WEBVTT - Thursday Therapy: With a Little Help From Your Friends

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<v Speaker 1>Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>All Right, and this week's Thursday Therapy, We've got Rachel

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<v Speaker 2>Winter and Rachel Steinman. They're the authors of a new

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<v Speaker 2>book called Stay Golden Girls. Friendship Is the New Marriage.

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<v Speaker 2>We're going to talk all things friends and let's get.

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<v Speaker 1>Them on no.

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<v Speaker 3>Hi. Hi.

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<v Speaker 2>First of all, I just when I was reading your breakdown,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, well, they're best friends with the same name,

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<v Speaker 2>so obviously, I'm like, I'm sure you guys get that

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<v Speaker 2>all the time.

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<v Speaker 3>It has made it easier for a lot of people.

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<v Speaker 3>They're just basically threatening.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but like, how do you so, like in your

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<v Speaker 2>group of friends, because I'm sure you guys have you

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<v Speaker 2>know a group of friends? How do you know which

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<v Speaker 2>one is which? Like are you a Rach? Is one

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<v Speaker 2>a Rach and one's a Rachel? Like or is it

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<v Speaker 2>a W versus an S? Like what is it?

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<v Speaker 3>It's Yeah.

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<v Speaker 4>They'll usually add a last name. But the funny thing

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<v Speaker 4>is because this group has known each other for so long,

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<v Speaker 4>quite often and the last names go back to like

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<v Speaker 4>maiden names sometimes.

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<v Speaker 2>So I still have my very best friend who I've

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<v Speaker 2>been friends with her since middle school. She's still in

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<v Speaker 2>my phone as her maiden name. Like she's she's not

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<v Speaker 2>a no wiki to me. She's a pelophone. She'll always

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<v Speaker 2>be a pelophone. So I'm like, that's like, I can't

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<v Speaker 2>change her name. No, that's not who she is to me,

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<v Speaker 2>Like my childhood was pelophone. Okay, So I've read a

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<v Speaker 2>little bit about your history, but give the wind down

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<v Speaker 2>listeners about the history on the rachels. How did you

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<v Speaker 2>guys become best friends and your journey together?

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<v Speaker 4>So Rachel and I met in college and which college

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<v Speaker 4>we went to, U see Santa Barbara love beautiful and

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<v Speaker 4>we actually are also both from We're both original Valley girls,

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<v Speaker 4>grew up in the valley in Los Angeles, love it.

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<v Speaker 4>But then we met actually at Santa Barbara, and that's

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<v Speaker 4>where we became friends. Our relationship and I know Rachel

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<v Speaker 4>will agree with this, has grown and deepened. So it

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<v Speaker 4>was we knew we were going to be friends immediately

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<v Speaker 4>when we met. It was within really Rachel's larger group

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<v Speaker 4>that there was a big contingent from her high school,

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<v Speaker 4>from Birmingham High School. So a bunch of those girls.

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<v Speaker 4>I knew one of them from summer camp. So they

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<v Speaker 4>all just pulled me in. So that's when Rachel we

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<v Speaker 4>became friends in eighteen years old, and we had taken

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<v Speaker 4>Teddy out of the room. I see her dog is

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<v Speaker 4>obsessed with her. So we basically college, after college, twenties,

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<v Speaker 4>the whole thing.

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<v Speaker 3>I would say, by the time we were in our.

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<v Speaker 4>Thirties and even more in our forties, our relationship deepened,

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<v Speaker 4>really deepened. You know, you realize, as sort of grown

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<v Speaker 4>ups in a way that where you have more and

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<v Speaker 4>calm in that you know, the the top layer you

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<v Speaker 4>sort of realized, okay, the top layers there, that's no problem.

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<v Speaker 4>But then over time we just realized that we had

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<v Speaker 4>actually grown much closer post college, and we the journey

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<v Speaker 4>for this book started post pandemic, realizing how critical our

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<v Speaker 4>girlfriend relationships, our female friendships were, you know, friendship being

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<v Speaker 4>the antidote to loneliness basically, and you know, we were

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<v Speaker 4>all pretty supportive of each other, a lot of cocktails

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<v Speaker 4>on zoom.

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<v Speaker 3>And that kind of thing.

