WEBVTT - #115 This weighs heavy on me. 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:04.200 It's a normal feeling question that I have felt many 0:00:04.240 --> 0:00:07.200 times in my life. It would be hard to tell 0:00:07.240 --> 0:00:23.240 you that I don't still feel the weight of that question. Brody. Hey, everybody, 0:00:23.400 --> 0:00:26.120 welcome back to the podcast. Thank you for listening wherever 0:00:26.160 --> 0:00:30.280 you're coming from, and however you're listening or watching, which 0:00:30.360 --> 0:00:33.440 by the way, on Spotify. Now on if you're listening 0:00:33.479 --> 0:00:36.960 to the podcast on Spotify, you can now watch these videos. 0:00:37.479 --> 0:00:39.320 So you could not only hear, but you could see 0:00:39.400 --> 0:00:42.880 my ugly face on Spotify. So really cool feature we 0:00:43.000 --> 0:00:46.440 just added and everywhere else. Thank you, guys. I am 0:00:46.560 --> 0:00:51.479 so grateful to have this platform. It just it allows 0:00:51.520 --> 0:00:55.120 me to get super close to you guys in long form. 0:00:55.480 --> 0:00:57.360 And what I do on this podcast if you're new 0:00:57.400 --> 0:01:00.400 to it, is I answer your question and if you 0:01:00.440 --> 0:01:05.080 have anything for me, email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. 0:01:05.240 --> 0:01:08.679 Could be about any subject, and I don't have a 0:01:08.720 --> 0:01:11.840 bunch of notes around me and books and reference guides. 0:01:12.880 --> 0:01:14.800 I'm gonna take this as if me and you are 0:01:14.840 --> 0:01:18.360 sitting around a campfire and you know it's getting late 0:01:18.400 --> 0:01:21.679 and the fire's burning down to its embers, and you go, hey, man, 0:01:21.680 --> 0:01:23.440 can I ask you a question? There's something I've been 0:01:24.040 --> 0:01:26.240 going through or dealing with, or a question about my 0:01:26.319 --> 0:01:29.760 boss or my career, or a girl or a guy, 0:01:29.959 --> 0:01:33.120 or how to start a business or you know, whatever. 0:01:33.160 --> 0:01:36.040 It might be, how to play guitar, could be anything, 0:01:37.400 --> 0:01:40.800 and we'll just both walk through it as if we're 0:01:40.840 --> 0:01:43.360 sitting around a campfire to go, Well, I tell you 0:01:44.280 --> 0:01:46.759 the way I would do it. It might not be right. 0:01:47.680 --> 0:01:52.240 Hopefully it's not absolutely wrong, but either way, it's a conversation. 0:01:52.360 --> 0:01:55.760 And that's what this podcast really is a conversation, and 0:01:55.840 --> 0:02:00.080 I value that. It's a special thing, and all the 0:02:00.120 --> 0:02:04.080 things that I do in my career, it's a special 0:02:04.160 --> 0:02:07.160 thing to be able to talk through this. It's it's 0:02:07.200 --> 0:02:10.000 you know, playing music on stage for me, writing music, 0:02:10.160 --> 0:02:16.600 recording music, selling Gigie apparel or being an ambassad for 0:02:16.639 --> 0:02:21.679 that brand, you know, doing funny Earl Dubbles videos. Those 0:02:21.720 --> 0:02:25.080 are all fun and fulfilling in their own way. But 0:02:25.160 --> 0:02:28.320 this podcast is just it's special. So anyway, thank you. 0:02:29.720 --> 0:02:31.880 I don't have anybody with me today, it's just me 0:02:31.960 --> 0:02:34.639 at the table and I'm gonna get right to the questions. 0:02:35.160 --> 0:02:37.880 The first one it comes from Jake and it says 0:02:38.360 --> 0:02:43.280 subject client says relationship Q and A. It says, So, 0:02:43.360 --> 0:02:45.560 I'm a senior in high school and intern at my 0:02:45.600 --> 0:02:49.400 local church. I'm going into ministry school for college. I 0:02:49.440 --> 0:02:52.080 really like this girl who has a boyfriend, and I 0:02:52.120 --> 0:02:54.400 can't get her off my mind. She loves the Lord. 0:02:54.680 --> 0:02:58.399 She's so beautiful. I just smile thinking of her. She's 0:02:58.440 --> 0:03:01.440 going into the same ministry call just me next year. 0:03:01.560 --> 0:03:05.720 What do I do? Comes from Jake, don't know where 0:03:05.760 --> 0:03:08.000 you're from? You, guys, make sure you tell me where 0:03:08.000 --> 