38.200 --> 0:15:39.680 that my mom was going to come back. That was 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:44.080 on a Sunday. I had faith Monday Tuesday until Wednesday. 0:15:44.640 --> 0:15:46.520 I got to my grandma's house. Like I said, I 0:15:46.560 --> 0:15:49.080 was like there for Johnny. We were sleeping on the floor. 0:15:49.200 --> 0:15:54.000 I mean, it was. It was chaotic at my grandma's house. UM. 0:15:54.040 --> 0:15:56.840 But on Wednesday, I told my uncle's you guys need 0:15:56.880 --> 0:15:59.880 to go find my mom. You need to find my mom. 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:02.600 You guys, sorry, I don't trust the authorities in Mexico. 0:16:02.920 --> 0:16:05.200 I need someone from us, from our side to go 0:16:05.320 --> 0:16:07.360 and look for my mom physically, go on that mountain, 0:16:07.440 --> 0:16:10.240 find my mom. I had faith that maybe, yes, the 0:16:10.240 --> 0:16:13.080 plane had fallen, maybe she survived. I was thinking all 0:16:13.160 --> 0:16:16.520 kinds of things. But then when I saw some pictures 0:16:16.560 --> 0:16:22.200 on the internet that showed some of her remains, and 0:16:22.240 --> 0:16:24.560 I had asked Jenica, I said, Jenica, what now, polished? 0:16:24.560 --> 0:16:27.680 What color was Mom wearing? She says, oh, red? And 0:16:27.680 --> 0:16:29.480 I started looking at pictures and sure enough, yes, in 0:16:29.560 --> 0:16:34.280 her last concert at Monterey UM, because she was coming 0:16:34.400 --> 0:16:39.720 from Monterrey back to Mexico City to record lavos, she 0:16:39.760 --> 0:16:41.240 wanted to leave. And I knew my mom, so that's 0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:42.760 why she left at three thirty in the morning, so 0:16:42.800 --> 0:16:45.280 that when I was feeling that on the rooftop at 0:16:45.280 --> 0:16:49.000 one thirty, it was I think when everything was happening, 0:16:49.000 --> 0:16:50.640 when my mom had left, and I think she came 0:16:50.680 --> 0:16:52.680 to visit all of us. That's what I personally believe, 0:16:53.600 --> 0:16:57.520 so it all made sense afterwards, you know. So at 0:16:57.560 --> 0:17:05.359 three thirty am is when her her plane disappeared. I 0:17:05.400 --> 0:17:09.600 think that we all felt her that night. So anyways, 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:12.080 I told my uncle's go find my mom. And that's 0:17:12.080 --> 0:17:14.439 when I asked Jessica about her nail polish and it 0:17:14.520 --> 0:17:21.440 was red and in her remains, I saw, like it's 0:17:21.440 --> 0:17:24.920 so tough to say this, but her toes and they 0:17:24.920 --> 0:17:34.560 were red, and I knew, like we lost her. And 0:17:34.720 --> 0:17:40.960 I know those feet because so many times when she 0:17:41.119 --> 0:17:43.320 was tired, I would put on her shoes, I would 0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:45.440 take them off. I would missage her feet and I said, 0:17:45.520 --> 0:17:50.560 these are my mom's feet, her toes, and um, that's 0:17:50.600 --> 0:17:53.960 when I knew, and I remember, I felt something in 0:17:54.000 --> 0:17:58.280 my heart. I'll never forget my safe place at my 0:17:58.320 --> 0:18:01.239 grandma's house because every corner of my grandma's house was 0:18:01.320 --> 0:18:05.879 full of just people. They're trying to comfort us, and 0:18:06.119 --> 0:18:08.960 outside everywhere. There was just so many people, her fans, 0:18:09.000 --> 0:18:11.760 which I'm so grateful for. But my only safe place 0:18:11.800 --> 0:18:14.840 was the restroom. And I remember grabbing a picture that 0:18:14.880 --> 0:18:17.359 my grandma had in the living room. I grabbed it 0:18:17.520 --> 0:18:19.960 and I knew I hadn't told the kids yet. I 0:18:19.960 --> 0:18:23.640 hadn't told anybody that I saw those pictures. I don't 0:18:23.680 --> 0:18:25.359 even know how I found them or who sent them 0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:29.600 to me, some evil person. I have no idea. But 0:18:29.760 --> 0:18:32.960 I went into the restroom and I held the picture tight, 0:18:34.080 --> 0:18:37.960 and I swear to you that I heard my mom's 0:18:38.040 --> 0:18:42.960 voice tell me you have to be strong for these kids. 0:18:46.480 --> 0:18:48.919 