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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, I Chelsea. Where in the world are you

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Speaker 1: right now?

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Speaker 2: I'm in London. I'm in London. I just finished Glastonbury.

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Speaker 2: I still have my voice intact, I have my body

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Speaker 2: parts intact. It was a wild, wild ride. I'm hoping well.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what kind of photographs are out there,

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Speaker 1: but there might be.

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Speaker 2: Some things got pretty carried away, as one can imagine.

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Speaker 2: And I had never been to Glastonbury before and now

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Speaker 2: I know what it's all about, and it was ridiculous.

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Speaker 3: It is one of those ones you hear about always

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Speaker 3: being like very epic, very wild, but very fun.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I usually don't like like a music festival, just by

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Speaker 2: the nature of being outside and like the heat and

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Speaker 2: all those people, but Glastonbury just has a different ring

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Speaker 2: to it. And so I had to come up, and

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Speaker 2: I had so many friends that are going, and so yes,

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Speaker 2: we had a wild, wild time. And let's just say

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Speaker 2: I dosed a lot of people.

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Speaker 4: People.

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Speaker 3: Oh, fantastic, fantastic with your LLC that you're no longer traveling.

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Speaker 2: I don't travel with drugs. I don't travel anywhere with drugs.

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Speaker 2: I don't have drugs. I don't do drugs. It's free

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Speaker 2: as long as I'm in London. That's the story I'm

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Speaker 2: sticking to. And my name is Chelsea Handler, and I

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Speaker 2: am drug free. I only like alcohol.

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Speaker 1: Excellent. Well, we have a really fun guest today.

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Speaker 4: I know.

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Speaker 1: He's so funny.

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Speaker 4: Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: You guys know him from Somebody Somewhere.

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Speaker 2: He's hilarious and he has a new book that's out

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Speaker 2: and his name is well, his Instagram name is.

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Speaker 1: Boom Boom Hiller, and that's what I call him during

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Speaker 1: the entire episode. But his name is Jeff Hiller. Okay,

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Speaker 1: we're sitting here with Jeff. I want to call you

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Speaker 1: boom Boom.

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Speaker 2: Do I want to call you boom boom because that's

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Speaker 2: your Instagram manst Okay, Boom Boom Hiller is here everybody,

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Speaker 2: for anybody who knows him on Instagram and for those

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Speaker 2: of you who know him from his hit show on

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Speaker 2: HBO with Bridget Everett, Somebody Somewhere, which is in its

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Speaker 2: third season.

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Speaker 1: Right, you're about to shoot your third season or is

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Speaker 1: it about to air?

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Speaker 5: The third season already aired?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, third season already aired. Okay.

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Speaker 2: Boom Boom, otherwise known as Jeff Hill, has a new

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Speaker 2: book called Actress of a certain age my twenty year

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Speaker 2: trail to Overnight Success. This is a very very very

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Speaker 2: funny book and there's a lot of highlights, so let's

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Speaker 2: get into it first. I want to talk about your

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Speaker 2: upbringing because you grew up in Texas, Okay as a

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Speaker 2: as a gay boy man. You were yet a man,

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Speaker 2: right yeah, yeah, and your childhood sounded I mean, your

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Speaker 2: school experience just made me want to start a group,

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Speaker 2: like I want to start a parenting group for parents

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Speaker 2: to make sure that their children don't treat other children

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Speaker 2: so horrendously. I wonder if there are actual parents out

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Speaker 2: there that are proud of having their children be bullies.

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Speaker 5: I mean there's all kinds, right, that's right.

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Speaker 2: Of course, there are all kinds, but it's just harrowing

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Speaker 2: to go through. I mean I was bullied. I was

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Speaker 2: a bully at certain points. Yeah, because I had to

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Speaker 2: flip the switch. I was like, fuck this shit, I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna be the fucking bully if you're going.

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Speaker 5: To bully me. Oh my god, I think I'm I

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Speaker 5: think I'm feeling like support for bullies now. Yes, it's

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Speaker 5: so beautiful.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I need a support group for other bullies.

