WEBVTT - “IS IT IMMORAL TO HAVE KIDS?” 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:03.280 Hello, Hey, Hey, what's your name? Brother? 0:00:03.760 --> 0:00:04.000 Uh? 0:00:04.080 --> 0:00:12.000 You call it Chris Chris. Oh, Chris, Chris, Chris Chris. 0:00:13.080 --> 0:00:14.560 What are we going to do with you? Chris? 0:00:17.560 --> 0:00:18.040 I don't know. 0:00:19.120 --> 0:00:20.800 But what can I do for you? Gecko? 0:00:21.800 --> 0:00:24.200 What can you do for me? Well? 0:00:25.000 --> 0:00:25.560 What do you doing? 0:00:25.600 --> 0:00:26.680 What are you doing right now? 0:00:28.840 --> 0:00:29.600 Uh? 0:00:29.960 --> 0:00:33.720 Just relaxing for the evening. Really, my wife is putting 0:00:33.760 --> 0:00:37.440 our daughter to bed currently, So. 0:00:37.520 --> 0:00:40.880 It sounds nice. It sounds nice. What's it like having 0:00:40.920 --> 0:00:45.000 what's it like having a family. I'm genuinely very curious. 0:00:47.120 --> 0:00:55.520 It's been great, honestly, Like there's a lot of things 0:00:56.040 --> 0:00:57.760 that like once you have a family you weren't really 0:00:57.840 --> 0:01:01.240 like thinking about before that like become stressful or like 0:01:01.280 --> 0:01:07.480 more stressful, and obviously, like everybody's family situation is not 0:01:07.680 --> 0:01:10.520 the same, and so like I don't want to sound 0:01:10.520 --> 0:01:14.320 like a guy who's like all my families so far 0:01:14.400 --> 0:01:16.000 have been good, because I know these people have had 0:01:16.040 --> 0:01:20.360 really bad families. But it's great to be in one. 0:01:20.560 --> 0:01:23.759 I feel very I've lived my life in a way 0:01:23.800 --> 0:01:27.720 that is like very Uh. I just want like security 0:01:27.720 --> 0:01:32.080 probably most thing out of my life. It's a very 0:01:32.120 --> 0:01:34.600 secure thing for me, and I find comfort in that 0:01:34.640 --> 0:01:39.480 where I know it's definitely not a secure thing for everyone. 0:01:39.680 --> 0:01:44.360 You know, security is great. I used to knock security 0:01:45.240 --> 0:01:48.560 more and everyone told like, people told me that the 0:01:48.640 --> 0:01:50.560 old it's kind of a classic thing like the older 0:01:50.600 --> 0:01:55.520 you get, the more you crave security. And I am 0:01:55.720 --> 0:01:59.080 I am finding that. I mean, I'm always trying to 0:01:59.080 --> 0:02:01.920 find like a bell. I think I've I'm trying to 0:02:01.920 --> 0:02:06.480 strike a really kind of precise rhythm to my life 0:02:06.520 --> 0:02:15.560 that has a combination of chaos and stability. And I 0:02:15.560 --> 0:02:20.080 think I'm getting close to that. And I uh, I 0:02:20.120 --> 0:02:21.320 wanted to ask you about that. I wanted to ask 0:02:21.360 --> 0:02:23.320 you about the kids thing though. Okay, let me can 0:02:23.360 --> 0:02:25.280 I get existential with you for a second, because I 0:02:25.280 --> 0:02:27.720 want to share a thought with you, and as a father, 0:02:27.800 --> 0:02:31.480 I want to hear your opinion. Go for it, Okay, 0:02:33.040 --> 0:02:36.760 I like, Okay, have you ever heard I'm like, I'm 0:02:36.760 --> 0:02:40.880 on all these weird rabbit holes on the internet and 0:02:41.080 --> 0:02:43.720 I've been kind of like reading about the like is 0:02:43.760 --> 0:02:49.800 it the moral like the ethics of like bringing a 0:02:49.919 --> 0:02:54.640 child into the world. I'm super not. I'm super not 0:02:56.040 --> 0:02:58.280 on the whole thing of like why would you bring 0:02:58.320 --> 0:03:02.080 a child into this crazy world? Like I think the 0:03:02.120 --> 0:03:07.400 world has been uh way crazier in the past than 0:03:07.440 --> 0:03:11.120 it is now. But I guess this kind of existential 0:03:11.120 --> 0:03:14.240 thing of like if you believe that like there's like 0:03:14.440 --> 0:03:20.400 inherent suffering to life. I like, I'm thinking about, like 0:03:20.440 --> 0:03:23.000 if I want to have a kid, and I'm like, oh, 0:03:23.040 --> 0:03:28.240 I'm gonna like bring a being into consciousness to like suffer. 