WEBVTT - Shedding Shame at Soho House 0:00:02.759 --> 0:00:05.440 Good evening everyone. My name is Martin Ekachuku. What works 0:00:05.440 --> 0:00:06.520 were your host for the evening? 0:00:06.840 --> 0:00:09.920 I'd like to introduce you to in conversations with Amy 0:00:09.960 --> 0:00:21.480 and TJ. Thank you, thank you. Hello everyone. Wow, there's 0:00:21.480 --> 0:00:24.280 a bright light on me. I haven't been under lights 0:00:24.320 --> 0:00:29.000 like these in well a year and a half. Should 0:00:29.000 --> 0:00:30.319 be familiar, but somehow it's not. 0:00:34.680 --> 0:00:39.639 We are taping a podcast tonight, and usually when we 0:00:39.720 --> 0:00:43.559 tape a podcast, we're in a small room, a little studio, 0:00:43.680 --> 0:00:47.279 with just two people in the room. And we love them, 0:00:47.280 --> 0:00:48.800 two producers of ours. I think one of them is 0:00:48.840 --> 0:00:52.159 floating around here tonight. But as wonderful as they are 0:00:52.280 --> 0:00:56.160 to us for what we need to do and want 0:00:56.200 --> 0:00:58.319 to do, tonight, we felt we needed a little more 0:00:58.440 --> 0:01:02.080 support and love than just two people could give us. 0:01:02.480 --> 0:01:03.639 And that's why you all to hear. 0:01:04.040 --> 0:01:06.520 So thank you, thank you for coming out. And I 0:01:06.520 --> 0:01:10.240 have to say thank you. It's not just the lights. 0:01:10.319 --> 0:01:15.200 I mean, we're nervous. We've been doing this podcast, as 0:01:15.200 --> 0:01:17.960 we mentioned, in this small room and it feels safe 0:01:18.000 --> 0:01:21.440 and small, like no one's listening. But we haven't been 0:01:21.520 --> 0:01:24.440 in front of a group of people. We've been hermits, 0:01:24.480 --> 0:01:27.000 we've been in hiding in a lot of ways for 0:01:27.200 --> 0:01:31.080 a long time. So I haven't seen you this nervous ever. 0:01:31.720 --> 0:01:37.680 Well, because I fully expect that somebody in the back 0:01:37.720 --> 0:01:39.760 of this room is going to be throwing tomatoes at us. 0:01:40.720 --> 0:01:44.000 And no, no, I say that somewhat jokingly, but we 0:01:44.120 --> 0:01:46.679 have been in a business with twenty five plus years. 0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:48.760 We've spoken in front of crowds before on TV, before 0:01:49.360 --> 0:01:51.880 all this, and this is probably one of the smaller 0:01:51.960 --> 0:01:54.720 audiences we've had in front of us live, so we 0:01:54.760 --> 0:01:59.400 shouldn't be nervous, but for whatever reason, we are scared. 0:01:59.680 --> 0:02:04.000 Listen and it's the truth, and I hope you all 0:02:04.040 --> 0:02:07.320 just bear with us a little bit. But this is 0:02:07.360 --> 0:02:10.200 a big deal for us to be in front of 0:02:10.240 --> 0:02:13.079 an audience again, because it hasn't happened in almost a year. 0:02:13.160 --> 0:02:16.280 Nat, that's right, and we want to thank all of 0:02:16.280 --> 0:02:19.560 you for coming out, and we also want to point 0:02:19.600 --> 0:02:22.079 out that we because this is such a big deal 0:02:22.120 --> 0:02:25.640 and this is kind of our coming out in a way, 0:02:25.800 --> 0:02:30.320 we just in public again once again. We wanted our 0:02:30.360 --> 0:02:34.360 parents here with us tonight. We couldn't have imagined doing 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:38.040 this without them, and so they have been our biggest 0:02:38.040 --> 0:02:42.240 supporters always throughout our entire lives, but especially during this 0:02:42.280 --> 0:02:43.960 past year and a half. So we thought it was 0:02:43.960 --> 0:02:47.240 a given that they would be here. But sadly they 0:02:47.240 --> 0:02:50.079 are not. And it's not because they didn't want to 0:02:50.120 --> 0:02:54.000 be here. There was actually just a bizarre turn of 0:02:54.040 --> 0:02:57.080 events with both of our parents. I know your father. 