0:03:10.560 you're from and put anonymous. If you don't want me 0:03:10.600 --> 0:03:13.160 to say your name, put anonymous, but tell me where 0:03:13.160 --> 0:03:15.800 you're from. It kind of helps me frame the picture 0:03:15.800 --> 0:03:18.760 in my mind of where Jake, where you are, and 0:03:19.280 --> 0:03:25.119 what you're dealing with here. So so, dude, very very 0:03:25.240 --> 0:03:28.720 normal problem. Not to dismiss it, but very normal. This 0:03:28.760 --> 0:03:31.840 has been happening, your story has been happening for thousands 0:03:31.919 --> 0:03:35.960 of years, literally thousands of years, and so it's good 0:03:35.960 --> 0:03:37.920 to know that you're in good company and that your 0:03:37.960 --> 0:03:41.720 problem is not that crazy. You like a girl, you 0:03:41.800 --> 0:03:44.840 think she's beautiful, she's got a boyfriend, she doesn't know 0:03:44.880 --> 0:03:49.480 you like her. What do you do? From here? Where 0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:53.480 I'm going to start with you at this campfire conversation 0:03:54.560 --> 0:03:56.840 is I'm going to start by saying, you're a senior 0:03:56.840 --> 0:04:00.400 in high school. This email came yesterday, so it's relevant 0:04:00.440 --> 0:04:03.920 to the time. You're senior in high school and you're 0:04:03.920 --> 0:04:07.040 gonna you're gonna have another semester of high school before 0:04:07.040 --> 0:04:10.600 you go off to college. I would in this situation, Jake, 0:04:11.000 --> 0:04:13.840 I would sit tight. And I know that that's tough. 0:04:14.560 --> 0:04:17.080 You know sometimes I sometimes I'll answer this question with 0:04:17.160 --> 0:04:19.600 you by saying, go after it. Go talk to her, 0:04:20.200 --> 0:04:22.480 you know, go and tell her, be honest, be vulnerable, 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:24.160 tell her what you're what you're going through. But in 0:04:24.200 --> 0:04:29.520 this situation, she's going to college with you next year. 0:04:31.240 --> 0:04:33.560 First question is is this guy is the boyfriend going? 0:04:33.680 --> 0:04:37.560 Don't know, but she's going. You're going, and that's next year. 0:04:37.600 --> 0:04:41.440 That means you have you have January through June at 0:04:41.480 --> 0:04:43.560 school in high school, and then you got the summer, 0:04:44.440 --> 0:04:46.919 and a lot can change, a lot can happen. So 0:04:47.120 --> 0:04:49.880 I would I would hold tight. I would continue to 0:04:50.839 --> 0:04:56.320 be a resource for her as a friend, continue to 0:04:56.320 --> 0:04:59.279 to have her back if she if she needs advice 0:04:59.440 --> 0:05:03.440 or she want something, without stepping over the line of 0:05:03.480 --> 0:05:06.719 what's inappropriate because she's she has a boyfriend, Like, like, 0:05:06.839 --> 0:05:09.239 you're not gonna go on a one on one dinner 0:05:09.320 --> 0:05:12.480 date and you know, get sushi or something. You know, 0:05:14.160 --> 0:05:16.599 that might be drawing, that might be going over the line. 0:05:16.680 --> 0:05:20.360 But I would hang tight, Jake. I would just see 0:05:20.360 --> 0:05:22.800 how this pans out, because you might go to college 0:05:22.839 --> 0:05:25.440 next year and everything changes, and this question is completely 0:05:25.480 --> 0:05:28.719 irrelevant because either you find somebody else and you like 0:05:28.760 --> 0:05:31.400 somebody else because you're still young and that could definitely happen, 0:05:32.600 --> 0:05:36.599 or you guys get closer as you go off to 0:05:36.640 --> 0:05:40.920 college together. You you have more in common because now 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:44.960 you're isolated, you're out of high school and things could change. 