Speaker 1: Help I Suck At Dating with The Angler and I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio podcast. Hello and welcome to episode ten. Thank
Speaker 1: you for joining me. I've got a great episode for
Speaker 1: everyone that's listening out there. We are going to be
Speaker 1: circling back around with some married couples we've had in studio,
Speaker 1: picking their brains, just seeing really what makes their relationship successful.
Speaker 1: And amongst the weak hiatus that we took, I was
Speaker 1: able to get some thinking done. I sat back, reflected,
Speaker 1: had an incredible, incredible epiphany that hit me and I'm
Speaker 1: very excited to share it with you guys today. Um okay,
Speaker 1: my Instagram live is over now. Anyways, that was a cliffhanger. Nope,
Speaker 1: Episode ten, Help I Suck at Dating? I have actually
Speaker 1: had some interesting, unique thoughts everythink. Every week before the episodes,
Speaker 1: I tried to have at least one unique thought of
Speaker 1: dating in general, because I mean, you guys, obviously the
Speaker 1: producers Mark Easton, m Amy Sugarman, and Tanya are obviously
Speaker 1: great in terms of guiding the podcast, but I like
Speaker 1: to at least have like new ideas that I come
Speaker 1: up with right throughout the day. Um, I don't know
Speaker 1: if you want to get into that now or if
Speaker 1: you want to start talking to married couples. And I
Speaker 1: think I think this one that I had last night
Speaker 1: too as I was falling asleep, UM, kind of applies
Speaker 1: to some of the listeners that might be dealing with
Speaker 1: some of these guys that they've been calling in about,
Speaker 1: you know, like the relationship troubles, all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: So me specifically, I'm going to say that I have
Speaker 1: for the sake of this exercise, I'm going to say
Speaker 1: that I have ten friends, um males women. So of
Speaker 1: those ten friends, seven of those are guys. Of those
Speaker 1: seven guys, I would say two of the two of
Speaker 1: the seven are in relationships, so we're looking at what
Speaker 1: that's like. Of them are in relationships, the other five
Speaker 1: are all single. Quick math, the other five are single.
Speaker 1: So five of my seven guy friends are single, which
Speaker 1: means I'm probably spending more time with them and going
Speaker 1: out to the bars more often with them than I
Speaker 1: am with the two that are in a relationship. And
Speaker 1: and you correct me time in if you want to.
Speaker 1: While I'm discussing, because it's a very premature thought, I
Speaker 1: would say too that as guys were more own to
Speaker 1: share the things that we dislike about our significant other
Speaker 1: than we do the things that we do like about them.
Speaker 1: So the two guys that I'm friends with that are
Speaker 1: in relationships are constantly complaining about things of the relationship,
Speaker 1: which as a single guy to here is very much
Speaker 1: a turn off and it kind of a catalyzes the
Speaker 1: the need and want to stay single. So it's just
Speaker 1: I'm saying, as as a listener of this podcast, if
Speaker 1: you're a woman and you're looking to date a guy,
Speaker 1: maybe look at the guys that he surrounds himself by
Speaker 1: his friendships and see if any of them aren't successful relationships. Obviously,
Speaker 1: I think the people at the company that you keep
Speaker 1: is very important to who you are as a person
Speaker 1: on a daily basis um And I don't know necessarily
Speaker 1: how to I guess overcome that, But that's just kind
Speaker 1: of a thought that I had last night. Can you
Speaker 1: learn from them at all? Like when they complain about
Speaker 1: something she's doing, can you think to yourself, how would
Speaker 1: I handle that? Because no relationship is perfect. You're going
Speaker 1: to find the great woman, like great love of your
Speaker 1: life someday and they will still be conflict. So can
Speaker 1: you learn from them and think how will I handle it?
Speaker 1: If that ever happens to me, or is it more
Speaker 1: of a oh oh, thank god, I don't have to
Speaker 1: deal with that. Well, I think as a guy, as
Speaker 1: a twenty six year old man, my friendships are very
Speaker 1: much not rooted in confiding in each other's relationship. WOA.
Speaker 1: So it's like, say, my friend who's dating his girlfriend
Speaker 1: of three years it's going through I don't know a
Speaker 1: hard point in the relationship. He wouldn't like reach out
Speaker 1: and be like, I mean, of course you'll have conversations,
Speaker 1: but I don't think he would be like we would
Speaker 1: like sit down in a way a pros and cons
Speaker 1: list of what's good and what's bad. It's mostly you
Speaker 1: just hear about the bad things and not so much
Speaker 1: about the good things. And you hear about like the
Speaker 1: the things that he doesn't like, but not the nice
Speaker 1: things that he's doing on a daily basis. Do you
Speaker 1: ever ask them like, why are you still in this relationship?
Speaker 1: There's got to be some positives. And I'm not saying
Speaker 1: that all of them are negative at all. Of course
Speaker 1: there I think they're more majority positive than they are negative.
Speaker 1: But I just think that you're saying they only say
Speaker 1: negative things about their partner and like male like locker
Speaker 1: room talk is. I don't want to label it that,
Speaker 1: but essentially that's what it is. You know. You you
Speaker 1: talk about things that are kind of bothering you more
Speaker 1: so than you talk about things that are benefiting you.
Speaker 1: And it's just it's a weird thing to think about.
Speaker 1: It almost kind of stigmatized as being in a relationship
Speaker 1: when you're surrounded by so many single friends and then
Speaker 1: the few friends that you have their own relationships aren't
Speaker 1: seemingly as happy as they actually genuinely are, but they
Speaker 1: just don't talk about that happiness as often as they
Speaker 1: talk about that. And you know what, I ask about
Speaker 1: the happiness because you could gain some insight there, okay,
Speaker 1: because all you're hearing is the negatives. It makes it
Speaker 1: sound awful, but they're there for a reason. I remember
Speaker 1: once it was an old guy used to work with
Speaker 1: who used to you know, a lot of guys make
Speaker 1: jokes about their ex wives when they have ex wives,
Speaker 1: and what a horrible monster there. And I was thinking
Speaker 1: to myself, you loved her so much that you committed
Speaker 1: the rest of your life to that person. Okay, so
Speaker 1: it didn't work out, but could she be that horrible.
Speaker 1: Just guys can be so negative sometimes when they talk
Speaker 1: to their other guy friends about it. But in the
Speaker 1: back of my mind, I'm always thinking there's got to
Speaker 1: be something there, something that they clung onto at one point. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and with your friends, something that they're enjoying right then
Speaker 1: they're sticking around for. And of course if you're in
Speaker 1: a relationship, I think it means that you enjoy it
Speaker 1: more than you don't write so or I mean, there's
Speaker 1: fear of being alone. There's all kinds of those issues,
Speaker 1: I guess. I guess the point of that thought was
Speaker 1: just like, b I don't know aware of the friendships
Speaker 1: that these guys that you're pursuing are are surrounding himself by.
Speaker 1: Because I love my friends to death and I would
Speaker 1: kill for every single one of them. Um, but they're
Speaker 1: all uh dating and apt as well in a lot
Speaker 1: of ways. And I don't want to say that it
Speaker 1: like affects me positively negatively, but it definitely like is
Speaker 1: something worth considering. I think, you know, Yeah, can you
Speaker 1: jumping I come from Hello, I'm just sticking around for
Speaker 1: this one today. Um, I agree with you because I
Speaker 1: think that I in my life right now I'm surrounded
Speaker 1: by really healthy, strong relationships in my life, and I
Speaker 1: look to these people and I like, I love how
Speaker 1: I love the foundation of their relationships. I love how
Speaker 1: the both of them bring up the best in each other.
Speaker 1: I love how they work there like a team, you know,
Speaker 1: Like all the couples I'm surrounded with are a team
Speaker 1: and they have a partner, and I admire that so much.
Speaker 1: So I think that's why for me, I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: not necessarily sad being single, but I definitely strive for
Speaker 1: a relationship because I have such strong relationships in my
Speaker 1: life and then my friendships and my circles that I
Speaker 1: really admire and look up to. So I can see
Speaker 1: how that negatively can affect you not wanting to be
Speaker 1: in a relationship. Yeah, and I don't. I don't want
Speaker 1: to say that it's not wanting to be in a
Speaker 1: relationship for me personally, Okay, celebrating your singleness, I just
Speaker 1: think it it provides, like obviously, everything that we do,
Speaker 1: you kind of stacked the pros and cons the positive
Speaker 1: to negative of everything you do. And when you're surrounded
Speaker 1: by people that are happily enjoying their single life more
Speaker 1: so than being in a relationship. Then it kind of
Speaker 1: like makes your um, I guess scales teeter in one
Speaker 1: certain direction, and like to your point as well. My
Speaker 1: brother has been dating his girlfriend for four or five years.
Speaker 1: They both live in Colorado together. I don't make it
Speaker 1: out there often to see them, but whenever I do,
Speaker 1: I'll stay with them for you know, four or five
Speaker 1: days at a time, and I always come out of
Speaker 1: that experience and being like, Wow, they have like such
Speaker 1: a strong relationship and they really really love each other,
Speaker 1: and it's like, it's just it's it's interesting to see
Speaker 1: how quickly our mindsets can change when we're surrounded by
Speaker 1: things that we want to see for ourselves, you know.
Speaker 1: And I think what's interesting is like for me, I
Speaker 1: went through this a long, Like for so long, I
Speaker 1: feel like, um, I didn't appreciate that I was single,
Speaker 1: and I was so badly wanting to be back in
Speaker 1: a relationship, and I didn't like appreciate all the good
Speaker 1: things that come with being single, you know. And I
Speaker 1: think now I'm trying to be way more present in
Speaker 1: like being thankful for the season that I'm in and
Speaker 1: like I don't have to answer to somebody. I can
Speaker 1: literally do whatever I want. Like in five years from now,
Speaker 1: I'm probably gonna be married and probably gonna have a family.
Speaker 1: So I'm like trying to just be more present and
Speaker 1: like in the moment and grateful for the season that
Speaker 1: I'm in. But it is it's really interesting because I
Speaker 1: do think like depending on your situation, you can really
Speaker 1: like sway either way. And depending on the time of year.
