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Speaker 1: Dearest John, it's been a fortnight since I felt your

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Speaker 1: warm embrace.

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Speaker 2: Dear Sam, such it has since we started the Okay

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Speaker 2: Storytell podcast.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and I have a message for you, a delicious

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Speaker 1: story that I think you'll love. Sincerely Sam, But before that,

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Speaker 1: thine divine two minute outbreak must happen, I bid THEE farewell.

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Speaker 3: See you.

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Speaker 4: In two minutes, I heard my wife and her spicy

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Speaker 4: partner insulting me while doing the.

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Speaker 2: D That's just adding insult to emotional injury.

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Speaker 4: Been in an ethical, non anogamous E and M relationship

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Speaker 4: with my thirty six male wife forty female for over

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Speaker 4: a decade day. We've had our ups and downs, but

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Speaker 4: generally it's been great. We have our rules, the most

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Speaker 4: fundamental one being that even in the context of E

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Speaker 4: and M, we would always operate on a bedrock foundation

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Speaker 4: of mutual respect for each other and each other's partners.

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Speaker 4: We never got hung up on the not in our

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Speaker 4: bed nonsense. If my wife has a date, I'd rather

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Speaker 4: she be in her own space while she where she

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Speaker 4: feels safe and in control. We both take partners back

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Speaker 4: to our home regularly since we have no kids. By

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Speaker 4: the way, this comes from broken arrow and if you

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Speaker 4: want to smit your own stories, go to the r slash. Okay,

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Speaker 4: story time separated. I'm Sophia, I'm mat but we're here

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Speaker 4: to give good advice. Goofully, but we don't have all

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Speaker 4: the answers. We only know what we'd do, so let

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Speaker 4: us know what you would do in the comments. We

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Speaker 4: had agreed that if one of us gets home and

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Speaker 4: the other is with their partner, then we don't disturb

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Speaker 4: the date and just wait until it's over. We've also

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Speaker 4: always gotten off on listening in on each other when

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Speaker 4: this happens, which anyone we bring back home is made

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Speaker 4: fully aware of. Usually we all have a drink together afterwards.

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Speaker 4: I got to my house and she was there with

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Speaker 4: her longest term partner, who has been in our lives

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Speaker 4: for about six years at this point. They didn't know

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Speaker 4: I was in the house, and I started listening from

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Speaker 4: the landing. They were talking about me in an incredibly

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Speaker 4: humiliating way. He would give her prompts, asking her questions

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Speaker 4: about how pathetic and useless I am, and she about

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Speaker 4: how I can't f and I'm a crap husband, and

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Speaker 4: she'd agree in pylon with name calling and degrading comments

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Speaker 4: about me. I know it's part of a power humiliation dynamic.

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Speaker 3: But I don't care.

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Speaker 4: I was effing furious. It's not an ego thing. I

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Speaker 4: know I'm a good, attentive husband, and if I can

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Speaker 4: allow myself a moment of conceit, i'm a pretty damn

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Speaker 4: good lay as well. I would never ever tolerate any

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Speaker 4: partner of mine saying a bad word about my wife,

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Speaker 4: and I would pass away before I participate in anything

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Speaker 4: that humiliates her, even if she's not there. At no

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Speaker 4: point in our ethical non monogamy journey did I consent

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Speaker 4: to become the object of my wife's derision and disrespect

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Speaker 4: when she's on a date, especially with her closest and

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Speaker 4: longest running partner. I walked into the bedroom, big no, no,

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Speaker 4: and told him to get the f out. My wife

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Speaker 4: was livid and said, no, he's not going anywhere, but

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Speaker 4: I put my foot down and kicked him out of

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Speaker 4: the house. We had a massive fight. She told me

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Speaker 4: I was being a huge baby. I told her she

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Speaker 4: doesn't respect me, and some harsh words were said from

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Speaker 4: both sides. That was Tuesday night, and we haven't really

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Speaker 4: spoken since. I certainly won't be the first to make contact,

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Speaker 4: and she's been staying at his place all week, which

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Speaker 4: is a major violation of our ground rules. But I

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Speaker 4: also broke them by kicking him out. For thirteen years,

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Speaker 4: I've worshiped the ground she walks on, and I refuse

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Speaker 4: to accept the way they talk about me, even in

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Speaker 4: the heat of the moment. It's not right, and I

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Speaker 4: won't stand for it. It's really put the future of

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Speaker 4: our marriage into question because I won't move forward with

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Speaker 4: him still in the picture, and that will cause a

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Speaker 4: volcanic amount of friction. She really likes him and has

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Speaker 4: known him for almost half the time she's known me.

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Speaker 4: It would severely disrupt our system, and I know she

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Speaker 4: would resent me for it, But I also know I'll

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Speaker 4: resent her if he stays. I feel steadfast in this,

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Speaker 4: but I'd appreciate a sanity check before I make any

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Speaker 4: drastic moves. And there is an update, But uh, do

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Speaker 4: you have any drastic thoughts?

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Speaker 2: Ah, I don't have drastic thoughts. I have a ooh damn,

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Speaker 2: this is some This is some sticky situation you stepped into.

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Speaker 2: Because on one hand, I understand the husband saying, thinking like, hey,

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Speaker 2: I'm okay with you having spicy play. I'm okay with

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Speaker 2: you having like role play and getting into it, but

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Speaker 2: not at my expense exactly, Like, that's just just it's.

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Speaker 4: Just too far.

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Speaker 2: It's too far. Yeah, it's disrespectful where there's no need.

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Speaker 4: The only thing I would say, obviously, I think op

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Speaker 4: was kind of reacting, and I mean he said in

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Speaker 4: the heat of the moment, right, But I probably wouldn't

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Speaker 4: have burst in just because you have those rules in place.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 4: If I were to go back in time and like

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Speaker 4: redo that situation, I would have ope not enter, wait

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Speaker 4: until the thing was over, say hey, we need to talk.

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Speaker 4: I really don't I heard that. You know what you

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Speaker 4: guys were doing. Really don't appreciate that. If you could

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Speaker 4: not do that in the future and really set that

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Speaker 4: firm boundary, you would have just been so far in

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Speaker 4: the right if you had done it that.

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Speaker 2: Way at that point, though, Do you discuss it with

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Speaker 2: the both of them or do you does Opie just

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Speaker 2: discuss it with I think.

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Speaker 4: First with wife because he doesn't necessarily have a relationship

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Speaker 4: with her partner, and then maybe they could also have,

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Speaker 4: you know, a conversation if he's comfortable with that. But

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Speaker 4: I think first that's how it with a partner because

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Speaker 4: they have the relationship, right. But I think right now

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Speaker 4: Opie said like, I'm not I'm not gonna go talk

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Speaker 4: to her, and I think you need to, Like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: she should talk to you. But if you're in a

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Speaker 4: relationship one of you asked to you.

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Speaker 2: Know, not not talking just is gonna make it dis Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it doesn't do anything, and any hope you have of

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Speaker 2: reconciling is diminishing by the day.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but there is an update. A wife came home

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Speaker 4: last night and we had a very long and incredibly

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Speaker 4: difficult conversation. She texted me yesterday and asked if it

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Speaker 4: was okay with me if she came home after work.

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Speaker 4: I said it's her home too, and that I've been

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Speaker 4: waiting here for three days for her. As soon as

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Speaker 4: she walked in the door and saw me, she broke

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Speaker 4: down and started apologizing for what they said, for what

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Speaker 4: she said afterwards, and for leaving all of it. The

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Speaker 4: crap talk about me has been going on for nearly

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Speaker 4: two years. It started around the time of the VID

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Speaker 4: lockdowns were relaxing so we could see friends with benefits again.

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Speaker 4: She had told him she'd missed him during spicy Sleep.

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Speaker 4: The first time they met back up, he told her, yeah,

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Speaker 4: because all she's at in lockdown is me, and it

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Speaker 4: escalated from there. They don't do it regularly, just from

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Speaker 4: time to time, and she was mortified I heard it.

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Speaker 4: She said, she never means any of that stuff, but

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Speaker 4: it turns him on, and the spicy sleep is better

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Speaker 4: as of results. Dude has his own major insecurities, apparently,

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Speaker 4: and she has taken it upon herself to make him

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Speaker 4: feel more like a man. She never thought I'd ever

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Speaker 4: hear or be hurt by it. The way she phrased

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Speaker 4: it was that when they crap talk like that, it

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Speaker 4: pretty much tends to be around stuff that he doesn't

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Speaker 4: feel like he measures up about, and she always knows

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Speaker 4: it's false. She has never spoken a bad word about

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Speaker 4: me outside that headspace. Her initial burst of anger when

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Speaker 4: I barged into that bedroom, she says, came from a

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Speaker 4: place of extreme embarrassment and shame. I should note that

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Speaker 4: while we do get off on listening, we never watch

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Speaker 4: each other, So for her, when I walked in, it

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Speaker 4: was kind of like a parent busting in on you

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Speaker 4: to some messed up corn. It is also true that

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Speaker 4: when I walked in, he did have her in a

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Speaker 4: very vulnerable position performing a humiliating spicy sleep backed on her.

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Speaker 4: So I see how that could have made her rupt

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Speaker 4: in shame. Upon reflection, it may also be possible that

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Speaker 4: seeing her in that compromised position added to my own

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Speaker 4: anger in that moment as well. She was also feeling

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Speaker 4: embarrassed on behalf of the guy that she wasn't able

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Speaker 4: to provide a safe place for him. Very good point,

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Speaker 4: and blamed me in that moment for embarrassing them both.

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Speaker 4: This also fueled her defensiveness afterwards and her refusal to

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Speaker 4: back down or concede anything I'd made her feel like

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Speaker 4: a witch. Apparently, she apologized unreservedly for not acknowledging MY

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Speaker 4: feelings on the night and for not apologizing straight away.

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Speaker 4: She regrets the thing she said during our big fight,

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Speaker 4: and that I was totally right to feel the way

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Speaker 4: I did. She admitted she was just feeling humiliated and cornered,

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Speaker 4: but she knows I must have felt even worse. I

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Speaker 4: asked her if she loves him. Of course not. She

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Speaker 4: says they have great spicy related chemistry and she cares

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Speaker 4: about them a lot, but they would never be compatible

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Speaker 4: in real life, and not once has she ever contemplated

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Speaker 4: a future with them. It somehow upset her that I

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Speaker 4: would think that. However, she confessed that she has known

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Speaker 4: for over a year that he has been in love

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Speaker 4: with her since at least before the pandemic. She said

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Speaker 4: that it made their time together more intimate and enjoyable,

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Speaker 4: and since she knew she could never reciprocate his feelings,

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Speaker 4: it wasn't a threat. She's made it clear to him

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Speaker 4: plenty of times that a future between them wasn't on

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Speaker 4: the cards. Of This part has been really difficult for

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Speaker 4: me to process. She said, they would stop that kind

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Speaker 4: of talk going forward. I said, not good enough. I

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Speaker 4: want him out, which I think is really important that

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Speaker 4: they do get him out, because again, this man is

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Speaker 4: actively trying to, you know, create a wedge between Opie's

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Speaker 4: wife and Ope.

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Speaker 2: He's overstepping the boundary that was created with their open relationship,

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Speaker 2: Like there is a boundary there.

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Speaker 4: Absolutely, he is.

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Speaker 2: Trying to go beyond that, and instead of just being

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Speaker 2: an occasional partner, he's trying to be the one man

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Speaker 2: in her life.

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Speaker 4: She started crying and said she feared I would want

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Speaker 4: that but hoped I wouldn't. She asked if there's any

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Speaker 4: way they might be able to continue. I said she

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Speaker 4: could hang out with him all she wants, but she'd

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Speaker 4: be doing it as a single woman. She cried, but

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Speaker 4: she agreed to break things off. She asked if they

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Speaker 4: can meet up one more time, because they never got

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Speaker 4: the chance to say bye. I agreed on the condition

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Speaker 4: that they leave me out of it, and that she

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Speaker 4: makes it clear to him that that will be the

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Speaker 4: last time they ever even speak. Any further contact of

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Speaker 4: any kind after that will be the end of us.

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Speaker 4: I should also note that in our subsequent fight that night,

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Speaker 4: at one point I did say something like, well, why

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Speaker 4: don't you just f off to his place? Then, in

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Speaker 4: a rhetorical way that you sometimes do in a heated argument,

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Speaker 4: and in a moment of pettiness, she said, fine, I will,

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Speaker 4: and packed a bag and went. She spent the first

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Speaker 4: night with him out of spite, but they did not

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Speaker 4: have spicy sleep, and she would not have stayed any

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Speaker 4: further nights except he went away for work, so she

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Speaker 4: had his place to herself. Out of pride, she was

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Speaker 4: holding out and waiting for me to make contact before

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Speaker 4: coming back. Just as I was. We had to take

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Speaker 4: a round a half hour break. When I told her

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Speaker 4: I had gone as far as making an appointment with

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Speaker 4: an attorney for next week, she didn't handle that well

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Speaker 4: at all and had a severe panic attack. She said

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Speaker 4: she never imagined that would ever be in the cards,

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Speaker 4: and that she would have come home days ago if

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Speaker 4: she thought I was even remotely thinking about it. She said,

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Speaker 4: she can't imagine life without me. Finally, I asked her

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Speaker 4: how I'm supposed to believe the things she's telling me

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Speaker 4: or if she's full of crap. She said, she promises

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Speaker 4: she's being truthful, and she's never broken a promise to

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Speaker 4: me before, which is true, so I'm inclined to mostly

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Speaker 4: believe her explanations. But there's still a lot of things

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Speaker 4: I need to work through, process ask about, and convince

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Speaker 4: myself of. We decided we would close the marriage for

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Speaker 4: a couple of months to focus on our own relationship

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Speaker 4: and then reassess. I canceled my meeting with the lawyer,

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Speaker 4: and we're going to go to counseling. She offered to

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Speaker 4: close her side unilaterally and let me keep seeing my partners,

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Speaker 4: but this is about both of us. I'm not interested

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Speaker 4: in having her punish herself for the sake of it.

