Speaker 1: Wine Down with Jane Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast.
Speaker 1: All right, so we're just gonna get right into this
Speaker 1: podcast today because we have uh one, this is where
Speaker 1: I like, this is the math part of how many
Speaker 1: queendoms are there? That's right, I gotta get me Julie
Speaker 1: Sarah person so one six one six at the Queendom
Speaker 1: is going to be on the show today. Julie Solomon.
Speaker 1: She's got a book out right now called Get what
Speaker 1: she Wants, and she is our what I called her
Speaker 1: I was, I was writing something to their day. I
Speaker 1: was like, she's our like spiritual guru slash just like
Speaker 1: boss babe, get what you want. Like any time I
Speaker 1: ever have something, it's like, I wonder what Julie would say. UM,
Speaker 1: and I know she's in the waiting room, and I
Speaker 1: don't want that girl the way any longer. So let's
Speaker 1: get her on. We are so excited to have author.
Speaker 1: I can now say author. As part of the year
Speaker 1: title author um podcaster hosted the top rated The Influencer
Speaker 1: podcast and among many other things, UM Julie Solomon on
Speaker 1: Wine Down. She's got a book. It's called Get what
Speaker 1: you Want. How to go from unseen to unstoppable. Julie,
Speaker 1: Welcome to wind Down. Thanks ladies, thank you for having me.
Speaker 1: Um Julie. For those that are new listeners, Julie is
Speaker 1: part of Queendom, which you know is Catherine, Pamela and Kristen,
Speaker 1: Julie and Sarah. But she's she doesn't does like the
Speaker 1: group text Mestice, we have to take Sarah Bryce off
Speaker 1: those ones. Um, but Julie, how many years have we
Speaker 1: been friends? Now? Let's see at least five? At least yeah,
Speaker 1: five years longer than that. Yeah, man, Camden's nine. I
Speaker 1: mean Julie Jolie was six months old. Wow, it's crazy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I've known her since like middle school, so, which
Speaker 1: is just even crazier. Small world because I remember I
Speaker 1: don't remember do we got to middle school together or
Speaker 1: high school? Always forget high school? High school? Just kidding, well,
Speaker 1: middle school sounds better, say saying great. Yeah, she was
Speaker 1: a year above me. But we were cheerleaders to get
Speaker 1: we cheered together. Don't don't even say it, cheerleader. I
Speaker 1: love cheerleaders. It's fine. Her face was like, I love cheerleader.
Speaker 1: Cheerleaders are awesome. They cheer on the crowd. I just
Speaker 1: had bad egg mean to you. Yes, and I tried
Speaker 1: out and I didn't make it. You're better. That's also
Speaker 1: that's not true. My mom wouldn't let me try out
Speaker 1: because of skating. That's actually that was Yeah, that's way
Speaker 1: cooler though to be a nice skater anyway. And so
Speaker 1: the truth is I always wanted to try out. Um
Speaker 1: that was volleyball. I tried out for volleyball, and I
Speaker 1: played middle school and then high school. I got what happens.
Speaker 1: Yeah it sucked, but I'm sorry, back to back to
Speaker 1: getting what you want. Um. One of the cool coolest
Speaker 1: things about Julie is, um, she was my one of
Speaker 1: my friends who when I was, you know, going through
Speaker 1: stuff with my ex Um. The way that you the
Speaker 1: way that you are with life, how you speak, how
Speaker 1: you just embody your everything. Um, you have such a
Speaker 1: way of seeing other sides. You have an innate ability
Speaker 1: to have grace for people. And it's so I often go,
Speaker 1: what would Julie do in this moment because there's so
Speaker 1: many times where it's like, you know, when I was
Speaker 1: going through hard times, we were sitting by a pool
Speaker 1: and She's like, it's like the ripples in the water.
Speaker 1: You know this too, shelf has. But you know, is
Speaker 1: that a part of getting what you want? Having that mindset?
Speaker 1: Is that how you from seeing like everything that you've
Speaker 1: done and to help people grow their businesses. Is having
Speaker 1: that kind of open mindset part of the process to
Speaker 1: getting what you want? Yeah, I mean that's a great question.
Speaker 1: From my experience, it is because all of that that
Speaker 1: you just said it requires an extreme amount of self awareness,
Speaker 1: and I don't think that you can get what you
Speaker 1: want without self awareness. That's a good point, so speak
Speaker 1: to the self awareness part. Yeah. So and with that
Speaker 1: idea when you were talking about the grace, it's like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's in that moment, you know, great,
Speaker 1: like there's a strength and there there can be a
Speaker 1: weakness to that. You know, there has to be like
Speaker 1: boundaries and making sure that you're not um enabling behaviors
Speaker 1: that aren't good for you or for your life. Um,
Speaker 1: and you can still choose to be compassionate at the
Speaker 1: same time. So I think that that's important because there's
Speaker 1: been times in my past where I would enable behavior
Speaker 1: just because you know, of my own limitations of what
Speaker 1: I could see. So I just I think that's a
Speaker 1: good distinction because sometimes it's like you can I don't
Speaker 1: know if it's true that you can give too much grace,
Speaker 1: but I do think there's a line between having compassion
Speaker 1: and holding space and then potentially enabling a toxic or
Speaker 1: bad pattern. And only you would not you, but just people.
Speaker 1: Only people are really going to know what that is
Speaker 1: for them, which can lead to awareness. Um And there's
Speaker 1: actually three a's. The first one is awareness, so we
Speaker 1: can talk about that. I think that with getting what
Speaker 1: you want, you have to become aware. And awareness is
Speaker 1: just simply an identification that there's some kind of dysfunction
Speaker 1: or problem in your life life that exists that it
Speaker 1: needs to change. And so it could be something really extreme,
Speaker 1: like you know, a dysfunctional relationship, or maybe you have,
Speaker 1: you know, an issue with food, or an issue with drinking,
Speaker 1: or an issue with spending money, you know, whatever that
Speaker 1: may be. It could be a dysfunction that severe, or
Speaker 1: it could just be you know, something as little as
Speaker 1: you know. I keep sleeping in until twelve o'clock every
Speaker 1: day and it's not allowing me to get up early
Speaker 1: and get what I want and stay organized and stay
Speaker 1: on task. And so I need to be aware that
Speaker 1: that needs to change. So that's the first step, I think.
