WEBVTT - Jeffrey Marsh on the Transformative, Radical Power of Self-Acceptance 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:02.400 Holy Human with Leanne Rhymes is a production of I 0:00:02.520 --> 0:00:12.560 Heart Radio. Welcome Loves to one of my favorite episodes 0:00:12.600 --> 0:00:15.640 and guests of this season. You know this shows a 0:00:15.640 --> 0:00:18.920 little bit longer than usual because it is very difficult 0:00:18.960 --> 0:00:22.759 to place any limitations, time or otherwise on the force 0:00:22.800 --> 0:00:27.000 of nature joining me today, Jeffrey Marsh has garnered a 0:00:27.080 --> 0:00:31.640 fantastic following sharing their powerful manifesto of a radical self 0:00:31.680 --> 0:00:35.519 love and acceptance, and I cannot wait for you to 0:00:35.600 --> 0:01:05.960 meet them on today's Holy Fact. The fantastic eyeshadow of 0:01:06.000 --> 0:01:08.319 the thing that you have going on right now is beautiful. 0:01:09.000 --> 0:01:12.759 It's so good. It's both. I've decided to blend green, 0:01:12.959 --> 0:01:19.360 orange and yellow. That's so good. Why wouldn't you all 0:01:19.440 --> 0:01:22.640 for you? I have to show you my earrings before 0:01:22.640 --> 0:01:25.360 we get started. They're too jangly to wear our zoom, 0:01:25.440 --> 0:01:33.080 but appreciate, appreciate that. I am so excited that you 0:01:33.120 --> 0:01:35.720 are here. Thank you so so much for coming on 0:01:35.760 --> 0:01:42.199 this podcast and sharing yourself and your soul and your wisdom. Um, 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:44.600 I really am honored. And I'm gonna cry. I feel 0:01:44.640 --> 0:01:48.720 like I'm gonna cry because I'm like, I'm such a 0:01:48.840 --> 0:01:52.280 let's crying together. Let's do it. We probably will by 0:01:52.280 --> 0:01:54.880 the time we're done, so can I. I just have 0:01:54.960 --> 0:01:56.720 to say, I didn't know we would go this deep 0:01:56.880 --> 0:01:59.640 this quickly, but I have to say I feel incredibly 0:01:59.720 --> 0:02:04.800 luck to be connecting with you, not just because of 0:02:04.840 --> 0:02:07.880 who you are and your heart and how your music 0:02:08.000 --> 0:02:11.720 moves people and the essence of who you are, but 0:02:11.800 --> 0:02:15.280 also because this is a great opportunity to talk about 0:02:15.280 --> 0:02:20.960 our hearts and people have been feeling so isolated because 0:02:21.800 --> 0:02:26.280 in our culture, in our world, you're not supposed to 0:02:26.280 --> 0:02:30.360 talk about stuff like that. Yes, and add to that 0:02:30.360 --> 0:02:33.120 that the world is what it is and we're feeling 0:02:33.120 --> 0:02:37.520 even more isolated. It's just so wonderful to be able 0:02:37.560 --> 0:02:40.600 to connect with you. Thank you, Thank you. You lucky. 0:02:40.919 --> 0:02:43.880 I am too, I'm so so fortunate, so thank you. 0:02:44.040 --> 0:02:48.160 Thank you for sharing that. Um. I would love to 0:02:48.320 --> 0:02:52.239 hear from your own, your own math, your own perspective. 0:02:52.560 --> 0:02:56.920 If someone asks you who you are and what you do, 0:02:57.440 --> 0:03:02.720 how would you answer that question. I help people not 0:03:03.360 --> 0:03:10.200 hate themselves, so darn much. That's what I do. Who 0:03:10.240 --> 0:03:15.040 I am is hopefully fingers crossed, the walking example of that, 0:03:15.440 --> 0:03:21.120 the walking embodiment of that you truly are that's what 0:03:21.240 --> 0:03:24.079 I see when I when I see you, you exude 0:03:24.720 --> 0:03:27.919 love and there are very few people in this world 0:03:27.960 --> 0:03:31.800 who are connected like you're saying to the heart in 0:03:31.840 --> 0:03:36.040 that way that it actually gets to be expressed and 0:03:36.680 --> 0:03:39.520 it's not hardened. And you have every reason in this 0:03:39.560 --> 0:03:46.440 world to have a wall around your heart. M And 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:51.320 the way that you let people in and allow for 0:03:51.400 --> 0:03:54.119 that kind of connection, it's intense. I mean, I think 0:03:54.120 --> 