0:03:28.919 --> 0:03:34.920 And maybe that is obviously, of course reflective of my 0:03:35.080 --> 0:03:44.240 own like brain place, I suppose, but I do think 0:03:44.280 --> 0:03:46.080 about I do think about it. It does freak me 0:03:46.120 --> 0:03:50.080 out to like bring a new form of consciousness into 0:03:50.120 --> 0:03:53.680 the world because of my own choice. I would feel 0:03:53.880 --> 0:04:00.760 responsible for every single thing that happened in that kid's life, 0:04:00.840 --> 0:04:02.400 And then I would also be if I'm also afraid 0:04:02.440 --> 0:04:06.600 of like you know obviously like like there's come there's 0:04:06.600 --> 0:04:10.280 a certain point of like you can do the best 0:04:10.320 --> 0:04:15.160 you can to be a good father and to raise 0:04:15.200 --> 0:04:17.440 your child right and to give them attention and do 0:04:17.480 --> 0:04:22.839 all these things. But after a certain point, you know, 0:04:23.320 --> 0:04:28.200 they theyre the the their experience on this earth does 0:04:28.279 --> 0:04:31.280 become out of your control. Their experience on their their 0:04:31.520 --> 0:04:34.919 their experience on this earth is one hundred percent shaped 0:04:34.960 --> 0:04:40.400 by you. For a long time, but then but then 0:04:40.520 --> 0:04:43.200 there does come a point where you lose control and 0:04:43.320 --> 0:04:49.599 I sort of fear like about the sufferings that this 0:04:49.800 --> 0:04:58.280 being I've created will undergo, uh, just as an inevitability 0:04:58.320 --> 0:05:01.320 of being a human being. I mean, of course there's 0:05:02.520 --> 0:05:06.480 inevitable joys of being a human being, but there's also 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:09.159 just when I get kind of hung up on like weird, 0:05:09.560 --> 0:05:12.120 it's like nihilistic, I don't. I don't like it. 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:12.520 I don't. 0:05:12.880 --> 0:05:15.440 I'm awesome. I'm in a weird mood. And when I'm 0:05:15.480 --> 0:05:20.599 in a good mood, it's easier. But like just this 0:05:20.640 --> 0:05:23.919 whole thing of bringing a being into this earth to 0:05:24.320 --> 0:05:31.479 like deal with the inevitable suffering of existence. So yeah, 0:05:31.480 --> 0:05:32.800 what do you think about that? 0:05:34.000 --> 0:05:36.480 Oh no, dude, I totally get it. Like I'm I'm 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:39.839 with you on the thing where like I know, there's 0:05:43.160 --> 0:05:45.000 talking to you just making my brain fart a little bit. 0:05:45.000 --> 0:05:47.000 But like the natalists are like people who are like 0:05:47.680 --> 0:05:52.440 the main goal is to like have children, you know 0:05:52.440 --> 0:05:54.560 what I mean. Like that's like they're ideological. And then 0:05:54.640 --> 0:05:58.960 like the anti natalist group is like it's actually like 0:05:59.120 --> 0:06:03.719 morally wrong to bring consciousness into worlds. For like a 0:06:03.720 --> 0:06:09.000 lot of the reasons you like talked about. Yeah, but 0:06:09.320 --> 0:06:11.200 I don't know, I think I kind of fall in, 0:06:13.080 --> 0:06:18.680 especially like now, I definitely fallen like to the more 0:06:18.760 --> 0:06:20.600 middle ground of those where it's like I totally get 0:06:20.600 --> 0:06:23.159 what you're saying, and it is like a big responsibility, 0:06:23.839 --> 0:06:28.360 but it's also like a responsibility that's like doable, and 0:06:28.480 --> 0:06:31.320 we have like more resources ever than ever to like 0:06:33.279 --> 0:06:37.320 try and outweigh the suffering in life with like joyful 0:06:37.360 --> 0:06:44.479 experiences and to be like, you know, help these beings 0:06:44.520 --> 0:06:45.559 that we brought into the world. 