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Speaker 2: Actually, that's actually what I'm trying to get at So

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Speaker 2: thank you for helping me get there. But your childhood

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Speaker 2: in school and the torturing or the teasing and the

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Speaker 2: bullying just sounded terrible. It was, right, I mean, and

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Speaker 2: when you look back at that now, what do you

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Speaker 2: think do you think it helped build character?

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Speaker 5: I mean, it probably did. I wouldn't say that that's

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Speaker 5: a reason to encourage it for your children, but I yeah,

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Speaker 5: I think it did. I think that's why I'm funny now.

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Speaker 5: I think that was like a self coping mechanism, you know,

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Speaker 5: to try and be like, you know, like let me

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Speaker 5: make you laugh so you won't hit me. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, You're like I have to find out.

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Speaker 2: Like in one scenior on the bleachers with somebody and

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Speaker 2: you're like, why do you keep kicking me?

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Speaker 1: Why? And he says it's because of the way you

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Speaker 1: hold your books in school.

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Speaker 2: So you were because you were holding them to your

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Speaker 2: chest like a like a little girl, and so they

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Speaker 2: were making fun of you for not holding your books

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Speaker 2: to the side like the way our strong and should

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Speaker 2: hold his bucks exactly.

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Speaker 5: And to this day, I can't hold my I can't

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Speaker 5: if I ever hold myself like this, I'm like oh,

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Speaker 5: butch it out. You know, I have to put my hand.

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Speaker 1: Don't get a briefcase.

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Speaker 2: You're gonna walk around holding it to your chest looking

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Speaker 2: like a real asshole.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 2: Well, I mean when they say it builds character, it's

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Speaker 2: always like, you know, I remember going through high school

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Speaker 2: and going through those periods of time where some girl

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Speaker 2: would call me up and be like, we're gonna kick

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Speaker 2: the fucking shit out of you tomorrow, and you're like,

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Speaker 2: my mom's like it's okay, everything's gonna be I'm like,

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Speaker 2: it doesn't sound like it's gonna be okay.

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Speaker 1: And how is this charcter character building?

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Speaker 2: Like, I don't know how it builds character because it's

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Speaker 2: it seems like a nice pat answer for when the

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Speaker 2: bullying is happening.

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Speaker 1: But I wonder if it really does build care.

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Speaker 2: It definitely builds a resourcefulness for you.

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Speaker 1: You deflect, deter, and wiggle.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and I and I mean whatever. I think it's

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Speaker 5: always nice to find the silver lining, but I wouldn't

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Speaker 5: it was it was really I think I could have

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Speaker 5: gotten sufficient character with just you know, eighty percent.

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Speaker 1: Less eighty percent less.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, when I was reading and I was traumatized for you,

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Speaker 2: I was like this, poor kid.

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Speaker 1: I was like, no wonder. I mean no, I mean,

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Speaker 1: no wonder.

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Speaker 2: I don't know what, but no wonder like this, just

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Speaker 2: no wonder.

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Speaker 1: You're like this absolutely.

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Speaker 2: So you grew up in Texas and you fantasized about

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Speaker 2: becoming a pastor, but that wasn't gonna work because big o'homo.

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Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, And and I think, I mean, like,

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Speaker 5: thank god, I don't think I would have been happy

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Speaker 5: being a pastor, you know. And I feel like if

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Speaker 5: I'd been born straight, I probably would be a pastor

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Speaker 5: right now and have like, you know, a nice life,

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Speaker 5: I guess, but I think I would have I would

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Speaker 5: have not been able to perform in the way I

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Speaker 5: wanted to perform. So it's good. It's good I got

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Speaker 5: to be gay.

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Speaker 2: Well, you're still a church goer though, you like church. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's just kind of similar to your character on the show. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 2: kind of pastor like on the show as well.

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Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah, that's just a coincidence. They had written that.

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Speaker 5: They didn't write it for me.

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Speaker 1: How funny.

