1 00:00:01,880 --> 00:00:05,359 Speaker 1: Wine Down with Jane Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast. 2 00:00:06,559 --> 00:00:08,680 Speaker 1: All right, so we're just gonna get right into this 3 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:13,640 Speaker 1: podcast today because we have uh one, this is where 4 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:16,480 Speaker 1: I like, this is the math part of how many 5 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:21,480 Speaker 1: queendoms are there? That's right, I gotta get me Julie 6 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:27,600 Speaker 1: Sarah person so one six one six at the Queendom 7 00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:30,080 Speaker 1: is going to be on the show today. Julie Solomon. 8 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:31,800 Speaker 1: She's got a book out right now called Get what 9 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:35,960 Speaker 1: she Wants, and she is our what I called her 10 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,640 Speaker 1: I was, I was writing something to their day. I 11 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:41,080 Speaker 1: was like, she's our like spiritual guru slash just like 12 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:43,839 Speaker 1: boss babe, get what you want. Like any time I 13 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:48,560 Speaker 1: ever have something, it's like, I wonder what Julie would say. UM, 14 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:49,760 Speaker 1: and I know she's in the waiting room, and I 15 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,320 Speaker 1: don't want that girl the way any longer. So let's 16 00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:56,720 Speaker 1: get her on. We are so excited to have author. 17 00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:59,840 Speaker 1: I can now say author. As part of the year 18 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:05,240 Speaker 1: title author um podcaster hosted the top rated The Influencer 19 00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:08,880 Speaker 1: podcast and among many other things, UM Julie Solomon on 20 00:01:08,959 --> 00:01:12,360 Speaker 1: Wine Down. She's got a book. It's called Get what 21 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:16,360 Speaker 1: you Want. How to go from unseen to unstoppable. Julie, 22 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:20,600 Speaker 1: Welcome to wind Down. Thanks ladies, thank you for having me. 23 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:24,880 Speaker 1: Um Julie. For those that are new listeners, Julie is 24 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:30,080 Speaker 1: part of Queendom, which you know is Catherine, Pamela and Kristen, 25 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:34,000 Speaker 1: Julie and Sarah. But she's she doesn't does like the 26 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,720 Speaker 1: group text Mestice, we have to take Sarah Bryce off 27 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:41,320 Speaker 1: those ones. Um, but Julie, how many years have we 28 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:46,280 Speaker 1: been friends? Now? Let's see at least five? At least yeah, 29 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:50,520 Speaker 1: five years longer than that. Yeah, man, Camden's nine. I 30 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:58,200 Speaker 1: mean Julie Jolie was six months old. Wow, it's crazy. Yeah, 31 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:00,920 Speaker 1: but I've known her since like middle school, so, which 32 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:05,120 Speaker 1: is just even crazier. Small world because I remember I 33 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,120 Speaker 1: don't remember do we got to middle school together or 34 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:09,919 Speaker 1: high school? Always forget high school? High school? Just kidding, well, 35 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:15,679 Speaker 1: middle school sounds better, say saying great. Yeah, she was 36 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:18,919 Speaker 1: a year above me. But we were cheerleaders to get 37 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:22,799 Speaker 1: we cheered together. Don't don't even say it, cheerleader. I 38 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:28,680 Speaker 1: love cheerleaders. It's fine. Her face was like, I love cheerleader. 39 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:32,440 Speaker 1: Cheerleaders are awesome. They cheer on the crowd. I just 40 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:36,440 Speaker 1: had bad egg mean to you. Yes, and I tried 41 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:39,080 Speaker 1: out and I didn't make it. You're better. That's also 42 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,600 Speaker 1: that's not true. My mom wouldn't let me try out 43 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:46,080 Speaker 1: because of skating. That's actually that was Yeah, that's way 44 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:47,880 Speaker 1: cooler though to be a nice skater anyway. And so 45 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:52,600 Speaker 1: the truth is I always wanted to try out. Um 46 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,120 Speaker 1: that was volleyball. I tried out for volleyball, and I 47 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:59,000 Speaker 1: played middle school and then high school. I got what happens. 48 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,200 Speaker 1: Yeah it sucked, but I'm sorry, back to back to 49 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:05,080 Speaker 1: getting what you want. Um. One of the cool coolest 50 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:10,040 Speaker 1: things about Julie is, um, she was my one of 51 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,359 Speaker 1: my friends who when I was, you know, going through 52 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:18,480 Speaker 1: stuff with my ex Um. The way that you the 53 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,919 Speaker 1: way that you are with life, how you speak, how 54 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:28,200 Speaker 1: you just embody your everything. Um, you have such a 55 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:34,200 Speaker 1: way of seeing other sides. You have an innate ability 56 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:40,760 Speaker 1: to have grace for people. And it's so I often go, 57 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:43,680 Speaker 1: what would Julie do in this moment because there's so 58 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:46,160 Speaker 1: many times where it's like, you know, when I was 59 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:48,560 Speaker 1: going through hard times, we were sitting by a pool 60 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:50,520 Speaker 1: and She's like, it's like the ripples in the water. 61 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:57,440 Speaker 1: You know this too, shelf has. But you know, is 62 00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:01,680 Speaker 1: that a part of getting what you want? Having that mindset? 63 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:07,680 Speaker 1: Is that how you from seeing like everything that you've 64 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:12,120 Speaker 1: done and to help people grow their businesses. Is having 65 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:17,160 Speaker 1: that kind of open mindset part of the process to 66 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:20,600 Speaker 1: getting what you want? Yeah, I mean that's a great question. 67 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:25,120 Speaker 1: From my experience, it is because all of that that 68 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:28,920 Speaker 1: you just said it requires an extreme amount of self awareness, 69 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:30,720 Speaker 1: and I don't think that you can get what you 70 00:04:30,839 --> 00:04:37,200 Speaker 1: want without self awareness. That's a good point, so speak 71 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:41,320 Speaker 1: to the self awareness part. Yeah. So and with that 72 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,680 Speaker 1: idea when you were talking about the grace, it's like, 73 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:48,239 Speaker 1: I don't know if that's in that moment, you know, great, 74 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:50,400 Speaker 1: like there's a strength and there there can be a 75 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:52,400 Speaker 1: weakness to that. You know, there has to be like 76 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:58,920 Speaker 1: boundaries and making sure that you're not um enabling behaviors 77 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:03,440 Speaker 1: that aren't good for you or for your life. Um, 78 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:09,040 Speaker 1: and you can still choose to be compassionate at the 79 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:12,920 Speaker 1: same time. So I think that that's important because there's 80 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:15,600 Speaker 1: been times in my past where I would enable behavior 81 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 1: just because you know, of my own limitations of what 82 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,920 Speaker 1: I could see. So I just I think that's a 83 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:25,920 Speaker 1: good distinction because sometimes it's like you can I don't 84 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,640 Speaker 1: know if it's true that you can give too much grace, 85 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:30,720 Speaker 1: but I do think there's a line between having compassion 86 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:35,720 Speaker 1: and holding space and then potentially enabling a toxic or 87 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:40,200 Speaker 1: bad pattern. And only you would not you, but just people. 88 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:42,360 Speaker 1: Only people are really going to know what that is 89 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:46,600 Speaker 1: for them, which can lead to awareness. Um And there's 90 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:49,240 Speaker 1: actually three a's. The first one is awareness, so we 91 00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:51,280 Speaker 1: can talk about that. I think that with getting what 92 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:54,280 Speaker 1: you want, you have to become aware. And awareness is 93 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:58,160 Speaker 1: just simply an identification that there's some kind of dysfunction 94 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:01,280 Speaker 1: or problem in your life life that exists that it 95 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:05,440 Speaker 1: needs to change. And so it could be something really extreme, 96 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:10,640 Speaker 1: like you know, a dysfunctional relationship, or maybe you have, 97 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:13,640 Speaker 1: you know, an issue with food, or an issue with drinking, 98 00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:16,800 Speaker 1: or an issue with spending money, you know, whatever that 99 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:19,000 Speaker 1: may be. It could be a dysfunction that severe, or 100 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:22,680 Speaker 1: it could just be you know, something as little as 101 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,440 Speaker 1: you know. I keep sleeping in until twelve o'clock every 102 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:27,640 Speaker 1: day and it's not allowing me to get up early 103 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,920 Speaker 1: and get what I want and stay organized and stay 104 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:31,960 Speaker 1: on task. And so I need to be aware that 105 00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:34,920 Speaker 1: that needs to change. So that's the first step, I think. 