WEBVTT - Chapter 40

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, my beautiful friends, Welcome to your favorite podcast, Cheek

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<v Speaker 1>is in Chill, where you come to chill, grow, and glow. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to take a deep breath because I can

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<v Speaker 1>already tell that this episode is going to be a lot,

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm calling it Chapter forty. I have a pretty

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<v Speaker 1>big birthday coming up on Thursday, June twenty six, and

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<v Speaker 1>I'll be honest, sometimes even saying that number out loud

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<v Speaker 1>makes me pause, and not because I'm ashamed of it,

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<v Speaker 1>but because there's this weird energy around it, like you're

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<v Speaker 1>supposed to have everything figured out by forty, Like there's

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<v Speaker 1>this invisible checklist career, family, body, love, healing, and if

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<v Speaker 1>you haven't hit all the marks, there's a whisper that

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<v Speaker 1>says you're behind. So I want to talk about all

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<v Speaker 1>of that, and I'm gonna be completely vulnerable and tell

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<v Speaker 1>you exactly what I'm feeling and what I'm thinking, because

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<v Speaker 1>that's what this podcast is all about. And I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>going to worry about what other people are going to

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<v Speaker 1>say because what I have to say is more important.

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<v Speaker 1>So let's talk about it Chapter forty. Guys, I mean honestly,

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<v Speaker 1>even hearing that and hearing that number jolts me, and

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<v Speaker 1>I've been trying to figure out why, because if I

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<v Speaker 1>sit here today, I'm very proud of everything I've been

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<v Speaker 1>able to accomplish, especially with all the adversities and the

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<v Speaker 1>obstacles I've had to face, and the loss and the

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<v Speaker 1>grief that I have faced, especially in the past twelve years.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean ever since I was twelve years old when

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<v Speaker 1>I lost my dad and not physically well physically because

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<v Speaker 1>he ran That's a whole other story. But it's been

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<v Speaker 1>a lot, and I'm very proud of how far I've

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<v Speaker 1>come and that I've been able to keep my heart

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<v Speaker 1>in the right place despite how mean people have been.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm forty and for the majority of my adulthood,

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<v Speaker 1>I had decided I wasn't going to have kids, and

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<v Speaker 1>I made certain choices and I live my life a

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<v Speaker 1>certain way because I just didn't think I was going

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<v Speaker 1>to have kids. Like I was like, Okay, I'm good

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<v Speaker 1>with not having children. I raise my siblings. I'm good

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<v Speaker 1>with taking care of other people's kids. If I have

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<v Speaker 1>a man that has kids, I'll take care of his kids.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm fine with that. I'll adopt. But now that I'm

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<v Speaker 1>with someone that I love and that is younger than me.

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<v Speaker 1>I do feel a bit of pressure to be honest,

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<v Speaker 1>especially because I love my husband and I want my

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<v Speaker 1>relationship to work and I want to be able to

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<v Speaker 1>give them something that he desires. So I think that

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<v Speaker 1>has been causing me a little bit, more like not

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<v Speaker 1>being able to enjoy this birthday as much. Not only that,

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<v Speaker 1>but things with my siblings haven't been great. We've never

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<v Speaker 1>been this distant, and I did not ever think that

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<v Speaker 1>I would get to such an important ai, such an

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<v Speaker 1>important chapter of my life, and things were gonna look

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<v Speaker 1>this way. And I've been doing everything I possibly can

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<v Speaker 1>to help my body conceive naturally because I have my eggs.

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<v Speaker 1>They're there, they're frozen. I have that option, and I'm

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<v Speaker 1>grateful that I did that, but it was a very

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<v Speaker 1>very hard process. IVF has been. IVF was tough, but

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<v Speaker 1>I'm glad that it exists and I'm glad that I

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<v Speaker 1>was able to do that because it takes off some

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<v Speaker 1>of the pressure. But since I also know what it

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<v Speaker 1>is to go through it, it frightens me a little bit.

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<v Speaker 1>So I want to be able to conceive naturally the

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<v Speaker 1>way I did last year, even though we lost it.