0:03:56.600 that's why you immediately saw me move to you know, 0:03:56.640 --> 0:04:01.040 almost tears, because you don't come across that often. And 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:03.840 that's so sad, you know, it's sad that we have 0:04:04.080 --> 0:04:06.320 we've had to wall our hearts in that way. And 0:04:06.640 --> 0:04:10.320 for you to be so open and connect in the 0:04:10.400 --> 0:04:13.920 way that you do, it's so moving. You know. What 0:04:14.000 --> 0:04:17.520 It makes me think of as inner child work, and 0:04:18.160 --> 0:04:20.640 which a lot of people find mysterious and they resist 0:04:20.760 --> 0:04:23.520 and and don't know what to think about it. And 0:04:23.600 --> 0:04:26.080 to me, I realized at a certain point that my 0:04:26.600 --> 0:04:31.240 inner child was actually uh teaching me as much as 0:04:31.800 --> 0:04:34.960 I wanted to teach my inner child. That makes sense. 0:04:35.640 --> 0:04:39.760 The walls were built by sort of the adult Jeffrey, 0:04:39.960 --> 0:04:45.680 and my inner child was holding onto the innocence the play, 0:04:46.160 --> 0:04:50.600 the freedom, the sense of being alive, m and so 0:04:50.680 --> 0:04:54.360 I was just so grateful for you know, little Jeffrey 0:04:54.360 --> 0:04:57.440 on the farm. Yes, growing up and having having to 0:04:57.480 --> 0:05:03.320 be brave and face all the things that came eventually. Yeah, 0:05:03.480 --> 0:05:06.480 I mean you say that you you hope people hate 0:05:06.480 --> 0:05:09.560 themselves less, which is a tall order. It seems like, 0:05:09.680 --> 0:05:12.480 I mean, it seems like that's what we're all walking 0:05:12.480 --> 0:05:17.520 around doing, and that's basically self flagellation, like constantly internally. 0:05:17.640 --> 0:05:22.240 And you've basically become this, you know, social media icon 0:05:22.680 --> 0:05:28.080 ambassador for self love and positivity and inclusivity. And can 0:05:28.120 --> 0:05:30.240 you take me You just said something about wow, you 0:05:30.320 --> 0:05:34.239 googled me. No, but no, you, that's just you. That's 0:05:34.279 --> 0:05:37.560 just you, and it's authentic. It's not just like, oh, 0:05:37.600 --> 0:05:39.599 I feel like everybody else is doing it, so I 0:05:39.600 --> 0:05:42.719 should be talking about these things are really really authentic. 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:45.960 And I just wonder you mentioned little Jeffrey on the Farm. 0:05:46.080 --> 0:05:49.560 Can you take me back to uh, your childhood and 0:05:49.640 --> 0:05:52.680 maybe talk about what your family dynamic was like and 0:05:52.880 --> 0:05:56.280 how that path has led you to to become such 0:05:56.279 --> 0:06:00.280 an ambassador for self love. Yeah, I mean you said 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:03.200 it right at the top of the pod uh that 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:05.880 I had a lot of reasons to build walls around 0:06:06.080 --> 0:06:10.279 my heart, and let me say, for years I tried it. 0:06:11.080 --> 0:06:14.520 There's just something about I'll speak for myself, there's something 0:06:14.520 --> 0:06:20.960 about me that I was wholly unsuccessful at hiding. I 0:06:21.120 --> 0:06:24.080 really tried, brick by brick to pretend to be something 0:06:24.120 --> 0:06:27.280 I'm not for a very very long time, and I 0:06:27.320 --> 0:06:31.480 was just woefully bad at it. And you know, speaking 0:06:31.480 --> 0:06:35.240 of self hey, well right, I mean, that's what I've 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:38.080 realized now. But speaking of self hate, I thought for 0:06:38.279 --> 0:06:41.000 years and years that there's something wrong with me that 0:06:41.120 --> 0:06:44.200 I can't fit in, that I can't be a cog 0:06:44.440 --> 0:06:48.520 in this machine that we've all decided to build around 0:06:48.560 --> 0:06:52.960 our lives. Right, that I must I must be untalented 0:06:52.960 --> 0:06:54.880 at it, or there must be something wrong with me. 0:06:56.040 --> 0:06:58.800 And one of the most powerful messages I ever ever 0:06:58.920 --> 0:07:02.960 encountered was, there is nothing wrong with you. So you 0:07:02.960 --> 0:07:06.280 asked me about the farm, and I'll answer in sort 0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:09.600 of a roundabout way. My dad apologized to me for 0:07:09.840 --> 0:07:16.120 my childhood just a few years ago, and it was, 0:07:16.680 --> 0:07:20.520 shall we say, an emotional moment for me to hear 0:07:20.560 --> 0:07:24.720 that for a couple of reasons, but he just started saying, 0:07:24.760 --> 0:07:28.160 I had this realization, I was worried what other parents 0:07:28.240 --> 0:07:33.280 would think of me, and so I used, he's a 0:07:33.320 --> 0:07:37.000 man of few words. Um, so I'm embellishing a little bit. 0:07:37.400 --> 0:07:39.200 But he said I was worried what other parents would 0:07:39.200 --> 0:07:42.800 think of me, which I took to mean that he 0:07:43.080 --> 0:07:50.960 thought that my queerness was his fault. My exuberant colorfulness, 0:07:51.040 --> 0:07:54.760 my exuberant lgbt Q nous meant that he was a 0:07:54.800 --> 0:07:59.280 bad parent, And so, without putting too fine a point 0:07:59.360 --> 0:08:02.720 on it, he used every single method he could think of, 0:08:03.240 --> 0:08:08.160 including violent ones, to get me not to be me. Mhm. 0:08:08.680 --> 0:08:12.920 And that's my predominant memory of every person I was 0:08:12.960 --> 0:08:15.880 looking I was thinking back trying to come up with someone. 0:08:16.680 --> 0:08:20.360 Basically every person was either embarrassed to be around me, 0:08:20.480 --> 0:08:23.200 tried to get me not to be myself, called me names, 0:08:23.240 --> 0:08:25.440 made fun of me, and tried to get me not 0:08:25.560 --> 0:08:27.840 to be me. And it's been a long journey to 0:08:27.920 --> 0:08:36.200 be what you see, that authentic representation of me without shape. Wow. Um, that's, 0:08:36.280 --> 0:08:40.480 by the way, you couldn't recognize unless it was also you. Yes. Oh, 0:08:41.880 --> 0:08:43.800 by the way, Um, I was going to say, you 0:08:43.840 --> 0:08:46.000 feel free to ask me any questions because I totally 0:08:46.040 --> 0:08:48.360 relate to that. I grew up, I mean, you know, 0:08:48.440 --> 0:08:52.120 in the public eye, and yes, there were so many 0:08:52.160 --> 0:08:55.400 pieces of myself, so much fragmentation, so many pieces that 0:08:55.520 --> 0:09:00.400 I had to and still am reclaiming, because there was 0:09:00.440 --> 0:09:03.640 only one version that was really acceptable, and it was 0:09:04.559 --> 0:09:10.440 Leanne rhymes right, And I totally understand that hiding. I 0:09:10.480 --> 0:09:12.800 think that's for me. I've always been a huge supporter 0:09:12.840 --> 0:09:15.679 of LGBTQ, and I think there were a couple of reasons. 0:09:15.720 --> 0:09:18.640 I grew up in Mississippi. My uncle was gay and 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:20.440 died of AIDS when I was eleven, and so I 0:09:20.480 --> 0:09:23.120 always wanted to give him a voice that he didn't have. 0:09:23.920 --> 0:09:29.680 And I've known in a completely different way what it 0:09:29.720 --> 0:09:35.320 feels like to hide and only be accepted for what 0:09:35.360 --> 0:09:39.760 the world wants you to be. And I've known that 0:09:39.880 --> 0:09:45.680 hiding in that loneliness and that so deeply that I 0:09:45.840 --> 0:09:50.079 relate in so many ways. You oh, you hit the 0:09:50.200 --> 0:09:53.400 nail on the head, so you're safe behind that wall, 0:09:53.440 --> 0:09:58.520 but you're also incredibly lonely, completely deeply, and you said 0:09:58.559 --> 0:10:01.040 it was hiding in a different way, but I think 0:10:01.080 --> 0:10:05.360 it was pretty similar to at least what I went through. Right. 