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Speaker 1: The paternity test says my husband is not the father,

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Speaker 1: and he thinks I cheated, But the truth is much worse.

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Speaker 1: I cheated and had a hundred babies. I am a

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Speaker 1: sperm door, a sperm donor. I said what I.

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Speaker 2: Said, an egg donor, an egg donor. I'm shooting kids

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Speaker 2: out there into the ether.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how it happened, and I haven't been

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Speaker 1: able to stop crying all day. I never cheated. I

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Speaker 1: love my husband. We've been together since college and he's

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Speaker 1: the love of my life. He's handsome and kind. And

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Speaker 1: while I've slept with two other people, both were before

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Speaker 1: we got together, there's no other potential father of our daughter.

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Speaker 2: Imagine if she said, though, like I've only slept with

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Speaker 2: two other people while we were married.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and they weren't even as hot as him, So

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Speaker 1: he has nothing to worry about.

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Speaker 2: Exactly, Like it's a prank, bro, it's a prank.

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Speaker 1: It's a prank, a prank. We were married already and

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Speaker 1: actively trying for a baby. I never cheated. I never

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Speaker 1: would cheat, and I don't know why he took that

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Speaker 1: stupid because I would never cheat ever, ever, ever. But

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Speaker 1: it came back negative and now he thinks he's not

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Speaker 1: her dad. Oh God, I don't know how to convince

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Speaker 1: him it was a faulty test. And I'm so scared

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Speaker 1: these past few months. It's like he's become someone completely

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Speaker 1: different from the man I married. He's cold and suspicious,

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Speaker 1: which I mean like rightly. So if you have a

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Speaker 1: paternity test that comes back negative.

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Speaker 2: I mean yeah, if I'm raising somebody else's bitey, I

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Speaker 2: might get you a cold.

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Speaker 1: Souldier Yeah, you know, hey, I'm going to shun you.

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Speaker 1: For a couple of weeks, he kept demanding to see

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Speaker 1: my phone and wouldn't tell me why, and I showed

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Speaker 1: him at first, but eventually he told him I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: anymore unless he explained why. He's been distant with our

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Speaker 1: daughter too. He stays in his office for hours on end,

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Speaker 1: and I don't know what he's doing. I did not cheat,

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Speaker 1: he accused me this morning, saying he had done the

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Speaker 1: test after realizing our daughter's eyes brown wouldn't naturally come

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Speaker 1: from ours, both blue. Oh, he did some some like

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Speaker 1: you know, like the genetics, breeding of the the plants,

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Speaker 1: the peoplants, you know, like recessive genes.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, the capital are little r mapping or something. Who

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Speaker 2: the biology in fourth grade?

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Speaker 1: That's right? Yeah? Yeah, tell us fourth grade? What fourth

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Speaker 1: grade is taking biology? Hold on, you learn a little

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Speaker 1: biology and science?

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Speaker 2: Great?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's just like the little box. The Florida

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Speaker 1: schooling system was nowhere near they was sixth grade. It

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Speaker 1: was sixth grade.

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Speaker 2: All right, class, this is biology. You put a you

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Speaker 2: put a seed in the dirt and it grows. Any questions,

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna drink my beard, don't bother me.

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Speaker 1: Is that how the Florida school that was our that

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Speaker 1: was our education? Yes? Yeah, I went to Catholic school,

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Speaker 1: so maybe it was a little different.

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Speaker 2: God plants a seed in you the end, any questions?

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Speaker 1: No, I think it was the priests actually that planted

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Speaker 1: the seed. The priests planted the season. Oh geez, okay

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Speaker 1: that's what they said. What they say kidding of getting

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Speaker 1: My Catholic experience was great.

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Speaker 2: Sam, is there something you want to tell us? Maybe

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Speaker 2: a confessional.

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Speaker 1: Booth only only to my guy, My, my, my, my,

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Speaker 1: my priest. Boy. You know, my dad did a documentary

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Speaker 1: on PRIs Abes really nominated for Academy Award. I'd watch it.

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Speaker 1: I actually have never watched it. It's like cover to cover.

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Speaker 2: This guy watching his own father's documentary.

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Speaker 1: I know I needn't watch it. I didn't watch it

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Speaker 1: like it was it was up against you know, al

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Speaker 1: Gore's incommunion truth that that was at the Academy Awards,

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Speaker 1: like al Gore beat him to it and they sat

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Speaker 1: next to him. Apparently my dad's documentaries he should have

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Speaker 1: he should have duked it out with old gory. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think it would have gotten gory, let me tell you.