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<v Speaker 1>I just felt like my body's telling me, doesn't matter

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<v Speaker 1>how old you are, it doesn't matter what the doctors say,

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<v Speaker 1>you still get a period. You can do this. Your

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<v Speaker 1>body can do this. Our bodies are so freaking smart, guys,

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<v Speaker 1>so magical. We can heal our bodies. God has all

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<v Speaker 1>the herbs and all the medicine that we need on

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<v Speaker 1>this earth for us to heal our body. And I

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<v Speaker 1>really believe in that. So I've been doing my part,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, but it hasn't happened, and it's okay. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't want to force it. I don't want to pressure it.

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<v Speaker 1>But I think it's been like a subtle little thing

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<v Speaker 1>in my heart because things are not as great with

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<v Speaker 1>my siblings and I don't feel as close because everyone's

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<v Speaker 1>growing up and everyone's doing their own thing as they should,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's still ways heavy on me. So now I

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<v Speaker 1>feel this void in my heart that I want to

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<v Speaker 1>feel with a child more than I ever have, especially

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<v Speaker 1>because I have a partner that I want to satisfy,

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<v Speaker 1>and I think, what if there's a possibility I can't

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<v Speaker 1>because I'm gonna be forty Guys, like, whether I want

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<v Speaker 1>to accept it or not, or as young as I feel,

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<v Speaker 1>because I do feel very young. I have a biological

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<v Speaker 1>clock and that is fucking real, and I think that's

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<v Speaker 1>been what's caused a little turmoil in my heart and

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<v Speaker 1>in my mind. But if I take that and I

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<v Speaker 1>put that to the side for a little bit, I

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<v Speaker 1>can honestly tell you that I am proud and I

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<v Speaker 1>have accomplished a lot of things, and I'm now in

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<v Speaker 1>this new space of healing and becoming and coming back

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<v Speaker 1>to myself and my essence. And it's literally another chapter

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<v Speaker 1>another floor. Dude, I was in my twenties and I'm like, oh, forty,

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<v Speaker 1>that's so far away. And it happens so quickly. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know if it's because I've been so busy working

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<v Speaker 1>and hustling that so much happened. Life just went by

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<v Speaker 1>so fast because I was so fixated on work and

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<v Speaker 1>doing my thing and hustling and the whole thing that

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, oh shit, this happened. Like I'm here. But

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<v Speaker 1>if I really dig deep, I'm happy and I'm grateful.

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<v Speaker 1>And I wrote a little something that I want to

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<v Speaker 1>read to you guys. I wrote it two nights ago,

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<v Speaker 1>and I was like, what I want to tell people

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<v Speaker 1>I always express myself. I write a lot in my notes.

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<v Speaker 1>I write. I have voice notes guys voice memos now

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<v Speaker 1>that you guys listen to for Sincerely, Jane, and I've

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<v Speaker 1>been really enjoying it writing again, and this is part

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<v Speaker 1>of being Janee and coming back to myself is writing.

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<v Speaker 1>So here we go. I'll be honest. Sometimes even saying

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<v Speaker 1>the number out loud makes me pause, not because I'm

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<v Speaker 1>ashamed of it, but because there's this weird energy around it,

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<v Speaker 1>like you're supposed to have everything figured out by forty,

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<v Speaker 1>Like there's this invisible checklist career, family, body, love, healing,

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<v Speaker 1>and if you haven't hit all the marks, there's a

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<v Speaker 1>whisper that says you're behind. But here's what I've come

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<v Speaker 1>to realize. I'm not behind. I'm evolving. I may not

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<v Speaker 1>have a baby yet, and that's something I feel every day.

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<v Speaker 1>Some days it's a quiet grief and other days it's hope.

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<v Speaker 1>But I'm trusting God's timing. I'm listening to my body.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm preparing my soul and that's something I'm proud of

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<v Speaker 1>because motherhood for me isn't about a deadline, It's about alignment.

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<v Speaker 1>I have built a career that's completely my own. I

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<v Speaker 1>have won awards, I've overcome loss, heartbreak, betrayal, and the

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<v Speaker 1>kind of grief that cracks you open. I've reinvented myself.

