WEBVTT - Move Past the Chaos 0:00:01.880 --> 0:00:05.359 Wine Down with Jane Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast. 0:00:06.559 --> 0:00:08.680 All right, so we're just gonna get right into this 0:00:08.720 --> 0:00:13.640 podcast today because we have uh one, this is where 0:00:13.640 --> 0:00:16.480 I like, this is the math part of how many 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:21.480 queendoms are there? That's right, I gotta get me Julie 0:00:21.640 --> 0:00:27.600 Sarah person so one six one six at the Queendom 0:00:27.840 --> 0:00:30.080 is going to be on the show today. Julie Solomon. 0:00:30.120 --> 0:00:31.800 She's got a book out right now called Get what 0:00:31.920 --> 0:00:35.960 she Wants, and she is our what I called her 0:00:36.000 --> 0:00:37.640 I was, I was writing something to their day. I 0:00:37.680 --> 0:00:41.080 was like, she's our like spiritual guru slash just like 0:00:41.240 --> 0:00:43.839 boss babe, get what you want. Like any time I 0:00:43.840 --> 0:00:48.560 ever have something, it's like, I wonder what Julie would say. UM, 0:00:48.600 --> 0:00:49.760 and I know she's in the waiting room, and I 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:52.320 don't want that girl the way any longer. So let's 0:00:52.479 --> 0:00:56.720 get her on. We are so excited to have author. 0:00:57.720 --> 0:00:59.840 I can now say author. As part of the year 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:05.240 title author um podcaster hosted the top rated The Influencer 0:01:05.319 --> 0:01:08.880 podcast and among many other things, UM Julie Solomon on 0:01:08.959 --> 0:01:12.360 Wine Down. She's got a book. It's called Get what 0:01:12.440 --> 0:01:16.360 you Want. How to go from unseen to unstoppable. Julie, 0:01:16.480 --> 0:01:20.600 Welcome to wind Down. Thanks ladies, thank you for having me. 0:01:20.920 --> 0:01:24.880 Um Julie. For those that are new listeners, Julie is 0:01:24.959 --> 0:01:30.080 part of Queendom, which you know is Catherine, Pamela and Kristen, 0:01:30.480 --> 0:01:34.000 Julie and Sarah. But she's she doesn't does like the 0:01:34.000 --> 0:01:36.720 group text Mestice, we have to take Sarah Bryce off 0:01:36.720 --> 0:01:41.320 those ones. Um, but Julie, how many years have we 0:01:41.400 --> 0:01:46.280 been friends? Now? Let's see at least five? At least yeah, 0:01:46.280 --> 0:01:50.520 five years longer than that. Yeah, man, Camden's nine. I 0:01:50.520 --> 0:01:58.200 mean Julie Jolie was six months old. Wow, it's crazy. Yeah, 0:01:58.440 --> 0:02:00.920 but I've known her since like middle school, so, which 0:02:01.040 --> 0:02:05.120 is just even crazier. Small world because I remember I 0:02:05.400 --> 0:02:07.120 don't remember do we got to middle school together or 0:02:07.200 --> 0:02:09.919 high school? Always forget high school? High school? Just kidding, well, 0:02:09.960 --> 0:02:15.679 middle school sounds better, say saying great. Yeah, she was 0:02:15.720 --> 0:02:18.919 a year above me. But we were cheerleaders to get 0:02:19.440 --> 0:02:22.799 we cheered together. Don't don't even say it, cheerleader. I 0:02:23.240 --> 0:02:28.680 love cheerleaders. It's fine. Her face was like, I love cheerleader. 0:02:29.320 --> 0:02:32.440 Cheerleaders are awesome. They cheer on the crowd. I just 0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:36.440 had bad egg mean to you. Yes, and I tried 0:02:36.480 --> 0:02:39.080 out and I didn't make it. You're better. That's also 0:02:40.880 --> 0:02:42.600 that's not true. My mom wouldn't let me try out 0:02:42.720 --> 0:02:46.080 because of skating. That's actually that was Yeah, that's way 0:02:46.160 --> 0:02:47.880 cooler though to be a nice skater anyway. And so 0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:52.600 the truth is I always wanted to try out. Um 0:02:52.680 --> 0:02:55.120 that was volleyball. I tried out for volleyball, and I 0:02:55.200 --> 0:02:59.000 played middle school and then high school. I got what happens. 