And from that moment, I was like okay, and I 0:18:48.960 --> 0:18:51.080 cried by myself, and I was like, okay, I'm gonna 0:18:51.080 --> 0:18:53.600 be strong, and I gotta tell them. I can't let 0:18:53.640 --> 0:18:56.280 them think anymore that she's here, because she's not. And 0:18:56.359 --> 0:18:59.919 I knew it, and I told them. I said, Johnny, 0:18:59.920 --> 0:19:01.760 I sat down, Johnny, and I said, Mommy is not 0:19:01.840 --> 0:19:05.120 coming back. So I just knew I had to tell them. 0:19:05.280 --> 0:19:09.920 And that's when I something came upon me and said 0:19:10.760 --> 0:19:13.479 I have to be resilient. I have to be strong. 0:19:14.359 --> 0:19:16.640 That's when it all started like making sense, like this 0:19:16.680 --> 0:19:18.880 is why everything happened. Because my mom and I were 0:19:19.000 --> 0:19:23.119 so close. We were sisters, we were husband and wife, 0:19:23.160 --> 0:19:25.760 we were so many things that if this hadn't happened, 0:19:26.200 --> 0:19:29.680 this interruption in our relationship, I wouldn't have been strong 0:19:29.800 --> 0:19:34.280 enough to sustain this pain. And I knew it was 0:19:34.280 --> 0:19:35.840 going to be hard because I would have to go 0:19:35.840 --> 0:19:37.960 out and defend and clean up my name in some way. 0:19:38.000 --> 0:19:39.840 But the most important thing for me at that time 0:19:39.960 --> 0:19:45.439 or my siblings, and I think the best way and 0:19:45.520 --> 0:19:47.320 right now that we're talking about her, because yes, the 0:19:47.320 --> 0:19:49.520 anniversary's coming up, is the best way that I can 0:19:49.520 --> 0:19:52.120 honor her is to continue being here from my siblings 0:19:52.160 --> 0:19:55.480 and and doing my best to be successful. For me, 0:19:55.520 --> 0:19:59.640 it's everything I do. Everything that I do, I think 0:19:59.680 --> 0:20:03.040 about siblings. I think about, Yes, they're okay, maybe financially 0:20:03.040 --> 0:20:05.280 they're okay right now, but what if they're not one day. 0:20:05.320 --> 0:20:07.800 I want them to know that their sister has their back, 0:20:07.880 --> 0:20:10.240 that they have a home that they can come to, 0:20:10.400 --> 0:20:14.000 that the doors will always be open. And it makes 0:20:14.040 --> 0:20:18.560 me just work harder, you know, which is why it 0:20:18.640 --> 0:20:21.199 makes me so sad. And this is the first time 0:20:21.240 --> 0:20:22.640 I talked about it. You guys, I'm going to talk 0:20:22.640 --> 0:20:26.760 about it with you. I haven't said in an interview, 0:20:26.880 --> 0:20:29.920 I haven't written it thoroughly. In my book that's coming 0:20:29.920 --> 0:20:35.480 on in February, I mentioned it, but I want to 0:20:35.520 --> 0:20:37.960 say it here with you, guys, because another way of 0:20:38.000 --> 0:20:42.280 honoring my mother is by being honest, because that's how 0:20:42.280 --> 0:20:53.919 she was. My family and I are not okay my 0:20:54.000 --> 0:20:56.160 extended family. Should I say my siblings and I think 0:20:56.200 --> 0:21:00.439 goodness were good. We have our disagreement into we have 0:21:00.760 --> 0:21:05.320 our discussions or arguments, but we always come back to 0:21:05.359 --> 0:21:09.800 each other. But there has always been issues in my family, unfortunately, 0:21:10.680 --> 0:21:14.440 because there are so many of us in the industry. 0:21:16.040 --> 0:21:18.680 Fortunately and unfortunately, I feel that we could have been 0:21:20.000 --> 0:21:25.440 a very successful dynasty together. But I feel like jealousy 0:21:25.480 --> 0:21:29.600 and ego and greed has ruined our family for years. 0:21:31.640 --> 0:21:35.440 And I'm now ready to say that, Yeah, I'm not okay, 0:21:35.480 --> 0:21:36.840 and I know some of my siblings, and I don't 0:21:36.840 --> 0:21:39.520 want to speak for them, are also not okay with 0:21:40.160 --> 0:21:44.400 most of our family members. Today I'll speak about myself 0:21:44.680 --> 0:21:47.120 and what I feel and how I feel and why 0:21:47.119 --> 0:21:51.200 it makes me so sad because my mom was really 0:21:51.240 --> 0:21:54.679 the glue to our family. And although for many years. 0:21:55.280 --> 0:22:00.000 She was also disappointed, and we have emails and conversations, 0:22:00.000 --> 0:22:02.159