0:05:45.240 --> 0:05:48.480 So hold tight. Email back when the situation changes, and 0:05:48.520 --> 0:05:51.919 we'll we'll walk through the next step. In my opinion, 0:05:52.960 --> 0:05:56.520 Thanks for the Thanks for the email, Buddy. I I 0:05:56.560 --> 0:05:59.040 looked at Jake's question before I started this podcast and 0:05:59.080 --> 0:06:01.320 everything else I'm a about to read you. I have 0:06:02.240 --> 0:06:05.200 no clue where I'm going. I have no idea if 0:06:05.200 --> 0:06:08.400 I'm about to go into Grandpa Died or how to 0:06:08.400 --> 0:06:11.800 play guitar? But well, you're going to join with me, Okay, 0:06:11.960 --> 0:06:16.960 you listeners, you're gonna take this journey with me. Okay, 0:06:19.839 --> 0:06:22.680 subject line Hello sir, Hello mister Smith. That's such a 0:06:22.680 --> 0:06:25.400 great honor to watch your videos on YouTube. I'm sending 0:06:25.440 --> 0:06:28.839 you an email for the first time ever. You are 0:06:28.839 --> 0:06:31.920 a very inspiring person to me, admitting that you're doing 0:06:31.960 --> 0:06:34.360 a very well job. I would like to ask you, 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:40.880 how can I become a famous rapper? Is knowing that 0:06:40.920 --> 0:06:43.799 I'm doing the best to post all my videos everywhere 0:06:44.120 --> 0:06:47.640 around different platforms such as YouTube, daily Motion, and so forth, 0:06:48.800 --> 0:06:54.360 what do you think I should do? The only name 0:06:54.440 --> 0:06:58.120 I have from this guy is in the in his email, 0:06:58.120 --> 0:07:00.960 it says Victorious. So maybe your name, I'll call you Victorious. 0:07:01.400 --> 0:07:06.040 That's a cool rapper name, right, So you are. You're 0:07:06.080 --> 0:07:12.840 posting videos your different platforms, making a presence on social media. Great, 0:07:12.960 --> 0:07:18.000 great lots of music, be writing lots of music. Be 0:07:18.000 --> 0:07:22.960 be collabing with other people, especially in your genre. Collabing 0:07:23.080 --> 0:07:26.880 is a huge deal. So collab with with singers. If 0:07:26.880 --> 0:07:29.120 you're not a singer, collab with singers. They sing in 0:07:29.120 --> 0:07:32.240 the chorus, you rap the verses. Collab with other rappers. 0:07:33.120 --> 0:07:35.760 I would go to concerts. I would. I would talk 0:07:35.800 --> 0:07:39.320 to people at concerts. I would I would try to 0:07:39.320 --> 0:07:42.120 meet people backstage. There was an option you could. You 0:07:42.160 --> 0:07:44.880 could go the road crew route, right like you could. 0:07:45.080 --> 0:07:48.720 You could work for somebody for cheap on the weekends 0:07:48.960 --> 0:07:53.040 and just to see how the whole environment rolls. Maybe 0:07:53.040 --> 0:07:54.800 you don't. Maybe you already know that, so that's not 0:07:54.800 --> 0:07:58.320 a big deal. I would talk to I would send 0:07:58.400 --> 0:08:01.480 messages to different see if you can get a meeting 0:08:01.480 --> 0:08:04.000 with an A and R crew. And that means you 0:08:04.040 --> 0:08:06.760 go in, you pick your three best songs, your best 0:08:06.760 --> 0:08:09.400 songs that you have, and you try to set up 0:08:09.440 --> 0:08:13.320 a meeting with an A and R team. And sometimes 0:08:13.360 --> 0:08:15.000 those are hard to get. Sometimes you got to go 0:08:15.000 --> 0:08:17.960 to the receptionist, which is cool. Just go to the receptionists, go, 0:08:18.320 --> 0:08:21.120 I have three songs, these three. Don't give them ten, 0:08:21.240 --> 0:08:24.640 don't give them twelve, don't give them one. Three. That's 0:08:24.640 --> 0:08:27.120 your magic number, all right, victorious, give them three songs 0:08:27.520 --> 0:08:31.040 that you're the most proud of. Now. Sometimes people struggle 0:08:31.080 --> 0:08:36.559 with this because sometimes in music people will will correct 0:08:36.640 --> 0:08:40.840 and change and tweak the same three songs for ten years. 0:08:40.880 --> 0:08:43.920 And I know people like this. They're never happy enough 0:08:43.960 --> 0:08:46.480 that they think that I can make this better. This 0:08:46.600 --> 0:08:49.520 is better, this is good. And of course it could 0:08:49.520 --> 0:08:52.120 always be better. And this is probably good advice for 0:08:52.480 --> 0:08:55.800 a lot of different careers, but it could always be better. 