106 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:39,800 Speaker 1: Um the second one is acceptance, which is the most 107 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:43,320 Speaker 1: uncomfortable place that no one wants to be in, because 108 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:45,680 Speaker 1: that's when I think you have to come to grips 109 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:49,400 Speaker 1: with this problem that's in my life that I'm now 110 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:52,200 Speaker 1: aware of. It's not all of me. It doesn't define 111 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:55,920 Speaker 1: who I am, and it doesn't define my pure existence, 112 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,680 Speaker 1: but it is a part of me, and it begins 113 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,920 Speaker 1: with me, and now with acceptance, I can choose to 114 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:04,280 Speaker 1: allow it to end with me if it no longer 115 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:06,080 Speaker 1: fits in my life. It's like one piece to this 116 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:09,200 Speaker 1: puzzle in my life that no longer fits. It needs 117 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:12,560 Speaker 1: to be removed, and it is my responsibility to remove it. 118 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:16,680 Speaker 1: It is not his hers there's it's my responsibility. And 119 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:19,400 Speaker 1: I think that's why acceptance is so challenging for so 120 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,320 Speaker 1: many of us, because this is where we have to 121 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:26,520 Speaker 1: take accountability for our own lives and for the results 122 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,040 Speaker 1: that we're seeing in our lives, and for our part 123 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:33,080 Speaker 1: to play and things that happen in our lives, not 124 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,400 Speaker 1: necessarily things that happened to us, because we can be 125 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:40,440 Speaker 1: victims of you know, external circumstances. But then how we 126 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:43,200 Speaker 1: respond to react to those is our part to play, 127 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:47,160 Speaker 1: and that's hard for people. Acceptance is really hard because 128 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:50,080 Speaker 1: it's much easier to not stay in acceptance. It's much 129 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:53,400 Speaker 1: easier to blame other people for not being able to 130 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,680 Speaker 1: get what you want in life. So it's that's the 131 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:58,480 Speaker 1: that's the hardest one, sure, because I mean I feel 132 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:02,680 Speaker 1: like a lot of times people like, oh, well this 133 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:07,320 Speaker 1: person um this happener, and so I couldn't get that 134 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:11,320 Speaker 1: big promotion because this person said this about me. Or 135 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:14,240 Speaker 1: instead of going, okay, where where's the part that I 136 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:17,720 Speaker 1: could have maybe played in? Or I think that's that's 137 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:20,720 Speaker 1: a really interesting thing because I've definitely have done that 138 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:27,640 Speaker 1: in my life. Or I've maybe blamed uh radio people 139 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:29,520 Speaker 1: that were working my single at radio or something like 140 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,200 Speaker 1: oh they didn't work hard enough, and it's like, well 141 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,319 Speaker 1: maybe the song wasn't good enough. I don't know, you know, 142 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:39,040 Speaker 1: like maybe yeah, yeah, Or it's really acceptance. What acceptance 143 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:41,719 Speaker 1: does is that when we're not in acceptance of the 144 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:45,040 Speaker 1: reality of the situation, we're very frozen and it's like 145 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 1: we can't move. And what acceptance does is it thaws 146 00:08:47,559 --> 00:08:50,079 Speaker 1: us out and it allows us to start thinking and 147 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,400 Speaker 1: feeling and seeing from a new perspective and shift. But 148 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,959 Speaker 1: you have to want to do that, and I think 149 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,679 Speaker 1: a lot of times there's a payoff and not wanting 150 00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:01,240 Speaker 1: to do that because you know, if if I don't 151 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:04,680 Speaker 1: want to see the acceptance, then the solution is out there, 152 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,920 Speaker 1: it's not within me, so I can't help myself. So 153 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:11,319 Speaker 1: I can just stay in this state of helplessness and 154 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,719 Speaker 1: the poor means and all of the places that we 155 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:15,800 Speaker 1: can go to and it's like, well, of course I 156 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:17,880 Speaker 1: can't get what I want because X Y and Z, 157 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:19,840 Speaker 1: And of course I can't get what I want because 158 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:21,520 Speaker 1: this happened to me, And of course I can't get 159 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,400 Speaker 1: what I want. Or of course you know, she can 160 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,280 Speaker 1: get what she wants because of X, Y and Z, 161 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:27,480 Speaker 1: but I can't get what I want, And so it 162 00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:31,679 Speaker 1: keeps us in this perpetual state of like this learned helplessness, 163 00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:35,360 Speaker 1: that the answer is out there, and since it's out 164 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:39,600 Speaker 1: there and we can't somehow get it, then nothing can change. 165 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,040 Speaker 1: So that's also part of like in a relationship, that 166 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:44,760 Speaker 1: self fulding, like oh, of course they left me because 167 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:47,880 Speaker 1: I'm X Y and Z exactly, Yeah, poor me, poor me, 168 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:51,400 Speaker 1: poor me, for me and I think that it's it's 169 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,839 Speaker 1: so common. It's not like we are like, Okay, I've 170 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:57,400 Speaker 1: learned acceptance. Now everything's right, Like it's a day to 171 00:09:57,520 --> 00:10:01,040 Speaker 1: day practice. I mean even yesterday, um or no Monday, 172 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,400 Speaker 1: I'm like, what day is it? Um? I was having 173 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:05,319 Speaker 1: one of those poor me's, you know, and I was like, 174 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:07,439 Speaker 1: my ego was getting the best of me, and it's like, 175 00:10:07,559 --> 00:10:09,880 Speaker 1: I'm not doing enough. I'm not enough that dad never 176 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,400 Speaker 1: nothing ever works out for me. And I just started 177 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,800 Speaker 1: laughing because I had this moment of awareness of like, oh, 178 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:17,680 Speaker 1: I'm choosing to think these thoughts. And I was texting 179 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:20,760 Speaker 1: my girlfriend Susie, and I was like, poor poor Julie, Susie, 180 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:22,640 Speaker 1: like poor me. And then I was just able to 181 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:25,559 Speaker 1: laugh about it and like move on with my life 182 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:29,480 Speaker 1: of you know, what's what's really happening here? So you know, 183 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:33,320 Speaker 1: for those who we can't always control what happens to us, 184 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,640 Speaker 1: but we we always can control how we respond or 185 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:39,040 Speaker 1: react to it, and that's where the acceptance can come in. 186 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:45,439 Speaker 1: I love that piece. I love that. Yeah. The third 187 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:48,920 Speaker 1: day is action, which I love action. That's just the 188 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,240 Speaker 1: plan that we get to put in place to start 189 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,800 Speaker 1: to implement some of the things that might have been 190 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,800 Speaker 1: lost because of that dysfunction or problems. So these are 191 00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:59,920 Speaker 1: things where, you know, when we start taking action, when 192 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:02,600 Speaker 1: we start to be able to get confidence and self 193 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:06,000 Speaker 1: esteem and more balance in our lives and peace and 194 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:08,760 Speaker 1: joy and serenity and all of the things that we want. 195 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:14,000 Speaker 1: But if we're not in that state of action, we 196 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 1: we can't even see that that's possible. And so really, 197 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:18,520 Speaker 1: when it comes to getting what you want, you have 198 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:21,280 Speaker 1: to ask yourself a lot of times, like do I 199 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:22,920 Speaker 1: want to be right? Or do I want to be happy? 200 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:26,000 Speaker 1: That's a really simple question that people can ask themselves, 201 00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:29,800 Speaker 1: or like would I rather live in an environment? And 202 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 1: this could be your own environment, like your own thoughts 203 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:36,120 Speaker 1: that you're choosing to think, like your own internal dialogue, 204 00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:40,120 Speaker 1: your own environment that's filled with anxiety and chaos and 205 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:45,480 Speaker 1: you know, extreme behavior and just you know, overwhelm and frustration, 206 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:49,280 Speaker 1: or do you want to have peace and serenity and 207 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:53,880 Speaker 1: just like ah, that's fun, you know, And so you 208 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:55,960 Speaker 1: we all have to be able to make that decision 209 00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:58,200 Speaker 1: for ourselves to be able to get what we want. 210 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:01,520 Speaker 1: And you know, the three a's is really helpful in 211 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,599 Speaker 1: that and then also, you know, people say to me 212 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,079 Speaker 1: all the time they're like, well, Julia, I can't get 213 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:07,040 Speaker 1: what I want because I don't know what I want. 214 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,679 Speaker 1: And it's like, well, yeah, you do because you know 215 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:13,840 Speaker 1: what you don't want. Yeah, that's all stuff one right there? Right? 216 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:17,160 Speaker 1: What do you know? Always a clear indication? You know, 217 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:18,839 Speaker 1: It's like, if you know that you don't want to 218 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:21,679 Speaker 1: be living pay check to paycheck, what is that telling you? 219 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,679 Speaker 1: If you know that you don't want to be in 220 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:26,800 Speaker 1: this relationship anymore, what is that telling you? If you 221 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,760 Speaker 1: know that you don't want to keep telling yourself that 222 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:31,199 Speaker 1: in order to go out and have a good time 223 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:32,800 Speaker 1: you have to drink every single time you do it, 224 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:36,000 Speaker 1: then what is that telling you? So? And again, like 225 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:39,199 Speaker 1: that's where the three a's can then come in for 226 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:42,160 Speaker 1: that too. But the acceptance of that can be really 227 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:45,240 Speaker 1: hard for people. It's really hard to accept when you 228 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,760 Speaker 1: know that you no longer need to be in a relationship, 229 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,440 Speaker 1: and like that's like with my first marriage, it's like, oh, 230 00:12:50,559 --> 00:12:53,319 Speaker 1: like I know this, and like once you know it, 231 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,959 Speaker 1: you can't un know it. And now I have to 232 00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:57,800 Speaker 1: do something about it, and I really don't want to 233 00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:00,880 Speaker 1: do something about it because like like this is just 234 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:07,040 Speaker 1: going to be so painful, but you know it's it's interesting. 235 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,120 Speaker 1: It's like if you don't do something about it, then 236 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:10,960 Speaker 1: the world kind of has a funny way of doing 237 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:27,920 Speaker 1: it for you eventually. That is very true. I definitely 238 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:30,439 Speaker 1: think people get stuck in that acceptance. I know that 239 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:33,920 Speaker 1: I for sure have. But also sometimes for me, at 240 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,679 Speaker 1: least relationship, I get blinded, even in the awareness part 241 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:41,079 Speaker 1: of it, because I'm just I want what I want, 242 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:42,880 Speaker 1: but it's never the thing that's right in front of me. 243 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,959 Speaker 1: So like I'm almost like blinded. Does that make sense, 244 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:49,400 Speaker 1: like where I feel like I'm blinded by um, what 245 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:53,280 Speaker 1: I make up rather than what's right in front of me. Yeah, 246 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:55,240 Speaker 1: I think so. And I think a lot of that 247 00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:57,720 Speaker 1: just comes from the old stories that we tell ourselves. 248 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,280 Speaker 1: That I have a big chapter in the book that 249 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:02,920 Speaker 1: talks all about origin stories, because we all have one. 250 00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:06,120 Speaker 1: These are the stories that you know, we're either told 251 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:08,680 Speaker 1: to us or the stories that we experienced in childhood 252 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:10,760 Speaker 1: that now shape the way that we see the world. 253 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:13,560 Speaker 1: It's it really it's like when you think about these glasses, 254 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,079 Speaker 1: like we put these glasses on and based off of 255 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:18,880 Speaker 1: the prescription, Like that's how we view the world, and 256 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:21,880 Speaker 1: we don't realize that we can take the glasses off, 257 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:25,480 Speaker 1: like you know, they're not nailed to our skull, Like 258 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:28,760 Speaker 1: we can take them off. But a lot of times 259 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:32,680 Speaker 1: there is this as exhausting as that story. Maybe even 260 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:35,400 Speaker 1: if you have even if you can't see it, you 261 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:38,240 Speaker 1: still know you're you're like, why is this not working? 262 00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:40,760 Speaker 1: Why does this not fit? Why do I feel this way? 263 00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:43,640 Speaker 1: This just doesn't feel aligned to me? And there's usually 264 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:48,520 Speaker 1: some some payoff to that belief, like does it validate 265 00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:51,200 Speaker 1: a belief that you have, Like there's there's a belief 266 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:54,040 Speaker 1: that I had for a really long time that it 267 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:56,520 Speaker 1: you have in order to succeed, you have to suffer. 268 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,160 Speaker 1: Was a really big belief of my, Like it takes 269 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,840 Speaker 1: a lot of pain to have gain, and there must 270 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:07,200 Speaker 1: be a sacrifice if there's anything to be received. And 271 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:10,040 Speaker 1: so I would over complicate things. I would make things 272 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,560 Speaker 1: a lot more difficult than they had to be. I 273 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,360 Speaker 1: would add a lot of steps that didn't need to 274 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:18,760 Speaker 1: be there because I I believed and I didn't even 275 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,840 Speaker 1: realize that I was believing this. This was an origin 276 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:24,040 Speaker 1: story of mine, because you know, my upbringing. My parents 277 00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,160 Speaker 1: didn't have a lot of money. They had to suffer 278 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:29,640 Speaker 1: to succeed, and so that's what was replicated back to me. 279 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:32,240 Speaker 1: And not even to succeed just to like, you know, 280 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,240 Speaker 1: hopefully pay the bills and put food on the table. 281 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:37,480 Speaker 1: There was just survival. And so when you come from 282 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:40,960 Speaker 1: that scarcity mindset, you start to believe those stories. And 283 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,600 Speaker 1: as we get older, if we're not aware of them, 284 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,920 Speaker 1: then it's just like they're on some kind of subconscious 285 00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:50,520 Speaker 1: programming and we don't even realize that they're there. But 286 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:53,720 Speaker 1: you know, that's what those stories would tell me of 287 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:55,600 Speaker 1: like oh man, this is so challenging, or you know, 288 00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:57,960 Speaker 1: I'm never going to meet this goal, or I'm never 289 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,080 Speaker 1: gonna you know, have the life that I want on 290 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:01,960 Speaker 1: or for whatever it is for people, I'm never gonna 291 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,320 Speaker 1: lose the weight, I'm never going to get the guy, 292 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:04,720 Speaker 1: I'm never going to get the house, I'm never going 293 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,080 Speaker 1: to get the kids, like whatever that may be for somebody, 294 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:10,480 Speaker 1: and um, a lot of times it it just there's 295 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:14,720 Speaker 1: a belief system that you may be believing that that story, 296 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,720 Speaker 1: it keeps validating that which it allows us to stay 297 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:22,040 Speaker 1: in that helplessness state, right which happened to you, you know, 298 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,440 Speaker 1: the week of that your books coming out. You know, 299 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:28,320 Speaker 1: it's like what you've you've gone, You've done so much, 300 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:30,840 Speaker 1: you've achieved so much, but yet you still that belief 301 00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:33,320 Speaker 1: system came back in you going. And that's where I 302 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:35,960 Speaker 1: think too or I've had a tough time because it's like, 303 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:38,800 Speaker 1: you know, I go to on site, I do all 304 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:41,000 Speaker 1: these things, I go to therapy, and then it's like 305 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:43,600 Speaker 1: I get I beat myself up when the messages come 306 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:48,080 Speaker 1: back because I'm like, oh, but then that's where, um, 307 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,280 Speaker 1: you know, that's where it's like to go back to 308 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,560 Speaker 1: what you know? Okay, what do you know? What's present moment? 309 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,600 Speaker 1: What is what is the truth? Because these messages from 310 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:59,840 Speaker 1: your origin are not they're not they're not they're lies, 311 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,080 Speaker 1: they're not the truth. And then something another quote that 312 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:04,840 Speaker 1: someone said to me at one point is who were 313 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:08,800 Speaker 1: you before the world told you any different? Mm hmm. Well, 314 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:11,520 Speaker 1: and that really goes back to the worthiness, you know, 315 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:13,440 Speaker 1: and I talk a lot about that. There's a whole 316 00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:18,200 Speaker 1: chapter on worthiness, because if you don't really believe in 317 00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:22,920 Speaker 1: your own worthiness to receive whatever it is in life 318 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:31,240 Speaker 1: just because you're you and nothing more, then you can't 319 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:33,720 Speaker 1: be able, you can't even begin to get what you want. 320 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:36,760 Speaker 1: Is that? I think the first step then is finding 321 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:41,280 Speaker 1: your worth. Yeah, And I think awareness and acceptance and 322 00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:45,199 Speaker 1: action helps you do that and not not putting your 323 00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:49,239 Speaker 1: worthiness on someone else. It's not. Your worthiness should never 324 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:52,200 Speaker 1: be contingent on somebody else deeming you as worthy or 325 00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:55,520 Speaker 1: loving you or giving you something. The worthiness has to 326 00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:59,080 Speaker 1: come from within, and I believe that really it comes 327 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,280 Speaker 1: from this trust and faith in something greater than yourself. 328 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:06,879 Speaker 1: And people have got to believe in something greater than themselves. 329 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:09,560 Speaker 1: I think it's it's a lack of that faith and 330 00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,639 Speaker 1: a lack of that belief that keep us, you know, 331 00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:15,560 Speaker 1: in this perpetual state of worthlessness. Because it's like, well, 332 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:20,920 Speaker 1: what's the point that is so true and key to 333 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:23,440 Speaker 1: I mean, I know so many people can relate to 334 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:27,000 Speaker 1: that because I've always put my worth who I am, 335 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:31,200 Speaker 1: who like, if I'm good enough? On what my relationship 336 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,560 Speaker 1: sat us looks like that Always I was always letting 337 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:36,960 Speaker 1: a man define my worth. And it's like now since 338 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:40,000 Speaker 1: I've learned and done a lot of freaking work to 339 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,440 Speaker 1: kind of reshape that. But again, it's it's it's easy 340 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:46,680 Speaker 1: to fall back into and then also going okay, no, 341 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:51,800 Speaker 1: that is to to you know, love yourself, find your 342 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:57,040 Speaker 1: own worth on your own journey is a beautiful thing. Yeah. 343 00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:59,680 Speaker 1: And keeping it simple, I mean that's the thing. Simple 344 00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,640 Speaker 1: lee is so significant, and most of us we don't 345 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:06,520 Speaker 1: like simplicity. You know, when when when somebody may even 346 00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:08,800 Speaker 1: give us an answer that's simple, it's like, well, this 347 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:12,600 Speaker 1: can't be right, you know, like it's it's not complicated enough. 348 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,520 Speaker 1: I need way more information and way more chaos and 349 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:17,320 Speaker 1: way more stats and wayh more charts and way much 350 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:20,160 Speaker 1: way more drama and way more and way more answers 351 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:23,080 Speaker 1: and a whole lot more pain for me to accept it. 352 00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:26,600 Speaker 1: It can't be simple, and so what would it look 353 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:30,240 Speaker 1: like if if it could just be easier? But you 354 00:19:30,359 --> 00:19:32,359 Speaker 1: have to want that, you know, you have to you 355 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:34,520 Speaker 1: have to be willing. There's a great quote by Liz 356 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:38,240 Speaker 1: Gilbert that says, um, I'm going to kind of botch it, 357 00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:40,600 Speaker 1: but she's like, you know, I've never seen a life 358 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:44,119 Speaker 1: transform until somebody got so sick and tired of their 359 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:48,360 Speaker 1: own bs. Like, you really have to get so sick 360 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,800 Speaker 1: and tired of being so sick and tired, and you 361 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:54,639 Speaker 1: know it's and that's just different for different people. But 362 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,080 Speaker 1: I think that's why I think rock bottoms are so amazing, 363 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:01,280 Speaker 1: because it's like, Okay, here I am, Now where am 364 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:03,440 Speaker 1: I going to go? You just have to remember to 365 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:06,240 Speaker 1: go easy on yourself in the process. Yeah, I think 366 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:09,080 Speaker 1: that's that's the biggest piece right there, because I'm you know, 367 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,600 Speaker 1: coming and I still haven't spoke about my on site 368 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:14,280 Speaker 1: on site journey yet, but you know, kind of hitting 369 00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:18,479 Speaker 1: that like I have got to change this belief system 370 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:22,760 Speaker 1: and let some of these things go. And um, I 371 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,440 Speaker 1: think it's really hard when you start to like it 372 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,399 Speaker 1: starts to come back up again, and the devil starts 373 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,520 Speaker 1: to to to speak up louder when he's like, oh 374 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,320 Speaker 1: you're you're you're on your path the healing. Let me 375 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,560 Speaker 1: just kind of like hit you with a hammer. And 376 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,639 Speaker 1: that's where I was having a discussion with someone a 377 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:42,560 Speaker 1: few weeks ago, and they were asking me about God 378 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:45,320 Speaker 1: and my faith journey. And you know why I chose 379 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:50,440 Speaker 1: to because they weren't. They didn't share the exact same 380 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:53,840 Speaker 1: belief system. And for me, I was like, at some 381 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:58,680 Speaker 1: point in my healing journey, like I physically could not 382 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,280 Speaker 1: do it. Alone, like you have to ask someone to 383 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,159 Speaker 1: It's like, you know, I've asked Queendom enough times and 384 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,160 Speaker 1: when I'm alone in my bed, you guys are done 385 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:13,399 Speaker 1: here and me like, you know, complain exactly. And you know, Julie, 386 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,280 Speaker 1: you'll give me the you know, I just wrote about 387 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:17,719 Speaker 1: you in something that I'm working on. You know how 388 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:21,120 Speaker 1: you you gave me like the perfect thing. But yet 389 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:24,800 Speaker 1: and yet I still was like feeling that like hopelessness. 390 00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:28,600 Speaker 1: You got to look up. It's kind of how I 391 00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:31,560 Speaker 1: need something to help carry because I can't carry it 392 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,200 Speaker 1: in church their day like it's we're not meant to 393 00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:37,000 Speaker 1: carry it all by ourselves. And so how great is 394 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:41,600 Speaker 1: it that we can allow to give ourselves and take 395 00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:46,000 Speaker 1: that off and hand it and say, help me carry this. Yeah, yeah, 396 00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:48,879 Speaker 1: I think it's so easy for people to you know, 397 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,159 Speaker 1: we we love to talk about the challenge and the 398 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:54,040 Speaker 1: pains and the struggles and the chaos, but never what's 399 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:57,960 Speaker 1: actually available to us. I could just listen to her 400 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,920 Speaker 1: all day long. I'm like, yeah, that's right. And I 401 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:02,520 Speaker 1: was thinking what you just said to I'm like, it's 402 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:04,440 Speaker 1: like the boat someone said, I'm waiting for God to 403 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:07,200 Speaker 1: save me. And because they're stuck in a flood. God 404 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:09,440 Speaker 1: sent you a boat. There's a boat right there. Jump 405 00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:12,440 Speaker 1: on the boat. Look around like it's around you. I 406 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:14,640 Speaker 1: think I Pastor Kevin was saying that in church their 407 00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,399 Speaker 1: day too. He was just like he has given you 408 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:20,840 Speaker 1: everything around you, you know, and also like he's there 409 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:23,400 Speaker 1: when when when you need him, and like he said 410 00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:25,320 Speaker 1: to like you can pull up a chair and you 411 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,960 Speaker 1: can have someone that you need to unload on, or 412 00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:30,720 Speaker 1: you need to listen to, or you need to all 413 00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:33,040 Speaker 1: of the above, when you still can't do it on 414 00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:36,080 Speaker 1: your own and we can't, you know, as queendom in 415 00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,159 Speaker 1: your moments, like we can't do it for you. We 416 00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:40,000 Speaker 1: can pull up a chair and we can listen, and 417 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,120 Speaker 1: we can, but you still are going to feel hopeless 418 00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:46,399 Speaker 1: or helpless in that moment if you don't have you know, 419 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,800 Speaker 1: if you don't believe it, and then if you don't 420 00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:52,520 Speaker 1: because you believe, you know, have God helping you through 421 00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:57,480 Speaker 1: it or higher power, higher power, yeah, exactly, whatever, whatever 422 00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:00,400 Speaker 1: whatever that looks like for you. When I think why 423 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:02,320 Speaker 1: that's so important is that it puts you back in 424 00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:06,520 Speaker 1: that present moment and not in the past or not 425 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,879 Speaker 1: future tripping into things that are just we're like literally 426 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:12,680 Speaker 1: making up the future and telling ourselves, like Dress rehearsing 427 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:17,200 Speaker 1: this chaos like doesn't even exist. It's true. It's it's 428 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:21,359 Speaker 1: quite funny, like how insane we all are as human beings. 429 00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:25,040 Speaker 1: And I feel like twenty minutes ago, Dress rehearse the chaos. 430 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:28,160 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I used to do that stuff all the time. 431 00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,480 Speaker 1: And it's so extreme, you know it can be. So 432 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:34,080 Speaker 1: you're like, Okay, so I'm gonna do this and then 433 00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:35,399 Speaker 1: if I don't get what I want, then I'm going 434 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:36,800 Speaker 1: to do this. If I don't get what I want, 435 00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:38,040 Speaker 1: then I'm gonna do it. And then I'm just gonna 436 00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:39,159 Speaker 1: do what I want. They're just gonna to deal with 437 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:42,720 Speaker 1: it anyway. It's like that's it's just crazy, and it 438 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:47,800 Speaker 1: feels so big, it does, that's the thing. It feels dramatic. 