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Speaker 1: The Nikky Tears, Nikki, thank you. No uh uh do

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Speaker 1: you ever get nervous? Noah when you do that that

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Speaker 1: your voice is gonna be like like like actually, I'm

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Speaker 1: kind of hoping for it so that it sounds different.

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Speaker 1: I just feel like I sound the same at the time.

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Speaker 1: Shocked how you always sound the same, Because for me,

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Speaker 1: when I first talked on this thing, it's sometimes is

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Speaker 1: like the first time I'm talking this morning. I mean,

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Speaker 1: we just had a little chat before we began recording.

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Speaker 1: But sometimes I'm just like like I sound like I'm

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Speaker 1: just waking. Like yesterday, I took a nap before um

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Speaker 1: so I did the podcast yesterday and then I like

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Speaker 1: I was gonna I don't know what I was gonna

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Speaker 1: do in between, like relax or work on the my

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Speaker 1: script for the MTV Movie and TV Awards unscripted ironically enough,

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Speaker 1: the script. And then I got up in my room

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Speaker 1: and I was I had a headache yesterday, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, I think I need a nap. I there's

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Speaker 1: this thing that I do sometimes when I'm really tired

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Speaker 1: and get to work, and I like get done when

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Speaker 1: I have to do early in the morning, and then

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Speaker 1: I go back to sleep for an hour and it

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Speaker 1: makes all the difference. I wish I could do it today,

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Speaker 1: but I have to go get my nails done, um,

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Speaker 1: because that's a thing that women have to do. Men

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Speaker 1: can do it too. When you start, it's like, I'm

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Speaker 1: just I'm not. I'm not in that same mindset that

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Speaker 1: I used to be in, a like resenting everything women

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Speaker 1: have to do to get ready versus men. But I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna get there by the end of the show. I'll

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Speaker 1: tell you that because it's a lot. My spray tan

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Speaker 1: isn't dark enough. I had to text. I had to

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Speaker 1: my life is still warrid me. Spray tan isn't dark enough.

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Speaker 1: But it's like, Noah, you would not even understand what

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Speaker 1: I did yesterday to go to get a fucking spray dan,

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Speaker 1: so talk about it. I went, well, okay, So yesterday

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Speaker 1: we woke up from my nap and I walked down

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Speaker 1: into my fitting because I told my assistant, who's living

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Speaker 1: here with me, like, just let the fitting girls set

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Speaker 1: up and then you call me when you need me

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Speaker 1: to be downstairs. You have the best grandma ever. Mug.

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Speaker 1: What the fuck? Noah know what what that was going

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Speaker 1: on in that house? Noah is sipping from a best

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Speaker 1: Grandma Ever mug and yesterday you were sipping from a

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Speaker 1: best Grandpa Ever mug? Is this? I know, I know

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Speaker 1: you're living in a place that isn't your own, but

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Speaker 1: what is these kitchy cops? And why did you hold

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Speaker 1: it literally like you were posing for a picture with

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Speaker 1: It's like perfectly the label, It's like right out front? Um,

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Speaker 1: why do you have so many clean cop Wait? The

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Speaker 1: only clean mugs are the ones with the best Grandma

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Speaker 1: and best Grandpa? Are those the ones that are this?

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Speaker 1: The people that live there? Grandma, they're Grandma's and Grandpa's

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Speaker 1: the owners of the house. Yeah, there, and they don't

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Speaker 1: want to celebrate in their own lives and take their

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Speaker 1: bugs with them. How will they know? I guess they

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Speaker 1: left them for us. That's Um. Have you ever bought

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Speaker 1: one of those things like the best something ever? Well?

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Speaker 1: I bought one from my sister in law, but I

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Speaker 1: just always feel like it's a waste of space. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And are they the best ever? Because probably not? I mean, like,

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Speaker 1: if I'm really doing best ever, it's like Obama's mom,

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Speaker 1: you know, like I'm gonna pick you know, I know,

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Speaker 1: air strikes or whatever. I don't. I don't know. People

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Speaker 1: always like he's not perfect whatever, but like I'm gonna pick,

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Speaker 1: I always pick someone and I go their parents are

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Speaker 1: probably the best parents ever. Someone who's like a very

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Speaker 1: good person, Like who's the best person you think in

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Speaker 1: the world, Like who just only ones good? And like

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Speaker 1: it was Buddha person. Um, yes, I believe he was,

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Speaker 1: but I think I also don't. I think he was

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Speaker 1: like Jesus, like some people think he was legit. I

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Speaker 1: actually don't know anything me neither. Um. I love that

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Speaker 1: we don't know if Buddha was real. I think Buddha

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Speaker 1: was real. Let's go back to your day. Let's go

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Speaker 1: to Wikipedia and find out bud was real. Um. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: there's just like when people go like, it's the best

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Speaker 1: vegan restaurant in town, I go, well, have you been

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Speaker 1: to every vegan restaurant because this whole best thing. You

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Speaker 1: could say it's the best one I've tried, but this

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Speaker 1: best in the world. You don't know all the moms

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Speaker 1: in the world. Stop lying to your mom. You know

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Speaker 1: that Francis McDormand is a better mom than your mom,

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Speaker 1: or like, um, I'm just trying to think of who's

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Speaker 1: a good mom. I really can't conjure any because I

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Speaker 1: really suspect that everyone's kind of has their their bad days,

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Speaker 1: their moments, their moments. But then put then on a

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Speaker 1: coffee bug, everyone has their moments. Um my day. So

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Speaker 1: I would downstay years after my nap to my fitting

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Speaker 1: and I was like, hi, guys, and they were like,

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Speaker 1: are you okay? They like thought I was very ill

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Speaker 1: because of how I sounded after my nap, um is

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Speaker 1: my point of that whole story. And I just thought

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Speaker 1: I was gonna sound like sleepy and baby like. Coming

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Speaker 1: down the stairs to see my friends, who are my stylas,

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Speaker 1: I was like hi, got hi guys, and they're like

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Speaker 1: are you Are you okay? It is weird that people

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Speaker 1: can tell when you've just woken up, Like when you

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Speaker 1: answer the phone. Do you ever answer the phone and

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Speaker 1: you're lying down and you're totally wide awake, but you're

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Speaker 1: like just trying to lounge and people are like are

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Speaker 1: you okay? And You're like, God, why does it? How

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Speaker 1: does a voice sound like I'm lounging? Um? That's what

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Speaker 1: always boggles me about when you see artists like singing

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Speaker 1: when they're sitting in a recording studio. I'm like, don't

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Speaker 1: you think it'd be best for your voice to like stand?

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Speaker 1: But I don't know what I'm talking about anyway. Yesterday

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Speaker 1: for my Spurry Tan, I had to go not to

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Speaker 1: a bad part of Hollywood at all spirit It was

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Speaker 1: at seven o'clock. Took an uber over there. Uh, actually

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Speaker 1: gotta push it's gonna be on stage at thirty had

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Speaker 1: it all timed out. I get there and the uber

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Speaker 1: driver cannot pull up to the front of the place. Uh, well,

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Speaker 1: I had to go to the back of the place

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Speaker 1: because she's doing she's opening her shop like for me

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Speaker 1: at night, and we can't go to it because the

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Speaker 1: streets are blocked off because there's police that like, police

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Speaker 1: have blocked off the streets, and there's helicopters overhead. God

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Speaker 1: only knows what the hell is going down, right, And

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Speaker 1: then finally we like he finds a way to go

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Speaker 1: around it and drop it off at the gas station

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Speaker 1: that's right next door to her store. And I run

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Speaker 1: across the parking lot with like active helicopter spotlights looking

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Speaker 1: for a criminal, no idea what this could be, and

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Speaker 1: she like calls me into her her back. She opens

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Speaker 1: like this back door. She said, come in, come in,

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Speaker 1: come in, and I run in. I'm getting my spirit haan.

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Speaker 1: We still hear police activity. We hear copters out like

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Speaker 1: and like you know, like like cops noises. She checks

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Speaker 1: the citizen app there's an active shooter somewhere, um in

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Speaker 1: an apartment building. And I go, should we hide or something?

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Speaker 1: I go, where is it like far away? And she's like, no,

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Speaker 1: next door. She was like I think it's next door.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, I do we hide? And she was like,

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Speaker 1: I mean it says he's in the apartment building. And

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Speaker 1: I'm like, well, then why are helicopters out if it's

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Speaker 1: in an apartment you know, if it's like a quarantine situation. Um,

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Speaker 1: And then I had and then I'm getting a springs

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Speaker 1: and and I'm standing there like getting doused, and and

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Speaker 1: We're in this back room that is like outside pretty

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Speaker 1: much like it's it's like in this like area that's

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Speaker 1: we don't have like actual shelter from. It's like in

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Speaker 1: this back like kind of like I don't even know

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Speaker 1: how to describe it, but it's not it's all screen

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Speaker 1: doors and stuff. And I was like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: I might get shot by getting getting a sprays and

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Speaker 1: then I laughed because I was like, she doing what

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Speaker 1: she loved. I picture Andrew making some joke at my funeral.

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Speaker 1: I mean, let's be honest, she died doing what she loved,

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Speaker 1: getting a spray tan. But then I thought, you know what,

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Speaker 1: he probably won't use that line. He'll be too sad

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Speaker 1: to think of it. And I was like, I should

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Speaker 1: text him that line before I die, so that he

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Speaker 1: kills at my funeral. I really thought of that. I

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Speaker 1: was like, I'm still trying to micromanage Andrew's uh delivery

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Speaker 1: and uh joke execution while even though he doesn't need it,

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Speaker 1: while before I die. So I got was free day

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Speaker 1: and I woke up this morning. You let us You're

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Speaker 1: supposed to let it marinate for eight hours. I usually

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Speaker 1: get one at night. The next the day of a shoot.

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Speaker 1: The next day, I got going the shower, wash it off.

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Speaker 1: I woke at this morning. I don't look tann. I

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Speaker 1: risked so much, and I tipped this woman so like

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Speaker 1: I tipped her like five, like you know, four times

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Speaker 1: what she asked because she showed up for work in

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Speaker 1: a shooting situation and like opened her store. So I

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Speaker 1: but now I'm like, now I compensate her for a

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Speaker 1: job not well done because I go, I want it

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Speaker 1: really dark. I go every time I a sprighten and go,

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Speaker 1: I know you think that I'm not gonna want it

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Speaker 1: to start because I'm so pale that you don't. It's

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Speaker 1: gonna be such a difference. But I want. I want

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Speaker 1: you to really go to town. And I kept asking her, like,

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Speaker 1: is this gonna I just have to trust myself. Noah,

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Speaker 1: I've done enough spray tans. I know what I want.

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Speaker 1: But she's like, you don't want your face. You have

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Speaker 1: makeup on, no face, And I'm like, I always get

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Speaker 1: it over my face because you want less on your

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Speaker 1: face because it does develop um like splotchy on your

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Speaker 1: age spots. Do you ever get a spray tan? Girls,

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Speaker 1: don't get that on your hands or your face where

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Speaker 1: you have aged spots because those aged spots really pick

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Speaker 1: up the tan, which doesn't matter because you end up

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Speaker 1: putting makeup on. Anyway. My face is pale today because

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Speaker 1: she wouldn't let me spray to in my face, and

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Speaker 1: the rest of my body is pale, and now I

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Speaker 1: have to I'm going to be painted tonight with Sally

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Speaker 1: Hanson legs spray, which honestly, girls just use Sally handsOn

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Speaker 1: leg spray. It's cheap, It washes off in the shower,

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Speaker 1: it goes on like it looks like your legs are

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Speaker 1: like Beyonce's legs in terms of like um sheer eartness

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Speaker 1: and like just shiny, nous and beautifulness. Do you know

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Speaker 1: that Bransa wears multiple pairs of tights if you want

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Speaker 1: your if you want to look amazing in tights and

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Speaker 1: you're like wearing a leotard maybe for some kind of costume.

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Speaker 1: My makeup artist on the Cayman Island Show, Robin taught

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Speaker 1: me get multiple pairs of like you know what are

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Speaker 1: they go stockings, not like like tights, not like tights

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Speaker 1: like black tights, but like you know, nude color tights

200
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Speaker 1: whatever skin color. We get two or three and your

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Speaker 1: legs and no cellulite. Your legs will look and then

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Speaker 1: put um fish nets over those and people will think

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Speaker 1: your legs are just that like that perfect. I didn't

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Speaker 1: know that, but all the female wrestlers do. They all

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Speaker 1: wear multiple tights two or three. Have you ever worn

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Speaker 1: tights and not had the in steam like pulled down

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Speaker 1: and then you have that like you never worn tights

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Speaker 1: and so long since like seven and went to church

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Speaker 1: for Easter, like what's seen? Oh like it it gets

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Speaker 1: like baggy. Yeah yeah, I just to imagine with two

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Speaker 1: of those. No, but if you pull them up all

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Speaker 1: the way, it's not gonna go. I mean, like, I

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Speaker 1: wear spanks sometimes and I feel like those are like

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Speaker 1: tights just gotta god fucking spanks, um or speaks out.

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Speaker 1: I just don't wear them anymore. I feel like people,

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Speaker 1: maybe people are still wearing them. I feel like Whitney

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Speaker 1: just posted a video of her putting on. She doesn't

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Speaker 1: need him. She's always got some nude, hideous nude underwear,

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Speaker 1: which I would never be as confident to show my

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Speaker 1: underwear whenever. I'm shocked when girls like show their underwear

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Speaker 1: because I'm like, I don't know what's cranking down there,

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Speaker 1: like not that you know. I just there's there's discharge.

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Speaker 1: Um okay, so sometimes and you don't know. I have

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Speaker 1: so much to tell you today. We're gonna get into

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Speaker 1: what happened on Jimmy fallon yesterday. I'm still recovering. We're

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Speaker 1: gonna talk about the MTV movie and TV Awards Unscripted,

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Speaker 1: which I'm hosting tonight, and um, a lot, a lot

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Speaker 1: lot more. We're gonna get to some listener mail, and uh,

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Speaker 1: and Andrew's coming down the stairs here in just a second.

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Speaker 1: Let's get him in. Hey, Andrew, good morning. You can

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Speaker 1: have some of my coffee. Thanks for Yeah, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: have a I have a couple of coffee in front

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Speaker 1: of me. And Andrew didn't really have time to go

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Speaker 1: get some because we've got to get through the show.

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Speaker 1: We gotta get to the show. And uh, he sipped mine.

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Speaker 1: I go, you can have some mine, and he goes

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Speaker 1: black coffee and I go, yeah, that's how I do.

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Speaker 1: And he goes, You didn't know you get me coffee

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Speaker 1: so often? But you know my rule. Try to I

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Speaker 1: know what happened. We're out of almond milk. No, we're

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Speaker 1: not at almond milk. What could it be? I don't

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Speaker 1: like hot coffee. Uh that isn't Starbucks coffee. That could

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Speaker 1: be I don't I need my milk. Frothth with my coffee.

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Speaker 1: If I'm gonna get do it. No, it's not bougie.

