Speaker 1: Holy Human with Leanne Rhymes is a production of I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio. Welcome Loves to one of my favorite episodes
Speaker 1: and guests of this season. You know this shows a
Speaker 1: little bit longer than usual because it is very difficult
Speaker 1: to place any limitations, time or otherwise on the force
Speaker 1: of nature joining me today, Jeffrey Marsh has garnered a
Speaker 1: fantastic following sharing their powerful manifesto of a radical self
Speaker 1: love and acceptance, and I cannot wait for you to
Speaker 1: meet them on today's Holy Fact. The fantastic eyeshadow of
Speaker 1: the thing that you have going on right now is beautiful.
Speaker 1: It's so good. It's both. I've decided to blend green,
Speaker 1: orange and yellow. That's so good. Why wouldn't you all
Speaker 1: for you? I have to show you my earrings before
Speaker 1: we get started. They're too jangly to wear our zoom,
Speaker 1: but appreciate, appreciate that. I am so excited that you
Speaker 1: are here. Thank you so so much for coming on
Speaker 1: this podcast and sharing yourself and your soul and your wisdom. Um,
Speaker 1: I really am honored. And I'm gonna cry. I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna cry because I'm like, I'm such a
Speaker 1: let's crying together. Let's do it. We probably will by
Speaker 1: the time we're done, so can I. I just have
Speaker 1: to say, I didn't know we would go this deep
Speaker 1: this quickly, but I have to say I feel incredibly
Speaker 1: luck to be connecting with you, not just because of
Speaker 1: who you are and your heart and how your music
Speaker 1: moves people and the essence of who you are, but
Speaker 1: also because this is a great opportunity to talk about
Speaker 1: our hearts and people have been feeling so isolated because
Speaker 1: in our culture, in our world, you're not supposed to
Speaker 1: talk about stuff like that. Yes, and add to that
Speaker 1: that the world is what it is and we're feeling
Speaker 1: even more isolated. It's just so wonderful to be able
Speaker 1: to connect with you. Thank you, Thank you. You lucky.
Speaker 1: I am too, I'm so so fortunate, so thank you.
Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing that. Um. I would love to
Speaker 1: hear from your own, your own math, your own perspective.
Speaker 1: If someone asks you who you are and what you do,
Speaker 1: how would you answer that question. I help people not
Speaker 1: hate themselves, so darn much. That's what I do. Who
Speaker 1: I am is hopefully fingers crossed, the walking example of that,
Speaker 1: the walking embodiment of that you truly are that's what
Speaker 1: I see when I when I see you, you exude
Speaker 1: love and there are very few people in this world
Speaker 1: who are connected like you're saying to the heart in
Speaker 1: that way that it actually gets to be expressed and
Speaker 1: it's not hardened. And you have every reason in this
Speaker 1: world to have a wall around your heart. M And
Speaker 1: the way that you let people in and allow for
Speaker 1: that kind of connection, it's intense. I mean, I think
Speaker 1: that's why you immediately saw me move to you know,
Speaker 1: almost tears, because you don't come across that often. And
Speaker 1: that's so sad, you know, it's sad that we have
Speaker 1: we've had to wall our hearts in that way. And
Speaker 1: for you to be so open and connect in the
Speaker 1: way that you do, it's so moving. You know. What
Speaker 1: It makes me think of as inner child work, and
Speaker 1: which a lot of people find mysterious and they resist
Speaker 1: and and don't know what to think about it. And
Speaker 1: to me, I realized at a certain point that my
Speaker 1: inner child was actually uh teaching me as much as
Speaker 1: I wanted to teach my inner child. That makes sense.
Speaker 1: The walls were built by sort of the adult Jeffrey,
Speaker 1: and my inner child was holding onto the innocence the play,
Speaker 1: the freedom, the sense of being alive, m and so
Speaker 1: I was just so grateful for you know, little Jeffrey
Speaker 1: on the farm. Yes, growing up and having having to
Speaker 1: be brave and face all the things that came eventually. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean you say that you you hope people hate
Speaker 1: themselves less, which is a tall order. It seems like,
Speaker 1: I mean, it seems like that's what we're all walking
Speaker 1: around doing, and that's basically self flagellation, like constantly internally.
Speaker 1: And you've basically become this, you know, social media icon
Speaker 1: ambassador for self love and positivity and inclusivity. And can
Speaker 1: you take me You just said something about wow, you
Speaker 1: googled me. No, but no, you, that's just you. That's
Speaker 1: just you, and it's authentic. It's not just like, oh,
Speaker 1: I feel like everybody else is doing it, so I
Speaker 1: should be talking about these things are really really authentic.
Speaker 1: And I just wonder you mentioned little Jeffrey on the Farm.
Speaker 1: Can you take me back to uh, your childhood and
Speaker 1: maybe talk about what your family dynamic was like and
Speaker 1: how that path has led you to to become such
Speaker 1: an ambassador for self love. Yeah, I mean you said
Speaker 1: it right at the top of the pod uh that
Speaker 1: I had a lot of reasons to build walls around
Speaker 1: my heart, and let me say, for years I tried it.
Speaker 1: There's just something about I'll speak for myself, there's something
Speaker 1: about me that I was wholly unsuccessful at hiding. I
Speaker 1: really tried, brick by brick to pretend to be something
Speaker 1: I'm not for a very very long time, and I
Speaker 1: was just woefully bad at it. And you know, speaking
Speaker 1: of self hey, well right, I mean, that's what I've
Speaker 1: realized now. But speaking of self hate, I thought for
Speaker 1: years and years that there's something wrong with me that
Speaker 1: I can't fit in, that I can't be a cog
Speaker 1: in this machine that we've all decided to build around
Speaker 1: our lives. Right, that I must I must be untalented
Speaker 1: at it, or there must be something wrong with me.
Speaker 1: And one of the most powerful messages I ever ever
Speaker 1: encountered was, there is nothing wrong with you. So you
Speaker 1: asked me about the farm, and I'll answer in sort
Speaker 1: of a roundabout way. My dad apologized to me for
Speaker 1: my childhood just a few years ago, and it was,
Speaker 1: shall we say, an emotional moment for me to hear
Speaker 1: that for a couple of reasons, but he just started saying,
Speaker 1: I had this realization, I was worried what other parents
Speaker 1: would think of me, and so I used, he's a
Speaker 1: man of few words. Um, so I'm embellishing a little bit.
Speaker 1: But he said I was worried what other parents would
Speaker 1: think of me, which I took to mean that he
Speaker 1: thought that my queerness was his fault. My exuberant colorfulness,
Speaker 1: my exuberant lgbt Q nous meant that he was a
Speaker 1: bad parent, And so, without putting too fine a point
Speaker 1: on it, he used every single method he could think of,
Speaker 1: including violent ones, to get me not to be me. Mhm.
Speaker 1: And that's my predominant memory of every person I was
Speaker 1: looking I was thinking back trying to come up with someone.