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<v Speaker 1>I've loved deeply, I've forgiven, I've let go of people

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<v Speaker 1>who didn't know how to love me. And I've chosen

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<v Speaker 1>myself even when it was lonely. I've used my voice

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<v Speaker 1>to speak my truth even when it shook. And physically,

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<v Speaker 1>I feel stronger than I ever have. I'm in the

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<v Speaker 1>best shape of my life, and not just because of

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<v Speaker 1>how I look, but because of how I feel. I

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<v Speaker 1>want to take care of this body, my home with

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<v Speaker 1>more intention than ever. I want to eat for energy,

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<v Speaker 1>move for joy, rest for restoration, and I want to

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<v Speaker 1>speak kindly to every inch of my being. Mentally and spiritually,

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<v Speaker 1>I've gone so much. I've learned to slow down, to

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<v Speaker 1>listen more, to trust more deeply in God's voice and

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<v Speaker 1>my own intuition. I've become more protective of my peace,

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<v Speaker 1>more aware of what drains me and what fuels me.

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<v Speaker 1>And I've started releasing the idea that I have to

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<v Speaker 1>explain myself to people who never try to understand me.

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<v Speaker 1>That's one that's a very heavy one, guys. Turning forty

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<v Speaker 1>is a portal. It's an invitation to let go of

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<v Speaker 1>the pressure to perform and embrace the permission to be

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<v Speaker 1>to be soft, to be strong, to be wise and curious,

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<v Speaker 1>to be powerful and still playful. There's a lot shifting

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<v Speaker 1>in my life right now. But some days I feel confused,

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<v Speaker 1>other days I feel divinely guided, and most days I

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<v Speaker 1>feel both. But I've learned to trust that confusion is

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<v Speaker 1>just a sign that something new is coming and that

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<v Speaker 1>I'm in the middle of becoming. And there's something else

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<v Speaker 1>I've been thinking about as this birthday approaches, that I'm

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<v Speaker 1>getting closer in age to the age my mom was

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<v Speaker 1>when she passed, and that that feels weird, emotional, a

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<v Speaker 1>little eerie because I feel so full of life right

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<v Speaker 1>now and I can't help but wonder did she feel

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<v Speaker 1>full too? Was she dreaming of more? Was she still

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<v Speaker 1>becoming just like I am? And then I remember the

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<v Speaker 1>dream I had with her, guys, and I want to

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<v Speaker 1>share it with you. I hadn't dreapped my mom in

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<v Speaker 1>a long time. My mom was forty three when she passed.

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<v Speaker 1>I can't even imagine, and I don't know if it's

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<v Speaker 1>because I had been thinking about that, honestly, like when

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<v Speaker 1>I get to forty three or when I pass the

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<v Speaker 1>age my mom was God willing when she passed, like

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<v Speaker 1>I wonder how am I going to feel? And again,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe because I've been thinking that so much. I had

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<v Speaker 1>this dream and I haven't dreamt her in so long years.

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<v Speaker 1>I want to say at least six. I can't really remember,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's been years and I've only dreamt her twice,

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<v Speaker 1>and this time it felt so real. I was in

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<v Speaker 1>my glamor room. I was putting clothes away, the way

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<v Speaker 1>I've been doing a lot lately, because I organized my

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<v Speaker 1>closet and I want everything to be exactly where I

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<v Speaker 1>put it. And I was putting my clothes away. I

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<v Speaker 1>was putting it on a hanger. And she comes in

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<v Speaker 1>through the door, and she looks a little upset, and

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<v Speaker 1>she looks so beautiful, like she was just chilling, like

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<v Speaker 1>didn't have any makeup on. Her hair was a little

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<v Speaker 1>messy but cute, and she had on like a little

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<v Speaker 1>sports outfit, very Jenny. And I could sense her presence,

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<v Speaker 1>and I could sense that something was wrong because I

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<v Speaker 1>know her so well, so I just looked at her

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<v Speaker 1>and said, okay, are you okay? Mom? Like, are you

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<v Speaker 1>upset with me? Did I do something wrong? Like you

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<v Speaker 1>seem upset? And she sat down and she said, no,

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<v Speaker 1>I just I came here just to tell you something

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<v Speaker 1>I just got back from. I don't know if she

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<v Speaker 1>had said something spiritual, I don't remember exactly, but she

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<v Speaker 1>had just got back from somewhere and she said I

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<v Speaker 1>have to tell you something. And I said, uh huh,

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<v Speaker 1>And I was just still putting the clothes on the

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<v Speaker 1>hanger and I just kind of paused and I looked

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<v Speaker 1>at her, and I'm like, yeah, what's wrong? Like I

