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Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. Remember

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Speaker 1: when they blew up that dead whale, That's what Trump

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Speaker 1: just did to the Epstein cover up. You've seen the

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Speaker 1: video right. Forty five foot eight ton carcass of a

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Speaker 1: dead sperm whale washes up on shore at Florence, Oregon,

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Speaker 1: November nineteen seventy. They decide the easiest way to dispose

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Speaker 1: of it is to blow it up with dynamite. That's

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Speaker 1: what Trump has just done to the Epstein cover up.

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Speaker 1: So the geniuses in Oregon in nineteen seventy figured some

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Speaker 1: of it will wash away and the smaller parts will

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Speaker 1: be eaten by scavenger animals. Only they had a highway

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Speaker 1: engineer plan it out, and he used half a ton

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Speaker 1: of dynamite instead of the twenty sticks that would have

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Speaker 1: done the job. And the next thing you knew, the

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Speaker 1: whale had become a thousand pieces of rock hard shrapnel.

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Speaker 1: That's what Trump just did to the Epstein cover up.

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Speaker 1: A piece of blubber, and whale blubber is hard. A

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Speaker 1: piece of blubber the size of a coffee table hit

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Speaker 1: a parked car and crushed it, and the driver later

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Speaker 1: swore he had just bought that car from a lot

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Speaker 1: that was then running a promotion called get a Whale

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Speaker 1: of a Deal. That's what Trump just did to the

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Speaker 1: Epstein cover up. I also want to know today why

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Speaker 1: Trump renamed the Kennedy Center the Donald J. Trump Memorial Center.

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Speaker 1: But let me plow through the trump Stein disaster first.

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Speaker 1: It starts with Image four sixty eight. Image four to

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Speaker 1: sixty eight, from the Epstein files, from which virtually all

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Speaker 1: the Trump stuff had already been scrubbed, was not scrubbed.

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Speaker 1: It was a photo of a bunch of framed photos

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Speaker 1: in a drawer, all of which showed Trump and Epstein together. So,

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Speaker 1: twenty four hours later, Image four to sixty eight, which

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Speaker 1: hadn't been scrubbed, was instead deleted. And even in doing that,

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Speaker 1: after they posted it and scrubbed it and deleted it,

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Speaker 1: they left Image one three hundred and forty six, a

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Speaker 1: larger shot of framed Epstein photos on a credenza, a

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Speaker 1: couple dozen of them. And sure enough, zoom in on that,

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Speaker 1: as the impeccable Lauren Windsor did, and there is a

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Speaker 1: framed photo of Epstein and Trump and Malania. The three

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Speaker 1: of them doesn't look like anybody's being introduced to anybody else.

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Speaker 1: At least sixteen pages that were released on Friday had

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Speaker 1: disappeared by yesterday. Some of the ones they did release

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Speaker 1: had one hundred percent redactions five hundred and fifty of

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Speaker 1: them five fifty pages fully redacted, just the black boxes,

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Speaker 1: per Scott McFarlane and CBS News, and they are still counting.

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Speaker 1: One Epstein victim says she was doxed that Trump released

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Speaker 1: her identifying information and just to apply the chef's kiss,

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Speaker 1: Todd Blanche, who believe it or not, is the Deputy

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Speaker 1: Attorney General, gets on one of the Sunday shows and

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Speaker 1: presents a self fulfilling prophecy or in this case, a

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Speaker 1: self unfulfilling prophecy. Quote. If there's photographs that we have

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Speaker 1: of President Trump or anybody else, they of course will

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Speaker 1: be released, with the exception of any victims or survivors

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Speaker 1: that we've identified unquote. In other words, any photos proving

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Speaker 1: Trump was with verified Epstein victims or survivors, they will

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Speaker 1: not be released because because because they would show Trump

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Speaker 1: was with verified Epstein victims or survivors, we can't show

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Speaker 1: you THEO that would prove it. Hey did just stuff

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Speaker 1: the dynamite into the dead whale. Yet Cole let her rip,

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Speaker 1: the penultimate flaw of this administration, has now once again

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Speaker 1: moved center stage, even ahead of his own instability. That

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Speaker 1: second ranked fatal flaw is these people are idiots. Dan

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Speaker 1: Bongino didn't say this as he quit as deputy FBI director,

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Speaker 1: but the suspicion is Cash Patel is too much of

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Speaker 1: an idiot, even for Dan Bongino. I mean, that's a

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Speaker 1: lot of idiot. And apart from Patel screwing up every

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Speaker 1: investigation he's put his eye on, so to speak, the

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Speaker 1: key Trumpest exposure on the brain drain issue is the

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Speaker 1: Epstein files. First was Pam Bondi's empty Epstein loose leaf

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Speaker 1: notebooks bought at a Staples in Georgetown or somewhere for

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Speaker 1: all we know. Then it was her claim that there

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Speaker 1: was a client list on her desk. Then it was

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Speaker 1: Trump going from running on releasing the Epstein files to

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Speaker 1: Trump calling the Epstein files a hoax, to Trump signing

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Speaker 1: the humiliating House measure to force him to release the

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Speaker 1: Epstein files. Then it was Susie Wiles saying Bondie quote

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Speaker 1: completely whiffed on the Epstein files. Then it was not

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Speaker 1: releasing documents that must by law be released, and it

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Speaker 1: said releasing only some of them, then unreleasing others, and

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Speaker 1: therefore blowing up the metaphorical whale while simply spreading the

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Speaker 1: metaphorical whale over a square mile area, and by the way,

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Speaker 1: still not complying with the law Trump signs, so people

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Speaker 1: at the DOJ could technically go to jail now or

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Speaker 1: more likely later. Twenty twenty nine comes to mind. If

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Speaker 1: you'd like to make sure the Epstein story stays alive,

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Speaker 1: you'd do any one of those things I just mentioned.

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Speaker 1: If you'd like to make sure America is convinced Trump

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Speaker 1: is again convicted of complicity with Epstein, I mean a

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Speaker 1: second time after the release of the Trump signed drawing

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Speaker 1: of the nude, do all of those things I just mentioned.

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Speaker 1: And if you'd like to escalate the Epstein scandal to

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Speaker 1: indelibly market as the Trumpstein scandal, do what these idiots

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Speaker 1: did and plant things in the files and release the

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Speaker 1: planted things, and do it so clumsily and moronically that

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Speaker 1: it gets community noted on Twitter. X Abigail Marone Jackson

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Speaker 1: a deputy Press secretary. And remember if you're a deputy

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Speaker 1: press secretary. When Caroline Levitt is the press secretary, you

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Speaker 1: are necessarily dumber even than Caroline Levitt is. Abigail Morone

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Speaker 1: Jackson wrote that per the Epstein Files Transparency Act, DOJ

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Speaker 1: was specifically instructed only to redact the faces of victims

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Speaker 1: and or miners. Here is a picture of Bill Clinton

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Speaker 1: with his arm around Michael Jackson and redacted individuals might

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Speaker 1: as well have had a picture of Abraham Lincoln. The

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Speaker 1: picture of Clinton is of course available by googling his

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Speaker 1: name and Michael Jackson and the redacted individuals in that

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Speaker 1: picture are Michael Jackson's two sons and Evan Ross, the

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Speaker 1: son of Diana Ross. And also Diana Ross is also

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Speaker 1: in the picture. And apparently Abigail Moron Jackson doesn't know

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Speaker 1: who she is. She's too inbubbled to know who Diana

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Speaker 1: Ross is. And the picture is from a Democratic fundraiser

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Speaker 1: from two thousand and three, and it don't have a

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Speaker 1: damn thing to do with the Epstein Files. But Abigail

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Speaker 1: Jackson decided to try to deceive the American public into

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Speaker 1: believing it has something to do with them. In other words,

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Speaker 1: they blew up the whale, and then they went back

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Speaker 1: and assembled the pieces again and blew it up a

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Speaker 1: second time. And that gives anybody an excuse to look

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Speaker 1: at anything in the Epstein files and just assume that

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Speaker 1: if it puts the finger on somebody else, Trump put

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Speaker 1: it there. Nice work, Abigail Moron Jackson. This is Abigail's

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Speaker 1: second job in life. The first one was as a

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Speaker 1: press aid to Josh Hawley, the January sixth running Man.

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Speaker 1: There are, in fact, at last check, at least eight

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Speaker 1: Twitter ex community notes on posts by Jackson, by the

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Speaker 1: deplorable Todd Blanche, by Pam Bondi herself Blondie, who simply

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Speaker 1: cannot be long for her job. She just can't. New

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Speaker 1: Year's Day would be a surprise if she's still in

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Speaker 1: that job. Wasn't even posting about Trumpstein, and she still

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Speaker 1: got community noted about trump Stein. She wrote about Trump

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Speaker 1: setting all time great transparency standards for a presidency, and

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Speaker 1: nobody is buying it community note quote contrary to the claim,

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Speaker 1: Instead of transparency, the administration runs defense for pedophiles and rapists.

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Speaker 1: And then there are links to four tweets, including two

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Speaker 1: by Congressman Tom Massey. Keep up the good work, Madam

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Speaker 1: Attorney Generic Trump. Not just covering up the Epstein files

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Speaker 1: and breaking the law by not fulfilling the law passed

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Speaker 1: by his own party. Not just doing that, but now

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Speaker 1: faking things and putting them in the Epstein files and

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Speaker 1: not even doing it very well, and faking something about

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Speaker 1: Bill Clinton. The day Bill Clinton left the White House,

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Speaker 1: the average American of today was fifteen years old. You

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Speaker 1: might as well have faked something about Epstein and the

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Speaker 1: y two K computer crisis, Abigail. This underscores why Trumpstein,

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Speaker 1: no matter what happens next, will be self perpetuating in

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Speaker 1: a way nobody dreamed of last Thursday. This is the

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Speaker 1: true danger of conspiracy theories, as no one will find

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Speaker 1: out more than Donald Trump will find out in the

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Speaker 1: days and weeks to come. Twenty percent of Americans do

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Speaker 1: not believe the reality of what happened on nine to eleven.

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Speaker 1: The Kennedy assassination only became more desirable as conspiracy fodder

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Speaker 1: after the Warren Commission reports. Jill McCay's eighteen forty one

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Speaker 1: book Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds has

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Speaker 1: been surpassed since its publication in explaining mass stupidity, but

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Speaker 1: it is still always a wonderful reminder that while it

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Speaker 1: has now been weaponized by everybody from the Nazis to Trump,

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Speaker 1: people have always been this gullible. It is hard to

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Speaker 1: get away from conspiracy theories except by massive and even

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Speaker 1: shocking straightforwardness and transparency, and that is impossible if a

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Speaker 1: government consists of conspiracy theorists and stupid conspiracy theorists like

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Speaker 1: har Meat Dylan. If you don't know her, she is

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Speaker 1: actually an assistant Attorney General. Her previous job was Tulsey

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Speaker 1: Gabbard's lawyer. She deliberately or otherwise turned the Brown University

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Speaker 1: shooting into another fake conspiracy. Somebody tweeted that after the shooting,

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Speaker 1: Brown was removing articles from its website about one of

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Speaker 1: its students. She retweeted it with the musk like addition.

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Speaker 1: Concerning Anna, Paulina Luna, the member of the House from

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Speaker 1: Dipshit County, Florida, wrote she found it suspicious that things

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Speaker 1: were altered on the Brown website. Luna also probably finds

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Speaker 1: it suspicious that the amount of daylight changes every day. Well,

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Speaker 1: Dylan retweeted her too, adding just sus turned out the

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Speaker 1: deletions had nothing to do with the shooting, and the

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Speaker 1: student had nothing to do with the shooting. As I

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Speaker 1: recorded this, Dylan had not even deleted her misinformation sus

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Speaker 1: this clown. One can argue that it is part of

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Speaker 1: the trumpest playbook, that it is part of the authoritarian playbook,

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Speaker 1: that the less people who believe in official accounts about anything,

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Speaker 1: the more they will turn to one seemingly authoritative source.

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Speaker 1: And unfortunately, for many of these idiots, that's still Trump.

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Speaker 1: I confess. I think that's giving them too much credit.

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Speaker 1: It's like reading Senator Mike Lee, who is so deep

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Speaker 1: down his let's see what's the amount one million Internet

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Speaker 1: rabbit hole now that he would need to detox to

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Speaker 1: find his way back to reality, and thinking that Mike

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Speaker 1: Lee's borderline paranoia is some kind of re election strategy.

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Speaker 1: It's not. He's just a moron. These people are all

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Speaker 1: just morons. They blew up the Epstein whale. They have

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Speaker 1: not processed that. Conspiracy theories are like giant fire hoses.

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Speaker 1: They're effective and decisive unless you lose control of yours

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Speaker 1: and you drop it and the next thing you know,

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Speaker 1: the water has drowned you, or the blubber has the

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Speaker 1: Trump Stein story would have forgive me exploded. If everything

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Speaker 1: had come out Friday, just like a dead whale would

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Speaker 1: eventually explode due to natural biological forces, then there would

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Speaker 1: have been a significant, if probably inaccurate, sense that almost

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Speaker 1: the whole thing was out in the open now, and

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Speaker 1: however bad it might have been, there would have been

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Speaker 1: a virtual end to it. But everything didn't come out Friday.

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Speaker 1: All that did was just give you a reason to

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Speaker 1: reread the nauseating New York Times story about Epstein giving

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Speaker 1: Trump a twenty year old woman of Trump denying, denying,

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Speaker 1: and denying, and nobody ever bothering to reread the Epstein

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Speaker 1: evidence while playing Trump's words from the Access Hollywood tape

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Speaker 1: and remembering that when Trump said that, it was after

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Speaker 1: most of his sleaziness with Epstein had already occurred, so

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Speaker 1: it didn't come out. Instead, you maniacs, you blew it up.

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Speaker 1: Damn you, damn you Hotell. And now the blubber will

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Speaker 1: just sit there everywhere. It will just sit there, symbolically,

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Speaker 1: a whole, huge chunk of at the size of a

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Speaker 1: coffee table in the crushed car next to Trump, forever,

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Speaker 1: next to Trump as he dozes off for boasts about

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Speaker 1: acing the cognitive test and being able to tell which

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Speaker 1: one was the giraffe. Let's take another look at those

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Speaker 1: trump Steen photos. Is the draft in there too? How

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Speaker 1: about the dead blowed up whale, loaded up bloaded up,

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Speaker 1: real good, loaded up, real good. Okay, So why did

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Speaker 1: Trump name it the Donald J. Trump Memorial Center. This

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Speaker 1: is not the biggest problem with renaming the Kennedy Center

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Speaker 1: illegally after himself, But didn't anybody else notice this? He

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Speaker 1: changed the name of the Kennedy Center before anybody could

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Speaker 1: file a suit to stop him, and he put up

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Speaker 1: a new sign on it, reading the Donald J. Trump

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Speaker 1: and the John F. Kennedy Memorial Center for the Performing Arts.

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Speaker 1: I mean, could we be Is it possible that we're

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Speaker 1: missing the real lead story here? The Donald J. Trump

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Speaker 1: and the John F. Kennedy Memorial Center for the Performing

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Speaker 1: Arts means well, it does include the idea that it's

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Speaker 1: the Donald J. Trump Memorial Center. The word memorial applies

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Speaker 1: to everybody in the new name, It's Trump Memorial. Did

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Speaker 1: I miss a bulletin or something? He's not dead yet, right,

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Speaker 1: I mean officially, officially, not in terms of brain health

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Speaker 1: or his own soul. The Donald J. Trump and the

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Speaker 1: John F. Kennedy Memorial Center for the Performing Arts. You

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Speaker 1: read that, and it doesn't mean that only Kennedy is

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Speaker 1: memorialized here. It's it's that's the construction you use when

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Speaker 1: you are memorializing two people in the title of a

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Speaker 1: building or a book or anything else. Then don't tell me, Well,

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Speaker 1: if you're going to slap your name on the Kennedy Center,

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Speaker 1: that's the only way to do it. No, you take

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Speaker 1: out the word memorial and you make it the Donald J.

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Speaker 1: Trump and John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. See,

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Speaker 1: or if you're Trump and you really think there is

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Speaker 1: something too disrespectful even for you to do, and you

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Speaker 1: have to keep the word memorial in there for Kennedy's sake,

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Speaker 1: you take a page from sports stadiums and you make

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Speaker 1: it the Donald J. Trump Auditorium at the John F.

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Speaker 1: Kennedy Memorial Center for the Performing Arts. That way, it's

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Speaker 1: Kennedy memorial and Trump not memorial. Obviously, the whole thing

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Speaker 1: is sacrilege. But there's sacrilege and then there's stupid sacrilege.

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Speaker 1: And what a surprise, Trump chose the stupid sacrilege. This

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Speaker 1: needs to be undone now by court act later just

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Speaker 1: with pick axes, maybe on pay per view, or people

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Speaker 1: buy a two dollars lottery ticket and the winners get

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Speaker 1: to wield the pick axes. You'd raise eleven hundred and

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Speaker 1: seventy four trillion dollars. But it's just so unsettling that anybody,

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Speaker 1: even a guy as flat out crazy as Trump, would

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Speaker 1: slap his name on an American cultural institution and make

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Speaker 1: it read like it is now the Trump Memorial Center.

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Speaker 1: Sir Memorial means dead sir. On the other hand, if

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Speaker 1: this sticks, Trump will have the last laugh, because of course,

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Speaker 1: sooner or later it will be it will be Trump Memorial.

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Speaker 1: So with trump Stein, kaboom and here comes the blubber.

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure why Trump probably got scared out of

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Speaker 1: announcing an attack on Venezuela last Wednesday. Do not get

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Speaker 1: me wrong, I would be happy to see Maduro go,

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Speaker 1: no matter the how, just like I'd like to see

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Speaker 1: Putin go, no matter the how. These aren't socialist countries

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Speaker 1: or democracies or whatever form of government Russia has convinced

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Speaker 1: it's captive citizens they are in. These are dictatorships. But

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Speaker 1: once again, if Trump has the right to try to

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Speaker 1: force regime change in some place like Venezuela. Bunduro necessarily

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Speaker 1: also has the right to try to force regime change

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Speaker 1: in some place like oh here. Plus, Trump's relationship to

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Speaker 1: Venezuela is he wants it to be his. Iraq, Bush

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Speaker 1: managed to sell just enough Americans on the idea that

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Speaker 1: the Iraqis had something to do with nine to eleven.

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Speaker 1: And even if it wasn't much, sure, they didn't really

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Speaker 1: us hanging him and destroying his country would be a

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Speaker 1: lesson to somebody. In point of fact, it just amped

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Speaker 1: up the terrorist threat, and that secured Bush his narrow

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Speaker 1: reelection in two thousand and four. That obviously is why

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Speaker 1: they have invented this nonsensical term narco terrorism. Might as

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Speaker 1: well name it after Rubio and call it Marco terrorism.

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Speaker 1: That makes just as little sense. The point is to

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Speaker 1: repeat again and again and again and get the casual

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Speaker 1: American to forge a connection between Venezuela and terrorism, and

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Speaker 1: then use that to in a way repeat Bush's success.

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Speaker 1: And yes, sorry, it pains me more than anybody else

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Speaker 1: I think in media. Yes, Bush was successful in Iraq.

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Speaker 1: Not for America, not for the world, certainly not for Iraq.

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Speaker 1: Just for Bush. Where does that leave Venezuela. We'll find

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Speaker 1: out after somebody has to tell Trump that the planted

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Speaker 1: photo of Clinton did nothing and the deleting of photos

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Speaker 1: of him was well, somebody has to go go in

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Speaker 1: now and tell Trump about the exploding whale. Couple of headlines. No,

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Speaker 1: it's Trump's economy, you gov. Polling for CBS concluded Friday,

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Speaker 1: released yesterday. What's more responsible for the state of the

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Speaker 1: US economy today? Trump's policies forty seven percent, Biden's twenty

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Speaker 1: two percent, both equally twenty two percent. You put the

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Speaker 1: key numbers together there, and sixty nine percent of the

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Speaker 1: people think it's at least mostly or partly Trump's economy.

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Speaker 1: Note to former UN ambassador, former New York state candidate

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Speaker 1: for governor soon to be former Representative Elise Stefanic betrayed

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Speaker 1: and abandoned by Trump because ettd the note is from

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Speaker 1: the devil and it consists of two words, no refunds.

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Speaker 1: Gavin Newsom brought it up again. Why do we pay

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Speaker 1: federal taxes? Tweeted his press office in one of those

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Speaker 1: Kitchie Trump all caps satire posts, and then the governor

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Speaker 1: reposted it seriously again quote. If Trump cannot provide the

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Speaker 1: bare minimum to Californians, perhaps it is time California with

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Speaker 1: holds resources from the Feds. I'm telling you this is

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Speaker 1: the way out. It'll be messy. It is virtually a

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Speaker 1: declaration of war. It destabilizes the country. I mean it

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Speaker 1: destabilizes the country almost as fast as Trump is destabilizing it.

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Speaker 1: And lastly, Peter Arnett has died. Peter Arnett was not

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Speaker 1: the first reporter to tell the truth about Vietnam, but

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Speaker 1: he was the one who paved the way for all

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Speaker 1: the others too, including the ones on TV, because he

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Speaker 1: was reporting for the Associated Press when the Associated Press

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Speaker 1: had a world duopoly on news services. He won the

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Speaker 1: Pulitzer Prize in nineteen sixty six from Vietnam. He worked

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Speaker 1: so long and took such personal chances that he was

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Speaker 1: in Vietnam as early as nineteen sixty two and as

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Speaker 1: late as the day we withdrew in the chaos of

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Speaker 1: nineteen seventy five. And he was covering the Soviet invasion

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Speaker 1: of Afghanistan in nineteen seventy nine, And he covered the

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Speaker 1: Gulf War from Iraq for CNN, and he covered the

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Speaker 1: Bush War in Iraq in two thousand and three for NBC.

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Speaker 1: But what made Peter Arnett a great reporter among great

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Speaker 1: reporters is that in between when he was based at

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Speaker 1: the CNN bureau in New York in CNN year one

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Speaker 1: and year two, and that day they didn't need him

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Speaker 1: at the un or he wasn't packing to go overseas,

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Speaker 1: and instead they needed somebody to go interview commuters during

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Speaker 1: a snowstorm, or to get a SoundBite about the latest

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Speaker 1: I don't know, exploding whale. Peter Arnett was the first

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Speaker 1: to volunteer. He liked reporting, or when the rookie sports

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Speaker 1: reporter needed some advice on how to put together his

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Speaker 1: rookie sports story, Peter Arnett not only gave it, he

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Speaker 1: sat through nearly the entire editing session of the sports

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Speaker 1: piece in question. When I was next on the same

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Speaker 1: channel as him twenty one years later, he was live

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Speaker 1: from Iraq and before we went on in the commercial break,

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Speaker 1: he said over the satellite, Hey, in that New Zealand

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Speaker 1: accent of his nice career, and I got to say, well,

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Speaker 1: I had a lot of help from the real pros

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Speaker 1: when I was just getting started. Peter Arnett was ninety

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Speaker 1: one years old Thank you, Peter. Also of interest here,

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Speaker 1: I'll mention this again later for your planning purposes. No

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Speaker 1: podcast Thursday. It's a holiday. The holiday season, of course,

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Speaker 1: does not stop the worst. Of course, memet Oz wants

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Speaker 1: you to know that the price of penises is a

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Speaker 1: going up. And in an unexpectedly possibly related topic, Lindsey

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Speaker 1: Halligan misspelled Virginia. So it looks like maybe she wasn't

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Speaker 1: trying to spell virginia. Maybe she was trying to spell

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Speaker 1: That's next. This is Countdown. This is Countdown with Keith Oberman.

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Speaker 1: Oberman still ahead on this edition of Countdown. Hey it's Christmas.

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Speaker 1: I haven't done any Thurber in a long time. And

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Speaker 1: I don't know if you've noticed this, but the news Hole,

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Speaker 1: as it is colloquially known locally known Broklaw, it's kind

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Speaker 1: of small this week. So let's give you a little

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Speaker 1: something to do if you want to laugh at and

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Speaker 1: with everybody else. His most famous story, the story which

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Speaker 1: began my relationship with the Thurber family and the Literary Trust,

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Speaker 1: and my favorite Thurber story, A holiday three for ahead

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Speaker 1: from James Thurber. But first, believe it or not, there's

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Speaker 1: still more new idiots to talk about the roundup of

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Speaker 1: the misgrants, morons, undunning Kruger effects specimens who constitute today's

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Speaker 1: other worst persons in the world. Lebron's worst doctor Oz,

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Speaker 1: you heard him while millions of Americans are about to

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Speaker 1: fall off the economic cliff because he's part of the

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Speaker 1: dictatorship determined to cut healthcare to save money for billionaires.

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Speaker 1: He gave an address on how inflation is hitting transgender

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Speaker 1: care quote the creation of a penis unquote all right.

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Speaker 1: Pro tip if you are ever giving a speech and

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Speaker 1: you see that phrase on the page in front of you,

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Speaker 1: simply throw the script in the air, make some sort

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Speaker 1: of diversion and run from the podium. In fact, run

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Speaker 1: from the room as fast as you can. Memo and

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Speaker 1: Oz chose not to do this. He continued, the creation

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Speaker 1: of a penis costs on average in America one hundred

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Speaker 1: and fifty thousand dollars per child. Then he added a

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Speaker 1: scrotleplasty where you add testicles. That's extra. Wait, you can

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Speaker 1: add testicles? Has anybody told Mike Johnson The silver worser

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Speaker 1: Riley Gaines, America's also ran Sweetheart. Her podcast will migrate

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Speaker 1: from the Deplorable OutKick to the Home of the Devil Fox,

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Speaker 1: and interestingly, it has already reached the podcast charts, where

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Speaker 1: it's finished oh in eighty fifth place. Sources say in

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Speaker 1: the first episode, Gains will confess she never really learned

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Speaker 1: how to swim. But the winner the Worst Lindsey Halligan,

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Speaker 1: Miss Uncongeniality and third runner up from the Colorado Miss

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Speaker 1: USA pageant many many many years ago, and now the

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Speaker 1: unqualified attorney Trump keeps trying to install as the US

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Speaker 1: Attorney in the Eastern District of Virginia, even though she

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Speaker 1: didn't know any of the rules, like you have to

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Speaker 1: show the grand jury whatever it is you claim they

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Speaker 1: voted on, and get approved by somebody for your office

396
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Speaker 1: before you start indicting people as political vengeance for the

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Speaker 1: guy who used to own the Miss USA pageant. El Trumpolini,

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Speaker 1: she didn't know stuff like that, while she's done it again,

399
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Speaker 1: only this one is way simpler and way funnier than

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Speaker 1: the Star Chamber indictments in her name. She keeps having

401
00:27:59,995 --> 00:28:07,035
Speaker 1: trouble with details, details, and trouble like Lionel Hutts from

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Speaker 1: The Simpsons level trouble noted by someone I think on

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Speaker 1: Blue Sky. Her self identification on one of the legal

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Speaker 1: documents she filed reads Lindsay Halligan, United States Attorney, Eastern

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Speaker 1: District of Virginia, Florida, bar number one on the nine

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Speaker 1: four three of the tamis and amnue Alexandria Virginia two

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Speaker 1: two three fo Wait, Wait what United States Attorney Eastern

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Speaker 1: District of v I r gi na Virgina Virgina. She

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Speaker 1: misspelled Virginia v i r g i na Virgina. Well,

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Speaker 1: we're assuming she was trying to spell Virginia.

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Speaker 2: Lindsay, what was the name of that old minstrel song

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Speaker 2: from the nineteenth century? Carry me back to old Virgina Alligan,

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Speaker 2: Today's other worst person in the world.

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Speaker 1: As promised, Merry Christmas. Not just one Thurber story, since

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Speaker 1: we haven't done any of them in a while, not two,

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Speaker 1: but three, and all of them with special connotations. My favorite,

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Speaker 1: his most famous, and the one that first connected me

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Speaker 1: to the Thurber literary tradition. As I've mentioned many times,

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Speaker 1: I read this story first aloud in a class in

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Speaker 1: college in nineteen seventy nine, and a friend of mine

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Speaker 1: came up to me and said, you should forget that

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Speaker 1: sportscasting thing. You should read Thurber for a living, and

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Speaker 1: I said, yeah, that'll ever happen. This is, for some

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Speaker 1: reason salvation for me, Catharsis, and every other emotion that

425
00:30:32,395 --> 00:30:38,235
Speaker 1: is appropriate after it has been a long week. A

426
00:30:38,275 --> 00:30:45,755
Speaker 1: Box to Hide in by James Thurber. I waited till

427
00:30:45,795 --> 00:30:50,035
Speaker 1: the large woman with the awful hat took up her

428
00:30:50,115 --> 00:30:54,875
Speaker 1: sack of groceries and went out, peering at the tomatoes

429
00:30:55,035 --> 00:30:58,275
Speaker 1: and the lettuce on her way. The clerk asked me

430
00:30:58,315 --> 00:31:02,875
Speaker 1: what mine was. Have you got a box, I asked,

431
00:31:03,315 --> 00:31:07,195
Speaker 1: A large box. I want a box to hide in.

432
00:31:08,715 --> 00:31:12,395
Speaker 1: You want a box, he asked, I want a box

433
00:31:12,435 --> 00:31:15,275
Speaker 1: to hide in. I said, what do you mean? He said,

434
00:31:15,355 --> 00:31:18,515
Speaker 1: you mean a big box? I said, I meant a

435
00:31:18,595 --> 00:31:21,355
Speaker 1: big box big enough to hold me. I haven't got

436
00:31:21,395 --> 00:31:24,795
Speaker 1: any boxes, he said, only cottons that cans come in.

437
00:31:26,835 --> 00:31:29,395
Speaker 1: I tried several other groceries and none of them had

438
00:31:29,395 --> 00:31:32,195
Speaker 1: a box big enough for me to hide in. And

439
00:31:32,275 --> 00:31:36,315
Speaker 1: there was nothing for it but to face life out.

440
00:31:36,955 --> 00:31:40,515
Speaker 1: I didn't feel strong, and I'd had this overpowering desire

441
00:31:40,595 --> 00:31:46,715
Speaker 1: to hide in a box for a long time. Well,

442
00:31:46,835 --> 00:31:48,515
Speaker 1: what do you mean you want to hide in this box?

443
00:31:48,995 --> 00:31:53,835
Speaker 1: One grocer asked me. It's a form of escape, I

444
00:31:53,915 --> 00:31:58,195
Speaker 1: told him, hiding in a box, it circumscribes your worries

445
00:31:58,355 --> 00:32:02,955
Speaker 1: in the range of your anguish. You don't see people either.

446
00:32:04,395 --> 00:32:06,755
Speaker 1: The hell you eat when you're in this box, asked

447
00:32:06,795 --> 00:32:08,435
Speaker 1: the grocer, I don't know. Hell do you get anything

448
00:32:08,435 --> 00:32:11,595
Speaker 1: to eat? I said, I had never been in a

449
00:32:11,635 --> 00:32:13,795
Speaker 1: box and didn't know, but that that would take care

450
00:32:13,835 --> 00:32:18,195
Speaker 1: of itself. Well, he said, finally, I haven't got any boxes,

451
00:32:18,235 --> 00:32:23,435
Speaker 1: only some pasteboard curtains that cans come in. It was

452
00:32:23,515 --> 00:32:27,355
Speaker 1: the same every place. I gave up when it got

453
00:32:27,515 --> 00:32:31,075
Speaker 1: dark and the groceries closed, and hid in my room again.

454
00:32:32,155 --> 00:32:34,035
Speaker 1: I turned out the light and lay on the bed.

455
00:32:34,715 --> 00:32:38,515
Speaker 1: You feel better when it gets dark. I could have

456
00:32:38,635 --> 00:32:41,955
Speaker 1: hit in a closet, I suppose, but people are always

457
00:32:42,315 --> 00:32:47,355
Speaker 1: opening doors. Somebody would find you in a closet. They

458
00:32:47,355 --> 00:32:49,795
Speaker 1: would be startled, and you'd have to tell them why

459
00:32:49,875 --> 00:32:53,195
Speaker 1: you're in the closet. Nobody pays attention to a big

460
00:32:53,315 --> 00:32:56,515
Speaker 1: box lying on the floor. You could stay in it

461
00:32:56,635 --> 00:33:00,835
Speaker 1: for days and nobody'd think to look in it, not

462
00:33:01,195 --> 00:33:07,675
Speaker 1: even the cleaning woman. My cleaning woman came the next

463
00:33:07,675 --> 00:33:10,795
Speaker 1: morning and woke me up, and I was still feeling bad.

464
00:33:11,475 --> 00:33:13,155
Speaker 1: I asked her if she knew where I could get

465
00:33:13,155 --> 00:33:17,795
Speaker 1: a large box. How big a box you want, she asked,

466
00:33:18,595 --> 00:33:20,235
Speaker 1: I want a box big enough for me to get

467
00:33:20,235 --> 00:33:24,235
Speaker 1: inside of, I said. She looked at me with big,

468
00:33:24,555 --> 00:33:30,355
Speaker 1: dim eyes. There's something wrong with her glands. She's awful,

469
00:33:30,395 --> 00:33:32,835
Speaker 1: but she has a big heart, which makes it worse.

470
00:33:33,275 --> 00:33:37,395
Speaker 1: She's unbearable. Her husband is sick, and her children are sick,

471
00:33:37,435 --> 00:33:39,955
Speaker 1: and she is sick too. I got to thinking how

472
00:33:39,955 --> 00:33:41,555
Speaker 1: pleasant it would be if I were in a box

473
00:33:41,635 --> 00:33:44,115
Speaker 1: now and didn't have to see her. I'd be in

474
00:33:44,115 --> 00:33:45,955
Speaker 1: a box right there in the room, and she wouldn't know.

475
00:33:46,355 --> 00:33:49,235
Speaker 1: I wondered, if you had a desire to bark or

476
00:33:49,435 --> 00:33:53,675
Speaker 1: laugh when someone who doesn't know walks by the box

477
00:33:53,755 --> 00:33:57,635
Speaker 1: you were in, maybe she would have a spell with

478
00:33:57,715 --> 00:34:00,435
Speaker 1: her heart. If I did that would die right there.

479
00:34:01,835 --> 00:34:05,035
Speaker 1: The officers and the elevator man and mister Graham would

480
00:34:05,075 --> 00:34:08,275
Speaker 1: find us funny, dog Gune, thing happened at the building

481
00:34:08,355 --> 00:34:10,915
Speaker 1: last night. The doorman would say to his wife, I

482
00:34:11,115 --> 00:34:12,995
Speaker 1: led in this woman to clean up tenf and she

483
00:34:13,075 --> 00:34:15,475
Speaker 1: never come out. See she's never in there more in

484
00:34:15,515 --> 00:34:18,155
Speaker 1: an hour, but she never come out. See. So when

485
00:34:18,155 --> 00:34:20,235
Speaker 1: it got time for me to go off duty. Wissays

486
00:34:20,275 --> 00:34:22,155
Speaker 1: to Credit, who was on the elevator. I says, what

487
00:34:22,195 --> 00:34:24,675
Speaker 1: the hell you suppose happened to that woman cleans tenf?

488
00:34:25,435 --> 00:34:27,755
Speaker 1: He says he didn't know. He says he never seen

489
00:34:27,795 --> 00:34:30,035
Speaker 1: her after he took her up. So I spoke to

490
00:34:30,075 --> 00:34:33,835
Speaker 1: mister Drammage about it. I'm sorry to bother you, mister Grammage,

491
00:34:33,875 --> 00:34:36,995
Speaker 1: I says, but there's something funny about that woman cleans

492
00:34:37,035 --> 00:34:40,035
Speaker 1: ten f. So I told him so he said we

493
00:34:40,115 --> 00:34:41,995
Speaker 1: better have a look, and we all three goes up

494
00:34:41,995 --> 00:34:44,075
Speaker 1: and knots on the door and rings the bells sea

495
00:34:44,115 --> 00:34:46,915
Speaker 1: and nobody answers. So he said we'd have to walk in.

496
00:34:46,995 --> 00:34:49,395
Speaker 1: So Credit opened the door and we walked in, and

497
00:34:49,435 --> 00:34:53,635
Speaker 1: here was this woman cleans the apartment, dead as a

498
00:34:53,755 --> 00:34:58,115
Speaker 1: herring on the floor, and the gentleman that lives there

499
00:34:59,395 --> 00:35:05,275
Speaker 1: was in a box. The cleaning woman kept looking at me.

500
00:35:06,035 --> 00:35:11,315
Speaker 1: It was hard to realize she wasn't dead. It's a

501
00:35:11,355 --> 00:35:17,555
Speaker 1: form of escape, I murmured, wat say. She asked, Dully,

502
00:35:18,915 --> 00:35:21,395
Speaker 1: you don't know of any large packing boxes, do you?

503
00:35:21,995 --> 00:35:27,635
Speaker 1: I asked, now, I don't. She said, I haven't found

504
00:35:27,675 --> 00:35:31,355
Speaker 1: one yet, But I still have this overpowering urge to

505
00:35:31,515 --> 00:35:36,835
Speaker 1: hide in a box. Maybe it will go away, Maybe

506
00:35:36,835 --> 00:35:42,115
Speaker 1: I'll be all right, Maybe it will get worse. It's

507
00:35:42,275 --> 00:35:49,115
Speaker 1: hard to say. A box to hide in by James Thurber.

508
00:35:55,355 --> 00:35:58,795
Speaker 1: James Thurber's best known work, best loved work, and maybe

509
00:35:58,915 --> 00:36:02,035
Speaker 1: just best work has been made into two different films,

510
00:36:02,675 --> 00:36:05,195
Speaker 1: neither of which is really satisfactory, but which gives you

511
00:36:05,315 --> 00:36:09,355
Speaker 1: just a glimpse of what your imagination is doing as

512
00:36:09,395 --> 00:36:13,995
Speaker 1: you hear or read his words. It is a universal.

513
00:36:14,235 --> 00:36:17,315
Speaker 1: It is the story of everybody who's ever lived, who

514
00:36:17,355 --> 00:36:22,635
Speaker 1: has ever daydreamed. It is the secret life of Walter

515
00:36:22,755 --> 00:36:29,635
Speaker 1: Mitty by James Thurber. We're going through. The Commander's voice

516
00:36:29,715 --> 00:36:33,795
Speaker 1: was like thin ice breaking. He wore his full dress uniform,

517
00:36:33,835 --> 00:36:36,755
Speaker 1: with the heavily braided white cap pulled down rakishly over

518
00:36:36,795 --> 00:36:42,515
Speaker 1: one cold gray eye. We can't make it, sir. It's

519
00:36:42,515 --> 00:36:45,195
Speaker 1: spoiling for a hurricane. If you ask me, I'm not

520
00:36:45,275 --> 00:36:48,195
Speaker 1: asking you, Lieutenant Berg said the commander. Throw on the

521
00:36:48,235 --> 00:36:51,995
Speaker 1: power lights, rever up to eighty five hundred. We're going through.

522
00:36:52,995 --> 00:36:56,075
Speaker 1: The pounding of the cylinders increased to pocket to pocket,

523
00:36:56,075 --> 00:36:59,115
Speaker 1: to pocket, to pocket to pocket. The commander stared at

524
00:36:59,115 --> 00:37:01,755
Speaker 1: the ice forming on the pilot window. He walked over

525
00:37:01,795 --> 00:37:05,115
Speaker 1: and twisted a row of complicated dials. Sweat youah, number

526
00:37:05,195 --> 00:37:10,195
Speaker 1: eight auxiliary, He shouted, switch on Mber eight auxiliary repeated.

527
00:37:10,195 --> 00:37:13,955
Speaker 1: Lieutenant Berg full strength and number three turret shouted the

528
00:37:13,955 --> 00:37:18,475
Speaker 1: commander full strength and number three turret. The crew, bending

529
00:37:18,515 --> 00:37:21,675
Speaker 1: to their various tasks in the huge, hurtling eight engined

530
00:37:21,755 --> 00:37:24,915
Speaker 1: Navy hydroplane, looked at each other and grinned. The old

531
00:37:24,995 --> 00:37:27,315
Speaker 1: man will get us through, they said to one another.

532
00:37:27,435 --> 00:37:31,275
Speaker 1: The old man ain't afraid of hell, not the fast.

533
00:37:32,355 --> 00:37:35,955
Speaker 1: You're driving too fast, said missus Middy. What are you

534
00:37:36,075 --> 00:37:41,755
Speaker 1: driving so fast for? Hmmm, said Walter Middy. He looked

535
00:37:41,755 --> 00:37:45,435
Speaker 1: at his wife in the seat beside him with shocked astonishment.

536
00:37:45,835 --> 00:37:49,195
Speaker 1: She seemed grossly unfamiliar, like a strange woman who had

537
00:37:49,275 --> 00:37:52,315
Speaker 1: yelled at him in a crowd. You're up to fifty five,

538
00:37:52,835 --> 00:37:54,635
Speaker 1: she said. You know I don't like to go more

539
00:37:54,675 --> 00:37:58,395
Speaker 1: than forty. You're up to fifty five. Walter Middy drove

540
00:37:58,475 --> 00:38:01,475
Speaker 1: on toward Waterbury in silence, the roaring of the s

541
00:38:01,635 --> 00:38:04,835
Speaker 1: N two two through the worst storm in twenty years

542
00:38:04,835 --> 00:38:10,075
Speaker 1: of Navy flying, fading in the remote intimate airways of

543
00:38:10,155 --> 00:38:14,795
Speaker 1: his mind. Your ten step again, said missus midty. It's

544
00:38:14,795 --> 00:38:18,355
Speaker 1: one of your days. I wish you'd let doctor Renshaw

545
00:38:18,515 --> 00:38:22,035
Speaker 1: look you over. Walter Mitty stopped the car in front

546
00:38:22,075 --> 00:38:23,715
Speaker 1: of the building where his wife went to have her

547
00:38:23,715 --> 00:38:26,515
Speaker 1: hair done. Remember to get those overshoes while I'm having

548
00:38:26,515 --> 00:38:31,035
Speaker 1: the hair done, she said, I don't need overshoes, said Mitty.

549
00:38:31,635 --> 00:38:34,155
Speaker 1: She put her mirror back into her bag. We've been

550
00:38:34,355 --> 00:38:37,515
Speaker 1: all through that, she said, getting out of the car.

551
00:38:37,595 --> 00:38:40,675
Speaker 1: You're not a young man any longer. He raced the

552
00:38:40,715 --> 00:38:43,755
Speaker 1: engine a little. Why don't you wear your gloves? Have

553
00:38:43,875 --> 00:38:47,355
Speaker 1: you lost your gloves? Walter Mitty reached in a pocket

554
00:38:47,435 --> 00:38:49,435
Speaker 1: and brought out the gloves. He put them on, but

555
00:38:49,955 --> 00:38:52,075
Speaker 1: after she had turned and gone into the building and

556
00:38:52,115 --> 00:38:54,995
Speaker 1: he had driven onto a red light, he took them

557
00:38:55,115 --> 00:38:59,235
Speaker 1: off again. Pick it up, brother snapped the cop as

558
00:38:59,235 --> 00:39:02,155
Speaker 1: the light changed, and Mitty hastily pulled on his gloves

559
00:39:02,435 --> 00:39:05,835
Speaker 1: and lurched ahead. He drove around the streets aimlessly for

560
00:39:05,875 --> 00:39:08,395
Speaker 1: a time, and then he drove past the hospital on

561
00:39:08,515 --> 00:39:13,395
Speaker 1: his way to the parking lot. It's the millionaire banker

562
00:39:13,395 --> 00:39:18,195
Speaker 1: Wellington McMillan, said, the pretty nurse, Yes, said Walter Mitty,

563
00:39:18,235 --> 00:39:22,555
Speaker 1: removing his gloves slowly. Who has the case? Doctor Renshawn,

564
00:39:22,595 --> 00:39:26,475
Speaker 1: Doctor Renbow. But there are two specialists here, doctor Remington

565
00:39:26,515 --> 00:39:29,475
Speaker 1: from New York and mister Prichard Mitford from London. He

566
00:39:29,595 --> 00:39:33,435
Speaker 1: flew over the door, opened down a long cool carter,

567
00:39:33,555 --> 00:39:37,955
Speaker 1: and doctor Renshaw came out. He looked distraught and haggard.

568
00:39:38,555 --> 00:39:41,515
Speaker 1: Hello Mitty, he said, we're having the devil's own time

569
00:39:41,515 --> 00:39:44,035
Speaker 1: with McMillan, the millionaire banker and close personal friend of

570
00:39:44,115 --> 00:39:49,995
Speaker 1: Roosevelt obstriosis of the ductal tract tertiary. Wish you'd take

571
00:39:50,035 --> 00:39:54,675
Speaker 1: a look at him. Glad to said Mitty. In the

572
00:39:54,675 --> 00:39:59,795
Speaker 1: operating room, there were whispered introductions Doctor Remington, doctor Mitty,

573
00:40:00,315 --> 00:40:04,875
Speaker 1: mister Richard Mitford, doctor Mitty. And I've read you bok

574
00:40:04,875 --> 00:40:09,835
Speaker 1: Gunscript of thracosis, said Richard Mitford, shaking hands. A brilliant performance, sir,

575
00:40:10,955 --> 00:40:14,355
Speaker 1: thank you, said Walter Mitty. Didn't know you're in the

576
00:40:14,475 --> 00:40:18,955
Speaker 1: State's midty, grumbled Remington. Coles to Newcastle, bringing Midford to

577
00:40:18,955 --> 00:40:22,395
Speaker 1: me up here for a tertiary. You are very kind,

578
00:40:23,115 --> 00:40:27,675
Speaker 1: said Mittie. A huge complicated machine connected to the operating

579
00:40:27,675 --> 00:40:30,675
Speaker 1: table with many tubes and wires began at this moment

580
00:40:30,755 --> 00:40:36,315
Speaker 1: to go pocket, pocketa pocketa. The new anesthetizer is giving way,

581
00:40:36,595 --> 00:40:38,995
Speaker 1: shouted an in turn. There is no one in the

582
00:40:39,035 --> 00:40:42,315
Speaker 1: east who knows how to fix it. Quiet man, said

583
00:40:42,395 --> 00:40:45,435
Speaker 1: Mitty in a low, cool voice. He sprang to the machine,

584
00:40:45,435 --> 00:40:48,795
Speaker 1: which was now going pocket to pocket to creep, pocket

585
00:40:48,795 --> 00:40:52,315
Speaker 1: to pocket to creep. He began fingering delicately a roll

586
00:40:52,355 --> 00:40:55,875
Speaker 1: of glistening dials. Give me a fountain pen, he snapped.

587
00:40:56,915 --> 00:40:59,355
Speaker 1: Someone handed him a fountain pen. He pulled a faulty

588
00:40:59,355 --> 00:41:01,635
Speaker 1: piston out of the machine and inserted the pen in

589
00:41:01,675 --> 00:41:05,995
Speaker 1: its place. That will hold for ten minutes, he said,

590
00:41:06,195 --> 00:41:08,915
Speaker 1: Get on with the operation. A nurse hurried over and

591
00:41:08,915 --> 00:41:11,795
Speaker 1: whispered to Renshaw, and Mitty saw the man turn pale.

592
00:41:12,595 --> 00:41:17,115
Speaker 1: Coreopsis has set him, said Renshaw nervously. If you would

593
00:41:17,395 --> 00:41:20,835
Speaker 1: take over, Middy. Mitty looked at him, and at the

594
00:41:20,875 --> 00:41:25,275
Speaker 1: craven figure of Benbow, who drank, and at the grave

595
00:41:25,435 --> 00:41:29,675
Speaker 1: uncertain faces of the two great specialists. If you wish,

596
00:41:29,755 --> 00:41:32,275
Speaker 1: he said. They slipped a white gown on him. He

597
00:41:32,315 --> 00:41:35,515
Speaker 1: adjusted a mask and drew on thin gloves. Nurses handed

598
00:41:35,555 --> 00:41:38,915
Speaker 1: him shiny back it up. Mac look out for that

599
00:41:39,075 --> 00:41:43,395
Speaker 1: buick Walter. Mitty jammed on the brakes. Wrong lane, mack,

600
00:41:43,795 --> 00:41:48,395
Speaker 1: said the parking lot attendant, looking at Mitty closely. Gee yeah,

601
00:41:48,955 --> 00:41:52,195
Speaker 1: muttered Mitty. He began cautiously to back out of the

602
00:41:52,275 --> 00:41:56,435
Speaker 1: lane marked exit. Only leave us sit there, said the attendant.

603
00:41:56,555 --> 00:41:59,795
Speaker 1: I'll put her away. Mitty got out of the car.

604
00:42:00,275 --> 00:42:05,835
Speaker 1: Hey better leave the key, oh, said Mitty, handing the

605
00:42:05,875 --> 00:42:09,195
Speaker 1: man the ignition key. The attendant vaulted into the car,

606
00:42:09,275 --> 00:42:12,275
Speaker 1: backed it up with insolent skill, and put it where

607
00:42:12,315 --> 00:42:18,435
Speaker 1: it belonged. They're so damn cocky, thought Walter Mitty, walking

608
00:42:18,435 --> 00:42:22,635
Speaker 1: along Main Street. They think they know everything. Once he

609
00:42:22,675 --> 00:42:25,675
Speaker 1: had tried to take his chains off outside New Milford,

610
00:42:26,115 --> 00:42:28,875
Speaker 1: and he got them wound around the axles. The man

611
00:42:28,995 --> 00:42:32,195
Speaker 1: had to come out in a wrecking car and unwind them,

612
00:42:32,395 --> 00:42:37,195
Speaker 1: a young, grinning garage man. Since then, missus Mitty always

613
00:42:37,195 --> 00:42:39,435
Speaker 1: made him drive to a garage to have the chains

614
00:42:39,435 --> 00:42:42,395
Speaker 1: taken off. The next time, he thought, I'll wear my

615
00:42:42,595 --> 00:42:45,875
Speaker 1: right arm in a sling. They won't grin at me.

616
00:42:45,955 --> 00:42:47,795
Speaker 1: Then I have my right arm in a sling, and

617
00:42:47,835 --> 00:42:50,435
Speaker 1: they'll see I couldn't possibly take the chains off myself.

618
00:42:51,435 --> 00:42:56,035
Speaker 1: He kicked at the slush on the sidewalk. Overshoes he

619
00:42:56,075 --> 00:42:58,115
Speaker 1: said to himself, and he began looking for a shoe store.

620
00:42:59,075 --> 00:43:00,715
Speaker 1: When he came out into the street again with the

621
00:43:00,715 --> 00:43:03,355
Speaker 1: overshoes in a box under his arm, Walter Mitty began

622
00:43:03,395 --> 00:43:05,595
Speaker 1: to wonder what the other thing was his wife had

623
00:43:05,635 --> 00:43:09,315
Speaker 1: told him to get. She had told him twice before

624
00:43:09,315 --> 00:43:12,475
Speaker 1: they set out from their house for Waterbury. In a way,

625
00:43:12,515 --> 00:43:15,155
Speaker 1: he hated these weekly trips to town. He was always

626
00:43:15,155 --> 00:43:22,115
Speaker 1: getting something wrong. Kleenex, he thoughts, quibbs, razor blades, now, toothpaste,

627
00:43:22,155 --> 00:43:27,675
Speaker 1: toothbrush by carbon at carborundum initiative referendum. He gave it up,

628
00:43:28,355 --> 00:43:31,235
Speaker 1: but she would remember it. Where's the what's its name?

629
00:43:31,435 --> 00:43:33,515
Speaker 1: She would ask? Don't tell me you forgot the what's

630
00:43:33,555 --> 00:43:36,715
Speaker 1: its name? The newsboy went by, shouting something about the

631
00:43:36,715 --> 00:43:42,955
Speaker 1: Waterbury trial. Perhaps this will refresh your memory. The district

632
00:43:42,955 --> 00:43:45,795
Speaker 1: attorney suddenly thrust a heavy automatic at the quiet figure

633
00:43:45,795 --> 00:43:48,155
Speaker 1: on the witness stand. Have you ever seen this before?

634
00:43:49,475 --> 00:43:53,275
Speaker 1: Walter Mitty took the gun and examined it expertly. This

635
00:43:53,755 --> 00:43:58,035
Speaker 1: is my Webley Vicar's fifty point eight, oh, he said calmly.

636
00:43:58,195 --> 00:44:01,555
Speaker 1: An excited buzz ran around the courtroom. The judge rapped

637
00:44:01,555 --> 00:44:04,875
Speaker 1: for order. You are a crack shot with any sort

638
00:44:04,915 --> 00:44:09,515
Speaker 1: of firearms, I believe, said the district attorney, insinuatingly, objection,

639
00:44:10,115 --> 00:44:13,515
Speaker 1: shouted Mitty's attorney. We have shown that the defendant could

640
00:44:13,515 --> 00:44:15,795
Speaker 1: not have fired the shot. We have shown that he

641
00:44:15,915 --> 00:44:18,835
Speaker 1: wore his right arm in a sling. On the night

642
00:44:18,835 --> 00:44:22,795
Speaker 1: of the fourteenth of July. Walter Mitty raised his hand briefly,

643
00:44:22,795 --> 00:44:26,675
Speaker 1: and the bickering attorneys were stilled with any known make

644
00:44:26,715 --> 00:44:30,635
Speaker 1: of gun. He said evenly, I could have killed Gregory

645
00:44:30,675 --> 00:44:36,795
Speaker 1: Fitzhurst at three hundred feet with my left hand. Pandemonium

646
00:44:36,835 --> 00:44:40,115
Speaker 1: broke out in the courtroom. A woman's scream rose above

647
00:44:40,115 --> 00:44:42,595
Speaker 1: the bedlom, and suddenly a lovely, dark haired girl was

648
00:44:42,595 --> 00:44:46,355
Speaker 1: in Walter Mitty's arms. The district attorney struck at her savagely.

649
00:44:46,515 --> 00:44:48,915
Speaker 1: Without rising from his chair. Mitty let the man have

650
00:44:48,955 --> 00:44:51,315
Speaker 1: it on the point of the chin. You miserable, cur

651
00:44:53,875 --> 00:44:58,115
Speaker 1: puppy biscuit, said Walter Mitty. He stopped walking, and the

652
00:44:58,115 --> 00:45:00,835
Speaker 1: buildings of Waterbury rose up out of the misty courtroom

653
00:45:00,835 --> 00:45:03,715
Speaker 1: and surrounded him again. A woman who was passing laughed.

654
00:45:04,195 --> 00:45:07,355
Speaker 1: He said, puppy biscuit. She said to her companion that

655
00:45:07,475 --> 00:45:11,755
Speaker 1: man said, puppy biscuit to himself. Walter Mitty hurried on.

656
00:45:12,675 --> 00:45:14,515
Speaker 1: He went into an a and p not the first

657
00:45:14,555 --> 00:45:16,595
Speaker 1: one he came to, but a smaller one farther up

658
00:45:16,595 --> 00:45:21,475
Speaker 1: the street. I want some biscuit for small young dogs,

659
00:45:21,995 --> 00:45:26,195
Speaker 1: he said to the clerk. Any special brand, Sir, the

660
00:45:26,275 --> 00:45:31,115
Speaker 1: greatest pistol shot in the world, thought a moment. It

661
00:45:31,235 --> 00:45:36,635
Speaker 1: says puppies bark for it on the box, said Walter Mitty.

662
00:45:38,195 --> 00:45:40,755
Speaker 1: His wife would be through at the hairdressers in fifteen minutes.

663
00:45:41,115 --> 00:45:43,515
Speaker 1: Mitty saw in looking at his watch. Unless they had

664
00:45:43,515 --> 00:45:47,595
Speaker 1: trouble drying it. Sometimes they had trouble drying it. She

665
00:45:47,635 --> 00:45:49,955
Speaker 1: didn't like to get to the hotel first. She would

666
00:45:49,995 --> 00:45:52,595
Speaker 1: want him to be there waiting for her as usual.

667
00:45:53,195 --> 00:45:55,395
Speaker 1: He found a big leather chair in the lobby facing

668
00:45:55,395 --> 00:45:57,835
Speaker 1: a window, and he put the overshoes and the puppy

669
00:45:57,875 --> 00:46:00,675
Speaker 1: biscuit on the floor. Beside it. He picked up an

670
00:46:00,715 --> 00:46:03,915
Speaker 1: old copy of Liberty and sank down into the chair.

671
00:46:04,995 --> 00:46:08,915
Speaker 1: Can Germany conquer the world through the air? Walter Mitty

672
00:46:08,955 --> 00:46:14,555
Speaker 1: looked at the pictures of bombing planes and of ruined streets.

673
00:46:16,875 --> 00:46:20,435
Speaker 1: The Cannonaden has got the wind up in young Rawleigh, Sir, said,

674
00:46:20,475 --> 00:46:24,035
Speaker 1: the sergeant. Captain Mitty looked at him through touzled hair.

675
00:46:24,555 --> 00:46:28,035
Speaker 1: Get him to bed, he said, wearily. With the others,

676
00:46:28,355 --> 00:46:32,515
Speaker 1: I'll fly alone. But you can't, sir, said the sergeant anxiously.

677
00:46:32,555 --> 00:46:34,515
Speaker 1: It takes two men to handle that bomber, and the

678
00:46:34,635 --> 00:46:37,475
Speaker 1: Archies are pounding l out of the air. Von Rickman's

679
00:46:37,475 --> 00:46:41,835
Speaker 1: circus is between here and Solier. Somebody's got to get

680
00:46:41,875 --> 00:46:45,955
Speaker 1: that ammunition dump, said Mitty. I'm going over spot of brandy.

681
00:46:46,875 --> 00:46:50,235
Speaker 1: He poured a drink for the sergeant and won for himself. Wore,

682
00:46:50,355 --> 00:46:53,155
Speaker 1: thundered and whined around the dugout and battered at the door.

683
00:46:53,555 --> 00:46:56,155
Speaker 1: There was a rending of wood and splinters flew through

684
00:46:56,155 --> 00:47:00,435
Speaker 1: the room. Bit of a near thing, said Captain Mitty carelessly.

685
00:47:01,315 --> 00:47:05,075
Speaker 1: The box barrage is closing in, said the sergeant. We

686
00:47:05,195 --> 00:47:09,275
Speaker 1: only live once, sergeant, said Mitty, with his faint, fleeting smile.

687
00:47:10,315 --> 00:47:13,875
Speaker 1: Or do we? He poured another brandy and tossed it off.

688
00:47:14,395 --> 00:47:16,555
Speaker 1: Never seen a man could hold his brandy. Lock you, sir,

689
00:47:16,915 --> 00:47:20,635
Speaker 1: said the sergeant, begging you pardon, sir. Captain Mitty stood

690
00:47:20,675 --> 00:47:24,635
Speaker 1: up and scrapped on his huge Webbley vicars automatic. It's

691
00:47:24,675 --> 00:47:28,795
Speaker 1: forty kilometers through el, Sir, said the sergeant. Mitty finished

692
00:47:28,795 --> 00:47:35,195
Speaker 1: one last brandy after all, he said, softly, What isn't

693
00:47:35,395 --> 00:47:37,715
Speaker 1: The pounding of the cannon increased. There was the rat

694
00:47:37,715 --> 00:47:40,155
Speaker 1: tat tatting of the machine guns, and from somewhere came

695
00:47:40,195 --> 00:47:43,955
Speaker 1: the menacing Pucket to Pucket, to Pucket to Pucketer of

696
00:47:44,035 --> 00:47:48,275
Speaker 1: the new flame throwers. Walter Mitty walked to the door

697
00:47:48,395 --> 00:47:52,315
Speaker 1: of the dugout, humming out Prey de ma blonde. He

698
00:47:52,395 --> 00:47:58,235
Speaker 1: turned and waved to the sergeant cheerio. He said. Something

699
00:47:58,275 --> 00:48:01,315
Speaker 1: struck his shoulder. I've been looking all over this hotel

700
00:48:01,395 --> 00:48:04,075
Speaker 1: for you, said missus Mitty. Why do you have to

701
00:48:04,115 --> 00:48:06,635
Speaker 1: hide in this old chair? How did you expect me

702
00:48:06,675 --> 00:48:11,555
Speaker 1: to find you? Things? Close in? Said Walter Mitty, vaguely

703
00:48:11,875 --> 00:48:14,915
Speaker 1: what Missus Mitty said? Did you get the wats it's

704
00:48:14,955 --> 00:48:20,355
Speaker 1: name the poppy biscuit? What's in that box overshoes? Said Mitty?

705
00:48:20,515 --> 00:48:24,115
Speaker 1: Couldn't you put them on on the star? I was thinking,

706
00:48:24,515 --> 00:48:26,875
Speaker 1: said Walter Mitty. Does it ever occur to you that

707
00:48:26,955 --> 00:48:31,355
Speaker 1: I am sometimes thinking? She looked at him. I'm going

708
00:48:31,435 --> 00:48:34,915
Speaker 1: to take your temperature when I get you home, she said.

709
00:48:35,915 --> 00:48:37,875
Speaker 1: They went out through the revolving doors that made a

710
00:48:37,875 --> 00:48:41,355
Speaker 1: faintly derisive whistling sound when you push them. It was

711
00:48:41,395 --> 00:48:44,395
Speaker 1: two blocks to the parking lot at the drug store

712
00:48:44,395 --> 00:48:46,755
Speaker 1: on the corner. She said, wait here for me. I

713
00:48:46,875 --> 00:48:50,195
Speaker 1: forgot something. I won't be a minute. She was more

714
00:48:50,235 --> 00:48:55,035
Speaker 1: than a minute. Walter Mitty lighted a cigarette. It began

715
00:48:55,075 --> 00:48:58,715
Speaker 1: to rain, rain with sleet in it. He stood up

716
00:48:58,715 --> 00:49:01,635
Speaker 1: against the wall of the drug store smoking. He put

717
00:49:01,635 --> 00:49:05,955
Speaker 1: his shoulders back and his heels together. Hell with the handkerchief,

718
00:49:06,355 --> 00:49:09,435
Speaker 1: said Walter Mitty, scornfully. He took one last drag on

719
00:49:09,475 --> 00:49:12,315
Speaker 1: his cigarette and snapped it away. Then, with that faint,

720
00:49:12,875 --> 00:49:17,595
Speaker 1: fleeting smile playing about his lips, he faced the firing squad,

721
00:49:17,635 --> 00:49:23,915
Speaker 1: erect and motionless, proud and disdainful. Walter Mitty, the Undefeated,

722
00:49:24,475 --> 00:49:31,115
Speaker 1: inscrutable to the last. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

723
00:49:31,915 --> 00:49:39,955
Speaker 1: by James Thurber, The peace Like Mongoose is the starting

724
00:49:39,995 --> 00:49:43,235
Speaker 1: point of my relationship with James Thurber's daughter Rosemary, and

725
00:49:43,315 --> 00:49:46,595
Speaker 1: his granddaughter and his publishers. It was my dad, fatally

726
00:49:46,635 --> 00:49:48,595
Speaker 1: sick in the hospital, to whom I would read Thurber

727
00:49:48,675 --> 00:49:51,355
Speaker 1: every night, who suggested I should read Thurber on the

728
00:49:51,355 --> 00:49:54,715
Speaker 1: TV news show. I thought he was crazy. I told

729
00:49:54,795 --> 00:49:56,355
Speaker 1: him if I did that, I'd probably hear from his

730
00:49:56,435 --> 00:49:59,555
Speaker 1: literary trust. But I did it anyway, and so I

731
00:49:59,595 --> 00:50:03,675
Speaker 1: read the Peace like Mongoose, and I heard from his

732
00:50:03,755 --> 00:50:08,475
Speaker 1: literary trust, because at the moment I read this story,

733
00:50:08,955 --> 00:50:12,475
Speaker 1: Rosie Thurber was on the horns of the proverbial dilemma.

734
00:50:12,635 --> 00:50:15,715
Speaker 1: A British publisher wanted to put the piece like Mongoose

735
00:50:15,755 --> 00:50:18,955
Speaker 1: in an anthology for school kids. It is placements like

736
00:50:19,035 --> 00:50:23,635
Speaker 1: that which keep an author alive. But that publisher wanted

737
00:50:23,675 --> 00:50:26,395
Speaker 1: to remove one word from the story, and Rosie was

738
00:50:26,435 --> 00:50:30,595
Speaker 1: now torn edit her father's work or don't publish her

739
00:50:30,595 --> 00:50:35,515
Speaker 1: father's work. Unbeknownst to me, she and her daughter Sarah

740
00:50:35,835 --> 00:50:38,395
Speaker 1: were both Countdown viewers and were watching as I read

741
00:50:38,435 --> 00:50:41,915
Speaker 1: the piece like Mongoose. Sarah and then called her mother

742
00:50:41,995 --> 00:50:43,875
Speaker 1: and said, I think you've got your answer right there.

743
00:50:44,835 --> 00:50:49,355
Speaker 1: Not long after, the British publisher, probably a coincidence, changed

744
00:50:49,395 --> 00:50:54,195
Speaker 1: its mind about excising the word amen. The word, by

745
00:50:54,235 --> 00:50:58,995
Speaker 1: the way, is mongoose sexual, which is a perfect creation

746
00:50:59,635 --> 00:51:02,195
Speaker 1: of the perfect James Thurber. And the complaint from NBC

747
00:51:02,395 --> 00:51:04,195
Speaker 1: was about the moral to the story, which I will

748
00:51:04,195 --> 00:51:09,995
Speaker 1: not read first and without any other pointless ado. The

749
00:51:10,035 --> 00:51:17,355
Speaker 1: Piece Like Mongoose by James Thurber. In Cobra Country, a

750
00:51:17,435 --> 00:51:20,075
Speaker 1: mongoose was born one day who didn't want to fight

751
00:51:20,155 --> 00:51:24,115
Speaker 1: cobras or anything else. The word spread from mongoose to

752
00:51:24,195 --> 00:51:26,555
Speaker 1: mongoose that there was a mongoose who didn't want to

753
00:51:26,555 --> 00:51:29,395
Speaker 1: fight cobras. He didn't want to fight anything else. It

754
00:51:29,435 --> 00:51:31,675
Speaker 1: was his own business. But it was the duty of

755
00:51:31,835 --> 00:51:39,195
Speaker 1: every mongoose to kill cobras or be killed by cobras. Why,

756
00:51:40,115 --> 00:51:42,435
Speaker 1: asked the peace like mongoose, And the word went around

757
00:51:42,515 --> 00:51:45,995
Speaker 1: that the strange new mongoose was not only pro cobra

758
00:51:46,475 --> 00:51:52,755
Speaker 1: and anti mongoose, but intellectually curious and against the ideals

759
00:51:52,915 --> 00:51:58,875
Speaker 1: and traditions of mongoosi Ism. He's crazy, cried the young

760
00:51:58,915 --> 00:52:04,155
Speaker 1: mongoose's father. He's sick, said his mother. He's a coward,

761
00:52:04,675 --> 00:52:09,995
Speaker 1: shouted his brothers. He is a mongoose sexual, whispered his sisters.

762
00:52:11,555 --> 00:52:14,035
Speaker 1: Strangers who had never laid eyes on the Piece like

763
00:52:14,075 --> 00:52:17,555
Speaker 1: Mongoose remembered that they had seen him crawling on his stomach,

764
00:52:18,035 --> 00:52:23,675
Speaker 1: or trying on cobra hoods, or plotting the violent overthrow

765
00:52:23,835 --> 00:52:30,755
Speaker 1: of Mongoosia. I'm trying to use reason and intelligence, said

766
00:52:30,795 --> 00:52:35,635
Speaker 1: the strange new mongoose. Reason is six sevenths of treason,

767
00:52:36,235 --> 00:52:39,755
Speaker 1: said one of his neighbors. Intelligence is what the enemy uses,

768
00:52:40,315 --> 00:52:44,875
Speaker 1: said another. Finally, the rumors spread that the mongoose had

769
00:52:44,955 --> 00:52:49,115
Speaker 1: venom in his sting like a cobra, and he was tried,

770
00:52:49,635 --> 00:52:53,635
Speaker 1: convicted by a show of pause, and condemned to banishment.

771
00:52:54,595 --> 00:53:00,155
Speaker 1: Moral ashes to ashes, and clay to clay. If the

772
00:53:00,235 --> 00:53:18,715
Speaker 1: enemy doesn't get you your own folks, may a box

773
00:53:18,755 --> 00:53:22,715
Speaker 1: to hide in. My favorite Walter Mitty, his most famous

774
00:53:23,275 --> 00:53:26,875
Speaker 1: and that one that connected me to the eternal Thurber Tree,

775
00:53:27,715 --> 00:53:31,115
Speaker 1: the piece like mongoos. Okay, I've done all the damage

776
00:53:31,115 --> 00:53:32,995
Speaker 1: I can do here, Thank you for listening. Most of

777
00:53:32,995 --> 00:53:35,995
Speaker 1: our Countdown music was arranged, produced, and performed by Brian

778
00:53:36,075 --> 00:53:39,435
Speaker 1: Ray and John Phillip Schaneil, our musical directors of Countdown,

779
00:53:39,475 --> 00:53:42,835
Speaker 1: and was produced by Tko Brothers, mister Ray on guitars,

780
00:53:42,875 --> 00:53:47,195
Speaker 1: bass and drums, and mister Shaneil handling the orchestration and keyboards.

781
00:53:47,555 --> 00:53:50,755
Speaker 1: Our satirical and pithy musical comments by the best baseball

782
00:53:50,795 --> 00:53:55,275
Speaker 1: stadium organist ever, Nancy Faust. The Olderman theme from ESPN two,

783
00:53:55,355 --> 00:53:59,395
Speaker 1: written by Mitch Warren Davis courtesy of ESPN Inc. Is

784
00:53:59,435 --> 00:54:02,675
Speaker 1: the sports music. Other music arranged and performed by the

785
00:54:02,675 --> 00:54:06,755
Speaker 1: group No Horns Allowed. Today was my friend Larry David.

786
00:54:07,115 --> 00:54:10,675
Speaker 1: The program was produced by Ted and everything else was

787
00:54:11,195 --> 00:54:15,155
Speaker 1: as always my fault. That's countdown for today. Day three

788
00:54:15,235 --> 00:54:18,475
Speaker 1: hundred and thirty seven of America held hostage again, but

789
00:54:18,675 --> 00:54:22,235
Speaker 1: just one twenty six days until the scheduled end of

790
00:54:22,235 --> 00:54:25,475
Speaker 1: his lame duck and lame brained term. Unless he is

791
00:54:25,555 --> 00:54:31,595
Speaker 1: removed sooner by MAGA, or by Jeffrey Epstein, or by affordability,

792
00:54:32,155 --> 00:54:37,235
Speaker 1: or by Susie Wiles. There is no countdown Thursday, you know,

793
00:54:37,395 --> 00:54:42,395
Speaker 1: Merry Christmas. Bluntly, I'm still undecided about next week. Maybe

794
00:54:42,435 --> 00:54:45,555
Speaker 1: I'll do one from Monday, maybe not. I will advise

795
00:54:45,635 --> 00:54:49,435
Speaker 1: on social media and via the conduit that is provided

796
00:54:49,475 --> 00:54:52,475
Speaker 1: with your subscription if you have one. In any event,

797
00:54:52,515 --> 00:54:55,315
Speaker 1: Happy holidays, and until the next one, I'm Keith Olberman.

798
00:54:55,395 --> 00:55:02,875
Speaker 1: Good morning, good afternoon, goodnight, and good luck. Countdown with

799
00:55:03,035 --> 00:55:07,275
Speaker 1: Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts

800
00:55:07,315 --> 00:55:12,075
Speaker 1: from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

801
00:55:12,115 --> 00:55:13,475
Speaker 1: you get your podcasts.