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Speaker 1: And so he wanted me out of the house. I

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Speaker 1: didn't leave, and he locked me out of our bedroom

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Speaker 1: and now I'm in my daughter's room. This is terrifying.

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Speaker 1: What should I do? I don't know how you convince

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Speaker 1: like this is tough? Dude? What do you do?

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Speaker 2: I mean literally the test says it's like what else

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Speaker 2: could it possibly be?

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Speaker 1: So I just had a conversation with my husband. He's

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Speaker 1: out of his room now and we discuss some things.

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Speaker 1: I told him again I would never cheat and start

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Speaker 1: talking about a list I made of tests I want

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Speaker 1: to be done. But he told me he didn't want

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Speaker 1: to hear it right now. We're going to have a

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Speaker 1: longer conversation tomorrow, and he said he still loves her daughter,

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Speaker 1: and he won't try to keep me out of the

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Speaker 1: house or our room for now.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I guess that's good. You can at least

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Speaker 2: stay in the house.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I asked him to hug me, and he did.

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Speaker 1: I'm scared that I won't be able to convince him.

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Speaker 1: I just want our family to go back to normal.

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Speaker 1: I asked him to hug me, and he did. I'm

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Speaker 1: scared that I won't be able to convince him. I

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Speaker 1: just want our family to go back dead normal. Oh.

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Speaker 1: Can I be a good wife and support his needs

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Speaker 1: while proving my innocence. That's a toughie. That's a toughie.

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Speaker 1: That is a big challenge. But John, do you know

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Speaker 1: what what? That's an updoot? Oh? Now, First off, I

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Speaker 1: want to thank everyone who reached out. My original post

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Speaker 1: got so much attention. It was hard to do everything,

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Speaker 1: but I ended up making a list of plans and

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Speaker 1: tests I want to get done. My husband was understandably

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Speaker 1: distrustful of me for a while, but he apologized for

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Speaker 1: the way he acted, which I didn't need, and said

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Speaker 1: he wouldn't try to kick me out of our home.

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Speaker 1: He did say, though, that if every test came back,

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Speaker 1: and I cheated that he was going to go scorts

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Speaker 1: to earth a my st sports earth sounds like a

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Speaker 1: very like fire and brimstone, which I guess is what

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Speaker 1: it should mean. We just just lightened the earth on fire,

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Speaker 1: you know. Ah. We did a few tests blood attornity

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Speaker 1: tests for him and me and our daughter, and we

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Speaker 1: had an appointment with a chimerism specialist coming up whatever

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Speaker 1: that means, but that got canceled because well, some of

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Speaker 1: you guessed it. My daughter is not biologically mine. What.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how this happened, but a police officer

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Speaker 1: came to our house and took our statements and we're

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Speaker 1: suing the hospital where I gave birth. Good. I don't

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Speaker 1: know what happened to my baby, And that is terrifying.

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Speaker 1: That's so terrifying.

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Speaker 2: You literally come home with a child that is not yours.

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Speaker 2: I don't even know want to realize it either. That's insane.

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Speaker 2: And you've been also loving this child as taking care

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Speaker 2: of it as if it's your own and all this

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Speaker 2: like just the it's like you look at it, it's like.

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Speaker 1: The same mind. Yeah, Like it's also hard because like

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Speaker 1: you like, it's also weird because you pop the baby out,

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Speaker 1: and like, how does that mix up happen? That's why

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Speaker 1: you mark your baby bring them to I truly have

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Speaker 1: no idea, but like you know, like in movies and

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Speaker 1: TV shows where they have that like room with all

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Speaker 1: the little babies in it, that's I'm guessing it happens. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: a baby expert, you got to mark your baby with

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Speaker 1: your signature, you really do. You just got to take

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Speaker 1: a little sharpie and just sign sign my own baby baby. Yeah, bro,

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Speaker 1: that's insane that that happened. I have my husband back,

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Speaker 1: but my whole world is still up ended. I just

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Speaker 1: wish he'd never take you that stupid test. I've been

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Speaker 1: sleeping in my daughter's room and I'm so afraid that

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Speaker 1: she's going to be taken away from me. But at

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Speaker 1: the same time, I want to know where my bio

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Speaker 1: logical daughter is and if she's okay. I pray to

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Speaker 1: God she's okay. My daughter still doesn't know the details,

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Speaker 1: and we've been trying to keep this quiet. The last

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Speaker 1: thing we need is a big scandal. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't want people to know. I don't want people

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Speaker 1: to look at her differently. She deserves better than that.