0:10:05.400 --> 0:10:10.160 I mean, you felt this incredible pressure to be something 0:10:10.200 --> 0:10:13.400 you're not. Yeah, and also I don't want to put 0:10:13.440 --> 0:10:15.840 words in your mouth. But then there comes this feeling 0:10:15.840 --> 0:10:19.800 of inadequacy because you can't do it. M M. Absolutely, 0:10:20.000 --> 0:10:23.880 that's that's yeah, you can't hide yourself and well, and 0:10:23.960 --> 0:10:25.880 the more that you do, um, I mean, the more 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:29.679 the depression and anxiety and everything else comes online. Right, 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:32.600 And and I'm still reclaiming a lot of those pieces. 0:10:32.640 --> 0:10:35.160 And that's why when I when I look at you, 0:10:35.360 --> 0:10:40.080 I there's a piece of me that still is is 0:10:40.160 --> 0:10:42.520 under the illusion that it's not free. I'll just put 0:10:42.559 --> 0:10:44.480 it that way. And I look at you and I 0:10:44.520 --> 0:10:49.880 see such freedom, um, and it sets me free like that, 0:10:49.960 --> 0:10:52.240 it's set It reminds that piece of me. And I 0:10:52.240 --> 0:10:54.840 think that's what so many people see in your reminds 0:10:54.920 --> 0:10:58.840 us that there is, like you said, this innocence and 0:10:58.920 --> 0:11:05.720 this freedom that is inherently there that is ours to reclaim. 0:11:05.760 --> 0:11:10.120 It's ours to reclaim. Yeah, you know that a lot 0:11:10.160 --> 0:11:14.120 of people see that freedom and they get very scared 0:11:14.200 --> 0:11:17.680 of me. Yes, I'm sure you've experienced the same thing. Yes, 0:11:18.000 --> 0:11:20.600 And I love that because it's just showing you where 0:11:20.640 --> 0:11:25.560 you're still where you're not free. Yeah. Um, I wish 0:11:25.600 --> 0:11:31.560 people could recognize that in themselves, but instead of trying 0:11:31.640 --> 0:11:35.360 to stop people like us, which is the usual, uh, 0:11:35.480 --> 0:11:38.720 the usual reaction. But I want to ask you a question, 0:11:39.120 --> 0:11:42.600 because you said you're reclaiming some of those parts of 0:11:43.000 --> 0:11:46.000 your childhood, can you give me an example, because I 0:11:46.000 --> 0:11:50.280 think that's inspiring. Yeah, well so interesting. Well, the little Lie, 0:11:50.480 --> 0:11:53.880 I call it little Lily. Um, I'm definitely reclaiming her. 0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:55.679 I feel like she's been in the basement for a 0:11:55.760 --> 0:11:58.160 really long time and she's been wanting to come out 0:11:58.160 --> 0:12:01.600 and play. And my play has been such a huge 0:12:01.640 --> 0:12:06.720 piece of what I have been reclaiming. And also we'll 0:12:06.720 --> 0:12:08.679 dig into this in a second, but I grew up 0:12:08.720 --> 0:12:12.079 with basically a tomboy because my my dad always knew. 0:12:12.120 --> 0:12:14.559 My dad wanted a boy. I was that was very 0:12:14.600 --> 0:12:23.080 that was expressed early on, and I it was expressed. 0:12:23.600 --> 0:12:25.880 And they don't people don't know how much that fucks 0:12:25.920 --> 0:12:29.480 you up, like when of course you know, like and 0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:31.640 they say it in the most loving way, especially in 0:12:31.640 --> 0:12:33.800 the South. Oh, your dad he wanted a boy, but 0:12:33.840 --> 0:12:35.680 he got a girl. He just loves you so much, 0:12:35.760 --> 0:12:39.440 now you know, And that it's he went through a 0:12:39.520 --> 0:12:47.720 long journey to just really get over Yes, exactly. And 0:12:47.800 --> 0:12:50.200 I learned how to hunt when I was little. I 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:54.880 played baseball. And I'm glad that I have the range 0:12:55.360 --> 0:12:59.640 of things that I know about myself. But my femininity, 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:03.319 interest stingly enough, this is the little girl, like the 0:13:03.400 --> 0:13:07.360 actual girly girl, and the my own femininity as a 0:13:07.400 --> 0:13:12.719 woman has been something that I am continually reclaiming and 0:13:12.800 --> 0:13:16.160 learning about because I feel I felt like that, Yeah, 0:13:16.240 --> 0:13:19.040 I grew up in such a masculine world. I mean 0:13:19.080 --> 0:13:22.320 we all have, and so I feel like I had 0:13:22.360 --> 0:13:26.320 to like shut down that piece of myself and so 0:13:26.520 --> 0:13:29.560 to be you know, kind of coming into that and 0:13:29.640 --> 0:13:35.000 recognizing as a woman, I'm a woman and finally claiming 0:13:35.000 --> 0:13:39.160 my own femininity, you know, which is which is kind 0:13:39.160 --> 0:13:43.760 of a mind fuck in a way a bit. Yeah, 0:13:43.840 --> 0:13:49.080 And there's so sometimes, um, whatever is authentic for you 0:13:49.400 --> 0:13:53.080 is what we're taught is wrong with us m hm. 0:13:53.480 --> 0:13:55.880 And so you might have learned at some point that 0:13:55.880 --> 0:13:59.439 that femininity was was something wrong with you. Yeah. Absolutely, 0:13:59.520 --> 0:14:04.120 And how powerful to reclaim something so natural, so free, 0:14:04.160 --> 0:14:09.760 so beautiful. Yeah, Yeah, I mean there's definitely a point 0:14:09.760 --> 0:14:13.480 where I I think a lot of women have learned that, 0:14:13.760 --> 0:14:16.160 you know, there's something wrong with our femininity and that 0:14:16.240 --> 0:14:18.480 we were weak in some way for having it, when 0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:22.880 I mean did complete opposite is the truth. It's so 0:14:22.960 --> 0:14:26.040 powerful when we we learned how to own that piece 0:14:26.040 --> 0:14:31.400 of ourselves anyway, masculine, feminine, whoever we are, the truth 0:14:31.560 --> 0:14:33.480 of who we are. And I think that's what's been 0:14:33.480 --> 0:14:37.560 so beautiful for me is actually learning how to learning 0:14:37.560 --> 0:14:39.800 that I am both, which will which I'd love to 0:14:39.840 --> 0:14:42.480 talk to you about, because I find that you have 0:14:42.600 --> 0:14:45.320 made me. You're talking my language, Well, you have made me. 0:14:45.440 --> 0:14:47.440 First off, I learned what cis was. I've never known 0:14:47.440 --> 0:14:50.320 what cis is. I'm like, oh, okay, that's a new one. 0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:55.359 I've learned so much from you, and people are frantically 0:14:55.400 --> 0:14:59.880 googling now on right, what the hell is that? Yeah, 0:15:00.520 --> 0:15:04.360 and the with non binary I as I've been listening 0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:06.760 to you, I'm like, well, I am am, I I'm 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:09.480 they right. I mean I feel like I am both. 0:15:09.960 --> 0:15:13.280 I have both energies. I know them both well, my 0:15:13.400 --> 0:15:16.360 masculine sometimes more than my feminine. Can you speak to 0:15:16.360 --> 0:15:18.840 that a little bit, because I just find you just 0:15:19.080 --> 0:15:23.600 did so. I am no I am noticing this. I 0:15:23.600 --> 0:15:28.480 don't know, I don't know. Um, I'm gonna be very delicate, 0:15:28.560 --> 0:15:33.440 but I sense this hesitancy from you to let me 0:15:33.520 --> 0:15:37.400 speak and to have a voice about this. But I 0:15:37.440 --> 0:15:41.440 hope you also know that you were just incredibly eloquent 0:15:42.040 --> 0:15:47.040 about your own experience. Oh thank you. I'm just finding 0:15:47.040 --> 0:15:50.600 what I've learned from you is yes, this is what yes, please, 0:15:50.640 --> 0:15:52.360 I would love for you to spep. I mean, it's 0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:54.520 not just what you've learned from me, it's what you've 0:15:54.640 --> 0:16:00.200 learned from your own life, which is always welcome, is 0:16:00.200 --> 0:16:03.440 incredibly valuable. You know. To me, a lot of people 0:16:03.600 --> 0:16:07.680 write to me and ask about the labels, says is 0:16:07.680 --> 0:16:12.440 a good one, trans, non binary, gender fluid, is gender queer, 0:16:12.440 --> 0:16:16.440 are different than gray sexual, And you know, the kids 0:16:16.480 --> 0:16:20.280 have all these labels that they love to use on 0:16:20.320 --> 0:16:27.080 their internets, and to me, they're really empowering and nothing 0:16:27.120 --> 0:16:32.960 at all should be put ahead of someone's personal experience. 0:16:33.960 --> 0:16:36.600 So whatever words, and you know, at the end of 0:16:36.600 --> 0:16:43.080 the day, we're using a language that is weighed down 0:16:44.200 --> 0:16:48.920 with a past that didn't always include people people like me, 0:16:49.040 --> 0:16:52.640 but also a past that was misogynist, a present that's misogynist. 0:16:52.640 --> 0:16:56.320 That's built into our language, right, So we're using a 0:16:56.400 --> 0:16:59.680 language it's woefully inadequate to talk about something as vibrant 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:06.879 to full rainbow, gorgeous flowing as human gender expression. M hm. 0:17:07.560 --> 0:17:11.920 So anyway, use whatever words you want. And you were doing, 0:17:12.320 --> 0:17:16.480 uh great, you moved me. Oh thank you. But anyway, 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:20.280 you wanted me to talk about non binary. Yes, I 0:17:20.359 --> 0:17:25.680 would love to hear about your experience of you said 0:17:25.720 --> 0:17:27.760 the other day that non binary. I watched a video 0:17:27.760 --> 0:17:29.919 of yours that said it was a movement. Can you 0:17:29.960 --> 0:17:34.199 explain what do you mean by that? Yeah, it's I 0:17:34.240 --> 0:17:36.920 think what I mean and what I meant in that 0:17:37.000 --> 0:17:43.800 video was non binary is a place to belong. To me, 0:17:45.240 --> 0:17:47.320 there are those of us walking the earth and we 0:17:47.359 --> 0:17:52.960 know it's a deep knowing within our soul that there's 0:17:53.280 --> 0:17:55.760 more to us than what we were taught. There's more 0:17:55.800 --> 0:17:59.480 to us than the gender on our birth certificate, if 0:17:59.520 --> 0:18:05.240 that makes and there's just more that's that's vibrant and 0:18:05.280 --> 0:18:08.960 wonderful about us. And to me, the word non binary 0:18:09.040 --> 0:18:13.240 is a great catch all for someone who is the 0:18:13.240 --> 0:18:15.000 way I would say it is, I'm not a man, 0:18:15.480 --> 0:18:19.280 I'm not a woman. I contain parts of both of 0:18:19.280 --> 0:18:22.439 those things, but I'm also you know, a hundred and 0:18:22.600 --> 0:18:25.600 three other things and that we can just throw into 0:18:25.640 --> 0:18:32.000 the wheelbarrow of gender expression. And I feel so free 0:18:32.240 --> 0:18:35.399 and such a beautiful weight was lifted off of me 0:18:35.520 --> 0:18:38.520 when I read a Tumbler post that said what non 0:18:38.560 --> 0:18:41.440 binary was. It was like a key in a lock 0:18:42.119 --> 0:18:50.920 and something new was opened up for me. And we're 0:18:50.920 --> 0:18:53.560 going to dive more deeply into exactly what opened up 0:18:53.560 --> 0:18:56.600 for Jeffrey once they made that discovery right after this 0:18:56.680 --> 0:19:03.000 super quick break Welcome Back, My Loves the Wonderful Jeffrey 0:19:03.040 --> 0:19:06.240 marsh is sharing their thoughts on discovering non binary and 0:19:06.280 --> 0:19:10.200 their pronouns. How long ago is that? Gosh? I came 0:19:10.200 --> 0:19:16.200 out as non binary like years ago, okay, and started 0:19:16.280 --> 0:19:19.640 using the then pronouns then so a while but still 0:19:19.720 --> 0:19:26.800 relatively new. Yeah. Absolutely, And I felt so complicated in 0:19:26.840 --> 0:19:34.239 my gender from an extremely young age. Yeah, I mean 0:19:34.320 --> 0:19:38.680 that's like, yeah, I mean it's really I love that 0:19:38.720 --> 0:19:40.560 you say there's like a hundred and something different other 0:19:40.600 --> 0:19:42.199 things that we could be, because I really feel like 0:19:42.280 --> 0:19:48.919 this is its soul expression, you know, it's it's not Yeah, 0:19:49.160 --> 0:19:51.959 it's so much more like when you get down to it, 0:19:52.040 --> 0:19:56.040 like it's so much more complicated than than just these 0:19:56.080 --> 0:20:02.920 simple terms, because we just are Oh yeah, maybe it's 0:20:02.920 --> 0:20:07.560 appropriate to say that the term non binary comes from 0:20:07.600 --> 0:20:12.119 not being the two genders that are usually available to people, 0:20:12.640 --> 0:20:15.560 man and woman, So man and woman would be a binary, 0:20:15.600 --> 0:20:19.480 and we just say we're non binary. And to me, 0:20:19.560 --> 0:20:22.879 it's it's a place of freedom and belonging. Yeah, and 0:20:22.960 --> 0:20:26.359 you totally I sensed that, and it's it's a beautiful 0:20:27.240 --> 0:20:29.919 it's a beautiful place because that's ultimately, I think what 0:20:29.960 --> 0:20:34.200 we're all looking for is is that freedom and belonging. 