1
00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:05,040
Speaker 1: Hi, everyone, Sophia Bush here. Welcome to Work in Progress,

2
00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:08,240
Speaker 1: where I talk to people who inspire me about how

3
00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:10,160
Speaker 1: they got to where they are and where they think

4
00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:24,840
Speaker 1: they're still going today. On Work in Progress, I am

5
00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:29,080
Speaker 1: honored to share a conversation with a true spiritual warrior.

6
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:33,640
Speaker 1: She's wildly inspiring, a model of resilience and a deep

7
00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:38,360
Speaker 1: well of wisdom. Dr Edith Eager. Dr. Eager is a

8
00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:43,120
Speaker 1: highly sought after psychologist, author, and keynote speaker who survived

9
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:46,199
Speaker 1: the Holocaust as a teenage girl and went on to

10
00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:50,400
Speaker 1: thrive despite the trauma that she endured. Dye as her

11
00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:54,760
Speaker 1: friends affectionately call her, obtained her doctorate in psychology and

12
00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:58,880
Speaker 1: learned to use her imprisonment at Auschwitz as a powerful

13
00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:02,680
Speaker 1: analogy for the prisons that so many of us create

14
00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:06,520
Speaker 1: in our own minds. Her mission is now to inspire

15
00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:10,640
Speaker 1: others to discard their limitations and find renewal and freedom

16
00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:14,760
Speaker 1: within themselves. After becoming a New York Times bestselling author

17
00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:18,600
Speaker 1: with her memoir The Choice, Dr Eager wrote a hands

18
00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:21,680
Speaker 1: on guide to overcoming your trauma that just came out

19
00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:25,400
Speaker 1: this past fall, called The Gift Twelve Lessons to Save

20
00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:29,200
Speaker 1: Your Life somehow, between her busy clinical practice and lawya

21
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:33,399
Speaker 1: and her many speaking engagements, this energetic nine three year

22
00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:35,800
Speaker 1: old made time to sit down for a chat with me.

23
00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:39,679
Speaker 1: In my conversation with Dr Eager, we discussed the power

24
00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:42,880
Speaker 1: of thought, how the most obnoxious person can be your

25
00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:47,120
Speaker 1: very best teacher, why the question how are you doing?

26
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:51,240
Speaker 1: Is a stupid question, and how love is what you

27
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:55,279
Speaker 1: do rather than what you say. Dr Eager also shares

28
00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:59,880
Speaker 1: her harrowing accounts of arriving at Auschwitz, being forced to

29
00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:03,640
Speaker 1: dance for Joseph Mingle, and how she found the spirit

30
00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:07,960
Speaker 1: to survive it all within her own mind. Dr Eager

31
00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:11,760
Speaker 1: is truly one of the wisest people I have ever

32
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:15,760
Speaker 1: had the pleasure of sharing an audience with. I really

33
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:25,280
Speaker 1: hope you enjoyed this conversation. Dr idiom so fascinated by

34
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:30,400
Speaker 1: by your story. I think you found a philosophy. You

35
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,800
Speaker 1: you found your way to this kind of hopeful sense

36
00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:38,200
Speaker 1: of being through one of the worst periods in human history,

37
00:02:38,919 --> 00:02:41,960
Speaker 1: seeing some of the worst of what humans can do

38
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:47,600
Speaker 1: to each other, and they the decades that you've lived

39
00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:52,400
Speaker 1: through have been so full of trauma and violence and

40
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:58,120
Speaker 1: also movements and possibility. I mean you've seen the most

41
00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:02,959
Speaker 1: incredible peeriods of our modern human history. And and I'm

42
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:06,840
Speaker 1: very curious for for the listeners who don't know your story,

43
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,560
Speaker 1: if we can kind of go back to the beginning.

44
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:17,480
Speaker 1: I have this beautiful photograph of your family in Um,

45
00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:21,000
Speaker 1: you and your two sisters, your mother and father, and

46
00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:24,120
Speaker 1: I wonder if you can tell me a bit about

47
00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:28,240
Speaker 1: your early child today. I know that you were born

48
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:32,640
Speaker 1: in what we would now consider Slovakia. Yes, I was

49
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:38,720
Speaker 1: born in Czechoslovakia. Um. My city was part of Czechoslovakia

50
00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:45,760
Speaker 1: from nineteen eighteen anti nineteen thirty eight. Before that was

51
00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:52,960
Speaker 1: the Austro Hungarian monarchy, so my mother Hungarian. I was

52
00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:59,160
Speaker 1: born as the last, the third girl in my family,

53
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:04,520
Speaker 1: and I was bland for did when they took me

54
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:08,160
Speaker 1: for a walk, because I became cross side when I

55
00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:13,480
Speaker 1: was three. So my my sister sang songs about me.

56
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:18,919
Speaker 1: I'm so ugly and puny and never find a husband.

57
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:23,320
Speaker 1: And today, I tell you, especially in schools, don't allow

58
00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:28,000
Speaker 1: anybody to define who you are, because you know you were.

59
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:33,160
Speaker 1: You know God planted that seed and and and you

60
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:37,479
Speaker 1: want to hopefully nurture yourself and find your own through it.

61
00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:43,520
Speaker 1: And my mother also looked at me and said, very seriously,

62
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:47,279
Speaker 1: I'm glad that you have brains because you have no looks.

63
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:53,520
Speaker 1: So today, so today you talk about how you know

64
00:04:53,760 --> 00:05:00,679
Speaker 1: I have come where I am now and turning excitement, uh,

65
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:06,120
Speaker 1: turning anxiety into excitement. And this is what the gift

66
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:11,960
Speaker 1: is all about, that even in Hell, Auschwitz was hell,

67
00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:19,839
Speaker 1: I was able to realize that I still can move

68
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:24,520
Speaker 1: beyond the body and the mind into the spiritual dimension.

69
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:29,000
Speaker 1: And believe me, during the day, I didn't know from

70
00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,200
Speaker 1: one minute the next tray that I'm going to the

71
00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:34,800
Speaker 1: guest steamber or not. But you know what, the nighttime

72
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:39,240
Speaker 1: I was dreaming, and I was in the opera house,

73
00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:43,680
Speaker 1: and I was at the Olympics, and my nighttime was

74
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:49,240
Speaker 1: absolutely keeping me moving. That this is just temporary. Yes

75
00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:52,560
Speaker 1: I am, Yes, I call, yes, I will that I

76
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:59,680
Speaker 1: never ever allowed allowed the enemy to murder them by spirit.

77
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:05,240
Speaker 1: So that's what I bring you today, um. And my

78
00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:09,840
Speaker 1: daughter calls it idyism. One of them is are you

79
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:14,799
Speaker 1: evolving or are you revolving? And I think I come

80
00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:20,679
Speaker 1: in to ask you when did your childhood end? Because

81
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:24,599
Speaker 1: many of us give up or true self to fit

82
00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:31,560
Speaker 1: the family dynamics, you know, so firstborn children are the

83
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:37,359
Speaker 1: responsible one. Uh. The middle children are usually the peacemakers.

84
00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:41,200
Speaker 1: And do you I don't. I don't know if you're

85
00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:45,400
Speaker 1: the youngest child. But the youngest child is called a

86
00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:56,080
Speaker 1: very charming, manipulated, charving, manipulated. I'm actually the only So

87
00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:59,400
Speaker 1: there you go. If you marry one, you may have

88
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:04,760
Speaker 1: power struggle because you have two bosses. Do you fight

89
00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:09,240
Speaker 1: to be right? Is that true? Are you a right fighter?

90
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:14,280
Speaker 1: I think so. I think for me, people often ask

91
00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:18,440
Speaker 1: me why when you know my my forward facing career

92
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:22,960
Speaker 1: is on screen, people will say, well, why why do

93
00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:29,160
Speaker 1: you fight so hard for justice issues and politics and

94
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:33,280
Speaker 1: democracy and and and so on. And for me, it's

95
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:39,400
Speaker 1: because witnessing injustice feels wrong, so they need to fight

96
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:44,000
Speaker 1: for what's right for me really happens for the world.

97
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:49,680
Speaker 1: And I think because as a young kid, you know,

98
00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:53,720
Speaker 1: similarly to um, I imagine what the experience has been

99
00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:56,480
Speaker 1: for you for your grandson, who's our tech advisor today,

100
00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:03,640
Speaker 1: growing up in our generation, Shi, we we have family.

101
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:07,320
Speaker 1: We have you know, friends who have family like you

102
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:14,200
Speaker 1: Dr Dye, who have survived mass atrocity, and we're not

103
00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:16,800
Speaker 1: so far from it. That we don't think it could

104
00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:20,520
Speaker 1: have happened, or or that we don't understand the depth

105
00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:23,600
Speaker 1: of it. And so for me, from a very young age,

106
00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,040
Speaker 1: you know, half of my family is Jewish, and my

107
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:31,400
Speaker 1: family is all immigrants, and I was privileged enough to

108
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:34,960
Speaker 1: be exposed to so many people's cultures and so many

109
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:40,600
Speaker 1: people's humanity and so many so many cultures beauty, and

110
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:45,040
Speaker 1: so this idea that we could harm each other, that

111
00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:49,920
Speaker 1: we could see each other as the enemy, always felt

112
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:52,719
Speaker 1: wrong to me. I just want to tell you that

113
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:58,400
Speaker 1: the mode yourself, the stronger you become inside. You don't

114
00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:02,360
Speaker 1: let other people get to you so easily. You see,

115
00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:07,040
Speaker 1: no one can make me angry. Um. And when someone

116
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:11,200
Speaker 1: asked me a white question, I don't say because I

117
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:17,000
Speaker 1: don't get into the why, because game, okay, what does

118
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,719
Speaker 1: that mean for you? The why? Because can you give

119
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,840
Speaker 1: us an example? Because people ask for a reason and

120
00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,079
Speaker 1: then they don't know what to do with the reasons.

121
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:28,679
Speaker 1: And just like I ask people not to ask how

122
00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:33,120
Speaker 1: are you because people will say fine, even if they're suicidal.

123
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,920
Speaker 1: You know, I like the what is going on? And

124
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,440
Speaker 1: how are we going to move on? But why is

125
00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:43,760
Speaker 1: the past oriented word a problem? Oriented word. I am

126
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:48,000
Speaker 1: very much of a stickler on an English language. The

127
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:53,360
Speaker 1: way people or couples especially, they always want something for

128
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:57,240
Speaker 1: the other person. I want you to, I want him to,

129
00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:01,400
Speaker 1: I want her to. You cannot want anything for another

130
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:05,760
Speaker 1: person unless they want to, but you cannot make them

131
00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:08,880
Speaker 1: want to. So I hope to be a good role

132
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:13,880
Speaker 1: mother to say, the more choices you have, the more

133
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:17,960
Speaker 1: you are in the present, you will be in control.