0:02:59.600 --> 0:03:02.200 Yeah it sucked, but I'm sorry, back to back to 0:03:02.320 --> 0:03:05.080 getting what you want. Um. One of the cool coolest 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:10.040 things about Julie is, um, she was my one of 0:03:10.120 --> 0:03:12.359 my friends who when I was, you know, going through 0:03:12.520 --> 0:03:18.480 stuff with my ex Um. The way that you the 0:03:18.600 --> 0:03:21.919 way that you are with life, how you speak, how 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:28.200 you just embody your everything. Um, you have such a 0:03:28.320 --> 0:03:34.200 way of seeing other sides. You have an innate ability 0:03:34.400 --> 0:03:40.760 to have grace for people. And it's so I often go, 0:03:41.320 --> 0:03:43.680 what would Julie do in this moment because there's so 0:03:43.760 --> 0:03:46.160 many times where it's like, you know, when I was 0:03:46.200 --> 0:03:48.560 going through hard times, we were sitting by a pool 0:03:48.600 --> 0:03:50.520 and She's like, it's like the ripples in the water. 0:03:50.840 --> 0:03:57.440 You know this too, shelf has. But you know, is 0:03:57.560 --> 0:04:01.680 that a part of getting what you want? Having that mindset? 0:04:02.240 --> 0:04:07.680 Is that how you from seeing like everything that you've 0:04:07.720 --> 0:04:12.120 done and to help people grow their businesses. Is having 0:04:12.240 --> 0:04:17.160 that kind of open mindset part of the process to 0:04:17.200 --> 0:04:20.600 getting what you want? Yeah, I mean that's a great question. 0:04:21.400 --> 0:04:25.120 From my experience, it is because all of that that 0:04:25.200 --> 0:04:28.920 you just said it requires an extreme amount of self awareness, 0:04:29.080 --> 0:04:30.720 and I don't think that you can get what you 0:04:30.839 --> 0:04:37.200 want without self awareness. That's a good point, so speak 0:04:37.240 --> 0:04:41.320 to the self awareness part. Yeah. So and with that 0:04:41.480 --> 0:04:43.680 idea when you were talking about the grace, it's like, 0:04:43.960 --> 0:04:48.239 I don't know if that's in that moment, you know, great, 0:04:48.520 --> 0:04:50.400 like there's a strength and there there can be a 0:04:50.480 --> 0:04:52.400 weakness to that. You know, there has to be like 0:04:52.520 --> 0:04:58.920 boundaries and making sure that you're not um enabling behaviors 0:04:59.040 --> 0:05:03.440 that aren't good for you or for your life. Um, 0:05:03.880 --> 0:05:09.040 and you can still choose to be compassionate at the 0:05:09.120 --> 0:05:12.920 same time. So I think that that's important because there's 0:05:12.920 --> 0:05:15.600 been times in my past where I would enable behavior 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:20.800 just because you know, of my own limitations of what 0:05:20.880 --> 0:05:22.920 I could see. So I just I think that's a 0:05:22.960 --> 0:05:25.920 good distinction because sometimes it's like you can I don't 0:05:25.960 --> 0:05:27.640 know if it's true that you can give too much grace, 0:05:28.040 --> 0:05:30.720 but I do think there's a line between having compassion 0:05:30.760 --> 0:05:35.720 and holding space and then potentially enabling a toxic or 0:05:36.200 --> 0:05:40.200 bad pattern. And only you would not you, but just people. 0:05:40.520 --> 0:05:42.360 Only people are really going to know what that is 0:05:42.440 --> 0:05:46.600 for them, which can lead to awareness. Um And there's 0:05:46.600 --> 0:05:49.240 actually three a's. The first one is awareness, so we 0:05:49.320 --> 0:05:51.280 can talk about that. I think that with getting what 0:05:51.440 --> 0:05:54.280 you want, you have to become aware. And awareness is 0:05:54.360 --> 0:05:58.160 just simply an identification that there's some kind of dysfunction 0:05:58.760 --> 0:06:01.280 or problem in your life life that exists that it 0:06:01.480 --> 0:06:05.440 needs to change. And so it could be something really extreme, 0:06:05.760 --> 0:06:10.640 like you know, a dysfunctional relationship, or maybe you have, 0:06:11.040 --> 0:06:13.640 you know, an issue with food, or an issue with drinking, 0:06:13.839 --> 0:06:16.800 or an issue with spending money, you know, whatever that 0:06:16.880 --> 0:06:19.000 may be. It could be a dysfunction that severe, or 0:06:19.040 --> 0:06:22.680 it could just be you know, something as little as 0:06:23.040 --> 0:06:25.440 you know. I keep sleeping in until twelve o'clock every 0:06:25.520 --> 0:06:27.640 day and it's not allowing me to get up early 0:06:27.760 --> 0:06:29.920 and get what I want and stay organized and stay 0:06:29.960 --> 0:06:31.960 on task. And so I need to be aware that 0:06:32.120 --> 0:06:34.920 that needs to change. So that's the first step, I think. 0:06:35.600 --> 0:06:39.800 Um the second one is acceptance, which is the most 0:06:39.920 --> 0:06:43.320 uncomfortable place that no one wants to be in, because 0:06:43.400 --> 0:06:45.680 that's when I think you have to come to grips 0:06:45.839 --> 0:06:49.400 with this problem that's in my life that I'm now 0:06:49.480 --> 0:06:52.200 aware of. It's not all of me. It doesn't define 0:06:52.320 --> 0:06:55.920 who I am, and it doesn't define my pure existence, 0:06:56.000 --> 0:06:58.680 but it is a part of me, and it begins 0:06:58.760 --> 0:07:01.920 with me, and now with acceptance, I can choose to 0:07:02.080 --> 0:07:04.280 allow it to end with me if it no longer 0:07:04.320 --> 0:07:06.080 fits in my life. It's like one piece to this 0:07:06.200 --> 0:07:09.200 puzzle in my life that no longer fits. It needs 0:07:09.240 --> 0:07:12.560 to be removed, and it is my responsibility to remove it. 0:07:12.680 --> 0:07:16.680 It is not his hers there's it's my responsibility. And 0:07:16.720 --> 0:07:19.400 I think that's why acceptance is so challenging for so 0:07:19.520 --> 0:07:21.320 many of us, because this is where we have to 0:07:21.800 --> 0:07:26.520 take accountability for our own lives and for the results 0:07:26.600 --> 0:07:29.040 that we're seeing in our lives, and for our part 0:07:29.120 --> 0:07:33.080 to play and things that happen in our lives, not 0:07:33.200 --> 0:07:35.400 necessarily things that happened to us, because we can be 0:07:35.600 --> 0:07:40.440 victims of you know, external circumstances. But then how we 0:07:40.600 --> 0:07:43.200 respond to react to those is our part to play, 0:07:43.800 --> 0:07:47.160 and that's hard for people. Acceptance is really hard because 0:07:47.640 --> 0:07:50.080 it's much easier to not stay in acceptance. It's much 0:07:50.120 --> 0:07:53.400 easier to blame other people for not being able to 0:07:53.440 --> 0:07:55.680 get what you want in life. So it's that's the 0:07:55.880 --> 0:07:58.480 that's the hardest one, sure, because I mean I feel 0:07:58.480 --> 0:08:02.680 like a lot of times people like, oh, well this 0:08:02.920 --> 0:08:07.320 person um this happener, and so I couldn't get that 0:08:08.040 --> 0:08:11.320 big promotion because this person said this about me. Or 0:08:11.520 --> 0:08:14.240 instead of going, okay, where where's the part that I 0:08:14.280 --> 0:08:17.720 could have maybe played in? Or I think that's that's 0:08:17.760 --> 0:08:20.720 a really interesting thing because I've definitely have done that 0:08:20.800 --> 0:08:27.640 in my life. Or I've maybe blamed uh radio people 0:08:27.680 --> 0:08:29.520 that were working my single at radio or something like 0:08:29.600 --> 0:08:31.200 oh they didn't work hard enough, and it's like, well 0:08:31.280 --> 0:08:33.319 maybe the song wasn't good enough. I don't know, you know, 0:08:33.520 --> 0:08:39.040 like maybe yeah, yeah, Or it's really acceptance. What acceptance 0:08:39.120 --> 0:08:41.719 does is that when we're not in acceptance of the 0:08:41.800 --> 0:08:45.040 reality of the situation, we're very frozen and it's like 0:08:45.120 --> 0:08:47.480 we can't move. And what acceptance does is it thaws 0:08:47.559 --> 0:08:50.079 us out and it allows us to start thinking and 0:08:50.160 --> 0:08:52.400 feeling and seeing from a new perspective and shift. But 0:08:52.480 --> 0:08:54.959 you have to want to do that, and I think 0:08:55.000 --> 0:08:57.679 a lot of times there's a