1
00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,560
Speaker 1: I had had running protect me and save me from

2
00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:05,480
Speaker 1: a lot of things. But then it also became Oh

3
00:00:05,480 --> 00:00:08,239
Speaker 1: it's Aisha the Runner. It became my entire identity. I mean,

4
00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:10,080
Speaker 1: I still will bump into people in my hometown and

5
00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:12,760
Speaker 1: they're like, oh, are you still running, and I'm like, yep,

6
00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:14,880
Speaker 1: I am, but I'm also doing you know.

7
00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:15,480
Speaker 2: A B and C.

8
00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:33,800
Speaker 3: Hey everyone, Emily a Badi Here you are listening to

9
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:38,000
Speaker 3: another episode of Hurdle, a podcast featuring the mindset, secrets,

10
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:41,199
Speaker 3: and true stories of the most inspiring women in sports

11
00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:44,639
Speaker 3: and wellness, empowering you to live a healthier, happier, more

12
00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:49,199
Speaker 3: motivated life and of course, conquer your own hurdles. Today's

13
00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:54,440
Speaker 3: guest is documentary photographer and filmmaker Aisha McAdams, whose lens

14
00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:57,520
Speaker 3: has captured some of the most profound moments in the

15
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:01,840
Speaker 3: endurance sports Worldysha has a unique gift for seeing the

16
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:06,000
Speaker 3: human behind the athlete, a perspective that's beautifully showcased in

17
00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:10,520
Speaker 3: her upcoming documentary Learning to Fly, which debuted at the

18
00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:15,080
Speaker 3: Teleride Film Festival and will be hopefully out for mass

19
00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:19,920
Speaker 3: release very soon. In our conversation today, I usually gets

20
00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:23,319
Speaker 3: vulnerable about the personal path that led her to this point,

21
00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:27,200
Speaker 3: including the power of connection, how being a foster child

22
00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:30,080
Speaker 3: and an adoptee taught her at a young age to

23
00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:34,200
Speaker 3: navigate new environments and find identity through people around her.

24
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:38,200
Speaker 3: Curiosity is a superpower why she leans into her natural

25
00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:40,880
Speaker 3: impulse to peek over the fence as we call it

26
00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:45,240
Speaker 3: and connect with strangers, even after facing early challenges that

27
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:49,360
Speaker 3: tested her openness, plus a finding balance the way she

28
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:54,000
Speaker 3: manages the riptide professional transitions and personal hurdles by leaning

29
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:57,960
Speaker 3: into organic relationships and the simple joy of a neighborhood

30
00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:03,000
Speaker 3: soup Sunday to share so many special stories from her

31
00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:05,880
Speaker 3: time working with some of the best to ever do

32
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:09,079
Speaker 3: it in the endurance space. Talks a lot about how

33
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:13,200
Speaker 3: running has foundationally impacted her to be a better version

34
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:16,280
Speaker 3: of herself, and we wrap about the hurdles that go

35
00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:19,240
Speaker 3: hand in hand with being a woman in her field,

36
00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:23,079
Speaker 3: why it's important for her to humanize the athlete, share

37
00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:26,440
Speaker 3: what she knows with her community, and truly show up

38
00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:30,120
Speaker 3: as her most authentic self. Her story's attestament to the

39
00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:33,400
Speaker 3: fact that while we all face hurdles, it's the community

40
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:37,080
Speaker 3: that we build and the curiosity we maintain that truly

41
00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:38,400
Speaker 3: helps us sore.

42
00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:41,680
Speaker 4: Make sure you're following along with Hurdle over on social

43
00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:44,320
Speaker 4: It's over at Hurdle podcast. You can also check.

44
00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:47,800
Speaker 3: Out iHeart Woman's Sports over at iHeart Women's Sports and

45
00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:51,040
Speaker 3: me over at Emily a Body. Listen to Hurdle with

46
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:55,400
Speaker 3: Emily a Body over on iHeartRadio, app, Apple Podcasts or

47
00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:57,440
Speaker 3: wherever you get your podcasts.

48
00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:00,760
Speaker 4: And with that, let's get to it. Get it to

49
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:09,040
Speaker 4: a hurdling today. I am sitting down with Ayisha McAdams.

50
00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:13,600
Speaker 3: She is a documentary photographer in the endurance space.

51
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:16,160
Speaker 4: Aisha, Welcome to Hurdle. How are we I'm great.

52
00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:16,640
Speaker 2: I'm great.

53
00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:19,480
Speaker 1: It's like twenty two degrees feels really warm compared to

54
00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:20,640
Speaker 1: the last few days.

55
00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:23,560
Speaker 3: Oh my god, A bomb me twenty two degrees. I

56
00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:25,720
Speaker 3: think the high today might be thirty four.

57
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:27,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's way better than the negative two.

58
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,280
Speaker 4: I Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Listen.

59
00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:32,680
Speaker 3: I am so stoked to have you in here today

60
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:36,720
Speaker 3: because I got an advanced screening of your documentary Learning

61
00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:41,200
Speaker 3: to Fly, which debuted last year at the Teleride Film Festival.

62
00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:41,720
Speaker 2: Yeah.

63
00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:46,240
Speaker 3: Okay, so not out for mass consumption just yet yet,

64
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,080
Speaker 3: but I got a screener of it, and it was

65
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:51,080
Speaker 3: fantastic and I could not wait to sit down and

66
00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,400
Speaker 3: yap with you about it. But before we get there,

67
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:55,720
Speaker 3: I like to level set when people come into the studio,

68
00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:57,240
Speaker 3: how are you doing?

69
00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,160
Speaker 2: Really, I'm doing good.

70
00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:03,160
Speaker 1: I'm doing I guess it's kind of a general statement,

71
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:06,720
Speaker 1: but I feel like the last year was, like, you know,

72
00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:07,960
Speaker 1: I think for a lot of us, there was a

73
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,600
Speaker 1: lot of like, you know, challenges. It felt like I

74
00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:14,120
Speaker 1: was caught in a riptide at points. But currently right

75
00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:17,960
Speaker 1: now today like been really leaning into my community, my neighborhood,

76
00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:21,240
Speaker 1: my running. So I'm excited for the new year. What

77
00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:26,000
Speaker 1: were some of the challenges just transition? Honestly, there was

78
00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:30,000
Speaker 1: this is heavy There was a mass shooting in my neighborhood. Yeah,

79
00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:32,200
Speaker 1: I think those two things, Like there was some career

80
00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:35,240
Speaker 1: shifts and you know, being faced with something that was

81
00:04:36,279 --> 00:04:38,640
Speaker 1: close to home and kind of trying to adjust with

82
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:39,360
Speaker 1: that and just.

83
00:04:40,839 --> 00:04:41,919
Speaker 2: You know, finding balance.

84
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:45,400
Speaker 1: But I've been really really pushing to like lean into

85
00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:48,520
Speaker 1: my like literally my community, like my direct community, so

86
00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:48,840
Speaker 1: like my.

87
00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:50,960
Speaker 2: Eighty two year old neighbors across the street.

88
00:04:50,839 --> 00:04:53,880
Speaker 1: Like like all of that, and I've been like, I

89
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:56,560
Speaker 1: you know, I think you get this, like in our career,

90
00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,960
Speaker 1: you tried. I'm traveling like every week on a play,

91
00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:03,040
Speaker 1: and so it's like, you know, when you have moments

92
00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:06,480
Speaker 1: of stillness at home, being able to have organic relationships

93
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:10,560
Speaker 1: with people that aren't planned two weeks out, that are

94
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,640
Speaker 1: just like knocking on your neighbor's door, Like this past

95
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:16,080
Speaker 1: Sunday we all had soup because it was a snow day.

96
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:19,520
Speaker 2: Oh well naturally, yeah, everyone from our street.

97
00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:23,320
Speaker 1: So yeah, I think it's like it's, you know, I

98
00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:26,760
Speaker 1: live a very exciting life of travel and meeting all

99
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:29,320
Speaker 1: different kinds of incredible people. But I think sometimes the

100
00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:31,919
Speaker 1: simple side of things is really nice, refreshing.

101
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:35,679
Speaker 4: Yeah, for sure. So sorry to hear about the shooting.

102
00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:38,080
Speaker 3: I mean, obviously I knew about the shooting, but you

103
00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:43,240
Speaker 3: are based in the Providence area. Yeah, and I cannot

104
00:05:43,279 --> 00:05:45,600
Speaker 3: even fathom what that came with for you.

105
00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:50,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just I think it's just a nationwide issue,

106
00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:51,960
Speaker 1: but it's like when it happens close to home, it's

107
00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:52,960
Speaker 1: it's you.

108
00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:53,719
Speaker 4: Know, it's different.

109
00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:56,200
Speaker 1: So but it just also reminded me how much I

110
00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:57,920
Speaker 1: love my community in my neighborhood, and.

111
00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:01,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, how special it is for you to know that

112
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:05,159
Speaker 3: you have this value of community and the opportunity to

113
00:06:05,279 --> 00:06:08,880
Speaker 3: lean into that when things feel hard is really special.

114
00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:11,680
Speaker 3: Has that always been something that's been very resonant with

115
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:13,520
Speaker 3: you community?

116
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,720
Speaker 1: You know? It's funny, like I just finally got to

117
00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:19,839
Speaker 1: share the film with my family. I've and in my

118
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,240
Speaker 1: close family and friends, and I had it in this

119
00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:26,080
Speaker 1: tiny little theater a few blocks over from my spot,

120
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:33,320
Speaker 1: and I was able to have basically everyone who's kind

121
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:34,960
Speaker 1: of been a part of my life, down to like

122
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,280
Speaker 1: my middle school coach who I haven't seen in like

123
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:43,080
Speaker 1: seventeen years or something, and I had everyone.

124
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:45,240
Speaker 2: It was like over one hundred and forty people, and

125
00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:45,640
Speaker 2: it was.

126
00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:50,480
Speaker 1: Like everyone who's had an impact in my life in

127
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,599
Speaker 1: one place, and I got to share the film with

128
00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:54,960
Speaker 1: them and also just thank them and like look out

129
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:58,120
Speaker 1: and see all of them. And it's actually been something

130
00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:01,000
Speaker 1: I've been like, I was like joking to someone, I

131
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:02,640
Speaker 1: was like, I don't know what it's like to get married,

132
00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:04,080
Speaker 1: but I feel like this was like way better of

133
00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:07,200
Speaker 1: an experience, just because it was like it was this

134
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:11,920
Speaker 1: accumulation of people who've had my community, who have had

135
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:16,040
Speaker 1: an impact in my life. For again, like seventeen plugs

136
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,120
Speaker 1: like for a really long time and having them all

137
00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:20,960
Speaker 1: in one space and being able to thank them and

138
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,400
Speaker 1: tell them that like all of all of this, my

139
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,160
Speaker 1: entire like my career, just where I'm at in life

140
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,960
Speaker 1: wouldn't have been possible if like each of them because

141
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,240
Speaker 1: they all just had these like little small you know,

142
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,640
Speaker 1: parts of it are huge parts of it. So yeah,

143
00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:36,040
Speaker 1: I think it's it's been a part of my life

144
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,440
Speaker 1: for a while, like the importance of community. I just

145
00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:42,320
Speaker 1: don't think you realize it until you're kind of like faced.

146
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:42,960
Speaker 2: With that moment.

147
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:46,880
Speaker 1: And definitely the film screening, I was like, oh my gosh, Wow,

148
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,560
Speaker 1: I'm like so lucky. And I've been like doing these

149
00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,160
Speaker 1: runs and like you know when you're on like high

150
00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:54,280
Speaker 1: on dopamine or like endorphins. So I've been training for

151
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,760
Speaker 1: an ultra and I've been like, you know, doing these

152
00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:58,880
Speaker 1: really long runs and then I'm finishing the run just

153
00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:01,200
Speaker 1: thinking about my and I'm like, I get like emotional.

154
00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:03,520
Speaker 2: Yes, I think it's just like this.

155
00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:06,240
Speaker 1: It's like I'm getting finally warm because it's so cold out.

156
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,239
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, a couple hours into my run.

157
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:13,600
Speaker 3: But yeah, yeah, it is something I can really relate

158
00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:16,000
Speaker 3: to when you say, I imagine this is what a

159
00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:18,760
Speaker 3: wedding would feel like when you have these moments of

160
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:20,840
Speaker 3: personal celebration and you're at this point in your life

161
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:24,320
Speaker 3: where you do have other people that mean so much

162
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:28,640
Speaker 3: to you, that are celebrating these more conventional milestones within society,

163
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:34,200
Speaker 3: and here you are at this crazy intersection of professional

164
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:38,160
Speaker 3: excellence right where you are celebrating such a major milestone

165
00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:42,000
Speaker 3: that those people may never even get to relish in themselves. Right,

166
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:45,800
Speaker 3: So it can be an and both. It can be

167
00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,360
Speaker 3: a wow, how great is it that I get to

168
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:48,679
Speaker 3: do this?

169
00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:49,000
Speaker 4: Wow?

170
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,600
Speaker 3: How great is it that I am surrounded by this community? Wow,

171
00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:54,000
Speaker 3: this is what I imagine a wedding would feel like. And

172
00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:57,760
Speaker 3: maybe there is a twinge of I haven't had the

173
00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,400
Speaker 3: opportunity to do something like this yet.

174
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:01,080
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I think so.