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Speaker 1: If it tastes better, it tastes better. Again. I like

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Speaker 1: what I've never said in my life, froth you have,

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Speaker 1: but FROTHT is. Yeah, it's kind of like FROTHT you

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Speaker 1: know what there was like froth froth. There's sometimes there's

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Speaker 1: froth and I'm not even gonna talking about it. We

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Speaker 1: were just talking about discharge. It's so weird. I was

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Speaker 1: trying to get off the subject of discharge. But here

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Speaker 1: we are back to it. And sometimes, you know, I

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Speaker 1: think more frothiness can happen. No, like when you're having sex.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes it can become froth because froth needs to be

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Speaker 1: like whipped, you know what I'm saying. Oh God, like

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Speaker 1: a belt like brought out of No. But I don't

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Speaker 1: think i'd like it. And all the porn I watched

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Speaker 1: whenever there's like using those on girls, I'm just like,

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Speaker 1: I want to skip this part. This isn't for me. Also,

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Speaker 1: the tickling, I'm just like, oh God, let's get to

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Speaker 1: just put something in her like I don't want, like,

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Speaker 1: don't tickle her. There's a lot of tickling born. I

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Speaker 1: hate tickling. I hate one girls they'll tickle your legs

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Speaker 1: while they blow you, and it's like, what do you do?

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Speaker 1: Who wants that? They'll tickle around your balls's because we

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Speaker 1: read Cosmo. That's like to tease him and like with

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Speaker 1: your your mouth and put your hands beyond your back. No,

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Speaker 1: Cosmo is out of ideas. I've heard. I like hands.

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Speaker 1: I like hands on. That's the thing I heard more

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Speaker 1: than anything is hands, hands, hands, hands, hands. I actually

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Speaker 1: that's what I like with a blowy. I like the

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Speaker 1: head and the hand and that grip film the head

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Speaker 1: in the hand. I don't know the squid in the whale.

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Speaker 1: I don't even know what I'm talking about. It's frosty.

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Speaker 1: Uh get frosty, frosty. Oh my god, I wonder if,

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Speaker 1: oh god, I have so much disgusting stuff in my

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Speaker 1: mind that I want to share. But I feel like

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Speaker 1: this podcast just I just don't want it to be

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Speaker 1: as discussed. I don't want we have a lot of

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Speaker 1: new listeners after last night. I was on the Tonight Show. Okay,

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Speaker 1: sometimes Okay, So what was I I was telling? I

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Speaker 1: was actually telling a meal. Okay, So if I told

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Speaker 1: a meal that I'm willing to tell anyone, um, and

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Speaker 1: I think I've told you this before too, but like

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Speaker 1: I have a I was telling him about like how

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Speaker 1: I'm recently was like, so comfortable with someone I was

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Speaker 1: dating that I was like, I couldn't believe like how

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Speaker 1: quickly I was just like not scared of how gross

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Speaker 1: I am quote unquote gross. I'm saying that lovingly. I

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Speaker 1: don't hate myself for it anymore. But like sometimes after

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Speaker 1: a mass, right, I tend to like wipe off, like

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Speaker 1: to go, I go rinse the stuff in the in

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Speaker 1: the sink like just cold water, right, yeah, you know,

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Speaker 1: just get off anything that could have been left on.

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Speaker 1: And sometimes I on my I don't mind doing it

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Speaker 1: on my period, put down a towel and it's just

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Speaker 1: you know, I don't care. They're not complaining. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: don't care. Um so sometimes but anyway, I always washed

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Speaker 1: them off this period. But sometimes it's just like clear

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Speaker 1: and you're just like I don't care, right, and you

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Speaker 1: just like toss it back in the drawer or whatever

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Speaker 1: you like, wipe it on the bedspread or like not

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Speaker 1: the bedspread, like a towel nearby, maybe the bedspread, and

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Speaker 1: sometimes only the bed fread if I'm not ready, but

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Speaker 1: if the sheets are ready to go, you know, and

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Speaker 1: I know that I'm gonna like either not sleep on

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Speaker 1: that side of the bed or I'm gonna change them

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Speaker 1: very soon. But it's also like my calm, like who cares.

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Speaker 1: It's like clean and smells good. It's not like it's

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Speaker 1: only if the sheets are ready to go, or I'm

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Speaker 1: not sleeping on that side, or like, okay, it hasked me.

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Speaker 1: It has to be a couple of things, it asked.

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Speaker 1: It can't be fresh sheets. I would never do that,

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Speaker 1: the fresh sheets, no matter what side of the bed

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Speaker 1: it was on. But I do only stick to one

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Speaker 1: side of my wad. You should go see my bed upstairs.

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Speaker 1: There is a giant brown orange spot where I'm sleeping.

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Speaker 1: And Kristen's coming tonight, my best friend from high school,

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Speaker 1: and she's gonna sleep in my bed probably, And I

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Speaker 1: know I kept her beside of the bed good. I

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Speaker 1: didn't wipe off any dildos on it, but yes, I

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Speaker 1: will wipe it off on that side if I'm ready

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Speaker 1: to do sheets pretty soon. And also it's it's the

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Speaker 1: same way I eat oatmeal out of the same bowl,

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Speaker 1: and I've I haven't washed this bowl since we've been

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Speaker 1: here five days. I keep using the same bowl I washed.

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Speaker 1: I cleared out enough, but there's residue every time I

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Speaker 1: put more obulan and it heats up the residue from before.

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Speaker 1: I'm just like, I don't care. Maybe that's discussed. It

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Speaker 1: is disgusting, but I'll admit to it, and any man

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Speaker 1: who loves me you have to accept. But I just

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Speaker 1: don't see the logic of cleaning a bowl that you're

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Speaker 1: putting the same food in where dried oatmeal is not

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Speaker 1: going to make me sick. I literally would never care,

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Speaker 1: and I would probably scratch it like out and eat

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Speaker 1: it anyway if I you know, it was great enough

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Speaker 1: whatever so um. Sometimes though, you throw it back in

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Speaker 1: the drawer, and you know, I have many of these

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Speaker 1: things and they get frothy, but you know, you throw

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00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:48,600
Speaker 1: it back in the like you you just like you go, oh,

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00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:49,920
Speaker 1: there's not a lot on that or whatever. You throw

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Speaker 1: it back in the thing, and then later on you

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Speaker 1: go to get it out and there I can't be

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Speaker 1: the only woman that has just happened to But it's

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Speaker 1: like it will when it flakes off, know what, do

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm talking about? Like if it's dries

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00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:08,159
Speaker 1: on plastic or silicon silicone or what silicon valley silicone

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00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,520
Speaker 1: or whatever those things are made out of it, like will.

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00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:12,479
Speaker 1: But when you move it, like you bring it out

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Speaker 1: of drawer. Sometimes these things are like rubbery and they

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00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,840
Speaker 1: shake or like you like shake it a little bit.

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Speaker 1: It's flakes off like snow, and I swear to God

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Speaker 1: him like the drop with more like snow, like fake snow,

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00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:25,960
Speaker 1: and like maybe a window front window shop of like

355
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Speaker 1: during Christmas time, like at a Lord and Taylor, like

356
00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:34,159
Speaker 1: a window display, like tis the season, like yes, and

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Speaker 1: it flakes off. It's almost beautiful, and I swear to

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Speaker 1: God every time it happens. I hear jing Jing king.

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00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:42,879
Speaker 1: I love those j I n G. Do you know

360
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,800
Speaker 1: that song? It's single bell Yeah, I mean like it's

361
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Speaker 1: the Fred Fred. Literally, I hear jingle bells every time

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00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:58,920
Speaker 1: I see a flake, the flakes of cob. It makes

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00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:02,000
Speaker 1: me laugh. Yeah, things makes me think of family and

364
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:11,960
Speaker 1: like warm memories and sand it's banging me. Um no,

365
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,080
Speaker 1: it's I do think that. But it always happens, and

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00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:17,960
Speaker 1: I always hear I go jingle bells because it's like

367
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:22,320
Speaker 1: king ding ding umny of times when like I'll come.

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00:19:23,359 --> 00:19:26,080
Speaker 1: Men come is a lot more usually than women come.

369
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Speaker 1: And it's like a thick it's not frost. It's it's

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Speaker 1: like a whip. No, mine's like a light. It's almost

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Speaker 1: like I don't even want to clean this off. It's

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00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,560
Speaker 1: beautiful out of myself. But what I do is I'll

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Speaker 1: put it in a napkin and I'll just I'll forget

374
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Speaker 1: about these napkins that I throw behind my dresser, you know,

375
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,760
Speaker 1: so like, yeah, you know, maybe a year later, I

376
00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:50,159
Speaker 1: have a nice your dresser, Where are you keeping them

377
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,639
Speaker 1: right now? In the room? You think? Come? Because I

378
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:55,440
Speaker 1: don't want you to get mad? Well in your bedroom

379
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:58,800
Speaker 1: in our place. The other day Luigi went in your room,

380
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,040
Speaker 1: so I had to go into your room to be like,

381
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:02,520
Speaker 1: did you what are you doing in there? And he

382
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:10,680
Speaker 1: had a com nap hey blon guys, girls, Oh my god.

383
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,400
Speaker 1: And then like I told you, when I was a kid,

384
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,520
Speaker 1: I would rubb to come. I was so lazy. I

385
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,320
Speaker 1: would just rubb to come on the carpet. And my

386
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:21,119
Speaker 1: carpet got so hard and we moved. My mom found

387
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:25,160
Speaker 1: this island that was worse than Epstein's island. Some would

388
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:30,680
Speaker 1: say it was so hard and rough it was ridiculous.

389
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:34,200
Speaker 1: I like burnt away the carpet. So many of my

390
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,280
Speaker 1: soldiers side that day. Did your mom talk to you

391
00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:42,280
Speaker 1: about it. No, I don't even know what if she

392
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:44,680
Speaker 1: might have thought that I spilled a bunch of paint,

393
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:47,760
Speaker 1: like I don't know if they connect the dots, that

394
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:53,040
Speaker 1: her son is so lazy that he wiped literally comlodes

395
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:58,120
Speaker 1: on his mother's nice carpet. You just spilled like glue,

396
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,320
Speaker 1: or like, what does it look like? Like I just

397
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:03,520
Speaker 1: wiped it underneath the bed like you just thought it

398
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,640
Speaker 1: would disappear because it's clear enough, Like I've thought those

399
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,480
Speaker 1: things before, Like you ever wipe your snot, like on

400
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,280
Speaker 1: your sleeve, like when I was like, snot is almost

401
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:11,520
Speaker 1: the same thing. It comes out clear and then it

402
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,440
Speaker 1: drives and you're like, oh my god, that looks like

403
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:15,880
Speaker 1: now I realized it looked like Come as a kid.

404
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:19,520
Speaker 1: But before now, I wait, back when I was a kid,

405
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,720
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, something about Mary. Remember that?

406
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:25,280
Speaker 1: Remember that when Ben Stiller had the snot on his ear?

407
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:28,119
Speaker 1: That's probably what I thought it was. That's probably what

408
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:29,280
Speaker 1: I thought it was when I was a kid, because

409
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:30,840
Speaker 1: I always go, how did you watch that movie? Not

410
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,080
Speaker 1: knowing what come was? Because I definitely didn't in eighth

411
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:35,080
Speaker 1: grade and know what Come was. I didn't understand like

412
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,119
Speaker 1: it was the hair gel thing, So what did I

413
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:38,320
Speaker 1: think it was? I bet I thought it was not

414
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:42,040
Speaker 1: in that scene. I was more smart enough kid to

415
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,639
Speaker 1: know when I didn't understand something, it was a thing

416
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,920
Speaker 1: that I didn't know yet. I didn't go, um, what

417
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:49,679
Speaker 1: is the thing? I always knew it was like sexual

418
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:52,200
Speaker 1: thing that I was to not know about yet until

419
00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:54,240
Speaker 1: I found out on my own because my parents wouldn't

420
00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:55,879
Speaker 1: talk to me about sex. And so I learned it

421
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:58,920
Speaker 1: the hard way when a teacher was, you know, coming

422
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:00,840
Speaker 1: on my face, just kidding, do you think there's child

423
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:04,040
Speaker 1: she's out there? That are like, that's come? And they're like,

424
00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:06,399
Speaker 1: how did he know? At six years old he was

425
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:12,119
Speaker 1: able to know where she Welcome to the script's National

426
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:15,560
Speaker 1: spelling beat, And it's like all these like genius kids.

427
00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:19,520
Speaker 1: Just one kid can play the piano like incredible Mozart

428
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:23,479
Speaker 1: at three, and Timmy can jump forty feet at seven,

429
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,280
Speaker 1: and then this and Dave over here can tell you

430
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:30,280
Speaker 1: whatever comes and yeah, and Abigail she's only five, but

431
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:33,160
Speaker 1: she knows exactly what sixty nine means. When her parents

432
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:37,320
Speaker 1: make jokes about how did she know it's she's a genius,

433
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:41,240
Speaker 1: we don't even understand these things, um because of Uncle Rick.

434
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:44,040
Speaker 1: Actually that's who taught her. It's a really tragic story.

435
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,360
Speaker 1: Actually it's she's not a genius. But the business deal

436
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:48,399
Speaker 1: I did. I mean, we have to go to the news,

437
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:50,240
Speaker 1: but we can delay the news for a second because

438
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:52,879
Speaker 1: it's a special day. No. I was just, I was

439
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:55,680
Speaker 1: just this is such a funny story that I feel

440
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:59,040
Speaker 1: like I did real estate as Actually I don't know

441
00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:01,000
Speaker 1: if I've ever been talking about so. So I worked

442
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:02,720
Speaker 1: in real estate for like five or six years. And

443
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:05,280
Speaker 1: this guy name I can't say his last name, but

444
00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:07,400
Speaker 1: he was literally four ft eleven. When he would sit

445
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:10,679
Speaker 1: in my truck, his feet would go straight like they

446
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:15,119
Speaker 1: wouldn't bend. Would Yeah. I like this like he was

447
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:16,960
Speaker 1: like as close to a little person without being a

448
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,439
Speaker 1: little person. And he was great. How did d cars?

449
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,960
Speaker 1: I don't know. He probably had an extension on the yeah,

450
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,600
Speaker 1: to his feet. No, little people have like you know,

451
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:30,240
Speaker 1: like they have things that make the break and the

452
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,640
Speaker 1: gas come out. I just drove a really small Miata

453
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:37,720
Speaker 1: or something. Yeah, and uh so I'm pumping gas and

454
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:42,639
Speaker 1: and he points to my pants and I'm wearing I

455
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 1: only have one pair of slacks that I wear every

456
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,440
Speaker 1: single time. I don't clean them ever. And he's like,

457
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:49,800
Speaker 1: what is that? And I was like what and he

458
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:51,760
Speaker 1: points to like my dick area and he goes, is

459
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:55,600
Speaker 1: that does that come? And I looked at it and

460
00:23:55,800 --> 00:24:03,080
Speaker 1: go yeah, I think, oh, give it. I know that

461
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:06,520
Speaker 1: feeling of like not knowing anything else to say except

462
00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:11,160
Speaker 1: the truth. Oh no, like you're like I just can't.

463
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:16,240
Speaker 1: We're almost like it's cool. Yeah, yeah, like he's almost

464
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,240
Speaker 1: used to. Yeah, like pee and your pants is cool.