134
00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:22,559
Speaker 1: But the past is gone and I cannot change the past.

135
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:26,439
Speaker 1: So I will tell you my childhood and the way

136
00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:30,360
Speaker 1: I look at it, that I was fortunate enough to

137
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:35,600
Speaker 1: be neglected so I could discover my inner resources because

138
00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:40,240
Speaker 1: I was very much alone as a child. And you

139
00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:43,600
Speaker 1: know today, I tell you, if you're not happy alone,

140
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:47,960
Speaker 1: you're never gonna be happy with anyone else. Self love

141
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:53,040
Speaker 1: is self care. It's not narcissistic. I really love that.

142
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:59,360
Speaker 1: I'm so fascinated by your experiences because, as you said,

143
00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:04,240
Speaker 1: you you made a connection, which I think is rare

144
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:09,000
Speaker 1: in early life, that the ways you were neglected, or

145
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:12,760
Speaker 1: perhaps the ways you were not supported in your family

146
00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:16,719
Speaker 1: meant that you had to support yourself, meant that you

147
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:21,000
Speaker 1: had to love yourself. And this was all happening as

148
00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:26,080
Speaker 1: the world was turning at the Nazis were beginning to

149
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:32,640
Speaker 1: occupy Eastern Europe. And how how does a little girl

150
00:11:34,559 --> 00:11:39,320
Speaker 1: who one day in nineteen forty four is arrested with

151
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:46,400
Speaker 1: her whole family and taken to an internment center, how

152
00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:49,000
Speaker 1: do you begin making sense of what's going on in

153
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:54,640
Speaker 1: that moment? How do you as a child understand how

154
00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:59,880
Speaker 1: to hold on to your truth, which is no one

155
00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:04,200
Speaker 1: can make me angry, no one can make me react.

156
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:09,520
Speaker 1: I I can live in internal life where I love myself.

157
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:11,880
Speaker 1: How how do you hold on too that in the

158
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:17,920
Speaker 1: midst of work crime. I don't think there are problems

159
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:22,920
Speaker 1: in the world. I think there are challenges, and I

160
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:28,400
Speaker 1: don't think there are crisis there are transitions. So it's

161
00:12:28,559 --> 00:12:31,960
Speaker 1: very important the way you look at things and what

162
00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:36,760
Speaker 1: you focus on, because what you focus on, you're going

163
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:40,760
Speaker 1: to have more the very thing that you may want

164
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:45,480
Speaker 1: to extinguish. So when you want to perhaps lose weight

165
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:51,040
Speaker 1: and you focus on um, how you pigging out on

166
00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:54,760
Speaker 1: this and that you're not going to lose weight because

167
00:12:54,800 --> 00:13:00,840
Speaker 1: none of the positive thinking leads to anything unless is

168
00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:07,160
Speaker 1: followed with a positive action. So when I work with teenagers,

169
00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:11,040
Speaker 1: and they tell me that they like what I say

170
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:14,400
Speaker 1: and they're gonna do it. And I call them Gona

171
00:13:14,559 --> 00:13:19,760
Speaker 1: people because they're always gonna, but they never are. They procrastinate.

172
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:25,120
Speaker 1: They procrastinate. They're gonna do it tomorrow, They're gonna think

173
00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:29,920
Speaker 1: about it tomorrow. And I So, I think it's very

174
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:35,000
Speaker 1: important to think about your thinking and how you find

175
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:42,839
Speaker 1: the gift in a place like Auschwitz, the darkest places.

176
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:50,000
Speaker 1: How do you discover that sense of self beyond the body,

177
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:54,680
Speaker 1: beyond the mind, and how can we empowered each other

178
00:13:55,720 --> 00:14:00,520
Speaker 1: with our spiritual growth m hm. So, I think it's

179
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:07,280
Speaker 1: very important to have a mantra that I always tell

180
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:11,040
Speaker 1: my patients, yes I am, Yes I can, Yes I will.

181
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:16,319
Speaker 1: I had a patient who was in a marathon and

182
00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:20,480
Speaker 1: somehow she stopped and she didn't think she was going

183
00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:24,240
Speaker 1: to be able to continue, and then she ran into

184
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:27,960
Speaker 1: my office, Dr Eager. I did it because I said,

185
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,160
Speaker 1: yes I am, Yes I can, Yes I will. And

186
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:34,080
Speaker 1: that reminded me of when I was in the Death

187
00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:38,880
Speaker 1: March going from Mouthouse and to gun skip Him and

188
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:46,120
Speaker 1: April nineteen forty five, I was almost stopping myself. But

189
00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:50,280
Speaker 1: when you stop, you were shut right away and guess what.

190
00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:55,480
Speaker 1: When I danced for Dr Mangeli in Auschwitz, he gave

191
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:58,840
Speaker 1: me a piece of bread and I shared it with

192
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:03,320
Speaker 1: my girls. I was on the top and those girls

193
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:08,240
Speaker 1: so mislowing down, and they came and they formed the

194
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:11,720
Speaker 1: chair with their arms and they carried me. So I

195
00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:17,080
Speaker 1: won't I won't die. Say love is not what you feel,

196
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:24,120
Speaker 1: is what you do. Mm hmm, I won't be here today.

197
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,720
Speaker 1: See all we have what each other. All we had

198
00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:32,760
Speaker 1: was each other then. And I am wit you how

199
00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:37,360
Speaker 1: to create a human family, how we can empower each

200
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:41,760
Speaker 1: other so you can be you. But it's no such

201
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:47,400
Speaker 1: thing as truth. It's my truth and your truth. It's

202
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:54,000
Speaker 1: say it's so subjective. Yes, interesting, I believe is different

203
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:58,360
Speaker 1: from faith. People tell me I believe, I believe, I believe,

204
00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:03,120
Speaker 1: But I ask what kind of life you need? Show me,

205
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:09,800
Speaker 1: because words can be very cheap commodities. Show me, show me,

206
00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:15,840
Speaker 1: show me, because life is just one day, just one day,

207
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:21,000
Speaker 1: that morning sunshine doesn't come back. And I am gonna

208
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:28,800
Speaker 1: be ninety three years, so so grateful that I can

209
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:31,600
Speaker 1: be with you, and I can be a good road

210
00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:35,680
Speaker 1: mother to you and let you know there is hoping,

211
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:42,920
Speaker 1: hopelessness let us really somehow, UM find a way, uh

212
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:50,240
Speaker 1: to to speak out. And Gandhi did it and made

213
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:54,720
Speaker 1: the whole British Empire come down to their knees without

214
00:16:54,800 --> 00:17:00,920
Speaker 1: any bloodshed. So I like people to speak out and

215
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:08,720
Speaker 1: the hopefully prevent violence because violence reads violence and fear

216
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:18,359
Speaker 1: that guests more fearing. So I'm curious and and I

217
00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:22,480
Speaker 1: I know that you've written about these things, and and

218
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:24,960
Speaker 1: so if there's not anything you don't want to have

219
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:31,119
Speaker 1: to talk about, please just let me know, um. And

220
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:34,040
Speaker 1: there are certain questions I'd like to ask because I

221
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:36,360
Speaker 1: think about some of the listeners at home who might

222
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,720
Speaker 1: not have read your book yet. But when you when

223
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:44,720
Speaker 1: you speak about Auschwitz, you talk in the book about

224
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:51,840
Speaker 1: arriving and and on arrival you saw Dr Mangelett. Did

225
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:57,200
Speaker 1: you have any idea of what was happening? Do you can?

226
00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:02,360
Speaker 1: Can you tell anyone who hasn't read about it? What

227
00:18:02,359 --> 00:18:08,119
Speaker 1: what was the experience like that day arriving there with

228
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:13,639
Speaker 1: your family. I didn't know who he was. He he

229
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,960
Speaker 1: pointed my mother to go to the left and and

230
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,760
Speaker 1: my sister and I to the right. And I followed

231
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:23,520
Speaker 1: my mom and he grabbed me, and I never ever

232
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:30,600
Speaker 1: experienced such an eye contact. It was an amazing eye contact. Um,

233
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:35,720
Speaker 1: it's like somebody looking you over completely. And I remember

234
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:41,240
Speaker 1: I wore my silk beautiful dress that my mother hum

235
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:47,280
Speaker 1: made miss and it had something that caught his eye

236
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:50,440
Speaker 1: and he kept looking at it and I could see

237
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:54,160
Speaker 1: it was going left and right and it was a bow.

238
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:57,400
Speaker 1: It was a little bow here and a little bow there.

239
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:03,359
Speaker 1: And then he said, your mother is going to take

240
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:08,120
Speaker 1: a shower and you're gonna see her very soon. And

241
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:13,040
Speaker 1: grab me, grab me and threw me bodily on the

242
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:17,280
Speaker 1: other side, which meant life. I had no idea that

243
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:21,919
Speaker 1: houits existed until I saw our white, my fride. I

244
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:28,000
Speaker 1: had no idea where we were going. Everything was very shocking,

245
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:32,240
Speaker 1: and people asked me, did you cry? I said no,

246
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:38,160
Speaker 1: I I was void of feelings. I was number and

247
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:42,119
Speaker 1: uh I didn't know. I didn't know really what's going

248
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:45,399
Speaker 1: to happen next. But you know what I asked people

249
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:51,840
Speaker 1: be curious because my curiosity was with me. I always

250
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:55,560
Speaker 1: wanted to know what's going to happen next, and never

251
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:59,560
Speaker 1: ever give up. So fight or flee doesn't work. You

252
00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:03,480
Speaker 1: have to learn how to stay in a situation and

253
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:07,960
Speaker 1: do the best you can, never ever to give up,

254
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:14,480
Speaker 1: never ever given to hopelessness, helplessness, to find your special

255
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:19,560
Speaker 1: self that you can help your sister. We had each other,

256
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:24,560
Speaker 1: We had to form a family of inmates, even the girls.

257
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:30,359
Speaker 1: I had my my school teacher there. I don't know

258
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:33,119
Speaker 1: how she made it, because I think she may have

259
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:37,320
Speaker 1: been in her early forties because everyone went to the

260
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:41,880
Speaker 1: guest chamber under fourteen and over forty. But you know what,

261
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,399
Speaker 1: she was the first one to get up. She was

262
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:49,040
Speaker 1: going to exercise whatever she could. You know what she

263
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:54,520
Speaker 1: made it. She made it so so it's it's really

264
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 1: the way you think it's what you're going to really

265
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:03,560
Speaker 1: hopefully create it. Yes, and your mother said something to you,

266
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,920
Speaker 1: and she gave you that advice. Yes, when you talk

267
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:11,040
Speaker 1: about being on the train with her, not knowing where

268
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:13,399
Speaker 1: you would end up. But will you tell people what

269
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:18,280
Speaker 1: she said to you? Yeah, my mom was amazingly insightful,

270
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:22,000
Speaker 1: and she said, we don't know where we're going, we

271
00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:25,640
Speaker 1: don't know what's going to happen. Just remember, no one

272
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:29,280
Speaker 1: can take away from you what you put in your mind.