0:11:14.160 --> 0:11:16.040
<v Speaker 1>was like I felt like there was urgency, Like it

0:11:16.120 --> 0:11:21.000
<v Speaker 1>was just this serious, like just this look on her

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<v Speaker 1>face that I can't I can't even explain. And she said, well,

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<v Speaker 1>I just have to tell you that you're not going

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<v Speaker 1>to make it to forty, baby, You're not and there

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<v Speaker 1>are evil forces that don't want you to make it

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<v Speaker 1>to forty and you're not going to make it and

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<v Speaker 1>it's not going to be pretty. And I just I

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<v Speaker 1>need to tell you that. And I just started crying.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, what do you mean? Like I felt to

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<v Speaker 1>like there's an automan in my glam room and I

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<v Speaker 1>sat on the automan and I was like, mom, what

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<v Speaker 1>are you talking about? And she's like, it's okay, it's

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<v Speaker 1>gonna be fine. I'm here for you. I'm going to

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<v Speaker 1>help you. And she hugged me, and I was crying

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<v Speaker 1>like I'm like, I felt it so real and actually

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not done reading what I wrote in my notes.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe she wasn't warning me about death. Maybe she was

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<v Speaker 1>warning me not to die while still alive, not to

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<v Speaker 1>lose myself, not to abandon my joy, my dreams, my truth.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe she's saying, miha, don't waste time living a life

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<v Speaker 1>that doesn't feel like yours. And that message that urgency

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<v Speaker 1>has changed me. Guys, it really helped me appreciate so much.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe it was her way of saying, live, go all in,

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<v Speaker 1>don't wait for permission. Now where am I going? I'm

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<v Speaker 1>going in deeper into my purpose. I'm moving slower, more intentionally.

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<v Speaker 1>I want to love that feels safe, friendships that feel reciprocal,

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<v Speaker 1>work that feels healing, and a life that feels like me.

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<v Speaker 1>And maybe the biggest lesson I've learned in this season

0:12:48.120 --> 0:12:51.079
<v Speaker 1>is I am allowed to change. I am allowed to

0:12:51.160 --> 0:12:53.720
<v Speaker 1>let go of versions of me that people clung onto.

0:12:54.280 --> 0:12:58.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm allowed to stop explaining and start embodying. I'm allowed

0:12:58.600 --> 0:13:04.560
<v Speaker 1>to evolve, even if it makes others uncomfortable. Ooh, snap it.

0:13:12.360 --> 0:13:14.560
<v Speaker 1>And I woke up, and you guys, I took the

0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:17.760
<v Speaker 1>biggest deep breath. I was like, like that kind of

0:13:17.800 --> 0:13:20.280
<v Speaker 1>like gasp. I was like, oh my God, thank God,

0:13:20.320 --> 0:13:23.680
<v Speaker 1>it's not real because it felt so real. And I

0:13:23.720 --> 0:13:25.560
<v Speaker 1>woke up and I didn't say anything to Amelia, and

0:13:25.559 --> 0:13:27.439
<v Speaker 1>I was like, what does this mean? God? What does

0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:31.000
<v Speaker 1>this mean? And I believe in speaking your dream so

0:13:31.040 --> 0:13:33.000
<v Speaker 1>that they don't come true or you know, and I'll

0:13:33.000 --> 0:13:35.160
<v Speaker 1>I'll google it. And I didn't this time because I

0:13:35.160 --> 0:13:37.600
<v Speaker 1>was like, I want to do the inner work. What

0:13:37.720 --> 0:13:39.880
<v Speaker 1>is she trying to tell me? And I went back

0:13:40.000 --> 0:13:44.200
<v Speaker 1>to me being so afraid for so long because in

0:13:44.240 --> 0:13:47.160
<v Speaker 1>the industry, guys, your age is a big thing, especially

0:13:47.160 --> 0:13:49.559
<v Speaker 1>for women. I don't know if it's like that for men,

0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:51.400
<v Speaker 1>but I guess if you're an athlete and stuff like that,

0:13:51.400 --> 0:13:52.880
<v Speaker 1>they're like, oh, he's old, and I'm like, dude, he

0:13:52.920 --> 0:13:54.600
<v Speaker 1>just turned thirty two. What do you mean he's old?