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Speaker 5: I know, it's not weird. Yeah yeah, yeah, that was

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Speaker 5: just a beautiful little coincidence. And I do like just

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Speaker 5: I don't go every Sunday or anything like that. You

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Speaker 5: don't know. And my husband's Jewish, so it's not like.

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Speaker 2: So there's a conflict. Well, congratulations on getting a husband.

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Speaker 2: See everything worked out for you. Okay, that's all any

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Speaker 2: girl needs is a husband.

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Speaker 5: It's true. It's all I've wanted since I was playing

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Speaker 5: with my dolls.

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Speaker 1: The book talks about all sorts of things.

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Speaker 2: It talks to you quote lots of different memoirs of

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Speaker 2: lots of different famous people, myself included.

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Speaker 1: I believe I was in there.

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Speaker 2: And you also go over lots of humiliating auditions and

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Speaker 2: on camera roles.

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Speaker 1: So let's let's start with some of those.

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Speaker 2: What do you think was your most I find auditioning

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Speaker 2: degrading also, like I find that to be an insult

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Speaker 2: to anyone's First of all, you such beautiful teeth. I

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Speaker 2: just want to say that I'm very much into teeth

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Speaker 2: and mouths, and I like when they.

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Speaker 1: Are put together well, and yours.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if they were put together, if that

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Speaker 2: happened naturally, but they're nice.

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Speaker 5: You know. I just went to the dentist and the

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Speaker 5: hygienessis was like, there's nothing to clean you must fly,

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Speaker 5: you must actually fly. And I was so proud.

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Speaker 1: That is something to be proud of.

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Speaker 5: I was like, yes, give me a star.

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Speaker 2: Every time I go to the dentist, she's like, oh

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Speaker 2: my god, when was the last time you were. I

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Speaker 2: was like, two fucking months ago, bitch, you told me

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Speaker 2: to come every two months.

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Speaker 1: And then she's liked to come.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I don't know if she's trying to host

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Speaker 2: me because she knows I'll just pay for it because

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Speaker 2: I care so much about dental hygiene. But she'll be like, oh,

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Speaker 2: there's a lot of plaque built up. I'm like, there's

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Speaker 2: that's impossible. I just got here two months ago. I

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Speaker 2: haven't even eaten anything since I last saw you. How

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Speaker 2: could it be plat build up?

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Speaker 5: That is shocking. Sometimes I actually just left one dentist

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Speaker 5: for another because I felt like the other dentist was

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Speaker 5: like shaking me down. It was like every time I

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Speaker 5: went there there was something else crazy.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 1: You're like you need an X ray?

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Speaker 2: It's like, uh, do I I'm pretty sure my teeth

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Speaker 2: are set. Like, I'm not pretty sure you're not gonna

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Speaker 2: find a fucking cavity now I'm fifty.

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Speaker 5: Actually exactly but but then I went to this new

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Speaker 5: one and they were like, no, we still need an extra,

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Speaker 5: and I was like, maybe they're all shaking us down,

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Speaker 5: but I to go back to auditioning. You know what

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Speaker 5: I feel like myself was deemed is so low that

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Speaker 5: I'm just like, I deserve to audition. So I'm like,

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Speaker 5: let me dance for you. Let me dance for you, daddy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but I mean some of your on camera work,

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Speaker 2: your early on camera work was as degrading as an audition.

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Speaker 5: Absolutely.

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Speaker 2: Let's talk about the one in the stall where you

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Speaker 2: had to basically well, there's two scenes that I'm thinking

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Speaker 2: of right off the top of my head. One is

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Speaker 2: the butthole waxing the butthole, and then the second one

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Speaker 2: was the stall.

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Speaker 5: By the way, I don't want us to explain either

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Speaker 5: of these.

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Speaker 2: I just want them to be like perfect right out there,

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Speaker 2: I mean, elaborate please, Okay, listeners, These are fun stories

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Speaker 2: that are within the book, along with many other fun stories,

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Speaker 2: but I'm going to focus.

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Speaker 1: Obviously on the most humiliating aspects.