Speaker 1: Um the second one is acceptance, which is the most
Speaker 1: uncomfortable place that no one wants to be in, because
Speaker 1: that's when I think you have to come to grips
Speaker 1: with this problem that's in my life that I'm now
Speaker 1: aware of. It's not all of me. It doesn't define
Speaker 1: who I am, and it doesn't define my pure existence,
Speaker 1: but it is a part of me, and it begins
Speaker 1: with me, and now with acceptance, I can choose to
Speaker 1: allow it to end with me if it no longer
Speaker 1: fits in my life. It's like one piece to this
Speaker 1: puzzle in my life that no longer fits. It needs
Speaker 1: to be removed, and it is my responsibility to remove it.
Speaker 1: It is not his hers there's it's my responsibility. And
Speaker 1: I think that's why acceptance is so challenging for so
Speaker 1: many of us, because this is where we have to
Speaker 1: take accountability for our own lives and for the results
Speaker 1: that we're seeing in our lives, and for our part
Speaker 1: to play and things that happen in our lives, not
Speaker 1: necessarily things that happened to us, because we can be
Speaker 1: victims of you know, external circumstances. But then how we
Speaker 1: respond to react to those is our part to play,
Speaker 1: and that's hard for people. Acceptance is really hard because
Speaker 1: it's much easier to not stay in acceptance. It's much
Speaker 1: easier to blame other people for not being able to
Speaker 1: get what you want in life. So it's that's the
Speaker 1: that's the hardest one, sure, because I mean I feel
Speaker 1: like a lot of times people like, oh, well this
Speaker 1: person um this happener, and so I couldn't get that
Speaker 1: big promotion because this person said this about me. Or
Speaker 1: instead of going, okay, where where's the part that I
Speaker 1: could have maybe played in? Or I think that's that's
Speaker 1: a really interesting thing because I've definitely have done that
Speaker 1: in my life. Or I've maybe blamed uh radio people
Speaker 1: that were working my single at radio or something like
Speaker 1: oh they didn't work hard enough, and it's like, well
Speaker 1: maybe the song wasn't good enough. I don't know, you know,
Speaker 1: like maybe yeah, yeah, Or it's really acceptance. What acceptance
Speaker 1: does is that when we're not in acceptance of the
Speaker 1: reality of the situation, we're very frozen and it's like
Speaker 1: we can't move. And what acceptance does is it thaws
Speaker 1: us out and it allows us to start thinking and
Speaker 1: feeling and seeing from a new perspective and shift. But
Speaker 1: you have to want to do that, and I think
Speaker 1: a lot of times there's a payoff and not wanting
Speaker 1: to do that because you know, if if I don't
Speaker 1: want to see the acceptance, then the solution is out there,
Speaker 1: it's not within me, so I can't help myself. So
Speaker 1: I can just stay in this state of helplessness and
Speaker 1: the poor means and all of the places that we
Speaker 1: can go to and it's like, well, of course I
Speaker 1: can't get what I want because X Y and Z,
Speaker 1: And of course I can't get what I want because
Speaker 1: this happened to me, And of course I can't get
Speaker 1: what I want. Or of course you know, she can
Speaker 1: get what she wants because of X, Y and Z,
Speaker 1: but I can't get what I want, And so it
Speaker 1: keeps us in this perpetual state of like this learned helplessness,
Speaker 1: that the answer is out there, and since it's out
Speaker 1: there and we can't somehow get it, then nothing can change.
Speaker 1: So that's also part of like in a relationship, that
Speaker 1: self fulding, like oh, of course they left me because
Speaker 1: I'm X Y and Z exactly, Yeah, poor me, poor me,
Speaker 1: poor me, for me and I think that it's it's
Speaker 1: so common. It's not like we are like, Okay, I've
Speaker 1: learned acceptance. Now everything's right, Like it's a day to
Speaker 1: day practice. I mean even yesterday, um or no Monday,
Speaker 1: I'm like, what day is it? Um? I was having
Speaker 1: one of those poor me's, you know, and I was like,
Speaker 1: my ego was getting the best of me, and it's like,
Speaker 1: I'm not doing enough. I'm not enough that dad never
Speaker 1: nothing ever works out for me. And I just started
Speaker 1: laughing because I had this moment of awareness of like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm choosing to think these thoughts. And I was texting
Speaker 1: my girlfriend Susie, and I was like, poor poor Julie, Susie,
Speaker 1: like poor me. And then I was just able to
Speaker 1: laugh about it and like move on with my life
Speaker 1: of you know, what's what's really happening here? So you know,
Speaker 1: for those who we can't always control what happens to us,
Speaker 1: but we we always can control how we respond or
Speaker 1: react to it, and that's where the acceptance can come in.
Speaker 1: I love that piece. I love that. Yeah. The third
Speaker 1: day is action, which I love action. That's just the
Speaker 1: plan that we get to put in place to start
Speaker 1: to implement some of the things that might have been
Speaker 1: lost because of that dysfunction or problems. So these are
Speaker 1: things where, you know, when we start taking action, when
Speaker 1: we start to be able to get confidence and self
Speaker 1: esteem and more balance in our lives and peace and
Speaker 1: joy and serenity and all of the things that we want.
Speaker 1: But if we're not in that state of action, we
Speaker 1: we can't even see that that's possible. And so really,
Speaker 1: when it comes to getting what you want, you have
Speaker 1: to ask yourself a lot of times, like do I
Speaker 1: want to be right? Or do I want to be happy?
Speaker 1: That's a really simple question that people can ask themselves,
Speaker 1: or like would I rather live in an environment? And
Speaker 1: this could be your own environment, like your own thoughts
Speaker 1: that you're choosing to think, like your own internal dialogue,
Speaker 1: your own environment that's filled with anxiety and chaos and
Speaker 1: you know, extreme behavior and just you know, overwhelm and frustration,
Speaker 1: or do you want to have peace and serenity and
Speaker 1: just like ah, that's fun, you know, And so you
Speaker 1: we all have to be able to make that decision
Speaker 1: for ourselves to be able to get what we want.
Speaker 1: And you know, the three a's is really helpful in
Speaker 1: that and then also, you know, people say to me
Speaker 1: all the time they're like, well, Julia, I can't get
Speaker 1: what I want because I don't know what I want.