0:06:46.000 --> 0:06:46.599 But then also the. 0:06:46.560 --> 0:06:48.359 Same time, I really get pissed off when I hear, like, 0:06:50.480 --> 0:06:53.680 you know, a natalist, whether it's because like a political 0:06:53.720 --> 0:06:56.560 policy or like a religious thing or whatever, they're like, 0:06:56.720 --> 0:06:58.360 just have kids, And I'm like, dude, have you seen 0:06:58.360 --> 0:07:00.360 the price of houses? You're telling people to have like 0:07:00.520 --> 0:07:03.440 five kids right now? Like are you kidding me? Where 0:07:03.480 --> 0:07:06.240 they gonna put them? You know, like, you can't you 0:07:06.279 --> 0:07:10.080 can't hold that position when you can't be mad at 0:07:10.080 --> 0:07:16.720 people when there's like clear economic pressures that would make 0:07:16.760 --> 0:07:19.080 it so the being that they bring into this world, 0:07:19.120 --> 0:07:20.600 you know, their kids are going to just have a 0:07:20.600 --> 0:07:22.320 worse life, Like how can you even ask people to 0:07:22.360 --> 0:07:23.000 do that, you know. 0:07:23.440 --> 0:07:27.360 Yeah, yeah, I go back and forth on that because 0:07:27.760 --> 0:07:32.120 of this argument, which I feels like a pretty legitimate 0:07:32.280 --> 0:07:36.920 argument to me, of like people like I, like I 0:07:37.000 --> 0:07:40.320 believe that you shouldn't have a child until you're like 0:07:40.520 --> 0:07:47.280 financially ready mm hm. But also it gets when you 0:07:47.320 --> 0:07:52.000 when you kind of like when when when you start 0:07:52.040 --> 0:07:56.720 thinking about all the like outside factors, uh, for for 0:07:56.800 --> 0:08:01.000 which you know a person is in is in poverty 0:08:01.040 --> 0:08:04.640 and financial strengths, of which it's you know, a lot 0:08:04.680 --> 0:08:06.960 of them, it starts to be a thing of like, well, 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:13.760 is is reproduction like just for the becoming like a 0:08:14.040 --> 0:08:17.200 right reserved for the elite, you know? 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:18.800 M hm. 0:08:20.080 --> 0:08:23.560 But also but on the same coin, it's like, but 0:08:23.640 --> 0:08:26.120 it still feels shitty to bring a kid into you know, 0:08:26.200 --> 0:08:27.840 the world when you can't like afford to take care 0:08:27.880 --> 0:08:28.760 of them. 0:08:29.280 --> 0:08:29.680 M hmm. 0:08:30.520 --> 0:08:34.640 Yeah, Like I guess I can tell you kind of 0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:38.120 like the process that like when we decided was a 0:08:38.160 --> 0:08:39.920 good time for us to have a kid, and it 0:08:40.080 --> 0:08:43.440 was like we were like we were both going to 0:08:43.480 --> 0:08:46.160 school and we were both like we don't even want 0:08:46.160 --> 0:08:50.480 to think about a kid into like we're both done 0:08:50.520 --> 0:08:55.280 with school. And then like we both graduated and like 0:08:55.360 --> 0:09:00.960 I found a job thankfully, you know, like miraculslessly feels 0:09:00.960 --> 0:09:03.680 like sometimes and then we're like, okay, well, we know 0:09:04.720 --> 0:09:08.439 we can like afford to have a kid, like even 0:09:08.520 --> 0:09:10.880 just and the crazy thing about this is just like 0:09:11.600 --> 0:09:16.800 the expense of just bringing the being into the world 0:09:16.880 --> 0:09:20.320 is insane, and then like providing for them throughout their 0:09:20.360 --> 0:09:22.960 whole life is also insane. 0:09:23.040 --> 0:09:23.280 You know. 0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:25.440 But then you also don't want to just be like, well, 0:09:27.640 --> 0:09:30.240 like only rich people can have kids, you know, like 0:09:31.360 --> 0:09:35.240 money gap it that way, because that's also feels truly crappy. 0:09:36.000 --> 0:09:38.200 So I don't know, it's definitely one of those things 0:09:38.240 --> 0:09:41.400 where you can do it. I think it's one of 0:09:41.400 --> 0:09:46.040 those things where you can do it in way more 0:09:46.120 --> 0:09:50.640 responsible ways, and you know, there's and you just have 0:09:50.720 --> 0:09:55.040 to get to that point that you feel that you're 0:09:55.160 --> 0:09:57.719 like doing an actual good, like it's never going to 0:09:57.760 --> 0:10:01.920 be perfect, but it's like your best good faith effort 0:10:01.960 --> 0:10:07.160 into like actually where you feel good about it as well, 0:10:07.240 --> 0:10:10.200 you know, And that's kind of where we landed on. 0:10:10.240 --> 0:10:13.680 We're like, you know, we're not making insane money, but 0:10:13.800 --> 0:10:16.960 we could probably like we want to have a kid 0:10:16.960 --> 0:10:20.320 and we can make sure that they have like food 0:10:20.400 --> 0:10:24.360 and a house and you know, pay for the birth 0:10:24.440 --> 0:10:26.840 and all this stuff, and so we were like, we can, 0:10:27.000 --> 0:10:28.200 we can. We think we can do it. 0:10:28.679 --> 0:10:31.240 You know, how old are you? 0:10:32.920 --> 0:10:34.400 Twenty six? Oh? 0:10:34.440 --> 0:10:36.200 Cool man? Cool? How old your daughter? 0:10:38.040 --> 0:10:39.480 She's about a year and a half. 0:10:40.160 --> 0:10:43.679 Cool man? How long you've been with your wife. 0:10:45.920 --> 0:10:51.880 Since twenty twenty one? Five years now? We went to 0:10:51.880 --> 0:10:56.320 the school together. Cool, But we didn't start dating. We 0:10:56.360 --> 0:10:58.320 went to high school together, and we didn't start dating 0:10:58.360 --> 0:11:02.880 until we went to like different colleges and reconnected like 0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:05.680 two years after we left. 0:11:06.280 --> 0:11:08.280 What do you do for work like our hometown or whatever? 0:11:09.800 --> 0:11:13.760 I do web development or a bank? 0:11:14.760 --> 0:11:21.720 Okay, cool, you're like a you're a very normal guy. 0:11:22.440 --> 0:11:26.440 I like to think so, and but yet but you 0:11:26.520 --> 0:11:31.360 also but you know, but you also all all these 0:11:31.400 --> 0:11:35.440 like existential things, like you know, you've kept them in 0:11:35.480 --> 0:11:40.960 mind as you've made these decisions. It sounds mm hmmm, 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:43.439 and I will some. 0:11:45.240 --> 0:11:47.880 It's some of this is like reflection on the decisions too. 0:11:47.880 --> 0:11:51.560 It's not all like that all this was present during 0:11:51.600 --> 0:11:53.880 the decision, you know, different degrees? 0:11:54.480 --> 0:11:59.559 Oh yeah, totally totally. Are you do you feel happy? 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:00.160 Uh? 0:12:00.640 --> 0:12:05.559 The only unhappiness. Like the main stress point for unhappiness 0:12:05.600 --> 0:12:08.040 of my life I think right now is like the 0:12:08.040 --> 0:12:11.000 current state of the world. 0:12:12.400 --> 0:12:16.360 Okay, so I mean that's great though, that's good. That 0:12:16.440 --> 0:12:19.400 means that that always says to me that, like you've 0:12:21.400 --> 0:12:27.120 like I feel like people who have a strong disdain 0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:30.240 for like the events of the world outside of themselves 0:12:30.679 --> 0:12:34.360 have like kind of gathered a certain level of peace 0:12:34.440 --> 0:12:36.560 about their own life so that they can start like 0:12:37.200 --> 0:12:41.280 thinking about the world outside of themselves either that or 0:12:41.360 --> 0:12:47.040 there they just are like tinted towards doing that naturally, 0:12:47.080 --> 0:12:51.000 Like that's how their brain is wired. What is it about? 