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Speaker 5: Which I truly appreciate. So I got hired to be

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Speaker 5: in this sitcom that was originally supposed to be a

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Speaker 5: straight woman and they sold it to Logo and they're like,

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Speaker 5: can you just make the lady a homo? And they're

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Speaker 5: like sure. And so then one of the scenes they

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Speaker 5: were like, want to spice it up, make it more gay.

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Speaker 5: So I was playing an esthetician and they were like,

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Speaker 5: we're going to have you do laser hair removal on

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Speaker 5: your client's butthole while you're doing this scene. And I

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Speaker 5: was like, so I have to just stare at an

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Speaker 5: actor's bear butthole. And they're like, he'll be wearing a

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Speaker 5: modesty bouch and.

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Speaker 2: You're like, what am I going to be wearing a

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Speaker 2: fucking face mask? Who gives a shit what he's wearing.

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Speaker 5: Also, a modesty puts just covers your balls and your

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Speaker 5: your dick. It doesn't cover the hole.

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Speaker 2: So it was just like staring into an abyss. Exactly

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Speaker 2: what did you call it in your book?

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Speaker 1: A chocolate cheerio?

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Speaker 5: What did you leather cheerio?

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Speaker 2: I want everyone to visualize a leather cheerio and if

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Speaker 2: you can't find one, get a mirror, put it on

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Speaker 2: the ground, take your pants down, and do a squad.

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Speaker 4: Okay.

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Speaker 1: Then there was.

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Speaker 2: Another scene in a bathroom where you had to simulate

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Speaker 2: you were like, you're giving a blowjob, right.

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Speaker 5: I was hired as a gay hooker, and I was, yeah,

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Speaker 5: on my knees giving a blowjob. I mean, you know,

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Speaker 5: I wasn't. Actually it was for FX.

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Speaker 1: For the purposes of the story.

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Speaker 2: I would like to I would like to pretend that

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Speaker 2: you were actually giving a blowjob.

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Speaker 5: Okay, I do anything for this job, anything. Yeah, but

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Speaker 5: I just had to yeah, stand up set, be on

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Speaker 5: my knees and hold this background actors, but you know,

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Speaker 5: like be going like this, and then I had to

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Speaker 5: go like peek around and say my one line. And

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Speaker 5: then they ended up not even using that footage. They

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Speaker 5: just had me come in and do audio.

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Speaker 2: They had came in and having him loop the which

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Speaker 2: adr means audio for the movie when he's not even

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Speaker 2: on camera now, and then being directed by a guy

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Speaker 2: that's not the director.

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Speaker 5: No, he was just like just because it was only

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Speaker 5: one line, and he was like, oh, they wanted pretty flamboyant,

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Speaker 5: and so I jokingly did it. The line was that's

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Speaker 5: just so wrong or that's just wrong, and I went

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Speaker 5: like that's just throng, and I was like joking like

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Speaker 5: like that, and he's like, give us perfect, thank you

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Speaker 5: when I was done.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: God, it's so humiliating, right, I mean, this business is

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Speaker 2: so fucked up.

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Speaker 5: I know it is.

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Speaker 1: It's unbelievable the things that people have to go through.

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Speaker 5: I mean, but also if that show had called me back,

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Speaker 5: I would have gone on hard.

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Speaker 1: Of course, of course, you whatever if they call it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, you know what I mean, there's not

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Speaker 2: a lot to stop you. You talk a lot about,

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Speaker 2: you know, achieving success and how long it's taken you,

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Speaker 2: and that you would always kind of use as a

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Speaker 2: barometer other people's like when it was stupid. Yes, well

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Speaker 2: it's not, because I think it's very common. You know,

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Speaker 2: people have these timelines and everything. People get very rigid

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Speaker 2: about when they're going to achieve certain things in their life,

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Speaker 2: like when am I going to be successful? I remember

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Speaker 2: always looking at Jennifer Aniston that she got friends when

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Speaker 2: she was thirty two years old. So I related to

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Speaker 2: this part of your book because I always thought, as

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Speaker 2: long as by thirty two, if I've got my I

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Speaker 2: haven't until I'm thirty two, Like I always had that

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Speaker 2: in my head based on her success.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, which is you know, so silly and so stupid.