0:02:57.200 --> 0:02:59.880 We got a FaceTime from him last week and he 0:03:00.160 --> 0:03:02.600 had well he's seventy six years old, and he said, 0:03:02.600 --> 0:03:04.560 anytime your doctor says you need to go to the 0:03:04.600 --> 0:03:09.000 cardiologist immediately, there's something wrong. So he was not medically 0:03:09.080 --> 0:03:12.640 cleared to come here to fly at all. So that 0:03:12.760 --> 0:03:15.920 is the only reason why t and Mary are not 0:03:16.040 --> 0:03:17.160 here from West Memphis. 0:03:17.560 --> 0:03:20.880 Mama Roback and Papa Robach aren't here because Mama Robaq 0:03:20.960 --> 0:03:23.560 took a took a nasty spill a couple of months ago, 0:03:23.639 --> 0:03:26.400 shattered her shoulder and she has been recovering and the 0:03:26.440 --> 0:03:30.200 doctor told her also that she couldn't travel, she couldn't fly. 0:03:30.600 --> 0:03:33.880 So I actually call bullshit on both of them. 0:03:34.000 --> 0:03:37.640 See nice excuse we have got. 0:03:37.720 --> 0:03:41.080 We got to a point seriously all that that we 0:03:42.600 --> 0:03:46.040 got a mindset that every time we walked down the street, 0:03:46.640 --> 0:03:51.120 we thought every single person that we passed despised us. 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:56.760 We actually thought every single person hated us. Now we're intellectually, 0:03:56.800 --> 0:03:58.680 we know most people don't know who we are, don't 0:03:58.720 --> 0:04:03.200 give a damn who we are. And still I mean everybody, men, women, children, 0:04:03.640 --> 0:04:06.200 We thought everybody hated us. I could on a subway 0:04:06.240 --> 0:04:08.240 platform a five year old could look at me wrong, 0:04:08.280 --> 0:04:10.200 and I'm like, let's take the next train. I don't 0:04:10.240 --> 0:04:11.480 like to wait. This kid is eyeballed. 0:04:12.720 --> 0:04:15.280 If any of you out there are Game of Thrones fans, 0:04:15.280 --> 0:04:19.000 you'll understand this reference. I'm not even kidding. I we 0:04:19.520 --> 0:04:22.120 felt a little bit like Circe walking through the streets 0:04:22.160 --> 0:04:25.680 of Manhattan. Shame, shame, shame. I mean that is where 0:04:25.760 --> 0:04:28.000 it was that a certain movie kept our heads down 0:04:28.000 --> 0:04:30.640 in our pace very quick, and that is how we 0:04:30.720 --> 0:04:33.000 had been living for over a year. 0:04:33.520 --> 0:04:36.040 And so that's why we can't say enough how big 0:04:36.080 --> 0:04:37.839 of a deal it is for you all to be here. 0:04:38.120 --> 0:04:40.520 And this should be a safe place for us, right 0:04:40.560 --> 0:04:47.000 this is Soho House. Yeah, as they all sneaking recordings 0:04:47.240 --> 0:04:50.760 right now, it's supposed to be a safe place. It's 0:04:50.760 --> 0:04:52.840 not just because it's intimate and the Soho House, but 0:04:53.080 --> 0:04:55.880 we have a bunch of familiar faces in the room 0:04:55.880 --> 0:04:59.520 here with us tonight, a lot of close friends and 0:05:00.080 --> 0:05:02.680 some family as well. I know, I don't know where 0:05:03.080 --> 0:05:06.480 she is. I know Analise is here. Oh, there's the crew. 0:05:07.240 --> 0:05:09.920 Her daughter, Analise is seventeen year old. You will as 0:05:09.920 --> 0:05:12.320 she well, yeah, she's told everybody where she's she just 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:13.760 got accepted into college. 0:05:13.480 --> 0:05:17.479 And yeah she's going to the University of Colorado Boulder. 0:05:20.040 --> 0:05:22.920 Just got the news this week. And then there is 0:05:23.160 --> 0:05:26.839 Sabine TJ's eleven year old daughters sitting right next to Annalise. 0:05:27.279 --> 0:05:29.640 And we've got friends. This is the friend and family 0:05:29.720 --> 0:05:31.480 zone right over there. I so you guys actually even 0:05:31.520 --> 0:05:34.119 have a velvet rope separating you from everyone else. Wow, 0:05:34.760 --> 0:05:35.400 you're welcome. 0:05:37.839 --> 0:05:40.040 But thank you all so much for me here and 0:05:40.080 --> 0:05:43.799 we want to And I haven't seen him yet. Doctor Guardier. 0:05:43.839 --> 0:05:46.560 You all know Jeff Gardier. Where is doctor Guardier. He's 0:05:46.560 --> 0:05:48.920 in here, somewhere back here, but there he is. 0:05:49.720 --> 0:05:50.280 There is. 0:05:50.720 --> 0:05:53.000 Doctor Gardier has been a dear friend, somebody we've worked 0:05:53.000 --> 0:05:56.200 with for twenty years in the business. He is known 0:05:56.240 --> 0:05:58.960 as America's psychologist. And I assure you all, by the 0:05:59.000 --> 0:06:04.839 time you all leave here tonight, you all will want 0:06:04.880 --> 0:06:08.479 a little therapy. And I mean this by before you 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:10.680 all leave out here, you all will be questioning some 0:06:10.720 --> 0:06:12.760 of the choices you are making in your life right now. 0:06:12.760 --> 0:06:14.680 That's not our intent to like scare you or tell 0:06:14.720 --> 0:06:17.279 you doing something wrong. But as we go through and 0:06:17.279 --> 0:06:19.080 talk about what we want to talk about tonight, that 0:06:19.160 --> 0:06:21.400 will come up. And two things in particular we want 0:06:21.440 --> 0:06:23.960 to hit on tonight. One of them, you all are 0:06:23.960 --> 0:06:28.359 going to be the first to hear us say something 0:06:28.400 --> 0:06:31.640 we have not said publicly. You're going to hear us 0:06:32.320 --> 0:06:37.120 issue a thank you tonight publicly that even for us 0:06:38.400 --> 0:06:42.040 not too long ago, we would have thought unfathomable that 0:06:42.080 --> 0:06:44.960 we would dare be saying thank you and being grateful. 0:06:45.760 --> 0:06:47.880 So more on that in just a bit. But the 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:50.800 second thing we want to talk about tonight is yes, shame, 0:06:52.920 --> 0:06:53.160 you know. 0:06:53.240 --> 0:06:58.039 And obviously we just discussed the public shaming that we've 0:06:58.080 --> 0:07:02.680 experienced and it humiliating and I mean we were flogged 0:07:03.560 --> 0:07:05.719 and still are here and there and everywhere. But that's 0:07:05.760 --> 0:07:07.520 not what we want to talk about. We don't want 0:07:07.520 --> 0:07:09.200 to go back to that. We don't want to discuss that. 0:07:09.240 --> 0:07:11.720 We actually want to talk about the fact that the 0:07:11.760 --> 0:07:17.040 public shaming actually wasn't our undoing. It was the private 0:07:17.280 --> 0:07:22.080 shame that we're going to discuss. And we may be 0:07:22.200 --> 0:07:25.720 so bold as to say, we bet every single one 0:07:25.880 --> 0:07:29.520 of you in here knows exactly what we're talking about. 0:07:29.720 --> 0:07:33.000 And we're talking about that shame that causes you to hide, 0:07:33.120 --> 0:07:38.000 that shame that causes you to pretend you're something you're not, 0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:41.239 that shame that causes you to try to be something 0:07:41.240 --> 0:07:43.080 else because you're hiding. You're scared you're going to be 0:07:43.080 --> 0:07:45.160 found out. You're scared somebody is going to think you're 0:07:45.200 --> 0:07:48.720 not enough. It's that private shame that was our undoing. 0:07:48.840 --> 0:07:52.800 Is that private shame that causes us to hide? Well, 0:07:53.040 --> 0:07:57.320 you all tonight we are done hiding. 0:07:57.440 --> 0:08:03.240 Officially told you we were coming out, coming out in 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:07.800 a big way. And when we talk about that shame, 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:16.320 we don't. We weren't exposed, and this is an interesting concept. 0:08:16.360 --> 0:08:21.560 We weren't exposed for being together. We were exposed initially 0:08:22.560 --> 0:08:26.480 for not actually living the lives that we were portraying 0:08:27.280 --> 0:08:31.960 to the world. And so because we weren't living those 0:08:32.000 --> 0:08:35.840 lives that we were showing everyone, we weren't able to 0:08:35.960 --> 0:08:38.280 actually expose our relationship. 