Speaker 1: I feel like with winter coming up, seasonal effective disorder
Speaker 1: cuffing season, season, it's more two as I guess, But yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I think personally I get a little bit
Speaker 1: more down in the dumps this time of year for
Speaker 1: whatever reason, maybe holidays, maybe whatever it is. I just
Speaker 1: think people in general get a little Maybe not in
Speaker 1: l A so much because the sun is always out,
Speaker 1: but back in Colorado the sunsets at like four pm.
Speaker 1: You're a little bit more. And do you feel lonely?
Speaker 1: Is that a feeling you feel, you know, if it's
Speaker 1: Christmas time or that time of year, do you wish
Speaker 1: you had somebody to share it with? Absolutely? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean everyone feels lonely, so you kind of go back
Speaker 1: and forth. But that's the thing that I'm surrounded by
Speaker 1: so many great friends, all the time. Like there, I
Speaker 1: always have an outlet of friendship to refer to. But um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think not being in a relationship, especially around this
Speaker 1: time of year, it's it's challenging. Well, give them the
Speaker 1: theme of this show and what kind of segue into that? Yeah,
Speaker 1: which is a great segue too, because the people that
Speaker 1: we're gonna speak with today haven't had to deal with
Speaker 1: that for a while, because they've been in successful relationships,
Speaker 1: successful marriages for varying amounts of time, but most of
Speaker 1: them very very long. So what we're gonna do is
Speaker 1: we're gonna ask mary couples the best advice that they
Speaker 1: have for their successful relationships. Awesome. Yeah, because when you
Speaker 1: suck at dating, you turn to those who aren't dating anymore.
Speaker 1: The ones that are married, they clearly were successful at
Speaker 1: dating at one point or another, or they just failed
Speaker 1: into a marriage somehow happened sometimes. Well I'll start, if
Speaker 1: you don't mind, please, I've been with my wife for
Speaker 1: twenty years, married for fifteen, um, and any questions you have,
Speaker 1: but I'm often asked, how did you know? And for me,
Speaker 1: I remember very clearly we've been together for a couple
Speaker 1: of years and I was thinking, you know, how do
Speaker 1: you know when it's time to propose in that? And
Speaker 1: I thought, well, what if I don't, and what if
Speaker 1: we were to break up? And the thought of she
Speaker 1: and I living just separate lives. She's off doing her
Speaker 1: thing and dating somebody and I'm off doing my thing.
Speaker 1: It was laughable to me. It was inconceivable that the
Speaker 1: would ever be a time in my life when Amy
Speaker 1: wasn't part of my life. That was ludicrous. And that's
Speaker 1: when I knew, Okay, so this is the this is it. Now.
Speaker 1: Here's my question. Have you guys seen the movie? Definitely
Speaker 1: maybe Ryan Reynolds Erica. Have you I have not? In it?
Speaker 1: I have. It's with the little girl, right, Yes, he
Speaker 1: has the little baby and they're trying to He's like
Speaker 1: talking about the um love I guess loves that he's
Speaker 1: had throughout his life and why her mother is her mother?
Speaker 1: That kind of thing, because you've definitely seen this movie before. Anyways.
Speaker 1: In the movie, definitely maybe the female lead I can't
Speaker 1: remember her name, she's an incredibly famous actress says something
Speaker 1: along the lines of it's not who but when so
Speaker 1: it's not who you're with that you know you're gonna
Speaker 1: get married, But it's when you're with that person that
Speaker 1: you know that you're ready to spend the rest of
Speaker 1: your life with them. So it's not like, does that
Speaker 1: make sense? Is that kind of what you're saying? As well,
Speaker 1: it's like, I guess it is if you met Amy
Speaker 1: ten years before I ran, and she would have been
Speaker 1: an eight year old. Just to clarify, I was twenty
Speaker 1: six and Amy was eighteen we started dating, So when
Speaker 1: I had this revelation is probably twenty one. But it
Speaker 1: almost goes against your point, because yes, for me, I
Speaker 1: was at a place in my life when I was
Speaker 1: ready to settle down, but she was twenty one years old.
Speaker 1: It's very easy for her to say that she wasn't
Speaker 1: at that point in her life. And honestly, one of
Speaker 1: the reasons I was hesitant to propose too soon is
Speaker 1: I wanted to make sure that she was a hundred
Speaker 1: percent on board, because when you're you've been dating the
Speaker 1: same guy since you were eighteen. I didn't want that
Speaker 1: feeling in her head of who else might be out there.
Speaker 1: I haven't sampled anything I've been with this guy, and
Speaker 1: maybe I'd like to play the field a little bit
Speaker 1: and see what else is out there. Luckily she didn't
Speaker 1: feel that way, but I was. I was very nervous
Speaker 1: about that. As far as marriage goes, I've always my
Speaker 1: advice has always been to consider it a commitment, and
Speaker 1: obviously it's a commitment, but what I mean by that
Speaker 1: is you think of it long term, because I feel
Speaker 1: like a lot of people feel like if it's not
Speaker 1: going well for a certain amount of time, that it's
Speaker 1: falling apart and it's over. But it's not. There's ups
Speaker 1: and there's downs, and there's peaks, and there's valleys and whatever.
Speaker 1: If you're committed to it being a lifetime together, that
Speaker 1: fight last night, it's not that big a deal in
Speaker 1: the grand scheme of things, where some people are like,
Speaker 1: I'm going to my mom's. I can't deal with you,
Speaker 1: I'm out of here, or they go to someone else
Speaker 1: because it's getting a little rocky at home, so they
Speaker 1: seek solace and somebody else, and then it's it's going
Speaker 1: to be over. You're blowing whole thing up. So I
Speaker 1: think as long as you see it as a lifetime together,
Speaker 1: which could scare some people, I understand, But as long
Speaker 1: as you think of it that way, I think you
Speaker 1: can get through anything. Yeah, I think. Um. Amy, we
Speaker 1: had on last week right the the Holistic Sex Expert.
Speaker 1: What's your name Amy? I think it was Amy anyway,
Speaker 1: So I was listening to the podcast that we recorded
Speaker 1: last week and she said something that really struck a
Speaker 1: chord with me. She said something along the lines of
Speaker 1: relationships are one of the things that we work for
Speaker 1: until we get and then once we have we don't
Speaker 1: really work anymore. Like like you like work for an
Speaker 1: apprenticeship or you work at your job, you constantly improve yourself,
Speaker 1: but in relationships, you kind of stop that once you
Speaker 1: acquire what you're looking for and you don't constantly like
Speaker 1: achieve to do better in the relationship. Her name was
Speaker 1: Kim Kim, I not me. I'm so sorry for saying Amy,
Speaker 1: but um, yeah, that really struck a chord with me.
Speaker 1: I feel like because to your point, I feel like
Speaker 1: when you have an argument, you kind of people like
Speaker 1: tend to internalize that and maybe taken round with it.
Speaker 1: But what she was saying was it's it's not just
Speaker 1: a once you have it, you have it. It's something
Speaker 1: that you have to continue to work with and improve
Speaker 1: upon and improve upon yourself too. I'm such a better
Speaker 1: person than than I was when I met Amy. A
Speaker 1: lot of that is thanks to her, but a lot
Speaker 1: of that is just from the relationship and maturing and
Speaker 1: growing up and figuring out what works and doesn't work. Right.
Speaker 1: That's just interesting to think about, Yeah, because I think
Speaker 1: that I've always maybe I think all of us kind
Speaker 1: of inherently know that, but we never really outwardly expressed
Speaker 1: or talk about it. And so it's just like a
Speaker 1: weird to have like that kind of like realization of
Speaker 1: thought that that I don't know, that's just kind of
Speaker 1: my take. But like your whole life is, it turns
Speaker 1: into a compromise, like you never you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: when you're when you're married, you don't ever get to
Speaker 1: do exactly what you want to do. Oh yeah, for sure,
Speaker 1: Mark Easton, Easton, you can jump in. Yeah, i'd say so. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a beautiful compromise. Yes, yes, it's it's very satisfying,
Speaker 1: and it's very it is very beautiful. And it also
Speaker 1: makes me better because if I just did whatever I
Speaker 1: wanted all the time, i'd sure be on the couch
Speaker 1: a lot house, probably be a man, but the house
Speaker 1: would be a mess. I wouldn't be out hike, that
Speaker 1: wouldn't be out exercising. Like I'm trying to be a
Speaker 1: better person for me, for her, for the kids, for everybody.
Speaker 1: If it was up to me, it would be a
Speaker 1: lot of TV. And it's good. It's a good thing.
Speaker 1: The compromise is positive, although I get when you're in
Speaker 1: your twenties that compromises not something you're interested to. The
Speaker 1: conversation we had last week as well, that's a challenge
Speaker 1: that your wife kind of gives you, is to to
Speaker 1: get up more and clean the house and do whatever
Speaker 1: it is. She's constantly pushing you to do things that
Speaker 1: you wouldn't do on your own had she not been there.
Speaker 1: So that's that's amazing, amazing, and the benefits are great.
Speaker 1: I live in a clean house instead of the squalor
Speaker 1: I lived in before her, And at eight pm on
Speaker 1: a Sunday, after watching TV all day long, you feel
Speaker 1: a lot worse than had you gone hiking day and
Speaker 1: gotten some chores accomplished all that kind of exactly right,
Speaker 1: I'd probably be fifty pounds heavier. I think maybe guys
Speaker 1: just don't have as much foresight as women, you know,
Speaker 1: and motivation and ambition and all that stuff. Every Hey,
Speaker 1: I think we're on. We have a married woman on
Speaker 1: the line. Okay, nice, So we have him calling in.
Speaker 1: She's been married for three years with her husband who
Speaker 1: has been they've been together for ten years. While I
Speaker 1: kind of stumbled over that one him, are you there? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm here. How are you thank you for? How are
Speaker 1: you doing? I'm good, I'm good. All right. So the
Speaker 1: theme of today's episode is we're talking about what a
Speaker 1: successful relationship is married. I'm sorry, he's made of UM.
Speaker 1: So we're joined by Eastern Mark and Tanya here. So
Speaker 1: do you mind kind of telling us a little bit
Speaker 1: more about your story? Yeah, of course. UM. I've been
Speaker 1: with my husband for ten years and we've been married
Speaker 1: for three UM, and our first four years together were
Speaker 1: actually long distance because he was playing professional baseball. So
Speaker 1: I think, UM, a lot of the reason why we've
Speaker 1: made it this far is because we've always had open communication. UM,
Speaker 1: and I think that was like a big part in
Speaker 1: our relationship. So he was traveling for work essentially. Yes,
Speaker 1: And what did you do during that time? Um? I
Speaker 1: was in San Francisco. I was a chef, so I
Speaker 1: was finishing up culinary school and then working in restaurants
Speaker 1: up there. Would we have heard of your husband through
Speaker 1: his professional colum? Um, he played the minor league for
Speaker 1: the San Francisco Giants. Um, he was a catcher. So
Speaker 1: I don't know, he never made it, no, but he no,
Speaker 1: he played with that. Okay. So we've talked about this
Speaker 1: in the past and in past episodes with like Adam
Speaker 1: and Raven and other people that have been through the
Speaker 1: long distance experience. How did you go about making it
Speaker 1: work with your boyfriend at the time, it sounds like,
Speaker 1: and then maybe since since he retired from baseball he
Speaker 1: became your husband. Yeah, I always we've always said that. Um.
Speaker 1: We think, like I think the foundation of like a
Speaker 1: really strong relationship is trust and communication, and from day
Speaker 1: one we've always been honest, no lies. I think that's
Speaker 1: like a really big part in the successful relationship. Um,
Speaker 1: to start off on the right. But yeah, I think
Speaker 1: it must be challenging for you too, because not only
Speaker 1: was he was it long distance, but he was like
Speaker 1: traveling to new places all the time. UM. I guess
Speaker 1: I don't know the extent of like how often you
Speaker 1: were able to visit him it. Yeah, So yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean we got lucky the first year I lived in
Speaker 1: San Francisco and he was playing in San Jose, so
Speaker 1: we were actually forty five minutes apart from each other,
Speaker 1: so after certain games he would come over and sleep
Speaker 1: in the city and spend the weekend. So we got
Speaker 1: really lucky. But then he moved to Virginia, and that
Speaker 1: was probably the hardest time because it was probably three
Speaker 1: the longest we've been apart was three months, UM, and
Speaker 1: I think for us being able to talk on the
Speaker 1: phone and UM, having that communication was really helpful because
Speaker 1: it got really hard at times. UM. But after that,
Speaker 1: when we lived together in l a, UM, I think
Speaker 1: we were so glued to each other because we had
Speaker 1: been separated for so long that now it's been a
Speaker 1: lot easier. Nice and so so he basically gave up,
Speaker 1: well maybe not gave up his professional career, but he
Speaker 1: essentially finished out what he was trying to do with
Speaker 1: that and then decided to obviously mutually decided to settle
Speaker 1: down and essentially, yeah, yeah, definitely. He actually had a
Speaker 1: couple of flute concussions, so UM it was the doctor
Speaker 1: said that he couldn't really play anymore, and he had
Speaker 1: already been doing it for five years, and like you said,
Speaker 1: it was kind of mutual, Like, what am I going
Speaker 1: to do now? I have a girl back at home
Speaker 1: and so we both moved back to l A where
Speaker 1: we're both from, and started, um, the rest from there.
Speaker 1: So would you consider that that long portion of the
Speaker 1: long distance relationship beneficial for you now? Because like you said,
Speaker 1: you're kind of a little bit more glued to each other.
Speaker 1: I can kind of attribute it to like when you
Speaker 1: adopt a shelter dog or something like that, and they're
Speaker 1: essentially bill crow to you at that point, right, the
Speaker 1: extend of the kind of draws you closer physically. Now, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think so for sure. I think the long distance
Speaker 1: has made us both stronger. I think our communication skills
Speaker 1: are so much better because we were a long distance so, um,
Speaker 1: I think that helps out in the long run. So
Speaker 1: what's the key to making I guess this relationship work now? Um?
Speaker 1: Like I said, from the beginning, I think being honest
Speaker 1: with each other, um from day one is really huge help.
Speaker 1: I think that having like never lying and being open
Speaker 1: and just knowing that you can't read each other's mind.
Speaker 1: So if something's bugging you, you need to let your
Speaker 1: partner know, you know, he can't read your mind if
Speaker 1: something's bugging you or vice versa. So I think being
Speaker 1: open and honest. And we always say like, don't bring
Speaker 1: work home with you. You can't work if you work
Speaker 1: too hard and then you come home and you're stressed
Speaker 1: about it. You know that you bring it home on
Speaker 1: your wife or your husband. So I think not taking
Speaker 1: things too seriously. Um, I think that's a really big
Speaker 1: piece of advice as well. What does what is his
Speaker 1: career now? Now? Now he's in sales. That makes sense.
Speaker 1: I think that's a natural transition for most athletes, not most.
Speaker 1: The mentality I think kind of cares over pretty well. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because he's always worked with them a bunch of people,
Speaker 1: and he's really good with that. So I think now
Speaker 1: he's Um, we're both I don't know. I think we're
Speaker 1: both very honest with each other. And I think that's huge.
Speaker 1: And we always say like, even like he's thirty two,
Speaker 1: I'm thirty and we go to Coachella every year, and
Speaker 1: I always say, like, if you like the party or
Speaker 1: have fun, like instead of just doing like a boy's
Speaker 1: trip or a girls trip, like try and include your
Speaker 1: wife or your husband like, we have the best time
Speaker 1: when we go out together, and we always go to
Speaker 1: concerts and shows, and that's how you build memories and
Speaker 1: get closer to absolutely. So I watched the movie Um,
Speaker 1: The Invention of Lying last night, and it's it's funny
Speaker 1: too because they're just brutally honest the entire time. So
Speaker 1: do you see that with you and your husband? Even
Speaker 1: like if you if you're honest about something that maybe
Speaker 1: the other one isn't going to like, it's still worth saying. Yes,
Speaker 1: I think that we're best friends. So I think in
Speaker 1: the long run, it's going to help us. It's never
Speaker 1: gonna hurt you. What about um little baby Kim's running
Speaker 1: around anytime soon? No, no, no, I think we're gonna
Speaker 1: rescue you already have a rescue dog. And we're both
Speaker 1: I'm a baby of three girls and he's the baby
Speaker 1: of three boys. So we want to be the really
Speaker 1: cool aunt and uncle spoil them and then give them back.
Speaker 1: That's I'm that's understandable. Um yeah, I mean I think
Speaker 1: a puppy is good enough. Anyways, I have a quick question.
Speaker 1: I'm so fascinated by the life of the professional athletes,
Speaker 1: So I mean his whole life, high school, college baseball,
Speaker 1: baseball baseball, and then he has his concussions. Was it
Speaker 1: difficult for him to to make that decision to stop
Speaker 1: going every spring to spring training? Yes, I think it's
Speaker 1: probably the hardest decision of his life. I think he said,
Speaker 1: um that if we weren't together that maybe he would
Speaker 1: still try. But he said because he wasn't gonna be
Speaker 1: able to be a catcher anymore, no matter what. But
Speaker 1: he could have tried being because he had a good arm,
Speaker 1: you know, he could have been a pitcher. But he
Speaker 1: said that transition was the hardest because you just live
Speaker 1: and breathe baseball your whole life. You never think about
Speaker 1: what you're doing next because you just think it's only that.
Speaker 1: But that puts a lot of pressure on you. For
Speaker 1: him to say that if I wasn't with you, I
Speaker 1: might give it another shot. Yeah, but I don't really
Speaker 1: believe that. I think he was done with it mentally.
Speaker 1: I mean, he was so injured, Like I think he
Speaker 1: just says that to be like, oh, yeah, I think
Speaker 1: I think I keep playing, But there's no way he
Speaker 1: would keep playing. Like it's the minor league. Baseball is
Speaker 1: so hard. It's like every day you're it's just it's
Speaker 1: it's a grueling process to make it. Yeah, and it's
Speaker 1: no money and it's no money, make nothing, and it's
Speaker 1: it's just it's you know, it's all mental that you know,
Speaker 1: sports in general, like of it is a mental game.
Speaker 1: So I think it's a lot for any minor league
Speaker 1: player and then to be able to make it. Like
Speaker 1: I said, he played with Buster Posey, was in his
Speaker 1: class and they were catchers together. So I think behind
Speaker 1: being behind someone like that, Um, it's really it's really hard.
Speaker 1: Tanya doesn't know sports. But but what happened was he
Speaker 1: was catching with this guy, Buster Posey, and then watched
Speaker 1: Buster Posey go to the major leagues sign multimillion dollar contracts,
Speaker 1: win World Series m v P. Like you had to
Speaker 1: watch that happened. That's tough, but it sounds like you
Speaker 1: being there for him through that transitional part in his
Speaker 1: life also helped cement you two together. I think so.
Speaker 1: I really do think so, because I think it would
Speaker 1: be hard doing that on your own and then having
Speaker 1: someone that you can talk to and relate to, and
Speaker 1: I think, um it was I think I hopefully I
Speaker 1: helped them through that. That's amazing. Yeah, I think that.
Speaker 1: Like to Mark's point, that the fact that you were
Speaker 1: there for um emotionally and um, you know, psychologically throughout
Speaker 1: that that seven years of his was it seven years yeah,
Speaker 1: of his uh minor league career. That's that's great. Um
Speaker 1: all right, Kim, Well, thank you so much for calling in.
Speaker 1: That's incredibly helpful, I think for all of the listeners,
Speaker 1: for myself included, UM, we wish you the best. If
Speaker 1: you ever need a puppy sitter here in Los Angeles,
Speaker 1: please let me know. I'm always more unhappy to jump
Speaker 1: in when necessary. Thank you. Yeah, I have a good
Speaker 1: rest of your day. All right. Bye. I didn't want
Speaker 1: to say this when she was on the phone, but
Speaker 1: Buster Posey signed a eight year deal worth one million dollars.
Speaker 1: That's a lot of cheese. Did you win like a
Speaker 1: couple of MVPs he did? Yeah, that's crazy. Um. Well,
Speaker 1: one thing that I think most married couples can agree
Speaker 1: is the importance of sharing meals together. And one great
Speaker 1: way to share meals with each other if you're I
Speaker 1: guess kitchen. Uh. I don't want to say the word
Speaker 1: of nept again because I used it earlier in this podcast.
Speaker 1: But kitchen incapable, perhaps is to go through this amazing
Speaker 1: company called Hello Fresh. I'm sure you've heard of them.
Speaker 1: I'm sure you've seen their meal delivery services. Essentially, what
Speaker 1: it is is a meal kit delivery service that makes
Speaker 1: cooking fun so you can focus on the whole experience
Speaker 1: and not just the final place. So you know, your husband, wife,
Speaker 1: your boyfriend, girlfriend, you're just trying to impress that that
Speaker 1: boy or girl you've just met, um invite him over.
Speaker 1: Have this this experience of cooking together and obviously enjoying
Speaker 1: the meal all the way. At the end, their creative, delicious,
Speaker 1: nutritionally balanced so that way you guys can stay fit
Speaker 1: and obviously physically attracted to each other, perfect portion and
Speaker 1: sent directly to your door with minimal waste. Which is
Speaker 1: great too because my roommate is very very anti excess
Speaker 1: and so when things get sent to our house that
Speaker 1: have insane amounts of of packaging and all that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff, he kind of gets upset. So whenever Hello
Speaker 1: Fresh gets delivered to my house, you can always see
Speaker 1: the benefit and that so check out some of the meals.
Speaker 1: The juicy Lucy Burger, tomato onion jam and rugos salad
Speaker 1: is one of my favorite. I think I made the
Speaker 1: lobster ravioli last week, and I love lobster, so it
Speaker 1: was delicious. And if you go on to Hello Fresh
Speaker 1: dot com and use the promo code Dean, you get
Speaker 1: thirty dollars off your very first week of Hello Fresh,
Speaker 1: and you can maybe start feeling confident in the kitchen.
Speaker 1: I I think when I first started this podcast, I
Speaker 1: had cooked two meals since living in Los Angeles of
Speaker 1: the two years I've lived here, and I can safely
Speaker 1: say I've cooked quite a few more. So if you
Speaker 1: go to Hello Fresh dot com and enter promo code Dean,
Speaker 1: that's d e A N you will get thirty dollars
Speaker 1: off your very first week of Hello Fresh. All right,
Speaker 1: So next we have Christa, who has been married for
Speaker 1: seven years. UM and hopefully we can get some advice
Speaker 1: from her. Chris, are you there, I'm here, lovely. How
Speaker 1: are you? I'm fine? How are you doing? I'm doing well, Christa.
Speaker 1: So I'm joined in the studio by Easton and Tanya. UM,
Speaker 1: and we kind of just want to pick your brain.
Speaker 1: I know you talked to a little bit with Erica
Speaker 1: about it, but UM, can you give us a little
Speaker 1: bit more insight on your relationship and kind of what's
Speaker 1: going on in your life. Well, let me start with
Speaker 1: the fact that this is my second marriage, so I
Speaker 1: probably have some advice you might not want to use.
Speaker 1: I mean, good, it's good to get both perspectives. That's right,
Speaker 1: that's right. But I'm doing a better job this time,
Speaker 1: so I think I actually have some good advice. All right,
Speaker 1: let's hear it. Okay, So well, off the top of
Speaker 1: my head, you know that's saying that you should never
Speaker 1: go to bed angry. I don't believe that one. Why
Speaker 1: is that? I think sometimes you have to let it go,
Speaker 1: go to bed and start fresh the next day. And
Speaker 1: sometimes that means going to bed angry. So for me,
Speaker 1: and that has worked for our relationship. That's when I
Speaker 1: learned the second round. So give us a little bit
Speaker 1: more insight into I guess if you don't mind both marriages.
Speaker 1: How long was the first one? How long is the
Speaker 1: second one? Fairly going for the first one was thirteen
Speaker 1: so I'd say we had a pretty good run. Thirteen days. Nope,
Speaker 1: you're kidding, Okay, So years for the first one, thirteen
Speaker 1: years for the first one. Um, with a bunch of kids,
Speaker 1: and I think that probably put a little stress on it.
Speaker 1: So um, but the seven years has been super easy, easy, breezy.
Speaker 1: What's been different about it? You know? I think I
Speaker 1: took some life lessons away from that first one. Uh,
Speaker 1: you know, not to slept the small stuff. Like I said,
Speaker 1: it's okay. Those old wives tales of what you should
Speaker 1: and shouldn't do that everyone quotes aren't necessarily true. Everyone
Speaker 1: has a different relationship. So you know, we go to
Speaker 1: bed mad sometimes when we wake up and we say sorry,
Speaker 1: and I think, you know, saying sorry, that's another big one.
Speaker 1: I Um, I don't like to apologize. So when you
Speaker 1: guys go to bed angry, how does the how do
Speaker 1: the logistics of the of the night work? Do you
Speaker 1: guys snuggle with each other? Do you build like a
Speaker 1: pillow barrier? How does that work? Oh that's a good call.
Speaker 1: I might try that next time. Now we have yet
Speaker 1: to build our separate ports. Um, we just sort of
Speaker 1: go to bed each on our own side room. There's
Speaker 1: no like going to the guest room, or we don't.
Speaker 1: We actually don't have a guest room, so maybe we
Speaker 1: would do that. But um, you never sent him to
Speaker 1: the couch or anything like that. Know, our couch is
Speaker 1: pretty comfortable. I wouldn't do that now, you know. We
Speaker 1: just sort of go to bed and sleep it off
Speaker 1: and generally it's better in the morning. Great. So do
Speaker 1: you have any children with this new husband? I do
Speaker 1: not know, And I think having kids also adds like
Speaker 1: stress to it. So maybe that's the where we have
Speaker 1: had a little bit easier. The difference being you can
Speaker 1: kind of focus more on the relationship than the children, right,
Speaker 1: But I mean we still have step kids, We have kids.
Speaker 1: Each of us have kids, so that that can, you know,
Speaker 1: cause a lot of stress sometimes, but our kids get along. Well.
Speaker 1: Was he married before he was? Okay? Gotchas you guys
Speaker 1: both had a chance to kind of are not all
Speaker 1: the kinks and then come together and finally be successful. Right.
Speaker 1: I like to say I got the better version of
Speaker 1: my husband. Yeah, I'm sure an Yeah, he considers me
Speaker 1: an upgrade for sure. Um. How did you two meet?
Speaker 1: You and your husband? We met on a beach, actually
Speaker 1: a beach that we both go too often, um, and
Speaker 1: that we grew up going to. So kind of Actually,
Speaker 1: he wasn't super friendly when I first met him, so
Speaker 1: That's another tip is to give someone the second chance.
Speaker 1: He wasn't friendly in terms of like he wasn't giving
Speaker 1: your time a day or giving anyone. He's just he
Speaker 1: was sort of an unfriendly, unfriendly first meeting for all.
Speaker 1: But once he warms up to you, it kind of
Speaker 1: changes things a little bit. Once he warms up, he's
Speaker 1: a much much better guy. So yes that I'm probably
Speaker 1: gave him a third, fourth, and fifth chance. Um, because
Speaker 1: this is probably the best thing I ever did. And
Speaker 1: I know you said in your first marriage that you
Speaker 1: said like you wouldn't you know, you learned not to
Speaker 1: sweat the small things. What's like the biggest mistake you
Speaker 1: feel like you made in your first relationship that you're
Speaker 1: never going to do again in the first marriage, I
Speaker 1: think marrying someone because I wanted to get married. That's
Speaker 1: a huge, huge, huge issue. So what about marriage made
Speaker 1: you want it so badly? Just the forever commitment. I mean,
Speaker 1: the weddings are so fun. I really really wanted a wedding,
Speaker 1: and I also kind of competitive, so I wanted to
Speaker 1: be first all my friends. Krista, I'm so happy that
Speaker 1: you said that because I think that's a huge thing,
Speaker 1: especially a lot of my friends. I know a couple
Speaker 1: of my friends that have actually gotten married, and I
Speaker 1: think just because they were like, well, I'm about to
Speaker 1: be thirty and all my friends are married and this
Speaker 1: guy is good for now, and they don't think of
Speaker 1: like this is for the rest of their lives. No,
Speaker 1: I definitely did not focus on that. That was a
Speaker 1: huge difference between one and two. First one was let's
Speaker 1: get the wedding. All the dress is so pretty and
Speaker 1: all my friends are coming and it's could be great.
Speaker 1: Then the second one, I we actually had a kid
Speaker 1: who had two broken arms minutes before the ceremony. Well, okay,
Speaker 1: that's an exaggeration. Two days two days before, one of
Speaker 1: the kids broke both arms and it was, you know,
Speaker 1: kind of a disaster. And my hair was a mess.
Speaker 1: It was my dress. I've never tried it on. It
Speaker 1: didn't it? Which wedding? Did you have more fun at
Speaker 1: the second one? I like all about the marriage and
Speaker 1: not the wedding. Do you mind if I asked you
Speaker 1: when you got your entered your first marriage, first marriage,
Speaker 1: I was twenty four. That's pretty young. How long were
Speaker 1: you guys together for? That's the one that was thirteen,
Speaker 1: so I'm sorry. Before before the marriage, I'm sorry, oh
Speaker 1: before that. Um, we got engaged after eight months. We
Speaker 1: got married a year later, so less than two years. Interesting.
Speaker 1: And then I'm sorry for all the personal questions. But
Speaker 1: then how long how long did you know your current
Speaker 1: husband before you too tied the knut? Two years? Also, yeah,
Speaker 1: so about two years? Okay, all right, I'm a two
Speaker 1: year girl. But I just hadn't thinking this one out.
Speaker 1: This is a winner. And hey, I think, I mean, obviously,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you love your children. So you've got children
Speaker 1: out of the first one, and now you got your
Speaker 1: forever husband out of the second one, and three bonus children.
Speaker 1: So that's pretty three bonus step children. That's great. So
Speaker 1: do you still have a relationship like a friendship or
Speaker 1: anything with your first husband or how is that? Oh? Yeah,
Speaker 1: for sure, when you have kids with somebody, you don't
Speaker 1: get to divorce them. Really. So yes, we're we're actually
Speaker 1: friends and we're much of our friends then we were married.
Speaker 1: We were talking about that at the top of the podcast,
Speaker 1: about how it's it's interesting and curious to see people
Speaker 1: who have been married and then end up like resenting
Speaker 1: each other or hatting each other's guts after the marriage.
Speaker 1: So that's good to hear that you and him still
Speaker 1: have at least a friendly, cordial relationship. I think we're
Speaker 1: pretty lucky. We always have people say that how lucky
Speaker 1: we are that we get along so well. But I
Speaker 1: think in truth, we never should have been married, and yes,
Speaker 1: lasted a long time, but because we are better friends now,
Speaker 1: we probably would have been just better off being friends before.
Speaker 1: I think that's so nice though. I think I think
Speaker 1: when people are so resentful and hateful towards their like
Speaker 1: ex husband or even ex boyfriends, I think that harbors
Speaker 1: so much like anger and anxiety in your life. I
Speaker 1: think it's so much better when you just have a
Speaker 1: happy relationship. You don't have you best friends with your exes.
Speaker 1: But I think just having like a nice cordial relationship
Speaker 1: is just beneficial for everybody involved. Sure, but it also
Speaker 1: takes time to up there. I mean, was Rosie in
Speaker 1: the beginning, I didn't think we would be friends someday,
Speaker 1: Um we got We got lucky on that, because you know,
Speaker 1: no divorce is easy. Never it's like a bad, you know,
Speaker 1: really really bad breakup, your worst breakup. I can't even
Speaker 1: I gosh, I really cannot imagine going through divorce. I
Speaker 1: think dealing with heartbreak is like one of the worst
Speaker 1: things I've ever experienced my life. I couldn't even imagine
Speaker 1: even even ending things with someone that I'm casually dating.
Speaker 1: I die a little bit inside, right, And I mean divorce,
Speaker 1: I say it brings the worst out in people, and
Speaker 1: then you have to find things. It's not like you
Speaker 1: can get away and wash your hands of it. There's
Speaker 1: a lot on the table, So Christophe for for our listeners.
Speaker 1: Then maybe the ones that have yet to enter a
Speaker 1: marriage and are struggling dating, do you have any advice
Speaker 1: for them, maybe that you've learned. How did you like
Speaker 1: weed out, you know, depending on like as you're dating,
Speaker 1: How did you know that your second husband was going
Speaker 1: to be the one? Gosh, that's a really good question.
Speaker 1: I really can't say for sure how I knew, But
Speaker 1: I would say that because he had already also been divorced,
Speaker 1: he was a little more in touch with what needed
Speaker 1: to be done better. He knew he had not done something,
Speaker 1: you know, he'd done things that he wished he hadn't
Speaker 1: done the first marriage, and he was a different person.
Speaker 1: And I guess knowing that and seeing that he was
Speaker 1: open to talking about that made it so that I
Speaker 1: thought we stood a better chance. I don't think, you know,
Speaker 1: I could go back. Now let's say this. You know,
Speaker 1: something happened and I need to shop around for number three.
Speaker 1: I don't think I would want to be with anybody
Speaker 1: who wasn't open to making things better. Yeah, that's a
Speaker 1: huge point. I think, especially when you're when you're dating somebody,
Speaker 1: they always want to project that they're they're then their
Speaker 1: best selves and that they're you know what I mean. Like,
Speaker 1: I think it's it's a huge thing to look for
Speaker 1: that somebody that wants to grow and wants to be
Speaker 1: a better person, because I feel like that's not super common.
Speaker 1: What it means being so want in touch with your feelings.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's not super easy for anybody to necessarily
Speaker 1: be in touch with their feelings, But it's if you're
Speaker 1: slightly open to it, that's a good start. Absolutely, that's
Speaker 1: a really good point to look for. That's that's a
Speaker 1: good takeaway, all right. Christin, Well, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for for calling in and sharing your story. UM very
Speaker 1: very happy for you that you found love the second
Speaker 1: time around, and best to look moving forward. Thank you,
Speaker 1: and I love your podcast, so thank you so much.
Speaker 1: You're amazing. Thank you. Take care. Okay, but so that
Speaker 1: might be one of my biggest fears with marriage is divorced.
Speaker 1: I'm sure everyone has shares that that sentiment, of course,
Speaker 1: but like, I feel like, what's the stat now, It's
Speaker 1: like sixty of marriages and in divorce or something is
Speaker 1: quite that high, but it is definitely over fifty the
Speaker 1: majority of marriages and in divorce. And that's definitely Tanya
Speaker 1: stating it on the books on record saying that, no,
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm totally with you because I feel like
Speaker 1: just going through a really bad breakup was one of
Speaker 1: the hardest things I've ever had to go through. I
Speaker 1: could not imagine going through a divorce. I couldn't and
Speaker 1: I don't know. It sounds like Krista obviously really enjoyed
Speaker 1: the whole wedding aspect of everything. That's kind of what
Speaker 1: rushed her into it. I can understand. I can't empathize,
Speaker 1: but I can maybe understand where she's coming more from
Speaker 1: I think from a girls standpoint, because we feel and
Speaker 1: I'm generalizing generalizing women, but I think most of my
Speaker 1: friends feel like not that they But yeah, I do
Speaker 1: think a lot of them feel pressured to get married
Speaker 1: to the one that they're dating at the time, because oh, well,
Speaker 1: I'm getting up there in age and I want to
Speaker 1: have kids and time sticking, and you know, you just
Speaker 1: kind of do that mental math in pressure from family
Speaker 1: and friends and everybody else, biological clock. You know, I
Speaker 1: want the perfect wedding, and my family has always wanted
Speaker 1: this for me. It's the wrong reason totally. Like I
Speaker 1: can't tell you, I feel like that's all I get
Speaker 1: asked about, when are you gonna get married? We're gonna
Speaker 1: get married, So when I kind of don't like to
Speaker 1: circle back to Bachelotte and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: But when the Bachelotte Profiles released, one of my Q
Speaker 1: and a s was what do you feel? How do
Speaker 1: you feel about marriage? And it was like near the
Speaker 1: end of the questionnaire, it's like three questions long, so
Speaker 1: I didn't really like elaborate what I wrote, but I
Speaker 1: said something along the lines of I believe that marriage
Speaker 1: is a sham derived from like religious and practical beliefs.
Speaker 1: But but at the end of the day, I do
Speaker 1: plan on getting married. I do want to spend the
Speaker 1: rest of my life with someone. But I guess what
Speaker 1: I meant by that point is that young people for
Speaker 1: so long are taught to like idolize marriage, and it's
Speaker 1: kind of like a goal, which is, of course everyone
Speaker 1: wants to get married, right, and it should be a goal.
Speaker 1: But we have like these these false pretenses as to what,
Speaker 1: um a marriage is, like, what what we need to
Speaker 1: get from it? Right? People kind of like and then
Speaker 1: begin to um, what's the word compromise and kind of
Speaker 1: like sell themselves short because they believe that they need
Speaker 1: to get married, when in reality, like if you look back,
Speaker 1: like a lot of marriages happened because maybe like two
Speaker 1: people owned farms and they wanted to like combine those
Speaker 1: farms so they would marry the daughter in a son
Speaker 1: I'm serious, for practical purposes and and a lot of
Speaker 1: religious reasons as well. And as those things tend to
Speaker 1: kind of fade out into the background, we still are
Speaker 1: left with this idea that marriage is a requirement of life,
Speaker 1: and if you don't do what, you essentially failed at life,
Speaker 1: when in reality, like you should be pursuing that person
Speaker 1: that you're ready to spend the rest of your life
Speaker 1: with and not the person that you feel like you
Speaker 1: need to be with to be more fulfilled in the
Speaker 1: relationship aspect of your life. I guess, do you want
Speaker 1: to be a father? Yeah? Absolutely, I can ye be
Speaker 1: fun yeah yeah. And then there's another stigma to that too,
Speaker 1: you have to be married to have I mean, of
Speaker 1: course you don't, it happens, but there is that stigma
Speaker 1: too that you have to do this first and then
Speaker 1: you do this. I mean, I do definitely want to
Speaker 1: be married when I have kids. I wouldn't really plan
Speaker 1: on having kids unless I was married, I guess. So
Speaker 1: maybe that's something that I having grained in my head
Speaker 1: as well. Um, But I don't know. I have a
Speaker 1: unique opinion about that kind of stuff, Like I definitely
Speaker 1: want to have two children in an ideal world, I
Speaker 1: want to have have two children on my own and then
Speaker 1: adopt two children. Really, and I think that you can
Speaker 1: really only do that with someone that you're married to. Um,
Speaker 1: because that's not that the forever commitment is necessary. But UM,
Speaker 1: I also don't necessarily believe in like diamond engagement rings
Speaker 1: or some other aspects of weddings in marriage. Okay, so
Speaker 1: let's telve into that. So, so when you propose you'll
Speaker 1: use a different gem or of course Titania's point earlier.
Speaker 1: I think every relationship comes down to compromise. And if
Speaker 1: the girl that I know that I want to spend
Speaker 1: the rest of my life with is basically saying that
Speaker 1: she needs to have a diamond engagement ring, then yes,
Speaker 1: I will do that. But I don't necessarily believe in
Speaker 1: the idea of a signing like a false value to
Speaker 1: a precious stone that really doesn't have any practical use
Speaker 1: whatsoever at all. It just it's a it's a rock
Speaker 1: that sits on a finger. It signs. It signs like
Speaker 1: a value or a worth to the relationship that that
Speaker 1: person is then able to go and brag about to
Speaker 1: other people. Um. And that's perfectly fine. I understand like
Speaker 1: the status symbol or the social symbol of it all. Um,
Speaker 1: But in reality, I don't like the idea of people
Speaker 1: in other countries mining for rocks that I'm going to
Speaker 1: put on some Yeah, there is a moral element to that,
Speaker 1: but at the same time they're beautiful. Would wedding rings
Speaker 1: or add right, it's a wedding band for a man.
Speaker 1: But that's that's a debate too, because some guy I
Speaker 1: don't like to wear it at the gym. I like to,
Speaker 1: don't like to wear it on weekends, don't have to
Speaker 1: wear to work. You know, i'd never take mine off, right,
Speaker 1: I think I would do the same thing. I would
Speaker 1: never take mine off. This honesty world that you have.
Speaker 1: We have the two kids, two adopted to not adopted.
Speaker 1: Uh was there more to this story like the boys girls? Um,
Speaker 1: I guess I haven't really thought that thoroughly. I know
Speaker 1: I already have my first I didn't know what I
Speaker 1: want to name my firstborn daughter, what I want to
Speaker 1: name my firstborn son. Um, But we're allowed to know
Speaker 1: that or no? I mean sure, my my, Well, I
Speaker 1: think we've got to kind of covered it in the past.
Speaker 1: But my firstborn daughter, I would have really like to
Speaker 1: name her Debbie Bell for my mother. And then my
Speaker 1: firstborn son would be Hunter Scott for my friend who
Speaker 1: we discussed in the past. I understand that, Um, there
Speaker 1: would have to be some some some conversation with my
Speaker 1: future wife regarding that. But and I don't think you
Speaker 1: can really assign a new name to a child that
Speaker 1: you adopted. You're kind of stuck with. But that's interesting
Speaker 1: because I have a story with that I when I
Speaker 1: was growing up. My I have a younger sister named Amy,
Speaker 1: which I was confusing. My wife is also am But
Speaker 1: my sister Amy had a best friend growing up named Ali,
Speaker 1: and Ali died of cancer when she was sixteen, and
Speaker 1: Ali was the greatest. My sister had so many friends
Speaker 1: and I couldn't stand any of them because I was
Speaker 1: the older brother. They're all just annoying and screw named
Speaker 1: all the time. But Ali was different. Ali would come
Speaker 1: over and the three of us who played together because
Speaker 1: we both enjoyed her company so much, and she was
Speaker 1: funny and she was We played board games. We had
Speaker 1: a blast with Ali. And Alie got cancer and her
Speaker 1: shoulder blade and she handled that so well. You know,
Speaker 1: she would wear a wig, a different wig to school
Speaker 1: every day, like she's not pretending that's not a wig.
Speaker 1: She just get all these cool wigs and sometimes she'd
Speaker 1: go bald and she just owned it. And there was
Speaker 1: ups and downs, and then finally we lost her. And
Speaker 1: that day I said, I'm going to name my first
Speaker 1: daughter Alyssa. I hope that's okay with my wife. And
Speaker 1: when I met my wife, I told her that story,
Speaker 1: and fortunately she was okay with it, and then she
Speaker 1: was in college and she had a friend passed away
Speaker 1: that she was going to school with and her name
Speaker 1: was Megan. And so that's why my daughter is a
Speaker 1: Lissa Megan. Oh, people, yeah, did you have it? Was it?
Speaker 1: Did you have a middle name for a Lissa or
Speaker 1: you just wanted I didn't care so much about that,
Speaker 1: So kind of kind of worked out. And I liked
Speaker 1: the sound. We liked the sound of a Lissa Megan.
Speaker 1: That's beat pretty yeah, And that's Ali and she's eleven.
Speaker 1: That's a beautiful story too. So you're saying there is
Speaker 1: a healthy compromise. There is, and I think your wife
Speaker 1: will understand the beauty of naming it after your mother,
Speaker 1: after Hunter. I think she'll get that, and maybe there's
Speaker 1: compromise to be had, But I think that I think
Speaker 1: that that's a sensitive side to you that she'll really appreciate.
Speaker 1: I normally share that story. Well, I guess I haven't
Speaker 1: showed in a while, but I normally would share the
Speaker 1: story of wanting to name my firstborn daughter Debbie Bell.
Speaker 1: And everyone's always like, oh, why would you name your
Speaker 1: daughter Debbie? And I'm like, Okay, Well, I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: get into it, but you could always call it like
Speaker 1: Bell or something like that. You know, you can find
Speaker 1: nick names. Um. There's another part to this compromise on
Speaker 1: the baby names is when my wife, my recently married
Speaker 1: wife U we've talked about having kids, and we're like, oh,
Speaker 1: what name you know? Have you thought about names? And
Speaker 1: I said, I always wanted to name my firstborn son Anakin,
Speaker 1: after Anakin Skywalker. And she said, there's no way on
Speaker 1: this Earth or any other name, that we're doing that
Speaker 1: because although it's a very cool name, you don't forget
Speaker 1: that he turns into the most fearsome sub that the
Speaker 1: galaxy has ever seen. And I said, She's like, you know,
Speaker 1: Anakin means like warbringer or something like that, and I was,
Speaker 1: I was impressed, and I said, you know what, You're
Speaker 1: absolutely right. I need to let go of that dream.
Speaker 1: That's amazing. And so now there is no dream name
Speaker 1: the second most powerful behind Luke. Though that's true, that's true,
Speaker 1: good for good for While we're on the subject, I'm
Speaker 1: very excited. Does see the new Star Wars coming out?
Speaker 1: Last Jedi? Um, you didn't like Last Jedi? No? No,
Speaker 1: I mean it has yet to come out. I'm excited. No, okay,
Speaker 1: what was number seven? Then that was a Force awakened
Speaker 1: Force Awakens, So I think for nostalgia purposes, Force Awakens
Speaker 1: was great. I was like sitting I saw it three
Speaker 1: times in theaters. I sat there warning, cheeked and cheek
Speaker 1: every single time I saw it, like when the x
Speaker 1: X wings come in and like that sound. People didn't
Speaker 1: but I love it. And then Rogue One upped Force
Speaker 1: Awaken for so many different reasons, like it was an
Speaker 1: incredible storyline star Wars, not even any of them, I think, no,
Speaker 1: but anyway, so yes, as this as a standalone movie,
Speaker 1: Force Awakens incredible. I'm sure the listeners are not very
Speaker 1: interested in this conversation, so we're gonna jump over to Lauren,
Speaker 1: who's been married for eleven years. Um, Lauren, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for calling and how are you. How are you?
Speaker 1: I'm doing well. So I'm joined in studio today by
Speaker 1: Mark Easton Antonia. Um, can you fill us in a
Speaker 1: little bit more about your marriage status. So I've been
Speaker 1: married for eleven years. My husband and I met actually
Speaker 1: at the office where we still work, and we have
Speaker 1: two children. Okay, Um, moving on a tangent from there,
Speaker 1: what's your favorite Star Wars movie? Star Wars movie? Oh god, Um,
Speaker 1: I have to think about it. I don't know. We'll
Speaker 1: circle back maybe before the call is over. But alright,
Speaker 1: so fill us in a little bit more. You said
Speaker 1: you've been married for eleven years, you have two children. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so we both worked together. We met at the office.
Speaker 1: We are both residential real estate agent. Okay, um? And
Speaker 1: how long did you guys know each other before you
Speaker 1: got married? Three years? Okay, God, youa I'm just trying
Speaker 1: to fill in the blanks here. So, so how has
Speaker 1: your relationship been, um? Post marriage? Obviously you're you're kind
Speaker 1: of more. More of your relationship has been married than
Speaker 1: I was dating. So how is everything kind of changed
Speaker 1: for you? Um? I think it's changed in terms of,
Speaker 1: you know, obviously moving in together and sharing responsibilities and
Speaker 1: finances and stuff like that. We you know, had one
Speaker 1: property and moved to another property. We had children, and
Speaker 1: we've got family you know, all over the country. So
Speaker 1: it's changed. Has gotten more stressful, that's for sure. Did
Speaker 1: you not live with him before you two married each other?
Speaker 1: I did. I lived with him for about a year,
Speaker 1: about a year, but half of that time I lived
Speaker 1: with his roommates, also because he was buying a place
Speaker 1: and the place wasn't ready yet. But I had already begun,
Speaker 1: you know, my stuff in moving out of where I was,
Speaker 1: and I didn't want to stop. Did you know that
Speaker 1: you were going to marry him when you moved in
Speaker 1: with him or was the Was it the moving in
Speaker 1: with him that kind of allowed for now? I definitely
Speaker 1: stopped him at the office, and I knew I was
Speaker 1: going to marry him no matter what. Okay, so before
Speaker 1: you guys even started ditting, Yeah, I really felt like
Speaker 1: he was the guy for me. And I didn't even
Speaker 1: really know much about him. I just I practiced signing
Speaker 1: my name. I was twenty eight. I practiced signing my
Speaker 1: name with his last name. Yes, I did, before you
Speaker 1: to even started dating. Yeah, they talked about it at
Speaker 1: a rehearsal dinner. That's beautiful. I love this. I was
Speaker 1: in it to win it. I want. I mean, I
Speaker 1: did a lot of things to get him to like me,
Speaker 1: and it wasn't until a year and a half later
Speaker 1: that he actually asked me out, like, what would you do?
Speaker 1: I heard he was into baseball. I later learned that
Speaker 1: he played at ust L a. So I organized like
Speaker 1: a big baseball game at Pan Pacific Park and I
Speaker 1: invited all these friends and girls and guys, and I
Speaker 1: made it totally casual, like it was something I did
Speaker 1: all the time, but actually it wasn't. And I invited
Speaker 1: him to come play baseball on like a Saturday, so
Speaker 1: as you know baseball games. Um, I would just invite
Speaker 1: him out, you know, to do things here and there.
Speaker 1: And I definitely was the chaser. Wow, wait, this is
Speaker 1: so cool. This is like a classic Gym and Pam story.
Speaker 1: I feel like, which are just the best. It's good
Speaker 1: advice for single girls how to land, absolutely, yeah, because
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of a lot of the
Speaker 1: misconception is that we have to sit back and let
Speaker 1: guys pursue us. But like you pursued your husband and
Speaker 1: you've been married enough for eleven years, yeah, and like
Speaker 1: I have, and I have a younger single sister, and
Speaker 1: you know, things are different now with texting and all
Speaker 1: these apps, and uh, you know, I do think it's
Speaker 1: okay to make the first move, and I did, and
Speaker 1: if I didn't, I don't really think we'd be married
Speaker 1: because he is a slow moving turtle and and too
Speaker 1: in addition to being pursuing. I think a big thing
Speaker 1: about that too, was that you were patient. You said
Speaker 1: you waited eighteen months before he asked you out, but
Speaker 1: you were kind of planting the seed continuously throughout those
Speaker 1: eighteen months. Right. Definitely, I look cute every day for work.
Speaker 1: I definitely made Did you try your hard at work
Speaker 1: to impress him? Yes. I always went by his desk
Speaker 1: and asked for post it notes, and I asked him
Speaker 1: question him, to build him up to think, you know,
Speaker 1: he knew more than me. Oh I was speaking, I was,
Speaker 1: I was speaking more in terms of like your work performance.
Speaker 1: But so okay, So fast forward to when he asked
Speaker 1: you out. How did he go about doing that? He
Speaker 1: asked me to go out to lunch, to a place
Speaker 1: um local, like he had heard that I was breaking
Speaker 1: up with a boyfriend, which hadn't officially happened yet, and
Speaker 1: he asked if we could go out, and I said,
Speaker 1: you know, I've waited for a long time for you
Speaker 1: to do this, but I'm kind of dating someone, so
Speaker 1: if you could wait a couple more weeks, let me
Speaker 1: I mean figured and it was true. And how long
Speaker 1: were you dating this person before you met him. I
Speaker 1: was dating him for about a year, okay, six months
Speaker 1: after meeting him for the first time. You get a boyfriend,
Speaker 1: but you're still you still know that this is your person,
Speaker 1: so you still continuously flirt and plant the seed. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he hadn't asked me out. Another girlfriend of mine set
Speaker 1: me up with an older guy. He seemed really nice.
Speaker 1: I went out with him. I didn't think that David
Speaker 1: was going to make any moves, and I started going
Speaker 1: out with the other guy and I and he was
Speaker 1: like the first older guy I had really dated. Let
Speaker 1: me ask you this, eleven months into that relationship and
Speaker 1: to that boyfriend girlfriend relationship, had he proposed to you,
Speaker 1: what you would you have said no, because you knew
Speaker 1: that you loved this other guy that you met at work,
Speaker 1: or what would you what would your response have been?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, no one's ever asked me that. I
Speaker 1: don't only know looking back now, Yeah, I know looking
Speaker 1: back now. I mean I just looking back now. I
Speaker 1: did want that other relationship to work, and I could.
Speaker 1: I could foresee a future with him, but he never
Speaker 1: told me he loved me after eleven months, and that
Speaker 1: was the problem for me. Yeah, I guess, I guess
Speaker 1: The point of asking that question too, is, Um, if
Speaker 1: for the listener, isn't for for I guess everyone is.
Speaker 1: If you know that you are meant to be or
Speaker 1: or at least you need to explore another relationship exactly,
Speaker 1: then you get a proposition beforehands. What do you say?
Speaker 1: Because if you if you feel like I would have
Speaker 1: said no. I needed to know if David and I
Speaker 1: were right for each other. I needed to try to
Speaker 1: go out with him in some a romantic way to
Speaker 1: see if there was chemistry. And I waited and it happens,
Speaker 1: and it obviously was worth it. Fast forward eleven years
Speaker 1: and still going strong, which is great. But had it
Speaker 1: not worked out, then you at least have a peace
Speaker 1: of minds. Absolutely. What was it is David the name
Speaker 1: of your husband? Yes? What was it about David that
Speaker 1: made you know like I want to marry this man?
Speaker 1: Great question? Thank you? Um he seems well, I mean
Speaker 1: he had the looks of something I was looking for. Um,
Speaker 1: he seems like a very hard working person that was
Speaker 1: important to me, with a good work ethic. I had
Speaker 1: heard that. You know, he had good family values and
Speaker 1: parents were married and the sister and he also had
Speaker 1: a lot of friends, which I really was attracted to
Speaker 1: because there are a lot of people out there that
Speaker 1: don't have a lot of friends, and I'm a very
Speaker 1: social person, so that was something important to me too. Uh.
Speaker 1: And I just heard that he wasn't all around good,
Speaker 1: solid guy interesting and that that's actually interesting point too
Speaker 1: that I can empathize with. I definitely am more attracted
Speaker 1: to a girl that has a lot of friends. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think if there's a guy that doesn't have a
Speaker 1: lot of friends, I think it's a little weird. I
Speaker 1: don't know why I feel that way. But he has
Speaker 1: friends going back from elementary school and he has seven.
Speaker 1: I mean we you know, that does a lot to
Speaker 1: think about somebody in your thirty nine I'm using. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm thirty nine. Yeah. We had ten groups groomsman and
Speaker 1: bridesmaids each and I would say almost all of his
Speaker 1: were from a long time ago. That's amazing, Lauren. I
Speaker 1: love you, Oh, thank you. I mean this makes me.
Speaker 1: I love this, you know. I Um. I think about
Speaker 1: the other guy a lot, and I think about if
Speaker 1: I had ended up with him. I we actually went
Speaker 1: to his wedding and I still his house and he's
Speaker 1: got two kids now, but I do think about, like
Speaker 1: what if I ended up with him, what would my
Speaker 1: life be? Like? Well, what's the key of your marriage now? Like,
Speaker 1: what's the hell do you and David together for eleven years? Um? Well,
Speaker 1: besides having separate bank accounts, which I think is really
Speaker 1: important for us, um is, I think it was really
Speaker 1: important and I'm still finding it now to know who
Speaker 1: you are. I've always known who I am, and you
Speaker 1: know what I stand for and what I believe in,
Speaker 1: and I've always known not to be what David is too.
Speaker 1: And all of these obviously are our values and morals.
Speaker 1: But there are things about him I thought I could change,
Speaker 1: small things, um that bothered me, and I can't. And
Speaker 1: so I've adjusted my expectations over these years to know
Speaker 1: what I can get from him and what I can't.
Speaker 1: And I think that that's been really important to our success.
Speaker 1: For me, it's really good advice. And these are small
Speaker 1: things that you wouldn't have noticed without time itself kind
Speaker 1: of unfolding time. Yeah, I would say there was a
Speaker 1: lot of romantics up from the beginning, and there's not
Speaker 1: as much anymore. You know, there was a lot of
Speaker 1: compliments from the beginning, and not as much any more,
Speaker 1: but I don't need that as much. But you know,
Speaker 1: those are like little things that I thought I could
Speaker 1: change if I told him. It bothered me. But at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, people are who they are,
Speaker 1: and life is busy and work and kids and stress
Speaker 1: and travel, and you know, we're all we just we
Speaker 1: respect each other. And he supports me like so much
Speaker 1: with with my dreams and more my work and what
Speaker 1: I want to do. And I think because also I
Speaker 1: contribute to the family, I have more to say and
Speaker 1: what I want to do. Yeah, that's interesting in terms
Speaker 1: of like work life balance. Um, well, that's fantastic. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm glad you guys were able to make it work,
Speaker 1: and I'm glad obviously that's things kind of unfolded the
Speaker 1: way they did. It's it's weird how kind of the
Speaker 1: universe seems to have a plan for you sometimes. I
Speaker 1: know it's true, and I think that's actually really great
Speaker 1: advice because I think a misconception that a lot of us,
Speaker 1: a lot of single people have is like, you know,
Speaker 1: your partner has to check all these boxes and nobody's
Speaker 1: going to what you want your partner to be. It's
Speaker 1: just not just not I agree with and like my
Speaker 1: my younger sisters is single and she always says to me,
Speaker 1: I mean, she's really picky about all the guys who
Speaker 1: goes out with. And she tells me about every guy
Speaker 1: and no follow up and this and that and pick
Speaker 1: them apart, which I understand because she doesn't want to settle.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, she always says she wants
Speaker 1: someone like David, which makes me feel really good. And
Speaker 1: I don't know those guys exist any like, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I hear all these stories about single guys and I'm like, God,
Speaker 1: I don't know that I would I want to go
Speaker 1: through that right now to navigate you know, they exist,
Speaker 1: It's just hard to imagine. You know, dating now seems harder,
Speaker 1: but you have to be more choosy. And I agree
Speaker 1: that you don't want to settle, and that's important. I
Speaker 1: think what you did best that everyone should take with
Speaker 1: a whole heart now is just the patience thing. Again.
Speaker 1: I think I can't really stress that enough. In the
Speaker 1: fact that you guys waited eighteen months of getting to
Speaker 1: know each other and understanding each other, I think that's
Speaker 1: so good. It's so good, Like I can't even get
Speaker 1: over this. So good. Yeah again, the Jim and Pam
Speaker 1: think Jim was engaged to Roy broke it off, fell
Speaker 1: for Jim. I'm sorry. I was like, okay, I'm sick.
Speaker 1: I'm sick. Um. Yeah, I love hearing those stories. Um,
Speaker 1: there's so many good stories like that where people something
Speaker 1: goes wrong, you know, but it ends up being right
Speaker 1: and stand up finding the person that they're supposed to be. Us.
Speaker 1: It's so it's so awesome. All right, Lauren, Well, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for calling in and sharing your story. UM,
Speaker 1: incredibly happy for you and David and the best of
Speaker 1: Lucia moving forward. Okay, thanks again, all right, bye, have
Speaker 1: a good day. By That's interesting that David doesn't give
Speaker 1: her what she needs in terms of like compliments and
Speaker 1: stuff like that. I know, but I guess that happens
Speaker 1: over time. And if that makes sense to me. The
Speaker 1: whole what can you deal with and what you not
Speaker 1: deal with, whether you're not necessarily deal breakers, but the
Speaker 1: stuff that you're really going to draw a line in
Speaker 1: the Santa say this cannot continue, right, and then there's
Speaker 1: other stuff you're like, Okay, I can handle that, because
Speaker 1: you're right, there's going to be compromised, and there's going
Speaker 1: to be adjusted expectations. There has to be for a
Speaker 1: lifetime together. But in this case, I feel like Lawrence
Speaker 1: and and we can always kind of bring it back
Speaker 1: to love language. I feel Lauren's love language in that
Speaker 1: sense was words of affirmation, and if she vocally expresses
Speaker 1: to David, hey, I need you to be more affirming
Speaker 1: vocally whatever it is. Maybe he did it over a
Speaker 1: short amount of time, but I think that as someone's
Speaker 1: huband or as someone's life partner, you need to be
Speaker 1: more embracing of that idea and give them what they need,
Speaker 1: because otherwise it's just not really communicating clearly with them.