175
00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:04,720
Speaker 1: I think even just like again holding the space to

176
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,880
Speaker 1: be like thank you, and and maybe it's like I

177
00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,840
Speaker 1: compare it to like what the feeling of a but

178
00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:12,720
Speaker 1: like maybe it's an entirely different experience, but it's something

179
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,040
Speaker 1: that I was like, I am going to cherish this

180
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:17,360
Speaker 1: moment for this is going to stay in my mind.

181
00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:19,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, for a very long time, and you said that

182
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:22,720
Speaker 3: there were a very wide range of people.

183
00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:24,880
Speaker 4: There, huge range of people.

184
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,800
Speaker 1: Uh huh, I like joke, like my friends joke, they're

185
00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:30,120
Speaker 1: like you have the most like the stories and like

186
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:33,719
Speaker 1: relationships you have with people, just my friends.

187
00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:38,040
Speaker 2: Like it's a very wide array to Like I remember.

188
00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:40,280
Speaker 1: In college, I used to we would do the same

189
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:42,560
Speaker 1: running loop over and over, like you know, and there

190
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,800
Speaker 1: would be this dog at this junkyard that I would

191
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:47,400
Speaker 1: like always stop and say hi to, and then like

192
00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,080
Speaker 1: eventually I befriended the owner.

193
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:50,439
Speaker 2: Jake was the dog.

194
00:09:50,559 --> 00:09:53,520
Speaker 1: And then like over time over my years in school,

195
00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:56,280
Speaker 1: like the guy Peter who like was his owner, Like

196
00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:57,120
Speaker 1: he and he's.

197
00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:59,480
Speaker 2: At the he came to the he came to the scream.

198
00:10:00,679 --> 00:10:03,200
Speaker 1: Like a seventy you know, a seventy plus year old

199
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:06,160
Speaker 1: guy from outside of Boston. Like he was just and

200
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,880
Speaker 1: he was like he felt just as like it was

201
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:09,760
Speaker 1: just as meaningful to.

202
00:10:09,679 --> 00:10:11,679
Speaker 2: Have him there as like my college coach and.

203
00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:19,199
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, and that's a testament to your curiosity. Yeah,

204
00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:23,839
Speaker 3: and the way that your curiosity opens up this really

205
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:29,640
Speaker 3: beautiful opportunity for connection. Yeah, So to have a wide

206
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:33,400
Speaker 3: diverse group of individuals come together to celebrate you. Well,

207
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,280
Speaker 3: then I would expect nothing less because that's the energy

208
00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:38,880
Speaker 3: that you've put out into the world. And what I

209
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:42,840
Speaker 3: find so commendable for you, and what's really touched on

210
00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:46,240
Speaker 3: within the documentary is it could have been very easy

211
00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:50,800
Speaker 3: for you not to be this open minded, curious person.

212
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:57,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's this game of like or not game, you know,

213
00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,800
Speaker 1: when you like process who you are, right, Like, how

214
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:03,480
Speaker 1: did I get to the place I'm at? And I think,

215
00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:06,640
Speaker 1: like that curious side of me, I've been like that

216
00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:09,360
Speaker 1: since I was really since I was a kid, Like

217
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:12,720
Speaker 1: I remember like peeking over my neighbor, like climbing the

218
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,400
Speaker 1: fence to like peer into the the gramma next door's

219
00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:18,120
Speaker 1: yard and like, but you know, I think there were

220
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:19,800
Speaker 1: points where I was kind of told it was like,

221
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:25,839
Speaker 1: you know, almost like reprimanded for being curious. But then

222
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:29,599
Speaker 1: I think, like, that's just kind of been my superpower.

223
00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:33,800
Speaker 1: And I think, like I just started, you know, once

224
00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:38,400
Speaker 1: I found or was like you know, someone kind of

225
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:41,439
Speaker 1: recognized that it was a positive thing, and then I

226
00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:44,200
Speaker 1: kind of just like was able to kind of take

227
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:46,360
Speaker 1: off with it. But I think, like, you know, it's

228
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,560
Speaker 1: this game of like is the curate like is it

229
00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:51,320
Speaker 1: nature versus nurture. I think there's like a lot of

230
00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:53,560
Speaker 1: things in my life that like have made me really

231
00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:57,520
Speaker 1: open to connecting with like people or just seeing them,

232
00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,920
Speaker 1: you know, as people versus like the idea of like

233
00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:00,720
Speaker 1: don't talk to people.

234
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:04,120
Speaker 3: You don't know, what's your earliest memory of being in

235
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:06,360
Speaker 3: a place where you felt like you needed to be

236
00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:10,240
Speaker 3: open with connecting with people that maybe you didn't know

237
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:10,640
Speaker 3: so well.

238
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:13,679
Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like there's stories of me as

239
00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:15,560
Speaker 1: a kid, Like I don't even know if it's my

240
00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:18,840
Speaker 1: earliest memory, but like it's tricky because I think there's

241
00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:22,400
Speaker 1: this level of like having been adopted and then having

242
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:25,800
Speaker 1: been in foster care, Like there's just this like you

243
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:30,559
Speaker 1: you learn at a young age to like be around

244
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,079
Speaker 1: like like what is your identity of family or connection?

245
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,040
Speaker 1: Because I remember my parents always telling me stories that

246
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:39,920
Speaker 1: like I was way too friendly with people as a kid.

247
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:44,840
Speaker 3: But even coming into your adopted parents' home, what a

248
00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:48,080
Speaker 3: moment for you to recognize that you had to be

249
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:50,839
Speaker 3: open to this new set of circumstances.

250
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:54,280
Speaker 1: I was fortunate where my sister and I were adopted together, Yeah,

251
00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:57,120
Speaker 1: and so we had like this familiarity with each other

252
00:12:57,600 --> 00:12:59,640
Speaker 1: you know, I'm one of eight kids, so there's like

253
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:02,839
Speaker 1: we're just like this, you know, it's it's a huge

254
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:04,760
Speaker 1: age gap. There's I call a joke, it's like two

255
00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:07,800
Speaker 1: litters like four and four. I think because of that too,

256
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:10,600
Speaker 1: like you know, all of my sil like it was

257
00:13:10,679 --> 00:13:13,600
Speaker 1: kind of just like we kind of meshed into it.

258
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:17,120
Speaker 1: But yeah, I also think like the comfort of having

259
00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:19,080
Speaker 1: my sister with me was like a huge part of

260
00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:20,800
Speaker 1: like finding.

261
00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:21,680
Speaker 2: That I lived in.

262
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,880
Speaker 1: We moved around a lot as a kid, Like we moved.

263
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:27,600
Speaker 1: I was born in Washington State, then Idaho, New Jersey, Texas,

264
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:30,480
Speaker 1: and then finally Rhode Island. And I remember when we

265
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:33,280
Speaker 1: lived in New Jersey, I was probably like five or six,

266
00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:37,120
Speaker 1: like just peeking over. We called her the Gramma next door,

267
00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:40,240
Speaker 1: and like we would just I would like mosey over

268
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:42,360
Speaker 1: there and just talk to her, and then she would

269
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:43,840
Speaker 1: have us come in and we would play like board

270
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,600
Speaker 1: games and eat cookies and milk. And I feel like

271
00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:49,400
Speaker 1: I still do that in some sense, like like have

272
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:51,640
Speaker 1: open door policies with like my friends and family and

273
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,800
Speaker 1: neighbors where we just kind of like I just poke

274
00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:54,960
Speaker 1: my head in and say hi.

275
00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:59,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you said at times your curiosity was reprimanded.

276
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:01,000
Speaker 4: What did that look like?

277
00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:04,160
Speaker 1: My mother had struggled with a lot of like mental

278
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:07,600
Speaker 1: health and alcoholism, and I think I was always like

279
00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:09,960
Speaker 1: when I was a kid, I was always like I

280
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,040
Speaker 1: was always you know, I was a chatty kid.

281
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,040
Speaker 2: I would always want to talk to people.

282
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:16,280
Speaker 1: But there were points where I was told that I

283
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:20,200
Speaker 1: was like too loud or trying to get attention or

284
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:23,000
Speaker 1: trying I was I was. You know, there were points

285
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,840
Speaker 1: where my mother would tell me was trying to tell

286
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:29,480
Speaker 1: me who I was. And you know, at that point,

287
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:31,840
Speaker 1: there were points where, like, you know, my curiosity is

288
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:34,720
Speaker 1: something that is like a core being of who I am,

289
00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:37,080
Speaker 1: and so there were points where she would try and

290
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,400
Speaker 1: you know, control that or restrain it in a sense,

291
00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:44,880
Speaker 1: and like isolating me, which I think is like probably

292
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,960
Speaker 1: one of my like I really like I was just

293
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,320
Speaker 1: mentioning like community is so important to me. You know,

294
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:55,720
Speaker 1: that's where you know, kind of trying to like dim

295
00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:58,320
Speaker 1: the flame in a sense. But I think like when

296
00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:03,040
Speaker 1: I started running, I'd started finding so many of these

297
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,680
Speaker 1: people that I could connect with and relate to. And

298
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:07,680
Speaker 1: how much can you learn about someone you go on

299
00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:09,880
Speaker 1: to run? You go on a long run, you learn

300
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:10,800
Speaker 1: a lot about someone.

301
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:14,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure, there's that level of sweat equity as well. Right,

302
00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:18,160
Speaker 3: It's like when you show up and you get into

303
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:21,760
Speaker 3: something with someone, the walls come down and then you

304
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:27,880
Speaker 3: have almost this uncommunicated relationship that we're here doing a

305
00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:30,160
Speaker 3: hard thing together, so we might as well get into

306
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:30,640
Speaker 3: the woods.

307
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I mean and like the beauty of that, right,

308
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:36,320
Speaker 1: Like as typically you're not on your phone, you're like

309
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,160
Speaker 1: all of the things that are mattering in the world

310
00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:41,600
Speaker 1: kind of go away like that, You're so right, it's

311
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:45,600
Speaker 1: like this one hour or whatever amount of time where

312
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:47,880
Speaker 1: you can kind of just be and be present in it,

313
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,600
Speaker 1: and like you can go through that with someone else,

314
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:53,200
Speaker 1: and like it's also this point where like you can

315
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:54,840
Speaker 1: talk about things and you can know that it's.

316
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,800
Speaker 2: Like a safe space to just talk about whatever it is.

317
00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:59,040
Speaker 1: And I mean, I remember when I was a kid,

318
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,640
Speaker 1: like I would run with my older brother Patrick, and

319
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:04,000
Speaker 1: like those those were some of my earliest moments of

320
00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:08,280
Speaker 1: feeling heard. Was you know, we would go on these

321
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:10,080
Speaker 1: runs and I would finally have a place where I

322
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:12,920
Speaker 1: could like talk and walk through things, and like you know,

323
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,840
Speaker 1: he would give me advice or he would just listen

324
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,560
Speaker 1: and we would you know, we would just be doing

325
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:20,960
Speaker 1: that through running around like his you know his like

326
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:21,880
Speaker 1: he lives in Montclair.

327
00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:23,680
Speaker 2: We would just like run around the block over there.

328
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:41,800
Speaker 3: And yeah, yeah, So when you started running, what was

329
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:42,920
Speaker 3: your why for that?

330
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:44,600
Speaker 2: So it's funny.

331
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:49,000
Speaker 1: When I first started running, like it was just because

332
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:50,720
Speaker 1: like I was a kid and I would just like

333
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:54,160
Speaker 1: literally run around. We had this play play set and

334
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:57,000
Speaker 1: my sisters, I'm the youngest of my family, they would

335
00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,520
Speaker 1: have there's this swing set and there's only two swings,

336
00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:02,200
Speaker 1: so they would just have me run around so I

337
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,879
Speaker 1: didn't get like so they could have the swings and

338
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,520
Speaker 1: they would like sing this song to me. And then

339
00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:10,720
Speaker 1: I just naturally, like, you know, since I was a

340
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:12,240
Speaker 1: young kid, I was always running around.

341
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,760
Speaker 2: I just am a very energetic kid. But then.

342
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:20,600
Speaker 1: Like I really started taking running, not like more consistently,

343
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:24,720
Speaker 1: when I was in middle school in high school, And.

344
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:26,400
Speaker 2: Honestly, my why was just.

345
00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:31,000
Speaker 1: It was this sense of freedom and like I think

346
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:33,040
Speaker 1: a lot of there was a solid amount of like

347
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:35,199
Speaker 1: I mentioned this earlier of my childhood that was like

348
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:39,760
Speaker 1: isolation and almost this feeling and feeling stuck or trapped,

349
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:41,960
Speaker 1: and when I started running.

350
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,280
Speaker 2: I started feeling.

351
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:47,720
Speaker 1: This like like like legitimate sigh of relief where I

352
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:50,200
Speaker 1: could like actually like be.

353
00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:58,159
Speaker 2: Outside around people around like my peers and like just

354
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:01,600
Speaker 2: be normal, you know, like just feel like I was

355
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:04,800
Speaker 2: this like have just have this sense of normalcy because

356
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:07,719
Speaker 2: I think like things at home were just you know,

357
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:09,439
Speaker 2: I think at the time, I didn't realize that they

358
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:14,480
Speaker 2: weren't normal, but they were just so isolating, and.