Speaker 1: Basically every person was either embarrassed to be around me,
Speaker 1: tried to get me not to be myself, called me names,
Speaker 1: made fun of me, and tried to get me not
Speaker 1: to be me. And it's been a long journey to
Speaker 1: be what you see, that authentic representation of me without shape. Wow. Um, that's,
Speaker 1: by the way, you couldn't recognize unless it was also you. Yes. Oh,
Speaker 1: by the way, Um, I was going to say, you
Speaker 1: feel free to ask me any questions because I totally
Speaker 1: relate to that. I grew up, I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: in the public eye, and yes, there were so many
Speaker 1: pieces of myself, so much fragmentation, so many pieces that
Speaker 1: I had to and still am reclaiming, because there was
Speaker 1: only one version that was really acceptable, and it was
Speaker 1: Leanne rhymes right, And I totally understand that hiding. I
Speaker 1: think that's for me. I've always been a huge supporter
Speaker 1: of LGBTQ, and I think there were a couple of reasons.
Speaker 1: I grew up in Mississippi. My uncle was gay and
Speaker 1: died of AIDS when I was eleven, and so I
Speaker 1: always wanted to give him a voice that he didn't have.
Speaker 1: And I've known in a completely different way what it
Speaker 1: feels like to hide and only be accepted for what
Speaker 1: the world wants you to be. And I've known that
Speaker 1: hiding in that loneliness and that so deeply that I
Speaker 1: relate in so many ways. You oh, you hit the
Speaker 1: nail on the head, so you're safe behind that wall,
Speaker 1: but you're also incredibly lonely, completely deeply, and you said
Speaker 1: it was hiding in a different way, but I think
Speaker 1: it was pretty similar to at least what I went through. Right.
Speaker 1: I mean, you felt this incredible pressure to be something
Speaker 1: you're not. Yeah, and also I don't want to put
Speaker 1: words in your mouth. But then there comes this feeling
Speaker 1: of inadequacy because you can't do it. M M. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: that's that's yeah, you can't hide yourself and well, and
Speaker 1: the more that you do, um, I mean, the more
Speaker 1: the depression and anxiety and everything else comes online. Right,
Speaker 1: And and I'm still reclaiming a lot of those pieces.
Speaker 1: And that's why when I when I look at you,
Speaker 1: I there's a piece of me that still is is
Speaker 1: under the illusion that it's not free. I'll just put
Speaker 1: it that way. And I look at you and I
Speaker 1: see such freedom, um, and it sets me free like that,
Speaker 1: it's set It reminds that piece of me. And I
Speaker 1: think that's what so many people see in your reminds
Speaker 1: us that there is, like you said, this innocence and
Speaker 1: this freedom that is inherently there that is ours to reclaim.
Speaker 1: It's ours to reclaim. Yeah, you know that a lot
Speaker 1: of people see that freedom and they get very scared
Speaker 1: of me. Yes, I'm sure you've experienced the same thing. Yes,
Speaker 1: And I love that because it's just showing you where
Speaker 1: you're still where you're not free. Yeah. Um, I wish
Speaker 1: people could recognize that in themselves, but instead of trying
Speaker 1: to stop people like us, which is the usual, uh,
Speaker 1: the usual reaction. But I want to ask you a question,
Speaker 1: because you said you're reclaiming some of those parts of
Speaker 1: your childhood, can you give me an example, because I
Speaker 1: think that's inspiring. Yeah, well so interesting. Well, the little Lie,
Speaker 1: I call it little Lily. Um, I'm definitely reclaiming her.
Speaker 1: I feel like she's been in the basement for a
Speaker 1: really long time and she's been wanting to come out
Speaker 1: and play. And my play has been such a huge
Speaker 1: piece of what I have been reclaiming. And also we'll
Speaker 1: dig into this in a second, but I grew up
Speaker 1: with basically a tomboy because my my dad always knew.
Speaker 1: My dad wanted a boy. I was that was very
Speaker 1: that was expressed early on, and I it was expressed.
Speaker 1: And they don't people don't know how much that fucks
Speaker 1: you up, like when of course you know, like and
Speaker 1: they say it in the most loving way, especially in
Speaker 1: the South. Oh, your dad he wanted a boy, but
Speaker 1: he got a girl. He just loves you so much,
Speaker 1: now you know, And that it's he went through a
Speaker 1: long journey to just really get over Yes, exactly. And
Speaker 1: I learned how to hunt when I was little. I
Speaker 1: played baseball. And I'm glad that I have the range
Speaker 1: of things that I know about myself. But my femininity,
Speaker 1: interest stingly enough, this is the little girl, like the
Speaker 1: actual girly girl, and the my own femininity as a
Speaker 1: woman has been something that I am continually reclaiming and
Speaker 1: learning about because I feel I felt like that, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I grew up in such a masculine world. I mean
Speaker 1: we all have, and so I feel like I had
Speaker 1: to like shut down that piece of myself and so
Speaker 1: to be you know, kind of coming into that and
Speaker 1: recognizing as a woman, I'm a woman and finally claiming
Speaker 1: my own femininity, you know, which is which is kind
Speaker 1: of a mind fuck in a way a bit. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And there's so sometimes, um, whatever is authentic for you
Speaker 1: is what we're taught is wrong with us m hm.
Speaker 1: And so you might have learned at some point that
Speaker 1: that femininity was was something wrong with you. Yeah. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: And how powerful to reclaim something so natural, so free,
Speaker 1: so beautiful. Yeah, Yeah, I mean there's definitely a point
Speaker 1: where I I think a lot of women have learned that,
Speaker 1: you know, there's something wrong with our femininity and that
Speaker 1: we were weak in some way for having it, when
Speaker 1: I mean did complete opposite is the truth. It's so
Speaker 1: powerful when we we learned how to own that piece
Speaker 1: of ourselves anyway, masculine, feminine, whoever we are, the truth
Speaker 1: of who we are. And I think that's what's been
Speaker 1: so beautiful for me is actually learning how to learning
Speaker 1: that I am both, which will which I'd love to
Speaker 1: talk to you about, because I find that you have
Speaker 1: made me. You're talking my language, Well, you have made me.
Speaker 1: First off, I learned what cis was. I've never known
Speaker 1: what cis is. I'm like, oh, okay, that's a new one.
Speaker 1: I've learned so much from you, and people are frantically
Speaker 1: googling now on right, what the hell is that? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and the with non binary I as I've been listening
Speaker 1: to you, I'm like, well, I am am, I I'm
Speaker 1: they right. I mean I feel like I am both.
Speaker 1: I have both energies. I know them both well, my
Speaker 1: masculine sometimes more than my feminine. Can you speak to
Speaker 1: that a little bit, because I just find you just
Speaker 1: did so. I am no I am noticing this. I
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know. Um, I'm gonna be very delicate,
Speaker 1: but I sense this hesitancy from you to let me
Speaker 1: speak and to have a voice about this. But I
Speaker 1: hope you also know that you were just incredibly eloquent
Speaker 1: about your own experience. Oh thank you. I'm just finding
Speaker 1: what I've learned from you is yes, this is what yes, please,
Speaker 1: I would love for you to spep. I mean, it's
Speaker 1: not just what you've learned from me, it's what you've
Speaker 1: learned from your own life, which is always welcome, is
Speaker 1: incredibly valuable. You know. To me, a lot of people
Speaker 1: write to me and ask about the labels, says is
Speaker 1: a good one, trans, non binary, gender fluid, is gender queer,
Speaker 1: are different than gray sexual, And you know, the kids
Speaker 1: have all these labels that they love to use on
Speaker 1: their internets, and to me, they're really empowering and nothing
Speaker 1: at all should be put ahead of someone's personal experience.