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Speaker 4: I still have to figure out if I really fully

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Speaker 4: believe what she told me, and if I'm satisfied to continue.

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Speaker 4: I'll take our time while we're closed to make up

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Speaker 4: my mind. It'll be tough, but I'm willing to at

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Speaker 4: least try and work on it. I've been stealing myself

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Speaker 4: for a divorce all week, so that's the mindset I've

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Speaker 4: been in, and I acknowledge that I owe it, at

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Speaker 4: least to the relationship. We had to give it a

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Speaker 4: heart try. A lot of you have been asking why

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Speaker 4: I would ever allow one final date between them, especially

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Speaker 4: a private one. The main reason I'm agreeing to it

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Speaker 4: is counterintuitively, to give our marriage the best chance going forward.

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Speaker 4: I don't want there to always be the chip in

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Speaker 4: her head of I wish we had one last day,

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Speaker 4: on top of what other resentment she might already feel

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Speaker 4: from having to break up. I'm only doing this under

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Speaker 4: the strict understanding that any more BS, or any more

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Speaker 4: contact after this, in any way whatsoever, is an immediate

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Speaker 4: guillotine to our marriage. No trial, no appeal, just summary

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Speaker 4: execution right then and there. Underpinning my decision, though I

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Speaker 4: have to admit that for the past week I've been

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Speaker 4: painting myself a light shade of apathy. My mind has

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Speaker 4: been so focused on the divorce process in life after

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Speaker 4: marriage that the prospect is less scary to me. Logically,

264
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Speaker 4: I should have been furious that she even asked to

265
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Speaker 4: see in one last time, but honestly, I just don't care.

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Speaker 4: If it helps you move on, go for it. It seems

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Speaker 4: I'm the one more mentally prepared for divorce than you are,

268
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Speaker 4: so if you want to blow it all up, go

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Speaker 4: for it. I'm ready. They're meeting up tomorrow and she

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Speaker 4: has made it clear to him that this will be

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Speaker 4: the last time. If she wants to violate that pledge

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Speaker 4: or any other then I'm already three to four steps

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Speaker 4: ahead on the other side, So I'm just not scared,

274
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Speaker 4: even if it backfires and there is a second up date.

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Speaker 4: Good lord, Yeah, well, I think closing the marriage is

276
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Speaker 4: super important. Can't fix this marriage if you guys keep

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Speaker 4: seeing other people. I don't think it's like you know,

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Speaker 4: it seems like you guys were successfully doing that for

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Speaker 4: ten years, so it doesn't necessarily mean that you can

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Speaker 4: never do it again. But currently, at least right.

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Speaker 2: Now, it's going to see a little more maturity on

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Speaker 2: both of them.

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Speaker 4: They're both yes, it's like neither of them wanted to

284
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Speaker 4: talk to each other. It's like, how have you? How

285
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Speaker 4: did you make it work for ten years?

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Speaker 2: There's a lack of maturity, There's a lack of respect,

287
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Speaker 2: there's a lack of honesty. I know a lot of people,

288
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Speaker 2: and I have a lot of friends who are in

289
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Speaker 2: like Paulie am or relationships like this are non monog

290
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Speaker 2: non monogamous or this relate type of relationship, and for

291
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Speaker 2: a lot of them it ends up not working. They'll

292
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Speaker 2: try their best, but it things get messy. People catch

293
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Speaker 2: feelings when they're they shouldn't or they say that they won't,

294
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Speaker 2: and then it gets just there's so much trauma. I

295
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Speaker 2: think I've only met a couple people who have been

296
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Speaker 2: able to really make it work. But it's because they

297
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Speaker 2: have such strict rules that they don't violate and they

298
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Speaker 2: always make sure to keep things separate. I'm not gonna

299
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Speaker 2: name names, but I had a I had a person

300
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Speaker 2: who tried to bring someone I know into their their

301
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Speaker 2: PolyAm and it's like, no, I have no intention of

302
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Speaker 2: doing this and they had the one of the worst

303
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Speaker 2: ways of trying to gauge that out. But it's just like, oh, okay,

304
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Speaker 2: uh there. There's generally a lack of respect.

305
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Speaker 4: Here, absolutely, But there is a second update. We found

306
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Speaker 4: an E and M friendly therapist with some really good references,

307
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Speaker 4: so we've gone to see her four times so far,

308
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Speaker 4: which she said was a pretty intense schedule and that

309
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:18,120
Speaker 4: she usually recommends by weekly or weekly appointments, but that

310
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Speaker 4: given the crisis we are in, we could benefit from

311
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Speaker 4: more frequent sessions in the short term in saving our arguments,

312
00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:28,160
Speaker 4: fights discussions for our sessions with her so things don't

313
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Speaker 4: get out of hand. We're officially closed now. We both

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Speaker 4: saw who we needed to see and it's just the

315
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Speaker 4: two of us. The therapist said two months was nowhere

316
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Speaker 4: near long enough, so we've closed in definitely for now,

317
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Speaker 4: and we'll see down the line when we open back up.

318
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Speaker 4: My wife's friends with benefit didn't take their split well.

319
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Speaker 4: He came to the house to talk to me and

320
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Speaker 4: try and change my mind, but I wouldn't open the

321
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Speaker 4: door to him. Ended up calling the cops after he

322
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Speaker 4: started getting aggressive. He's out of the picture now, and

323
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Speaker 4: the even better news is that he was too upset

324
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Speaker 4: to even consummate that last meeting of theirs. His last

325
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Speaker 4: memory of spicy sleep with my wife is me busting

326
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Speaker 4: in on him, and now he has to live with that.

327
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Speaker 4: Our third therapy session was really brutal. She came clean

328
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Speaker 4: about some stuff that really shocked me, maybe even more

329
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Speaker 4: than the whole insult thing. She had been breaking ground

330
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Speaker 4: rules pretty much left and right for the thrill of it,

331
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Speaker 4: often in really specific and deliberate and pretty hurtful ways.

332
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Speaker 4: My trust in her is pretty much non existent right now,

333
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Speaker 4: and regardless of therapy, I've given myself until the end

334
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Speaker 4: of the year to begin feeling some trust in her again.

335
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:37,240
Speaker 4: Otherwise I don't see much point going on. I'm struggling

336
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:39,400
Speaker 4: with bitterness due to the fact that trying to save

337
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:43,400
Speaker 4: my marriage means I'll likely lose other relationships with people

338
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Speaker 4: special to me, and it could all be for no

339
00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:49,360
Speaker 4: reason in the end. Right now, it's just one step

340
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:53,440
Speaker 4: at a time. Despite everything I've been explained, despite everything

341
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Speaker 4: I've explained in these few posts, we're talking about a

342
00:16:56,520 --> 00:17:01,040
Speaker 4: truly incredible woman. She's warm, she's loving, she's kind, she's

343
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:05,480
Speaker 4: so intelligent, she's fierce, She's always been the first to

344
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:08,600
Speaker 4: help whoever needs it, the last to leave when more

345
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:12,119
Speaker 4: still needs to be done. She takes care of her family.

346
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Speaker 4: She's hilarious with a wicked sense of humor. She's adventurous,

347
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,879
Speaker 4: she loves life, she loves to laugh, and she doesn't

348
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Speaker 4: suffer fools. She's also incredibly gorgeous. I mean, like an

349
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:26,200
Speaker 4: actual magazine covers stunning. She's been the love of my life.

350
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Speaker 4: She's made some life changing mistakes, but if there's any

351
00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:31,240
Speaker 4: way to go back to what we had, I'm prepared

352
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Speaker 4: to slog through the pain to get there. And there

353
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Speaker 4: is a third update, Oh my gosh. Yeah, and also

354
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Speaker 4: miss Jaber says, is she though she's a cheater? To

355
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,440
Speaker 4: be clear, wife, didn't she eat? They're in an ethical,

356
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:47,000
Speaker 4: non monogamous relationship. The problem that you know, what she

357
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:51,280
Speaker 4: did was she was insulting Ope during spicy sleep with

358
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Speaker 4: that partner as part of spicy play, you know, role play.

359
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:04,879
Speaker 4: But uh ohp did not agree to that, So that

360
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:11,080
Speaker 4: was the problem, not cheating. Yeah, I think it seems

361
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:14,480
Speaker 4: like you want to try, so I get Yeah, give

362
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:16,720
Speaker 4: it a shot. It might not work.

363
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Speaker 3: I think they have.

364
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,880
Speaker 2: Both some growing up to do. As old and as

365
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:26,720
Speaker 2: seasoned as they are, there is some serious like soul

366
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:28,160
Speaker 2: searching that they need to do. They need to find

367
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:32,080
Speaker 2: what's important to them, and they need to determine whether

368
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:37,280
Speaker 2: or not they are comfortable yeah with each other. Yeah,

369
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,680
Speaker 2: because maybe it's just that they're not comfortable being with

370
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Speaker 2: the other person exclusively.

371
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Speaker 4: Well, it seems like that was never something they were

372
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Speaker 4: comfortable with in the relationship, which, yeah, you guys have

373
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Speaker 4: to like relearn that before you can even think about

374
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Speaker 4: doing right.

375
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Speaker 2: And again, do you want to be together because you

376
00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:56,840
Speaker 2: like each other? Or do you want to be together

377
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:59,840
Speaker 2: because it's safe, it's socially acceptably you've done it for.

378
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know if it's working for y'all.

379
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:03,320
Speaker 2: No, I don't think so.

380
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,800
Speaker 4: But there is a third update. We tried our best,

381
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:09,600
Speaker 4: but unfortunately it has not worked out. I haven't been

382
00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:12,120
Speaker 4: able to get past it. There's no trust there anymore,

383
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:14,680
Speaker 4: because you know, she did betray a lot of what

384
00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:17,040
Speaker 4: they agreed to. There's fondness, but I don't know if

385
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:20,320
Speaker 4: I even call it love anymore. She's pretty devastated, which

386
00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:23,080
Speaker 4: I don't take any pleasure in. At least I'm doing

387
00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:25,159
Speaker 4: a pretty decent job of letting go of the anger.

388
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,639
Speaker 4: Therapy has helped a lot for that. Maybe if it

389
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:31,040
Speaker 4: was just our relationship impacted, we might have been able

390
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:34,200
Speaker 4: to make it work. But it has had a ruinous

391
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:37,080
Speaker 4: effect on a number of other relationships as well, and

392
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:40,000
Speaker 4: an impact on my life beyond just my marriage. Among

393
00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:41,879
Speaker 4: other things, she has sought out and slept with a

394
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:45,600
Speaker 4: couple of close friends and a work subordinate of mine.

395
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:48,320
Speaker 4: Those friendships, which I've had for decades are now over,

396
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,080
Speaker 4: and that person is work, and that person at work

397
00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:54,080
Speaker 4: has been let go all of it. All of it

398
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,639
Speaker 4: is having knock on effects on other parts of my

399
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,919
Speaker 4: personal and work life. It's not something I can get over.

400
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:03,960
Speaker 4: The separation and divorce will at least be amicable. We

401
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:06,160
Speaker 4: won't be battling it out in the courts. We've already

402
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,800
Speaker 4: agreed on a division of assets that we both agree

403
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,520
Speaker 4: is fair. Luckily, neither of us has had to rely

404
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:15,200
Speaker 4: financially on the other while we've been together. I've decided

405
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,960
Speaker 4: that after the divorce is finalized, I'll have no more

406
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:22,880
Speaker 4: contact with her whatsoever. I need a clean break. One

407
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,960
Speaker 4: silver lining is that I've been able to meet back

408
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,359
Speaker 4: up with a couple of my partners from before and

409
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:29,560
Speaker 4: had a grand old time. I made the mistake of

410
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,880
Speaker 4: saying genuinely and with no bad intention, that at least

411
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:35,080
Speaker 4: now she can meet back up with the other guy again.

412
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,000
Speaker 4: She didn't take that the way I meant it, and

413
00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:39,159
Speaker 4: thought I was having a dig at her, and we

414
00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:42,280
Speaker 4: had a big fight. But then it's smoothed over. In

415
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,440
Speaker 4: any event, it's on to the next adventure.

416
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:44,680
Speaker 5: Now.

417
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:47,680
Speaker 4: May enjoy single life for a while. Since I've still

418
00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:50,520
Speaker 4: got a good chunk of my youth left and fortunately

419
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:54,280
Speaker 4: I still look like it. I'll take my wins wherever

420
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:57,280
Speaker 4: I can get them. I'm in mourning, but also excited

421
00:20:57,280 --> 00:21:00,200
Speaker 4: about what life has in store. One major thing is

422
00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:02,480
Speaker 4: that she never wanted to be a parent, and I

423
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,960
Speaker 4: did before we got married. Oh, you probably shouldn't have

424
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:07,240
Speaker 4: gotten into this relationship.

425
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:07,919
Speaker 3: Yeah at all.

426
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:12,040
Speaker 2: I've definitely ended relationships over that question.

427
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:15,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, which should be talked about. It's an important into

428
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:18,280
Speaker 4: a serious relationship about whether or not if this is

429
00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:19,760
Speaker 4: something that you know, Like, if you go into a

430
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,760
Speaker 4: relationship and you're like, I want this to go long term,

431
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:25,280
Speaker 4: you should be on the same page about kids, because

432
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:27,600
Speaker 4: if one of you wants kids and the other one doesn't.