359
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:16,280
Speaker 3: That was actually going to be My next question is

360
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,720
Speaker 3: that did you have an understanding at a young age,

361
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,320
Speaker 3: and if we're talking about middle school at this point.

362
00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:26,359
Speaker 1: No, I mean I think, like I think I just

363
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:28,879
Speaker 1: thought that this is like it's funny because I remember

364
00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:31,200
Speaker 1: when I went to college, even I would I would,

365
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:33,879
Speaker 1: you know, just be talking, you know, yeapping with my

366
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,880
Speaker 1: friends or my girlfriends, and then I would say these

367
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:38,719
Speaker 1: things and then.

368
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:43,040
Speaker 2: Just realize that like their responses were not it was

369
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,000
Speaker 2: not a normal you know.

370
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,680
Speaker 4: Right, it was a normal lived experience.

371
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:49,199
Speaker 1: And then I started realizing, oh, like that's not you know,

372
00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:51,080
Speaker 1: it's not that I was a bad kid.

373
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:51,920
Speaker 2: That was just abuse.

374
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:54,520
Speaker 1: But also again, like then I had these I still

375
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:59,760
Speaker 1: had these moments with my like high school cross country

376
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:02,199
Speaker 1: teams that were like so incredible. It was like the

377
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:05,080
Speaker 1: space where I had where like we had big sister,

378
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,679
Speaker 1: little sister, where like you know you're making your like

379
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:10,960
Speaker 1: writing little cross country notes to people and you know

380
00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:13,439
Speaker 1: all loading up on the bus before me and like singing,

381
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,640
Speaker 1: uh oh are.

382
00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:17,440
Speaker 2: The songs that we would remember.

383
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:19,040
Speaker 1: I feel like I heard one the other day and

384
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:20,440
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my gosh, this is the blast

385
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:21,280
Speaker 1: from the past.

386
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:21,880
Speaker 4: A little time warp.

387
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:26,639
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so interesting when you take a step back

388
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:30,720
Speaker 3: and realize that you wouldn't have known it wasn't normal

389
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:35,760
Speaker 3: unless there was this opportunity for conversation, unless maybe you

390
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:40,880
Speaker 3: had done something different, unless you had involved yourself in

391
00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:43,960
Speaker 3: these activities and gotten outside of the bubble. Because when

392
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,520
Speaker 3: you're in the bubble, it might feel some kind of way,

393
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,399
Speaker 3: but you don't know that that's not the normal.

394
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:51,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think like it was a point too,

395
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:53,919
Speaker 1: like so, and I don't know if the film necessarily

396
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,920
Speaker 1: touches upon this, but like when I joined my high

397
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:59,320
Speaker 1: school cross country team, you know, I started having a

398
00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:03,800
Speaker 1: lot of success. And my high school coach, coach Wilson,

399
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:06,160
Speaker 1: who is she's mentioned in the film.

400
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,920
Speaker 2: She's in the film. She started she lived like seven

401
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:09,960
Speaker 2: houses down the street from me.

402
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:10,520
Speaker 4: Oh wow.

403
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:14,439
Speaker 1: And so she would start taking me to practice, and

404
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,680
Speaker 1: then she would start like taking me to ipt appointments,

405
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:19,919
Speaker 1: and then like taking me to my doctor's appointments, and

406
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:22,720
Speaker 1: then like I started sleeping on her couch, and then

407
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:23,679
Speaker 1: I started sleeping.

408
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,040
Speaker 2: On our couch for like a couple of weeks.

409
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:28,439
Speaker 1: And then you know, next thing, you know, like she

410
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:31,040
Speaker 1: actually ended up like becoming my legal guardian, my like

411
00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:34,560
Speaker 1: junior and senior year, and so like to come from

412
00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:38,040
Speaker 1: you know, my experience at home, my relationship with my mother,

413
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,919
Speaker 1: and then to then have this relationship with what is

414
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,359
Speaker 1: wild to me as she was twenty seven years.

415
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:47,520
Speaker 4: Old when she took you seven as your legal guardian.

416
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:48,240
Speaker 4: Yeah wow.

417
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:52,280
Speaker 1: She had a new baby, Emmy, and she was twenty seven.

418
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:54,720
Speaker 1: And I remember when I turned twenty seven. I'm thirty

419
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:59,160
Speaker 1: now just thinking about taking in like a sixteen angsty

420
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:03,679
Speaker 1: sixteen to seven eighteen year old into your home and like,

421
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:06,480
Speaker 1: you know, she's she jokes, like we say, she's like

422
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:09,480
Speaker 1: you're my fifth daughter. But like then to have you know,

423
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:15,280
Speaker 1: this sense of normalcy as well was like again you

424
00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:18,080
Speaker 1: go back to like when I was like having this moment,

425
00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:20,560
Speaker 1: sharing it with my friends and family, and like, she's

426
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:23,199
Speaker 1: someone that I constantly think about and I'm constantly grateful

427
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:28,640
Speaker 1: for because like she created that idea of unconditional love

428
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,720
Speaker 1: and showing up and being there.

429
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:32,760
Speaker 2: I mean, she's still she still checks in with me

430
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:33,240
Speaker 2: all the time.

431
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, what did that transition look like for you?

432
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:40,000
Speaker 3: To go from you know, sleeping there sporadically to then

433
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:42,000
Speaker 3: her ultimately becoming your guardian.

434
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:45,520
Speaker 2: At the time, it honestly became an issue.

435
00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:48,520
Speaker 1: Like the biggest reason was because she would take me

436
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:51,560
Speaker 1: to these doctor's appointments, and because I wasn't eighteen, it

437
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:55,680
Speaker 1: was like, this is like legality a difficult thing, right,

438
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:58,640
Speaker 1: But it honestly, I mean, it was just the transition itself,

439
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:00,720
Speaker 1: because it was like I would go and I would

440
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:02,880
Speaker 1: sleep on our couch for like two weeks, and then

441
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:04,960
Speaker 1: I would go home, and then you know, something would

442
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,159
Speaker 1: happen and then I'd run over to her house and

443
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,000
Speaker 1: then stay there again. So it kind of became this

444
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,639
Speaker 1: band aid effect, and so eventually it got to a

445
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:15,440
Speaker 1: point where it was like, you know, just this jostling

446
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:18,280
Speaker 1: for like a young teenager, like why not create something

447
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:22,800
Speaker 1: that's a little more stable like this consistency, and.

448
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:23,879
Speaker 4: How was that received by your parents?

449
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:26,520
Speaker 1: You know, my mom at this point, my parents were

450
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:29,800
Speaker 1: already divorced. I think, you know, at this point, I

451
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:33,760
Speaker 1: kind of started recognizing that my relationship with my mother

452
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:35,920
Speaker 1: was not something that was healthy.

453
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:37,879
Speaker 2: And you know, I think my dad.

454
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:41,240
Speaker 1: I love my dad so much, he is so incredible,

455
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:43,119
Speaker 1: and I think he knew at this point that it

456
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:44,880
Speaker 1: was like the right thing to do. Like, I think

457
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,000
Speaker 1: he knew that that's what I needed. And I think, like,

458
00:22:47,359 --> 00:22:52,400
Speaker 1: I think it was so honestly incredibly selfless of him

459
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:54,679
Speaker 1: to be able to recognize that that's what I needed,

460
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:58,560
Speaker 1: because it just wasn't necessarily the situation that I could

461
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:00,840
Speaker 1: get all of those things being at home, And so

462
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:03,000
Speaker 1: I think, like, I don't know what it was like.

463
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:07,360
Speaker 1: I don't know how how that would have necessarily been

464
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:10,920
Speaker 1: to experiences as a father, especially because he does love

465
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:14,320
Speaker 1: me so much, But I think it was really selfless

466
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,560
Speaker 1: for him to be able to like recognize that and

467
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:19,240
Speaker 1: be able to have know that was what was best

468
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:19,480
Speaker 1: for me.

469
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:23,800
Speaker 3: And also like kind of your first insight, i'm sure,

470
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:27,359
Speaker 3: as a young woman into what it looks like to

471
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:29,240
Speaker 3: choose yourself.

472
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,840
Speaker 1: You know, I knew at the point that it was

473
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:35,479
Speaker 1: like important, like I felt, you know, I think at

474
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,640
Speaker 1: this point, I didn't even know what your nervous system was, right,

475
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:40,639
Speaker 1: but I knew that I felt more comfortable, safer.

476
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:41,840
Speaker 2: My grades were going.

477
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:45,000
Speaker 1: Up, I was had routine, I was eating you know,

478
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,880
Speaker 1: had you know, my lunch packed for me every day,

479
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:53,639
Speaker 1: and dinner was always predicted. Everything was predictable, right, And

480
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:55,679
Speaker 1: that was like the first time that I felt like

481
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,960
Speaker 1: I wasn't trying to remember like the cracks in the floor,

482
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:02,280
Speaker 1: and I was like stuck in my bedroom like just weird,

483
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:05,439
Speaker 1: Like I wasn't walking on eggshells anymore. I didn't have

484
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:08,160
Speaker 1: to be strategic. I didn't have to know whether love

485
00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:12,600
Speaker 1: I was going to be loved or not. And I

486
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 1: think it was really difficult because I think it felt

487
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:19,200
Speaker 1: like I was leaving something behind and it was really scary.

488
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:23,320
Speaker 1: But I also knew that I felt better and I

489
00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:26,879
Speaker 1: knew that I was doing better. So it's like, you know,

490
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:31,280
Speaker 1: you can have this sense of like this has been

491
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:35,640
Speaker 1: my entire life, this is what you're supposed to do,

492
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,800
Speaker 1: or this is what you expect is supposed to be

493
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:43,120
Speaker 1: this you know the way, but then you start noticing

494
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:46,879
Speaker 1: like again, like my grades started going up, and I

495
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:50,760
Speaker 1: started like eating better and like just like nourishing myself

496
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:54,960
Speaker 1: or being nourished, like not necessarily needing to like have

497
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 1: to do everything on my own or fight to get

498
00:24:57,359 --> 00:25:01,600
Speaker 1: things done or fight to feel you know, to feel safe.

499
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,040
Speaker 1: But you know, you go through this experience where you

500
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:06,160
Speaker 1: just think that that's like but that is what it is.

501
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:09,639
Speaker 1: But then you have to kind of like, yeah, you

502
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:12,040
Speaker 1: have to make the decision and be brave enough. And

503
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 1: also again I think it it did happen kind of organically,

504
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:18,119
Speaker 1: but there were there were a few moments growing up

505
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:20,080
Speaker 1: where I like kind of had to be like this

506
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:23,320
Speaker 1: is not good for me anymore. And as much as

507
00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:27,080
Speaker 1: I want to control it or like have control over

508
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:31,720
Speaker 1: this scenario, like like to change things, I can't control

509
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:34,600
Speaker 1: other people, and so like, this is what is going.

510
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 3: To be, Like what is it that's within my control

511
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:41,680
Speaker 3: at this moment? To move forward, which it's it requires

512
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:46,119
Speaker 3: an aspect of being willing to accept these things. To

513
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:49,680
Speaker 3: be in this place where you stop getting so angry

514
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,560
Speaker 3: about the things that you can't control or upset about

515
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 3: the things that you can't control, and rather shift that

516
00:25:55,920 --> 00:26:00,400
Speaker 3: anger into I'm going to take this ownership. I'm going

517
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:03,560
Speaker 3: to be in this place where I understand that if

518
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,600
Speaker 3: I can just put this anger or this sadness or

519
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 3: this frustration to the side for a little bit, then

520
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,320
Speaker 3: maybe I'll be in the position to open the door

521
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:12,120
Speaker 3: to a better.

522
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:12,880
Speaker 2: Way for sure.

523
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:16,040
Speaker 1: And I think, like any teenager, there's always resentment.

524
00:26:16,119 --> 00:26:18,240
Speaker 2: Like every teenager is probably resentful in stuff form.

525
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:19,439
Speaker 4: I'm resentful as an adult.

526
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:22,159
Speaker 1: Come on, but I used to carry I used to

527
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,600
Speaker 1: carry a lot of resentment and like frustration and anger.

528
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:27,080
Speaker 1: And then I think as soon as I learned to

529
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:30,240
Speaker 1: just like let go of that, it also just allowed

530
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:35,000
Speaker 1: me to again really focus on this like also the

531
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:36,680
Speaker 1: things that did show up for me, the people who

532
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,399
Speaker 1: did show up for me, which is so much of

533
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:42,399
Speaker 1: a healthier thing to have in your mind than like

534
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:45,040
Speaker 1: this feeling of if this was different or if this

535
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:45,760
Speaker 1: was you know.

536
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 4: And that's because energy attracts like energy.

537
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:51,359
Speaker 3: So when you're living in this place where you're coming

538
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:56,240
Speaker 3: from this victim mindset or this scared mindset, you're going

539
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:58,320
Speaker 3: to look around and things aren't going to look so

540
00:26:58,440 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 3: shiny and bright.

541
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:00,399
Speaker 4: But when you give.

542
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:04,280
Speaker 3: Yourself the space to get out of those rooms to

543
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,320
Speaker 3: get out of these dark places. Then you realize, like

544
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,920
Speaker 3: it doesn't need to be so dim all the time.

545
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:12,480
Speaker 1: You have like the stories and the interactions I have

546
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:14,879
Speaker 1: with people, or like how I just bump into these

547
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:15,880
Speaker 1: people and then become.

