1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,679 Speaker 1: With a driver in the front seat of our car, 2 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,440 Speaker 1: which is our life, and we really have to keep 3 00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:09,200 Speaker 1: being persistent at figuring out like, am I happy at 4 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:11,760 Speaker 1: the speed I'm going, at the destination I'm going, who 5 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,240 Speaker 1: is in the car with me? Or do I need 6 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:16,440 Speaker 1: to just reevaluate all of that situation? 7 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:34,960 Speaker 2: Hey everyone, Emily Abadi here you are listening to episode 8 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:39,280 Speaker 2: one sixty three of Hurdle, a wellness focused podcast where 9 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:42,440 Speaker 2: I sit down with inspiring individuals to talk about big wins, 10 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:46,279 Speaker 2: tough moments, and everything in between. On the show, you 11 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:51,000 Speaker 2: can expect vulnerability, motivation, and candid discussions with everyone from 12 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:54,800 Speaker 2: top athletes and CEOs to aspiring entrepreneurs on what it 13 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:58,400 Speaker 2: really takes to follow your passions. My mission is simple 14 00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:02,400 Speaker 2: to inspire you to be your best self, move with intention, 15 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:06,240 Speaker 2: and have some fun along the way. Today, I am 16 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:09,040 Speaker 2: so so excited to bring you a conversation that has 17 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:12,800 Speaker 2: been years in the making with my friend, model and 18 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:17,720 Speaker 2: body positivity advocate Iskra Lawrence. Iscra Lawrence is a household 19 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:20,720 Speaker 2: name in the modeling industry. She got into it at 20 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:23,080 Speaker 2: thirteen in England, at where she grew up and for 21 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:26,360 Speaker 2: years struggled with being told that she wasn't quote. 22 00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:28,960 Speaker 3: Unquote small enough to land jobs. 23 00:01:29,319 --> 00:01:32,720 Speaker 2: At twenty one, after years of crash dieting and exercising, 24 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:36,039 Speaker 2: she finally heard about plus size modeling for the first time, 25 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:38,920 Speaker 2: which seemed like it could be the perfect fit. That 26 00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:41,399 Speaker 2: is until she was turned away at time and time 27 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:45,039 Speaker 2: again because she was now quote unquote not big enough. 28 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:48,640 Speaker 2: Iskra decided to stop basing how she felt about herself 29 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:50,600 Speaker 2: and her body based on others'. 30 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:53,440 Speaker 3: Opinions, and it was then that she found Airy. 31 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,720 Speaker 2: Now one of their Airy Real role models, she has 32 00:01:56,760 --> 00:02:00,360 Speaker 2: made herself a career championing self love and challenge the 33 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:05,200 Speaker 2: modeling industry to include women of diverse shapes, sizes, and abilities. 34 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:08,280 Speaker 2: In today's episode, we talk all about the journey, the hardships, 35 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:11,440 Speaker 2: and the hurdles that she's faced along the way, especially 36 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:14,240 Speaker 2: throughout the COVID pandemic and with the launch of her 37 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:14,880 Speaker 2: new brand. 38 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 3: We also talk about. 39 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,920 Speaker 2: Life as a new mom and she offers up her 40 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:23,360 Speaker 2: best advice for anyone struggling with body acceptance. So excited 41 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 2: for this conversation, we talked about it in today's episode, 42 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:28,919 Speaker 2: but honestly, this was years and years in the making. 43 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:32,280 Speaker 2: I met Iscra when I was working at Self magazine 44 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,560 Speaker 2: as a fitness editor. She was the last person we 45 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:38,000 Speaker 2: have on the cover before the magazine folded, and the 46 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:40,799 Speaker 2: shoot with her was super fun. Her attitude, her energy 47 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:44,080 Speaker 2: is just excellent, and I'm so grateful for her time 48 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:46,880 Speaker 2: and to be able to bring that liveliness and her 49 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:50,000 Speaker 2: awesomeness to the feed. Make sure you're following along with 50 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:53,720 Speaker 2: the show over on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram at Hurdle Podcast. 51 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:56,440 Speaker 2: I'm over also at Emily a Body. I also want 52 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:58,239 Speaker 2: to give a shout out to Samantha Gash. She was 53 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,720 Speaker 2: a guest on the show last week and she also 54 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:03,919 Speaker 2: over the weekend led the Charge on or Leave run 55 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:09,480 Speaker 2: a majorly successful fundraiser to help those affected by the 56 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 2: coronavirus pandemic in India. Sam you are absolutely unbelievable. If 57 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:17,040 Speaker 2: you haven't listened to that episode yet, I highly highly 58 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:19,959 Speaker 2: recommend that you make some time for it. And that's 59 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:26,600 Speaker 2: it for now. With that, let's get to Hurdling. 60 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:33,880 Speaker 3: Today. 61 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:37,400 Speaker 2: I'm sitting down with Iscra Lawrence. She is a model. 62 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:41,400 Speaker 2: She is a relatively new mother. How are you doing today? 63 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:46,560 Speaker 1: I'm great, yes, relatively, it's been thirteen months now. It 64 00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:50,320 Speaker 1: still feels new and life I think for most of 65 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:54,080 Speaker 1: us feels new after this crazy year. So yeah, navigating 66 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:57,800 Speaker 1: the newness has been challenging but definitely really fun. And 67 00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:00,120 Speaker 1: who knew like the things that we would love and 68 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:01,920 Speaker 1: over this last year and where are you would it 69 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:05,240 Speaker 1: end up? And the relationships that we may have kind 70 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:09,160 Speaker 1: of become distant from or grown into, And yeah, there's 71 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:12,240 Speaker 1: some beautiful things that have grown out of the challenges. 72 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:15,880 Speaker 2: I love that growth mindset, that positive perspective because I 73 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:19,080 Speaker 2: think that a lot of people at times during you know, 74 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:22,000 Speaker 2: the chaos and the difficulties that arose over the last 75 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:26,159 Speaker 2: thirteen fourteen, fifteen months, have struggled to find, you know, 76 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:27,600 Speaker 2: that bright light in all of this. 77 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:34,279 Speaker 1: Definitely, and me too. There's no guaranteed way to wake 78 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:37,000 Speaker 1: up every day and have a positive mindset. It's something 79 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:38,720 Speaker 1: that you have to figure out what works for you, 80 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:41,400 Speaker 1: and you have to try and choose it with intention, 81 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:45,120 Speaker 1: and you have to surround yourself if possible, because I 82 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,560 Speaker 1: know a lot of people have been isolated with a 83 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:52,160 Speaker 1: tribe or with a partner, with someone who can kind 84 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:54,280 Speaker 1: of pick you up when you need that help. And 85 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:56,839 Speaker 1: that's one thing I've really worked really hard on it. 86 00:04:56,880 --> 00:05:01,240 Speaker 1: Within my relationship with my partner Philip is allowing him 87 00:05:01,279 --> 00:05:04,880 Speaker 1: to know that some things that I might be struggling 88 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:08,719 Speaker 1: with and dealing with, maybe I don't communicate in the best, 89 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:11,560 Speaker 1: most positive way, but sometimes that just means that I 90 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:14,840 Speaker 1: need him to either dig a little bit deeper or 91 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:18,400 Speaker 1: to kind of reach out his hand or just be supportive. 92 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:21,560 Speaker 1: Because one thing that we've definitely learned is do you 93 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:24,560 Speaker 1: want solution or do you want comfort? In times of 94 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:28,120 Speaker 1: need when maybe I'm complaining about something or moaning or 95 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:30,920 Speaker 1: feeling in a negative space, is it actually you want 96 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,240 Speaker 1: or do you just want comfort? So kind of being 97 00:05:33,279 --> 00:05:36,640 Speaker 1: able to always ask that when we are having those 98 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:38,919 Speaker 1: moments has been good because you're spending a lot of 99 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:41,600 Speaker 1: time with someone and we weren't used to that as 100 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:43,279 Speaker 1: a couple. We used to travel a lot, and we 101 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:45,880 Speaker 1: used to have these very romantic kind of lets meet 102 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,000 Speaker 1: up in Miami for the weekend and like all the 103 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:50,679 Speaker 1: and now it's like, no, you live in a house 104 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,559 Speaker 1: with a newborn baby and you are together twenty four seven, 105 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:55,200 Speaker 1: so let's figure it out. 106 00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:57,520 Speaker 3: So figure it out. 107 00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:01,040 Speaker 2: I love that, I love that well, I have missed 108 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,400 Speaker 2: you know, the same kind of stuff, the flying around, 109 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,320 Speaker 2: the doing all the things. I feel like that's starting 110 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:08,000 Speaker 2: to seep a little bit back into my life really 111 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:11,200 Speaker 2: starting in June and Wicks work is picking back up. 112 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:14,520 Speaker 2: But for you, what do you fesee kind of the 113 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:17,640 Speaker 2: nearer future being like for you picking back up or 114 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,840 Speaker 2: still kind of keeping it home and laying low with 115 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:21,560 Speaker 2: your family. 116 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:24,240 Speaker 1: Right, So, what was weird is and I've never told 117 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:28,360 Speaker 1: anyone this story is when I was sixteen, I met 118 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:31,320 Speaker 1: psychic and I don't know why I asked this question, 119 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:33,920 Speaker 1: but I remember asking this weird question. And at the time, 120 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,480 Speaker 1: I was obsessed with wanting to become a successful model, 121 00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:42,080 Speaker 1: and I asked her what would prevent me from continuing 122 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:43,960 Speaker 1: in my modeling career. It was some kind of weird 123 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:47,160 Speaker 1: question like that. So I I essentially wanted to know 124 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:51,680 Speaker 1: what would be my like finished point, or like what 125 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:54,599 Speaker 1: would be my you can't go any further, or something 126 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:56,880 Speaker 1: just kind of like an obstacle or and it was 127 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,040 Speaker 1: And I picked out this car and it was children. 128 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:03,000 Speaker 1: It was like a car with said children. And she said, oh, 129 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:05,640 Speaker 1: that could mean multiple tu multitude of things. It could 130 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,760 Speaker 1: mean that, like when you have a child, you'll have 131 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:11,160 Speaker 1: a career shift. It could mean that you are maybe 132 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:14,280 Speaker 1: you have an immature mindset which might prevent you from 133 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,160 Speaker 1: going further in a career. And you explained all these 134 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:20,400 Speaker 1: different things, but I definitely know that you become a 135 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:25,880 Speaker 1: new person when you become a parent, and it's just shifted, 136 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:30,560 Speaker 1: and that realigned and reprioritized everything in my life. I 137 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:34,080 Speaker 1: definitely am really really grateful that I took the leap 138 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:37,120 Speaker 1: and left kind of the East Coast and moved to 139 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:41,200 Speaker 1: Austin because it slowed everything down and I just kind 140 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,240 Speaker 1: of realized I looked around and I was like, wow, 141 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:46,760 Speaker 1: I really haven't invested in family or really kind of 142 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:51,400 Speaker 1: long term friendships or just long term projects almost because 143 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:53,680 Speaker 1: I was so just in it with the career stuff 144 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,160 Speaker 1: on the day to day, but I just hadn't invested 145 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:58,320 Speaker 1: in a lot of other areas of my life, even 146 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:01,679 Speaker 1: my well being. I think my mental health was okay, 147 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:05,120 Speaker 1: but it's definitely now like more of my priority. I 148 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:08,600 Speaker 1: feel like I'm more open and in tune with myself 149 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:11,840 Speaker 1: and understanding and knowing what I need and not feeling 150 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:14,200 Speaker 1: alone and just kind of like just put your head 151 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,840 Speaker 1: down and focus. You've got stuff to do, Like yes, 152 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:20,600 Speaker 1: I have stuff to do now, but how are you feeling, like, really, 153 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:25,440 Speaker 1: how are you feeling physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally and knowing 154 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:28,800 Speaker 1: that there's an abundance of time, because I think that 155 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:32,720 Speaker 1: that's one thing I found pre pandemic living in a crazy, 156 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,920 Speaker 1: busy city. I'm sure, like you know, the energy is 157 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:38,160 Speaker 1: contagious in the most wonderful way, in the sense that 158 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:41,000 Speaker 1: you're part of a community that's hungry and fuel and 159 00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:45,200 Speaker 1: wants to kind of drive forward. But it also sometimes 160 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,600 Speaker 1: means that you don't get to just push the breaks 161 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:50,640 Speaker 1: and escape that and find that peace and calm. And 162 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:53,760 Speaker 1: that was hard for me, and I needed to move 163 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:56,240 Speaker 1: out of that environment to kind of find that piece 164 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,520 Speaker 1: and find that just like being able to sit with 165 00:08:58,559 --> 00:09:01,679 Speaker 1: myself and just be. I'm like finding that now. And 166 00:09:02,679 --> 00:09:06,040 Speaker 1: the balance isn't perfect, that's for sure. There are times 167 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,160 Speaker 1: when I by myself getting for straight because I'm not 168 00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:10,840 Speaker 1: but I haven't been productive. But I'm also like, isn't 169 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:12,680 Speaker 1: that nice that I just didn't really look at my 170 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,680 Speaker 1: phone today at all? You know? And I brought value 171 00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:18,600 Speaker 1: into my partner's life, with my baby's life, or I 172 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:22,600 Speaker 1: really enjoyed going and picking strawberries with friends, and I 173 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:26,240 Speaker 1: was able to be completely present and not worry about 174 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:30,440 Speaker 1: anything else. And that's like beautiful new things in life 175 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,920 Speaker 1: that I'm able to enjoy now. So yeah, I can't 176 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,760 Speaker 1: even remember where we start with this question. 177 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:37,920 Speaker 3: I totally I hear you. 178 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:41,920 Speaker 2: I hear you enjoying the little things, prioritizing, reprioritizing. 179 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:42,640 Speaker 3: I know. 180 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:46,120 Speaker 2: I mean, you've been in the modeling industry for over 181 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:51,000 Speaker 2: seventeen years now, so you've been working very hard for 182 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:54,040 Speaker 2: a really long time. Now, before I bring you back 183 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:56,640 Speaker 2: to some of those beginnings and we talk about how 184 00:09:56,720 --> 00:10:00,640 Speaker 2: you even got started, I have a confession for which 185 00:10:00,679 --> 00:10:02,840 Speaker 2: is that? And you know this, we have been I 186 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:06,120 Speaker 2: feel like, trying to make this happen for the longest time. 187 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:08,480 Speaker 2: And it was one of those things that I think 188 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:11,040 Speaker 2: when I look at like the email chain, I don't know, 189 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,760 Speaker 2: maybe over two years, and it was a really good 190 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:17,080 Speaker 2: example for me of that idea that when you want 191 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:20,040 Speaker 2: something and in this case, like a conversation, that you 192 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,679 Speaker 2: have to revisit it and you have to make an 193 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:25,960 Speaker 2: ask and you have to be persistent. So before again 194 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,480 Speaker 2: we go back into your story, can you think about 195 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:31,960 Speaker 2: the last time that you really diligently worked at something 196 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,400 Speaker 2: that you were really excited about. 197 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:37,120 Speaker 1: Yes, that's a really good point. And another reason why 198 00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:40,240 Speaker 1: I was trying to push this conversation was because I 199 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:42,960 Speaker 1: had hoped that I would have launched my first brand 200 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:46,720 Speaker 1: and I had to come to the and I think 201 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:49,600 Speaker 1: I felt like, initially, I've let myself down in the 202 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:52,520 Speaker 1: sense that there are multiple people who I've told I've 203 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:54,920 Speaker 1: had this in the works for years. One of the 204 00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:58,040 Speaker 1: brands I've been working on, it's coming on three years now. 205 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 1: And because I found out I was pregnant, because there 206 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:06,000 Speaker 1: was a global pandemic, because because there's stock lost in 207 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,160 Speaker 1: different factories, and just there's so many like becauses of 208 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:13,439 Speaker 1: why it's taken three years. And I was holding off 209 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,040 Speaker 1: on a lot of things, holding off on tons of interviews, 210 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:17,839 Speaker 1: tons of press stuff, because I was like, I need 211 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:19,880 Speaker 1: to wait until the brand's launched and then I can 212 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,439 Speaker 1: talk to everyone about how exciting is. But like, I 213 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:25,800 Speaker 1: just can't pin it down and I don't push against 214 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:29,680 Speaker 1: what spiritually isn't meant to happen right now, and I 215 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:31,440 Speaker 1: just have to kind of be at peace with that. 216 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:35,040 Speaker 1: So that's definitely one thing I've learned from this experience, 217 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:37,560 Speaker 1: and I'm so grateful that you work persistent, because I 218 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:39,400 Speaker 1: just got to the point where I was like, well, 219 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:40,920 Speaker 1: I do want to have a conversation with her, and 220 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:44,000 Speaker 1: it doesn't matter that that's not something that i'd hoped 221 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:46,880 Speaker 1: was going to happen. It can happen in the future 222 00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:49,240 Speaker 1: and that's going to be fine. So yeah, I would 223 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:52,760 Speaker 1: say what I've been persistent with is not only working 224 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,720 Speaker 1: on these things behind the scenes, when to maybe the 225 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:59,200 Speaker 1: outside world it looks like I'm not busy or I 226 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:03,720 Speaker 1: really don't whatever people think, and especially with the modeling industry, 227 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,520 Speaker 1: if you're not on the latest cover or if you're 228 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,840 Speaker 1: not you know, walking this red car. But if you're not, 229 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,319 Speaker 1: I don't know, in the cool crowd or whatever it meant, 230 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,599 Speaker 1: or whether it might be. I think a lot of 231 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,600 Speaker 1: people get worried or they think, you know, you're not relevant, 232 00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:19,000 Speaker 1: or they let that eat them up. And that's one 233 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,760 Speaker 1: thing that I've just always stay true to. It is like, 234 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,400 Speaker 1: I'm really happy that I stepped back, and I'm really 235 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:27,040 Speaker 1: happy that I was able to not listen to all 236 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:30,240 Speaker 1: the other people around me, because one thing that happens 237 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:33,080 Speaker 1: when you are. The quote talent is that a lot 238 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:36,080 Speaker 1: of people around you are supported by your income or 239 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,640 Speaker 1: your drive to do more, and so a lot of 240 00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:42,360 Speaker 1: people will push you to the point where I've seen 241 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:46,880 Speaker 1: many very very talented people, singers, actresses go to a 242 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:49,280 Speaker 1: breaking point because their team was kind of pushing and 243 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:52,199 Speaker 1: pushing and pushing them, and they didn't realize that they 244 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:54,880 Speaker 1: actually just didn't They were quite happy where they were 245 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,240 Speaker 1: and they didn't need more, so being able to enjoy 246 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:00,640 Speaker 1: the success of where you got to and kind of 247 00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:03,240 Speaker 1: being like, hey, guys, like, can I just sit here 248 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:07,040 Speaker 1: and enjoy it instead of trying to just continue to 249 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,679 Speaker 1: scrapple and climb and beat everyone else to the finish, 250 00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:13,280 Speaker 1: Like I'm good on this journey that I'm at. So 251 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:17,040 Speaker 1: I think that persistence for me has just been where 252 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:18,760 Speaker 1: am I at? Where do I want to be? Oh? 253 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:22,160 Speaker 1: I'm good right here. Let me just coast and that's okay. 254 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:25,120 Speaker 1: It's a coast for a little while. And as women, 255 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:28,120 Speaker 1: you know, we're always taught that we have to work 256 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:30,120 Speaker 1: harder than men to get where they are, to get 257 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:32,440 Speaker 1: to their level. And I remember having a conversation with 258 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:35,440 Speaker 1: a fellow model when I said, and this is five 259 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:37,760 Speaker 1: years ago. Now, I've said to her, I can't wait 260 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:39,480 Speaker 1: to have children one day. I hope it's something I'm 261 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:42,240 Speaker 1: able to physically do. I would love to be able 262 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:46,840 Speaker 1: to take a bunch of time off. And she immediately 263 00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:50,440 Speaker 1: attacked me and went into kind of like defensive feminism 264 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:52,520 Speaker 1: mode of like how how dare would you give up 265 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:54,559 Speaker 1: your career? Like you've worked so hard for this and 266 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,679 Speaker 1: like you're just getting to your peak. Why would you 267 00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:58,760 Speaker 1: do in that? And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 268 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:02,559 Speaker 1: All of that is your opinion, you know, that's something 269 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:05,640 Speaker 1: society has maybe told you that we shouldn't do. And 270 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:08,800 Speaker 1: I just never follow the students. And I just really 271 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:12,440 Speaker 1: think that we're the driver in the front seat of 272 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:15,080 Speaker 1: our car, which is our life, and we really have 273 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:18,320 Speaker 1: to keep being persistent at figuring out like am I 274 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,640 Speaker 1: happy at the speed I'm going, at the destination I'm going? 