Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, I Chelsea. Where in the world are you
Speaker 1: right now?
Speaker 2: I'm in London. I'm in London. I just finished Glastonbury.
Speaker 2: I still have my voice intact, I have my body
Speaker 2: parts intact. It was a wild, wild ride. I'm hoping well.
Speaker 1: I don't know what kind of photographs are out there,
Speaker 1: but there might be.
Speaker 2: Some things got pretty carried away, as one can imagine.
Speaker 2: And I had never been to Glastonbury before and now
Speaker 2: I know what it's all about, and it was ridiculous.
Speaker 3: It is one of those ones you hear about always
Speaker 3: being like very epic, very wild, but very fun.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I usually don't like like a music festival, just by
Speaker 2: the nature of being outside and like the heat and
Speaker 2: all those people, but Glastonbury just has a different ring
Speaker 2: to it. And so I had to come up, and
Speaker 2: I had so many friends that are going, and so yes,
Speaker 2: we had a wild, wild time. And let's just say
Speaker 2: I dosed a lot of people.
Speaker 4: People.
Speaker 3: Oh, fantastic, fantastic with your LLC that you're no longer traveling.
Speaker 2: I don't travel with drugs. I don't travel anywhere with drugs.
Speaker 2: I don't have drugs. I don't do drugs. It's free
Speaker 2: as long as I'm in London. That's the story I'm
Speaker 2: sticking to. And my name is Chelsea Handler, and I
Speaker 2: am drug free. I only like alcohol.
Speaker 1: Excellent. Well, we have a really fun guest today.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 1: He's so funny.
Speaker 4: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: You guys know him from Somebody Somewhere.
Speaker 2: He's hilarious and he has a new book that's out
Speaker 2: and his name is well, his Instagram name is.
Speaker 1: Boom Boom Hiller, and that's what I call him during
Speaker 1: the entire episode. But his name is Jeff Hiller. Okay,
Speaker 1: we're sitting here with Jeff. I want to call you
Speaker 1: boom Boom.
Speaker 2: Do I want to call you boom boom because that's
Speaker 2: your Instagram manst Okay, Boom Boom Hiller is here everybody,
Speaker 2: for anybody who knows him on Instagram and for those
Speaker 2: of you who know him from his hit show on
Speaker 2: HBO with Bridget Everett, Somebody Somewhere, which is in its
Speaker 2: third season.
Speaker 1: Right, you're about to shoot your third season or is
Speaker 1: it about to air?
Speaker 5: The third season already aired?
Speaker 1: Yeah, third season already aired. Okay.
Speaker 2: Boom Boom, otherwise known as Jeff Hill, has a new
Speaker 2: book called Actress of a certain age my twenty year
Speaker 2: trail to Overnight Success. This is a very very very
Speaker 2: funny book and there's a lot of highlights, so let's
Speaker 2: get into it first. I want to talk about your
Speaker 2: upbringing because you grew up in Texas, Okay as a
Speaker 2: as a gay boy man. You were yet a man,
Speaker 2: right yeah, yeah, and your childhood sounded I mean, your
Speaker 2: school experience just made me want to start a group,
Speaker 2: like I want to start a parenting group for parents
Speaker 2: to make sure that their children don't treat other children
Speaker 2: so horrendously. I wonder if there are actual parents out
Speaker 2: there that are proud of having their children be bullies.
Speaker 5: I mean there's all kinds, right, that's right.
Speaker 2: Of course, there are all kinds, but it's just harrowing
Speaker 2: to go through. I mean I was bullied. I was
Speaker 2: a bully at certain points. Yeah, because I had to
Speaker 2: flip the switch. I was like, fuck this shit, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna be the fucking bully if you're going.
Speaker 5: To bully me. Oh my god, I think I'm I
Speaker 5: think I'm feeling like support for bullies now. Yes, it's
Speaker 5: so beautiful.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I need a support group for other bullies.
Speaker 2: Actually, that's actually what I'm trying to get at So
Speaker 2: thank you for helping me get there. But your childhood
Speaker 2: in school and the torturing or the teasing and the
Speaker 2: bullying just sounded terrible. It was, right, I mean, and
Speaker 2: when you look back at that now, what do you
Speaker 2: think do you think it helped build character?
Speaker 5: I mean, it probably did. I wouldn't say that that's
Speaker 5: a reason to encourage it for your children, but I yeah,
Speaker 5: I think it did. I think that's why I'm funny now.
Speaker 5: I think that was like a self coping mechanism, you know,
Speaker 5: to try and be like, you know, like let me
Speaker 5: make you laugh so you won't hit me. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, You're like I have to find out.
Speaker 2: Like in one scenior on the bleachers with somebody and
Speaker 2: you're like, why do you keep kicking me?
Speaker 1: Why? And he says it's because of the way you
Speaker 1: hold your books in school.
Speaker 2: So you were because you were holding them to your
Speaker 2: chest like a like a little girl, and so they
Speaker 2: were making fun of you for not holding your books
Speaker 2: to the side like the way our strong and should
Speaker 2: hold his bucks exactly.
Speaker 5: And to this day, I can't hold my I can't
Speaker 5: if I ever hold myself like this, I'm like oh,
Speaker 5: butch it out. You know, I have to put my hand.
Speaker 1: Don't get a briefcase.
Speaker 2: You're gonna walk around holding it to your chest looking
Speaker 2: like a real asshole.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean when they say it builds character, it's
Speaker 2: always like, you know, I remember going through high school
Speaker 2: and going through those periods of time where some girl
Speaker 2: would call me up and be like, we're gonna kick
Speaker 2: the fucking shit out of you tomorrow, and you're like,
Speaker 2: my mom's like it's okay, everything's gonna be I'm like,
Speaker 2: it doesn't sound like it's gonna be okay.
Speaker 1: And how is this charcter character building?
Speaker 2: Like, I don't know how it builds character because it's
Speaker 2: it seems like a nice pat answer for when the
Speaker 2: bullying is happening.
Speaker 1: But I wonder if it really does build care.
Speaker 2: It definitely builds a resourcefulness for you.
Speaker 1: You deflect, deter, and wiggle.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and I and I mean whatever. I think it's
Speaker 5: always nice to find the silver lining, but I wouldn't
Speaker 5: it was it was really I think I could have
Speaker 5: gotten sufficient character with just you know, eighty percent.
Speaker 1: Less eighty percent less.
Speaker 2: Yeah, when I was reading and I was traumatized for you,
Speaker 2: I was like this, poor kid.
Speaker 1: I was like, no wonder. I mean no, I mean,
Speaker 1: no wonder.
Speaker 2: I don't know what, but no wonder like this, just
Speaker 2: no wonder.
Speaker 1: You're like this absolutely.
Speaker 2: So you grew up in Texas and you fantasized about
Speaker 2: becoming a pastor, but that wasn't gonna work because big o'homo.
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, And and I think, I mean, like,
Speaker 5: thank god, I don't think I would have been happy
Speaker 5: being a pastor, you know. And I feel like if
Speaker 5: I'd been born straight, I probably would be a pastor
Speaker 5: right now and have like, you know, a nice life,
Speaker 5: I guess, but I think I would have I would
Speaker 5: have not been able to perform in the way I
Speaker 5: wanted to perform. So it's good. It's good I got
Speaker 5: to be gay.
Speaker 2: Well, you're still a church goer though, you like church. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's just kind of similar to your character on the show. Yes, yes,
Speaker 2: kind of pastor like on the show as well.
Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah, that's just a coincidence. They had written that.
Speaker 5: They didn't write it for me.
Speaker 1: How funny.
Speaker 5: I know, it's not weird. Yeah yeah, yeah, that was
Speaker 5: just a beautiful little coincidence. And I do like just
Speaker 5: I don't go every Sunday or anything like that. You
Speaker 5: don't know. And my husband's Jewish, so it's not like.
Speaker 2: So there's a conflict. Well, congratulations on getting a husband.
Speaker 2: See everything worked out for you. Okay, that's all any
Speaker 2: girl needs is a husband.
Speaker 5: It's true. It's all I've wanted since I was playing
Speaker 5: with my dolls.
Speaker 1: The book talks about all sorts of things.
Speaker 2: It talks to you quote lots of different memoirs of
Speaker 2: lots of different famous people, myself included.
Speaker 1: I believe I was in there.
Speaker 2: And you also go over lots of humiliating auditions and
Speaker 2: on camera roles.
Speaker 1: So let's let's start with some of those.
Speaker 2: What do you think was your most I find auditioning
Speaker 2: degrading also, like I find that to be an insult
Speaker 2: to anyone's First of all, you such beautiful teeth. I
Speaker 2: just want to say that I'm very much into teeth
Speaker 2: and mouths, and I like when they.
Speaker 1: Are put together well, and yours.
Speaker 2: I don't know if they were put together, if that
Speaker 2: happened naturally, but they're nice.
Speaker 5: You know. I just went to the dentist and the
Speaker 5: hygienessis was like, there's nothing to clean you must fly,
Speaker 5: you must actually fly. And I was so proud.
Speaker 1: That is something to be proud of.
Speaker 5: I was like, yes, give me a star.
Speaker 2: Every time I go to the dentist, she's like, oh
Speaker 2: my god, when was the last time you were. I
Speaker 2: was like, two fucking months ago, bitch, you told me
Speaker 2: to come every two months.
Speaker 1: And then she's liked to come.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I don't know if she's trying to host
Speaker 2: me because she knows I'll just pay for it because
Speaker 2: I care so much about dental hygiene. But she'll be like, oh,
Speaker 2: there's a lot of plaque built up. I'm like, there's
Speaker 2: that's impossible. I just got here two months ago. I
Speaker 2: haven't even eaten anything since I last saw you. How
Speaker 2: could it be plat build up?
Speaker 5: That is shocking. Sometimes I actually just left one dentist
Speaker 5: for another because I felt like the other dentist was
Speaker 5: like shaking me down. It was like every time I
Speaker 5: went there there was something else crazy.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: You're like you need an X ray?