Speaker 1: And it's like, well, yeah, you do because you know
Speaker 1: what you don't want. Yeah, that's all stuff one right there? Right?
Speaker 1: What do you know? Always a clear indication? You know,
Speaker 1: It's like, if you know that you don't want to
Speaker 1: be living pay check to paycheck, what is that telling you?
Speaker 1: If you know that you don't want to be in
Speaker 1: this relationship anymore, what is that telling you? If you
Speaker 1: know that you don't want to keep telling yourself that
Speaker 1: in order to go out and have a good time
Speaker 1: you have to drink every single time you do it,
Speaker 1: then what is that telling you? So? And again, like
Speaker 1: that's where the three a's can then come in for
Speaker 1: that too. But the acceptance of that can be really
Speaker 1: hard for people. It's really hard to accept when you
Speaker 1: know that you no longer need to be in a relationship,
Speaker 1: and like that's like with my first marriage, it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: like I know this, and like once you know it,
Speaker 1: you can't un know it. And now I have to
Speaker 1: do something about it, and I really don't want to
Speaker 1: do something about it because like like this is just
Speaker 1: going to be so painful, but you know it's it's interesting.
Speaker 1: It's like if you don't do something about it, then
Speaker 1: the world kind of has a funny way of doing
Speaker 1: it for you eventually. That is very true. I definitely
Speaker 1: think people get stuck in that acceptance. I know that
Speaker 1: I for sure have. But also sometimes for me, at
Speaker 1: least relationship, I get blinded, even in the awareness part
Speaker 1: of it, because I'm just I want what I want,
Speaker 1: but it's never the thing that's right in front of me.
Speaker 1: So like I'm almost like blinded. Does that make sense,
Speaker 1: like where I feel like I'm blinded by um, what
Speaker 1: I make up rather than what's right in front of me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think so. And I think a lot of that
Speaker 1: just comes from the old stories that we tell ourselves.
Speaker 1: That I have a big chapter in the book that
Speaker 1: talks all about origin stories, because we all have one.
Speaker 1: These are the stories that you know, we're either told
Speaker 1: to us or the stories that we experienced in childhood
Speaker 1: that now shape the way that we see the world.
Speaker 1: It's it really it's like when you think about these glasses,
Speaker 1: like we put these glasses on and based off of
Speaker 1: the prescription, Like that's how we view the world, and
Speaker 1: we don't realize that we can take the glasses off,
Speaker 1: like you know, they're not nailed to our skull, Like
Speaker 1: we can take them off. But a lot of times
Speaker 1: there is this as exhausting as that story. Maybe even
Speaker 1: if you have even if you can't see it, you
Speaker 1: still know you're you're like, why is this not working?
Speaker 1: Why does this not fit? Why do I feel this way?
Speaker 1: This just doesn't feel aligned to me? And there's usually
Speaker 1: some some payoff to that belief, like does it validate
Speaker 1: a belief that you have, Like there's there's a belief
Speaker 1: that I had for a really long time that it
Speaker 1: you have in order to succeed, you have to suffer.
Speaker 1: Was a really big belief of my, Like it takes
Speaker 1: a lot of pain to have gain, and there must
Speaker 1: be a sacrifice if there's anything to be received. And
Speaker 1: so I would over complicate things. I would make things
Speaker 1: a lot more difficult than they had to be. I
Speaker 1: would add a lot of steps that didn't need to
Speaker 1: be there because I I believed and I didn't even
Speaker 1: realize that I was believing this. This was an origin
Speaker 1: story of mine, because you know, my upbringing. My parents
Speaker 1: didn't have a lot of money. They had to suffer
Speaker 1: to succeed, and so that's what was replicated back to me.
Speaker 1: And not even to succeed just to like, you know,
Speaker 1: hopefully pay the bills and put food on the table.
Speaker 1: There was just survival. And so when you come from
Speaker 1: that scarcity mindset, you start to believe those stories. And
Speaker 1: as we get older, if we're not aware of them,
Speaker 1: then it's just like they're on some kind of subconscious
Speaker 1: programming and we don't even realize that they're there. But
Speaker 1: you know, that's what those stories would tell me of
Speaker 1: like oh man, this is so challenging, or you know,
Speaker 1: I'm never going to meet this goal, or I'm never
Speaker 1: gonna you know, have the life that I want on
Speaker 1: or for whatever it is for people, I'm never gonna
Speaker 1: lose the weight, I'm never going to get the guy,
Speaker 1: I'm never going to get the house, I'm never going
Speaker 1: to get the kids, like whatever that may be for somebody,
Speaker 1: and um, a lot of times it it just there's
Speaker 1: a belief system that you may be believing that that story,
Speaker 1: it keeps validating that which it allows us to stay
Speaker 1: in that helplessness state, right which happened to you, you know,
Speaker 1: the week of that your books coming out. You know,
Speaker 1: it's like what you've you've gone, You've done so much,
Speaker 1: you've achieved so much, but yet you still that belief
Speaker 1: system came back in you going. And that's where I
Speaker 1: think too or I've had a tough time because it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, I go to on site, I do all
Speaker 1: these things, I go to therapy, and then it's like
Speaker 1: I get I beat myself up when the messages come
Speaker 1: back because I'm like, oh, but then that's where, um,
Speaker 1: you know, that's where it's like to go back to
Speaker 1: what you know? Okay, what do you know? What's present moment?
Speaker 1: What is what is the truth? Because these messages from
Speaker 1: your origin are not they're not they're not they're lies,
Speaker 1: they're not the truth. And then something another quote that
Speaker 1: someone said to me at one point is who were
Speaker 1: you before the world told you any different? Mm hmm. Well,
Speaker 1: and that really goes back to the worthiness, you know,
Speaker 1: and I talk a lot about that. There's a whole
Speaker 1: chapter on worthiness, because if you don't really believe in
Speaker 1: your own worthiness to receive whatever it is in life
Speaker 1: just because you're you and nothing more, then you can't
Speaker 1: be able, you can't even begin to get what you want.
Speaker 1: Is that? I think the first step then is finding
Speaker 1: your worth. Yeah, And I think awareness and acceptance and
Speaker 1: action helps you do that and not not putting your
Speaker 1: worthiness on someone else. It's not. Your worthiness should never
Speaker 1: be contingent on somebody else deeming you as worthy or
Speaker 1: loving you or giving you something. The worthiness has to
Speaker 1: come from within, and I believe that really it comes
Speaker 1: from this trust and faith in something greater than yourself.
Speaker 1: And people have got to believe in something greater than themselves.
Speaker 1: I think it's it's a lack of that faith and
Speaker 1: a lack of that belief that keep us, you know,
Speaker 1: in this perpetual state of worthlessness. Because it's like, well,
Speaker 1: what's the point that is so true and key to
Speaker 1: I mean, I know so many people can relate to
Speaker 1: that because I've always put my worth who I am,
Speaker 1: who like, if I'm good enough? On what my relationship
Speaker 1: sat us looks like that Always I was always letting
Speaker 1: a man define my worth. And it's like now since
Speaker 1: I've learned and done a lot of freaking work to
Speaker 1: kind of reshape that. But again, it's it's it's easy
Speaker 1: to fall back into and then also going okay, no,
Speaker 1: that is to to you know, love yourself, find your
Speaker 1: own worth on your own journey is a beautiful thing. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And keeping it simple, I mean that's the thing. Simple
Speaker 1: lee is so significant, and most of us we don't
Speaker 1: like simplicity. You know, when when when somebody may even
Speaker 1: give us an answer that's simple, it's like, well, this
Speaker 1: can't be right, you know, like it's it's not complicated enough.
Speaker 1: I need way more information and way more chaos and
Speaker 1: way more stats and wayh more charts and way much
Speaker 1: way more drama and way more and way more answers
Speaker 1: and a whole lot more pain for me to accept it.
Speaker 1: It can't be simple, and so what would it look
Speaker 1: like if if it could just be easier? But you
Speaker 1: have to want that, you know, you have to you
Speaker 1: have to be willing. There's a great quote by Liz
Speaker 1: Gilbert that says, um, I'm going to kind of botch it,
Speaker 1: but she's like, you know, I've never seen a life
Speaker 1: transform until somebody got so sick and tired of their
Speaker 1: own bs. Like, you really have to get so sick
Speaker 1: and tired of being so sick and tired, and you
Speaker 1: know it's and that's just different for different people. But
Speaker 1: I think that's why I think rock bottoms are so amazing,
Speaker 1: because it's like, Okay, here I am, Now where am
Speaker 1: I going to go? You just have to remember to
Speaker 1: go easy on yourself in the process. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: that's that's the biggest piece right there, because I'm you know,
Speaker 1: coming and I still haven't spoke about my on site
Speaker 1: on site journey yet, but you know, kind of hitting
Speaker 1: that like I have got to change this belief system
Speaker 1: and let some of these things go. And um, I
Speaker 1: think it's really hard when you start to like it
Speaker 1: starts to come back up again, and the devil starts
Speaker 1: to to to speak up louder when he's like, oh
Speaker 1: you're you're you're on your path the healing. Let me
Speaker 1: just kind of like hit you with a hammer. And
Speaker 1: that's where I was having a discussion with someone a
Speaker 1: few weeks ago, and they were asking me about God
Speaker 1: and my faith journey. And you know why I chose
Speaker 1: to because they weren't. They didn't share the exact same
Speaker 1: belief system. And for me, I was like, at some
Speaker 1: point in my healing journey, like I physically could not
Speaker 1: do it. Alone, like you have to ask someone to
Speaker 1: It's like, you know, I've asked Queendom enough times and
Speaker 1: when I'm alone in my bed, you guys are done
Speaker 1: here and me like, you know, complain exactly. And you know, Julie,
Speaker 1: you'll give me the you know, I just wrote about
Speaker 1: you in something that I'm working on. You know how
Speaker 1: you you gave me like the perfect thing. But yet
Speaker 1: and yet I still was like feeling that like hopelessness.
Speaker 1: You got to look up. It's kind of how I
Speaker 1: need something to help carry because I can't carry it
Speaker 1: in church their day like it's we're not meant to
Speaker 1: carry it all by ourselves. And so how great is
Speaker 1: it that we can allow to give ourselves and take
Speaker 1: that off and hand it and say, help me carry this. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's so easy for people to you know,
Speaker 1: we we love to talk about the challenge and the
Speaker 1: pains and the struggles and the chaos, but never what's
Speaker 1: actually available to us. I could just listen to her
Speaker 1: all day long. I'm like, yeah, that's right. And I
Speaker 1: was thinking what you just said to I'm like, it's
Speaker 1: like the boat someone said, I'm waiting for God to
Speaker 1: save me. And because they're stuck in a flood. God
Speaker 1: sent you a boat. There's a boat right there. Jump
Speaker 1: on the boat. Look around like it's around you. I
Speaker 1: think I Pastor Kevin was saying that in church their
Speaker 1: day too. He was just like he has given you
Speaker 1: everything around you, you know, and also like he's there
Speaker 1: when when when you need him, and like he said
Speaker 1: to like you can pull up a chair and you
Speaker 1: can have someone that you need to unload on, or
Speaker 1: you need to listen to, or you need to all
Speaker 1: of the above, when you still can't do it on
Speaker 1: your own and we can't, you know, as queendom in
Speaker 1: your moments, like we can't do it for you. We
Speaker 1: can pull up a chair and we can listen, and
Speaker 1: we can, but you still are going to feel hopeless
Speaker 1: or helpless in that moment if you don't have you know,
Speaker 1: if you don't believe it, and then if you don't
Speaker 1: because you believe, you know, have God helping you through
Speaker 1: it or higher power, higher power, yeah, exactly, whatever, whatever
Speaker 1: whatever that looks like for you. When I think why
Speaker 1: that's so important is that it puts you back in
Speaker 1: that present moment and not in the past or not
Speaker 1: future tripping into things that are just we're like literally
Speaker 1: making up the future and telling ourselves, like Dress rehearsing
Speaker 1: this chaos like doesn't even exist. It's true. It's it's
Speaker 1: quite funny, like how insane we all are as human beings.
Speaker 1: And I feel like twenty minutes ago, Dress rehearse the chaos.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I used to do that stuff all the time.