439 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:52,200 Speaker 1: It's so intense, it's so heavy, and it's and and 440 00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:55,240 Speaker 1: we start to and that's like we can actually get 441 00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:58,560 Speaker 1: dopamine hits off that. I mean, there's science proves like 442 00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:01,479 Speaker 1: there's that hit off the you know, off the chaos. 443 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:06,040 Speaker 1: And that's just going back to like it's the choice. 444 00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:08,879 Speaker 1: We don't we don't have to live in the chaos 445 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:11,639 Speaker 1: we can and it's also what we're focusing on. Are 446 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:13,520 Speaker 1: we focusing on the chaos, because then we're just going 447 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:20,879 Speaker 1: to get more chaos? And I have a question around that. Okay, 448 00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:24,200 Speaker 1: So for the person that's listening, that's like, I have 449 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:26,720 Speaker 1: done the work, I have done the three a's, I 450 00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:31,159 Speaker 1: have accepted, I'm you know, awaren, awareness, acceptance, I've I've 451 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:36,800 Speaker 1: taken action, I have talk to my higher power. I 452 00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:39,879 Speaker 1: have I have done the work. Julie, I'm tired and 453 00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,760 Speaker 1: I'm not getting what I what I want nor deserve. 454 00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:47,000 Speaker 1: There's the wellest dry of men, you know, whether or 455 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:49,680 Speaker 1: it's the you know work, It's like what do you 456 00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,800 Speaker 1: do when you're just like when how do you have 457 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,480 Speaker 1: the patients? How do you how do you how do 458 00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:58,959 Speaker 1: you like sit in that uncomfortable moment of it's been 459 00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:02,480 Speaker 1: a really long time and when is it my time? Yeah? 460 00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:05,439 Speaker 1: I think it's about identifying what you want and letting 461 00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:08,960 Speaker 1: that be enough in the moment, which is incredibly hard 462 00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:12,560 Speaker 1: for people because if we're always focused on the where 463 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:16,280 Speaker 1: is this that I want? You know, your energy doesn't 464 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:20,280 Speaker 1: allow you to even perceive any type of hints or 465 00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:24,400 Speaker 1: clues or a ha moments or answered prayers from God 466 00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:28,080 Speaker 1: or anything, because you're so wrapped up and so bottled up, 467 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,600 Speaker 1: and like, where is it? What that you know? Where's 468 00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:32,119 Speaker 1: this thing that I want? And why isn't it happening 469 00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:34,040 Speaker 1: fast enough? And what's wrong? Da da da da da? 470 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:39,280 Speaker 1: And so actually the awareness of the now is actually 471 00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:42,560 Speaker 1: preventing the now from changing because you're so it's like 472 00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:47,320 Speaker 1: you're suffocating the moment. You're not even allowing the moment 473 00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:49,520 Speaker 1: just to unfold and be what it is. It's kind 474 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:53,159 Speaker 1: of like this idea of where is this thing that 475 00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:55,159 Speaker 1: I want? What is this change that I want in 476 00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:57,960 Speaker 1: my life? Versus the I want this and where is it? 477 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:02,000 Speaker 1: It's like a very different type of energy. One's very 478 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:05,639 Speaker 1: kind of a little bit less controlling, and another one 479 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:11,160 Speaker 1: is incredibly controlling. And so I think moving more into 480 00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:14,600 Speaker 1: the attention of the feeling of where you're going and 481 00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:18,240 Speaker 1: the feeling of of what you want, focusing more on 482 00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:21,439 Speaker 1: the feeling instead of the it's not here right now, 483 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:24,639 Speaker 1: so I can't believe it. I think you have to 484 00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:27,280 Speaker 1: believe it first and then you'll see it. I think 485 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:29,560 Speaker 1: a lot of times waiting to see it first to 486 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:35,280 Speaker 1: believe it, which just comes back to a lack of faith. Yeah, 487 00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:40,080 Speaker 1: that's that's that's a huge piece, Yeah, because it's hard 488 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:41,840 Speaker 1: to believe it when you don't see it though, Like 489 00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:45,840 Speaker 1: I like to feel touched see And also, what if 490 00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,000 Speaker 1: what you want? This kind of goes against what you 491 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:51,440 Speaker 1: probably say, Julie, But what if sometimes what we want 492 00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:55,800 Speaker 1: isn't our story or like what if there's something out 493 00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,320 Speaker 1: there that you think you want so badly but it 494 00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:00,280 Speaker 1: is not meant for you, you know what I mean? 495 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:04,080 Speaker 1: And again, I mean I think that revealed to you. 496 00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:07,200 Speaker 1: I think that's all part like we're never gonna not 497 00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:10,600 Speaker 1: want more things. Like every single day we are being 498 00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:13,840 Speaker 1: like downloaded with like more things that we want in life, 499 00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,040 Speaker 1: and some of the things we're going to accomplish and 500 00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:17,320 Speaker 1: some of the things we're not. Some of the things 501 00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:19,560 Speaker 1: we're gonna end up being really excited about and going after, 502 00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:21,239 Speaker 1: and then some of the things we're going to be like, oh, 503 00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:24,040 Speaker 1: I actually don't want this thing, But that's okay because 504 00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:26,159 Speaker 1: it's just revealing to you more of what you actually 505 00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:29,560 Speaker 1: do want. I think it's all it's all part of 506 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:34,159 Speaker 1: the process of you unlocking and uncovering where it is 507 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,920 Speaker 1: that you're going and there's no endpoint. I think that's 508 00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,320 Speaker 1: the other thing that we have to stop putting these 509 00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:44,560 Speaker 1: these like parameters around, like well, once X happens, then 510 00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:48,560 Speaker 1: I'll have the life of my dreams. Like once this happens, 511 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:51,840 Speaker 1: then I can be happy. Like this is not like 512 00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:54,720 Speaker 1: life is right now. This is not address rehearsal. This 513 00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:57,600 Speaker 1: is like literally right now. I mean I was just 514 00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:00,439 Speaker 1: talking about this with John, my husband, the other day. 515 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:03,120 Speaker 1: I'm thirty eight, he's fifty two, and I just looked 516 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:04,600 Speaker 1: over it and I was like, you know that, like 517 00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:07,560 Speaker 1: our life is literally happening right now, like this is life. 518 00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:10,840 Speaker 1: And I think that it's so easy to keep waiting 519 00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,399 Speaker 1: for like well, once this happens with the kids, or 520 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:16,160 Speaker 1: once we do this, or once we make this money, 521 00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:21,400 Speaker 1: or once you know that our son graduates, then once 522 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:24,120 Speaker 1: we retire then and it's like no, there's no then 523 00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:28,800 Speaker 1: it's now. And so I think that if that's true, 524 00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:32,440 Speaker 1: then now has to be enough. And so many of 525 00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:35,520 Speaker 1: us are so consumed with now is not enough and 526 00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:37,920 Speaker 1: now it is not more, and I am not okay 527 00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:40,600 Speaker 1: with now, and so we've got to take our attention 528 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:44,400 Speaker 1: off of that and just be less controlling and and 529 00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:47,560 Speaker 1: become more easy about things. And then you have to 530 00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:49,920 Speaker 1: trust you have in it. And if you do believe 531 00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:52,560 Speaker 1: and God, it should be easy to believe in things 532 00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:56,720 Speaker 1: that you don't see in in a in a tangible way. 533 00:28:57,120 --> 00:29:00,320 Speaker 1: I've never seen God walking down the street this gale, 534 00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:02,920 Speaker 1: but I know that that there is a God, and 535 00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:04,800 Speaker 1: I know that God exists, and I may see God 536 00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:08,840 Speaker 1: in things. But you know, I think that it's it's 537 00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:12,000 Speaker 1: about trusting that you're being guided and in time, you 538 00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:15,960 Speaker 1: were going to receive the answers, the clues, the impulses, 539 00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:18,960 Speaker 1: the feelings, the gut instincts, whatever that may be for 540 00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:24,680 Speaker 1: you in order to take the next step. And we 541 00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:26,960 Speaker 1: don't have to keep asking the questions of like what 542 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:29,240 Speaker 1: it is that we want, because we already know the answer. 