0:08:55.800 --> 0:08:57.640 But at some point you got to go, this is 0:08:57.679 --> 0:09:02.320 good enough right now. And it's hard as a perfectionist 0:09:02.400 --> 0:09:05.200 that you probably are, it's hard sometimes to go to 0:09:05.200 --> 0:09:07.079 know that this is good enough right now, but you 0:09:07.160 --> 0:09:09.720 got to go. You gotta move with these three I 0:09:09.760 --> 0:09:13.520 would talk to. Aside from that, I would talk to videographers. 0:09:13.920 --> 0:09:16.360 Try to get an up and coming videographer, someone that's 0:09:16.360 --> 0:09:18.959 wanting to break into the business, that wants to get 0:09:19.000 --> 0:09:24.040 into the music video making business right this. Find these people. 0:09:24.080 --> 0:09:26.680 You could find them on Instagram or YouTube or whatever, 0:09:27.559 --> 0:09:29.679 and find one that lives close to you and go, hey, 0:09:29.679 --> 0:09:32.199 my name is Victorious. I'm an up and coming rapper. 0:09:32.240 --> 0:09:33.920 I'm trying to make it in this business. I'm trying 0:09:33.920 --> 0:09:36.360 to get a following. You're trying to make it in 0:09:36.400 --> 0:09:39.559 the music business, in the music video business. You want 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:42.120 to collab on something. I don't have much to pay 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:43.840 you right now, but I promise you I could push 0:09:43.840 --> 0:09:46.640 it through all these social platforms and me and you 0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:49.720 could collab together and hopefully come up with something really 0:09:49.760 --> 0:09:52.280 cool for me to show off a song and something 0:09:52.320 --> 0:09:55.520 really cool for you for your your highlight reel that 0:09:55.600 --> 0:09:57.560 you have that you're trying to pitch for other music 0:09:57.640 --> 0:10:01.360 videos because these guys they want more music videos to 0:10:01.440 --> 0:10:04.599 show bigger artists that they could do it right. So 0:10:04.600 --> 0:10:06.720 so find that because that's going to give you a 0:10:06.720 --> 0:10:10.040 good presence on YouTube and good little clips for Instagram 0:10:10.080 --> 0:10:14.360 and TikTok and things like that. So my other piece 0:10:14.400 --> 0:10:18.000 of advice is, as you're as you're diving into social world, 0:10:18.080 --> 0:10:20.719 as you're as you're writing, as you're recording, as you're 0:10:21.160 --> 0:10:24.760 you're tweaking, your recording skills like you're editing skills. They 0:10:24.800 --> 0:10:27.400 have to be great, man. Don't rely on somebody else. 0:10:27.480 --> 0:10:30.400 Learn it yourself. Try to do everything yourself in house. 0:10:30.440 --> 0:10:33.640 In fact, learn how to use a camera yourself too. 0:10:34.240 --> 0:10:37.520 I'm sitting here in this podcast right now, and this 0:10:37.600 --> 0:10:39.520 is a this is an example. I'm in this room, 0:10:39.559 --> 0:10:43.560 in my podcast room. I'm recording on pro tools by myself. 0:10:43.679 --> 0:10:46.200 I'll edit this, you know, and and then and then 0:10:46.240 --> 0:10:48.600 I'll have I have two cameras set up that I'm 0:10:48.679 --> 0:10:52.120 running and I'll send this to my guy, but but 0:10:52.400 --> 0:10:55.400 he's not here. Ian, the guy that edits. This is 0:10:55.440 --> 0:10:57.560 not here, So I have to do all this myself 0:10:57.800 --> 0:10:59.760 in order to get it to him. And before I 0:10:59.800 --> 0:11:02.400 had Ian, I was doing it all myself. So you 0:11:02.720 --> 0:11:04.880 got to learn first to do it yourself. That's good 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:08.600 advice for any business. Learn it all yourself. Be independent 0:11:09.000 --> 0:11:11.800 in what you're doing. And the last thing I'll say, 0:11:12.559 --> 0:11:15.400 and this is pretty much for any kind of music 0:11:15.400 --> 0:11:21.000 business job, don't leave your hometown, not yet. Leave when 0:11:21.040 --> 0:11:24.480 you absolutely have to. When with the little place that 0:11:24.520 --> 0:11:28.480 you're playing the theater that you're playing music in, is 0:11:28.559 --> 0:11:31.680 so packed with people that you have to grow to 0:11:31.720 --> 0:11:34.480 a bigger venue, then you know it's time to move on. 0:11:34.920 --> 0:11:38.200 But until then, don't pull up your roots and leave 0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:41.560 everything you know, including mama, to go to New York 0:11:41.640 --> 0:11:44.480 or Atlanta or Nashville or LA. Don't don't go to 0:11:44.520 --> 0:11:47.920 those places. Then you're just going to be a small 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:50.560 fish in a giant ocean. Right now, you have a 0:11:50.640 --> 0:11:53.679 chance to be a small fish in a small puddle 0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:56.160 that appears to make you look like a big fish. 0:11:57.559 --> 0:12:04.000 Thanks for the email, buddy. Next subject line intriguing to me. 0:12:04.040 --> 0:12:09.200 It's called scared, says hey, Grain. Your my name is Casey. 0:12:09.200 --> 0:12:12.199 I'm twenty one years old. I'm from Montana. I recently 0:12:12.200 --> 0:12:15.200 got into a relationship with this girl. I really love her, 0:12:15.760 --> 0:12:19.679 but I'm scared to go through another heartbreak. I had 0:12:19.720 --> 0:12:21.480 a few in the past, and the last one really 0:12:21.559 --> 0:12:24.520 hurts so bad and led me into depression. How do 0:12:24.600 --> 0:12:27.720 I get over the mental blockage of worrying I may 0:12:27.760 --> 0:12:33.800 get hurt again and focus more on the relationship itself, Casey, Casey, 0:12:34.360 --> 0:12:38.640 shout out to your homestate of Montana, Love Montana, Thanks 0:12:38.679 --> 0:12:41.520 for emailing, thanks for listening, and thanks for bringing something 0:12:41.880 --> 0:12:49.719 pretty personal to the podcast. First Glance camp fire setting Conversation. 0:12:50.800 --> 0:12:52.840 I would give you some tough love and say, man, 0:12:53.040 --> 0:12:58.280 you're idolizing your relationships. You're putting relationships on a pedestal, 0:12:58.760 --> 0:13:01.760 and whoever that person is, whoever the next person is 0:13:01.760 --> 0:13:05.040 to fill those shoes, they just fill the spot on 0:13:05.080 --> 0:13:09.840 the pedestal, and you're worshiping the god of relationship, right. 0:13:10.400 --> 0:13:12.720 And I know that that sounds maybe that sounds extreme, 0:13:13.720 --> 0:13:15.880 but I think this is extreme. I think this is 0:13:15.920 --> 0:13:21.320 what you're saying because because you say all you say 0:13:21.360 --> 0:13:24.280 about this girl is you really love her, but you 0:13:24.320 --> 0:13:26.960 also really loved the last one, and there was probably 0:13:26.960 --> 0:13:29.320 one before that that you loved, and I gotta break 0:13:29.360 --> 0:13:31.200 it to you, Casey, there's gonna be another one after 0:13:31.240 --> 0:13:36.120 this one that you love. And it's the great expectation 0:13:36.280 --> 0:13:39.840 that you have of relationship to fulfill your every need 0:13:40.240 --> 0:13:43.320 and to give you this fairy tale feeling of I 0:13:43.360 --> 0:13:46.080 did it. I found the one, The mystical one is 0:13:46.440 --> 0:13:49.559 she's mine and I'm hers, and we're gonna get married 0:13:49.559 --> 0:13:53.400 and we're gonna have ten babies. It's a fairy tale 0:13:53.720 --> 0:13:55.880 that I think you're living, Casey, and you got to 0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:59.679 You gotta pump the brakes at twenty one, great age, 0:13:59.679 --> 0:14:03.240 by the way, way, such a great time to to 0:14:03.320 --> 0:14:06.960 be to to explore, exploring the world and where you 0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:10.120 find a place in it. Such a great time for that. 0:14:11.080 --> 0:14:15.560 And if if you're stuck in this, I gotta find 0:14:15.559 --> 0:14:18.839 a relationship, don't want to get hurt. Then you've never 0:14:18.920 --> 0:14:21.800 listened to the song the Dance by Garth Brooks. Right, 0:14:21.880 --> 0:14:25.640 go listen to the dance. I could have missed the pain. 0:14:26.400 --> 0:14:29.360 I could you can. You could have missed the pain, 0:14:30.320 --> 0:14:32.680 but you'd have to miss the dance. You don't want 0:14:32.680 --> 0:14:35.720 to miss the dance, right like you don't