Speaker 1: So whatever words, and you know, at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, we're using a language that is weighed down
Speaker 1: with a past that didn't always include people people like me,
Speaker 1: but also a past that was misogynist, a present that's misogynist.
Speaker 1: That's built into our language, right, So we're using a
Speaker 1: language it's woefully inadequate to talk about something as vibrant
Speaker 1: to full rainbow, gorgeous flowing as human gender expression. M hm.
Speaker 1: So anyway, use whatever words you want. And you were doing,
Speaker 1: uh great, you moved me. Oh thank you. But anyway,
Speaker 1: you wanted me to talk about non binary. Yes, I
Speaker 1: would love to hear about your experience of you said
Speaker 1: the other day that non binary. I watched a video
Speaker 1: of yours that said it was a movement. Can you
Speaker 1: explain what do you mean by that? Yeah, it's I
Speaker 1: think what I mean and what I meant in that
Speaker 1: video was non binary is a place to belong. To me,
Speaker 1: there are those of us walking the earth and we
Speaker 1: know it's a deep knowing within our soul that there's
Speaker 1: more to us than what we were taught. There's more
Speaker 1: to us than the gender on our birth certificate, if
Speaker 1: that makes and there's just more that's that's vibrant and
Speaker 1: wonderful about us. And to me, the word non binary
Speaker 1: is a great catch all for someone who is the
Speaker 1: way I would say it is, I'm not a man,
Speaker 1: I'm not a woman. I contain parts of both of
Speaker 1: those things, but I'm also you know, a hundred and
Speaker 1: three other things and that we can just throw into
Speaker 1: the wheelbarrow of gender expression. And I feel so free
Speaker 1: and such a beautiful weight was lifted off of me
Speaker 1: when I read a Tumbler post that said what non
Speaker 1: binary was. It was like a key in a lock
Speaker 1: and something new was opened up for me. And we're
Speaker 1: going to dive more deeply into exactly what opened up
Speaker 1: for Jeffrey once they made that discovery right after this
Speaker 1: super quick break Welcome Back, My Loves the Wonderful Jeffrey
Speaker 1: marsh is sharing their thoughts on discovering non binary and
Speaker 1: their pronouns. How long ago is that? Gosh? I came
Speaker 1: out as non binary like years ago, okay, and started
Speaker 1: using the then pronouns then so a while but still
Speaker 1: relatively new. Yeah. Absolutely, And I felt so complicated in
Speaker 1: my gender from an extremely young age. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: that's like, yeah, I mean it's really I love that
Speaker 1: you say there's like a hundred and something different other
Speaker 1: things that we could be, because I really feel like
Speaker 1: this is its soul expression, you know, it's it's not Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's so much more like when you get down to it,
Speaker 1: like it's so much more complicated than than just these
Speaker 1: simple terms, because we just are Oh yeah, maybe it's
Speaker 1: appropriate to say that the term non binary comes from
Speaker 1: not being the two genders that are usually available to people,
Speaker 1: man and woman, So man and woman would be a binary,
Speaker 1: and we just say we're non binary. And to me,
Speaker 1: it's it's a place of freedom and belonging. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: you totally I sensed that, and it's it's a beautiful
Speaker 1: it's a beautiful place because that's ultimately, I think what
Speaker 1: we're all looking for is is that freedom and belonging.
Speaker 1: I wanted to tell you a little funny story because
Speaker 1: I was first famous on vine years and years and
Speaker 1: years ago and about a decade ago, and the the
Speaker 1: young people started saying, what are your pronouns? Are you
Speaker 1: non binary? And so I, as the semi old person
Speaker 1: at like thirty years old, had to go and look
Speaker 1: on the internet. And that's when I saw, Oh, this
Speaker 1: is who I am, this is what's been going on
Speaker 1: this whole time. There are other people like me. And
Speaker 1: the really beautiful thing about our times is that people
Speaker 1: are now connecting digitally and they're not going physically into
Speaker 1: work and you know, all these things that have kept
Speaker 1: us in our homes, and people's conception of their gender
Speaker 1: is shifting and changing and freeing up because of what's
Speaker 1: happening in the world right now. That's just such a
Speaker 1: beautiful um change because people don't have this feel the
Speaker 1: same pressure to perform their gender in the same way
Speaker 1: as that they did pre pandemic. Yeah, absolutely interesting. I
Speaker 1: haven't thought about that, but that you're completely correct, And
Speaker 1: that's been shifting for a while, I mean in the
Speaker 1: workplace and especially for you know, I mean, we're at
Speaker 1: least we're hoping that it's been shifting for a while,
Speaker 1: but it's not shift thing fast enough. But yeah, that's
Speaker 1: so interesting. Was there a moment for you when you
Speaker 1: just completely said, like, f this, I don't care about
Speaker 1: what people think. I don't care about people's judgments. Like,
Speaker 1: was there a defining moment for you where like you
Speaker 1: were you just said, I I am ready to fully
Speaker 1: express myself in this world as a totality of who
Speaker 1: I am. No, And I'll explain why because people ask
Speaker 1: me about confidence all the time, and they asked me specifically,
Speaker 1: how are you so confident? And how can I be confident?
Speaker 1: Like you are seeing that to be oneself when you're
Speaker 1: someone like me who is usually or who gets a
Speaker 1: lot of hate coming at them, shall we say in
Speaker 1: the world to be someone like me? That that rings
Speaker 1: as confidence for people, and I usually people. That's not
Speaker 1: how I view it. What you're looking at or what
Speaker 1: you see in me is radical complete self kindness, self acceptance.
Speaker 1: It is a skill that I learned to do that
Speaker 1: I went away to a monastery to do. But that's
Speaker 1: what you're viewing, and so it's much more like accepting
Speaker 1: that I care what other people think of me sometimes,
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? What other people say
Speaker 1: does affect me, and that I'm a sensitive person and
Speaker 1: that I choose to walk the world with an open
Speaker 1: heart and that gets me hurt sometimes. Accepting all of
Speaker 1: that helps me to basically walk into any situation I
Speaker 1: know that I will love myself at the end of
Speaker 1: that situation. That's really profound. No, it is, someone said
Speaker 1: to me the other day, because I was pressing that
Speaker 1: I've been I've been experiencing a lot of joy, and
Speaker 1: you know, joy is something that's I think a lot
Speaker 1: of us are afraid of because we're also afraid to
Speaker 1: lose it. The therapist that I was talking to you
Speaker 1: was saying, joy is the state. I was also talking
Speaker 1: about longing because when I fall out of joy quote
Speaker 1: unquote fall out of joy, I think I've lost something somehow,
Speaker 1: and so I feel like that there's sadness there. And
Speaker 1: he was saying that sadness is usually when we lose something.