Speaker 2: It's like, uh, do I I'm pretty sure my teeth
Speaker 2: are set. Like, I'm not pretty sure you're not gonna
Speaker 2: find a fucking cavity now I'm fifty.
Speaker 5: Actually exactly but but then I went to this new
Speaker 5: one and they were like, no, we still need an extra,
Speaker 5: and I was like, maybe they're all shaking us down,
Speaker 5: but I to go back to auditioning. You know what
Speaker 5: I feel like myself was deemed is so low that
Speaker 5: I'm just like, I deserve to audition. So I'm like,
Speaker 5: let me dance for you. Let me dance for you, daddy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I mean some of your on camera work,
Speaker 2: your early on camera work was as degrading as an audition.
Speaker 5: Absolutely.
Speaker 2: Let's talk about the one in the stall where you
Speaker 2: had to basically well, there's two scenes that I'm thinking
Speaker 2: of right off the top of my head. One is
Speaker 2: the butthole waxing the butthole, and then the second one
Speaker 2: was the stall.
Speaker 5: By the way, I don't want us to explain either
Speaker 5: of these.
Speaker 2: I just want them to be like perfect right out there,
Speaker 2: I mean, elaborate please, Okay, listeners, These are fun stories
Speaker 2: that are within the book, along with many other fun stories,
Speaker 2: but I'm going to focus.
Speaker 1: Obviously on the most humiliating aspects.
Speaker 5: Which I truly appreciate. So I got hired to be
Speaker 5: in this sitcom that was originally supposed to be a
Speaker 5: straight woman and they sold it to Logo and they're like,
Speaker 5: can you just make the lady a homo? And they're
Speaker 5: like sure. And so then one of the scenes they
Speaker 5: were like, want to spice it up, make it more gay.
Speaker 5: So I was playing an esthetician and they were like,
Speaker 5: we're going to have you do laser hair removal on
Speaker 5: your client's butthole while you're doing this scene. And I
Speaker 5: was like, so I have to just stare at an
Speaker 5: actor's bear butthole. And they're like, he'll be wearing a
Speaker 5: modesty bouch and.
Speaker 2: You're like, what am I going to be wearing a
Speaker 2: fucking face mask? Who gives a shit what he's wearing.
Speaker 5: Also, a modesty puts just covers your balls and your
Speaker 5: your dick. It doesn't cover the hole.
Speaker 2: So it was just like staring into an abyss. Exactly
Speaker 2: what did you call it in your book?
Speaker 1: A chocolate cheerio?
Speaker 5: What did you leather cheerio?
Speaker 2: I want everyone to visualize a leather cheerio and if
Speaker 2: you can't find one, get a mirror, put it on
Speaker 2: the ground, take your pants down, and do a squad.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 1: Then there was.
Speaker 2: Another scene in a bathroom where you had to simulate
Speaker 2: you were like, you're giving a blowjob, right.
Speaker 5: I was hired as a gay hooker, and I was, yeah,
Speaker 5: on my knees giving a blowjob. I mean, you know,
Speaker 5: I wasn't. Actually it was for FX.
Speaker 1: For the purposes of the story.
Speaker 2: I would like to I would like to pretend that
Speaker 2: you were actually giving a blowjob.
Speaker 5: Okay, I do anything for this job, anything. Yeah, but
Speaker 5: I just had to yeah, stand up set, be on
Speaker 5: my knees and hold this background actors, but you know,
Speaker 5: like be going like this, and then I had to
Speaker 5: go like peek around and say my one line. And
Speaker 5: then they ended up not even using that footage. They
Speaker 5: just had me come in and do audio.
Speaker 2: They had came in and having him loop the which
Speaker 2: adr means audio for the movie when he's not even
Speaker 2: on camera now, and then being directed by a guy
Speaker 2: that's not the director.
Speaker 5: No, he was just like just because it was only
Speaker 5: one line, and he was like, oh, they wanted pretty flamboyant,
Speaker 5: and so I jokingly did it. The line was that's
Speaker 5: just so wrong or that's just wrong, and I went
Speaker 5: like that's just throng, and I was like joking like
Speaker 5: like that, and he's like, give us perfect, thank you
Speaker 5: when I was done.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: God, it's so humiliating, right, I mean, this business is
Speaker 2: so fucked up.
Speaker 5: I know it is.
Speaker 1: It's unbelievable the things that people have to go through.
Speaker 5: I mean, but also if that show had called me back,
Speaker 5: I would have gone on hard.
Speaker 1: Of course, of course, you whatever if they call it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, you know what I mean, there's not
Speaker 2: a lot to stop you. You talk a lot about,
Speaker 2: you know, achieving success and how long it's taken you,
Speaker 2: and that you would always kind of use as a
Speaker 2: barometer other people's like when it was stupid. Yes, well
Speaker 2: it's not, because I think it's very common. You know,
Speaker 2: people have these timelines and everything. People get very rigid
Speaker 2: about when they're going to achieve certain things in their life,
Speaker 2: like when am I going to be successful? I remember
Speaker 2: always looking at Jennifer Aniston that she got friends when
Speaker 2: she was thirty two years old. So I related to
Speaker 2: this part of your book because I always thought, as
Speaker 2: long as by thirty two, if I've got my I
Speaker 2: haven't until I'm thirty two, Like I always had that
Speaker 2: in my head based on her success.
Speaker 1: Yeah, which is you know, so silly and so stupid.
Speaker 5: But then I would move the lines.
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course, because you get older and you're like,
Speaker 2: why am I still fucking waiting table?
Speaker 1: You're like, oh my god, how long is this going
Speaker 1: to go on?
Speaker 4: I know?
Speaker 5: And I was in LA for pilot season and I
Speaker 5: heard a podcast with Megan Malaley and Nick Offerman and
Speaker 5: they were like, we both got our shows at thirty nine.
Speaker 5: And I was thirty nine, and I was like, I've
Speaker 5: got one pilot season left, and of course nobody wants
Speaker 5: to hire you when you're like, please, please hoire me.
Speaker 5: I've only got this one, you see, and left.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So talk about how somebody somewhere came along that
Speaker 2: really just came right out. It came right for you,
Speaker 2: it did. It's i mean, a perfect role for you.
Speaker 6: I know.
Speaker 2: After reading your book, I'm like, this is kind of
Speaker 2: exactly who this character is.
Speaker 5: I know. And it was again it was like just
Speaker 5: whatever fate. I have a not a friend a person.
Speaker 5: I know. I write about this in the last chapter,
Speaker 5: but it's like a sponsor, No, just a frind of me,
Speaker 5: I think, is more of.
Speaker 1: The word front of me, okay.
Speaker 5: Or not even a friend of me, just someone I'm like, oh,
Speaker 5: what what are you? Doing anyway.
Speaker 2: This person told me a friend that you don't like.
Speaker 2: It's a friend that you don't like. Let's just say
Speaker 2: what it is. We all have them.
Speaker 5: This person said to me, the reason you've got your
Speaker 5: sitcom is because your mom died and so like all
Speaker 5: of her good energy went out in the world and.
Speaker 4: Like helped you.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and part of me is like, what are you
Speaker 5: talking about? Also, like, don't say that to people are
Speaker 5: gonna kill their mom to get a sitcom.
Speaker 2: But I do kind of feel like there is some
Speaker 2: truth to that, because it does you mean somebody somewhere. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that doesn't feel like a sitcom to me, So that's
Speaker 2: where you threw me out.
Speaker 1: That doesn't feel like a sitcom. I think. I feel
Speaker 1: like sitcoms.
Speaker 2: I think of like multi cam live audience, you know
Speaker 2: what a dream left to Well, for you it would
Speaker 2: be because you're gay, But for me, that's like I
Speaker 2: fucking hate that shit, and I love live audience because
Speaker 2: I stay I'm a stand up but I I like cameras.
Speaker 1: And like you're own multicam did I barely? I mean
Speaker 1: it was it was about.
Speaker 2: One of my books and then they forced me to
Speaker 2: be in it, and it was just not it was
Speaker 2: not running on all cylinders, that's for sure. That's not
Speaker 2: my world. Like, I have to be real. I can't
Speaker 2: be like that, you know.
Speaker 5: What I mean.
Speaker 2: I can't be like doing things fifty times and over,
Speaker 2: you know, like in front of a live audience, like
Speaker 2: I find that very cheesy. Yeah, there's no improvisation like
Speaker 2: I like to be able to improvise. So a SI
Speaker 2: PAM is not for me. That's not my bucket. In casey,
Speaker 2: you haven't fucking caught on. Okay.
Speaker 5: See that's what's so great about you is you know
Speaker 5: yourself so well.
Speaker 2: Don't you know yourself well at this age? How old
Speaker 2: are you right now?
Speaker 5: I'm forty nine.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm fifty. I just turned fifty, so we're in
Speaker 1: the same age.
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly, so I would.
Speaker 1: Don't you think you know yourself really well?
Speaker 2: Too?
Speaker 5: I guess I'm not as emphatic about it.
Speaker 2: Do you think that you're actively learning new things about yourself?
Speaker 5: I mean it's not as frequent that I'm learning something
Speaker 5: you know, fairly shocking about myself as it was in
Speaker 5: like your twenties or something.
Speaker 2: But yeah, what was something that you found out about
Speaker 2: yourself in your twenties.
Speaker 1: That shocked you well that.
Speaker 5: I was fine with rejection because I told my mom
Speaker 5: I wanted to be an actor and She's like, oh,
Speaker 5: you could never handle the rejection. I was just like okay.
Speaker 5: And then and then I started doing it, and I
Speaker 5: was like, this is nothing compared to getting bullied in
Speaker 5: high school or whatever.
Speaker 4: Shit.
Speaker 5: It was like a soft ghost where they never tell
Speaker 5: me if.