273
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:34,640
Speaker 1: And that's exactly what happened. That took everything away from

274
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:39,639
Speaker 1: me and I had my sister and I had my mind,

275
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:46,080
Speaker 1: and so I was sixteen years old, remember in love,

276
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:54,760
Speaker 1: in love, So there there there is a way to

277
00:21:55,080 --> 00:22:02,480
Speaker 1: somehow look at my past and ask, you know, how

278
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:09,840
Speaker 1: could she have joy and passion in life. It's because

279
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:13,440
Speaker 1: I don't want to be the prisoner of the past,

280
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:18,159
Speaker 1: because if I would hate today, I would still be

281
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:22,199
Speaker 1: a prisoner. So I want to give myself a gift

282
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:28,080
Speaker 1: to let go, but not to forget or even overcome.

283
00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:32,560
Speaker 1: I don't know that word overcoming, but I think there

284
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:36,679
Speaker 1: is such a thing and making peace with the past.

285
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:42,480
Speaker 1: And I I have a special place in my heart

286
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:47,480
Speaker 1: and I call it my cherished wound because part of

287
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:51,560
Speaker 1: me was left in Auschwitz. But the better part is here,

288
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:57,240
Speaker 1: the bigger part is here. I have three children, five grandchildren,

289
00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:05,320
Speaker 1: and seventh great grandson, and that's my best revenge to Hitler. Wow,

290
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:10,520
Speaker 1: m I think I could sit down to David Hitler

291
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:15,760
Speaker 1: and talk about his childhood and the way he was

292
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:19,320
Speaker 1: beaten by his father. If you read the book by

293
00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:24,840
Speaker 1: Alice Miller for your own Good, she's a brilliant psychoanalyst

294
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:27,639
Speaker 1: in Switzerland. I don't know if you're familiar with it.

295
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:31,560
Speaker 1: The drama of a gifted child. You know, she is

296
00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:36,960
Speaker 1: just beautiful, my idol and uh, and so I think

297
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:42,040
Speaker 1: it's very important for us um to ask questions like

298
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:46,000
Speaker 1: when did your childhood end? This is why I asked

299
00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:50,840
Speaker 1: right away. That's some children have to take care of parents,

300
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:55,919
Speaker 1: immigrants children. My little girl was two years old. She

301
00:23:56,040 --> 00:24:00,679
Speaker 1: spoke four languages. She went to a daycare center and

302
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:05,960
Speaker 1: she brought home a book called Chicken Little Darky Lucky

303
00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:10,399
Speaker 1: goes Loosy Turkey Lurkey. And I looked at her because

304
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:15,160
Speaker 1: she became my teacher how to speak English. You see.

305
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:20,120
Speaker 1: That's so it's very important to go through at the developments.

306
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:24,439
Speaker 1: When I was at the medical school, I studied a

307
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:28,160
Speaker 1: great deal about p J who talks about the social

308
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:33,199
Speaker 1: development of us. So we survivors. Sometimes we had to

309
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:38,720
Speaker 1: go from here to there, so we missed the childhood.

310
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:42,760
Speaker 1: Then we grieve over not what happened, but what didn't

311
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:47,680
Speaker 1: happen that and not to not to minimize it, and

312
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,480
Speaker 1: that's gonna you see it in the gift, how to

313
00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:56,240
Speaker 1: really not to um. Not to put paprika on a

314
00:24:56,400 --> 00:25:00,359
Speaker 1: chocolate because it's not gonna take that's good, But to

315
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:05,560
Speaker 1: be able to really recognize that somehow, no matter what happened,

316
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:09,040
Speaker 1: you made it. So the question is not why me,

317
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:15,520
Speaker 1: but what now? Not why but what now? Yes, because

318
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:19,600
Speaker 1: that's the only thing I can change is you. And

319
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:22,840
Speaker 1: I write here right now. If I'm thinking what will

320
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:26,520
Speaker 1: I do next hour with my patient, I'm not with you.

321
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:32,040
Speaker 1: So when you when you are with someone and end

322
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:35,119
Speaker 1: of the day, when you meet, don't ask how are you?

323
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:43,760
Speaker 1: Because that's really just stupid questions. Just see, uh, how

324
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:47,560
Speaker 1: was your day? Don't ask questions and don't give advice

325
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:52,439
Speaker 1: because that's what mothers do. Okay, So I don't know

326
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:55,679
Speaker 1: if you have a life partner or not, but I

327
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,639
Speaker 1: would say, geez, good to see you. I miss you.

328
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:02,520
Speaker 1: You know, makeingn in wirement that it is love and

329
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:07,240
Speaker 1: and communication, and that you don't ask questions because questions

330
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:13,240
Speaker 1: can come across as interrogation. Interesting, how so be Jewish

331
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:16,639
Speaker 1: and say how are you? How do you think I am?

332
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:21,920
Speaker 1: You know, answer the question with that question. Yeah, when

333
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:27,640
Speaker 1: you talk about finding a way to not diminish, as

334
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:31,120
Speaker 1: you said, not diminish what you went through for any

335
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:34,760
Speaker 1: person who's been through any kind of trauma, and yours

336
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:40,840
Speaker 1: is a singular kind, but to figure out how to

337
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:44,159
Speaker 1: move beyond it, you know, to move on, not to

338
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:48,640
Speaker 1: forget um. It seems to me, it strikes me as

339
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:51,760
Speaker 1: something that requires a bit of the idea of both

340
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:55,959
Speaker 1: aunt where you can hold space for both, for for

341
00:26:56,000 --> 00:27:00,240
Speaker 1: the moving on and for the joy and for as

342
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:04,040
Speaker 1: you say, your your cherished wound, what what you went through,

343
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:08,159
Speaker 1: the part of you you had to leave there. And

344
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:14,520
Speaker 1: I'm curious about how, looking back, you understand doing both.

345
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 1: I read the Bill Gates review of The Choice, and

346
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:24,720
Speaker 1: he talked about how you had, in a sense, remained

347
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 1: a victim long after you were rescued. And I had

348
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:32,840
Speaker 1: two reactions to that. One I thought, who are you

349
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:35,159
Speaker 1: to say that? I want to hear what she thinks.

350
00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:39,440
Speaker 1: And then I also I thought, oh, I'm having I'm

351
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 1: having a reaction to that because I don't like I

352
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 1: don't like the way it feels to be labeled, so

353
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:48,160
Speaker 1: I react when other people are labeled. But I had

354
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:51,000
Speaker 1: to make space for the reality that you, yourself said

355
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:54,679
Speaker 1: that you, as an adult, had to go back. You

356
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:58,240
Speaker 1: went back to our shritz, You went back to visit

357
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:01,919
Speaker 1: that place, despite your sister are saying you're a masochist,

358
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:04,639
Speaker 1: You're crazy. Why are you doing this? I knew that

359
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:07,959
Speaker 1: there was a piece of healing there for you. What

360
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:12,120
Speaker 1: was that? What? What did you need to release? How

361
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:16,760
Speaker 1: did you need to cease more of yourself remaining there

362
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:21,119
Speaker 1: that then needed to How did you need to to

363
00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:25,160
Speaker 1: just really cut the cord to whatever victimization that felt like?

364
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:29,320
Speaker 1: Because I think while many people haven't been there or

365
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:34,720
Speaker 1: or experienced your particular circumstances, many people are still tethered

366
00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:39,400
Speaker 1: to something that harms them. So I think your ability

367
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 1: to return in order to heal can be very instructive

368
00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:46,640
Speaker 1: for a lot of people. Would would you mind telling

369
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:52,160
Speaker 1: us about that? Oh? I know that. In my case,

370
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:58,600
Speaker 1: I came to America penniless. I didn't have six dollars

371
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 1: to get up the boot, I didn't speak English, not

372
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 1: a word of it, and so I wanted to be you,

373
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:16,800
Speaker 1: So I went completely underground. See. One of my ediism

374
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:21,920
Speaker 1: is that the opposite of depression is expression, because what

375
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:26,240
Speaker 1: comes after your body doesn't make you hear. But when

376
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:31,520
Speaker 1: I worked with two Vietnam veterans, I realized that I

377
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:36,320
Speaker 1: went to school, and I graduated with honors, and I

378
00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:40,920
Speaker 1: got in a diplomating that and so on, but I

379
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:45,560
Speaker 1: never did my own work. I realized that I was

380
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:49,720
Speaker 1: an impostor, and I had to go back to Auschwitz.

381
00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:53,719
Speaker 1: I had to go back to that lions. Then I

382
00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 1: had to go to my place. I couldn't do it

383
00:29:57,080 --> 00:30:01,480
Speaker 1: in the therapist's office. And those are the ones that

384
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:07,360
Speaker 1: reminded me that it's time to look at that sixteen

385
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:12,120
Speaker 1: year old girl and do the grief, because you cannot

386
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 1: heal what you don't feel. So so therapy is that

387
00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:21,600
Speaker 1: we revisit the places where you've been and you tell

388
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:28,640
Speaker 1: me what happened, but not about what happened, if anything

389
00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:31,600
Speaker 1: happened to you when you were eight years old. I

390
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:34,480
Speaker 1: want you to use the language of that eight year

391
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 1: old and tell it to me as if it would

392
00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:44,000
Speaker 1: happen now. Not to go into about about about because

393
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 1: that's in your head. I want you to do the grieving,

394
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:56,760
Speaker 1: the feeling and healing that you go through that shadow

395
00:30:57,320 --> 00:31:01,120
Speaker 1: of that terrible place, but you don't run from it,

396
00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:04,640
Speaker 1: you don't hide from it anymore. So I didn't do

397
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:09,000
Speaker 1: any justice to my children because I just wanted to

398
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:13,560
Speaker 1: really think that maybe the more I run away in

399
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:17,280
Speaker 1: mood is going to go away. It does not go away.

400
00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:21,120
Speaker 1: And that is a good English world called trigger. See

401
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 1: something triggers and you know what, it has nothing to

402
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 1: do with what's going on right now with that person.

403
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:32,600
Speaker 1: It has to do with something that you haven't there

404
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:38,200
Speaker 1: tread um. That makes sense, right. So that's why I

405
00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:43,640
Speaker 1: like to call myself a guide from darkness to light,

406
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:48,520
Speaker 1: from prison to freedom. And the biggest, biggest prison is

407
00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:52,000
Speaker 1: in your own mind, and the key is in your pocket.