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<v Speaker 4>And then when the pandemic was more in the rear view,

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<v Speaker 4>Rachel and I, you know, we can talk further about

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<v Speaker 4>it and in terms of how this book came together,

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<v Speaker 4>but that was really I think the birth of the

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<v Speaker 4>idea for the book was post pandemic.

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<v Speaker 2>No, I mean, I get it. It's it's it's something

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<v Speaker 2>too and you know, just again, your book is called

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<v Speaker 2>Stakehold and girl friendship is the new marriage. And I

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<v Speaker 2>have I'm lucky to have an amazing group of girls.

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<v Speaker 2>We call ourselves the Queendom. But it's like those girls

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<v Speaker 2>know me inside and out, and they know when I

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<v Speaker 2>go quiet, what's going on.

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<v Speaker 1>They know, you know.

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<v Speaker 2>The other day something really kind of rocked me and

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<v Speaker 2>I was upset, and my you know, friend was like,

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<v Speaker 2>you want to walk, you want to talk, you want

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<v Speaker 2>to and I'm like, no, I just and they're like, don't,

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<v Speaker 2>don't go into your hole.

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<v Speaker 1>You know.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like because they we know what we do, right

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<v Speaker 2>and so and our friends are there to support and

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know what I would do without my friends

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<v Speaker 2>because they were the only ones that got me through

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<v Speaker 2>my divorce and every other hard thing in my life.

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<v Speaker 2>Is at the end of the day, it's like we

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<v Speaker 2>always say, like the men will come and go, but

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<v Speaker 2>like the women are going to stay for life, you know.

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<v Speaker 2>And that's that's kind of a joke we've always said,

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<v Speaker 2>but it's true. I mean, in my life, the women

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<v Speaker 2>have always stayed. They've been the most true and I've

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<v Speaker 2>and I have had some friend breakups. And I'm curious

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<v Speaker 2>do you guys touch on that at all in your book,

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<v Speaker 2>because there's so many questions that I do get to,

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<v Speaker 2>like how do people deal with friend friendship breakups because

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<v Speaker 2>that's tough too, when you're like, it's been in these

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<v Speaker 2>many years, or this happens and you know it's a

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<v Speaker 2>it's a loss as well.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, And before I do that, by the way, I

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<v Speaker 1>just want to say I love your group name, Queendom.

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<v Speaker 1>That is amazing. I will get to your answer your

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<v Speaker 1>question a second, but I just love hearing these names

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<v Speaker 1>that friends have. That is something we're running into is

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<v Speaker 1>how many girlfriends groups, whether it's through chats or whatever,

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<v Speaker 1>have named themselves and it just love. I want to

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<v Speaker 1>keep a running list of them because they have. That

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<v Speaker 1>is fantastic. By the way, Queendom. So yeah, So our

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<v Speaker 1>book is very bright and happy and joyful, and that

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<v Speaker 1>was not by accident. You know the world is kind

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<v Speaker 1>of a dark place right now, and we wanted to

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<v Speaker 1>bring some positivity, some optimism, a feeling of being uplifted.

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<v Speaker 1>So you know there are some serious topics in there

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<v Speaker 1>around mental health, but we don't really go in deeply

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<v Speaker 1>into the loss of friendships. It's more about the celebration

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<v Speaker 1>of friendships. But it is a question we are getting

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<v Speaker 1>asked a lot as we uh start on this kind

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<v Speaker 1>of press tour now. And and Rachel can talk about that,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's and and I'll just I'll start by saying

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<v Speaker 1>that part of growing, you know, and Rachel and I

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<v Speaker 1>have daughters, and and and Rachel has his son, is

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<v Speaker 1>and learning about friendship is sometimes losing a friend. Just

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<v Speaker 1>like if you go through a divorce with with your

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<v Speaker 1>significant other and you and you lose someone that you

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<v Speaker 1>once really cared for, were in loved, it's teaching you

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<v Speaker 1>what to look for in the next relationship, or it's

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<v Speaker 1>teaching you how to be a good friend in the

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<v Speaker 1>current relationship.

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<v Speaker 4>And that that's definitely what has happened to me. So

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<v Speaker 4>losing a friend to who was kind of like a

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<v Speaker 4>sister and a bestie in the whole thing. She's she's alive,

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<v Speaker 4>thank god, but she's losing in terms of the brave

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<v Speaker 4>out of the friendship and she we It has really

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<v Speaker 4>helped me to understand my part in it, and we

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<v Speaker 4>do talk about this in the book on the other

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<v Speaker 4>side of It, which is basically the equivalent of a garden.

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<v Speaker 3>If you plant seeds and.

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<v Speaker 4>Flowers grow, but you don't water the flowers, they will die.

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<v Speaker 4>And so for us it was the it was for us,

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<v Speaker 4>it was these were or matured flowers that we didn't

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<v Speaker 4>realize hadn't been properly watered and cared for. So you

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<v Speaker 4>can kind of skate through for decades on a foundation

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<v Speaker 4>of friendship, because you know, female friendship is very tight.

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<v Speaker 4>There's a ton of loyalty. Hopefully those were.

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<v Speaker 3>Not the issues, but you you know.

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<v Speaker 4>When you've met somebody when you're young, you know there's

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<v Speaker 4>that old saying, don't expect him to change, don't expect

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<v Speaker 4>her to stay the same.

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<v Speaker 3>Women evolve, we change, we grow.

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<v Speaker 4>And without it properly cared for friendship, there can be

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<v Speaker 4>fractures in the foundation. You don't even know they're there

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<v Speaker 4>until faced with a real problem. So those are symptoms.

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<v Speaker 4>If the symptoms go ignored, then your foundation is too

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<v Speaker 4>shaky to make it through a real problem. So by

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<v Speaker 4>the time my know, this dearest friend of mine, by

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<v Speaker 4>the time we were really faced with just differences in

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<v Speaker 4>how we were seeing the world. It was almost too

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<v Speaker 4>late because we had not properly cared for that foundation,

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<v Speaker 4>and it was super heartbreaking. It is absolutely like a death.

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<v Speaker 4>I will mourn it for the rest of my life.

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<v Speaker 3>I have, but it has.

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<v Speaker 4>Like Rachel said, I haven't learned how to look at

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<v Speaker 4>this and be like, well, I wouldn't. And I've apologized

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<v Speaker 4>for my part for me like we're amazing, we're such besties.

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<v Speaker 4>We're on a pedestal and not seeing the warning signs

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<v Speaker 4>and being more communicative that my needs as a friend

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<v Speaker 4>were not being met and maybe I wasn't meeting hers either,

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<v Speaker 4>But my own inability to step up and say this

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<v Speaker 4>isn't working for me and you're a lazy friend and

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<v Speaker 4>you need to do better left us open to what

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<v Speaker 4>ultimately happened to us.

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe this is just me. I'm a defensive person. I

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<v Speaker 2>get overly defensive at times as my first reaction is

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<v Speaker 2>to be defensive, and so I'm not categorizing all women

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<v Speaker 2>like that, but I know many that are like that too.

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<v Speaker 2>So do you think we have a problem with hearing

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<v Speaker 2>our friends say something to us? We get defensive, and

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<v Speaker 2>that's usually the break of what how the break of

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<v Speaker 2>the friendship starts is the defense?

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<v Speaker 3>You know, it's a great question. I'm not one hundred

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<v Speaker 3>percent sure. I think that it's what you.

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<v Speaker 4>Said at the beginning of your statement, that it's the key.

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<v Speaker 4>I do not think that women are used to communicating

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<v Speaker 4>about these fractures, and so it's maybe more surprising.

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<v Speaker 3>And I do feel like.

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<v Speaker 4>If when maybe the initial is over, women are more

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<v Speaker 4>likely to be able to be like, I'm really glad

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<v Speaker 4>you said something.

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<v Speaker 3>On some level, I was totally feeling the same thing.

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<v Speaker 3>I didn't have the guts to say it. Thank you,

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<v Speaker 3>let's work on it.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I think it's something different too, And like, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm forty, so in my forties where I can go.

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<v Speaker 2>This just happened a couple of weeks ago. I was like, oh, sorry,

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<v Speaker 2>I was when I was I was short on the phone,

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<v Speaker 2>I was having a day. I was a little defensive,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, And then it's able to I think you're

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<v Speaker 2>I'm at least able to now own more my pieces

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<v Speaker 2>in all of my relationships, whereas I wasn't able to

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<v Speaker 2>in my twenties at all, and not great in my

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<v Speaker 2>thirties either.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, that's exactly right.

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<v Speaker 4>I think as we age and we get more, we

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<v Speaker 4>mature and again involved and that I know Rachel, you know,

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<v Speaker 4>is going to say that communication, that part of the

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<v Speaker 4>communication is the key, you know.

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<v Speaker 3>So I think it's all about me.

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<v Speaker 1>And sometimes it's those those arguments, those kind of coming

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<v Speaker 1>to a head that really brings you closer. So what

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<v Speaker 1>you said is I if you reach if you reach

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<v Speaker 1>out to a friend and say I'm sorry, I was

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<v Speaker 1>defensive and you start with yourself, that opens up that

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<v Speaker 1>kind of dialogue and it often brings you so much closer.

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<v Speaker 1>And it has happened with Rachel and I where we

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<v Speaker 1>I will call her and just say like, I'm sorry,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm acting, I acted this way, I stressed about whatever

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<v Speaker 1>the situation is, and and she'll say to me like,

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<v Speaker 1>oh I I could tell yeh, you know, like the

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<v Speaker 1>understanding of like her, she knows me so well that

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<v Speaker 1>just what but it but it had that doesn't happen overnight.

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<v Speaker 1>That is those are communications. That's me calling and apologizing,

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<v Speaker 1>that's her. And when we can be vulnerable and say

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<v Speaker 1>like I'm sorry, I was really defensive or I shouldn't

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<v Speaker 1>have said it like that, or then that opens up

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<v Speaker 1>the other person to say like, oh, I'm sorry, or

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<v Speaker 1>oh how can I help you? And it just it

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<v Speaker 1>just brings you closer. And so anytime you can be vulnerable,

0:13:25.520 --> 0:13:31.000
<v Speaker 1>it's actually brave. So I'm a mental health advocate besides,

0:13:31.120 --> 0:13:33.400
<v Speaker 1>you know, I started off as a teacher, but now

0:13:33.600 --> 0:13:37.400
<v Speaker 1>I volunteer for National Alliance on Mental Illness. I go

0:13:37.440 --> 0:13:39.480
<v Speaker 1>into middle schools and high schools and I talk to

0:13:39.600 --> 0:13:45.720
<v Speaker 1>kids and parents and staff about warning signs for mental

0:13:45.720 --> 0:13:50.280
<v Speaker 1>health issues, and I offer resources. But one of the

0:13:50.280 --> 0:13:54.000
<v Speaker 1>things that I always talk about is asking for help

0:13:54.720 --> 0:13:58.360
<v Speaker 1>is not weak. It's actually very brave, turning to a

0:13:58.440 --> 0:14:02.440
<v Speaker 1>friend and saying like I suck or I was really

0:14:02.960 --> 0:14:08.920
<v Speaker 1>like all of these Vulnerability is a superpower. And it's

0:14:08.960 --> 0:14:10.960
<v Speaker 1>so interesting. You know. One of the one of the

0:14:11.000 --> 0:14:13.280
<v Speaker 1>ways that we can be a good friend, believe it

0:14:13.360 --> 0:14:17.160
<v Speaker 1>or not, is asking our friends for help because we're

0:14:17.360 --> 0:14:21.280
<v Speaker 1>showing them like I need you to help me and

0:14:21.720 --> 0:14:23.840
<v Speaker 1>and and it's a two way street, of course, like

0:14:23.880 --> 0:14:25.320
<v Speaker 1>to have a friend, you have to be a friend.

0:14:25.760 --> 0:14:29.600
<v Speaker 1>But I it's a great question, It really is a

0:14:29.600 --> 0:14:30.160
<v Speaker 1>great question.

0:14:31.080 --> 0:14:33.800
<v Speaker 2>So on the flip side of things, you know, in

0:14:33.840 --> 0:14:36.760
<v Speaker 2>your book, what are some things that are that we

0:14:36.800 --> 0:14:38.600
<v Speaker 2>can get from reading the book, Like, what are your

0:14:38.600 --> 0:14:41.320
<v Speaker 2>favorite chapters? What's is there like a good story in

0:14:41.360 --> 0:14:43.240
<v Speaker 2>there that you can give us, like give us a

0:14:43.240 --> 0:14:43.960
<v Speaker 2>little teaser.

0:14:46.280 --> 0:14:48.040
<v Speaker 3>Well, I happen to have a book right here.

0:14:51.160 --> 0:14:53.400
<v Speaker 2>I mean, come on, why not? It's a book tour

0:14:53.480 --> 0:14:54.560
<v Speaker 2>week exactly.

0:14:55.600 --> 0:14:58.360
<v Speaker 3>You know, I guess you know. I always kind of

0:14:58.440 --> 0:14:59.000
<v Speaker 3>go to.

0:15:00.720 --> 0:15:06.360
<v Speaker 4>The first chapter of Friendship is the New Marriage.

0:15:06.600 --> 0:15:09.120
<v Speaker 3>I think that the book and this.

0:15:09.040 --> 0:15:17.600
<v Speaker 4>Chapter just the our process of realizing that the currency

0:15:17.640 --> 0:15:23.000
<v Speaker 4>of female friendship is being valued and prioritized in a

0:15:23.040 --> 0:15:26.320
<v Speaker 4>way it never has before. And I know you reference

0:15:26.400 --> 0:15:29.280
<v Speaker 4>the difference between being in your twenties being in your forties,

0:15:29.320 --> 0:15:32.440
<v Speaker 4>Like I think as women, we were really socialized.

0:15:31.880 --> 0:15:34.960
<v Speaker 3>Like Okay, who's going to be your mate? Who you

0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:37.000
<v Speaker 3>going to have children with?

0:15:37.040 --> 0:15:42.359
<v Speaker 4>If that's your path, And then as we've gotten older,

0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:48.239
<v Speaker 4>we realize like everything doesn't have to orbit around that

0:15:48.240 --> 0:15:53.640
<v Speaker 4>that traditional layout. And then, you know, because we've been

0:15:53.680 --> 0:15:57.040
<v Speaker 4>talking about this so much, and the best thing when

0:15:57.080 --> 0:15:59.160
<v Speaker 4>writing this book, and this we touch on this all

0:15:59.200 --> 0:16:02.560
<v Speaker 4>through the book, is that younger people, younger women are

0:16:02.680 --> 0:16:07.680
<v Speaker 4>learning this in their twenties and they're talking about platonic

0:16:07.920 --> 0:16:11.320
<v Speaker 4>romance they're like, yeah, I'm par if I end up

0:16:11.440 --> 0:16:16.680
<v Speaker 4>finding the perfect whatever, prince, princess whatever, that fairy tale

0:16:16.760 --> 0:16:20.400
<v Speaker 4>looks different for women younger than when we figured it out.

0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:24.320
<v Speaker 4>And that's one of my favorite aspects of the book

0:16:24.600 --> 0:16:27.520
<v Speaker 4>is just when that moment for us, when we realized

0:16:27.880 --> 0:16:31.000
<v Speaker 4>that this prioritization of female friendships and the celebration of

0:16:31.040 --> 0:16:35.200
<v Speaker 4>female friendships had gotten into the zeitgeist. So yeah, that's

0:16:35.280 --> 0:16:38.440
<v Speaker 4>really kind of chapter one, how we tripped and fell

0:16:38.480 --> 0:16:41.640
<v Speaker 4>into this idea that we are totally in love with

0:16:41.680 --> 0:16:43.359
<v Speaker 4>and having way too much fun celebrating.

0:16:43.920 --> 0:16:59.120
<v Speaker 2>I love that it makes me think about even just

0:16:59.120 --> 0:17:01.080
<v Speaker 2>back in high school. I'm like, God, I wish I

0:17:01.160 --> 0:17:03.280
<v Speaker 2>wasn't just chasing my high school boyfriend around and I

0:17:03.320 --> 0:17:06.800
<v Speaker 2>was chasing my friends instead and like having so much

0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:09.679
<v Speaker 2>more fun with friends like and just and I mean

0:17:09.760 --> 0:17:11.760
<v Speaker 2>that led into the twenties too. I'm like, man, I

0:17:11.840 --> 0:17:14.879
<v Speaker 2>just missed out on so many things because I was

0:17:14.920 --> 0:17:18.639
<v Speaker 2>too obsessed about having a relationship when it should have

0:17:18.640 --> 0:17:21.880
<v Speaker 2>been the relationship with my girlfriends as number one. Totally,

0:17:22.320 --> 0:17:23.119
<v Speaker 2>it's just wild.

0:17:23.400 --> 0:17:27.119
<v Speaker 1>So really quickly back to one of my favorite chapters

0:17:27.600 --> 0:17:31.119
<v Speaker 1>is about how friendship is therapy. And as a like

0:17:31.200 --> 0:17:34.480
<v Speaker 1>I mentioned, you know, mental health being so important. We

0:17:34.640 --> 0:17:38.040
<v Speaker 1>know how great we feel after a girl's night. We

0:17:38.160 --> 0:17:41.679
<v Speaker 1>know how much better we feel when we are sitting

0:17:41.680 --> 0:17:44.960
<v Speaker 1>with a friend having that one on one time where

0:17:45.000 --> 0:17:49.320
<v Speaker 1>just the time actually melts away and we're connecting and

0:17:49.800 --> 0:17:53.440
<v Speaker 1>that kind of fight or flight energy is gone, and

0:17:53.480 --> 0:17:55.240
<v Speaker 1>we are present and we are in the moment, and

0:17:55.280 --> 0:17:59.080
<v Speaker 1>we are laughing and just we are. And this is

0:17:59.119 --> 0:18:01.359
<v Speaker 1>what I talk about when I go and I speak

0:18:01.400 --> 0:18:05.160
<v Speaker 1>to kids, the importance of not staring at screens and

0:18:05.200 --> 0:18:08.720
<v Speaker 1>thinking that those are friendships, the importance of actually physically

0:18:08.800 --> 0:18:14.480
<v Speaker 1>getting involved, joining clubs, joining sports, meeting a friend for

0:18:14.800 --> 0:18:19.000
<v Speaker 1>your coffee, or in our instance as adults, you know,

0:18:19.320 --> 0:18:27.040
<v Speaker 1>at a bar for our cocktail. How that literally changes

0:18:27.440 --> 0:18:29.600
<v Speaker 1>not just our mental health, but it helps with our

0:18:29.640 --> 0:18:34.080
<v Speaker 1>physical health. And there are studies about how loneliness is

0:18:34.359 --> 0:18:38.639
<v Speaker 1>more detrimental to your health than smoking sixteen is at

0:18:38.680 --> 0:18:42.359
<v Speaker 1>sixteen or thirteen cigarettes a day. It's just it's so

0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:47.919
<v Speaker 1>important to be connected to a community. Because we evolved

0:18:48.280 --> 0:18:52.359
<v Speaker 1>to be social creatures. We need our friends, and so

0:18:52.400 --> 0:18:58.760
<v Speaker 1>I really do encourage kids to nurture those friendships and

0:18:59.600 --> 0:19:02.919
<v Speaker 1>just the important that's really what this book is about

0:19:03.000 --> 0:19:08.840
<v Speaker 1>a celebration of how wonderful having friendships are and does

0:19:08.880 --> 0:19:13.720
<v Speaker 1>not matter where you live, what aisle you're on, side

0:19:13.720 --> 0:19:16.359
<v Speaker 1>of the aisle you're on, we all can agree friendship

0:19:17.160 --> 0:19:19.760
<v Speaker 1>is something we all want in our lives.

0:19:19.960 --> 0:19:23.720
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely. What do you think is the best thing a

0:19:23.800 --> 0:19:26.399
<v Speaker 2>best friend could do? Like the one thing that like,

0:19:26.600 --> 0:19:30.760
<v Speaker 2>you're like this, this matters to to your friend. To

0:19:30.840 --> 0:19:33.840
<v Speaker 2>remind the listeners that are listening to this.

0:19:34.560 --> 0:19:41.320
<v Speaker 4>I mean, my answer is, you know, I think it's

0:19:41.480 --> 0:19:47.600
<v Speaker 4>so boring, but it's really truly just listen and know

0:19:47.720 --> 0:19:49.800
<v Speaker 4>when to shut the fuck up, and you do not

0:19:50.359 --> 0:19:54.960
<v Speaker 4>don't have to fix me, you just saying I love you.

0:19:55.200 --> 0:19:59.000
<v Speaker 3>That sucks. I'm team Rachel all the way. Whatever.