Speaker 2: I got it, yeah, fine, rather than getting hit in
Speaker 2: the head with a fucking trapper keeper. Absolutely, I would
Speaker 2: choose that any day of the week. Excuse me, I
Speaker 2: just quiet burped just for our guests. I love that
Speaker 2: boom Boom is your Instagram name because I call everything
Speaker 2: a boom boom. Like when I say lower the volume,
Speaker 2: I always go lower it one boom boom. Like if
Speaker 2: I'm talking to someone about a remote, I always say, oh,
Speaker 2: did you like if someone farts, ago, is that a boom?
Speaker 1: Did you make a boom boom?
Speaker 2: And I mean boom boom is applicable to like if
Speaker 2: my brass strap is like, I'll say, like, can you
Speaker 2: like tighten it?
Speaker 1: Like if they're getting me dressed, I'll say, can you
Speaker 1: tighten it? One boom boom?
Speaker 2: Like I use boom boom all the time. So I
Speaker 2: just love that that's your Instagram name. That was first
Speaker 2: drew me to you.
Speaker 5: Well, I feel like when I started it it was
Speaker 5: because whenever anybody would say anything slightly sexy, I'd be like,
Speaker 5: boom boom.
Speaker 1: But then recently you realize how unsexy that is.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, exactly. And also people told me that a
Speaker 5: lot of a lot of when people were children, a
Speaker 5: lot of parents called taking a crap a boom boom
Speaker 5: boom boom.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like I call it, it should do be, but
Speaker 2: there is a boom boom factor to that too.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to throw your name and shit right there.
Speaker 2: I actually left that part out, but you brought it back,
Speaker 2: so good for you.
Speaker 4: Thanks.
Speaker 5: Yeah, still learning about myself, Yeah, you're still learning.
Speaker 2: So we all are still talk to me now about
Speaker 2: the success of being on this show for three seasons,
Speaker 2: what it means to you, about your relationship with Bridget,
Speaker 2: whom I love, and.
Speaker 3: Of course you guys mean Bridget Everett, who Jeff stars
Speaker 3: with on Somebody Somewhere.
Speaker 2: Bridget once told me we were on the vineyard, Martha's
Speaker 2: vineyard at Amy Schumer's house, and she told me one
Speaker 2: of the funniest sex stories I've ever heard, one of
Speaker 2: the most enthralling sex stories I've ever heard, and I
Speaker 2: could not ever get it out of my mind. But
Speaker 2: I will leave that to tell share on her own.
Speaker 2: But tell me about working with her. Tell me about
Speaker 2: working on the show.
Speaker 5: Well, I was like, I admired her. I was like,
Speaker 5: I was kind of like the character, and then I
Speaker 5: was like obsessed with her. I just I always went
Speaker 5: and saw her shows in New York and stuff. And
Speaker 5: then she just out of the blue emailed me and said,
Speaker 5: would you be would you be willing to audition for
Speaker 5: my HBO show? And I was like temping. I was like, yeah,
Speaker 5: I guess I'll you know, dangne to do it. And
Speaker 5: I read the character and I was like, oh, you know,
Speaker 5: this is me. I think she wrote this for me.
Speaker 5: And they were like, no, we didn't. We didn't.
Speaker 1: They didn't, No, they didn't.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 5: And so many people have told me that they also
Speaker 5: auditioned for it, and oh wow, yeah, so I know
Speaker 5: what I mean. It doesn't matter. I got it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it doesn't matter. Really. We need to look forward,
Speaker 1: not in the rear view.
Speaker 2: But you used to always go see her perform right,
Speaker 2: and her like cabaret is she performs cabaret right.
Speaker 5: I don't want to but it's like, it's not like
Speaker 5: she's incredible.
Speaker 1: She was an incredible boy, wild.
Speaker 5: And insane and funny, really really really like legit hilarious, funny,
Speaker 5: not like it's not like you know, I once heard
Speaker 5: this song and it's it's really yeah.
Speaker 2: I had to go see somebody do beret once and
Speaker 2: I honestly could not believe it.
Speaker 1: I did. I went once.
Speaker 2: It was a friend, and I couldn't stay until the
Speaker 2: end because I couldn't.
Speaker 1: Face her afterward.
Speaker 2: It was just the opposite of everything that I respond to.
Speaker 2: That's exactly respect, It's exactly what you just did right there,
Speaker 2: like this talking slash singing to the audience.
Speaker 1: I am not on board for that at all.
Speaker 2: I want to circle back to No, that's not Bridget
Speaker 2: at all. Bridget is a force and has her own
Speaker 2: thing going. She's very unique. I want to circle back
Speaker 2: to learning more about yourself at our age, because I
Speaker 2: think I was thinking about this the other day, like
Speaker 2: I heard something about a friend and I and I
Speaker 2: wasn't involved at all, but I'm an interloper. I like
Speaker 2: to involve myself, you know, respect, and it was it
Speaker 2: was an issue that I was like, you can't do that.
Speaker 2: It's bullying, it's mean to this person, blah blah blah.
Speaker 2: And I had overheard it, and I said, I'd overheard
Speaker 2: it from some friends.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm going to say something to her.
Speaker 2: I have to, and they both just kind of looked
Speaker 2: at me and went, well, it's really none of your busines,
Speaker 2: but of course you're going to do it. And I
Speaker 2: was like, because she's gonna hear it from me, and
Speaker 2: she's going to know that it's serious. Like if I
Speaker 2: heard this and I was hesitant to even get involved,
Speaker 2: but I was like, no, actually, she needs to hear
Speaker 2: it from me because I know she's going to take
Speaker 2: it seriously from me rather than my group of friends
Speaker 2: that were talking to her. Like there's a little bit
Speaker 2: more of a you know, dynamic between us, which is
Speaker 2: I know that she would listen. And I thought, this
Speaker 2: is exactly the kind of thing that you that you do, Chelsea,
Speaker 2: like I thought before I was like I was. There
Speaker 2: was a moment of hesitation and I said, maybe you
Speaker 2: don't get involved, and I go, no, no, no, this is
Speaker 2: actually like important to say out of respect for all women,
Speaker 2: Like it was one of those things, and when I
Speaker 2: did it, it was a reminder of who I am,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean? Like that, Yes, you're always
Speaker 2: going to do that. You're always going to do the
Speaker 2: right thing. You're always going to be the person that
Speaker 2: says the uncomfortable thing because it's important, not just to
Speaker 2: fucking swing my dick around. It has nothing to do
Speaker 2: with that. I'd rather not swing my dick around. My
Speaker 2: dick is exhausted. Will you name this episode my dick
Speaker 2: is exhausted?
Speaker 5: It was you can actually agree same, my dick is
Speaker 5: also exhausted. But I think that the moment of self
Speaker 5: reflection before you did it, that's what's important, and that's
Speaker 5: where it's growth.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what's important.
Speaker 2: But it's also the other side of it was how
Speaker 2: reliable I am to myself and to my car, Like
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like, I'm not gonna let
Speaker 2: things fall under like sweet be swept under the rug.
Speaker 1: I'm not that personality. I don't like that.
Speaker 2: I'm always going to stand up when something needs to
Speaker 2: be said on behalf of a person, an underdog, a woman, whomever,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, and I like that about myself,
Speaker 2: and sometimes it is being an interloper. But guess what
Speaker 2: the net result was exactly what I wanted it to be.
Speaker 2: Where this woman was like, I can't believe you heard this.
Speaker 2: I can't believe anyone said that. I can't believe I
Speaker 2: said that. I'm so embarrassed that you know about this.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, I know, but like, you can't do
Speaker 2: stuff like that's other women like it's so uncool, especially
Speaker 2: when you have a daughter, you know. So it was
Speaker 2: like one of those moments where I was really happy
Speaker 2: I did it and I was reminded of my reliability.
Speaker 2: And I don't know why I'm bringing this up, but
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm just talking about learning and growing with yourself.
Speaker 2: You kind of start to settle into your personality and
Speaker 2: then while there are things you always want to change,
Speaker 2: there are also things we should remind ourselves that we
Speaker 2: like about ourselves.
Speaker 5: Yes, exactly, but I think also if you hadn't thought, wait,
Speaker 5: is this something I want to do, then I don't
Speaker 5: think you would have known that either exactly. And that's
Speaker 5: about the growth too, And I like, my big thing
Speaker 5: is I want to have compassion for everyone and I
Speaker 5: just made this realization recently where and I always say
Speaker 5: for everyone, and in my mind that means like you know,
Speaker 5: Donald Trump or whatever, like you know, like even though
Speaker 5: he is a press to people and groups, including groups
Speaker 5: I'm a member of. But I realized, like, I'm not
Speaker 5: ever compassionate to me yourself. Yeah, And that was like
Speaker 5: a thing that I just realized about myself and think
Speaker 5: and now I'm like really being active to be like
Speaker 5: I've journaled for years and when I was writing this
Speaker 5: book and I go back and look at my journal,
Speaker 5: I was like, Jesus, I'm the most mean to myself.
Speaker 5: I mean, it was just like stupid Jeff. If I
Speaker 5: found this from someone else, I would have been like,
Speaker 5: what is wrong with this person? Mentally, like why they're
Speaker 5: so obsessed with me? And I found that anyway. So
Speaker 5: that's like a thing where I'm like, Okay, I'm growing.
Speaker 5: And it's about self reflection and it's about like taking
Speaker 5: that little moment to be like wait, who are you,
Speaker 5: what are you doing this for? Why are you doing this?
Speaker 5: And then you can feel good about being the angeloper
Speaker 5: versus yes whips I interloped with.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I used to interlope too much.
Speaker 2: Like when I wasn't involved and it wasn't my friends,
Speaker 2: I would be a stranger on the street, and I
Speaker 2: have a problem with that. So but I've basically modulated
Speaker 2: my behavior. Is that the word is there any way
Speaker 2: we can make.
Speaker 1: It a little cooler in here.