433
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,840
Speaker 4: That's usually not something that kuld. That's not really a

434
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:33,360
Speaker 4: you know, thing that can be done halfway.

435
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't have half of a child.

436
00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's no real compromise to be made.

437
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,840
Speaker 2: Whoever gets their way the other is going to have

438
00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:43,399
Speaker 2: even if it's not active or even conscious, there's going

439
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:46,320
Speaker 2: to be some aspect of resentment there the entire time

440
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:47,040
Speaker 2: of that relationship.

441
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:49,359
Speaker 4: The prospect of fatherhood is open to me again, and

442
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:51,920
Speaker 4: that's really life affirming. There is a little bit left

443
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:54,760
Speaker 4: to this story. Do you have any final thoughts?

444
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,159
Speaker 2: I would like to quote the lawyer princess and the

445
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:03,200
Speaker 2: comments with spell like these who needs enemies? Yeah, that's

446
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:06,960
Speaker 2: really what it is. They're these people were never meant,

447
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 2: I think, to be together. They didn't have the maturity

448
00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:12,879
Speaker 2: or care for each other that they should have. They

449
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:14,560
Speaker 2: weren't on the same page. They didn't want the same

450
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:15,240
Speaker 2: things in life.

451
00:22:15,359 --> 00:22:18,720
Speaker 4: Ever, I really don't understand how they made it ten years.

452
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:20,000
Speaker 4: That's shocky A.

453
00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:24,639
Speaker 2: No monogamous relationship working, but not with these people because

454
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:27,320
Speaker 2: they didn't they didn't respect their boundaries enough. They didn't

455
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:30,920
Speaker 2: have firm enough like adherence to those boundaries. At least

456
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:31,800
Speaker 2: the wife really did.

457
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:34,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you have to be like so on top

458
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:35,840
Speaker 4: of the boundaries when you're in that type.

459
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:38,800
Speaker 2: Had slip because if you slip once you see what happens.

460
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, divorce. There's a little bit left to the story

461
00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:44,200
Speaker 4: for those of you wondering about the former employee. He

462
00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:46,640
Speaker 4: knew us for quite a while. I've had the whole

463
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:49,639
Speaker 4: team over to my house for meals several times. We

464
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:52,240
Speaker 4: kept our private life private. He had no idea of

465
00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:54,840
Speaker 4: any arrangement, nor did he even claim to have been

466
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:56,720
Speaker 4: told there was an open mare. We all have a

467
00:22:56,760 --> 00:23:00,680
Speaker 4: morality and team cohesion clause in our contracts. Your actions

468
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:03,200
Speaker 4: in or out of work damage your ability to work

469
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:05,840
Speaker 4: together with your team, especially if it's because of something

470
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:08,800
Speaker 4: you've done to a team member, whether or not it's

471
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:11,320
Speaker 4: at the office, then you are subject to review and

472
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:15,760
Speaker 4: possible termination. He was fired because his actions had a

473
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,920
Speaker 4: harmful effect on his colleague's personal life to the point

474
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:22,240
Speaker 4: where it was not possible to work cohesively together anymore.

475
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:25,280
Speaker 4: He has no legal grounds for a lawsuit, and that

476
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:27,359
Speaker 4: is the end of that story. Folks.

477
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:32,240
Speaker 2: My wife's ex reached out to her and she unfortunately

478
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:33,320
Speaker 2: engaged back.

479
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:35,720
Speaker 4: Well put a stop to that.

480
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:40,280
Speaker 2: Trigger warning for this one mentions of abuse. I forty

481
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:43,040
Speaker 2: three male, have been married to my wife forty one

482
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:46,800
Speaker 2: female for fifteen years and known her for seventeen. For

483
00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:49,240
Speaker 2: the most part, we've been happy and gotten along well.

484
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,680
Speaker 2: For context, in the first couple years of marriage, she

485
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:56,760
Speaker 2: realized she had a drinking program drinking problem and joined

486
00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:01,640
Speaker 2: a recovery program. She's been booze freezing. Then. She also

487
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:04,760
Speaker 2: suffered depression after our child's our second child's birth, but

488
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:07,160
Speaker 2: worked through that. By the way, this comes from user

489
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:10,960
Speaker 2: possible Serve three six nine eight, and if you want

490
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,320
Speaker 2: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

491
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:16,560
Speaker 2: Okay storytime subreddit. I'm mad, I'm Sophia, and we're here

492
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:18,600
Speaker 2: to give you good advice scoofully, But we don't have

493
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,159
Speaker 2: all the answers. We only know what we do, and

494
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:23,480
Speaker 2: let's tell you what we would do. But if you

495
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:25,440
Speaker 2: would like to tell us what you do in the comments,

496
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:27,919
Speaker 2: please feel free to do so. We like reading comments.

497
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 2: Sophie says, well, before we got together, she dated a

498
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:34,320
Speaker 2: guy and it ended badly. They seemed to message occasionally.

499
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:40,119
Speaker 2: From what she told me, the relationship became harmful with aggressiveness, jealousy, manipulation,

500
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:43,600
Speaker 2: and his unwillingness to let go. Last week was her

501
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:46,640
Speaker 2: birthday and the ex boyfriend messaged her he usually does

502
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:49,800
Speaker 2: to wish her happy birthday. She says she doesn't usually

503
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:53,080
Speaker 2: engage with him, but this time she did. She explained

504
00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:56,200
Speaker 2: how the end of their relationship ruined her university experience.

505
00:24:56,560 --> 00:25:00,720
Speaker 2: He apologized, and apparently they cleared the air. They messaged

506
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 2: for four days before she told me they had been

507
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:05,520
Speaker 2: talking and wanted to be friends. So he lives in

508
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 2: another part of the country, but now like likes every

509
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:11,200
Speaker 2: post she puts up on social media. She's saying the

510
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 2: relationship wasn't so bad and hopes they can be friends.

511
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:17,320
Speaker 2: I'm skeptical about him wanting to wanting just friendship, but

512
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:20,720
Speaker 2: she insists this isn't the case since he's married hasn't

513
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:23,560
Speaker 2: stopped a lot of people. He wanted to meet up

514
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:26,159
Speaker 2: before his wedding nineteen years ago, before I was on

515
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:29,880
Speaker 2: the scene, but she refused. Over the years, she's expressed

516
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:33,760
Speaker 2: deep emotions about that relationship, dreams about it, talking about

517
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 2: it to her therapist, discussing it extensively when wasted, and

518
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 2: even when sober. I understand this was traumatic for her,

519
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:43,040
Speaker 2: but it's been twenty years. It makes me feel like

520
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:44,640
Speaker 2: an outsider in my own marriage.

521
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:45,359
Speaker 4: If she was.

522
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:48,720
Speaker 2: Carrying feelings this intense for so long and now I'm

523
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:52,399
Speaker 2: expected to behave behave as if it was a great relationship.

524
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:54,840
Speaker 2: I have low self esteem and feelings of not being

525
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,280
Speaker 2: good enough in aspects of my life, and this situation

526
00:25:57,440 --> 00:26:00,480
Speaker 2: hasn't helped. I'm in therapy for this, but I really

527
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:03,600
Speaker 2: feel trust is damaged. I've had long term relationships that

528
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,520
Speaker 2: ended badly, but I've moved on and don't talk about

529
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:09,800
Speaker 2: them unless asked. We have two kids, so I don't

530
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,200
Speaker 2: want to end it. I also love her and want

531
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:13,920
Speaker 2: to be with her, but I'm not sure how to

532
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,280
Speaker 2: process this at the moment, I can't even speak to her,

533
00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:19,840
Speaker 2: but I need advice on dealing with the situation. And

534
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:22,520
Speaker 2: there are a couple comments. So comment number one, This

535
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:25,159
Speaker 2: isn't a normal friendship, or else she wouldn't have hit

536
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:28,680
Speaker 2: her messages for four days. There are feelings involved which

537
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:31,960
Speaker 2: will develop quickly unless you do something about it. Tell

538
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,359
Speaker 2: her how you feel, how this relationship has been a

539
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 2: shadow for such a long time. Specify that it's nice

540
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,920
Speaker 2: that they buried the hatchet, that they got closure that

541
00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 2: because of the history, it'll make you feel very uncomfortable.

542
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:46,840
Speaker 2: Trust me, if she brought him up so much, this

543
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:51,120
Speaker 2: will only end badly for you. Comment too, Your wife

544
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:54,000
Speaker 2: clearly has multiple mental health issues, and with your low

545
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:58,320
Speaker 2: self esteem, it plays as an enabling situation. It's time

546
00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:01,560
Speaker 2: to put the big pants. Either she recognizes that she's

547
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:04,160
Speaker 2: going too far into a new rabbit hole and cutting

548
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:06,520
Speaker 2: the EX off for good with the help of her therapist,

549
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,920
Speaker 2: or you need to show her consequences if she is

550
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:12,600
Speaker 2: saying she will cut the EX pronto. If not, you

551
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:15,479
Speaker 2: have your answer. It's the end, and it was on her,

552
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:19,160
Speaker 2: not you. Opie replied. She has said she'll not speak

553
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:21,760
Speaker 2: to him again if that's what I want. I've said

554
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:23,440
Speaker 2: that's not my call to make, and I don't want

555
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:25,680
Speaker 2: to be put in that position. She has to make

556
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:29,480
Speaker 2: that call. Comment three. Sounds like she has been talking

557
00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:32,800
Speaker 2: to him for a long time, Opie responds, I genuinely

558
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:35,240
Speaker 2: don't think she has been, but then I didn't think

559
00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:37,560
Speaker 2: she had been for the past few days, so maybe

560
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:41,400
Speaker 2: you're right. Comment four. There is only one way this ends,

561
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,560
Speaker 2: and it's poorly for you. She very clearly wants something

562
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,560
Speaker 2: from this person, and she's willing to disregard and disrespect

563
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:50,760
Speaker 2: you to get whatever that is. Your wife is also manipulative,

564
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:53,080
Speaker 2: trying to put ending whatever this is with him on you.

565
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:55,560
Speaker 2: Your wife needs to be made aware of how she

566
00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:59,640
Speaker 2: is disregarding your feelings about this person and how disrespectful

567
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:02,320
Speaker 2: she is by trying to rekindle a friendship with someone

568
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:04,359
Speaker 2: that was legitimately awful to her.

569
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:07,879
Speaker 3: Twenty years in the past.

570
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:10,520
Speaker 2: If she cannot figure out how bad this situation is

571
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:13,000
Speaker 2: all on her own, your marriage has no hope to

572
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 2: survive this. Clowns talking about insecurity and controlling behavior are

573
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:19,080
Speaker 2: parts in the wind. This is about your wife respecting

574
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:21,040
Speaker 2: her marriage and the bond she has with the man

575
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:25,400
Speaker 2: she supposedly loves. Rekindling this friendship should have been never

576
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 2: been considered in the first place. Clear the air and

577
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:30,720
Speaker 2: move on. Don't bring that baggage from the past into

578
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:35,000
Speaker 2: your life and your future. There is an update, But yeah,

579
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:35,879
Speaker 2: I would agree.

580
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:37,800
Speaker 4: With all those comments. I think also, I think it's

581
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 4: kind of unfair for her to put it on him

582
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 4: and saying like, well, if you don't want me to

583
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 4: see him ever, you know, that like, I'll do that,

584
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:48,680
Speaker 4: and he's like, no, like you need to make a choice. Yeah,

585
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:51,880
Speaker 4: it's not I'm not forcing you to do something. I

586
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:54,200
Speaker 4: don't want it to be, like I'm saying you can't

587
00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:54,880
Speaker 4: see him.

588
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:58,440
Speaker 2: Right, Like you're the spouse, you're not their parents exactly.

589
00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:02,720
Speaker 2: You're an adult, can make your own executive decisions, and.

590
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 4: Hopefully you're making decisions that are good for you and

591
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:09,200
Speaker 4: your partner that would probably not be seeing this guy again.

592
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:11,560
Speaker 2: I think part of it for her, like not to

593
00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:13,520
Speaker 2: say that she's mentally ill, because we don't really have

594
00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:16,000
Speaker 2: any context of that, I don't think, but I think

595
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:18,600
Speaker 2: that there's a part of her maybe that because it

596
00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:21,240
Speaker 2: was an abusive relationship maybe and because it ended so

597
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:23,640
Speaker 2: badly for her so many years ago when they were young,

598
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:25,440
Speaker 2: maybe that's how to hold on her and she like

599
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:28,239
Speaker 2: she wants some sort of validation maybe from him.

600
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:31,320
Speaker 4: I think also maybe just like wants closure. Yeah, maybe,

601
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:33,480
Speaker 4: but this is not the way to get it.

602
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:36,920
Speaker 2: But then they apparently they've already had closure according to her,

603
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:39,920
Speaker 2: so I don't there has to be something else that

604
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 2: she wants that is not healthy, and the fact that

605
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:51,000
Speaker 2: she is either not recognizing it or unwilling to unwilling

606
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:53,240
Speaker 2: to listen to people who are telling her is a

607
00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:54,720
Speaker 2: bad sign for their relationship.

608
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:56,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, agreed.