wanna you 0:14:35.720 --> 0:14:39.200 don't wanna walk, you don't wanna tiptoe around relationship to 0:14:39.280 --> 0:14:42.920 relationship going I'm gonna I'm gonna go half in. I 0:14:42.920 --> 0:14:44.640 love this girl, but I'm gonna go a little bit 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:47.240 in because I don't want to get hurt because the 0:14:47.320 --> 0:14:51.120 last one really hurt and that's always gonna lead to 0:14:51.440 --> 0:14:55.120 another breakup. It's not gonna work that way. Girls are 0:14:55.160 --> 0:14:58.440 gonna see that and you're not gonna feel it. So 0:14:58.440 --> 0:15:01.320 so it's a combination your case, you of these two things, 0:15:02.080 --> 0:15:05.480 take the relationship off the pedestal and bring it back 0:15:05.560 --> 0:15:10.360 to ground level with responsible expectations of what you're gonna 0:15:10.360 --> 0:15:13.760 get out of it. Because every time you date somebody, 0:15:14.040 --> 0:15:15.600 guess what, one hundred percent of the time when you 0:15:15.680 --> 0:15:19.720 date somebody, it's a human. And one hundred percent of 0:15:19.720 --> 0:15:22.160 the time when you date a human, they're gonna let 0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:25.040 you down because they're not perfect. We're all flawed in 0:15:25.120 --> 0:15:29.800 some way. So you're putting this relationship on a pedestal 0:15:29.800 --> 0:15:34.520 and you're expecting perfection, and you're expecting no heartache and 0:15:34.560 --> 0:15:38.480 no heartbreak and no fights, and she's gonna be perfect 0:15:38.520 --> 0:15:40.840 and she's gonna think you're perfect, and it's just not 0:15:41.040 --> 0:15:46.120 that way, so so have reasonable expectations for a relationship. 0:15:46.440 --> 0:15:49.040 Take it off the pedestal. And then once you've done that, 0:15:49.520 --> 0:15:53.560 and if you know that for a fact, then listen 0:15:53.600 --> 0:15:56.920 to Garth Brooks the dance and go, Nah, I'm gonna 0:15:56.960 --> 0:15:59.600 go for it because I love the dance. I might 0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:03.360 get hurt, yes I might, but I might have to 0:16:03.400 --> 0:16:05.360 miss the dance if I don't. If I don't go 0:16:05.480 --> 0:16:08.560 for it, That's what life is. That's so many, so 0:16:08.680 --> 0:16:12.840 many things in life or this it's jobs. I don't 0:16:12.840 --> 0:16:16.200 want to apply for that job because what if they 0:16:16.240 --> 0:16:18.960 tell me no, Like, I don't know if I could 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:21.880 take that kind of rejection. It's in the movie Back 0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:23.640 to the Future, by the way. I just don't think 0:16:23.680 --> 0:16:26.360 I could take that kind of rejection. It's a terrible 0:16:26.400 --> 0:16:29.960 way to live your life. Like I don't want to 0:16:30.400 --> 0:16:32.200 I don't want to go and try to get a 0:16:32.280 --> 0:16:36.560 loan for that farmhouse on the hill because I know 0:16:36.600 --> 0:16:38.160 I'm just gonna walk in the bank and they're just 0:16:38.200 --> 0:16:39.520 gonna look me in the eye and some guy in 0:16:39.520 --> 0:16:41.480 a suit and he's just gonna tell me that you're 0:16:41.520 --> 0:16:44.320 not good enough for this loan. And I don't want 0:16:44.320 --> 0:16:45.840 to hear that. Man, I just don't want to. I 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:47.560 don't want some guy to tell me that, or I 0:16:47.600 --> 0:16:49.920 don't want I don't want some boss to tell me 0:16:49.960 --> 0:16:51.480 that I can't get the job, or I don't want 0:16:51.520 --> 0:16:54.680 some girl to break my heart. You can't live your 0:16:54.680 --> 0:16:58.200 life like that, Casey. So take it off a pedestal 0:16:58.600 --> 0:17:02.640 and then go for it, right, go all in. But 0:17:02.720 --> 0:17:08.000 you're all is not the pedestal all if that makes sense, right, 0:17:09.359 --> 0:17:14.320 email back let me know what's going on, Casey. Let's 0:17:14.359 --> 0:17:20.679 hit another one subject line here says how to feel 0:17:20.720 --> 0:17:23.760 accomplished as a father and a husband. Hey, Grangeer, my 0:17:23.840 --> 0:17:26.440 name is Brody. I'm twenty three years old. I live 0:17:26.480 --> 0:17:29.480 in Mesa, Arizona. Love your music podcast and Yugi apparel. 