0:13:55.040 --> 0:13:57.480
<v Speaker 1>I guess, and as an athlete he's old. So that's

0:13:57.480 --> 0:14:00.800
<v Speaker 1>something that's always bothered me. And in singing it don't

0:14:00.800 --> 0:14:03.360
<v Speaker 1>tell your age, like have them wonder and don't ever

0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:05.800
<v Speaker 1>talk about it and blah blah blah. And so I've

0:14:05.840 --> 0:14:09.960
<v Speaker 1>always felt that pressure. And I've been going through so

0:14:10.080 --> 0:14:12.280
<v Speaker 1>much that I just almost felt like for a whole

0:14:12.320 --> 0:14:15.680
<v Speaker 1>month I'd come in and out of not that I

0:14:15.720 --> 0:14:18.560
<v Speaker 1>wanted to kill myself or I was suicidal and sorry,

0:14:18.559 --> 0:14:21.000
<v Speaker 1>I don't mean to get dark, but I was just

0:14:21.400 --> 0:14:25.640
<v Speaker 1>very tired in the soul and I would cry in

0:14:25.640 --> 0:14:28.120
<v Speaker 1>and medi those arms and I'm like, Babe, I'm tired.

0:14:28.240 --> 0:14:33.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm so tired, like not physically, my soul is exhausted,

0:14:33.800 --> 0:14:36.280
<v Speaker 1>like and I would tell God, I'm like, God, if

0:14:36.320 --> 0:14:39.520
<v Speaker 1>you want to take me, I'm okay with you taking me.

0:14:40.640 --> 0:14:43.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm just exhausted, like things aren't like matching. And like

0:14:44.400 --> 0:14:49.360
<v Speaker 1>I was having those thoughts, and after that dream, I

0:14:49.400 --> 0:14:51.600
<v Speaker 1>woke up and I felt my body. I'm like I'm here,

0:14:51.680 --> 0:14:58.680
<v Speaker 1>I'm alive. Like I felt this gratitude of life. And

0:14:58.720 --> 0:15:00.840
<v Speaker 1>I think maybe that's what she I wanted to remind

0:15:00.840 --> 0:15:03.400
<v Speaker 1>me of, Like because I'm not going to live in fear.

0:15:03.440 --> 0:15:05.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm not going to worry about something happening and if

0:15:06.040 --> 0:15:08.400
<v Speaker 1>that's God's will, and it's God's will, guys, Like, I'm

0:15:08.440 --> 0:15:12.200
<v Speaker 1>not afraid of death because I know who I am

0:15:12.240 --> 0:15:16.480
<v Speaker 1>and I know I have a first class ticket to heaven.

0:15:16.920 --> 0:15:19.320
<v Speaker 1>Like I really really believe that if I were to

0:15:19.360 --> 0:15:21.440
<v Speaker 1>pass right now, I know I'm going to heaven, I'm

0:15:21.480 --> 0:15:23.400
<v Speaker 1>going with God. I have done my work, I have

0:15:23.480 --> 0:15:26.280
<v Speaker 1>learned my lessons, I have done the work, so I'm

0:15:26.320 --> 0:15:28.560
<v Speaker 1>not afraid of it. But in that moment and after

0:15:28.600 --> 0:15:30.000
<v Speaker 1>that dream, I was like, no, wait, mom, I have

0:15:30.160 --> 0:15:32.200
<v Speaker 1>so much to live for, Like I was telling her

0:15:32.240 --> 0:15:34.240
<v Speaker 1>why she was hugging me. I'm like, Mom, I have

0:15:34.360 --> 0:15:35.840
<v Speaker 1>so many more things I want to do. I want

0:15:35.880 --> 0:15:37.200
<v Speaker 1>to help the world. I want to help the world.