548
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:17,160
Speaker 2: Print whatever it is, and like.

549
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:21,119
Speaker 1: I've kind of just started expressing because they're like, oh,

550
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:23,159
Speaker 1: this is a Naisha moment, right, this is it? Like

551
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:26,880
Speaker 1: and I'm like, yes, but you can have this experience too,

552
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:29,520
Speaker 1: you just have to open yourself up to it. If

553
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:33,800
Speaker 1: you open yourself up to again open your heart up

554
00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:36,639
Speaker 1: to like having these moments. I do believe that, like

555
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 1: it can it can happen for anybody. I don't even

556
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:42,960
Speaker 1: just the walk over here. There was this gal who

557
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:44,919
Speaker 1: walked by me and like she had these like she

558
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,960
Speaker 1: had a pair of gloves on from this pet place

559
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,879
Speaker 1: in Boston wellness Emotion, and I was like wellness Emotion.

560
00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:51,119
Speaker 2: She was like, oh my god.

561
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:52,520
Speaker 1: Yeah. I was like and I saw her face. I

562
00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:55,040
Speaker 1: was like, wait, you're Amy. I remember you from like

563
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:58,040
Speaker 1: seven years ago. We've actually never met before, but I

564
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:00,520
Speaker 1: recommended you to this design jaw and she's like, oh

565
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:01,359
Speaker 1: my gosh, I should.

566
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 2: My brother was like this is such a you moment.

567
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:06,919
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like, yeah, But I also think if

568
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,680
Speaker 1: you just look up and you have these like you can.

569
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:11,000
Speaker 2: Have these You can have these moments too.

570
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:13,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, if you just look up, such an important reminder.

571
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,560
Speaker 3: Now we talked about you moving in with your running coach,

572
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:19,280
Speaker 3: I want to talk a little bit about foundationally, what

573
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,919
Speaker 3: running did for you during a time that made you

574
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 3: feel like maybe otherwise you didn't have so much stability

575
00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:25,720
Speaker 3: your community.

576
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:27,960
Speaker 2: It created this framework for me.

577
00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:31,000
Speaker 1: I think growing up, I kind of always thought that

578
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:33,600
Speaker 1: I was a bad kid. You know, I was told

579
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,239
Speaker 1: that I was a bad kid. And I think it

580
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:38,920
Speaker 1: was the first time that I started being recognized being

581
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 1: good at something. And then I started being I had,

582
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,520
Speaker 1: you know, younger athletes start looking up to me. So

583
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 1: I started becoming a role model. I started becoming a leader.

584
00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 1: I started learning like what you know, what like being

585
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 1: on a team meant, and how how these healthy relationships

586
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:58,520
Speaker 1: and dynamics worked.

587
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:00,640
Speaker 4: What's it being a leader look like for you?

588
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:04,040
Speaker 1: I think it was like showing up and being consistent

589
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:07,160
Speaker 1: and also just like believing in other people and like

590
00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:13,000
Speaker 1: vocalizing that and like recognizing like words of affirmation. Because

591
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:16,480
Speaker 1: I think that that was also something that wasn't always

592
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,920
Speaker 1: a familiar thing. But then like, running is this very

593
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:24,120
Speaker 1: tangible experience, and so I think it was it was

594
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:30,560
Speaker 1: a very simple thing to understand and to like encourage others. Yeah,

595
00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:33,240
Speaker 1: I think it was just like it just it. It

596
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 1: gave me this framework and stability that I had never

597
00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:39,120
Speaker 1: really had before. But it's also I think, and this

598
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:41,520
Speaker 1: is something that I've I think a lot of people

599
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:45,440
Speaker 1: can probably experience when you you know, get into something

600
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 1: and it gives you all of this great you know,

601
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:53,320
Speaker 1: it changes, it can change the trajrectory of your life.

602
00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:56,520
Speaker 1: It can also create this you know, For me, it

603
00:29:56,600 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 1: became this level of but if if if this isn't

604
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:05,239
Speaker 1: going perfect, then like everything is crumbling, and you know,

605
00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:08,400
Speaker 1: I had had running, you know, protect me and save

606
00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:10,640
Speaker 1: me from a lot of things. But then it also

607
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:15,960
Speaker 1: became oh it's Ayisha the runner. Yeah, it became my

608
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:18,240
Speaker 1: entire identity. I mean, I still will bump into people

609
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 1: in my hometown and they're like, oh, are you still running?

610
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yep, I am, But I'm also doing

611
00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:25,920
Speaker 1: you know, a B and C. Because it kind of

612
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:30,200
Speaker 1: became this, It just kind of became this part of

613
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:34,200
Speaker 1: me that was the whole ayesha. And when it becomes

614
00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:39,920
Speaker 1: your entirety, I think there your perspective of it can

615
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 1: kind of be off kiltered at points. Yeah, you know,

616
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:44,120
Speaker 1: I would have these moments where I was like, well,

617
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:47,000
Speaker 1: if I'm not winning or if I'm not you know,

618
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:50,400
Speaker 1: are people going to like me as much?

619
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:52,200
Speaker 2: Are they going to love me? Is this like?

620
00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:55,840
Speaker 1: And I would carry this like pressure And so it's

621
00:30:55,920 --> 00:31:00,240
Speaker 1: like it's a tricky you know, it's a trick keep

622
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:02,560
Speaker 1: balance in life when you have these like really special things,

623
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 1: because then if it's like the first time you've ever

624
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:08,640
Speaker 1: been introduced to these feelings, you want to just like

625
00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:12,280
Speaker 1: have it all the time. So I definitely had to

626
00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 1: like recognize that and like work through a lot of

627
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:18,240
Speaker 1: work through a lot of anxiety around it because it

628
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:22,080
Speaker 1: kind of just became this like from what it served

629
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:24,719
Speaker 1: for me, it also started like kind of weighing on

630
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,320
Speaker 1: me this other layer of like pressure.

631
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 4: And how did you know that it got to be

632
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 4: too much?

633
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:33,760
Speaker 3: How did you know that so much of your identity

634
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:37,440
Speaker 3: was wrapped up in this particular aspect of your life.

635
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 1: I mean, the physical signs of me just getting like

636
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 1: literally I would get sick before my races. I would

637
00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 1: be so scared and so nervous of failing that I

638
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:48,600
Speaker 1: would I would make my I would literally get sick.

639
00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:51,600
Speaker 1: I would start throwing up before races. I would if

640
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,560
Speaker 1: I wasn't winning, like my eyes, like I would be

641
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:58,560
Speaker 1: like again the stud in the race, or like drop

642
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 1: out or like come in dead life.

643
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:02,840
Speaker 2: There was no there was it was black or white.

644
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:03,760
Speaker 2: There was no ine between.

645
00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:06,880
Speaker 1: And so you know, I had fortunately, I mean I

646
00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:09,760
Speaker 1: had my My college coach was incredible, Coach Bowen, and

647
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:12,720
Speaker 1: she like I finally like started I started making you know,

648
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:15,760
Speaker 1: leaps and bounds of like just like finding.

649
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:17,600
Speaker 2: A better relationship with it.

650
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:19,720
Speaker 1: But then you know, you also go through the experience

651
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,120
Speaker 1: when you like I was a high you know, high

652
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:23,920
Speaker 1: school athlete, college athlete, and then you go through the

653
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:27,040
Speaker 1: experience of like finding your identity with it as just

654
00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:30,680
Speaker 1: a person outside of this framework. And that's why I

655
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:32,880
Speaker 1: think it was really like, you know, my background is

656
00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:34,720
Speaker 1: in like track and field, and so it's been really

657
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:38,360
Speaker 1: nice to start exploring these like really this foreign territory

658
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:43,040
Speaker 1: like where it's not a matter of like time isn't

659
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:46,800
Speaker 1: a matter in ultras like maybe if you're like the

660
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:49,360
Speaker 1: Kreme de la Creme top, but like it's still there's

661
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:52,520
Speaker 1: so many variables in ultra running and trail running that

662
00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:56,040
Speaker 1: you cannot control. And you can have these moments in

663
00:32:56,080 --> 00:33:00,479
Speaker 1: these races where like you can literally like totally crash

664
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 1: and you have to bring yourself out of the ashes

665
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:07,720
Speaker 1: in a sense. And like you know, with track you

666
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:11,640
Speaker 1: for me at least, it's just this finite amount of

667
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 1: time that's so small, and it's like this, if one

668
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:16,959
Speaker 1: thing goes wrong, like how can you kind of like

669
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:20,000
Speaker 1: fix it? And in the longer races, like you kind

670
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:21,800
Speaker 1: of are going to expect that something's going to happen,

671
00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:24,640
Speaker 1: Like something will happen, and you just know that, like

672
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 1: you just have to kind of adjust and you have

673
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:29,240
Speaker 1: to pivot, and that's what it is.

674
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:32,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, So you pick up a camera and you think,

675
00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:33,960
Speaker 3: maybe this is a good way for me to learn

676
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:35,400
Speaker 3: a little bit more about myself.

677
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:37,160
Speaker 1: I mean, I, like, you know, picked up a camera

678
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 1: here and there when I was in high school, and

679
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:42,880
Speaker 1: then when I was in college, I you know, it

680
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 1: was a three season athlete.

681
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:45,960
Speaker 2: That was a huge part of my identity.

682
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:50,520
Speaker 1: But then I started taking these photo classes and journalism

683
00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 1: classes and really started also seeing a new bit of identity,

684
00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:58,520
Speaker 1: Like I started finding myself in the arts building a

685
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:00,480
Speaker 1: lot more like when I wasn't at Price Actice. I

686
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:03,080
Speaker 1: was an arts building and I was like working on

687
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:06,880
Speaker 1: photo stories and editing and like again starting to lean

688
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:11,880
Speaker 1: into like working at the newspaper, and like I started

689
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:14,280
Speaker 1: feeling a little bit more of a fifty to fifty ayesha.

690
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:17,239
Speaker 1: And then I also started there were points where my

691
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:20,000
Speaker 1: you know, my performance, I was racing better because it

692
00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:26,120
Speaker 1: wasn't this like all in But then yeah, I think

693
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:32,080
Speaker 1: I think it was also just this ability to take

694
00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:37,880
Speaker 1: two things that I loved and combine the two and

695
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,960
Speaker 1: then use that, you know, I think growing up I

696
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:44,239
Speaker 1: was always just again, oh I usure the runner. And

697
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:47,439
Speaker 1: then to be able to use my camera to go

698
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:50,279
Speaker 1: and work with these athletes who are seen, you know

699
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:54,439
Speaker 1: as these sometimes machines are like who are they as

700
00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:56,880
Speaker 1: you know their times or their performances, But then to

701
00:34:56,920 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 1: be able to use my camera to show that, you know,

702
00:35:00,719 --> 00:35:04,400
Speaker 1: someone like Ellie is also an incredible mother and a

703
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 1: huge like advocate for dairy farming, and like just these

704
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:13,200
Speaker 1: like different levels of how athletes are multifaceted people and

705
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:16,399
Speaker 1: how like, yes, they're athletes, but like there's so much

706
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 1: more than that, right, And it's been really rewarding to

707
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:21,479
Speaker 1: be able to like use it to kind of shine

708
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:22,080
Speaker 1: light on that.

709
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:26,200
Speaker 3: I think the struggle is often overlooked. Society's obsessed with

710
00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:29,480
Speaker 3: the finish line. But through your creative work, what you

711
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:33,000
Speaker 3: like to focus on is the moments in between. Is

712
00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:36,440
Speaker 3: the moments of agony, are the quiet moments when you're

713
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:39,080
Speaker 3: at an aid station, Right, There's so much beauty in that,

714
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:43,160
Speaker 3: but holistically it's something that a lot of people tend

715
00:35:43,239 --> 00:35:47,319
Speaker 3: to miss. So the question really is A why do

716
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 3: you think that people aren't so obsessed with the journey?

717
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:53,120
Speaker 4: And b what is it about the struggle that entertains

718
00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:53,440
Speaker 4: you the.

719
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:57,880
Speaker 1: Most in terms of people's like fixation on, like, you know,

720
00:35:57,920 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 1: how are people going to do?

721
00:35:59,000 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 2: What's the final outcome?

722
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:04,640
Speaker 1: Part of that, I think is honestly, our attention spans

723
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:07,160
Speaker 1: have become quite small and short. Yep. We just have

724
00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:10,080
Speaker 1: everything that we can consume within and I think this

725
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:13,480
Speaker 1: goes beyond just like races, like we can consume something

726
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:16,480
Speaker 1: for thirty seconds and move on with it. I mean,

727
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:19,839
Speaker 1: you look at how even athletes experience like success and

728
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:22,520
Speaker 1: like when you know, sometimes if someone does well at

729
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:25,879
Speaker 1: the Olympics, like contracts are signed within and partnerships within

730
00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:28,359
Speaker 1: like three hours of the race, right, it has to

731
00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:31,080
Speaker 1: happen versus you find an athlete, you know, if there's

732
00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:34,520
Speaker 1: a doping someone gets banned and then they move their

733
00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:36,479
Speaker 1: spot up like a couple of years later. They don't

734
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 1: have that opportunity because the windows so short. So I

735
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:42,920
Speaker 1: think there's like I think it's a bit of attent

736
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:46,360
Speaker 1: like the attention span just with again social media, et cetera.

737
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:46,919
Speaker 4: Mm hmm.