0:17:29.600 --> 0:17:32.000 I've listened to all your episodes and loved the advice, buddy, 0:17:32.119 --> 0:17:35.720 Thank you. I always wonder when I get that kind 0:17:35.720 --> 0:17:40.320 of introduction, always wonder if you've listened to all the 0:17:40.359 --> 0:17:43.440 episodes of a podcast, what it feels like now when 0:17:43.480 --> 0:17:47.560 I say your name Brody, like you're like, well, I've 0:17:47.600 --> 0:17:50.800 listened to him. Now he's talking about me. That's not 0:17:50.880 --> 0:17:52.879 lost on me, by the way, that's not lost to me. 0:17:52.920 --> 0:17:56.399 That matters to me. Okay, let's get into this. Lately, 0:17:56.440 --> 0:18:00.760 I've struggled with feeling like I'm doing the best. Lately, 0:18:00.800 --> 0:18:02.760 I have struggled with feeling like I am doing the 0:18:02.800 --> 0:18:06.399 best as a husband and a father. Okay, gotcha. My 0:18:06.480 --> 0:18:09.160 wife and I have two beautiful daughters that I love 0:18:09.240 --> 0:18:12.280 so much. I work in construction and reconstruction, so I 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:14.639 work a lot. Sometimes I don't see my girls and 0:18:14.680 --> 0:18:16.520 my wife as much as i'd like to, and we 0:18:16.600 --> 0:18:19.800 live with my in laws because housing in Arizona isn't 0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:22.840 great right now. I try to provide this life for 0:18:22.960 --> 0:18:25.600 my family, but I feel like I keep falling short. 0:18:25.880 --> 0:18:28.600 Whether it's giving more time to them, are providing a 0:18:28.640 --> 0:18:31.960 proper house. How do I go about feeling better about 0:18:32.000 --> 0:18:35.040 myself as a father and a husband. Thank you for 0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:39.560 taking time to read this for ye yee, Brody, bro 0:18:41.040 --> 0:18:44.320 my bro Brody. Thank you for emailing, thank you for listening. 0:18:44.640 --> 0:18:49.720 It's a great question. It's a normal feeling question that 0:18:49.800 --> 0:18:53.720 I have felt many times in my life. It would 0:18:53.760 --> 0:18:56.960 be hard to tell you that I don't still feel 0:18:57.000 --> 0:19:00.800 the weight of that question, Brody, and I think a 0:19:00.800 --> 0:19:03.439 lot of a lot of husband's fathers that are listening 0:19:03.440 --> 0:19:06.359 now feel the way to that and they feel that 0:19:06.440 --> 0:19:09.000 kind of pressure, And I think that's a good thing. 0:19:09.520 --> 0:19:11.679 I think if if that kind of pressure is weighing 0:19:11.720 --> 0:19:14.639 on you, then that means you got you got your 0:19:14.640 --> 0:19:18.520 priorities in line, Because if that didn't ever cross your mind, 0:19:18.520 --> 0:19:20.720 if you're just like man, I don't know, I don't know. 0:19:20.760 --> 0:19:23.200 I got my bass boat, and you know that's all 0:19:23.240 --> 0:19:26.399 I care about. You know, if you're not constantly thinking 0:19:26.440 --> 0:19:29.439 about how to provide the best that you can for 0:19:29.560 --> 0:19:32.639 your family, then then your priorities are out of whack. So, 0:19:33.280 --> 0:19:37.040 first of all, I'll say that, Brody, and then as 0:19:37.040 --> 0:19:44.879 we dig in, secondly, I would say that the things 0:19:44.880 --> 0:19:50.000 that are that will matter to your family and the 0:19:50.040 --> 0:19:53.440 things that will create the longest lasting memories with them 0:19:54.960 --> 0:19:59.640 will be the things that you can't buy with money 0:20:00.400 --> 0:20:03.200 at all. No matter what job you're working, regardless of 0:20:03.320 --> 0:20:10.400 its construction or Wall Street, money will not matter when 0:20:10.440 --> 0:20:13.680 it comes to the things that these kids need and 0:20:14.040 --> 0:20:19.919 that your wife needs. Right time an effort is the 0:20:19.920 --> 0:20:24.199 most valuable combination, not just