0:12:51.040 --> 0:12:53.080 Tell me more about this. Tell me more about the 0:12:53.240 --> 0:12:56.360 main pain point of your life is a general disdain 0:12:56.440 --> 0:12:58.520 for the world. Tell me more about this general disdain 0:12:59.320 --> 0:13:01.640 for the future of What does that look like for you? 0:13:03.240 --> 0:13:06.079 My daughter's calling for me. We I like switch off 0:13:06.120 --> 0:13:09.280 with my wife whenever she like wants us to swap. 0:13:09.320 --> 0:13:10.320 Who's like laying with her? 0:13:10.760 --> 0:13:10.960 Yeah? 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:14.960 Yeah, So if you're still doing. 0:13:16.200 --> 0:13:20.000 Can I talk to like kess is your wife? Uh 0:13:21.040 --> 0:13:23.280 she's tired? 0:13:23.679 --> 0:13:28.560 Maybe well she just doesn't know like I even texted you, 0:13:28.640 --> 0:13:30.320 or she has. 0:13:30.280 --> 0:13:34.200 No context for the conversation. That you would throw her 0:13:34.200 --> 0:13:34.560 into No. 0:13:34.880 --> 0:13:37.000 Yeah, so I would just have to check with her first. 0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:39.720 So and yeah. 0:13:39.800 --> 0:13:43.120 So, but I can text you when I when my 0:13:43.200 --> 0:13:45.520 daughter's asleep, and if you're still taking calls, maybe we 0:13:45.559 --> 0:13:46.839 can call back or whatever. 0:13:47.720 --> 0:13:51.640 I can't promise anything other than this current moment, but 0:13:51.720 --> 0:13:53.240 I have enjoyed talking to you. I wish we could 0:13:53.240 --> 0:13:55.480 to talk to more. But I feel like we got 0:13:55.520 --> 0:13:57.320 a good picture of her life. I'm glad you shared 0:13:57.360 --> 0:13:57.959 that with us. 0:13:58.160 --> 0:13:59.599 Yeah, thanks for calling. I really appreciate it. 0:13:59.679 --> 0:13:59.800 Man. 0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:07.120 All right, man, you take care. Okay, what a good dude? 0:14:11.760 --> 0:14:16.960 Oh? Hello, Uh who is that? Who's facient? 0:14:17.840 --> 0:14:19.920 Oh? This is uh the Gecko guy. 0:14:21.400 --> 0:14:24.400 Oh my god, I can't believe it. I can't believe 0:14:24.400 --> 0:14:25.080 you're calling him. 0:14:25.840 --> 0:14:29.360 Yeah, dude, you texted me and you said feel free 0:14:29.400 --> 0:14:32.040 to call any time. I am unemployed and have nothing 0:14:32.080 --> 0:14:34.680 going on in my life. And I was like, perfect, 0:14:35.880 --> 0:14:37.840 I need to I need to call somebody so we 0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:40.920 can do a podcast together. You said you texted me 0:14:40.960 --> 0:14:44.520 and said, I am a Brazilian illegal immigrant in Portugal. 0:14:45.040 --> 0:14:48.000 My wife sold the wedding ring I bought for her 0:14:48.360 --> 0:14:50.920 to pay for her abortion after our divorce. 0:14:52.840 --> 0:14:57.160 Okay, let me start you right there? Uh, that was 0:14:57.280 --> 0:14:59.680 a lie. Okay, I want to say that so you 0:14:59.720 --> 0:15:01.320 would call me really. 