408
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:56,800
Speaker 1: So you don't have to go back to our schwitz Um.

409
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:59,600
Speaker 1: I can do that in my office with the cash

410
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:04,040
Speaker 1: stout method. They put your parents in the chair and

411
00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 1: you can beat them up, you can tie them up,

412
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:12,000
Speaker 1: especially if you were sexually abused. You were more in

413
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:16,120
Speaker 1: prison than I was in Auschwitz because I knew the enemy.

414
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:22,280
Speaker 1: It's just how you look at things. Be careful, be

415
00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 1: careful not to generalize, because I don't know how to

416
00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:35,120
Speaker 1: really tell you that life is difficult, and people think

417
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:39,000
Speaker 1: that there is some kind of a guarantee, especially in marriage.

418
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:44,120
Speaker 1: There is no guarantee. There is probability that you give.

419
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:49,240
Speaker 1: You examine yourself and see how can you be the

420
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:54,120
Speaker 1: loving life for them to someone rather than blame, because

421
00:32:54,120 --> 00:33:00,440
Speaker 1: while you blame, you're still a child. Children blame people

422
00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:03,880
Speaker 1: point the finger, and you did that and you made

423
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:08,200
Speaker 1: me angry. And when you hear you, I know somebody's

424
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:10,920
Speaker 1: gonna dump on you. That's what I tell young people

425
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:14,680
Speaker 1: in school. The bully is gonna say you are stupid,

426
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:17,400
Speaker 1: and you that, and you take a deep breath and

427
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:21,240
Speaker 1: say the more the talks or she dogs, the more

428
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:26,800
Speaker 1: relaxed I become. You take the negative stimuli, you turn

429
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:30,840
Speaker 1: it into positive. No, I don't like to be locked up,

430
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:35,880
Speaker 1: of course not. I still have a choice to really

431
00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:41,360
Speaker 1: regroup and read this side. Whether I'm going to hold

432
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:47,840
Speaker 1: onto something that gives me in that prison blaming, blaming, blaming,

433
00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:52,720
Speaker 1: I can see, well, I have a gratitude for being

434
00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:58,240
Speaker 1: able to read more um, to be closer to the children,

435
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:04,320
Speaker 1: and to be able to write my third book with

436
00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:09,239
Speaker 1: my daughter and recipes. So we're into the Hungarian recipes

437
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:14,600
Speaker 1: right now. And you see, you can complain as much

438
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:17,920
Speaker 1: as you want to, but how is it really getting

439
00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:21,080
Speaker 1: you where? So I think it's very important for you

440
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:28,279
Speaker 1: to love yourself and also ask yourself what you like

441
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:32,600
Speaker 1: to be married to me? Because I ask many times

442
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:37,399
Speaker 1: people that you want their life partner, who is your

443
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:43,120
Speaker 1: equal m h. Sometimes you know, men pick up women

444
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:47,759
Speaker 1: and it reminds me of Don Quixote who goes to

445
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:51,000
Speaker 1: the whorehouse, and you know what, he wants to help

446
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:54,960
Speaker 1: the women in stress, but the one who's in stresses

447
00:34:55,080 --> 00:35:00,760
Speaker 1: him because some people want to rescue all the time.

448
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 1: They people. You know, it's wonderful too, my fair lady.

449
00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:10,920
Speaker 1: That is oh my goodness, that's a brilliant way to recognize.

450
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:14,600
Speaker 1: You know that he is really a control freak. He

451
00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:17,759
Speaker 1: cannot be with his own kind. He has to pick

452
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:20,959
Speaker 1: up that little wave. But you know what we learn

453
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:25,040
Speaker 1: once she graduates, she leaves, and then he has to

454
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:30,239
Speaker 1: pick up rather than being with an equal. So this

455
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:33,319
Speaker 1: is the way I think. I always go back to

456
00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:42,719
Speaker 1: Shakespeare tell story, check out and that Williams Tennessee. Williams says, marvelous.

457
00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:47,200
Speaker 1: If you want to know about that post complex, the catainer,

458
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:50,440
Speaker 1: notting Drew. You know, there is so much to read

459
00:35:50,560 --> 00:36:05,520
Speaker 1: and learn. I never will stop. One of the things

460
00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:09,200
Speaker 1: I think I adore most about you, Edie, is your

461
00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:14,200
Speaker 1: insatiable curiosity. And you talk about having that curiosity as

462
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:18,440
Speaker 1: a young girl, holding that curiosity and letting it motivate you,

463
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:22,440
Speaker 1: and and exploring it in the sort of freedom of

464
00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:26,160
Speaker 1: your dreams at night when you were in the camps,

465
00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:30,480
Speaker 1: and you you talk about this curiosity. Now you know,

466
00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:33,879
Speaker 1: with with your daughter writing a book of recipes and

467
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:37,400
Speaker 1: of and of the films and the plays and the

468
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:41,080
Speaker 1: study and the psychology that that you pour yourself into.

469
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:47,080
Speaker 1: I'm curious about I'm curious about many things about you

470
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:49,920
Speaker 1: and your curiosity, but I would love to know about

471
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:55,720
Speaker 1: the life that began it's making when you came here,

472
00:36:56,400 --> 00:37:01,840
Speaker 1: because I know that you and Magda, by the grace

473
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:05,600
Speaker 1: of all things, survived. How shops I know there were

474
00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:10,359
Speaker 1: only six dozen of you who did, which is such

475
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:13,840
Speaker 1: as stark reality when you think of the thousands and

476
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:17,040
Speaker 1: thousands and thousands of people, tens of thousands of people

477
00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:22,239
Speaker 1: who went there. But you you mentioned coming here to

478
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 1: America and not speaking in English at the time. You

479
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:30,960
Speaker 1: guys as a family you settled in Texas. How how

480
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:33,400
Speaker 1: did you make that decision? How did you decide to

481
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:37,399
Speaker 1: come here? Why did you go to Texas? How did

482
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:41,640
Speaker 1: you begin this new path that led you to all

483
00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:45,160
Speaker 1: of this study and practice? What? What did that time

484
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:50,080
Speaker 1: in your life look like? I think the curiosity that

485
00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:56,200
Speaker 1: I practiced even as a child, I always wanted to

486
00:37:56,239 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 1: know what's going to happen next gives me today the

487
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:06,440
Speaker 1: same way. I never thought that my precious grandson is

488
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:11,160
Speaker 1: going to be uh truly my best thing in the

489
00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:16,200
Speaker 1: in my life. You know, his father is Quaker and

490
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:22,760
Speaker 1: uh and and his grandmother, um, it was very different

491
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:28,200
Speaker 1: from me. And one morning we had breakfast and I

492
00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:33,440
Speaker 1: am Jewish, right, I bring all the food, all the food, food, food,

493
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:39,000
Speaker 1: and she brings a book. She does so very different ways.

494
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:41,920
Speaker 1: And so he looked at both of us and said,

495
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:45,879
Speaker 1: I've never seen two people as different as you are.

496
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:53,880
Speaker 1: And I mean that little precious kid is amazing. But

497
00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:58,879
Speaker 1: I remember that I was consulting in Germany and I

498
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:03,880
Speaker 1: was in stud guard and for every Christmas, I bought

499
00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:08,080
Speaker 1: my grandson a train. Do you know how much a

500
00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:13,319
Speaker 1: train cost? Like a thousand dollars each? And that was

501
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:17,920
Speaker 1: many many years ago, many many years ago. I'm talking

502
00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:25,799
Speaker 1: three years ago. So we were sitting after Christmas breakfast

503
00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:31,600
Speaker 1: and precious Jordan is complaining to me that he didn't

504
00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:40,400
Speaker 1: get something something, and and so I, uh, I was

505
00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:46,960
Speaker 1: practicing compassion at listening. But her grandma said, aren't you

506
00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:51,200
Speaker 1: ashamed of yourself. People are starving. Now I want you

507
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:54,279
Speaker 1: to take your toys and give it to the homeless.

508
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:57,440
Speaker 1: And you see, so first of all, I tell you

509
00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:02,360
Speaker 1: that I was invited by the medical school um doctor Zizuka,

510
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:09,799
Speaker 1: who is uh a wonderful psychiatrist heading um the new

511
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:13,160
Speaker 1: commerce who are coming and and then he asked me

512
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:17,359
Speaker 1: to come and talk. And I said, you know, when

513
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:22,000
Speaker 1: you are in medical school, you either learn to medicate

514
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:27,840
Speaker 1: or cut it out. But compassionate listening and empathy is

515
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:33,760
Speaker 1: really not in your curriculum. So they're asking me, how

516
00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:38,680
Speaker 1: can we be more compassionate that if you give me

517
00:40:38,719 --> 00:40:42,160
Speaker 1: a problem, I don't give you the solution. We explore

518
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:46,279
Speaker 1: all the options on the one a libra, I look

519
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:50,040
Speaker 1: at both sides of everything on one hand, on the

520
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:54,799
Speaker 1: other hand, just like Fiddler and the roof, Remember he

521
00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:58,680
Speaker 1: loves him. He's only a tailor, you know. So on

522
00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:02,759
Speaker 1: so I always look at both sides of everything. But

523
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:07,879
Speaker 1: nothing gives me more joy. That when I will die,

524
00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:13,280
Speaker 1: I will be so happy really that I was able

525
00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:18,400
Speaker 1: to give to the world the me, the me, the me,

526
00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:23,600
Speaker 1: the genuine me. Because I'm offstage the same way then

527
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:28,160
Speaker 1: I'm on stage I My father told me that I'm

528
00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:32,799
Speaker 1: gonna be the best dressed girl in town because I

529
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:38,120
Speaker 1: had a beautiful body. And I do dress well. I

530
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:41,440
Speaker 1: do this well. And I want to say, Papa, watch me,

531
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:47,840
Speaker 1: watch me, watch me? You say, I I wear nice clothes.

532
00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:51,960
Speaker 1: And that's what I tell single women. If you go

533
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:55,919
Speaker 1: by groceries, looks like a million dollar baby. You never

534
00:41:56,040 --> 00:41:59,560
Speaker 1: know who's gonna stand next to you. And just see

535
00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:02,200
Speaker 1: the top. It does. Are very nice today and just

536
00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:05,640
Speaker 1: open up something. You know. I like women who are

537
00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:11,080
Speaker 1: assertive but not aggressive. I'm curious about that. That idea.