time, because you could be 0:20:24.320 --> 0:20:27.600 with them but not be present with them, and you 0:20:27.600 --> 0:20:30.840 could put effort into it but not be spending enough time. 0:20:30.920 --> 0:20:34.560 So it takes this combination of time and effort with 0:20:34.600 --> 0:20:37.879 your family at home, and that means you set aside 0:20:38.040 --> 0:20:41.600 and sometimes sometimes that means you leave your cell phone 0:20:41.720 --> 0:20:43.400 in your truck when you come in, when you come 0:20:43.400 --> 0:20:45.840 home from work, for instance, So you say, you drive 0:20:45.920 --> 0:20:48.600 up into the you come into the driveway, it's it's 0:20:48.640 --> 0:20:52.120 six o'clock PM, and you leave your phone in your 0:20:52.160 --> 0:20:56.080 console and you go in with the mentality of being 0:20:56.240 --> 0:21:01.560 totally present with them. And when when you're kids, beautiful daughters, 0:21:01.720 --> 0:21:05.199 love daughters, Your daughters go daddydaddy, daddy, what look look 0:21:05.240 --> 0:21:06.919 at this? Let me show you, let me tell you 0:21:07.000 --> 0:21:11.240 this story, then you realize that you have to be 0:21:11.320 --> 0:21:14.399 present with her in that moment because that matters. And 0:21:14.440 --> 0:21:17.240 when you're listening to that story and you're soaking that 0:21:17.320 --> 0:21:19.120 in and you're looking her in the eye and you're 0:21:19.119 --> 0:21:21.920 not distracted, and you're not flipping through your phone, you're 0:21:21.960 --> 0:21:24.760 not your boss's texting you, and you've got you're dealing 0:21:24.760 --> 0:21:27.480 with that, or you're thinking, man, I'm just tired. I 0:21:27.560 --> 0:21:29.120 just want to hit the couch right now. I don't 0:21:29.160 --> 0:21:32.320 want to talk to anyone. That's where you get in trouble. 0:21:32.640 --> 0:21:37.119 So those present moments with them, and the same with 0:21:37.200 --> 0:21:41.200 your wife. The same with your wife. And I'm speaking 0:21:41.400 --> 0:21:45.080 like I've got this mastered, and I don't write, I don't. 0:21:45.359 --> 0:21:48.639 I have to remind myself of this every day. Like 0:21:48.760 --> 0:21:51.439 the Bible says, we're renewed day by day. Well, our 0:21:51.560 --> 0:21:54.359 relationships with our families are renewed day by day. Sometimes 0:21:54.400 --> 0:21:56.920 we have a bad one, sometimes we just mess up. 0:21:57.840 --> 0:22:00.320 But the good thing is tomorrow we start fresh. We 0:22:00.400 --> 0:22:02.720 have another chance. And you just want to add up 0:22:02.760 --> 0:22:04.040 more of the good ones than you do the bad 0:22:04.119 --> 0:22:06.720 ones because that will matter to these girls and to 0:22:06.800 --> 0:22:09.680 your wife. So forget about the fact that you're living 0:22:09.720 --> 0:22:13.040 with your in laws. Dude, you're saving money. That's not 0:22:13.119 --> 0:22:14.960 a bad thing. No one's gonna look down at you 0:22:15.160 --> 0:22:18.960 for that. You're saving money. That's a smart thing. So 0:22:19.560 --> 0:22:26.119 prioritizing the time combination with the effort being present the TV, 0:22:26.359 --> 0:22:30.480 the screen, any kind of screen is always a bad thing. 0:22:31.040 --> 0:22:35.640 And breaking your presence with your girls. And if they're 0:22:35.680 --> 0:22:38.880 on a screen, sometimes instead of just yanking not away 0:22:38.880 --> 0:22:43.400 from them, sometimes you could just cuddle up with them, 0:22:43.680 --> 0:22:45.800 you know, right there on the couch and just go 0:22:45.840 --> 0:22:49.160 what you're watching, and maybe she's watching like some girl 0:22:49.160 --> 0:22:51.639 and she's messing with these little plastic fidgets or something, 0:22:52.080 --> 0:22:54.800 and just engage with her in that be like, Ooh, 0:22:54.880 --> 0:22:56.879 I like that red one, and your daughter's like I 0:22:56.960 --> 0:22:59.159 like the purple one, and you're like, yeah, but that 0:22:59.160 --> 0:23:01.800 red one. Look how wishy that is. Like then all 0:23:01.840 --> 0:23:03.760 of a sudden, you're engaging and you're in, You're present 0:23:03.800 --> 0:23:08.720