Speaker 1: Hell, I Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared
Speaker 1: and I Heart Radio Podcast. Welcome to another episode of Help.
Speaker 1: Welcome to another episode of Help. I Suck at Dating
Speaker 1: with Dean Unglert, No Vanessa, no Jared, Just Dean Unglert
Speaker 1: in studio with Easton and Mark, just like it used
Speaker 1: to be, just how it's supposed to be. Here we are.
Speaker 1: Where is everybody today? That's a great question, Mark. I
Speaker 1: think Jared and Vanessa both quit, so who knows this?
Speaker 1: I think we're just gonna go back to the old
Speaker 1: standard of of the three bros hanging out in studio
Speaker 1: talking about dating. Um, two of them, two of us
Speaker 1: are married, one of us is single, and we're just
Speaker 1: gonna get through it together. Um. Today it's gonna be
Speaker 1: an episode. We have Shri Healey coming back into studio.
Speaker 1: She is the possibilitarian. We've actually had her on quite
Speaker 1: a few times and we love having her back here
Speaker 1: because she's so insightful. We're also we we didn't ask
Speaker 1: Dean anything on Facebook on that which a great UM.
Speaker 1: And then we have some emails, so it's gonna be
Speaker 1: a pretty you know, bear bones episode. And the fact
Speaker 1: that we're going minimalist. We're gonna be talking a lot
Speaker 1: about me, which I absolutely not a fan of. Usually
Speaker 1: we're all fascinated by you. We're gonna talk about poop, yes,
Speaker 1: because um, Ashley and Vanessa were butting heads last week
Speaker 1: on Almost Famous about whether you should poop with it
Speaker 1: in front of your significant other. Vanessa was pro, Astley
Speaker 1: was anti yep, and I have I mean, I have
Speaker 1: some thoughts on it. I don't know anything. Okay, great,
Speaker 1: By the way, I do want to hear about last night.
Speaker 1: We talked off air a little bit about this because
Speaker 1: I'm fascinated. I'm a huge baseball fan. I'm a huge
Speaker 1: Milwaukee Brewers fan. And you were there at the Angels
Speaker 1: Brewers game in Anaheim last night. Yeah, so this is
Speaker 1: being recorded on a Thursday last night on what I'm
Speaker 1: sure this is gonna air what next week? UM. I
Speaker 1: for some weird reason, MLB reached out to me and
Speaker 1: they're like, hey, we want you to throw out the
Speaker 1: first pitch of an Angels Brewers game. UM. And it
Speaker 1: was something where it's like I never had really thought
Speaker 1: about throwing out a first pitch at a baseball game
Speaker 1: because I never thought that it was really possible, you know,
Speaker 1: like it's hard to put something on your bucket list
Speaker 1: that you can almost objectively say that's never gonna happen.
Speaker 1: And Marco was just telling me him and his father
Speaker 1: had tried multiple times at the Brewers Games because they've
Speaker 1: been to thirty two straight opening days and no interest
Speaker 1: in us throwing out the first I haven't even been
Speaker 1: alive at thirty two years. Mart I hit him and
Speaker 1: fathom what thirty two years is? And we started eighty
Speaker 1: one and went to and how why was it three? Well,
Speaker 1: it's a sad ending to the story. I was living
Speaker 1: in l A. And I was driving to the airport
Speaker 1: for a red eye was one thirty AM flight. I
Speaker 1: got got up and I slept a little bit, got
Speaker 1: up like eleven PM and was driving to the airport
Speaker 1: and they shut down the four or five freeway at
Speaker 1: Mulholland for a big accident. And I sat there and
Speaker 1: sat there and sat there. I finally got to the
Speaker 1: airport at one I just dropped my car right there
Speaker 1: at the airport because I'm not gonna be gone that long.
Speaker 1: I would fly out and come back the same day,
Speaker 1: and I'm running in I'm thinking I'm gonna make it
Speaker 1: because they probably just started boarding. T s A closes
Speaker 1: at one am. So even though I could see passengers
Speaker 1: down the hallway boarding the flight I should be getting on,
Speaker 1: there was no T s A to go through my
Speaker 1: suitcases and let me suitcase single carry on, to let
Speaker 1: me through and get on that plane. Wait, that's I
Speaker 1: had no idea that was even a thing. I didn't
Speaker 1: either until that night. I begged the security guy. I
Speaker 1: just l a X security guy, Can you please, here's
Speaker 1: my bag, you can go through it? And he said no.
Speaker 1: If I let you through, I'm fired for sure. And
Speaker 1: so I couldn't do it. I looked at other flights
Speaker 1: to get me there, and then we just decided, well,
Speaker 1: it had to end someday, better than it ends this way,
Speaker 1: than one of us being in poor health or something
Speaker 1: like that. They live in Arizona. I live in Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: It's weird to be flying in Milwaukee for one day
Speaker 1: every year. It was becoming a bit of a hassle.
Speaker 1: So that's what your father was in. Your father went,
Speaker 1: he went with my mom. Yeah, okay, it was sad.
Speaker 1: Was there a thirty four? I mean the following year
Speaker 1: we just ended there thirty two years was good. It
Speaker 1: was becoming a lot. That's actually really interesting though. Okay, so, um,
Speaker 1: you guys were never able throughout the first pitch. And
Speaker 1: it's kind of funny because dead hard I'm sorry, die
Speaker 1: hard Brewers fans that have gone to thirty two consecutive
Speaker 1: baseball games, who you think like the team is like, okay,
Speaker 1: these guys are die hard fans. We love them, we
Speaker 1: want to like include them somehow. And then all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, some guy who's a Rockies fan but who
Speaker 1: was rooting for the Dodgers last year. And then the
Speaker 1: Angels are like, hey, comes out throughout the first pitch,
Speaker 1: and it's like, you know, it's it's kind of funny
Speaker 1: how that happens sometimes, but um, yeah, it was a
Speaker 1: great experience and we'll be reached out. They said that,
Speaker 1: you know, they wanted to activate a campaign and have
Speaker 1: me throughout the first pitch, and you just never say no.
Speaker 1: It's funny because you get down on the field during
Speaker 1: batting practice and there, um, you know, the ground screws
Speaker 1: out there raking and chalking and all that kind of stuff,
Speaker 1: and they go, do you want to throw from the mound?
Speaker 1: Or do you want to throw from like twenty ft
Speaker 1: in from the mound. Do you know how much crap
Speaker 1: I would get if I didn't throw from the mound.
Speaker 1: Whether I throw from the mountain and it goes fiftt
Speaker 1: in either direction, if I throw from off the mount,
Speaker 1: I'm never gonna hear the out of front of my friends.
Speaker 1: The thrill of being on a pictures mount in a
Speaker 1: major league stadium as it's worth. I was like, I'll
Speaker 1: go back to second base and I'll tag out the
Speaker 1: runner and throw home if you guys will let me. Uh,
Speaker 1: sure enough, that wasn't allowed, but yeah, it was funny.
Speaker 1: I gotta walk up on the pitcher's mound. You know
Speaker 1: how on the back side of the pitcher's mound there
Speaker 1: is that it's like a spiky thing where you find
Speaker 1: off your cleats. I like, I did that for a
Speaker 1: little bit. I was like, I gotta get make sure
Speaker 1: that the shoes are clean. Got up to the the
Speaker 1: picture stop and like backed my heel up into it
Speaker 1: was a cooler the rubber yep, And uh, it was
Speaker 1: a cool experience because it's a it's a professional mound
Speaker 1: that the next person to throw a pitch off that
Speaker 1: mound was a starting picture. You can watch actual pictures
Speaker 1: on that same amount the rest of the game. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and uh, I hadn't practiced. I I played baseball up
Speaker 1: until my freshman year of high school and I quit
Speaker 1: because I was got awful at it. Um. I was
Speaker 1: a right fielder, you know, if that speaks the best
Speaker 1: player on the team. Um. And I hadn't learned baseball
Speaker 1: in a decade. And I was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm not even gonna practice. I'm just gonna get out
Speaker 1: there and do it. And I threw it literally right
Speaker 1: over the plate, sunk a little bit at the end,
Speaker 1: hit the dirt. But I asked the catcher. I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: that was a strike, right, and he goes, yeah. Man,
Speaker 1: I was like, that was a called strike. And even
Speaker 1: the p announcer was said, uh, he goes and that's
Speaker 1: a strike and I was like yes. And the p
Speaker 1: A and alcer mentioned helped my second daity, which is
Speaker 1: very excited another thing too. And I went up there too,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I stared at the catcher and
Speaker 1: I shook off the first call. I shook off the
Speaker 1: second call, and then I was like, all right, the
Speaker 1: third thatcher I don't think it was a real catcher.
Speaker 1: I think he was just like, I don't know, some coach,
Speaker 1: security guard. He was a player. Yeah, I think he's
Speaker 1: like maybe a backup catcher. But that's that's fine, that's
Speaker 1: a real player. Yeah. But the funny thing was, Yeah,
Speaker 1: so they gave me like a little introduction and they
Speaker 1: mentioned the help I Suck a Dating podcast on I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio, and that was It was one of those
Speaker 1: moments to where it's like, yep, I'm standing here in
Speaker 1: front of ten people telling them all how much I
Speaker 1: suck at dating, and like it's fun. It's one thing
Speaker 1: to do it on air because it gets projected out
Speaker 1: to however many people. But in the stadium where it's
Speaker 1: like Dean Anglert sucks at dating and everyone's like, oh what,
Speaker 1: I would think they would have gotten a laugh. Just
Speaker 1: the title of it alone would have gotten a laugh
Speaker 1: from the Anaheim books. And it was a good experience.
Speaker 1: I'm super fortunate to have been able to do that.
Speaker 1: I hope you get to do it again because I
Speaker 1: would like to do it. It was seventy bucks and
Speaker 1: you got all the free food and drink and like
Speaker 1: it was like a box and box and all that
Speaker 1: kind of stuff. Going to a baseball game is seventy
Speaker 1: bucks anyway, And I mean, I know it's early season,
Speaker 1: and I know no one really cares about the Brewers,
Speaker 1: but you know, I don't argue that I can't. I
Speaker 1: try to make as good a friends with the employees
Speaker 1: of the Angels, so I'd be like, listen, I'll do
Speaker 1: whatever it takes. I will, I will try as hard
Speaker 1: as I possibly can. Just let me sing the national
Speaker 1: anthem next time. I will take singing lessons. I don't
Speaker 1: care what it takes. Let me sing the nationally And
Speaker 1: they're like, we probably can't swing that, but we might
Speaker 1: let you sing the seventh inning stretch Penis and cracker
Speaker 1: Jacks probably pretty cool, Like Harry carry, I run these
Speaker 1: Disneyland half marathons and part of the course takes you
Speaker 1: onto the field of the Angel Stadium, and like you
Speaker 1: know what go on the field. You just go like
Speaker 1: in front of the like that lane right in front
Speaker 1: of the stands, the warning track, Yeah, and like going,
Speaker 1: So the stadium is empty and I'm there with like
Speaker 1: ten thousand other moronic Disney people. But that felt amazing,
Speaker 1: just like running through it really quickly, I'm like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, like being at that perspective of the I
Speaker 1: couldn't imagine being Yeah, like I could imagine being on
Speaker 1: the field in front of like with the stands full,
Speaker 1: Like that's good. Oh my god. Just would you run
Speaker 1: a half marathon over here? I run multiple half marathon
Speaker 1: thirteen point one miles, thirteen point one miles, that's right?