Speaker 2: Jeff took his pants off, and I am now I
Speaker 2: feel like I'm going through perimenopause for the second time.
Speaker 1: Turn it down one boom boom. I like your mustard socks. Oh,
Speaker 1: thank you, I mean I think I do. I'm just
Speaker 1: thank you.
Speaker 5: I like that. Is that aways being truthful?
Speaker 2: I'm digesting them. But I like the outfit that you've
Speaker 2: put together. It's like an ensemble peace and I like it.
Speaker 1: I like it.
Speaker 4: Well.
Speaker 5: I read on camera and I was like, make it cute.
Speaker 1: Well, that feels so good already. Thanks. I am very
Speaker 1: specific about air conditioning. I want it.
Speaker 2: I mean I want it all the time. I want
Speaker 2: it at night, I want it during the day. I
Speaker 2: feel like when there's not circulate, like especially if I'm
Speaker 2: on stage, like the theater has to.
Speaker 1: Be fucking cold.
Speaker 5: Well, and especially to do comedy. People don't want to
Speaker 5: laugh when it's like swampy.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, some people don't mind that. Some people just sit
Speaker 2: and sweat and they don't care. And you know what
Speaker 2: I call those people New Yorkers in the summertime, they're
Speaker 2: sitting and sweating and walking through this like, you know,
Speaker 2: there's something really gross about New York with this steam
Speaker 2: coming up in the summertime from the subways and from
Speaker 2: the sores when it's already hot, and it's just like
Speaker 2: cement mixing in the air with.
Speaker 1: Like dog shit and fucking no sweet home, Like it
Speaker 1: doesn't even have to be summer.
Speaker 3: Like I was there a couple of weeks ago in
Speaker 3: the spring, like in April, and it was like fifty
Speaker 3: degrees and I'm sweating.
Speaker 1: I was just like, why, yes, it so grow?
Speaker 2: Was the air that sounds like Perry metopause, Catherine, there
Speaker 2: you go. I'm going through fifty degrees and sweating sounds
Speaker 2: like something. How long have you been married?
Speaker 5: I don't know how long married, but seventeen years together?
Speaker 1: Seventeen years together? And what does your husband do for
Speaker 1: a living?
Speaker 5: He's a visual artist, okay, and he teaches.
Speaker 2: A visual art And how did you know that he
Speaker 2: was the person that you wanted to marry?
Speaker 1: Well, when we got the legal were the only person
Speaker 1: that asked you.
Speaker 5: He's exactly my type. Willing. When we had our first date,
Speaker 5: he had volunteered at a shelter for women at a
Speaker 5: synagogue the night before, and I had volunteered at a
Speaker 5: shelter for men at a Lutheran church the night before,
Speaker 5: and it just felt too cute, really good, really really sweet. Yeah,
Speaker 5: it felt very like ordained or what have you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean two volunteers. What are the chances of that?
Speaker 5: Well, listen, when you're dating in New York City, it's
Speaker 5: pretty rare.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would be pretty rare. Do you still volunteer?
Speaker 5: Yeah? I don't, not with that same shelter anymore, but
Speaker 5: yes I do.
Speaker 2: Oh good for you, I always Yeah, I wish I
Speaker 2: was someone who volunteered.
Speaker 5: Well, you can't, I mean you, yeah, I could.
Speaker 1: I could. You could volunteer.
Speaker 2: Barack Obama and Michelle Obama go to soup kitchens and volunteer.
Speaker 5: Not every week or anything.
Speaker 1: No, they don't, but it would be a nice thing
Speaker 1: to do.
Speaker 2: I like to think I'm doing good things in other ways,
Speaker 2: you know, But who cares about being famous? I'm not
Speaker 2: talking about that aspect of things of volunteering. You know,
Speaker 2: you either can volunteer or not. It really doesn't matter
Speaker 2: who you are. Yeah, and shout out to all the
Speaker 2: famous people who are doing it.
Speaker 1: And not getting.
Speaker 5: Photographs and volunteering. Yeah, it doesn't even count. There's no camera.
Speaker 2: I don't know, what's something that you've learned about from
Speaker 2: being married for this or being together with someone for
Speaker 2: seventeen years? What's something that you've learned about yourself? Did
Speaker 2: you know you would be this good in a relationship?
Speaker 5: I mean, am I good? I don't know. I mean,
Speaker 5: like it just lasts because you don't leave it. It's
Speaker 5: not like I mean, I guess the thing that I
Speaker 5: learned is like you do have to work at it.
Speaker 5: You do have to like check in with people, and
Speaker 5: there can be times when you're like, oh man, I
Speaker 5: really have been sort of neglecting my spousal duties. That
Speaker 5: sounds like oral.
Speaker 1: I mean, like I'm not just saying his butthole? Is
Speaker 1: that what you meant to say?
Speaker 5: Exactly? No, just like I'm busy at my career and
Speaker 5: I'm you know, I'm doing press for this book right now,
Speaker 5: and so like we have a day every Saturday that
Speaker 5: we is like that's a sacred day. We can't If
Speaker 5: something really big comes up, we can say yes to it,
Speaker 5: but we need to like check in with the other
Speaker 5: and stuff like that. Yeah, and that's the kind of
Speaker 5: thing that I really would not have done.
Speaker 1: Sure, Yeah exactly, that you would have to carve out
Speaker 1: that kind.
Speaker 5: Of time, Yeah exactly, and that like I kind of
Speaker 5: just thought it would all just happen.
Speaker 1: Organically, Yeah, I think. But it is important to know
Speaker 1: that relationships take work.
Speaker 2: You're not just gonna you know, people have this idea,
Speaker 2: especially young dumb girls, have this idea like they're gonna
Speaker 2: get married and everything's just going to come together, and
Speaker 2: it's like you're not taking into account any of the
Speaker 2: pitfalls of a long term relationship and what can happen
Speaker 2: and all of the drama that goes along with like
Speaker 2: life changes and job changes and city changes. Every relationship
Speaker 2: takes work, even friendships take work, exactly during certain times,
Speaker 2: you know, hopefully it's not all work, but yeah, I
Speaker 2: mean right.
Speaker 5: And occasionally there's annoying. Like sometimes I think that's a
Speaker 5: surprise too, is that like sometimes I get annoyed by him,
Speaker 5: which like, of course, like you get annoyed by your roommate.
Speaker 5: Why wouldn't get annoyed by the person who's not only
Speaker 5: in your apartment but in your bed? And you just
Speaker 5: have to think, like, well, first of all, we because
Speaker 5: I'm a real people pleaser. So for a lot of
Speaker 5: the beginning of a relationship, I just never said like,
Speaker 5: it bugs me when you do whatever. And so that's
Speaker 5: the big thing that's been for me has been has
Speaker 5: been like, Okay, is this something that is worth saying?
Speaker 5: I want? You know, I do I callow Chelsea? Do
Speaker 5: I say it? And that's been a really big learning
Speaker 5: curve and it needed a lot.
Speaker 1: Of like therapy and yeah, no, I could relate to
Speaker 1: that completely. Oh really yeah, because I used.
Speaker 2: To just pop off and now it's more like discerning.
Speaker 2: I'm more discerning and it's more focused and targeted. Right,
Speaker 2: And I used to just suppress, right, I would now
Speaker 2: know I have the opposite explode explode explode You're suppress suppressed,
Speaker 2: were opposite.
Speaker 1: Do you know what number you are on the enneagram?
Speaker 1: Do you know what an anagram?
Speaker 5: Three wing two?
Speaker 2: Oh, okay, three wing two, I'm in two three.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, it's like oh that, yeah, that makes total sense.
Speaker 5: I'm just getting into the enneogram and I love it.
Speaker 5: But you know when I first found out, I was
Speaker 5: a three in college. When I was in my Christian college,
Speaker 5: I took a class called Locations and Voices, and our
Speaker 5: campus pastor gave us the enneagram test.
Speaker 2: Wow, really rising, Yeah, that sounds like modern, very modern,
Speaker 2: because I feel like the enneagram is like a new thing.
Speaker 1: I mean, but I don't know why I think that.
Speaker 5: Well, it was at least around in nineteen ninety three
Speaker 5: or four.
Speaker 2: It was that's when the Internet was invented by Al
Speaker 2: Gore nineteen ninety four.
Speaker 1: Do you remember that?
Speaker 5: That's like the thinks how.
Speaker 2: We're going to take a break and we'll be right
Speaker 2: back with Jeff Hiller, And we're back with Boom boom
Speaker 2: Jeff Hiller. He is the author of his latest book, well,
Speaker 2: his only book. It's called Actress of a Certain Age,
Speaker 2: My twenty year trail to overnight success.
Speaker 1: Let's put him on the New York Times bestseller list.
Speaker 2: Okay, guys, let's all make sure we order a copy
Speaker 2: to support him.
Speaker 1: And how funny this book is. Because I read it,
Speaker 1: you're going to laugh. It's worth it.
Speaker 2: We all need something to escape, and we all need
Speaker 2: to be laughing a lot more as far as I'm concerned. Okay,
Speaker 2: we're going to take some callers and we're going to
Speaker 2: give it. Okay, Yeah, Catherine, what.
Speaker 1: Do we have in store for us?
Speaker 6: Well?
Speaker 3: I love that you called him boom boom Jeff Hiller,
Speaker 3: like the jeff Is in quotes.
Speaker 1: That's that's my favorite. Yeah, I've for made the Jeff
Speaker 1: is in quotes. It's actually boom boom Hiller.
Speaker 3: Well, our first question comes from Rob. He says, help,
Speaker 3: I'm a liberal gay man and my mom won't stop
Speaker 3: sending me bibles. Dear Chelsea, I'm a thirty six year
Speaker 3: old gay man who's been out and proud for fourteen
Speaker 3: plus years. I come from a very evangelical, Republican Midwestern family,
Speaker 3: and I'm the polar opposite of them all. I still
Speaker 3: identify as Christian, but in a more new agy spiritual way.
Speaker 3: I can count on one hand how many times in
Speaker 3: the past decade I've seen the inside of a church,
Speaker 3: and it was probably for a wedding or a funeral,
Speaker 3: or because it's my polling place and I was voting
Speaker 3: blue down the ballot. I'm super progressive, and my family
Speaker 3: knows this about me as I'm extremely outspoken about it. Overall,
Speaker 3: they've been very loving and accepting of who I am.
Speaker 3: They've really come a long way. However, my mom especially
Speaker 3: continues to shove religion down my throat. I have more
Speaker 3: Bibles than I possibly know what to do with. Yet,
Speaker 3: for my last birthday, she sent me another one. I
Speaker 3: wanted to be like, thanks, let me just go add
Speaker 3: this to the stack of other Bibles you've sent me
Speaker 3: over the years. A couple of years ago, for the
Speaker 3: Fourth of July, she sent me a bunch of Americana.
Speaker 1: Shit to put around my house, including.
Speaker 3: But not limited to, a red, white and blue cross
Speaker 3: that says God Bless America.
Speaker 1: Barf.
Speaker 3: Basically, any opportunity she gets, she sends me some Christian
Speaker 3: craft that I don't need or want. It doesn't help
Speaker 3: that she works at hobby goddamn lobby and gets a discount.
Speaker 1: I know she's coming from a loving place.
Speaker 3: And means well, but I swear to God, if I
Speaker 3: get one more effing Bible or Christian nickknack and the mail,
Speaker 3: I'm going to scream, please help rob.
Speaker 1: First of all, why are people sending Bibles?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 2: Is there new information coming out in the Bible. Is
Speaker 2: there a new edition or something.
Speaker 5: I think for certain Christian folks like a different there
Speaker 5: might be a different translation, or have like a.
Speaker 2: Nice cover, or what are we translating it from? What
Speaker 2: language was it originally written? Hebrew is the Old Testament,
Speaker 2: Greek is the new Okay Hebrew and Greek? Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 2: I feel like Bibles are wrapped, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Like it's enough, we get it and they're out there.
Speaker 2: There's enough out there. We don't need to be re
Speaker 2: interpreting them. It's like, stop it with this. First of all,
Speaker 2: you have to have a very direct conversation with your mother.
Speaker 2: I would say, she's obviously a Bible thumper, and she's
Speaker 2: going to be very upset that you don't want this.
Speaker 2: So you have to think of a very gentle way
Speaker 2: to just say I'm up to my ears and fucking
Speaker 2: Bibles and I need you to back up. But I
Speaker 2: do think it's worth saying that too. What do you
Speaker 2: think I mean you come from a religious background.
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 5: It's true, and I'm also like from the because my
Speaker 5: mom also was very much into church and stuff and
Speaker 5: she and I think like the more important thing is
Speaker 5: that she's supportive outside of the gift giving section, which
Speaker 5: I think is sort of obviously probably really difficult for
Speaker 5: her and beautiful that she does that. But I think
Speaker 5: that what you're saying is right. A polite, tactful way
Speaker 5: of saying I think I'm good on Bibles is maybe enough.
Speaker 5: But if she sends you fourth of July stepp like,
Speaker 5: I don't know, you know, sometimes people just you get
Speaker 5: a gift from your nana and you're like, this is
Speaker 5: not something I'm ever gonna.
Speaker 2: Maybe you could just collect all of her stuff and
Speaker 2: give it to someone like that, you know, like someone
Speaker 2: in your neighborhood, like regift it, drop it off in
Speaker 2: front of someone tells who you know will appreciate it,
Speaker 2: and then you take the conversation you you know, I mean,
Speaker 2: it's worth having a conversation anyway, because I don't think your.
Speaker 1: Mom's gonna listen.
Speaker 2: She's gonna probably it will probably like tamp it down
Speaker 2: a bit, all of the things you're getting, but she'll
Speaker 2: probably continue to send. If she works at a Holly lobby, Like,
Speaker 2: it sounds like you're gonna get gifts.
Speaker 5: Regardless that's her type or taste.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you're gonna have to think of a way
Speaker 2: to like repurpose her gifts, you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: so that you can deal with it head on, but
Speaker 2: then also deal with the reality that you're gonna continue
Speaker 2: to get those gifts because mothers don't really listen to
Speaker 2: their children exactly.
Speaker 5: And is this an issue that you're willing to have
Speaker 5: like a knockdown drag out for.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's not like that. This is a light question.
Speaker 2: We don't have to of course, it's not so serious,
Speaker 2: but it is annoying to I mean, I would be
Speaker 2: pissed if I were getting this, but I didn't grow
Speaker 2: up in an religious background, so I have no history
Speaker 2: of this, So I would be pissed because it would
Speaker 2: be coming out of the fucking blue as much confused
Speaker 2: as Oh my god, I just love the idea of
Speaker 2: me opening up a Bible even in hotel rooms when
Speaker 2: I see one, I'm annoyed. I'm like, why don't push
Speaker 2: that on me? But yeah, it's not a serious situation,
Speaker 2: but you should. You can say something to your mom
Speaker 2: absolutely offhandedly.
Speaker 3: I wonder if you could say like that when you
Speaker 3: sent me for my last birthday was my favorite. I
Speaker 3: don't need any more options, like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, about that.
Speaker 2: That's like a mislead and I don't think that works
Speaker 2: with religious people in direct.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's probably true, all right, Rob well bred?
Speaker 1: Do we have Timothy.
Speaker 2: Shalli May that's okay crazy? He calls in every week.
Speaker 2: It's like and it's always about Kylie Jenner. It's so
Speaker 2: embarrassing every week and it's like, how she hasn't heard
Speaker 2: about this at all yet, It's amazing.
Speaker 5: He's always just like, uh, my girlfriend.
Speaker 1: Do you believe that those two are together? When you
Speaker 1: see Timothy Shallaby and Ken.
Speaker 5: Is it kindler Kylie?
Speaker 2: I don't know, it's Kylie. Yeh oh, never mind that.
Speaker 2: We'll get back to that.
Speaker 1: We get to that. We have a caller. I can see.
Speaker 1: We're so sorry we got sidetracked.
Speaker 3: Well, Timothy says. His subject line is open relationship or
Speaker 3: break up. Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend of a little over
Speaker 3: a year and I recently moved to the Netherlands from
Speaker 3: South Africa. Our sex life has never been great, but
Speaker 3: we really love each other and we make a great team,
Speaker 3: although recently we've been having lots of disagreements. The move
Speaker 3: and adapting to a new country has understandably put a
Speaker 3: lot of pressure on the relationship. I'm generally a happy
Speaker 3: person and I'm committed to self improvement, et cetera. But
Speaker 3: my boyfriend is not on the same page with me
Speaker 3: about that. I recently started to feel like we're not
Speaker 3: on the same page regarding our personal growth and emotional
Speaker 3: maturity in general. My boyfriend brought up the option of
Speaker 3: trying an open relationship, which I'm happy to do because
Speaker 3: our sex life is basically non existent. Although this could
Speaker 3: be really good for us, I also feel like it
Speaker 3: could be the beginning of the end. And all of
Speaker 3: these things have made me think about the future of
Speaker 3: our relationship and if I want to continue with it
Speaker 3: at all. What makes things even more tricky is that
Speaker 3: I'm moved over on his visa, so I'm pretty sure
Speaker 3: I would have to leave the country if we broke up,
Speaker 3: which would suck because it wasn't easy to get here
Speaker 3: in the first place. I love him dearly and he's
Speaker 3: very important to me, but I feel like he needs
Speaker 3: to do a lot of growing and I don't know
Speaker 3: if I should be a part of that.
Speaker 5: Please help. By Timothy.
Speaker 2: Hi Timothy, this is our special guest today, Jeff Hiller. Hikay,
Speaker 2: you can call him boom boom boom. Right, that's another
Speaker 2: thing I call boom boom's penises. I always go, oh,
Speaker 2: look at it, he's gotta he Or I'll say to
Speaker 2: a friend like if I I'll be like tod eve
Speaker 2: a nice boom boom.
Speaker 1: So boom boom is just a great word for everything
Speaker 1: I think.
Speaker 2: So, Okay, what are you thinking in terms of if
Speaker 2: this relationship It sounds like this relationship is coming to
Speaker 2: a head, and that's okay, But I just want to
Speaker 2: talk about your like actual logistics, like for living, Like
Speaker 2: if you guys do break up, what are you prepared
Speaker 2: to do?
Speaker 1: Are you going to go back to South Africa?
Speaker 2: Like if that, if this is a real conversation, then
Speaker 2: we should we talk about those things.
Speaker 4: Yeah. So I wasn't exactly sure how it worked because
Speaker 4: I've moved over on his visa, so I did a
Speaker 4: little bit of digging. So it does seem like if
Speaker 4: we break up, then I wouldn't have any other choice
Speaker 4: but to go back to South Africa unless we find
Speaker 4: some way to work around that. But legally that is
Speaker 4: what will have to happen.
Speaker 1: Are you guys legally married?
Speaker 4: No? No, No, we're just like dating.
Speaker 1: And you can bring somebody over on your visa if
Speaker 1: you're dating them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, what about and then moving back to South
Speaker 2: Africa an option?
Speaker 1: Like, how do you feel about that?
Speaker 4: Crazy about it? Because I mean I obviously sold all
Speaker 4: my stuff there, used all my savings and everything to
Speaker 4: move here. It was very stressful. We just kind of
Speaker 4: like rebuilt our life and like create a little home here.
Speaker 4: So I mean you were looking forward to like traveling
Speaker 4: because it's so much easier to travel when you're in
Speaker 4: living Europe. And I found a job here, which is
Speaker 4: also not very easy for.
Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, so yeah, so ideally you want to stick
Speaker 2: around there.
Speaker 1: Is your boyfriend open to like couple's counseling.
Speaker 4: I'm trying to get him to just see a therapist himself,
Speaker 4: but he he's not very open to the idea. I
Speaker 4: keep bringing it up because I've been in therapy for
Speaker 4: like ten years, so I know the benefits of it
Speaker 4: and I know he needs it. Like the other day,
Speaker 4: he asked me something in shame bless him. He's very sweet,
Speaker 4: but he asked me, do you think trauma from your
Speaker 4: childhood plays over into your adult life? And I was like, uh, Yeah,
Speaker 4: that's like exactly what happens.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so he's not really.
Speaker 4: He hasn't been in therapy, so he doesn't know the
Speaker 4: benefits from it.
Speaker 1: Is he younger?
Speaker 4: He's only three years younger than I am, but I
Speaker 4: feel like there's quite a difference in emotional maturity between us.
Speaker 2: He would he is he someone who would read a book,
Speaker 2: like if you brought home a book based on like
Speaker 2: about what he had the question he asked you and said, oh,
Speaker 2: I found this at the bookstore. Here's a book on
Speaker 2: childhood trauma. I thought you might be interested in this.
Speaker 2: Do you think he would read that?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I could try that, Like I read a lot
Speaker 4: of self out books. So then it kind of caught
Speaker 4: on with him.
Speaker 1: Oh well that's something that's not nothing.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, for sure. No, he's definitely like looking into
Speaker 4: himself a little bit more. But like I don't really
Speaker 4: want to, Like, leaving him is not really what I
Speaker 4: want to do. I really, so then don't.
Speaker 1: So then don't You're not there. You're not there yet.
Speaker 2: And and right now I think what you should focus
Speaker 2: is on, like what do you how do you feel
Speaker 2: about open relationships?
Speaker 1: What's your like?
Speaker 5: Well, I mean I feel like, as long as both
Speaker 5: partners are into it, which it sounds like you are,
Speaker 5: then why not I mean, I think it sounds like
Speaker 5: you find your own relationship.
Speaker 2: I think it sounds like an opportunity for him to
Speaker 2: grow up a little bit too, having an open relationship,
Speaker 2: Because when you have an open relationship, like what I
Speaker 2: would suggest is creating, like to have parameters and have
Speaker 2: boundaries and have an understanding about how much information you
Speaker 2: both want, how much information you both need. Those kinds
Speaker 2: of adult conversations are going to lead to more intense
Speaker 2: conversations about emotions and about and like even though you're
Speaker 2: a little bit farther along on like an emotional maturity level,
Speaker 2: it's good to as a practice have conversations like that
Speaker 2: where you're including him, like you're introducing a subject matter, like, Okay,
Speaker 2: what are the rules going to be?
Speaker 1: How are we going to feel? What if I feel
Speaker 1: emotionally left out?
Speaker 2: Is it okay for me to come to and say, actually,
Speaker 2: I don't feel comfortable with this, Like you can have
Speaker 2: adult conversations that kind of pull him into a more
Speaker 2: mature position.
Speaker 1: Do you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 5: And the boundaries that you said at the top don't
Speaker 5: have to necessarily be constant. You know, you can say like, oh,
Speaker 5: actually I thought I was okay with that thing, but
Speaker 5: I'm not or whatever.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like it's actually I'm like, this whole open relationship
Speaker 2: thing is actually an opportunity for you to have more
Speaker 2: depth within your relationship. So I would say that that
Speaker 2: to go for it. I mean, you're kind of at
Speaker 2: your wits end. I ideally what you want to do
Speaker 2: is get him into therapy so that he could start
Speaker 2: having some real conversations. But until that can happen, I
Speaker 2: would really share the books you're reading. I would share
Speaker 2: the topics that you're that you're interested in, like the
Speaker 2: things that you're reading about self help or childhood trauma,
Speaker 2: and not in a patronizing way as a way to
Speaker 2: like bounce it off of him, like what do you
Speaker 2: think about this?
Speaker 1: I read this, I'm not sure I agree with this?
Speaker 1: Do you agree with this? What do you think about this?
Speaker 2: You know, just try to engage him a little bit
Speaker 2: more in what you're interested in, and even if he's
Speaker 2: not there yet, just introduced the subject matters, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean. So there are there are catchphrases he's
Speaker 2: heard childhood trauma. Does that roll over into your adult life? Like,
Speaker 2: that's good that he said that sentence, regardless of whether
Speaker 2: he understands it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, fair enough. Just on the open relationship thing, I
Speaker 4: have a little bit of an update. After going back
Speaker 4: and forth, he actually told me so he wants to
Speaker 4: try it. This was like two weeks ago. So we
Speaker 4: were like, yeah, cool, let's go out, let's go try it,
Speaker 4: let's go have fun. So we went to a few
Speaker 4: bars in Amsterdam, and towards the end of the night,
Speaker 4: we were both standing kind of outside and then this
Speaker 4: really attractive guy came up and like just fully kissed
Speaker 4: me on the mouth and it lasted for like one
Speaker 4: and a half seconds, and then I pushed him away
Speaker 4: because I knew this was going to be a problem,
Speaker 4: And I looked over at my boyfriend and he was
Speaker 4: not even looking at me, didn't speak to me. And
Speaker 4: then on our way home, he was just like, I
Speaker 4: can't do this, can't handle you being intimate with anyone
Speaker 4: else than me. Like then, it was just such a
Speaker 4: It's such and been such an emotional rollercoaster from him
Speaker 4: being on board with it and they not, and then
Speaker 4: yes and then no. So currently it's no, but okay,
Speaker 4: I feel like it's gonna come up again at some point.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but these are also opportunities to have more conversations
Speaker 2: around the subject matter of having an open relationship, talking
Speaker 2: about boundaries, talking about intimacy, talking about what doesn't feel right,
Speaker 2: like would it feel better if you weren't kissing someone,
Speaker 2: if you were just having sex with them, Like really
Speaker 2: introducing all of these because the more you can get
Speaker 2: him talking, the more that.
Speaker 1: He's going to open up emotionally.
Speaker 2: And I know it's not your job, but if you're
Speaker 2: in this relationship and you're committed to staying in the Netherlands,
Speaker 2: then you kind of have to make this effort.
Speaker 5: But I would also say, like being in a relationship
Speaker 5: that's not right is not worth not moving back to
Speaker 5: South Africa.
Speaker 3: Maybe see if there's like another plan you can do
Speaker 3: with your work, if there even if it takes a
Speaker 3: lot little bit of time, just to have that as
Speaker 3: sort of a backup plan.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, you've got one footed out the door,
Speaker 2: you know, I mean clearly, so I know it's not
Speaker 2: a desirable place to be, but I would say to
Speaker 2: exhaust all your efforts before you shut the door. For
Speaker 2: obviously multiple reasons, and one of those being geographic.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think we we we have had a problem
Speaker 4: of just being like honest with each other, having honest conversations,
Speaker 4: saying how we feel, and that's only recently been really
Speaker 4: talked about. So yeah, it's it's it's a lot of
Speaker 4: things that we're going through at the moment, but our
Speaker 4: six life is like it's been a problem for a while.
Speaker 5: So how long have you been together?
Speaker 4: Only a year and a half, But it's been like
Speaker 4: a problem kind of from the beginning.
Speaker 1: What's the problem?
Speaker 4: So the problem is mostly with me. I've kind of
Speaker 4: like lost my physical attraction towards him. Like I really
Speaker 4: love him, there's no doubt in my mind about that.
Speaker 4: But I just can't get that physical attraction back, and
Speaker 4: I feel really guilty about it. And every time like
Speaker 4: I can see him trying to, like, you know, engage,
Speaker 4: I feel really guilty and I feel bad, but I
Speaker 4: don't really know what to do about it.
Speaker 1: Can you actually physically have sex with him?
Speaker 5: Or you can't?
Speaker 4: I really don't want to.
Speaker 2: Okay, I don't mean to laugh, but I mean, it
Speaker 2: really sounds like you're not in this relationship anymore.
Speaker 1: It sounds like it's your friend.
Speaker 4: I know it feels like I'm yeah.
Speaker 1: Okay, let me ask you is he where is he
Speaker 1: in your relationship?
Speaker 2: Like if you said, like, okay, this is our last
Speaker 2: ditch effort, I'm not feeling it. We're not feeling it,
Speaker 2: we're not in sync. I really want us to go
Speaker 2: to therapy as our kind of like last effort.
Speaker 1: What would he say to that.
Speaker 4: I think it would It might be open to it.
Speaker 4: I just wanted him to go to therapy first a
Speaker 4: little bit, just so you can.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but don't make it about him. Make it about you.
Speaker 2: The only way to get someone to go to therapy
Speaker 2: is to make it about you. You have a problem
Speaker 2: with your sex, that's a perfect thing, like, hey, i'd
Speaker 2: love to figure this out. He knows that you're having
Speaker 2: trouble with sexually, right, he's part of this equation, right, And.
Speaker 5: Some couple's therapy can demystify individual therapy, so it might
Speaker 5: actually be a perfect way to.
Speaker 2: Introduce him to Oh that's extra the excellent yes very
Speaker 2: well said, that's exactly right. You know, you get in
Speaker 2: there because it's your problem, Like I want to work
Speaker 2: on our sex life. I know this is my issue,
Speaker 2: you know, take responsibility and then that it becomes like
Speaker 2: less of a less intimidating for him to go into
Speaker 2: a therapy session when you're framing it that it's more
Speaker 2: about you.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's that's a very good idea. I think that's okay.
Speaker 2: And then hopefully that can lead into single therapy. Like
Speaker 2: Jeff said, you know, hopefully with his exposure to therapy,
Speaker 2: he'll like it. So I think your job is to
Speaker 2: find a couple, get him to agree to that, Try
Speaker 2: to tell him that you really want to work your
Speaker 2: relationship and that you know.
Speaker 1: You're aware of the issue.
Speaker 2: We're going to have an open relationship now you don't
Speaker 2: want to he's got jealousy issues, Okay, that's fine, You're
Speaker 2: going to respect all of it. But you do want
Speaker 2: to work on your relationship, even from sexual standpoint, you know,
Speaker 2: starting there so that you can get him into therapy
Speaker 2: and yeah, and then start with that.
Speaker 5: Also, it's just it's so much easier to have a
Speaker 5: third person there to help you discuss things like I'm
Speaker 5: no longer attracted to you. That would be very difficult
Speaker 5: to bring up to someone who you are no longer
Speaker 5: attracted to.
Speaker 6: No.
Speaker 4: I think it's horrible to bring up.
Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be a permanent thing. You might
Speaker 2: just not be attracted to him right now, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean? If you build this relationship back, there's
Speaker 2: always people that come back from this that can have
Speaker 2: sex after periods of not having sex. So I wouldn't
Speaker 2: look at it as like a final thing, like this
Speaker 2: is not your you know, final act.
Speaker 1: But put it in an effort to salvage the relationship.
Speaker 5: Okay, I'm going to do that and get a couple
Speaker 5: of therapists who certified in sex therapy. There's a special certification.
Speaker 1: Oh good, good to know.
Speaker 3: I also think it's a little bit of a shortcut
Speaker 3: if you find if you're able to find a queer therapist,
Speaker 3: just so like there is a shorthand there.
Speaker 5: Do they have those in Amsterdam?
Speaker 4: I haven't heard good things about therapists in the Netherlands.
Speaker 4: Apparently they're not very not great. But I mean, we
Speaker 4: can always do it like zoom.
Speaker 2: Yeah virtually, yeah, you could do it exactly, So who
Speaker 2: cares about that? You can do it over zoom with
Speaker 2: someone in New York or la or London or somewhere
Speaker 2: where there's better therapists.
Speaker 1: Isn't there aren't there a lot of therapists from the.
Speaker 2: Netherlands or psychic Well, I guess those are from like
Speaker 2: the eighteenth century, so I register ship.
Speaker 1: We've had to update. They're dead.
Speaker 4: Maybe everyone has been. People love to say negative things
Speaker 4: about the Netherlands, like the doctors are terrible, the therapists
Speaker 4: are terrible, blah blah blah. So who knows. Maybe it's
Speaker 4: just live.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, Well, I mean I hope we helped you.
Speaker 1: I mean I don't really feel like we did.
Speaker 4: You back with us.
Speaker 2: Yeah, why don't you have that conversation with him and
Speaker 2: try and nail down a couple's therapists, you know, even
Speaker 2: if it's in the States, Just so you guys can
Speaker 2: start having more conversations. And I would say, one thing
Speaker 2: is I understand you're more far, You're farther along in
Speaker 2: your spiritual journey. Don't judge him so much. Try not
Speaker 2: to try to try to flip the switch in your
Speaker 2: head and think of him as like that's an opportunity
Speaker 2: to actually teach and for him to learn more, Like
Speaker 2: you can be a party to that, you can be
Speaker 2: like part of his exposure to different things. But not
Speaker 2: in a condescending or patronizing way.
Speaker 1: He is your equal. You're in a relationship.
Speaker 2: You can't be superior to him because you're more emotionally mature.
Speaker 2: You kind of just have to look at him like
Speaker 2: he has a different set of circumstances in a different history,
Speaker 2: and you're both in the same place at the same time.
Speaker 2: So like, how can you help each other grow and
Speaker 2: how can you help each other learn? And that goes
Speaker 2: for your growth and you're learning too.
Speaker 5: Yeah, because judgment is a real boner killer.
Speaker 2: But take those first steps and let and hit us
Speaker 2: back and let us know what happens. Okay, I'll do that, Okay, okay, Timothy,
Speaker 2: thanks for calling.
Speaker 4: It, Timothy.
Speaker 1: Okay, by that made my boner go down, that that call.
Speaker 3: I know that's tough when you just aren't attracted to
Speaker 3: someone anymore.
Speaker 1: No, I feel like that's the end of the road.
Speaker 2: But but there are stories about people who have completely
Speaker 2: lost their boners, so to speak, for their spouses and
Speaker 2: then reclaimed them.
Speaker 5: Well, I think what you're saying about, like having that
Speaker 5: judgment of you, it really is. It builds up this
Speaker 5: resentment and this sort of you know, not interesting, so
Speaker 5: that we'll kill your sex drive too.
Speaker 2: For that person, especially if you're thinking someone is stupid
Speaker 2: or they're not up, they're not as smart as you
Speaker 2: are or spiritually advanced as you are.
Speaker 1: Like that, you get into tricky territory.
Speaker 2: It's like you can be like a spiritual narcissist, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean?
Speaker 5: God, what a what a coined term?
Speaker 1: Okay, we're going to take a break.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna boom boom boom boom, and then we're going
Speaker 2: to be back, and we're back with boom boom end
Speaker 2: quotes Jeff Hiller.
Speaker 3: Well, our last color today is Judith, and she has
Speaker 3: one of my favorite subject lines I've ever seen in
Speaker 3: our email inbox.
Speaker 1: It is my mom married.
Speaker 3: Her dead stepsister's husband, and now I have an uncle daddy.
Speaker 1: Wait a second, my mom married again.
Speaker 3: My mom married her dead stepsister's husband, and now I
Speaker 3: have an uncle daddy.
Speaker 1: So she says, this is a long with buckle up,
Speaker 1: but just ae stepsister.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's so.
Speaker 2: Why does she have an uncle daddy? Oh because it's
Speaker 2: her stepdad. Yeah, that's her uncle. Okay, this isn't the
Speaker 2: worst news.
Speaker 3: Okay, no, okay, Judith says, Dear Chelsea, I'm Judith, a
Speaker 3: forty seven year old single mom. Despite life surprises, I
Speaker 3: strive for purpose and gratitude daily. I have one issue
Speaker 3: I can't get over, and I thought i'd email you,
Speaker 3: the one person who tell me if I'm being a
Speaker 3: stubborn asshole. My seventy two year old mom just got
Speaker 3: married for the fourth time. While multiple marriages don't FaZe me,
Speaker 3: it's her taste in men that's the problem. I know
Speaker 3: You're like, isn't one of them your dad?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 4: He was.
Speaker 3: He was a volatile addict. Her second was a jackass.
Speaker 3: Her third was a paranoid hoarder. In twenty nineteen, she
Speaker 3: retired and became single finally, and went to live with
Speaker 3: my sister. When the pandemic lifted. She had the idea
Speaker 3: of driving around the country in a customized van.
Speaker 1: To explore the world.
Speaker 3: A hippie at heart, we told her to go for it,
Speaker 3: make the most of her life. About seven months into
Speaker 3: her vagabond journey, she stopped in Mississippi to attend her
Speaker 3: stepsister's funeral. She reconnected with the side of the family
Speaker 3: and decided to stay an extra week. This is where
Speaker 3: things get weird. She begins talking about her stepsister's husband.
Speaker 5: A lot Larry. This, Larry that.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing.
Speaker 3: Larry has been our uncle our entire lives, and he sucks.
Speaker 3: He is one of those military guys who yelled, talks,
Speaker 3: knows everything, and is outright socially belligerent. I didn't like
Speaker 3: it when I was four, and I don't like him now.
Speaker 3: After a couple months, my mom tells us she's going
Speaker 3: on a cross country train ride with Larry. I sarcastically joke,
Speaker 3: what are you banging Larry?
Speaker 5: Now?
Speaker 1: She stammers, I want to vomit.
Speaker 3: This is six months after her stepsister has died, You know,
Speaker 3: the one who is Larry's wie for forty seven years.
Speaker 1: They were together since high school. Six months later she
Speaker 1: moves in with.
Speaker 3: Him, and a few months after that she announces she's
Speaker 3: marrying him. In an email to us, she says, there's
Speaker 3: not a wedding, they're just going to the Justice of
Speaker 3: the Peace. The next day, we wake up to a
Speaker 3: Facebook post. They're standing under a tree. She had a bouquet,
Speaker 3: a new dress. His family was there. We were not invited.
Speaker 3: Here's my predicament. Last week she asked if they could
Speaker 3: come visit. This means her and Larry. I am the
Speaker 3: only sibling who hasn't spent time with them. Two of
Speaker 3: them tolerate him, the other has tried it and is
Speaker 3: done trying. The idea makes me rage. I want to
Speaker 3: say no, I want no part of him in my life?
Speaker 3: Am I being too stubborn?
Speaker 1: Chelsea? What do I do about my uncle daddy? Judith? Hard?
Speaker 6: No?
Speaker 5: Hard?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: Hi? Hey, how are you? This is our special guest
Speaker 1: Jeff Hiller is here today.
Speaker 6: Hi.
Speaker 7: I totally know who you are. I'm a huge failureself.
Speaker 5: Oh thank you?
Speaker 7: So you're no?
Speaker 1: Yes, I would say a hard no. I listen.
Speaker 2: I'm of the belief at our age. You're forty seven.
Speaker 2: IM a few years older than you. Jeff is forty nine.
Speaker 1: We don't have to.
Speaker 2: Tolerate this kind of bullshit anymore. I don't want to
Speaker 2: be around people I don't want to be around.
Speaker 1: I've earned the right.
Speaker 2: I have extended my generosity for years leading up to
Speaker 2: this point and tolerated people that I don't have to
Speaker 2: tolerate in my family and outside of my family, and
Speaker 2: I'm just I'm not really willing to do that anymore.
Speaker 2: And I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It's
Speaker 2: creating a healthy bat who wants that guy in their house?
Speaker 1: Fucking yelled talking at you. No, no, you.
Speaker 2: Already stated that your mother and then and your mother
Speaker 2: is kind of has been kidnapped by him, basically, right,
Speaker 2: I mean, so she's been hijacked by this man. And
Speaker 2: while that sucks, and I know you love your mother,
Speaker 2: you can easily say I want to see you, but
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't want to see him, and so
Speaker 2: if you ever want to see me alone, let me know.
Speaker 2: But I'm not really interested in hanging out with Jeff
Speaker 2: my uncle as my father.
Speaker 1: Or Larry. Sorry I got to do with Jeff. Sorry,
Speaker 1: you know what he did. Jeff knows what he's done,
Speaker 1: what I did.
Speaker 5: No regrets, you know. I I have this like.
Speaker 1: Okay, and again go no, no, go for it.
Speaker 5: I you know, I people walk over me sometimes so
Speaker 5: grain of huge salt. But my thought is, Okay, it's
Speaker 5: clear your mom has terrible taste in men, and I
Speaker 5: have I don't have family, but I have good friends
Speaker 5: who have truly just shitty tasting men, and I'm wondering
Speaker 5: if you could just say, like, you know, I'd love
Speaker 5: to see you, and I'll go to dinner with Larry,
Speaker 5: but I can't have him staying in the house. Is
Speaker 5: that enough or you think no, just across the board,
Speaker 5: don't come at all?
Speaker 2: Well no, I mean I think anything's an option. I
Speaker 2: think this is why you know, this is why you're here.
Speaker 2: You have a point of view.
Speaker 5: Well, because I just feel like, you know, I got
Speaker 5: a dead mom and I just feel like, I don't know.
Speaker 2: If you could have hung out with your mom and
Speaker 2: a big asshole with her, you're saying that you would
Speaker 2: have done that.
Speaker 5: Well, I I just feel like this could possibly create,
Speaker 5: you know, a rift.
Speaker 2: But I feel like if that rift has been created
Speaker 2: already right not by you, but.
Speaker 7: Yes, no, you all are.
Speaker 6: I feel so validated right now because literally what the
Speaker 6: both of you are saying is what my friends and
Speaker 6: family around me are saying. Chelsea, I'm one hundred percent
Speaker 6: with you. In fact, I've used the word kidnapped multiple times.
Speaker 6: I'm like, it's like he stole our mom from her
Speaker 6: family because he needed a replacement. Yeah, But then I
Speaker 6: have people saying, but you know, it's your mom. She's
Speaker 6: seventy two. You might have five to ten good years
Speaker 6: with her left and be the bigger person.
Speaker 7: But when it boils.
Speaker 6: Down to it, it's like I don't want to go
Speaker 6: to dinner with him because I feel like I can't
Speaker 6: control my face.
Speaker 5: Well, you've made the choice.
Speaker 7: Then I think like I don't know.
Speaker 6: How to look at him and be kind or nice.
Speaker 6: I don't trust myself.
Speaker 1: Great, these are all your answers.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm not a people pleaser anymore. I don't have
Speaker 6: to do this. I've learned that lesson I've pushed through
Speaker 6: in my forties to like stand up for what I
Speaker 6: think is healthy and the people I want in my life.
Speaker 6: But there is some lingering guilt, and I just don't
Speaker 6: know if I'm being too stubborn, because, like I said,
Speaker 6: my other siblings half stepped in and tried, and they
Speaker 6: all say, like, girl, we didn't enjoy it either, but
Speaker 6: it's one of those things. We're doing it for our mom,
Speaker 6: and I just would prefer not to. I just don't
Speaker 6: know if I'm being.
Speaker 1: So I don't think. I don't think it matters that
Speaker 1: you're being stubborn. I really don't. I think I completely
Speaker 1: support your decision to say this.
Speaker 6: Is just a I'm the third of four and we
Speaker 6: were all we're all very close, like my mom had
Speaker 6: four kids in six years.
Speaker 7: Wrap your head around that.
Speaker 6: So it's like boom boom boom boom boom with us,
Speaker 6: and we all feel the same way for the first
Speaker 6: time ever about something. But usually I'm the people pleasing
Speaker 6: little child that can be friendly and like.
Speaker 7: Keep her chin up and do whatever.
Speaker 6: But when I got divorce, like eight years ago, I
Speaker 6: quit doing that.
Speaker 7: I just don't do that anymore. I'm not performing for anyone.
Speaker 7: I don't want to have to be forced into things
Speaker 7: that I want to be into.
Speaker 6: And I want to stand in my own power and
Speaker 6: my own decision making and let the people that I
Speaker 6: trust into my circle and into my world.
Speaker 7: And so I did talk to my therapists about just
Speaker 7: going to dinner with.
Speaker 6: Him, and even then it feels like I'm going to
Speaker 6: be fake or performing for them, and I don't want
Speaker 6: to put myself in a situation where I'm not being real,
Speaker 6: you know what I mean, or authentic.
Speaker 5: You've done the work too, You've like really thought about
Speaker 5: this and talk about with your therapist and your siblings.
Speaker 1: I feel like you've Yeah, I mean, how many more
Speaker 1: opinions do you need?
Speaker 7: Just yours? Chelsea.
Speaker 1: I just want yours.
Speaker 5: You blame me, I would trust it.
Speaker 1: Then, Yeah, for sure, you got it. You got this.
Speaker 1: Don't do it, don't do it.
Speaker 2: Be nice to your mother, tell her you love her,
Speaker 2: and then you're always open to seeing her.
Speaker 1: She's your mother.
Speaker 2: You'll always love her. Reiterate that, always say that. Make
Speaker 2: sure she knows. But you're not interested in hanging out
Speaker 2: with Logan or Larry or whatever.
Speaker 5: The fact that they met at her funeral.
Speaker 2: But this happens all the I have a grandfather, not
Speaker 2: my grandfather, but my nieces have a grandfather. He married
Speaker 2: his cousin right after his wife died, like the cousin
Speaker 2: that looks the most like his ex wife or his
Speaker 2: dead wife.
Speaker 1: This happens all over. This happens to men all the time.
Speaker 1: They men can't be alone there are and so they
Speaker 1: immediately they're like, oh, you're alive, Okay, you come with me.
Speaker 2: It's like, what what is the Are there any prerequisites
Speaker 2: to us being a relationship.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I support you, I'm with you, Thank you, Chelsea.
Speaker 1: But what's up with that dog in the background. Is
Speaker 1: that dog a Republican?
Speaker 7: Wise Texas? Trust me?
Speaker 1: Okay, I just want to me. I can hate Republicans
Speaker 1: live in Texas.
Speaker 4: I do.
Speaker 6: I'm in Dallas, but I'm in a very blue, beautiful space.
Speaker 7: Don't worry like I'm.
Speaker 5: Yeah, the dog is very cute.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Judith.
Speaker 3: Will you take a picture of that and text it
Speaker 3: to me so we can include it in the video?
Speaker 7: Absolutely? Absolutely yes.
Speaker 6: I work with rescue animals and so I'm in my
Speaker 6: office and we're celebrating big dog energy.
Speaker 2: Oh good, Okay, well, thanks for calling in Jja, thank
Speaker 2: you so much.
Speaker 1: Tell your mom I set aloute girl.
Speaker 7: I just hope she doesn't know this podcast happens, so
Speaker 7: we'll see what pray for me.
Speaker 2: I doubt Larry's an avid listener, and apparently he's deciding
Speaker 2: what she's listening to these days.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, take care, jud.
Speaker 2: All right, thank you, bye bye bye. Don't you feel
Speaker 2: like we solve the world's problems today? I mean, honestly, wow, definitely.
Speaker 1: What we started with him. I mean, he's got a
Speaker 1: lot of problems.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 2: Imagine imagine going to a city, moving with somebody on
Speaker 2: their visa and then you're beholden to them and you're
Speaker 2: not really in you're not sexually A tract that he
Speaker 2: has a lot of problems and if we could solve
Speaker 2: that in a podcast, then this would be more successful.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. We would be getting awards, Michelin.
Speaker 5: Star rating, Michelin Star, We're the first star podcast.
Speaker 2: We'd have a bakery, we would have we would have
Speaker 2: Michelin stars, you guys.
Speaker 1: If we can solve every fucking problem problem not solved?
Speaker 1: For tim was that his name?
Speaker 7: Timothy?
Speaker 2: Okay, well, Timothy from South Africa who's in the Netherlands.
Speaker 2: I was like, it was like, looks like he's searching
Speaker 2: for Dutch people. Well, we have to wrap things up.
Speaker 2: This is it's over. This podcast episode is over.
Speaker 1: Everyone.
Speaker 2: I want every you've been boom boomed everyone, everyone to
Speaker 2: order a copy of Actress of a Certain Age, My
Speaker 2: twenty year trail to overnight success. It's really worth it.
Speaker 2: And you've been a pleasure. I'm so happy that.
Speaker 1: Have we ever met before?
Speaker 5: No, no, but I will. You did one time on
Speaker 5: Chelsea Lately. I did this truly ridiculous musical in real life,
Speaker 5: and you did your monologue about it and you called
Speaker 5: it a gay hate crime in reverse. And I do
Speaker 5: have a slight sense of pride about that.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, and now I do too. It's a wonderful. Well,
Speaker 2: I'm wonderful to relive memories like that, to cruise down
Speaker 2: memory lane. Before our podcast was a Michelin star. God,
Speaker 2: what a day, what an afternoon?
Speaker 5: Thank you, Jeff, Thank you seriously, thank you.
Speaker 2: Okay. My remaining dates for Vegas, There are remaining dates
Speaker 2: for this year. Summertime is coming and I will be
Speaker 2: in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July fifth.
Speaker 2: We will be the next date that I'm there, July fifth,
Speaker 2: August thirtieth, and then November one and twenty ninth.
Speaker 1: November one and November twenty.
Speaker 2: Ninth, I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo
Speaker 2: performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.
Speaker 1: It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,
Speaker 1: thank you.
Speaker 5: Do you want advice from Chelsea?
Speaker 3: Right into Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Find
Speaker 3: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching
Speaker 3: at Dear Chelsea pod.
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea is edited
Speaker 3: And engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And
Speaker 3: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
Speaker 3: com