Speaker 1: And it's so extreme, you know it can be. So
Speaker 1: you're like, Okay, so I'm gonna do this and then
Speaker 1: if I don't get what I want, then I'm going
Speaker 1: to do this. If I don't get what I want,
Speaker 1: then I'm gonna do it. And then I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: do what I want. They're just gonna to deal with
Speaker 1: it anyway. It's like that's it's just crazy, and it
Speaker 1: feels so big, it does, that's the thing. It feels dramatic.
Speaker 1: It's so intense, it's so heavy, and it's and and
Speaker 1: we start to and that's like we can actually get
Speaker 1: dopamine hits off that. I mean, there's science proves like
Speaker 1: there's that hit off the you know, off the chaos.
Speaker 1: And that's just going back to like it's the choice.
Speaker 1: We don't we don't have to live in the chaos
Speaker 1: we can and it's also what we're focusing on. Are
Speaker 1: we focusing on the chaos, because then we're just going
Speaker 1: to get more chaos? And I have a question around that. Okay,
Speaker 1: So for the person that's listening, that's like, I have
Speaker 1: done the work, I have done the three a's, I
Speaker 1: have accepted, I'm you know, awaren, awareness, acceptance, I've I've
Speaker 1: taken action, I have talk to my higher power. I
Speaker 1: have I have done the work. Julie, I'm tired and
Speaker 1: I'm not getting what I what I want nor deserve.
Speaker 1: There's the wellest dry of men, you know, whether or
Speaker 1: it's the you know work, It's like what do you
Speaker 1: do when you're just like when how do you have
Speaker 1: the patients? How do you how do you how do
Speaker 1: you like sit in that uncomfortable moment of it's been
Speaker 1: a really long time and when is it my time? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I think it's about identifying what you want and letting
Speaker 1: that be enough in the moment, which is incredibly hard
Speaker 1: for people because if we're always focused on the where
Speaker 1: is this that I want? You know, your energy doesn't
Speaker 1: allow you to even perceive any type of hints or
Speaker 1: clues or a ha moments or answered prayers from God
Speaker 1: or anything, because you're so wrapped up and so bottled up,
Speaker 1: and like, where is it? What that you know? Where's
Speaker 1: this thing that I want? And why isn't it happening
Speaker 1: fast enough? And what's wrong? Da da da da da?
Speaker 1: And so actually the awareness of the now is actually
Speaker 1: preventing the now from changing because you're so it's like
Speaker 1: you're suffocating the moment. You're not even allowing the moment
Speaker 1: just to unfold and be what it is. It's kind
Speaker 1: of like this idea of where is this thing that
Speaker 1: I want? What is this change that I want in
Speaker 1: my life? Versus the I want this and where is it?
Speaker 1: It's like a very different type of energy. One's very
Speaker 1: kind of a little bit less controlling, and another one
Speaker 1: is incredibly controlling. And so I think moving more into
Speaker 1: the attention of the feeling of where you're going and
Speaker 1: the feeling of of what you want, focusing more on
Speaker 1: the feeling instead of the it's not here right now,
Speaker 1: so I can't believe it. I think you have to
Speaker 1: believe it first and then you'll see it. I think
Speaker 1: a lot of times waiting to see it first to
Speaker 1: believe it, which just comes back to a lack of faith. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's that's that's a huge piece, Yeah, because it's hard
Speaker 1: to believe it when you don't see it though, Like
Speaker 1: I like to feel touched see And also, what if
Speaker 1: what you want? This kind of goes against what you
Speaker 1: probably say, Julie, But what if sometimes what we want
Speaker 1: isn't our story or like what if there's something out
Speaker 1: there that you think you want so badly but it
Speaker 1: is not meant for you, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: And again, I mean I think that revealed to you.
Speaker 1: I think that's all part like we're never gonna not
Speaker 1: want more things. Like every single day we are being
Speaker 1: like downloaded with like more things that we want in life,
Speaker 1: and some of the things we're going to accomplish and
Speaker 1: some of the things we're not. Some of the things
Speaker 1: we're gonna end up being really excited about and going after,
Speaker 1: and then some of the things we're going to be like, oh,
Speaker 1: I actually don't want this thing, But that's okay because
Speaker 1: it's just revealing to you more of what you actually
Speaker 1: do want. I think it's all it's all part of
Speaker 1: the process of you unlocking and uncovering where it is
Speaker 1: that you're going and there's no endpoint. I think that's
Speaker 1: the other thing that we have to stop putting these
Speaker 1: these like parameters around, like well, once X happens, then
Speaker 1: I'll have the life of my dreams. Like once this happens,
Speaker 1: then I can be happy. Like this is not like
Speaker 1: life is right now. This is not address rehearsal. This
Speaker 1: is like literally right now. I mean I was just
Speaker 1: talking about this with John, my husband, the other day.
Speaker 1: I'm thirty eight, he's fifty two, and I just looked
Speaker 1: over it and I was like, you know that, like
Speaker 1: our life is literally happening right now, like this is life.
Speaker 1: And I think that it's so easy to keep waiting
Speaker 1: for like well, once this happens with the kids, or
Speaker 1: once we do this, or once we make this money,
Speaker 1: or once you know that our son graduates, then once
Speaker 1: we retire then and it's like no, there's no then
Speaker 1: it's now. And so I think that if that's true,
Speaker 1: then now has to be enough. And so many of
Speaker 1: us are so consumed with now is not enough and
Speaker 1: now it is not more, and I am not okay
Speaker 1: with now, and so we've got to take our attention
Speaker 1: off of that and just be less controlling and and
Speaker 1: become more easy about things. And then you have to
Speaker 1: trust you have in it. And if you do believe
Speaker 1: and God, it should be easy to believe in things
Speaker 1: that you don't see in in a in a tangible way.
Speaker 1: I've never seen God walking down the street this gale,
Speaker 1: but I know that that there is a God, and
Speaker 1: I know that God exists, and I may see God
Speaker 1: in things. But you know, I think that it's it's
Speaker 1: about trusting that you're being guided and in time, you
Speaker 1: were going to receive the answers, the clues, the impulses,
Speaker 1: the feelings, the gut instincts, whatever that may be for
Speaker 1: you in order to take the next step. And we
Speaker 1: don't have to keep asking the questions of like what
Speaker 1: it is that we want, because we already know the answer.