0:08:38.720 --> 0:08:40.360 I saw some of you all nad your head as 0:08:40.360 --> 0:08:42.520 soon as she said, we're not living the lives that 0:08:42.559 --> 0:08:46.480 we were putting on and the lives we had. Look 0:08:46.559 --> 0:08:52.280 I we are. We got two pretty impressive resumes between 0:08:52.320 --> 0:08:56.400 the two of us. We both honor students broadcast degrees. 0:08:56.600 --> 0:09:00.200 We both were in cable network news before the aidge 0:09:00.200 --> 0:09:03.440 of thirty. We have been called upon all of the 0:09:03.480 --> 0:09:05.719 country by a number of organizations to be a part 0:09:05.760 --> 0:09:08.320 of it. We've made millions of millions of dollars in 0:09:08.400 --> 0:09:15.240 this business. Hell. October fourteenth, twenty twenty two was officially 0:09:15.320 --> 0:09:17.600 Amy Robot Day at the University of Georgia. 0:09:18.559 --> 0:09:23.280 I'm sure they celebrated it last year. Yeah, probably not. 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:27.680 I actually am the recipient of the Young Alumni Award 0:09:27.720 --> 0:09:32.400 at the University of Arkansas, and I was the celebrity 0:09:32.480 --> 0:09:35.240 hall caller at a Razorback football game. Now up here, 0:09:35.280 --> 0:09:37.800 that might not mean much to y'all, I assure you, 0:09:37.840 --> 0:09:41.720 it's a really big deal where I'm from. 0:09:41.840 --> 0:09:46.200 But what wasn't attached to those resumes, or what was 0:09:46.240 --> 0:09:47.880 attached to those resumes, Well. 0:09:47.720 --> 0:09:53.559 What's attached to them now? For divorces. Between the two 0:09:53.679 --> 0:09:57.400 of us sitting on this stage, there are now four divorces, 0:09:57.440 --> 0:10:03.040 and this is where the private shame. We had very 0:10:03.120 --> 0:10:09.440 perfect looking families and perfect looking lives, and we were 0:10:09.480 --> 0:10:13.000 guilty at times of putting out an image of our 0:10:13.080 --> 0:10:15.280 lives that we knew was not true. 0:10:15.600 --> 0:10:20.120 Yeah, I'll take that one. I can point specifically to 0:10:20.400 --> 0:10:25.440 July of twenty twenty two. I posted a picture with 0:10:25.600 --> 0:10:29.800 a beautiful sunset behind me, and if you saw it, 0:10:30.320 --> 0:10:35.840 I believe it said goodnight Athens was the was the caption. 0:10:36.040 --> 0:10:40.040 And I was in Greece, and you saw that picture 0:10:40.080 --> 0:10:44.560 and it looked like a rosy picture of a beautiful marriage, 0:10:46.120 --> 0:10:49.600 just picture perfect in every way. And I posted it 0:10:49.679 --> 0:10:52.400 because I actually got a text from a friend who said, 0:10:53.040 --> 0:10:56.720 some of us are concerned. We're not seeing pictures of 0:10:56.760 --> 0:10:59.280 you two like we used to on your Instagram. And 0:10:59.320 --> 0:11:02.720 I immediate lee was so afraid that anyone I knew 0:11:02.840 --> 0:11:05.640 thought would know or would think that something was wrong. 0:11:06.160 --> 0:11:08.880 I didn't want anyone to think anything was wrong, and 0:11:08.920 --> 0:11:13.199 so I posted that picture. The problem is everything was wrong. 0:11:13.240 --> 0:11:18.280 When I posted that picture, I was almost sure my 0:11:18.360 --> 0:11:22.440 marriage was over, and yet I didn't want anyone to know, 0:11:22.600 --> 0:11:26.600 and no one did know for a while. And I 0:11:26.640 --> 0:11:30.440 know you have a very similar story. 0:11:30.679 --> 0:11:34.880 If anybody followed me, it was obvious for a couple 0:11:34.920 --> 0:11:38.160 of years leading up to that that I essentially had 0:11:38.200 --> 0:11:44.480 no images or wasn't putting out anything related to my marriage. 0:11:44.800 --> 0:11:48.120 But beyond that, I moved out of my marital home 0:11:48.200 --> 0:11:50.960 on August twenty fourth, twenty twenty two, started a new 0:11:51.040 --> 0:11:54.240 lease at a new place. I was August twenty fourth 0:11:55.840 --> 0:12:00.360 and divorce was underway. August twenty fifth. I went to 0:12:00.480 --> 0:12:04.280 work and got on TV with my wedding band on 0:12:04.360 --> 0:12:08.400 August twenty sixth, Wedding Bank on the whole month of September, 0:12:09.640 --> 0:12:14.800 wedding Band on TV October November. Same thing. And I 0:12:14.840 --> 0:12:17.880 wouldn't wear it anywhere else. I would just go to 0:12:17.960 --> 0:12:20.440 the studio, go into my dressing room where I kept it, 0:12:20.720 --> 0:12:23.800 put it on for the show, take it off. I 0:12:23.840 --> 0:12:28.640 didn't want anybody to know that I had another failed marriage, 0:12:29.320 --> 0:12:33.240 and I wasn't ready for anybody to know that, And 0:12:33.320 --> 0:12:38.640 I went even went so far as every morning at 0:12:38.760 --> 0:12:41.719 GMA Good Morning America, there's a producer that will send 0:12:41.800 --> 0:12:44.440 you an email asking what time you want your car 0:12:44.440 --> 0:12:46.640 pickup to be to bring you to studio, and they 0:12:46.640 --> 0:12:50.080 have your home address on file so they just going 0:12:50.120 --> 0:12:51.760 to add what time you want it tomorrow, and me 0:12:52.080 --> 0:12:54.360 usually when I work and if i'm certainly if I'm 0:12:54.360 --> 0:12:57.640 anchoring Good Morning America, I would have a pick up 0:12:57.679 --> 0:13:02.160 at four four fifteen in the morning. And four months 0:13:02.760 --> 0:13:07.600 I didn't update my address and I would walk out 0:13:07.760 --> 0:13:10.880 of my new home at three forty five am four am, 0:13:11.480 --> 0:13:15.440 and I would walk downtown the fifteen plus minutes over 0:13:15.520 --> 0:13:21.240 to my marital my place i'd moved out of, and 0:13:22.160 --> 0:13:26.840 I would sneak behind cars or behind the building. Because 0:13:26.880 --> 0:13:28.800 the driver was parked at the door, he knew I 0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:33.760 wasn't coming out. I was dipping and hiding, trying to 0:13:33.840 --> 0:13:37.640 make sure he didn't know that something was up. I 0:13:37.720 --> 0:13:41.920 went to that type of extreme just to make sure 0:13:42.000 --> 0:13:46.080 you all didn't know that I was a failure in 0:13:46.200 --> 0:13:48.319 a personal aspect of my life. 0:13:48.960 --> 0:13:52.920 Yeah, and I think when you look at Instagram, everyone 0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:56.840 does look super happy. And I was one hundred percent 0:13:56.840 --> 0:13:59.679 guilty of that as well. And I mentioned that one 0:13:59.720 --> 0:14:02.800 photo I took which I still feel guilty about. But 0:14:02.960 --> 0:14:05.360 I looked back, and I looked back and just saw 0:14:05.559 --> 0:14:07.840 what I was posting versus what I was living, and 0:14:07.880 --> 0:14:09.840 it couldn't have been more different. But the truth is, 0:14:09.880 --> 0:14:12.400 and I think this is where I believe there's a 0:14:12.440 --> 0:14:15.600 lot of commonality with all of us. I wanted my 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:18.839 life to actually be what it looked like on Instagram 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:24.480 so badly. I was also on my second marriage. I 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:28.040 had invested, you know, so much of my heart, my children, 0:14:28.840 --> 0:14:32.480 his children. I wanted it. I needed it to be 0:14:32.680 --> 0:14:34.920 what it looked like. I needed it to be what 0:14:35.000 --> 0:14:41.920 it seemed, And mostly for my children, I wanted there 0:14:42.000 --> 0:14:46.040 to be this picture perfect family that they could trust 0:14:46.240 --> 0:14:50.360 and count on, especially because this wasn't even their father 0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:54.240 or their biological brothers. So I'd already had upheaval once. 0:14:54.720 --> 0:14:57.360 I didn't want to do it again. But if I'm 0:14:57.400 --> 0:15:01.200 being honest, the other reason why I wanted so badly 0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:05.560 my Instagram feed to be my life is that my ego. 0:15:07.000 --> 0:15:10.600 I didn't want to be a failure. I didn't want 0:15:10.640 --> 0:15:15.360 to have another failed marriage. I wanted to be the 0:15:15.400 --> 0:15:19.120 perfect wife and the perfect mother, and two failed marriages, 0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:21.760 that's I mean. I remember when I told my mom, 0:15:21.800 --> 0:15:24.600 I said, my daughter has dark hair and blue eyes, 0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:27.520 my oldest one. And I said, unfortunately, Mom, you have 0:15:27.560 --> 0:15:30.280 a granddaughter who looks like Elizabeth Taylor and a daughter 0:15:30.320 --> 0:15:35.840 who's becoming Elizabeth Taylor, and it just I desperately didn't 0:15:35.880 --> 0:15:37.840 want it to be true, and so I put up 0:15:37.840 --> 0:15:43.280 a front. I pretended, I played along. I wanted to believe, 0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:45.360 and I wanted you to believe. I wanted all of 0:15:45.360 --> 0:15:46.520 you to believe that it was true. 0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:50.120 How many did Elizabeth Taylor end up with husbands? Seven? 0:15:51.000 --> 0:15:55.200 So you about halfway? But the luve Okay, that was 0:15:55.280 --> 0:16:00.920 not a wedding announcement. Okay, y'all, it was not, but 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:03.160 it was the same. I had had a picture perfect 0:16:04.080 --> 0:16:08.480 looking family, but I went to extremes. I didn't tell 0:16:08.520 --> 0:16:12.520 my mama I was getting divorced. She had no idea 0:16:12.640 --> 0:16:17.080 until everything blew up. There was I mean, Robot knew, 0:16:17.120 --> 0:16:19.320 of course, but there was only one person in all 0:16:19.360 --> 0:16:24.480 that time that I sat down, looked in their eyes 0:16:24.640 --> 0:16:29.840 and said that the divorce was happening, and that one 0:16:29.920 --> 0:16:40.440 person is in the room tonight, Sabine. 0:16:40.560 --> 0:16:47.400 Obviously it's you know, this is the divorce itself. Are divorces. 0:16:47.440 --> 0:16:50.640 Those were the painful moments. We were struggling through that 0:16:50.760 --> 0:16:54.480 privately in so many ways, and so we weren't ready 0:16:55.080 --> 0:16:59.440 to publicly talk about that anyone who's been through a 0:16:59.480 --> 0:17:03.240 field relaselationship and especially a failed marriage knows when children 0:17:03.280 --> 0:17:07.760 are involved, it is a completely different ballgame. And so yes, 0:17:07.840 --> 0:17:09.520 part of it is ego, of course, wanting to keep 0:17:09.520 --> 0:17:11.600 it private, but so much of it is also protecting 0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:14.879 your children and not wanting them to be exposed to 0:17:15.520 --> 0:17:19.560 the publicity that ensues. Ironically, it all blew up in 0:17:19.560 --> 0:17:23.119 our face because because we weren't transparent with what was 0:17:23.160 --> 0:17:29.120 actually happening in our relationships before this relationship started, everything 0:17:29.240 --> 0:17:35.040 got completely blown out of proportion, and every single person, 0:17:35.200 --> 0:17:38.560 every single outlet that wrote about us got it wrong, 0:17:39.480 --> 0:17:43.840 completely wrong, and nearly I would say most people who 0:17:43.920 --> 0:17:47.960 read what was written believed it. I understand why, but 0:17:48.080 --> 0:17:49.879 it couldn't have been further from the truth. But there 0:17:49.960 --> 0:17:55.399 was real pain and real emotion behind everything that was 0:17:55.440 --> 0:18:00.880 happening before before that tabloid followed us. 0:18:10.000 --> 0:18:11.800 I'm back now, I'm good. Now, I'm good. That was 0:18:11.840 --> 0:18:14.439 just that was just a blip. I'm fine. One of 0:18:14.440 --> 0:18:17.199 my boys, Charles is here. He's like I thought he 0:18:17.200 --> 0:18:19.359 was about to walk out the room. He's signed up 0:18:19.359 --> 0:18:19.520 for this. 0:18:22.200 --> 0:18:24.520 I need a drink, but