0:15:37.320 --> 0:15:40.800
<v Speaker 1>Heal like I have to stay here, and she's like,

0:15:40.800 --> 0:15:42.720
<v Speaker 1>you're gonna come with me and I'm going to be there,

0:15:42.720 --> 0:15:45.320
<v Speaker 1>and I'm like, no, Mom, I'm not ready. And it

0:15:45.440 --> 0:15:48.360
<v Speaker 1>was so freaking crazy. So I just now I'm like, Okay,

0:15:48.400 --> 0:15:50.920
<v Speaker 1>it was a dark dream. It was very scary, but

0:15:51.000 --> 0:15:54.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm like I'm appreciating life and I'm like, yes, I'm

0:15:54.120 --> 0:15:57.080
<v Speaker 1>here and I have to enjoy it and I have

0:15:57.160 --> 0:15:59.960
<v Speaker 1>to be grateful and even if people in the industry

0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:02.680
<v Speaker 1>or it's like, you know, it's not a good thing,

0:16:02.800 --> 0:16:05.080
<v Speaker 1>or they're gonna see you as old, well fuck it,

0:16:05.160 --> 0:16:09.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm old, whatever you want to call it. But I'm

0:16:09.040 --> 0:16:11.920
<v Speaker 1>wise and I know a lot more than I did

0:16:11.920 --> 0:16:14.280
<v Speaker 1>when I was twenty, and I'm going to share that

0:16:14.760 --> 0:16:18.880
<v Speaker 1>and I'm gonna share all the experience and that's something

0:16:18.920 --> 0:16:22.560
<v Speaker 1>no one can ever take for me. And I have

0:16:22.640 --> 0:16:27.360
<v Speaker 1>to remember that because this is an accomplishment. Guys, I'm

0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:32.280
<v Speaker 1>reaching an age where I am more myself than I

0:16:32.400 --> 0:16:35.880
<v Speaker 1>ever have been, more myself than I have been in

0:16:35.920 --> 0:16:41.400
<v Speaker 1>a long time. I know myself. I'm really really unapologetically myself.

0:16:41.480 --> 0:16:43.880
<v Speaker 1>Like I don't want to lose certain people, of course,

0:16:43.920 --> 0:16:46.120
<v Speaker 1>because there's certain people that I love, But if we're

0:16:46.160 --> 0:16:49.240
<v Speaker 1>not as close as we were before, because our lives

0:16:49.520 --> 0:16:52.040
<v Speaker 1>are going in different directions, Like I've learned to accept

0:16:52.040 --> 0:16:54.640
<v Speaker 1>that we're not into the same kind of stuff. I've

0:16:54.760 --> 0:16:59.080
<v Speaker 1>learned to accept that without judgment. Like I'm very proud.

0:17:00.160 --> 0:17:12.320
<v Speaker 1>Thing is that whole damn biological clock. I'm going to

0:17:12.400 --> 0:17:15.760
<v Speaker 1>celebrate my birthday in Egypt. I decided to leave early

0:17:16.600 --> 0:17:20.680
<v Speaker 1>so that I can be somewhere else somewhere different where

0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:26.480
<v Speaker 1>there's a lot of history and a lot of spirituality,

0:17:26.880 --> 0:17:30.639
<v Speaker 1>so much grounding there. So we chose to go to

0:17:30.840 --> 0:17:33.119
<v Speaker 1>Egypt first, so I'll be there on my birthday and

0:17:33.160 --> 0:17:38.159
<v Speaker 1>I'm super excited to go and smell different air and

0:17:38.880 --> 0:17:43.520
<v Speaker 1>taste different foods and experience this culture guys. And then

0:17:43.600 --> 0:17:47.000
<v Speaker 1>from there we're going to go to Paris, and I'm excited.

0:17:47.720 --> 0:17:49.679
<v Speaker 1>This is my life now is it's my husband and

0:17:49.720 --> 0:17:53.640
<v Speaker 1>I and I'm just focusing on that, you know, And

0:17:54.160 --> 0:17:56.840
<v Speaker 1>he doesn't care. I was like, how do you feel?

0:17:56.880 --> 0:17:58.320
<v Speaker 1>He makes fun of me all the time. He makes

0:17:58.359 --> 0:18:01.480
<v Speaker 1>jokes all the time. If we're watching something on television

0:18:01.480 --> 0:18:04.640
<v Speaker 1>and it's like, oh, nineteen seventy five, He's like, hey, bib,

0:18:04.680 --> 0:18:07.680
<v Speaker 1>how was it back then? I'm like, okay, dude, So

0:18:07.720 --> 0:18:09.639
<v Speaker 1>he we learned to laugh at it now it doesn't

0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:11.600
<v Speaker 1>bother me. Before in the beginning of our relationship, I

0:18:11.600 --> 0:18:13.800
<v Speaker 1>was like, oh, my gosh, he's seven years younger. But

0:18:13.880 --> 0:18:17.240
<v Speaker 1>he's so mature and so wise that I don't know.

0:18:17.240 --> 0:18:19.199
<v Speaker 1>I don't even think about that much anymore. It's just

0:18:19.320 --> 0:18:21.080
<v Speaker 1>when it happens to be about the baby, you know,

0:18:21.119 --> 0:18:23.480
<v Speaker 1>because he's worried he's He went to the doctors with me,

0:18:23.560 --> 0:18:25.679
<v Speaker 1>and the doctor told him, well, you know, this is

0:18:25.720 --> 0:18:28.119
<v Speaker 1>what it's looking like inside, and this is what her

0:18:28.119 --> 0:18:30.200
<v Speaker 1>body's telling her. So he got a little worried. But

0:18:30.240 --> 0:18:35.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, no faith moves mountains, and God is the

0:18:35.000 --> 0:18:37.600
<v Speaker 1>one that has the last word, and he is the

0:18:37.640 --> 0:18:40.600
<v Speaker 1>God of miracles, and I am choosing to believe that

0:18:41.600 --> 0:18:44.679
<v Speaker 1>he made it happen once and he's gonna make it

0:18:44.720 --> 0:18:49.679
<v Speaker 1>happen again, and that's not and actually twice. So anyway,

0:18:49.720 --> 0:18:51.520
<v Speaker 1>I just wanted to kind of come on here and

0:18:51.520 --> 0:18:52.960
<v Speaker 1>talk to you guys about this because I know this

0:18:53.000 --> 0:18:55.320
<v Speaker 1>is very real. Like I know there are women out

0:18:55.359 --> 0:18:58.480
<v Speaker 1>there that are probably in the same position and worry

0:18:58.480 --> 0:19:00.720
<v Speaker 1>about their age, and I think we need to stop

0:19:01.480 --> 0:19:04.600
<v Speaker 1>worrying about the damn number so much and worry about

0:19:04.680 --> 0:19:07.560
<v Speaker 1>who we are and what we give to the world

0:19:07.760 --> 0:19:11.879
<v Speaker 1>and the change we're willing to make, not only in

0:19:11.920 --> 0:19:15.560
<v Speaker 1>ourselves but for the world as a whole. Who cares.

0:19:15.920 --> 0:19:19.560
<v Speaker 1>It's a freaking blessing to get to this point, you know.

0:19:19.880 --> 0:19:23.080
<v Speaker 1>And I think about like people like Selena, guys, how

0:19:23.160 --> 0:19:25.640
<v Speaker 1>young and full of life she was and she lost

0:19:25.640 --> 0:19:29.760
<v Speaker 1>her life at what twenty three, you know, or Amy

0:19:29.760 --> 0:19:32.320
<v Speaker 1>Winehouse at twenty seven. And these are people that I

0:19:32.440 --> 0:19:36.399
<v Speaker 1>admire and that I love, and their life was taken

0:19:36.400 --> 0:19:38.280
<v Speaker 1>from them, and maybe not even that way. Maybe they're

0:19:38.320 --> 0:19:41.679
<v Speaker 1>in a better dimension. Maybe they're they graduated to a

0:19:41.720 --> 0:19:45.000
<v Speaker 1>different world, and that's beautiful in itself. But I still

0:19:45.000 --> 0:19:48.520
<v Speaker 1>have a lot to do here and I'm in the

0:19:48.600 --> 0:19:52.159
<v Speaker 1>right place. I'm doing exactly what I need to do,

0:19:52.240 --> 0:19:54.480
<v Speaker 1>and this podcast is part of that. And I just

0:19:54.520 --> 0:19:56.920
<v Speaker 1>want to say thank you, guys, to my boss bees

0:19:56.960 --> 0:20:00.280
<v Speaker 1>that have been with me from the very beginning when

0:20:00.280 --> 0:20:02.040
<v Speaker 1>I was turning twenty five, and that's what I was

0:20:02.080 --> 0:20:04.760
<v Speaker 1>introduced to the world, and now you're with me at

0:20:04.800 --> 0:20:07.359
<v Speaker 1>my fortieth And thank you for loving me through thick

0:20:07.400 --> 0:20:11.600
<v Speaker 1>and thin literally and for standing next to me and

0:20:11.600 --> 0:20:13.959
<v Speaker 1>supporting me in all my endeavors and everything that I do,

0:20:14.080 --> 0:20:17.680
<v Speaker 1>and being part of Bospion Nation and making this world

0:20:17.760 --> 0:20:19.960
<v Speaker 1>a better place one hard at a time. And I

0:20:20.000 --> 0:20:22.000
<v Speaker 1>did write something for all the women out there, I

0:20:22.080 --> 0:20:25.560
<v Speaker 1>just can't find it. Give me a second. So if

0:20:25.560 --> 0:20:29.160
<v Speaker 1>you're turning forty or thirty or fifty, or just entering

0:20:29.200 --> 0:20:32.760
<v Speaker 1>a new chapter, let this be you're a reminder you're

0:20:32.760 --> 0:20:37.000
<v Speaker 1>not late. You're not behind, You're becoming and that's something

0:20:37.080 --> 0:20:40.600
<v Speaker 1>to be proud of. Happy birthday to me and to

0:20:40.640 --> 0:20:44.960
<v Speaker 1>anyone who's choosing themselves again and again, Let's keep going

0:20:45.600 --> 0:20:49.040
<v Speaker 1>in love, in peace and in truth. Just keep swimming.

0:20:49.240 --> 0:20:52.600
<v Speaker 1>Just keep swimming like Dory. I love that movie. So

0:20:52.640 --> 0:20:54.359
<v Speaker 1>that's what I wrote, guys, and that's what I have

0:20:54.480 --> 0:20:57.120
<v Speaker 1>for this episode. I hope it all made sense. I

0:20:57.200 --> 0:21:00.119
<v Speaker 1>am so grateful that you're listening and that you're here

0:21:00.200 --> 0:21:02.479
<v Speaker 1>with me, and that you are going to enter this

0:21:02.520 --> 0:21:04.720
<v Speaker 1>new chapter of my life. I don't know what it holds,

0:21:04.760 --> 0:21:07.680
<v Speaker 1>but I know it's going to be beautiful. When I did

0:21:07.720 --> 0:21:11.120
<v Speaker 1>my first session of mushrooms the five grams last year,

0:21:11.840 --> 0:21:16.840
<v Speaker 1>I ough, guys, I really felt like God was allowing

0:21:16.880 --> 0:21:19.480
<v Speaker 1>me to feel so much joy with everything I had

0:21:19.520 --> 0:21:22.359
<v Speaker 1>been through. So I want to think that this next

0:21:22.400 --> 0:21:25.720
<v Speaker 1>half of my year, like this next half of my life,

0:21:26.560 --> 0:21:30.080
<v Speaker 1>is going to be of course ups and downs, but

0:21:30.359 --> 0:21:34.000
<v Speaker 1>just so different and a little bit more peaceful because

0:21:34.040 --> 0:21:38.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm choosing to choose myself and choose the things that

0:21:38.520 --> 0:21:40.959
<v Speaker 1>I'm into, and choose the things that I want and

0:21:41.000 --> 0:21:42.639
<v Speaker 1>to heal and all the things that I just said,

0:21:43.000 --> 0:21:46.160
<v Speaker 1>so say a little prayer for me, Blow a little

0:21:46.200 --> 0:21:49.239
<v Speaker 1>candle out for me because I'll be in Egypt. I

0:21:49.280 --> 0:21:51.639
<v Speaker 1>love you, I appreciate you very much, and thank you

0:21:51.680 --> 0:21:55.480
<v Speaker 1>for coming back to heal with me. I love you, guys.

0:21:55.520 --> 0:21:58.160
<v Speaker 1>I'll catch you on the next episode of Cheeky's and Chill.

0:22:01.720 --> 0:22:05.880
<v Speaker 1>This is a production of iHeartRadio and The microdoora podcast network.

0:22:06.320 --> 0:22:09.240
<v Speaker 1>Follow us on Instagram at Michael Doda Podcasts, then follow

0:22:09.280 --> 0:22:11.960
<v Speaker 1>me Cheeky's That's c h I q U i s.

0:22:12.480 --> 0:22:16.880
<v Speaker 1>For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

0:22:17.000 --> 0:22:19.240
<v Speaker 1>or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast