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Speaker 1: Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thanks for

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Speaker 1: joining us today. We are so excited to be back.

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Speaker 1: How are you doing today, Susan.

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Speaker 2: I am here. I am happy still. I mean, I'm

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Speaker 2: getting a little crazy with the holiday sneaking up claws.

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Speaker 1: Are you organized? I gotta say for me, I'm really organized.

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Speaker 1: I've got most of my Christmas shopping done done. Yes.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because you bought your son floors for his house.

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Speaker 2: I mean that's a note brainer. You don't have to

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Speaker 2: wrap it, you didn't have to go look for it.

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Speaker 1: They look mighty nice, my dad, I bet you. I

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Speaker 1: ain't know. Let me just say to you, when you

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Speaker 1: have older children like we all do, it's easy because

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Speaker 1: you know what they love that five letter word money,

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Speaker 1: money or four letter word cash, they love it. But

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Speaker 1: I always try to get something. I can't say my

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Speaker 1: surprises because you, God forbid my kids listening to this.

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Speaker 1: I've got a couple of good surprises for my kids' grandkids.

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Speaker 1: I don't know about you, but I asked my children.

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Speaker 2: They send me lists. The older grandkids.

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Speaker 1: Maybe this, No, this I meant for the younger ones.

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Speaker 2: Oh, they're so cute. That's my problem. I can't stop

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Speaker 2: buying for the little ones. Oh yeah, I got piles

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Speaker 2: like this.

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Speaker 1: Oh they don't ask. So my kids tell me what

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Speaker 1: their kids want and what they need, what they need,

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Speaker 1: what they want, And that's what I do.

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Speaker 2: He's too small, you're two and a half year old's

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Speaker 2: not going to know. Do you remember looking through like

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Speaker 2: the Seers or the Toys r US pamphlets and they

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Speaker 2: would circle what they wanted.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I know. My seven year old though, she's definitely

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Speaker 1: old enough, and I asked her the other day. I said, Lenny,

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Speaker 1: what do you want for Christmas? And actually I loved

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Speaker 1: her answer. She goes, I don't know, Kiki, I don't

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Speaker 1: eat anything. And I just thought, oh my god, you're

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Speaker 1: going to get the world from me. I mean, I

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Speaker 1: loved that that answer. She's just for me. It's time spent.

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Speaker 1: I'm taking Linley with my daughter in law to see

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Speaker 1: the Nutcracker this year that my grandmother used to take me,

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Speaker 1: and we're going to go out for dinner afterwards. You know,

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Speaker 1: she might fall asleep watching it, but that I much

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Speaker 1: prefer to give my grandkids, and frankly my children too,

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Speaker 1: memories experiences, because that's what they're going to remember. That's

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Speaker 1: what's going to change how they grow, how they think.

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Speaker 1: And so I prefer to do.

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Speaker 2: That traditions, if you will, it's something that you do special.

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Speaker 2: We go looking at Christmas lights every year. It's like

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Speaker 2: a whole night out with the hot chocolate. A little

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Speaker 2: bit you freeze your hands off.

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Speaker 1: But not in Texas. Honey, you're wearing shorts and a

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Speaker 1: T shirt. Can I just say what, just for laughs

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Speaker 1: and giggles? What's the temperature where you are today?

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Speaker 2: The HIGs chilli today, it's probably in the fifties.

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Speaker 1: Okay. The high it's going to be in the fifties. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: are high? Today's going to be eighty five?

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Speaker 2: Okay, it is I remember living in Texas.

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Speaker 1: I know it's crazy. All right. We are going to

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Speaker 1: dive intoy. We got a we're doing a whole nother

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Speaker 1: kind of topic today.

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Speaker 2: Yes, and we're so excited to talk to all of you.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so today today we're going to start off talking

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Speaker 1: about all things finances or finances depending on how you pan.

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Speaker 1: Oh boy, I mean, I don't even know what to

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Speaker 1: say because everyone says that what breaks up marriage is money.

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Speaker 1: Most difficult topic is money and children.

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Speaker 2: Money, can't buy happiness.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, all those things. You know, you got to get

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Speaker 1: on the same page. So what does go ahead?

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Speaker 2: I was going to say, what does talking about finances

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Speaker 2: look like in a relationship? And we'll questions should you

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Speaker 2: be asking at all stages of relationships or marriage?

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Speaker 1: So again, it's very different. When I got married, I

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Speaker 1: couldn't wait to open a joint checking account and saving

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Speaker 1: the account. No, seriously, I paid all the bills. We combined.

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Speaker 1: You know, he had ten cents and I had a nickel,

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Speaker 1: and we combined that when we got married. Today's young couples,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I know my kids do it differently.

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Speaker 1: Some of them have their own accounts, some of them

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Speaker 1: joined for you know, join their accounts. What's right, it's

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Speaker 1: what works for the couple. I think when you're younger again,

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Speaker 1: you're saving four homes, you're saving for vacations, you're saving

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Speaker 1: for kids college education. So all of those conversations have

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Speaker 1: to be had at our age. It's a whole different conversation.

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Speaker 1: It's a question.

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Speaker 2: Would you be asking, well, how do you want to

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Speaker 2: do the money right? Do you want to make us

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Speaker 2: a private account a joint account? Yet we each have

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Speaker 2: our own and we both put in X amount of

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Speaker 2: dollars into that account to pay the bills, the mortgage.

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Speaker 1: So that's kind of like what I like, what I do.

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Speaker 1: What I would like is the man to say, Kathy,

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Speaker 1: you keep all your money to get your children. We

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Speaker 1: don't need it. I'll take care of you. I dream

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Speaker 1: about that, but in reality, I think I like your idea,

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Speaker 1: which is combining money for utilities, for trips, for everything.

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Speaker 2: Let's talk about Golden's only, since that's who we are

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Speaker 2: and we're getting into a relationship. Now are questions.

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Speaker 1: Okay, what's your first question?

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Speaker 2: I'm asking you because you're the finance girl here. You

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Speaker 2: did it way smarter than I did. I wish I

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Speaker 2: paid more attention.

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Speaker 1: Wait, let me just say I had a husband who

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Speaker 1: had an Harvard MBA. That helps. Okay, I learned from

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Speaker 1: I learned from a master. But let me say the

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Speaker 1: first question again. If I'm in a relationship, not dating,

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Speaker 1: but if I'm in a relationship with someone and we're

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Speaker 1: talking about a future.

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Speaker 2: You moving in together or perhaps getting married.

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Speaker 1: Or monogamous relationship where we spend five days and we together,

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Speaker 1: whatever it is, and I don't care if you maintain

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Speaker 1: our own homes. I'm saying, if I am in that

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Speaker 1: series of a committed relationship, I am. The first question

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Speaker 1: I'm going to ask is how are we going to

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Speaker 1: manage our finances going forward? Are we going to live

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Speaker 1: separate but equal lives? Are you going? You know? Those

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Speaker 1: are the questions I want the That is the question

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Speaker 1: I want the answer to, because I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: contribute to his home. If you will, if it's not

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Speaker 1: my home, does that make sense.

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Speaker 2: If you're living in it, even not if he owns it.

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 2: No, I mean at this stage of the game, you

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Speaker 2: would think that the home is paid off.

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Speaker 1: I know many people have mortgage. Mortgage is not because

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Speaker 1: they need to, but because it's a financial decision for

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Speaker 1: tax purposes or whatever. My point is. And you know

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Speaker 1: this story too. I dated a guy, believe it or not,

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Speaker 1: it's the same guy with the dog who this was

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Speaker 1: doomed from the beginning, but very nice, generous guy. And

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Speaker 1: then I was We had talked about me moving in,

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Speaker 1: and we talked about what I would pay for and

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Speaker 1: what he would pay for, and he said, I want

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Speaker 1: to do some revisions at some remodeling to the house,

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Speaker 1: like make the closet, bigger, change the flooring, just and

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Speaker 1: I said, you know, I'll pay for that because I'm

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Speaker 1: going to be enjoying it and you own the home.

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Speaker 1: And he said that seemed fair. And about a month later,

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Speaker 1: we're talking about are we ever going to move in?

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Speaker 1: You know, what are we going to do? Kind of thing?

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Speaker 1: And he said, well, you know, I think you should

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Speaker 1: pay the real estate taxes on the house because you're

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Speaker 1: living here for free. Yeah. The face you just made

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Speaker 1: was face I made. I said, I don't own this home.

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Speaker 1: You're getting the appreciation of the improvements I'm making on

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Speaker 1: the home, and and I don't own a home anymore really,

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Speaker 1: And then if we're going down this road, the absolute

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Speaker 1: last dagger to the heart was when he said, oh,

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Speaker 1: by the way, if something happens to me to him,

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Speaker 1: you need to move right away because the house will

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Speaker 1: be going immediately to my daughter. It's like, we are

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Speaker 1: so done.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, wait, let me pay the taxes, the hympty untilities,

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Speaker 2: and then if you drop dead, I'm done.

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Speaker 1: I'm buttonless. But even though you and are cutting up

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Speaker 1: about this, these are that's important questions that people I

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Speaker 1: think sometimes at our age jump in too quickly because

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Speaker 1: they say the kids are gone, you know, think about

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Speaker 1: we're retired, we can just move in together. Well, guess what,

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Speaker 1: when you move in with someone at any age, you

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Speaker 1: have to have the conversations about who's going to pay

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Speaker 1: for what, how are you going to divide the utilities,

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Speaker 1: all those things.

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Speaker 2: When I had lived with a gentleman for just one year,

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Speaker 2: and I had said that on the way in, what

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Speaker 2: do you expect of me? I mean, how can we

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Speaker 2: do this? It's his home? And he said, no, I

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Speaker 2: don't want a penny from you. You could buy food,

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Speaker 2: you could do things. So I ended up buying a stove,

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Speaker 2: I bought a refrigerator. I did the food shopping, and

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Speaker 2: I started to add it in my head, thinking it

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Speaker 2: might be cheaper for me to go and get a

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Speaker 2: new condo. That was before I decided to come back

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Speaker 2: to the house that I owned, but I had somebody

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Speaker 2: living in it at the time. But Susie, it's very important.

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Speaker 2: When he said that, I thought, oh good, I could

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Speaker 2: save some money. And I did, I mean, but you know,

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Speaker 2: refrigerators almost three grand like right, okay, how mach rent?

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Speaker 2: Is that a couple month and a half? But you know,

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Speaker 2: what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: No, I know exactly what you're saying. And that's why

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Speaker 1: you know it's people say conversations about money are ugly.

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Speaker 1: That may well be comfortable, it may be uncomfortable, it

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Speaker 1: may be ugly, but they are conversations that have to

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Speaker 1: be had if you're going to have a good, healthy

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Speaker 1: relationship at any age.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, unless he's you know, Rockefeller and doesn't care, then

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Speaker 2: you don't think, okay, no problem.

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Speaker 1: Well that's back to the guy that I was hoping

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Speaker 1: would say.

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Speaker 2: All right, here's one for you. What does the jump

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Speaker 2: to a second career look like, and what does it

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Speaker 2: take to stick the landing? If you will? What happens

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Speaker 2: if let's see, I'm past that too, Like this is

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Speaker 2: a second career actually maybe my third. I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I've done a lot.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think for you and me, and we've talked

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Speaker 1: about this. When you and I went on the Golden Bachelor,

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Speaker 1: we went on to find love. You and I didn't

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Speaker 1: know what was anything else. We didn't know what a

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Speaker 1: brand deal was. We went on to find love. You

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Speaker 1: and I found each other and some other great girlfriends.

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Speaker 1: We did not find romantic love. Having said that I

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Speaker 1: would say. The answer to this question is luck. You

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Speaker 1: and I have been very lucky, and I am so

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Speaker 1: grateful that you and I have this podcast and we

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Speaker 1: get to talk to people, and we get to go

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Speaker 1: to events and meet people and see hear them talk

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Speaker 1: about us changing their lives and how happy they make

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Speaker 1: people all of that. But I think what it takes

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Speaker 1: to the land bouse.

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Speaker 2: Or your boyfriend or your living whoever you want to be.

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Speaker 2: He was changing careers.

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Speaker 1: It's it's again, it's a conversation. Here's here's the bigger

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Speaker 1: question for me. I do and I've said this out loud,

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Speaker 1: I do not want to date a man who is

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Speaker 1: working full time, not now, not in my golden years.

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Speaker 1: So many people have second careers. You and I do

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Speaker 1: right now. But that's that's not the issue. It's how

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Speaker 1: do you stick it? How do you stay with it?

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Speaker 1: It takes a lot of planning, a lot of thought

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Speaker 1: it If you're with a partner, it takes a lot

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Speaker 1: of consideration and to their.

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Speaker 2: Needs, ask with our sees, communicate, talk about it. And

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Speaker 2: it's not always going to work out exactly like you

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Speaker 2: thought or the how you talked about it, but at

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Speaker 2: least the conversation happens.

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Speaker 1: But I think that more and more people, you know, seventies,

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Speaker 1: the new fifty, all of that people are not retiring

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Speaker 1: at sixty, sixty, two, sixty five. They're working in careers

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Speaker 1: or starting new careers, which I think is great. If

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Speaker 1: that's great, But for me, if if the guy is

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Speaker 1: going to put the career ahead of our relationship, that's

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Speaker 1: not going to work for me. It's not Now. I

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Speaker 1: want a man who can give me the time and

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Speaker 1: attention that I want, and I want to be able

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Speaker 1: to give him the time and attention. So if he

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Speaker 1: rather be.

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Speaker 2: At the stage, so that's what you want, that's what

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Speaker 2: it's about.

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Speaker 1: Right, Well, I agree. But I'm saying if if someone

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Speaker 1: that you and I are in a relationship with, if

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Speaker 1: they tell you I'm starting a new restaurant or I'm

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Speaker 1: starting to do whatever it is, what picks up up a.

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Speaker 2: Big one, for instance, a restaurant, they're never home either.

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Speaker 2: You got to go in with him and be a

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Speaker 2: part of that because you don't have a private life anymore.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but here's the thing. A lot of and I've

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Speaker 1: known people my age who start in a relationship with

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Speaker 1: someone who's retired and then the person changes their mind.

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Speaker 1: One or the other changes their mind, and that is

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Speaker 1: a complete lifestyle change. So you have to be really

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Speaker 1: aware of what it is you want. And again I'm

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Speaker 1: sounding like a beating a dead horse here, but at

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Speaker 1: our age, we have lived enough life that we know

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Speaker 1: some of the pitfalls in a second or third then

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Speaker 1: end of life relationship.

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Speaker 2: Willing to deal with this, you know, because you know

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Speaker 2: what could happen, like, oh, gus, do I even want

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Speaker 2: to go there? And once again having that conversation and

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Speaker 2: being honest with your partner saying I don't know if

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Speaker 2: I could do.

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Speaker 1: It, so let me ask you. I was asked this

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Speaker 1: on another podcast. I was on would you support your

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Speaker 1: partner financially.

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Speaker 2: If I financially had enough for both of us plus

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Speaker 2: my children, yes, depending on what he was doing too,

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Speaker 2: if he was like to stay at home dads I

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Speaker 2: know people.

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Speaker 1: There no no no at our age, not stay at

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Speaker 1: up dad at our age.

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Speaker 2: To take from my kids to a certain degree, I

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Speaker 2: wouldn't just car somebody now.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. See I I when I was asked, it was

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Speaker 1: an emphatic no. And the they asked me why, and

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Speaker 1: I said, because I worked very hard raising my family.

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Speaker 1: My husband worked very hard outside of the home earning

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Speaker 1: those that money, and my money is going to my children,

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Speaker 1: and if he has doesn't have the money or it

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Speaker 1: typically means we're not going to have similar lifestyles. So

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Speaker 1: for me, you know, that's probably not going to work.

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Speaker 1: But I think it's Do you think it's important at

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Speaker 1: this age to date someone that's in your same ballpark? Yes?

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Speaker 2: And such something I never even bothered to notice. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: you know, because I wasn't going on an interview when

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Speaker 2: I started dating somebody. What do you have for retirement?

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Speaker 1: You know? But when do you ask that question?

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Speaker 2: You start learning that as you go into the first

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Speaker 2: year and you start learning things, and then you oh god,

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Speaker 2: you know, and I would have a conversation about it

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Speaker 2: that it might not end well, yeah, that conversation because

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Speaker 2: they might feel a certain way. I don't know. But

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Speaker 2: you how do your finances change after you get married?

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Speaker 1: Well, again, it depends whether you're at the top of

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Speaker 1: the hour. We talked about that. If you're going to

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Speaker 1: combine your total wealth, which I never will do, I'm

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Speaker 1: not sure young couples do that much anymore. I think

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Speaker 1: when we were younger, we did but I think that.

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Speaker 2: To me, it was exciting when you got married young

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Speaker 2: and we put both our money together, we had so

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Speaker 2: much more.

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Speaker 1: Well we didn't, but I mean I put my husband listen.

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Speaker 1: I worked a full time job thirty five hours a

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Speaker 1: week and went to school university because I finished college

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Speaker 1: after I was married. I took fifteen hours and worked

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Speaker 1: a thirty five hour a week job. And while my

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Speaker 1: husband was in grad school, literally I went to work.

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Speaker 1: I worked three and a half days a week, got

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Speaker 1: the thirty five hours in and planned my course sload

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Speaker 1: around that. And so I would come home, we would

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Speaker 1: eat dinner, we would both go in the other room

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Speaker 1: that had two desks, and we would sit and study

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Speaker 1: for four hours, go to bed, get up, and do

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Speaker 1: it all over again. Smart. So I have to say,

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Speaker 1: I don't have a lot of.

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Speaker 2: Paid your dues. You paid your dues.

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Speaker 1: Well when I was a lot younger, but now I

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Speaker 1: don't know. Does that make me sound hard, Susan, because

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Speaker 1: I don't want to date someone and let me finish

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Speaker 1: before you answer, I don't want to date someone who

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Speaker 1: is not in my financial realm in the similar situation,

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Speaker 1: because I think for me that bleeds over into other

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Speaker 1: areas of our life, our values. I don't know, do

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Speaker 1: you agree with that or not.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if it's just the values, but I

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Speaker 2: understand because if you have more, would they expect you

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Speaker 2: to carry things or something like this, or being used

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Speaker 2: for your money or you know, it could be any.

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Speaker 1: Of these things, and that happens.

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Speaker 2: But I think it's difficult to meet somebody and decide

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Speaker 2: whether or not he does have it or not, is

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Speaker 2: he prepared for retirement or not the conversation, but then

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Speaker 2: you're not going to have a conversation until you're past

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Speaker 2: the fifth day and you have slept together, and.

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Speaker 1: Well another reason to not sleep with them until you know,

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Speaker 1: a month of Sundays time.

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Speaker 2: But I find it hard because I always let my

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Speaker 2: heart lead.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to break that.

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Speaker 2: I might maybe in my next life, Capy, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: God Now, in the next life, I would to see

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Speaker 1: you coming, I'm going to turn around and go the

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Speaker 1: other way.

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Speaker 2: But you know, when you do have the conversation, and

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Speaker 2: then you feel like you're getting ugly, like when money

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Speaker 2: comes into it. And I've experienced this and mentioned some

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Speaker 2: things like your work ethics aren't up to par for me, like,

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Speaker 2: shouldn't you be hustling right now, Susan?

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Speaker 1: But wait for everyone who's listening. Susan's idea of hustling

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Speaker 1: is like Susan's idea of a house being clean, you

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Speaker 1: can eat off the floors. Her idea of hustling is

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Speaker 1: working five jobs and getting two hours of sleep.

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Speaker 2: So, because that's who I am.

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Speaker 1: I not understand, but that that's exactly My point is

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Speaker 1: that your expectation that someone else have same work out

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Speaker 1: what I think it is.

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Speaker 2: What if I want something, I'm going to work even

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Speaker 2: harder because I want to get it. I spoil myself,

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Speaker 2: So I'm going to work for it now. I don't

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Speaker 2: expect anybody else to buy it for me. Whereas people

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Speaker 2: that don't work as hard and don't have as much

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Speaker 2: of an income and their lifestyle is different than MI

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Speaker 2: in there, you know, and that works for them. But

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Speaker 2: when two of you meet, that becomes a little bit

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Speaker 2: I don't want to call it an issue or a problem,

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Speaker 2: but it's a concern.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, you know this guy that I who shall

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Speaker 1: go nameless. We call him East Coast Guy. He was

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Speaker 1: a very wealthy man, and you remember me telling you

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Speaker 1: that was a bit of a concern for me because.

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Speaker 2: Well, you said you didn't need any of his money.

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Speaker 1: Well not only that, men that are really wealthy wheel power,

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Speaker 1: I think sometimes with their money. And I didn't want

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Speaker 1: to be caught under that, you know. I didn't want

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Speaker 1: to feel like he would spoil me with anything and

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Speaker 1: give me but.

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Speaker 2: With you do what he wants, like right, yeah.

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Speaker 1: And I want to at this age, I want a partnership.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to walk ahead of someone. I don't

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Speaker 1: want to walk behind someone. I want to walk with them.

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Speaker 1: And I make jokes, but when I say, you know,

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Speaker 1: when if we go to Europe on a trip, I

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Speaker 1: want us both to be able to fly business class.

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Speaker 1: You know, I'll pay for my tickets defensive, I know, but.

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Speaker 2: I just looked into it for Bella and I and

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Speaker 2: I go, I couldn't do one. But I can't leave

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Speaker 2: her in the back of the plane.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well you could. Actually she's thirteen.

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Speaker 2: I would never do that. Would you do that taking

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Speaker 2: your granddaughter for pass over? Okay? I was going to say,

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Speaker 2: now we're going to talk you and.

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Speaker 1: I No, I would not. I would. I would rob

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Speaker 1: the bank and fly as both business classes. But I'm

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Speaker 1: just saying I think that, uh, to sum this topic up,

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Speaker 1: I think finances or finances are very look very different

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Speaker 1: when you're young and when you're golden. But you know what,

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Speaker 1: the issues around finances are huge. Whether it is our

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00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 1: age or a thirty something, that the issue is real

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Speaker 1: and you better figure out how you're going to manage

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Speaker 1: your finances because it is a real problem that can

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Speaker 1: develop in a marriage or a relationship.

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Speaker 2: I know my son and daughter in law came into

403
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Speaker 2: some money for a legal matter, and I don't want

404
00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:12,680
Speaker 2: to overstep, but I became actually annoying to my son, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: because I keep telling them, I hope, Christopher, you put

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Speaker 2: some money away to invest. You are fortunate that this happened.

407
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Speaker 2: They're living grand. They redid their house and there I

408
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:30,120
Speaker 2: see thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars and they're

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Speaker 2: so happy. And I get it, but make sure because

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Speaker 2: when it's gone, it's gone.

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Speaker 1: So are they saving some have you gone that?

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Speaker 2: You know? Mom, don't worry about it. I got something

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Speaker 2: put away, but when I heard the amount compared to

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Speaker 2: what they have, I was not thrilled and I had

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Speaker 2: a step back.

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Speaker 1: It's his life, it's his life, and her life, you know,

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Speaker 1: speaking of our children's lives. We've done some talk about parenting,

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Speaker 1: but let's you just you touching on the question. It's

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Speaker 1: a great segue. Okay, how do your responsibilities obligations to

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Speaker 1: your child change or children as they get older? Exactly

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Speaker 1: what you just said. When your son, if he'd gotten

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Speaker 1: that money was younger. Hey, sonny boy, you know he

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Speaker 1: attends going to the church. It's going to go in

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Speaker 1: the bank. You can have ten cents to spend.

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Speaker 2: I'll give you a thousand dollars to go buy yourself

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Speaker 2: something of the rest of history.

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Speaker 1: Exactly. So, so it does totally change as our children.

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Speaker 2: Uhtally and our obligations and we don't have as many obligations. However,

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Speaker 2: when they're both working hard and this has happened too,

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, Mom, I just can't take it anymore.

431
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Speaker 2: I can't cut the break. My refrigerator just went, or

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Speaker 2: my washer and dryer. I'm in the position where, no,

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Speaker 2: don't worry about it.

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Speaker 1: So you and I have both done that. We've both

435
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:56,080
Speaker 1: helped our kids. But not all parents can not all.

436
00:23:56,119 --> 00:23:59,760
Speaker 1: But but that's not an obligation to help our children.

437
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:03,560
Speaker 1: I think that is the difference. We have the resources

438
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,080
Speaker 1: that we can help our children, but we are not

439
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:09,440
Speaker 1: responsible for them. We are not obligated to help them.

440
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:13,919
Speaker 1: My one of my sons. You don't you think we

441
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:14,560
Speaker 1: are obliging.

442
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:18,399
Speaker 2: I don't think I'm responsible, but I feel obligated to

443
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:22,159
Speaker 2: help my children because I can and if they have

444
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:26,399
Speaker 2: something happen. Not Although I have lent money to my

445
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:27,440
Speaker 2: kids and said you.

446
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:32,040
Speaker 1: Have to pay it back, have they Yes, they used to, Yeah,

447
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:36,840
Speaker 1: but yes they have. I have not lent my children money.

448
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:41,320
Speaker 1: I think that as I look back on my own life,

449
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:45,159
Speaker 1: I think sometimes we are handicapping our children when we

450
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:48,959
Speaker 1: do too much for them. We are our children, you know.

451
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:52,359
Speaker 1: In my case, I have a child who could work

452
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:57,480
Speaker 1: more hours during the day to earn more money. And

453
00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,720
Speaker 1: the other day we had this phone conversation and I

454
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:01,720
Speaker 1: can't It was one of those I can't cut a

455
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,879
Speaker 1: break deals, can't catch can't catch a break, you know,

456
00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:08,240
Speaker 1: tires went out on the car and then came downstairs

457
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:10,080
Speaker 1: and there was a hole in the windshield on the

458
00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:12,919
Speaker 1: car and had you know, a five hundred dollars deductible

459
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:16,439
Speaker 1: and and what I heard out of the mouth of

460
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 1: this child was of my child. I can't believe all

461
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:23,959
Speaker 1: the bad things that are happening to me. And I said, no, Actually,

462
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:30,399
Speaker 1: this is called life. Everyone has. It's called saving for

463
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:34,920
Speaker 1: a rainy day. It's called that. This is what happens

464
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:38,199
Speaker 1: on the way to retirement. Life happens, and you have

465
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,520
Speaker 1: to save for those rainy days. You have to save

466
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:43,399
Speaker 1: for the tires that go out, the air condition of

467
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,879
Speaker 1: that blows. I mean so many different things.

468
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:49,880
Speaker 2: Do you ever get the text in all caps F

469
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 2: M L. Yes that I didn't. I know what it meant.

470
00:25:56,560 --> 00:26:00,000
Speaker 2: And when I finally realized, well, my daughter frequents that message,

471
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,359
Speaker 2: like what happened? Now? What again?

472
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:06,720
Speaker 1: You know? Everyone has to do for their children. And

473
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:10,080
Speaker 1: in retrospect, you know, anyone who's interested in Kathy's opinion,

474
00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:14,439
Speaker 1: I think it's very difficult. It was for me to

475
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:19,360
Speaker 1: sit back and watch my children suffer by not being

476
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:22,000
Speaker 1: able to make ends meet and having to find another

477
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,600
Speaker 1: way or do without to make ends meet.

478
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:26,919
Speaker 2: And again I lost you.

479
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:32,400
Speaker 1: I'm saying that as a parent, yes, do as I say,

480
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:36,840
Speaker 1: not as I did. I sat back and helped my

481
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 1: children more than perhaps I should have. Letting your children

482
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:47,320
Speaker 1: suffer a little bit. The consequences of their actions. Letting

483
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:50,000
Speaker 1: them figure a way out of the corner that they've

484
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:54,640
Speaker 1: backed their way into is a great learning and mature

485
00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:58,680
Speaker 1: maturing event for them. And I don't want to rob

486
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:03,960
Speaker 1: my kids of that because that's what makes them strong, intelligent,

487
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:08,480
Speaker 1: successful adults. You know, it's not susan our successes that

488
00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:12,080
Speaker 1: define us. It is our failures failure that define us

489
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,360
Speaker 1: and make a stronger, better humans.

490
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:23,879
Speaker 2: If you could give your old self advice about parenting

491
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:29,440
Speaker 2: teenagers specifically, what would you say? I would have done

492
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:30,640
Speaker 2: it totally different.

493
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:35,960
Speaker 1: I know, I got to say, I you and I were.

494
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 2: Different with raising kids. You were much more strict and

495
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:42,200
Speaker 2: telling me the story about your son and you said,

496
00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:43,920
Speaker 2: well leave you're out.

497
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:48,560
Speaker 1: Yeah I had, uh, But that's that leads into the

498
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:51,280
Speaker 1: point I just made my son. One of my sons,

499
00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:54,520
Speaker 1: uh was you know? He had he had to learn

500
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:57,360
Speaker 1: by the school of hard knocks. And when push came

501
00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:00,080
Speaker 1: to shove, I said, this is my home and if

502
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,399
Speaker 1: you don't like it, you can leave, and he did.

503
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,360
Speaker 1: He was intult by the way. He was twenty one

504
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:08,840
Speaker 1: back from college and I said, if you don't like it,

505
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:12,879
Speaker 1: you can leave, and he did, and he today is

506
00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 1: a responsible, absolute unbelievable husband, father, and human being. But

507
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:22,040
Speaker 1: I think it is because he had to suffer the

508
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:26,480
Speaker 1: consequences of his behavior. And I think I don't understand.

509
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:30,160
Speaker 1: I had three kids. I have three children. They all

510
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:33,520
Speaker 1: had summer jobs. They all had chores, run the house.

511
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:37,399
Speaker 1: I was, I plead guilty. I was a very strict parent.

512
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:41,960
Speaker 1: They did their homework, we had study time, they didn't

513
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:44,960
Speaker 1: watch TV during the week. They were only allowed to

514
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:50,280
Speaker 1: gain Yeah, well, but they had to earn their spending

515
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 1: money for college. We were lucky enough to be able

516
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:56,400
Speaker 1: to afford their tuition. But I said, you have to

517
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 1: earn all your own spending money, which they did. And

518
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:02,160
Speaker 1: yet not all my kids are the same. You know,

519
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:05,680
Speaker 1: occasionally I'll get this you know woe is Me conversation,

520
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:06,240
Speaker 1: and I'm like.

521
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 2: I'm so hard on those mom My kids were hard

522
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 2: on them, and I totally was not. I was the

523
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:14,560
Speaker 2: cool mom My boys and Dickie and I would have

524
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:18,760
Speaker 2: arguments they couldn't get summer jobs because they played baseball

525
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:21,000
Speaker 2: and they were athletes.

526
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 1: So did they have jobs around the house to work? Oh?

527
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, they had things they had to do here, yes.

528
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 1: But they never had to earn any money. No, No,

529
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:31,960
Speaker 1: that base baseball.

530
00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:37,680
Speaker 2: They could have been major League Baseball players. They did

531
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 2: something stupid and took a walk on the wild side,

532
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:46,080
Speaker 2: and that cost heartache as well as finance like you

533
00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:48,640
Speaker 2: could not believe, and they got in trouble. And I

534
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:51,400
Speaker 2: could go on for days over this. It was sad

535
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 2: and heartbreaking, but we just prayed at the end of

536
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:57,680
Speaker 2: it they'd come out healthy. But they are. Again, if

537
00:29:57,760 --> 00:29:59,520
Speaker 2: I were to say, well, I'm not going to pay

538
00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:02,280
Speaker 2: for a law we have to pay the bill for

539
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 2: the lawyer like you, that's a call for a parent

540
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:07,920
Speaker 2: to say, no, you're on your own.

541
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:09,800
Speaker 1: No, no, no, I wasn't talking about that. I was

542
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:12,719
Speaker 1: talking about things like, you know, I'm sorry that you

543
00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 1: missed your car payment because you were out parting with

544
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:17,680
Speaker 1: your friends. So you know, I'm going to make the

545
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:19,080
Speaker 1: car payment. You're not going to see the car for

546
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:21,600
Speaker 1: a month. I mean that kind of stuff exactly. Okay,

547
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:24,000
Speaker 1: so we go from raising kids. We just got to

548
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,400
Speaker 1: go back real quickly before we end this segment too.

549
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:31,360
Speaker 1: Do you remember giving birth to your children and coming

550
00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:33,080
Speaker 1: home with a new baby.

551
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:36,200
Speaker 2: I mean, you come with a book of rules and

552
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:39,440
Speaker 2: book of my How do I do now?

553
00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 1: I have to tell you my neighbor next door. Her

554
00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:46,920
Speaker 1: mother was a foster mother, so she had, you know,

555
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,480
Speaker 1: slung sixty literally sixty five babies. So when I had

556
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:53,000
Speaker 1: my first born and I came home and I thought,

557
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:56,240
Speaker 1: what the hell do I do with this thing? I

558
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:58,120
Speaker 1: mean literally I had no idea what I was doing.

559
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:02,240
Speaker 1: I had. I was nursing, my breath got infected, my

560
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 1: episiotomy got you don't even want to know. I was like,

561
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:08,520
Speaker 1: no one, no one has a second child, No one

562
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:09,600
Speaker 1: does after what I.

563
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:11,560
Speaker 2: Went through, And then come home with two babies at

564
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:14,520
Speaker 2: one time, with the topper running around, You're like, what

565
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:15,520
Speaker 2: the actual?

566
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:19,560
Speaker 1: So so I have to tell you my chiropractor, who

567
00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:21,840
Speaker 1: I love, who's taking care of my back right now.

568
00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:24,720
Speaker 1: They just had their first baby, and I've been going

569
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:27,360
Speaker 1: twice a week because of my back. I was saying,

570
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:29,920
Speaker 1: how's it going. The baby's like, you know, eleven weeks old.

571
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:33,440
Speaker 1: He said, we finally get some sleep. Oh my god,

572
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:35,160
Speaker 1: he said, his wife. Tell me if this rings a

573
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:38,600
Speaker 1: bell to you, His wife is constantly checking as the

574
00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:42,400
Speaker 1: baby breathing, the baby's crib is in their room because.

575
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:44,880
Speaker 2: Especially if they slept for a first time more than

576
00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:45,560
Speaker 2: two hours.

577
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:49,080
Speaker 1: Something's wrong with their nose to see if they're breathing,

578
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,960
Speaker 1: he said, he goes, I don't know. She called me

579
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:55,480
Speaker 1: the other day and said the babies crying, and He's like, yeah,

580
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:58,520
Speaker 1: I mean, can you remember those days? You remember?

581
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 2: Did you have any colices?

582
00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:01,760
Speaker 1: No?

583
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:03,520
Speaker 2: Oh, Cathy?

584
00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:08,040
Speaker 1: Why Caitlyn just screamed. Maybe that was called my third child?

585
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:10,960
Speaker 1: My first two. I thought parenting was easy. They slept

586
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:13,400
Speaker 1: through the night at six weeks, literally slept through the

587
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:16,360
Speaker 1: night from ten to five. At six weeks, Caitlyn and

588
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:20,360
Speaker 1: Ian screamed from seven to eleven every night. Things haven't

589
00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:25,080
Speaker 1: really changed much either, But then she had one. No,

590
00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:27,600
Speaker 1: she's gone, and you know what happened. I got really

591
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 1: smart when she had a child. But I'm saying, just

592
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:34,720
Speaker 1: real quickly, did things change for you and your husband

593
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 1: and your whole And I'm not talking just what husband.

594
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:39,160
Speaker 2: He wasn't even involved. I didn't even want to like

595
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:41,880
Speaker 2: do his laundry anymore. I'm thank come on, I got

596
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:42,720
Speaker 2: a baby.

597
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:47,320
Speaker 1: This has taken all my crazy how it just consumes

598
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:49,560
Speaker 1: you everything baby.

