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Speaker 1: Peace of the plan is Charlamagne to God here and

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Speaker 1: as we come closer to closing out this year, I

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Speaker 1: just want to say thank you for tuning it into

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Speaker 1: the Black Effect podcast Network. There have been so many

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Speaker 1: great moments over the past year. Take a listen to

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Speaker 1: some of those captivating moments in this special best of

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Speaker 1: episode episodes.

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Speaker 2: I am deeply Wow. I'm Debbie Brown and this is

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Speaker 2: the Deeply Well Podcast. I have an incredible, incredible guest

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Speaker 2: joining us today, Leyla Delia. You know, there's a lot

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Speaker 2: of phrases that are getting thrown around a lot right now.

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Speaker 2: A lot of a lot of people are like, I'm

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Speaker 2: an impath, I'm highly sensitive. A lot are. But it's

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Speaker 2: also there are terms that I think are not always

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Speaker 2: fully translated. Yeah, and I would love to talk about

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Speaker 2: that with you for a minute, because you and I

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Speaker 2: are both empathic, and we are both like very highly sensitive,

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Speaker 2: like very high. Like we can't be in toxic rooms

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Speaker 2: because we'll absorb the energy that's present. So you know,

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Speaker 2: one thing about you and I will pop up and

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Speaker 2: we'll be in the mix and then you won't hear

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Speaker 2: from us for months. Yes, yes, but you know that

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Speaker 2: piece that's something. When I first learned of that phrase

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Speaker 2: early in my journey, I really rejected that label highly

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Speaker 2: sensitive because I didn't fully understand what it meant, and

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Speaker 2: as someone that had lived a life that I felt like,

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Speaker 2: I don't look like the things that I've been through,

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Speaker 2: So sometimes people assume things are easier than they've actually been.

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Speaker 2: I really rejected that because I would say, I'm not sensitive.

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Speaker 2: You don't know my life. Do you know what I've

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Speaker 2: walked through? I'm not sensitive, And I didn't really understand

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Speaker 2: that it meant like deep sensitivity of your physical body,

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Speaker 2: like on a cellular level, the way that your body

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Speaker 2: responds to stress, way that your body responds to toxicity.

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Speaker 2: But that alone is such a profound healing journey. When

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Speaker 2: you can understand that you know some things that may

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Speaker 2: be happening to you physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, there's a

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Speaker 2: whole other category of experience you're having that could be

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Speaker 2: massively different from other people. Yes, can we speak to that.

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Speaker 2: Can you speak on what that journey is for you?

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Speaker 2: Kind of being someone that's highly sensitive, someone that is

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Speaker 2: incredibly intuitive, and how you adapt your needs around that.

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Speaker 3: Oh? Absolutely, it was. It was helpful for me as well,

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Speaker 3: because I had language for what I was experiencing, and

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Speaker 3: like the adage goes, name it to tame it, and

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Speaker 3: so it helps to know, Okay, well, I have a

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Speaker 3: sensitivity to stimuli, into energy, into people's fields, and even

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Speaker 3: to people's thoughts.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like I can.

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Speaker 3: I can literally in a room and feel someone's thoughts.

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Speaker 3: But when I was younger, I didn't know what to

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Speaker 3: do with that, Like what are you growing up in

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Speaker 3: the eighties and in night, Like yeah, there was just

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Speaker 3: no context, language, no language, no community, no support for

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Speaker 3: any of this. So it kind of swept that swept

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Speaker 3: under the rug. So we're our generation is the ones

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Speaker 3: who were awakening to it in a way of like,

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Speaker 3: oh we're we're We brought the support online. So now

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Speaker 3: this next generation and the generations to come, we'll have

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Speaker 3: language forward and community and support and a path already

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Speaker 3: paved to say it's okay to land here and to

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Speaker 3: be like this. But I, for the life of me,

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Speaker 3: I felt so awkward for a huge majority of my life.

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Speaker 3: It was a lot of masking. It was a lot

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Speaker 3: of fitting in because oh, no one else is feeling this,

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Speaker 3: all right, you know, I'm just keeping it to myself.

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Speaker 3: But at the same time, I'm reading the room. I

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Speaker 3: know we shouldn't be here. I know I shouldn't be

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Speaker 3: here for sure, but going along with it. So there's

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Speaker 3: a lot of killing I had to do through even

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Speaker 3: that type of thing of not being true to who

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Speaker 3: I was because no one else could understand it. So

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Speaker 3: I just kind of just buried it, right and so

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Speaker 3: now but living in that authenticity, authenticity and in my

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Speaker 3: power with it changed the game. Like, I'm so happy

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Speaker 3: that I claimed who I am and I'm proud of it.

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Speaker 3: I'm happy, you know, I'm I'm full of gratitude for

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Speaker 3: being able to name like what I'm going through, and

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Speaker 3: you know, even even on a deeper level of like

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Speaker 3: recently finding out other things about myself of like, okay,

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Speaker 3: you're on the spectrum and it's okay, it's okay to

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Speaker 3: be you know, high functioning and on the spectrum. And

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Speaker 3: I never understood that before.

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Speaker 2: I love you.

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Speaker 3: I love you. Yeah, And so for me understanding, well,

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Speaker 3: this is why you had that gift, this is why

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Speaker 3: you had these feelings, this is why you could perceive things,

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Speaker 3: this is why people didn't always understand you, and this

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Speaker 3: is why you were misled or mislabeled, and you know,

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Speaker 3: thinking back far as like kindergarten, you know, being put

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Speaker 3: back in kindergarten because I didn't know what was wrong

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Speaker 3: with me. But now that I understand that it wasn't

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Speaker 3: anything wrong, it was just different, right, and it was

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Speaker 3: just something different.

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Speaker 2: We are joined by DANAE. Logan.

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Speaker 4: I believe there's so much about our society as it

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Speaker 4: has been that's been like a really wounded masculine paradigm.

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Speaker 4: And so that's like really like competitive productivity at all costs,

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Speaker 4: you know, just sort of like pull yourself up by

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Speaker 4: your bootstraps and like really like disengaged from our inner

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Speaker 4: world in so many ways. Like that's like the societal

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Speaker 4: paradigm that's been normalized. And a lot of times, like

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Speaker 4: the things that we revere, like especially in Western culture,

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Speaker 4: like we really sort of like you know, this thing

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Speaker 4: of like working ourselves until we're sick, not having any

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Speaker 4: like vacation days. That's really like those are like the

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Speaker 4: things that we value societally.

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Speaker 1: Now.

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Speaker 4: When it comes to feminine energy, we really think of

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Speaker 4: feminine energy with a lot of contempt and a lot

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Speaker 4: of what we believe is feminine energy is really a

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Speaker 4: distortion of feminine energy. So that's sort of like the insecure, clingy,

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Speaker 4: you know, codependent like anxious like need someone else to

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Speaker 4: complete me energy. We think of that as feminine energy.

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Speaker 4: And you know, as we were saying before, that's in

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Speaker 4: all of us, Like we will all sort of do

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Speaker 4: this dance between our wounded masculine and feminine energetics. But

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Speaker 4: what I started to understand is like we're a society

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Speaker 4: that doesn't really have any sort of like conceptualization of

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Speaker 4: what these dynamics are and look like from a healthy perspective.

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Speaker 4: And you know, certainly with masculine energy, we don't even

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Speaker 4: know or have models of what healthy masculinity looks like really,

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Speaker 4: And so when we think about, like what is healthy masculinity,

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Speaker 4: that is a sense of self, that is confidence, that

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Speaker 4: is a mission that is like I am rooted in

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Speaker 4: what I know, I'm here to do, and I got

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Speaker 4: me no matter what, right, And that's in all of us.

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Speaker 4: That's the like moving forward from the space of inspired

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Speaker 4: action versus how it looks from the outside, right, like

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Speaker 4: from a space rooted from within. But then this beautiful, healthy,

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Speaker 4: feminine energetic is the energetic within all of us that like,

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Speaker 4: if I think of feminine energy, the first word that

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Speaker 4: comes to mind is always trust, because the feminine energy

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Speaker 4: is like the source energy within all of us. It

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Speaker 4: is the aspect of us that is like connected to

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Speaker 4: the divine, and so that is like the receptive energy,

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Speaker 4: that is the part of us that believes that we

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Speaker 4: can trust our intuition, trust our internal guidance system, and

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Speaker 4: know that we will be held. It's the part of

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Speaker 4: us that trust in life allows ourselves to play and

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Speaker 4: be free and embodied all of these beautiful aspects of

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Speaker 4: our feminine But all of us need to like really

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Speaker 4: have both of those energetics alive and dancing and integrated

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Speaker 4: within us. But we can't really have that until we

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Speaker 4: not only have an understanding of what those energetics are

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Speaker 4: and how they show up, but what it looks like

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Speaker 4: tangibly to take responsibility for our own energy. And that's

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Speaker 4: really what I try to walk people through in the book,

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Speaker 4: like that we are actually able not only to take

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Speaker 4: responsibility for our own energy in any given moment. But

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Speaker 4: what's amazing about Couple's work is when we take responsibility

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Speaker 4: for our own energy. And this isn't just in romantic relationships,

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Speaker 4: it's in relationships in general, inevitably we will create polarity.

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Speaker 4: We'll create healthy polarity. So just like a quick example

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Speaker 4: of what that can look like. So let's say that

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Speaker 4: I'm like you're like in a we're going to pretend

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Speaker 4: like we're like battling in wounded polarity for a moment, right, So,

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Speaker 4: if you were like in wounded feminine energetic, and you're

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Speaker 4: just like constantly like wanting more from me, telling me that,

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Speaker 4: like you know, you just like want to hang out more,

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Speaker 4: and I'm just like not eating your needs, and like

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Speaker 4: there's all of these ways that you're feeling like you

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Speaker 4: want more from me, but I'm not giving it to you,

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Speaker 4: and it's making you feel insecure and unhappy in this relationship.

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Speaker 4: And so I'm in wounded masculine energy and I'm just

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Speaker 4: like really irritated and like, oh, you're always pulling on

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Speaker 4: me and you're so needy and I'm like really trying

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Speaker 4: to build something at work and why don't you understand?

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Speaker 4: And I'm just like really in this like guarded wounded

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Speaker 4: masculine paradigm with you. My work is to shift into

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Speaker 4: my healthy feminine So if I'm in wounded masculine. I

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Speaker 4: go into my healthy feminine and that's me in the

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Speaker 4: space of vulnerability. So I get still and I like

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Speaker 4: really say, okay, like, what is it that Debbie's doing that?

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Speaker 4: Like I'm telling myself a story about I take up

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Speaker 4: space the feminine is like the spaciousness. So I take

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Speaker 4: up space with the truth of how this feels for me.

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Speaker 4: I say, the vulnerable thing I say, you know, the

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Speaker 4: story I'm telling myself is that like, no matter what

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Speaker 4: I do, it's never enough for you. And that reminds

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Speaker 4: me maybe of the way that like my mom always

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Speaker 4: criticized me. Like we get into like the vulnerable conversation

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Speaker 4: and I take up space with that. And what will

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Speaker 4: inevitably happen is as I take up space in my

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Speaker 4: healthy feminine, you will start to create healthy masculine containment

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Speaker 4: for me. And so you will see me in this

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Speaker 4: vulnerable space and you'll be like, oh, tonay, I wasn't

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Speaker 4: trying to make you feel that way. All of a sudden,

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Speaker 4: you got me. You're containing me. You're like, I see you,

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Speaker 4: I see how I'm making you feel. That was not

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Speaker 4: my intention. And we start to be in that dance.

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Speaker 2: Today's guest Minaj.

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Speaker 5: I had a career in marketing and advertising and I

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Speaker 5: got really sick, like physically, very very sick, and I

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Speaker 5: couldn't work because I had a really big panic attack

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Speaker 5: one day at work. And there was about two years

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Speaker 5: that I didn't work. My mother was looking after me,

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Speaker 5: and it was in that period that I found my

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Speaker 5: teacher and I started practicing with him every day and

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Speaker 5: I was getting better. I was getting healed, and my

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Speaker 5: mental health was coming back. My physical health has come back.

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Speaker 5: I was pretty much like an eating disorder and I

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Speaker 5: had really bad panic attacks and things like that. Anyway,

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Speaker 5: after the two years, I got a job. I was

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Speaker 5: back at you know, working in this fancy financial institution

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Speaker 5: in marketing and advertising. And then he asked me to

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Speaker 5: teach a class and he did it in a way

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Speaker 5: that was not like expected. I rocked up to take

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Speaker 5: his class and he said, I don't feel well today,

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Speaker 5: can you teach it? And I'm like, oh, oh okay,

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Speaker 5: like I'd never taught before, and so I went there

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Speaker 5: and I just you know, took in all of what

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Speaker 5: he said and I started teaching. And then he came

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Speaker 5: and sat in the class and he wasn't sick, right,

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Speaker 5: and I was like, strange, like my teacher's coming and

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Speaker 5: doing this. Anyway, I went back to work and then

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Speaker 5: every now and again I'd teach this one class, you know,

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Speaker 5: whenever he was sick. And then he said to me,

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Speaker 5: one day, eventually life film, you'll teach. And this was

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Speaker 5: seventeen years ago where I was like and I was like,

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Speaker 5: I don't want to be a meditation teacher, like you

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Speaker 5: don't make money. And it was like frowned upon, right,

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Speaker 5: And I was in a circle of very cool people

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Speaker 5: going to parties or that anyway, but there was this

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Speaker 5: little flicker within me that's like I feel really happy

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Speaker 5: every time I'm teaching, Like I just feel like I'm

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Speaker 5: in alignment to what you said. I feel like like

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Speaker 5: I don't have to struggle when I'm doing this one thing,

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Speaker 5: which is teaching. And so there was a moment where

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Speaker 5: I was like, fuck it, I'm going to go all in.

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Speaker 5: I'm just going to teach and mind you, I'm taking

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Speaker 5: you back like sixteen fifteen years now, and I had

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Speaker 5: a daughter. I have a daughter, sell but at the

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Speaker 5: point at that time she was very young. I had

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Speaker 5: a six figure salary, was making one hundred and fifty K.

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Speaker 5: I was in my late twenties, and I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 5: I just feel like this is it. It just feels

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Speaker 5: so true. So I quit my job and I started

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Speaker 5: teaching at any studio that would take me. And for

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Speaker 5: the first year, I made thirty five thousand dollars, Like

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Speaker 5: you couldn't even barely exist on that, and I kept

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Speaker 5: on borrowing money from my mom and dad obviously, but

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Speaker 5: not much because I didn't have much either, But every

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Speaker 5: time I did it, I was just so happy. And

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Speaker 5: since that year, I've never like, I've never felt like

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Speaker 5: I could live off you know, nothing again, but like

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Speaker 5: I never wanted anything. I never wanted fancy clothes and

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Speaker 5: dinners or anything. I was so happy. The second year,

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Speaker 5: this the biggest studio in Australia, is like, we want

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Speaker 5: you to teach for us, and we're going to give

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Speaker 5: you a full time job, and we're going to make

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Speaker 5: you this fancy title of performance coach. And from that

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Speaker 5: moment on, every decision I made which was in alignment

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Speaker 5: with what I was feeling at the time and my

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Speaker 5: intuition took me down the path that I'm on now.

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Speaker 5: The money came to your point, like the money came,

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Speaker 5: like the job came, the courier came. But I was

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Speaker 5: just in alignment. I was doing what I knew to

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Speaker 5: be true, what I knew to be of benefit to

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Speaker 5: the world, and I wasn't thinking about how much money

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Speaker 5: I was going to make. I was like, this just

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Speaker 5: feels good, Like this just feels right. And I think

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Speaker 5: to your point, if you put the money thing out

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Speaker 5: of which is really paradle because we need money. And

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Speaker 5: I'm not saying just forget money and do it, but

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Speaker 5: if you genuinely approach your life through the perspective of

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Speaker 5: I am going to be of benefit to others, there

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Speaker 5: is something and you might have better language for it.

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Speaker 5: There is something that conspires to make sure that you

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Speaker 5: are taken care of. And it might not look the

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Speaker 5: way that it looks now. And I went through fifteen

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Speaker 5: years of not making any money to eventually feeling like, oh,

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Speaker 5: I've got something. And it's a long road, but like

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Speaker 5: I promise you, if you follow your heart and you

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Speaker 5: be of benefit to the world, and something happens happen.

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Speaker 2: So in that year time span, I investigated that with

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Speaker 2: a lot of different kinds of people. I had eight

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Speaker 2: lot of conversations. I said a lot, I heard a lot,

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Speaker 2: had a lot of prayer for just the cleanliness of

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Speaker 2: the breaks. You know that any break that happened with

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Speaker 2: anyone in my life, that it could be done with dignity,

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Speaker 2: with respect, with honor, with grace, with an appreciation for

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Speaker 2: whatever time we spent together, whatever we learned from each other.

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Speaker 2: And that felt good. That really settled my heart and

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Speaker 2: spirit and kind of a lot of space of like

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Speaker 2: I can, I can really see you from afar and smile,

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Speaker 2: you know, and feel happy for you and feel you know,

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Speaker 2: grateful for you. But also know that we don't have

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Speaker 2: to be an active friendship or partnership anymore. You know

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Speaker 2: that that's not what our path is at this time.

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Speaker 2: But if I run into you, can we can I

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Speaker 2: give you a big hug? Can I? You know? So

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Speaker 2: in that year that I did that, I shed a

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Speaker 2: lot a lot of connections, and I created a lot

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Speaker 2: of space for God to walk into my life, the

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Speaker 2: connections that really are aligned with who I am in

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Speaker 2: this moment. And again, in most cases, it's not good

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Speaker 2: or bad. It's not like new friends were better than

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Speaker 2: the old, but it's just that we change so much,

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Speaker 2: and it is so important to be in alignment with

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Speaker 2: who we are, with the calling on our lives, with

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Speaker 2: the time, you know. So in that space I met

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Speaker 2: some new friends that have become some of the closest

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Speaker 2: people in my life. I had space to just try

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Speaker 2: new things, to have more time for myself to try

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Speaker 2: on some new hobbies. And also in the midst of

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Speaker 2: doing all of that, I did a massive social media purge.

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Speaker 2: So this is probably three years ago now, but I

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Speaker 2: always take big breaks from social media, typically in the winter,

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Speaker 2: and so in December, I think I was following like

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Speaker 2: a couple thousand people. I don't know how many. I

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Speaker 2: unfollowed everyone, and then I kept it like that for

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Speaker 2: a couple months, and then when I was ready to

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Speaker 2: see social media again. I have since and I'm still

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Speaker 2: doing it. Been slowly easing myself back into following people,

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Speaker 2: and so I would just kind of add a couple

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Speaker 2: people here and there when they popped into my mind.

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Speaker 2: I would, you know, whenever they came into my awareness

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Speaker 2: or my consciousness, then I'd be like, oh, yeah, I

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Speaker 2: want to follow that person back. But that was one

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Speaker 2: of the greatest kind of unfoldings of this process. Too,

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Speaker 2: was clearing house on social media. I've shared this process

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Speaker 2: with a lot of my girlfriends who have since done

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Speaker 2: it as well. But it was so powerful because something

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Speaker 2: I realized was I don't have the time, the space,

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Speaker 2: or the capacity to know the nuance of everyone's life

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Speaker 2: that I've ever known. Right like on social media. When

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Speaker 2: I first signed up, which was over a decade ago,

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Speaker 2: you just followed everybody you ever saw, and you're interacting

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Speaker 2: with each other, and it felt cool because you were

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Speaker 2: kind of getting more connected with people you didn't know

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Speaker 2: well and you know, just able to share different sides

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Speaker 2: of yourself. And then moving to a few different states,

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Speaker 2: I was, you know, you kind of get this big

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Speaker 2: group of people all at the same time. And so

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Speaker 2: I was just following people that I just hadn't seen,

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Speaker 2: I hadn't talked to, I hadn't thought of on my

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Speaker 2: own naturally in ten years. You know, it's not there's

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Speaker 2: not enough space in my brain to know what everyone

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Speaker 2: is doing and what everyone who I've known or met

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Speaker 2: decades ago, what they're reading, what they're eating, who their

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Speaker 2: kids are, what they like. You know, it's fun when

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Speaker 2: you can pop in and get that organically. You know,

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Speaker 2: like you just happen to run into someone on the

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Speaker 2: street and that's where you do the big ketchup. I

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Speaker 2: haven't seen you in twenty years? What are you doing?

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Speaker 5: Who are you?

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Speaker 2: I wanted more space for that in my life, like

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Speaker 2: authenticity of surprise, the authenticity of connection. So I think

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Speaker 2: I'm somewhere around like four hundred people that I'm following back.

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Speaker 2: Now there's still people I haven't followed back. I've definitely

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Speaker 2: got some stuff for that. That's fine, And it made

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Speaker 2: space to see, like, what do I actually want to

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Speaker 2: fill my psyche with with all of the ways that

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Speaker 2: social media floods you're subconscious, you know, I want to

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Speaker 2: be a little bit more diligent and discerning with that too.

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Speaker 2: So that was my social media process, That was my

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Speaker 2: friend purge process. All of that got me up to

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Speaker 2: this last year and it felt amazing like the last

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Speaker 2: couple of years having done that have been so rich,

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Speaker 2: so fun, so expansive in so many different ways, and

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Speaker 2: it just I felt like it really proved my intuition right,

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Speaker 2: and I felt so grateful that I took the time

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Speaker 2: to do that, because it wasn't comfortable, you know, it

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Speaker 2: is an uncomfortable thing to have all those conversations, to

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Speaker 2: even check the charge in your body when you do

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Speaker 2: a massive follow and how people will feel, and you know,

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Speaker 2: but just being with whatever feeling is present and noticing it.

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Speaker 2: It's part of the power of the process.

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Speaker 1: Once again, thank you for tuning into the Black Podcast Network.

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Speaker 1: Seeing you in twenty twenty five from more great moments

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Speaker 1: from your favorite podcast