0:20:00.440 --> 0:20:04.640
<v Speaker 4>Sometimes knowing the difference between trying to therapize me and

0:20:04.720 --> 0:20:08.520
<v Speaker 4>trying to just be there, that's to me one of

0:20:08.520 --> 0:20:10.040
<v Speaker 4>the best things the best friend can do.

0:20:11.040 --> 0:20:12.520
<v Speaker 2>I agree Rachel us.

0:20:12.920 --> 0:20:18.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I would say just presence. And by the presence

0:20:18.359 --> 0:20:22.200
<v Speaker 1>it can mean similar to what Rachel says, just being

0:20:22.280 --> 0:20:26.879
<v Speaker 1>there for the person. And you know, we have some

0:20:26.960 --> 0:20:30.159
<v Speaker 1>friends sometimes that go silent, like you had mentioned you

0:20:30.200 --> 0:20:35.439
<v Speaker 1>were doing, and that means knowing them well enough to

0:20:36.640 --> 0:20:39.440
<v Speaker 1>if you don't hear from them, call and bug them.

0:20:39.800 --> 0:20:44.120
<v Speaker 1>How are you check in on them? Just always letting

0:20:44.200 --> 0:20:47.680
<v Speaker 1>them know that you are in their life. And as

0:20:47.720 --> 0:20:50.520
<v Speaker 1>we know, you know, there's this saying like old friends,

0:20:50.560 --> 0:20:52.960
<v Speaker 1>it doesn't matter how long you haven't seen each other.

0:20:53.080 --> 0:20:56.240
<v Speaker 1>When you're together, it's as if time hasn't passed, right,

0:20:56.400 --> 0:21:00.800
<v Speaker 1>It's all of that is kind of related. Even if

0:21:00.800 --> 0:21:03.240
<v Speaker 1>you haven't seen each other, there's still that feeling that

0:21:03.240 --> 0:21:08.280
<v Speaker 1>they are present in your life. And I can't imagine

0:21:08.280 --> 0:21:12.000
<v Speaker 1>my life without my girlfriends. I mean, it's just I

0:21:12.040 --> 0:21:14.320
<v Speaker 1>don't always get to see them, but I know they're there.

0:21:14.480 --> 0:21:17.080
<v Speaker 1>I know that they are if I if I need something,

0:21:17.160 --> 0:21:19.520
<v Speaker 1>I can reach out to them. So they are present,

0:21:19.720 --> 0:21:22.439
<v Speaker 1>maybe not physically with me, but they are in my

0:21:23.119 --> 0:21:28.120
<v Speaker 1>mind and always available as I am exactly.

0:21:28.119 --> 0:21:29.920
<v Speaker 2>And this is your reminder right now to call your

0:21:29.920 --> 0:21:32.560
<v Speaker 2>best friend, even if they're in a different state or

0:21:32.640 --> 0:21:35.199
<v Speaker 2>in the same state, or you call them, you know,

0:21:35.480 --> 0:21:37.400
<v Speaker 2>you just talk to them, call them, tell me love them,

0:21:37.760 --> 0:21:40.320
<v Speaker 2>and then go get the book. Stay Golden Girls. Friendship

0:21:40.359 --> 0:21:42.959
<v Speaker 2>is a New Marriage by Rachel Steinmont and Rachel Winter. Ladies.

0:21:43.000 --> 0:21:44.320
<v Speaker 2>Thank you so much for being on.

0:21:45.160 --> 0:21:46.760
<v Speaker 3>Thank you We're so sweet.

0:21:47.920 --> 0:21:50.879
<v Speaker 2>You guys are you guys are awesome. And when I

0:21:50.920 --> 0:21:53.439
<v Speaker 2>make it to the valley, I'll call up the Rachels

0:21:53.480 --> 0:21:54.480
<v Speaker 2>and we'll go out.

0:21:54.760 --> 0:21:55.400
<v Speaker 3>I love that.

0:21:55.600 --> 0:21:56.920
<v Speaker 1>Okay, we love that.

0:21:57.040 --> 0:22:11.800
<v Speaker 5>Let's go Grabbager perfect all right, bye, ladies, take care him.

0:22:12.000 --> 0:22:12.200
<v Speaker 4>Hmm.