0:15:01.640 --> 0:15:07.840 Well, what the dude? Fuck you? Why would you? I mean, 0:15:07.880 --> 0:15:14.560 that's okay, what that's such a what part? Okay, dude, 0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:17.080 hold on, wait, shut up for a second. I am 0:15:17.120 --> 0:15:21.360 a Brazilian illegal immigrant in Portugal. My wife sold the 0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:24.360 wedding wing I brought for her to pay for her 0:15:24.440 --> 0:15:28.840 abortion after our divorce. You brought like there's an infinite 0:15:28.880 --> 0:15:32.040 amount of things in that sentence for you to have 0:15:32.160 --> 0:15:33.920 lied about. How much is that all? Is it one 0:15:33.960 --> 0:15:36.760 hundred percent of liear? Are you doing a voice right now? 0:15:36.800 --> 0:15:41.640 Are you like a like dumb American guy in Philadelphia? 0:15:41.720 --> 0:15:41.840 Like? 0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:44.320 Who? What's the truth? 0:15:46.240 --> 0:15:50.480 The truth is I am an illegal immigrant, Okay, I 0:15:50.560 --> 0:15:55.240 do live in Portugal and I'm a Presilian guy. The 0:15:55.280 --> 0:15:59.480 whole story I stand was actually a writing prompt, uh 0:15:59.680 --> 0:16:05.800 from my favorite author, actually, Chock Polinik. You know, uh 0:16:05.960 --> 0:16:08.520 you must be mean yeah yeah, yeah, Like he has 0:16:08.560 --> 0:16:12.280 a book, a book on writing called consider This, and 0:16:12.360 --> 0:16:14.960 you know this is one of his writing prompts. 0:16:15.120 --> 0:16:18.440 Like okay, so the writing prompt, the writing prompt is, uh, 0:16:18.920 --> 0:16:20.880 I'd like to think that this guy has a work 0:16:20.920 --> 0:16:25.520 book section of his novel and there's just there's just 0:16:25.560 --> 0:16:30.400 a word. The prompt is lie and it's just a 0:16:30.480 --> 0:16:33.480 bunch of lines underneath it. And you that's that's all 0:16:33.560 --> 0:16:34.280 the prompt is. 0:16:35.320 --> 0:16:37.960 It's something like this. The prompt is actually to have 0:16:38.080 --> 0:16:44.280 an engaging uh you know, an engaging apprentise, right like 0:16:44.320 --> 0:16:49.480 for example, Uh another prompt from his book one that 0:16:50.840 --> 0:16:53.280 you know he has like some exercises. By the way, 0:16:53.360 --> 0:16:55.120 this book I'm talking about is not a novel. He 0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:58.560 published lovelice before like fight Look, hold. 0:16:58.320 --> 0:16:59.800 On, hold on, I I I don't want to talk 0:16:59.840 --> 0:17:03.040 about this, uh, this book. I want to talk about you. 0:17:03.080 --> 0:17:05.920 I want to know the truth. You said I am. 0:17:06.119 --> 0:17:08.280 You said I am unemployed and have nothing going on 0:17:08.320 --> 0:17:10.920 in my life? Is that true? 0:17:11.240 --> 0:17:12.560 That is true? That is true? 0:17:12.560 --> 0:17:14.840 Okay, all right. So that's so, that's the truth that 0:17:14.880 --> 0:17:17.280 we're working with. That is the initial reason that I 0:17:17.320 --> 0:17:21.439 called you. So as so, as long as that's true, 0:17:22.240 --> 0:17:25.280 this call can continue as it was intended. 0:17:26.680 --> 0:17:29.440 Well, you have lost your truth. I hope to gain 0:17:29.520 --> 0:17:31.720 it back, and. 0:17:31.840 --> 0:17:36.040 Perhaps perhaps you will ever so slowly. Are you actually 0:17:36.080 --> 0:17:37.720 in Portugal? Are you actually in Portugal? 0:17:39.240 --> 0:17:41.960 In Portugal? Yes, I've been living here for the list 0:17:42.640 --> 0:17:44.240 three years more or less. 0:17:44.440 --> 0:17:49.280 Where in Brazil you are from. 0:17:47.760 --> 0:17:56.200 I'm from Brazil, from a state called Goyas, So yeah, yeah, 0:17:56.440 --> 0:17:58.800 I'd say to leave there because there was nothing going 0:17:58.840 --> 0:18:03.040 on over there, so why not why not try something 0:18:03.080 --> 0:18:08.040 new over here? So I did. Then does in the beginning. 0:18:08.119 --> 0:18:12.560 But life is done slowly but surely getting better. I 0:18:12.720 --> 0:18:18.800 was working in a hotel. Yeah, it was a very 0:18:18.920 --> 0:18:23.520 nice experience actually, but unfortunately got fired and yet no 0:18:23.520 --> 0:18:26.800 no one employed, getting unemployment in peneds and you know, 0:18:27.800 --> 0:18:32.080 trying to find out what to do with life. It 0:18:32.280 --> 0:18:35.679 was yeah, I don't know, man, this is weird. 0:18:36.600 --> 0:18:39.280 Life is weird as hell. Life as weird as hell. 0:18:44.080 --> 0:18:45.800 What do you think you're going to do with life? 0:18:48.840 --> 0:18:54.560 That is very a very interesting question, you know. Being 0:18:54.640 --> 0:18:57.960 unemployed for so long, like I've been unemployed ever since 0:18:58.040 --> 0:19:02.080 the January, has been giving me a lot of time 0:19:02.280 --> 0:19:11.439 to think about things. And of course, uh after, I 0:19:11.440 --> 0:19:14.480 don't know, man, It's it's very complicated because I don't 0:19:14.520 --> 0:19:17.320 really know what I want. I don't really know what 0:19:17.359 --> 0:19:22.560 I want. Like it's actually, you know, it's very it's 0:19:22.600 --> 0:19:24.840 very it's very complicated because I think you called me 0:19:24.880 --> 0:19:28.720 at a very bad time because I was kind of sleeping, 0:19:28.800 --> 0:19:34.800 and yeah, honestly, I think, well, there. 0:19:36.160 --> 0:19:39.960 I'm surprised you. I'm surprised that you sleep so well 0:19:40.000 --> 0:19:41.960 sending all these lies out into the world. 0:19:44.000 --> 0:19:48.760 Yeah, maybe maybe what's your name? What's your flier? I 0:19:48.840 --> 0:19:53.200 think that I fucked this one up, and I think, 0:19:53.240 --> 0:19:53.679 what do you mean? 0:19:53.800 --> 0:19:55.680 Hold on, what do you mean you fucked first of 0:19:55.760 --> 0:19:57.080 what's your name again? What's your name? 0:19:58.760 --> 0:20:02.760 My name is whole thing? Oh, you in Aslaio. I 0:20:03.359 --> 0:20:04.800 don't know what I would seeking a bus in a 0:20:04.840 --> 0:20:05.600 syntheses text. 0:20:05.960 --> 0:20:09.639 That's okay. I don't care. Listen, what's your name? Can 0:20:09.720 --> 0:20:11.960 you say your name? Please? I'm gonna die if you 0:20:12.000 --> 0:20:21.119 don't say your name right now. My name's Jose, Jose, Jose. Listen. 0:20:21.240 --> 0:20:24.800 I don't care that you lied to me. I don't 0:20:24.800 --> 0:20:28.880 care what you sent before. I you you're a you 0:20:29.359 --> 0:20:32.240 are in Brazil right now, we're on the fucking phone. 0:20:33.040 --> 0:20:36.040 We're together in this very moment, and this very moment 0:20:36.119 --> 0:20:40.359 is all I give a fuck about. I already forgot 0:20:40.359 --> 0:20:46.000 your name, God damn it, Jose, j Jose, and you're 0:20:46.000 --> 0:20:51.240 trying to forget what to do with your life, if 0:20:51.280 --> 0:20:55.679 you could do if if you could do anything on 0:20:55.720 --> 0:20:56.919 the planet, what would it be. 0:21:00.640 --> 0:21:05.160 I'll be honest, loo Uh, this this call is really 0:21:05.200 --> 0:21:08.000 not going you know how I was expecting it to go. 0:21:08.640 --> 0:21:12.760 I just told you, Jose, Jose, Jose, you're not listening 0:21:12.760 --> 0:21:17.320 to me. Jose, you gotta listen Jose, Jose, Jose are 0:21:17.320 --> 0:21:22.160 you listening to me right now? I am listening to Jose. 0:21:22.280 --> 0:21:28.080 I need you to abandon immediately any idea of this 0:21:28.160 --> 0:21:30.640 call having a way that it was supposed to go, 0:21:31.280 --> 0:21:35.200 and I need you to instead be in the moments 0:21:35.640 --> 0:21:36.360 of where it is. 0:21:38.560 --> 0:21:47.760 Okay, No, here's the saying, liar. I actually have plans 0:21:48.040 --> 0:21:51.080 I have I have things to do. But I guess 0:21:51.160 --> 0:21:55.760 I just didn't come out like I didn't. I didn't 0:21:56.640 --> 0:21:59.560 you know, honestly, this call is just not going to work. 0:21:59.560 --> 0:22:02.440 I'm very sorry. If you could include this in the podcast, 0:22:02.760 --> 0:22:04.360 I think wait. 0:22:04.080 --> 0:22:06.560 Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait 0:22:06.560 --> 0:22:13.720 wait wait hold first first, hold on, mhm uh huh, 0:22:14.880 --> 0:22:18.240 why what are you talking about? We didn't even talk 0:22:18.280 --> 0:22:24.600 about anything. I've just been yelling at you. 0:22:22.720 --> 0:22:26.280 You know. Uh, I just got to the feeling if 0:22:26.320 --> 0:22:28.359 you want to call me tomorrow. 0:22:30.119 --> 0:22:33.000 Hold on. First of all, Jose, I'm totally putting this 0:22:33.040 --> 0:22:36.280 in the podcast. There's no if you had if you listen, 0:22:36.320 --> 0:22:38.879 if you had told me a bunch of if you 0:22:38.920 --> 0:22:42.360 had told me a bunch of really sensitive information about yourself, 0:22:42.400 --> 0:22:45.720 and then afterwards you were like, hey, man, listen, I 0:22:46.560 --> 0:22:48.919 don't feel comfortable putting in the podcast, Like, well, I 0:22:48.960 --> 0:22:53.720 then then I that'd be one thing. But this is you. 0:22:53.720 --> 0:22:59.080 You told me, you told me a lie. What do 0:22:59.160 --> 0:22:59.520 you what? 0:22:59.600 --> 0:22:59.800 Dude? 0:22:59.840 --> 0:23:02.320 What's going on? Why are you Why are you freaking 0:23:02.359 --> 0:23:05.480 out right now? What's the problem, Jose. I'm with you 0:23:05.680 --> 0:23:06.600 in this moment. Jose. 0:23:08.720 --> 0:23:12.720 It's not that, Lyle. It's just that I'm not in 0:23:12.760 --> 0:23:15.640 the right state right now. I'm not in the right 0:23:15.800 --> 0:23:18.719 mind space to really have this conversation. 0:23:19.200 --> 0:23:24.400 I have many things, but Jose, Jose, I'm gonna story. 0:23:24.400 --> 0:23:27.000 I'm gonna keep yelling. I'm so don't. This is gonna 0:23:27.000 --> 0:23:30.000 be the whole conversation. I'm gonna we're gonna, We're gonna okay, 0:23:30.000 --> 0:23:32.320 we're gonna get on the same wave. Like, Jose, I'm 0:23:32.359 --> 0:23:36.800 telling you, I want you to abandon the idea, like 0:23:36.840 --> 0:23:39.640 even what you just said, you were like I am 0:23:39.640 --> 0:23:42.440 not in the right mind space. There is no right 0:23:42.480 --> 0:23:43.440 mind there's no. 0:23:45.040 --> 0:23:45.159 This. 0:23:45.520 --> 0:23:48.440 There is no right headspace there. You're acting like there's 0:23:48.480 --> 0:23:53.000 a way this is supposed to go. This is complete chaos. 0:23:53.080 --> 0:23:56.760 This is nothing. This is the conversation, the conversation we're 0:23:56.800 --> 0:23:59.639 having right now, Jose, You've. 0:23:59.520 --> 0:24:04.240 Been talking for ten minutes, and everything that's been happening 0:24:04.240 --> 0:24:06.840 in those ten minutes it's just me being fucking neurotic 0:24:06.920 --> 0:24:10.000 because I am in is there a neurotic spot in 0:24:10.000 --> 0:24:13.960 my life right now? And I had many beautiful things 0:24:13.960 --> 0:24:17.320 to talk about, like about life, about my experience as 0:24:17.320 --> 0:24:18.439 a person, but. 0:24:19.960 --> 0:24:23.919 That's what But you're talking about your experience as a 0:24:23.920 --> 0:24:26.359 person right now. What are you talking about? You keep 0:24:26.400 --> 0:24:29.920 thinking that the thing is no, I'm just no. I understand. 0:24:30.200 --> 0:24:32.960 You keep thinking that there's a thing that's outside of 0:24:33.000 --> 0:24:35.000 the thing that is. The thing we're doing right now 0:24:35.119 --> 0:24:35.600 is the thing. 0:24:36.760 --> 0:24:39.160 This is not the impression I want to leave people 0:24:39.200 --> 0:24:41.960 with about myself. I am not neurotic like this. I 0:24:42.000 --> 0:24:48.639