WEBVTT - Toothbrushes, Bank Accounts, Passwords… How Much Should Couples Share? 0:00:02.160 --> 0:00:06.200 Hey there, folks, it is Saturday, July twenty fifth, and yes, 0:00:07.120 --> 0:00:12.119 I would do anything for love, but you want to 0:00:12.160 --> 0:00:15.800 know my location on my phone? But I won't do that. 0:00:16.200 --> 0:00:18.320 And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ. 0:00:18.480 --> 0:00:21.119 Is that really a hangout, dude? Couples fight about whether 0:00:21.200 --> 0:00:23.799 or not you can track them on their phone? Yes? 0:00:23.800 --> 0:00:26.600 But can I just please acknowledge how exciting that just 0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:29.400 was for me to have you use a Meatloaf lyric 0:00:29.960 --> 0:00:31.960 in your intro. Oh, I didn't know it was a 0:00:31.960 --> 0:00:36.640 Meatloaf lyrics And thankful that's meat loaf. 0:00:37.280 --> 0:00:38.400 That is so exciting to me. 0:00:38.479 --> 0:00:40.960 I'm sorry that just started this whole episode off in 0:00:41.000 --> 0:00:43.000 a different way than I was not expecting. 0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:44.640 TJ just quoted meat loaf. 0:00:45.320 --> 0:00:48.360 I wasn't expecting that either. My my black friends weren't 0:00:48.360 --> 0:00:51.720 expecting that. They're starting to see the results of dating 0:00:51.760 --> 0:00:53.080 a white woman for five years. 0:00:53.120 --> 0:00:54.560 You got yacht rock on the mind. 0:00:55.000 --> 0:00:55.760 That's yacht rock. 0:00:56.080 --> 0:00:58.600 I think it's in the category. Yes, it's it's like 0:00:59.120 --> 0:01:02.520 it's like a slow rock yacht rock. Yeah, it's yat rock. 0:01:02.560 --> 0:01:05.160 Okay, I didn't even know that was a meat Loaf song. 0:01:06.240 --> 0:01:07.480 Meat What was this genre? 0:01:09.240 --> 0:01:11.880 I would do anything for love meat loaf in general, 0:01:13.000 --> 0:01:14.680 the dashboard like yeah, but I think it is yat 0:01:14.800 --> 0:01:15.319 rock like. 0:01:17.040 --> 0:01:19.240 People who look like me like meat loaf. 0:01:19.400 --> 0:01:23.720 Okay, you people who look like me usually quoted we 0:01:23.760 --> 0:01:28.000 eat meat loaf. But it makes sense. Folks are talking 0:01:28.000 --> 0:01:32.000 about people we have known and we still now most 0:01:32.080 --> 0:01:36.360 in love. People just love great relationships. They have these 0:01:36.520 --> 0:01:39.759 limits and it's a weird thing. What is the big 0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:44.240 deal about allowing your partner to track your location at 0:01:44.280 --> 0:01:45.120 all times? 0:01:45.520 --> 0:01:48.960 Some people think it's creepy. Some creepy like it's kind 0:01:48.960 --> 0:01:51.840 of like that. Also do another song private eyes. They're 0:01:51.880 --> 0:01:55.240 watching you, they see your every move. It's it's just 0:01:55.280 --> 0:01:59.320 it feels invasive and oppressive to some folks. But I 0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:02.000 do think that if you feel that way, if you 0:02:02.080 --> 0:02:04.800 don't want someone knowing where you are, you should actually 0:02:05.160 --> 0:02:07.840 question whether or not that's a symptom of a larger problem, 0:02:07.880 --> 0:02:10.320 because I actually can go back and think about other 0:02:10.400 --> 0:02:13.799 relationships and how that would have bothered me. Couldn't care 0:02:13.960 --> 0:02:16.800 less if you track my location now doesn't bother me 0:02:16.840 --> 0:02:20.639 at all. In fact, I think it's sweet. It's about safety, 0:02:20.720 --> 0:02:23.400 it's about protection. It's not about surveillance. 0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:25.959 Well that's important. Then that's a you thing. It would 0:02:26.040 --> 0:02:29.120 bother you before. Why do you Why would somebody have 0:02:29.200 --> 0:02:32.120 a problem with one partner tracking them and not problem 0:02:32.160 --> 0:02:33.600 with a partner in a different. 0:02:33.360 --> 0:02:37.200 Relationship, Because I think it speaks to my level of 0:02:37.480 --> 0:02:38.640 comfort and safety with you. 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:41.480 And I also think, look, I don't. 0:02:42.040 --> 0:02:44.280 I don't, and not that I did before, but it's 0:02:44.360 --> 0:02:47.720 just we're always together, so it's silly the true Let's 0:02:47.840 --> 0:02:49.680 actually just go on the record and say we don't 0:02:49.680 --> 0:02:52.240 follow each other. And I would if you said, hey, babe, 0:02:52.240 --> 0:02:54.600 I'd really like to do it. Location service is on 0:02:54.680 --> 0:02:57.920 for you, no problem, and you would feel the same bro. 0:02:58.800 --> 0:03:02.000 I've every time this comes up. It's a safety issue 0:03:02.000 --> 0:03:04.040 for me. Of course I should know where you are. 0:03:04.160 --> 0:03:06.480 Of course you should know where I am. Rodes you 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:09.400 take off. We run together all the time, but on 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:11.960 the occasions we don't. You walk out the door, I say, 0:03:11.960 --> 0:03:14.000 which way are you going? I want to know which 0:03:14.080 --> 0:03:16.799 route you're taking? God forbid, something happens, Roes. We live 0:03:16.800 --> 0:03:20.040 in New York City. A manhole cover can blow off 0:03:20.120 --> 0:03:23.320 and the city goes into terrorism lockdown. I need to 0:03:23.440 --> 0:03:27.240 know where my loved ones are and you are that 0:03:27.720 --> 0:03:31.280 it's safety. I don't care who in their right mind 0:03:31.360 --> 0:03:34.560 robes who is not up to anything, gives a damn 0:03:34.960 --> 0:03:39.040 if their spouse knows exactly where they are. It's oh, 0:03:39.080 --> 0:03:41.880 you only care if you're telling them one thing. 0:03:42.080 --> 0:03:45.080 And you're doing enough, you're doing another. That's so true. 0:03:45.160 --> 0:03:46.960 What other scenario is there? Baby? 0:03:47.120 --> 0:03:47.400 Yes? 0:03:47.440 --> 0:03:49.680 And again we're bringing this up not just about Life 0:03:49.720 --> 0:03:51.880 three sixty in tracking people, but because we did a 0:03:51.920 --> 0:03:54.280 recent article with Yahoo that got this conversation going. 0:03:54.360 --> 0:03:54.800 Oh yes. 0:03:54.840 --> 0:03:58.800 They asked us basically, how much should you share with 0:03:59.040 --> 0:04:03.440 your partner? And look, we're talking everything from locations to passwords, 0:04:03.440 --> 0:04:07.080 to bank accounts to beauty products to you know, what 0:04:07.760 --> 0:04:10.480 are your boundaries? And so we all have them and 0:04:10.520 --> 0:04:12.520 we actually it was kind of fun because I hadn't 0:04:12.560 --> 0:04:15.280 realized we hadn't really sad town and thought about what 0:04:15.360 --> 0:04:19.280 do we share? And this came from a conversation that 0:04:19.680 --> 0:04:22.680 gen Zers apparently are fearful of dating in the digital 0:04:22.720 --> 0:04:26.000 fish bowl, so they don't like the whole location sharing, 0:04:26.080 --> 0:04:29.640 relationship statuses, Instagram follows, likes, comments. 0:04:29.279 --> 0:04:29.960 All this stuff. 0:04:30.160 --> 0:04:33.680 It creates a whole new layer of how much do 0:04:33.760 --> 0:04:35.760 you give? How much do you share with your partner. 0:04:35.839 --> 0:04:39.480 And there are lines I think all of us, boundaries, 0:04:39.520 --> 0:04:41.919 all of us have in place, and they're different for 0:04:42.000 --> 0:04:42.560 each couple. 0:04:42.800 --> 0:04:45.840 Can I ask, does this it changes? Of course if 0:04:45.839 --> 0:04:48.680 you're dating somebody, two months is different from two years. Absolutely, 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:51.200 But in the are we speaking here in a general 0:04:51.279 --> 0:04:58.120 sense of people who are in significant, serious, committed relationship, Yes, okay. 0:04:57.920 --> 0:05:00.359 Yes, And so we were asked what we sh and 0:05:00.400 --> 0:05:03.120 you and I started going down the list and. 0:05:03.040 --> 0:05:05.520 We figured pretty much almost everything. 0:05:05.839 --> 0:05:10.280 We share a bed, we share some beauty products, facewash, 0:05:10.680 --> 0:05:12.560 face cream, toothpaste. 0:05:13.120 --> 0:05:16.719 We just merged all of our streaming services. That was long. 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:19.719 Overdue and very expensive for. 0:05:19.880 --> 0:05:22.080 Not sharing it. Yeah, we share passwords. 0:05:22.120 --> 0:05:26.120 I know your phone and computer password, vice versa. We 0:05:26.160 --> 0:05:28.960 share chapstick. You don't love it, but in a pinch, 0:05:29.000 --> 0:05:29.880 you will give it to me. 0:05:30.080 --> 0:05:31.839 Always in a pinch. You have to be desperate. 0:05:32.480 --> 0:05:33.840 You do have a joke though. 0:05:34.560 --> 0:05:36.880 There are times when we're out running, say and I 0:05:36.920 --> 0:05:39.320 forget to bring because I am a chapstick lipstick, lip 0:05:39.360 --> 0:05:40.120 gloss addict. 0:05:40.279 --> 0:05:42.279 I have to have something on my lips at all times. 0:05:42.600 --> 0:05:44.520 In the rare moments I have forgotten it. 0:05:44.839 --> 0:05:47.240 I have asked you, babe, Can I please have some 0:05:47.279 --> 0:05:47.960 of your chapstick? 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:48.640 What do you say to me? 0:05:48.880 --> 0:05:50.599 Keep it? It's yours? 0:05:50.680 --> 0:05:53.480 Now, that's you say it, but you don't mean it. 0:05:53.520 --> 0:05:56.400 I kind of do you know about I carry two 0:05:56.440 --> 0:05:58.800 in my pocket at all times? You know that when 0:05:58.800 --> 0:06:00.160 I run, only carry one? 0:06:00.760 --> 0:06:01.560 Oh my goodness. 0:06:01.760 --> 0:06:03.760 And we share bank accounts and so all of these 0:06:03.760 --> 0:06:06.600 things are just things. We kind of rattled off pretty quickly, 0:06:06.680 --> 0:06:08.719 pretty easily. But then when we went to what we 0:06:08.720 --> 0:06:10.720 didn't share, we started laughing. And I feel like this 0:06:10.760 --> 0:06:14.280 should be universal for me. This is an absolutely not 0:06:14.920 --> 0:06:16.560 I think I put an expletive in there when I 0:06:16.560 --> 0:06:20.320 talk to yahoo toothbrushes. I don't care if you forgot 0:06:20.360 --> 0:06:23.120 yours and we're on vacation, use your finger or go 0:06:23.160 --> 0:06:23.960 find a CBS. 0:06:24.279 --> 0:06:26.120 But you are not using my toothbrush. 0:06:26.160 --> 0:06:27.839 No circumstance on the winch that happen. I don't care 0:06:27.839 --> 0:06:31.159 where we are, where we doing, I don't care. It 0:06:31.160 --> 0:06:33.120 doesn't matter. In fact, my dentist even told me it 0:06:33.160 --> 0:06:35.080 doesn't matter. He said, yeah, the brushing of the teeth 0:06:35.120 --> 0:06:36.839 is more so about just most people want to have 0:06:37.000 --> 0:06:39.320 fresh breath. He said, you need to floss, make sure 0:06:39.320 --> 0:06:41.800 you always flossing. As long as you floss, you're gonna 0:06:41.839 --> 0:06:43.360 be oky. We're gonna be fine. 0:06:43.360 --> 0:06:45.520 So you can just floss and not use your toothbrush. 0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:46.440 All right, People don't share toothbrushes. 0:06:47.760 --> 0:06:50.040 Oh, I think people have absolutely In a pinch, I 0:06:50.040 --> 0:06:52.000 don't think they do it. I don't think they do 0:06:52.040 --> 0:06:54.359 it regularly. But in a pinch, we're saying no. That 0:06:54.440 --> 0:06:55.320 is still about eva. 0:06:55.600 --> 0:06:58.160 What's a pinch like on vacation. 0:06:58.040 --> 0:06:59.640 And you're in a place like you got to some 0:06:59.680 --> 0:07:03.640 remote airbnb. You can't call the lobby for a toothbrush 0:07:03.680 --> 0:07:05.039 and you don't have yours. 0:07:04.800 --> 0:07:06.240 And we're going to be at this airbnb for the 0:07:06.279 --> 0:07:08.560 next seven days and we can't go out at all. 0:07:09.640 --> 0:07:10.560 Still not enough of. 0:07:10.480 --> 0:07:14.200 A we agree now this one you for you have 0:07:14.280 --> 0:07:16.880 forgotten your deodoran a couple of times, and I have offered, 0:07:17.120 --> 0:07:19.080 even though I don't love the idea of it. 0:07:19.200 --> 0:07:21.400 You absolutely said, Nope. 0:07:21.200 --> 0:07:25.280 Not happening. Just some stuff's too intimate. It's not happening. 0:07:25.680 --> 0:07:27.240 The deodorant I don't mind is much. 0:07:27.320 --> 0:07:29.600 It's an armpit, it's a it's a sacred area that 0:07:30.000 --> 0:07:33.480 we shouldn't share things that don't there, shouldn't it just me, 0:07:34.320 --> 0:07:35.760 But I don't think people do that either. 0:07:36.280 --> 0:07:38.880 That's a pinch, Get a pinch. This is what I'm 0:07:38.880 --> 0:07:39.480 talking about. 0:07:40.040 --> 0:07:42.000 And here's another one in a pinch where I I 0:07:42.040 --> 0:07:45.360 absolutely would use your deodorant if you allowed. I wouldn't 0:07:45.360 --> 0:07:47.320 do it without you asking or without you saying yes. 0:07:47.680 --> 0:07:51.200 And I would absolutely use your razor if I needed to, 0:07:51.360 --> 0:07:53.480 But you said you would not use mine. 0:07:53.560 --> 0:07:57.400 Another intimate part. It's a it almost feels what is that. 0:07:57.400 --> 0:08:01.520 That's a that's a hygiene issue right in your leg 0:08:01.600 --> 0:08:05.720 to my face. I don't know about that. And you 0:08:05.720 --> 0:08:08.240 could nick yourself, you could get cuts, and you could 0:08:08.280 --> 0:08:11.680 bleed and no, no, no, no, all right. 0:08:11.840 --> 0:08:14.600 This is one that I thought didn't matter, but then 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:17.240 we had a conversation about it, and I started to 0:08:17.360 --> 0:08:22.480 get it. So people get upset about sharing, like being 0:08:22.480 --> 0:08:25.480 okay with likes comments could be a different story. 0:08:25.520 --> 0:08:26.680 But you, I said, I. 0:08:26.600 --> 0:08:31.000 Wouldn't care whoever whoever you like on a social media 0:08:31.000 --> 0:08:33.520 page or whatever, if I can see who you've liked, 0:08:33.520 --> 0:08:36.200 and I'm looking at what you've shared. Look, I don't 0:08:36.200 --> 0:08:39.240 think it would bother me unless you kept liking, particularly 0:08:39.640 --> 0:08:43.280 like specific women who weren't me. That might get a 0:08:43.320 --> 0:08:45.800 little strange, but you said you thought it strange no 0:08:45.840 --> 0:08:48.320 matter what, to have a grown man sitting around. 0:08:48.160 --> 0:08:51.719 Liking another woman's post. Sweetheart, that's what you said. I 0:08:51.760 --> 0:08:52.640 have a quote here from you. 0:08:52.760 --> 0:08:56.360 See I'm forty eight. If I was online on Instagram 0:08:56.600 --> 0:08:59.600 and Sabrina Carpenter posted something, I put a thumbs up 0:09:00.679 --> 0:09:06.640 a heart, what what are you talking about? So now 0:09:06.720 --> 0:09:09.000 let's take it to somebody, a local, somebody a local, 0:09:09.320 --> 0:09:12.360 even somebody you know. In that public space, you are 0:09:12.440 --> 0:09:16.560 publicly acknowledging giving approval to someone of the opposite sex 0:09:16.760 --> 0:09:19.199 that anyone who sees you doing that might not understand 0:09:19.280 --> 0:09:22.000 the relationship of the dynamics. You are sending a signal 0:09:22.200 --> 0:09:24.800 that I think is disrespectful to your relationship. Even though 0:09:24.800 --> 0:09:28.880 it might be innocent, it's still you should ever do. 0:09:28.880 --> 0:09:31.080 That, right And so the only reason why you wouldn't 0:09:31.080 --> 0:09:34.200 want to share your Instagram profile with your partner is 0:09:34.200 --> 0:09:35.920 that you might be doing things like that. But I 0:09:35.920 --> 0:09:39.320 would still think you can see the shared or at 0:09:39.400 --> 0:09:41.240 least you can see the likes. This is what you 0:09:41.320 --> 0:09:43.400 compared it to, and I thought this was hilarious. You 0:09:43.400 --> 0:09:45.600 probably don't even remember saying this, but I wrote it. 0:09:45.520 --> 0:09:46.680 Down walking down the street. 0:09:46.760 --> 0:09:49.079 You compared it to walking down the street holding hands 0:09:49.080 --> 0:09:51.959 with your woman, and you keep complimenting every other woman 0:09:52.040 --> 0:09:52.600 passing by. 0:09:53.240 --> 0:09:57.640 How does that feel terrible? And again, not just complimenting 0:09:57.679 --> 0:10:01.240 to your woman, it's complimenting the woman by saying it 0:10:01.280 --> 0:10:03.720 directly to her as you're walking down the street. Oh ma'am, 0:10:03.800 --> 0:10:09.480 I love that skirt, Oh fresh haircut, Good job, sweetheart, 0:10:09.600 --> 0:10:10.760 And I'm right here. 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:14.280 It's the same thing that makes sense that. 0:10:14.240 --> 0:10:15.760 People have a different thing. You know that, But I 0:10:15.840 --> 0:10:16.280 that's one. 0:10:16.760 --> 0:10:18.600 When you said it like that, I came around and 0:10:18.640 --> 0:10:19.120 got it now. 0:10:19.120 --> 0:10:22.280 The other thing people can question about what you should share, 0:10:22.520 --> 0:10:25.600 how much information about past or other. 0:10:25.480 --> 0:10:32.520 Relationships, whatever's asked you, You don't offer anything. All you 0:10:32.559 --> 0:10:37.280 need to know is I was married once. That's it. 0:10:37.280 --> 0:10:38.200 It was for this long. 0:10:38.320 --> 0:10:40.520 But if I want to ask questions, what went wrong? 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:41.400 Anything you want? 0:10:41.440 --> 0:10:44.120 Where did you start having problems you? And why did 0:10:44.160 --> 0:10:46.000 you end up getting divorced? Those are all things I 0:10:46.000 --> 0:10:49.800 think that should be answered, if asked. If not answered, 0:10:50.080 --> 0:10:51.000 there's a red flag. 0:10:51.160 --> 0:10:55.839 Do not ever bring up an X without your current 0:10:55.960 --> 0:10:58.880 spouse or partner asking. There's no reason you and I 0:10:58.960 --> 0:11:02.160 would be sitting around and I started talking about college. Yeah, 0:11:02.360 --> 0:11:05.040 she used to cook those ribs just like that. What what? 0:11:06.760 --> 0:11:08.240 But people do it all the time. 0:11:08.280 --> 0:11:10.280 We see it on dating shows and you say why 0:11:10.320 --> 0:11:13.560 So I think that's a really good rule. Don't offer 0:11:13.960 --> 0:11:19.120 up any unsolicited information about anyone you have past relationship with, 0:11:19.559 --> 0:11:22.880 but answer all questions and be transparent if you're asked 0:11:22.880 --> 0:11:23.319 about it. 0:11:23.520 --> 0:11:24.240 I think that's true. 0:11:24.240 --> 0:11:27.480 What about sharing secrets that someone told you not to share? 0:11:27.679 --> 0:11:29.520 Can you share it with your significant other? 0:11:31.040 --> 0:11:34.520 Cecurt that somebody told you not to share? No, I 0:11:34.520 --> 0:11:37.800 mean it's a basic thing, not somebody. But that needs 0:11:37.800 --> 0:11:40.840 to be explicit. Someone needs to explicitly say I need 0:11:40.880 --> 0:11:44.400 you to not share this with anybody that's. 0:11:44.320 --> 0:11:46.600 Including your spouse, including your partner. 0:11:46.960 --> 0:11:48.520 And you know that's a rule for all of us. 0:11:48.559 --> 0:11:51.240 You should say that if you're going to share a secret, 0:11:51.320 --> 0:11:53.840 you need to be specific. Don't share this with your spouse. 0:11:53.840 --> 0:11:56.800 It's kind of an understanding robes we just talk about everything. 0:11:56.920 --> 0:11:59.840 Look agreed, But do you think it's wrong to not 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:00.400 share it? 0:12:00.440 --> 0:12:02.079 What if it had something to do with one of 0:12:02.120 --> 0:12:06.080 your friends, Like say I had information about someone or 0:12:06.080 --> 0:12:08.440 something in your orb and I was specifically given this 0:12:08.520 --> 0:12:11.640 information and told not to tell you between your spouse. 0:12:11.679 --> 0:12:13.319 Do you think it's okay to honor that? 0:12:13.760 --> 0:12:16.160 I think whoever told you to keep that from me 0:12:16.200 --> 0:12:19.679 as an asshole. Seriously, how it's about me, it's about 0:12:19.720 --> 0:12:22.760 my search, that's okay. That's a very specific and different scenario, 0:12:23.040 --> 0:12:25.040 but generally speaking. 0:12:24.800 --> 0:12:26.200 Some just random gossip. 0:12:26.320 --> 0:12:30.360 Yes, No, No, you you're supposed to honor anytime someone 0:12:30.400 --> 0:12:32.240 asks you not to share a secret. 0:12:32.400 --> 0:12:34.160 I agree with you on that, but I think if 0:12:34.160 --> 0:12:36.440 it pertains to your spouse, I think I would then 0:12:36.520 --> 0:12:38.439 have to tell my friend. You can't tell me something 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:43.240 that affects us my partner, or affects someone or something in. 0:12:43.280 --> 0:12:47.559 His world with. 0:12:46.679 --> 0:12:48.360 You can't expect me not to tell them. I think 0:12:48.360 --> 0:12:50.800 it's unfair to believe someone won't tell their partner. I 0:12:50.840 --> 0:12:53.080 think you're silly if you think someone isn't going to 0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:55.800 I think most people do tell each other. But I 0:12:55.840 --> 0:12:57.800 do think you just have to have that boundary with 0:12:57.840 --> 0:13:01.120 a friend who has some information. Look, don't tell me 0:13:01.760 --> 0:13:03.960 if I can't tell my spouse, or don't tell me 0:13:04.040 --> 0:13:05.080 if it affects my spouse. 0:13:05.080 --> 0:13:07.000 And you're saying I can't tell you and Nikki. 0:13:06.760 --> 0:13:08.440 Comes to you, I need to tell you something, but 0:13:08.520 --> 0:13:09.559 you can't tell to youj. 0:13:10.720 --> 0:13:12.440 She would know not to say that to me. She 0:13:12.559 --> 0:13:15.200 knows I would tell you, all right. 0:13:15.320 --> 0:13:17.560 So we went over all the things we shared and 0:13:17.559 --> 0:13:20.400 how it was such an interesting conversation, and I would 0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:23.160 encourage everyone to have it with their partners because it 0:13:23.200 --> 0:13:25.960 is funny to find out maybe some boundaries that you 0:13:26.000 --> 0:13:28.440 didn't know each other had. But when we come back, 0:13:28.480 --> 0:13:31.520 we are going to absolutely talk about our deal breakers. 0:13:31.920 --> 0:13:37.120 We absolutely this would be relationship ending if these things 0:13:37.120 --> 0:13:51.000 weren't shared. Welcome back everyone to a very fun, interesting 0:13:51.080 --> 0:13:55.280 conversation that we had here with some Yahoo producers. In fact, 0:13:55.280 --> 0:13:56.800 you can look it up. It's on Yahoo. We have 0:13:56.800 --> 0:14:00.040 a whole article out there about what's too much and 0:14:00.040 --> 0:14:02.840 how much do you share with your partner and what 0:14:02.960 --> 0:14:04.959 the deal breakers are. And this was kind of an 0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:07.400 interesting and I was a conversation we had, and I 0:14:07.440 --> 0:14:09.560 was glad we were on the same page pretty much 0:14:09.640 --> 0:14:13.240 throughout this entire back and forth. And some of the 0:14:13.280 --> 0:14:16.240 deal breakers. If you have somebody who you are in 0:14:16.320 --> 0:14:20.400 a serious, significant relationship with and they push back on 0:14:20.560 --> 0:14:24.200 having a joint account, we both agree there are certain 0:14:24.240 --> 0:14:27.680 things you don't hide, that you don't not share, and 0:14:27.760 --> 0:14:30.360 among them, maybe even one of the most important things 0:14:30.400 --> 0:14:36.640 is money. Money, hidden money, unshared money. Not having an 0:14:36.640 --> 0:14:40.280 open conversation or a transparent conversation about money, that's a 0:14:40.280 --> 0:14:40.880 deal breaker. 0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:44.760 I don't I don't know. People have their reason. I'm 0:14:44.760 --> 0:14:48.520 trying to respect other people's situations and desires, And of 0:14:48.520 --> 0:14:50.160 course we can, and then you can run to people. 0:14:50.200 --> 0:14:55.320 We have disproportional incomes and money in the bank that 0:14:55.400 --> 0:14:57.920 can play into it, and prenuptial agreements, and one person 0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:01.640 filthy rich and one person that's not. But we're not 0:15:01.680 --> 0:15:03.400 talking about that. We're just for the sake of this. 0:15:03.440 --> 0:15:07.120 We were just talking about a regular old ruther Mill couples. 0:15:07.880 --> 0:15:09.400 I don't know, to each he's or her own. I 0:15:09.520 --> 0:15:13.120 just it's certainly when you start, from the moment you start, 0:15:13.480 --> 0:15:17.560 you have a household together, every dime that comes in 0:15:17.600 --> 0:15:19.520 that I make, it should be going to the household. 0:15:19.560 --> 0:15:22.840 I'm not trying to build a separate life. So every 0:15:22.920 --> 0:15:26.680 dime I make, once a relationship starts and a significant 0:15:26.680 --> 0:15:28.400 one and we have a household and kids, and all 0:15:29.440 --> 0:15:31.440 the money goes into one place. All this money is 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:33.560 coming into the house for this house and this life 0:15:33.600 --> 0:15:37.280 that we are living. So I don't why still I 0:15:37.280 --> 0:15:40.680 don't understand it. We're married, you have a job. I 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:43.160 have a job. I get my check, it goes over 0:15:43.160 --> 0:15:45.000 here this account. You get your check, it goes over 0:15:45.040 --> 0:15:47.080 there to that account. That is not something I've ever 0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:50.240 been on board with, even though I've always been by 0:15:50.240 --> 0:15:54.640 far the highest earner in my relationships. I just I 0:15:54.640 --> 0:15:56.560 guess this would be to my disadvantage and it has 0:15:56.600 --> 0:16:02.120 burned me tunes quite it has. But still, that's just 0:16:02.200 --> 0:16:03.560 that's how I am. I just I don't know. Is 0:16:03.560 --> 0:16:05.760 it where I'm from and I was when I was 0:16:05.880 --> 0:16:07.440 raised around? I don't know, But that's. 0:16:07.320 --> 0:16:08.120 That's the way it goes. 0:16:08.880 --> 0:16:10.680 And that would just just I think when you when 0:16:10.720 --> 0:16:15.040 you feel like someone isn't being someone's hiding something, there's 0:16:15.040 --> 0:16:18.160 a power dynamic that comes with all of that. Pushing 0:16:18.200 --> 0:16:21.280 back on location, we again, we haven't done it. But 0:16:21.320 --> 0:16:23.000 if either one of us, if I said, ooh, I 0:16:23.080 --> 0:16:25.040 don't think I want you to follow me, I don't 0:16:25.080 --> 0:16:27.280 think I want you to have my location services, what 0:16:27.320 --> 0:16:29.440 does that say to you as my partner? 0:16:29.760 --> 0:16:33.240 Nothing yet until I ask why I would like to 0:16:33.240 --> 0:16:35.440 hear your answer. I really, I don't know. Is there 0:16:35.520 --> 0:16:39.840 a good reason I'm listening? You know, I'm fairly fair 0:16:39.840 --> 0:16:42.680 in these situations. All right, let me hear it, and 0:16:42.760 --> 0:16:45.880 I am open. I'm not immediately offended. No, but I 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:49.920 would like to hear what that logic is. So why, then, sweetness, 0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:52.240 do you not want to share your location? 0:16:54.040 --> 0:16:58.080 Yes? Okay, I was asking. Oh no, I let's do 0:16:58.160 --> 0:16:58.560 it right now. 0:16:58.600 --> 0:17:00.160 We should actually at the end of this podcast, we 0:17:00.160 --> 0:17:01.640 should share each other's locations. 0:17:01.480 --> 0:17:04.320 It's literally a one poop a slide and. 0:17:04.280 --> 0:17:05.800 Then we've been the rest of the day right next 0:17:05.800 --> 0:17:06.200 to each other. 0:17:06.680 --> 0:17:09.000 Well, that's the thing, that is the absolute truth. 0:17:09.080 --> 0:17:11.040 We have not needed to do it because the only 0:17:11.119 --> 0:17:13.760 time is if we run separately at different times during 0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:14.200 the day. 0:17:14.680 --> 0:17:16.320 That's really the only time we're not together. 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:18.359 We should share it at some point. Is sometimes one 0:17:18.400 --> 0:17:21.800 of the funniest things I see. We have got to be. 0:17:23.880 --> 0:17:23.960 We. 0:17:24.080 --> 0:17:26.760 I would put us up against in a competition the 0:17:27.320 --> 0:17:31.920 engage the couple that texts each other less than us. 0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:35.520 There's nobody. If you look through our text exchanges, you 0:17:35.600 --> 0:17:38.200 are the person I text least because I'm sitting. 0:17:37.880 --> 0:17:40.600 Next to you, right, and it's all work stuff, Like 0:17:40.640 --> 0:17:42.359 I'm texting things to you to put up on. 0:17:42.600 --> 0:17:46.080 Here's the title and rundown for the next episode. Okay, 0:17:46.240 --> 0:17:46.840 that's the. 0:17:46.640 --> 0:17:50.280 Only thing I text you is work stuff, all right. 0:17:50.760 --> 0:17:50.920 Yeah. 0:17:50.960 --> 0:17:54.360 And I think the argument is by not sharing, you're hiding. 0:17:54.440 --> 0:17:55.600 It's lying by omission. 0:17:55.640 --> 0:17:58.480 It still feels deceptive if you're refusing to share the location. 0:17:58.960 --> 0:18:01.200 I just don't think there's a an explanation that makes 0:18:01.240 --> 0:18:01.720 any sense. 0:18:01.760 --> 0:18:04.080 All right, take that role for just a second. Just 0:18:04.119 --> 0:18:07.600 take a moment right now, Just be the woman who 0:18:07.720 --> 0:18:12.280 doesn't want her man or fiance that they've been together 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:16.560 for five years. He wants her to give up the 0:18:16.640 --> 0:18:22.000 location so he can track her. She says no, Now 0:18:22.040 --> 0:18:24.880 make a legit. Put it together right now? An argument 0:18:24.880 --> 0:18:27.359 for sweetheart, I don't want to do that, because just 0:18:27.400 --> 0:18:29.600 take the role on, even if it's not in your heart. 0:18:29.880 --> 0:18:33.280 Give me some reason, baby, I don't want you to 0:18:33.320 --> 0:18:35.160 follow me because I'm. 0:18:34.960 --> 0:18:37.600 Just supposed to make something up. Because it feels oppressive. 0:18:37.760 --> 0:18:40.199 A because it feels oppressive because I just don't like 0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:42.800