609
00:29:57,040 --> 00:29:59,160
Speaker 2: Oh, move on to the update. Thank you to everyone

610
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:01,720
Speaker 2: who commented. We had a few conversations in the week

611
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:04,960
Speaker 2: after the original post about the situation. I explained how

612
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 2: her going behind my back, plus dwelling on this past

613
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:10,880
Speaker 2: relationship made me feel. She said if I didn't want

614
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:13,120
Speaker 2: her to speak to him anymore, she wouldn't. I was

615
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:16,000
Speaker 2: adamant that this wasn't my call to make. She eventually

616
00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:18,240
Speaker 2: said she wouldn't speak to him anymore and that she

617
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:20,400
Speaker 2: was naive to think that they could still be friends

618
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:22,760
Speaker 2: as far as I'm aware. She let him know she

619
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:25,320
Speaker 2: wouldn't be in contact anymore because of me, and he

620
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 2: was accepting of this. I haven't seen any of their messages,

621
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:31,120
Speaker 2: nor asked to. A week later, my mother passed away,

622
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:33,600
Speaker 2: so any conversations between us were put on hold. About

623
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:35,560
Speaker 2: a week ago, we had a good chat in which

624
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:39,200
Speaker 2: I felt heard mostly centering around me creating a larger

625
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:42,280
Speaker 2: social life outside the home and how we've become codependent

626
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,480
Speaker 2: on each other. I said, my trust in her has

627
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 2: been eroded, which upset her a little, but she understood.

628
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:49,480
Speaker 2: We seemed to be getting back on track, and I

629
00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:52,080
Speaker 2: was open about my insecurities in what I needed to

630
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:56,800
Speaker 2: work on. Unfortunately, a few days later, she seemed distracted.

631
00:30:56,960 --> 00:30:59,160
Speaker 2: When I asked what was wrong, she said she'd tell

632
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:02,280
Speaker 2: me later when the kids were in bed. This dragged

633
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:04,760
Speaker 2: out all day. Then she admitted she was still in

634
00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:08,960
Speaker 2: contact with her ex for a couple of weeks and

635
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 2: wants to meet him for coffee. I asked what would

636
00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:14,720
Speaker 2: happen if he made a move, and she'd say she'd

637
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:18,960
Speaker 2: be disappointed. I also asked about his wife, and apparently

638
00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 2: he's separated, which she knew about before but didn't tell me.

639
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:26,440
Speaker 2: He's embarking on a new career and was asking her

640
00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:30,360
Speaker 2: for advice, to which I questioned whether there wasn't anyone

641
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:33,000
Speaker 2: else in his life who could provide career advice. She

642
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 2: also says he's had a character scare, which prompted her

643
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:37,600
Speaker 2: to get in touch with him again.

644
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 4: Stop stop it.

645
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 2: There is one more relevant update. But you think there's

646
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:44,640
Speaker 2: any help for them, Sophia.

647
00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:47,800
Speaker 4: No, she keeps lying, and I mean it sucks because

648
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:50,880
Speaker 4: it's twenty years marriage, they've got kids. I would say,

649
00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:55,200
Speaker 4: still you know, go to therapy, go do all that stuff,

650
00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:56,880
Speaker 4: but like it is not looking good.

651
00:31:57,120 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 2: No, I don't think that there is a path forward

652
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:01,280
Speaker 2: for them because.

653
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:04,200
Speaker 4: He gave her a path for whe well, he said,

654
00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:07,520
Speaker 4: he didn't demand that she you know, didn't.

655
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:08,680
Speaker 2: Ask her for all, Like he just said, Hey, this

656
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:12,840
Speaker 2: is making me for me. I don't I want you

657
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:15,320
Speaker 2: to not want to speak to him. I don't want

658
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:16,680
Speaker 2: to tell you not to speak with him. I want

659
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:17,760
Speaker 2: you to recognize that this is.

660
00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 4: Bad that you shouldn't be doing.

661
00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:21,800
Speaker 2: And she said okay, and then did it and didn't

662
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:25,080
Speaker 2: lie about it and wants to advance it further. No, No,

663
00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:27,959
Speaker 2: this is I think this is absolutely justified and OP

664
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:29,920
Speaker 2: if they want to end it, if they want to

665
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:31,800
Speaker 2: go to therapy, more power to them. But I think

666
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:35,040
Speaker 2: it's either a fruitless road or a very long.

667
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:36,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you would have to put you both have

668
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:38,440
Speaker 4: to put a lot of effort into it.

669
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:40,160
Speaker 2: And I don't think OP should be having to put

670
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:41,920
Speaker 2: the effort into because the OP isn't one who didn't

671
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:42,400
Speaker 2: anything wrong.

672
00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:45,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, I think there's always effort on both sides.

673
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:48,800
Speaker 2: But yeah, I understand that is OP is going to

674
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 2: have to work because marriages work on both sides. However,

675
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 2: it shouldn't be like this shouldn't be put on OP,

676
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:59,160
Speaker 2: like the onus to repair the relationship should never go

677
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:01,880
Speaker 2: on OP. Definitely, wife has to recognize that if she

678
00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:03,680
Speaker 2: wants this to work, she has made a mistake. And

679
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:06,360
Speaker 2: she yeah, all right, so here's the update. It's her

680
00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:08,479
Speaker 2: call who she meets up with. But I told her

681
00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:11,160
Speaker 2: the lying has to stop. She claims it's so she

682
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:15,000
Speaker 2: doesn't hurt me, but it's caused more damage by lying.

683
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:17,880
Speaker 2: He admitted that making me decide about her not talking

684
00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:21,240
Speaker 2: to him anymore was poor, but that I don't understand

685
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:24,520
Speaker 2: the feelings that existed between them. I don't know what

686
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:27,200
Speaker 2: to say to her and have started investigating what steps

687
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:31,120
Speaker 2: to legally protect myself. I'm so angry and sad that

688
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:34,040
Speaker 2: at best she is sacrificing a fifteen year marriage to

689
00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:36,840
Speaker 2: be friends with an ex she hasn't seen in twenty years,

690
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:40,880
Speaker 2: and at worst we'll get back with him. Our relationship

691
00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 2: has been tarnished with lies and omissions of the truth,

692
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:48,280
Speaker 2: and I'm done. There's some comments, why are you struggling

693
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:50,440
Speaker 2: so hard to be direct with her? If she goes

694
00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:52,600
Speaker 2: to this coffee date, your marriage is over, and you

695
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:55,080
Speaker 2: know it, not because she'll leave you for him, but

696
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:57,880
Speaker 2: because you'll never forgive her. She needs to be told

697
00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:00,280
Speaker 2: that this is betrayal. Call it what it is, and

698
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:03,560
Speaker 2: the reply. Given her previous lying and sneaking around, he

699
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 2: probably assumes she'll still meet up with him behind his

700
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:08,640
Speaker 2: back if he tells her not to. He'd rather she'd

701
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:10,879
Speaker 2: be honest about it. If she does so, at least

702
00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:14,080
Speaker 2: he'll have closure. OPI has told her the important part.

703
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:17,000
Speaker 2: If the only reason she decides not to hurt, not

704
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:19,640
Speaker 2: to deeply hurt him by seeing her ex is because

705
00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:22,799
Speaker 2: of how it might affect her by the consequences, that's

706
00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:25,960
Speaker 2: not going to fix the underlying issue, because then it's

707
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:29,120
Speaker 2: anything he won't directly leave me over is fair game.

708
00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:33,120
Speaker 2: He'll just stay miserable but married to me still the reply.

709
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 2: While I agree with the sentiment, I think it is misplaced.

710
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:38,840
Speaker 2: Going to coffee with him would be a deal breaker

711
00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:41,400
Speaker 2: for sure, but honestly it sounds like they are past that.

712
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:43,879
Speaker 2: From what he wrote, it sounds like he doesn't trust

713
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:45,960
Speaker 2: her at all at this point due to the lying,

714
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:49,759
Speaker 2: So what ca so would coffee make a difference? He

715
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:52,640
Speaker 2: stated he's already taking steps to protect himself, and that

716
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:56,439
Speaker 2: he has done. I'm not necessarily advocating divorce because people

717
00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:59,080
Speaker 2: here jump to that way too quickly, but they need

718
00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:01,959
Speaker 2: some serious couples therapy and he probably should see someone

719
00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:05,799
Speaker 2: individually to get his thoughts organized. Second comment, As a woman,

720
00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:08,200
Speaker 2: I have to say, it's alarming that she's putting another

721
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:11,399
Speaker 2: man's feelings above her husband's. Once you're married, your partner

722
00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:14,480
Speaker 2: should come first. Choosing to protect her ex from disappointment

723
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:17,600
Speaker 2: instead of being honest with you is a massive betrayal.

724
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:20,440
Speaker 2: If she can't cut that tie, then she's not protecting

725
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:22,840
Speaker 2: your marriage. At this point, you need to protect yourself,

726
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:26,200
Speaker 2: stop pleading and start setting boundaries. Be crystal clear about

727
00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:29,880
Speaker 2: what you want and won't what you will and won't accept.

728
00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 2: If she can't respect that, you're right to be looking

729
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:35,800
Speaker 2: at legal options. A marriage can survive many things, but

730
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:39,400
Speaker 2: not lies and divided loyalties. And unfortunately that is the.

731
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:41,400
Speaker 4: End, and there's story, and that's it.

732
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:43,399
Speaker 3: Sam here og host.

733
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,120
Speaker 1: We're going to get back to these stories, but here's

734
00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:46,680
Speaker 1: three minutes fads from our sponsors.

735
00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:51,280
Speaker 6: First, my mother in law snubbed my daughter after spoiling

736
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:52,120
Speaker 6: my other son.

737
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 5: Oh, so we're playing favorites here.

738
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:55,680
Speaker 3: First, the backstory.

739
00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:58,560
Speaker 6: I have a daughter from a previous relationship who I

740
00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:02,640
Speaker 6: left when she was eighteen months old. She is seventeen now.

741
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:05,839
Speaker 6: I started dating my now husband when she was two

742
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:06,680
Speaker 6: and a half years old.

743
00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:08,360
Speaker 3: He has become like.

744
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:10,879
Speaker 6: Her dad and loves her like she was his own,

745
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:14,800
Speaker 6: treating her no different than the two children, six male

746
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:18,520
Speaker 6: and twelve female that we share together. By the way,

747
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:21,560
Speaker 6: this comes from user solid Development seven five eight And

748
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:23,080
Speaker 6: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

749
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:26,680
Speaker 6: the r slash Showkay Storytime subred it. I'm Dakota, I'm Keon,

750
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 6: and we're weird to give you a little good advice goofully,

751
00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:29,680
Speaker 6: But we don't have all the answers.

752
00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:31,480
Speaker 3: We only know what we'd do, so if you do

753
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:33,080
Speaker 3: something different, let us know in the comments.

754
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:37,879
Speaker 6: As Op says, his mom did not have much hand

755
00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:41,000
Speaker 6: in raising him and only had custody of him every

756
00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:44,319
Speaker 6: other weekend, and some weekend she bailed to hang out

757
00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 6: or go on trips with her friends. She's been a

758
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:51,360
Speaker 6: great grandmother to the kids, and I think sometimes overcompensates

759
00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:54,000
Speaker 6: because she knows she wasn't present when my husband was

760
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:56,440
Speaker 6: growing up. When our twelve year old was born, she

761
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:58,919
Speaker 6: doated on her so much more than my oldest daughter,

762
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:02,960
Speaker 6: and sometimes times it bothered me. That eventually tapered off

763
00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:06,759
Speaker 6: and she started treating them more fairly. About ninety years ago,

764
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:09,920
Speaker 6: we purchased a home further away, so now we live

765
00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:13,480
Speaker 6: an hour and fifteen minutes drive away, which has made

766
00:37:13,520 --> 00:37:16,320
Speaker 6: it hard traveling to visit her and stepdad often.

767
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:17,880
Speaker 3: We did it quite.

768
00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:20,640
Speaker 6: Frequently when the kids were little, but now that the

769
00:37:20,719 --> 00:37:23,440
Speaker 6: girls are older and I work full time, I was

770
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:26,000
Speaker 6: a stay at home mom for eleven years after our

771
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:29,120
Speaker 6: twelve year old was born. It is very difficult to

772
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:32,120
Speaker 6: carve out an entire day on the weekend to go visit.

773
00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:35,880
Speaker 6: We are active in church, so Sundays are pretty much

774
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:38,680
Speaker 6: booked up, and Saturdays are my day to catch up

775
00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:39,800
Speaker 6: on housework in laundry.

776
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,719
Speaker 3: I've always had a great relationship with my mother in law.

777
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:45,719
Speaker 3: She's fun. She loves to host, drink and have a

778
00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:46,239
Speaker 3: good time.

779
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:51,360
Speaker 6: It started going downhill last year when our oldest turned sixteen.

780
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:54,839
Speaker 6: She wanted a party with just her friends. They spent

781
00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:56,960
Speaker 6: the day at the skating rink and came back to

782
00:37:57,080 --> 00:37:59,959
Speaker 6: the house and ate junk food and watched.

783
00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:01,920
Speaker 5: Movie like typical teenagers.

784
00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:05,360
Speaker 6: Mother in law was not happy that she wasn't invited.

785
00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:09,400
Speaker 6: She made several comments to my husband. I am of

786
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 6: the mindset that it isn't always my responsibility to make

787
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:16,120
Speaker 6: plans for grandparents to spend time with grandkids. They should

788
00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:19,680
Speaker 6: take initiatives sometimes too. We have always been the ones

789
00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:22,719
Speaker 6: to go and do and they never offer to come

790
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:25,839
Speaker 6: to us. They spoil the kids with monetary things though,

791
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:28,320
Speaker 6: so my husband has always been in the mindset that

792
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:30,879
Speaker 6: that's enough and that's how they show their love.

793
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:32,719
Speaker 3: Fast forward to this year.

794
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:36,080
Speaker 6: My husband and our son of birthdays one day apart,

795
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:39,440
Speaker 6: and this year my husband turned forty. I threw a

796
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:41,960
Speaker 6: big surprise party for him, under the guise of it

797
00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:44,560
Speaker 6: being for our son, got him out of the.

798
00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:46,839
Speaker 3: House so I could decorate, and pulled it all off

799
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:47,759
Speaker 3: without a hitch.

800
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:51,920
Speaker 6: I invited mother in law and stepfather in law, along

801
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:55,560
Speaker 6: with lots of our close friends, about forty people, and

802
00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:59,240
Speaker 6: mother in law didn't speak to me at the party,

803
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:02,840
Speaker 6: but had a couple of words. She made several comments

804
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:05,960
Speaker 6: about how she was shocked that I didn't invite step

805
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:08,600
Speaker 6: brother and his wife, who lived two and a half

806
00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:11,359
Speaker 6: hours away from us. We only see them about once

807
00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:13,480
Speaker 6: a year, and honestly, it slipped my mind. With the

808
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:17,640
Speaker 6: already large guest list. Husband took up for me and said,

809
00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:20,319
Speaker 6: my wife has a lot on her plate. She's working

810
00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:23,200
Speaker 6: full time and taking the kids everywhere and planning all

811
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:23,480
Speaker 6: of this.

812
00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:26,719
Speaker 3: I'm sure she didn't mean to slight them.

813
00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:32,080
Speaker 6: Mother in law made several comments about it even days later.

814
00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:35,720
Speaker 6: Mother in law gave our son birthday gifts at this party,

815
00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:39,120
Speaker 6: a card with sixty dollars in cash, a bag full

816
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:42,160
Speaker 6: of clothes, and a large gift bag with lots of toys.

817
00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:46,879
Speaker 6: About two weeks after that, our oldest daughter, my bio daughter,

818
00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:50,279
Speaker 6: my husband's stepdaughter, turned seventeen.

819
00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:52,839
Speaker 3: No card from mother in law.

820
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:55,000
Speaker 6: She usually gives a card with at least one hundred

821
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:58,120
Speaker 6: bucks on top of little gifts, favorite candies, et cetera,

822
00:39:58,239 --> 00:39:58,800
Speaker 6: but nothing.

823
00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:02,080
Speaker 3: She texted her her happy birthday, but that was it.

824
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:04,240
Speaker 5: Oh, Dakota, come on, now.

825
00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:08,320
Speaker 6: She's got favoritism for her son's biological children.

826
00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:11,000
Speaker 5: No, I was almost gonna say, a mother in law

827
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:17,280
Speaker 5: never forgets like an elephant. Yes, because someone wasn't invited

828
00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:18,680
Speaker 5: to a sweet sixteen.

829
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:20,399
Speaker 3: Oh, that's so lame.

830
00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:23,600
Speaker 6: It's like the come on, you can't expect to go

831
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:26,879
Speaker 6: to the sweet sixteen with all her friends is like Grandma.

832
00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:29,719
Speaker 5: Oh, Grandma's cool, grandma's hip. You can ext the.

833
00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:33,120
Speaker 3: Age you are not hanging out with Grandma. Come on.

834
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:36,279
Speaker 6: I noticed, but I didn't want to draw attention to it.

835
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:38,400
Speaker 6: The gifts and money don't mean anything to me, but

836
00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:41,279
Speaker 6: it hurts me for my daughter when her brother got

837
00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:43,840
Speaker 6: showered with gifts only a couple weeks prior and she

838
00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:47,960
Speaker 6: got nothing but a simple text. My husband hasn't noticed

839
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:51,360
Speaker 6: that I know of Now. I'm making plans for Thanksgiving

840
00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:53,759
Speaker 6: and my husband wants to invite mother in law and

841
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:56,520
Speaker 6: stepfather in law as well as some out of town family.

842
00:40:56,640 --> 00:41:00,400
Speaker 6: Will have no problem. He feels like we've left them

843
00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:03,040
Speaker 6: in the dust the past couple of years on Thanksgiving,

844
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:07,040
Speaker 6: so no problem. Last year, my mom with dementia and

845
00:41:07,160 --> 00:41:10,279
Speaker 6: brother with health problems came from across the country, and

846
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:13,120
Speaker 6: the year before we spent with my family out of town.

847
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:16,880
Speaker 6: I mentioned the plans to my oldest as she has

848
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:18,640
Speaker 6: a boyfriend and will want to spend part of the

849
00:41:18,719 --> 00:41:21,239
Speaker 6: day with his family, and she said, why are you

850
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:23,680
Speaker 6: inviting mother in law and stepfather in law over father

851
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:25,719
Speaker 6: in law and step mother in law.

852
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:29,239
Speaker 3: I'm still a little salty about my birthday. That kind

853
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:29,680
Speaker 3: of hurt.

854
00:41:30,360 --> 00:41:33,640
Speaker 6: We are much closer with my husband's dad and his wife,

855
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:37,880
Speaker 6: and they only live about twenty minutes away. Now my dilemma.

856
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:40,839
Speaker 6: If you just read all that, thank you, It felt

857
00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:42,560
Speaker 6: good to get it off my chest and air it

858
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:45,640
Speaker 6: all out. My oldest obviously noticed the signs and it

859
00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:49,120
Speaker 6: hurts her. My husband could be oblivious, and I kind

860
00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:52,080
Speaker 6: of want him to know. I'm nervous because of the

861
00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:54,200
Speaker 6: comments he made about how we've left his mom in

862
00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:56,440
Speaker 6: the dust the past couple of years, and because she

863
00:41:56,600 --> 00:41:58,840
Speaker 6: gave him such a hard time about not inviting his

864
00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:02,360
Speaker 6: stepbrother's family to his birthday party. He feels like we

865
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:05,560
Speaker 6: do have other priorities besides his mom, and he's not

866
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:09,160
Speaker 6: entirely wrong. We are homebodies and have a handful of

867
00:42:09,239 --> 00:42:12,680
Speaker 6: close friends as opposed to a bunch of acquaintances. We

868
00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:15,439
Speaker 6: put energy into people that put energy into us as well,

869
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:18,960
Speaker 6: because it's hard to be one sided. Yes, I know

870
00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 6: we should carve out intentional time for mother in law,

871
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:25,360
Speaker 6: but life gets in the way and kids, it's hectic.

872
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:28,319
Speaker 6: Am I wrong for being so bitter about my daughter

873
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:31,200
Speaker 6: being slighted. Should I even mention it to my husband?

874
00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:32,320
Speaker 3: Is it worth it?

875
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:36,200
Speaker 6: Obviously I'm still a good Southern wife and will invite

876
00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:39,440
Speaker 6: mother in law to Thanksgiving, be the hostess with the mostess,

877
00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:41,880
Speaker 6: with a smile on my face and a good bit

878
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:44,719
Speaker 6: of drink, you drink. I just want my husband to

879
00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:47,359
Speaker 6: see from my side. I want him to know it's

880
00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:49,800
Speaker 6: not just us being crappy and not making an effort.

881
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:53,080
Speaker 3: It's her too. And there is an update. But yeah,

882
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:55,799
Speaker 3: I think you should tell your husband. I don't think

883
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:56,120
Speaker 3: you need to.

884
00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:58,160
Speaker 6: Make it a big deal either, because it's like clearly

885
00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:01,320
Speaker 6: the relationship between you know you are right to some degree.

886
00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:04,120
Speaker 6: It's like once you reach a certain age, it's like

887
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:06,239
Speaker 6: the relationships you have with your family are like yours

888
00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:07,319
Speaker 6: to manage in a way.

889
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:10,359
Speaker 5: You know, you have a family of your own. Again,

890
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:14,880
Speaker 5: it gets to the big thing time. It's hard. You know,

891
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:16,960
Speaker 5: you said you want to put energy into people that

892
00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:19,920
Speaker 5: give you the energy. Again, what did they do? Your

893
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:21,920
Speaker 5: mother in law? You have to go out to them

894
00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:26,000
Speaker 5: every single time. Yeah, they never made it a thing

895
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:27,759
Speaker 5: to come out to you. I know, it's like an

896
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:31,520
Speaker 5: hour an hour and a half away. That's like for La,

897
00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:34,640
Speaker 5: that's like a five mile drive during rush hour. But yeah,

898
00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:38,040
Speaker 5: it's but we get it. No, it's it's a thing

899
00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:41,160
Speaker 5: where it's like, hey, why don't we meet in the

900
00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:46,080
Speaker 5: middle sometimes, you know. That's one thing. The second thing is, yes,

901
00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:48,759
Speaker 5: definitely talk to your husband about this and don't even

902
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:51,440
Speaker 5: make it like a big deal like your mother didn't

903
00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:53,560
Speaker 5: do this, Like hey, so like did you notice this?

904
00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 3: Yeah? And I feel like my daughter's upset. Our daughter,

905
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:59,040
Speaker 3: Our daughter is upset. Do you know your mother?

906
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:01,439
Speaker 5: She's been like a little like she's been like really

907
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:06,399
Speaker 5: down in the dumps s lately, and like your mom

908
00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:10,120
Speaker 5: kinda kind of like pulled shoulder her for her birthday.

909
00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 5: I mean, yes, she was her happy birthday, great, but

910
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:17,839
Speaker 5: like what's that about? And she showered our son.

911
00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:22,319
Speaker 6: It's just, you know, it just feels a little suspicious

912
00:44:22,719 --> 00:44:24,080
Speaker 6: given the timing and the.

913
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:25,680
Speaker 5: Feel like something is like.

914
00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:29,600
Speaker 6: It's not like I would just tell your husband like, ye,

915
00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:31,600
Speaker 6: gotta check your mom, man, because she's going to ruin

916
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 6: a relationship with her granddaughter.

917
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:36,160
Speaker 5: And I would again, I would bring up casually, like

918
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:39,000
Speaker 5: don't go pointing fingers immediately, like hey, did you know

919
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:41,880
Speaker 5: the daughter like our daughters. Yeah, did you know?

920
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:43,960
Speaker 6: Our daughter is sixteen and it's old enough to realize

921
00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:48,800
Speaker 6: when somebody's you know, messing with her intentionally. You know.

922
00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:50,600
Speaker 5: I think it's just a conversation, but I think we

923
00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:51,200
Speaker 5: have an update.

924
00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:56,400
Speaker 6: I invited mother in law and stepfather in law for Thanksgiving.

925
00:44:56,760 --> 00:44:58,879
Speaker 6: Hours later, I got a text that just said hello,

926
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:02,560
Speaker 6: thanks for the infantation, with a little kissy emoji, short

927
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 6: compared to her normal and the kissy face was a

928
00:45:04,719 --> 00:45:07,640
Speaker 6: little weird too, but whatever. I mentioned to my husband

929
00:45:07,680 --> 00:45:09,880
Speaker 6: that I invited them, and he asked what their response was,

930
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:12,200
Speaker 6: and when I told him, he was equally worried by

931
00:45:12,239 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 6: the shortness and formal way she spoke to me. That's

932
00:45:15,239 --> 00:45:18,160
Speaker 6: when I casually mentioned that she never sent a card

933
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:20,920
Speaker 6: to our oldest for her birthday and that she mentioned

934
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:22,120
Speaker 6: it that it hurt her.

935
00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:23,560
Speaker 3: He was surprised.

936
00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:25,959
Speaker 6: He said he felt like she was probably salty about

937
00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:29,080
Speaker 6: our oldest not hardly speaking to her at the birthday party,

938
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:32,000
Speaker 6: and that she made a comment about wondering where she was.

939
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:35,000
Speaker 6: Her boyfriend and best friend were there, and I'll admit

940
00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:37,440
Speaker 6: she was up boyfriend's butt and we didn't see much

941
00:45:37,480 --> 00:45:39,799
Speaker 6: of her. I told him as much, but also said

942
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:41,680
Speaker 6: that it was a little immature to have that kind

943
00:45:41,719 --> 00:45:45,759
Speaker 6: of reaction towards her grandchild. He definitely agreed. He just

944
00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:47,840
Speaker 6: kind of doesn't care what she thinks of us anymore.

945
00:45:48,360 --> 00:45:50,320
Speaker 6: We'll do the holiday thing and keep the peace, but

946
00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:53,200
Speaker 6: that's about the extent. He made a comment that he

947
00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:55,840
Speaker 6: thinks she is jealous of our relationship with father in

948
00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:59,960
Speaker 6: law and stepmother in law. We discussed that it is

949
00:46:00,080 --> 00:46:02,720
Speaker 6: isn't our problem, and that father in law makes himself

950
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:05,680
Speaker 6: present in our lives as opposed to having us make

951
00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:09,480
Speaker 6: all the effort. Surprisingly, he reacted much better than I

952
00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:12,880
Speaker 6: anticipated based on the recent comments about leaving her in

953
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:14,560
Speaker 6: the dust over the past couple of years.

954
00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:16,799
Speaker 3: I can tell it still bothers.

955
00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:18,480
Speaker 6: Him that our relationship with her isn't what it used

956
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:21,000
Speaker 6: to be, but he is one hundred percent choosing us.

957
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:24,840
Speaker 6: He's got my back fully when she makes negative comments

958
00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:27,880
Speaker 6: about me, and he sees how she is petty and immature.