Speaker 1: And if you're someone that's like, well, Julie, like I've
Speaker 1: been asking and asking and I'm not receiving any answers
Speaker 1: and I'm confused and i don't know where to go.
Speaker 1: It's most of the time it's because you're two bottled
Speaker 1: up in the question. Just give it a rest. You've
Speaker 1: done everything you can. There's nothing else that you need
Speaker 1: to do except give it over. And so you've got
Speaker 1: to put You've got to put distance between asking for
Speaker 1: what you want and receiving the answer. And I think
Speaker 1: the other thing is like stop trying to answer questions
Speaker 1: for yourself. You obviously don't know the answer if you're
Speaker 1: asking the questions, right, Yeah, And so we've got to
Speaker 1: put distance in a way to put distance between asking
Speaker 1: for what you want and and like, even if it's
Speaker 1: a challenge, like I'm having a hard time with this
Speaker 1: and I need direction, I need guidance, I need answers,
Speaker 1: the way to put distance between that is like sleep, rest, meditating,
Speaker 1: going for a walk, gratitude lists, changing the subject. That's
Speaker 1: what I did the other day when I was going
Speaker 1: through my own chaos. I literally changed the subject. I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm gonna go watch a movie and just
Speaker 1: reshift the energy to allow some distance. And so you're
Speaker 1: not keeping the problems activated. When you can, you can
Speaker 1: add some distance to that. And if you don't keep
Speaker 1: the problem activated, then what happens is that the solutions
Speaker 1: have space to then come in to replace the problem.
Speaker 1: This is why when you send stuff to Queendom, I
Speaker 1: sit back and wait and see what Julie is gonna say,
Speaker 1: because mine is never this articulate. I don't have all
Speaker 1: the answers. I can just share what comes through. It's
Speaker 1: so good. But I always I avoid Julie's answer, which
Speaker 1: is why I haven't brought certain things, because I usually
Speaker 1: know her answer is the answer that is the truth,
Speaker 1: not that that's yours is and the truth avoid me too,
Speaker 1: sometimes sometimes Julie the most, maybe because I don't because
Speaker 1: I know what I need to do. I know that
Speaker 1: I would need to break up with this word. I
Speaker 1: know that like. This isn't like I'm repeating a pattern.
Speaker 1: I know that like and it's like I almost don't
Speaker 1: want that awareness. So from sept on, if it's something
Speaker 1: that you think I cannot take this to Julie and
Speaker 1: then well, trust me, I've learned that lesson in the
Speaker 1: last few months. M that's the clue. That's just whoever
Speaker 1: it is if you feel yourself because again it goes
Speaker 1: back to those old stories, and it's like, if you
Speaker 1: know that something is not right in your life, if
Speaker 1: you know that you're avoiding this thing, that maybe and
Speaker 1: again it can be anything for you know, if if
Speaker 1: you feel like you're there's a problem with your with
Speaker 1: your kids right now and you're avoiding it, or there's
Speaker 1: a problem in your relationship, or there's a problem at work,
Speaker 1: or you know, you've been wanting a job promotion but
Speaker 1: you've been so terrified ask for it. Like, whatever that
Speaker 1: thing is for you, it's the more that you hide
Speaker 1: from it, the louder and louder and louder it's going
Speaker 1: to get. And if you don't listen to it, you know,
Speaker 1: the world, God, the universe, whatever you want to say,
Speaker 1: just the dynamics of how energy works, someone's just going
Speaker 1: to come and be like, Okay, boom, smack you across
Speaker 1: the face. You can't avoid it now, Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: that's literally you know, the last whatever, because it's like
Speaker 1: I tried so hard to ignore it, and then it
Speaker 1: just becomes louder and louder and louder, and I'm not
Speaker 1: sharing certain things. I'm like, oh but I really want
Speaker 1: I want love. I'm getting what I want, like and
Speaker 1: then but it becomes louder and louder and louder until
Speaker 1: it just explodes and that's you know, that's the universe,
Speaker 1: that's the and then it's kind of like okay, wow,
Speaker 1: Like and then realizing and going to the a's and
Speaker 1: going okay, acceptance. Now this is where did I fault
Speaker 1: myself in this to not have walked away? Or I'm
Speaker 1: aware that I hid things? Yeah, I accept that now.
Speaker 1: You know my part to play in it was X,
Speaker 1: Y and Z. Now what am I going to do
Speaker 1: about it? Girl? I know you have a heart out,
Speaker 1: But if if there's someone in a relationship, what is
Speaker 1: the one thing where do you think there blocking themselves
Speaker 1: from getting what they want? What's a quick little like
Speaker 1: word or something that's blocking. I think for most people
Speaker 1: it's this idea that um like, you can't hide yourself
Speaker 1: and expect to be seen mm hmm. And when you're
Speaker 1: not being honest with yourself, when you're not creating boundaries,
Speaker 1: when you're not advocating for yourself, when you're not speaking
Speaker 1: your truth, when you're avoiding things, when you have these triggers,
Speaker 1: these clues from God, the universe, the world, and you're
Speaker 1: not wanting to see it, that's all forms of hiding yourself,
Speaker 1: which is just a form of self sabotage. So I
Speaker 1: think that's a big thing. And I think that really
Speaker 1: if you if you want to step in to get
Speaker 1: what you want. If you want more of what you want,
Speaker 1: you've got to focus on anything where what you want
Speaker 1: is actually working, and stop putting so much emphasis on
Speaker 1: what is not working. You will get more of what
Speaker 1: you want if you keep focusing on what What are
Speaker 1: the parts of your life that are working well? What
Speaker 1: are the parts of your life that do you let
Speaker 1: you up, that feel easy, that feel peaceful, that feel fun,
Speaker 1: that feel joyful, whatever those things are, even if it's
Speaker 1: just you know, you like the way that your sheets
Speaker 1: feel when you're sleeping, and whatever it may be. It
Speaker 1: can be something small. But if you're focusing on what
Speaker 1: you don't want, then you slow all the energy down.
Speaker 1: And if you're hammering away at the question, then the
Speaker 1: solution it can't come, and it won't come because there's
Speaker 1: no room for it to come. Love. Um, we know
Speaker 1: that you are on a crazy book tour right now,
Speaker 1: so um, I love you, and at us know when
Speaker 1: we're doing drinks, i'll see you, like a few days.
Speaker 1: But let us listeners know we're gonna obviously I'm gonna
Speaker 1: talk some more about your book after you get off here,
Speaker 1: but let us know, let the listeners know where they
Speaker 1: can find my bestie Queendom. Yes, so get what you want,
Speaker 1: how to go from unseen to unstoppable. Um. You can
Speaker 1: get this wherever books are sold. We also have an
Speaker 1: audio book highly recommended for anyone who has felt connected
Speaker 1: to this conversation today. No matter where you are in life,
Speaker 1: if you're just if you're ready for a re shift,
Speaker 1: if you're ready for a reframe, there's a lot of
Speaker 1: great tools in here that can help you. And you
Speaker 1: can find me on Instagram at Jules Solomon j U
Speaker 1: L S S l O m O n UM. If
Speaker 1: you're coming on Janice Tour in Nashville, you might see
Speaker 1: me there. Um, and let's see what else. Julie Solomon
Speaker 1: dot net is my website and then your podcast and
Speaker 1: then my pot Yeah that thing, um my podcast that
Speaker 1: I've been doing for five years, um, the Influencer Podcast.
Speaker 1: It is all about how to start, grow and scale
Speaker 1: a brand. And um, if you were someone who was
Speaker 1: wanting to build a personal brand, wanting to get your
Speaker 1: name and your message out into the world, I help
Speaker 1: you do that. So you can go to the wherever
Speaker 1: you love to listen to podcast The Influencer Podcast to
Speaker 1: have a new episode drop every Wednesday, and she does
Speaker 1: workshops too for people that you don't want to grow
Speaker 1: their brand um and how to masterminds right behind that,
Speaker 1: which coaching groups, all the things. You're just you're a
Speaker 1: boss and I love you so much. Juels Um, I'll
Speaker 1: see you Sam Okay, okay, ba Guy Haney Right. I
Speaker 1: mean just this is like, you know what I love
Speaker 1: about Queendom is that it's like we got we got you.
Speaker 1: We got Pam who's like Pittsburgh Pam. Right, she's just
Speaker 1: like you don't want to get on a bad day
Speaker 1: at Pittsburgh Pam Like she'll she'll, she will, she will
Speaker 1: be detective and find this person in two minutes. And
Speaker 1: then you're kind of like you kind of not you
Speaker 1: don't follow, but like you're you'll you'll pick a side.
Speaker 1: I feel like, okay, that's a good thing. It's a
Speaker 1: bad thing. Like you'll be like like you'll say something,
Speaker 1: but then you're also like like you said, like you
Speaker 1: wait you hold back to see like what sometimes I
Speaker 1: wait to say what. Julie would say, yeah, um. And
Speaker 1: then there's Kristen who's like, let's love everything and it's okay,
Speaker 1: definitely not Yeah, I definitely pick a side and I'm
Speaker 1: passionate about it. Usually yeah, yes you will, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I want to say you don't fallow like you definitely
Speaker 1: you'll pick one or the other sides. Yeah. And then
Speaker 1: there's Julie, who are It's just like I think you
Speaker 1: should look in the mirror and like she she always
Speaker 1: like like look at yourself, look at which I love
Speaker 1: and I think that's azing, Like she's got more grace
Speaker 1: for other people. Though, I feel like then I she
Speaker 1: for sure does. I mean I remember, like, um, when
Speaker 1: you know, I was debating whether or not to get divorced.
Speaker 1: She's like, well, she was. She was the one person
Speaker 1: that made me. She actually she was the reason why
Speaker 1: I didn't file for divorce. It was truly interesting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she was. She was. She was the friend who was like,
Speaker 1: we all have our stuff, like we all have, you know,
Speaker 1: the ripples, and it's like life and she's like, you know,
Speaker 1: and she says, this person is doing this and this
Speaker 1: happens and it's this is life and it really she
Speaker 1: made me look at the other side. She she she
Speaker 1: helped me look at the other side of the struggles
Speaker 1: that Mike was going through or the struggles that you know,
Speaker 1: he was facing, and she helped me learn how to
Speaker 1: lean into grace an empathy for maybe what he's going through.
Speaker 1: I didn't like that answer, like I I, you know,
Speaker 1: the thing at the time when that when it all happened,
Speaker 1: I wanted people to be like, oh, But but I
Speaker 1: was so grateful for her angle on it, because yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I really attribute our conversation that we had
Speaker 1: to not divorcing him in the very beginning. And now,
Speaker 1: like she says, the universe ends up, you know, um
Speaker 1: kind of showing the pieces in the end. And but
Speaker 1: I'm so and and I am so grateful that I
Speaker 1: did try, because I think I would have always I know,
Speaker 1: I would have lived with a regret. I wonder what
Speaker 1: would have happened if we tried, like I really do,
Speaker 1: and I think, so I'm really thankful for that. And
Speaker 1: I don't have any regrets about the time spent. I mean, obviously,
Speaker 1: you know, we were able to have Jason stuff too,
Speaker 1: but I think being able to look on the other
Speaker 1: side of it it was great. So I always love
Speaker 1: her perspective for sure. And you're not just tough love.
Speaker 1: I's gonna say that, you give I think to like
Speaker 1: now that you're realizing the side of things, like you
Speaker 1: you softened a little bit. I'm trying, um, But in
Speaker 1: Julia's book, I just want to kind of go through.
Speaker 1: So like part one is what's holding you back? What
Speaker 1: do you want? Steps to get to getting what you
Speaker 1: really want and find your purpose, which I think is
Speaker 1: really hard for a lot of people, and like not
Speaker 1: knowing what your purposes and um, just not knowing. So
Speaker 1: she'll help you walk through that and then um taking
Speaker 1: actions the next step, so becoming the visionary, creating a
Speaker 1: blueprint for a success, pitch it perfect, how to negotiate
Speaker 1: to get what you want, and then um, the results, um,
Speaker 1: the importance of it limitless and so definitely UM, I
Speaker 1: just started it the other day. But I just how
Speaker 1: she speaks, is how she writes, and there's a lot
Speaker 1: of things that you can get from this book. Uh.
Speaker 1: She said, wherever you are at in your life, because
Speaker 1: we all want something, right That's and I loved when
Speaker 1: she said that we all want something. So if you
Speaker 1: don't know what you want, we all you don't want,
Speaker 1: you don't want, so you do know what you want,
Speaker 1: and so she can help the gate with which aid
Speaker 1: do you think is hardest for you. That's a really
Speaker 1: good question. Um. Okay, So there was awareness, acceptance, and action. Honestly,
Speaker 1: awareness awareness because I can look at my stuff and go, okay,
Speaker 1: this is where this is where I looked in the mirror.
Speaker 1: This is where I messed up with my act hessman,
Speaker 1: this is where I could have been better in this relationship.
Speaker 1: This is where you know, I'd like to I'd love
Speaker 1: a redo if if possible. And so this is now
Speaker 1: I'm going to take steps to to grow and change.
Speaker 1: The awareness is what blocks me because I want something
Speaker 1: so bad that I'm not looking at the red flags
Speaker 1: where I'm not seeing the things that are I'm not aware.
Speaker 1: I am aware, but I don't I don't know how
Speaker 1: do I say that, you know what I'm trying to say,
Speaker 1: Like where it's like I see it, but I I
Speaker 1: put blinders so my awareness goes away. Yeah, I could
Speaker 1: see that. What about makes sense? I think mine is
Speaker 1: definitely action. Really, I think I'm very self aware and
Speaker 1: actually pretty good at accepting things. But it's the changing
Speaker 1: that part that's hard for me. It's like taking the
Speaker 1: steps to change the things that I would want to change. Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: because I can very much admit the things that are
Speaker 1: either going wrong in my life or the things that
Speaker 1: I'm doing wrong or the things that you know and
Speaker 1: totally sitting there and accept it. Um. But it's the
Speaker 1: action that's hard for me to take the steps for sure.
Speaker 1: So here's no question for you then, I mean you
Speaker 1: took the action to get divorced in the process of
Speaker 1: so is there an action in you that you're you know,
Speaker 1: is it going to therapy and digging deep why you
Speaker 1: know you were maybe a certain way or is it
Speaker 1: or is that the action or like what action now
Speaker 1: is like maybe like holding you back definitely would be
Speaker 1: you know, I am aware that I'm you know, it's
Speaker 1: hard for me to be vulnerable, and I think that
Speaker 1: kind of encompasses all of it, really, um. And I've
Speaker 1: accepted that. I've definitely accepted that, But it's the how
Speaker 1: do I change that part that just seems so hard
Speaker 1: for me. What are you doing right now, like right now,
Speaker 1: like speaking on the podcast, you're being vulnerable? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: So don't say you're not vulnerable. I am trying to
Speaker 1: take steps for sure. Like this was definitely probably one
Speaker 1: of the first steps I've taken besides the therapy this time.
Speaker 1: I've done therapy before, but it's just been different. So
Speaker 1: I'd say these two things were actions and then obviously
Speaker 1: the divorce part, but that's always been the hardest part
Speaker 1: for me for sure. So anyway, it's just it's an
Speaker 1: interesting question. I think everybody kind of gets can get
Speaker 1: caught in any of those Yeah, I can, I can.
Speaker 1: I Yeah, I definitely see the action part. Um. See,
Speaker 1: I feel like you're really good at action. I think
Speaker 1: if you see something, I really do. I think if
Speaker 1: you see something and you accept it, then it's going
Speaker 1: to be easy for you to take that action. Well.
Speaker 1: I mean just like when I realized, you know, a
Speaker 1: few months ago that I had still some stuff that
Speaker 1: I was holding onto. It was like I called Miles
Speaker 1: right away, who owns on site. I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: I need I need to like I need to go
Speaker 1: now like action. And then I go in for six
Speaker 1: hours a day for four and a half days in
Speaker 1: a therapy room and sit there and you know, and
Speaker 1: also it's hard when you come back and to continue
Speaker 1: taking action too. So that's also like I think we
Speaker 1: all can have moments where it's harder than others. But yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, I definitely think action is one of my
Speaker 1: stronger ones because I think when you're not taking action,
Speaker 1: it might be because you're not aware. Yeah, it's so fascinating.
Speaker 1: I love this whole three ace thing. Yeah, I know
Speaker 1: it's great. I'm gonna be like, you are not accepting,
Speaker 1: You're not aware you're not accepting. And it's interesting because
Speaker 1: I feel like when we get stuck in something, we
Speaker 1: should see which one we stuck at. Yeah. I think
Speaker 1: it's very and I think right now that you know
Speaker 1: some things that I'm just kind of you know, just
Speaker 1: in life in this season in the moment, I don't know,
Speaker 1: actually I think I'm I think I don't know. Do
Speaker 1: you think I do think I'm stuck anywhere? Because I
Speaker 1: actually think I'm doing like I don't think. So it's
Speaker 1: like when we thanks French. It's like when we're watching
Speaker 1: Proposal to the Window to God, just like because it
Speaker 1: stuff out, you know, I put it, I've um yeah,
Speaker 1: on site. I really do want to talk about it
Speaker 1: on site at some point because that was just like
Speaker 1: a total shift in my life. Um. So hopefully we
Speaker 1: can get Miles on here, because I'd love for him
Speaker 1: to come on the show. And because that that talk
Speaker 1: about taking action, and that's where I'm like, Katherine can
Speaker 1: I literally literally I would love to gift you see that.
Speaker 1: That's where like that action is like terrifying, it is
Speaker 1: life changing. I would love to get Myles on here
Speaker 1: or somebody and to hear more about it. I think
Speaker 1: for people like me like you kind of got to
Speaker 1: know what you're walking into a little bit more well.
Speaker 1: Already told Miles, I wanted to gift it to you.
Speaker 1: I just need to know that you'll take it action.
Speaker 1: I'm not ready for this action, but yeah, we'll get
Speaker 1: him on because I think I'm ready to share a
Speaker 1: little bit of that experience. And um yeah, because you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: the healing journey that we're all on in the three a's,
Speaker 1: we can do this and we can get what you want.
Speaker 1: We can get what we want because we know what
Speaker 1: we don't want. Bottom line. Yep, Um, all right, this
Speaker 1: is an awesome show. So oh next week show it's
Speaker 1: going to be great because there might be a little
Speaker 1: One Tree Hillo reunion. Stay tuned, so here for those
Speaker 1: am