payoff and not wanting 0:08:57.760 --> 0:09:01.240 to do that because you know, if if I don't 0:09:01.280 --> 0:09:04.680 want to see the acceptance, then the solution is out there, 0:09:04.960 --> 0:09:07.920 it's not within me, so I can't help myself. So 0:09:08.480 --> 0:09:11.319 I can just stay in this state of helplessness and 0:09:11.480 --> 0:09:13.719 the poor means and all of the places that we 0:09:13.800 --> 0:09:15.800 can go to and it's like, well, of course I 0:09:15.840 --> 0:09:17.880 can't get what I want because X Y and Z, 0:09:18.360 --> 0:09:19.840 And of course I can't get what I want because 0:09:19.880 --> 0:09:21.520 this happened to me, And of course I can't get 0:09:21.600 --> 0:09:23.400 what I want. Or of course you know, she can 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:25.280 get what she wants because of X, Y and Z, 0:09:25.400 --> 0:09:27.480 but I can't get what I want, And so it 0:09:27.679 --> 0:09:31.679 keeps us in this perpetual state of like this learned helplessness, 0:09:32.559 --> 0:09:35.360 that the answer is out there, and since it's out 0:09:35.440 --> 0:09:39.600 there and we can't somehow get it, then nothing can change. 0:09:40.000 --> 0:09:42.040 So that's also part of like in a relationship, that 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:44.760 self fulding, like oh, of course they left me because 0:09:44.800 --> 0:09:47.880 I'm X Y and Z exactly, Yeah, poor me, poor me, 0:09:48.040 --> 0:09:51.400 poor me, for me and I think that it's it's 0:09:51.440 --> 0:09:53.839 so common. It's not like we are like, Okay, I've 0:09:53.920 --> 0:09:57.400 learned acceptance. Now everything's right, Like it's a day to 0:09:57.520 --> 0:10:01.040 day practice. I mean even yesterday, um or no Monday, 0:10:01.120 --> 0:10:03.400 I'm like, what day is it? Um? I was having 0:10:03.480 --> 0:10:05.319 one of those poor me's, you know, and I was like, 0:10:05.600 --> 0:10:07.439 my ego was getting the best of me, and it's like, 0:10:07.559 --> 0:10:09.880 I'm not doing enough. I'm not enough that dad never 0:10:10.200 --> 0:10:12.400 nothing ever works out for me. And I just started 0:10:12.480 --> 0:10:14.800 laughing because I had this moment of awareness of like, oh, 0:10:14.880 --> 0:10:17.680 I'm choosing to think these thoughts. And I was texting 0:10:17.720 --> 0:10:20.760 my girlfriend Susie, and I was like, poor poor Julie, Susie, 0:10:20.880 --> 0:10:22.640 like poor me. And then I was just able to 0:10:22.760 --> 0:10:25.559 laugh about it and like move on with my life 0:10:25.720 --> 0:10:29.480 of you know, what's what's really happening here? So you know, 0:10:29.760 --> 0:10:33.320 for those who we can't always control what happens to us, 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:36.640 but we we always can control how we respond or 0:10:36.679 --> 0:10:39.040 react to it, and that's where the acceptance can come in. 0:10:39.480 --> 0:10:45.439 I love that piece. I love that. Yeah. The third 0:10:45.520 --> 0:10:48.920 day is action, which I love action. That's just the 0:10:48.960 --> 0:10:51.240 plan that we get to put in place to start 0:10:51.280 --> 0:10:53.800 to implement some of the things that might have been 0:10:53.880 --> 0:10:56.800 lost because of that dysfunction or problems. So these are 0:10:57.120 --> 0:10:59.920 things where, you know, when we start taking action, when 0:11:00.040 --> 0:11:02.600 we start to be able to get confidence and self 0:11:02.760 --> 0:11:06.000 esteem and more balance in our lives and peace and 0:11:06.160 --> 0:11:08.760 joy and serenity and all of the things that we want. 0:11:09.480 --> 0:11:14.000 But if we're not in that state of action, we 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:17.040 we can't even see that that's possible. And so really, 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:18.520 when it comes to getting what you want, you have 0:11:18.640 --> 0:11:21.280 to ask yourself a lot of times, like do I 0:11:21.360 --> 0:11:22.920 want to be right? Or do I want to be happy? 0:11:23.280 --> 0:11:26.000 That's a really simple question that people can ask themselves, 0:11:26.679 --> 0:11:29.800 or like would I rather live in an environment? And 0:11:29.880 --> 0:11:32.280 this could be your own environment, like your own thoughts 0:11:32.640 --> 0:11:36.120 that you're choosing to think, like your own internal dialogue, 0:11:36.160 --> 0:11:40.120 your own environment that's filled with anxiety and chaos and 0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:45.480 you know, extreme behavior and just you know, overwhelm and frustration, 0:11:45.800 --> 0:11:49.280 or do you want to have peace and serenity and 0:11:49.440 --> 0:11:53.880 just like ah, that's fun, you know, And so you 0:11:54.080 --> 0:11:55.960 we all have to be able to make that decision 0:11:56.040 --> 0:11:58.200 for ourselves to be able to get what we want. 0:11:58.360 --> 0:12:01.520 And you know, the three a's is really helpful in 0:12:01.600 --> 0:12:03.599 that and then also, you know, people say to me 0:12:03.640 --> 0:12:05.079 all the time they're like, well, Julia, I can't get 0:12:05.080 --> 0:12:07.040 what I want because I don't know what I want. 0:12:07.920 --> 0:12:09.679 And it's like, well, yeah, you do because you know 0:12:09.760 --> 0:12:13.840 what you don't want. Yeah, that's all stuff one right there? Right? 0:12:13.880 --> 0:12:17.160 What do you know? Always a clear indication? You know, 0:12:17.280 --> 0:12:18.839 It's like, if you know that you don't want to 0:12:18.880 --> 0:12:21.679 be living pay check to paycheck, what is that telling you? 0:12:22.200 --> 0:12:23.679 If you know that you don't want to be in 0:12:23.720 --> 0:12:26.800 this relationship anymore, what is that telling you? If you 0:12:26.960 --> 0:12:29.760 know that you don't want to keep telling yourself that 0:12:29.800 --> 0:12:31.199 in order to go out and have a good time 0:12:31.240 --> 0:12:32.800 you have to drink every single time you do it, 0:12:32.880 --> 0:12:36.000 then what is that telling you? So? And again, like 0:12:36.120 --> 0:12:39.199 that's where the three a's can then come in for 0:12:39.360 --> 0:12:42.160 that too. But the acceptance of that can be really 0:12:42.200 --> 0:12:45.240 hard for people. It's really hard to accept when you 0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:47.760 know that you no longer need to be in a relationship, 0:12:48.000 --> 0:12:50.440 and like that's like with my first marriage, it's like, oh, 0:12:50.559 --> 0:12:53.319 like I know this, and like once you know it, 0:12:53.440 --> 0:12:55.959 you can't un know it. And now I have to 0:12:56.040 --> 0:12:57.800 do something about it, and I really don't want to 0:12:57.840 --> 0:13:00.880 do something about it because like like this is just 0:13:01.240 --> 0:13:07.040 going to be so painful, but you know it's it's interesting. 0:13:07.080 --> 0:13:09.120 It's like if you don't do something about it, then 0:13:09.240 --> 0:13:10.960 the world kind of has a funny way of doing 0:13:11.000 --> 0:13:27.920 it for you eventually. That is very true. I definitely 0:13:27.960 --> 0:13:30.439 think people get stuck in that acceptance. I know that 0:13:30.559 --> 0:13:33.920 I for sure have. But also sometimes for me, at 0:13:34.000 --> 0:13:36.679 least relationship, I get blinded, even in the awareness part 0:13:36.720 --> 0:13:41.079 of it, because I'm just I want what I want, 0:13:41.160 --> 0:13:42.880 but it's never the thing that's right in front of me. 0:13:43.000 --> 0:13:44.959 So like I'm almost like blinded. Does that make sense, 0:13:45.000 --> 0:13:49.400 like where I feel like I'm blinded by um, what 0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:53.280 I make up rather than what's right in front of me. Yeah, 0:13:53.880 --> 0:13:55.240 I think so. And I think a lot of that 0:13:55.360 --> 0:13:57.720 just comes from the old stories that we tell ourselves. 