543 00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:33,120 Speaker 1: And if you're someone that's like, well, Julie, like I've 544 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,840 Speaker 1: been asking and asking and I'm not receiving any answers 545 00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:37,480 Speaker 1: and I'm confused and i don't know where to go. 546 00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:40,160 Speaker 1: It's most of the time it's because you're two bottled 547 00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:44,240 Speaker 1: up in the question. Just give it a rest. You've 548 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:47,360 Speaker 1: done everything you can. There's nothing else that you need 549 00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:50,240 Speaker 1: to do except give it over. And so you've got 550 00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:53,640 Speaker 1: to put You've got to put distance between asking for 551 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:57,120 Speaker 1: what you want and receiving the answer. And I think 552 00:29:57,160 --> 00:30:00,400 Speaker 1: the other thing is like stop trying to answer questions 553 00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:02,640 Speaker 1: for yourself. You obviously don't know the answer if you're 554 00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:06,600 Speaker 1: asking the questions, right, Yeah, And so we've got to 555 00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:09,080 Speaker 1: put distance in a way to put distance between asking 556 00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:11,360 Speaker 1: for what you want and and like, even if it's 557 00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:13,160 Speaker 1: a challenge, like I'm having a hard time with this 558 00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:16,280 Speaker 1: and I need direction, I need guidance, I need answers, 559 00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:21,800 Speaker 1: the way to put distance between that is like sleep, rest, meditating, 560 00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:26,960 Speaker 1: going for a walk, gratitude lists, changing the subject. That's 561 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:28,640 Speaker 1: what I did the other day when I was going 562 00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:31,040 Speaker 1: through my own chaos. I literally changed the subject. I 563 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,360 Speaker 1: was like, I'm gonna go watch a movie and just 564 00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:37,680 Speaker 1: reshift the energy to allow some distance. And so you're 565 00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:43,040 Speaker 1: not keeping the problems activated. When you can, you can 566 00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:46,480 Speaker 1: add some distance to that. And if you don't keep 567 00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:50,160 Speaker 1: the problem activated, then what happens is that the solutions 568 00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:52,920 Speaker 1: have space to then come in to replace the problem. 569 00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:56,360 Speaker 1: This is why when you send stuff to Queendom, I 570 00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:58,800 Speaker 1: sit back and wait and see what Julie is gonna say, 571 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:02,479 Speaker 1: because mine is never this articulate. I don't have all 572 00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:05,560 Speaker 1: the answers. I can just share what comes through. It's 573 00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:09,120 Speaker 1: so good. But I always I avoid Julie's answer, which 574 00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:11,640 Speaker 1: is why I haven't brought certain things, because I usually 575 00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:14,320 Speaker 1: know her answer is the answer that is the truth, 576 00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:16,959 Speaker 1: not that that's yours is and the truth avoid me too, 577 00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:21,000 Speaker 1: sometimes sometimes Julie the most, maybe because I don't because 578 00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:22,240 Speaker 1: I know what I need to do. I know that 579 00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:23,560 Speaker 1: I would need to break up with this word. I 580 00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:25,720 Speaker 1: know that like. This isn't like I'm repeating a pattern. 581 00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:27,840 Speaker 1: I know that like and it's like I almost don't 582 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:31,800 Speaker 1: want that awareness. So from sept on, if it's something 583 00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:34,280 Speaker 1: that you think I cannot take this to Julie and 584 00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:37,080 Speaker 1: then well, trust me, I've learned that lesson in the 585 00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:40,760 Speaker 1: last few months. M that's the clue. That's just whoever 586 00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:45,440 Speaker 1: it is if you feel yourself because again it goes 587 00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:48,880 Speaker 1: back to those old stories, and it's like, if you 588 00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,000 Speaker 1: know that something is not right in your life, if 589 00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:54,680 Speaker 1: you know that you're avoiding this thing, that maybe and 590 00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:57,479 Speaker 1: again it can be anything for you know, if if 591 00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:59,680 Speaker 1: you feel like you're there's a problem with your with 592 00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:01,880 Speaker 1: your kids right now and you're avoiding it, or there's 593 00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:04,200 Speaker 1: a problem in your relationship, or there's a problem at work, 594 00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:06,960 Speaker 1: or you know, you've been wanting a job promotion but 595 00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:09,160 Speaker 1: you've been so terrified ask for it. Like, whatever that 596 00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:12,000 Speaker 1: thing is for you, it's the more that you hide 597 00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:14,840 Speaker 1: from it, the louder and louder and louder it's going 598 00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:17,680 Speaker 1: to get. And if you don't listen to it, you know, 599 00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:19,840 Speaker 1: the world, God, the universe, whatever you want to say, 600 00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:24,400 Speaker 1: just the dynamics of how energy works, someone's just going 601 00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:27,000 Speaker 1: to come and be like, Okay, boom, smack you across 602 00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:29,320 Speaker 1: the face. You can't avoid it now, Yeah, I mean 603 00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:33,720 Speaker 1: that's literally you know, the last whatever, because it's like 604 00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:37,720 Speaker 1: I tried so hard to ignore it, and then it 605 00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:40,760 Speaker 1: just becomes louder and louder and louder, and I'm not 606 00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:42,840 Speaker 1: sharing certain things. I'm like, oh but I really want 607 00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:45,280 Speaker 1: I want love. I'm getting what I want, like and 608 00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:48,280 Speaker 1: then but it becomes louder and louder and louder until 609 00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:52,960 Speaker 1: it just explodes and that's you know, that's the universe, 610 00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:55,880 Speaker 1: that's the and then it's kind of like okay, wow, 611 00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:59,240 Speaker 1: Like and then realizing and going to the a's and 612 00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:03,200 Speaker 1: going okay, acceptance. Now this is where did I fault 613 00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:07,680 Speaker 1: myself in this to not have walked away? Or I'm 614 00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:11,560 Speaker 1: aware that I hid things? Yeah, I accept that now. 615 00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:13,400 Speaker 1: You know my part to play in it was X, 616 00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:14,960 Speaker 1: Y and Z. Now what am I going to do 617 00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:17,360 Speaker 1: about it? Girl? I know you have a heart out, 618 00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:20,360 Speaker 1: But if if there's someone in a relationship, what is 619 00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:24,600 Speaker 1: the one thing where do you think there blocking themselves 620 00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:26,720 Speaker 1: from getting what they want? What's a quick little like 621 00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:32,920 Speaker 1: word or something that's blocking. I think for most people 622 00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:36,000 Speaker 1: it's this idea that um like, you can't hide yourself 623 00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:39,920 Speaker 1: and expect to be seen mm hmm. And when you're 624 00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:43,040 Speaker 1: not being honest with yourself, when you're not creating boundaries, 625 00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:45,920 Speaker 1: when you're not advocating for yourself, when you're not speaking 626 00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:49,560 Speaker 1: your truth, when you're avoiding things, when you have these triggers, 627 00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:53,440 Speaker 1: these clues from God, the universe, the world, and you're 628 00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:57,120 Speaker 1: not wanting to see it, that's all forms of hiding yourself, 629 00:33:57,160 --> 00:34:00,720 Speaker 1: which is just a form of self sabotage. So I 630 00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:03,320 Speaker 1: think that's a big thing. And I think that really 631 00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:06,080 Speaker 1: if you if you want to step in to get 632 00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:07,920 Speaker 1: what you want. If you want more of what you want, 633 00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:11,680 Speaker 1: you've got to focus on anything where what you want 634 00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:15,759 Speaker 1: is actually working, and stop putting so much emphasis on 635 00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:18,200 Speaker 1: what is not working. You will get more of what 636 00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:20,799 Speaker 1: you want if you keep focusing on what What are 637 00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:23,279 Speaker 1: the parts of your life that are working well? What 638 00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:25,000 Speaker 1: are the parts of your life that do you let 639 00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:29,759 Speaker 1: you up, that feel easy, that feel peaceful, that feel fun, 640 00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:33,480 Speaker 1: that feel joyful, whatever those things are, even if it's 641 00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:35,920 Speaker 1: just you know, you like the way that your sheets 642 00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:38,920 Speaker 1: feel when you're sleeping, and whatever it may be. It 643 00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:42,040 Speaker 1: can be something small. But if you're focusing on what 644 00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:45,600 Speaker 1: you don't want, then you slow all the energy down. 645 00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:48,920 Speaker 1: And if you're hammering away at the question, then the 646 00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:51,439 Speaker 1: solution it can't come, and it won't come because there's 647 00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:55,360 Speaker 1: no room for it to come. Love. Um, we know 648 00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:57,440 Speaker 1: that you are on a crazy book tour right now, 649 00:34:57,600 --> 00:35:00,480 Speaker 1: so um, I love you, and at us know when 650 00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:03,399 Speaker 1: we're doing drinks, i'll see you, like a few days. 651 00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:07,919 Speaker 1: But let us listeners know we're gonna obviously I'm gonna 652 00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:10,399 Speaker 1: talk some more about your book after you get off here, 653 00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:13,279 Speaker 1: but let us know, let the listeners know where they 654 00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:18,000 Speaker 1: can find my bestie Queendom. Yes, so get what you want, 655 00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,680 Speaker 1: how to go from unseen to unstoppable. Um. You can 656 00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:22,920 Speaker 1: get this wherever books are sold. We also have an 657 00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:26,880 Speaker 1: audio book highly recommended for anyone who has felt connected 658 00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:29,919 Speaker 1: to this conversation today. No matter where you are in life, 659 00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:32,040 Speaker 1: if you're just if you're ready for a re shift, 660 00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:33,880 Speaker 1: if you're ready for a reframe, there's a lot of 661 00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:36,400 Speaker 1: great tools in here that can help you. And you 662 00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:39,239 Speaker 1: can find me on Instagram at Jules Solomon j U 663 00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:42,239 Speaker 1: L S S l O m O n UM. If 664 00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:45,040 Speaker 1: you're coming on Janice Tour in Nashville, you might see 665 00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:50,240 Speaker 1: me there. Um, and let's see what else. Julie Solomon 666 00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:52,920 Speaker 1: dot net is my website and then your podcast and 667 00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:55,759 Speaker 1: then my pot Yeah that thing, um my podcast that 668 00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:59,080 Speaker 1: I've been doing for five years, um, the Influencer Podcast. 669 00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:01,480 Speaker 1: It is all about how to start, grow and scale 670 00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:04,360 Speaker 1: a brand. And um, if you were someone who was 671 00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:06,680 Speaker 1: wanting to build a personal brand, wanting to get your 672 00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:08,399 Speaker 1: name and your message out into the world, I help 673 00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:10,239 Speaker 1: you do that. So you can go to the wherever 674 00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:12,400 Speaker 1: you love to listen to podcast The Influencer Podcast to 675 00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:14,560 Speaker 1: have a new episode drop every Wednesday, and she does 676 00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:16,799 Speaker 1: workshops too for people that you don't want to grow 677 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:20,920 Speaker 1: their brand um and how to masterminds right behind that, 678 00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:25,920 Speaker 1: which coaching groups, all the things. You're just you're a 679 00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:28,319 Speaker 1: boss and I love you so much. Juels Um, I'll 680 00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:44,520 Speaker 1: see you Sam Okay, okay, ba Guy Haney Right. I 681 00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:48,920 Speaker 1: mean just this is like, you know what I love 682 00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:53,239 Speaker 1: about Queendom is that it's like we got we got you. 683 00:36:54,120 --> 00:36:56,600 Speaker 1: We got Pam who's like Pittsburgh Pam. Right, she's just 684 00:36:56,719 --> 00:36:58,640 Speaker 1: like you don't want to get on a bad day 685 00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:03,560 Speaker 1: at Pittsburgh Pam Like she'll she'll, she will, she will 686 00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:07,320 Speaker 1: be detective and find this person in two minutes. And 687 00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:09,640 Speaker 1: then you're kind of like you kind of not you 688 00:37:09,719 --> 00:37:13,640 Speaker 1: don't follow, but like you're you'll you'll pick a side. 689 00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:19,800 Speaker 1: I feel like, okay, that's a good thing. It's a 690 00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:22,080 Speaker 1: bad thing. Like you'll be like like you'll say something, 691 00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:23,440 Speaker 1: but then you're also like like you said, like you 692 00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:25,279 Speaker 1: wait you hold back to see like what sometimes I 693 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:28,320 Speaker 1: wait to say what. Julie would say, yeah, um. And 694 00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:34,640 Speaker 1: then there's Kristen who's like, let's love everything and it's okay, 695 00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:37,239 Speaker 1: definitely not Yeah, I definitely pick a side and I'm 696 00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:42,719 Speaker 1: passionate about it. Usually yeah, yes you will, yeah, yeah, 697 00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:44,440 Speaker 1: I want to say you don't fallow like you definitely 698 00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:47,359 Speaker 1: you'll pick one or the other sides. Yeah. And then 699 00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:50,320 Speaker 1: there's Julie, who are It's just like I think you 700 00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:52,640 Speaker 1: should look in the mirror and like she she always 701 00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:54,799 Speaker 1: like like look at yourself, look at which I love 702 00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:57,879 Speaker 1: and I think that's azing, Like she's got more grace 703 00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:00,160 Speaker 1: for other people. Though, I feel like then I she 704 00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:04,719 Speaker 1: for sure does. I mean I remember, like, um, when 705 00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:08,280 Speaker 1: you know, I was debating whether or not to get divorced. 706 00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:10,640 Speaker 1: She's like, well, she was. She was the one person 707 00:38:10,719 --> 00:38:13,600 Speaker 1: that made me. She actually she was the reason why 708 00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:17,000 Speaker 1: I didn't file for divorce. It was truly interesting. Yeah, 709 00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:20,759 Speaker 1: she was. She was. She was the friend who was like, 710 00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:24,880 Speaker 1: we all have our stuff, like we all have, you know, 711 00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:28,560 Speaker 1: the ripples, and it's like life and she's like, you know, 712 00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:32,000 Speaker 1: and she says, this person is doing this and this 713 00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,960 Speaker 1: happens and it's this is life and it really she 714 00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:38,160 Speaker 1: made me look at the other side. She she she 715 00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:41,600 Speaker 1: helped me look at the other side of the struggles 716 00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:44,400 Speaker 1: that Mike was going through or the struggles that you know, 717 00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:47,719 Speaker 1: he was facing, and she helped me learn how to 718 00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:52,640 Speaker 1: lean into grace an empathy for maybe what he's going through. 719 00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:56,360 Speaker 1: I didn't like that answer, like I I, you know, 720 00:38:56,480 --> 00:38:58,320 Speaker 1: the thing at the time when that when it all happened, 721 00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:01,200 Speaker 1: I wanted people to be like, oh, But but I 722 00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:05,279 Speaker 1: was so grateful for her angle on it, because yeah, 723 00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:08,879 Speaker 1: I mean, I really attribute our conversation that we had 724 00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:11,440 Speaker 1: to not divorcing him in the very beginning. And now, 725 00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:14,799 Speaker 1: like she says, the universe ends up, you know, um 726 00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:18,440 Speaker 1: kind of showing the pieces in the end. And but 727 00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:23,160 Speaker 1: I'm so and and I am so grateful that I 728 00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:27,560 Speaker 1: did try, because I think I would have always I know, 729 00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:29,759 Speaker 1: I would have lived with a regret. I wonder what 730 00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:32,560 Speaker 1: would have happened if we tried, like I really do, 731 00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:35,320 Speaker 1: and I think, so I'm really thankful for that. And 732 00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:39,400 Speaker 1: I don't have any regrets about the time spent. I mean, obviously, 733 00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:42,120 Speaker 1: you know, we were able to have Jason stuff too, 734 00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:44,120 Speaker 1: but I think being able to look on the other 735 00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:47,480 Speaker 1: side of it it was great. So I always love 736 00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:51,239 Speaker 1: her perspective for sure. And you're not just tough love. 737 00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:55,279 Speaker 1: I's gonna say that, you give I think to like 738 00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:58,600 Speaker 1: now that you're realizing the side of things, like you 739 00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:05,960 Speaker 1: you softened a little bit. I'm trying, um, But in 740 00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:08,719 Speaker 1: Julia's book, I just want to kind of go through. 741 00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:11,120 Speaker 1: So like part one is what's holding you back? What 742 00:40:11,239 --> 00:40:13,680 Speaker 1: do you want? Steps to get to getting what you 743 00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:16,320 Speaker 1: really want and find your purpose, which I think is 744 00:40:16,400 --> 00:40:17,719 Speaker 1: really hard for a lot of people, and like not 745 00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:22,320 Speaker 1: knowing what your purposes and um, just not knowing. So 746 00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:26,280 Speaker 1: she'll help you walk through that and then um taking 747 00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:28,759 Speaker 1: actions the next step, so becoming the visionary, creating a 748 00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:31,400 Speaker 1: blueprint for a success, pitch it perfect, how to negotiate 749 00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:35,440 Speaker 1: to get what you want, and then um, the results, um, 750 00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:40,400 Speaker 1: the importance of it limitless and so definitely UM, I 751 00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:44,120 Speaker 1: just started it the other day. But I just how 752 00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:47,160 Speaker 1: she speaks, is how she writes, and there's a lot 753 00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:49,359 Speaker 1: of things that you can get from this book. Uh. 754 00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:52,560 Speaker 1: She said, wherever you are at in your life, because 755 00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:56,839 Speaker 1: we all want something, right That's and I loved when 756 00:40:56,840 --> 00:40:59,680 Speaker 1: she said that we all want something. So if you 757 00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:03,160 Speaker 1: don't know what you want, we all you don't want, 758 00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:06,000 Speaker 1: you don't want, so you do know what you want, 759 00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:09,200 Speaker 1: and so she can help the gate with which aid 760 00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:11,560 Speaker 1: do you think is hardest for you. That's a really 761 00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:19,680 Speaker 1: good question. Um. Okay, So there was awareness, acceptance, and action. Honestly, 762 00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:25,560 Speaker 1: awareness awareness because I can look at my stuff and go, okay, 763 00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:27,520 Speaker 1: this is where this is where I looked in the mirror. 764 00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:29,920 Speaker 1: This is where I messed up with my act hessman, 765 00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:32,040 Speaker 1: this is where I could have been better in this relationship. 766 00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:35,560 Speaker 1: This is where you know, I'd like to I'd love 767 00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:38,080 Speaker 1: a redo if if possible. And so this is now 768 00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:40,440 Speaker 1: I'm going to take steps to to grow and change. 769 00:41:41,239 --> 00:41:45,480 Speaker 1: The awareness is what blocks me because I want something 770 00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:49,920 Speaker 1: so bad that I'm not looking at the red flags 771 00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:52,720 Speaker 1: where I'm not seeing the things that are I'm not aware. 772 00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:56,239 Speaker 1: I am aware, but I don't I don't know how 773 00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:57,759 Speaker 1: do I say that, you know what I'm trying to say, 774 00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:01,759 Speaker 1: Like where it's like I see it, but I I 775 00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:05,799 Speaker 1: put blinders so my awareness goes away. Yeah, I could 776 00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:08,520 Speaker 1: see that. What about makes sense? I think mine is 777 00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:12,800 Speaker 1: definitely action. Really, I think I'm very self aware and 778 00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:17,720 Speaker 1: actually pretty good at accepting things. But it's the changing 779 00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:22,279 Speaker 1: that part that's hard for me. It's like taking the 780 00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:28,520 Speaker 1: steps to change the things that I would want to change. Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, 781 00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:31,520 Speaker 1: because I can very much admit the things that are 782 00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:33,680 Speaker 1: either going wrong in my life or the things that 783 00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:36,040 Speaker 1: I'm doing wrong or the things that you know and 784 00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:39,640 Speaker 1: totally sitting there and accept it. Um. But it's the 785 00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:43,279 Speaker 1: action that's hard for me to take the steps for sure. 786 00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:45,880 Speaker 1: So here's no question for you then, I mean you 787 00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:49,320 Speaker 1: took the action to get divorced in the process of 788 00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:54,960 Speaker 1: so is there an action in you that you're you know, 789 00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:59,000 Speaker 1: is it going to therapy and digging deep why you 790 00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:01,080 Speaker 1: know you were maybe a certain way or is it 791 00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:03,680 Speaker 1: or is that the action or like what action now 792 00:43:03,880 --> 00:43:06,880 Speaker 1: is like maybe like holding you back definitely would be 793 00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:10,960 Speaker 1: you know, I am aware that I'm you know, it's 794 00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:13,840 Speaker 1: hard for me to be vulnerable, and I think that 795 00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:17,279 Speaker 1: kind of encompasses all of it, really, um. And I've 796 00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:21,399 Speaker 1: accepted that. I've definitely accepted that, But it's the how 797 00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:24,319 Speaker 1: do I change that part that just seems so hard 798 00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:29,600 Speaker 1: for me. What are you doing right now, like right now, 799 00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:33,080 Speaker 1: like speaking on the podcast, you're being vulnerable? Yeah, yeah, 800 00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:36,239 Speaker 1: So don't say you're not vulnerable. I am trying to 801 00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:39,239 Speaker 1: take steps for sure. Like this was definitely probably one 802 00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:43,640 Speaker 1: of the first steps I've taken besides the therapy this time. 803 00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:45,800 Speaker 1: I've done therapy before, but it's just been different. So 804 00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:48,200 Speaker 1: I'd say these two things were actions and then obviously 805 00:43:48,560 --> 00:43:50,960 Speaker 1: the divorce part, but that's always been the hardest part 806 00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:55,360 Speaker 1: for me for sure. So anyway, it's just it's an 807 00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:57,480 Speaker 1: interesting question. I think everybody kind of gets can get 808 00:43:57,520 --> 00:44:02,359 Speaker 1: caught in any of those Yeah, I can, I can. 809 00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:06,080 Speaker 1: I Yeah, I definitely see the action part. Um. See, 810 00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:08,120 Speaker 1: I feel like you're really good at action. I think 811 00:44:08,160 --> 00:44:10,480 Speaker 1: if you see something, I really do. I think if 812 00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:13,279 Speaker 1: you see something and you accept it, then it's going 813 00:44:13,320 --> 00:44:15,799 Speaker 1: to be easy for you to take that action. Well. 814 00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:17,960 Speaker 1: I mean just like when I realized, you know, a 815 00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:19,800 Speaker 1: few months ago that I had still some stuff that 816 00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:22,560 Speaker 1: I was holding onto. It was like I called Miles 817 00:44:22,719 --> 00:44:25,000 Speaker 1: right away, who owns on site. I was like, okay, 818 00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:27,960 Speaker 1: I need I need to like I need to go 819 00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:31,799 Speaker 1: now like action. And then I go in for six 820 00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:33,239 Speaker 1: hours a day for four and a half days in 821 00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:35,880 Speaker 1: a therapy room and sit there and you know, and 822 00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:41,680 Speaker 1: also it's hard when you come back and to continue 823 00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:45,320 Speaker 1: taking action too. So that's also like I think we 824 00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:51,239 Speaker 1: all can have moments where it's harder than others. But yeah. 825 00:44:51,239 --> 00:44:53,040 Speaker 1: I mean, I definitely think action is one of my 826 00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:58,120 Speaker 1: stronger ones because I think when you're not taking action, 827 00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:02,759 Speaker 1: it might be because you're not aware. Yeah, it's so fascinating. 828 00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:05,000 Speaker 1: I love this whole three ace thing. Yeah, I know 829 00:45:05,080 --> 00:45:06,960 Speaker 1: it's great. I'm gonna be like, you are not accepting, 830 00:45:07,719 --> 00:45:10,839 Speaker 1: You're not aware you're not accepting. And it's interesting because 831 00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:14,320 Speaker 1: I feel like when we get stuck in something, we 832 00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:16,759 Speaker 1: should see which one we stuck at. Yeah. I think 833 00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:19,279 Speaker 1: it's very and I think right now that you know 834 00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:22,800 Speaker 1: some things that I'm just kind of you know, just 835 00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:26,719 Speaker 1: in life in this season in the moment, I don't know, 836 00:45:26,880 --> 00:45:29,880 Speaker 1: actually I think I'm I think I don't know. Do 837 00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:31,880 Speaker 1: you think I do think I'm stuck anywhere? Because I 838 00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:36,120 Speaker 1: actually think I'm doing like I don't think. So it's 839 00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:38,680 Speaker 1: like when we thanks French. It's like when we're watching 840 00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:45,040 Speaker 1: Proposal to the Window to God, just like because it 841 00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:49,520 Speaker 1: stuff out, you know, I put it, I've um yeah, 842 00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:51,759 Speaker 1: on site. I really do want to talk about it 843 00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:53,160 Speaker 1: on site at some point because that was just like 844 00:45:53,239 --> 00:45:55,840 Speaker 1: a total shift in my life. Um. So hopefully we 845 00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:57,600 Speaker 1: can get Miles on here, because I'd love for him 846 00:45:57,640 --> 00:46:00,440 Speaker 1: to come on the show. And because that that talk 847 00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:03,359 Speaker 1: about taking action, and that's where I'm like, Katherine can 848 00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:06,960 Speaker 1: I literally literally I would love to gift you see that. 849 00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:11,400 Speaker 1: That's where like that action is like terrifying, it is 850 00:46:11,719 --> 00:46:15,200 Speaker 1: life changing. I would love to get Myles on here 851 00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:17,960 Speaker 1: or somebody and to hear more about it. I think 852 00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:21,080 Speaker 1: for people like me like you kind of got to 853 00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:22,880 Speaker 1: know what you're walking into a little bit more well. 854 00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:24,600 Speaker 1: Already told Miles, I wanted to gift it to you. 855 00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:28,120 Speaker 1: I just need to know that you'll take it action. 856 00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:29,920 Speaker 1: I'm not ready for this action, but yeah, we'll get 857 00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:32,360 Speaker 1: him on because I think I'm ready to share a 858 00:46:32,440 --> 00:46:38,120 Speaker 1: little bit of that experience. And um yeah, because you know, yeah, 859 00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:43,440 Speaker 1: the healing journey that we're all on in the three a's, 860 00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:46,319 Speaker 1: we can do this and we can get what you want. 861 00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:48,279 Speaker 1: We can get what we want because we know what 862 00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:53,160 Speaker 1: we don't want. Bottom line. Yep, Um, all right, this 863 00:46:53,239 --> 00:46:58,879 Speaker 1: is an awesome show. So oh next week show it's 864 00:46:58,880 --> 00:47:02,399 Speaker 1: going to be great because there might be a little 865 00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:05,960 Speaker 1: One Tree Hillo reunion. Stay tuned, so here for those 866 00:47:06,560 --> 00:47:15,080 Speaker 1: am