465
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:27,520
Speaker 1: Wait again, why though, how often did you clean your

466
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:32,360
Speaker 1: pants back then? Back then were driving pants? Would wear

467
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:34,479
Speaker 1: dress pants? But I know when were you doing laundry

468
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:37,440
Speaker 1: when you were like back I would It was a while,

469
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,320
Speaker 1: it was, it was. It was bad. Andrew, I'm so

470
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:43,920
Speaker 1: glad you're not that person anymore. To Yeah, I am too,

471
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,800
Speaker 1: Like it's crazy. I love going. We need to do

472
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:48,480
Speaker 1: a segment where we just go back in time and

473
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:51,200
Speaker 1: like you just tell some of these stories of your

474
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:53,800
Speaker 1: life because it was I mean, getting to know you

475
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:55,760
Speaker 1: as a friend and hearing these, I mean they're just

476
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:57,879
Speaker 1: story upon story and I always check and like, go,

477
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:01,359
Speaker 1: what were you doing? And you you have the other

478
00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:03,520
Speaker 1: day you were talking about out like you were a

479
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:07,399
Speaker 1: sexual for yeah, for a while, because you were like

480
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:09,880
Speaker 1: I don't mean to laugh, because you were like anxious

481
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 1: and depressed. All you did try to do was like

482
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,639
Speaker 1: but you were trying to be cool and get laid though, right, No, No,

483
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:20,959
Speaker 1: I was like, did you want front? Like what were

484
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,040
Speaker 1: you trying to do in that time? Because isn't everything

485
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:26,679
Speaker 1: motivated by having sex? Had friends? But you're so motivated

486
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,760
Speaker 1: by women and like not women, Like you're not like

487
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:31,720
Speaker 1: a late like, but you're so motivated by looking hot

488
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 1: and like being attractive to women now And I'm not

489
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:36,560
Speaker 1: judging you, I'm saying that for me as well. What

490
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,240
Speaker 1: what motivated you back then? And I could answer this

491
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,760
Speaker 1: myself because I was kind of the same way. But um,

492
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,159
Speaker 1: I think what motivated me is just being liked. It

493
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:46,400
Speaker 1: wasn't about having sex. I just wanted to be liked.

494
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:48,639
Speaker 1: I wanted to be the funniest person at the party.

495
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:50,520
Speaker 1: I wanted to be the funniest person at the bar.

496
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:52,800
Speaker 1: I wanted all my guy friends to be like, well,

497
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:55,879
Speaker 1: he was awesome, great guy. I was always the third wheel.

498
00:25:55,960 --> 00:26:00,399
Speaker 1: I've always had girlfriends like, but like, you know, so

499
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:02,680
Speaker 1: I think it was just about being accepted. When it

500
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:06,359
Speaker 1: came down to being a sexual, I just didn't feel

501
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 1: like girls wanted to fuck me, even though anytime I

502
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:11,560
Speaker 1: would get I would get laid, but it wouldn't registered

503
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:14,040
Speaker 1: at girls wanted to like me because I would get

504
00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:17,160
Speaker 1: laid by people that like, you know, girls that were

505
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:19,800
Speaker 1: at parties that were just like you, guys like yeah,

506
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:22,120
Speaker 1: we're all drunk and the like they sleft around a lot,

507
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:24,320
Speaker 1: and so it didn't feel like special. Yeah yeah, yeah,

508
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:27,359
Speaker 1: yeah yeah yeah, So I mean yeah, and I was

509
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:31,720
Speaker 1: also afraid of diseases while also thinking I had diseases. Yeah,

510
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:34,920
Speaker 1: how did you beat it? For people out there that

511
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:39,840
Speaker 1: might relate, I think you need to go to the therapists. Uh,

512
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 1: analyze why are your actions actually happening? Like what's the root?

513
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:49,920
Speaker 1: Cause mine was you know, anxiety and depression, and you

514
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:54,440
Speaker 1: try to maybe either get on an antidepressant or just

515
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:56,840
Speaker 1: try to really talk about like why are you doing

516
00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:58,679
Speaker 1: these things? And you've got to just change a lot

517
00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:03,120
Speaker 1: of your behavior. I stopped drinking, I you know, got

518
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:06,119
Speaker 1: I started doing something I was passionate about, which helps

519
00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 1: a lot. Walking my dogs, walking your dogs, uh, you know,

520
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:14,480
Speaker 1: picking up your bags, you know, just doing things. It's

521
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:21,200
Speaker 1: I've seen durastic changes in you, Jurassic changes, but changes

522
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:25,400
Speaker 1: that have taken sixty five million years. Um No, it's uh, yeah,

523
00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:28,720
Speaker 1: you're you're but you know we still it's it's nice

524
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 1: to talk about these things because I feel like it's

525
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,480
Speaker 1: you had to really I feel I feel like dramatic

526
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 1: change from like when I met you to now, and

527
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:39,040
Speaker 1: it's just like a few simple things that like, you know,

528
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:40,440
Speaker 1: you've got to be in the right headspace to like

529
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,800
Speaker 1: actually do, but they're not. If Andrew can go to

530
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,840
Speaker 1: therapy and maybe find an antidepressant, anyone can out there,

531
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,840
Speaker 1: any guy. So girls, don't give up hope on your boyfriends.

532
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:51,359
Speaker 1: But seriously, don't wait for them to do it, or

533
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 1: don't make them do it. Tell them they have to

534
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:55,720
Speaker 1: go work on themselves or you're gonna leave them, and

535
00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:57,680
Speaker 1: actually give them a date that you're gonna leave. Don't

536
00:27:57,720 --> 00:27:59,480
Speaker 1: be like I'm thinking about leaving you until you work

537
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:01,119
Speaker 1: on yourself. And this goes for guys too. If you're

538
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,880
Speaker 1: living with someone or being with someone who's you're working

539
00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:06,040
Speaker 1: on yourself and they're not, tell them. If you don't

540
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:08,359
Speaker 1: start the you don't have to do anything, but if

541
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 1: you don't start, I'm out on November thirty, Like give

542
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:13,840
Speaker 1: them a date and then stick to it. And that's

543
00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:16,359
Speaker 1: the only way to actually force someone's hand. You're not

544
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:18,879
Speaker 1: even forcing someone's hand, You're you're you're protecting yourself and

545
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:22,399
Speaker 1: maybe the you know, losing you might be enough to

546
00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:25,480
Speaker 1: make them actually realize they need to change. But that's

547
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:28,720
Speaker 1: just my rot yourself with people like minded, people that

548
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:31,480
Speaker 1: want to get better. I think what happens is like

549
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:34,359
Speaker 1: I found myself hanging out with people that you know,

550
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 1: we're maybe drug addicts, that we're probably worse off than

551
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:40,440
Speaker 1: even I was to make myself feel more comfortable with

552
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:44,120
Speaker 1: my corp are the some of your five closest people

553
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:46,360
Speaker 1: to you. I really when I heard that one time,

554
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:48,640
Speaker 1: it shook me. So think about the five closest people

555
00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:49,960
Speaker 1: to you. And if there's some people in there that

556
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:51,960
Speaker 1: you're like, I don't. I would hate if someone thought

557
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:54,880
Speaker 1: I was like them. You might want to cut your

558
00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:59,680
Speaker 1: mom out World's best mom not so much. Um, let's

559
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:01,640
Speaker 1: get to the news, and I promise we will talk

560
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:04,760
Speaker 1: about my uh foulon appearance, as I did say that

561
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 1: I would talk about your final thought about your nipples yeah,

562
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:09,640
Speaker 1: I mean, maybe we'll get to maybe maybe it'll be

563
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:11,880
Speaker 1: a news headline. Who the funk knows. I don't even

564
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:13,880
Speaker 1: know what. Actually, I got my Google alert from my

565
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:17,560
Speaker 1: name this morning. There's a there's nothing, no talk. I mean,

566
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:19,440
Speaker 1: I do have a Google for my name, just so

567
00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:21,960
Speaker 1: I can see what my dad is getting, because my

568
00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:24,520
Speaker 1: dad always sends me whatever. Google Look, Niki, you might

569
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:28,960
Speaker 1: be performing at a casino in Ashbury Park in November

570
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:32,920
Speaker 1: of two thousand three. I'm just like, I know, Dad, well,

571
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:37,720
Speaker 1: can maybe my friend Rick from my old guitar days

572
00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:40,560
Speaker 1: And since he calm out and I'm like, I will

573
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:44,440
Speaker 1: just have him buy a ticket. He did win the lottery, Okay, yeah,

574
00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:46,160
Speaker 1: maybe he's rich and he should buy a ticket. And

575
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:47,280
Speaker 1: I don't want to get him in and I don't

576
00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:49,600
Speaker 1: have to meet him backstage. Sorry, Rick, Rick's not a

577
00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:51,040
Speaker 1: real person. I've been using the name Rick a lot

578
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:52,920
Speaker 1: to say. Look at that squirrel. Legit looking at me.

579
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:57,040
Speaker 1: That squirrel has been looking at me like it's into me.

580
00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:00,280
Speaker 1: There's a squirrel on the railing and it's fucking like

581
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:02,360
Speaker 1: it's Is it looking at me or is it looking ahead?

582
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:03,960
Speaker 1: Because squirrel's eyes are on the side of their head

583
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 1: and it's side. It's literally like facing perpendicularly away from me,

584
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:10,520
Speaker 1: but it's like looking at me for sure, it's looking

585
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:12,600
Speaker 1: at me. Oh, it's so cute. Do you think that

586
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:16,480
Speaker 1: squirrels cute? Do you know that squirrels are the chickens

587
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 1: of America? If if you're in the Cayman Islands, you

588
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:22,800
Speaker 1: know what I meant you Yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense,

589
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 1: Like chickens are everywhere, but here they're squirrels and we're

590
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 1: like squirrels or nothing. But when Robin from the Cayman

591
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:31,960
Speaker 1: Islands came to America, she was like, squirrels everywhere square alls.

592
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:36,000
Speaker 1: Because she's British, she was like, I love squirrels, and

593
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:40,120
Speaker 1: I'm like, who cares about squirrels? Uh, they're like, you know,

594
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 1: they're not like a fat which is which theo Van

595
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:45,320
Speaker 1: said was the limousine of rats. You guys gotta listen

596
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 1: to my appearance on theo Van's podcast this past weekend.

597
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:49,240
Speaker 1: People are loving it. Okay, let's get to the news

598
00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:56,680
Speaker 1: very late. Sorry, no, h squirrels. First, we're gonna zip

599
00:30:56,760 --> 00:30:58,440
Speaker 1: through this news segment. Let's get to the headlights. Let's

600
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:01,040
Speaker 1: go on the first of all, I hope you have

601
00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 1: a fantastic weekend out there. The weather is really warming up,

602
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:07,920
Speaker 1: and so is everyone's bodies, if you know what I mean. Okay,

603
00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:10,920
Speaker 1: having fun out there and having all the swells. First story,

604
00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:14,080
Speaker 1: Nick a team was impaled by a javelin in his

605
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 1: right thigh at a New Jersey high school track and

606
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:22,240
Speaker 1: field javelin throw. The javelin was impalled several inches into

607
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 1: his thigh. However, there was no visible bleeding and the

608
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 1: victim was conscious and having conversation with first responders. I mean,

609
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:31,040
Speaker 1: what is this javelin toss? Do we do? You think

610
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:34,320
Speaker 1: we should still have javelin in two thousand twenty one.

611
00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:39,080
Speaker 1: I don't care who cares about the javelin? I mean,

612
00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:41,240
Speaker 1: who hears about You could say that about anything, honestly,

613
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:43,720
Speaker 1: but like it, I mean, I guess it's it's a

614
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:45,920
Speaker 1: it's a sport. I mean, it's an old sport that's

615
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:47,520
Speaker 1: been going on forever. So there must be a lot

616
00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:50,440
Speaker 1: of history to it and a reason why we do it. Well,

617
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:54,240
Speaker 1: javelin who kill? Like that? Was javelin used to be?

618
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:57,400
Speaker 1: You know, you throw a spear right right, and so

619
00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:00,920
Speaker 1: this guy was the thrower or he as a spectator.

620
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:03,440
Speaker 1: I guess he was just I believe he do. You

621
00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:07,520
Speaker 1: know the spectator? How many inches into his leg did

622
00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:09,960
Speaker 1: it go? Is that a good amount? I mean a

623
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 1: javelin length. I mean, well, it's not really this the

624
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:17,320
Speaker 1: javelin velocity with which the javelin was being thrown. I mean,

625
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:20,680
Speaker 1: who's going to an a javelin event and getting close

626
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:23,160
Speaker 1: enough to where you're gonna get nailed? Well? I was

627
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:27,240
Speaker 1: running the other day past a driving range and there

628
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:29,840
Speaker 1: were golf balls being hit and I was off to

629
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 1: the side. But I'm wondering, could I have gotten hit

630
00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 1: with a golf ball pretty easily if there were people,

631
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:39,880
Speaker 1: you know, driving golf balls as I ran alongside a

632
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:43,959
Speaker 1: driving range. There's lots of people, you know, like one

633
00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:46,400
Speaker 1: of those things where everyone just like hits in a bunch,

634
00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:47,880
Speaker 1: Like tons of people are lined up and they go

635
00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:50,640
Speaker 1: on dates and they like wrap their arms around each

636
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:52,560
Speaker 1: other and be like, oh babe, this how you do it? Yeah,

637
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:55,000
Speaker 1: let me show you how to swing the cloth driving range? Wait?

638
00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:58,000
Speaker 1: Is that what's called? Wait? When people go people get

639
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 1: hit with golf balls and yeah, uh and die not

640
00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:04,440
Speaker 1: like a head, but people get hit a lot. At

641
00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:08,480
Speaker 1: four that's what they yelled at. Four four people died

642
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 1: last year. Yeah, that's what happened. Yeah, I mean it

643
00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:15,680
Speaker 1: happens every year. Four exact people die. But also people

644
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,800
Speaker 1: in baseball stadiums get drilled by ball. It's like like

645
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:21,920
Speaker 1: a person has died getting hit with such anxiety of that.

646
00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:24,760
Speaker 1: When I was a kid, of like fatman on diving boards.

647
00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:27,400
Speaker 1: The diving boards like snapping and the fat man hitting

648
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:29,320
Speaker 1: his head. But like also baseball games, I would have

649
00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 1: this irrational fear that a baseball was gonna I got

650
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:36,320
Speaker 1: hit with one one time and my dad yelled at me,

651
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 1: Oh my god, this story. I'm not having a little

652
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:43,720
Speaker 1: league game. Wow, I think we're making a breakthrough. This

653
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:45,800
Speaker 1: is why you need to go to therapy. Things stories

654
00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:48,560
Speaker 1: come out. What happened, And it was cold in Florida.

655
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:50,240
Speaker 1: But it was a cold day in Florida, and I

656
00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:52,600
Speaker 1: had to jacket on, and I was walking and there

657
00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 1: was a foul ball and it just hit me right

658
00:33:55,680 --> 00:33:58,200
Speaker 1: in my chest and I'm on the ground, like you

659
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:00,200
Speaker 1: ever get hit And it didn't hurt as bad, but

660
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:02,480
Speaker 1: you cry maybe for attention. I don't know. I was

661
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:05,280
Speaker 1: like on the floor because you're you're embarrassed because you're like,

662
00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:08,479
Speaker 1: I gotta make this look worse than it was, because

663
00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:11,279
Speaker 1: otherwise I just look like an idiot. So I get

664
00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:13,000
Speaker 1: hit and now people will be worried about me, as

665
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:15,239
Speaker 1: opposed to laughing at me. Yes, and my dad comes up.

666
00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:17,799
Speaker 1: He goes, it wouldn't have heard if you button up

667
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:24,680
Speaker 1: your jacket, Like I told him, that's not swear. I swear.

668
00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:27,360
Speaker 1: Maybe this is like a weird I think that's not

669
00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:30,279
Speaker 1: a bad point. I think your dad was right. I

670
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,000
Speaker 1: want to said the same thing that you, and I

671
00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 1: think i'm your dad. I was sitting by him. He goes, okay, yeah,

672
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:37,600
Speaker 1: you go over there, but hey, button up your jacket.

673
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:40,239
Speaker 1: And then like, that's cute that he wanted you to

674
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:45,319
Speaker 1: button up your jacket. Later, I get it, right, that's

675
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:50,320
Speaker 1: that's a got shot right to the solar flexus. I

676
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:52,920
Speaker 1: think he threw the ball. Oh my god. That's what parents.

677
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:56,400
Speaker 1: That's my biggest parent complaint and human complaint is when

678
00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:58,959
Speaker 1: you do something and someone and that obviously you didn't

679
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:00,960
Speaker 1: want to get hit in the chest the ball right,

680
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:04,800
Speaker 1: and someone goes, why would you do that? What? My

681
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:07,520
Speaker 1: mom goes, Nikki, why would you spill water on your

682
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:10,880
Speaker 1: computer because I wanted to. Why would you have a

683
00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:12,680
Speaker 1: glass of water next to your computer when you know

684
00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:15,960
Speaker 1: that it can spill. I guess because you and dad

685
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:19,719
Speaker 1: had sex one time and made a fucking idiot. That's

686
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:23,839
Speaker 1: why that's your DNA put together a person whose brain

687
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:27,279
Speaker 1: did a dumb thing and ruined a computer. Why would

688
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:30,560
Speaker 1: you do that? Nicky? What you don't leave your person

689
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:32,440
Speaker 1: the back of ubers. You gotta check before you can

690
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:38,400
Speaker 1: have ubers ruin. Thank you. I hate if you're someone

691
00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:40,799
Speaker 1: who says that to someone when they've made a mistake. Well,

692
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:43,360
Speaker 1: you've got to look before you leave next time, so

693
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:47,520
Speaker 1: you don't leave things behind. Oh, thank you. Like if

694
00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:50,000
Speaker 1: that doesn't help, you're such an asshole. And I've been

695
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:52,040
Speaker 1: one of those people too, have like Andrew, come on,

696
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:55,400
Speaker 1: you gotta do this before like it's just like, just

697
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:57,920
Speaker 1: tell me rooster when that happens. And and I have

698
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:01,200
Speaker 1: a safe word for when we fight, and we didn't

699
00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:03,120
Speaker 1: use it the other night. We should have roostered. I

700
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:04,680
Speaker 1: don't think we should have. I think it was good.

701
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:06,800
Speaker 1: We had to get through it. No, no, no, we

702
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:09,400
Speaker 1: should have roostered. Um No, we shouldn't have because we

703
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:12,000
Speaker 1: got through we usually have a safe word for if

704
00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:13,880
Speaker 1: the fight's about to pop off and we know that

705
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:16,040
Speaker 1: it's going to get weird, and like we we know

706
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:20,000
Speaker 1: that neither of neither of us are ready to apologize

707
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:21,319
Speaker 1: or be in the right state of mind to see

708
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:24,080
Speaker 1: that we're wrong. You just go rooster and then you can,

709
00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:26,200
Speaker 1: like it's like a safe word of like, let's let's

710
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:30,160
Speaker 1: shelve this and talk later. I think, like rooster, Okay,

711
00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:43,440
Speaker 1: so next story, Yeah you can. And it was what girls,

712
00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:45,080
Speaker 1: if you want to get like and I know that

713
00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:46,839
Speaker 1: inters on my boyfriend, but if you want to really

714
00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:48,560
Speaker 1: piss off whatever man you're living with it, which is

715
00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:51,360
Speaker 1: probably your boyfriend or your husband, just go your soak

716
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:53,440
Speaker 1: and he will not know what it is and it

717
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:56,000
Speaker 1: will piss him off so much and you go, you're

718
00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:58,600
Speaker 1: you're being really if he's being And most of the

719
00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:01,240
Speaker 1: time men are being and it's like they won't acknownce

720
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:03,440
Speaker 1: it wrong, like that's kind of just be like you

721
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:05,600
Speaker 1: know what you're cut and it's so dismissive and it

722
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:08,000
Speaker 1: angers them so much, especially if they don't know what

723
00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:10,120
Speaker 1: it means. Well, yeah, and then they're gonna go, what's

724
00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:14,400
Speaker 1: that mean? And then you're gonna explain it. I might

725
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:16,960
Speaker 1: try to say in the MTV Movie and TV Awards.

726
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:18,759
Speaker 1: By the way, in my one of my mind, I

727
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:21,640
Speaker 1: said it yesterday. Does it work? I mean it works, yes,

728
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:24,080
Speaker 1: because calling out guys that do a certain thing, and

729
00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 1: I go, but like, I wonder if you could do it,

730
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:30,359
Speaker 1: I should do it. Okay, I'm gonna do it for best. Okay,

731
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:31,920
Speaker 1: I'm doing it for you guys. It's a fashion egg

732
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:32,960
Speaker 1: for you guys. I don't know if it will make

733
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:35,800
Speaker 1: the cut, but I will say all right. Ellen de

734
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:40,719
Speaker 1: Generous says toxic work plays controversy not the reason she's

735
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:44,279
Speaker 1: ending her show. Yeah, she's just Um, there's no she's

736
00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:48,480
Speaker 1: not exciting, said, lower ratings not a reason. Of course,

737
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 1: not everything in television is down. It's got nothing to

738
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:53,640
Speaker 1: do with why I'm leaving. If I was having fun,

739
00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:56,960
Speaker 1: I would do this show with nobody watching. So it's

740
00:37:56,960 --> 00:38:00,919
Speaker 1: got nothing nothing to do with that didn't. I don't

741
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:04,359
Speaker 1: not believe her to be honest, even though like we've

742
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:07,200
Speaker 1: pretty much know that, you know, based on the stories

743
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:10,439
Speaker 1: we've heard, Like, something's not as it seems with that woman,

744
00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:14,120
Speaker 1: Like what she presents, Um, she's really a Brunette. I

745
00:38:14,239 --> 00:38:18,920
Speaker 1: heard right, and I think she's straight. Uh no, she uh.

746
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:21,839
Speaker 1: I love Ellen thinks she's one of the funniest comedians ever.

747
00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:24,399
Speaker 1: Terrified of her, for sure, I just like, I don't

748
00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:26,200
Speaker 1: ever want to Why are we terrified of people like

749
00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:29,880
Speaker 1: that because they have power? Because there's because they're just intimidating.

750
00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:32,719
Speaker 1: And why do we let people be intimidating that you

751
00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:35,920
Speaker 1: can beat she does? She has more power than and

752
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:37,759
Speaker 1: she might have. She might be walking away from the

753
00:38:37,800 --> 00:38:39,960
Speaker 1: show or whatever, and people keep going, who's going to

754
00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:43,279
Speaker 1: replace her? Why don't we just let shows go? Why

755
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:46,200
Speaker 1: does it's the Ellen show? It's done, start a new one.

756
00:38:46,239 --> 00:38:48,120
Speaker 1: There's no replacement. And by the way, it should be

757
00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:52,160
Speaker 1: me hudder should be Someone tweeted that today it should

758
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:54,320
Speaker 1: be Nikki Glazer and I go, oh my god, I

759
00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:56,840
Speaker 1: didn't even think about that. Yeah, it should be I

760
00:38:57,000 --> 00:39:03,839
Speaker 1: just I just read and they go nothing. Nothing. Ever,

761
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:06,120
Speaker 1: they might convince you with a little bit of money

762
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:07,440
Speaker 1: to stick around, and it might be a little bit

763
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:09,359
Speaker 1: more fun for you with the money you're getting. If

764
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:10,839
Speaker 1: it was killing in the ratings is a little bit harder.

765
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:12,560
Speaker 1: But the thing is money might not be an object

766
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:15,879
Speaker 1: to her. Anymore because she's so fucking rich. But yeah,

767
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:18,000
Speaker 1: I mean the toxic Worth Place thing was not a

768
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:21,279
Speaker 1: good look. And then especially when your whole thing is

769
00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:24,440
Speaker 1: about like giving money to like being the best, like

770
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:26,880
Speaker 1: being the nicest. And then we went through this with

771
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:28,960
Speaker 1: like all the allegations that came up of like the

772
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:32,600
Speaker 1: irony that she's like be kind and and she dances

773
00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:35,640
Speaker 1: and it seems so generous. But it's really funny how

774
00:39:36,239 --> 00:39:38,920
Speaker 1: there are moments I can't I will just say that

775
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:42,040
Speaker 1: there's tons of Taylor Swift moments with Ellen that always

776
00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:44,080
Speaker 1: pop up on my Explore feed. And I watched Taylor

777
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:46,279
Speaker 1: Swift clips constantly when I'm like going to bed and

778
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:49,960
Speaker 1: just board to call myself, because she just radiates confidence

779
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:52,439
Speaker 1: and like what I want to be in my life,

780
00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:54,239
Speaker 1: even though she's younger than me, and most of the

781
00:39:54,280 --> 00:39:56,239
Speaker 1: clips I'm watching her when she was like twenty two,

782
00:39:57,239 --> 00:39:59,279
Speaker 1: you know, No, it's more recent stuff. She's just like

783
00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:03,600
Speaker 1: so confident and like it like she's not like trying

784
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:05,560
Speaker 1: to be too skinny or trying to be a model,

785
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:07,880
Speaker 1: like she all these phases that we all go through

786
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:10,080
Speaker 1: as women. Taylor Swift just like I love watching her

787
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:12,759
Speaker 1: now the other day, I watched her Grammy performance, her

788
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:16,360
Speaker 1: latest one, because it is the epitome of confidence and

789
00:40:16,400 --> 00:40:19,080
Speaker 1: vulnerability and I just loved it. Anyway, I made a

790
00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:21,400
Speaker 1: meal and uh Andrew watched it in the car on

791
00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:23,080
Speaker 1: the way to Theo's podcast because I was feeling really

792
00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:24,319
Speaker 1: anxious and I was like, I just need to watch

793
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:26,719
Speaker 1: Taylor's Grammy performance, and it just soothed me so much

794
00:40:26,719 --> 00:40:28,919
Speaker 1: and like gave me that energy. What I was gonna

795
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:31,040
Speaker 1: say is, sometimes Ellen clips pop up of her and

796
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:33,400
Speaker 1: Ellen so many over the years, and Ellen's always pranking

797
00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:36,520
Speaker 1: her and or like asking her about boyfriends, and you

798
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:39,600
Speaker 1: can tell Taylor is like really uncomfortable, and like Ellen

799
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:44,000
Speaker 1: is like enjoying the awkwardness and like the dynamic yes,

800
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:47,920
Speaker 1: And it's just I don't I really get uncomfortable watching

801
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:50,760
Speaker 1: Ellen uh interviews sometimes ever since I saw the Dakota

802
00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:54,600
Speaker 1: the Dakota Johnson one. You know that one, right, Dakota says,

803
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:56,719
Speaker 1: I did invite you to my birthday, and she's like

804
00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:59,240
Speaker 1: like she kind of talks back to her. I wonder

805
00:40:59,280 --> 00:41:01,640
Speaker 1: what happened. I watched it. I don't like awkwardness like that.

806
00:41:01,719 --> 00:41:03,960
Speaker 1: That does not bring me joy. I want Ellen to

807
00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:05,759
Speaker 1: be great, and if I ever meet her, I will

808
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:12,600
Speaker 1: like kiss her ass after I'm done. Just kidding, go

809
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:16,600
Speaker 1: to the back. I'm just kidding. If she just gets

810
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:18,480
Speaker 1: in the stand up, she could be as horrible as

811
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:20,480
Speaker 1: she wants. Dude, I would love to see Ellen just

812
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:23,719
Speaker 1: go out there and be because Ellen is Ellen is

813
00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:26,239
Speaker 1: If you watch that one joke she does, which you

814
00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:28,359
Speaker 1: actually wrote the same joke, and I told you that's

815
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:31,320
Speaker 1: an Ellen joke, but she was watching there. There's a

816
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:33,680
Speaker 1: couple of jokes that I think that I love the

817
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:36,200
Speaker 1: most is but the one where she's talking about seeing

818
00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:38,160
Speaker 1: she was on a hike or something and she saw

819
00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:41,000
Speaker 1: a deer in a field or something like this beautiful deer.

820
00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:43,200
Speaker 1: She just walks you through this like I was just

821
00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:45,640
Speaker 1: thinking about the world, and then I shot that thing.

822
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:48,400
Speaker 1: Like at the end, she murders this deer, and it's

823
00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:51,360
Speaker 1: like that's Ellen, that she's telling you the truth in

824
00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:52,840
Speaker 1: her stand up. There's another thing where she goes to

825
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:54,600
Speaker 1: the grocery store. She's like, you ever behind behind someone

826
00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:57,400
Speaker 1: in line with the grocery store and they've got all

827
00:41:57,400 --> 00:41:59,239
Speaker 1: these like weird things in their car and you're going,

828
00:41:59,320 --> 00:42:01,440
Speaker 1: what one that person's life like like what are they

829
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:03,960
Speaker 1: gonna make? And then you you know, you follow out

830
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:05,000
Speaker 1: to the parking lot and you kind of go what

831
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:06,520
Speaker 1: kind of car did they drive? Like I wonder what

832
00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:08,960
Speaker 1: this person? And then you they just start following their

833
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:10,960
Speaker 1: car and you go, I wonder what what neighborhood they

834
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:12,640
Speaker 1: live in? And then you go, oh my god, where

835
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:14,759
Speaker 1: does that? I wonder? And then you're watching them dress

836
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:16,560
Speaker 1: later on when you're hiding in their closet and you go,

837
00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:19,320
Speaker 1: I wonder what you know? Night cream? She works? And

838
00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:22,320
Speaker 1: so she it just gets really fucking dark. So Ellen,

839
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,759
Speaker 1: much like every comedian is a really fucking dark person

840
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:28,279
Speaker 1: who's probably been through a lot of trauma and um

841
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:30,879
Speaker 1: now has a lot of power and money and it's

842
00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:34,680
Speaker 1: just turned into something else. But listen, I mean, she's

843
00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:37,240
Speaker 1: not the only one, and she's she's one of my favorites.

844
00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:38,759
Speaker 1: Every single time I go to the bathroom and the

845
00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:41,640
Speaker 1: toilet paper starts to shred. You know, you go to

846
00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:45,399
Speaker 1: a mall or something or a shitty like shitty toilet

847
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:47,120
Speaker 1: paper that is like one ply and it starts to

848
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:49,759
Speaker 1: like just turn into shreds and you get like one

849
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:52,600
Speaker 1: little piece that you're trying to make something of Ellen

850
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:54,360
Speaker 1: has a joke about that and I'll never forget it,

851
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:57,040
Speaker 1: and she goes, she goes, it turns into party streamers,

852
00:42:57,040 --> 00:42:58,960
Speaker 1: and she goes, this is no time to celebrate. And

853
00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:01,319
Speaker 1: I literally say, this is no time to celebrate. Every

854
00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:03,440
Speaker 1: time I'm trying to get the it's I'm strutting off,

855
00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:05,840
Speaker 1: I go, this is no time to celebrate, because you

856
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:07,960
Speaker 1: usually have like ship coming out of your ass to

857
00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:09,640
Speaker 1: wipe up. And it's so funny to say it's some

858
00:43:09,719 --> 00:43:14,080
Speaker 1: time to celebrate. Anyway, Let's get to our sports moment. Okay,

859
00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:21,000
Speaker 1: let's do it. Here's Andrew's weekly sports moment. We found

860
00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:23,959
Speaker 1: and thrilled again. I love that we recorded live each

861
00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:26,200
Speaker 1: time and here how do I think it sounds the

862
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:29,759
Speaker 1: same every time? It's crazy like Noah with intro Connor

863
00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:32,880
Speaker 1: McGregor at the top of the highest paid athletes according

864
00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:37,400
Speaker 1: to Forbes. Yeah, yeah, that doesn't surprise me. Yeah, but

865
00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:42,200
Speaker 1: he's a UFC fighter. I mean you have seen God

866
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:45,719
Speaker 1: a hundred and eighty million is that for earnings from

867
00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:50,560
Speaker 1: May one? Two? Two? First two? Okay, then we have

868
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:53,880
Speaker 1: can I just guess who all these people are? This

869
00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:55,439
Speaker 1: will be fine. So this is the top ten Connor

870
00:43:55,520 --> 00:44:00,000
Speaker 1: McGregor definitely, no ufc Irish, through a stool, through a window,

871
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:04,920
Speaker 1: want a bus, uh or something? And give me what

872
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:08,640
Speaker 1: I know about? What you know about Lionel Messi? Okay? Yeah,

873
00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:12,760
Speaker 1: did I say Lionel right? Leonel or something? Okay, Lionel

874
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:17,440
Speaker 1: Messi definitely soccer player, right, and what's his deal? Um?

875
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:22,520
Speaker 1: I think he's probably in uh, South America, like Colombia,

876
00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:25,759
Speaker 1: like like Honduras or something like that, from Argentina, Argentina, okay,

877
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:30,960
Speaker 1: messy and then um I uh and I oftentimes my

878
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:33,239
Speaker 1: mom will say, my room looks like him. Want to

879
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:37,279
Speaker 1: know something cool about Messi? What he has a messy room? No? No,

880
00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:42,560
Speaker 1: goddamn joke. What I said? My mom sometimes says my

881
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:47,359
Speaker 1: room was like, yeah, so I think that Dylan's joked too,

882
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:51,399
Speaker 1: and then she murders me. It's like very small. He's

883
00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:53,120
Speaker 1: like five eight, but he had a disease when he

884
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:55,600
Speaker 1: was a kid where he wasn't like growing or whatever,

885
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:59,880
Speaker 1: and he only was able to so soccer clubs like

886
00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:02,640
Speaker 1: when you're like twelve, you could become like a professional

887
00:45:02,719 --> 00:45:05,359
Speaker 1: or you getting like the developmental league. They gave him

888
00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:08,000
Speaker 1: like a hormones and like shots that he never would

889
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:10,960
Speaker 1: have gotten. He never would have like he was like

890
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:14,400
Speaker 1: so small and he never would have matured into that

891
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:16,600
Speaker 1: without the money from the club. I don't know. And now,

892
00:45:16,719 --> 00:45:19,319
Speaker 1: so they gave him the money to get the hormone shots. Yeah,

893
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:22,440
Speaker 1: so I don't know. I love the still. Yeah, he's

894
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:25,320
Speaker 1: like five eights, so it didn't work. He would have

895
00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:31,800
Speaker 1: been even smaller. God wow, Okay, Christian Ronaldo, Cristiano Christiano Ronaldo.

896
00:45:32,040 --> 00:45:35,080
Speaker 1: He is the guy that's workouts you were doing in

897
00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:39,239
Speaker 1: the Cayman Islands in soccer. He's so hot. He also

898
00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:42,600
Speaker 1: kind of got in some allegations of possible date rape, yeah,

899
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:45,640
Speaker 1: that we've all forgotten about for some reason. Dak Prescott

900
00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:50,520
Speaker 1: is married to Kristen from the Good Place. What's her name?

901
00:45:52,280 --> 00:45:54,440
Speaker 1: Hold on, let me guess. I'm guessing. He is a

902
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:58,480
Speaker 1: basketball player football quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. Okay, I

903
00:45:58,600 --> 00:46:02,239
Speaker 1: love his podcast The arm Chair Cowboy. And then, um,

904
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:06,480
Speaker 1: Lebron James. I'm gonna skip that one. No, Lebron James

905
00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:11,080
Speaker 1: was in train wreck. Uh naymar any y, I mean

906
00:46:11,280 --> 00:46:13,319
Speaker 1: name our? I mean, why does he have one name?

907
00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:14,879
Speaker 1: And why would I not know who this is? I'm

908
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:22,640
Speaker 1: gonna guess name our um u I uh, I'm gonna

909
00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:26,200
Speaker 1: guess racing or that's gonna then fighting fighting, kind of

910
00:46:26,239 --> 00:46:31,719
Speaker 1: fighting soccer name from Brazil. He's awesome, okay, okay, So

911
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:34,640
Speaker 1: he's clacking at number six million dollars A here. These

912
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:37,400
Speaker 1: are the top earners, by the way, Roger Feditor Federer

913
00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:43,600
Speaker 1: is number seven, and um he's Tennis um Lewis Hamilton's

914
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:49,919
Speaker 1: is a vegan uh race car driver and like what's

915
00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:54,000
Speaker 1: it called in Europe where they yes, yes, And he's

916
00:46:54,160 --> 00:46:56,600
Speaker 1: very very tiny and he's a vegan and he's very outspoken.

917
00:46:57,120 --> 00:47:01,840
Speaker 1: Dogs he lived in that building. Okay, No, we don't know, okay,

918
00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:03,880
Speaker 1: because I remember being like I'm so attracted to him

919
00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:05,680
Speaker 1: and someone was like, he might not be into you,

920
00:47:05,719 --> 00:47:07,319
Speaker 1: and I go, well, I'm a vegan and like maybe

921
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:09,120
Speaker 1: I have a chance and they're like, nicky, I just

922
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:11,800
Speaker 1: don't know that you understand what I'm saying, and I

923
00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:13,720
Speaker 1: was like, I don't. Well, it's crazy. He's an African

924
00:47:13,719 --> 00:47:15,759
Speaker 1: American that's a driver in F one. I mean it

925
00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:20,360
Speaker 1: rarely happens. Uh. Tom Brady very familiar with him. I

926
00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:22,600
Speaker 1: can't believe he's coming in at number nine. With seventy

927
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:24,479
Speaker 1: six million, that is not going to make him happy.

928
00:47:24,719 --> 00:47:29,360
Speaker 1: And then Kevin Durant is obviously basketball correct, yes, and

929
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:36,880
Speaker 1: Kevin Durant kisses Tom Brady's kids, right, Yeah. If you

930
00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:39,040
Speaker 1: haven't seen Tom Brady making out with his son in

931
00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:41,160
Speaker 1: that clip, you need to google it. And I know

932
00:47:41,239 --> 00:47:42,919
Speaker 1: you'll start out the clip and you'll go, that's not weird.

933
00:47:43,120 --> 00:47:45,160
Speaker 1: Wait until he calls his son back and makes him

934
00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:48,279
Speaker 1: kiss him again. That's the weird part. Um, my dad.

935
00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:50,279
Speaker 1: Maybe because I'm on the lips until I was twenty four,

936
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:52,800
Speaker 1: so not judging but also judging, and he would have

937
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:57,600
Speaker 1: made this list. Yeah, for top eight million dollars in

938
00:47:57,680 --> 00:48:01,439
Speaker 1: one year. You don't need to keep going. Well, that's

939
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:04,320
Speaker 1: that's what they say about him. Mo money. Like the

940
00:48:04,400 --> 00:48:06,839
Speaker 1: thing is, I will say that like the more money

941
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:09,440
Speaker 1: you get, the more people you employ, So maybe you

942
00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:11,759
Speaker 1: just it's just like there's no one needs as much.

943
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:13,680
Speaker 1: But he lost that fight you watched that fight with

944
00:48:13,719 --> 00:48:15,880
Speaker 1: doesn't for you. Everyone says you make too much money.

945
00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:19,040
Speaker 1: You freaking can't. You don't wake up and work hard

946
00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:21,160
Speaker 1: when you wake up on silk sheets, that's what they

947
00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:27,360
Speaker 1: say with come on one side. No, But that's what

948
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:29,719
Speaker 1: they say. They say if you if you make too

949
00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:31,640
Speaker 1: much money, you're gonna lose your drive and you're not

950
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:33,600
Speaker 1: gonna be able to be a fighter. Like fighters come

951
00:48:33,719 --> 00:48:37,520
Speaker 1: from you know, from like coal making, like a diamond

952
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:40,239
Speaker 1: or whatever. Diamond. Sometimes I worry that like if I,

953
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:42,600
Speaker 1: if I like fall in love and have all the

954
00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:44,360
Speaker 1: things that I want to feel really loved and this

955
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:47,480
Speaker 1: world feel liked like the way that you that I'll

956
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:49,640
Speaker 1: stop wanting to be famous and stuff. But that's not

957
00:48:49,680 --> 00:48:51,680
Speaker 1: true because my parents I still want to get them

958
00:48:51,719 --> 00:48:53,880
Speaker 1: into like make sure they have nice nursing homes and

959
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:56,719
Speaker 1: care when they get old. And I'm driven by that,

960
00:48:56,920 --> 00:48:59,880
Speaker 1: like I just want my family to be like Okay,

961
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:03,080
Speaker 1: so I think as long as they are not rich,

962
00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:06,279
Speaker 1: I will still be motivated somewhere. I always say, I

963
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:07,920
Speaker 1: have it on my vision board. One day I want

964
00:49:07,920 --> 00:49:11,640
Speaker 1: to drive a Bentley to my mom's nursing home. Yes,

965
00:49:12,719 --> 00:49:16,040
Speaker 1: roll up there and take her for a spin. No,

966
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:20,839
Speaker 1: ye can't that little fucking You're gonna have a little

967
00:49:21,480 --> 00:49:23,840
Speaker 1: I'll have a little huh, a little U haul for

968
00:49:23,960 --> 00:49:27,919
Speaker 1: her in the back. That's so cute. Okay, we gotta

969
00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:32,320
Speaker 1: got to listener mail It's time for our weekly listener

970
00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:37,160
Speaker 1: mail dump. Uh. These are the voicemail memos, the Instagram

971
00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:40,200
Speaker 1: d m s, the emails you sent to Nicki Glazer podcast,

972
00:49:40,200 --> 00:49:42,520
Speaker 1: the Nikki Laser Podcast at gmail dot com. No Uh,

973
00:49:43,200 --> 00:49:47,000
Speaker 1: let's play us a couple. Let's you want? We want

974
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:50,919
Speaker 1: to start with a voice momo from Catherine Hey, Nick,

975
00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:55,160
Speaker 1: and Andrew and Noah love the pod so much, it's

976
00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:58,440
Speaker 1: my new face. We just wanted to tell you a

977
00:49:58,600 --> 00:50:02,839
Speaker 1: story that I got reminded of going back to Andrew's

978
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:06,560
Speaker 1: story of stretching his ball skin over his girlfriend's hand

979
00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:10,200
Speaker 1: and Nikki you talking about how she likes to play

980
00:50:10,280 --> 00:50:14,040
Speaker 1: with penises sometimes. Um, one time I was in the

981
00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:19,480
Speaker 1: bath with my ex boyfriend and he was uncircumcised, uh,

982
00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:24,200
Speaker 1: and the tip of his penis. I don't know if

983
00:50:24,239 --> 00:50:27,160
Speaker 1: you guys know, Andrew obviously doesn't know, but the skin

984
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:30,360
Speaker 1: kind of comes together at the end, and I was

985
00:50:30,760 --> 00:50:34,520
Speaker 1: kind of squeezing the skin like the opening of a balloon,

986
00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:38,719
Speaker 1: and I blew into it gently. Not sure if it's

987
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:41,480
Speaker 1: bad or not, but it blew up like a blow.

988
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:48,920
Speaker 1: God's so fun fact you can blow uncircumcised penis is

989
00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:52,880
Speaker 1: up like a Oh my God, did she like anyway?

990
00:50:53,160 --> 00:50:56,520
Speaker 1: I just wanted to ask if, um, yeah, if Nick

991
00:50:56,520 --> 00:50:59,000
Speaker 1: he has ever done that, or if anyone else do that.

992
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:04,360
Speaker 1: It's pretty weird. I have never Thanks for letting me share, Catherine.

993
00:51:04,719 --> 00:51:06,959
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Katherine, why do you love her voice?

994
00:51:07,719 --> 00:51:09,800
Speaker 1: I mean it is darling, but I didn't know what

995
00:51:11,480 --> 00:51:13,040
Speaker 1: is it? Like? I just want to hear tell me

996
00:51:13,239 --> 00:51:18,440
Speaker 1: every like and like it was and she's definitely Canadian.

997
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:22,320
Speaker 1: I heard a boot for sure. Yeah. Um, she's so sweet, Catherine.

998
00:51:22,360 --> 00:51:24,600
Speaker 1: That's so funny and vulnerable. Thank you for sharing. Yes,

999
00:51:24,640 --> 00:51:26,200
Speaker 1: I know exactly what you mean. Like I've never been

1000
00:51:26,239 --> 00:51:30,040
Speaker 1: with an uncircumcised guy, but like pulling that skin up right,

1001
00:51:30,200 --> 00:51:33,279
Speaker 1: like the turtleneck up and then you kind of sinch

1002
00:51:33,400 --> 00:51:34,960
Speaker 1: it with your fingers and then you blow into it

1003
00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:37,480
Speaker 1: and you could create a big bubble around the head

1004
00:51:37,480 --> 00:51:40,040
Speaker 1: of his dick. What does that do for you? Like?

1005
00:51:40,280 --> 00:51:43,160
Speaker 1: Even hearing that this really, um, it makes me happy

1006
00:51:43,239 --> 00:51:45,319
Speaker 1: I'm Jewish and that they cut my skin off because

1007
00:51:45,360 --> 00:51:48,400
Speaker 1: I think it's so funny and no, I love that

1008
00:51:48,520 --> 00:51:51,960
Speaker 1: she was open with doing that, and and you know,

1009
00:51:52,239 --> 00:51:55,440
Speaker 1: now she's with a circumcised man. I'm probably because she

1010
00:51:55,600 --> 00:52:00,799
Speaker 1: hates balloons. But that that was the last draw, I think.

1011
00:52:01,800 --> 00:52:04,360
Speaker 1: I but that's how her voice got so high pitched,

1012
00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:07,360
Speaker 1: is that there was helium in that dick balloon that

1013
00:52:07,440 --> 00:52:10,560
Speaker 1: she blew. God, Helium's the best. I used to ask

1014
00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:12,680
Speaker 1: my mom on my birthdays, Like as a kid, I

1015
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:14,680
Speaker 1: was like, can we just run a helium tank and

1016
00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:17,319
Speaker 1: get funked up? Like helium was like a kid's way

1017
00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:19,520
Speaker 1: of getting fucked up. Have you ever done whipids? No?

1018
00:52:19,680 --> 00:52:21,120
Speaker 1: But I mean like, I just wanted our voices to

1019
00:52:21,200 --> 00:52:22,759
Speaker 1: sound high. I thought it was so fun to have

1020
00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:24,680
Speaker 1: a whole party where all you do is get your

1021
00:52:24,760 --> 00:52:27,440
Speaker 1: voice to go high. It's so fun to feel like

1022
00:52:27,640 --> 00:52:31,920
Speaker 1: to talk like this like it's it's wild, when no,

1023
00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:35,080
Speaker 1: it's I would have had fun all day. Let's get

1024
00:52:35,120 --> 00:52:40,200
Speaker 1: to Jack's voicemail. This is a mispronunciation. Let's hear it Jack. Okay.

1025
00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:42,480
Speaker 1: So I'm listening to Santa Monica and I got a

1026
00:52:42,520 --> 00:52:44,400
Speaker 1: call about this. I used to work in a big

1027
00:52:44,480 --> 00:52:48,040
Speaker 1: corporate law firm in New York and it was very

1028
00:52:48,120 --> 00:52:52,120
Speaker 1: early on. It was my first time um presenting to

1029
00:52:52,280 --> 00:52:56,520
Speaker 1: the lawyers. I'm super junior and feeling very fish out

1030
00:52:56,560 --> 00:53:01,520
Speaker 1: of water, and I had to present something legal, and

1031
00:53:01,680 --> 00:53:04,640
Speaker 1: then they gave me a note on a segue I

1032
00:53:04,760 --> 00:53:07,920
Speaker 1: had to read out loud to the entire group that

1033
00:53:08,040 --> 00:53:10,680
Speaker 1: we were moving on to the next event. And in

1034
00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:14,440
Speaker 1: that segue there was a word that I had only

1035
00:53:14,560 --> 00:53:17,919
Speaker 1: ever heard out loud, but it had never seen written down.

1036
00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:23,080
Speaker 1: So I told a room full of my bosses, big wigs,

1037
00:53:23,239 --> 00:53:26,360
Speaker 1: people that I was trying to impress. I said, everyone,

1038
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:31,000
Speaker 1: after this, we will proceed to the lunch eon. I

1039
00:53:31,080 --> 00:53:32,840
Speaker 1: heard this one. You told me about this one, and

1040
00:53:32,880 --> 00:53:36,040
Speaker 1: everyone just just stared at me. Yeah, I was pulled,

1041
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:39,560
Speaker 1: pulled aside later like you know that, you know that's luncheon.

1042
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:44,360
Speaker 1: Oh god, I didn't know the context of this luncheon.

1043
00:53:44,880 --> 00:53:47,360
Speaker 1: You had told me about luncheon because you listened to

1044
00:53:47,400 --> 00:53:49,480
Speaker 1: these voicemails all the time. So I had heard this

1045
00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:51,560
Speaker 1: like I had heard about luncheon. I thought I saw

1046
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:53,839
Speaker 1: that coming right there, but the context of it being

1047
00:53:53,880 --> 00:53:57,680
Speaker 1: in front of all your bosses and you say luncheon

1048
00:53:57,800 --> 00:53:59,920
Speaker 1: and everyone just kind of shifts in their seats, awkward.

1049
00:54:00,239 --> 00:54:02,880
Speaker 1: And you know that at that luncheon, everyone in the

1050
00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:06,440
Speaker 1: buffet lion is talking about how you said luncheon because

1051
00:54:06,520 --> 00:54:10,560
Speaker 1: luncheon lunch at that I didn't know this. Yeah, I

1052
00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:12,920
Speaker 1: don't know. I didn't. I thought luncheon would spelled I

1053
00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:15,040
Speaker 1: n at the end, I really did. But we're gonna

1054
00:54:15,040 --> 00:54:17,520
Speaker 1: go luncheon. Yeah, we're gonna go to luncheon. Um, I

1055
00:54:17,640 --> 00:54:19,719
Speaker 1: had no idea. No one goes We're not we're going

1056
00:54:19,800 --> 00:54:22,319
Speaker 1: to go to luncheon. We're gonna go to a it's

1057
00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:25,080
Speaker 1: a luncheon. When you were when you were in um

1058
00:54:25,280 --> 00:54:28,719
Speaker 1: like church or whatever or like you like, people were

1059
00:54:28,760 --> 00:54:31,400
Speaker 1: going around in circle and you knew your sentence was

1060
00:54:31,480 --> 00:54:33,960
Speaker 1: coming up. Yeah, would you read your sentence to see

1061
00:54:33,960 --> 00:54:36,560
Speaker 1: if there were words? And of course yeah, you'd prepare.

1062
00:54:36,640 --> 00:54:38,880
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, but that's the worst thing teachers can do.

1063
00:54:39,200 --> 00:54:42,279
Speaker 1: If you want a kid to hear no information all day,

1064
00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:45,120
Speaker 1: make them do the thing where they have to uh

1065
00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:48,600
Speaker 1: tell different. Yeah. All my family keeps calling me. There's

1066
00:54:48,640 --> 00:54:51,719
Speaker 1: either an emergency, or I'm hosting the MTV Awards tonight

1067
00:54:51,760 --> 00:54:53,680
Speaker 1: and they're wishing me good luck, or they're calling me

1068
00:54:53,760 --> 00:54:55,400
Speaker 1: about fallon. I don't know, but I'm getting a lot

1069
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:59,000
Speaker 1: of calls. Or there's or someone's dead. I guess we'll

1070
00:54:59,040 --> 00:55:01,480
Speaker 1: find out later. No, you know what I will say.

1071
00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:04,799
Speaker 1: Before I answered these calls in my world changes. Let's

1072
00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:06,560
Speaker 1: just live in a denial of what they could be

1073
00:55:06,680 --> 00:55:09,160
Speaker 1: calling me about for the time being. But when on

1074
00:55:10,440 --> 00:55:13,359
Speaker 1: one time what I was thinking about luncheon. Oh, there's

1075
00:55:13,400 --> 00:55:15,480
Speaker 1: a word that you mispronounced all the time, and I

1076
00:55:16,040 --> 00:55:18,880
Speaker 1: and I hear this prim mispronounced all the time. So

1077
00:55:19,239 --> 00:55:21,719
Speaker 1: let's say I was giving you guys both a um

1078
00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:25,239
Speaker 1: thing to fill out that has a bunch of like

1079
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:30,960
Speaker 1: questions on it to like, you know, uh no, a questionnaire.

1080
00:55:31,360 --> 00:55:35,360
Speaker 1: There we go, say it again. Questionnaire. It is not questionnaire.

1081
00:55:35,440 --> 00:55:38,759
Speaker 1: It's a questionnaire. Questionnaire. I want to be very like,

1082
00:55:39,040 --> 00:55:42,360
Speaker 1: everyone sucks this up. It is not a questionnaire like

1083
00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:46,840
Speaker 1: a buccaneer or a pioneer. It's a questionnaire. N A

1084
00:55:47,120 --> 00:55:50,400
Speaker 1: I R E like it's air with an E at

1085
00:55:50,440 --> 00:55:53,279
Speaker 1: the end. It is not questionnaire. A questionnaire might be

1086
00:55:53,320 --> 00:55:56,080
Speaker 1: a like a nickname you call someone who's asking a question,

1087
00:55:56,160 --> 00:55:58,600
Speaker 1: but E E R at the end means it's like

1088
00:55:58,680 --> 00:56:03,520
Speaker 1: someone who's doing something up documents questionnaire. So let's all

1089
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:05,480
Speaker 1: let's all fix that. But that's just one that I

1090
00:56:05,560 --> 00:56:08,359
Speaker 1: hear all the time. That's probably and question here does

1091
00:56:08,520 --> 00:56:11,960
Speaker 1: make kind of sense, And you're asking something you're using

1092
00:56:12,040 --> 00:56:16,399
Speaker 1: your ear. I do understand that, but that's stupid. Yeah,

1093
00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:23,880
Speaker 1: I should we do another um voicemail. This story is hilarious.

1094
00:56:24,239 --> 00:56:28,000
Speaker 1: Let's hear it. Uh, this is so embarrassing, but Andrew buddy. Okay,

1095
00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:31,240
Speaker 1: so this is from Adrian and this is regarding Andrew's pubes.

1096
00:56:31,760 --> 00:56:36,239
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, can I read it? Yeah? Of course this Wait,

1097
00:56:36,239 --> 00:56:38,359
Speaker 1: I'm trying to talk like that girl waits to get

1098
00:56:38,560 --> 00:56:41,120
Speaker 1: car talk. Oh my, my brother in law's calling me

1099
00:56:41,160 --> 00:56:43,600
Speaker 1: about a car that ran over my dad. Okay, so

1100
00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:46,640
Speaker 1: someone did die. I'm just kidding. He goes, we need

1101
00:56:46,680 --> 00:56:48,040
Speaker 1: to talk about the car. That would be somebody if

1102
00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:50,040
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh good, thank god, nothing happened. He's like,

1103
00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:54,719
Speaker 1: that ran over your father earlier today. Like, um, okay,

1104
00:56:54,760 --> 00:56:57,719
Speaker 1: So Adrian says, this is so embarrassing, But Andrew bud

1105
00:56:58,000 --> 00:57:00,440
Speaker 1: wishing you all the wells. I can relate. My best

1106
00:57:00,480 --> 00:57:02,960
Speaker 1: friend went through puberty first, and he always bragged about

1107
00:57:02,960 --> 00:57:05,359
Speaker 1: his pubes. I started saying it was no biggie because

1108
00:57:05,440 --> 00:57:08,320
Speaker 1: I had them too. One day, with his deepening voice,

1109
00:57:08,520 --> 00:57:11,520
Speaker 1: he called my bluff. Now He's like, show me your pubs.

1110
00:57:11,800 --> 00:57:14,719
Speaker 1: Well that's not in but I'm paraphrasing. Now I did

1111
00:57:14,840 --> 00:57:17,240
Speaker 1: have pubes, but they were like peach fuzz So in

1112
00:57:17,320 --> 00:57:19,000
Speaker 1: an effort to fool my friend, I went to the

1113
00:57:19,040 --> 00:57:23,800
Speaker 1: bathroom and applied his mom's mascara on my whispy blonde pubs,

1114
00:57:23,960 --> 00:57:26,760
Speaker 1: hoping it would fool my best friend. Swear to God,

1115
00:57:27,160 --> 00:57:29,720
Speaker 1: we need to know, Adrian, did it fool your friend?

1116
00:57:30,200 --> 00:57:32,040
Speaker 1: To your friend know? And by the way, Adrian, your

1117
00:57:32,200 --> 00:57:35,720
Speaker 1: goddamn genius to figure this out when you're around puberty

1118
00:57:35,800 --> 00:57:38,360
Speaker 1: and your boy that doesn't really understand makeup, but maybe

1119
00:57:38,400 --> 00:57:41,840
Speaker 1: you did to have that foresight, you are probably I

1120
00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:43,680
Speaker 1: want to know what Adrian does for living, because that's

1121
00:57:43,720 --> 00:57:47,880
Speaker 1: a smart kid. I mean, that's a fact. A woman's

1122
00:57:47,920 --> 00:57:50,480
Speaker 1: product to look more like a man is awesome. It's

1123
00:57:50,640 --> 00:57:54,400
Speaker 1: really smart engineering. I bet Adrian's smart. That is. I'm

1124
00:57:54,440 --> 00:57:55,760
Speaker 1: really impressed with that. I don't even know that I

1125
00:57:55,800 --> 00:57:59,000
Speaker 1: would think of that. He probably as someone who causes

1126
00:58:00,160 --> 00:58:01,920
Speaker 1: I don't know what, you know, what else are you

1127
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:05,920
Speaker 1: doing with makeup? He probably a makeup artist. He probably

1128
00:58:06,080 --> 00:58:10,480
Speaker 1: uses uh you know, it's probably like highlighter too. For Luke.

1129
00:58:11,280 --> 00:58:13,840
Speaker 1: This guy's a genius. Yeah, how do you not write

1130
00:58:13,920 --> 00:58:16,040
Speaker 1: like if he was fooled or not? I mean, you

1131
00:58:16,120 --> 00:58:19,520
Speaker 1: really left the cliffing. Yeah, he really did. But I

1132
00:58:20,280 --> 00:58:23,320
Speaker 1: get that so much trying to impress the first the

1133
00:58:23,480 --> 00:58:25,760
Speaker 1: kids that got the pubist man. My friend Laura has

1134
00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:27,600
Speaker 1: was the first one with pubs. We're all getting into

1135
00:58:27,600 --> 00:58:29,200
Speaker 1: the bath and we all were like, what the fund

1136
00:58:29,320 --> 00:58:30,760
Speaker 1: is that we weren't We didn't think it was cool.

1137
00:58:30,880 --> 00:58:34,240
Speaker 1: Girls are horrified by maturity or like puberty, and guys

1138
00:58:34,280 --> 00:58:37,439
Speaker 1: are like, thank god it's here. Yeah, oh my god,

1139
00:58:37,480 --> 00:58:39,800
Speaker 1: that's all we want in life. Because our nipples get hard,

1140
00:58:39,840 --> 00:58:43,440
Speaker 1: we start getting uh like calcified nipples. Well, that happens

1141
00:58:43,440 --> 00:58:46,480
Speaker 1: to us too. They call it budding. It was disgusting.

1142
00:58:47,080 --> 00:58:48,680
Speaker 1: My sister that we're talking about the motter day were

1143
00:58:48,720 --> 00:58:52,360
Speaker 1: like people girls with budding breasts. Person and I my

1144
00:58:52,400 --> 00:58:54,000
Speaker 1: best friend who's coming to visit it's gonna sleep on

1145
00:58:54,040 --> 00:58:57,160
Speaker 1: the com side of the bed tonight. Um she uh,

1146
00:58:57,560 --> 00:59:00,880
Speaker 1: she and I we were the funniest people, I think.

1147
00:59:01,120 --> 00:59:02,800
Speaker 1: I mean, I really do think we were the funniest

1148
00:59:02,840 --> 00:59:06,680
Speaker 1: kids ever. Because we coined a term in like six

1149
00:59:06,840 --> 00:59:09,800
Speaker 1: or seventh grade for girls that need to have bras

1150
00:59:09,920 --> 00:59:13,120
Speaker 1: but haven't gotten them yet, and like because a lot

1151
00:59:13,160 --> 00:59:15,520
Speaker 1: of girls like you're just like you're you're you're like

1152
00:59:15,680 --> 00:59:18,200
Speaker 1: little like budding nipple is stucking out. It's not even

1153
00:59:18,240 --> 00:59:21,080
Speaker 1: like a hot nipple. It's like a child's like puberty nipple.

1154
00:59:21,120 --> 00:59:23,040
Speaker 1: It's like so not good and not a good look.

1155
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:25,520
Speaker 1: And we used to call it. We used to be like,

1156
00:59:25,640 --> 00:59:28,440
Speaker 1: she's so in dire and it meant in dire need

1157
00:59:28,480 --> 00:59:30,400
Speaker 1: of a bra. But we would just say in dire,

1158
00:59:30,480 --> 00:59:32,120
Speaker 1: and no one knew what it was. So we would

1159
00:59:32,160 --> 00:59:33,960
Speaker 1: call girls and dire all the time and be like,

1160
00:59:34,000 --> 00:59:37,640
Speaker 1: I'm so in dire right now, So what do you

1161
00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:42,000
Speaker 1: mean in dire? Like it's just one word, like shortened it. Yeah,

1162
00:59:42,120 --> 00:59:44,800
Speaker 1: And it's so like if if we would write it

1163
00:59:44,880 --> 00:59:46,320
Speaker 1: in a note, it would be I N D I

1164
00:59:46,600 --> 00:59:49,040
Speaker 1: R E like in dire um. And so if you

1165
00:59:49,120 --> 00:59:50,680
Speaker 1: ever see a girl that needs to wear bra, they're

1166
00:59:50,720 --> 00:59:53,200
Speaker 1: in dire, you could spread that as as well as could.

1167
00:59:53,880 --> 00:59:56,720
Speaker 1: And we also I wish and was on the top

1168
00:59:56,800 --> 01:00:00,480
Speaker 1: ten list, and you'd be like soccer basketball like like yeah,

1169
01:00:01,680 --> 01:00:04,480
Speaker 1: like that could easily be a cool ass name. Oh yeah,

1170
01:00:04,560 --> 01:00:06,320
Speaker 1: like oh yeah, and Dyer is also the name of

1171
01:00:06,560 --> 01:00:12,640
Speaker 1: a soccer player from Peru. We gotta get some final thought.