275 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,280 Speaker 1: Who is in the car with me? Or do I 276 00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:27,600 Speaker 1: need to just reevaluate all of that situation. That's something 277 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:30,760 Speaker 1: that I've been very I've listened to other people a 278 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:33,440 Speaker 1: lot around me, but I always try and listen to 279 00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:35,080 Speaker 1: my own kind of gut instinct. 280 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:39,720 Speaker 2: Super smart and on the note of you know, launching 281 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:44,920 Speaker 2: your own products, launching your own line. It's something that 282 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:48,400 Speaker 2: you articulated so well in these learnings, and this takeaway 283 00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:51,560 Speaker 2: is like, sometimes you envision things to be a certain way, 284 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,240 Speaker 2: but if it's not going that way, then getting caught 285 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:57,040 Speaker 2: up in details or things that you literally have no 286 00:14:57,120 --> 00:15:00,600 Speaker 2: control over anymore, it doesn't serve you. So you're really 287 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:04,080 Speaker 2: walking away from that experience with an understanding a really 288 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 2: important lesson, and that helps you get to the next 289 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:08,280 Speaker 2: place that you want to go. 290 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 1: Right, if you listen to any successful and again we're 291 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:16,000 Speaker 1: talking about society's idea of success. Maybe you know Whitney, 292 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:20,080 Speaker 1: you know, or maybe we're talking about someone who is 293 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:23,160 Speaker 1: a coover Fortune five hundred company. They will always tell 294 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:26,200 Speaker 1: you that they've had fifty failures before they got that 295 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:30,840 Speaker 1: one thing right. And you know, I've definitely come head 296 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:33,560 Speaker 1: to head with many failures and had a bunch of 297 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:36,400 Speaker 1: mistakes in my career, or maybe who I've partnered with 298 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,560 Speaker 1: or things that I've launched that just haven't turned out 299 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:42,440 Speaker 1: the way I'd envisioned, and to think that, oh, well, 300 00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:45,920 Speaker 1: that's just you know, I shouldn't try again, or you know, 301 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,480 Speaker 1: it's not worth it, or I'm not reinvesting my energy, 302 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:50,840 Speaker 1: time or money because it hasn't worked out in the past. 303 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:54,720 Speaker 1: Like you just have to keep ongoing. And you know, 304 00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:57,640 Speaker 1: I feel really good about where I'm going now because 305 00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,960 Speaker 1: it's one hundred percent owned by myself, funded by myself 306 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,960 Speaker 1: for the things I'm working on. For the first time, 307 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:06,680 Speaker 1: I haven't relied on, you know, other people with the 308 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:09,160 Speaker 1: money or other people with kind of the backing or 309 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,920 Speaker 1: whatever it might be. I've really just kept it small 310 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:15,360 Speaker 1: and kept it in my control environment, within my kind 311 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:18,880 Speaker 1: of own people and family and friends. And that feels 312 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:20,120 Speaker 1: really really good. 313 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:23,600 Speaker 2: It feels really empowering. I'm sure, yeah, it does. 314 00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:25,880 Speaker 1: It does. And I've had to just learn a lot 315 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:29,440 Speaker 1: more instead of you know, in my industry, there's like 316 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:32,720 Speaker 1: a lot of licensing deals that happen where and I've 317 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:35,000 Speaker 1: been offered a lot of licensing deals. Do you want 318 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:36,680 Speaker 1: to do I don't know, this nail polished with this 319 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:38,800 Speaker 1: bra or this other and you can just stick your 320 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:40,720 Speaker 1: name on it, essentially, and we do all the work 321 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:43,480 Speaker 1: and you take twenty percent. And those deals are always 322 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:48,400 Speaker 1: very intriguing and very exciting for agents and people in 323 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,720 Speaker 1: the industry who also want to just sit back and 324 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,280 Speaker 1: make easy money, but they've just never appealed to me 325 00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:57,000 Speaker 1: because I have such a drive and purpose behind everything 326 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,960 Speaker 1: I do in the sense that I didn't come into 327 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:02,840 Speaker 1: this industry the by accident, and I didn't make it 328 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:06,080 Speaker 1: by accident. I had to force doors open, and I 329 00:17:06,119 --> 00:17:09,600 Speaker 1: had to shift mindsets and change things to allow myself 330 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,560 Speaker 1: the space to even exist in the industry. So if 331 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:14,280 Speaker 1: I'm going to come out with a product or a brand, 332 00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:16,720 Speaker 1: you better know that it's going to have to be 333 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:19,800 Speaker 1: different and unique and game changing and not just something 334 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,640 Speaker 1: that anyone else could stick their name on. So that's 335 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:26,000 Speaker 1: why it's taken three years, because I didn't know how 336 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:30,320 Speaker 1: to manufacture, or how to find factories that use sustainable 337 00:17:30,359 --> 00:17:33,840 Speaker 1: practices and looked after their employees, or I didn't understand 338 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:38,040 Speaker 1: distribution channels or online marketing and all of these things, 339 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:41,240 Speaker 1: or even finding the right team members that complement my 340 00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:43,800 Speaker 1: skill set but also have specialties that I don't have. 341 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,920 Speaker 1: So yeah, just a lot of learning, which is wonderful. 342 00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:50,480 Speaker 1: I mean, I think if we're not learning, we're not 343 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:51,240 Speaker 1: moving forward. 344 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:52,520 Speaker 3: Yeah. 345 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:55,240 Speaker 2: No, I can totally relate to that, and it's exciting 346 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:58,040 Speaker 2: to hear that you're finally making some big progress as 347 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,320 Speaker 2: something that means so so much to you. You referenced 348 00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:03,919 Speaker 2: in here that your journey certainly hasn't been easy, that 349 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,040 Speaker 2: you have had to work your butt off to get 350 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,920 Speaker 2: to where you are. When you were growing up, did 351 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:12,160 Speaker 2: you know that you wanted to go into modeling. 352 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:16,760 Speaker 1: So I was always obsessed with fashion and dressing up, 353 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:18,920 Speaker 1: and I dress up in my mom's heels even when 354 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:22,160 Speaker 1: I was still wearing diapers, put on a red lipstick, 355 00:18:23,119 --> 00:18:26,800 Speaker 1: loved playing dress up. And then I just remember loving 356 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:31,119 Speaker 1: magazines and loving the art behind fashion and how you 357 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:36,760 Speaker 1: could just create this beautiful kind of lifestyle or ethereal feel. 358 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:39,359 Speaker 1: And I was really into gem Award as a model. 359 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:42,719 Speaker 1: Then I got very into America's NextUp Model and all 360 00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:46,240 Speaker 1: those shows, and just like posing, and I love to dance, 361 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:49,240 Speaker 1: so I felt like moving my body was also very artistic. 362 00:18:49,359 --> 00:18:52,000 Speaker 1: And yeah, it's just a combination of like my love 363 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,520 Speaker 1: of art and my love of a love of movement, 364 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,560 Speaker 1: and my love of creation, and even kind of my 365 00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,800 Speaker 1: love of acting in a way and having those different 366 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:02,399 Speaker 1: emotions and plaining diff roles, and then also traveling and 367 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:05,320 Speaker 1: meeting different people. So for me, it really felt like 368 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:13,040 Speaker 1: my ideal industry, and I really enjoyed learning how to 369 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:16,880 Speaker 1: move my body and work with people. As an only child, 370 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:20,240 Speaker 1: I hadn't really gotten to work as a team environment. 371 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:22,520 Speaker 1: I guess I loved playing sports to get that kind 372 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:25,639 Speaker 1: of team feeling. So I think that that's what I 373 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,639 Speaker 1: really like being on set and it being a team 374 00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:31,800 Speaker 1: and meeting new people and getting to know different personalities 375 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:34,960 Speaker 1: and then all working together to create like a final image. 376 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,520 Speaker 1: So yeah, I guess I did know at a young 377 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,480 Speaker 1: age that's what I wanted. But then when I got 378 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,560 Speaker 1: into the industry, obviously I saw the darker side to 379 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:46,240 Speaker 1: it and was exposed to things that I didn't know 380 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,440 Speaker 1: it because you've been watching America's An a Tough Model, 381 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,639 Speaker 1: and it all seemed fun and yeah, there was a 382 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:53,000 Speaker 1: few tears when the hair got cut, but you know, 383 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,480 Speaker 1: you really didn't know that people were being bullied and 384 00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:58,679 Speaker 1: people were being harassed, and people were you know, just 385 00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:03,160 Speaker 1: being broken by body image issues and eating disorders were rife, 386 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:08,639 Speaker 1: and so that definitely made it seem dangerous and scary, 387 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:12,520 Speaker 1: but almost more intriguing in a way. Weirdly, now, I 388 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,880 Speaker 1: think gotten more into the psychology behind humans, because I've 389 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:19,240 Speaker 1: just seen so many different types of characters or different 390 00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:23,159 Speaker 1: ways people of personalities or traits or tendencies have been 391 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:26,720 Speaker 1: brought out by certain experiences, and certainly in my industry, 392 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:30,840 Speaker 1: I find it fascinating hearing different people's experiences because some 393 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,840 Speaker 1: are so different to others. Like I'll do a shoots. 