538
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:15,040
Speaker 1: You never know when you might meet your person. Your

539
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:18,440
Speaker 1: late husband, Bella, can you tell us about that? Was

540
00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:22,120
Speaker 1: he were you dressed up when you met him? He

541
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:26,520
Speaker 1: was a partisan? He was a partisan. And I met

542
00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:31,000
Speaker 1: him at the abilitition center that he was with a

543
00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:36,160
Speaker 1: girlfriend kissing, kissing, kissing. But someone told me that he

544
00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:41,239
Speaker 1: is in a TV hospital and and I was sent

545
00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:45,640
Speaker 1: there because they thought I may have TV. So the

546
00:42:45,719 --> 00:42:48,440
Speaker 1: story is that I went to him as he was

547
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:52,440
Speaker 1: kissing the girl and asked him would you be so

548
00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:58,239
Speaker 1: kind and helped me go to the hospital tomorrow, And

549
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:02,400
Speaker 1: he completely ignored me, and he said just meet me

550
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:07,640
Speaker 1: at the train. So at the train he was still,

551
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:10,520
Speaker 1: you know, not talking to me much. But when we

552
00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:14,160
Speaker 1: got to the plane the train, he asked me the

553
00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:18,200
Speaker 1: typical question we all asked, what did you do before

554
00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:22,560
Speaker 1: the war? And I got so busied and I looked

555
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:25,520
Speaker 1: at him and I said I was a student of

556
00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:30,000
Speaker 1: ballet and he said, that reminds me of a joke.

557
00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:33,759
Speaker 1: Hungarians are very cynical. You want to hear the joke.

558
00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:37,600
Speaker 1: The joke is about the bird and the bird is

559
00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:44,160
Speaker 1: about to die, but there comes a cow and makes

560
00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:49,320
Speaker 1: sense poops on the on the bird, and the bird said,

561
00:43:49,520 --> 00:43:53,719
Speaker 1: I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm dancing, I'm dancing. And then

562
00:43:53,960 --> 00:44:03,320
Speaker 1: came a truck and finished the bird and he said, then,

563
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:10,160
Speaker 1: you know, ah, I didn't understand what he was saying.

564
00:44:11,960 --> 00:44:17,560
Speaker 1: But when the the horse came and looked at the bird,

565
00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:23,680
Speaker 1: said if you have shipped on your head, don't dance.

566
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:28,480
Speaker 1: And I got so pissed I did a split right

567
00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:32,640
Speaker 1: in front of him, and that's how I met him.

568
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:35,919
Speaker 1: Wow say, And then he was very impressed with me

569
00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:40,040
Speaker 1: because remember my mother told me I have brains. I

570
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:43,440
Speaker 1: knew how to study Greek, and I knew all the

571
00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:47,040
Speaker 1: Greek gods and goddess it and he was very impressed

572
00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:52,360
Speaker 1: with my intellect. But I I took off after a

573
00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:56,400
Speaker 1: month or so. I didn't have TV, I had known

574
00:44:56,960 --> 00:45:01,120
Speaker 1: all kinds of I had typhoid, favor, many many things

575
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:06,400
Speaker 1: going on. But we were doing something people don't do today.

576
00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:11,440
Speaker 1: We were writing letters to each other. So by the

577
00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:15,279
Speaker 1: time you left the TV hospital, your feelings about them

578
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:19,200
Speaker 1: and change and you and you began writing letters for

579
00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:25,120
Speaker 1: how long? I remember um and even today people asked me,

580
00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:32,080
Speaker 1: did you love your husband? I really didn't know anything

581
00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:38,720
Speaker 1: after I was liberated because I didn't know how to write.

582
00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:45,719
Speaker 1: I didn't write. I remember practicing the capital g you know,

583
00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:48,960
Speaker 1: I didn't know how to go to the bathroom. You know,

584
00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:54,359
Speaker 1: it was amazing what they took, but that someone even

585
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:59,640
Speaker 1: looked at me. So when people last, did you love Bayla?

586
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:06,400
Speaker 1: And I said, I was very skinny, I was very lonely,

587
00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:10,680
Speaker 1: and most of all, I was very hungry. And he

588
00:46:10,760 --> 00:46:16,399
Speaker 1: both me Hungarian salami and Swiss cheese. And that did it,

589
00:46:18,040 --> 00:46:22,680
Speaker 1: you see. So that's why we we want to really

590
00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:28,719
Speaker 1: go back and find out. People said, were you divorced him?

591
00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:31,960
Speaker 1: And you went back. I said, no, I didn't go back.

592
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:38,000
Speaker 1: I I was a woman to a man. When I

593
00:46:38,040 --> 00:46:44,040
Speaker 1: married him, I was a child, skinny and hungry, and

594
00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:48,480
Speaker 1: we had a relationship that was sometimes the parent to

595
00:46:48,560 --> 00:46:51,520
Speaker 1: the child or the child to the parents. That I

596
00:46:51,600 --> 00:46:55,839
Speaker 1: had to grow up myself because when I divorced him,

597
00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:58,439
Speaker 1: it had nothing to do with him. It was me.

598
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:04,520
Speaker 1: I was hungry. I think I thought maybe that I

599
00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:08,160
Speaker 1: I just have to be alone to explore the world.

600
00:47:08,719 --> 00:47:13,440
Speaker 1: But then I did decided that it wasn't him. And

601
00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:19,120
Speaker 1: that's why it's important. People get divorced too soon and

602
00:47:19,239 --> 00:47:25,480
Speaker 1: the children pick up the tab. Mm hmm. So when

603
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:29,799
Speaker 1: you have children, come to me or someone like me

604
00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:37,920
Speaker 1: and see before you go to the lawyer, and and

605
00:47:38,080 --> 00:47:44,520
Speaker 1: see whether it's possible for you take responsibility, because there

606
00:47:44,680 --> 00:47:50,360
Speaker 1: is no freedom without responsibility. It's energy. There is no

607
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:56,359
Speaker 1: freedom with our responsibility. That's beautiful, That's really beautiful. So

608
00:47:56,480 --> 00:48:01,120
Speaker 1: what what prompted the Because you tell about splitting and

609
00:48:01,120 --> 00:48:07,400
Speaker 1: then going back, what was the reconciliation when when you

610
00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:13,319
Speaker 1: realized what you had growing up to do. What did

611
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:18,799
Speaker 1: it then look like to to decide to build a family. Well,

612
00:48:18,920 --> 00:48:25,920
Speaker 1: you know, we had a very difficult life in America.

613
00:48:26,920 --> 00:48:32,600
Speaker 1: And one day my supervisor told me, Edie, you gotta

614
00:48:32,640 --> 00:48:38,200
Speaker 1: get a doctor at and I said, it's impossible to

615
00:48:38,280 --> 00:48:41,960
Speaker 1: get a doctor that RB fifty And he said, you

616
00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:45,080
Speaker 1: will be fifty anyway. And that's the best thing I

617
00:48:45,120 --> 00:48:48,799
Speaker 1: can tell anybody. Don't worry about the age. So I

618
00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:51,799
Speaker 1: went to home and I told my husband I want

619
00:48:51,840 --> 00:48:55,879
Speaker 1: to get a doctor that and he said, I don't

620
00:48:55,880 --> 00:49:00,840
Speaker 1: want to be introduced as Mr and doctor. Yeah, just

621
00:49:01,040 --> 00:49:06,759
Speaker 1: like that. But you see, I teach women to be assertive.

622
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:12,239
Speaker 1: M You don't ask permission from your husband. You make

623
00:49:12,280 --> 00:49:15,759
Speaker 1: a statement. But you know what happened once I got

624
00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:19,640
Speaker 1: the doctorate. He was carrying me around like Mr Higgins.

625
00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:24,960
Speaker 1: Why God, she's got it, you know. And so don't

626
00:49:25,120 --> 00:49:31,160
Speaker 1: don't don't really let anybody outside of you influence you

627
00:49:31,239 --> 00:49:34,640
Speaker 1: to the point that you really are not well connected

628
00:49:34,920 --> 00:49:39,160
Speaker 1: with yourself. So it's not too late to go to

629
00:49:39,239 --> 00:49:43,960
Speaker 1: become a lawyer. It's not too late to become an actress.

630
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:47,480
Speaker 1: There are stars, and you are a star, you see.

631
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:51,000
Speaker 1: So your parents must be very proud of you, right,

632
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:57,840
Speaker 1: but you see unconditional love that they love you just

633
00:49:58,120 --> 00:50:02,239
Speaker 1: to be you are, not what you do. You don't

634
00:50:02,239 --> 00:50:05,959
Speaker 1: have to perform in order to be loved, because that's

635
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:10,319
Speaker 1: not love at all. That's manipulation that parents do a

636
00:50:10,400 --> 00:50:14,239
Speaker 1: lot of the time. You know, I'll be loving you

637
00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:17,200
Speaker 1: when you bring home a good report card, or I

638
00:50:17,280 --> 00:50:20,200
Speaker 1: love you if you cut your hair, I love you

639
00:50:20,239 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 1: if you shave things like that. I know that's not

640
00:50:25,680 --> 00:50:30,200
Speaker 1: love at all. Um, I love you just because of you.

641
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:34,040
Speaker 1: There never be another at you. And I like to

642
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:39,920
Speaker 1: celebrate every moment in my nine days. Every moment is fresh,

643
00:50:40,040 --> 00:50:51,880
Speaker 1: and every moment is pressing. Obviously, you wound up with

644
00:50:51,960 --> 00:50:56,680
Speaker 1: a doctorate. How did your desire to go to school

645
00:50:56,880 --> 00:51:01,920
Speaker 1: and to study psychology and the human mind? How did

646
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:05,799
Speaker 1: that begin? It began in Hungary, Um, there were very

647
00:51:05,840 --> 00:51:11,839
Speaker 1: famous psychiatrists that I actually was studying the interpretation of

648
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:15,880
Speaker 1: dreams by Freud. When I was fourteen years old. I

649
00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:19,080
Speaker 1: had my own book club. Yes very had you died,

650
00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:23,439
Speaker 1: very very um. And then I had a boyfriend and

651
00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:28,200
Speaker 1: he also was the same way, and we worked together.

652
00:51:28,440 --> 00:51:34,320
Speaker 1: It was a very different time that education was really

653
00:51:34,360 --> 00:51:39,160
Speaker 1: the number one priority. And today I also tell young

654
00:51:39,239 --> 00:51:43,000
Speaker 1: people in America, the more pieces of paper you pick up,

655
00:51:43,480 --> 00:51:46,880
Speaker 1: the more doors open up for you. So please stay

656
00:51:46,880 --> 00:51:52,719
Speaker 1: in school, become emotionally and financially independent, and then talk

657
00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:58,759
Speaker 1: about marriage. Mm hmmm. So your book club, how did

658
00:51:58,800 --> 00:52:00,880
Speaker 1: you start that? And who was in it with you?

659
00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:05,120
Speaker 1: We had a big club club UM, and people could

660
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:10,000
Speaker 1: join in and with responsibility, and we decided what we're

661
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:17,240
Speaker 1: gonna read and what we read usually were the Greek philosophers,

662
00:52:17,239 --> 00:52:27,480
Speaker 1: and Um weaver into the Greek the the Originals, the Originals. Um.

663
00:52:27,520 --> 00:52:33,279
Speaker 1: The philosopher Epictetus UM told us it's not what happens

664
00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:36,399
Speaker 1: makes you feel. The way you feel is the way

665
00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:41,200
Speaker 1: you view it. And the whole cognitive psychology is based

666
00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:46,400
Speaker 1: on epic Tetus. The way you think, the way you

667
00:52:46,640 --> 00:52:52,160
Speaker 1: create that thinking is going to create your whole life

668
00:52:52,280 --> 00:53:01,839
Speaker 1: and your mostly your behavior. So you're thinking is very

669
00:53:01,960 --> 00:53:09,200
Speaker 1: important to really think about think about your thinking. That

670
00:53:09,360 --> 00:53:12,880
Speaker 1: makes a lot of sense because the way you think

671
00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:17,840
Speaker 1: can change your whole body chemistry, and that is really

672
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:23,640
Speaker 1: science that it's awful, it's terrible. I'm always gonna be

673
00:53:23,760 --> 00:53:28,960
Speaker 1: I'm never gonna be Then those are absolutistic words. I'm

674
00:53:29,040 --> 00:53:31,920
Speaker 1: always gonna be ugly and I'm never gonna find the

675
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:36,400
Speaker 1: man um shure enough you will always find what you

676
00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:41,920
Speaker 1: look for. So I think change is anonymous with growth.

677
00:53:42,680 --> 00:53:46,359
Speaker 1: Give birth to the you, to the you, and then

678
00:53:46,440 --> 00:53:50,480
Speaker 1: what you practice, you're gonna become added better. If you

679
00:53:50,600 --> 00:53:54,160
Speaker 1: practice fear, you have more fear. But I've never seen

680
00:53:54,320 --> 00:54:01,240
Speaker 1: fear and love co existing. Have you found love coming

681
00:54:01,280 --> 00:54:05,239
Speaker 1: out of fear? No, So there is fear. There is

682
00:54:05,280 --> 00:54:09,560
Speaker 1: a lot of pain inside every one of us. And

683
00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:12,919
Speaker 1: this is a good time to look at it. This

684
00:54:13,040 --> 00:54:17,080
Speaker 1: is the time when we are given, this time when

685
00:54:17,120 --> 00:54:21,239
Speaker 1: we cannot have the dinner parties anymore. But you can

686
00:54:21,360 --> 00:54:24,359
Speaker 1: have a dinner party in your backyard and you put

687
00:54:24,400 --> 00:54:28,400
Speaker 1: the little tables and and you can put yeah, you

688
00:54:28,480 --> 00:54:32,799
Speaker 1: can do that too. Um. But what it's what you

689
00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:36,200
Speaker 1: by the way you don't see yes, but see yes

690
00:54:36,320 --> 00:54:42,399
Speaker 1: and yes and further more, because sometimes we wather say yes,

691
00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:46,560
Speaker 1: you are very beautiful, but I didn't tell you that

692
00:54:46,760 --> 00:54:50,120
Speaker 1: I really think your face is full of pimples. And

693
00:54:50,360 --> 00:54:56,560
Speaker 1: so when we say but we actually uh, not realizing

694
00:54:57,520 --> 00:55:01,799
Speaker 1: that anything that you said before the blood is no

695
00:55:01,920 --> 00:55:06,560
Speaker 1: longer done. Because when I tell you you're a pretty girl,

696
00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:13,279
Speaker 1: what you're fat? What you're gonna think of? Okay, So

697
00:55:13,360 --> 00:55:16,759
Speaker 1: you have you have to be very careful when you

698
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:21,239
Speaker 1: say anything to anyone at any time and ask yourself,

699
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:27,040
Speaker 1: is it really important? And is it kind? I want

700
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:31,759
Speaker 1: people to communicate in a way that you learn how

701
00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:37,680
Speaker 1: to truly compassionately listen and even repeat what you're hearing.

702
00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:44,319
Speaker 1: Sometimes people react and not respond, But I learned to

703
00:55:44,440 --> 00:55:47,919
Speaker 1: do that when I took care of a boy who

704
00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:52,920
Speaker 1: was part of the white supremacy group of of David

705
00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:58,480
Speaker 1: Koresh in Texas. It's way before your time, No, I've

706
00:55:58,560 --> 00:56:02,240
Speaker 1: read about it. How did you connect with that person?

707
00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:07,120
Speaker 1: I Judge sent him to me. I Judge sent him

708
00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:11,799
Speaker 1: to me, and he told me. He told me that

709
00:56:12,080 --> 00:56:15,680
Speaker 1: America has to be white again. Now, if I would

710
00:56:15,680 --> 00:56:20,120
Speaker 1: have reacted, I would have grabbed that boy. I would

711
00:56:20,160 --> 00:56:24,319
Speaker 1: have dragged him in a corner. Remember I'm a gymnast,

712
00:56:24,440 --> 00:56:28,399
Speaker 1: I have I have myself. I would have pushed him down.

713
00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:31,800
Speaker 1: I would have stepped on him, and I would upset.

714
00:56:31,840 --> 00:56:34,520
Speaker 1: Who do you think you're talking to? I saw my

715
00:56:34,600 --> 00:56:38,880
Speaker 1: mother going to the gas chamber. But I think even

716
00:56:38,960 --> 00:56:43,160
Speaker 1: today that people don't come to me. They're sent to me.

717
00:56:44,120 --> 00:56:48,680
Speaker 1: And the most obnoxious person is your best teacher. So

718
00:56:48,719 --> 00:56:52,120
Speaker 1: what was it like working with him? Working with someone

719
00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:56,840
Speaker 1: who send those horrible things to you. How I looked

720
00:56:56,840 --> 00:57:01,640
Speaker 1: at him as I looked at the Nazis with pity,

721
00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:05,799
Speaker 1: with pity that he gave up his freedom. And then

722
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:11,839
Speaker 1: when I did that, I changed the whole atmosphere in

723
00:57:11,880 --> 00:57:17,600
Speaker 1: my place. And guess what I said, Please tell me more,

724
00:57:18,840 --> 00:57:23,600
Speaker 1: because love is time. T I m e time. M hmm.

725
00:57:24,720 --> 00:57:28,959
Speaker 1: When you said he gave up his freedom, you said

726
00:57:29,000 --> 00:57:32,440
Speaker 1: you looked at that white supremacist with pity because he

727
00:57:32,480 --> 00:57:35,560
Speaker 1: gave up his freedom. What do you mean by that

728
00:57:35,560 --> 00:57:38,960
Speaker 1: that you become a prostitute, and the definition of a

729
00:57:39,120 --> 00:57:43,120
Speaker 1: prostitute you can be bought. So he went and he

730
00:57:43,200 --> 00:57:47,280
Speaker 1: gave up his freedom to think for himself, to have

731
00:57:47,440 --> 00:57:51,360
Speaker 1: a voice of himself. He was fourteen years old. His

732
00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:55,360
Speaker 1: parents threw him out. You know, I worked with children

733
00:57:55,760 --> 00:57:59,640
Speaker 1: of the Nazis who drew their children out of the

734
00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:04,480
Speaker 1: when they questioned the parents, we don't talk you leugh

735
00:58:04,600 --> 00:58:10,040
Speaker 1: about that? Wow. Yeah, it's very very important, um, to

736
00:58:10,280 --> 00:58:16,600
Speaker 1: really look how we are going from generation to generation,

737
00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:21,400
Speaker 1: and it's very important to revisit those places. But don't

738
00:58:21,440 --> 00:58:25,280
Speaker 1: get stuck in there. Well, And I'm curious what you think,

739
00:58:25,680 --> 00:58:30,640
Speaker 1: because if you could draw the line between this, this

740
00:58:30,960 --> 00:58:34,400
Speaker 1: particular boy, this white supremacist who was sent to you,

741
00:58:34,640 --> 00:58:37,200
Speaker 1: and and the fact that he gave up his freedom

742
00:58:37,240 --> 00:58:42,760
Speaker 1: of thought, that that he felt prey to an ideology

743
00:58:42,840 --> 00:58:46,960
Speaker 1: which we know to be so toxic and so wrong.

744
00:58:48,080 --> 00:58:52,440
Speaker 1: The hatred of each other is wrong. How do you

745
00:58:52,480 --> 00:58:57,400
Speaker 1: look at what's happening today, the resurgence of a neo

746
00:58:57,480 --> 00:59:03,000
Speaker 1: Nazi movement, the resurgence of white supremacy v The anger

747
00:59:03,240 --> 00:59:07,800
Speaker 1: that these people feel when black and brown people and

748
00:59:07,840 --> 00:59:11,440
Speaker 1: women and and people who have been subjugated say we

749
00:59:11,640 --> 00:59:17,680
Speaker 1: just want a quality. How do you observe that? Coming

750
00:59:17,760 --> 00:59:28,360
Speaker 1: back around now? Right? You know, Akman Digita said that

751
00:59:28,400 --> 00:59:34,040
Speaker 1: the Holocaust didn't exist, And I very much like people

752
00:59:34,800 --> 00:59:40,880
Speaker 1: to the Plato who tells us that you have to

753
00:59:40,960 --> 00:59:45,600
Speaker 1: think of a lie and then you keep repeated, repeated

754
00:59:45,880 --> 00:59:52,960
Speaker 1: until people believe it. Our biggest enemy is ignorance. You

755
00:59:53,080 --> 01:00:00,760
Speaker 1: want to question is ignorance? Yes? Yes, question authority rather

756
01:00:00,880 --> 01:00:06,600
Speaker 1: than blindly adhere to authority because some people doesn't have

757
01:00:06,680 --> 01:00:12,040
Speaker 1: any closion, doesn't even wear shorts, you know, And to

758
01:00:12,160 --> 01:00:18,240
Speaker 1: really find a wee that we can open up communications.

759
01:00:19,360 --> 01:00:22,800
Speaker 1: That's the only way we're going to have ever peace,

760
01:00:23,680 --> 01:00:26,200
Speaker 1: to be able to sit on the floor. And I

761
01:00:26,280 --> 01:00:29,720
Speaker 1: did that with the children of the Nazis. And I

762
01:00:29,760 --> 01:00:33,440
Speaker 1: did that in Hungary, and I did that and I

763
01:00:33,560 --> 01:00:37,160
Speaker 1: was there with car Rogers. And I've been very committed

764
01:00:37,240 --> 01:00:42,120
Speaker 1: myself because when I came to America in nineteen nine,

765
01:00:42,920 --> 01:00:47,360
Speaker 1: I worked in Baltimore and I worked in a sweat shop.