1172
01:00:13,680 --> 01:00:18,720
Speaker 1: Let's talk about your nipples. Huh you on Jimmy Fallon? Okay,

1173
01:00:18,800 --> 01:00:22,680
Speaker 1: so I did Jimmy Fallon yesterday via Zoom. I want

1174
01:00:22,720 --> 01:00:26,000
Speaker 1: to know your takeaway from such a big moment and

1175
01:00:26,040 --> 01:00:28,520
Speaker 1: then having something embarrassing. I'm sure you might have already

1176
01:00:28,520 --> 01:00:31,600
Speaker 1: talked about it, already didn't talk about yet. So what

1177
01:00:31,720 --> 01:00:34,640
Speaker 1: are you? What's your takeaway? And yeah, so I was

1178
01:00:34,640 --> 01:00:36,400
Speaker 1: set up to do that, Like from your perspective, I

1179
01:00:36,440 --> 01:00:38,400
Speaker 1: guess you could set us up. What what what happened?

1180
01:00:38,560 --> 01:00:41,000
Speaker 1: So Nikki is doing Fallon? We you know we worked

1181
01:00:41,080 --> 01:00:45,200
Speaker 1: on described met her in a meal. She really was

1182
01:00:45,320 --> 01:00:47,600
Speaker 1: like wanting to to nail it. We wrote this whole

1183
01:00:47,720 --> 01:00:50,760
Speaker 1: chunk on Dave Matthews. You know, she she's a very

1184
01:00:50,800 --> 01:00:53,760
Speaker 1: good She's always prepared Nikki, even if it's like down

1185
01:00:53,800 --> 01:00:56,880
Speaker 1: to the wire, she's still always prepared. She's a machine

1186
01:00:57,400 --> 01:01:02,480
Speaker 1: and and she's dressed beautifully. The light is up, everyone's

1187
01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:06,320
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, Well, on Zoom, I usually wear just

1188
01:01:06,360 --> 01:01:07,760
Speaker 1: like a shirt when I do these shows. I don't

1189
01:01:07,760 --> 01:01:09,919
Speaker 1: get styled because I'm just like on Zoom, I don't

1190
01:01:09,920 --> 01:01:12,360
Speaker 1: need to wear a whole outfit. But right before Fallon,

1191
01:01:12,400 --> 01:01:14,280
Speaker 1: I had a fitting for the VM or the MTV

1192
01:01:14,400 --> 01:01:17,120
Speaker 1: Movie and TV Awards Unscripted. It's a very long title.

1193
01:01:17,320 --> 01:01:20,280
Speaker 1: Watching on Monday Night. Do not forget Monday Night, the seventeenth.

1194
01:01:20,320 --> 01:01:22,280
Speaker 1: I'm taping it tonight. Wish me luck. Send your swell

1195
01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:25,760
Speaker 1: from my way. Um, but I tried on a pink

1196
01:01:26,160 --> 01:01:29,080
Speaker 1: thing that didn't fit the right way in terms of length,

1197
01:01:29,120 --> 01:01:31,440
Speaker 1: but it looked amazing. The top half and my stylist

1198
01:01:31,480 --> 01:01:32,760
Speaker 1: were like, please wear this on fallon. I was like,

1199
01:01:32,800 --> 01:01:34,439
Speaker 1: oh my god, that's a great idea. You know. Usually

1200
01:01:34,440 --> 01:01:36,080
Speaker 1: I was just gonna wear like a Reformation top I

1201
01:01:36,160 --> 01:01:39,000
Speaker 1: have upstairs, and some like fucking bicycle shorts. But I'll

1202
01:01:39,040 --> 01:01:40,440
Speaker 1: wear this dress and I'll wear it with the boots.

1203
01:01:40,440 --> 01:01:42,160
Speaker 1: I'll have the whole outfit just so I feel good

1204
01:01:42,320 --> 01:01:45,680
Speaker 1: from head to toe. And this dress is very low cut.

1205
01:01:45,760 --> 01:01:48,120
Speaker 1: It's like a blazer. It looks like a dress slash blazer.

1206
01:01:48,160 --> 01:01:53,280
Speaker 1: It's a like a pink thing like a seventies rock star. Yeah,

1207
01:01:53,360 --> 01:01:56,200
Speaker 1: it looked awesome. It's sparkly pink blazer. You guys saw

1208
01:01:56,240 --> 01:01:58,880
Speaker 1: it on my Instagram, I think. And then I didn't

1209
01:01:58,920 --> 01:02:01,120
Speaker 1: wear a brawl with it because it was so low

1210
01:02:01,200 --> 01:02:03,280
Speaker 1: cut that it didn't need one. But it wasn't like

1211
01:02:03,320 --> 01:02:06,440
Speaker 1: I was showing creamage. I wasn't though, I mean, I mean,

1212
01:02:06,520 --> 01:02:09,080
Speaker 1: you're right, I wasn't dire. It ended up being in dire.

1213
01:02:09,200 --> 01:02:13,240
Speaker 1: Oh my god, we know what this episode is called.

1214
01:02:14,040 --> 01:02:16,680
Speaker 1: Um Oh my god. I was so in dire. That's

1215
01:02:16,800 --> 01:02:20,800
Speaker 1: crazy how that came back. So literally, my strap with

1216
01:02:20,880 --> 01:02:22,680
Speaker 1: brawl is laying on the ground because I thought maybe

1217
01:02:22,720 --> 01:02:24,000
Speaker 1: I'll need it, but then I was like, you know what,

1218
01:02:24,120 --> 01:02:25,960
Speaker 1: I don't need one because this looks like so sleek

1219
01:02:25,960 --> 01:02:27,520
Speaker 1: without it. It's not like I was pushing my boobs up.

1220
01:02:27,560 --> 01:02:29,360
Speaker 1: My My chest is like flat, like you could see

1221
01:02:29,400 --> 01:02:32,720
Speaker 1: my like my rib cage coming through, which as someone

1222
01:02:32,760 --> 01:02:34,840
Speaker 1: who really worries about their weight, when your rib cage

1223
01:02:34,960 --> 01:02:37,600
Speaker 1: pops through, it's like horizontal stripes and it makes you

1224
01:02:37,680 --> 01:02:40,520
Speaker 1: look so much fatter. That's my Like a joke I

1225
01:02:40,600 --> 01:02:43,360
Speaker 1: wrote one time was like antaractic girls, like, don't get

1226
01:02:43,400 --> 01:02:45,520
Speaker 1: too skinny because then your ribbed cage is like horizontal

1227
01:02:45,560 --> 01:02:49,360
Speaker 1: stripes and like makes you look fat. I'm getting my

1228
01:02:49,520 --> 01:02:52,640
Speaker 1: rib cage twisted to the side, so it's like elongating.

1229
01:02:53,720 --> 01:02:58,880
Speaker 1: Um So anyway, I'm I'm. I watched Chapelle. They I

1230
01:02:59,040 --> 01:03:00,720
Speaker 1: was the second guest after all, which they there was

1231
01:03:00,760 --> 01:03:02,400
Speaker 1: a big deal for them to be like is it

1232
01:03:02,480 --> 01:03:04,640
Speaker 1: okay if you're the second guest. I'm like, I don't care.

1233
01:03:04,840 --> 01:03:07,320
Speaker 1: I'm really I don't have an ego about that, especially

1234
01:03:07,360 --> 01:03:10,200
Speaker 1: when someone like Chappelle. If it was like, I don't know,

1235
01:03:10,800 --> 01:03:14,000
Speaker 1: who's the like the guy that does I'm just trying

1236
01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:15,840
Speaker 1: to think of if it was a that, you know,

1237
01:03:15,920 --> 01:03:20,120
Speaker 1: that nerdy chef who does like kitchen experiments, Oh, I

1238
01:03:20,160 --> 01:03:22,000
Speaker 1: would nieldrogristies and I would take a back seat. I

1239
01:03:22,000 --> 01:03:23,440
Speaker 1: would take a second chair to him. But let's say

1240
01:03:23,440 --> 01:03:27,360
Speaker 1: if it was like I don't know, uh, what's funny

1241
01:03:27,520 --> 01:03:31,320
Speaker 1: because Chapelle just got done, you know it was a

1242
01:03:31,400 --> 01:03:33,520
Speaker 1: guy theory, I'd be like, I deserve a second seat.

1243
01:03:33,680 --> 01:03:37,320
Speaker 1: Like I don't care it was Chappelle. Chappelle goes first. Usually,

1244
01:03:37,440 --> 01:03:39,600
Speaker 1: like the first guest has two segments. Chappelle had three.

1245
01:03:39,840 --> 01:03:42,200
Speaker 1: Not not a problem though, But it went really long too,

1246
01:03:42,240 --> 01:03:44,400
Speaker 1: because Jimmy and him were just telling stories and like

1247
01:03:44,800 --> 01:03:47,600
Speaker 1: they're dancing. It was really really and I think they

1248
01:03:47,680 --> 01:03:49,400
Speaker 1: cut No, I didn't. I didn't want it yet. Did

1249
01:03:49,440 --> 01:03:51,160
Speaker 1: they cut the part where I make fun of a

1250
01:03:51,240 --> 01:03:54,280
Speaker 1: podcast that Jimmy and Chappelle should have I don't remember

1251
01:03:54,360 --> 01:03:57,280
Speaker 1: hearing that. Okay, that was probably my funniest moment. And

1252
01:03:57,320 --> 01:03:59,320
Speaker 1: they had to cut it because his segment went long,

1253
01:04:00,000 --> 01:04:02,400
Speaker 1: and so they but at the end of Chapelle's segment,

1254
01:04:02,560 --> 01:04:05,120
Speaker 1: him and Jimmy they just kept going on and they

1255
01:04:05,200 --> 01:04:07,880
Speaker 1: kept telling stories about different parties. They were like, remember

1256
01:04:07,920 --> 01:04:09,760
Speaker 1: that party where Prince got you to come up on

1257
01:04:09,840 --> 01:04:11,919
Speaker 1: stage and he's like, wait, was that the one after

1258
01:04:11,960 --> 01:04:14,960
Speaker 1: the super Bowl or after like jay Z's like birthday,

1259
01:04:15,080 --> 01:04:17,320
Speaker 1: Like they couldn't figure out what parties all these things

1260
01:04:17,360 --> 01:04:19,920
Speaker 1: and so and they kept going in like and so

1261
01:04:20,080 --> 01:04:22,000
Speaker 1: I went. My segment came up. I go, I'm so

1262
01:04:22,080 --> 01:04:24,240
Speaker 1: excited for Chapelle's new podcast, and I really want you

1263
01:04:24,280 --> 01:04:26,680
Speaker 1: guys to collab on a podcast called Famous People, trying

1264
01:04:26,720 --> 01:04:28,800
Speaker 1: to remember what famous people they hung out at, what

1265
01:04:28,920 --> 01:04:31,840
Speaker 1: famous person's birthday party? And I was like, I was

1266
01:04:31,840 --> 01:04:36,280
Speaker 1: sitting here listening to that. I go, sitting here listening

1267
01:04:36,360 --> 01:04:38,760
Speaker 1: to the I was like, I loved I loved you

1268
01:04:38,840 --> 01:04:40,960
Speaker 1: guys just talking. I go, I'm sitting here with my

1269
01:04:41,080 --> 01:04:44,040
Speaker 1: whole team, and I go, I keep updating, and I go.

1270
01:04:44,240 --> 01:04:47,240
Speaker 1: Paul McCartney just walked into the party now now jay

1271
01:04:47,360 --> 01:04:49,840
Speaker 1: Z and Beyonce they walked in, so it was really

1272
01:04:49,920 --> 01:04:52,040
Speaker 1: a funny and and and I was so hoping they

1273
01:04:52,080 --> 01:04:53,919
Speaker 1: would include that because it was just a really fun

1274
01:04:54,240 --> 01:04:56,080
Speaker 1: moment with Jimmy. Really loved it, but they had to

1275
01:04:56,120 --> 01:04:57,880
Speaker 1: cut it because they had to cut those stories anyway.

1276
01:04:58,960 --> 01:05:02,160
Speaker 1: But before all that, Jimmy is bringing so I'm waiting

1277
01:05:02,520 --> 01:05:06,320
Speaker 1: sitting there in the chair and Jimmy. I thought it

1278
01:05:06,360 --> 01:05:08,600
Speaker 1: was hilarious. It would be funny because usually when I

1279
01:05:08,640 --> 01:05:10,400
Speaker 1: walk out on Jimmy found he goes Nikki Lazer and

1280
01:05:10,400 --> 01:05:11,960
Speaker 1: I walk out and I'm like kind of like hi,

1281
01:05:12,360 --> 01:05:14,160
Speaker 1: and I'm like do a thing where I'm like I

1282
01:05:14,200 --> 01:05:15,800
Speaker 1: always when I walk out of a curtain need to

1283
01:05:15,840 --> 01:05:18,320
Speaker 1: be like hello, Like it's just so weird to walk

1284
01:05:18,360 --> 01:05:19,720
Speaker 1: out of a curtain that I like to like play

1285
01:05:19,760 --> 01:05:22,720
Speaker 1: it up, you know. And I opened my arm. I

1286
01:05:22,800 --> 01:05:24,960
Speaker 1: swing open my arm like like I'm walking out because

1287
01:05:24,960 --> 01:05:27,000
Speaker 1: it's so stupid. I'm on Zoom. I'm gonna pretend I'm

1288
01:05:27,040 --> 01:05:29,480
Speaker 1: act actually, because he goes Niki Lazzer, I go hi everyone,

1289
01:05:29,480 --> 01:05:31,320
Speaker 1: and I hear you know, quest Love on the drums,

1290
01:05:31,840 --> 01:05:34,200
Speaker 1: and I swing open my arm and there's just one

1291
01:05:34,320 --> 01:05:38,200
Speaker 1: button and it unsnaps and my tip comes flying out

1292
01:05:38,480 --> 01:05:40,720
Speaker 1: of my dress. I haven't even I said hi, and

1293
01:05:40,800 --> 01:05:43,040
Speaker 1: then I go, oh my god, Oh my god, and

1294
01:05:43,160 --> 01:05:45,960
Speaker 1: Jimmy is like orror doesn't even know what has happened.

1295
01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:47,600
Speaker 1: I don't think, and I was like, oh my god,

1296
01:05:47,640 --> 01:05:49,240
Speaker 1: my dress and zipped and I'm holding it. I mean,

1297
01:05:49,280 --> 01:05:50,920
Speaker 1: you guys can watch it. I haven't watched it yet,

1298
01:05:50,920 --> 01:05:52,320
Speaker 1: so I don't know what they did with the footage,

1299
01:05:52,520 --> 01:05:56,840
Speaker 1: but it to be on the tonight show and they

1300
01:05:57,640 --> 01:05:59,360
Speaker 1: so to be on and I go, and I had

1301
01:05:59,360 --> 01:06:01,440
Speaker 1: to say immediately, you can keep this. Just let's keep going,

1302
01:06:01,520 --> 01:06:03,600
Speaker 1: because I knew that they probably were thinking, she wants

1303
01:06:03,640 --> 01:06:04,920
Speaker 1: to stop down, and I go, you know, this is

1304
01:06:05,000 --> 01:06:07,920
Speaker 1: to me, and like I didn't mean to do it, obviously.

1305
01:06:08,040 --> 01:06:09,960
Speaker 1: I love when stuff like that happens for me. I

1306
01:06:10,080 --> 01:06:12,600
Speaker 1: was more embarrassed that you guys thought I had like

1307
01:06:13,000 --> 01:06:14,800
Speaker 1: like that, you guys thought I was so stupid, like

1308
01:06:14,880 --> 01:06:16,360
Speaker 1: in front of my friend. I was weren't by embarrass

1309
01:06:16,360 --> 01:06:18,560
Speaker 1: in front of my friends than I was Fallon and

1310
01:06:18,640 --> 01:06:21,440
Speaker 1: his staff or whatever. I was embarrassed because Jimmy Fallon

1311
01:06:21,440 --> 01:06:23,640
Speaker 1: show is like very clean and like this is just

1312
01:06:23,720 --> 01:06:25,200
Speaker 1: like I'm Dancing with the Stars when they told me

1313
01:06:25,240 --> 01:06:27,440
Speaker 1: to be clean, and then Tom bergeron asked me to

1314
01:06:27,520 --> 01:06:30,480
Speaker 1: stand up, ever help you with dancing, and I said, well, Tom,

1315
01:06:30,520 --> 01:06:32,800
Speaker 1: I've had some really rough sets, and he thought I

1316
01:06:32,840 --> 01:06:35,320
Speaker 1: said sex, and then everyone goes oh, And I'm like,

1317
01:06:35,680 --> 01:06:38,920
Speaker 1: I was trying to be squeaky clean because ABC made

1318
01:06:38,960 --> 01:06:41,160
Speaker 1: me feel like such a horror coming in, like don't

1319
01:06:41,520 --> 01:06:44,960
Speaker 1: you ruin our network with your trash pussy jokes, and

1320
01:06:45,040 --> 01:06:47,680
Speaker 1: so I'm being tiptoeing and then everyone hears me say

1321
01:06:47,720 --> 01:06:49,960
Speaker 1: sex even though I said sets. So when Jimmy fallon,

1322
01:06:50,000 --> 01:06:51,880
Speaker 1: I am trying to be so tonight show. I like

1323
01:06:52,040 --> 01:06:53,960
Speaker 1: respect that show so much. I never want to make

1324
01:06:54,120 --> 01:06:56,960
Speaker 1: Jimmy uncomfortable sexually with any kind of like innuendo where

1325
01:06:57,000 --> 01:06:59,600
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to like push any boundaries on that show. Ever,

1326
01:06:59,680 --> 01:07:02,520
Speaker 1: I'm very appreciative even on and it come in and

1327
01:07:02,600 --> 01:07:04,720
Speaker 1: I throw a tit out right away, and I'm it's

1328
01:07:04,760 --> 01:07:07,040
Speaker 1: like the most ironic place to do that, That's what

1329
01:07:07,120 --> 01:07:09,800
Speaker 1: I'm saying. But how you handled it, it's it reminds

1330
01:07:09,840 --> 01:07:13,320
Speaker 1: me of this guy who said lunch luncheon instead of luncheon.

1331
01:07:13,720 --> 01:07:15,880
Speaker 1: There's two ways you can handle a situation like that,

1332
01:07:16,320 --> 01:07:18,600
Speaker 1: you could either go my kids out, Oh my god, Jimmy,

1333
01:07:18,600 --> 01:07:20,840
Speaker 1: I need like five minutes. This is so embarrassing. I

1334
01:07:20,960 --> 01:07:23,440
Speaker 1: can't believe I did this. I apologize, I'm trying, and

1335
01:07:23,560 --> 01:07:25,680
Speaker 1: then you like walk away and then can we do

1336
01:07:25,840 --> 01:07:28,680
Speaker 1: this over so I get a better headset. I can't. Please,

1337
01:07:28,680 --> 01:07:31,200
Speaker 1: don't show this to anybody. I will never or you

1338
01:07:31,280 --> 01:07:33,720
Speaker 1: do and you attack and you and you face it

1339
01:07:33,800 --> 01:07:35,360
Speaker 1: and then you put it on Instagram and then you

1340
01:07:35,480 --> 01:07:39,120
Speaker 1: use this negative So when you say luncheon, just go dude,

1341
01:07:39,880 --> 01:07:42,400
Speaker 1: I said, luncheon. Have you ever read this out loud?

1342
01:07:42,800 --> 01:07:45,560
Speaker 1: Like make up, like live it and like experience it.

1343
01:07:46,040 --> 01:07:48,360
Speaker 1: As we see a lot of people say luncheon. A

1344
01:07:48,400 --> 01:07:51,680
Speaker 1: lot of people like my fault that it came. It

1345
01:07:51,840 --> 01:07:53,320
Speaker 1: was like you should be wearing a bronze like well

1346
01:07:53,480 --> 01:07:55,800
Speaker 1: Braun would have been showing underneath the jacket I was wearing.

1347
01:07:55,800 --> 01:07:59,000
Speaker 1: So I couldn't for that look and I would never

1348
01:07:59,160 --> 01:08:01,520
Speaker 1: mean to do that. So that's that's, you know, I

1349
01:08:01,560 --> 01:08:03,200
Speaker 1: talked about it on the show a lot, But that's

1350
01:08:03,200 --> 01:08:06,600
Speaker 1: how I am able to traverse embarrassing moments in my

1351
01:08:06,680 --> 01:08:09,160
Speaker 1: life or times where I'm wrong or funk up is like,

1352
01:08:09,680 --> 01:08:12,200
Speaker 1: I didn't mean to do that, So what am I

1353
01:08:12,440 --> 01:08:15,520
Speaker 1: I'm not I might be embarrassed that it happened. I

1354
01:08:15,520 --> 01:08:18,080
Speaker 1: embarrassed for other people that like have to like deal

1355
01:08:18,160 --> 01:08:19,360
Speaker 1: with the fact that I showed my tit and like

1356
01:08:19,400 --> 01:08:21,840
Speaker 1: feel sorry for me or something. But I myself am

1357
01:08:21,920 --> 01:08:24,720
Speaker 1: very comfortable with that because that's essentially what I do

1358
01:08:24,840 --> 01:08:27,439
Speaker 1: on stage anyway. Like I've always admired strippers because they

1359
01:08:27,560 --> 01:08:30,519
Speaker 1: like put themselves out there and they like are vulnerable

1360
01:08:30,520 --> 01:08:32,880
Speaker 1: in that way, and it's like, Okay, something embarrassing just happened.

1361
01:08:33,000 --> 01:08:36,200
Speaker 1: Let's keep going with it, and like, because that's just

1362
01:08:36,320 --> 01:08:41,640
Speaker 1: me of experience and being okay with people. With the

1363
01:08:41,760 --> 01:08:44,120
Speaker 1: luncheon guy is that was probably the first time he

1364
01:08:44,240 --> 01:08:46,760
Speaker 1: was like speaking in front of a big room, and

1365
01:08:46,880 --> 01:08:49,640
Speaker 1: they don't you just don't know. You only learned that

1366
01:08:50,080 --> 01:08:54,080
Speaker 1: embarrassing moments can actually be the best moments by embarrassing yourself,

1367
01:08:54,600 --> 01:08:56,920
Speaker 1: which is you know, I was grateful it happened in

1368
01:08:56,960 --> 01:08:58,920
Speaker 1: the end because it was just such a fun story.

1369
01:08:59,080 --> 01:09:02,040
Speaker 1: But I would have never planned something like that. I don't,

1370
01:09:02,280 --> 01:09:04,360
Speaker 1: you know, And tonight I'm taking a lot of chances.

1371
01:09:04,560 --> 01:09:07,280
Speaker 1: I was thinking about like all the yesterday during rehearsals,

1372
01:09:07,320 --> 01:09:09,200
Speaker 1: I like came up with a lot of weird things

1373
01:09:09,280 --> 01:09:12,120
Speaker 1: to do at the MTV Movie and TV Awards unscripted

1374
01:09:12,360 --> 01:09:13,960
Speaker 1: that I'm like, is this even gonna be funny? It

1375
01:09:14,080 --> 01:09:17,439
Speaker 1: might like really flop. I don't care, because I know

1376
01:09:17,520 --> 01:09:19,760
Speaker 1: I'm funny, and like, all my intent is is to

1377
01:09:19,840 --> 01:09:23,080
Speaker 1: be as funny as possible. So if something flops, it's

1378
01:09:23,080 --> 01:09:25,640
Speaker 1: not because I didn't try, or it's not because I

1379
01:09:25,800 --> 01:09:28,240
Speaker 1: was trying to be unfunny or trying to be embarrassed

1380
01:09:28,240 --> 01:09:31,720
Speaker 1: embarrassing myself. It's because I'm I'm trying to do my best, so, like,

1381
01:09:31,920 --> 01:09:34,040
Speaker 1: I don't have anything to feel shamed of if something

1382
01:09:34,160 --> 01:09:37,200
Speaker 1: isn't funny. And here's the thing, if it doesn't destroy

1383
01:09:37,280 --> 01:09:39,880
Speaker 1: in the room, it can destroy with you know. And

1384
01:09:41,439 --> 01:09:43,840
Speaker 1: that's the beauty of taping a show that's not live

1385
01:09:44,160 --> 01:09:46,200
Speaker 1: is literally people don't know this, but if you come

1386
01:09:46,240 --> 01:09:48,840
Speaker 1: to any like special taping of Mind and I flip

1387
01:09:48,880 --> 01:09:52,360
Speaker 1: sunk up a line, I will not just like I

1388
01:09:52,439 --> 01:09:54,439
Speaker 1: will not just let it go and go, well that's

1389
01:09:54,479 --> 01:09:55,920
Speaker 1: the way it went. I'll go hold on, you guys,

1390
01:09:55,960 --> 01:09:57,559
Speaker 1: can you laugh the same way again? Because I'm gonna

1391
01:09:57,560 --> 01:10:01,200
Speaker 1: do that line again. Because it's taping and you don't people, Now,

1392
01:10:01,280 --> 01:10:03,960
Speaker 1: what about leaving that in? Like leaving in that you

1393
01:10:04,040 --> 01:10:05,760
Speaker 1: go back. I mean, if it's funny that the funk

1394
01:10:05,840 --> 01:10:08,360
Speaker 1: up is funnier than the joke itself, then I'll leave it.

1395
01:10:08,520 --> 01:10:09,960
Speaker 1: But if it's a funk up that I'm like, oh,

1396
01:10:10,000 --> 01:10:12,040
Speaker 1: I just stumbled over that word, I'll just do it again.

1397
01:10:12,160 --> 01:10:15,599
Speaker 1: Because everything is everything you see is edited. Talk about

1398
01:10:15,640 --> 01:10:17,559
Speaker 1: reality we're talking about reality TV. You know a lot

1399
01:10:17,680 --> 01:10:19,720
Speaker 1: for these MTV Movie and TV Awards unscripted where we

1400
01:10:19,760 --> 01:10:22,679
Speaker 1: celebrate all things reality on Monday night, Monday seven teenth

1401
01:10:23,120 --> 01:10:26,280
Speaker 1: at uh I think you know, tchechular, localist things, but

1402
01:10:26,320 --> 01:10:28,400
Speaker 1: it will be on Monday. It's gonna be so funny.

1403
01:10:28,439 --> 01:10:30,840
Speaker 1: But we talked about live TV or reality TV, and

1404
01:10:31,000 --> 01:10:33,920
Speaker 1: as someone who is very close to that world and

1405
01:10:34,160 --> 01:10:35,800
Speaker 1: and just has been in t V, you guys, do

1406
01:10:35,960 --> 01:10:39,280
Speaker 1: not trust any people you hate on reality TV. Don't

1407
01:10:39,400 --> 01:10:41,599
Speaker 1: trust that you know they're the worst person because you've

1408
01:10:41,640 --> 01:10:44,120
Speaker 1: seen what they do, like the way footage is manipulated.

1409
01:10:44,240 --> 01:10:47,439
Speaker 1: I've felt sure of myself that someone is a monster

1410
01:10:47,680 --> 01:10:49,960
Speaker 1: and I did not know anything, or I felt sure

1411
01:10:50,000 --> 01:10:51,880
Speaker 1: of myself that someone's a good person and I didn't

1412
01:10:51,880 --> 01:10:55,080
Speaker 1: know anything. The thing is, these reality shows will make

1413
01:10:55,200 --> 01:10:57,920
Speaker 1: someone who's a monster look good because that person is

1414
01:10:57,920 --> 01:11:00,280
Speaker 1: good TV and make some more money and they want

1415
01:11:00,280 --> 01:11:01,800
Speaker 1: to keep them around. And they'll make someone who looks

1416
01:11:01,880 --> 01:11:04,880
Speaker 1: bad a monster obviously because they need to villainize someone.

1417
01:11:04,960 --> 01:11:07,240
Speaker 1: So don't trust anything. Watch all these shows with a

1418
01:11:07,400 --> 01:11:10,400
Speaker 1: little bit of like, but you really don't know these people,

1419
01:11:10,439 --> 01:11:12,280
Speaker 1: because we're friends with some reality people that are being

1420
01:11:12,360 --> 01:11:15,639
Speaker 1: villainized this season um hashtag Hannah Burner on Summer House.

1421
01:11:16,080 --> 01:11:19,600
Speaker 1: And although she may look back at footage and be

1422
01:11:19,640 --> 01:11:21,639
Speaker 1: like I should have said that, she is nowhere near

1423
01:11:21,960 --> 01:11:24,360
Speaker 1: like how much people are angry at her that don't

1424
01:11:24,400 --> 01:11:26,680
Speaker 1: even know her. People I'm close to who watched the

1425
01:11:26,720 --> 01:11:28,640
Speaker 1: show and her like your friend Hannah's blah blah, and

1426
01:11:28,680 --> 01:11:30,920
Speaker 1: I go, you don't fucking know Hannah, shut the funk up.

1427
01:11:30,960 --> 01:11:32,200
Speaker 1: And then I watched and I was like, oh, man,

1428
01:11:32,280 --> 01:11:35,639
Speaker 1: Hannah actually needs and I'm just kidding. Hannah's Hannah's. Hannah

1429
01:11:35,680 --> 01:11:37,519
Speaker 1: is being portrayed really badly on Summer House. And we

1430
01:11:37,560 --> 01:11:39,240
Speaker 1: will talk about that at some point because the people

1431
01:11:39,240 --> 01:11:41,000
Speaker 1: have asked us to address the Hannah thing, and I

1432
01:11:41,080 --> 01:11:43,080
Speaker 1: haven't finished the season so I don't really know, and

1433
01:11:43,400 --> 01:11:45,479
Speaker 1: I think she was justified in murdering Lindsay at the

1434
01:11:45,520 --> 01:11:50,360
Speaker 1: end of the season. Look, Linda, yeah, we gotta go.

1435
01:11:51,000 --> 01:11:55,519
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to the podcast. We gotta go. Uh,

1436
01:11:55,960 --> 01:11:57,920
Speaker 1: thank you so much for listening to a whole week

1437
01:11:57,920 --> 01:11:59,680
Speaker 1: of shows here in l A. We'll be here next

1438
01:11:59,720 --> 01:12:01,960
Speaker 1: week as well, and I can't wait to see you Monday.

1439
01:12:01,960 --> 01:12:03,880
Speaker 1: I'll miss you all weekend. Please tune into the MTB

1440
01:12:03,920 --> 01:12:07,080
Speaker 1: TV and Movie Awards Unscripted on Monday. Check out my tour.

1441
01:12:07,160 --> 01:12:09,160
Speaker 1: I'm going on tour Nikki Laser dot Com slash tour.

1442
01:12:09,240 --> 01:12:11,200
Speaker 1: Andrew will be there. Two tickets are available now. I

1443
01:12:11,320 --> 01:12:13,280
Speaker 1: can't wait to see you guys, And seriously, thank you

1444
01:12:13,320 --> 01:12:16,040
Speaker 1: for your voice memos and listening and being busties and

1445
01:12:16,040 --> 01:12:17,840
Speaker 1: posting about the show on Instagram and getting your friends

1446
01:12:17,840 --> 01:12:20,120
Speaker 1: into it. It means so much to me and I love, love,

1447
01:12:20,280 --> 01:12:22,280
Speaker 1: love you guys so much. Thank you for your support

1448
01:12:22,320 --> 01:12:23,960
Speaker 1: and your kindness and