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Speaker 1: She's such a good kid and she's not some spectacle

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Speaker 1: to be goted at. If we can find her birth family,

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Speaker 1: I have no idea what we'll do. I what do

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Speaker 1: you even do that situation? The playbook has not been written.

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Speaker 1: They have all those baby books where it's like, what

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Speaker 1: to do when you're expecting, but what to do when

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Speaker 1: you're expecting a different baby than your own baby after

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Speaker 1: you get the paternity test?

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Speaker 2: What do you do when you're expecting your child to

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Speaker 2: be stolen and replaced?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe we should write the book what.

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Speaker 2: To do when your child is stolen and replaced? Well, actually,

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Speaker 2: OPI has some ideas. They're pretty honestly.

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Speaker 1: I mean, we need someone with experience, so these are

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Speaker 1: her ideas. I guess the best case scenario would be

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Speaker 1: to get a bigger house where all our families could

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Speaker 1: live together. But I don't know if I can afford that,

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Speaker 1: or if they or if they'd even go for that,

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Speaker 1: or if we even will be able to locate them,

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Speaker 1: or if I'm just crazy. I mean, that's like, I

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Speaker 1: think that is maybe the best case scenario, but it

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Speaker 1: would be very hard to execute.

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Speaker 2: It seem yeah, it seems like that would be hard,

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Speaker 2: Like it's it's so challenging too, because like probably more

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Speaker 2: likely scenario is like do you just like find them?

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Speaker 1: But then is it just like do you just swap kids?

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Speaker 2: Do you swap the I mean you've literally been treating

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Speaker 2: this child as your own five years, for like all

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Speaker 2: these years, and then it's like, I don't.

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Speaker 1: Know, it's yeah, dude, I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Maybe you just like tell them and become like close friends,

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Speaker 2: like the same way it's like, you know, you visit

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Speaker 2: your grandparentriends, like you know, you don't see them every

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Speaker 2: day probably or your aunts and uncles, but like you

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Speaker 2: go you visit them.

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Speaker 1: Like this is a sitcom right here? Switch to birth.

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Speaker 1: Switched at birth. Mommy and daddy got me a little late,

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Speaker 1: and they saw that my eyes saw my eyes were

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Speaker 1: diff and something just wasn't straight. But then we met

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Speaker 1: my other family and everything was great.

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Speaker 2: That's right, because we were switched at birth. Switched a

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Speaker 2: burst that does kind of sound like a like a

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Speaker 2: ninety six commis Cheryl, you stole my card again again?

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Speaker 2: What it fits for the same age, dummy? Mom?

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Speaker 1: We both like the same boys. I was just to

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Speaker 1: say that what should we do? Well, does he have

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Speaker 1: a brother that was switched at birth too? I would

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Speaker 1: watch that show, dude. That is a show like Switch

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Speaker 1: at Birth is a show, right, I feel like it

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Speaker 1: has to be switched at birth? Who switched at birth?

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Speaker 1: But we still love each other. I have the same

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Speaker 1: sister and you have a different brother.

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Speaker 2: It was, it was It's an ABC free Form show.

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Speaker 2: Actually that makes a lot of sense.

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Speaker 1: That's the name. Yeah, where, but what like is it?

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Speaker 1: What freeform is? That? Does that mean it's reality?

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Speaker 2: It's like a super cheesy like kind of sitcom drama

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Speaker 2: like like full House but worse.

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Speaker 1: Okay, interesting, No shade.

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Speaker 2: My fellow free Form people.

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Speaker 1: Also, no shade to ABC. No shade to ABC. You

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Speaker 1: know what I mean? John's original you know, daddy we

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Speaker 1: we uh you know? John had a show. He had

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Speaker 1: a show on ABC. Pan.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if I I don't know if that's

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Speaker 2: never come up on the podcast, but I did. I

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Speaker 2: was on a show called Startup You, which is like

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Speaker 2: Big Brother meets Shark Tank. And we were in this

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Speaker 2: like giant like Hogwarts like place for seven weeks and

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Speaker 2: we were competing for investment from investor.

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Speaker 1: It would be fun. We should do a screening of

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Speaker 1: that show, or like the pilot episode at your place,

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Speaker 1: Like get a projector and make it a drinking game,

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Speaker 1: Like every time we see you in the show, we

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Speaker 1: have to take a shot.

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Speaker 2: That's that's that's a good idea. I mean, my birthday

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Speaker 2: is coming up, so.

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Speaker 1: That would be so much fun. That would be so

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Speaker 1: much fun. I get hey, if you want to do

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Speaker 1: a John screening, we can host it. Let's make it happen. Actually, actually, now,

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Speaker 1: let me go, we'll talk. I think that would be hilarious.

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Speaker 1: I agree. I also, I've never seen the show, so

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Speaker 1: I want to see it. I'm down. I'm down. This

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Speaker 1: whole situation is crazy. I don't know anyone else who's

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Speaker 1: been in a situation like this. I mean, are there

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Speaker 1: like support groups for parents whose kids got mixed up?

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Speaker 1: I googled and nothing came up. Literally all I'm getting

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Speaker 1: our tabloid articles from trashy magazines that slap the faces

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Speaker 1: of innocent kids on the same pages as celebrity sex

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Speaker 1: scandals and fiction. How do we tell our daughter? I mean,

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Speaker 1: we can't tell her now, she'll tell the kids at

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Speaker 1: school and it'll be everywhere. But we have to say something.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what I did to deserve this. I

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Speaker 1: think watch Switched at Birth. I mean, you have the

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Speaker 1: blueperirt right there.

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Speaker 2: It has five seasons, so clearly they have come to

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Speaker 2: some sort of conclusions.

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Speaker 1: Can we can we see what what the comments are saying.

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Speaker 1: Do you even tell the daughter and just say you're

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Speaker 1: adopted by by not by choice, personally, you were adopted

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Speaker 1: by force?

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Speaker 2: Do you understand me?

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Speaker 1: Child? You're forcibly adopted.

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Speaker 2: Honestly, I think my like what I would do is

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Speaker 2: like basically that family becomes like the aunt and uncle

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Speaker 2: and the cousin. It's all right, you were switched at birth,

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Speaker 2: Like we literally spent years raising each of you respectively,

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Speaker 2: so it kind of just became like we want you

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Speaker 2: to be in the family. But it's like, I mean,

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Speaker 2: you could probably petition to like leave them if that's

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Speaker 2: the case. Oh, someone mentioned the show Switched at Birth

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Speaker 2: in the comments. True story, Uh, he finds out the

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Speaker 2: kid is in his and leaves and she finds out

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Speaker 2: the kid isn't hers either.

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Speaker 1: Should have been a.

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Speaker 2: Red flag that she looked irish, snow white skin, ginger hair,

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Speaker 2: and they.

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Speaker 1: Were Puerto Rican.

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Speaker 2: If so, the family is Puerto Rican they have this

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Speaker 2: like like white red haired daughter.

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Speaker 1: That's hilarious. Do you not realize though, like when you know,

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Speaker 1: like when the baby is in your hands.

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Speaker 2: I could see the baby in the hospital because babies

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Speaker 2: are just like their faces are all.

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Speaker 1: Like weird, like just like loves babies. I literally love

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Speaker 1: our baby. Their faces are all fucked up. They're ugly

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Speaker 1: pieces of wrinkled skin.

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Speaker 2: I will say I had a friend of mine who

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Speaker 2: had a baby, and like the first year, I was like,

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Speaker 2: this thing is looks crazy, like this thing looks so crazy.

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Speaker 2: But now it's like the cutest like child on the planet.

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Speaker 2: But when it was born, I was like, I'm sorry,

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Speaker 2: Like I didn't say anything to them baby ugly dude.

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Speaker 2: It was just I think it was just the I

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Speaker 2: was fucked up when I came back because I was,

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Speaker 2: uh my, my head was indented because they tried to

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Speaker 2: squeeze it out but it never came out, so they

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Speaker 2: had to be c sectioned. So I just looked like

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Speaker 2: your head got d because yes, still a dent there site.

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Speaker 1: Oh shit, oh shit, I'm basically a cone head. Shit, bro,

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Speaker 1: that's crazy. So but we made it. You made it

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Speaker 1: through MoMA. We made it Damn, that's crazy, bro. There's

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Speaker 1: a bump. You can feel the bump.

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Speaker 2: You can feel the bump. You can feel the bump.

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Speaker 2: I think probably everyone has it to some degree, but

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Speaker 2: mine is.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I have a little bump decently pronounced a little bump.

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Speaker 1: I think I think it's it's above average at least, yeah, yeah, Johnson.

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Speaker 1: John has a bubble above average. If you know what

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Speaker 1: I gotta I gotta squeezed that head. That's it, that's it, goodbye,