0:13:57.840 --> 0:14:00.280 That I have a big chapter in the book that 0:14:00.400 --> 0:14:02.920 talks all about origin stories, because we all have one. 0:14:03.040 --> 0:14:06.120 These are the stories that you know, we're either told 0:14:06.160 --> 0:14:08.680 to us or the stories that we experienced in childhood 0:14:08.720 --> 0:14:10.760 that now shape the way that we see the world. 0:14:10.920 --> 0:14:13.560 It's it really it's like when you think about these glasses, 0:14:13.720 --> 0:14:16.079 like we put these glasses on and based off of 0:14:16.160 --> 0:14:18.880 the prescription, Like that's how we view the world, and 0:14:19.280 --> 0:14:21.880 we don't realize that we can take the glasses off, 0:14:22.040 --> 0:14:25.480 like you know, they're not nailed to our skull, Like 0:14:25.640 --> 0:14:28.760 we can take them off. But a lot of times 0:14:28.840 --> 0:14:32.680 there is this as exhausting as that story. Maybe even 0:14:32.760 --> 0:14:35.400 if you have even if you can't see it, you 0:14:35.520 --> 0:14:38.240 still know you're you're like, why is this not working? 0:14:38.360 --> 0:14:40.760 Why does this not fit? Why do I feel this way? 0:14:40.840 --> 0:14:43.640 This just doesn't feel aligned to me? And there's usually 0:14:43.720 --> 0:14:48.520 some some payoff to that belief, like does it validate 0:14:48.600 --> 0:14:51.200 a belief that you have, Like there's there's a belief 0:14:51.280 --> 0:14:54.040 that I had for a really long time that it 0:14:54.480 --> 0:14:56.520 you have in order to succeed, you have to suffer. 0:14:58.440 --> 0:15:01.160 Was a really big belief of my, Like it takes 0:15:01.200 --> 0:15:03.840 a lot of pain to have gain, and there must 0:15:03.880 --> 0:15:07.200 be a sacrifice if there's anything to be received. And 0:15:07.360 --> 0:15:10.040 so I would over complicate things. I would make things 0:15:10.120 --> 0:15:12.560 a lot more difficult than they had to be. I 0:15:12.600 --> 0:15:15.360 would add a lot of steps that didn't need to 0:15:15.440 --> 0:15:18.760 be there because I I believed and I didn't even 0:15:18.800 --> 0:15:20.840 realize that I was believing this. This was an origin 0:15:20.920 --> 0:15:24.040 story of mine, because you know, my upbringing. My parents 0:15:24.120 --> 0:15:26.160 didn't have a lot of money. They had to suffer 0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:29.640 to succeed, and so that's what was replicated back to me. 0:15:29.880 --> 0:15:32.240 And not even to succeed just to like, you know, 0:15:32.400 --> 0:15:34.240 hopefully pay the bills and put food on the table. 0:15:34.320 --> 0:15:37.480 There was just survival. And so when you come from 0:15:37.520 --> 0:15:40.960 that scarcity mindset, you start to believe those stories. And 0:15:41.040 --> 0:15:43.600 as we get older, if we're not aware of them, 0:15:44.200 --> 0:15:46.920 then it's just like they're on some kind of subconscious 0:15:46.960 --> 0:15:50.520 programming and we don't even realize that they're there. But 0:15:51.440 --> 0:15:53.720 you know, that's what those stories would tell me of 0:15:53.800 --> 0:15:55.600 like oh man, this is so challenging, or you know, 0:15:55.680 --> 0:15:57.960 I'm never going to meet this goal, or I'm never 0:15:58.040 --> 0:16:00.080 gonna you know, have the life that I want on 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:01.960 or for whatever it is for people, I'm never gonna 0:16:02.000 --> 0:16:03.320 lose the weight, I'm never going to get the guy, 0:16:03.320 --> 0:16:04.720 I'm never going to get the house, I'm never going 0:16:04.800 --> 0:16:07.080 to get the kids, like whatever that may be for somebody, 0:16:07.760 --> 0:16:10.480 and um, a lot of times it it just there's 0:16:10.520 --> 0:16:14.720 a belief system that you may be believing that that story, 0:16:14.800 --> 0:16:17.720 it keeps validating that which it allows us to stay 0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:22.040 in that helplessness state, right which happened to you, you know, 0:16:22.400 --> 0:16:24.440 the week of that your books coming out. You know, 0:16:24.520 --> 0:16:28.320 it's like what you've you've gone, You've done so much, 0:16:28.360 --> 0:16:30.840 you've achieved so much, but yet you still that belief 0:16:30.880 --> 0:16:33.320 system came back in you going. And that's where I 0:16:33.400 --> 0:16:35.960 think too or I've had a tough time because it's like, 0:16:36.920 --> 0:16:38.800 you know, I go to on site, I do all 0:16:38.840 --> 0:16:41.000 these things, I go to therapy, and then it's like 0:16:41.560 --> 0:16:43.600 I get I beat myself up when the messages come 0:16:43.640 --> 0:16:48.080 back because I'm like, oh, but then that's where, um, 0:16:48.520 --> 0:16:50.280 you know, that's where it's like to go back to 0:16:50.400 --> 0:16:52.560 what you know? Okay, what do you know? What's present moment? 0:16:52.840 --> 0:16:55.600 What is what is the truth? Because these messages from 0:16:55.720 --> 0:16:59.840 your origin are not they're not they're not they're lies, 0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:03.080 they're not the truth. And then something another quote that 0:17:03.120 --> 0:17:04.840 someone said to me at one point is who were 0:17:04.880 --> 0:17:08.800 you before the world told you any different? Mm hmm. Well, 0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:11.520 and that really goes back to the worthiness, you know, 0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:13.440 and I talk a lot about that. There's a whole 0:17:13.520 --> 0:17:18.200 chapter on worthiness, because if you don't really believe in 0:17:18.359 --> 0:17:22.920 your own worthiness to receive whatever it is in life 0:17:23.200 --> 0:17:31.240 just because you're you and nothing more, then you can't 0:17:31.480 --> 0:17:33.720 be able, you can't even begin to get what you want. 0:17:34.960 --> 0:17:36.760 Is that? I think the first step then is finding 0:17:36.800 --> 0:17:41.280 your worth. Yeah, And I think awareness and acceptance and 0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:45.199 action helps you do that and not not putting your 0:17:45.240 --> 0:17:49.239 worthiness on someone else. It's not. Your worthiness should never 0:17:49.280 --> 0:17:52.200 be contingent on somebody else deeming you as worthy or 0:17:52.359 --> 0:17:55.520 loving you or giving you something. The worthiness has to 0:17:55.600 --> 0:17:59.080 come from within, and I believe that really it comes 0:17:59.200 --> 0:18:02.280 from this trust and faith in something greater than yourself. 0:18:02.920 --> 0:18:06.879 And people have got to believe in something greater than themselves. 0:18:07.680 --> 0:18:09.560 I think it's it's a lack of that faith and 0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:12.639 a lack of that belief that keep us, you know, 0:18:12.760 --> 0:18:15.560 in this perpetual state of worthlessness. Because it's like, well, 0:18:15.640 --> 0:18:20.920 what's the point that is so true and key to 0:18:21.440 --> 0:18:23.440 I mean, I know so many people can relate to 0:18:23.480 --> 0:18:27.000 that because I've always put my worth who I am, 0:18:27.800 --> 0:18:31.200 who like, if I'm good enough? On what my relationship 0:18:31.240 --> 0:18:34.560 sat us looks like that Always I was always letting 0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:36.960 a man define my worth. And it's like now since 0:18:37.000 --> 0:18:40.000 I've learned and done a lot of freaking work to 0:18:40.320 --> 0:18:43.440 kind of reshape that. But again, it's it's it's easy 0:18:43.520 --> 0:18:46.680 to fall back into and then also going okay, no, 0:18:47.840 --> 0:18:51.800 that is to to you know, love yourself, find your 0:18:51.840 --> 0:18:57.040 own worth on your own journey is a beautiful thing. Yeah. 0:18:57.080 --> 0:18:59.680 And keeping it simple, I mean that's the thing. Simple 0:19:00.040 --> 0:19:02.640 lee is so significant, and most of us we don't 0:19:02.720 --> 0:19:06.520 like simplicity. You know, when when when somebody may even 0:19:06.560 --> 0:19:08.800 give us an answer that's simple, it's like, well, this 0:19:08.920 --> 0:19:12.600 can't be right, you know, like it's it's not complicated enough. 0:19:13.600 --> 0:19:15.520 I need way more information and way more chaos and 0:19:15.560 --> 0:19:17.320 way more stats and wayh more charts and way much 0:19:17.480 --> 0:19:20.160 way more drama and way more and way more answers 0:19:20.480 --> 0:19:23.080 and a whole lot more pain for me to accept it. 0:19:23.640 --> 0:19:26.600 It can't be simple, and so what would it look 0:19:26.640 --> 0:19:30.240 like if if it could just be easier? But you 0:19:30.359 --> 0:19:32.359 have to want that, you know, you have to you 0:19:32.480 --> 0:19:34.520 have to be willing. There's a great quote by Liz 0:19:34.600 --> 0:19:38.240 Gilbert that says, um, I'm going to kind of botch it, 0:19:38.359 --> 0:19:40.600 but she's like, you know, I've never seen a life 0:19:41.200 --> 0:19:44.119 transform until somebody got so sick and tired of their 0:19:44.160 --> 0:19:48.360 own bs. Like, you really have to get so sick 0:19:48.400 --> 0:19:50.800 and tired of being so sick and tired, and you 0:19:50.880 --> 0:19:54.639 know it's and that's just different for different people. But 0:19:54.720 --> 0:19:57.080 I think that's why I think rock bottoms are so amazing, 0:19:57.760 --> 0:20:01.280 because it's like, Okay, here I am, Now where am 0:20:01.280 --> 0:20:03.440 I going to go? You just have to remember to 0:20:03.560 --> 0:20:06.240 go easy on yourself in the process. Yeah, I think 0:20:06.320 --> 0:20:09.080 that's that's the biggest piece right there, because I'm you know, 0:20:09.160 --> 0:20:11.600 coming and I still haven't spoke about my on site 0:20:11.720 --> 0:20:14.280 on site journey yet, but you know, kind of hitting 0:20:14.359 --> 0:20:18.479 that like I have got to change this belief system 0:20:18.920 --> 0:20:22.760 and let some of these things go. And um, I 0:20:22.800 --> 0:20:25.440 think it's really hard when you start to like it 0:20:25.560 --> 0:20:28.399 starts to come back up again, and the devil starts 0:20:28.440 --> 0:20:31.520 to to to speak up louder when he's like, oh 0:20:31.840 --> 0:20:34.320 you're you're you're on your path the healing. Let me 0:20:34.400 --> 0:20:36.560 just kind of like hit you with a hammer. And 0:20:36.680 --> 0:20:38.639 that's where I was having a discussion with someone a 0:20:38.720 --> 0:20:42.560 few weeks ago, and they were asking me about God 0:20:42.680 --> 0:20:45.320 and my faith journey. And you know why I chose 0:20:45.560 --> 0:20:50.440 to because they weren't. They didn't share the exact same 0:20:50.480 --> 0:20:53.840 belief system. And for me, I was like, at some 0:20:54.000 --> 0:20:58.680 point in my healing journey, like I physically could not 0:20:58.840 --> 0:21:01.280 do it. Alone, like you have to ask someone to 0:21:01.560 --> 0:21:04.159 It's like, you know, I've asked Queendom enough times and 0:21:04.200 --> 0:21:06.160 when I'm alone in my bed, you guys are done 0:21:06.280 --> 0:21:13.399 here and me like, you know, complain exactly. And you know, Julie, 0:21:13.440 --> 0:21:15.280 you'll give me the you know, I just wrote about 0:21:15.320 --> 0:21:17.719 you in something that I'm working on. You know how 0:21:18.680 --> 0:21:21.120 you you gave me like the perfect thing. But yet 0:21:21.480 --> 0:21:24.800 and yet I still was like feeling that like hopelessness. 0:21:26.440 --> 0:21:28.600 You got to look up. It's kind of how I 0:21:28.760 --> 0:21:31.560 need something to help carry because I can't carry it 0:21:31.640 --> 0:21:34.200 in church their day like it's we're not meant to 0:21:34.280 --> 0:21:37.000 carry it all by ourselves. And so how great is 0:21:37.040 --> 0:21:41.600 it that we can allow to give ourselves and take 0:21:41.680 --> 0:21:46.000 that off and hand it and say, help me carry this. Yeah, yeah, 0:21:46.040 --> 0:21:48.879 I think it's so easy for people to you know, 0:21:49.000 --> 0:21:51.159 we we love to talk about the challenge and the 0:21:51.280 --> 0:21:54.040 pains and the struggles and the chaos, but never what's 0:21:54.080 --> 0:21:57.960 actually available to us. I could just listen to her 0:21:58.000 --> 0:22:00.920 all day long. I'm like, yeah, that's right. And I 0:22:01.040 --> 0:22:02.520