WEBVTT - #10 Married People 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:04.200 Help I Suck At Dating with The Angler and I 0:00:04.320 --> 0:00:09.840 Heart Radio podcast. Hello and welcome to episode ten. Thank 0:00:09.880 --> 0:00:12.240 you for joining me. I've got a great episode for 0:00:12.280 --> 0:00:14.280 everyone that's listening out there. We are going to be 0:00:14.360 --> 0:00:17.040 circling back around with some married couples we've had in studio, 0:00:17.680 --> 0:00:21.639 picking their brains, just seeing really what makes their relationship successful. 0:00:22.200 --> 0:00:25.479 And amongst the weak hiatus that we took, I was 0:00:25.520 --> 0:00:28.720 able to get some thinking done. I sat back, reflected, 0:00:29.280 --> 0:00:33.640 had an incredible, incredible epiphany that hit me and I'm 0:00:33.720 --> 0:00:38.600 very excited to share it with you guys today. Um okay, 0:00:38.600 --> 0:00:43.760 my Instagram live is over now. Anyways, that was a cliffhanger. Nope, 0:00:43.760 --> 0:00:46.080 Episode ten, Help I Suck at Dating? I have actually 0:00:46.120 --> 0:00:49.120 had some interesting, unique thoughts everythink. Every week before the episodes, 0:00:49.960 --> 0:00:52.479 I tried to have at least one unique thought of 0:00:53.040 --> 0:00:55.960 dating in general, because I mean, you guys, obviously the 0:00:56.000 --> 0:00:59.360 producers Mark Easton, m Amy Sugarman, and Tanya are obviously 0:00:59.400 --> 0:01:01.880 great in terms of guiding the podcast, but I like 0:01:01.920 --> 0:01:03.760 to at least have like new ideas that I come 0:01:03.800 --> 0:01:05.920 up with right throughout the day. Um, I don't know 0:01:05.920 --> 0:01:07.040 if you want to get into that now or if 0:01:07.040 --> 0:01:09.040 you want to start talking to married couples. And I 0:01:09.120 --> 0:01:10.640 think I think this one that I had last night 0:01:10.680 --> 0:01:12.840 too as I was falling asleep, UM, kind of applies 0:01:12.880 --> 0:01:16.000 to some of the listeners that might be dealing with 0:01:17.160 --> 0:01:18.720 some of these guys that they've been calling in about, 0:01:18.720 --> 0:01:20.520 you know, like the relationship troubles, all that kind of stuff. 0:01:20.520 --> 0:01:22.720 So me specifically, I'm going to say that I have 0:01:23.319 --> 0:01:24.880 for the sake of this exercise, I'm going to say 0:01:24.920 --> 0:01:28.960 that I have ten friends, um males women. So of 0:01:29.000 --> 0:01:30.920 those ten friends, seven of those are guys. Of those 0:01:30.920 --> 0:01:33.039 seven guys, I would say two of the two of 0:01:33.040 --> 0:01:35.920 the seven are in relationships, so we're looking at what 0:01:36.000 --> 0:01:38.280 that's like. Of them are in relationships, the other five 0:01:38.280 --> 0:01:42.520 are all single. Quick math, the other five are single. 0:01:42.600 --> 0:01:45.880 So five of my seven guy friends are single, which 0:01:45.880 --> 0:01:48.320 means I'm probably spending more time with them and going 0:01:48.320 --> 0:01:49.840 out to the bars more often with them than I 0:01:49.840 --> 0:01:52.200 am with the two that are in a relationship. And 0:01:52.400 --> 0:01:53.960 and you correct me time in if you want to. 0:01:54.000 --> 0:01:57.240 While I'm discussing, because it's a very premature thought, I 0:01:57.240 --> 0:02:00.360 would say too that as guys were more own to 0:02:00.440 --> 0:02:03.800 share the things that we dislike about our significant other 0:02:03.840 --> 0:02:06.080 than we do the things that we do like about them. 0:02:06.120 --> 0:02:09.000 So the two guys that I'm friends with that are 0:02:09.040 --> 0:02:13.400 in relationships are constantly complaining about things of the relationship, 0:02:13.520 --> 0:02:16.240 which as a single guy to here is very much 0:02:16.320 --> 0:02:20.800 a turn off and it kind of a catalyzes the 0:02:20.800 --> 0:02:24.160 the need and want to stay single. So it's just 0:02:24.280 --> 0:02:26.680 I'm saying, as as a listener of this podcast, if 0:02:26.720 --> 0:02:28.760 you're a woman and you're looking to date a guy, 0:02:29.200 --> 0:02:31.680 