766
01:00:48,240 --> 01:00:52,000
Speaker 1: I got seven cents to cut off threats of boxer short.

767
01:00:52,680 --> 01:00:55,439
Speaker 1: But when I went to the bathroom, one of them

768
01:00:55,520 --> 01:01:00,160
Speaker 1: sad colored. And I was in tutor shark after aut

769
01:01:00,200 --> 01:01:04,680
Speaker 1: in Germany and come this Russia. Look what I find?

770
01:01:05,800 --> 01:01:13,920
Speaker 1: What is called democracy? No? And though so I joined

771
01:01:13,920 --> 01:01:17,880
Speaker 1: the Ana CP, I got together with the women of color.

772
01:01:18,320 --> 01:01:21,520
Speaker 1: I'm watched with Martin Luther King. I got a hug

773
01:01:21,640 --> 01:01:28,400
Speaker 1: from him. I am a very very, very delightfully happy

774
01:01:28,440 --> 01:01:35,439
Speaker 1: person to unite people and how we can exchange philosophy

775
01:01:35,600 --> 01:01:39,040
Speaker 1: and how we can learn from each other. But the

776
01:01:39,080 --> 01:01:43,160
Speaker 1: most obnoxious person is your best teacher. Find the Hitler

777
01:01:43,240 --> 01:01:47,160
Speaker 1: and you and find the glove and the mother Teresa

778
01:01:47,320 --> 01:01:52,400
Speaker 1: and the beauty and you know the reverse that I

779
01:01:52,400 --> 01:01:56,400
Speaker 1: speak to the hubbad Um. I don't know if you're

780
01:01:56,520 --> 01:02:00,560
Speaker 1: familiar with those people, but they're all over the world.

781
01:02:00,680 --> 01:02:04,840
Speaker 1: And I have a son who is disabled, and and

782
01:02:04,880 --> 01:02:09,160
Speaker 1: the work that they do is amazing. They take anyone,

783
01:02:09,560 --> 01:02:13,480
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. You don't have to be anything any time,

784
01:02:13,840 --> 01:02:17,360
Speaker 1: any any religi or nothing. And you know, I think

785
01:02:17,440 --> 01:02:22,640
Speaker 1: if he could all be um sisters and brothers and

786
01:02:22,800 --> 01:02:26,480
Speaker 1: listen to one another and get rid of the US

787
01:02:26,520 --> 01:02:30,800
Speaker 1: and them mentality. I felt sorry for the guards in

788
01:02:30,880 --> 01:02:34,480
Speaker 1: our Schwitz that they were wearing a uniform and they

789
01:02:34,480 --> 01:02:38,800
Speaker 1: would throw people in the ovens without even guessing them.

790
01:02:39,320 --> 01:02:43,439
Speaker 1: How could anyone do that? Children were not born with

791
01:02:43,480 --> 01:02:48,160
Speaker 1: that will learn it. But what you learn you can unlearn.

792
01:02:49,000 --> 01:02:52,440
Speaker 1: And you cannot let go of anything unless you replace

793
01:02:52,520 --> 01:02:57,320
Speaker 1: it with something else. So love conquers or you know,

794
01:02:57,360 --> 01:03:02,440
Speaker 1: my my definition of love is the ability to let go.

795
01:03:02,760 --> 01:03:05,800
Speaker 1: I was going to pick up something and let go,

796
01:03:06,720 --> 01:03:11,360
Speaker 1: let go, let go of the concentration camp in your mind.

797
01:03:12,360 --> 01:03:15,680
Speaker 1: And you you can't. You can't the answer. And you

798
01:03:15,680 --> 01:03:20,200
Speaker 1: you are that person, you are that angel, You are

799
01:03:20,440 --> 01:03:26,520
Speaker 1: that beautiful, precious, one of a kind diamond that that

800
01:03:26,800 --> 01:03:31,040
Speaker 1: is doing that. You're a little butterfly. I have two

801
01:03:31,080 --> 01:03:36,440
Speaker 1: butterfly chairs here, and I like the idea of metamorphosis.

802
01:03:36,480 --> 01:03:40,080
Speaker 1: And then you shed the crystalize, so you can fly

803
01:03:40,360 --> 01:03:44,400
Speaker 1: freely like a butterfly. But you know what, the butterfly

804
01:03:44,560 --> 01:03:51,360
Speaker 1: doesn't fly right away. They practice, They rehearse right, Yes, yeah,

805
01:03:51,440 --> 01:03:56,280
Speaker 1: you practice. You don't just go and perform right, You practice,

806
01:03:56,640 --> 01:04:02,320
Speaker 1: you rehearse. Mm hmm, that's beautiful. I love this time.

807
01:04:02,920 --> 01:04:06,440
Speaker 1: So if you could have some kind of a place

808
01:04:06,560 --> 01:04:11,680
Speaker 1: in every city that people could just go in and

809
01:04:11,840 --> 01:04:17,640
Speaker 1: somebody would just say nothing so they can just get

810
01:04:17,680 --> 01:04:23,200
Speaker 1: things out that whom that they've been carrying, we would

811
01:04:23,240 --> 01:04:31,120
Speaker 1: have hopefully less let's let's that's really are there are

812
01:04:31,160 --> 01:04:36,439
Speaker 1: their teachers who you would recommend people look to now,

813
01:04:36,600 --> 01:04:40,600
Speaker 1: you know, books to read? You mentioned Dr King. I

814
01:04:40,640 --> 01:04:43,840
Speaker 1: think his writing is more important now than ever. Obviously

815
01:04:44,320 --> 01:04:48,480
Speaker 1: your book is incredibly important for people to to pick

816
01:04:48,560 --> 01:04:51,560
Speaker 1: up all of your books, for people to learn to

817
01:04:51,680 --> 01:04:55,680
Speaker 1: hear your stories, what you went through, to be reminded

818
01:04:55,800 --> 01:04:59,080
Speaker 1: of what we're supposed to do for each other, which

819
01:04:59,160 --> 01:05:03,040
Speaker 1: is each other and give each other time. As you said,

820
01:05:03,680 --> 01:05:07,960
Speaker 1: are there any other um teachers who's who's writing you

821
01:05:07,960 --> 01:05:12,160
Speaker 1: would recommend people look too? And and you know, I

822
01:05:12,160 --> 01:05:17,000
Speaker 1: I was part of the conspiracy of silence. I didn't

823
01:05:17,080 --> 01:05:21,240
Speaker 1: see anything about me being an auschwitz for at least

824
01:05:21,280 --> 01:05:25,440
Speaker 1: twenty years until someone handed me a book by Victor

825
01:05:25,600 --> 01:05:29,880
Speaker 1: franco Man Search for me Nack. My book is that

826
01:05:30,400 --> 01:05:37,280
Speaker 1: female voice of Victor franco Um, because without him, I

827
01:05:37,400 --> 01:05:40,919
Speaker 1: want to be able to be where I am today.

828
01:05:41,400 --> 01:05:44,960
Speaker 1: So I I read that book and I wanted to

829
01:05:45,000 --> 01:05:50,800
Speaker 1: write ten more pages for everyone because somebody finally had words.

830
01:05:51,600 --> 01:05:54,280
Speaker 1: Because I didn't want people to feel sorry for me.

831
01:05:54,880 --> 01:05:58,680
Speaker 1: I felt like a weirdo as it was, so I went,

832
01:05:58,920 --> 01:06:04,520
Speaker 1: you know, underground. But I I wrote the article that

833
01:06:04,680 --> 01:06:08,920
Speaker 1: was published and someone sent it to Victor Frankel in Vienna.

834
01:06:09,440 --> 01:06:13,520
Speaker 1: So one day I received a letter that Victor Frankel

835
01:06:13,680 --> 01:06:18,080
Speaker 1: is inviting me to join him in San Diego at

836
01:06:18,080 --> 01:06:25,600
Speaker 1: the International University. And that became really truly the whole

837
01:06:25,760 --> 01:06:30,840
Speaker 1: new chapter in my life. That led to the choice

838
01:06:31,640 --> 01:06:38,080
Speaker 1: because Victor Frankele was a medical doctor when he was

839
01:06:38,120 --> 01:06:41,120
Speaker 1: an outfit, and I was a sixteen year old girl,

840
01:06:41,720 --> 01:06:46,360
Speaker 1: so we we we're using the same skills. He said

841
01:06:46,400 --> 01:06:49,800
Speaker 1: that he would close his eyes when he was tortured,

842
01:06:50,280 --> 01:06:53,560
Speaker 1: and he imagined that he's going to lecture at the

843
01:06:53,640 --> 01:07:00,080
Speaker 1: Viennese Um place uh lecture place about the psychology of

844
01:07:00,120 --> 01:07:05,640
Speaker 1: the concentration camp. And I said, that's really wonderful to hear,

845
01:07:06,080 --> 01:07:09,480
Speaker 1: because I too closed my eyes when I danced for

846
01:07:09,640 --> 01:07:15,040
Speaker 1: Dr Mangala, and I pretended that the music was Tsakovsky

847
01:07:15,120 --> 01:07:19,200
Speaker 1: and I was dancing the Romie and Julia. So you see.

848
01:07:19,520 --> 01:07:23,280
Speaker 1: When I was went to Hungary with Philip Zimbardo, that's

849
01:07:23,360 --> 01:07:27,760
Speaker 1: the first place I've had. But Philip Zimbardo kept asking me,

850
01:07:28,760 --> 01:07:31,320
Speaker 1: you got to write a book, right about a book?

851
01:07:31,360 --> 01:07:34,160
Speaker 1: And I would say, I have nothing to say, nothing

852
01:07:34,200 --> 01:07:37,440
Speaker 1: to say, And then he said, you know what, the

853
01:07:37,600 --> 01:07:41,920
Speaker 1: survivors who are famous are all man. We need the

854
01:07:42,080 --> 01:07:47,000
Speaker 1: female voice. So I am the female voice of Victor Franco.

855
01:07:47,960 --> 01:07:51,760
Speaker 1: I love that. I love that. One of my favorite

856
01:07:51,760 --> 01:07:55,280
Speaker 1: things that you've said about happiness, and you wrote, I

857
01:07:55,480 --> 01:07:58,680
Speaker 1: learned not to look for happiness because that's external. You

858
01:07:58,720 --> 01:08:01,800
Speaker 1: were born with love, and you're born with joy, that's inside.

859
01:08:02,760 --> 01:08:08,360
Speaker 1: It's always there. Do you feel like your work, whether

860
01:08:08,440 --> 01:08:11,960
Speaker 1: with yourself, through your life, or with your patients, is

861
01:08:12,000 --> 01:08:16,400
Speaker 1: to remind people how to uncover that joy, how to

862
01:08:16,680 --> 01:08:20,160
Speaker 1: how to let go of everything but the joy and

863
01:08:20,160 --> 01:08:25,920
Speaker 1: and really live from that place. You know, our stretch

864
01:08:26,120 --> 01:08:32,320
Speaker 1: was a place not for recovery, but discovery m M.

865
01:08:33,040 --> 01:08:37,880
Speaker 1: I discovered traits about me that I never thought was possible.

866
01:08:39,600 --> 01:08:44,639
Speaker 1: It was a place to discover my inner resources m hm.

867
01:08:45,200 --> 01:08:50,400
Speaker 1: And really truly be congruent, to be able to to

868
01:08:50,640 --> 01:08:54,639
Speaker 1: see how my head is thinking one thing, my heart

869
01:08:54,800 --> 01:08:59,360
Speaker 1: is feeling another. You cannot hear, as I told you.

870
01:09:00,160 --> 01:09:05,240
Speaker 1: That's why I think the work I do. It's important

871
01:09:05,320 --> 01:09:09,960
Speaker 1: that finally can be free at last, that I can

872
01:09:10,040 --> 01:09:16,240
Speaker 1: give birth to the me, not mom, is little um

873
01:09:16,840 --> 01:09:21,160
Speaker 1: dough there or that is little confide do or no,

874
01:09:21,760 --> 01:09:25,960
Speaker 1: it's me, the real me, the whole person w HUALI.

875
01:09:26,720 --> 01:09:30,360
Speaker 1: And to find that little girl inside you and tell her,

876
01:09:31,240 --> 01:09:35,000
Speaker 1: tell her because she's crying, and tell her I'm here,

877
01:09:36,040 --> 01:09:40,280
Speaker 1: I grew up. I'm the healthy adult. And see how

878
01:09:40,360 --> 01:09:44,840
Speaker 1: you can really be a good parent to you. You've

879
01:09:44,840 --> 01:09:47,439
Speaker 1: said so many things that I love, but one of

880
01:09:47,479 --> 01:09:52,240
Speaker 1: my favorites. Suffering is universal victim. That is optional. So

881
01:09:52,320 --> 01:09:59,200
Speaker 1: if we, too, to your point, learn how to release

882
01:09:59,200 --> 01:10:05,559
Speaker 1: ourselves from how to be with ourselves, everything changes, right, Yeah,

883
01:10:05,800 --> 01:10:09,200
Speaker 1: Because when I ask you who are you? If people

884
01:10:09,280 --> 01:10:12,240
Speaker 1: ask me when I came to America, who are you,

885
01:10:12,760 --> 01:10:15,000
Speaker 1: and I would say, who do you want? Me to

886
01:10:15,120 --> 01:10:19,920
Speaker 1: be you know, you become a kind of excuse, a

887
01:10:19,960 --> 01:10:26,840
Speaker 1: freendic because you just want to fit in you. And

888
01:10:27,320 --> 01:10:33,520
Speaker 1: thank God today I know I'm totally connected. I celebrate

889
01:10:33,680 --> 01:10:39,599
Speaker 1: every moment and I'm so grateful for you two carry

890
01:10:39,880 --> 01:10:47,320
Speaker 1: carry the responsibility to others so we can finally have

891
01:10:49,800 --> 01:10:54,880
Speaker 1: hold hand in hand, holding each other and empowering each

892
01:10:54,880 --> 01:11:00,200
Speaker 1: other without difference. That's my dream. Don't stop dreaming, but

893
01:11:00,280 --> 01:11:05,080
Speaker 1: don't confuse your romanticism with realism. As as a fan

894
01:11:05,240 --> 01:11:09,160
Speaker 1: and an admirer, I'm just so grateful and I and

895
01:11:09,240 --> 01:11:12,519
Speaker 1: I really feel like we're all so lucky that you

896
01:11:12,640 --> 01:11:15,280
Speaker 1: chose to lean into your curiosity and to do the

897
01:11:15,320 --> 01:11:19,479
Speaker 1: work and to a mass degrees and a doctorate and

898
01:11:19,479 --> 01:11:22,840
Speaker 1: a body of incredible work as a as a clinician

899
01:11:22,920 --> 01:11:27,479
Speaker 1: and an advisor, and that you have given the world

900
01:11:27,560 --> 01:11:32,400
Speaker 1: the opportunity to learn with you. It's it's really such

901
01:11:32,439 --> 01:11:36,280
Speaker 1: a gift. And I I can't tell you how much

902
01:11:36,280 --> 01:11:39,600
Speaker 1: I appreciate you taking the time today to have this conversation.

903
01:11:39,760 --> 01:11:44,080
Speaker 1: And I'm so excited for the new book, and just

904
01:11:44,840 --> 01:11:49,479
Speaker 1: thank you so much, eat, thank you, and they I

905
01:11:49,520 --> 01:11:56,559
Speaker 1: have faith in you, and I have faith that that

906
01:11:56,760 --> 01:12:01,960
Speaker 1: is hope and love and love can cank roll. Mm hmm.

907
01:12:03,680 --> 01:12:08,480
Speaker 1: So would you like to be married to you? Oh?

908
01:12:08,960 --> 01:12:15,439
Speaker 1: Um at this point, yeah, good, So then put it

909
01:12:15,439 --> 01:12:19,640
Speaker 1: out there and see. Uh. You know, I like a

910
01:12:19,880 --> 01:12:23,840
Speaker 1: young women now. They're much better than you know in

911
01:12:24,000 --> 01:12:30,280
Speaker 1: my in my generation. Um, there there's a lot of funliness.

912
01:12:30,760 --> 01:12:35,360
Speaker 1: And today I like the young women much better, m

913
01:12:35,640 --> 01:12:41,080
Speaker 1: much more honest and uh. And I like the whole

914
01:12:41,560 --> 01:12:46,320
Speaker 1: modern marriage that they do everything together. They go to

915
01:12:46,400 --> 01:12:51,160
Speaker 1: work every morning, they carry everything, they change the diapers,

916
01:12:51,680 --> 01:12:56,879
Speaker 1: they drive the cars. They they don't get into this business.

917
01:12:56,960 --> 01:13:02,719
Speaker 1: So um, male and female, whatever has to be done.

918
01:13:03,120 --> 01:13:05,360
Speaker 1: You see a piece of meat when you come home,

919
01:13:05,880 --> 01:13:09,960
Speaker 1: you do something with it. Rather than waiting until someone

920
01:13:10,000 --> 01:13:13,759
Speaker 1: else comes home. You say, don't wait for anybody to come.

921
01:13:14,080 --> 01:13:23,440
Speaker 1: And uh. The prince that doesn't come to Cinderella is uh.

922
01:13:23,600 --> 01:13:28,040
Speaker 1: I don't think. I don't think these stories do justice

923
01:13:28,280 --> 01:13:32,719
Speaker 1: to be men because there are no princes, not even

924
01:13:32,840 --> 01:13:38,160
Speaker 1: sudo princes. I think there are people with foot fetish

925
01:13:38,439 --> 01:13:41,480
Speaker 1: who want to go to the kitchen and find Cinderella.

926
01:13:41,960 --> 01:13:47,520
Speaker 1: But what anyway, I like the idea of the pioneer

927
01:13:47,640 --> 01:13:53,799
Speaker 1: woman who worked alongside of her husband. You got to

928
01:13:53,840 --> 01:14:00,400
Speaker 1: look at that that the women didn't walk behind the husband.

929
01:14:00,640 --> 01:14:03,400
Speaker 1: They went to the field together. They work. And that's

930
01:14:03,439 --> 01:14:07,920
Speaker 1: what my grandson is doing, picking up the twins and

931
01:14:07,920 --> 01:14:11,960
Speaker 1: and uh and feeding one in one hand and one

932
01:14:12,000 --> 01:14:15,599
Speaker 1: in the other. I mean, it's amazing. And he's also

933
01:14:15,640 --> 01:14:20,920
Speaker 1: a brilliant professional. So and so is his wife. And

934
01:14:20,960 --> 01:14:24,919
Speaker 1: they work together and they make things happen. And then

935
01:14:25,000 --> 01:14:30,200
Speaker 1: they delegate two people. They hired people. It's called, you know,

936
01:14:30,680 --> 01:14:37,760
Speaker 1: babysitters who are trained and so I like, I like

937
01:14:37,920 --> 01:14:43,040
Speaker 1: the modern modern thinking, but it actually really goes back

938
01:14:43,280 --> 01:14:47,120
Speaker 1: to the pioneer woman that I really admired. In America,

939
01:14:49,439 --> 01:14:57,400
Speaker 1: I think the women became unfortunately financially and emotionally depending

940
01:14:57,439 --> 01:15:01,000
Speaker 1: on a man. And I find that in a military,

941
01:15:01,160 --> 01:15:04,880
Speaker 1: the lower the rank, the more the women stay home.

942
01:15:05,479 --> 01:15:10,280
Speaker 1: They go to breakfast to McDonald's, and they spend money

943
01:15:10,400 --> 01:15:15,040
Speaker 1: on fat stuff and uh, and they expect their husband

944
01:15:15,080 --> 01:15:18,719
Speaker 1: to come home and take care of them. So I'm

945
01:15:18,760 --> 01:15:25,040
Speaker 1: working very hard to see how especially children need. One

946
01:15:25,120 --> 01:15:30,479
Speaker 1: thing is a happy marriage, because children don't do what

947
01:15:30,600 --> 01:15:39,040
Speaker 1: we say. They do what they see. They see everything. Yeah,

948
01:15:39,439 --> 01:15:42,960
Speaker 1: all right, so we had a good time together. I

949
01:15:43,000 --> 01:15:49,960
Speaker 1: love thank you so much. Take care. The show is

950
01:15:50,000 --> 01:15:54,160
Speaker 1: executive produced by me, Sophia Bush, and sim Sarna. Our

951
01:15:54,160 --> 01:15:58,240
Speaker 1: associate producer is Kate and Lee. Our editor is Josh Windish,

952
01:15:58,640 --> 01:16:01,120
Speaker 1: and our music was written by at Garrett and produced

953
01:16:01,120 --> 01:16:03,720
Speaker 1: by Mark Foster. This show is brought to you by

954
01:16:03,760 --> 01:16:10,800
Speaker 1: Krillion Anatomy m HM HM