599
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:52,520
Speaker 2: And it's like, is no advice you can give to

600
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 2: young ones? And I have said this, make sure you

601
00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:59,840
Speaker 2: still keep a date night. Make sure you you know

602
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:04,320
Speaker 2: well when they first born, they know, not firstborn, but

603
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:07,800
Speaker 2: with raising kids, it's so important and I think it

604
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:09,960
Speaker 2: ruins so many marriages.

605
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:12,720
Speaker 1: I A, you have to make time for your partner,

606
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:18,040
Speaker 1: I will say, I will say that you're right, it

607
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:21,800
Speaker 1: can really you know, the husband typically gets very jealous.

608
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:24,080
Speaker 1: At least that was my experience. My husband didn't.

609
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:26,800
Speaker 2: They're not getting sex as often as they used to,

610
00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 2: and you're like, really, you know what kind of day

611
00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:32,000
Speaker 2: I had that She was screaming, she pewked all over

612
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:34,120
Speaker 2: the car seat, I had a clink. Now you want

613
00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:36,320
Speaker 2: me to pull down my pants and have sex? I

614
00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 2: don't think so.

615
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:42,880
Speaker 1: All I can say is when my husband, when I

616
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:46,920
Speaker 1: can distinctly remember him coming at me the first time,

617
00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:51,600
Speaker 1: I don't know how how many weeks I know, I said,

618
00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 1: you get away, Like my eyes almost jumped out of

619
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:57,000
Speaker 1: my head, like get the hell away from me. And

620
00:33:57,080 --> 00:34:00,120
Speaker 1: I remember thinking, I remember I said this this thing

621
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:01,840
Speaker 1: that came up from the hospital with me, like who

622
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:05,120
Speaker 1: has the second one? I would distinctly remember when my

623
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:08,480
Speaker 1: son turned fourteen months old, saying to my husband, you know,

624
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:13,399
Speaker 1: I might consider doing having a second child. Like might.

625
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:16,240
Speaker 1: And of course, you know, my oldest son was probably

626
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:20,040
Speaker 1: years he was three years nine months before I had

627
00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 1: the second one. It was like, how do people do this?

628
00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:25,799
Speaker 1: Eighteen months apart? Stuff? I don't know. Children change your

629
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:30,000
Speaker 1: life in such wonderful ways. And and then other people

630
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:32,880
Speaker 1: I know don't have children, they don't regret it. I

631
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,080
Speaker 1: think I would regret not having children.

632
00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:37,760
Speaker 2: Well, that's because we wanted to be mothers. There's people

633
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:42,359
Speaker 2: that don't want that, and I respect it. You know,

634
00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:44,839
Speaker 2: they might not be good parents or something if they

635
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:46,239
Speaker 2: know that already.

636
00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:49,040
Speaker 1: But I, you know, just say I have to have children.

637
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:50,600
Speaker 1: Who's going to take care of us when we get old?

638
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:52,520
Speaker 1: But it doesn't like that's going to happen either.

639
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:56,920
Speaker 2: God forbid. But like you said earlier, these things that

640
00:34:57,040 --> 00:35:00,279
Speaker 2: build us and things that happen in our li life,

641
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:03,719
Speaker 2: that's how we're built, that's how we become who we are.

642
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:06,959
Speaker 2: So we're really blessed to have gone through it.

643
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 1: And that is the final answer to what we would

644
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:15,800
Speaker 1: do differently. You just said it. The things, the things

645
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:19,160
Speaker 1: that we struggle with in life are the things that

646
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,759
Speaker 1: build our character and make us who we are and

647
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:24,120
Speaker 1: make us who we are. So if you're a parent

648
00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:28,200
Speaker 1: of a teenager, don't feel badly. Stick to your guns.

649
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:30,280
Speaker 2: Absolutely, and any of you out there that are relating

650
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:33,080
Speaker 2: with us and laughing right now with your cup of coffee,

651
00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 2: we get it. We get it.

652
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:38,359
Speaker 1: And if you talk one hell of a coffee talk,

653
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Speaker 1: I'll say the difference is with the differences young parents

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Speaker 1: sitting have coffee talks. You and I having this conversation

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Speaker 1: at our stage in life, we're having wine talks that watch.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to go get a haircut actually, and you

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Speaker 2: know what that does it for today's episode of Bachelor

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Speaker 2: Happy Hours Golden Hour, I've enjoyed this so much.

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Speaker 1: So if I think and thank you, thanks to all

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Speaker 1: of you for joining us. Be sure to follow a

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Speaker 1: Bachelor Happy Hour as we have new episodes coming out

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00:36:07,239 --> 00:36:09,160
Speaker 1: every week. You don't want to miss them. If you

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Speaker 1: are at all interested in Susan's and my opinions about life,

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Speaker 1: and we have many of them, this is the place

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Speaker 1: to hear about.

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Speaker 2: Them, and you know what to do. If you want

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Speaker 2: us to talk about what you want to talk about,

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00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:23,680
Speaker 2: make sure to submit your questions to us, and you

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00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:27,520
Speaker 2: can go to Bachelornation dot com slash Golden Hour, or

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00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:30,480
Speaker 2: hit us up on social at Bachelor Happy Hour. We're

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00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:31,319
Speaker 2: always here for you.

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00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:35,239
Speaker 1: We are listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on

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00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:38,799
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, or wherever you listen to your podcasts.

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Speaker 1: Until next time, have a great week.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely