1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:02,759
Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea.

2
00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:03,040
Speaker 2: Hi.

3
00:00:03,120 --> 00:00:06,080
Speaker 3: We're in my new home. Finally we're set. We're recording

4
00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:08,959
Speaker 3: our podcast in my new home. I have a podcast room.

5
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:12,440
Speaker 3: Doug is here, passed out on the ground. I want

6
00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:13,960
Speaker 3: him to sit on the couch next to me, but

7
00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:16,000
Speaker 3: he refused. He's not like that.

8
00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:18,480
Speaker 1: He's not He's a follower, but he's not a cling

9
00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:20,360
Speaker 1: a follower. You know what I was really shocked by.

10
00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:22,360
Speaker 4: Yesterday he like brought me his little toy and I

11
00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:24,560
Speaker 4: tossed it and he just bounced around after it.

12
00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:27,840
Speaker 3: I know, in the morning, it's like he's at Kangaroo.

13
00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:30,800
Speaker 3: He jumps around, up and down and.

14
00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:32,559
Speaker 1: You don't hear him. The other night, I woke up.

15
00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:35,720
Speaker 3: I sleep with eye shades on, and I rolled over

16
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,519
Speaker 3: and I felt this hot breath on my face and

17
00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:40,320
Speaker 3: I was like, wait a second, No one's supposed to

18
00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:43,319
Speaker 3: be in my bed tonight. And I lifted my eye

19
00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:46,239
Speaker 3: shades and he was staring straight at me in the

20
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,840
Speaker 3: middle of the night. And he's so dark it's hard

21
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:51,400
Speaker 3: to even see him, but his eyes I could see

22
00:00:51,479 --> 00:00:54,400
Speaker 3: them stare and it was so creepy, like a lover

23
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:57,040
Speaker 3: staring at you while you're sleeping.

24
00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:59,319
Speaker 1: I've got men doing that, and I'm like, pull it.

25
00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:02,000
Speaker 1: Don't fuckings stare at me. We'll sleep in you weirdo.

26
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,320
Speaker 5: Even with Doug, who you absolutely love, it's still a

27
00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:04,920
Speaker 5: little weird.

28
00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:06,520
Speaker 3: I know, I love him, and I love that he

29
00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:08,160
Speaker 3: doesn't want to sleep with me, Like he comes up

30
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:09,920
Speaker 3: to say good night and then he leaves and then

31
00:01:09,959 --> 00:01:12,440
Speaker 3: some but he's so soft and agile that he will

32
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,199
Speaker 3: come up on the bed and just you don't.

33
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,360
Speaker 1: Even know he's there, and all of a sudden you

34
00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:15,760
Speaker 1: turn around.

35
00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:18,880
Speaker 4: You're like, oh, hello, Doug, Oh Doug. Well, do you

36
00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:19,880
Speaker 4: have any shows coming up?

37
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:22,880
Speaker 3: Yes, we added we're adding a third Montclair show to

38
00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:25,400
Speaker 3: New Jersey because the first two shows are sold out.

39
00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,880
Speaker 3: And first of all, the Santa Barbara Bowl is August seventeenth.

40
00:01:28,959 --> 00:01:32,160
Speaker 3: Then I have Saratoga, then I have Highland, California. My

41
00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:35,600
Speaker 3: first date in Vegas is September first. I'm coming to

42
00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:40,160
Speaker 3: Foxwood Casinos in Connecticut on September seventh.

43
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,200
Speaker 1: I'm coming to Portland, Maine.

44
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:45,000
Speaker 3: On September sixth, And you can go to Chelsea Handler

45
00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:46,720
Speaker 3: dot com because I have dates throughout the rest of

46
00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:48,920
Speaker 3: the year and all my Vegas dates are up, so

47
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:51,160
Speaker 3: I'm gonna be in Vegas starting my residency on the

48
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:54,360
Speaker 3: first of September, and then the next date is November second,

49
00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:57,160
Speaker 3: and then the next Vegas state is November thirtieth. So

50
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,600
Speaker 3: these are all big holidays, so get your tickets for that.

51
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,760
Speaker 3: And oh yeah, and we just added something. We added

52
00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:05,560
Speaker 3: a casino date because you know how much I love

53
00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:06,160
Speaker 3: to gamble.

54
00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:07,400
Speaker 1: Let's see where that is.

55
00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:12,920
Speaker 3: Oh, Carlton, Minnesota. Everybody the Black Bear Casino Resort Friday,

56
00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:14,239
Speaker 3: October eighteenth.

57
00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,600
Speaker 1: I will be there. That just went on sale. So yeah,

58
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:20,840
Speaker 1: get your tickets for that. Our guest today is an actress, dancer, singer, entrepreneur,

59
00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:24,160
Speaker 1: founder of dance and fitness program Kinergy, and she's also

60
00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:28,080
Speaker 1: now and author. Her new novel Everything We Never Knew,

61
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:32,079
Speaker 1: is out this week. Please welcome. Julianne Huff. Oh, hello,

62
00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:37,400
Speaker 1: sweet cheeks. Hello, how are you? I'm great?

63
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:40,360
Speaker 3: But your kitchen looks so I love that color and

64
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:41,000
Speaker 3: that tile.

65
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:41,800
Speaker 1: I love that.

66
00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:45,120
Speaker 2: I just five seconds ago was like, oh does the

67
00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:46,160
Speaker 2: book look good there?

68
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:47,160
Speaker 6: Do I need to put this?

69
00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:51,920
Speaker 3: You know, let me write my book front and center. Julianne,

70
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:56,560
Speaker 3: This is Catherine I, my co host producer. I'm always

71
00:02:56,639 --> 00:03:01,440
Speaker 3: impressed when any celebrity who has I've never written a

72
00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:05,560
Speaker 3: novel writes a novel. I'm blown away by the balls

73
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:07,080
Speaker 3: that it takes to write a novel.

74
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:08,080
Speaker 1: Thank you.

75
00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:10,239
Speaker 2: I don't know if you noticed this, though I did

76
00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:13,640
Speaker 2: actually put my my ghost writer on the cover with me.

77
00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,400
Speaker 3: Well, yes, I did notice that. I did read the book.

78
00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:18,480
Speaker 3: I read, I saw that you had a co writer.

79
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,359
Speaker 3: But still, it takes a lot of balls to write

80
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,720
Speaker 3: a novel out of left field, So talk to us

81
00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:24,240
Speaker 3: about it.

82
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:24,640
Speaker 6: Thank you.

83
00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:28,919
Speaker 3: Because I also suspect that this is partially I don't

84
00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:32,959
Speaker 3: want to say autobiographical, but adjacent to autobiographical. I'm sure

85
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:36,280
Speaker 3: there are nuggets in there that mimic your real personal experience.

86
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:40,320
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I mean it is. I think somebody called it factional,

87
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:43,880
Speaker 2: where it's like it's obviously fictional, but it is clearly

88
00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:47,000
Speaker 2: pulled straight from my life. Yeah, you know, I think

89
00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:50,600
Speaker 2: over the last probably six seven years, I've gone through

90
00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:54,000
Speaker 2: this really kind of transformative time in my life where

91
00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:56,520
Speaker 2: a lot of the systems that I put into place

92
00:03:56,560 --> 00:04:00,360
Speaker 2: to protect myself over the last thirty plus years really

93
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:05,800
Speaker 2: started unraveling when I started doing some inner child therapy

94
00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:09,440
Speaker 2: and work on myself and everything that I thought was

95
00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:13,080
Speaker 2: here to kind of be this safe thing all start unraveling.

96
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:15,800
Speaker 2: And while that was happening, I was like, you know,

97
00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,839
Speaker 2: I want to be able to share my story, but

98
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:21,400
Speaker 2: I also am kind of at that stage in my

99
00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:22,800
Speaker 2: life where I'm like, I don't want to give all

100
00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:27,800
Speaker 2: my personal details away anymore. Like I was so oversharing

101
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:29,800
Speaker 2: and so much that I did that, I was like,

102
00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:31,680
Speaker 2: you know, I think, I think I want to do

103
00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:34,320
Speaker 2: it this way. Also, I am a storyteller, whether it's

104
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:38,920
Speaker 2: through dance or music or acting. I love storytelling. And

105
00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:43,840
Speaker 2: there's something so amazing about transporting to another world where

106
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:47,279
Speaker 2: it doesn't feel so intimidating or vulnerable. You can actually

107
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:50,760
Speaker 2: create an entire world that you feel you know it

108
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:53,680
Speaker 2: works for you. So that's that's why I decided to

109
00:04:53,680 --> 00:05:00,280
Speaker 2: write a fiction novel versus here's all my stuff, Welcome.

110
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:00,120
Speaker 1: To my life.

111
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:04,120
Speaker 3: I know exactly what you're talking about going to I

112
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:05,680
Speaker 3: should start writing novels too.

113
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,919
Speaker 1: That would be a that would be quite a shroud.

114
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,680
Speaker 1: People would be like, we're onto you.

115
00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:12,160
Speaker 3: First of all, your transformation in the past five six

116
00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:14,480
Speaker 3: years however long it's been, is visible.

117
00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:16,840
Speaker 1: You've documented it. On Instagram. You talk a lot.

118
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:20,720
Speaker 3: About your spirituality, your dance. I know you started your

119
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:24,320
Speaker 3: dance program Kinergy, which has been huge for you, and

120
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,960
Speaker 3: a lot of the book and you in person, I

121
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:30,359
Speaker 3: know focus on the four Elements, and I wanted to

122
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,520
Speaker 3: talk about that for our listeners who are not up

123
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:34,640
Speaker 3: to speed on the four Elements or may look at

124
00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:37,039
Speaker 3: it and be like, Okay, that's a little bit too

125
00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:38,200
Speaker 3: hokey or.

126
00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:39,560
Speaker 1: Too woo wooh.

127
00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:43,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's important to explain what they are

128
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:44,440
Speaker 3: and how they impact.

129
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,000
Speaker 1: Us all absolutely well.

130
00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:49,080
Speaker 2: I mean I feel like one you've you've dabbled in

131
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,680
Speaker 2: some plant medicine and stuff like that and documented it.

132
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,839
Speaker 2: I think there's a lot of things that I've taken

133
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:59,160
Speaker 2: from different modalities and practices, whether it be like shamanism

134
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,960
Speaker 2: and the elements for tai Chi and chigong, and like

135
00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:06,520
Speaker 2: Eastern sides of philosophy and really try to put it

136
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:09,560
Speaker 2: into k Energy, which is my dance modality that is

137
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:14,240
Speaker 2: a somatic movement therapy basically. And so with all these

138
00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:16,719
Speaker 2: modalities that I feel like have been tools in helping

139
00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:19,800
Speaker 2: me connect to myself and a need and even deeper way.

140
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,080
Speaker 2: And when I say connect to myself, I mean, actually

141
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:26,920
Speaker 2: trusting myself. The elements were probably the one that resonated

142
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,120
Speaker 2: with me the most. And I think, you know, we

143
00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:31,599
Speaker 2: are made up of the elements. We are in nature

144
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:34,080
Speaker 2: by nature, and so the fact is when we can

145
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:38,719
Speaker 2: actually visualize and connect energetically to this place, we have

146
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:42,599
Speaker 2: so much wisdom within us and the nature of the

147
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:46,080
Speaker 2: elements are also there and so for us to tap

148
00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:47,520
Speaker 2: into that, I mean.

149
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:49,159
Speaker 1: This is where the wu wu comes in.

150
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,880
Speaker 2: But like energy is in everything, I mean it is

151
00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:55,080
Speaker 2: in the plants, everything is alive, and so tapping into

152
00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:57,960
Speaker 2: what's around us and the resources that are around us,

153
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,360
Speaker 2: ancient that's been here a way longer than we have,

154
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:05,000
Speaker 2: and just the wisdom I mean, water holds memory, all.

155
00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:05,840
Speaker 6: Sorts of things like that.

156
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:10,119
Speaker 2: So being able to connect to those elements and also

157
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,440
Speaker 2: within ourselves, I mean that's where I found a lot

158
00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:15,440
Speaker 2: of my trust in my knowing and my discernment and

159
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,840
Speaker 2: who I am. And you know, for years, I've given

160
00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:21,840
Speaker 2: my power away to so many other people and got

161
00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:24,520
Speaker 2: burned along the way. So I'm like, I really need

162
00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:27,280
Speaker 2: to learn how to trust myself. And that's why the

163
00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:28,200
Speaker 2: elements have been so.

164
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,960
Speaker 1: Powerful for me, and what are the four elements.

165
00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:35,520
Speaker 2: Oh, yes, air, fire, water, earth, And then if you

166
00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,640
Speaker 2: want to talk about the fifth element, which is either

167
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,240
Speaker 2: it's a combination of all.

168
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:40,280
Speaker 7: Yeah.

169
00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:42,480
Speaker 3: I like what you're saying about because everyone has a

170
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:44,640
Speaker 3: different connection to all of those things. And whether it's

171
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,960
Speaker 3: a deep connection or it's something that you just kind

172
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,520
Speaker 3: of you know, think is around and it doesn't impact

173
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:51,840
Speaker 3: you at all, then it's a little bit you haven't

174
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:54,920
Speaker 3: developed your relationship with those things. Like I'm a pisce,

175
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:56,960
Speaker 3: so people like, oh, you love the water, I actually

176
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,280
Speaker 3: do love the water, Like the water is so healing

177
00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,520
Speaker 3: and so er for me, Like I always want to

178
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:03,440
Speaker 3: be bywater, even if I'm not in it, I need

179
00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:04,240
Speaker 3: to be looking at it.

180
00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:06,320
Speaker 1: You know, all of those things. But there are deeper

181
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,960
Speaker 1: connections that all of us have to all of these things,

182
00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:10,960
Speaker 1: whether it is fire, whether it is air.

183
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,560
Speaker 3: But more importantly, what you just said, I think is

184
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:17,200
Speaker 3: really interesting about wisdom and that we have so much

185
00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:22,280
Speaker 3: wisdom within us that we've carried intergenerationally from our ancestors

186
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,720
Speaker 3: and from human beings that you know, the conversation just

187
00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,360
Speaker 3: feels like in our modern life, it feels like it

188
00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:31,840
Speaker 3: just started like ten or fifteen years ago. I'm sure

189
00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:34,120
Speaker 3: there are there are, and I know there are huge

190
00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:36,480
Speaker 3: groups of people and different parts of the world that

191
00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:39,280
Speaker 3: are focused on this and this relationship we have with

192
00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:43,040
Speaker 3: these elements. But in like LA modern society, people are

193
00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:46,280
Speaker 3: just like, Okay, first it was astrology, and then it

194
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:49,239
Speaker 3: was like, Okay, now we're deeper. We're talking about meditation

195
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:52,120
Speaker 3: and healing and energy work and all of those things.

196
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,920
Speaker 3: And people think LA is like kind of a woo

197
00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,640
Speaker 3: woo place if you don't live here. Yeah, we're all

198
00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:00,520
Speaker 3: in therapy and that we're all basket cases. But I

199
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:03,600
Speaker 3: would argue that there is so much wisdom that we

200
00:09:03,679 --> 00:09:07,040
Speaker 3: have within us that we aren't tapping into because we

201
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,240
Speaker 3: don't even believe that it's there. We think this is

202
00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:12,000
Speaker 3: our first time on Earth. We don't know very much.

203
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:15,839
Speaker 3: All we know is what we've learned, but it's inexplicable the.

204
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:18,680
Speaker 1: Things that we do know when we know them.

205
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,120
Speaker 6: Yeah, you don't know what you don't know until you

206
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:21,760
Speaker 6: know it.

207
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:25,360
Speaker 2: And I think there has to be a level of curiosity,

208
00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:28,560
Speaker 2: and you don't get to that level of curiosity unless

209
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,080
Speaker 2: either an event.

210
00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:32,880
Speaker 6: Has occurred where you're like, WHOA, I need.

211
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:36,560
Speaker 2: To shift something, or I don't know, there's just a

212
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:38,640
Speaker 2: there's a hunger and a drive for more.

213
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:39,560
Speaker 1: I don't know.

214
00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:42,800
Speaker 2: I think that that is what changed and transformed my

215
00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:46,920
Speaker 2: life was I had an experience that happened that opened

216
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:50,160
Speaker 2: my eyes, which is basically how you know she's very

217
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:53,280
Speaker 2: supernatural and had all these experiences happen. I had very

218
00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:55,680
Speaker 2: similar ones happen, and I was like, what the if

219
00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:57,760
Speaker 2: I am going insane?

220
00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,480
Speaker 1: Maybe this is a psychotic breed.

221
00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:04,560
Speaker 2: But like I'm seeing colors, I'm hearing, you know, things,

222
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:08,400
Speaker 2: I'm intuiting things that there's no way I would have

223
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:11,560
Speaker 2: had this awareness of. But I'm having like this oneness

224
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:14,640
Speaker 2: experience with someone else and I don't even know this person.

225
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,840
Speaker 2: And when I say hear things, I'm not like hearing voices,

226
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:22,240
Speaker 2: but you know, like synesthesia where it's like you actually,

227
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:27,320
Speaker 2: you know, Beethoven he heard color. I don't know that

228
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:28,800
Speaker 2: was exactly correct, but like.

229
00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:31,000
Speaker 1: It was, I slept. I slept with Beethoven, and it

230
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,920
Speaker 1: is thank you, thank.

231
00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:33,080
Speaker 6: You for that.

232
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:36,960
Speaker 2: But for me, it's like I was hearing things, but

233
00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,280
Speaker 2: it was like but it was a knowing and a feeling,

234
00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:41,960
Speaker 2: and so those things were starting to happen, and I

235
00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:46,199
Speaker 2: was like what is happening here? And instead of freaking

236
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:49,880
Speaker 2: out getting scared, I just got curious and I started

237
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:53,800
Speaker 2: like researching and learning and diving into things and really

238
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:57,600
Speaker 2: tried to just, i don't know, embrace it rather than

239
00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:58,600
Speaker 2: be scared of it.

240
00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:02,080
Speaker 1: Can you give us an example of something that you experienced.

241
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:06,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely so. I was actually at this retreat seminar

242
00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:08,720
Speaker 2: and there was a bunch of us there, and I

243
00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:13,440
Speaker 2: remember being in this deep meditation and I didn't know

244
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,360
Speaker 2: a lot of the people there, but I closed my

245
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,960
Speaker 2: eyes and I'm starting to go, you know, connect and

246
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,360
Speaker 2: go into that state. And then all of a sudden,

247
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:24,840
Speaker 2: I was like, ooh, I feel I feel like I'm

248
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:30,040
Speaker 2: in Europe. I smell mold and it's musty. I feel

249
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,000
Speaker 2: very young right now. I feel like I'm like three

250
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:36,959
Speaker 2: or five years old, somewhere around that era or that age.

251
00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:42,480
Speaker 2: And my hair feels wet and I'm sitting here being

252
00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:45,160
Speaker 2: like this is so strange, but like this doesn't feel

253
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,520
Speaker 2: like mine. And then all of a sudden, I was

254
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:51,520
Speaker 2: like overwhelmed with this sense of abandonment by my father,

255
00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:54,600
Speaker 2: and I was like, this is I don't this doesn't

256
00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:57,080
Speaker 2: feel like me, This doesn't feel like my stuff, but

257
00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,680
Speaker 2: I'm going with it. And then all of a sudden,

258
00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:02,160
Speaker 2: I had this overwhelming feeling to the point where like

259
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,640
Speaker 2: my arms went back and my chest opened up, and

260
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:09,680
Speaker 2: I was like, I feel so loved. And anyway the

261
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:13,120
Speaker 2: meditation finishes, I was like, that was strange, and I

262
00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:16,160
Speaker 2: just looked at this woman and I was like, I

263
00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:19,439
Speaker 2: feel like that was her experience. So I walked over

264
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,320
Speaker 2: to her and I said, Hey, I know you don't

265
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:24,280
Speaker 2: know me, but would you be open to sharing what

266
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:27,120
Speaker 2: your experience was in that meditation? She goes, it was

267
00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:30,960
Speaker 2: actually really profound. I had this memory come up when

268
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,360
Speaker 2: I was a little girl and my family we were

269
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:36,680
Speaker 2: living in Copenhagen, and I had this memory. My mom

270
00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:40,520
Speaker 2: was at the hospital and my dad was rushing to

271
00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:42,960
Speaker 2: get me ready to go, and my hair was wet

272
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:45,360
Speaker 2: and he was blow drying my hair. I'll never forget it.

273
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:48,520
Speaker 2: And we rushed to the hospital and then he just

274
00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:52,320
Speaker 2: left me. He left me in the waiting room. And

275
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:55,800
Speaker 2: not only did I feel so alone in that moment,

276
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:59,000
Speaker 2: but my brother was born and he has autism, and

277
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:02,280
Speaker 2: so my whole life since my brother was born, I

278
00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:05,280
Speaker 2: felt like my parents just forgot about me, and that

279
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:07,600
Speaker 2: they just didn't love me. She goes, and then the

280
00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:11,240
Speaker 2: weirdest thing happened. My arms went back and my heart

281
00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:14,200
Speaker 2: opened up, and I just felt this immense amount of

282
00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:17,360
Speaker 2: love that like my family and my dad loved me.

283
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:19,760
Speaker 1: I was like, what the fuck?

284
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:25,440
Speaker 2: So clearly I wasn't experiencing all the details that she

285
00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:29,360
Speaker 2: went through, but I was having those heightened senses, and

286
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:32,720
Speaker 2: I was like, what that is very strange.

287
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:35,760
Speaker 1: Or of someone else's experience, which is strange.

288
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:38,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, from someone else's experience. And this was not plant medicine,

289
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:41,840
Speaker 2: this was nothing. This was just meditation. And then you

290
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:44,400
Speaker 2: know other experiences where I'd be sitting with somebody and

291
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:46,440
Speaker 2: we have an a normal conversation and I'd be like,

292
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,600
Speaker 2: did you have a dog at twelve that was black

293
00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:51,520
Speaker 2: and white? And they'd be like, oh, my gosh, yes,

294
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:55,160
Speaker 2: And then it would spawn into a conversation about how,

295
00:13:55,679 --> 00:13:59,120
Speaker 2: you know, her dad ended up losing this dog and

296
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,640
Speaker 2: when she was twelve years old, and it was like

297
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:04,480
Speaker 2: a really painful experience that they had just moved and

298
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,400
Speaker 2: like they got a new dog, but it wasn't that

299
00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:10,199
Speaker 2: dog anyway, It was this whole experience. So these things

300
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:13,440
Speaker 2: were starting to happen. I also, you know, was starting

301
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:16,640
Speaker 2: to see some color around people, and again it kind

302
00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:19,720
Speaker 2: of like freaked me out a little bit, and then

303
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,440
Speaker 2: I just dove into it and thought I'd get curious.

304
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:25,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, So the main character in the book Everything We

305
00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:30,200
Speaker 3: Never Knew does see auras, sees people's auras, and so

306
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,320
Speaker 3: that is something that I can relate to that. And

307
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,080
Speaker 3: I don't know if I can relate to the color

308
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:38,080
Speaker 3: seeing colors, because I know I've spoken to mediums or

309
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:41,280
Speaker 3: psychics or anything of that ilk that have said, Okay,

310
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:42,800
Speaker 3: this is the color, this is your aura.

311
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:44,800
Speaker 1: It's always green or blue or something.

312
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:48,520
Speaker 3: But there's definitely like I can you know when I

313
00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:49,680
Speaker 3: see somebody.

314
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,760
Speaker 1: You have a vibe, right, you have a vibe right away.

315
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:55,840
Speaker 2: That's that synesthesia thing where it's like I'm feeling even

316
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,240
Speaker 2: I can feel this color even though I'm not seeing it.

317
00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:02,920
Speaker 1: And so you experienced that a lot. Yes, So you're intuitive.

318
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:04,760
Speaker 3: Do you think you're an into it or like, do

319
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,400
Speaker 3: you think you're slightly psychic?

320
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:08,160
Speaker 1: Like how would you categorize it?

321
00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:12,200
Speaker 2: So I think that's why this book was really important

322
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:15,480
Speaker 2: for me, because I'm like, this was an activation of

323
00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:20,240
Speaker 2: some sort and you know there were very powerful moments.

324
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:23,640
Speaker 2: I haven't had a lot of those moments consistently, but

325
00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:25,960
Speaker 2: I've had these experiences and I think that there was

326
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:29,760
Speaker 2: an activation that happened. But sometimes when it just gets

327
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:32,160
Speaker 2: stuck in your lower chakras, you can pop into these

328
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:36,400
Speaker 2: mystical experiences, but it's not actually regulated and consistent. But

329
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:41,200
Speaker 2: the idea is you have these moments of inspiration or

330
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:46,240
Speaker 2: mysticism and certain things, but unless you really hone it

331
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:49,440
Speaker 2: and really understand it and actually have a lot of

332
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:54,120
Speaker 2: integrity with it, there is many ways people can into

333
00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:57,520
Speaker 2: it things and be connected. But again that integrity is

334
00:15:57,520 --> 00:16:00,280
Speaker 2: so important. So as this was happening and I wanted

335
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:03,720
Speaker 2: to share this, I really wanted to like share these

336
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:07,240
Speaker 2: experiences and know that I believe that everybody has these

337
00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:11,520
Speaker 2: gifts and everybody has access to it. But there are

338
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:16,280
Speaker 2: so many layers of conditions and patterns and belief systems

339
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:19,720
Speaker 2: and protective mechanisms and all these things that we've built

340
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:22,200
Speaker 2: up over our entire lives to survive.

341
00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:25,960
Speaker 1: Well, mostly ego too. I mean that's the first enemy

342
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:27,760
Speaker 1: against any of this, right.

343
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:31,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, And obviously, like ego is in the way that

344
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,640
Speaker 2: we see it is it's a terrible thing. Like we

345
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:35,280
Speaker 2: don't want ego, but ego is going to be with

346
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:36,920
Speaker 2: us the rest of our lives, so you better get

347
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:40,320
Speaker 2: to know it and have a relationship with it. Otherwise again,

348
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:42,280
Speaker 2: it's going to have the power over you if you know,

349
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:44,320
Speaker 2: if you're just trying to avoid it.

350
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:47,240
Speaker 7: So, you know, finding all of.

351
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:51,000
Speaker 2: Those things, I was like, this is within all of us,

352
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:55,560
Speaker 2: and so how do I make this like a really fun, exciting, joyful,

353
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:59,120
Speaker 2: transformational experience for people to dive into. It doesn't feel

354
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:02,960
Speaker 2: so intimidated as to reading like a self help book

355
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:07,320
Speaker 2: or like a book on spirituality, you know, And like

356
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:09,359
Speaker 2: I was like, I just want it to be like

357
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:12,399
Speaker 2: a fun story where people can, like I don't know,

358
00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:16,919
Speaker 2: have these experiences that feel heightened. So it feels like

359
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:21,359
Speaker 2: it's otherworldly but grounded in the emotions and the experiences

360
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,080
Speaker 2: that we universally feel.

361
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:26,040
Speaker 3: The character in your book, too, is an ex Mormon,

362
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:28,280
Speaker 3: and I know I think you are ex Mormon, right

363
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:29,320
Speaker 3: you still Mormon?

364
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,720
Speaker 1: Are you like officially not Mormon or yeah?

365
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:34,720
Speaker 2: I don't think I like officially like denounced it.

366
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,080
Speaker 1: I just stopped going.

367
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,160
Speaker 2: But you know, my dad is still active in the church.

368
00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:40,920
Speaker 2: And none of my other siblings or my.

369
00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:41,520
Speaker 8: Mom are not.

370
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:44,320
Speaker 3: And who do you think, like so far in your

371
00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:46,760
Speaker 3: life has been your greatest teacher.

372
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:48,040
Speaker 6: My greatest teacher.

373
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:51,720
Speaker 2: I think my family system so like my like, I'm

374
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:52,560
Speaker 2: I'm an observer.

375
00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:53,320
Speaker 1: I watch.

376
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:54,600
Speaker 2: I'm the baby of the family.

377
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:57,080
Speaker 1: You're the youngest of five, right, youngest of five?

378
00:17:57,200 --> 00:18:00,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you know, like we're cut from the same cloth.

379
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:04,080
Speaker 2: We have a lot of the same you know, wounds

380
00:18:04,119 --> 00:18:06,919
Speaker 2: and stuff. So I'm like, I'm watching how my siblings

381
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,919
Speaker 2: behave or react to things, or I see my mom.

382
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,520
Speaker 2: In fact, I had this conversation with her back in

383
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:16,880
Speaker 2: twenty seventeen when for years I was like, my mom

384
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:19,080
Speaker 2: is so sensitive and she cries at everything, and like,

385
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:22,239
Speaker 2: you know, like I had this negative association with her.

386
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:23,439
Speaker 1: I didn't think she was strong.

387
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:27,000
Speaker 2: So I for a long time looked down at my

388
00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:31,480
Speaker 2: mom because I was like, she's hyper sensitive, she's emotional,

389
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:34,119
Speaker 2: she's she was very manic when I was a kid

390
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:38,359
Speaker 2: in her expressions and it was very unstable in a

391
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:41,679
Speaker 2: way of like not feeling like consistent. And so I

392
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,120
Speaker 2: remember having this conversation with her. I was like, Mom,

393
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:47,240
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm so sorry, Like I totally judged

394
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:50,359
Speaker 2: you because it was the thing that like affected me.

395
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:53,840
Speaker 2: But like, I realize I am actually more like you

396
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,960
Speaker 2: than I want to admit. And and the minute I

397
00:18:57,040 --> 00:19:00,359
Speaker 2: actually like saw her not the things that I didn't

398
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,720
Speaker 2: love about her, but like the things that were challenging

399
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:06,200
Speaker 2: for her, and I saw her for that and recognize

400
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,840
Speaker 2: that that exists in me. Also, I ended up falling

401
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,479
Speaker 2: in love with my mom all over again, and like

402
00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:14,879
Speaker 2: as an adult and like, I'm like so obsessed with

403
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:18,600
Speaker 2: my mom now. And it's because I was so afraid

404
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:21,080
Speaker 2: to see that that part existed in me too, and

405
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,800
Speaker 2: I was scared of that that that part could exist.

406
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,360
Speaker 2: But I'm like, but now that I know that that exists,

407
00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:28,880
Speaker 2: that's not going to have the power over me. That's

408
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:31,320
Speaker 2: not going to be my like, you know, my decision

409
00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:35,160
Speaker 2: making person underneath everything. I'm going to make the choices now.

410
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,160
Speaker 3: And I think that's very poignant about your mom, because

411
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:42,119
Speaker 3: I think so many of us forget to recognize that

412
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:45,560
Speaker 3: our parents are people with their own lives before we

413
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:48,480
Speaker 3: entered the picture, and we don't see them like that

414
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:51,080
Speaker 3: until we get old enough to gain some sort of

415
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:55,840
Speaker 3: perspective and awareness that no, those are people too. They're

416
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:59,679
Speaker 3: not just your parents, they actually had their own histories.

417
00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:01,760
Speaker 3: I was mad at my parents for ever having a

418
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,760
Speaker 3: life before me. I'm like, what this is it? I'm it,

419
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,280
Speaker 3: you know, like even when I'm a date man, when

420
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:09,240
Speaker 3: I was younger, if they had a girlfriend before me,

421
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:10,440
Speaker 3: I'm like, fuck that shit.

422
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,640
Speaker 1: You got to like erase her from your mind.

423
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:16,840
Speaker 3: But this very immature way of thinking about experiences, like

424
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:19,640
Speaker 3: you're supposed to be the first experience that that person's had.

425
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,600
Speaker 3: It's like that is not the way the world works

426
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,879
Speaker 3: in it, And it is a very immature way of

427
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:27,960
Speaker 3: thinking about your parents in only their relationship to you

428
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,280
Speaker 3: or in relation to you only. It's like they have

429
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,600
Speaker 3: a whole world that you don't know about before you

430
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:33,240
Speaker 3: came along.

431
00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:35,000
Speaker 1: So that's interesting to say.

432
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:36,760
Speaker 3: Okay, on that note, we're going to take a break

433
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,640
Speaker 3: and we're going to be right back and take some questions.

434
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:44,720
Speaker 4: This week, we're looking for friendship conundrums. If you've just

435
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:47,199
Speaker 4: been dealing with something in your friendship and you're not

436
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:49,840
Speaker 4: sure how to navigate it, write in for advice at

437
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:52,200
Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.

438
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:55,240
Speaker 3: And we're back with Julianne Huff and her new book

439
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:56,560
Speaker 3: Everything We Never Knew?

440
00:20:58,080 --> 00:20:59,960
Speaker 5: All right, are you ready to answer some questions?

441
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,160
Speaker 1: I'm ready. That's just fun.

442
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:03,400
Speaker 2: You guys appreciate it.

443
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:06,400
Speaker 1: I think you're ready to therapize, Julietam. I can tell

444
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:09,440
Speaker 1: you're going to be very good at this. Is well.

445
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:12,040
Speaker 4: Our first question comes from Anna. This was just a

446
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:15,240
Speaker 4: write in, she says, Dear Chelsea, you say and do

447
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,800
Speaker 4: whatever you want, never wondering what others think.

448
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:19,879
Speaker 1: Hah, that's what you think.

449
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:22,840
Speaker 4: I wish I had your courage in my everyday life,

450
00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:25,280
Speaker 4: which brings me to my question. I'm going to be

451
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:28,000
Speaker 4: starting a new job in June and most recently became

452
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:32,080
Speaker 4: comfortable in my sexual identity. I identify as bisexual. I'm

453
00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:34,679
Speaker 4: proud and happy and excited to start this journey, and

454
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:36,960
Speaker 4: I want to share it with the world. The one

455
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:39,480
Speaker 4: thing that holds me back is my job. The label

456
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:42,200
Speaker 4: of being a bisexual is very taboo, and people still

457
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,760
Speaker 4: think it must make you us lut. I was wondering

458
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,359
Speaker 4: how soon I should come out at work. I have

459
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:50,200
Speaker 4: so many rainbow office supplies and decorations that I want

460
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:52,280
Speaker 4: to have at my desk, but I'm worried if my

461
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:55,040
Speaker 4: coworkers see it the last questions or just assume I'm

462
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 4: a lesbian. I live in the Midwest. I just worry

463
00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:00,600
Speaker 4: about the older generations staff who aren't as open as

464
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,679
Speaker 4: the younger generation. My workplace is making moves to be

465
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:07,840
Speaker 4: more including to the LGBTQ plus community, but the haters

466
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,760
Speaker 4: still be hating. You know, how should I navigate unleashing

467
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:12,800
Speaker 4: the gay as my friends call it, Anna.

468
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:13,960
Speaker 1: Listen, I would.

469
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,600
Speaker 3: My advice is always just to go full throttle with

470
00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:19,520
Speaker 3: who you are and make no apologies about who you are.

471
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,919
Speaker 3: Because if you're saying that your workplace, I don't know

472
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:24,840
Speaker 3: what she didn't mention what kind of workplace it is, and.

473
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 5: I think it's like an office.

474
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:27,439
Speaker 1: Frankly, it doesn't really fucking matter.

475
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:31,240
Speaker 3: Because you're saying that they want to become more LGBTQ friendly.

476
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:33,320
Speaker 3: I would take that as a personal que to help

477
00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:35,600
Speaker 3: them do that. And you can have as much rainbow

478
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:38,080
Speaker 3: decoration around your office as you want. And if you

479
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:41,280
Speaker 3: don't feel like disclosing that personal information because it is

480
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,960
Speaker 3: kind of personal, you don't have any reason to say

481
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:46,959
Speaker 3: announce I'm bisexual, nor should you be ashamed at all

482
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 3: that you're bisexual. But I like the idea of having

483
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:54,719
Speaker 3: all your rainbow decorations your LGBTQ support in the spirit

484
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,320
Speaker 3: of I support this community and I want to be

485
00:22:57,400 --> 00:23:00,119
Speaker 3: loud about it. You don't have to identify yourself if

486
00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:03,240
Speaker 3: you don't owe anybody that explanation, but it's a good

487
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:05,760
Speaker 3: way to be like, this is where I stand. I'm

488
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:11,520
Speaker 3: welcoming to all forms of sexuality and identification genders, whatever

489
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:12,680
Speaker 3: your preferences are.

490
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:14,240
Speaker 1: This is the way forward.

491
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:17,840
Speaker 3: This is the future, and I'm here to embrace everybody,

492
00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:20,200
Speaker 3: no matter what their belief systems, and then everybody can

493
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,240
Speaker 3: figure out when they figure out what they're going to

494
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,440
Speaker 3: figure out about you. But you don't owe it would

495
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:26,360
Speaker 3: be like me going, oh, I had sex last night

496
00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:26,880
Speaker 3: with a man.

497
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:28,880
Speaker 1: Nobody needs to know that, you know what I mean.

498
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:31,320
Speaker 1: That's not appropriate anyway for the office.

499
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:34,960
Speaker 3: But I also wouldn't lie about my sexual orientation, you

500
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:37,400
Speaker 3: know what I mean. So I would say, don't lie,

501
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:40,960
Speaker 3: but be very forward. You can be demonstrative about your

502
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:44,560
Speaker 3: support for the community. Yeah, what do you think, Julianne.

503
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:47,360
Speaker 2: You know, it kind of goes back to everything I'm

504
00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:50,800
Speaker 2: saying about trusting yourself and having your own discernment, because

505
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:54,159
Speaker 2: for a long time in my experiences, I wanted so

506
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:58,119
Speaker 2: badly to be understood that I shared everything because I

507
00:23:58,160 --> 00:23:59,720
Speaker 2: was like, but if they know me and they have

508
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:02,680
Speaker 2: text and they know all the things, then they'll know

509
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,040
Speaker 2: that I'm a good person. Or then they'll know that

510
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,600
Speaker 2: you know, and then they'll accept me. But if they

511
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:11,040
Speaker 2: don't know, I guess they'll never know. But I realize

512
00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 2: not everybody needs to know everything. As to your point, like,

513
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:16,679
Speaker 2: that's your private information, how you want to express it.

514
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:19,520
Speaker 2: If you want to express as a support and just

515
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:21,560
Speaker 2: that's because that's how you live your life, then you

516
00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:24,280
Speaker 2: should absolutely do that. I also think that when you

517
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:27,320
Speaker 2: start choosing yourself and when you start choosing your community

518
00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:31,159
Speaker 2: and you're aligned in who you are, the things that

519
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 2: will stay will stay intact that are aligned in matching you,

520
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:39,719
Speaker 2: and the things that won't be aligned will start falling apart.

521
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:43,200
Speaker 2: And that's scary, it is, but that will also set

522
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:45,240
Speaker 2: you free. So I'm not saying you need to quit

523
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:48,280
Speaker 2: your job at all if they're not going to accept

524
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:52,199
Speaker 2: being and owning your power of who you are, easier

525
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 2: said than done. But you showing up as your full

526
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:59,439
Speaker 2: self will also give permission to maybe your coworkers or

527
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:04,199
Speaker 2: your job to say, oh, I actually never thought that

528
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:07,199
Speaker 2: we actually had a safe place, and now let's make

529
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:09,760
Speaker 2: it a safer place and give them the opportunity to

530
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,240
Speaker 2: step up. Also, so I think, at the end of

531
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:16,160
Speaker 2: the day, do everything everybody's saying just as much as

532
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:19,719
Speaker 2: you can be so so true to yourself, and the

533
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 2: world will start either matching you or it won't, and

534
00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 2: those will be your answers where you should move into,

535
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:28,240
Speaker 2: which directions next.

536
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:30,840
Speaker 3: And I would also say to think of yourself as

537
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,720
Speaker 3: like a thought leader. You have an opportunity. You're going

538
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:36,919
Speaker 3: into a new job and there are some older people

539
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:39,480
Speaker 3: that are more traditional that aren't really up to speed.

540
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:43,040
Speaker 3: That's an opportunity to show them the way.

541
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:46,439
Speaker 4: Yeah, they might ask questions, they might be curious, and

542
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:49,520
Speaker 4: maybe you're the first bisexual person that's in their life

543
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:52,240
Speaker 4: and you know, they know they like you, so maybe

544
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:54,480
Speaker 4: all this is great and it won't be so scary

545
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:55,120
Speaker 4: to approach.

546
00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:57,000
Speaker 2: I feel like a lot of people judge what they

547
00:25:57,040 --> 00:26:00,320
Speaker 2: don't understand, and so there might be an opportunity for

548
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:04,080
Speaker 2: you to be a really beautiful like Chelsea said, like

549
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:08,440
Speaker 2: thought leader and like educator without having to project it.

550
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:11,240
Speaker 2: But just if people want to know. You're so excited

551
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:13,159
Speaker 2: if you want to support your community.

552
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:17,400
Speaker 4: Also, the bisexual Pride flag is fantastic, so maybe get

553
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:18,840
Speaker 4: one of those to add into the mix.

554
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:19,960
Speaker 1: Yeah for it.

555
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:24,399
Speaker 4: Well, our next question comes from Jackie, and this is

556
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:25,199
Speaker 4: a bit of a doozy.

557
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:28,400
Speaker 1: I'm very excited for jack Love, she says.

558
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:31,359
Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea, I need your help because I have gotten

559
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:34,440
Speaker 4: myself into not just a pickle, but a whole damn cucumber.

560
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:38,000
Speaker 4: I pride myself on not getting involved in work drama,

561
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:40,800
Speaker 4: but I'm a fool and have gotten into some. A

562
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,560
Speaker 4: coworker of mine, let's call her Jane, has been having

563
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:46,959
Speaker 4: a year long affair with our coworker Tom. Tom had

564
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:49,760
Speaker 4: a girlfriend of five years during their affair, but he

565
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:53,040
Speaker 4: recently broke it off with his girlfriend and is now single.

566
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,439
Speaker 4: A few weeks ago, I go out to lunch with

567
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:58,560
Speaker 4: another coworker, Sarah, and she tells me she's been sleeping

568
00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:02,000
Speaker 4: with Tom and he's all so slept with yet another coworker,

569
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:05,880
Speaker 4: not Jane, mind you. I became very close to Jane,

570
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:08,359
Speaker 4: so afterward I text Tom and tell him I know

571
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:10,480
Speaker 4: about the situation and I'll give him a few days

572
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:13,159
Speaker 4: to come clean with Jane. I'm a girls girl and

573
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:15,359
Speaker 4: I want to do right by my friend. He texts

574
00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:18,000
Speaker 4: me a long message bashing Sarah, who she'd been out

575
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:20,879
Speaker 4: to lunch with. That really bothers me, like you'll sleep

576
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:23,600
Speaker 4: with her, but call her crazy, unstable, et cetera, and

577
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:27,320
Speaker 4: claims they never hooked up during Jane's relationship. Blah blah blah.

578
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:30,080
Speaker 4: He never tells Jane, so several days later I do.

579
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:32,760
Speaker 4: It goes horribly Oh shit.

580
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:34,240
Speaker 1: Jane loses her.

581
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:36,680
Speaker 4: Mind and I reach back out to Sarah to get

582
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:39,440
Speaker 4: clarity on the timeline of their relationship. It turns out

583
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 4: their affair didn't overlap with Jane's, but he had sent

584
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,440
Speaker 4: her some really sketchy texts in recent months, saying she's

585
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:48,600
Speaker 4: the best sex he's ever had, etc. I also realized

586
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:50,399
Speaker 4: Sarah is a bit crazy and now thinks she has

587
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 4: strong feelings for Tom. It's on everything she shared with me.

588
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:58,880
Speaker 4: Tom hates me now, which is fine. Sarah also now

589
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 4: hates me and locked me from contacting her.

590
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:04,320
Speaker 5: But hello, we work together, so can we be a

591
00:28:04,359 --> 00:28:05,240
Speaker 5: little more mature.

592
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:08,080
Speaker 4: Jane and I are very close, but now it's weird

593
00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 4: because she loves Tom so much and doesn't seem to

594
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:12,119
Speaker 4: care about how much of a liar he is. Let alone,

595
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:14,640
Speaker 4: he might have hooked up with another girl, which he denies.

596
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:17,520
Speaker 4: I reached out to Sarah to apologize, but she's blocked me.

597
00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:20,160
Speaker 4: She has every right to be mad, but blocking feels extreme.

598
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:21,640
Speaker 4: Did I do the right thing?

599
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:21,920
Speaker 8: Here?

600
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:23,160
Speaker 1: Where do I go from here?

601
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 4: My logic was telling Jane if the situation was reversed,

602
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:27,520
Speaker 4: is that I'd want to know.

603
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:28,840
Speaker 1: But I regret everything.

604
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 4: In hindsight, I would have kept my mouth shut, but

605
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:34,399
Speaker 4: and let the chips fall where they fall. Jackie and

606
00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:35,720
Speaker 4: one terrible cucumber.

607
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:40,840
Speaker 1: Oh, Hi Jackie, Hi Jackie. That's so funny, like ask

608
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 1: this letter.

609
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 3: This is Julianne guests today.

610
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:45,920
Speaker 8: This is so cool.

611
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:50,160
Speaker 3: It's so funny, Like as you're going through, like I

612
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:53,000
Speaker 3: always tell everyone, tell on men, you know what I mean,

613
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:56,240
Speaker 3: Always have a girl's back, Always have a girl's back, right,

614
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:59,200
Speaker 3: But this is such a convoluted situation that of course

615
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 3: a fucking backfe like it's because no one's in a

616
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:06,880
Speaker 3: real relationship. Everyone's just sleeping together, so there's no commitment, right,

617
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 3: that's being broken, Like no one really.

618
00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 1: Gives a shit. Yeah, and yet they do.

619
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:13,719
Speaker 3: I mean they give a shit but no. But I

620
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:16,600
Speaker 3: think it's really funny that you did all this. Now

621
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 3: everyone's mad at you. I think you have to just

622
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:20,840
Speaker 3: give it a little bit of time, and I think

623
00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:24,720
Speaker 3: you should probably just leave a letter on Sarah's desk

624
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:28,080
Speaker 3: or and all of their desks and just say, Okay,

625
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:31,480
Speaker 3: I learned my lesson. I was an interloper. I should

626
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:34,760
Speaker 3: not have gotten involved, and I'm really sorry. I didn't

627
00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 3: mean any ill will. I just always want to be

628
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 3: there for women, and I want to support women and

629
00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:42,440
Speaker 3: make sure that they are aware of everything that's going on.

630
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:45,160
Speaker 1: My intention was never to destroy our friendship.

631
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:47,719
Speaker 3: I hope that you can forgive me, you know what

632
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 3: I mean, Just come from a place of supporting women,

633
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:52,000
Speaker 3: because that's really where you were coming from.

634
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 7: Yeah, that's fully it.

635
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,680
Speaker 8: I did reach out to Sarah and write her like

636
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:59,480
Speaker 8: kind of the letter, but didn't go into all those details.

637
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 7: Still blocked me. I did shoot her a Venmo request.

638
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:07,040
Speaker 8: I gave her five dollars on Venmo privately to be like, hey,

639
00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 8: if you want to talk, like, would love to Still

640
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:12,960
Speaker 8: blocked me, hates me, like, wants nothing to do with me.

641
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:15,720
Speaker 7: So I'm just kind of leaving it alone.

642
00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:18,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, leave it alone. Leave it alone for a while.

643
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 3: You have to give it like a month or two,

644
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:22,120
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. If she's pissed like that,

645
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:24,440
Speaker 3: then she needs time to calm down, and she will,

646
00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:27,080
Speaker 3: she will calm down. Everybody just needs like a month

647
00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:29,400
Speaker 3: or two. Some people need longer and some people need

648
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:31,520
Speaker 3: a shorter amount of time. But don't be annoying or

649
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:34,240
Speaker 3: like a pest about it. Just give her some space.

650
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:36,760
Speaker 3: When someone asks for space, give them double Yeah.

651
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:37,920
Speaker 7: Good call, good call.

652
00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:40,160
Speaker 8: So do you think I shouldn't have gotten involved at

653
00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:41,160
Speaker 8: all in the first place?

654
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:44,280
Speaker 3: I mean, it sounds like this guy is just fucking

655
00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:46,600
Speaker 3: his way through the office, So like you know what

656
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:49,360
Speaker 3: I mean, Yeah, your next block, your Pikachu if.

657
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:50,280
Speaker 1: You don't want any action.

658
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:53,600
Speaker 3: But I mean no, I respect that you wanted to

659
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:56,960
Speaker 3: get involved and tell these girls, but it just doesn't

660
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:59,520
Speaker 3: seem like anyone. I mean, he's in a relationship now,

661
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:00,840
Speaker 3: he's out of a relationship.

662
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:03,160
Speaker 1: Jane. Is she in a relationship or she's just in

663
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:04,160
Speaker 1: a relationship with him?

664
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:09,080
Speaker 8: Jane and Thomas trying to be in one whatever that means.

665
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:10,880
Speaker 7: They're trying to be together.

666
00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:14,000
Speaker 3: Okay, well, don't be so judgy about that because I

667
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:17,240
Speaker 3: can see your judgment. Maybe they will be together and then,

668
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:19,480
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, So you have to accept

669
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:21,280
Speaker 3: your responsibility. I don't know if you made a mistake.

670
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:23,560
Speaker 3: It sounds like you kind of did, like you got

671
00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:27,120
Speaker 3: too involved with everybody. But I probably would have advised

672
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:29,560
Speaker 3: you to do the same thing, because I want to

673
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 3: be a girl's girl too, Like I don't want women

674
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 3: being lied to in my presence. I don't like it,

675
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:35,160
Speaker 3: and I will always tell women the truth.

676
00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:37,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, And the thing is, like, at the end of

677
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:40,640
Speaker 4: the day, everyone's really upset with Tom. This is sort

678
00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:43,720
Speaker 4: of misdirected anger at you. But only did was take

679
00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:44,480
Speaker 4: the lid off of it.

680
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:45,840
Speaker 6: I was gonna say that.

681
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:49,000
Speaker 2: I mean, I feel like when people need that space,

682
00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:52,040
Speaker 2: they're trying to process like oh I feel embarrassed or

683
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:55,440
Speaker 2: I feel like I've done something wrong now even though

684
00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:58,760
Speaker 2: like this wasn't my fault, but now now the office

685
00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:02,400
Speaker 2: knows or now other people know, and so letting them

686
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:06,480
Speaker 2: calm down and figure out what they're feeling and processing. Also,

687
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 2: it's probably just you know, projection of everybody's own experiences

688
00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:13,440
Speaker 2: of like do I get involved do I not and

689
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:16,280
Speaker 2: get involved judging is this the right thing or the

690
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 2: wrong thing? That's not for anybody to decide. Obviously, you

691
00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:21,240
Speaker 2: want to be there for your friends and the people

692
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:24,320
Speaker 2: around you, and also like people are going to make

693
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:26,960
Speaker 2: their own choices. And I always say this. I'm like,

694
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:31,320
Speaker 2: I like try to lead the witness instead of telling

695
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:34,360
Speaker 2: them what's happening them, Like, I'll always be like, so,

696
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 2: how do you feel about committed partnership and what is

697
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:39,440
Speaker 2: your relationship?

698
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:40,320
Speaker 6: What do you guys do?

699
00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:43,720
Speaker 2: Like what do you you and Tom do during your dates?

700
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:45,360
Speaker 6: What kind of conversations you have?

701
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:47,640
Speaker 2: Like I always try to ask questions so that they

702
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:52,040
Speaker 2: can find the answer for themselves versus, you know, sharing like, ah,

703
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:55,240
Speaker 2: this is what's happening. I see this because that's my

704
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:59,000
Speaker 2: viewpoint of what's right and what's wrong versus you know,

705
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 2: letting them discover that.

706
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:04,960
Speaker 7: Yeah, that's that's a good call out. I've been Jane

707
00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:08,160
Speaker 7: and Tom since the start of their affair, and I

708
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:12,200
Speaker 7: was supportive and not judgy as much as I could be,

709
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:15,320
Speaker 7: with kind of nudging like you said, but just seeing

710
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:17,760
Speaker 7: how it's all progressed and how messy it's gotten me

711
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:20,480
Speaker 7: more involved and I'm like, okay, I need to stalk well.

712
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:22,160
Speaker 2: And by the way, it's not fair for you to

713
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:27,480
Speaker 2: also like have this information, so I agree, like always

714
00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:31,120
Speaker 2: have your friends back and support your women, because also

715
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 2: it's not fair that you have this information.

716
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:34,440
Speaker 6: What do you do with it?

717
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:34,800
Speaker 2: You know?

718
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:38,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would also just have a sense of humor

719
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:41,080
Speaker 1: about this whole situation. Yeah, oh yeah, don't take it

720
00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 1: so seriously, Like I understand it's kind of a bummer.

721
00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:46,000
Speaker 3: That three people aren't talking to you at work, but

722
00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:50,400
Speaker 3: hopefully you have some other friends there, and just make

723
00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:52,760
Speaker 3: it a joke. You fucked up, you were being a

724
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:55,280
Speaker 3: nosy nelly or whatever, you know, take the blame for

725
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:56,680
Speaker 3: yourself you can afford to.

726
00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:58,760
Speaker 1: And it's true what Julianne just said.

727
00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:00,680
Speaker 3: Anyone who like, you know, and you're dating a guy

728
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:02,120
Speaker 3: and you find out, oh, we had sex with somebody

729
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:04,800
Speaker 3: else in the office, Like that's embarrassing. That's embarrassing to

730
00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:06,560
Speaker 3: your friends because you want your friends to know that

731
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:08,200
Speaker 3: he respects you and that he loves you, and then

732
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:09,880
Speaker 3: he just broke up with his five year girlfriend for

733
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:11,640
Speaker 3: you or whatever the case may be.

734
00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:13,480
Speaker 1: So just have a sense of.

735
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:16,800
Speaker 3: Humor about it and let some time pass and don't

736
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:19,440
Speaker 3: be on them to clear the air so quickly.

737
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:20,800
Speaker 1: Just let them have some space.

738
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:24,600
Speaker 8: Yeah, I mean since then, so the Jane and me

739
00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:26,399
Speaker 8: are like cool, We're good.

740
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:29,240
Speaker 7: It's weird, but we're cool. I'm just like keeping my business,

741
00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:30,120
Speaker 7: minding my business.

742
00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:33,759
Speaker 8: Mom and me had some heated texts and then like

743
00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:36,520
Speaker 8: we haven't really spoken since, so I'm just gonna kind

744
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:36,960
Speaker 8: of leave.

745
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:39,320
Speaker 7: Him alone and let uh huh be normal.

746
00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:42,080
Speaker 8: Right, And then with Sarah, I'm just gonna like leave

747
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:44,160
Speaker 8: her alone entirely, yeah, and.

748
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:47,239
Speaker 7: Just let her, I guess maybe come to terms with it.

749
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:49,960
Speaker 8: But like she really hates me, Like even on email

750
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:52,640
Speaker 8: thread she'll put me like last, and I'm like, okay,

751
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:53,920
Speaker 8: this is really petty.

752
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:54,520
Speaker 7: But sure.

753
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:56,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I mean you did go out to lunch

754
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:58,480
Speaker 3: with her, she confided in you, and then you went

755
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,600
Speaker 3: and told everybody no, So like you have to take

756
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:03,919
Speaker 3: responsibility for that, you know what I mean?

757
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:06,000
Speaker 7: Yeah? Do you think it's wild?

758
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:06,200
Speaker 2: Though?

759
00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:08,760
Speaker 8: It's been a month and she won't hear me out

760
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,719
Speaker 8: like I feel like in my normal experiences, people at

761
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:13,600
Speaker 8: least eventually hear you out.

762
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:16,399
Speaker 1: They will they when they calm down, they calm down.

763
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:18,480
Speaker 3: There is no time limit, Like, you can't assign that

764
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 3: time limit for her. She will calm down at some point,

765
00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:23,680
Speaker 3: but if you're needling her and getting in and trying

766
00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:25,279
Speaker 3: to get it's not going to work.

767
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:28,240
Speaker 1: So you just have to get give her extra space.

768
00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:31,040
Speaker 3: And there will be an opportunity that will present itself

769
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:33,760
Speaker 3: where you could do something nice for her around the office,

770
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:37,080
Speaker 3: or a favor for her, or you know, just in

771
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:40,800
Speaker 3: that moment. Take that opportunity when it arises, and don't

772
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:44,720
Speaker 3: expect anything in return, you know, just to soften the ice.

773
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:49,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, if this were me in misposition, I

774
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:52,240
Speaker 2: would probably do a very very like short and sweet,

775
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:55,719
Speaker 2: I fucked up, Take your time whatever you need, and

776
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:58,080
Speaker 2: like leave it and then just let go of the

777
00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:01,360
Speaker 2: grip that you're wanting to like make us right, because

778
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 2: she can feel that a mile away, you know, like

779
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:07,560
Speaker 2: she can feel the wold of like you're desperate trying

780
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:11,560
Speaker 2: to reconnect and nobody, nobody wants to have that feeling.

781
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:14,920
Speaker 2: So let go let it be and see what happens.

782
00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:17,080
Speaker 2: Trust trust that it will come if it needs to.

783
00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:22,720
Speaker 3: And the other thing to remember is everything comes back around. Yeah,

784
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:25,839
Speaker 3: your relationship with her, there will be an opportunity that

785
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:29,880
Speaker 3: circles back in your direction to repair whatever happened.

786
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,120
Speaker 1: You just have to trust that because that's the way

787
00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:32,840
Speaker 1: the world works.

788
00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:35,680
Speaker 8: Yeah, that's what I'm hopeful for because my intentions were

789
00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:38,240
Speaker 8: peer here. So eventually I think the dust will settle.

790
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:41,279
Speaker 8: But like I guess moving forward, would you, as you say,

791
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:43,440
Speaker 8: like tell on men, but like do we tell them?

792
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:44,040
Speaker 6: Do?

793
00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:46,680
Speaker 8: I just like now I'm like, I would only do

794
00:36:46,719 --> 00:36:48,960
Speaker 8: this for my best best best best best friend.

795
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:50,960
Speaker 7: I don't know how to do this anymore.

796
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:53,560
Speaker 3: No, I mean I think you, I think you learned

797
00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:56,600
Speaker 3: a valuable lesson because it's like you didn't have all

798
00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:57,240
Speaker 3: the facts.

799
00:36:57,560 --> 00:36:59,799
Speaker 1: They didn't sleep together, it didn't overlap, you know.

800
00:36:59,880 --> 00:37:03,320
Speaker 3: I mean, it's all just very kind of torrid office gossip.

801
00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 1: So it's not like your friend.

802
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:07,680
Speaker 3: Was married and you knew her husband was having an

803
00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:11,839
Speaker 3: affair for several years. That's a more serious offense than

804
00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:14,960
Speaker 3: an office relationship. And then now they're together and he's

805
00:37:15,239 --> 00:37:18,320
Speaker 3: he's left his girlfriend. So I just think you should

806
00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:21,600
Speaker 3: really like think carefully when you intervene on those things.

807
00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:24,600
Speaker 3: But yeah, and since you had this experience, maybe take

808
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:25,600
Speaker 3: a break for a while.

809
00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:30,640
Speaker 8: Well that's silly part too, Okay, not the before me

810
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:33,440
Speaker 8: telling Jane, I did pull like a select group of

811
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:36,040
Speaker 8: my friends who are very removed from the situation and.

812
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:37,600
Speaker 7: Don't know, and they're like, you have to tell her,

813
00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:39,120
Speaker 7: you have to tell her. I was like, are you

814
00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:39,879
Speaker 7: all fucking sure?

815
00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:41,760
Speaker 8: Like, I don't know if I want to tell her,

816
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:45,040
Speaker 8: but they all encourage me to, so clearly, people have

817
00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:45,920
Speaker 8: a lot of thoughts about this.

818
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:49,120
Speaker 3: So yeah, And I always think when you tell someone something,

819
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:52,359
Speaker 3: it it's better to be anonymous as well, so that

820
00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:56,040
Speaker 3: you don't have to It's like, there's that site where

821
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:58,680
Speaker 3: you're going to sign up for anonymous coworker dot com

822
00:37:58,719 --> 00:38:01,720
Speaker 3: and send an email like your breath smells your fucking

823
00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 3: your heart and I know you fart, Like you can

824
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,319
Speaker 3: always send it an honest email, and that way you

825
00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:08,919
Speaker 3: don't have to fucking worry about telling the truth because

826
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:10,239
Speaker 3: it's it's just out there.

827
00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:13,200
Speaker 1: You told them, and you don't it's not on you.

828
00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:15,880
Speaker 7: Yeah, a good call. I haven't looked into that.

829
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:19,080
Speaker 1: Yeah. And then today you have a great cocktail party story.

830
00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:23,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, all right, thanks so much, Jackie.

831
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:24,839
Speaker 1: Let us know how it all shakes out.

832
00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:26,800
Speaker 7: Okay, this is been awesome.

833
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:31,799
Speaker 1: Thank you guys, Bye bye. It's funny too, like tell

834
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:32,800
Speaker 1: some First of all.

835
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:35,960
Speaker 3: It's so fucked up to go and tell someone a secret,

836
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:38,839
Speaker 3: and then I have them fucking tell everyone the next day.

837
00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:44,920
Speaker 1: It's like, wait, that's not girl power either. She's like

838
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:47,520
Speaker 1: she's girl power for one girl, but not for one

839
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:50,239
Speaker 1: And she was like mad at the guy for like

840
00:38:50,239 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 1: calling this girl crazy.

841
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:51,799
Speaker 5: And then she's like, but she.

842
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:54,080
Speaker 1: Might be crazy. Yeah, I know, yeah.

843
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:56,520
Speaker 5: Blocked on Venmo I think is my favorite. Like Petty,

844
00:38:57,480 --> 00:38:57,839
Speaker 5: that's like.

845
00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:04,200
Speaker 1: I don't even want your money.

846
00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:09,479
Speaker 5: Well, our next caller is Nicole. She is thirty eight.

847
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:13,560
Speaker 4: She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm recently separated from my husband

848
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:16,279
Speaker 4: of almost five years. I was over the marriage about

849
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:18,920
Speaker 4: two years ago, but never pulled the trigger. I'm not

850
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:20,680
Speaker 4: sure that we should have ever been married in the

851
00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:22,839
Speaker 4: first place. There were kind of red flags all over

852
00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:26,120
Speaker 4: the place. I truly feel that things and people are

853
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:28,320
Speaker 4: put into your life when you need them. Your podcast

854
00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:31,360
Speaker 4: included I met a guy through a hobby and he

855
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:33,759
Speaker 4: was the reason I finally decided to leave the marriage.

856
00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:35,600
Speaker 4: Not because I wanted to date him, but because I

857
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:37,840
Speaker 4: wanted to have the option to date him or anyone

858
00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:41,200
Speaker 4: else if the opportunity presented itself, if that makes sense.

859
00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:44,640
Speaker 4: Four months later, we are dating. I'm still legally married.

860
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:47,399
Speaker 4: I don't have any intentions on divorcing within the next

861
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:50,440
Speaker 4: year for insurance reasons, but I am one hundred percent done.

862
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:53,080
Speaker 1: Is that fair to my ex and this new guy.

863
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:55,359
Speaker 4: I recently found out that the new guy is still

864
00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:57,440
Speaker 4: talking to someone that he used to date, who quote

865
00:39:57,440 --> 00:39:59,400
Speaker 4: broke his heart, and is it fair for me to

866
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:01,480
Speaker 4: ask him to stop talking to her. I want to

867
00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:03,200
Speaker 4: be official with this new guy, but I'm having a

868
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:05,880
Speaker 4: hard time with the fact that I'm still married on paper,

869
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:07,799
Speaker 4: and it wouldn't be fair to ask him to stop

870
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:10,719
Speaker 4: talking to her because I'm still married. I also don't

871
00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:12,879
Speaker 4: know if the feelings I have are because it's new

872
00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:15,680
Speaker 4: and exciting and what my marriage had been missing for years,

873
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:18,240
Speaker 4: or if they're real. I truly want to be single

874
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:23,520
Speaker 4: after our separation, but the situationship is so refreshing. Sincerely, Nicole, Hi.

875
00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:28,200
Speaker 3: Nicole, Hi, Hi, This is Julianne Half, our special guest today.

876
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:30,280
Speaker 2: Hello to meet Nicole.

877
00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:31,440
Speaker 6: Thanks to meet you too.

878
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:34,319
Speaker 3: Well, it sounds like two different situations, like you're done

879
00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:36,839
Speaker 3: with your ex husband. That's pretty clear. Regardless of whether

880
00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:39,680
Speaker 3: you're still officially married. I don't think that's really relevant

881
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:42,799
Speaker 3: because you're working towards not being married.

882
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:45,520
Speaker 6: Correct event Ulie, not anytime soon?

883
00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:50,600
Speaker 1: But because why insurance? Oh okay, well, but that's fine.

884
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:52,680
Speaker 1: That's just like a I have a question.

885
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:57,680
Speaker 2: Are you separated? And does your husband technically know that

886
00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:01,360
Speaker 2: you have a relationship not legally separated.

887
00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:04,960
Speaker 6: He's out of the house. Okay, he knows that we're separated,

888
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:05,680
Speaker 6: but you've.

889
00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:09,960
Speaker 2: Made like a verbal declaration that you guys are separated

890
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:13,120
Speaker 2: and that you are dating other people, et cetera.

891
00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:15,320
Speaker 6: He doesn't know I'm dating other people.

892
00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:18,080
Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, Well, I just want to give the facts

893
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:18,880
Speaker 2: before we get know.

894
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:20,359
Speaker 1: I like your investigative work.

895
00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:24,719
Speaker 6: An he didn't want the divorce, and I feel like

896
00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:28,320
Speaker 6: there's no reason to kick him while he's down. I guess,

897
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:31,120
Speaker 6: you know, and let him know that I'm seeing somebody

898
00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:31,840
Speaker 6: else already.

899
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:35,000
Speaker 2: Well, that's judgment on your end, by the way you

900
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:39,080
Speaker 2: whether you're seeing somebody or not, there's a choice in that,

901
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:41,760
Speaker 2: and you don't have to judge that. Also, the second

902
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:44,880
Speaker 2: thing I will say is, even though it's hurtful for

903
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:48,680
Speaker 2: somebody to hear something, clarity is the best thing that

904
00:41:48,719 --> 00:41:52,280
Speaker 2: you can give somebody, because the not knowing but feeling

905
00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 2: something is much more disheartening. And clarity, even though it

906
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:00,880
Speaker 2: can be painful to hear in the moment who it

907
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,359
Speaker 2: is a blessing. So I'm just going to drop that

908
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:05,520
Speaker 2: first before we get into the details.

909
00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:07,000
Speaker 1: I couldn't agree with that more.

910
00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:09,600
Speaker 3: I think you think when you're protecting somebody, you're actually

911
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:11,680
Speaker 3: usually doing more damage.

912
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:13,200
Speaker 1: He's not a child, he's an adult.

913
00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:16,040
Speaker 3: You're getting a divorce, and the quicker he knows that

914
00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:18,319
Speaker 3: you're moving on to someone else, the quicker he's going

915
00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:21,120
Speaker 3: to be able to process that and get over the

916
00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:23,399
Speaker 3: relationship ending, and you too.

917
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:26,640
Speaker 6: You know, I don't see him processing though. I mean

918
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:31,759
Speaker 6: we talked about therapy, never did therapy. He wasn't a communicator.

919
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:35,440
Speaker 6: He was like, would ignore me for days when something

920
00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:39,520
Speaker 6: bothered him. So I don't know how he would process it.

921
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:43,080
Speaker 6: And his mother passed away in May, so that kind

922
00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:46,120
Speaker 6: of threw a curveball and in everything. So it's like,

923
00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:49,120
Speaker 6: I don't want to tell you I'm dating after your

924
00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:52,320
Speaker 6: mom just passed away, and after I wanted this divorce.

925
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:54,960
Speaker 6: You know, we never told He never told his parents

926
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:59,919
Speaker 6: that we separated before his mom passed away, so kind

927
00:42:59,920 --> 00:43:02,640
Speaker 6: of a blessing in disguise, you know afterwards, because she

928
00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:05,960
Speaker 6: didn't know. But he just doesn't talk.

929
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:08,200
Speaker 2: Well, and there's a reason why you're wanting to get

930
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:11,439
Speaker 2: a divorce, and you're not responsible for him, and as

931
00:43:11,440 --> 00:43:15,879
Speaker 2: you're separating, you're you're moving to be less responsible for him.

932
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:18,320
Speaker 1: So even though.

933
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:21,640
Speaker 2: You're dating somebody else and moving this direction, you're still

934
00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:25,040
Speaker 2: taking care of his emotions and what he needs when

935
00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:27,799
Speaker 2: that's why you're leaving the really not why you're leaving

936
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:32,120
Speaker 2: the relationship, but that's not your responsibility anymore. And he's

937
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:34,799
Speaker 2: going to have to deal with things when people die,

938
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:38,480
Speaker 2: When certain things happen, life continues to happen, and it's

939
00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:40,960
Speaker 2: on that person to figure out how they're going to

940
00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:44,040
Speaker 2: show up and deal with that. But the clarity is key.

941
00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:45,759
Speaker 2: I will just say that hands down.

942
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:48,400
Speaker 6: Well, So back to one of the other questions in

943
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:51,279
Speaker 6: the letter, though, should I figure out what this new

944
00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:55,600
Speaker 6: relationship is before I'd throw that out there or it's

945
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:57,560
Speaker 6: like it's going to happen regardless of just get it

946
00:43:57,560 --> 00:43:57,880
Speaker 6: over with.

947
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:01,520
Speaker 3: Well, you mentioned that the guy that you're seeing is

948
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:05,040
Speaker 3: talking to his ex, right, Yes, in what.

949
00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:06,600
Speaker 1: Kind of context do you know?

950
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:07,600
Speaker 6: I don't know.

951
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:08,440
Speaker 1: No.

952
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:12,279
Speaker 3: I think what you should focus on just hearing you

953
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:15,600
Speaker 3: talk and all of us being together right now is

954
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:18,040
Speaker 3: cleaning up your side of the street. I don't think

955
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:20,280
Speaker 3: you should worry about what your new boyfriend is doing.

956
00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:25,319
Speaker 3: How to categorize or qualify this new relationship. I think

957
00:44:25,360 --> 00:44:28,640
Speaker 3: you have to be very forthright and use this as

958
00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:31,360
Speaker 3: like a stepping stone to become the newer, better version

959
00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:34,880
Speaker 3: of you. That means being honest with your ex husband.

960
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:38,160
Speaker 3: His mom died in May. She didn't die yesterday. People

961
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:40,680
Speaker 3: have to deal with stuff. Everything Julianna is saying is

962
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:44,400
Speaker 3: spot on and I couldn't agree more. And you have

963
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:46,760
Speaker 3: to use this opportunity to grow as a human being.

964
00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:49,239
Speaker 3: You don't have to have a label for what your

965
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:51,880
Speaker 3: relationship is now. You know you're interested in him, you

966
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:54,239
Speaker 3: know you like him, and you know it bothers you

967
00:44:54,280 --> 00:44:56,680
Speaker 3: that he's talking to his ex. Take those things one

968
00:44:56,719 --> 00:44:59,000
Speaker 3: at a time, you know, first, deal with your ex

969
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:01,720
Speaker 3: husband so that you have a clean area to play

970
00:45:01,719 --> 00:45:03,359
Speaker 3: in where you're like, okay, you don't have to feel

971
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:04,240
Speaker 3: guilty about.

972
00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:05,520
Speaker 1: Dating someone or seeing someone.

973
00:45:05,760 --> 00:45:08,240
Speaker 3: Then you can go to this guy and say, Okay,

974
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:10,359
Speaker 3: now that we're in this new thing, how many months

975
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:11,919
Speaker 3: has this been going on with this new guy?

976
00:45:12,239 --> 00:45:15,560
Speaker 6: Pretty much right after my husband moved out, so four months?

977
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:16,440
Speaker 1: Four months? Great?

978
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:19,000
Speaker 3: You could say, listen, I'm having feelings for you. I'm

979
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:21,000
Speaker 3: not sure where this is headed, but I do have

980
00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:23,200
Speaker 3: feelings for you. I've let my husband know that I'm

981
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:24,640
Speaker 3: singing you where are you?

982
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:25,160
Speaker 2: Like?

983
00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:27,839
Speaker 1: Where? Or do you stan? How? I know you're talking

984
00:45:27,880 --> 00:45:29,880
Speaker 1: to your ex? What is that about? Is that something

985
00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:30,480
Speaker 1: that is?

986
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:33,200
Speaker 3: It might be be rekindling, like let's just be honest

987
00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:35,719
Speaker 3: as possible with each other, and that way no one

988
00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:39,040
Speaker 3: gets that hurt. It's the dancing around subjects and not

989
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:42,640
Speaker 3: wanting to deal with conflict that creates conflict.

990
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, there is one other element too. I think totally

991
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:50,239
Speaker 4: agreeing that clarity is the right thing here. And I

992
00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:53,600
Speaker 4: think your ex may have some questions about like where

993
00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:55,120
Speaker 4: did you meet this person? How long have you been

994
00:45:55,120 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 4: seeing each other, etc. And I don't think that you

995
00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:00,880
Speaker 4: owe him those details. I think you can just say, like,

996
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:04,759
Speaker 4: I'm seeing other people, I'm moving on, I'm starting to date.

997
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:08,400
Speaker 4: I wouldn't give him the you know, the the question

998
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:10,520
Speaker 4: marks of like were they hooking up while we were

999
00:46:10,560 --> 00:46:12,640
Speaker 4: still together, when she was doing her hobby, et cetera,

1000
00:46:12,719 --> 00:46:14,600
Speaker 4: et cetera. You know, you can just leave it out

1001
00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:17,759
Speaker 4: like a no. When he asks those questions, you know,

1002
00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:20,280
Speaker 4: those sort of investigative questions.

1003
00:46:20,680 --> 00:46:23,799
Speaker 6: Do you think it's appropriate to be staying with my

1004
00:46:24,160 --> 00:46:26,200
Speaker 6: married to my husband just for insurance?

1005
00:46:26,880 --> 00:46:29,719
Speaker 4: I think that's a question that like, it depends on

1006
00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:32,319
Speaker 4: your family at some point. Obviously you do need to

1007
00:46:32,600 --> 00:46:36,000
Speaker 4: make that break. But you guys have kids together, right, No?

1008
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:40,200
Speaker 6: I have two kids from a previous okay relationship, but

1009
00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:44,120
Speaker 6: his insurance does cover them. What do you feel I

1010
00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:47,919
Speaker 6: feel like I've put up with a lot from him

1011
00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:52,040
Speaker 6: through our marriage that I deserve to keep the insurance.

1012
00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:55,080
Speaker 6: But my therapist and my mother do not feel that way.

1013
00:46:55,800 --> 00:46:57,680
Speaker 3: Do you think that if you're at honest with him

1014
00:46:57,800 --> 00:47:00,080
Speaker 3: about you seeing other people, he's going to ex but

1015
00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:02,640
Speaker 3: this divorce and that you were going to lose the insurance.

1016
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:05,480
Speaker 6: I feel like he would be vindictive in a way

1017
00:47:05,600 --> 00:47:09,520
Speaker 6: and do it just to get off of the insurance.

1018
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:14,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, I still wouldn't allow that to prevent you from

1019
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:14,720
Speaker 3: being honest.

1020
00:47:15,320 --> 00:47:17,320
Speaker 1: Do you have a job, do you have the ability

1021
00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:19,000
Speaker 1: to get your own insurance.

1022
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:21,520
Speaker 6: I do, but his is just great insurance. He doesn't

1023
00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 6: pay for it, and I've met my out of pocket

1024
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:26,160
Speaker 6: deductibles in my MAX for the year, so that's the

1025
00:47:26,160 --> 00:47:29,799
Speaker 6: big reason. So now it's like, oh, now I can

1026
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:32,879
Speaker 6: get my therapy paid for. Now I can go and

1027
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:35,240
Speaker 6: get all the other stuff I need done.

1028
00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:39,080
Speaker 3: And yeah, I hear that, but it's manipulative. He may

1029
00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:40,920
Speaker 3: not cut you off as your insurance. You might be

1030
00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:44,120
Speaker 3: surprised by his reaction. It's just like Catherine said, just

1031
00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:48,279
Speaker 3: say I'm seeing this as this is a separation and

1032
00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:51,120
Speaker 3: that we are moving towards divorce at some point.

1033
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:52,919
Speaker 1: And we don't have to do that right away.

1034
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:54,520
Speaker 3: We don't have to decide right away, but I want

1035
00:47:54,560 --> 00:47:57,120
Speaker 3: you to know that I'm seeing people and let's see

1036
00:47:57,160 --> 00:47:59,719
Speaker 3: what happens with him. I don't think your happiness is

1037
00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:03,440
Speaker 3: worth the insurance in the long run. I understand what

1038
00:48:03,440 --> 00:48:06,040
Speaker 3: you're saying, but there's other avenues for you.

1039
00:48:06,160 --> 00:48:08,120
Speaker 1: It's not like this is the only avenue.

1040
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:10,719
Speaker 2: I would add to that too with the insurance. And

1041
00:48:11,200 --> 00:48:14,200
Speaker 2: I don't know your relationship or the dynamic of who

1042
00:48:14,200 --> 00:48:17,560
Speaker 2: he is either, but like at least present the option

1043
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:20,799
Speaker 2: so that they have a choice to react how they

1044
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:24,520
Speaker 2: want to react, and maybe saying like, you know, part

1045
00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:28,800
Speaker 2: of us being separated is the direction that we're heading.

1046
00:48:28,880 --> 00:48:33,239
Speaker 2: But I'm really concerned about the insurance because this is

1047
00:48:33,560 --> 00:48:37,440
Speaker 2: an amazing thing, and would you be willing to continue

1048
00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:40,200
Speaker 2: the insurance until the end of the year until I

1049
00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:44,560
Speaker 2: can figure something out, you know, like presenting something as like, hey,

1050
00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:47,839
Speaker 2: this is something that is really valuable for me and

1051
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:52,200
Speaker 2: in this next transition and chapter for us, and like

1052
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:56,880
Speaker 2: this is really helpful. Can we talk about this and

1053
00:48:56,920 --> 00:49:01,200
Speaker 2: the insurance as like its own conversation and then the

1054
00:49:01,239 --> 00:49:04,799
Speaker 2: clarity of moving forward and I am seeing someone or

1055
00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:07,520
Speaker 2: other people that's its own conversation too. I don't think

1056
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:09,759
Speaker 2: you have to blend the two, but I think that

1057
00:49:09,960 --> 00:49:13,040
Speaker 2: saying we're moving into different directions, but in this transition

1058
00:49:13,440 --> 00:49:16,839
Speaker 2: and working and obviously you know this is great for

1059
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:19,279
Speaker 2: me and reaching a deductible and all these things like

1060
00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:22,200
Speaker 2: this is super helpful. Can we talk about what that

1061
00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:25,480
Speaker 2: looks like moving forward? Again, I don't know your husband,

1062
00:49:25,560 --> 00:49:27,239
Speaker 2: so I don't know how he will respond to that,

1063
00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:30,040
Speaker 2: but that would be the like, I am not going

1064
00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:33,480
Speaker 2: to give my power to someone else and just stay

1065
00:49:33,480 --> 00:49:36,880
Speaker 2: there because of safety and also I'm not going to

1066
00:49:37,640 --> 00:49:40,880
Speaker 2: bend over backwards to get what I need because clearly,

1067
00:49:40,960 --> 00:49:44,600
Speaker 2: like you are a capable human being, you can find

1068
00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:47,640
Speaker 2: ways to find insurance and all those things. Like we

1069
00:49:47,680 --> 00:49:50,360
Speaker 2: are so much more capable than we give ourselves credit for.

1070
00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:53,000
Speaker 2: So I'm not worried about you at all to find that.

1071
00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:56,200
Speaker 2: But there is like a you know, a safety and

1072
00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:58,560
Speaker 2: knowing that this already exists, So let's just have a

1073
00:49:58,560 --> 00:49:59,600
Speaker 2: conversation about it.

1074
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:01,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, and give him the truth of the matter.

1075
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:04,520
Speaker 3: It's not cool to make decisions for other people by

1076
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:07,759
Speaker 3: keeping information from them. Give him all the information and

1077
00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:10,040
Speaker 3: then let him decide how he wants to proceed, and

1078
00:50:10,080 --> 00:50:13,480
Speaker 3: he'll he may surprise you and be like, Okay, of course,

1079
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:14,719
Speaker 3: I'll give you to the end of the year for

1080
00:50:14,760 --> 00:50:15,400
Speaker 3: your insurance.

1081
00:50:15,480 --> 00:50:16,560
Speaker 1: This is good for me to know.

1082
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:19,000
Speaker 3: It's hurtful and it's painful, but I'm glad that you

1083
00:50:19,040 --> 00:50:22,080
Speaker 3: were honest with me. You can't beat honesty.

1084
00:50:22,280 --> 00:50:24,520
Speaker 2: You're gonna have to deal with it at some point anyway,

1085
00:50:24,680 --> 00:50:27,319
Speaker 2: so might as well do it now before it gets

1086
00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:29,960
Speaker 2: over with haangled, well, before it gets more entangled and

1087
00:50:29,960 --> 00:50:30,920
Speaker 2: more painful for.

1088
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:33,480
Speaker 1: Both of you. Yeah, Yeah, it's time you so go

1089
00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:36,359
Speaker 1: woman up to the situation. Okay, we'll be all right.

1090
00:50:36,360 --> 00:50:39,920
Speaker 1: Thank you, Nicole, Okay, thank you, Nicole, thank you.

1091
00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:41,960
Speaker 3: All Right, we'll take a quick break and we'll be

1092
00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:49,040
Speaker 3: right back to wrap up, and we're back with Julianne Huff.

1093
00:50:49,040 --> 00:50:52,719
Speaker 1: I knew you'd be perfect at this. Julianne, you know this.

1094
00:50:52,840 --> 00:50:54,040
Speaker 2: Is great with strangers.

1095
00:50:54,080 --> 00:50:56,400
Speaker 6: You know, this is usually just me and my sister.

1096
00:50:56,160 --> 00:50:56,759
Speaker 1: And my mom.

1097
00:50:58,560 --> 00:50:58,799
Speaker 6: I know.

1098
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:03,200
Speaker 3: I sometimes have my sisters on the podcast to give

1099
00:51:03,239 --> 00:51:05,640
Speaker 3: advice too, because I'm like, they're like, you're you're always

1100
00:51:05,640 --> 00:51:07,720
Speaker 3: fucking yelling at us. We want to yell at some people.

1101
00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:11,920
Speaker 3: Come on, Juliane, congrats on your book. It's called Everything

1102
00:51:11,960 --> 00:51:15,719
Speaker 3: We Never Knew, And you've been wonderful and I loved

1103
00:51:15,719 --> 00:51:17,759
Speaker 3: bumping into you as briefly as I did when we

1104
00:51:17,760 --> 00:51:20,080
Speaker 3: were on a plane a few weeks ago. I hope

1105
00:51:20,080 --> 00:51:22,400
Speaker 3: I bump into you more often. And thank you so

1106
00:51:22,480 --> 00:51:23,480
Speaker 3: much for being with us.

1107
00:51:23,680 --> 00:51:26,280
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, thank you both so much. Catherine, Chelsea,

1108
00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:29,560
Speaker 2: you guys are amazing, and I truly like, I'm grateful

1109
00:51:29,560 --> 00:51:32,800
Speaker 2: for what you're doing because having these conversations just allows

1110
00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:36,919
Speaker 2: for i don't know, taking the charge away for what

1111
00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:39,520
Speaker 2: you know, is scary. And when you can have a

1112
00:51:39,560 --> 00:51:42,640
Speaker 2: conversation with a bunch of women and feel supported even

1113
00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:45,439
Speaker 2: though we don't know each other, it's like it's pretty great.

1114
00:51:45,480 --> 00:51:49,480
Speaker 2: So all these women that just called in, like we're

1115
00:51:49,520 --> 00:51:52,920
Speaker 2: all in this like weird, crazy human life experience together

1116
00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:57,560
Speaker 2: and just focus on being you, like finding and trusting

1117
00:51:57,560 --> 00:52:01,160
Speaker 2: yourself and being honest and integral with yourself. Well everything

1118
00:52:01,200 --> 00:52:01,800
Speaker 2: else will.

1119
00:52:01,640 --> 00:52:02,160
Speaker 1: Just show up.

1120
00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:05,840
Speaker 2: Just ye get there first. Yeah, that's what the book's

1121
00:52:05,840 --> 00:52:06,319
Speaker 2: about too.

1122
00:52:06,880 --> 00:52:07,280
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1123
00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:10,919
Speaker 3: Absolutely, Okay, take care, Julianna, all right, thank you both.

1124
00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:14,760
Speaker 1: Day, have a great day, by my life. Okay.

1125
00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:18,799
Speaker 3: So upcoming shows that I have you guys. August seventeenth

1126
00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:20,040
Speaker 3: is the Santa Barbara Bowl.

1127
00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:21,120
Speaker 1: You do not want to miss that.

1128
00:52:21,360 --> 00:52:27,120
Speaker 3: And then I will be all over Maine, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston,

1129
00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:29,879
Speaker 3: South Carolina. I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to Saint

1130
00:52:29,960 --> 00:52:32,360
Speaker 3: Louis and Kansas City, and then I will be in

1131
00:52:32,480 --> 00:52:36,840
Speaker 3: Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel.

1132
00:52:37,120 --> 00:52:40,279
Speaker 3: My first three dates in Vegas are September first, Labor

1133
00:52:40,360 --> 00:52:43,520
Speaker 3: Day weekend, and then November two and November thirtieth.

1134
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:44,359
Speaker 1: I'm coming to.

1135
00:52:44,480 --> 00:52:48,640
Speaker 3: Brooklyn, New York, at the King's Theater on November eighth,

1136
00:52:49,080 --> 00:52:52,200
Speaker 3: and I have tickets on sale throughout the end of

1137
00:52:52,239 --> 00:52:55,280
Speaker 3: the year in December, so if you're in a city

1138
00:52:55,800 --> 00:52:59,760
Speaker 3: like Philadelphia or Bethlehem or San Diego or New Orleans

1139
00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:02,960
Speaker 3: or Omaha, check Chelsea handler dot com for tickets.

1140
00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:06,000
Speaker 4: Okay, if you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an

1141
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:09,120
Speaker 4: email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and

1142
00:53:09,160 --> 00:53:11,880
Speaker 4: be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is

1143
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:15,640
Speaker 4: edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law

1144
00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:18,239
Speaker 4: and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler

1145
00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:22,560
Speaker 4: dot com.