959
00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:30,560
Speaker 6: I'll still be the best wife and hostess I can

960
00:46:30,680 --> 00:46:35,279
Speaker 6: beyond Thanksgiving with my Southern hospitality and a smile. Our

961
00:46:35,400 --> 00:46:38,080
Speaker 6: kids will be the awesome kids they are and show

962
00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:40,840
Speaker 6: her just what she's missing out on. I'm not expecting

963
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:43,560
Speaker 6: any changes because frankly, she's been distant for the past

964
00:46:43,640 --> 00:46:47,800
Speaker 6: couple of years. It's only been since the sixteenth birthday

965
00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:50,880
Speaker 6: that she's been petty and been making little comments.

966
00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:54,400
Speaker 5: Like I said, she never forgets he wasn't invited to

967
00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:55,280
Speaker 5: the Sweet sixteen.

968
00:46:55,719 --> 00:46:57,920
Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, and you know, it.

969
00:46:58,160 --> 00:47:01,959
Speaker 6: Seems like there's a lot of layers going on her potentially, especially.

970
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:03,759
Speaker 5: With the father in law.

971
00:47:04,600 --> 00:47:07,840
Speaker 6: Yes, salty about father in law, salty about you know,

972
00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:09,360
Speaker 6: not getting invited.

973
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:13,560
Speaker 3: Maybe you know, Ah, she's had a history of favoritism

974
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:14,040
Speaker 3: in the past.

975
00:47:14,360 --> 00:47:14,560
Speaker 5: Yeah.

976
00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:17,279
Speaker 6: Someone sent me a direct message about talking to my

977
00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:20,560
Speaker 6: oldest about standing up for herself to mother in law Thanksgiving.

978
00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:22,880
Speaker 6: I haven't had a conversation with her about it yet,

979
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:25,239
Speaker 6: but I plan too. I doubt she'll bring it up

980
00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:27,800
Speaker 6: at Thanksgiving because she doesn't like drama and is a

981
00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:29,719
Speaker 6: people pleaser, But I still want to give her that

982
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:32,400
Speaker 6: empowerment and let her know that she can stand up

983
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:35,600
Speaker 6: for herself even to an adult. Wrong is wrong, and

984
00:47:35,719 --> 00:47:38,080
Speaker 6: respect your elders is only valid if the elder is

985
00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:41,359
Speaker 6: being mature and respect you as well. I also want

986
00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:43,480
Speaker 6: to prep her in case mother in law makes underhanded

987
00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:45,760
Speaker 6: comments about it, which she has done a lot of lately,

988
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:48,880
Speaker 6: so that she has a retort for whatever may be

989
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:50,359
Speaker 6: said and isn't put on the spot.

990
00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:52,759
Speaker 3: I hate this for my child, but she's not a

991
00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:53,720
Speaker 3: little girl anymore.

992
00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:56,880
Speaker 6: As parents, it's our job to teach our kids how

993
00:47:56,920 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 6: to handle conflict, drama, immature people, and to help them

994
00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:02,000
Speaker 6: grow a backbone for themselves.

995
00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:05,240
Speaker 3: You have a little bit more story left here. Yeah, honestly,

996
00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:06,279
Speaker 3: I think it's uh.

997
00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:09,280
Speaker 5: Good on, Good on your entire family, Good on uop

998
00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:13,200
Speaker 5: that your one your husband acknowledges everything and he's choosing

999
00:48:13,239 --> 00:48:15,799
Speaker 5: your family first and he's like, yeah, if that makes sense,

1000
00:48:15,920 --> 00:48:18,160
Speaker 5: Like this this is how it's going to be. It sucks,

1001
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:21,399
Speaker 5: but yeah, it's reality things. And I think you should

1002
00:48:21,400 --> 00:48:24,359
Speaker 5: have a conversation with your daughter, and you know, good

1003
00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:27,240
Speaker 5: on you for being like, hey, as parents, we should

1004
00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:30,359
Speaker 5: be doing this and you know, showing that they're gonna

1005
00:48:30,360 --> 00:48:32,480
Speaker 5: be adults soon and they should stand up for themselves.

1006
00:48:32,800 --> 00:48:33,759
Speaker 5: So good on that.

1007
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:37,120
Speaker 6: Yeah, I think it's a valuable time to teach them

1008
00:48:37,160 --> 00:48:39,320
Speaker 6: the skill of, like, you know, how to disagree or

1009
00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:40,400
Speaker 6: argue without.

1010
00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:41,840
Speaker 3: Being like mean and rude.

1011
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:44,879
Speaker 6: Like I feel like, yeah, like have like that's that's

1012
00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:46,640
Speaker 6: kind of lost upon a lot of people now that

1013
00:48:46,719 --> 00:48:49,320
Speaker 6: you can have an argument and it doesn't have to

1014
00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:53,439
Speaker 6: be like a category five like blow up shouting match.

1015
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:55,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, like okay, hey, I disagree with you and like

1016
00:48:56,040 --> 00:48:58,799
Speaker 5: I'm gonna call you out on your bs and that's

1017
00:48:58,920 --> 00:49:01,520
Speaker 5: that and if you don't like it, sucks to suck.

1018
00:49:01,680 --> 00:49:03,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think a lot of I think a lot

1019
00:49:03,760 --> 00:49:06,200
Speaker 3: of good moves were made here. Let's finish this story.

1020
00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:09,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's hard to not want to be Mama bear

1021
00:49:09,160 --> 00:49:11,960
Speaker 6: and take everything on ourselves for our kids, but that

1022
00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:14,600
Speaker 6: doesn't do them any good for their future. I doubt

1023
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:17,840
Speaker 6: I'll be updating again unless something happens at Thanksgiving. Thanks

1024
00:49:17,880 --> 00:49:19,920
Speaker 6: for all the comments and adding a little fuel to

1025
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:22,520
Speaker 6: the fire that was already a little spark but easy

1026
00:49:22,560 --> 00:49:23,600
Speaker 6: for me to just gloss over.

1027
00:49:23,920 --> 00:49:25,880
Speaker 3: And the encouragement to talk to my husband.

1028
00:49:26,200 --> 00:49:29,200
Speaker 6: He's amazing and had the best response, and I love

1029
00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:31,840
Speaker 6: him even more for having our back instead of siding

1030
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:34,320
Speaker 6: with his mom and her guilt trip. I guess my

1031
00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:37,360
Speaker 6: daughter gets her people pleasing for me because I was

1032
00:49:37,520 --> 00:49:39,640
Speaker 6: nervous to rock the boat and draw that line in

1033
00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:41,919
Speaker 6: the sand with him and point out that his mom

1034
00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:44,320
Speaker 6: was out of line. I don't want to be the

1035
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:46,759
Speaker 6: reason he distances himself from his mom. But you all

1036
00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:50,640
Speaker 6: repeatedly pointed out that her actions were unacceptable and it

1037
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:52,120
Speaker 6: justified my anger more.

1038
00:49:52,760 --> 00:49:54,640
Speaker 3: And that is the end of that story.

1039
00:49:54,760 --> 00:49:58,000
Speaker 6: Yeah, there you go, Hey's John Og host were gonna

1040
00:49:58,000 --> 00:49:59,520
Speaker 6: get back to the stories, but a quick free minute

1041
00:49:59,560 --> 00:50:00,120
Speaker 6: break about.

1042
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:00,680
Speaker 3: From our sponsors.

1043
00:50:01,239 --> 00:50:03,120
Speaker 5: My mother in law demayed it me first in my

1044
00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:04,120
Speaker 5: partner's life.

1045
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:06,560
Speaker 3: My mommy, mommy, mommy, my, mommy.

1046
00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:10,440
Speaker 5: Oh gosh, And there is a trigger warning mentions of

1047
00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:15,280
Speaker 5: e so keep that in mind. Oh oh, no information

1048
00:50:15,400 --> 00:50:18,600
Speaker 5: for context. We got engaged in twenty twenty three. It's

1049
00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:22,280
Speaker 5: not public information. We kept this private. Unlike other information

1050
00:50:22,560 --> 00:50:26,319
Speaker 5: like announcing pregnancies and birds on social media. Only very

1051
00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:28,719
Speaker 5: few people know. One of set view is my mother

1052
00:50:28,840 --> 00:50:32,879
Speaker 5: in law. But in this case monster in law. Oh

1053
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:35,520
Speaker 5: oh good thing. It's spooky season.

1054
00:50:35,680 --> 00:50:36,560
Speaker 3: Spooky monster.

1055
00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:39,640
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from user puzzled score eighty

1056
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:41,000
Speaker 5: four to ten. And if you want to submit your

1057
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:43,800
Speaker 5: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime Supreddit.

1058
00:50:44,200 --> 00:50:48,200
Speaker 5: I'm Keon, I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good advice.

1059
00:50:48,280 --> 00:50:50,920
Speaker 5: Goofly but we don't have all the answers. Nope, we

1060
00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:53,080
Speaker 5: only know what we do. So let us know in

1061
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:54,600
Speaker 5: the comments what you would do.

1062
00:50:54,840 --> 00:50:55,040
Speaker 3: Yep.

1063
00:50:55,960 --> 00:50:59,720
Speaker 5: So ope, he says. Now, you might think I'm harsh

1064
00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:03,600
Speaker 5: calling her that, but to me, she is a monster.

1065
00:51:04,080 --> 00:51:07,600
Speaker 5: To my children, she is a monster, or at least

1066
00:51:07,640 --> 00:51:10,680
Speaker 5: to one of them. Background I have a few children.

1067
00:51:11,360 --> 00:51:14,879
Speaker 5: One isn't my partners the child that isn't his. What's

1068
00:51:14,960 --> 00:51:18,920
Speaker 5: threatened by the monster in law? Oh wow, she threatened

1069
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:21,880
Speaker 5: to Oh my gosh, said child in front of me.

1070
00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:22,520
Speaker 5: Don't do that.

1071
00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:26,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, Hey, you're done, You're out. You're routy five douty,

1072
00:51:26,920 --> 00:51:27,319
Speaker 3: You're done.

1073
00:51:27,440 --> 00:51:30,439
Speaker 5: Long story short. I put my foot down and immediately

1074
00:51:30,520 --> 00:51:31,160
Speaker 5: cut ties.

1075
00:51:31,239 --> 00:51:31,439
Speaker 2: Good.

1076
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:34,560
Speaker 5: I will not have her threaten any of my children.

1077
00:51:35,680 --> 00:51:37,520
Speaker 5: Why do I view her as a monster, I mean,

1078
00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:40,280
Speaker 5: after that, I would too. She has spent the entirety

1079
00:51:40,320 --> 00:51:44,160
Speaker 5: of my relationship with her son demanding she comes first

1080
00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:47,719
Speaker 5: when he isn't around. She's disrespected me and my boundaries

1081
00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:51,160
Speaker 5: in harmful ways. She forced me to go on diets

1082
00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:53,720
Speaker 5: despite my past food to be trauma, and would accept

1083
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:57,080
Speaker 5: no even when I was pregnant and dieting wasn't safe.

1084
00:51:57,200 --> 00:51:59,520
Speaker 5: She's insisted on having a seat in my car, even

1085
00:51:59,560 --> 00:52:02,600
Speaker 5: when my own family barely fit. She's used my whole

1086
00:52:02,640 --> 00:52:05,840
Speaker 5: weekly food budget on food for her forty eight hour stay,

1087
00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:08,600
Speaker 5: knowing we are in a very tight budget, and refuse

1088
00:52:08,640 --> 00:52:11,400
Speaker 5: to pay anything towards it or share with my children.

1089
00:52:11,719 --> 00:52:14,719
Speaker 5: Though until she threatened my child, I endured all of

1090
00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:18,000
Speaker 5: this and more. I even fought for her and my

1091
00:52:18,120 --> 00:52:20,440
Speaker 5: partner to have a relationship when he suffered with his

1092
00:52:20,560 --> 00:52:23,520
Speaker 5: mental health and stopped talking to everyone. We've now had

1093
00:52:23,560 --> 00:52:26,040
Speaker 5: almost a year of absolute bliss and peace from this

1094
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:30,000
Speaker 5: monstrous being, though now we're talking wedding, and truth is

1095
00:52:30,560 --> 00:52:33,520
Speaker 5: I don't want her there. She completely ruins my mental

1096
00:52:33,560 --> 00:52:36,200
Speaker 5: well being and ruins any shred of peace I have.

1097
00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:39,040
Speaker 5: I told my partner he could have a relationship with her,

1098
00:52:39,520 --> 00:52:43,120
Speaker 5: but she's not welcome in mine or my children's safe space.

1099
00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:46,000
Speaker 5: I a still told him she needs to apologize and

1100
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:50,520
Speaker 5: start taking accountability for her own actions, which still hasn't happened.

1101
00:52:51,640 --> 00:52:54,480
Speaker 5: She refuses to admit she did wrong. She's tried painting

1102
00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:57,600
Speaker 5: herself as a hero, saying that my child was hurting

1103
00:52:57,640 --> 00:53:00,600
Speaker 5: a sibling who wasn't even in the room. Would I

1104
00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:03,319
Speaker 5: be a Bridezilla. If I didn't invite her, I don't

1105
00:53:03,360 --> 00:53:06,400
Speaker 5: see why I should let someone who so negatively impacted

1106
00:53:06,520 --> 00:53:10,440
Speaker 5: me have access to such a monumental moment. By refusing

1107
00:53:10,480 --> 00:53:12,759
Speaker 5: her access to me and my children this whole time,

1108
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:15,359
Speaker 5: I put myself in a better place mentally, and I've

1109
00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:17,080
Speaker 5: also safeguarded my children.

1110
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:21,279
Speaker 6: Should she be invited, No, No, she threatened to like

1111
00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:24,080
Speaker 6: physically reprimand your kids.

1112
00:53:24,360 --> 00:53:27,360
Speaker 3: This isn't the fifties. We know that that's not really,

1113
00:53:28,080 --> 00:53:29,280
Speaker 3: that's not how that works.

1114
00:53:30,080 --> 00:53:34,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, I yeah, I again the rule. I say, your wedding,

1115
00:53:34,719 --> 00:53:38,200
Speaker 5: your rules. I mean, yes, talk to your partner, like

1116
00:53:38,920 --> 00:53:41,880
Speaker 5: if it's if this, it's to this case and point

1117
00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:44,520
Speaker 5: you're like, I don't want her there that you know,

1118
00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:46,320
Speaker 5: you can have your relationship with her, but I do

1119
00:53:46,440 --> 00:53:47,439
Speaker 5: not want her at my wedding.

1120
00:53:47,680 --> 00:53:47,799
Speaker 6: Who.

1121
00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:49,240
Speaker 3: She's awful.

1122
00:53:49,719 --> 00:53:51,840
Speaker 6: She doesn't respect her she does respect our boundaries, she

1123
00:53:51,840 --> 00:53:54,279
Speaker 6: doesn't respect our finances, she doesn't respect our children, she

1124
00:53:54,320 --> 00:53:57,399
Speaker 6: doesn't respect me, doesn't really respect you because she wants

1125
00:53:57,400 --> 00:53:58,720
Speaker 6: you to be her little baby.

1126
00:53:59,040 --> 00:54:02,600
Speaker 5: Yep, enough of her, enough of this monster in law.

1127
00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:05,320
Speaker 5: I'm not even sure if I should invite certain relatives

1128
00:54:05,440 --> 00:54:07,799
Speaker 5: of my own due to situations they put me through.

1129
00:54:08,360 --> 00:54:10,400
Speaker 5: It's not like I'd be singling her out by not

1130
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:14,160
Speaker 5: inviting her. My other half has mentioned her more recently

1131
00:54:14,280 --> 00:54:17,400
Speaker 5: as birthdays are approaching and apparently she should see them.

1132
00:54:17,960 --> 00:54:22,560
Speaker 5: I disagree along her access even for birthdays still means

1133
00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:26,560
Speaker 5: she's potentially ruining my mental health and well being of

1134
00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:30,480
Speaker 5: me and threatening my child. I cannot mentally cope with

1135
00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:33,399
Speaker 5: this woman on an ordinary day and really don't want

1136
00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:36,000
Speaker 5: to have to endure from her on what's a special

1137
00:54:36,080 --> 00:54:38,880
Speaker 5: day for me or my children by any means. And

1138
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:42,520
Speaker 5: we do have an update. I mean, we've said it this,

1139
00:54:42,760 --> 00:54:49,239
Speaker 5: This woman really causes you some mental frustration turmoil. Just

1140
00:54:49,600 --> 00:54:51,840
Speaker 5: I feel like just even bringing up her name is

1141
00:54:51,960 --> 00:54:54,960
Speaker 5: just like nope, well it's like Voldemort. I don't say it.

1142
00:54:55,040 --> 00:54:57,000
Speaker 6: I very much am on the on the team that

1143
00:54:57,239 --> 00:55:01,879
Speaker 6: like you should try not to let people's just existence

1144
00:55:02,719 --> 00:55:07,759
Speaker 6: like I mean like like make yours, you know, more

1145
00:55:07,920 --> 00:55:11,040
Speaker 6: miserable if like if they're around you, because in my head,

1146
00:55:11,120 --> 00:55:13,240
Speaker 6: like that's they're kind of winning in that situation.

1147
00:55:13,719 --> 00:55:14,839
Speaker 3: Yeah, not to make it like a win.

1148
00:55:14,840 --> 00:55:16,839
Speaker 5: Loss, it's there in your head kind of thing.

1149
00:55:16,920 --> 00:55:18,920
Speaker 6: Yeah, And there are certain situations where it's like of

1150
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:22,440
Speaker 6: course that's like very like understandable and like let's just

1151
00:55:22,600 --> 00:55:25,200
Speaker 6: avoid them. But this almost feels like a situation where

1152
00:55:25,239 --> 00:55:27,440
Speaker 6: it's like you can just kind of turn your mother

1153
00:55:27,480 --> 00:55:30,239
Speaker 6: in law into just like a silly baby, and she

1154
00:55:30,480 --> 00:55:33,160
Speaker 6: when she is around whenever that may be because she

1155
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:35,719
Speaker 6: still is like the mom, and she'll still probably be

1156
00:55:35,800 --> 00:55:39,279
Speaker 6: around during family events and it'll probably be more you know,

1157
00:55:39,640 --> 00:55:41,919
Speaker 6: I mean, of course, yeah, I want to know, don't

1158
00:55:42,280 --> 00:55:43,239
Speaker 6: don't let her near the kids.

1159
00:55:43,360 --> 00:55:45,520
Speaker 5: I want to know what your husband thinks with all

1160
00:55:45,600 --> 00:55:47,600
Speaker 5: of this going on, like I I mean, we haven't

1161
00:55:47,640 --> 00:55:50,239
Speaker 5: really heard what he said with like you know, trying

1162
00:55:50,239 --> 00:55:53,040
Speaker 5: to be physical with your your kid to you know,

1163
00:55:53,360 --> 00:55:54,959
Speaker 5: her demanding those things all year.

1164
00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:57,680
Speaker 6: It sounds like that with that, the getting physical with

1165
00:55:57,719 --> 00:55:59,600
Speaker 6: the kid was more of like a she was trying

1166
00:55:59,600 --> 00:56:00,480
Speaker 6: to say, like well the.

1167
00:56:02,280 --> 00:56:04,480
Speaker 3: Brother some you know whatever, but it's like.

1168
00:56:04,640 --> 00:56:09,279
Speaker 5: That's not your place. Yeah, yeah, don't do that. So

1169
00:56:10,360 --> 00:56:12,279
Speaker 5: we got a chance to have a discussion in peace,

1170
00:56:12,480 --> 00:56:15,600
Speaker 5: and I was absolutely dreading it. Though he now fully

1171
00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:17,800
Speaker 5: sees what I mean in regards to the whole situation,

1172
00:56:18,840 --> 00:56:20,959
Speaker 5: he isn't sure what he wants to do in terms

1173
00:56:21,000 --> 00:56:24,480
Speaker 5: of inviting her to our wedding. I told him we've

1174
00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:26,799
Speaker 5: had almost a year of peace, and despite other non

1175
00:56:26,880 --> 00:56:30,000
Speaker 5: related issues which had been very stressful, I'm in a

1176
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:33,160
Speaker 5: better place mentally, and the thought of her being anywhere

1177
00:56:33,239 --> 00:56:36,640
Speaker 5: near me makes me really, really anxious. We had spoke

1178
00:56:36,680 --> 00:56:39,160
Speaker 5: for a while, though. He said it's just a birthday,

1179
00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:42,040
Speaker 5: and then tried saying even just for an hour, then

1180
00:56:42,200 --> 00:56:45,360
Speaker 5: proceeded to tell me it be in our home. I

1181
00:56:45,520 --> 00:56:48,120
Speaker 5: told him no. I said to him, if our eldest

1182
00:56:48,160 --> 00:56:50,920
Speaker 5: shared child was in mine and my mom did what

1183
00:56:51,320 --> 00:56:53,520
Speaker 5: his dad did to that child, what would he do?

1184
00:56:54,840 --> 00:56:58,200
Speaker 5: He said, he cut ties completely, and he fully sees

1185
00:56:58,280 --> 00:56:58,799
Speaker 5: what I mean.

1186
00:56:59,400 --> 00:56:59,640
Speaker 3: Good.

1187
00:57:00,320 --> 00:57:03,560
Speaker 5: He then tried saying, but due to recently losing a parent,

1188
00:57:03,760 --> 00:57:07,520
Speaker 5: his grandparent, he thinks his mom needs it. He feels guilty,

1189
00:57:08,040 --> 00:57:11,480
Speaker 5: to which I told him no, it's not our job

1190
00:57:11,560 --> 00:57:14,600
Speaker 5: to feel guilty. We have done nothing wrong by protecting

1191
00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:17,360
Speaker 5: our children, and it's unfair to put that stress not

1192
00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:20,080
Speaker 5: only on me, but also my eldest, who spent a

1193
00:57:20,160 --> 00:57:23,400
Speaker 5: good few months following crying about the fact that nanny

1194
00:57:23,760 --> 00:57:27,000
Speaker 5: said she hurt them. I'm not removing much child from

1195
00:57:27,040 --> 00:57:31,680
Speaker 5: their home to satisfy his mother, regardless of other circumstances better. Yet,

1196
00:57:31,840 --> 00:57:34,080
Speaker 5: I don't know why he felt guilty because whilst his

1197
00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:37,760
Speaker 5: grandparents was extremely unwell running up to their passing, his

1198
00:57:37,920 --> 00:57:42,880
Speaker 5: mother didn't even bother to check on them. Hmm, no

1199
00:57:43,080 --> 00:57:47,000
Speaker 5: phone call or anything, nada. She made her choice and

1200
00:57:47,120 --> 00:57:50,000
Speaker 5: abandoned her parent in need, and now that's a choice

1201
00:57:50,200 --> 00:57:53,000
Speaker 5: she has to live with. That doesn't mean we should

1202
00:57:53,000 --> 00:57:56,480
Speaker 5: open the door to enable her. He actually said to

1203
00:57:56,520 --> 00:57:59,360
Speaker 5: me yesterday, with very teary eyes that despite the fact

1204
00:57:59,400 --> 00:58:02,080
Speaker 5: I never told them to choose, and he respects the

1205
00:58:02,120 --> 00:58:04,280
Speaker 5: way I handled it. I told him he could still

1206
00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:07,400
Speaker 5: see her and have a relationship with her, but she's

1207
00:58:07,520 --> 00:58:11,200
Speaker 5: not to be near me and my home or your children.

1208
00:58:11,280 --> 00:58:14,160
Speaker 5: In that fact, kind of he chose me, and he

1209
00:58:14,320 --> 00:58:18,080
Speaker 5: choose me all over again. Now whilst I'm sitting here

1210
00:58:18,160 --> 00:58:20,920
Speaker 5: typing this update, I feel teary just thinking about it.

1211
00:58:21,440 --> 00:58:24,200
Speaker 5: I truly think I did find the venue. We both

1212
00:58:24,280 --> 00:58:27,720
Speaker 5: love it. We've even looked into all the different cost options,

1213
00:58:28,040 --> 00:58:30,880
Speaker 5: though right now I'm not going to rush into booking.

1214
00:58:30,680 --> 00:58:31,360
Speaker 3: It just yet.

1215
00:58:31,840 --> 00:58:33,640
Speaker 5: The first of the kids birthdays is in a matter

1216
00:58:33,720 --> 00:58:35,800
Speaker 5: of weeks, and so at this point I'm waiting it

1217
00:58:35,880 --> 00:58:38,680
Speaker 5: out to see if things suddenly change. I've got most

1218
00:58:38,680 --> 00:58:40,600
Speaker 5: of the money to pay it all upfront, but I'll

1219
00:58:40,600 --> 00:58:43,120
Speaker 5: have the rest in a couple of months. So should

1220
00:58:43,160 --> 00:58:45,360
Speaker 5: he say anything about it, then that should be my

1221
00:58:45,480 --> 00:58:49,240
Speaker 5: reason as to why I'm not booked it yet. Realistically, though,

1222
00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:51,640
Speaker 5: my mental health and well being and that of my

1223
00:58:51,800 --> 00:58:54,240
Speaker 5: children and their safety is not something I'll ever be

1224
00:58:54,320 --> 00:58:57,000
Speaker 5: willing to compromise. I did tell him how I looked

1225
00:58:57,000 --> 00:58:59,400
Speaker 5: into what evidence was needed for a restraining order at

1226
00:58:59,440 --> 00:59:02,920
Speaker 5: the time, which he seemed rather shocked about. Also, I

1227
00:59:03,080 --> 00:59:06,480
Speaker 5: told him that even if she apologizes and starts taking accountability,

1228
00:59:07,080 --> 00:59:09,440
Speaker 5: I still will never trust her to be alone with

1229
00:59:09,520 --> 00:59:11,800
Speaker 5: any of my children, and I really won't hesitate to

1230
00:59:11,840 --> 00:59:14,439
Speaker 5: report her and get a restraining order should I feel

1231
00:59:14,560 --> 00:59:17,160
Speaker 5: it's ever needed and we have a second update.

1232
00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:19,240
Speaker 6: Well, I mean, good luck in there's training order just

1233
00:59:19,440 --> 00:59:22,280
Speaker 6: for fun. It's that takes a lot to get one

1234
00:59:22,320 --> 00:59:22,600
Speaker 6: of those.

1235
00:59:22,680 --> 00:59:25,400
Speaker 5: From my understanding, Yeah, I think it depends the country,

1236
00:59:25,440 --> 00:59:27,480
Speaker 5: but again, it just it's always a process. Yeah, But

1237
00:59:27,760 --> 00:59:32,800
Speaker 5: I good that your your your you know, future husband,

1238
00:59:33,080 --> 00:59:36,080
Speaker 5: you know your partner. He's like, okay, I you know,

1239
00:59:36,160 --> 00:59:38,840
Speaker 5: what if that happened with me and your dad?

1240
00:59:38,920 --> 00:59:39,160
Speaker 3: Did that?

1241
00:59:39,520 --> 00:59:42,720
Speaker 5: I would totally understand. I would cut tis immediately.

1242
00:59:42,640 --> 00:59:45,880
Speaker 6: Supportive husband, and we have lots more evidence that you know,

1243
00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:49,640
Speaker 6: mother in law is just kind of like a self absorbed,

1244
00:59:50,440 --> 00:59:51,760
Speaker 6: self centered kind of person.

1245
00:59:51,920 --> 00:59:54,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, and also good on you, OPI. I feel again

1246
00:59:55,080 --> 00:59:57,880
Speaker 5: you've said it very clearly that the thought of her,

1247
00:59:58,200 --> 01:00:01,520
Speaker 5: even if in your vicinity, breathing your you don't want it.

1248
01:00:01,600 --> 01:00:02,200
Speaker 2: It's toxic.

1249
01:00:02,360 --> 01:00:05,280
Speaker 5: Yep, she is not to be near you, and that's

1250
01:00:05,640 --> 01:00:06,400
Speaker 5: that's your boundary.

1251
01:00:06,520 --> 01:00:07,360
Speaker 3: Yep, that's your call.

1252
01:00:08,080 --> 01:00:11,400
Speaker 5: But we have a second update, so truth be told.

1253
01:00:11,800 --> 01:00:14,959
Speaker 5: I wasn't expecting to be doing another update, but here

1254
01:00:15,480 --> 01:00:18,479
Speaker 5: we are. Last week I met up with my sister

1255
01:00:18,560 --> 01:00:21,240
Speaker 5: in law. Sister in law though could be a troublemaker

1256
01:00:21,360 --> 01:00:24,800
Speaker 5: in law because she's done that before. She was running

1257
01:00:24,880 --> 01:00:27,600
Speaker 5: late and we weren't far from previously to cease person's

1258
01:00:27,680 --> 01:00:30,439
Speaker 5: resting place. So I grabbed flowers and went to visit.

1259
01:00:30,720 --> 01:00:34,160
Speaker 5: Whilst I'm there minding my own the monster in law

1260
01:00:34,400 --> 01:00:40,560
Speaker 5: shows up. Oh, no public place, not much I can do. Thankfully,

1261
01:00:40,880 --> 01:00:43,760
Speaker 5: I didn't have my oldest with me, just my partners too.

1262
01:00:44,280 --> 01:00:46,520
Speaker 5: I grabbed the older one out of the pear, putting

1263
01:00:46,600 --> 01:00:50,200
Speaker 5: reins back on as she appears. She tries talking to

1264
01:00:50,280 --> 01:00:53,560
Speaker 5: my child. The little one's screaming trying to get away

1265
01:00:53,560 --> 01:00:57,120
Speaker 5: from her whilst I'm doing the rains. She then decides

1266
01:00:57,160 --> 01:00:59,640
Speaker 5: to talk to my youngest in the prim comments on

1267
01:00:59,760 --> 01:01:03,840
Speaker 5: how big baby is. She then grabs my arm op

1268
01:01:04,600 --> 01:01:07,680
Speaker 5: I'm really sorry for whatever I said. I hope you

1269
01:01:07,680 --> 01:01:11,040
Speaker 5: can put it in the past and move on. I'm

1270
01:01:11,080 --> 01:01:13,280
Speaker 5: not going to pun off in front of my kids

1271
01:01:13,520 --> 01:01:17,840
Speaker 5: with them clearly distressed, so I just said, okay, this

1272
01:01:18,000 --> 01:01:21,520
Speaker 5: woman gives me severe anxiety. I go to leave and

1273
01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:24,040
Speaker 5: see my sister in law, who then starts talking to her,

1274
01:01:24,720 --> 01:01:28,480
Speaker 5: making herself comfortable on a bench. She knew what happened

1275
01:01:28,480 --> 01:01:32,440
Speaker 5: between us initially, but intentionally sits there. Then proceeds to

1276
01:01:32,520 --> 01:01:36,800
Speaker 5: tell me to not make it awkward. Okay, I pointed

1277
01:01:36,800 --> 01:01:38,600
Speaker 5: out the fact we were meant to be meeting for

1278
01:01:38,680 --> 01:01:41,560
Speaker 5: a meal and I'm now out of snacks, kids are

1279
01:01:41,600 --> 01:01:42,120
Speaker 5: getting hungry.

1280
01:01:42,760 --> 01:01:43,480
Speaker 3: I need to go.

1281
01:01:44,080 --> 01:01:46,760
Speaker 5: Sister and law carries on dawdling, so I just start

1282
01:01:46,840 --> 01:01:47,120
Speaker 5: to leave.

1283
01:01:47,160 --> 01:01:47,520
Speaker 3: Anyway.

1284
01:01:48,040 --> 01:01:50,400
Speaker 5: She catches me up to ask why I was making

1285
01:01:50,440 --> 01:01:54,360
Speaker 5: it awkward. I made it very clear how the monster

1286
01:01:54,480 --> 01:01:57,040
Speaker 5: in law makes me feel and how anxious I felt

1287
01:01:57,400 --> 01:01:59,360
Speaker 5: and that I need to get away from my own peace.

1288
01:02:00,000 --> 01:02:02,560
Speaker 5: Get in the place we are eating, ordering the kid's food.

1289
01:02:02,920 --> 01:02:05,320
Speaker 5: I sit there sipping a drink. I was hungry, but

1290
01:02:05,400 --> 01:02:08,280
Speaker 5: the anxiety this woman causes me makes me feel so

1291
01:02:08,680 --> 01:02:11,600
Speaker 5: ill that I cannot eat. Sister law brings it up,

1292
01:02:11,640 --> 01:02:14,360
Speaker 5: how it wasn't that bad and tells me that she

1293
01:02:14,520 --> 01:02:18,080
Speaker 5: should see my kids. I ignore this. Our partners met

1294
01:02:18,160 --> 01:02:20,640
Speaker 5: us when they finished work. I explained the interaction to

1295
01:02:20,720 --> 01:02:23,400
Speaker 5: my partner and how uncomfortable I was and sister in

1296
01:02:23,480 --> 01:02:25,800
Speaker 5: law's reaction to it. We spoke about it when we

1297
01:02:25,880 --> 01:02:29,200
Speaker 5: were home. I explained how it made me feel. Following day,

1298
01:02:29,280 --> 01:02:32,800
Speaker 5: the mother in law invited herself over. Oh no, monster

1299
01:02:32,920 --> 01:02:35,680
Speaker 5: in law is coming over. My other half told her

1300
01:02:35,760 --> 01:02:39,400
Speaker 5: I wasn't well, so she can't come, though I was

1301
01:02:39,480 --> 01:02:42,640
Speaker 5: actually asked. Told him I don't feel like entertaining anyone,

1302
01:02:42,720 --> 01:02:44,720
Speaker 5: and I'm not ready to have her near me. Her

1303
01:02:44,760 --> 01:02:48,160
Speaker 5: apology wasn't a genuine apology, and she's still not taking

1304
01:02:48,200 --> 01:02:50,080
Speaker 5: accountability for what she did.

1305
01:02:50,360 --> 01:02:51,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's she.

1306
01:02:51,760 --> 01:02:53,840
Speaker 3: Got you with the I'm sorry for whatever I said.

1307
01:02:53,880 --> 01:02:58,680
Speaker 5: It's like, no, could we just be past this? Okay? Cool,

1308
01:02:58,880 --> 01:03:01,080
Speaker 5: so we're good, you said, and now I'm gonna talk

1309
01:03:01,080 --> 01:03:01,840
Speaker 5: to your kids.

1310
01:03:01,680 --> 01:03:05,640
Speaker 3: Apologize for the thing at all. You just fel like,

1311
01:03:05,680 --> 01:03:06,800
Speaker 3: I'm sorry you're feeling bad.

1312
01:03:06,880 --> 01:03:11,960
Speaker 5: Let's forget about it now she's inviting herself over. So

1313
01:03:12,240 --> 01:03:15,640
Speaker 5: a few days past, leading us to today, he gets

1314
01:03:15,680 --> 01:03:19,680
Speaker 5: home from work and she calls. He answers. She tries

1315
01:03:19,720 --> 01:03:24,040
Speaker 5: inviting herself around and proceeds to say, well, I did apologize.

1316
01:03:25,160 --> 01:03:27,600
Speaker 5: He tells her he isn't getting involved. After she keeps

1317
01:03:27,680 --> 01:03:30,760
Speaker 5: pressing him to speak to me about it. It doesn't

1318
01:03:31,000 --> 01:03:34,400
Speaker 5: end there. She starts trying to manipulate him and play

1319
01:03:34,800 --> 01:03:39,920
Speaker 5: the victim card. Lovely. Apparently everyone feels bad for her

1320
01:03:40,120 --> 01:03:43,040
Speaker 5: because of what I'm doing to her, and I'm not fair.

1321
01:03:43,640 --> 01:03:46,200
Speaker 5: I just walked out of the room, went upstairs and

1322
01:03:46,320 --> 01:03:49,600
Speaker 5: got in bed. I told him I'm not having heard

1323
01:03:49,720 --> 01:03:53,240
Speaker 5: near me. I will not compromise my mental health or

1324
01:03:53,360 --> 01:03:56,240
Speaker 5: that of my child's for someone who cannot take accountability

1325
01:03:56,600 --> 01:04:01,240
Speaker 5: and actually apologize correctly. I said a long message, telling

1326
01:04:01,320 --> 01:04:04,840
Speaker 5: him if his mother continues, I will leave him regardless

1327
01:04:04,840 --> 01:04:07,600
Speaker 5: of what happens, because I'd rather be at peace than

1328
01:04:07,680 --> 01:04:10,160
Speaker 5: deal with the way she is towards me and the

1329
01:04:10,240 --> 01:04:13,600
Speaker 5: way she makes me feel anything else before we finish this. Really,

1330
01:04:14,000 --> 01:04:18,800
Speaker 5: I again, OPI I feel like therapy. But it's just

1331
01:04:18,920 --> 01:04:22,360
Speaker 5: even even I feel like her bringing up her name

1332
01:04:23,120 --> 01:04:28,439
Speaker 5: just cause you causes you anxiety and turmoil. I yeah,

1333
01:04:28,480 --> 01:04:31,560
Speaker 5: I know we said it earlier, like just it'll take

1334
01:04:31,640 --> 01:04:34,160
Speaker 5: baby steps to gradually get you know, push her away

1335
01:04:34,200 --> 01:04:36,800
Speaker 5: and just like suppress her from your mind. But if

1336
01:04:36,840 --> 01:04:39,080
Speaker 5: it does keep bringing coming up, I don't think you

1337
01:04:39,120 --> 01:04:41,560
Speaker 5: can escape it just by like telling your partner like

1338
01:04:41,720 --> 01:04:45,760
Speaker 5: choose me or choose her, so like she's gotta be around,

1339
01:04:45,800 --> 01:04:48,080
Speaker 5: even when you say, hey, you can have a relationship

1340
01:04:48,280 --> 01:04:50,960
Speaker 5: with your with your mom, I don't want to have it.

1341
01:04:51,160 --> 01:04:53,200
Speaker 5: But it's not like he's like, I can't bring her up.

1342
01:04:53,240 --> 01:04:55,560
Speaker 6: I really think it'd be better to just have more

1343
01:04:55,640 --> 01:04:59,000
Speaker 6: coping skills instead of just like with well it's divorce

1344
01:04:59,280 --> 01:05:01,520
Speaker 6: or completely cut off your mom.

1345
01:05:02,320 --> 01:05:06,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, but let's finish the story. He said he's rather

1346
01:05:06,320 --> 01:05:09,120
Speaker 5: shocked by the fact that I've not budged, and I

1347
01:05:09,280 --> 01:05:13,400
Speaker 5: won't budge. I said, mental health isn't worth compromising. I

1348
01:05:13,520 --> 01:05:15,840
Speaker 5: pointed out things to him I've noticed, and how she

1349
01:05:16,040 --> 01:05:18,840
Speaker 5: isn't a healthy person to have around, given the impact

1350
01:05:18,920 --> 01:05:22,120
Speaker 5: she has so badly on me. I've shed some tears.

1351
01:05:22,640 --> 01:05:25,720
Speaker 5: I won't eat. He now feels bad and has apologized

1352
01:05:25,760 --> 01:05:29,040
Speaker 5: for putting me in this situation. Truthfully, she shouldn't have

1353
01:05:29,080 --> 01:05:31,240
Speaker 5: put us in it. He apparently remembers a time his

1354
01:05:31,360 --> 01:05:35,520
Speaker 5: mother wasn't there as a child, apparently potential adultery, which

1355
01:05:35,560 --> 01:05:41,160
Speaker 5: she accused his dad of numerous occasions. Wow, yet apparently

1356
01:05:41,280 --> 01:05:44,280
Speaker 5: his dad was always the absent parent. I genuinely think

1357
01:05:44,320 --> 01:05:47,560
Speaker 5: he needs therapy to undo years of trauma caused by

1358
01:05:47,640 --> 01:05:51,120
Speaker 5: this monster. Pretty sure I do over the anxiety she

1359
01:05:51,200 --> 01:05:52,240
Speaker 5: causes me at this point.

1360
01:05:52,760 --> 01:05:55,240
Speaker 3: Accurate, Yeah, accurate on all fronts.

1361
01:05:55,240 --> 01:05:57,720
Speaker 5: I really think. Yeah. I mean, that's a lot to

1362
01:05:57,800 --> 01:06:01,640
Speaker 5: unpack there. At the very end, I think therapy for

1363
01:06:01,760 --> 01:06:05,800
Speaker 5: both of you. I think a genuine conversation with everyone

1364
01:06:05,880 --> 01:06:08,080
Speaker 5: in the room, with your with your partner, with her

1365
01:06:08,440 --> 01:06:10,560
Speaker 5: and you. But that is the end of that story.