394 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,720 Speaker 1: I remember doing the cover of Glamor magazine and it 395 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,439 Speaker 1: was really really exciting because we were all kind of 396 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:43,159 Speaker 1: curvier girls, and we talked about my journey, and I 397 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,919 Speaker 1: was kind of in tears because I was just like, 398 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:50,680 Speaker 1: I don't know how I went from shooting dress up 399 00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:56,639 Speaker 1: like cartoon character shreks on literally Halloween costume bags, like 400 00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,760 Speaker 1: essentially doing like the lowest of the low, like people 401 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,480 Speaker 1: just turn their nose up at it, doing jobs like 402 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:06,000 Speaker 1: that just because I didn't have any other opportunities, and 403 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:10,240 Speaker 1: you know, doing so many shoots for zero money or 404 00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:14,639 Speaker 1: being with such small agencies that no one would take seriously, 405 00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:17,320 Speaker 1: to being on the cover of Glamour magazine, you know, 406 00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:20,720 Speaker 1: fifteen years later, and also being told that my career 407 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:22,639 Speaker 1: would If you haven't made it by like twenty, your 408 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:25,200 Speaker 1: career is over. So being kind of in my late 409 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:28,560 Speaker 1: twenties and then being on the cover of Glamour. It 410 00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:30,400 Speaker 1: was just it was a lot. It was a lot 411 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:32,359 Speaker 1: to take in. I never imagined that I would be 412 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:36,880 Speaker 1: able to just be accepted and like acknowledge, like, yeah, 413 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,000 Speaker 1: you're good enough to be on the cover of Glamor magazine. 414 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:42,000 Speaker 1: Whereas another model on the shoot, you know, she'd been 415 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,600 Speaker 1: scouted in the underground in New York a year and 416 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:46,760 Speaker 1: a half ago and was signed by the biggest agency 417 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:49,040 Speaker 1: in the world, and you know, the next week she's 418 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:53,280 Speaker 1: shooting a top designer brand, And so that the two 419 00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:57,240 Speaker 1: experience could not be more polar opposite. And so my 420 00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:01,680 Speaker 1: kind of scars and issues and trauma from those fifteen 421 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,680 Speaker 1: years and it took me ten years before I honestly 422 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,679 Speaker 1: really made a penny. Took me ten years before I 423 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:11,840 Speaker 1: could get signed by a reputable agency. And so I 424 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:16,000 Speaker 1: think that's made me so grateful and really be appreciative 425 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:18,560 Speaker 1: of even the smallest opportunity that someone gives me. 426 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,400 Speaker 2: And I know along the way, you struggled a lot 427 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:23,879 Speaker 2: with as many women that I've spoken with on the 428 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:27,359 Speaker 2: show that are in this industry with size, with being 429 00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:30,320 Speaker 2: made to feel like one size is good versus one 430 00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:34,040 Speaker 2: size is bad and you questioning where you actually wanted 431 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,320 Speaker 2: to be in all of this. When you reflect on 432 00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:40,600 Speaker 2: your journey, do you really remember the first time that 433 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:43,680 Speaker 2: someone made you feel like you weren't okay as you were? 434 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:48,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely remember it. I remember feeling an inkling when 435 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,960 Speaker 1: I walked into the agency that had idented our girl 436 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:54,560 Speaker 1: searched for supermodel and I got around to the finalists, 437 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:56,960 Speaker 1: and that's when I was kind of immersed. When I 438 00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:01,000 Speaker 1: got scouted there when I was thirty, and I remember 439 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:02,960 Speaker 1: going to the agency and just kind of looking around 440 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,680 Speaker 1: and bearing in mind at thirteen, I was a typical, 441 00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:10,040 Speaker 1: very slim teenage girl, honestly, probably like a size four 442 00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:14,120 Speaker 1: max maybe two still, and just looking around and then thinking, 443 00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:17,000 Speaker 1: am I still a little bit bigger than these girls? 444 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:21,480 Speaker 1: And then when I went when I about two years later, 445 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:25,160 Speaker 1: was doing a little fashion show for Fashion TV, That's 446 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:28,200 Speaker 1: when I was backstage and again you're literally stripped down. 447 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:30,879 Speaker 1: You're wearing maybe like a tiny nude thong. You're basically 448 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:34,920 Speaker 1: naked with tons of people around you, including other models, 449 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:37,680 Speaker 1: and I was trying to get the outfit on that 450 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:39,920 Speaker 1: had been given to me, and I could not get 451 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:42,920 Speaker 1: the trousers on, and then I was like, Okay, maybe 452 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:44,440 Speaker 1: I'll try the other options. So I tried to put 453 00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:45,960 Speaker 1: the dress on and I couldn't get that over my 454 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:49,840 Speaker 1: hips either, and so part of me was like I 455 00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:51,520 Speaker 1: don't want anyone to see what's going on. But then 456 00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:54,080 Speaker 1: I'm also like people need to know that it's not fitting, 457 00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:56,480 Speaker 1: because what are we going to do? And so the 458 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,240 Speaker 1: stylist just turned around, who was kind of dressing the 459 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:02,679 Speaker 1: girls for the show, was just like, nothing fits you, Like, 460 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,240 Speaker 1: what's wrong with your body? Why is this that model here? 461 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:09,920 Speaker 1: And at that moment, I was just like I hate myself? 462 00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:12,520 Speaker 1: What can I do to change this? Like why am 463 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:14,919 Speaker 1: I the size? What's wrong with me? Why can't I 464 00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:17,760 Speaker 1: just be skinnier like the other girls? And like I said, 465 00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:19,920 Speaker 1: at this point, I'm still probably just the size for 466 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:26,120 Speaker 1: and that really hurt, and that hurt but simultaneously motivated 467 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:30,240 Speaker 1: me to find any way that I could lose weight, 468 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:34,119 Speaker 1: which was not healthy and at that age it shouldn't 469 00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:36,720 Speaker 1: consume you the way it consumed my time and my 470 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:42,280 Speaker 1: energy and took over my life, and yet it's taken 471 00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:44,840 Speaker 1: over a lot of young people's lives, which is really 472 00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:47,520 Speaker 1: really sad, and which is why I now do what 473 00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:51,000 Speaker 1: I do, because there's so much more to life than size, 474 00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:56,200 Speaker 1: and that's still being perpetuated, not just within our industry, 475 00:24:56,840 --> 00:25:00,000 Speaker 1: but because the retail industry does not reflect the size 476 00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:04,040 Speaker 1: of women. I went shopping last Tuesday with my girlfriends 477 00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:08,280 Speaker 1: and my one girlfriend, she's about an eighteen, and it 478 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:11,400 Speaker 1: was literally probably you know, Nordstrom, that maybe we went 479 00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:13,800 Speaker 1: into one shop that she could have won or brought 480 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:17,120 Speaker 1: something in, but all the other beautiful shops that you know, 481 00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:20,320 Speaker 1: we walked into, she couldn't shop there. And it was 482 00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:23,439 Speaker 1: just this reminder of, like, I'm very privileged. I'm on 483 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:26,520 Speaker 1: the cusp. I'm like a twelve fourteen. I can usually 484 00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:29,760 Speaker 1: fit into most doors, but there are still about seventy 485 00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:31,800 Speaker 1: percent of women in the US who are fourteen or 486 00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:36,440 Speaker 1: above that can't. And it actually just blows my mind 487 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:39,480 Speaker 1: when we just break it down like that, that it's 488 00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:44,640 Speaker 1: still an afterthought. So I think that that's really there's 489 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:47,200 Speaker 1: a lot of experiences in my industry that I've been through, 490 00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:49,840 Speaker 1: but I still have so much privilege. I still have 491 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:52,120 Speaker 1: an able body. I'm still white, I still am able 492 00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:54,920 Speaker 1: to fit into most clothes, so all of those struggles 493 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:57,639 Speaker 1: that I've had, I just knew there was a bigger 494 00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,440 Speaker 1: issue at hand, because if I was going through that industry, 495 00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:03,639 Speaker 1: there was just so much that has to change. And 496 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,399 Speaker 1: so that's really what set everything in motion for me 497 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:12,320 Speaker 1: and still continues for me. Because now physically my body 498 00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:15,040 Speaker 1: image is represented in the media, there are still so 499 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:17,679 Speaker 1: many people who aren't. So that's why I'm kind of 500 00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,359 Speaker 1: happy to go more behind the scenes and hopefully create 501 00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:23,080 Speaker 1: the brands that will be able to show that rather 502 00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:25,919 Speaker 1: than just being a model in an image because I've 503 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:28,439 Speaker 1: kind of been there, done that, shown that now this 504 00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:29,520 Speaker 1: is accepted, you know. 505 00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,399 Speaker 2: Taking a break from today's episode to bring you a 506 00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:41,960 Speaker 2: word from my sponsors. 507 00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:43,600 Speaker 3: First up, Green Chef. 508 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:47,640 Speaker 2: Green Chef is a USDA certified organic company with meal 509 00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:51,480 Speaker 2: plans that include paleo, plant powered keto, and balanced living. 510 00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:55,320 Speaker 2: I am excitedly starting to travel more now, so when 511 00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:58,919 Speaker 2: I'm in town, I'm really relying on Green Chef's expert 512 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,840 Speaker 2: chefs to design flavor full recipes that make staying healthy 513 00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:06,240 Speaker 2: and eating well uncomplicated and fun. 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Plus, 540 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:29,639 Speaker 2: for every Confident Notebook sold, the baron Fig plants a 541 00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:33,480 Speaker 2: tree with tens of thousands of trees planted and counting. 542 00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:36,119 Speaker 2: Of course, I've got an offer for you. Head on 543 00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:38,800 Speaker 2: over to Baronfig dot com. That is BA r O 544 00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:43,480 Speaker 2: n fig dot com and use Codehertle twenty at checkout 545 00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:46,160 Speaker 2: to receive twenty percent off your order today again, that 546 00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:49,760 Speaker 2: is Barrenfig dot com. Use Codehertle twenty at checkout for 547 00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:51,840 Speaker 2: twenty percent off Barnfig. 548 00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:53,520 Speaker 3: Do your best thinking. 549 00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:06,320 Speaker 2: So for you, when did you go from saying to yourself, 550 00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:08,680 Speaker 2: I need to lose weight. This is awful. I am 551 00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:11,080 Speaker 2: so not okay with this. I want to get jobs. 552 00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:13,959 Speaker 2: I want to feel quote unquote accepted to being at 553 00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:16,479 Speaker 2: a place where you were like, this isn't sustainable, this 554 00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:20,080 Speaker 2: isn't even what I want, and becoming more comfortable with 555 00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:22,520 Speaker 2: perhaps the size that you felt like you were really 556 00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:23,240 Speaker 2: supposed to be. 557 00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:27,800 Speaker 1: So I do remember losing weight in an unhealthy manner 558 00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:32,320 Speaker 1: and booking a few more jobs, but still not being 559 00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:35,440 Speaker 1: the next Kate Moss, you know. And there were so 560 00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:39,480 Speaker 1: many compromises that I made, and it was so hard 561 00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:42,200 Speaker 1: for me to be in that battle every day with 562 00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:46,880 Speaker 1: myself that I remember speaking to a friend and again 563 00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:50,400 Speaker 1: I'm talking that these aren't you would never see these 564 00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:54,520 Speaker 1: models in magazines or you know, there's one percent of 565 00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:57,560 Speaker 1: models if that kind of make it to be known, 566 00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:00,360 Speaker 1: to be household names or to just be recognized Stephen. 567 00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,560 Speaker 1: But there's a bunch of models who do smaller jobs, 568 00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:05,040 Speaker 1: or they do fittings work that's very behind the scenes, 569 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:07,920 Speaker 1: and there's lots of other areas. And I think that 570 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:10,440 Speaker 1: what happened was I saw that there was I made 571 00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:13,600 Speaker 1: friends with models that were really happy kind of just 572 00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:16,920 Speaker 1: doing fittings work or working for lingerie brands and trying 573 00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:20,160 Speaker 1: on the different bras and maybe shooting a few catalogs, 574 00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:23,320 Speaker 1: and so I kind of started to see that there 575 00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:27,040 Speaker 1: was another way to be and you didn't necessarily have 576 00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:31,840 Speaker 1: to try and attain what was unattainable for you, because 577 00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:34,400 Speaker 1: you just can't do that so I remember speaking to 578 00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:36,360 Speaker 1: one of them and I was asking her more questions. 579 00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,040 Speaker 1: I was like, you know, how can you be your 580 00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:40,800 Speaker 1: size and in this industry? And does a dirt and 581 00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:42,600 Speaker 1: she goes, well, there is actually something called a plus 582 00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:45,320 Speaker 1: size industry. It sounds ridiculous that I didn't know it 583 00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:47,440 Speaker 1: back then, but it really wasn't a thing in the UK. 584 00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:50,320 Speaker 1: And she said in the US that there's plus size 585 00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:54,240 Speaker 1: models and you know, they're larger sizes and their curveer 586 00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:56,240 Speaker 1: and they look amazing. And I started kind of checking 587 00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:58,280 Speaker 1: them out and I was like, wow, I had no 588 00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:00,800 Speaker 1: idea this existed. So I started to try and research 589 00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:03,400 Speaker 1: and see if there was any opportunities in the UK. 590 00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:06,080 Speaker 1: And I went to an agency and she said, oh, 591 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:08,880 Speaker 1: but you're too small to do plus size. I was 592 00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:12,720 Speaker 1: like what. And I think at that point that really 593 00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:17,000 Speaker 1: just broke the barrier of like, Okay, so I've tried 594 00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:19,560 Speaker 1: to please this one side, and I've tried to change, 595 00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:23,360 Speaker 1: and I've invested so much time and energy, and I 596 00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:26,040 Speaker 1: was never good enough for that siding industry, and now 597 00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:28,680 Speaker 1: you're telling me that I can't do the other. I 598 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:30,760 Speaker 1: was like, that's just it's just not going to work. 599 00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:33,920 Speaker 1: I'm never going to please anyone. I'm not happy. This 600 00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:37,000 Speaker 1: doesn't make sense. I was like, I'm not broken. The 601 00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:39,240 Speaker 1: system is broken, like I need to fix that and 602 00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:41,920 Speaker 1: stop trying to fix myself. So I guess it was 603 00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:45,200 Speaker 1: just that moment and it was like, this doesn't make sense, 604 00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:49,120 Speaker 1: you know, it really doesn't make sense to me. And 605 00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:52,200 Speaker 1: so I saw an opportunity. If I was the only 606 00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:56,000 Speaker 1: model that was in between, and I could convince some 607 00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:59,440 Speaker 1: brands that they needed to book just an in between model, 608 00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:03,360 Speaker 1: maybe I'd have a NiFe. And that's literally what happened. 609 00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:08,040 Speaker 1: I started off in the swimwear and launderie industry, and 610 00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:09,640 Speaker 1: they would kind of they would have like a straight 611 00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:12,959 Speaker 1: size model who was, you know, a size two, and 612 00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:15,880 Speaker 1: she'd be like a B cup. Like I can literally 613 00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:18,160 Speaker 1: reel the measurements off in my head. So they'd have 614 00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:20,480 Speaker 1: like this model, and then they'd have their plus size 615 00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:22,280 Speaker 1: model who is maybe like a G cut and like 616 00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:24,560 Speaker 1: maybe a size sixteen. And then I'd go in the 617 00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:27,200 Speaker 1: middle and I'd be, you know, like a size ten 618 00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:31,000 Speaker 1: with a D cup. And I really just positioned myself 619 00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:34,520 Speaker 1: as as the middle girl, and I was just booking. 620 00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:37,400 Speaker 1: I booked basically every single brand in the UK because 621 00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:40,760 Speaker 1: there just wasn't anyone of that size, and as consumers 622 00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:43,920 Speaker 1: started to see the images, they were like, oh, we've 623 00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:47,239 Speaker 1: never seen someone that size or that relates to me 624 00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:49,960 Speaker 1: or whatever it might be. So as I started to 625 00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:53,360 Speaker 1: post pictures on social media sharing my experience, sharing that 626 00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:57,000 Speaker 1: I've been through body dysmorphia and an eating disorder and 627 00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:59,600 Speaker 1: come out the other end, and I had figured out 628 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:01,480 Speaker 1: that that that was the best thing for me to do. 629 00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:03,600 Speaker 1: That enabled me to break through in the modeling world 630 00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:06,720 Speaker 1: and just sharing. When I think at that point in 631 00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:11,040 Speaker 1: time in two thousand and twelve, no models were actually 632 00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:14,520 Speaker 1: really speaking about person experiences. They were just posting their 633 00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:18,680 Speaker 1: beautiful pictures. And I just started using the caption space 634 00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:22,280 Speaker 1: and the comments section and the dms to share and 635 00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:25,000 Speaker 1: to talk about what I've been through. That was really 636 00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:29,520 Speaker 1: what then pivoted what I did into being a movement, 637 00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:33,840 Speaker 1: being a movement for essentially consumers to say, Hey, so 638 00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:35,960 Speaker 1: there's this model talking about this, like that's what we 639 00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:39,720 Speaker 1: want to see, Like we're backing what she's about. That's 640 00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:43,400 Speaker 1: what's really cool. I feel like I turned modeling images 641 00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:48,840 Speaker 1: from being aspirational to inspirational in the sense of like, 642 00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:52,600 Speaker 1: I was just sharing my vulnerabilities and sharing what happened 643 00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:55,120 Speaker 1: to me and it related to people, and then people 644 00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:57,400 Speaker 1: were like, we want to see relatable. 645 00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:00,440 Speaker 2: What that must have been. I would imagine a little 646 00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:03,360 Speaker 2: difficult for you at first, especially with the influx of 647 00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:07,080 Speaker 2: platforms and communication with all of these individuals that you 648 00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:12,280 Speaker 2: may not actually know. I can only imagine that sharing 649 00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:15,960 Speaker 2: and opening up and getting vulnerable came with a fair 650 00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:18,720 Speaker 2: share of maybe hurt as well. 651 00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:24,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely, I think I think it was really really hard, 652 00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:27,440 Speaker 1: and it's it's still hard for me to open up sometimes. 653 00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:30,600 Speaker 1: And weirdly, it can be easier to open up on 654 00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:35,160 Speaker 1: the Internet because you don't you don't have someone physically 655 00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:38,319 Speaker 1: there that you have to start kind of talking to immediately. 656 00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:41,319 Speaker 1: You could post something and then go away and then 657 00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:44,320 Speaker 1: just kind of pick and choose, but they it lives 658 00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:46,879 Speaker 1: on there for everyone else to see, you know, And 659 00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:51,399 Speaker 1: I think even though initially it is weird to have 660 00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:55,839 Speaker 1: complete strangers start commenting on you, most of them were 661 00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:59,480 Speaker 1: about physical attributes. And I think what I knew was 662 00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:03,480 Speaker 1: I've dealt with the negative self talk to myself and 663 00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:06,600 Speaker 1: the bullying that I did to myself for so many years. 664 00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:08,799 Speaker 1: There really is nothing that you can say that I 665 00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:11,960 Speaker 1: haven't said to myself before or hurt myself with. So 666 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,160 Speaker 1: it's like, I don't know how you're going to do it. 667 00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:17,600 Speaker 1: I can create this bulletproof casing because after all the 668 00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:20,799 Speaker 1: damage I did being mean to myself, there's really not 669 00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:23,600 Speaker 1: much you can say. So I think that's why it 670 00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:26,359 Speaker 1: didn't hurt me as much. And I I knew how 671 00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:28,960 Speaker 1: to deal with it because I created the toolbox that 672 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:32,440 Speaker 1: I'd already had to use to heal myself from my 673 00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:36,240 Speaker 1: own kind of qodydysmorphy and EATN disorder. So in that sense, 674 00:35:36,280 --> 00:35:39,040 Speaker 1: it wasn't so hurtful. But there's definitely been times and 675 00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:42,359 Speaker 1: I've experienced some severe trolling that you know, I don't 676 00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:45,600 Speaker 1: even talk about online because a lot of the people 677 00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:50,040 Speaker 1: who often do that want the attention and acknowledgment. So yeah, 678 00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:53,000 Speaker 1: there's definitely times We've had police involved. There's been you know, 679 00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:55,960 Speaker 1: stalking incidents. There's a lot of things that can happen online, 680 00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:58,560 Speaker 1: and you do have to protect yourself, and that's why 681 00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:03,600 Speaker 1: I don't go after being so controversial necessarily, and I 682 00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:08,480 Speaker 1: try and just you know, do my thing and just 683 00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:13,600 Speaker 1: be really happy posting and sharing and sharing my vulnerabilities, 684 00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:16,480 Speaker 1: but just not giving all of myself away. Like I think, 685 00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,320 Speaker 1: you do have to have a little bit of something 686 00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:22,440 Speaker 1: for yourself, and it's okay to share, you don't have 687 00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:23,440 Speaker 1: to overshare. 688 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:27,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I can't even imagine being in that 689 00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:31,279 Speaker 2: situation where you actually feel that because you're trying to 690 00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:34,600 Speaker 2: be vulnerable, because you're actually trying to help someone else, 691 00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:38,240 Speaker 2: that you then in turn are putting yourself in danger. 692 00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:42,480 Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, you definitely have to protect yourself and have 693 00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:46,200 Speaker 1: people around you, and you have to know when to stop. 694 00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:49,719 Speaker 1: And I've definitely had times when maybe I just post 695 00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:51,840 Speaker 1: up a picture without a caption or whenever it might be, 696 00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:55,040 Speaker 1: which sounds so irrelevant to some people and maybe for 697 00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:57,720 Speaker 1: people listening to this, but what you have to realize 698 00:36:57,760 --> 00:37:01,279 Speaker 1: that really my whole career has become based online, and 699 00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:04,960 Speaker 1: so there is a lot of pressure in a sense 700 00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:09,800 Speaker 1: of especially since the pandemic, there are no physical shoots 701 00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:12,160 Speaker 1: really happening as much. And I, like we talked about, 702 00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:14,600 Speaker 1: I've enjoyed kind of taking a step back and being 703 00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:17,759 Speaker 1: in a new environment and not needing to show up 704 00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:21,080 Speaker 1: on set and do x y Z. So now all 705 00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:25,319 Speaker 1: of our finances, mortgage, all of that kind of is 706 00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:28,480 Speaker 1: relying on my social media presence, which is something that 707 00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:31,680 Speaker 1: is scary when it can feel like it's controlled by 708 00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:36,360 Speaker 1: put people's engagement with you, which you can't guarantee. So 709 00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:42,719 Speaker 1: that's definitely been another chef mind chef shift, mind shift 710 00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:50,719 Speaker 1: shift that everyone you can practice that mind shift five times. 711 00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:57,000 Speaker 1: So yeah, I think there's definitely been some some struggles online, 712 00:37:58,160 --> 00:37:59,840 Speaker 1: but I really just like I said, I get to 713 00:37:59,880 --> 00:38:02,120 Speaker 1: the point of just seeing it as such a blessing. 714 00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:05,080 Speaker 1: I will I really try it hard not to get 715 00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:07,560 Speaker 1: emotional when I tell the story. But one of the 716 00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:10,799 Speaker 1: best things that's ever happened is firstly the fact that 717 00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:15,000 Speaker 1: my Philip, My Philip, My Philip found me on social 718 00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:18,919 Speaker 1: media five years before he met me, and I guess 719 00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:21,200 Speaker 1: kind of got to know me, and then weirdly we're 720 00:38:21,239 --> 00:38:23,440 Speaker 1: met and out in and out together. That's a nice story. 721 00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:27,800 Speaker 1: But also I was able to leverage my platform to 722 00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:31,440 Speaker 1: give away and help support two women who are going 723 00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:34,839 Speaker 1: through IVF, and one of them's had her baby and 724 00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:38,440 Speaker 1: the other one is currently pregnant, and we're just keeping 725 00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:40,480 Speaker 1: you know, in touch with both of them and just 726 00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:44,360 Speaker 1: knowing that, you know, I helped support them in that journey. 727 00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:47,120 Speaker 1: If there was I could have all the hate in 728 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:48,920 Speaker 1: the world on social media and it would still be 729 00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:51,640 Speaker 1: worth it just for that. So there's just so many 730 00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:55,680 Speaker 1: wonderful things that have come from social media that, yes 731 00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:58,240 Speaker 1: that you might get trolls, and maybe there's people reading 732 00:38:58,239 --> 00:39:01,080 Speaker 1: this who think that, oh, it's such a negative place. 733 00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:05,720 Speaker 1: It can be. Try and protect yourself, try and block 734 00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:10,480 Speaker 1: and delete accounts or people that you are just you know, 735 00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:13,840 Speaker 1: doing you a disservice or not making you feel uplifted, 736 00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:17,800 Speaker 1: inspired or educated, and try and surround yourself with communities 737 00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:21,799 Speaker 1: that are positive and it can be a really wonderful place. Yeah. 738 00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,520 Speaker 2: No, I totally agree. I think for sure there can 739 00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:27,040 Speaker 2: be both sides of the coin here. Now you mentioned 740 00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:29,080 Speaker 2: the beauty that is being able to give back to 741 00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:32,520 Speaker 2: these other women. When you start to think about the 742 00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:36,400 Speaker 2: let's say, the rise of your career, do you reflect 743 00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:39,200 Speaker 2: on anyone that you felt like really gave you something 744 00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:40,360 Speaker 2: that you really needed. 745 00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:43,200 Speaker 1: That's a really great question. There's just there's always so 746 00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:47,000 Speaker 1: many women, right. I think there's multiple moments where someone 747 00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:49,960 Speaker 1: comes into your life and it can be one sentence right, 748 00:39:50,719 --> 00:39:54,480 Speaker 1: one sentence of Mode, who is the Beauty confounder, was 749 00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:56,640 Speaker 1: what got you here, won't get you there? And love 750 00:39:56,719 --> 00:40:00,279 Speaker 1: that sentence that still sticks with me to this very day. 751 00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:05,279 Speaker 1: I think a huge impact moment was seeing models doing 752 00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:08,799 Speaker 1: TED talks. You know, I remember Cameron Russell doing her 753 00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:11,600 Speaker 1: TED talk and I was like, whoa wait, what like 754 00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:15,160 Speaker 1: people will take you seriously? And then just seeing her 755 00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:19,040 Speaker 1: philanthropic work and just thinking like why not. I think 756 00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:22,520 Speaker 1: I always felt limited and I've been told that in 757 00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:26,200 Speaker 1: multiple scenarios to kind of be quiet or shoots where 758 00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:29,399 Speaker 1: photographers didn't bother to even learn my name and would 759 00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:33,279 Speaker 1: just point. And you know, you can feel very much 760 00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:36,799 Speaker 1: like a pawn and very undervalued and just kind of 761 00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:42,719 Speaker 1: underappreciated and not valued for your mind, just your physical appearance. 762 00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:44,719 Speaker 1: So there's a lot of ways that I had to 763 00:40:44,719 --> 00:40:47,359 Speaker 1: break out of that, and seeing Cameron up there doing 764 00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:50,319 Speaker 1: a TED talk was a huge win for me. It 765 00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:53,920 Speaker 1: was really just seeing someone being vocal and standing up 766 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:57,320 Speaker 1: for more than just their physical beauty and talking about 767 00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:00,160 Speaker 1: their beauty in the way that she did really really 768 00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:04,480 Speaker 1: was groundbreaking to me. And then there's also like getting 769 00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:06,720 Speaker 1: the opportunity to be in the same room as Michelle 770 00:41:06,719 --> 00:41:10,440 Speaker 1: Obama when she's on stage just talking and just absorbing 771 00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:15,920 Speaker 1: her power and just thinking she is. She's such an 772 00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:19,760 Speaker 1: incredible woman, and there are no limitations for any woman 773 00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:22,279 Speaker 1: to go out there and do what she does in 774 00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:27,160 Speaker 1: the sense of she's uplifting. She's using her energy, her being, 775 00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:31,120 Speaker 1: her spirit to help others in such the most wonderful way. 776 00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:34,080 Speaker 1: And I don't want anyone to ever think that they 777 00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:37,319 Speaker 1: can't be powerful, because there's just so many examples of 778 00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:38,719 Speaker 1: women being so powerful. 779 00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:41,759 Speaker 2: Speaking of female empowerment, when I think about the work 780 00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:44,600 Speaker 2: that you've done with Airy, I think a lot about this. 781 00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:47,720 Speaker 2: I know that that was a huge jumping off point 782 00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:50,040 Speaker 2: in your career, so talk to me a little bit 783 00:41:50,160 --> 00:41:53,799 Speaker 2: about what being involved with that brand is really meant 784 00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:54,080 Speaker 2: to you. 785 00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:58,000 Speaker 1: I always wondered if I would have an opportunity to 786 00:41:58,120 --> 00:42:01,279 Speaker 1: find an alignment within the endtry that truly spoke to 787 00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:04,120 Speaker 1: me in my mission, and it was really hard. I 788 00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:09,160 Speaker 1: definitely compromised I to be bigger would I'd wore padding 789 00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:11,799 Speaker 1: to be more plus sized for certain brands, and that 790 00:42:11,880 --> 00:42:15,120 Speaker 1: always felt horrible. So I stopped doing that, and I 791 00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:18,040 Speaker 1: got to the place where I think even my agents 792 00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:21,239 Speaker 1: were kind of thinking, well, I don't you know, what's 793 00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:23,040 Speaker 1: that out there for you? And it was going to 794 00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:26,160 Speaker 1: be quite tricky because, like I said, I found the 795 00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:29,120 Speaker 1: kind of niche, but the niche was very small. There 796 00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:32,239 Speaker 1: wasn't that many brands. And as I started to be 797 00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:35,720 Speaker 1: more vocal, because that's one thing that that has changed 798 00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:38,359 Speaker 1: so much in the industry, but at the time it 799 00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:41,640 Speaker 1: was risky to be vocal as a model. People wanted 800 00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:44,359 Speaker 1: you to be a clean slate of blank slate. They 801 00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:47,160 Speaker 1: didn't really want you to kind of have or stand 802 00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:51,560 Speaker 1: up for anything because it then, you know, posed risks 803 00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:53,880 Speaker 1: because their brand then had to align with whatever you 804 00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:56,319 Speaker 1: were talking about. And if you're a loose canon, who's 805 00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:58,440 Speaker 1: firing off that you support this and that and da 806 00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:03,520 Speaker 1: da da. So it was definitely I'm obviously, really really 807 00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:06,279 Speaker 1: glad I did just stick to what I felt right 808 00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:08,759 Speaker 1: in what I stood for and being vocal, but it 809 00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:11,040 Speaker 1: was tricky because it alienated a heck of a lot 810 00:43:11,040 --> 00:43:14,040 Speaker 1: of brands. And when I started to talk about retouching, 811 00:43:14,120 --> 00:43:17,319 Speaker 1: I mean still to this day, we're discussing right now 812 00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:20,160 Speaker 1: me and my agents like what's next, and like what 813 00:43:20,320 --> 00:43:22,920 Speaker 1: brands don't retouch or what brands might be open to 814 00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:26,799 Speaker 1: not retouching, and the list is very very limited, like 815 00:43:27,239 --> 00:43:32,880 Speaker 1: limited one hand, and so that's really really tricky. And 816 00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:36,280 Speaker 1: what Airy kind of simultaneously did as I was obviously 817 00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:39,600 Speaker 1: kind of growing my movement is they were just on 818 00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:43,160 Speaker 1: the lookout for people who were unique and different and 819 00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:49,239 Speaker 1: finding models who were confident being unairbrushed, because that was 820 00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:51,359 Speaker 1: another thing, you know. I remember working with a model 821 00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:54,399 Speaker 1: and she was terrified to shoot with the brand because 822 00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:56,399 Speaker 1: she thought it was going to ruin you know, her 823 00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:58,920 Speaker 1: esthetic and the pictures in her book and the campaigns 824 00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:01,600 Speaker 1: that would be out there. And so you had to 825 00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:05,880 Speaker 1: also be ready because Area is such a real brand 826 00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:10,480 Speaker 1: and that does change your vision of yourself within the industry. 827 00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:13,080 Speaker 1: So I saw it and I was like, oh my goodness, 828 00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:15,120 Speaker 1: Like this is everything that I'd hoped for that a 829 00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:17,239 Speaker 1: brand was doing, Like I have to be part of it. 830 00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:20,560 Speaker 1: And so I remember the casting. It was a video casting, 831 00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:22,960 Speaker 1: which a lot of castings aren't, and they asked me 832 00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:24,760 Speaker 1: what's your favorite part of your body? And my agents 833 00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:27,040 Speaker 1: are like, oh, you're going to say you're bum and 834 00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:29,880 Speaker 1: I was like, no, I've sort of got web toes 835 00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:31,799 Speaker 1: and it's a bit weird. And it was my best 836 00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:33,520 Speaker 1: friend who pointed it out, and I was just like, 837 00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:36,160 Speaker 1: so I ripped off about web toes and it was 838 00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:39,520 Speaker 1: just silly and lighthearted, but it was also about like 839 00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:42,560 Speaker 1: most people would say that that was weird or freaky 840 00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:44,719 Speaker 1: or wouldn't want to admit that, and it's like, why 841 00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:47,560 Speaker 1: can't we embrace the slightly coogy things about us? So 842 00:44:48,080 --> 00:44:50,960 Speaker 1: it went down well, and you know, I had a 843 00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:54,440 Speaker 1: one day shoot with them and it went great, but 844 00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:57,000 Speaker 1: I knew that that couldn't be it like one day 845 00:44:57,280 --> 00:44:59,680 Speaker 1: that was it. Like this brand that is really really 846 00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:02,040 Speaker 1: excited me, and I want to help them push what 847 00:45:02,080 --> 00:45:04,600 Speaker 1: they're trying to do in their mission, and so I 848 00:45:04,719 --> 00:45:07,080 Speaker 1: really just self advocated and I went out of my 849 00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:09,440 Speaker 1: way to visit the stores and buy the brand and 850 00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:11,080 Speaker 1: shop the brand and wear the brand and get to 851 00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:13,920 Speaker 1: know it. And you know, it just kind of really 852 00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:18,440 Speaker 1: spiraled because they saw how passionate I was, and together 853 00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:22,640 Speaker 1: we just started kind of shooting more and posting more 854 00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:25,840 Speaker 1: and talking and I was wearing the clothes and I still, 855 00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:29,000 Speaker 1: you know, we I'm wearing airy top and leggings right now. 856 00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:32,680 Speaker 1: And it was just the perfect kind of union at 857 00:45:32,719 --> 00:45:35,560 Speaker 1: the perfect time on social media where people were just 858 00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:41,840 Speaker 1: ready to be done with the over airbrush fantasy and 859 00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:44,880 Speaker 1: illusion of like how a woman should look or act 860 00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:47,239 Speaker 1: or be, and so it just came at the right time, 861 00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:51,560 Speaker 1: empowering each other, uplifting each other and that. Yeah, it's 862 00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:55,319 Speaker 1: been seven years and it's just been the most fantastic 863 00:45:55,920 --> 00:46:00,560 Speaker 1: journey for myself to go on, and we've grown so much. 864 00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:03,800 Speaker 1: Just seeing where the brands come through and what I've 865 00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:06,560 Speaker 1: achieved with them and the place I've gotten to travel 866 00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:08,759 Speaker 1: and shoot and the people I've got to meet. It's 867 00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:12,080 Speaker 1: really really special and I never imagined I have that 868 00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:14,760 Speaker 1: opportunity and be able to do that, and it just shows. 869 00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:17,080 Speaker 1: And I just can't tell, you know, want to be 870 00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:19,600 Speaker 1: models enough, Like you really have to stay true to 871 00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:23,200 Speaker 1: you because then you will find the brand that aligns 872 00:46:23,239 --> 00:46:26,279 Speaker 1: with you. Because if I had stayed, you know, in 873 00:46:26,360 --> 00:46:29,279 Speaker 1: that negative space and not believing in myself and kind 874 00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:32,480 Speaker 1: of trying to change myself to fit into something, I 875 00:46:32,520 --> 00:46:35,319 Speaker 1: would never would have aligned with them and I never 876 00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:37,160 Speaker 1: would have, you know, just been able to be me 877 00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:39,440 Speaker 1: and find that success because of that. 878 00:46:39,680 --> 00:46:42,319 Speaker 2: I love what you said about the web toes. I'm 879 00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:45,880 Speaker 2: sure there are plenty of women listening to this right now, 880 00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:49,160 Speaker 2: and maybe it's not the toes, but they're certainly struggling 881 00:46:49,280 --> 00:46:52,840 Speaker 2: to embrace parts of their body, to feel really proud 882 00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:54,880 Speaker 2: of the different parts of their body. For someone that 883 00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:57,640 Speaker 2: can totally relate to that, you know, what advice do 884 00:46:57,680 --> 00:46:59,880 Speaker 2: you have to them about coming into their own and 885 00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:01,400 Speaker 2: being proud of what they have to offer. 886 00:47:01,680 --> 00:47:04,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that it's definitely not a linear journey 887 00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:07,920 Speaker 1: to self love or even just self acceptance. Right. Self 888 00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:11,080 Speaker 1: love is like that proclamation that you really, you know, 889 00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:15,880 Speaker 1: unabashedly love all parts of you, which is probably impossible 890 00:47:15,880 --> 00:47:19,160 Speaker 1: to get to. I think that you'll always have something 891 00:47:19,200 --> 00:47:21,120 Speaker 1: that comes in no matter what season you're in. Will 892 00:47:21,120 --> 00:47:23,839 Speaker 1: it all challenge you, whether it's motherhood or whether it's 893 00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:27,040 Speaker 1: loss or illness or whatever it might be. So it's 894 00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:29,520 Speaker 1: kind of forming this toolbox that will be filled with 895 00:47:29,560 --> 00:47:32,479 Speaker 1: things that help you feel better about yourself. So maybe 896 00:47:32,480 --> 00:47:37,759 Speaker 1: that's affirmations, Maybe that's gratitudeless journaling, a mom tribe or 897 00:47:37,840 --> 00:47:40,600 Speaker 1: a friend tribe that kind of you can do positive 898 00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:43,880 Speaker 1: self talk with rather than negative where you pick up 899 00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:46,200 Speaker 1: things that you don't like about yourself and then everyone 900 00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:49,799 Speaker 1: joins in and oh yeah, instead like a group of 901 00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:53,680 Speaker 1: people who empower you and make you feel good cooking, 902 00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:56,280 Speaker 1: maybe it's going out on a walk, being around nature. 903 00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:59,120 Speaker 1: Like find those things as we all have them. Maybe 904 00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:02,560 Speaker 1: it's your favorite couple coffee or your dog or whatever 905 00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:04,440 Speaker 1: it might be, and if you have to write them 906 00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:06,520 Speaker 1: all down and just put them in a little jar 907 00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:09,680 Speaker 1: and pick them out, because you deserve to do the 908 00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:12,880 Speaker 1: things and spend that time and energy looking after yourself 909 00:48:13,200 --> 00:48:16,720 Speaker 1: to uplift yourself, because it's not easy. The whole system 910 00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:18,759 Speaker 1: has been set up to make it really hard to 911 00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:21,960 Speaker 1: love yourself. You've been showing images from as young as 912 00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:25,080 Speaker 1: you can probably remember of retouched women or a certain 913 00:48:25,160 --> 00:48:28,040 Speaker 1: type or body type of women and told that that's 914 00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:32,759 Speaker 1: what you know. Attraction, beauty, a success looks like and 915 00:48:32,840 --> 00:48:37,480 Speaker 1: ear is and it's really really tricky to unlearn those things. 916 00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:41,120 Speaker 1: Our relationship with food can be really really difficult and triggering. 917 00:48:41,640 --> 00:48:45,800 Speaker 1: So relearning all those things. It could be like me 918 00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:49,279 Speaker 1: in your late well late teens, early twenties, when I 919 00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:51,960 Speaker 1: kind of had to rethink the way I viewed myself 920 00:48:52,080 --> 00:48:54,319 Speaker 1: the way I viewed other women because I used to 921 00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:57,880 Speaker 1: compare myself all the time, rethinking that it could happen 922 00:48:57,920 --> 00:49:00,880 Speaker 1: in your seventies. You know, there's still certain things that 923 00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:03,400 Speaker 1: I have to work on with my mom because just 924 00:49:03,480 --> 00:49:07,480 Speaker 1: for so many years, you know, weight loss was such 925 00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:10,880 Speaker 1: a celebrated thing in her world, in everything that she 926 00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:14,239 Speaker 1: was surrounded by. So when she sees someone who loses weight, 927 00:49:14,280 --> 00:49:17,080 Speaker 1: her initial thing is to celebrate that. And so her 928 00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:19,720 Speaker 1: having to unlearn that because that could be due to illness, 929 00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:22,160 Speaker 1: or that could be that might not be the person's choice. 930 00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:26,759 Speaker 1: That's really really tricky. So it's definitely something you're going 931 00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:31,040 Speaker 1: to have to dedicate some time on and be intentional about, knowing, Hey, 932 00:49:31,800 --> 00:49:34,240 Speaker 1: I know that this journey I'm on with my body 933 00:49:34,239 --> 00:49:37,000 Speaker 1: with self might take a while to heal, but I'm 934 00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:39,640 Speaker 1: deserving of that. And if it's five minutes a day 935 00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:42,840 Speaker 1: looking in the mirror giving myself affirmations, I deserve that 936 00:49:43,960 --> 00:49:48,120 Speaker 1: and just giving yourself that time because that mindset shift 937 00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:51,359 Speaker 1: of choosing if you can, because it's not as easy 938 00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:52,680 Speaker 1: to just be, oh, I'm going to choose to love 939 00:49:52,719 --> 00:49:55,640 Speaker 1: myself's day. It's definitely not that easy, but choosing to 940 00:49:55,719 --> 00:49:59,760 Speaker 1: find ways to love yourself celebrate yourself appreciate yourself except 941 00:49:59,760 --> 00:50:04,160 Speaker 1: your self at the minimum, finding those things every day 942 00:50:04,360 --> 00:50:06,120 Speaker 1: when you look in that mirror and just be like, 943 00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:08,960 Speaker 1: you know what, my skin breaks out a lot, especially 944 00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:12,640 Speaker 1: postpum my skin is breaking out. Is that going to 945 00:50:12,719 --> 00:50:15,600 Speaker 1: affect how I feel today? Absolutely not. I'm not going 946 00:50:15,640 --> 00:50:17,360 Speaker 1: to let it hold me back. I'm still going to 947 00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:19,319 Speaker 1: go outside with that makeupart, I'm still going to do this. 948 00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:22,720 Speaker 1: I'm still gonna be proud when I'm with my partner. 949 00:50:22,760 --> 00:50:27,160 Speaker 1: Because I used to associate breakouts with being unattractive and unappealing, 950 00:50:27,560 --> 00:50:31,439 Speaker 1: especially to men. Where I got that from society, from 951 00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:33,880 Speaker 1: the media, I don't know, but I had to unlearn that, 952 00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:35,560 Speaker 1: and it took me a very long time to be 953 00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:40,799 Speaker 1: okay wearing no makeup around my partner who clearly he's 954 00:50:40,800 --> 00:50:42,920 Speaker 1: not going to leave me because I've got some spots. 955 00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:44,800 Speaker 1: But in my head, you know, I thought I was 956 00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:48,560 Speaker 1: then unattractive. Those things can spiral. But if you start 957 00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:51,160 Speaker 1: that day off with that mindset of I'm choosing myself 958 00:50:51,160 --> 00:50:54,759 Speaker 1: and I'm choosing to figure out how i can love 959 00:50:54,800 --> 00:50:57,359 Speaker 1: myself in the smallest possible way. If it's just like, 960 00:50:58,239 --> 00:51:00,680 Speaker 1: these arms are awesome. They let me Hud my favorite 961 00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:04,160 Speaker 1: human beings, whatever it might be, find those little things 962 00:51:04,239 --> 00:51:05,680 Speaker 1: and just do that for you. 963 00:51:05,680 --> 00:51:09,080 Speaker 2: You have that choice. That's a beautiful, beautiful sentiment. Now, 964 00:51:09,320 --> 00:51:11,200 Speaker 2: if I was to go to your Instagram page, like 965 00:51:11,239 --> 00:51:14,200 Speaker 2: so many people that go to your Instagram page, millions 966 00:51:14,239 --> 00:51:18,240 Speaker 2: of people, they see a woman who is a body 967 00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:21,080 Speaker 2: positivity advocate. She's done a lot of this work. She 968 00:51:21,160 --> 00:51:24,799 Speaker 2: makes this conscious choice to choose joy to find the 969 00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:28,279 Speaker 2: silver linings. Often, when you look in the mirror, what 970 00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:29,839 Speaker 2: is it that you see looking back at you. 971 00:51:31,680 --> 00:51:35,640 Speaker 1: That's a great question. I definitely see someone who who 972 00:51:35,719 --> 00:51:38,440 Speaker 1: cares a lot more than people probably even realize. Like 973 00:51:38,520 --> 00:51:41,640 Speaker 1: I'm caring deep under the surface, Like I care really 974 00:51:41,680 --> 00:51:44,560 Speaker 1: hard for people and for strangers that I've never met 975 00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:47,560 Speaker 1: on the internet, or people across the other side of 976 00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:49,520 Speaker 1: the world that might be doing something. It's something I've 977 00:51:49,520 --> 00:51:52,960 Speaker 1: never been able to switch off. But I'm proud of 978 00:51:52,960 --> 00:51:55,439 Speaker 1: that because it's motivated to me to make really great 979 00:51:55,480 --> 00:52:00,040 Speaker 1: decisions that have helped me help other people. And I 980 00:52:00,040 --> 00:52:04,600 Speaker 1: feel really good about my contribution, and I feel really 981 00:52:04,680 --> 00:52:07,799 Speaker 1: excited for the potential of the power that I have 982 00:52:07,880 --> 00:52:10,920 Speaker 1: to do good. I know that that's limitless. I know 983 00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:13,600 Speaker 1: that the more energy and passion and purpose I can 984 00:52:13,640 --> 00:52:15,480 Speaker 1: put behind the things I do, the more good I 985 00:52:15,520 --> 00:52:17,160 Speaker 1: can do or the more people I can help. So 986 00:52:17,760 --> 00:52:21,600 Speaker 1: I really see that limitless potential within me, and I 987 00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:24,839 Speaker 1: try and encourage other people to see that too. So yeah, 988 00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:27,880 Speaker 1: I'm doing my best to harness my power and to 989 00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:31,160 Speaker 1: encourage other people to tap into their power. And I'm 990 00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:33,400 Speaker 1: doing it in the way that I love, you know, 991 00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:35,719 Speaker 1: spending more time at home, being able to have my 992 00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:40,520 Speaker 1: wonderful baby that I'm very grateful for, and you know, 993 00:52:40,760 --> 00:52:42,560 Speaker 1: really trying to take care of the people around me. 994 00:52:44,480 --> 00:52:48,160 Speaker 2: Biggest lesson if you could articulate one, so far from 995 00:52:48,440 --> 00:52:51,560 Speaker 2: your first introduction here to motherhood. 996 00:52:52,600 --> 00:52:57,239 Speaker 1: Oh, biggest lesson to motherhood and you know nothing, you 997 00:52:57,400 --> 00:53:00,880 Speaker 1: know nothing. You can read all the book, but it 998 00:53:01,040 --> 00:53:05,040 Speaker 1: is an experienced babes learning. That's definitely. It's just like 999 00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:09,280 Speaker 1: biggest lesson. There's so many. But I think just not 1000 00:53:09,480 --> 00:53:12,720 Speaker 1: letting the guilt take over the other wonderful, joyful feelings, 1001 00:53:12,719 --> 00:53:14,960 Speaker 1: because there's a lot of guilt for me. Even right now. 1002 00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:20,000 Speaker 1: I've spent kind of the whole afternoon working and I've 1003 00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:22,480 Speaker 1: enjoyed our conversations so much. I'm so glad we did it, 1004 00:53:22,520 --> 00:53:24,200 Speaker 1: But you know, I had that other zoom call, and 1005 00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:26,680 Speaker 1: you know, I'm only going to have you know, maybe 1006 00:53:26,719 --> 00:53:29,080 Speaker 1: an hour with my baby before he goes to sleep foot. 1007 00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:31,200 Speaker 1: So it's like, but I can't feel guilt for that 1008 00:53:31,280 --> 00:53:34,919 Speaker 1: because I also spent every single second yesterday with him, 1009 00:53:35,400 --> 00:53:37,360 Speaker 1: and you know, I do spend a lot of time, 1010 00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:42,040 Speaker 1: so finding that balance of like, I'm being a great mom, 1011 00:53:42,360 --> 00:53:44,759 Speaker 1: but also I do have to still work on things 1012 00:53:44,800 --> 00:53:48,359 Speaker 1: that fuel me and help me still have parts of 1013 00:53:48,400 --> 00:53:51,960 Speaker 1: me that are from before, because that's still important to 1014 00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:54,520 Speaker 1: you know, keep in touch with that. And I'm not 1015 00:53:54,719 --> 00:53:56,440 Speaker 1: only a mother. I can be a mother, and I 1016 00:53:56,440 --> 00:53:58,360 Speaker 1: can be a great mother, and I can also be 1017 00:53:58,480 --> 00:54:01,080 Speaker 1: all these other things. So I want to encourage moms 1018 00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:04,760 Speaker 1: to know that too, Like, don't feel guilty for also 1019 00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:08,520 Speaker 1: just having a passion to do xyz, Like you can 1020 00:54:08,600 --> 00:54:11,239 Speaker 1: still do that and you can still be in a fantastic. 1021 00:54:10,760 --> 00:54:14,439 Speaker 2: Mom right now as you are, you have an opportunity 1022 00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:18,480 Speaker 2: to offer the Iskra who is going through those intense 1023 00:54:18,600 --> 00:54:22,799 Speaker 2: periods of self doubt, disordered eating, or earlier in her 1024 00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:26,960 Speaker 2: career wondering if this was even the right thing for her. 1025 00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:29,520 Speaker 2: You have an opportunity to offer her a piece of advice. 1026 00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:32,600 Speaker 2: Looking back on that hurdle moment, what do you tell her. 1027 00:54:34,239 --> 00:54:37,800 Speaker 1: It's a big hurdle moment. Be kind and have grace 1028 00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:41,160 Speaker 1: and patience with yourself. I thought that everything had to 1029 00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:48,879 Speaker 1: happen immediately and I had to have acknowledgment and acceptance 1030 00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:53,439 Speaker 1: immediately from everyone else around me. You don't need that. 1031 00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:56,560 Speaker 1: You need to figure out how you can validate yourself 1032 00:54:56,640 --> 00:54:59,600 Speaker 1: without needing to be validated by others. And you'll be 1033 00:54:59,600 --> 00:55:01,520 Speaker 1: able to do that, and that will feel really great 1034 00:55:01,520 --> 00:55:05,200 Speaker 1: because then you're untouchable. You know. You build up your 1035 00:55:05,200 --> 00:55:08,160 Speaker 1: own value system of who you are and what you 1036 00:55:08,200 --> 00:55:10,080 Speaker 1: bring to the table and all the things that make 1037 00:55:10,160 --> 00:55:14,080 Speaker 1: you you, and that is going to be your support 1038 00:55:14,200 --> 00:55:16,319 Speaker 1: That's going to be your pillar of just knowing who 1039 00:55:16,360 --> 00:55:20,239 Speaker 1: you are and going through life because there's constantly going 1040 00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:22,799 Speaker 1: to be challenges or things thrown your way. And if 1041 00:55:22,840 --> 00:55:25,759 Speaker 1: you have that as your kind of support system, your 1042 00:55:25,880 --> 00:55:31,040 Speaker 1: value system, not much can can really impact you or 1043 00:55:31,080 --> 00:55:33,359 Speaker 1: affect you. So that's what I would like to say 1044 00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:40,880 Speaker 1: to my younger self. It seems a little bit onymous, ominous, ominous, ominous, 1045 00:55:41,400 --> 00:55:43,440 Speaker 1: and it's a bit of a tricky thing to decipher 1046 00:55:43,480 --> 00:55:46,520 Speaker 1: what that means, I guess, but it's really listening to 1047 00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:52,120 Speaker 1: that intuition and figuring out, Okay, who am I like, 1048 00:55:52,160 --> 00:55:55,239 Speaker 1: what do I how like? What is my superpower? Right, 1049 00:55:55,800 --> 00:55:59,200 Speaker 1: and just harnessing that and not looking for other people's 1050 00:55:59,280 --> 00:56:04,120 Speaker 1: validation the time, because that's really really it's really really 1051 00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:06,680 Speaker 1: hard to go through that every day and hope that 1052 00:56:06,719 --> 00:56:09,359 Speaker 1: someone's going to accept you or try and change this 1053 00:56:09,480 --> 00:56:11,799 Speaker 1: to fit in here or da da da. And I've 1054 00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:17,080 Speaker 1: been confident in myself always, but I definitely wanted to 1055 00:56:17,200 --> 00:56:20,920 Speaker 1: change aspects of myself to fit into someone else's ideal 1056 00:56:21,480 --> 00:56:24,160 Speaker 1: and that was just a complete waste of time and energy. 1057 00:56:24,719 --> 00:56:26,720 Speaker 1: And you have so much to give to the world 1058 00:56:26,760 --> 00:56:28,600 Speaker 1: that every time you do that, you kind of just 1059 00:56:29,440 --> 00:56:31,799 Speaker 1: tying yourself up and you need to just take up 1060 00:56:31,840 --> 00:56:36,279 Speaker 1: space as you are and be proud and be you know, 1061 00:56:36,440 --> 00:56:38,399 Speaker 1: a big, shining bright star that you. 1062 00:56:38,400 --> 00:56:41,800 Speaker 2: Are beautiful, so grateful for your time, so happy that 1063 00:56:41,840 --> 00:56:44,080 Speaker 2: we had the opportunity to do this. Iscra, How did 1064 00:56:44,080 --> 00:56:46,200 Speaker 2: the hurdlers keep up with you? How do they follow 1065 00:56:46,239 --> 00:56:48,280 Speaker 2: along with you? Give me all the details. 1066 00:56:48,920 --> 00:56:51,799 Speaker 1: Yes, you could obviously find me on Instagram. That's really 1067 00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:58,040 Speaker 1: my main hub, it's just at iscras kr. That is 1068 00:56:58,080 --> 00:57:01,400 Speaker 1: the same for YouTube, and me and Philip do some 1069 00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:04,919 Speaker 1: fun videos on there. And then you can also find 1070 00:57:04,920 --> 00:57:08,040 Speaker 1: me on this new cool investing app where I share 1071 00:57:08,040 --> 00:57:11,360 Speaker 1: about my invest in portfolio and kind of money and wealth, 1072 00:57:11,400 --> 00:57:14,600 Speaker 1: and that is public, so it's Hello public on Instagram 1073 00:57:14,719 --> 00:57:19,760 Speaker 1: or just ww dot public dot com, forward slash iskra. Yeah, 1074 00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:22,280 Speaker 1: and I feel like that's really the main places that 1075 00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:24,240 Speaker 1: you will finally hide out. 1076 00:57:25,560 --> 00:57:29,240 Speaker 2: I'm over at Abadi and at Hurdle Podcast Another Hurdle 1077 00:57:29,560 --> 00:57:55,720 Speaker 2: Conquered Cat to you guys next day.