0:20:34.480 --> 0:20:37.040 I wanted to tell you a little funny story because 0:20:37.600 --> 0:20:41.480 I was first famous on vine years and years and 0:20:41.560 --> 0:20:45.359 years ago and about a decade ago, and the the 0:20:45.480 --> 0:20:49.919 young people started saying, what are your pronouns? Are you 0:20:50.040 --> 0:20:54.119 non binary? And so I, as the semi old person 0:20:54.280 --> 0:20:57.760 at like thirty years old, had to go and look 0:20:57.840 --> 0:21:01.520 on the internet. And that's when I saw, Oh, this 0:21:01.720 --> 0:21:04.760 is who I am, this is what's been going on 0:21:04.920 --> 0:21:09.159 this whole time. There are other people like me. And 0:21:09.200 --> 0:21:14.679 the really beautiful thing about our times is that people 0:21:14.840 --> 0:21:19.760 are now connecting digitally and they're not going physically into 0:21:19.800 --> 0:21:22.560 work and you know, all these things that have kept 0:21:22.600 --> 0:21:27.120 us in our homes, and people's conception of their gender 0:21:27.400 --> 0:21:32.000 is shifting and changing and freeing up because of what's 0:21:32.000 --> 0:21:35.480 happening in the world right now. That's just such a 0:21:35.520 --> 0:21:39.399 beautiful um change because people don't have this feel the 0:21:39.520 --> 0:21:43.360 same pressure to perform their gender in the same way 0:21:43.400 --> 0:21:48.240 as that they did pre pandemic. Yeah, absolutely interesting. I 0:21:48.240 --> 0:21:51.479 haven't thought about that, but that you're completely correct, And 0:21:51.520 --> 0:21:53.240 that's been shifting for a while, I mean in the 0:21:53.280 --> 0:21:56.719 workplace and especially for you know, I mean, we're at 0:21:56.760 --> 0:21:58.600 least we're hoping that it's been shifting for a while, 0:21:58.680 --> 0:22:01.800 but it's not shift thing fast enough. But yeah, that's 0:22:01.800 --> 0:22:06.600 so interesting. Was there a moment for you when you 0:22:07.359 --> 0:22:12.280 just completely said, like, f this, I don't care about 0:22:12.320 --> 0:22:15.520 what people think. I don't care about people's judgments. Like, 0:22:15.640 --> 0:22:17.919 was there a defining moment for you where like you 0:22:17.960 --> 0:22:22.200 were you just said, I I am ready to fully 0:22:22.240 --> 0:22:26.480 express myself in this world as a totality of who 0:22:26.520 --> 0:22:32.640 I am. No, And I'll explain why because people ask 0:22:32.720 --> 0:22:37.280 me about confidence all the time, and they asked me specifically, 0:22:37.320 --> 0:22:39.720 how are you so confident? And how can I be confident? 0:22:40.119 --> 0:22:44.960 Like you are seeing that to be oneself when you're 0:22:45.320 --> 0:22:48.960 someone like me who is usually or who gets a 0:22:48.960 --> 0:22:51.919 lot of hate coming at them, shall we say in 0:22:51.960 --> 0:22:55.960 the world to be someone like me? That that rings 0:22:56.080 --> 0:23:00.760 as confidence for people, and I usually people. That's not 0:23:00.800 --> 0:23:03.919 how I view it. What you're looking at or what 0:23:03.960 --> 0:23:12.680 you see in me is radical complete self kindness, self acceptance. 