Speaker 1: There's the difference between sadness and longing and recognizing that longing.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, to me, it always feels like a losing myself. Yes, absolutely,
Speaker 1: when I'm feeling most lonely, sad, longing, it's really that
Speaker 1: I've I've somehow lost the connection with you know, you
Speaker 1: can say it in a lot of poetic ways. My heart,
Speaker 1: my spirit, feeling like it's okay to be me, you know,
Speaker 1: stuff stuff like that. That's what I think of. I
Speaker 1: totally agree, because that's exactly what I came to. I
Speaker 1: was like, I feel like I'm longing for self. I'm
Speaker 1: longing for that. I'm longing for that. You're little Lily,
Speaker 1: the little Jeffrey, like you're longing for that, that innocence,
Speaker 1: because that innocence is is what is so joyous. I
Speaker 1: just pictured our inner children being friends and playing with
Speaker 1: each other very cute. We can do that now and
Speaker 1: we're like, yeah, you talk about you know, I mean
Speaker 1: I I see the hatred that comes your way. And
Speaker 1: I've experienced plenty of that myself also on social media,
Speaker 1: and it took me a while to really not soak
Speaker 1: that in. I've learned a lot from it, and I've
Speaker 1: learned also a lot of grace toward other humans from
Speaker 1: it and to see view it as the hurt you
Speaker 1: know that that it's going on inside of people. I
Speaker 1: would have been some of your or what is one
Speaker 1: of the biggest lessons that you've learned from witnessing the
Speaker 1: hate that comes your way. I've actually recently freed myself
Speaker 1: up a little bit from pondering what's going on for
Speaker 1: the hater in the sense that they clearly have something
Speaker 1: going on and that's probably to deal with. And you know,
Speaker 1: as a naturally empathetic person, I really easily go there too.
Speaker 1: You know, they were they weren't treated well in their childhood,
Speaker 1: and they obviously treat themselves the way that they are
Speaker 1: treating me, and you know, all of all of the
Speaker 1: stuff to give them context, and I always like to
Speaker 1: remind myself to give myself all of that context immediately.
Speaker 1: When I start doing that and give myself kindness, love
Speaker 1: and thank myself for not being a hateful person and
Speaker 1: for living with all the love that I can and
Speaker 1: being committed to that, that makes Yeah, that's so true.
Speaker 1: You're right. As an empathetic person, it's so easy to
Speaker 1: go in that direction and grant the grace outwardly and
Speaker 1: and maybe it's not instead of but also also making
Speaker 1: sure that you are the one that you're granting that
Speaker 1: grace to first. Yeah, And I actually find if I
Speaker 1: do that first, it's much easier to give it to
Speaker 1: other people. It's a much easier process if I am
Speaker 1: filled with grace already to just let that flow out
Speaker 1: of me. Yeah, when you're triggered, because ultimately we are
Speaker 1: you know, we can't move will be Um, We're human, right,
Speaker 1: So no matter how much grace and love, like, there's
Speaker 1: always a trigger. Could you narrow it down? Triggered in
Speaker 1: what triggered and triggered by a right exactly life? Triggered
Speaker 1: when when you see these hateful comments that come in
Speaker 1: if you are triggered by that, um, Because I know
Speaker 1: so many people on social media no matter if you're
Speaker 1: you are me, it's just people in general, Um, experience
Speaker 1: so much hate. What is where's the first place that
Speaker 1: you go when you're triggered to help soothe or to
Speaker 1: kind of meet that trigger when it's when it's happening. Well, um,
Speaker 1: that's that's like that is a multifold answer. So I'm
Speaker 1: on my phone, a comment comes in. Let's say it's
Speaker 1: a comment from a young man and it's a vomit emoji,
Speaker 1: which happens a lot, right, So I do a video
Speaker 1: pouring out my heart and telling people to love themselves
Speaker 1: and how they're worthy of love and stuff like that,
Speaker 1: and then, yeah, a vomit emoji. The first place that
Speaker 1: I go is I love you, Jeffrey, thank you for
Speaker 1: doing what you do. The video is really beautiful. I'm
Speaker 1: glad you put it out there. Thank you for who
Speaker 1: you are. And I'm literally talking to myself telling myself love,
Speaker 1: giving myself love and kindness because to me, like top
Speaker 1: on the list, I have to make sure that that
Speaker 1: happens pretty constantly throughout throughout all of my days, but
Speaker 1: especially when something like that happens. And then the sort
Speaker 1: of multilayer to the responses well, is there an action
Speaker 1: then that needs to happen after that. That's like blocking
Speaker 1: the person deleting the comment. And I just check in
Speaker 1: with with myself and say, what do we want to
Speaker 1: have happened here, and then I execute like that you have.
Speaker 1: The block button is the best thing in the world.
Speaker 1: It really is. It's just so fantastic. I'm so glad
Speaker 1: it was created. No, I'm a huge advocate of actually
Speaker 1: people blocking for no reason at all. Just block if
Speaker 1: you feel you know, if you feel like maybe you
Speaker 1: should go for it. You know, you don't have to
Speaker 1: have a million excuses or a reason or you know,
Speaker 1: it's your page. You get to decide. The parameter is
Speaker 1: just go for it. Yeah, that's so true. It's so
Speaker 1: an important boundary. And to not feel to not feel
Speaker 1: guilty about it. I know that that's something in the
Speaker 1: very beginning, like I would feel so guilty about like
Speaker 1: blocking someone, and of course they would come back with
Speaker 1: like you know and some other um to create another
Speaker 1: account and come back and start brading you in another way,
Speaker 1: and I would have this like existential guilt about it.
Speaker 1: And you're right, it's it's a boundary that is super important.
Speaker 1: You said, something about boundaries recently that hit home with me.
Speaker 1: I would love for you to share that because I
Speaker 1: think that's appropriate in for life in general. I want
Speaker 1: to wait, I have to turn the tables first, because
Speaker 1: I would like to use the word star. You were
Speaker 1: a star. You are a star, but when you were
Speaker 1: a kid, you were a star? Do you are you
Speaker 1: comfortable with that work? Yeah? I mean yeah, that's interesting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and so I am sure that you're bound well not
Speaker 1: sure what I project onto that situation, and I want
Speaker 1: your confirmation is your boundaries were toast. They were absolutely gone.
Speaker 1: They were on a global scale. Everybody had access to
Speaker 1: you and needed to all the time. And so the
Speaker 1: concept of setting a boundary and keeping to it, and
Speaker 1: you know, all the stuff we talked about in self
Speaker 1: care is just you have no concept of it at all,
Speaker 1: I would guess, right, No, No, you're you're very correct
Speaker 1: about that, and it's still a new one for me
Speaker 1: at times. Right. So that's what I wanted to ask
Speaker 1: you about, is like, how have you begun to build
Speaker 1: into your your own rituals around caring for yourself this
Speaker 1: this concept of having boundaries period Yeah, well exactly period um.
Speaker 1: I think for me ng reclaiming going back to inner
Speaker 1: child work again. And by the way, I've done so
Speaker 1: much work in the past, like almost ten years, I
Speaker 1: guess it's been but yeah, good times. Um, the inner
Speaker 1: child piece has been something that I've so like touched
Speaker 1: upon and then pushed away and touched upon and then
Speaker 1: pushed away. And it's I'm like, and I'm actually in
Speaker 1: the thick of it right now, and it's been so good.
Speaker 1: I think I was in uh therapy session the other
Speaker 1: day and my my therapist said, you would do anything
Speaker 1: for leally, and it like hit home so deeply that
Speaker 1: I started I got cry. Now, I started bawling because
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're right, like that is ultimately who I'm
Speaker 1: doing it for. And so ever since then, boundaries have
Speaker 1: been a lot easier, simple as that, and so and
Speaker 1: it's taken me ten years to figure that shut out. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's do you do realize that people live
Speaker 1: their whole lives and never figured that shut out? So
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know that there's a timeline
Speaker 1: you're supposed to figure it out. Um, but thank goodness
Speaker 1: for her, right, Thank goodness that she could be there
Speaker 1: to inspire that realization and inspire you to put in
Speaker 1: the work which is paying off. Yeah. Absolutely so. To me,
Speaker 1: I think the video you're talking about is I've begun
Speaker 1: to look at boundaries as a choice I'm making now
Speaker 1: that makes my life more pleasant, which I love because
Speaker 1: it's so simple. Yeah, so simple, and you don't have
Speaker 1: to like do a lot of inner thinking machinations, making
Speaker 1: up excuses, getting your ducks in a row before you've
Speaker 1: set the boundary, etcetera, etcetera. And the other thing I
Speaker 1: really love about it and the reason it came to
Speaker 1: me in sort of a you know, flash of of
Speaker 1: love and kindness, was it puts the focus on me.
Speaker 1: The boundaries. For me, we sometimes are like I'm setting
Speaker 1: a boundary to teach that personal lesson, to make sure
Speaker 1: this abusive person is out of my life and I
Speaker 1: have to be strong. And to me, I was just like,
Speaker 1: that is such a bad time. I don't like boundaries
Speaker 1: when they're like that. But if it's just like, oh,
Speaker 1: my life will be more pleasant if I say I'm
Speaker 1: not going to do this project right now, thank you
Speaker 1: for the offer. You know, it's just as simple as that.
Speaker 1: Sometimes boundaries, to me, it very seems like um, like
Speaker 1: this inner bully that has to like set like a
Speaker 1: very strict rule. And when you said that, I was
Speaker 1: there was just so much air around it. It was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: it feels like I can breathe within that boundary, like
Speaker 1: I'm making this choice for myself. And that was just
Speaker 1: really really clear and helped me clarify what boundaries are
Speaker 1: for myself. I love that, and I love the fact
Speaker 1: that you know what you helped me to see, just
Speaker 1: because you said that so eloquently, when you're a kid,
Speaker 1: if you were going to put up boundaries. Not every
Speaker 1: household is like this, but I'm just sensing that yours
Speaker 1: and mine perhaps where our lives were a bit like this.
Speaker 1: If we were going to set up boundaries when we
Speaker 1: were a kid, it would have taken that kind of
Speaker 1: gargantuan bullying, pressing through aggressive energy to make it happen.
Speaker 1: But we sometimes forget we're not living our childhood anymore.
Speaker 1: We're not six years old anymore. We have some agency here,
Speaker 1: and we have some choice and learning how to gracefully
Speaker 1: say no or to set up a boundary. You know,
Speaker 1: you don't even have to tell the other person to
Speaker 1: just say, you know, I'm going to purposefully limit my
Speaker 1: time with so and so because that's it. Yes, that's
Speaker 1: what I'm into. It's going to make my life more pleasant. Yes,
Speaker 1: I think that's also coming from both of us. I
Speaker 1: think there has to be some sense of self love
Speaker 1: and appreciation of self in order to to come from
Speaker 1: boundaries or come look at boundaries in that way, because
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's taken me a long time to
Speaker 1: be like, oh, I want to make my life pleasant
Speaker 1: in this moment, like that's okay to do, because but
Speaker 1: usually it's been about making everyone else's life as easy
Speaker 1: as possible. And of course, yeah, I mean people pleasing.
Speaker 1: That's the way. That's that was the way for so long. Well,
Speaker 1: not to over analyze, but you did it on a
Speaker 1: global scale. Yeah, yes, talk about needing to please people.
Speaker 1: I mean it was your I'm guessing it was your
Speaker 1: entire existence and not just your caregivers, but really every
Speaker 1: single person you came in contact with, which must have
Speaker 1: been fun to sort through with your therapist's time. You
Speaker 1: know you can. I know, I'm so sorry to interrupt,
Speaker 1: but you just made me so enthusiastic. Thank you for
Speaker 1: talking about it. Thank you. It's so powerful. And important
Speaker 1: for people people I don't know, I can't speak for
Speaker 1: all people. For me, when I listened to your to
Speaker 1: your episodes and when you talk, especially this format, you're
Speaker 1: just so open and not filtered. But it's more than that.
Speaker 1: It's like you're not afraid to let it hang out,
Speaker 1: to talk about the things you're working on, because it's
Speaker 1: okay to be working on stuff. Yeah. You know, you
Speaker 1: talk about freedom like you found your freedom and in
Speaker 1: a certain way, and I found my free That's how
Speaker 1: I've found my freedom is in this in this way
Speaker 1: of allowing allowing just all of the complexities of my
Speaker 1: own human experience to just be at the forefront. And
Speaker 1: that's can be really scary, and it's also very liberate.
Speaker 1: It's all the things. It's all the things, right, I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm sure that you have experienced you and your experience
Speaker 1: with your own freedom has been very complex, and I
Speaker 1: think that's what's so beautiful for all of us is
Speaker 1: the complexities are the complexities of the story, right, I Mean,
Speaker 1: that's that's where we connect. I like to think of
Speaker 1: myself as a walking metaphor. I'm pretty close to the surface,
Speaker 1: and I think people can see right away what I
Speaker 1: was told was wrong with me when I was a kid,
Speaker 1: and how I've chosen to embrace that and love that
Speaker 1: and expressed that and put on rainbow eye shadow come
Speaker 1: and talk to you. People at home can imagine. It's
Speaker 1: so good, you know, people can see what I was
Speaker 1: told was wrong with me and how I've embraced that.
Speaker 1: And I hope, I always deeply hope that they take
Speaker 1: that with them, that they were told there's something's wrong
Speaker 1: with them. Mm hmm. And it's actually your superpower. Your
Speaker 1: door knob on the door marked freedom is that thing
Speaker 1: you were told it's wrong with you? Absolutely? Where do
Speaker 1: you do? You live in New York in Los Angeles?
Speaker 1: You do? I was a New Yorker for a long
Speaker 1: long time. But I'm very good. Yeah, you're close by.
Speaker 1: I love it. First off, I mean you you were
Speaker 1: raised Christian and I was. I mean I completely relate.
Speaker 1: I was raised Southern Baptist and completely ran the opposite
Speaker 1: direction at some point and found my own version of
Speaker 1: spirituality and kind of very much appreciate the Christian teachings
Speaker 1: in my own way. Now, the stuff that Jesus said,
Speaker 1: for example, yes, really good stuff. He was onto something,
Speaker 1: but I also, you know, have studied a bit of Buddhism,
Speaker 1: and like I said, I've kind of found my own
Speaker 1: way with my own spirituality. When did Buddhism enter your world?
Speaker 1: And how did that? How did that come about? Well?
Speaker 1: I was in a I was in a bookstore in Philadelphia.
Speaker 1: It was a spiritual bookstore. So they had all kinds
Speaker 1: of like crystals and dream catchers and and stuff, posters
Speaker 1: with the Chakras on them, right, And I was just
Speaker 1: fascinated because I was a Christian kid and I had
Speaker 1: just gone away to college and I was this place.
Speaker 1: I was just magnetized by this and how different it
Speaker 1: was than what I was brought up in. And I
Speaker 1: walked in and from across the bookstore, I saw a
Speaker 1: book called there Is Nothing Wrong with You. That's what
Speaker 1: the cover said, and my mind started going, OLP, really know,
Speaker 1: this is what's wrong with you? And this and this
Speaker 1: and this and you're horrible in this way and this
Speaker 1: and this and this. So my mind was doing that,
Speaker 1: and my heart and my feet were already moving towards
Speaker 1: the book, crossing across the bookstore, and I picked it
Speaker 1: up and it was written by a woman who ran
Speaker 1: a zen Buddhist monastery. I would eventually go on retreats,
Speaker 1: go to workshops, go live at the monastery for a while,
Speaker 1: and find a whole new rebirth. You know, it's interesting
Speaker 1: that that came out of my mouth because I don't
Speaker 1: usually talk about it like that, But I think so
Speaker 1: many folks, and I don't know if you can relate
Speaker 1: to this, but so many LGBTQ folks anyway throw the
Speaker 1: baby of spirituality out with the bathwater of how we
Speaker 1: were treated in religion, and so religion and spirituality are
Speaker 1: kind of gloamed together and they just decide, you know,
Speaker 1: they were told so often Jesus doesn't love you, and
Speaker 1: and you're you're horrible, You're not going to heaven and
Speaker 1: stuff like that, that they just throw wild spirituality as well,
Speaker 1: and so it is sort of like a a reclaiming,
Speaker 1: a rediscovering of of that. At least it was for me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can completely relate to that, And especially having an
Speaker 1: uncle that was gay and seeing the way he was
Speaker 1: treated by everyone who claimed to be so Christian. It
Speaker 1: really was such a bitter taste in my mouth. I
Speaker 1: remember having really intense arguments with my mom very early
Speaker 1: on like this doesn't make sense, and why would your
Speaker 1: God like not include everyone? And you know, like how
Speaker 1: old were you saying these things? Oh? Six seven six seven?
Speaker 1: Early on, I was just so confused. I'm like, why
Speaker 1: are people? Why is everyone not included? And why are
Speaker 1: we all not children of God? And you're right that
Speaker 1: during the baby out with bathwater is completely my experience
Speaker 1: and has been for a long time, and having to
Speaker 1: really find my own way back there, it's been a
Speaker 1: beautiful journey to reclaim that for myself because, you know,
Speaker 1: as spiritual beings, like when we're disconnected once again, little
Speaker 1: lily innocence like this our own spirituality, when we're disconnected
Speaker 1: from that piece of us, like the loneliness, you know,
Speaker 1: the longing is so intense, and it's sad that religion
Speaker 1: organized religion and in its lowest forms, I guess, has
Speaker 1: the ability to do that. All right on that heavy
Speaker 1: and holy, holy human note. Oh, we're going to take
Speaker 1: a quick break, but we'll be right back with more.
Speaker 1: Jeffrey Marsh, Welcome back, Laves. Jeffrey and I were just
Speaker 1: talking about the very complicated ways religion can be used
Speaker 1: to divide us from one another and ourselves. It's so
Speaker 1: like a lot of different things, it can be used
Speaker 1: for separation and for judgment and for cruelty. And to me,
Speaker 1: you've made me think of like when I was a kid,
Speaker 1: So I was raised Lutheran h And when I was
Speaker 1: a kid, not just like people like me or people
Speaker 1: throughout the world were excluded. It's like we're Lutherans and
Speaker 1: we're right and Meptists are wrong completely, do you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? It's like, how what there's like a
Speaker 1: hair's distance between us and you're really deciding who God
Speaker 1: likes more than someone else. Yeah, And I love the
Speaker 1: connection you made that this sort of when I'm feeling lonely,
Speaker 1: I have a distance from myself. But I think some
Speaker 1: people would call that when I'm feeling lonely, I have
Speaker 1: a distance from God, which is self. And I feel
Speaker 1: like that doesn't you know there was a time when
Speaker 1: I was very rebellious in my teen years when that's
Speaker 1: a phrase like that would have been very upsetting and
Speaker 1: triggering because it's like, if you're God, you tell me
Speaker 1: that I'm going to help blah blah blah. But now
Speaker 1: it's like that is beautiful and poetic to me and
Speaker 1: makes a lot of sense absolutely, I mean, because now,
Speaker 1: I mean the way I view things is that God
Speaker 1: exists within us. So when I say I have a
Speaker 1: disconnection from self, its meaning God. And for me, I
Speaker 1: have a disconnection from spirit and energy and God and
Speaker 1: whatever a million different words we want to call it,
Speaker 1: but that's ultimately my longing is to be connected with
Speaker 1: the true, purest, innocent piece of myself. Yeah. And how
Speaker 1: interesting that so many people get separated from themselves and
Speaker 1: use God as an excuse to do that. Yeah, when
Speaker 1: they're trying to prove who God likes and doesn't like,
Speaker 1: and you know, all of that stuff must. I don't
Speaker 1: know how it feels, but it seems like a lonely
Speaker 1: kind of existence to me. And so Buddhism, for you
Speaker 1: has I mean, I feel like for me to I
Speaker 1: the principles of Buddhism have I think for that for me,
Speaker 1: that was kind of like how I started to to
Speaker 1: form my own spiritual path. They made so much more
Speaker 1: grounded sense. Um of dogs are in here and now
Speaker 1: they're like howling um, But yeah they no, don't apologize. Yes,
Speaker 1: they're like we like Buddhism also do I mean you
Speaker 1: make a joke, But dogs are actually really perfect examples
Speaker 1: of being in the moment. Yes, very true. M hmm.
Speaker 1: I just love watching critters of all kinds, but dogs
Speaker 1: especially are really just enthusiastically now, yes, and being in
Speaker 1: the moment has been such a training. It's a daily
Speaker 1: training of little moments of coming back to self and
Speaker 1: how I'm feeling and my I mean, honestly, you're right.
Speaker 1: My dog teaches me that all the time, and that's
Speaker 1: one way I actually connect with the moment is by
Speaker 1: connecting with her fully, like fully fully, So yes, they are.
Speaker 1: They're such beautiful teachers. Do you have animals? We do, not,
Speaker 1: pandemic aside, my partner and I like to go on
Speaker 1: trips and so we really didn't you know, we don't
Speaker 1: know if we have some plants, and that's as far
Speaker 1: as our family is going right now. So very good.
Speaker 1: Do you ask me where I am, and I'm in
Speaker 1: l A. And so it's actually really lovely to have
Speaker 1: plants in l A because there's they like it here
Speaker 1: so they can live. Eddie and I got a plant
Speaker 1: at the beginning of the whole pandemic, and it's a
Speaker 1: fiddle fern. We actually have kept it alive. Most people
Speaker 1: kill it. So I'm very proud of our plants. Thank you.
Speaker 1: And there. I don't know if you ever have ever
Speaker 1: eaten them, but they're delicious. Really, I'm sure. I'm sure
Speaker 1: you feel attached to the plant in your house, so
Speaker 1: don't chop that one apart. But yeah, you can get
Speaker 1: them at some supermarkets and stuff too. Yeah, I did
Speaker 1: not know that. I have to go google. That interesting.
Speaker 1: Very cool. You got married, right, Yes, I did. That's
Speaker 1: so cool. And you know what's lovely about it is
Speaker 1: both of us grew up thinking we never would because
Speaker 1: we're queer people, and we just sort of felt like
Speaker 1: outside that institution the whole time growing up. And eventually
Speaker 1: it became legal, obviously for us to be married. And
Speaker 1: this was back when I was living in New York.
Speaker 1: In New York, there is no place on the marriage
Speaker 1: license for gender at all, So nobody who gets married
Speaker 1: there is asked what their gender identity is and it's
Speaker 1: not part of the form or signing up or anything
Speaker 1: like that. Is that a new Is that a new thing? Yeah? Okay,
Speaker 1: that's just a couple of years old, that one. But also, um,
Speaker 1: the governor at the time decided to just make it
Speaker 1: Governor Cuomo decided to just say, hey, you can get
Speaker 1: married on zoom. Just get your stuff together and and
Speaker 1: get inefficient and go into the same Zoom room and
Speaker 1: you're done. You did it, And we knew that we
Speaker 1: didn't want to wait any longer, mm hmm. And we
Speaker 1: knew so we were in the same room, same physical address,
Speaker 1: our apartment, and we knew that we that we wanted
Speaker 1: to have connection in the midst of such great loneliness
Speaker 1: around the world. So, yeah, we got married. Congratulations, that's
Speaker 1: so beautiful. Yeah. I mean, I feel like they give
Speaker 1: so many people hope, you know, for people like you
Speaker 1: just said you never thought both of you never thought
Speaker 1: that that would be something that was a part of
Speaker 1: your journey. And I think that sharing doing that and
Speaker 1: also sharing that piece of you has really given a
Speaker 1: lot of people. Can I tell you a teeny tiny
Speaker 1: story about that, please. You were together for ten years.
Speaker 1: My partner and I we've been together now forever ten years.
Speaker 1: And when we first met, I hated his guts and
Speaker 1: that's because he was kind, so I were I. I
Speaker 1: realized all this later, So I had dated dated a
Speaker 1: series of jerks and hello, like we can talk about
Speaker 1: my childhood and my dad and all that stuff, right,
Speaker 1: But I just learned that to be in relationship with
Speaker 1: people was for them to not treat you very well.
Speaker 1: Mm hm. And so I had gone on a retreat
Speaker 1: with the monastery and I came back from the retreat
Speaker 1: and I made a list of ten things that would
Speaker 1: be healthy for me to have in a partner. And
Speaker 1: I said to the universe, Okay, if this person comes
Speaker 1: into my life, they get three dates, no matter what.
Speaker 1: And my partner, his name is Jeff for Jeff and Jeffrey.
Speaker 1: Jeff came into my life through okay Cupid and it
Speaker 1: was date one. I hate his guy us day to
Speaker 1: hate his guts, but I realized that he had all
Speaker 1: ten things and they, I mean there were things that
Speaker 1: I just in a centered place wrote down, like appreciates
Speaker 1: my art that I do, is financially stable, he loves
Speaker 1: to do like exercise, e things and we could do
Speaker 1: that together. Right. So it's just a less of ten
Speaker 1: things like that. And he was the only person I
Speaker 1: dated who had all ten things. And so I gave
Speaker 1: him a third date even though I didn't want to.
Speaker 1: And um, here we are, you know, a decade or
Speaker 1: so later that puts a new spin on ten ten
Speaker 1: things I hate about you, but I love it so beautiful.
Speaker 1: You talk about so many different things in your beautiful
Speaker 1: little videos that I would love to just throw out
Speaker 1: a few words and see, like what first comes to mind? Sure,
Speaker 1: perfection It has two meanings, So it is true at
Speaker 1: the same time that you do not need to be
Speaker 1: perfect and you are perfect already. Both both of those
Speaker 1: are true and depends on your definition of perfection, right,
Speaker 1: which is ever evolving? Right? I mean we absolutely throughout
Speaker 1: your lifetime, yes, and I hope seeing your inherent perfection
Speaker 1: is where you're where you're evolving too, right, Ultimately that's
Speaker 1: where we land. Purpose. Oh, people love to hate themselves
Speaker 1: so much about needing to have a purpose in life.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think it's really drilled into us and
Speaker 1: not realizing that your quote unquote purpose in life could be, oh,
Speaker 1: having fun, enjoying your dog having a snack. Right, thank
Speaker 1: you for that beautiful reminder, by the way, to enjoy
Speaker 1: your dogs. Just just that that can be. This is
Speaker 1: c This is the lead. Lead. This is a play
Speaker 1: piece for me. That's like coming back the time like
Speaker 1: that can just be simple things like that can be
Speaker 1: your purpose for the day. Doesn't have to be I
Speaker 1: don't have to go win Grammys and make albums and
Speaker 1: do things I mean, which those are also beautiful purposes.
Speaker 1: But my dog and my breath and my my joy,
Speaker 1: my my sense of being can just be. I can
Speaker 1: just be as my purpose. It's not what. It's how.
Speaker 1: So you could to me, you could win a Grammy
Speaker 1: and hate your guts. I'm sure there are people who
Speaker 1: do it. Hate your own guts, right judge it, say,
Speaker 1: oh my god, that's the song was absolutely terrible. And
Speaker 1: I know that you know, and just just hate the process,
Speaker 1: hate yourself, hate life while you're winning a Grammy. Or
Speaker 1: you can win a Grammy and love yourself, be kind
Speaker 1: to yourself, be up on stage age about to say
Speaker 1: your speech and say I love you so much, thank
Speaker 1: you for who you are to yourself. Right, So it's
Speaker 1: not the what that we're doing petting your dog? Yes,
Speaker 1: how do we want to be in this life? M
Speaker 1: This is precious. Let's not spend it being so hateful
Speaker 1: to ourselves. I love Thank you for the reminder. Trauma. Boy,
Speaker 1: we all have I don't know about all um. A
Speaker 1: lot of us have a lot of it, don't we Yes,
Speaker 1: And to me, a big part of healing it, I
Speaker 1: think is realizing it's not your fault. That's what I
Speaker 1: carried around for years, and I think a lot of
Speaker 1: people carry around us just feeling like like a real
Speaker 1: deep down kind of hidden you would never say it necessarily,
Speaker 1: but just really feeling like you deserved it. Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1: Something that's been really interesting with trauma for me recently
Speaker 1: is learning it, learning what's they're knowing what exists, but
Speaker 1: also starting to learn and create who I am without it,
Speaker 1: to not have to hang onto it as the defining
Speaker 1: part of my story. Oh I'm right there with you,
Speaker 1: and feeling like it well goes in stages. When I
Speaker 1: first started healing, I needed to become a little obsessed
Speaker 1: with it, and I was completely read every book about
Speaker 1: trauma and how it works, and and every podcast and
Speaker 1: let me, you know, talk about it and stuff. And
Speaker 1: then you sort of, I don't know if you found this,
Speaker 1: but you sort of get to a point where you've
Speaker 1: heeled enough where you start to not needing to transcend
Speaker 1: it all the time and you can sort of get
Speaker 1: on with your living your life and again, petting your
Speaker 1: dog and yes, enjoying winning Grammys and such complete some
Speaker 1: of us do that last one. Freedom. I know we've
Speaker 1: hit on this a bit, but I just love for
Speaker 1: you to express a little bit more what that means
Speaker 1: to you. To me, freedom is enthusiastic, strong, ever present,
Speaker 1: self compassionate, beautiful. That's that's what makes you free. How
Speaker 1: would we phrase it? You know you have your own back? Yes,
Speaker 1: put it colloquially. Absolutely. I always ask. I'm a huge
Speaker 1: music lover, obviously, and I'm always always interesting. I haven't
Speaker 1: heard very good. Thank you. Yeah, I would love to
Speaker 1: know what your holy five are? Share please? Um, I'm weird.