Speaker 1: How am I just finding this out? I could show
Speaker 1: you my medals someday. Can you bring them in next week?
Speaker 1: I will wear them all. That's really impressive. But half
Speaker 1: marathon is no joke. I wish it had a better
Speaker 1: name because like they don't give about half Nobel prizes.
Speaker 1: Here's your half Academy Awards, sir. Yeah, like it called
Speaker 1: it dick Hathlon or you know, like I'm tafalon. Make
Speaker 1: up a name anyway. Have you ever run a full marathon? No?
Speaker 1: What happens now? Why do you say it with such
Speaker 1: a bigger It's because half marathon At the end of it,
Speaker 1: I'm super tired and I have to do that again.
Speaker 1: Like do you walk it all? You the entire time?
Speaker 1: That's really impressive, Thank you very much. Um. What's funny
Speaker 1: actually on that note, is my friends just ran the
Speaker 1: l A Marathon two weeks ago whatever it was, uh,
Speaker 1: and I was like really impressed by them too. I
Speaker 1: was like, wow, I know you guys could do that,
Speaker 1: and so I set a goal. I said both to
Speaker 1: both of them. I was like, let's I'm going to
Speaker 1: run the next marathon with you guys. And they're like,
Speaker 1: you probably run a half marathon to like ease into it.
Speaker 1: I said, no, I'm gonna run one marathon another one again.
Speaker 1: So I'm we were gonna do the Chicago Marathon, but
Speaker 1: apparently it sells out in like a day, right, and
Speaker 1: so we're gonna find a marathon. I'm going to train
Speaker 1: for it. I think in like six months. I should
Speaker 1: you won't wait till next year's l A Marathon March eight.
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm not patient March eight. So I
Speaker 1: guess a month ago, you know, I mean the next
Speaker 1: one's March. So you could l A marathon. Yeah, that'd
Speaker 1: be you'd have eleven months to try. It would be
Speaker 1: cool to be like Boston Marathon or Chicago Marathon and
Speaker 1: New York Marathon, right, yeah, as long as like, yeah,
Speaker 1: a big one. You want to run a big one now,
Speaker 1: I don't know, so we'll see. But that's my goal.
Speaker 1: You want to do like the Hyenaton Beach Marathon or
Speaker 1: anything like that. You want to you want like some
Speaker 1: you's gotta have some name name. What's what's the word
Speaker 1: I'm looking for name recognition. Yeah. And that's the thing too.
Speaker 1: It's like, I'm not a runner. I think I I
Speaker 1: run to the gym every day, but that's like eight
Speaker 1: tenths of a mile there, ey tens a mile back,
Speaker 1: and I'm exhausted after it. I've never really set a
Speaker 1: goal for myself that is that physically challenging. Um, because
Speaker 1: it's not just running. You have to like eat well
Speaker 1: and train and like all that kind of stuff. So
Speaker 1: do exercise regularly? I mean, my wife's not here to
Speaker 1: rebuke this, but yes I do. Yeah, no, and not
Speaker 1: like with as much regularity as I should. But like
Speaker 1: I I go to the gym like at least once
Speaker 1: or twice a week. I do beach by on demand
Speaker 1: when I'm at home. Um, and uh, and I run.
Speaker 1: I like to run outside. I run a couple of
Speaker 1: times a week. I littly had no idea. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: need to look at me. It's not that it's just
Speaker 1: I don't know. The thing about people who run a
Speaker 1: lot is they're very um. I don't like runners because
Speaker 1: they're very like dramatic about it, like uh, they always
Speaker 1: were like, you know, oh man, it's just me in
Speaker 1: the pavement man like like that. Runners high and I
Speaker 1: could go forever exactly, And I really don't buy with that,
Speaker 1: so I tried to keep it a secret. Huka. It's
Speaker 1: kind of like if you're vegan or something, you know,
Speaker 1: you make sure everyone's vegan. If you're a runner, you
Speaker 1: make sure everyone knows you're runner exactly. If you want
Speaker 1: jogs sometime with me. Now, Boston marathons Monday, that's probably
Speaker 1: not gonna happen. New York marathons in November. Something to
Speaker 1: think about. I wonder if maybe yeah, January, well, Disney
Speaker 1: World Marathon in Orlando, Florida, a whole marathon in Orlando. Yeah,
Speaker 1: in January. January's around all the parks. Can we do
Speaker 1: that together? I want to do that really bad. Actually,
Speaker 1: that would be your first marathon, that would be my
Speaker 1: first marathon. That's a good idea. You guys can motivate
Speaker 1: each other. I'm not opposed to Easton, be fine, I'm Okaddy,
Speaker 1: Well I'm gonna pencil you in January Orlando. Sign me up.
Speaker 1: We'll drive the van out there down all right before
Speaker 1: shri Healy gets here, is there and we get to
Speaker 1: these Facebook questions were starting a second here, But is
Speaker 1: there anything going on in your life right now that
Speaker 1: we should know about? Any personal issue and it dates recently?
Speaker 1: Any jobs we should know about? Have you moved? Have
Speaker 1: you gotten rid of your apartment yet? Like what's going on? Well? No,
Speaker 1: I mean there's nothing really to update. Uh I, I
Speaker 1: just got back from Coachella because this is very next week.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you did Coachella first weekend. Coachella is such
Speaker 1: an interesting thing. I went four years ago for the
Speaker 1: first time. This is gonna be my third time, or
Speaker 1: this wasn't my third time going this pet this year,
Speaker 1: and the first time I went was the most fun
Speaker 1: weekend of my entire life, Like probably not even close,
Speaker 1: Like there's probably no close second, um because it was
Speaker 1: four years ago, right and I was with like twenty
Speaker 1: five of my closest friends. We got a big air
Speaker 1: be and b too stay in and it was just
Speaker 1: like the first experience of doing something that you keep
Speaker 1: hearing people talk about with your closest friends around here,
Speaker 1: you know, And so there was literally nothing bad that
Speaker 1: ever went wrong that weekend. And I remember driving back
Speaker 1: home from Coachella Valley to Los Angeles and I was
Speaker 1: like sitting in the back of the car, like almost
Speaker 1: crying to myself. I was like, I'm never gonna have
Speaker 1: that much fun again in my life because I kind
Speaker 1: of knew it, you know, you know, like when you
Speaker 1: when you do something so amazing and so much fun,
Speaker 1: you're like, I don't think I can ever replicate that
Speaker 1: feeling again. And I went last year and we talked
Speaker 1: about on the podcast a little bit, but Leslie and
Speaker 1: I had just broken up, like maybe a week prior,
Speaker 1: and I didn't want to go. I tried to cancel.
Speaker 1: I tried to like blow off all my obligations, but
Speaker 1: the brands that I was working with were like, no, you,
Speaker 1: like you signed contracts, you have to come. I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I guess I'll come. And it was just one of
Speaker 1: those things where it was like, you know, my head
Speaker 1: wasn't really in it. I was with a couple of
Speaker 1: like couple of really good friends, like two really close friends,
Speaker 1: but I was like still kind of like mourning the
Speaker 1: loss of the relationship, even though you know, obviously, um,
Speaker 1: in the grand scheme of things, it's good that that
Speaker 1: relationship ended when it did. But it was just it
Speaker 1: was I didn't have enough time to heal from it,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, And it was just I
Speaker 1: was in a weird headspace. And so we'll see. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's kind of hard to say I guess how it
Speaker 1: was this year because I haven't been yet. But so
Speaker 1: now my thoughts on Coachella are, like I have, I've
Speaker 1: had one really good experience and I've had one really
Speaker 1: bad experience. So I think in that situation, it's almost
Speaker 1: easy just to kind of remember the good experience, forget
Speaker 1: the bad one, and then just never go again. What
Speaker 1: was it about the first It was just the friends
Speaker 1: that were there. Yeah, we're their drugs involved, were a
Speaker 1: lot of drugs, Mark. I don't know if we should
Speaker 1: air this on the pascohol This is this is what
Speaker 1: I'm curious about with Coachella. Was their sex involved? No?
Speaker 1: Not for me, really done that whole weekend. I mean,
Speaker 1: I was dating my girlfriend at the time, but you
Speaker 1: had a girlfriend with you there? No, she wasn't she
Speaker 1: she was like twenty really good friends, but she did
Speaker 1: not come for some reason why um, And it was
Speaker 1: just I don't know. I was like you know when
Speaker 1: you when you hang out like your ten best friends
Speaker 1: and it's just like you're laughing and you're you're getting
Speaker 1: on each other the whole time. Um, and there's like
Speaker 1: really nothing that can go wrong. Uh. Yeah, it was
Speaker 1: a blast. And then the following and then the next Coachella,
Speaker 1: I was on the Bachelor at and I remember actually
Speaker 1: we were in Norway, um around April when Coachella Weekend
Speaker 1: one was happening, and I hadn't talked to anyone where
Speaker 1: like a month and a half maybe seven weeks in,
Speaker 1: and I like, I got pretty drunk one night, and
Speaker 1: I liked, I was like on my hands and knees,
Speaker 1: like bawling my eyes out. To one of the producers,
Speaker 1: I was like, please just let me call my friends.
Speaker 1: I haven't talked to my friends in seven weeks. I
Speaker 1: just need to hear their voices. And one of the
Speaker 1: one of the producers was like, finally, like okay, like
Speaker 1: figure out their phone numbers and we'll call him. Because
Speaker 1: obviously I don't memorize my friends phone and we face
Speaker 1: times my best friend, and he just so happened to
Speaker 1: be in a car with like six of my other
Speaker 1: really good friends driving out to Coachella, and I like,
Speaker 1: it just made me cry even more. I was like,
Speaker 1: I can't believe I'm missing this with you guys right now,
Speaker 1: Like I I wish I was there. Um, And I
Speaker 1: was obviously super emotional because you know, you're you're in
Speaker 1: the Bachelor for seven weeks. So um, that was the
Speaker 1: last year that all of my friends went as a
Speaker 1: big group. This year, it's like six or seven of us. Um,
Speaker 1: so we'll see how that one goes and just just
Speaker 1: friends of yours and a good group, no Bachelor people.
Speaker 1: I've I've come to find out that I have more
Speaker 1: fun in those situations when I'm just with like my
Speaker 1: friends from before the show, like any of the ones
Speaker 1: from four years ago when it was so magical. Um. No,
Speaker 1: that's a good good point. No. No, but hey, well
Speaker 1: I hope it's great. Yep. And you're not going back
Speaker 1: next weekend. Nope, I'm not going back next weekend. And
Speaker 1: then I'm going on a I won't be here next
Speaker 1: week for the podcast. I'm going on a rock climbing
Speaker 1: trip to New Mexico with my brother for a week. Well,
Speaker 1: hopefully Gerard or Vanessa will be back. Otherwise it'll just
Speaker 1: be the market niche and that hope being married. There's
Speaker 1: some white pictures that need to be installed. Honestly, I
Speaker 1: think that would be a pretty good Before we get
Speaker 1: to Shari, Hey, heally, who's coming in here? Let's get
Speaker 1: some of these Facebook questions out of the way. She
Speaker 1: here yet? East And if you are you getting updates?
Speaker 1: I I waiting updates. I have not in any mine.
Speaker 1: An episode of Just the Boys, you know, sre ends
Speaker 1: up bailing. Hey, so be it fine with me. Mickey
Speaker 1: ferguson what is Dean's dream job? My guess is it
Speaker 1: would be travel blogger? Well what it wars? You guys
Speaker 1: his dream job as children, right, because it never really
Speaker 1: pans out as we expected to. That's the truth. And
Speaker 1: I had a bunch, but a big one for me,
Speaker 1: and I just mentioned this on the Seacrest Post show
Speaker 1: podcast was baseball radio announcer. That's my dream job. You
Speaker 1: can say baseball first pitch though, yeah, yeah, And I know,
Speaker 1: I know I could never be a baseball player, but
Speaker 1: I would love to be a play by play announcer.
Speaker 1: How I feel like that's within the realnd of possibility
Speaker 1: it would have been I think if I'd have pursued
Speaker 1: that younger and I did when I was tree. I
Speaker 1: went to Amarillo, Texas, try to get a job, because
Speaker 1: you really got to climb in the ranks at the
Speaker 1: minor leagues, just like you would as a baseball player.
Speaker 1: And I try to get a job at Amaillo, Texas,
Speaker 1: and I didn't get the job, and I got a
Speaker 1: job doing a morning show. And that's the complete path
Speaker 1: that has gotten me to where I am today. Is
Speaker 1: there that was the big fork in the road of
Speaker 1: my life. It was either sports announcing or radio. But
Speaker 1: I've gotten that job in Amarillo. I have no idea
Speaker 1: if I'd ever met my wife, I wouldn't be sitting
Speaker 1: here with you guys. So I have who knows, and
Speaker 1: maybe would have been better or worse. Who knows. It
Speaker 1: just it's a completely different life, different path. It's interesting
Speaker 1: that you can kind of pinpoint the one you really, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can interesting. Well, I'm sorry that you Everything's fine,
Speaker 1: everything's okay. I don't know what's your dream. I think
Speaker 1: that you're pretty happy with where I'm doing. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: like it here. Um, I think as a child it
Speaker 1: was an astronaut or no was an NBA player. You know.
Speaker 1: We all had basketball hoops in front of where our
Speaker 1: house and you would always be like three seconds left
Speaker 1: and they're down by two and you shoot the shine
Speaker 1: you make it. I don't know, Um, my dream job
Speaker 1: at this point in life if yeah, I mean, if
Speaker 1: I could get paid to continue to travel around the world, Uh,
Speaker 1: that'd been pretty awesome. I think that the world's a
Speaker 1: lot smaller than we really think it is. Though. It's
Speaker 1: like you can only go to so many places. It's
Speaker 1: but well, that's I guess that's true. I was going
Speaker 1: to point out that the first time you do go somewhere,
Speaker 1: and for me that was my honeymoon to Australia. That
Speaker 1: was the first big overseas trip and that's when you realize, wow,
Speaker 1: how small the world is. Yeah, I got on a plane.
Speaker 1: It was as twenty of hours. But look at this,
Speaker 1: I'm in Australia. How cool is this? And it's like
Speaker 1: there's you know, twenty destinations that everyone's like, Okay, I
Speaker 1: really want to go there. You can knock got twenty
Speaker 1: destinations in a matter of six months. If you were committed, sure, sure,
Speaker 1: and then it's like, and then what do you do?
Speaker 1: What do you strive for after that? I guess it's
Speaker 1: a question the final frontier out of space. I would
Speaker 1: love to go to the Moon. That would be that's
Speaker 1: come true, galactic babe, it's happening. Yeah, but they're just
Speaker 1: gonna orbit the Moon. I want to step foot on
Speaker 1: the Moon. In your lifetime, do you think you'll be
Speaker 1: in space? I think I'll probably be on a commercial
Speaker 1: flight to space, but I won't step foot on the Moon,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? You think there'll be flights
Speaker 1: that go up there, just like as tourist flights and
Speaker 1: come back. They don't stop and let you get out
Speaker 1: on a planet. I think so. I think by the
Speaker 1: time that they would let you get out on a planet,
Speaker 1: we're probably gonna be too old to really experience. And
Speaker 1: you're not gonna go to Mars because Mars it takes
Speaker 1: three to six months to get to with today's technology.
Speaker 1: I mean, who knows if if they can create warp
Speaker 1: drive like in the science fiction movies. I on Thrusters.
Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, I'll be pretty sweet, Okay, let me
Speaker 1: ask you as this, if you guys could be the
Speaker 1: first mission to Mars, one of six people to go
Speaker 1: to Mars. There's only one wife. Well, I guess he's
Speaker 1: are married, So I guess I answer this one flight.
Speaker 1: You're never coming back, but you're one of the first
Speaker 1: six people to ever step fot on Mars. Would you
Speaker 1: do it? Elison would take that, no questions. I would
Speaker 1: take it for you or get away from me, now
Speaker 1: I would. I don't know. Space freaks me out. Paul
Speaker 1: thirteen made me really afraid of Yeah, I interesting that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: somebody else can go Okay, but I'm good wine thirty
Speaker 1: five years I don't think I ever would have been
Speaker 1: into that. No, I am too into the comforts of
Speaker 1: America at home. But you don't think there's any uh,
Speaker 1: anything that's really awesome about being one of the first
Speaker 1: people to do something that extraordinary. You know, yes, but
Speaker 1: that's not for me. Okay, do you ever see The Martian? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I love that. I read the book ends on the movie. Okay,
Speaker 1: so I did both as well. I read the book
Speaker 1: like five years ago, and I was obsessed with the book.
Speaker 1: Was one of the best books I've ever read in
Speaker 1: my life and then I saw the movie and it's
Speaker 1: just you know, I remember reading memes before I read
Speaker 1: books frequently about how people was the other way they
Speaker 1: read books, and then memes come late, No, because I
Speaker 1: was never really big into books, you know what I mean? Um?
Speaker 1: And I remember reading means of like how people would
Speaker 1: roll their eyes once they say the book was better
Speaker 1: than the movie, because no, it's not because the movie
Speaker 1: is awesome. It's a it's a picture and you don't
Speaker 1: have to do anything but reading that book. And then
Speaker 1: watching that movie, I was like, I understand now how
Speaker 1: people think that books are better than movies, because he
Speaker 1: always met Yeah, it's very rare that the movie is
Speaker 1: better than the book. Yes, and the book was phenomenal
Speaker 1: and the same thing happens to me with a Ready
Speaker 1: Player one. Loved both. But again, the movie it didn't
Speaker 1: really not even a movie, but not like the book.
Speaker 1: And that was another book too where I would like
Speaker 1: wake up in the morning before gotting my phone, I
Speaker 1: would like grab the book, read another chapter, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. Um, I don't know where we're going
Speaker 1: with this. We got off track here when they asked
Speaker 1: if you're what your dream job was and you said
Speaker 1: after that, and that's how I got on that track.
Speaker 1: At this point, I would love to be able to
Speaker 1: travel and continue to make a living for myself. I
Speaker 1: understand that with that comes more work, and I'm working
Speaker 1: on that. I might trying to watch a travel blog,
Speaker 1: but it's a lot more challenging than I thought it
Speaker 1: was gonna be, and I'm a little bit scared to Um.
Speaker 1: It's one thing to put me your voice out there,
Speaker 1: but that's another thing to put your like your written
Speaker 1: word out there, you know what I mean? And I like,
Speaker 1: I I have a it's ready to go, it's ready
Speaker 1: to publish. I have like my friends looking at it
Speaker 1: like what can I improve upon? And they would read
Speaker 1: it and they'd be like, Okay, dude, well you need
Speaker 1: to like share more about your experience and like how
Speaker 1: you felt about these things. And it's just I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's a challenging, challenging thing. So it's like a private
Speaker 1: website right now. But it'll get out eventually, I think, um,
Speaker 1: And hopefully that will help me monetize the traveling and
Speaker 1: allow for new traveling opportunities, and hopefully a career can
Speaker 1: stem from that. I don't think it's gonna be my
Speaker 1: career for my rest of my life, but hopefully for
Speaker 1: the next five to ten years, if I can make
Speaker 1: something out of it. So what you're doing, it's more
Speaker 1: of a it's more clinical, it's almost more encyclopedic, like
Speaker 1: this is here and then I went here. I guess
Speaker 1: I can share the idea. Um. I I think that
Speaker 1: a lot of travel blogs focus on their experience and
Speaker 1: how they felt experiencing what they experienced. You know, like
Speaker 1: you go to South America and you got lost in
Speaker 1: the moment where you were in Buenos Aires and you
Speaker 1: were eating some food something like that. Um, I'm not
Speaker 1: good at sharing my emotions that way. So what I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do differently from those travel blogs essentially is share
Speaker 1: I'm gonna break down how exactly how much money I spent,
Speaker 1: because I feel like a lot of blogs fall short
Speaker 1: and talking about money at tacky for whatever reason, you know.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna say I spent this much on flights,
Speaker 1: this much on food, this much on transport, and that
Speaker 1: way that if someone's like I want to go to
Speaker 1: South America, I just don't know how much it's gonna
Speaker 1: cost me, they can go to my website be like, oh,
Speaker 1: Dean spent four grand in South America over three weeks.
Speaker 1: I know I can even spend something similar to that.
Speaker 1: And then in addition to that, I'm going to talk
Speaker 1: about the planning process of like how I hiked Machupicchu,
Speaker 1: how I hiked through Patagonia, because a lot of UH
Speaker 1: blogs don't really talk about the process. They talk about
Speaker 1: the experience while they're there, you know, And a lot
Speaker 1: of people reach out to and be like, hey, what
Speaker 1: touring companies you go through for Machu Picchu? Or how
Speaker 1: did you plan your w circuit trek in in Patagonia?
Speaker 1: And you can share a lot of pictures on Instagram,
Speaker 1: but you can't really get into the depths of of
Speaker 1: how you went about doing those things. And so I'm
Speaker 1: gonna take like a more objective, contextual approach to the
Speaker 1: travel circuit. What's the name do you have? Like a
Speaker 1: penny name? You know? I was I was gonna have one.
Speaker 1: I was gonna be Dean There, done that, um. But
Speaker 1: the more I thought about it, the more I decided
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna stick with babies. It's just gonna be
Speaker 1: Deanie babies dot com. A Dean getaway. If you guys
Speaker 1: haven't get away. I've been working on it. Not that one.
Speaker 1: That's a good start. It's a good leaping point first trash.
Speaker 1: And in addition to that, it's gonna be a lot
Speaker 1: of like experiential stuff because a lot of people want
Speaker 1: to start traveling with purpose. I think, like, so if
Speaker 1: you have like a Scooba license, you want to go
Speaker 1: to like some like Mediterranean areas and like in scuba dive,
Speaker 1: But people don't really talk about the process of getting
Speaker 1: a Scooba license and then like how much that costs,
Speaker 1: especially as well or like sky diving, rock climbing, um,
Speaker 1: like a golf adventure somewhere. You know. It's just like
Speaker 1: those types of things that I feel like, um, I
Speaker 1: often do, and then I could just kind of break
Speaker 1: it down and share it and people could hopefully learn
Speaker 1: from it that would encourage them to then go and
Speaker 1: do it themselves in any type of way, you know,
Speaker 1: if that makes sense. The tagline is information to encourage exploration.
Speaker 1: I think that's the way that meant. That's good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we should talk more about books at some point, because
Speaker 1: I got some more. We should have recommendation I do.
Speaker 1: I'm always reading a book wonderful Morgan Lee is Dean
Speaker 1: still getting therapy. I come to this podcast once a
Speaker 1: week and this is my therapy. I'm not saying that
Speaker 1: person in North Hollywoo that you found somehow, No one, Ye,
Speaker 1: it was in Santa Monica. She was amazing. UM. No,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm actually I I need to get back
Speaker 1: on that. Um. When I was in therapy last year,
Speaker 1: I was at a really weird crossroads in my life where,
Speaker 1: like I said, I just broken up with my girlfriend. Um,
Speaker 1: I was like, there's a lot of scrutiny coming on
Speaker 1: me from the internet, from her, from like friends of
Speaker 1: friends that didn't know me, that thought they knew me,
Speaker 1: that they still wanted to compose their opinion on me
Speaker 1: for some reason. And I think I had about ten
Speaker 1: to fifteen sessions with their and it was super beneficial
Speaker 1: and I do need to continue to go. But then
Speaker 1: I went on that trip around the world for six
Speaker 1: weeks and I got back and a lot of the
Speaker 1: anxiety and a lot of the weight and the pressure
Speaker 1: that I felt before going to therapy had kind of
Speaker 1: lifted off of me in a lot of ways. And
Speaker 1: I guess I haven't had like the poll to go
Speaker 1: back to therapy at the moment, not that I won't ever,
Speaker 1: and I know that I should continue to go and
Speaker 1: I will continue to go. But um, since probably August
Speaker 1: of last year, I haven't been. You feel like you're
Speaker 1: in a pretty good place right now, though, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I'm super super happy with how everything is going.
Speaker 1: I mean throughout the first pitch at an Angels get Um,
Speaker 1: I still have anxiety and stuff like that, but I've
Speaker 1: been a lot more honest with myself and a lot
Speaker 1: more honest with you people around me, which I think
Speaker 1: has led me to um be lappier, which is good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that is good. Juliet Rose O'Hara. Yeah, these Dean's dues
Speaker 1: and don't have traveling. She'd love to hear what another
Speaker 1: solo traveler does on because she also travels. So we'll
Speaker 1: do it, dudes, and don'ts in the and the blog.
Speaker 1: Oh there you go. Sorry, go to Danny Babies for
Speaker 1: that when it becomes public. Christina Pronskis has a question
Speaker 1: about the dichotomy of Dean. She says he seeks to
Speaker 1: embrace this minimalist wild child off the good lifestyle, and
Speaker 1: yet he's very much rooted in social media, reality television,
Speaker 1: and glam shows. So which is it? Which is the
Speaker 1: real dean? First and foremost, Christina, it props to you
Speaker 1: for properly using the word economy. That's it. That's just
Speaker 1: always impressive. Um, you're absolutely right. It's funny because my
Speaker 1: manager actually gets on me all the time for not
Speaker 1: posting enough, and she's like, you just need to post
Speaker 1: like throwbacks, like lifestyle shots, and like, I just don't
Speaker 1: want to do that, And so you're right, I have
Speaker 1: bought it in a lot to the social media side
Speaker 1: of things. Um. It's just is when a majority of
Speaker 1: your income comes from one certain area, you kind of
Speaker 1: need to keep up on it in certain ways. I
Speaker 1: do sometimes you like a sellout. I you know, you're
Speaker 1: posting five to six sponsored posts a month and you're like, okay,
Speaker 1: well what's that? What am I actually doing? Or am
Speaker 1: I doing this for myself? Or am I doing it
Speaker 1: because brands are telling me to do it? Um? But
Speaker 1: it's I don't know. I think there's a healthy balance
Speaker 1: somewhere in there that I haven't really found yet. Um.
Speaker 1: And it's kind of a catchwey two. It's like if
Speaker 1: you really go off the grid, then you can't really
Speaker 1: share your experience going off the grid to encourage others
Speaker 1: to kind of do the same thing. So it's like
Speaker 1: it's a weird balance um between the two. So to Christina,
Speaker 1: to your point, I do embrace the minimalism. I've kind
Speaker 1: of gotten away from it in the past year or two,
Speaker 1: but it's still an important part of of how I
Speaker 1: see my future at least, So I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't really want to tell you I am. I'm definitely
Speaker 1: flip flopper in that sense. There is something to that
Speaker 1: to what you're saying being off the grid, but not
Speaker 1: really off the grid, I think, because you kind of
Speaker 1: don't exist if you're off the grid, and a lot
Speaker 1: of people always go back and forth like should I
Speaker 1: delete my Instagram? Should I not delete my Instagram? Like
Speaker 1: that type of stuff. I would love to be able
Speaker 1: to do that, but if I do that, then I'm
Speaker 1: missing out on all the money that I need to live,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like this podcast is great,
Speaker 1: but it's not gonna support me fully by myself, and
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be able to promote it if I didn't
Speaker 1: have my social media um. Like Christina, I wouldn't be
Speaker 1: able to answer this question right now if I didn't
Speaker 1: have my social media, you know what I mean. So
Speaker 1: it's like it's just a weird thing I don't know alright,
Speaker 1: Sara Heley is on the line. Okay, let's take her
Speaker 1: in a second. Okay. So one thing I've been trying
Speaker 1: to get into a little bit more lately is investing. Obviously,
Speaker 1: it's super important to invest your money wisely and to
Speaker 1: invest on the right platforms, and that's why I love
Speaker 1: using robin Hood, which is an investing app that lets
Speaker 1: you buy and sell stocks, et f options, cryptos all
Speaker 1: commission free. While other broker just charge up to ten
Speaker 1: dollars for every trade, robin Hood doesn't charge any of
Speaker 1: those commissions viees, so you can trade stocks and keep
Speaker 1: all of your profits, which is obviously what the goal
Speaker 1: at the end of the day. So there is no
Speaker 1: account minimum deposit needed to get started, so you can
Speaker 1: start investing at any level. The simple, intuitive design of
Speaker 1: robin Hood makes investing easy for newcomers and experts alike,
Speaker 1: which um as a newcomer, it's very very simple to
Speaker 1: use this app. You can view easy to understand charts
Speaker 1: and market data and place a trade in just four
Speaker 1: taps on your smartphone. You can also stock collections such
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Speaker 1: can learn how to invest in the market. As you
Speaker 1: build your portfolio, discover new stocks, track your favorite companies,
Speaker 1: and get custom notifications for price movements so you never
Speaker 1: miss the right time to invest. Robin Hood is giving
Speaker 1: our listeners of help by second dating a free stock
Speaker 1: like Apple, Forward, Sprint. To help you build your portfolio.
Speaker 1: All you have to do is sign up at Dean
Speaker 1: one dot robin hood dot com. It's Dean the number
Speaker 1: one dot robin hood dot com. Start investing and if
Speaker 1: you're kicking, but let me know what you're doing. Um,
Speaker 1: get out there. Okay. So next up, we have Shari
Speaker 1: Heally joining us on the phone. Sure are you there? Yes,
Speaker 1: how are you? It's so good. It's great to hear
Speaker 1: your voice. It's every time I hear you is it
Speaker 1: brightens my day and puts a smile on my face.
Speaker 1: Oh man, I love it. I thought we were gonna
Speaker 1: have you in studio today. I'm a little bombed. Oh
Speaker 1: I'll come next time. Okay, great, have you been it's
Speaker 1: been a few months I think since your last book
Speaker 1: so good, very busy, Oh man, we're doing this incredible
Speaker 1: program with this group every Man and every Man is
Speaker 1: an organization that works with men, like I'm working with women,
Speaker 1: and we're trying to bring women and men together, um
Speaker 1: like brothers and sisters to like finally get over the
Speaker 1: men being scared of the women and the of ben
Speaker 1: being angry with the men. So that's our big work
Speaker 1: right now. It's really it's really powerful. What do you mean,
Speaker 1: what kind of people are you specializing working with? Well,
Speaker 1: we're doing work with all kinds, but we're kind of
Speaker 1: focusing in on corporate America really and solving the problem
Speaker 1: that we're seeing in work spaces with men and women
Speaker 1: being allies for each other. And that's like all interpersonal
Speaker 1: communication that type of stuff. It's not it's not like
Speaker 1: focusing on like wage uh wage gaps. Do you think
Speaker 1: that huh, Well, it's really like the skills that we
Speaker 1: need to be in relationship now I think are so
Speaker 1: um fluid, you know, it's like the skills that they'll
Speaker 1: learn to be better supporters of each other in the workplace.
Speaker 1: Do you notice that in the workplace men tend to
Speaker 1: gravitate towards other men and women the same way. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're finding this a huge divide because after really me
Speaker 1: too and times up, you know, men are pretty paralyzed
Speaker 1: and they're trying to learn about how to be allies
Speaker 1: and mentors and build dear friends to their sisters at work,
Speaker 1: but they don't want to mess up. So we're finding
Speaker 1: now we're in a really test position where men don't
Speaker 1: want to mentor or really get close to that the
Speaker 1: sorts of conversations that we still need to have, and
Speaker 1: then women need to find safe space away from men
Speaker 1: to have these big conversations and do their own growth work.
Speaker 1: And we really need each other. It's not natural for
Speaker 1: us to have to be so divided. Do you find
Speaker 1: it challenging to find people that are willing to work
Speaker 1: with you on this, like, because I can imagine it
Speaker 1: would be different or it could potentially be difficult to
Speaker 1: find someone's willing to admit that they are struggling with it,
Speaker 1: identifying it, and then obviously wanted to work on it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's scary, you know, But like I'm working with some
Speaker 1: really big organizations. I work with high tech and entertainment
Speaker 1: companies and there are a lot of people that are
Speaker 1: being pulled into this allyship conversation, whether they like it
Speaker 1: or not. So there's you know a lot of companies
Speaker 1: that are that are putting a lot of resources towards
Speaker 1: helping to educate men and women on these topics. And
Speaker 1: we get men and circles who say, I'm really scared.
Speaker 1: I don't know which way to go. It's really hard,
Speaker 1: but they want to and they want to do it right,
Speaker 1: you know that. I think there's a strong desire. And
Speaker 1: even in these are these these groups that we're calling
Speaker 1: Luminaries Experiences, we gather them outside of the workplace, you know,
Speaker 1: for these evenings, and I know people are coming in nervous,
Speaker 1: you know, they don't know what they're going to be
Speaker 1: asked to talk about. But then they leave, you know,
Speaker 1: after just two hours of feeling like there's hope for
Speaker 1: the world again, they say, oh my god, I've never
Speaker 1: felt so energized and so hopeful that they are better
Speaker 1: times ahead. When you strip it down, when you when
Speaker 1: you look past the movements, uh and everything, what do
Speaker 1: you think the origin for these for this divide is, well,
Speaker 1: if I could sum it up, I think it's it's
Speaker 1: a general misunderstanding of each other as we go way
Speaker 1: back in time. You know, it used to be that
Speaker 1: women were revered and looked too for their wisdom and
Speaker 1: their superpowers. You know, they were really at a central
Speaker 1: place in society. And what what Dan Dodi, the founder
Speaker 1: of every Man and I always joke about, as it
Speaker 1: felt like that was more of a matriarchy, And now
Speaker 1: we're in a patriarchy, and what we'd like to see
Speaker 1: is the aliarchy, you know, where it's not like anyone
Speaker 1: is in charge anymore. Because back in the day, I
Speaker 1: think then men really felt disempowered by women's power. I
Speaker 1: think they didn't understand the unique gifts that we have
Speaker 1: as women. And so then men took over and tried
Speaker 1: to shame us and make us wrong, you know, in
Speaker 1: the witch trials, and then like all sorts of ways
Speaker 1: taking away our rights to vote the equal members of society.
Speaker 1: And so now we're seeing that, you know, we're finally
Speaker 1: kind of coming to a head with all of the
Speaker 1: separation and saying, hey, gender's fluid, it's really not about
Speaker 1: that anymore, and we're all the same, We're all human,
Speaker 1: and we all want to contribute, so let's just get
Speaker 1: rid of these old misunderstandings and find more of our
Speaker 1: common ground. I love it. How could how could someone
Speaker 1: that's listening right now, or even me, for instance, how
Speaker 1: could we contribute? You know, because obviously if you're if
Speaker 1: you're heavily involved in the corporate hands on type of thing,
Speaker 1: is there anything that we can do in our day
Speaker 1: to day that would help contribute to that? Yeah? I
Speaker 1: think absolutely. I think it's about being curious, you know,
Speaker 1: in your own relationships. Not drawing lines of difference as
Speaker 1: much as we've been trained to do, but saying I
Speaker 1: want to know this person sitting in front of me,
Speaker 1: woman or man. Forget about all the differences the color
Speaker 1: of our skin, or what we believe for our choices
Speaker 1: that we've made in life, just to get really curious
Speaker 1: about learning about each other and what Renee Brown always
Speaker 1: teaches being vulnerable, you know, saying I'm super scared to
Speaker 1: ask you this question, or I'm really nervous about making
Speaker 1: the wrong move here, you know, but I really like you,
Speaker 1: or I really want to know more about you and
Speaker 1: support you. What do you need? It's just going in
Speaker 1: curious again, instead of letting our fears stop us from
Speaker 1: being connected and close. Now I can clearly agree with you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then on Instagram, who you could always come to
Speaker 1: these events we're creating. We're going to take it on
Speaker 1: the road and there'll be many more, but we're just
Speaker 1: beginning in UM, San Francisco and l A. And you
Speaker 1: can find it at the Luminaries on Instagram at the Luminaries. Okay, great, yeah, yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: so sure you will have always been and always will
Speaker 1: be our favorite possibilitarian. Um. We have one email that
Speaker 1: Mark wants to read for us, and I figured we
Speaker 1: could tackle it together. It's a little you know, some
Speaker 1: of these questions that we got for you might be
Speaker 1: good to talk to you with Sharia on the phone
Speaker 1: because they're kind of getting deep into you. But this
Speaker 1: is from no Me, and I thought this would be
Speaker 1: good for you. UM. I wonder if you guys could
Speaker 1: invite someone to talk about the unreasonable fear of losing
Speaker 1: the person you love. I am in a committed, loving relationship,
Speaker 1: but I have daily thoughts of him dying in a
Speaker 1: terrible accident, leaving me alone. This fear makes me visualize
Speaker 1: his death in such a realistic way that I end
Speaker 1: up crying and imagining all scenarios possible. I don't think
Speaker 1: this fear of mine is normal, and I want to
Speaker 1: learn how to deal with it. Am I the only
Speaker 1: one with this type of fear. I'll let you start
Speaker 1: perfect question right when we were just talking about fear.
Speaker 1: Our fears when they drive us, are always going to
Speaker 1: drive us into the wall. Like if you think you're
Speaker 1: a race driver, you know, racing a race car driver,
Speaker 1: and you're going on a track and you're trying to
Speaker 1: get to the finish line to win, you want to
Speaker 1: look towards the finish line. You want to look towards
Speaker 1: what you want to win. Right, not looking at the wall, Um,
Speaker 1: we can get the wall means we're gonna drive right
Speaker 1: into the wall. And that's what a lot of us
Speaker 1: are doing all the time. We're running these spear scenarios
Speaker 1: in our minds. And I have to tell you you're
Speaker 1: not the only person. You're not at all wrong. Um,
Speaker 1: this is just an absolutely deep and instinctual DNA driven
Speaker 1: way of being. That's the survival mode where we have
Speaker 1: a fear, and if we're not careful or we don't
Speaker 1: use these mindset skills, I call it like mental fitness.
Speaker 1: You know, then those spears can drive us into the crash,
Speaker 1: into misery, you know, into crying and feeling like this
Speaker 1: is very real. So I'll tell you one of the
Speaker 1: quickest ways to condition yourself out of this just a
Speaker 1: habit and it's and it's something that's normal. We just
Speaker 1: there's a quick way out of it. And it's about like,
Speaker 1: what are the highest performers and the greatest athletes do
Speaker 1: they choose what movie they want to see in their
Speaker 1: own minds. We can be at the mercy of the
Speaker 1: movie that our minds want to give us, and they're
Speaker 1: usually programmed by our childhood or our subconscious mind or
Speaker 1: we can take control of that and in our conscious
Speaker 1: minds say, I'm going to visualize a long life with him.
Speaker 1: I'm going to see him come home tonight and all
Speaker 1: the great things that we're going to do tonight, and
Speaker 1: this ethic love affair that we're creating, and show yourself
Speaker 1: that movie versus the other one. I have a great
Speaker 1: story to make us really concrete that. Back in the day,
Speaker 1: Andre Agassi was one of the world's most famous tennis players,
Speaker 1: and he won every match hands down. He was like
Speaker 1: a superhero and one day it's all changed and he
Speaker 1: started losing over and over and over again. And he
Speaker 1: called Tony Robbins, who some of you might know, and
Speaker 1: I used to be a coach for Tony, and he
Speaker 1: would tell this story all the time that the single
Speaker 1: reason that Andre started to lose was because he stopped
Speaker 1: playing the movie of himself winning, where ever since he
Speaker 1: was a kid he got the trophy, and he thought,
Speaker 1: over and over again, he started playing a movie that
Speaker 1: this guy on the court was better than him and
Speaker 1: he was about to lose, and he'd see himself losing
Speaker 1: over and over and over again, and he just conditioned
Speaker 1: the wrong images and the subconscious mind responds to those
Speaker 1: images and believe that, and so in fact, every time
Speaker 1: he would lose. So it's really just a practice of saying,
Speaker 1: I know this is just an instinct of mine at
Speaker 1: the spear, but I'm going to choose. We had to
Speaker 1: have those two drives. It's fear or love. It's I mean,
Speaker 1: it sounds like I loved advice because it sounds spot
Speaker 1: onto me. But what's funny with Nomi's uh I guess
Speaker 1: question is when I was a child, I did the
Speaker 1: exact same thing up until I was like four thirteen
Speaker 1: or fourteen years old. My mother would call me and
Speaker 1: leave me voicemails all the time, like just like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'll be home at eight pm tonight. I just want
Speaker 1: to let you know, all right, see you later, love
Speaker 1: you by. I would always save the voicemail every single time.
Speaker 1: I had like hundreds of voicemails saved from her, because
Speaker 1: it was I was there was a fear that I
Speaker 1: would have. I was like, Okay, if anything happens to her,
Speaker 1: at least I'll have these voicemails to hold on to,
Speaker 1: to listen to her voice if I ever wanted to.
Speaker 1: So it's like very much the same thing. It's like
Speaker 1: you're always kind of expecting something bad to happen, and
Speaker 1: so you're, um, I guess I don't know what you're
Speaker 1: dealing with that in whatever way that you seem fit,
Speaker 1: but it's not really a good way to go about
Speaker 1: living your life. If you're clinging onto an idea that
Speaker 1: something bad might happen to someone that you love, you know, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: because our our motive survival is going being was his
Speaker 1: connection and relationship, especially as a kid. You know your mama,
Speaker 1: she's going to keep you safe. And and then in
Speaker 1: this relationship, this woman with her partner, you know, it's
Speaker 1: like that partner is the person that keeps her safe.
Speaker 1: And so there's a couple of things you're nervous system
Speaker 1: has tried. You know. Usually, as as a child, we
Speaker 1: don't know if we're in an environment, it doesn't always
Speaker 1: feel safe, you know, we're always kind of on red alert.
Speaker 1: And and as women, we have real challenges with feeling safe.
Speaker 1: You know. Ever, because a lot of us feel isolated
Speaker 1: and physical safety is a big thing trussed, and so
Speaker 1: I think that drive, you know, towards fear. A couple
Speaker 1: more things would be to soothe the nervous system, you know,
Speaker 1: whatever you can do to look at what's making me
Speaker 1: feel unsafe so that I'm needing to grasp on to this.
Speaker 1: You know. Was there anything that you did, being like
Speaker 1: when you were waiting for her to come home, to
Speaker 1: distract yourself or calm yourself and feel safe. That's a
Speaker 1: great question. Actually, I've never thought of that. Um, I'm
Speaker 1: sure there were things that I did. I mean, as
Speaker 1: a kid, I was big into like video games and
Speaker 1: like just going outside and scootering or playing basketball or
Speaker 1: skateboarding and that type of stuff, I guess to keep
Speaker 1: me distracted. But um, it's really weird because now they
Speaker 1: think back on it, it was like there were a
Speaker 1: lot of times that I was consumed the fear of
Speaker 1: not uh, I guess, having her return. And it's kind
Speaker 1: of it's crippling in a lot of ways, you know.
Speaker 1: I guess I was fortunate enough to only experience that
Speaker 1: as a as a child and not so much in
Speaker 1: my adult life. Like know me as I would imagine. Um,
Speaker 1: But yeah, I guess it's a big, big part of
Speaker 1: it too, is just find something that can keep you occupied,
Speaker 1: occupied because inevitably, I mean, obviously things are gonna work out,
Speaker 1: you know, It's just it's your mind creating the scenario
Speaker 1: that isn't necessarily real for whatever reason it is. And
Speaker 1: so just keep yourself preoccupied and then let everything when
Speaker 1: its course and then yeah, and not to deny that
Speaker 1: it's there because and in the ideal world. So you
Speaker 1: could talk to your mom and say, this is a
Speaker 1: very real fear of mine, but can you help me
Speaker 1: develop some strategies for when I'm feeling this to to
Speaker 1: really bring it out in the open. I think another
Speaker 1: way of handling these things, just to look at square
Speaker 1: in the face and say, what would I do if
Speaker 1: she didn't come home? What's our plan? Or what would
Speaker 1: I do if my love dies? And nobody wants to
Speaker 1: really spend time thinking about that reality. But I think too,
Speaker 1: if you know what the plan is, and or let's
Speaker 1: say you have some kind of giant spiritual faith, you know,
Speaker 1: some kind of practice that gives you your certainty when
Speaker 1: there's great uncertainty. Either one of those things are really important,
Speaker 1: just to know that you know, rather than just throwing
Speaker 1: it up like I'm sure everything will be fine, especially
Speaker 1: hard on a kid to know, well, this is who
Speaker 1: I would go to, this is the person that would
Speaker 1: take care of me, this is who I would call.
Speaker 1: Like that's important because I think the fear is coming
Speaker 1: from a place that we need to feel faith. We
Speaker 1: just have to so put a plan into place so
Speaker 1: that you do, you know, life in certain policies. All
Speaker 1: those things we wouldn't ever want to really deal with,
Speaker 1: but they'll help that mind from torturing you not to
Speaker 1: get all morbid or anything. But when I finally got
Speaker 1: comfortable enough to delete all the voicemails, two years later,
Speaker 1: my own died, so it's like, it's like, damn, I
Speaker 1: wish I didn't delete the voicemails. So then what I
Speaker 1: did was I changed my cell phone number to her
Speaker 1: cell phone number, which I still have to this day. Um,
Speaker 1: and I kept her voicemail message, you know, the outgoing
Speaker 1: like Hey this is Debbie. Sorry, hands a call, Please
Speaker 1: leave a messaget the end of the beap. So I
Speaker 1: kept that as my voicemail for the next decade probably, um,
Speaker 1: up until I got my iPhone and I think it
Speaker 1: of race did or something ridiculous like that. But fortunately
Speaker 1: one of my aunts made me a build a bear
Speaker 1: from a Build a Bear workshop and used that voicemail
Speaker 1: as the squeeze me thing, which is pretty funny. Yeah. Um,
Speaker 1: you know. Actually, Leslie asked on the Facebook group from
Speaker 1: someone who's also lost to parent, how do you manage
Speaker 1: grief years later? I mean, is there stuff you still
Speaker 1: do on a daily basis? Personally? Not really. I think
Speaker 1: that I'm really the little wrong person to be asking
Speaker 1: this because I've just kind of calloused myself to feeling
Speaker 1: any type of emotion whatsoever at any given moment um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we've talked about your relationships on that front. I'm sure
Speaker 1: that underneath some of the fear of really getting super
Speaker 1: close to someone, yeah, and then losing them again exactly. UM,
Speaker 1: So I don't know for for Leslie's question, she says,
Speaker 1: for him, someone who has also lost a parent, how
Speaker 1: does he manage grief years later? I'm sure sure he
Speaker 1: could obviously speak on a lot more. My first hand
Speaker 1: experience with it is. UM, we've talked about this on
Speaker 1: the podcast to every October, ID deal at the anniversary
Speaker 1: of my mother's passing, her birth day, as a lot
Speaker 1: of cultures call it, which is I come to find
Speaker 1: out that recently, um, and I get very emotional at
Speaker 1: that time of year, and I kind of just go
Speaker 1: into a shell and I just want to be by myself. Um.
Speaker 1: But other cultures reported the day she died as their birthday.
Speaker 1: I can't remember. I think one of my Indian friends
Speaker 1: told me that, Um, And it's not it's not a
Speaker 1: day to grieve, it's a day to celebrate, like that
Speaker 1: type of stuff, you know. And I think, as you,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think I've kind of just developed
Speaker 1: this mindset where life is more of a comedy than
Speaker 1: it is a tragedy. And if you kind of if
Speaker 1: you approach everything with that concept, then things are a
Speaker 1: lot more easy to handle emotionally, at least you don't
Speaker 1: get controlled by your emotions quite as much. Maybe limits
Speaker 1: you and how deeply you're able to connect and feel things,
Speaker 1: but it kind of uh reduces the torment a little bit,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Yeah, there's a poem that
Speaker 1: if I can pull it up while we're talking, that
Speaker 1: is just the greatest thing about when someone passes, they're really, um, no,
Speaker 1: no further away from you than just the next room. Um.
Speaker 1: I'm going to find it while we're talking. But one
Speaker 1: of the greatest way to deal with grief for trauma
Speaker 1: that I've ever discovered in my whole practice of working
Speaker 1: with people is E M d R. And that's an
Speaker 1: eye movement desensitization process that it really helps to heal
Speaker 1: the loss and the trauma that gets lodged in our
Speaker 1: brain and doesn't metabolize like normal day to day life
Speaker 1: and challenges, and it actually moves it through you much
Speaker 1: more quickly than talk therapy or anything else that I've
Speaker 1: come across. M I'm gonna look into Okay, this was
Speaker 1: let's see who wrote this poem? Henry Scott Holland, and
Speaker 1: it's called death is nothing at all. I have only
Speaker 1: slipped away to the next room. I am I, and
Speaker 1: you are you. Whatever we were to each other, that
Speaker 1: we still are. Call me by my old familiar name.
Speaker 1: Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Speaker 1: Put no difference into your tone, where no forced air
Speaker 1: of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at
Speaker 1: the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, Smile, think of me,
Speaker 1: Pray for me. Let my name be ever the household
Speaker 1: world that it always was. Let it be spoken without effect,
Speaker 1: without the trace of a shadow on it. Life means
Speaker 1: all it ever meant. It is the same that it
Speaker 1: ever was. There's an absolute, unbroken continuity. Why should I
Speaker 1: be out of mind because I'm out of sight? I
Speaker 1: am but waiting for you for an interval somewhere very near,
Speaker 1: just around the corner, all as well. I love it.
Speaker 1: I love the line. Why should I be out of
Speaker 1: mind if I'm out of sight? That's a good right,
Speaker 1: so beautiful. So I mean a lot of this just
Speaker 1: says that we have some work to do as human
Speaker 1: beings on what death means to us and why it
Speaker 1: scares us so much. There's a lot of freedom and
Speaker 1: in looking at that. Um, sure, we gotta get you off.
Speaker 1: But it was a great It was great to have you.
Speaker 1: It's great to hear your voice again. Um, let's get
Speaker 1: you in studio next time. What do you say? Okay, absolutely,
Speaker 1: I'll be down. Okay, I'm holding you to it. Okay,
Speaker 1: take care of you guys. Be sure to follow Shrie
Speaker 1: Heally at the lumin Ears. Yeah yeah, okay at the
Speaker 1: Luminaries and Sharie Heli dot com and sre dot com.
Speaker 1: Thanks guys. But okay, So, like we mentioned at the
Speaker 1: top of this podcast, last week on Almost Famous, when
Speaker 1: they were in Napa, Ashley and Vanessa had a heated
Speaker 1: debate on pooping in front of your significant other and
Speaker 1: they were divided. They were house divided. Vanessa was very, very,
Speaker 1: almost disturbingly pro pooping, excited about it. I was more
Speaker 1: disturbed by how pro she was rather than the act
Speaker 1: of actually pooping in front of her significant other, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. She was so vindicated in her
Speaker 1: response in her opinion that there was no breaking it
Speaker 1: and it's just like, okay, that's fine. Anyways. Then there's Ashley,
Speaker 1: who said she for the longest time would hide the
Speaker 1: fact that she was using the rest room in front
Speaker 1: of Jared, And even to this day she is more comfortable,
Speaker 1: but she doesn't poop the door open. It sounds like
Speaker 1: Vanessa would like call her boyfriend into the bathroom sometimes
Speaker 1: to have a conversation with her while she was using
Speaker 1: the restroom more in the shower. She's in the podcast
Speaker 1: while pooping, before she's done the podcast while pooping. You know,
Speaker 1: that's actually a good point. I think I remember that. Um,
Speaker 1: that's I think both sides are a little extreme. I
Speaker 1: think there's obviously you can ski one of two ways.
Speaker 1: Have you Vanessa? Have you Ashley? And I get familiar
Speaker 1: with like the base sour scale and chemistry. Um, I
Speaker 1: don't know exactly what it is. I can if you
Speaker 1: wan't look if you want to look it up. So
Speaker 1: fourteen is like a pure base, and a zero is
Speaker 1: a pure sour or something like that, and a seven
Speaker 1: is right in the middle like a complete neutral like milk. Okay,
Speaker 1: So on a pH scale, fourteen is high as zero
Speaker 1: is low, and Vanessa is all the way at fourteen
Speaker 1: on one end and actually is all the way down
Speaker 1: to zero and seven was so somewhere in the middle,
Speaker 1: which I think I'm a seven. I'm at the point
Speaker 1: now I used to so like say you're on a date,
Speaker 1: and I actually I use this all the time, and
Speaker 1: I will continue to use this because I just find
Speaker 1: it slip. I just it's always gets to laugh. You
Speaker 1: know when you use something that gets to laugh all
Speaker 1: the time, you just keep using that. Well, I get it.
Speaker 1: U if I'm on a one on one date with
Speaker 1: someone and the urge to use the restroom overcomes me,
Speaker 1: and I'm okay, I'll admit it. I'm a long who
Speaker 1: I take ten to fifteen minute poops. My friends all
Speaker 1: know it. If I tell my friend, if I my
Speaker 1: guy friends, I'm like, hey, I'm gonna go use the
Speaker 1: restroom real quick. The big ir quality in twenty minutes,
Speaker 1: you know, like that kind of thing, like it's a
Speaker 1: it's a well known thing that I take my time.
Speaker 1: Does it? Does it take a while to complete your
Speaker 1: business or are you doing other things? Phe? I have
Speaker 1: joined the silence of it all. Um. When I'm on dates,
Speaker 1: I I do it to a less extreme. I cut
Speaker 1: it down, you know. I trimmed some time. I'm not
Speaker 1: my phone a little bit less when I'm in there
Speaker 1: just hanging out, but it's still longer than your normal person,
Speaker 1: I would say. And I always come back to the
Speaker 1: table and even if like we're sitting right next to
Speaker 1: the restroom use it's not even that funny. But I'll
Speaker 1: always like put my hand on the shoulder and be like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, the line was really long. And every single
Speaker 1: time they're like, no, I wasn't. I know exactly what
Speaker 1: you're doing in there. But the point is, I know
Speaker 1: you know what I'm doing, but it's just like a
Speaker 1: comedic way to tell you what why I was gone
Speaker 1: for so long? You know what I mean? UM, And
Speaker 1: it sounds like Ashley has used the approach where she'll
Speaker 1: like go into the rest room, turn the shower on,
Speaker 1: jump in the shower. I merely as I've done that
Speaker 1: or two. But I've gotten now to where it's like,
Speaker 1: you know where I'm going, I'm going to use the restaurant.
Speaker 1: I'm going number two. UM, if you need to do it,
Speaker 1: that's perfectly fine. It's a little it's weird because guys
Speaker 1: um are so much more open about it. And like
Speaker 1: I think Vanessa was saying, she'll FaceTime her friends while
Speaker 1: she's using the toilet, but actually never would imagine in
Speaker 1: FaceTime her sister while she was using the toilet, and
Speaker 1: I do all the time. I like, you know, guys,
Speaker 1: even if if we're sharing rooms or like a hotel
Speaker 1: room or something, that someone's pooping and like I just
Speaker 1: comes in starts brushing his teeth. I know, I know,
Speaker 1: not me never ever ever s that's I guess that's
Speaker 1: where I'm at. So on that's what I'm more on
Speaker 1: either side of that equation. Never um never significant other though,
Speaker 1: like I would never poop in front of my significant other.
Speaker 1: You know who's got a good take on this is Tanya,
Speaker 1: who you've taken out a date before. I didn't poop
Speaker 1: on that date though. No. She with her old boyfriends
Speaker 1: was very open, always door, open policy, conversations, all that stuff.
Speaker 1: She's decided to change that about herself because she feels
Speaker 1: like she's giving too much of herself to the other person.
Speaker 1: So she's gonna she has a new policy on that.
Speaker 1: My family, my wife, it's it's it's it's never discussed.
Speaker 1: It's just never brought up. Years. I'm not not quite twenty.
Speaker 1: Let's see twenty, We've married seventeen years. We've been together
Speaker 1: twenty two and how many times in the topic of
Speaker 1: poop been brought up. I mean it happens from time
Speaker 1: to time because I have a certain foods that caused
Speaker 1: me great distress. Yes, yeah, like last night we had
Speaker 1: a discussion because that had a kind of a mystery attack.
Speaker 1: But um, but we don't ever talk about the act
Speaker 1: of doing it, and certainly not for her as far
Speaker 1: as I'm concerned, she never does it. Alison always says
Speaker 1: the way she processes energy, she shoots sugar cubes out
Speaker 1: of her billy button. It's amazing. And then soame she
Speaker 1: has to help me unclogged the sugar cubes for that
Speaker 1: eye process from our joint. That's really funny. Here. There
Speaker 1: was one time I was at a girl's house who
Speaker 1: we were romantically intertwined, and and uh, she had a
Speaker 1: plunger in a plastic bag sitting out on her on
Speaker 1: her porch. And I was like, Hey, what's with the
Speaker 1: plunger on the porch? And she like it was avoiding
Speaker 1: the question, like obviously it's like, hey, let's talk about
Speaker 1: for a second, you know, And she was like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know why that's out there. I think like
Speaker 1: my brother was over and used it or something like that.
Speaker 1: Don't line to me. I'm just trying to like break
Speaker 1: down the walls a little bit. And by the porch,
Speaker 1: I think you just wanted stinking it up, stinking up
Speaker 1: the bathroom. It's it's weird. That's a taboo topic as well.
Speaker 1: It is it's a taboo topic. There is a shame
Speaker 1: involved in that activity, which is silly. We all do it.
Speaker 1: I read a book to that exact title when you're
Speaker 1: like six. Yeah, I'm trying to think, why do we
Speaker 1: think it's so um like look down upon to talk about?
Speaker 1: Is it just because it's such it's it's disgusting. It
Speaker 1: smells bad. Yeah, I think you're making awful noises and
Speaker 1: smells come out of your part in front of your wife,
Speaker 1: either of you. Not not on purpose. No, Like when
Speaker 1: you're falling asleep sometimes you're like, look, I mean maybe
Speaker 1: or maybe just you think it's going to be quiet
Speaker 1: and it's not. And I'm sure that they never fall
Speaker 1: in front of you guys. Okay, there was there was
Speaker 1: a one time where, um, for a while I heard
Speaker 1: also get in the shower and then I would hear
Speaker 1: what sounded like massive no, I hear like massive heart sounds.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my gosh, she's like holding until
Speaker 1: she gets in the shower, and it was like very loud,
Speaker 1: and I thought that I was catching her. And then
Speaker 1: one time I used some of her shampoos, I was
Speaker 1: out and I squeezed it, like there it is. She's
Speaker 1: telling the truth. She doesn't do it. Here's the reaction
Speaker 1: from the listener. Stacy says, I relate to Vanessa on
Speaker 1: the poop and attachment theory. When we built our house,
Speaker 1: I put the shower and bathtub open to each other
Speaker 1: because I love baths and he takes showers, and now
Speaker 1: we can talk at the same time. My husband thinks
Speaker 1: I'm crazy and laughs because I always follow him into
Speaker 1: the bathroom. But our daughter potty trained herself at eighteen months,
Speaker 1: and we think it's because of all the time we
Speaker 1: spend in the bathroom together as a family. I feel
Speaker 1: like you, Vanessa. Ashley agrees with Vanessa. She says, I
Speaker 1: don't like it when my husband is around me when
Speaker 1: I poop, but I'm the one who walks in on
Speaker 1: him when he does it. I'll sit on the floor
Speaker 1: or just have the door open. But to defend myself.
Speaker 1: He poops at least twenty times a day, so I
Speaker 1: have to talk to him at some point. Okay, so
Speaker 1: he needs to see a doctor. I think he's maybe
Speaker 1: he's just not being on. He's just bringing the iPad
Speaker 1: in there and playing some clashic fans or something. Laura says,
Speaker 1: I never ever could never keep poop with the door open,
Speaker 1: or have my fiancee pooping with the door open. Sometimes
Speaker 1: I'll turn on the tap water if I'm pooping while
Speaker 1: he's in bed. I've had, I've had, I've seen I
Speaker 1: move before. It's fairly split, But I think I think
Speaker 1: the nice thing is if you can find somebody compatible
Speaker 1: with how you feel about it. I guess the difference is,
Speaker 1: I'm sure guys just take at the poop a little
Speaker 1: more violent. I think a girl poop is a little
Speaker 1: bit more pleasant, a little more uh. But you know,
Speaker 1: I would imagine it being a cleaner poop. I think
Speaker 1: of everything women do, it is more pleasant than everything
Speaker 1: men do. But it's weird that, especially because I'm almost
Speaker 1: the same way with you. Is where I don't want
Speaker 1: to hear. I don't want to really discuss it. We
Speaker 1: both know what's happening. But I don't want to hear
Speaker 1: the logistics of how you're going about it, right, And
Speaker 1: I don't need you to comment on it when I
Speaker 1: come out of the bathroom, big pop h or my
Speaker 1: daughter's like that. Don't need that. I don't need any
Speaker 1: of that stuff. Um. Interesting, I had I had one
Speaker 1: more thing that I wanted to bring up. Okay, So
Speaker 1: for each of us, one side to choose. No in
Speaker 1: the between, actually you Ashley, Yeah, Ashley, Ashley Sorry, Vanessa Alright,
Speaker 1: rapid fire Facebook questions. Here we go. I'm gonna try
Speaker 1: to get these one sentence responses from your diners. Sorry
Speaker 1: for the long windedness of all these. No, it's fine.
Speaker 1: Favorite trips that you've ever been on? South America was
Speaker 1: my favorite trip of all time bucket list trip. This
Speaker 1: is from Danielle Peepers. Great name, by the way, um
Speaker 1: climbing Mount Everest. Right, Julia, who we heard from earlier?
Speaker 1: What's a song that is dear to your heart? And why?
Speaker 1: Great question? I think we've said this before, Brandy Carlisle,
Speaker 1: keep your heart young. It really just speaks to me.
Speaker 1: Caravan Camp favorite food of all time? Hers is Posseda
Speaker 1: by the way pasta is such a classic. You can
Speaker 1: never go around the pasta. Um. And you love dark
Speaker 1: chocolate cover Almans, which are another favorite of mine. That's
Speaker 1: your favorite snack food. It's a tough one. Man. Ramen
Speaker 1: is really good, which is weird because I was never
Speaker 1: a Ramen fan or a Fuff fan until maybe just
Speaker 1: two years ago, but it's become one of my all
Speaker 1: time favorite. Last Night Why with their friend Mallory um
Speaker 1: and Molly, who was someone you met once and left.
Speaker 1: You only met them once, but they left a big
Speaker 1: impression on you. Besides you two, thank you. I say
Speaker 1: this all the time. Um. After going on TV, you
Speaker 1: get introduced to a lot of very talented, very interesting people.
Speaker 1: I'm hard to impress, and I will admit that I
Speaker 1: have met a lot of very famous people that I've
Speaker 1: met and I'm like, what's so special about you? There
Speaker 1: was one person who I met and I was like,
Speaker 1: you have a very special talent and I'm blown away
Speaker 1: just even standing next to you. And You're never gonna
Speaker 1: guess it was Daniel Tosh. I went to my friend
Speaker 1: one tickets to his one of his shows for a
Speaker 1: touch point. Oh. We sat in the front row and
Speaker 1: he pointed me out at the beginning of a fresh
Speaker 1: off bachelor. He goes this because he tweeted about me
Speaker 1: a couple of times. He goes, this is Dean from
Speaker 1: The Bachelorette talked about my dad for a little bit.
Speaker 1: And then after the show was over, one of the
Speaker 1: security yards came up to us was like, hey, like,
Speaker 1: Daniel Tosh wants to hang out to you guys after
Speaker 1: the show. And we were standing back there and he
Speaker 1: was making hilarious I'm sorry for the F word everything
Speaker 1: he said. And maybe it's just because like I've built
Speaker 1: him up so much in my head, but there was
Speaker 1: never a moment where I wasn't awe struck by the
Speaker 1: things that were coming out of it. That's a that's
Speaker 1: an amazing talent to be that funny, And there was.
Speaker 1: And he had commanded a room. There was like big
Speaker 1: investors that were there, and he was like it was
Speaker 1: it was one of them, not like a good experience,
Speaker 1: but he was the one guy where I was like,
Speaker 1: you are doing what you do because you're insanely good
Speaker 1: at it. You put on this earth to do this.
Speaker 1: What does Dean? Diane asked, what does Dean feel the
Speaker 1: average person is missing out on if they've never traveled
Speaker 1: outside the country or their country. I think I think
Speaker 1: traveling really just opens your mind to a lot of
Speaker 1: different lifestyles and people and food and cultures. Uh. I
Speaker 1: think open mindedness is one thing that really constantly gets
Speaker 1: looked over, especially in America. People you know, it's they
Speaker 1: think it's there this way or there's no other way
Speaker 1: to do it. And a lot of people don't really
Speaker 1: have the ability to travel, which is a bummer. And
Speaker 1: and obviously if you ever get the ability to, you
Speaker 1: should take that advantage, take that opportunity. H Empathy. Empathy,
Speaker 1: That's a big one for me is empathy. You gain
Speaker 1: empathy by traveling, traveling even within your city, within your state,
Speaker 1: within your country. Empathy is just the ability to imagine
Speaker 1: what somebody else is going through and put yourself in
Speaker 1: their shoes for a minute, which you can never fully do,
Speaker 1: but at least admitting that you could never fully do
Speaker 1: that is a part of empathy as well. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you guys, do you guys know who Kyle
Speaker 1: Cover is, basketball player. He just wrote a really interesting
Speaker 1: piece about privilege because he's a white player in a
Speaker 1: predominantly colored league, Sue, I'll send you guys the article.
Speaker 1: It's super super interesting about how he's a white player
Speaker 1: in a colored league, but the fans of the sport
Speaker 1: are mostly white, and so there's weird to the to
Speaker 1: the question earlier that this weird dichotomy of he's on
Speaker 1: his teammates side, but he relates more to the players
Speaker 1: in the crowd because of the color of his skin,
Speaker 1: and how that factors into the way that he deals
Speaker 1: with a lot of racial circumstances in the NBA, especially
Speaker 1: like the Russell Westbrook thing that happened earlier this year
Speaker 1: and Utah, how like some guy was shouting racial slurs
Speaker 1: at him gets banned for life, But how that's not enough.
Speaker 1: I was black teammate got beat up in New York
Speaker 1: just for being black, and how that none of that
Speaker 1: would ever happens because he's white, and how it's hard
Speaker 1: to empathize with that because as people of privilege, it's
Speaker 1: hard to put yourself in that situation. But by not
Speaker 1: talking about it, we're doing in a disservice like that
Speaker 1: type of stuff. So traveling is a good way to
Speaker 1: experience other cultures, to see firsthand how people are doing
Speaker 1: things differently, and how you can kind of open your
Speaker 1: mind to being more accepting all of those things. I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: for sure it is. I love this question, and this
Speaker 1: might be more than a one sentence response. This is
Speaker 1: from Taja. Of all these things, you might have been
Speaker 1: not looking forward to this one the most. What quality
Speaker 1: overall have the women you've dated been missing? What qualities
Speaker 1: are you looking for that you haven't found? By the way,
Speaker 1: great questions. Yeah, I hope none of my exes are listening.
Speaker 1: Oh man, um, I think the quality that's been missing,
Speaker 1: and maybe it's just to a degree, maybe not like
Speaker 1: fully missing. I think that I really admire a woman
Speaker 1: who has the independence and I guess the ability to
Speaker 1: not need me in their life. Like my my x
Speaker 1: X ex girlfriend from what from before the show, I
Speaker 1: respect so much because with her without me, she is
Speaker 1: a badass woman. You know, she's got all these friends,
Speaker 1: she's got a kick ass job, she's super happy, she travels,
Speaker 1: she does all this stuff, and like, looking at her,
Speaker 1: you're like, this girl is badass because she does what
Speaker 1: she wants and she's super charismatic and can light up
Speaker 1: a room and all that kind of stuff and I
Speaker 1: think that that it's not it's not that that was
Speaker 1: ever missing in any of the girls that I dated post,
Speaker 1: but it was just like that characteristic really shown through
Speaker 1: with her. And that's something that I think I'm going
Speaker 1: to need in the person that I end up with.
Speaker 1: You don't need me is an attractive quality. I freaking
Speaker 1: love it because at the same time, like I don't
Speaker 1: need them, and so it's like there needs to be
Speaker 1: a mutual understanding where it's like we come together to
Speaker 1: improve each other's lives, but remove that person and the
Speaker 1: life is still going in a good spot. You got
Speaker 1: to be added value to both. Yeah, um. And so
Speaker 1: that was the quality that she possessed that I was like,
Speaker 1: this is one of the most attractive things I've ever seen.
Speaker 1: We had other issues obviously because we broke up, but
Speaker 1: to this day, like we're still friends. I still hope. No,
Speaker 1: I wasn't special of the code word you would use
Speaker 1: when you needed to be left alone. Yeah, yeah, it
Speaker 1: was not special. Although she very similar they have actually
Speaker 1: were very similar in that same way as uh Spatchelor
Speaker 1: was a girl who's got an also a very incredible career,
Speaker 1: um like homeowner, like all these things where she's like,
Speaker 1: I don't need a guy in my life. I just
Speaker 1: want someone that wants to have fun with me. But
Speaker 1: if you're not there, then like, I don't care, but
Speaker 1: it would be cool to have you there sort of things.
Speaker 1: So I found that really attractive. And then what qualities
Speaker 1: are you looking for that you haven't found? Um? Oh man,
Speaker 1: it's hard to say because I've met so many people
Speaker 1: that I found so many qualities and every single one
Speaker 1: of them. Confidence is a big one. Um. It's funny too,
Speaker 1: because you see a lot of these beautiful women, and
Speaker 1: I think that it's been discussed on certain levels on
Speaker 1: certain podcasts Within my Heart, whether it's scrubbing in almost
Speaker 1: famous for this one, where you see these beautiful women
Speaker 1: and you look up to them and you're like, wow,
Speaker 1: they've got it all going for them. They're beautiful, they're smart,
Speaker 1: they're travel the world. But then you meet them and
Speaker 1: they have a lot of insecurities about themselves, and it's
Speaker 1: it's it's uncommon to find someone that's confident in every
Speaker 1: avenue of themselves and their life. You know, Yeah, everybody's
Speaker 1: got issues, struggles, self doubt, and we can project a
Speaker 1: lot of confidence, but then when it really comes down
Speaker 1: to it, we might not necessarily have as much of that.
Speaker 1: So maybe confidence from top to bottom, from A to Z,
Speaker 1: I think is one of the most qualities that I
Speaker 1: haven't found. But it's like, can you ever really find that?
Speaker 1: Are any of us really fully confident? Like I have
Speaker 1: my insecurities? Of course, I'm sure you guys do the
Speaker 1: varying degrees, But it's like, I think that's kind of
Speaker 1: like the um what's the word? Not the golden egg,
Speaker 1: but like the one thing that you can always strive
Speaker 1: to search for but never necessarily fine, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm talking about. I don't know. I saw a quote
Speaker 1: because we did a daily quote on the Secret. This
Speaker 1: one's coming up next week, so a spoiler alert, but
Speaker 1: other this is an appropriate quote for right now. If
Speaker 1: we all threw our problems in a pile and saw
Speaker 1: everyone else's, we'd grab hours back. Say that again, if
Speaker 1: we all through our problems into a pile and so
Speaker 1: everyone else's, we'd grab hours back. I agree with that,
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Speaker 1: All right, all right, one more able before we wrap
Speaker 1: it up. This is BAMA help I suck with roommates.
Speaker 1: I'm team Beama on this one. Everybody is telling you
Speaker 1: going in. So, I live in an apartment with three
Speaker 1: people and one of the roommates that is going on
Speaker 1: vacation for a couple of months, and I think they
Speaker 1: should continue to pay rent even while traveling. I'm not
Speaker 1: asking for an energy bill or a water bill, just rent.
Speaker 1: They believe that since they're not living there, they shouldn't
Speaker 1: have to pay and said that's unfair. I'm the leaseholder.
Speaker 1: Do you guys think I'm wrong? Or am I right? Bema,
Speaker 1: You're right unless they're moving out. Unless they're leaving and
Speaker 1: completely saying goodbye. They need to do that, otherwise you
Speaker 1: need to replace them. If at three months in one
Speaker 1: day they're living in the house again. They owe you
Speaker 1: four months rent. Absolutely right, you've held their room for them.
Speaker 1: Their stuff is still in their room. Is it not
Speaker 1: the only thing that you could recommend if they're really
Speaker 1: not gonna budge on that is airbnb your room while
Speaker 1: she's gone. But then you're stuck living with air being
Speaker 1: what a hassle that is? Yeah, no, I say no.
Speaker 1: I say they got add roommate that doesn't want to pay,
Speaker 1: and I understand why they don't want to, but they
Speaker 1: got in this life. That's adult thing. I'm sorry you do.
Speaker 1: Of course. Um it's funny so that quickly just said
Speaker 1: for the n Seacrest things. One last thing before we part, Yes, there.
Speaker 1: Alan Watson is a philosopher from like the Midnight teen hundreds,
Speaker 1: and I've been listening to a lot of his lectures lately,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna butcher this, but he talks a lot
Speaker 1: about how if we could go to sleep every single
Speaker 1: night and dream whatever we wanted, a dream, anything in
Speaker 1: the world, whatever, while this imagination could dream, and every
Speaker 1: time we dreamt it was seventy five years at a time,
Speaker 1: so we basically dream a whole lifetime every time we
Speaker 1: fall asleep, whatever we want to dream, you would go about,
Speaker 1: you fall asleep a couple of nights, you would do
Speaker 1: the craziest things, but you would always be premeditating the
Speaker 1: things that you're gonna dream. And so eventually, after enough time,
Speaker 1: after you fall asleep enough times, maybe on like the
Speaker 1: tenth or eleventh time, however many it takes, you would
Speaker 1: begin to dream the exact life that you're living now.
Speaker 1: Because the one thing that is super sacred to us
Speaker 1: as people is that we can't predict what's going to
Speaker 1: happen to us. And that's like the one most exciting
Speaker 1: thing and that's the one thing that keeps us coming back,
Speaker 1: and why we do the things that we do is
Speaker 1: because it's unpredictable. It's exciting, and that's what we as
Speaker 1: humans need. And so it's like, no matter how adventurous
Speaker 1: and crazy you can create a dream to be, it
Speaker 1: will never be as exciting as living a life of
Speaker 1: not knowing what's gonna happen. Wo, that's really interesting. So
Speaker 1: like the first night I'm gonna I'm gonna become a
Speaker 1: rock star and I'm gonna marry a supermodel and blah
Speaker 1: blah blah. That's further, second night, something else. But you're saying,
Speaker 1: by like the tenth night, that's you're here. You're dreaming
Speaker 1: your exact life up to the point that, Wow, it's
Speaker 1: it's really interesting. You guy should listen to actually feel
Speaker 1: like that's very interesting. Alan wats that's a nice way
Speaker 1: to leave us. Yes, anyways, that's uh, that's a Familier Bros.
Speaker 1: Episode of Help I Suck at Dating? What a great episode.
Speaker 1: I feel like we could just talk for hours, just
Speaker 1: three guys talking about poop. Agree with Actually what I mean?
Speaker 1: I don't know? This was fun? Yeah, um, anyways, be
Speaker 1: sure to do next week. I think Jared and Vanessa
Speaker 1: are going to be back and I'm gonna be gone. Unfortunately.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be climbing mountains in New Mexico. It sounds great. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it to be fun. And then I think, I actually,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I've talked to you guys about this,
Speaker 1: but it might be gone all the time. Where are
Speaker 1: you going now? I think we're gonna go to Marrakesh
Speaker 1: for a week. Marrakesh, Yeah, okay, I've always wanted to
Speaker 1: visit the continent of Africa. I'm going to be New
Speaker 1: York for birthday. I just figured, you know, why not,
Speaker 1: It's only six hours away. I think there's a lot
Speaker 1: more places to visit in this world than you think, right.
Speaker 1: But what happens in ten years when I've seen them
Speaker 1: all all? You never know? Anyways, Thank you guys, Thank
Speaker 1: you Mark, thank you Easton, Thanks to our sponsors. Thank
Speaker 1: you to Shrihily. Be sure to check her out at
Speaker 1: at the Luminaries on Instagram and Shrihli dot com. Um,
Speaker 1: big thank you to Jared Vanessa. Even though you're not
Speaker 1: here today, you're here in spirit. Be sure tune next
Speaker 1: week with Jared and Vanessa because maybe they will suck
Speaker 1: a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating
Speaker 1: with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or
Speaker 1: wherever you listen to podcast