738
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:48,880
Speaker 2: I also just think.

739
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:52,040
Speaker 1: A bit in our culture is so fixated on that

740
00:36:52,120 --> 00:37:02,640
Speaker 1: success looks like these these singular performances or moments versus

741
00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:06,120
Speaker 1: those things that led you to it or those people.

742
00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:09,359
Speaker 1: I'm just like, I don't want to say I'm not

743
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:12,800
Speaker 1: interested in that, because I when I'm photographing an athlete,

744
00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:16,600
Speaker 1: like I am committed to, like I get emotional sometimes

745
00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:20,880
Speaker 1: when I'm like just getting to witness what they're putting

746
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:23,359
Speaker 1: themselves through, because they're putting themselves and putting themselves out

747
00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:26,759
Speaker 1: there in a very vulnerable way, and it's like really

748
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:30,560
Speaker 1: commendable what they're doing because you know they're putting themselves

749
00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:34,000
Speaker 1: out there in this vulnerable place and the world is watching.

750
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:37,160
Speaker 1: But I also think it's such for me. It's like

751
00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:41,719
Speaker 1: such an honor and like a like I'm so privileged

752
00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 1: that I get to experience these other moments with them,

753
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:49,680
Speaker 1: and I really for me, like because of the way,

754
00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:52,840
Speaker 1: like my relationship run with running was like it just

755
00:37:54,239 --> 00:37:56,560
Speaker 1: again when I used to have people always be like,

756
00:37:56,680 --> 00:37:59,960
Speaker 1: you're the runner. I just want it always for people

757
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:02,319
Speaker 1: to know that I was something other than that. And

758
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 1: so when I get to share these moments with these athletes,

759
00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:09,680
Speaker 1: like it's also me being like I'm seeing you for

760
00:38:09,719 --> 00:38:10,600
Speaker 1: who you are.

761
00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:11,799
Speaker 2: Not just your performance.

762
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:15,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, sometimes I probably get like very almost too invested,

763
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:18,840
Speaker 1: probably like I don't know, I just think I'm so

764
00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:23,759
Speaker 1: incredibly privileged to be able to have the honor of

765
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:27,200
Speaker 1: people welcoming me into their space and their vulnerability and

766
00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:28,880
Speaker 1: their communities and their people.

767
00:38:29,320 --> 00:38:31,879
Speaker 3: Well, that's your value of community coming back out right,

768
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:36,000
Speaker 3: that's your desire to make these people feel seen. And

769
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:37,799
Speaker 3: at the end of the day, that's what we're all

770
00:38:37,800 --> 00:38:41,000
Speaker 3: looking for. We all want to feel seen and heard.

771
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:44,240
Speaker 3: Some of us may be better at vocalizing it than others,

772
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:48,520
Speaker 3: but through your work, you have the opportunity to give

773
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:52,200
Speaker 3: others something that you felt like you didn't have exactly.

774
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:55,000
Speaker 1: I also try and like when I'm photographing athletes, I

775
00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:57,960
Speaker 1: really try and ensure that they have autonomy over the

776
00:38:57,960 --> 00:38:59,640
Speaker 1: photos that I'm taking of them.

777
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:01,839
Speaker 2: Something that's really important to me is like.

778
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:06,239
Speaker 1: Honestly knowing when to put like have the camera out

779
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:08,480
Speaker 1: and when to put it down. And then also like

780
00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:12,480
Speaker 1: if they're going through these moments, like because you know

781
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:15,760
Speaker 1: sometimes during these races are like even outside of races,

782
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:20,759
Speaker 1: like I've been in points where I've like been in

783
00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:22,880
Speaker 1: the space when an athlete has had like a panic attack,

784
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:25,000
Speaker 1: and like I don't need to have the camera out

785
00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:25,600
Speaker 1: in that situation.

786
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:26,960
Speaker 2: I need to be for that, like I need to

787
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:28,440
Speaker 2: be there for them as a friend.

788
00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:32,920
Speaker 1: I also think, at least for me, my responsibility and

789
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:38,160
Speaker 1: like just like a part of my my focus as

790
00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:41,799
Speaker 1: a photographer and like values come down to like just

791
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:48,759
Speaker 1: knowing and respecting these athletes as humans first, Like at

792
00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:50,960
Speaker 1: the end of the day, they have their moments, they

793
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:54,680
Speaker 1: have their people, and like knowing the time and place.

794
00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:57,160
Speaker 4: It's such a testament to who you are.

795
00:39:57,200 --> 00:40:00,520
Speaker 3: Though, like to be able to say I know, like

796
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:03,320
Speaker 3: I am human first and being able to then again

797
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:07,520
Speaker 3: separate your identity from Ayisha the photographer to just Ayisha

798
00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:11,440
Speaker 3: the good, genuine human being. But I think that sometimes

799
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:14,400
Speaker 3: is quite a challenge, right, especially when you have a

800
00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 3: job to do and there's dollars on the job. Right,

801
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:19,040
Speaker 3: But if we want to talk about dollars, well, I

802
00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:20,759
Speaker 3: mean it gets a lot more intricate than that.

803
00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I mean there's been times where I've just

804
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:26,440
Speaker 1: told the client the brand and be like, hey, I'm

805
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 1: not doing it, Like I got to take a step back, like.

806
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:29,800
Speaker 2: They need space.

807
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:33,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think that, like, and for the most part,

808
00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:36,000
Speaker 1: brands are pretty understandable about that. Like, I think there

809
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:38,319
Speaker 1: is at least the brands that I've worked with, I've

810
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:41,200
Speaker 1: been fortunate where like they have been very mindful of

811
00:40:41,239 --> 00:40:44,160
Speaker 1: like they I think there is the shift, especially in

812
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:47,040
Speaker 1: the past few years, that like mental health.

813
00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:48,560
Speaker 2: Like matters matters.

814
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:50,719
Speaker 1: If you want an athlete to perform well, you need

815
00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:52,759
Speaker 1: them to have a well rounded life and they need

816
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:53,520
Speaker 1: to feel supported.

817
00:40:53,640 --> 00:41:13,919
Speaker 3: So yeah, now you are working with some very big

818
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 3: brands covering some of the biggest events that happened within

819
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:20,880
Speaker 3: the endurance space as well as within track and field.

820
00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:24,840
Speaker 4: Do you remember the first big get that you ever got.

821
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:26,920
Speaker 1: I feel like I've talked about this from time to

822
00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:30,280
Speaker 1: time with people. It was actually a self driven project,

823
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:35,040
Speaker 1: but I had it was twenty twenty Olympic trials before

824
00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:36,880
Speaker 1: the world It was like a few weeks before the

825
00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:40,040
Speaker 1: world shut down. Yeah, in Atlanta, in Atlanta, Georgia for

826
00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:41,080
Speaker 1: the marathon.

827
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:41,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, I had.

828
00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:44,279
Speaker 1: I think I raced like the mile at bu right

829
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:47,040
Speaker 1: before and then hopped on like a Spirit airlines some

830
00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:50,080
Speaker 1: like sixty dollars, Like was like, okay, i have three

831
00:41:50,160 --> 00:41:51,880
Speaker 1: hundred dollars to budget. I'm just going to go do

832
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:56,360
Speaker 1: this personal project and fly down there like sleep on

833
00:41:56,400 --> 00:42:03,080
Speaker 1: an air mattress. I hadn't gotten a credential, and I

834
00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:06,560
Speaker 1: wanted to photograph these moments with athletes in their hotel

835
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:07,440
Speaker 1: rooms before.

836
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:10,759
Speaker 2: For a lot of these athletes the biggest moment in

837
00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:11,640
Speaker 2: their careers.

838
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:14,600
Speaker 1: And I think what was special in this sense was

839
00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:17,280
Speaker 1: like a lot of these athletes are just everyday people,

840
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:19,480
Speaker 1: like they have full time jobs or they like just

841
00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:21,960
Speaker 1: trying to But one of the athletes that I was

842
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:25,120
Speaker 1: with was molly's Seidel and she was I think at

843
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:27,960
Speaker 1: this point she was with Socony, but she had like

844
00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:32,359
Speaker 1: started coaching with being coached by John Green. She had

845
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:34,839
Speaker 1: gone through a lot of shifts and taken risks in

846
00:42:34,880 --> 00:42:40,000
Speaker 1: her career. John had as well, and she had She

847
00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:43,440
Speaker 1: had like welcomed me and a photographer right before the

848
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:43,879
Speaker 1: start line.

849
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:47,239
Speaker 4: How'd you guys meet? She was in Boston? Well, she was.

850
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:49,799
Speaker 1: She was in Boston. I was in Boston. John was

851
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:53,759
Speaker 1: in Boston. John and I knew each other through college.

852
00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:57,560
Speaker 1: We had like met I think in the Boston Marathon.

853
00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 1: We had like I met her coach, John Green at

854
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:04,120
Speaker 1: the marathon, I think maybe the year or two prior.

855
00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:08,840
Speaker 1: I like saw him across the crowd. This was like

856
00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:11,160
Speaker 1: during the five k, and then him and I managed

857
00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:14,280
Speaker 1: to like sneak our way into the finish line.

858
00:43:14,640 --> 00:43:17,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, like just weasel our way and then.

859
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:19,440
Speaker 1: We got kicked out. But we had met each other

860
00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:21,640
Speaker 1: at that point for the first time. And then I

861
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 1: just reached out to him and I was like, would

862
00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:25,680
Speaker 1: she be down? She was down, you know, it was

863
00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:27,960
Speaker 1: like she was actually the last person I was I photographed,

864
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:29,279
Speaker 1: and then she had to get to the start line,

865
00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:31,560
Speaker 1: and it was that moment.

866
00:43:32,239 --> 00:43:33,680
Speaker 2: She ended up making the Olympic team.

867
00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:39,400
Speaker 1: I just remember photographing like those like split second decisions

868
00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:41,520
Speaker 1: where I'm like, I either have to be here or there.

869
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:44,360
Speaker 2: I have to make the decision. And that was like

870
00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:49,400
Speaker 2: for me the first like break that I remember.

871
00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:51,440
Speaker 1: And it was really I think back to that moment

872
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:54,480
Speaker 1: too because I remember also it was just like you know,

873
00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:56,880
Speaker 1: the three of us, we ended up becoming really good friends.

874
00:43:57,760 --> 00:43:59,320
Speaker 2: We spent a lot of lockdown together.

875
00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:03,440
Speaker 1: That kind of just like her career, the trajectory of

876
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:07,600
Speaker 1: her career shifted, John's career shifted. My career kind of shifted,

877
00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:12,160
Speaker 1: And like what happened with the photos. The photos I remember,

878
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:15,000
Speaker 1: like Sports Illustrated, I like reached out to a bunch

879
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:17,800
Speaker 1: of people Sports Illustrated had shared them.

880
00:44:17,880 --> 00:44:18,839
Speaker 4: And they paid you for them.

881
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:21,399
Speaker 1: They paid me for I mean, it was an editorial rate.

882
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:25,160
Speaker 1: It was crazy, but I think Tracksmith had DoD something

883
00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:27,680
Speaker 1: a time. But also I think it was just like

884
00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:31,160
Speaker 1: I finally felt like I started. That was like the

885
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:34,359
Speaker 1: project that I was recognized. People started recognizing me for

886
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:35,600
Speaker 1: that style of work.

887
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:39,040
Speaker 3: And I think that's so important also because yes, you

888
00:44:39,040 --> 00:44:43,000
Speaker 3: were able to monetize like those photos in a small way. However,

889
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:48,160
Speaker 3: what you gained from that was bigger than a monetary gain, Yeah,

890
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:52,200
Speaker 3: gained confidence. You gained perhaps in this moment you're saying

891
00:44:52,239 --> 00:44:54,960
Speaker 3: people started to recognize you in this way like it

892
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:56,279
Speaker 3: was such an opportunity.

893
00:44:56,760 --> 00:44:56,960
Speaker 2: Yeah.

894
00:44:57,000 --> 00:45:00,719
Speaker 1: I think there was just like a sense of legitimacy

895
00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:03,520
Speaker 1: in my work after that, and just like again that

896
00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:05,720
Speaker 1: just is the work in the style that It's funny

897
00:45:05,719 --> 00:45:06,399
Speaker 1: because I look back.

898
00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:08,200
Speaker 2: At those photos and I'm like, oh my gosh, those are.

899
00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:11,759
Speaker 1: Terrible, like just like technically how I shot them, et cetera.

900
00:45:11,840 --> 00:45:14,200
Speaker 1: But I also just look back in those moments and

901
00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:16,160
Speaker 1: I took a risk. I decided I was going to

902
00:45:16,239 --> 00:45:19,799
Speaker 1: go like scramble together like a small budget and go

903
00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:22,160
Speaker 1: down there. I did a project that I felt passionate

904
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:24,759
Speaker 1: about doing, and I did it and then it paid off.

905
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:27,480
Speaker 1: And that doesn't always happen. But I think, like when

906
00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:30,200
Speaker 1: you look back sometimes at these experiences in life, sometimes

907
00:45:30,200 --> 00:45:31,720
Speaker 1: I'll be like, oh my gosh, I'm so lucky.

908
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:32,640
Speaker 2: How did I?

909
00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:34,800
Speaker 1: And I remember one time I like called my brother

910
00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:37,920
Speaker 1: and he's like he's a huge MiG role model to me.

911
00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:40,840
Speaker 1: He's like he's run his a very successful business for

912
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:43,799
Speaker 1: like twenty plus years and he's always been like huge

913
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:45,320
Speaker 1: role model and he I was calling.

914
00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:46,600
Speaker 2: I called him on and I was like, this happened.

915
00:45:46,719 --> 00:45:47,279
Speaker 2: Da da da dah.

916
00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:49,600
Speaker 1: And he was like, I was like, I'm so lucky.

917
00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:52,600
Speaker 1: He goes, but is it luck? He was like, you've

918
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:57,000
Speaker 1: also like built this foundation, You've put yourself in these places,

919
00:45:57,239 --> 00:46:00,000
Speaker 1: You've met, these people, you've opened up in these experiences.

920
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:02,120
Speaker 1: Is like, yeah, there's a little bit of luck that

921
00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:05,200
Speaker 1: comes along the way, But like you do, don't don't

922
00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:06,440
Speaker 1: sell yourself short like this.

923
00:46:06,520 --> 00:46:08,200
Speaker 2: Some of this is like the work that you've put in,

924
00:46:08,320 --> 00:46:08,800
Speaker 2: of course.

925
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:11,640
Speaker 1: And I think sometimes I have these like these magical

926
00:46:11,680 --> 00:46:15,040
Speaker 1: experiences in my eyes and then I have to like realize, oh,

927
00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:18,759
Speaker 1: like I'm making these decisions, and these decisions that I'm

928
00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:21,560
Speaker 1: making are leading me to these to these experiences, to

929
00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:25,680
Speaker 1: these wonderful experiences, and to projects like the documentary.

930
00:46:25,719 --> 00:46:28,400
Speaker 3: I mean, like I said, also having the opportunity to

931
00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:33,000
Speaker 3: photograph some of the most outrageous and special races within

932
00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:36,360
Speaker 3: endurance running and then also crossing to the track. But

933
00:46:36,440 --> 00:46:40,480
Speaker 3: when the opportunity to do this documentary came across your

934
00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:42,839
Speaker 3: email in box, I'm assuming where were you?

935
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:45,600
Speaker 1: So it wasn't even an email, like I Max Lowe

936
00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:48,759
Speaker 1: as the director and Max and I met a few

937
00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:53,360
Speaker 1: years prior. And it's funny because he was presented with

938
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:55,759
Speaker 1: this project. We had met a few years prior on

939
00:46:55,840 --> 00:47:00,440
Speaker 1: a different project, and that he was filming I was

940
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:04,080
Speaker 1: I really resonated. So Max had directed this film Had Torn,

941
00:47:04,200 --> 00:47:06,600
Speaker 1: which is it's an incredible film. I think it's on

942
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:09,960
Speaker 1: Disney Plus. And it was about his family. His father

943
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:13,520
Speaker 1: was a famous mountaineer who died in an avalanche climbing accident.

944
00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:17,800
Speaker 2: And he explored his family's.

945
00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:20,319
Speaker 1: Dynamic and his relationship with his family and father, and

946
00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:23,960
Speaker 1: he like ruffled feather and like he like dug into things,

947
00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:27,399
Speaker 1: and you know, it seemed like it was this very

948
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:30,120
Speaker 1: healing experience for him. And we kept in touch after

949
00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:32,600
Speaker 1: meeting on the last the project we had worked on together.

950
00:47:32,680 --> 00:47:37,480
Speaker 1: And I was really curious because I had always kind

951
00:47:37,520 --> 00:47:39,640
Speaker 1: of wanted to explore this with my family, but like

952
00:47:39,680 --> 00:47:42,440
Speaker 1: I didn't know in what way. Did not think it

953
00:47:42,520 --> 00:47:45,400
Speaker 1: was going to be a documentary. Would have never experienced

954
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:47,719
Speaker 1: like thought that. But so we had kept in touch

955
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:49,720
Speaker 1: after his film. But the funny thing is he reached

956
00:47:49,719 --> 00:47:52,720
Speaker 1: out to me to just better understand trail running.

957
00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:55,000
Speaker 2: So we're on the phone and I'm like, you should

958
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:57,320
Speaker 2: talk to this person. D D D D. This person's

959
00:47:57,320 --> 00:47:58,239
Speaker 2: story is interesting.

960
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:01,719
Speaker 1: And then like a couple of weeks later, he text

961
00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:04,520
Speaker 1: me and he's like, hey, friend, would you ever want

962
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:07,360
Speaker 1: to talk about your story? And I was like totally

963
00:48:07,440 --> 00:48:10,880
Speaker 1: caught off guard because I just I'm a storyteller, Like

964
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 1: I'm always behind the camera, Like I wasn't expecting someone

965
00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:17,600
Speaker 1: to want to share my story.

966
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:19,719
Speaker 2: And so then I.

967
00:48:19,520 --> 00:48:22,520
Speaker 1: Popped on a call with Evan, who's the executive producer,

968
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:25,440
Speaker 1: was like right before Boston Marathon, and we just like

969
00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:27,360
Speaker 1: I just kind of was like, it's really complex, I

970
00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:29,799
Speaker 1: explained a little bit, kind of thought I would never

971
00:48:31,280 --> 00:48:33,400
Speaker 1: hear from them again. And then I reached out being like,

972
00:48:34,719 --> 00:48:35,760
Speaker 1: so are you interested?

973
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:36,640
Speaker 4: Yeah?

974
00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:38,759
Speaker 2: And then it was like a few years went by

975
00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:39,520
Speaker 2: and here we are.

976
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:42,640
Speaker 3: A few years went by, a lot of filming, lots

977
00:48:42,680 --> 00:48:44,480
Speaker 3: of filming, a lot of vulnerability.

978
00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:46,480
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah.

979
00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:49,120
Speaker 3: How did that part of it feel for you when

980
00:48:49,160 --> 00:48:51,720
Speaker 3: you took a step back and you realize this isn't

981
00:48:51,800 --> 00:48:54,600
Speaker 3: just me going through these memories now, this is me

982
00:48:54,760 --> 00:48:57,920
Speaker 3: offering these memories to whoever me find them.

983
00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:00,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that's a great question.

984
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:05,640
Speaker 1: Honestly, it was something where I legitimately worked really closely

985
00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:09,239
Speaker 1: with my therapist to figure out, like, you know, it's

986
00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:13,320
Speaker 1: one thing to open up and be vulnerable with your

987
00:49:13,760 --> 00:49:17,520
Speaker 1: close people, but then to do so on camera is

988
00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:19,560
Speaker 1: a you know, not just on camera, but for the

989
00:49:19,560 --> 00:49:24,440
Speaker 1: whole world to eventually see. Was definitely a very intimidating

990
00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:31,040
Speaker 1: and scary thing. But I I basically like, I think

991
00:49:31,080 --> 00:49:32,879
Speaker 1: what was important to me when I was working through

992
00:49:32,920 --> 00:49:37,840
Speaker 1: that is like having still keeping that autonomy of knowing

993
00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:40,840
Speaker 1: what I was comfortable sharing what I wasn't, you know,

994
00:49:40,960 --> 00:49:46,440
Speaker 1: Like I think I think everybody should be, you know,

995
00:49:46,560 --> 00:49:50,279
Speaker 1: have this power to control their narrative. And you know,

996
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:52,279
Speaker 1: it was something where I was like, these are the

997
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:53,879
Speaker 1: things I'm going to share, and these are the things

998
00:49:53,920 --> 00:49:57,200
Speaker 1: I'm going to choose to keep within myself because a

999
00:49:57,239 --> 00:50:00,200
Speaker 1: lot of my past is my past, and like I

1000
00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:05,640
Speaker 1: don't need to necessarily open up those boxes again, or

1001
00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:08,400
Speaker 1: if I do, I want it to be in the

1002
00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:10,799
Speaker 1: space of something else. And so like, I think that

1003
00:50:10,880 --> 00:50:14,680
Speaker 1: was really important to me during the filming to work

1004
00:50:14,719 --> 00:50:18,000
Speaker 1: through what I felt comfortable and then also hold hold

1005
00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:21,120
Speaker 1: things to myself. And I'm honestly, I'm really glad that

1006
00:50:21,160 --> 00:50:23,959
Speaker 1: I decided to make that decision because I think when

1007
00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:28,040
Speaker 1: you sometimes I find when people come out of potentially

1008
00:50:28,080 --> 00:50:29,200
Speaker 1: traumatic situations.

1009
00:50:29,280 --> 00:50:31,160
Speaker 2: I remember when I was younger, I.

1010
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:31,680
Speaker 4: Was just like.

1011
00:50:33,640 --> 00:50:37,480
Speaker 1: And because it feels good to finally feel heard.

1012
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:39,120
Speaker 2: But then you kind of.

1013
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:43,640
Speaker 1: As you get older, you mature, you have these experiences

1014
00:50:43,680 --> 00:50:48,000
Speaker 1: you reflect on it, like sometimes it's just like I've

1015
00:50:48,040 --> 00:50:49,080
Speaker 1: worked through those things.

1016
00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:51,719
Speaker 2: I'm going to leave those things because those.

1017
00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:54,520
Speaker 1: Things are now put on put on the shelf, and

1018
00:50:54,560 --> 00:50:57,120
Speaker 1: like they're there, and I tended to them at one point,

1019
00:50:57,160 --> 00:50:58,399
Speaker 1: but I'm okay with them being there.

1020
00:50:58,520 --> 00:50:59,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, I hear that.

1021
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:02,520
Speaker 3: And how beautiful is it that you found a team

1022
00:51:02,719 --> 00:51:06,560
Speaker 3: of individuals that had the same care and concern for

1023
00:51:06,680 --> 00:51:11,359
Speaker 3: your story that you make it a point to give

1024
00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:13,160
Speaker 3: to the people that you work with.

1025
00:51:13,680 --> 00:51:17,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, and that's like Max was Max, and

1026
00:51:17,160 --> 00:51:18,920
Speaker 1: like Jenny and Pablo, there was like there was a

1027
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:22,759
Speaker 1: whole creative team behind it. And again because I had

1028
00:51:22,800 --> 00:51:28,319
Speaker 1: seen Max tell his story, Like I probably wouldn't have

1029
00:51:28,320 --> 00:51:30,359
Speaker 1: done it if anybody else was directing it, but like

1030
00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:33,840
Speaker 1: Max is someone who I trust, and he's someone that

1031
00:51:33,920 --> 00:51:36,319
Speaker 1: I could tell I could just be open with him

1032
00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:39,000
Speaker 1: and be like nope, na a, and he would respect it.

1033
00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:44,040
Speaker 1: And I can't remember the he had because when we

1034
00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:47,360
Speaker 1: were starting the film, he had recommended me watching another

1035
00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:49,920
Speaker 1: documentary and I'm kicking myself. I can't think of the

1036
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:54,279
Speaker 1: name right now, but it was this basically another film

1037
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:57,520
Speaker 1: where this the director explored his relationship with his friends

1038
00:51:57,560 --> 00:52:01,799
Speaker 1: and family. And it was really helpful for me to

1039
00:52:01,920 --> 00:52:05,840
Speaker 1: kind of see this idea of storytelling and telling a

1040
00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:08,480
Speaker 1: story with all Is it like showing versus telling?

1041
00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:09,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, totally.

1042
00:52:09,560 --> 00:52:11,759
Speaker 3: I mean I had someone on the show many years

1043
00:52:11,760 --> 00:52:14,440
Speaker 3: ago she said something that's always stuck with me, which

1044
00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:16,520
Speaker 3: is that be careful that the sword that you use

1045
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:18,560
Speaker 3: to help others isn't the one that you fall on.

1046
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:24,439
Speaker 3: And for so long she herself was slowly stepping into

1047
00:52:24,480 --> 00:52:26,839
Speaker 3: the public eye and figuring out how to do so

1048
00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:29,080
Speaker 3: in a way that felt good for her. She knew

1049
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:31,160
Speaker 3: that she wanted to help people, but she knew that

1050
00:52:31,160 --> 00:52:34,200
Speaker 3: there were parts of her story that didn't need to

1051
00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:35,360
Speaker 3: be the vehicle for that.

1052
00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:36,360
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1053
00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:39,000
Speaker 3: And I think it's so important. It's so important for

1054
00:52:39,080 --> 00:52:41,359
Speaker 3: you and your mental health to understand how can I

1055
00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:43,799
Speaker 3: best move forward in a way that feels good for

1056
00:52:43,920 --> 00:52:44,960
Speaker 3: me exactly.

1057
00:52:45,200 --> 00:52:48,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's like you don't need to always relive

1058
00:52:48,760 --> 00:52:52,880
Speaker 1: certain things. No, And yeah, And I think when I

1059
00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:55,280
Speaker 1: decided that I was going to go through with the film,

1060
00:52:55,400 --> 00:52:58,799
Speaker 1: it was one of those things where I was like, again,

1061
00:52:58,840 --> 00:53:00,919
Speaker 1: I had had these moments where people there's like one

1062
00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:02,880
Speaker 1: person who showed up in you know, one way, and

1063
00:53:02,960 --> 00:53:05,080
Speaker 1: I was like, if this can just if this can

1064
00:53:05,120 --> 00:53:08,880
Speaker 1: resonate with at least one person to like, you know,

1065
00:53:09,880 --> 00:53:12,600
Speaker 1: change the trajectory of one decision that they're making in

1066
00:53:12,640 --> 00:53:15,920
Speaker 1: their life, or potentially leave a relationship or have the

1067
00:53:15,960 --> 00:53:17,439
Speaker 1: courage to go do something else.

1068
00:53:17,560 --> 00:53:19,000
Speaker 2: And it doesn't have to be Running related.

1069
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:21,359
Speaker 1: It can be so like but like I was like,

1070
00:53:21,719 --> 00:53:23,759
Speaker 1: and there's people that came to mind that I like,

1071
00:53:24,440 --> 00:53:27,280
Speaker 1: actually like was hoping and want them to see the film,

1072
00:53:27,280 --> 00:53:31,279
Speaker 1: and like invited them to the screening to like kind

1073
00:53:31,280 --> 00:53:33,800
Speaker 1: of as like a subtle way of kind of extending

1074
00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:35,080
Speaker 1: an arm for them.

1075
00:53:35,400 --> 00:53:37,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's this line you say in the film.

1076
00:53:37,120 --> 00:53:39,560
Speaker 3: It says Running is inherently a selfish act, but it

1077
00:53:39,600 --> 00:53:42,839
Speaker 3: teaches us so much about the dynamics of our relationships,

1078
00:53:42,880 --> 00:53:44,799
Speaker 3: how much we owe the people in our lives, and

1079
00:53:44,840 --> 00:53:49,000
Speaker 3: through that, what it means to love ourselves. I loved

1080
00:53:49,040 --> 00:53:55,080
Speaker 3: that what does it mean for you to love yourself today?

1081
00:53:56,960 --> 00:54:00,640
Speaker 1: I think it's to be gentle on myself, which sounds

1082
00:54:00,680 --> 00:54:04,759
Speaker 1: funny as I'm training for an ultra, but I think

1083
00:54:04,800 --> 00:54:10,000
Speaker 1: it's just like you were mentioning earlier about this, like

1084
00:54:10,239 --> 00:54:13,200
Speaker 1: the end goal or people fixate on this final thing.

1085
00:54:13,920 --> 00:54:17,040
Speaker 1: I have a tendency or I have had a tendency

1086
00:54:17,160 --> 00:54:17,680
Speaker 1: to just.

1087
00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:20,200
Speaker 2: Want to be perfect.

1088
00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:21,640
Speaker 1: I think a lot of us, right, A lot of

1089
00:54:22,040 --> 00:54:24,600
Speaker 1: a lot of a lot of women want to have

1090
00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:27,160
Speaker 1: this like when you're driven, you want to have these goals,

1091
00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:29,880
Speaker 1: and I think it's so important, but like to just

1092
00:54:29,920 --> 00:54:34,880
Speaker 1: be gentle on the process and like to allow myself

1093
00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:39,680
Speaker 1: to just be sometimes because I think that.

1094
00:54:42,000 --> 00:54:43,520
Speaker 2: Being okay with.

1095
00:54:45,520 --> 00:54:49,480
Speaker 1: Just kind of flowing through things sometimes is so valuable

1096
00:54:49,840 --> 00:54:56,279
Speaker 1: in just embracing your true self and not you know,

1097
00:54:56,280 --> 00:54:58,640
Speaker 1: what other people expect you to be. Yeah, and I

1098
00:54:58,680 --> 00:55:02,560
Speaker 1: think that, you know, I think that I do think

1099
00:55:02,600 --> 00:55:05,479
Speaker 1: that what you know, running an ultra or like running

1100
00:55:05,520 --> 00:55:07,680
Speaker 1: these longer things for me has just allowed me to

1101
00:55:07,800 --> 00:55:12,560
Speaker 1: like not fixate on this like hitting certain splits or

1102
00:55:12,600 --> 00:55:15,120
Speaker 1: doing like and it's also kind of encouraged me to

1103
00:55:15,160 --> 00:55:18,200
Speaker 1: like really nourish myself a bit more, not just like

1104
00:55:18,239 --> 00:55:21,480
Speaker 1: in terms of like the physicality of sleeping and eating,

1105
00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:25,960
Speaker 1: but like just like nourishing, like resting when I need

1106
00:55:25,960 --> 00:55:28,759
Speaker 1: to rest, like not just like physically sleeping, but like

1107
00:55:28,880 --> 00:55:31,480
Speaker 1: just relaxing and like not putting.

1108
00:55:31,640 --> 00:55:32,760
Speaker 2: Knowing that stress is stress.

1109
00:55:32,960 --> 00:55:33,360
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1110
00:55:33,560 --> 00:55:36,200
Speaker 2: Stress is not just physical stress. It's emotional stress.

1111
00:55:36,200 --> 00:55:37,560
Speaker 4: It's all of that. Yeah.

1112
00:55:37,600 --> 00:55:39,759
Speaker 2: And so knowing when I'm like, Okay, I need to

1113
00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:41,560
Speaker 2: take I need to take an eight you should day, I.

1114
00:55:41,600 --> 00:55:42,720
Speaker 4: Need to take an eye shoulday?

1115
00:55:42,800 --> 00:55:46,320
Speaker 3: Maybe need to like not do the twelfth project within

1116
00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:50,759
Speaker 3: four weeks, something that you as an entrepreneur yourself, it's

1117
00:55:50,840 --> 00:55:52,440
Speaker 3: hard to turn down.

1118
00:55:52,520 --> 00:55:54,040
Speaker 4: Before I let you go today, I would be remiss.

1119
00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:56,719
Speaker 3: And we didn't touch on the chapter where you start

1120
00:55:56,719 --> 00:56:00,600
Speaker 3: your own creative agency, especially because you are a female

1121
00:56:00,680 --> 00:56:04,680
Speaker 3: founder and of the fourteen to twenty two thousand creative

1122
00:56:04,680 --> 00:56:08,400
Speaker 3: agencies in the United States, only one percent are founded

1123
00:56:08,480 --> 00:56:13,200
Speaker 3: by women, despite fun fact sixty percent of employees identifying

1124
00:56:13,239 --> 00:56:13,600
Speaker 3: as women.

1125
00:56:13,640 --> 00:56:16,160
Speaker 4: Isn't that interesting? I did not know that part.

1126
00:56:16,239 --> 00:56:18,959
Speaker 3: Well, here you are, so ma'am, talk to me about

1127
00:56:18,960 --> 00:56:21,759
Speaker 3: your creative agency and why it was important for you

1128
00:56:22,239 --> 00:56:24,120
Speaker 3: to go in that path.

1129
00:56:24,600 --> 00:56:27,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I think you know. When we had first

1130
00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:32,200
Speaker 1: founded rome like there was you know, you hop on

1131
00:56:32,239 --> 00:56:34,120
Speaker 1: these calls, you're in these you meet all these other

1132
00:56:34,160 --> 00:56:37,239
Speaker 1: creatives and like oftentimes you're surrounded by a bunch of

1133
00:56:37,280 --> 00:56:41,240
Speaker 1: men or like pretty much a lot of the creative

1134
00:56:41,400 --> 00:56:44,319
Speaker 1: Like everyone looks looks the same. Yeah, you know, and

1135
00:56:44,360 --> 00:56:49,600
Speaker 1: so I think as I started understanding the industry and

1136
00:56:49,840 --> 00:56:55,560
Speaker 1: the just the like the space and how I you

1137
00:56:55,600 --> 00:56:59,080
Speaker 1: know what that picture looked like, I wanted to change,

1138
00:56:59,160 --> 00:57:02,160
Speaker 1: you know. We wanted to that narrative and also create

1139
00:57:02,160 --> 00:57:07,040
Speaker 1: a space that enables other creatives and other diverse storytellers,

1140
00:57:07,600 --> 00:57:11,200
Speaker 1: other women, other people in general to who might not

1141
00:57:11,239 --> 00:57:14,920
Speaker 1: necessarily always have the platform to tell stories and do

1142
00:57:15,080 --> 00:57:19,320
Speaker 1: so with a really intentional, intentional light kind of what

1143
00:57:19,360 --> 00:57:22,160
Speaker 1: we were talking earlier about, like the integrity of storytelling

1144
00:57:22,200 --> 00:57:25,040
Speaker 1: and the integrity of creatives. Like, we wanted to create

1145
00:57:25,080 --> 00:57:27,960
Speaker 1: a space that was doing that, so the same feeling

1146
00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:31,320
Speaker 1: of like making and ensuring that the subjects and the

1147
00:57:31,360 --> 00:57:34,920
Speaker 1: people that we're working with are being represented correctly, and

1148
00:57:34,960 --> 00:57:37,800
Speaker 1: like also creating a space and working with creatives who

1149
00:57:37,800 --> 00:57:40,680
Speaker 1: can tell those stories because they've had those experiences themselves.

1150
00:57:40,800 --> 00:57:43,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, what is it about the female gaze that you

1151
00:57:43,840 --> 00:57:45,880
Speaker 3: feel like enables and empowers that.

1152
00:57:47,440 --> 00:57:53,560
Speaker 1: I think because we've had our own experiences, right like you've,

1153
00:57:53,800 --> 00:57:55,600
Speaker 1: I mean I can speak from it. There's been points

1154
00:57:55,640 --> 00:57:58,320
Speaker 1: in the industry where you have to be strategic, right,

1155
00:57:58,400 --> 00:58:01,280
Speaker 1: like you have to navigate things specific way just because

1156
00:58:01,320 --> 00:58:04,320
Speaker 1: you're a woman, which sucks sometimes, right, Like, it can

1157
00:58:04,360 --> 00:58:07,919
Speaker 1: be frustrating. But I also think that like when we're

1158
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:11,160
Speaker 1: able to work with other women, there's this like level

1159
00:58:11,200 --> 00:58:15,280
Speaker 1: of transparency and support and just yeah, this honesty yeah

1160
00:58:15,360 --> 00:58:16,000
Speaker 1: with each other.

1161
00:58:17,120 --> 00:58:18,560
Speaker 2: I think it honestly.

1162
00:58:18,600 --> 00:58:20,360
Speaker 1: I feel like sometimes when we work with a woman

1163
00:58:20,360 --> 00:58:22,560
Speaker 1: and everything just everything smooth sailing.

1164
00:58:22,680 --> 00:58:26,400
Speaker 4: Let's just say that, yeah, an open dialogue.

1165
00:58:26,400 --> 00:58:28,880
Speaker 3: And it's so funny because there might be someone that

1166
00:58:28,920 --> 00:58:31,040
Speaker 3: steps into the picture and they say, well, that feels

1167
00:58:31,040 --> 00:58:33,080
Speaker 3: like a lot of feelings, Like this feels like a

1168
00:58:33,160 --> 00:58:36,280
Speaker 3: very emotional situation. When someone walks into a room of

1169
00:58:36,320 --> 00:58:38,600
Speaker 3: women creatives and says like, there's a lot of feelings

1170
00:58:38,600 --> 00:58:40,560
Speaker 3: in here. I'm like, you can step outside.

1171
00:58:41,080 --> 00:58:45,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, well, it's also just like I find

1172
00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:48,160
Speaker 1: when a job comes up, you get an email and

1173
00:58:48,200 --> 00:58:51,280
Speaker 1: everything's in the email. It's like, this is the project,

1174
00:58:51,280 --> 00:58:54,080
Speaker 1: this is the budget, this is you're not picking you're

1175
00:58:54,080 --> 00:58:56,520
Speaker 1: not like, hey, can you also answer this question right?

1176
00:58:56,520 --> 00:58:59,240
Speaker 1: There's just a level of efficiency. Sometimes I love it,

1177
00:58:59,560 --> 00:59:02,000
Speaker 1: and I'm not saying like I've also worked with men

1178
00:59:02,040 --> 00:59:04,480
Speaker 1: who are who are incredible and they've also been but

1179
00:59:04,680 --> 00:59:07,600
Speaker 1: there it does seem to be this like you know,

1180
00:59:08,160 --> 00:59:11,600
Speaker 1: honestly like no bullshit sometimes where it's just like it's

1181
00:59:11,640 --> 00:59:14,880
Speaker 1: on it it's effective and if it doesn't, you know,

1182
00:59:15,040 --> 00:59:17,280
Speaker 1: the communication is there and if it's not aligned, then

1183
00:59:17,280 --> 00:59:20,440
Speaker 1: there's no there's no awkwardness or animosity.

1184
00:59:21,000 --> 00:59:25,480
Speaker 3: Learnings from the first few years of voting realm.

1185
00:59:25,720 --> 00:59:28,560
Speaker 1: Take care, Like in order to run a business, you

1186
00:59:28,640 --> 00:59:32,680
Speaker 1: have to take care of yourself first. Communication is incredibly important.

1187
00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:38,520
Speaker 1: Relationships are very, very valuable Sometimes. I think those interpersonal

1188
00:59:38,520 --> 00:59:43,400
Speaker 1: relationships within like who you're working with, are so so valuable,

1189
00:59:43,640 --> 00:59:46,840
Speaker 1: like even over client relationships, because that's what ends up

1190
00:59:47,040 --> 00:59:52,440
Speaker 1: creating a space that allows for just like a space

1191
00:59:52,480 --> 00:59:54,720
Speaker 1: where you want to you feel supported and you feel

1192
00:59:54,760 --> 00:59:56,560
Speaker 1: like you can actually be creative.

1193
00:59:56,800 --> 00:59:58,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, so important.