Speaker 1: So that's your caveat in the meginning, but I'm going
Speaker 1: to go absolutely like deep cuts. So number five is
Speaker 1: Bette Midler singing in the Mood and on her self
Speaker 1: titled album, and I just love it. That song helped
Speaker 1: me survive. I would go in the bar and just
Speaker 1: pretend like I was as cool as her and just
Speaker 1: sing my sing my heart out on the farm, and
Speaker 1: that's number five. Number four would be from a movie
Speaker 1: called Victor Victoria. There's a song called the Jazz Hot.
Speaker 1: Julie Andrews sings it and in the movie If anybody
Speaker 1: knows that she is a woman, an opera singer who
Speaker 1: can't get a job as an opera singer, so gets
Speaker 1: a job as a drag queen. She pretends to be
Speaker 1: a man who then goes and gets a job to
Speaker 1: be a dry queen. Oh baby will you baby Jazz?
Speaker 1: And I was like all this fun gender play and
Speaker 1: beauty and stuff like that. So another person I really
Speaker 1: admired when I was a kid was b Arthur and
Speaker 1: I would watch The Golden Girls and be Arthur was
Speaker 1: a very strong woman and embodied a lot of masculinity
Speaker 1: and I was really inspired by her kind of non
Speaker 1: binary nature. And anyway, she put out an album and
Speaker 1: she did a song called Pirate Jenny, which is a
Speaker 1: Curt Vile song from the thirties, and it's about a
Speaker 1: woman who it's from three Penny Opera and it's about
Speaker 1: a woman who becomes a pirate queen. Everyone looks down
Speaker 1: on her and she ends up becoming this leader of
Speaker 1: the pirates. Then that night there's a bang in the
Speaker 1: night and you yellows that get an up a row.
Speaker 1: So if anyone psychoanalyzing my child and here we go,
Speaker 1: you're getting all you're go all of it today. It
Speaker 1: all comes out through music, I have to say it does.
Speaker 1: It absolutely does. And so to round out these, number
Speaker 1: two is a song called I Only Know What's the
Speaker 1: Best Thing for You, and that is an Irving Berlin
Speaker 1: song from a musical called Call Me Madam. Ethel Merman
Speaker 1: was in it. And if you know anything about ethel Merman,
Speaker 1: she says loud. Her voice is awesome. Her voice is awesome,
Speaker 1: and it is incredibly loud, and she always sings at
Speaker 1: that same loudness except this one song you could barely
Speaker 1: hear her. And there's a movie. You can't really get
Speaker 1: the movie, but it's on YouTube. You can just look
Speaker 1: it up. It's not on any of the streamers, but
Speaker 1: the full thing is on YouTube. Just sitting there she
Speaker 1: sings so soft and so tender, which she never did,
Speaker 1: so it just breaks your heart because it's so intimate
Speaker 1: thing for you. And then number one is the song
Speaker 1: I wrote for my own wedding at the risk of
Speaker 1: being completely full of myself, which I am completely full of,
Speaker 1: So I I wrote a song called my Heart Is
Speaker 1: with You for my parton Jeff. That's so beautiful. It's
Speaker 1: one of my favorites and I've posted about it, and
Speaker 1: there you are. Would would you be? Would you hate me? Yes? Please?
Speaker 1: I love you? You want me to say? Um. The
Speaker 1: chorus goes, my heart is with you in all that
Speaker 1: you do. My heart is with you in the big
Speaker 1: and small times. My heart is with you. It's always
Speaker 1: been true. You're dancing. My heart is with you for
Speaker 1: now and all talk. Oh I love it. You have
Speaker 1: such a beautiful voice. Thank you. I mean, I write
Speaker 1: songs kind of like Mr Rogers did, right, I just
Speaker 1: I just want to pour my heart out. I love
Speaker 1: that I wrote. I wrote a song for my husband too,
Speaker 1: for our our wedding. And yeah, so that's I don't
Speaker 1: know that story. Yeah I'm gonna sing for me. Oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, how does that go? Yeah? I love doesn't
Speaker 1: nex guise you too far, It doesn't make any sinsettle,
Speaker 1: makes you see what you never so how much too
Speaker 1: hug and who it's called? How much a heart can hold? So? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love that we just shared those beautiful songs that
Speaker 1: we wrote for our lovers. There goes my mask, era
Speaker 1: down my face. Oh I so adore you. Thank you
Speaker 1: for sharing who you are and you just so beautiful,
Speaker 1: so beautiful, completely magical. I mean I I feel lucky
Speaker 1: to be You know, people like me there are ten
Speaker 1: twenty years ago we wouldn't be part of that. We
Speaker 1: wouldn't be included, right, We were shunned. And including someone
Speaker 1: like me is very important. And it says something about
Speaker 1: you that you did it. Oh my god, You're always okay,
Speaker 1: You're always included in the world. In my from my perspective,
Speaker 1: you are. In addition to that, Thank you for being
Speaker 1: magical yourself. Thank you sharing your heart. Thank you. I
Speaker 1: hope we get to meet soon. I would love to
Speaker 1: actually yes, please, thank you so much. Yes. Bye, And that,
Speaker 1: my friends, brings this very special episode of Holy Human
Speaker 1: to a close. I hope you have enjoyed your time
Speaker 1: with Jeffrey as much as I did. And please let
Speaker 1: me know your thoughts in the comments wherever you're listening,
Speaker 1: and share this with anyone who could use a little
Speaker 1: more self love and acceptance in their lives too. On
Speaker 1: our next Holy Human, I'll be joined by one of
Speaker 1: the world's leading experts on optimizing human performance. Best selling authors,
Speaker 1: Stephen Cottler, will be with me to share the surprising
Speaker 1: science behind finding your own personal flow and potential. It
Speaker 1: was a truly fascinating conversation. I cannot wait for you
Speaker 1: all to hear it. So I'll see you then, or
Speaker 1: I'll hear you'll hear me then. I don't know, but
Speaker 1: I'll we'll feel each other then. O. Holy Human with
Speaker 1: Me Leanne Rhymes is a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: You'll find Holy Human with Lianne Rhymes on the I
Speaker 1: Heart app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get the podcasts
Speaker 1: that matter most to you.