I. 0:18:24.720 --> 0:18:26.919 Did I I Sat, I was talking about Sat sa 0:18:26.960 --> 0:18:30.480 Bean down and and Soho at her favorite restaurant, Bo Cafe, 0:18:30.560 --> 0:18:33.560 which has now moved that location. But we sat down 0:18:33.600 --> 0:18:35.879 and that summer and I explained it to her and 0:18:35.920 --> 0:18:38.240 I was shocked at how well she took it and 0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:41.200 didn't seem very surprised at all. That could have should 0:18:41.200 --> 0:18:43.119 have been telling. Uh. Then we got ice cream and 0:18:43.119 --> 0:18:46.120 everything was cool. She we just had to be talking 0:18:46.359 --> 0:18:48.040 yesterday and I told her I had a surprise. She 0:18:48.040 --> 0:18:50.000 got out of school, had a text message. I said, hey, 0:18:50.440 --> 0:18:54.399 I got some news for you, and in typical like 0:18:54.440 --> 0:18:56.520 her daddy fashion, I was She said it's good news, 0:18:56.560 --> 0:18:58.720 bad news. I said, just come on over after school. 0:18:58.720 --> 0:19:02.040 I'll explain. And the news was only that she was 0:19:02.040 --> 0:19:03.880 going to be allowed in tonight. Right, she's the only 0:19:04.040 --> 0:19:06.920 kid in here, so appreciate your Soho house for making 0:19:06.920 --> 0:19:10.720 an exception for my little one. But she I told 0:19:10.720 --> 0:19:13.680 her what was up, and I did. I explain to her, sweetheart, 0:19:12.920 --> 0:19:17.119 if it's bad news, then I will probably invite you 0:19:17.160 --> 0:19:21.280 to your favorite restaurant for a meal to break the news. 0:19:21.840 --> 0:19:24.400 And it dawned on me, Oh damn, the last time 0:19:24.440 --> 0:19:24.879 I did that? 0:19:25.080 --> 0:19:26.320 Oh yeah, not funny? 0:19:26.480 --> 0:19:31.639 Was that too? Some but she was. We were working 0:19:31.680 --> 0:19:36.719 to get families and kids settled for months before we 0:19:36.800 --> 0:19:41.920 announced or or told anybody else that we were getting divorced, 0:19:41.960 --> 0:19:44.879 and of course everything got blown up the way it did. 0:19:45.119 --> 0:19:48.959 And so we have spent the better part of this 0:19:49.000 --> 0:19:53.080 past year and a half trying to make amends. We 0:19:53.800 --> 0:19:59.119 recognize that we can explain why we didn't tell people 0:19:59.160 --> 0:20:01.239 what was going on in our private lives. We can 0:20:01.320 --> 0:20:04.400 explain why we weren't transparent, but that doesn't take away 0:20:04.400 --> 0:20:07.720 the pain that this caused the people who we love 0:20:07.800 --> 0:20:11.600 the most, our children, our parents, our friends. So many 0:20:11.600 --> 0:20:16.600 people were personally impacted by our lack of transparency, our 0:20:16.680 --> 0:20:21.800 unwillingness to keep it real, be honest with ourselves and 0:20:21.840 --> 0:20:25.720 with the world, and the people who you know, trusted 0:20:25.800 --> 0:20:30.320 us each and every morning. We were not transparent, bottom line, 0:20:30.359 --> 0:20:32.200 and we should have been, and we could have been, 0:20:32.680 --> 0:20:35.080 and looking back now, we wish we had been. That 0:20:35.280 --> 0:20:40.000 is our biggest folly, and we have been apologizing and 0:20:40.040 --> 0:20:41.800 trying to make amends to the people who we love 0:20:41.840 --> 0:20:44.680 the most. But we also know that, and I don't 0:20:44.680 --> 0:20:48.439 think we've said this before, we want to apologize to 0:20:49.400 --> 0:20:52.080 our viewers and to our fans and to the people 0:20:52.160 --> 0:20:56.160 to this many people who've supported us throughout our careers, 0:20:56.160 --> 0:20:59.679 who trusted us. We were not forthcoming. We were not 0:20:59.720 --> 0:21:02.679 trans parent about what our private lives had been like 0:21:03.160 --> 0:21:05.359 that led us to the point where we could actually 0:21:05.400 --> 0:21:07.679 be a couple and be accepted as a couple. We 0:21:07.760 --> 0:21:12.040 did not, We did not make the right decisions when 0:21:12.080 --> 0:21:14.520 we look back now, and let's. 0:21:14.440 --> 0:21:18.560 Be clear here we talk about transparency, let me make 0:21:18.600 --> 0:21:24.320 this as transparent as we can. We didn't mean to 0:21:24.400 --> 0:21:27.880 fall in love. We didn't expect to fall in love. 0:21:28.920 --> 0:21:33.000 We didn't even realize we were falling in love, and 0:21:33.080 --> 0:21:35.520 giving all that was on the line, you could even 0:21:35.640 --> 0:21:40.119 argue we didn't want to fall in love, which seems 0:21:40.160 --> 0:21:43.280 like an odd thing to say about the woman you're 0:21:43.320 --> 0:21:45.280 sitting on stage with that you claim to be in 0:21:45.320 --> 0:21:47.959 love with. I don't want to be in love with 0:21:48.000 --> 0:21:51.439 you right back at you. That's a weird thing to think. 0:21:52.359 --> 0:21:56.520 But we didn't. It wasn't what we were planning for. 0:21:56.640 --> 0:22:00.800 But it happened. It did, it had and at work. 0:22:01.480 --> 0:22:05.160 I know we're the first ever to fall in love 0:22:05.200 --> 0:22:11.280 it or I get it, but it happened, and we 0:22:11.320 --> 0:22:14.680 are grateful for it. Now and the journey that's brought 0:22:14.760 --> 0:22:16.800 us here in front of you we can be grateful for. 0:22:16.960 --> 0:22:23.760 But we believe anybody in this room you know it 0:22:23.800 --> 0:22:27.840 when you find it, that thing that you know it, 0:22:28.560 --> 0:22:31.800 and you gotta go for it. When that rare thing 0:22:31.920 --> 0:22:38.320 happens in maybe it's love, but when it's right there 0:22:38.320 --> 0:22:42.439 in front of your, life is too short and you 0:22:42.680 --> 0:22:46.119 have to go for it. We're not at all endorsing 0:22:46.400 --> 0:22:50.120 anybody going for it at all costs. You don't go 0:22:50.240 --> 0:22:52.959 for it, and everybody else be damned. That's not what 0:22:53.000 --> 0:22:57.840 we're saying, and that is not what we did. We 0:22:58.040 --> 0:23:02.199 absolutely made missteps along the way, but there are reasons 0:23:02.440 --> 0:23:07.359 and experiences we've had in our lives that informed the 0:23:07.440 --> 0:23:10.720 decision we made, which is a very deliberate one to 0:23:10.800 --> 0:23:13.760 be together, and a part of that is life is 0:23:13.840 --> 0:23:16.600 short and you gotta go for it. 0:23:18.560 --> 0:23:23.159 You know. That's my language. And TJ talked about our 0:23:23.200 --> 0:23:27.399 resumes and how we got to where we we ended up, 0:23:27.440 --> 0:23:30.159 which was at the height of our career at the 0:23:30.240 --> 0:23:32.800 number one morning show, and we worked our asses off 0:23:32.840 --> 0:23:35.080 to get there almost thirty years for me and same 0:23:35.160 --> 0:23:40.720 with TJ. And that success came at a huge price 0:23:40.760 --> 0:23:43.639 to our health. I think it's fair to say, and 0:23:43.680 --> 0:23:45.399 we'll go through it a little bit because this is 0:23:45.440 --> 0:23:50.840 all going to tie into our theme. But our jobs 0:23:52.400 --> 0:23:58.400 almost killed us. I had heart surgery that I don't 0:23:58.440 --> 0:24:02.000 really talk about in twenty eleven. It was a four 0:24:02.000 --> 0:24:05.000 hour heart surgery. I had a dangerous arrhythmia, and my 0:24:05.080 --> 0:24:08.640 cardiologist they can't tell you how or why, but clearly 0:24:08.680 --> 0:24:13.960 stress most likely contributed to that condition. And two years 0:24:14.080 --> 0:24:18.359 later I was diagnosed with breast cancer and to have 0:24:18.440 --> 0:24:22.800 heart surgery and breast cancer two years apart, working ninety 0:24:22.840 --> 0:24:25.800 hour weeks with the pressure of network news. I don't 0:24:25.840 --> 0:24:30.320 think that's a coincidence. You have a story as well. 0:24:30.520 --> 0:24:37.359 Look, my doctor found a A and I have normality 0:24:37.440 --> 0:24:42.160 in my heart, I should say, And it alarmed him 0:24:42.200 --> 0:24:45.000 to the point that it alarmed me. Right, you don't 0:24:45.000 --> 0:24:46.440