1194
00:59:59,080 --> 01:00:02,400
Speaker 3: What do you want people all to walk away from

1195
01:00:02,440 --> 01:00:04,440
Speaker 3: the documentary seeing in you?

1196
01:00:05,400 --> 01:00:05,880
Speaker 2: It's funny.

1197
01:00:05,920 --> 01:00:07,360
Speaker 1: I think at first I was like, I don't want

1198
01:00:07,360 --> 01:00:08,760
Speaker 1: them to see me any I don't want them to

1199
01:00:08,760 --> 01:00:12,720
Speaker 1: see me differently. Like I think that it's funny because

1200
01:00:12,760 --> 01:00:14,360
Speaker 1: the people who have seen the film who know me,

1201
01:00:14,520 --> 01:00:17,680
Speaker 1: they're like, it's really refreshing because they just they're like,

1202
01:00:17,800 --> 01:00:21,040
Speaker 1: it's so you like even like the little quirky thing,

1203
01:00:21,080 --> 01:00:23,520
Speaker 1: like I'm kind of I'm a silly person at points,

1204
01:00:23,520 --> 01:00:25,480
Speaker 1: Like I'm yes, my work can be serious, but I'm

1205
01:00:25,480 --> 01:00:30,600
Speaker 1: also kind of quirky and weird and sometimes chaotic. But

1206
01:00:30,680 --> 01:00:33,760
Speaker 1: I think that for the people who know me, I

1207
01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:36,320
Speaker 1: hope that they just they just see me and they

1208
01:00:36,360 --> 01:00:38,720
Speaker 1: see the person that they've interacted with in real time,

1209
01:00:38,800 --> 01:00:42,880
Speaker 1: because I think it's especially now where everything is.

1210
01:00:42,840 --> 01:00:43,880
Speaker 2: Digital and online.

1211
01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:47,960
Speaker 1: Like I always hope that the way that people interact

1212
01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:51,720
Speaker 1: with me or see me in my presence even and

1213
01:00:51,760 --> 01:00:53,760
Speaker 1: maybe in the film, is the same that they see

1214
01:00:53,800 --> 01:00:55,080
Speaker 1: me in real life.

1215
01:00:55,360 --> 01:00:56,800
Speaker 4: And for the people that don't know you.

1216
01:00:57,560 --> 01:00:59,760
Speaker 1: I hope that they feel a way that if they

1217
01:00:59,760 --> 01:01:03,480
Speaker 1: ever do meet me or have an opportunity to that

1218
01:01:04,040 --> 01:01:06,000
Speaker 1: they feel comfortable and safe enough to be able to

1219
01:01:06,040 --> 01:01:08,480
Speaker 1: open up and share a little bit about themselves.

1220
01:01:08,560 --> 01:01:11,520
Speaker 3: So special so that when you look in the mirror, Ayisha,

1221
01:01:12,040 --> 01:01:14,640
Speaker 3: what is it that you see looking back at you?

1222
01:01:15,360 --> 01:01:17,800
Speaker 1: Aside from me wanting to get my bangs cut because

1223
01:01:17,880 --> 01:01:21,040
Speaker 1: my hair's getting too long. You know, lately, I feel

1224
01:01:21,040 --> 01:01:24,240
Speaker 1: like I've just been I've really just been like trying

1225
01:01:24,280 --> 01:01:25,920
Speaker 1: to tend to my younger self.

1226
01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:31,560
Speaker 2: Like I think that again, this idea of being gentler

1227
01:01:31,600 --> 01:01:32,280
Speaker 2: on myself.

1228
01:01:32,520 --> 01:01:32,800
Speaker 4: Again.

1229
01:01:32,800 --> 01:01:36,800
Speaker 1: I carry a lot of like expectations at points for

1230
01:01:36,840 --> 01:01:38,960
Speaker 1: who I want to be or need to be in

1231
01:01:38,960 --> 01:01:40,840
Speaker 1: a sense, or think I need to be. And I

1232
01:01:40,880 --> 01:01:46,160
Speaker 1: think when I especially lately, I just feel like I'm

1233
01:01:46,480 --> 01:01:48,560
Speaker 1: very and I think part of it is like after

1234
01:01:48,600 --> 01:01:51,520
Speaker 1: I turned thirty, I started like reflecting. I think I'm

1235
01:01:51,640 --> 01:01:55,919
Speaker 1: just looking at myself and at points I'm like, you're good,

1236
01:01:56,760 --> 01:02:00,280
Speaker 1: It's all good. You've built the foundation, you have, your people,

1237
01:02:01,000 --> 01:02:04,040
Speaker 1: like you are where you need to be, and just

1238
01:02:04,080 --> 01:02:07,000
Speaker 1: being grateful. I've been like carrying this idea of gratefulness,

1239
01:02:07,000 --> 01:02:09,720
Speaker 1: like in the past few weeks, particularly where I just

1240
01:02:09,760 --> 01:02:12,640
Speaker 1: like I've been like finishing runs just again, like feeling

1241
01:02:12,640 --> 01:02:17,400
Speaker 1: emotional about like how fortunate, how Like yeah, I might

1242
01:02:17,480 --> 01:02:22,200
Speaker 1: not have had like the easiest upbringing, but like I

1243
01:02:22,240 --> 01:02:24,760
Speaker 1: also had because of that, I had so many people

1244
01:02:24,840 --> 01:02:27,320
Speaker 1: show up for me, and I still continue to have

1245
01:02:27,400 --> 01:02:31,040
Speaker 1: people show up for me, and I don't think that's

1246
01:02:31,040 --> 01:02:34,600
Speaker 1: going away. And it's like, how fortunate am I that

1247
01:02:34,640 --> 01:02:38,680
Speaker 1: I have this found family of people who are constantly

1248
01:02:38,760 --> 01:02:41,080
Speaker 1: rooting for me and constantly like people that I can

1249
01:02:41,240 --> 01:02:42,120
Speaker 1: cheer and support on.

1250
01:02:42,560 --> 01:02:43,360
Speaker 4: It's so true.

1251
01:02:43,520 --> 01:02:47,040
Speaker 3: I mean when you think about going through what you

1252
01:02:47,080 --> 01:02:52,480
Speaker 3: went through adoption and foster, et cetera, to now be

1253
01:02:52,560 --> 01:02:54,680
Speaker 3: able to look around from the perspective of look at

1254
01:02:54,680 --> 01:02:57,720
Speaker 3: everything that I do have, Yeah, it's beautiful.

1255
01:02:58,040 --> 01:02:59,480
Speaker 2: I think it's like, I don't think of it as

1256
01:02:59,520 --> 01:03:00,280
Speaker 2: what I'm missing.

1257
01:03:00,280 --> 01:03:02,600
Speaker 1: I just think of abundance like I think abundance is

1258
01:03:02,600 --> 01:03:04,560
Speaker 1: a thing that I am so lucky that I get

1259
01:03:04,560 --> 01:03:04,880
Speaker 1: to have.

1260
01:03:05,280 --> 01:03:10,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's really awesome when you right now think about

1261
01:03:10,520 --> 01:03:14,560
Speaker 3: the hurdle moment of feeling so isolated in your own

1262
01:03:14,600 --> 01:03:16,640
Speaker 3: home and feeling so.

1263
01:03:18,560 --> 01:03:21,360
Speaker 4: Unknowingly different than.

1264
01:03:21,360 --> 01:03:25,240
Speaker 3: Everybody else, when you realize that your normal wasn't necessarily normal,

1265
01:03:25,280 --> 01:03:27,400
Speaker 3: when you took to running and were able to get

1266
01:03:27,400 --> 01:03:31,400
Speaker 3: outside and find freedom for the very first time. When

1267
01:03:31,400 --> 01:03:34,040
Speaker 3: you look back on that time in your life now,

1268
01:03:34,280 --> 01:03:38,439
Speaker 3: knowing what you know now, what would you tell your

1269
01:03:38,440 --> 01:03:40,200
Speaker 3: younger self going through that hurdle moment.

1270
01:03:41,080 --> 01:03:43,400
Speaker 1: It's so funny because I feel like my therapist, and

1271
01:03:43,400 --> 01:03:47,040
Speaker 1: I have gone through that exact moment. Yeah, so many

1272
01:03:47,080 --> 01:03:53,520
Speaker 1: times I have walked through This sounds corny, but I've

1273
01:03:53,600 --> 01:03:57,360
Speaker 1: like basically, like I just have this memory of like.

1274
01:03:59,160 --> 01:04:01,400
Speaker 2: Basically being stuck on this couch.

1275
01:04:01,800 --> 01:04:03,240
Speaker 1: Like I would get home from school and I would

1276
01:04:03,280 --> 01:04:05,400
Speaker 1: have to sit on this couch for like hours and

1277
01:04:05,560 --> 01:04:08,640
Speaker 1: hours and like ask to go to the bathroom and

1278
01:04:08,720 --> 01:04:11,480
Speaker 1: like get to all these things. And I just I

1279
01:04:11,480 --> 01:04:13,960
Speaker 1: think back on that moment to my younger self, and

1280
01:04:14,120 --> 01:04:17,240
Speaker 1: I've had I've done this, you know, countless times in therapy,

1281
01:04:17,280 --> 01:04:21,200
Speaker 1: but I've just when I think back on it, I

1282
01:04:21,280 --> 01:04:25,160
Speaker 1: actually visualize my older self, myself now going in that

1283
01:04:25,320 --> 01:04:29,720
Speaker 1: room and taking my like twelve year old, thirteen year

1284
01:04:29,720 --> 01:04:31,280
Speaker 1: old self, grabbing her by the hand.

1285
01:04:31,120 --> 01:04:32,200
Speaker 2: And just walking her outside.

1286
01:04:32,400 --> 01:04:34,440
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1287
01:04:34,840 --> 01:04:38,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like I've you know, I've played that scene

1288
01:04:38,240 --> 01:04:41,280
Speaker 1: in my head so many times, and I feel so

1289
01:04:41,360 --> 01:04:43,000
Speaker 1: grateful that I'm in the place now where I can

1290
01:04:43,080 --> 01:04:45,400
Speaker 1: like actually tend to her.

1291
01:04:45,520 --> 01:04:46,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, one hundred percent.

1292
01:04:47,000 --> 01:04:52,280
Speaker 3: And to have that awareness now that you have the

1293
01:04:52,320 --> 01:04:55,120
Speaker 3: opportunity to get up even when it might not feel

1294
01:04:55,120 --> 01:04:59,200
Speaker 3: that way, right, Yeah, it's it's a choice, and understandably,

1295
01:04:59,240 --> 01:05:01,720
Speaker 3: as a young girl, you did not feel like you

1296
01:05:01,760 --> 01:05:02,680
Speaker 3: had the choice.

1297
01:05:03,040 --> 01:05:03,360
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1298
01:05:03,400 --> 01:05:05,640
Speaker 1: I mean, you know that's the thing like as a child,

1299
01:05:05,720 --> 01:05:07,720
Speaker 1: you don't like you don't exactly your child.

1300
01:05:07,920 --> 01:05:08,280
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1301
01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:13,640
Speaker 1: So yeah, to be able to have the you know,

1302
01:05:14,120 --> 01:05:19,040
Speaker 1: the framework, the strength, the courage and also just the

1303
01:05:19,080 --> 01:05:22,360
Speaker 1: actual understanding of myself and what I what my needs

1304
01:05:22,360 --> 01:05:25,800
Speaker 1: are now to then go and think back of younger.

1305
01:05:25,520 --> 01:05:28,320
Speaker 4: Ayisha, Yeah, could you know girl?

1306
01:05:28,560 --> 01:05:29,000
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1307
01:05:29,400 --> 01:05:30,080
Speaker 1: Doing it well.

1308
01:05:30,120 --> 01:05:31,760
Speaker 4: I'm so happy that we were able to sit down

1309
01:05:31,800 --> 01:05:32,280
Speaker 4: here today.

1310
01:05:32,360 --> 01:05:35,640
Speaker 3: For those that aren't following along with you, Jess yet,

1311
01:05:35,680 --> 01:05:36,480
Speaker 3: give us the info work?

1312
01:05:36,480 --> 01:05:37,880
Speaker 4: Can they keep up with you online?

1313
01:05:38,120 --> 01:05:41,240
Speaker 1: So a lot of my work is shared on Instagram

1314
01:05:41,440 --> 01:05:45,080
Speaker 1: AI dot shoots. This was before AI was a thing.

1315
01:05:46,320 --> 01:05:49,320
Speaker 1: It's the spelling of my name, but AI dot shoots.

1316
01:05:49,720 --> 01:05:52,120
Speaker 1: You know. You can also go on Rome Creative Studio.

1317
01:05:52,240 --> 01:05:54,000
Speaker 1: But yeah, that's probably the best way to get in

1318
01:05:54,080 --> 01:05:55,480
Speaker 1: touch with me. And I think you can find my

1319
01:05:55,560 --> 01:05:56,800
Speaker 1: email through something online.

1320
01:05:56,920 --> 01:06:00,200
Speaker 3: There's something just Googler is basically what you're saying. We're

1321
01:06:00,240 --> 01:06:03,840
Speaker 3: at Emily Body and at Hurdle Podcast. Another Hurdle Conquered.

1322
01:06:04,160 --> 01:06:05,080
Speaker 3: Catch you guys next time.