maybe look at the guys that he surrounds himself by 0:02:31.800 --> 0:02:35.840 his friendships and see if any of them aren't successful relationships. Obviously, 0:02:35.919 --> 0:02:37.320 I think the people at the company that you keep 0:02:37.360 --> 0:02:38.839 is very important to who you are as a person 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:43.160 on a daily basis um And I don't know necessarily 0:02:43.160 --> 0:02:45.880 how to I guess overcome that, But that's just kind 0:02:45.880 --> 0:02:47.240 of a thought that I had last night. Can you 0:02:47.320 --> 0:02:49.360 learn from them at all? Like when they complain about 0:02:49.400 --> 0:02:51.280 something she's doing, can you think to yourself, how would 0:02:51.320 --> 0:02:54.000 I handle that? Because no relationship is perfect. You're going 0:02:54.040 --> 0:02:56.040 to find the great woman, like great love of your 0:02:56.040 --> 0:02:59.079 life someday and they will still be conflict. So can 0:02:59.120 --> 0:03:01.160 you learn from them and think how will I handle it? 0:03:01.200 --> 0:03:02.720 If that ever happens to me, or is it more 0:03:02.760 --> 0:03:04.359 of a oh oh, thank god, I don't have to 0:03:04.360 --> 0:03:05.800 deal with that. Well, I think as a guy, as 0:03:05.840 --> 0:03:09.280 a twenty six year old man, my friendships are very 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:13.480 much not rooted in confiding in each other's relationship. WOA. 0:03:13.560 --> 0:03:15.760 So it's like, say, my friend who's dating his girlfriend 0:03:15.760 --> 0:03:18.600 of three years it's going through I don't know a 0:03:18.639 --> 0:03:21.120 hard point in the relationship. He wouldn't like reach out 0:03:21.160 --> 0:03:23.760 and be like, I mean, of course you'll have conversations, 0:03:23.760 --> 0:03:25.760 but I don't think he would be like we would 0:03:25.800 --> 0:03:27.040 like sit down in a way a pros and cons 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:28.760 list of what's good and what's bad. It's mostly you 0:03:28.800 --> 0:03:30.160 just hear about the bad things and not so much 0:03:30.160 --> 0:03:32.800 about the good things. And you hear about like the 0:03:32.800 --> 0:03:34.520 the things that he doesn't like, but not the nice 0:03:34.560 --> 0:03:36.320 things that he's doing on a daily basis. Do you 0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:39.200 ever ask them like, why are you still in this relationship? 0:03:39.240 --> 0:03:41.640 There's got to be some positives. And I'm not saying 0:03:41.640 --> 0:03:43.440 that all of them are negative at all. Of course 0:03:43.480 --> 0:03:46.880 there I think they're more majority positive than they are negative. 0:03:47.400 --> 0:03:49.080 But I just think that you're saying they only say 0:03:49.200 --> 0:03:51.560 negative things about their partner and like male like locker 0:03:51.640 --> 0:03:53.000 room talk is. I don't want to label it that, 0:03:53.040 --> 0:03:55.000 but essentially that's what it is. You know. You you 0:03:55.040 --> 0:03:57.720 talk about things that are kind of bothering you more 0:03:57.720 --> 0:04:00.120 so than you talk about things that are benefiting you. 0:04:00.880 --> 0:04:02.280 And it's just it's a weird thing to think about. 0:04:02.320 --> 0:04:04.880 It almost kind of stigmatized as being in a relationship 0:04:04.880 --> 0:04:07.240 when you're surrounded by so many single friends and then 0:04:07.240 --> 0:04:09.480 the few friends that you have their own relationships aren't 0:04:09.760 --> 0:04:12.360 seemingly as happy as they actually genuinely are, but they 0:04:12.400 --> 0:04:14.000 just don't talk about that happiness as often as they 0:04:14.000 --> 0:04:15.560 talk about that. And you know what, I ask about 0:04:15.560 --> 0:04:19.720 the happiness because you could gain some insight there, okay, 0:04:19.760 --> 0:04:22.200 because all you're hearing is the negatives. It makes it 0:04:22.200 --> 0:04:25.800 sound awful, but they're there for a reason. I remember 0:04:25.839 --> 0:04:27.880 once it was an old guy used to work with 0:04:27.920 --> 0:04:29.400 who used to you know, a lot of guys make 0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:31.480 jokes about their ex wives when they have ex wives, 0:04:31.480 --> 0:04:33.920 and what a horrible monster there. And I was thinking 0:04:33.960 --> 0:04:37.680 to myself, you loved her so much that you committed 0:04:37.720 --> 0:04:39.880 the rest of your life to that person. Okay, so 0:04:39.920 --> 0:04:42.560 it didn't work out, but could she be that horrible. 0:04:44.000 --> 0:04:45.800 Just guys can be so negative sometimes when they talk 0:04:45.839 --> 0:04:47.839 to their other guy friends about it. But in the 0:04:47.839 --> 0:04:49.520 back of my mind, I'm always thinking there's got to 0:04:49.560 --> 0:04:53.559 be something there, something that they clung onto at one point. Yeah, 0:04:53.640 --> 0:04:56.240 and with your friends, something that they're enjoying right then 0:04:56.240 --> 0:04:57.800 they're sticking around for. And of course if you're in 0:04:57.839 --> 0:04:59.800 a relationship, I think it means that you enjoy it 0:04:59.800 --> 0:05:02.800 more than you don't write so or I mean, there's 0:05:02.839 --> 0:05:05.200 fear of being alone. There's all kinds of those issues, 0:05:05.600 --> 0:05:07.400 I guess. I guess the point of that thought was 0:05:07.440 --> 0:05:12.200 just like, b I don't know aware of the friendships 0:05:12.240 --> 0:05:15.120 that these guys that you're pursuing are are surrounding himself by. 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:16.839 Because I love my friends to death and I would 0:05:16.920 --> 0:05:19.200 kill for every single one of them. Um, but they're 0:05:19.240 --> 0:05:22.800 all uh dating and apt as well in a lot 0:05:22.800 --> 0:05:25.080 of ways. And I don't want to say that it 0:05:25.200 --> 0:05:29.080 like affects me positively negatively, but it definitely like is 0:05:29.120 --> 0:05:32.120 something worth considering. I think, you know, Yeah, can you 0:05:32.200 --> 0:05:37.760 jumping I come from Hello, I'm just sticking around for 0:05:37.800 --> 0:05:42.040 this one today. Um, I agree with you because I 0:05:42.080 --> 0:05:44.599 think that I in my life right now I'm surrounded 0:05:44.600 --> 0:05:47.880 by really healthy, strong relationships in my life, and I 0:05:47.880 --> 0:05:50.360 look to these people and I like, I love how 0:05:50.440 --> 0:05:52.560 I love the foundation of their relationships. I love how 0:05:52.600 --> 0:05:54.480 the both of them bring up the best in each other. 0:05:54.560 --> 0:05:56.480 I love how they work there like a team, you know, 0:05:56.560 --> 0:05:59.039 Like all the couples I'm surrounded with are a team 0:05:59.080 --> 0:06:01.560 and they have a partner, and I admire that so much. 0:06:01.560 --> 0:06:04.200 So I think that's why for me, I mean, I'm 0:06:04.240 --> 0:06:07.039 not necessarily sad being single, but I definitely strive for 0:06:07.040 --> 0:06:11.000 a relationship because I have such strong relationships in my 0:06:11.040 --> 0:06:13.000 life and then my friendships and my circles that I 0:06:13.040 --> 0:06:15.000 really admire and look up to. So I can see 0:06:15.000 --> 0:06:18.240 how that negatively can affect you not wanting to be 0:06:18.279 --> 0:06:20.840 in a relationship. Yeah, and I don't. I don't want 0:06:20.839 --> 0:06:22.680 to say that it's not wanting to be in a 0:06:22.720 --> 0:06:26.520 relationship for me personally, Okay, celebrating your singleness, I just 0:06:26.520 --> 0:06:30.480 think it it provides, like obviously, everything that we do, 0:06:30.520 --> 0:06:32.799 you kind of stacked the pros and cons the positive 0:06:32.800 --> 0:06:34.800 to negative of everything you do. And when you're surrounded 0:06:34.800 --> 0:06:38.640 by people that are happily enjoying their single life more 0:06:38.680 --> 0:06:40.840 so than being in a relationship. Then it kind of 0:06:40.880 --> 0:06:43.680 like makes your um, I guess scales teeter in one 0:06:43.680 --> 0:06:46.279 certain direction, and like to your point as well. My 0:06:46.320 --> 0:06:48.719 brother has been dating his girlfriend for four or five years. 0:06:49.000 --> 0:06:51.480 They both live in Colorado together. I don't make it 0:06:51.480 --> 0:06:52.920 out there often to see them, but whenever I do, 0:06:53.000 --> 0:06:54.480 I'll stay with them for you know, four or five 0:06:54.520 --> 0:06:56.080 days at a time, and I always come out of 0:06:56.120 --> 0:06:57.719 that experience and being like, Wow, they have like such 0:06:57.720 --> 0:06:59.960 a strong relationship and they really really love each other, 0:07:00.400 --> 0:07:02.680 and it's like, it's just it's it's interesting to see 0:07:02.720 --> 0:07:04.960 how quickly our mindsets can change when we're surrounded by 0:07:05.240 --> 0:07:07.560 things that we want to see for ourselves, you know. 0:07:07.760 --> 0:07:10.160 And I think what's interesting is like for me, I 0:07:10.360 --> 0:07:12.840 went through this a long, Like for so long, I 0:07:12.880 --> 0:07:15.800 feel like, um, I didn't appreciate that I was single, 0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:18.360 and I was so badly wanting to be back in 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:21.360 a relationship, and I didn't like appreciate all the good 0:07:21.360 --> 0:07:22.960 things that come with being single, you know. And I 0:07:22.960 --> 0:07:25.000 think now I'm trying to be way more present in 0:07:25.160 --> 0:07:28.120 like being thankful for the season that I'm in and 0:07:28.160 --> 0:07:30.000 like I don't have to answer to somebody. I can 0:07:30.280 --> 0:07:33.400 literally do whatever I want. Like in five years from now, 0:07:33.440 --> 0:07:35.559 I'm probably gonna be married and probably gonna have a family. 0:07:35.640 --> 0:07:37.880 So I'm like trying to just be more present and 0:07:37.920 --> 0:07:40.200 like in the moment and grateful for the season that 0:07:40.240 --> 0:07:42.840 I'm in. But it is it's really interesting because I 0:07:42.880 --> 0:07:47.320 do think like depending on your situation, you can really 0:07:47.320 --> 0:07:50.240 like sway either way. And depending on the time of year. 0:07:50.240 --> 0:07:53.760 I feel like with winter coming up, seasonal effective disorder 0:07:54.200 --> 0:07:59.000 cuffing season, season, it's more two as I guess, But yeah, 0:07:59.080 --> 0:08:00.960 I mean I think personally I get a little bit 0:08:01.000 --> 0:08:02.640 more down in the dumps this time of year for 0:08:02.680 --> 0:08:05.520 whatever reason, maybe holidays, maybe whatever it is. I just 0:08:05.520 --> 0:08:07.120 think people in general get a little Maybe not in 0:08:07.240 --> 0:08:08.760 l A so much because the sun is always out, 0:08:08.800 --> 0:08:10.920 but back in Colorado the sunsets at like four pm. 0:08:11.640 --> 0:08:14.560 You're a little bit more. And do you feel lonely? 0:08:14.640 --> 0:08:16.600 Is that a feeling you feel, you know, if it's 0:08:16.680 --> 0:08:18.440 Christmas time or that time of year, do you wish 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:21.280 you had somebody to share it with? Absolutely? Yeah, I 0:08:21.280 --> 0:08:23.600 mean everyone feels lonely, so you kind of go back 0:08:23.600 --> 0:08:27.040 and forth. But that's the thing that I'm surrounded by 0:08:27.080 --> 0:08:29.480 so many great friends, all the time. Like there, I 0:08:29.520 --> 0:08:33.680 always have an outlet of friendship to refer to. But um, yeah, 0:08:33.720 --> 0:08:35.719 I think not being in a relationship, especially around this 0:08:35.760 --> 0:08:38.800 time of year, it's it's challenging. Well, give them the 0:08:38.800 --> 0:08:41.800 theme of this show and what kind of segue into that? Yeah, 0:08:41.800 --> 0:08:43.520 which is a great segue too, because the people that 0:08:43.559 --> 0:08:45.240 we're gonna speak with today haven't had to deal with 0:08:45.240 --> 0:08:47.559 that for a while, because they've been in successful relationships, 0:08:47.600 --> 0:08:51.480 successful marriages for varying amounts of time, but most of 0:08:51.480 --> 0:08:54.120 them very very long. So what we're gonna do is 0:08:54.200 --> 0:08:56.559 we're gonna ask mary couples the best advice that they 0:08:56.600 --> 0:09:01.320 have for their successful relationships. Awesome. Yeah, because when you 0:09:01.320 --> 0:09:03.880 suck at dating, you turn to those who aren't dating anymore. 0:09:04.320 --> 0:09:06.720 The ones that are married, they clearly were successful at 0:09:06.800 --> 0:09:09.440 dating at one point or another, or they just failed 0:09:09.480 --> 0:09:13.600 into a marriage somehow happened sometimes. Well I'll start, if 0:09:13.640 --> 0:09:15.280 you don't mind, please, I've been with my wife for 0:09:15.360 --> 0:09:20.280 twenty years, married for fifteen, um, and any questions you have, 0:09:20.360 --> 0:09:23.200 but I'm often asked, how did you know? And for me, 0:09:24.200 --> 0:09:26.520 I remember very clearly we've been together for a couple 0:09:26.520 --> 0:09:29.200 of years and I was thinking, you know, how do 0:09:29.240 --> 0:09:30.599 you know when it's time to propose in that? And 0:09:30.679 --> 0:09:33.520 I thought, well, what if I don't, and what if 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:35.199 we were to break up? And the thought of she 0:09:35.280 --> 0:09:38.240 and I living just separate lives. She's off doing her 0:09:38.280 --> 0:09:40.559 thing and dating somebody and I'm off doing my thing. 0:09:40.679 --> 0:09:44.400 It was laughable to me. It was inconceivable that the 0:09:44.400 --> 0:09:46.120 would ever be a time in my life when Amy 0:09:46.240 --> 0:09:49.640 wasn't part of my life. That was ludicrous. And that's 0:09:49.640 --> 0:09:51.840 when I knew, Okay, so this is the this is it. Now. 0:09:53.000 --> 0:09:55.080 Here's my question. Have you guys seen the movie? Definitely 0:09:55.120 --> 0:10:00.240 maybe Ryan Reynolds Erica. Have you I have not? In it? 0:10:00.960 --> 0:10:03.040 I have. It's with the little girl, right, Yes, he 0:10:03.120 --> 0:10:04.760 has the little baby and they're trying to He's like 0:10:04.800 --> 0:10:08.520 talking about the um love I guess loves that he's 0:10:08.520 --> 0:10:10.719 had throughout his life and why her mother is her mother? 0:10:10.720 --> 0:10:13.480 That kind of thing, because you've definitely seen this movie before. Anyways. 0:10:13.600 --> 0:10:17.280 In the movie, definitely maybe the female lead I can't 0:10:17.280 --> 0:10:19.720 remember her name, she's an incredibly famous actress says something 0:10:19.760 --> 0:10:22.679 along the lines of it's not who but when so 0:10:22.720 --> 0:10:24.400 it's not who you're with that you know you're gonna 0:10:24.400 --> 0:10:27.640 get married, But it's when you're with that person that 0:10:27.760 --> 0:10:29.040 you know that you're ready to spend the rest of 0:10:29.040 --> 0:10:30.880 your life with them. So it's not like, does that 0:10:30.920 --> 0:10:32.520 make sense? Is that kind of what you're saying? As well, 0:10:32.520 --> 0:10:34.199 it's like, I guess it is if you met Amy 0:10:34.280 --> 0:10:36.160 ten years before I ran, and she would have been 0:10:36.160 --> 0:10:40.760 an eight year old. Just to clarify, I was twenty 0:10:40.840 --> 0:10:42.880 six and Amy was eighteen we started dating, So when 0:10:42.880 --> 0:10:46.679 I had this revelation is probably twenty one. But it 0:10:46.960 --> 0:10:49.160 almost goes against your point, because yes, for me, I 0:10:49.200 --> 0:10:50.720 was at a place in my life when I was 0:10:50.760 --> 0:10:53.400 ready to settle down, but she was twenty one years old. 0:10:53.400 --> 0:10:55.240 It's very easy for her to say that she wasn't 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:57.520 at that point in her life. And honestly, one of 0:10:57.520 --> 0:11:00.360 the reasons I was hesitant to propose too soon is 0:11:00.360 --> 0:11:02.720 I wanted to make sure that she was a hundred 0:11:02.760 --> 0:11:06.199 percent on board, because when you're you've been dating the 0:11:06.240 --> 0:11:08.320 same guy since you were eighteen. I didn't want that 0:11:08.360 --> 0:11:11.360 feeling in her head of who else might be out there. 0:11:11.400 --> 0:11:15.360 I haven't sampled anything I've been with this guy, and 0:11:15.440 --> 0:11:16.920 maybe I'd like to play the field a little bit 0:11:16.920 --> 0:11:18.640 and see what else is out there. Luckily she didn't 0:11:18.679 --> 0:11:20.320 feel that way, but I was. I was very nervous 0:11:20.360 --> 0:11:24.400 about that. As far as marriage goes, I've always my 0:11:24.440 --> 0:11:26.520 advice has always been to consider it a commitment, and 0:11:26.559 --> 0:11:28.360 obviously it's a commitment, but what I mean by that 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:30.680 is you think of it long term, because I feel 0:11:30.720 --> 0:11:33.559 like a lot of people feel like if it's not 0:11:33.679 --> 0:11:36.120 going well for a certain amount of time, that it's 0:11:36.120 --> 0:11:39.280 falling apart and it's over. But it's not. There's ups 0:11:39.280 --> 0:11:41.840 and there's downs, and there's peaks, and there's valleys and whatever. 0:11:41.880 --> 0:11:44.800 If you're committed to it being a lifetime together, that 0:11:44.880 --> 0:11:47.280 fight last night, it's not that big a deal in 0:11:47.280 --> 0:11:49.600 the grand scheme of things, where some people are like, 0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:51.800 I'm going to my mom's. I can't deal with you, 0:11:51.840 --> 0:11:53.840 I'm out of here, or they go to someone else 0:11:53.920 --> 0:11:56.440 because it's getting a little rocky at home, so they 0:11:56.440 --> 0:11:58.840 seek solace and somebody else, and then it's it's going 0:11:58.880 --> 0:12:01.080 to be over. You're blowing whole thing up. So I 0:12:01.080 --> 0:12:04.160 think as long as you see it as a lifetime together, 0:12:04.400 --> 0:12:07.200 which could scare some people, I understand, But as long 0:12:07.240 --> 0:12:08.840 as you think of it that way, I think you 0:12:08.840 --> 0:12:12.000 can get through anything. Yeah, I think. Um. Amy, we 0:12:12.040 --> 0:12:15.600 had on last week right the the Holistic Sex Expert. 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:18.800 What's your name Amy? I think it was Amy anyway, 0:12:18.840 --> 0:12:21.360 So I was listening to the podcast that we recorded 0:12:21.440 --> 0:12:24.240 last week and she said something that really struck a 0:12:24.320 --> 0:12:25.960 chord with me. She said something along the lines of 0:12:26.480 --> 0:12:28.560 relationships are one of the things that we work for 0:12:28.720 --> 0:12:30.360 until we get and then once we have we don't 0:12:30.360 --> 0:12:32.520 really work anymore. Like like you like work for an 0:12:32.520 --> 0:12:35.640 apprenticeship or you work at your job, you constantly improve yourself, 0:12:35.640 --> 0:12:37.880 but in relationships, you kind of stop that once you 0:12:37.920 --> 0:12:40.560 acquire what you're looking for and you don't constantly like 0:12:40.760 --> 0:12:42.640 achieve to do better in the relationship. Her name was 0:12:42.720 --> 0:12:46.040 Kim Kim, I not me. I'm so sorry for saying Amy, 0:12:46.080 --> 0:12:48.240 but um, yeah, that really struck a chord with me. 0:12:48.280 --> 0:12:49.760 I feel like because to your point, I feel like 0:12:49.880 --> 0:12:52.320 when you have an argument, you kind of people like 0:12:52.559 --> 0:12:55.000 tend to internalize that and maybe taken round with it. 0:12:55.360 --> 0:12:57.679 But what she was saying was it's it's not just 0:12:57.800 --> 0:12:59.800 a once you have it, you have it. It's something 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:01.760 that you have to continue to work with and improve 0:13:01.880 --> 0:13:05.040 upon and improve upon yourself too. I'm such a better 0:13:05.080 --> 0:13:06.920 person than than I was when I met Amy. A 0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:08.920 lot of that is thanks to her, but a lot 0:13:08.960 --> 0:13:11.320 of that is just from the relationship and maturing and 0:13:11.360 --> 0:13:14.360 growing up and figuring out what works and doesn't work. Right. 0:13:15.040 --> 0:13:17.360 That's just interesting to think about, Yeah, because I think 0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:18.959 that I've always maybe I think all of us kind 0:13:18.960 --> 0:13:22.120 of inherently know that, but we never really outwardly expressed 0:13:22.200 --> 0:13:23.960 or talk about it. And so it's just like a 0:13:24.000 --> 0:13:25.600 weird to have like that kind of like realization of 0:13:25.600 --> 0:13:27.640 thought that that I don't know, that's just kind of 0:13:27.679 --> 0:13:30.760 my take. But like your whole life is, it turns 0:13:30.800 --> 0:13:33.040 into a compromise, like you never you know what I mean, 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:35.440 when you're when you're married, you don't ever get to 0:13:35.440 --> 0:13:39.360 do exactly what you want to do. Oh yeah, for sure, 0:13:39.679 --> 0:13:44.400 Mark Easton, Easton, you can jump in. Yeah, i'd say so. Yeah, 0:13:45.800 --> 0:13:48.960 it's a beautiful compromise. Yes, yes, it's it's very satisfying, 0:13:49.000 --> 0:13:51.200 and it's very it is very beautiful. And it also 0:13:51.280 --> 0:13:53.160 makes me better because if I just did whatever I 0:13:53.160 --> 0:13:54.800 wanted all the time, i'd sure be on the couch 0:13:54.840 --> 0:13:57.559 a lot house, probably be a man, but the house 0:13:57.600 --> 0:14:00.079 would be a mess. I wouldn't be out hike, that 0:14:00.080 --> 0:14:02.240 wouldn't be out exercising. Like I'm trying to be a 0:14:02.280 --> 0:14:05.480 better person for me, for her, for the kids, for everybody. 0:14:05.640 --> 0:14:07.679 If it was up to me, it would be a 0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:10.000 lot of TV. And it's good. It's a good thing. 0:14:10.120 --> 0:14:12.959 The compromise is positive, although I get when you're in 0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:15.280 your twenties that compromises not something you're interested to. The 0:14:15.280 --> 0:14:17.640 conversation we had last week as well, that's a challenge 0:14:17.679 --> 0:14:19.720 that your wife kind of gives you, is to to 0:14:19.800 --> 0:14:21.440 get up more and clean the house and do whatever 0:14:21.480 --> 0:14:23.040 it is. She's constantly pushing you to do things that 0:14:23.080 --> 0:14:24.960 you wouldn't do on your own had she not been there. 0:14:25.000 --> 0:14:28.240 So that's that's amazing, amazing, and the benefits are great. 0:14:28.280 --> 0:14:31.520 I live in a clean house instead of the squalor 0:14:31.600 --> 0:14:34.040 I lived in before her, And at eight pm on 0:14:34.080 --> 0:14:36.760 a Sunday, after watching TV all day long, you feel 0:14:36.760 --> 0:14:38.760 a lot worse than had you gone hiking day and 0:14:38.960 --> 0:14:41.320 gotten some chores accomplished all that kind of exactly right, 0:14:41.360 --> 0:14:43.720 I'd probably be fifty pounds heavier. I think maybe guys 0:14:43.760 --> 0:14:45.400 just don't have as much foresight as women, you know, 0:14:45.520 --> 0:14:51.800 and motivation and ambition and all that stuff. Every Hey, 0:14:51.880 --> 0:14:55.640 I think we're on. We have a married woman on 0:14:55.680 --> 0:14:58.960 the line. Okay, nice, So we have him calling in. 0:14:59.120 --> 0:15:01.760 She's been married for three years with her husband who 0:15:01.800 --> 0:15:03.680 has been they've been together for ten years. While I 0:15:03.720 --> 0:15:06.280 kind of stumbled over that one him, are you there? Yeah, 0:15:06.320 --> 0:15:08.480 I'm here. How are you thank you for? How are 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:11.080 you doing? I'm good, I'm good. All right. So the 0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:13.800 theme of today's episode is we're talking about what a 0:15:13.800 --> 0:15:17.400 successful relationship is married. I'm sorry, he's made of UM. 0:15:17.480 --> 0:15:19.760 So we're joined by Eastern Mark and Tanya here. So 0:15:19.800 --> 0:15:21.040 do you mind kind of telling us a little bit 0:15:21.040 --> 0:15:24.440 more about your story? Yeah, of course. UM. I've been 0:15:24.560 --> 0:15:27.280 with my husband for ten years and we've been married 0:15:27.360 --> 0:15:30.960 for three UM, and our first four years together were 0:15:31.000 --> 0:15:34.960 actually long distance because he was playing professional baseball. So 0:15:35.160 --> 0:15:38.200 I think, UM, a lot of the reason why we've 0:15:38.280 --> 0:15:43.560 made it this far is because we've always had open communication. UM, 0:15:43.680 --> 0:15:45.480 and I think that was like a big part in 0:15:45.520 --> 0:15:50.640 our relationship. So he was traveling for work essentially. Yes, 0:15:51.360 --> 0:15:53.560 And what did you do during that time? Um? I 0:15:53.600 --> 0:15:55.920 was in San Francisco. I was a chef, so I 0:15:55.960 --> 0:15:59.120 was finishing up culinary school and then working in restaurants 0:15:59.160 --> 0:16:01.400 up there. Would we have heard of your husband through 0:16:01.400 --> 0:16:04.480 his professional colum? Um, he played the minor league for 0:16:04.600 --> 0:16:07.320 the San Francisco Giants. Um, he was a catcher. So 0:16:07.480 --> 0:16:11.920 I don't know, he never made it, no, but he no, 0:16:12.120 --> 0:16:15.240 he played with that. Okay. So we've talked about this 0:16:15.280 --> 0:16:17.680 in the past and in past episodes with like Adam 0:16:17.720 --> 0:16:19.440 and Raven and other people that have been through the 0:16:19.480 --> 0:16:22.240 long distance experience. How did you go about making it 0:16:22.280 --> 0:16:25.240 work with your boyfriend at the time, it sounds like, 0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:27.800 and then maybe since since he retired from baseball he 0:16:27.840 --> 0:16:32.600 became your husband. Yeah, I always we've always said that. Um. 0:16:32.600 --> 0:16:35.160 We think, like I think the foundation of like a 0:16:35.200 --> 0:16:39.360 really strong relationship is trust and communication, and from day 0:16:39.400 --> 0:16:43.360 one we've always been honest, no lies. I think that's 0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:46.880 like a really big part in the successful relationship. Um, 0:16:46.960 --> 0:16:50.080 to start off on the right. But yeah, I think 0:16:50.080 --> 0:16:52.000 it must be challenging for you too, because not only 0:16:52.080 --> 0:16:54.280 was he was it long distance, but he was like 0:16:54.320 --> 0:16:57.280 traveling to new places all the time. UM. I guess 0:16:57.320 --> 0:16:58.680 I don't know the extent of like how often you 0:16:58.680 --> 0:17:01.640 were able to visit him it. Yeah, So yeah, I 0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:04.040 mean we got lucky the first year I lived in 0:17:04.040 --> 0:17:06.479 San Francisco and he was playing in San Jose, so 0:17:06.520 --> 0:17:09.160 we were actually forty five minutes apart from each other, 0:17:09.320 --> 0:17:12.520 so after certain games he would come over and sleep 0:17:12.520 --> 0:17:14.840 in the city and spend the weekend. So we got 0:17:14.840 --> 0:17:17.560 really lucky. But then he moved to Virginia, and that 0:17:17.680 --> 0:17:20.520 was probably the hardest time because it was probably three 0:17:20.640 --> 0:17:23.679 the longest we've been apart was three months, UM, and 0:17:23.720 --> 0:17:25.959 I think for us being able to talk on the 0:17:25.960 --> 0:17:31.400 phone and UM, having that communication was really helpful because 0:17:31.440 --> 0:17:34.880 it got really hard at times. UM. But after that, 0:17:34.960 --> 0:17:37.600 when we lived together in l a, UM, I think 0:17:37.640 --> 0:17:39.760 we were so glued to each other because we had 0:17:39.800 --> 0:17:43.439 been separated for so long that now it's been a 0:17:43.480 --> 0:17:46.800 lot easier. Nice and so so he basically gave up, 0:17:47.400 --> 0:17:49.600 well maybe not gave up his professional career, but he 0:17:50.080 --> 0:17:53.399 essentially finished out what he was trying to do with 0:17:53.440 --> 0:17:56.679 that and then decided to obviously mutually decided to settle 0:17:56.680 --> 0:18:00.960 down and essentially, yeah, yeah, definitely. He actually had a 0:18:01.000 --> 0:18:05.040 couple of flute concussions, so UM it was the doctor 0:18:05.080 --> 0:18:07.439 said that he couldn't really play anymore, and he had 0:18:07.440 --> 0:18:09.880