0:23:14.240 --> 0:23:17.679 It is a skill that I learned to do that 0:23:17.760 --> 0:23:21.000 I went away to a monastery to do. But that's 0:23:21.040 --> 0:23:25.760 what you're viewing, and so it's much more like accepting 0:23:26.760 --> 0:23:30.120 that I care what other people think of me sometimes, 0:23:31.960 --> 0:23:35.240 do you know what I mean? What other people say 0:23:35.440 --> 0:23:38.159 does affect me, and that I'm a sensitive person and 0:23:38.160 --> 0:23:40.560 that I choose to walk the world with an open 0:23:40.600 --> 0:23:45.199 heart and that gets me hurt sometimes. Accepting all of 0:23:45.240 --> 0:23:50.080 that helps me to basically walk into any situation I 0:23:50.200 --> 0:23:52.199 know that I will love myself at the end of 0:23:52.280 --> 0:23:57.880 that situation. That's really profound. No, it is, someone said 0:23:57.880 --> 0:24:00.399 to me the other day, because I was pressing that 0:24:00.440 --> 0:24:03.680 I've been I've been experiencing a lot of joy, and 0:24:03.760 --> 0:24:06.280 you know, joy is something that's I think a lot 0:24:06.359 --> 0:24:08.119 of us are afraid of because we're also afraid to 0:24:08.160 --> 0:24:10.080 lose it. The therapist that I was talking to you 0:24:10.200 --> 0:24:12.080 was saying, joy is the state. I was also talking 0:24:12.080 --> 0:24:15.400 about longing because when I fall out of joy quote 0:24:15.480 --> 0:24:19.080 unquote fall out of joy, I think I've lost something somehow, 0:24:19.200 --> 0:24:21.679 and so I feel like that there's sadness there. And 0:24:21.720 --> 0:24:25.520 he was saying that sadness is usually when we lose something. 0:24:26.080 --> 0:24:31.280 There's the difference between sadness and longing and recognizing that longing. 0:24:32.320 --> 0:24:41.520 Oh yes, to me, it always feels like a losing myself. Yes, absolutely, 0:24:42.359 --> 0:24:46.719 when I'm feeling most lonely, sad, longing, it's really that 0:24:46.760 --> 0:24:50.639 I've I've somehow lost the connection with you know, you 0:24:50.680 --> 0:24:52.560 can say it in a lot of poetic ways. My heart, 0:24:52.720 --> 0:24:56.000 my spirit, feeling like it's okay to be me, you know, 0:24:56.119 --> 0:24:59.480 stuff stuff like that. That's what I think of. I 0:24:59.560 --> 0:25:02.199 totally agree, because that's exactly what I came to. I 0:25:02.240 --> 0:25:05.280 was like, I feel like I'm longing for self. I'm 0:25:05.320 --> 0:25:09.280 longing for that. I'm longing for that. You're little Lily, 0:25:09.560 --> 0:25:13.800 the little Jeffrey, like you're longing for that, that innocence, 0:25:13.920 --> 0:25:19.439 because that innocence is is what is so joyous. I 0:25:19.520 --> 0:25:23.239 just pictured our inner children being friends and playing with 0:25:23.280 --> 0:25:28.239 each other very cute. We can do that now and 0:25:28.280 --> 0:25:33.399 we're like, yeah, you talk about you know, I mean 0:25:33.440 --> 0:25:36.280 I I see the hatred that comes your way. And 0:25:36.680 --> 0:25:41.879 I've experienced plenty of that myself also on social media, 0:25:42.160 --> 0:25:46.080 and it took me a while to really not soak 0:25:46.320 --> 0:25:49.720 that in. I've learned a lot from it, and I've 0:25:49.800 --> 0:25:53.680 learned also a lot of grace toward other humans from 0:25:53.680 --> 0:25:59.000 it and to see view it as the hurt you 0:25:59.040 --> 0:26:02.080 know that that it's going on inside of people. I 0:26:02.080 --> 0:26:04.399 would have been some of your or what is one 0:26:04.440 --> 0:26:07.879 of the biggest lessons that you've learned from witnessing the 0:26:07.960 --> 0:26:11.280 hate that comes your way. I've actually recently freed myself 0:26:11.359 --> 0:26:15.719 up a little bit from pondering what's going on for 0:26:15.840 --> 0:26:20.879 the hater in the sense that they clearly have something 0:26:20.920 --> 0:26:28.600 going on and that's probably to deal with. And you know, 0:26:28.720 --> 0:26:34.560 as a naturally empathetic person, I really easily go there too. 0:26:34.960 --> 0:26:37.480 You know, they were they weren't treated well in their childhood, 0:26:37.480 --> 0:26:40.280 and they obviously treat themselves the way that they are 0:26:40.320 --> 0:26:42.720 treating me, and you know, all of all of the 0:26:42.760 --> 0:26:45.880 stuff to give them context, and I always like to 0:26:45.920 --> 0:26:51.880 remind myself to give myself all of that context immediately. 0:26:52.480 --> 0:26:56.920 When I start doing that and give myself kindness, love 0:26:56.960 --> 0:27:02.560 and thank myself for not being a hateful person and 0:27:02.920 --> 0:27:06.439 for living with all the love that I can and 0:27:06.520 --> 0:27:10.600