Speaker 1: But I mean, I think that's the first thing that
Speaker 1: every couple does, is like take the love language tests
Speaker 1: and like just do it together and just I think
Speaker 1: it will help solve a lot of divorces. Do you
Speaker 1: have someone in mind now you're the David in your life,
Speaker 1: the person that you know, maybe it's through work or
Speaker 1: through whatever that you are going to target. Um. Well,
Speaker 1: one thing that I think you're gonna trimut all of
Speaker 1: this too, it's just the importance of time. And what
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Speaker 1: is they are a very fashion forward but very affordable
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Speaker 1: you are struggling to find gifts for whoever it is
Speaker 1: you're looking to give gifts to this this year, I
Speaker 1: know it's always been difficult for me. Um, and I'm
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Speaker 1: much Oh my god, it's so good. Um, I don't
Speaker 1: want to feel I don't want you to feel like
Speaker 1: I'm taking you from anything. I'm having a blast though.
Speaker 1: You make you learn rich this experience so much. It's
Speaker 1: always nice to have a wound's perspective. I find this really,
Speaker 1: I mean, I do. I think that, Like, um, I
Speaker 1: love learning about other people's like and I feel like
Speaker 1: I go when I like interest in my normal life.
Speaker 1: When I'm talking to people, I feel like I always
Speaker 1: ask like such inappropriate questions, but I feel like it's
Speaker 1: so informative to learn from like the way other people
Speaker 1: have made their lives work. There's definitely more of like
Speaker 1: an openness or honesty to I think me and maybe
Speaker 1: just people in general nowadays, where well certain types of
Speaker 1: people where you feel more comfortable asking those awkward questions
Speaker 1: and receiving them and answering back. Yeah, Like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I feel like maybe that's just me because I've shared
Speaker 1: so much of my life so publicly lately, so it's
Speaker 1: like kind of allowing me to be more open and honest.
Speaker 1: But not only you guys and people that call in,
Speaker 1: but also like my friends whenever they're kind of looking
Speaker 1: for lip updates on my life and It's funny because
Speaker 1: none of my friends listen to this podcast, like, not
Speaker 1: a single one of them. And if they do, they're
Speaker 1: not telling me, so like the they're like ask me,
Speaker 1: They're like, so, what's doing in your life? Man, I'm like, Oh,
Speaker 1: just listen to my podcast. I know you can't, you
Speaker 1: have to live your life. But multiple times, multiple times,
Speaker 1: it's weird And yeah, I don't know, it's just it's
Speaker 1: a weird thing. And I would ever expect them to
Speaker 1: listen to it. I mean, you know, they're year old
Speaker 1: guys that are really need to want to listen to
Speaker 1: the you know, it's true, like my friends. I've been
Speaker 1: in radio for twenty years. My friends have never listened
Speaker 1: to anything I've ever done right radio. I don't think
Speaker 1: a lot of my friends, Look that's interesting. It's almost
Speaker 1: better though. I think maybe, Oh, if a guy that
Speaker 1: I was dating listen to the morning show, I mean,
Speaker 1: like Mr. Whole Foods, if you listen to your podcast
Speaker 1: with Becca scrub begging with Becca Telly, probably mortified. Yeah,
Speaker 1: for the rest I don't listen to podcast. Come on, bean,
Speaker 1: there's also a weird thing. Maybe I feel like they're
Speaker 1: like harboring it. So We went out to a party
Speaker 1: like two weeks ago, um in Venice, and this guy
Speaker 1: like posted some Instagram stories tagging me, and I've never
Speaker 1: met the guy before, he just like knew who I was,
Speaker 1: and he blocked the stories from me. So like when
Speaker 1: my friends were like, hey, you're in this guy's Instagram story,
Speaker 1: I like went to his Instagram page and I was like,
Speaker 1: I couldn't see them because it's not And I thought
Speaker 1: it was very creepy at first. Two but what I
Speaker 1: ended up finding out was that they that he didn't
Speaker 1: want me to know that he knew who I was
Speaker 1: before I introduced myself to him, you know, like it's
Speaker 1: like a weird thing, like he didn't want to backtrack.
Speaker 1: That's still super weird weird. I mean, if you like
Speaker 1: plan on having a friendship with someone, you don't want
Speaker 1: to be like, oh, I have these preconceived notions of
Speaker 1: who you are. It's kind of maybe he wanted it
Speaker 1: to be more like, oh, I just met you for
Speaker 1: the first time and I never and you know, you
Speaker 1: were on television. Yeah, but I never assumed that people
Speaker 1: know who I am whenever I meet them, And I
Speaker 1: think that maybe but if he does and he found
Speaker 1: out that he knew who you were. That wouldn't make
Speaker 1: you think less of him. I mean maybe I think
Speaker 1: I wouldn't pursue a friendship of this guy. He's not
Speaker 1: your David. No new friends, He's not my David. But
Speaker 1: I do think there's something really special about being vulnerable
Speaker 1: in a public forum because I've had a lot of
Speaker 1: like you know what I mean, just I've had a
Speaker 1: lot of people, a lot of listeners tell me that
Speaker 1: they're like so appreciative and like they really live life
Speaker 1: and learn things through mistakes I've made, and you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, because they can relate to your stories
Speaker 1: because everyone, everyone somewhere is going through what you're going through. Right.
Speaker 1: There's there's a line, though, because I feel like I've
Speaker 1: been so open and honest about everything, but I still
Speaker 1: have so much I've never even talked about or even
Speaker 1: like great tea for next week? What? Like what or
Speaker 1: I really ever plan on touching on? Really to protect
Speaker 1: the people involved in the stories more so than me,
Speaker 1: you know, that's interesting, Like where is the line drawn?
Speaker 1: Couldn't you just change the names to protect the innocent? No?
Speaker 1: I mean I think that there are certain times where
Speaker 1: I've wanted to share a story that would be very
Speaker 1: like definding of certain events, but I can't because I
Speaker 1: need to protect the other person. And so like that's
Speaker 1: kind of the weird, Like sometimes you'll see me get
Speaker 1: closed off or like maybe like shut down a little bit,
Speaker 1: and it's mostly to protect the other person. I think
Speaker 1: that everybody has a line obviously, you know what I mean. Like,
Speaker 1: I don't think anybody shares of things that have happened
Speaker 1: in their life or in their past or in their
Speaker 1: current you know. I think you have to draw that
Speaker 1: line for yourself and figure out what you want to
Speaker 1: share and what you don't want to share. But I
Speaker 1: do think sometimes the most uncomfortable and awkward conversations that
Speaker 1: you can have out loud are some of the most
Speaker 1: endearing and some of the most um, what's the word
Speaker 1: I'm looking for, Ah, bonding like that people can really
Speaker 1: like bond with. And yeah, but where is is there
Speaker 1: like a line of ethics involved where it's like if
Speaker 1: a story involving someone that doesn't necessarily paint them in
Speaker 1: the best light or whatever, well, I mean maybe there's illegal,
Speaker 1: but morally, yeah, I see what you're staying. But isn't
Speaker 1: there a way to tell some of these stories without
Speaker 1: naming who these other people are? The stories that I've
Speaker 1: thought of, there's absolutely no way of getting because there
Speaker 1: are people we would know. You've said so much on
Speaker 1: this show. I mean, you've opened up about your father
Speaker 1: and your relationship with him. I think is basically what
Speaker 1: I was thinking of initially. Okay, yes, I see, all right, well, oh,
Speaker 1: I see, could you get him into trouble? I okay,
Speaker 1: And you've even just talking about it now. I'm kind
Speaker 1: of getting a little uncomfortable. That is interesting, It's weird, right,
Speaker 1: I don't know. Yeah, but you have to think that
Speaker 1: what you've gone through, there's probably millions of people that
Speaker 1: have gone through that would be helped by hearing your
Speaker 1: story exactly. And it's probably so scary and it's probably
Speaker 1: very uncomfortable. But I think what he's asking is, and
Speaker 1: just to be generic, is let's say he told a
Speaker 1: story about his dad stealing a car, his dad getting
Speaker 1: the legal trouble for auto theft this many years later.
Speaker 1: It's kind of what he's saying, right, And I don't
Speaker 1: know the answer to that. Actually, I'm not sure what
Speaker 1: statutes of limitations are or civil lawsuits. I don't know.
Speaker 1: We all owe a certain level of respect to our
Speaker 1: family members especials. Even though him and I don't get along,
Speaker 1: I still a certain level of respect. So I can't
Speaker 1: necessarily be open and honest about everything that's kind of
Speaker 1: gone on between the two of us and the rest
Speaker 1: of our family. And maybe eventually I'll be able to
Speaker 1: find the line a little bit more clearly. But as
Speaker 1: I'm stumbling my way through this public spectrum, I'm I'm
Speaker 1: forced to with hold certain things interesting. And you can
Speaker 1: also when you become a father yourself, you can kind
Speaker 1: of share things that you're going to do differently because
Speaker 1: of you know what I mean. Like, So here's the thing.
Speaker 1: When I become a father myself past forward twenty six years,
Speaker 1: it's if my son is on a body hosting a podcast,
Speaker 1: I would want him to be able to happily share
Speaker 1: every single thing that I've ever done with him, with
Speaker 1: our family, whatever it is. But I know that people
Speaker 1: obviously make Mista look back and have regret on them. Um,
Speaker 1: So I don't know. It's just a weird, weird dynamic
Speaker 1: going on. Yeah, Um, all right, Well that does it
Speaker 1: for episode ten of Help I Suck at Dating. We
Speaker 1: had some great conversations with Mary Couples. Um. Always great
Speaker 1: having Tanya in studio. Markets always freaking wonderful, Just have
Speaker 1: way in. It's funny because I feel like we all
Speaker 1: have very different perspectives of things, and so it's nice
Speaker 1: to be able to kind of have conversations about it.
Speaker 1: A woman's perspective of a happily married man of fifteen years,
Speaker 1: a newlywed, and a guy that just sucks at dating. Um,
Speaker 1: you know what, you may suck at dating, but you're
Speaker 1: a real gem of a person. I really, I really,
Speaker 1: I really like you. You're so sweet. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: All Right, So again, that does it for episode ten
Speaker 1: of Help I Suck at Dating? Thank you for tuning in.
Speaker 1: Be sure to tune in next week because maybe I'll
Speaker 1: suck a little bit less. Follow Help I Suck At
Speaker 1: Dating with Dean ang Alert on I Heart Radio or
Speaker 1: subscribe wherever you listen to podcast.