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Speaker 5: But then I would move the lines.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, of course, because you get older and you're like,

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Speaker 2: why am I still fucking waiting table?

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Speaker 1: You're like, oh my god, how long is this going

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Speaker 1: to go on?

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Speaker 4: I know?

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Speaker 5: And I was in LA for pilot season and I

298
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Speaker 5: heard a podcast with Megan Malaley and Nick Offerman and

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Speaker 5: they were like, we both got our shows at thirty nine.

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Speaker 5: And I was thirty nine, and I was like, I've

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Speaker 5: got one pilot season left, and of course nobody wants

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Speaker 5: to hire you when you're like, please, please hoire me.

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Speaker 5: I've only got this one, you see, and left.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So talk about how somebody somewhere came along that

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Speaker 2: really just came right out. It came right for you,

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Speaker 2: it did. It's i mean, a perfect role for you.

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Speaker 6: I know.

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Speaker 2: After reading your book, I'm like, this is kind of

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Speaker 2: exactly who this character is.

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Speaker 5: I know. And it was again it was like just

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Speaker 5: whatever fate. I have a not a friend a person.

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Speaker 5: I know. I write about this in the last chapter,

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Speaker 5: but it's like a sponsor, No, just a frind of me,

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Speaker 5: I think, is more of.

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Speaker 1: The word front of me, okay.

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Speaker 5: Or not even a friend of me, just someone I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 5: what what are you? Doing anyway.

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Speaker 2: This person told me a friend that you don't like.

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Speaker 2: It's a friend that you don't like. Let's just say

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Speaker 2: what it is. We all have them.

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Speaker 5: This person said to me, the reason you've got your

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Speaker 5: sitcom is because your mom died and so like all

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Speaker 5: of her good energy went out in the world and.

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Speaker 4: Like helped you.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and part of me is like, what are you

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Speaker 5: talking about? Also, like, don't say that to people are

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Speaker 5: gonna kill their mom to get a sitcom.

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Speaker 2: But I do kind of feel like there is some

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Speaker 2: truth to that, because it does you mean somebody somewhere. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that doesn't feel like a sitcom to me, So that's

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Speaker 2: where you threw me out.

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Speaker 1: That doesn't feel like a sitcom. I think. I feel

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Speaker 1: like sitcoms.

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Speaker 2: I think of like multi cam live audience, you know

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Speaker 2: what a dream left to Well, for you it would

336
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Speaker 2: be because you're gay, But for me, that's like I

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Speaker 2: fucking hate that shit, and I love live audience because

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Speaker 2: I stay I'm a stand up but I I like cameras.

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Speaker 1: And like you're own multicam did I barely? I mean

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Speaker 1: it was it was about.

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Speaker 2: One of my books and then they forced me to

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Speaker 2: be in it, and it was just not it was

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Speaker 2: not running on all cylinders, that's for sure. That's not

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Speaker 2: my world. Like, I have to be real. I can't

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Speaker 2: be like that, you know.

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Speaker 5: What I mean.

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Speaker 2: I can't be like doing things fifty times and over,

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Speaker 2: you know, like in front of a live audience, like

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Speaker 2: I find that very cheesy. Yeah, there's no improvisation like

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Speaker 2: I like to be able to improvise. So a SI

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Speaker 2: PAM is not for me. That's not my bucket. In casey,

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Speaker 2: you haven't fucking caught on. Okay.

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Speaker 5: See that's what's so great about you is you know

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Speaker 5: yourself so well.

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Speaker 2: Don't you know yourself well at this age? How old

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Speaker 2: are you right now?

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Speaker 5: I'm forty nine.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I'm fifty. I just turned fifty, so we're in

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Speaker 1: the same age.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly, so I would.

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Speaker 1: Don't you think you know yourself really well?

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Speaker 2: Too?

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Speaker 5: I guess I'm not as emphatic about it.

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Speaker 2: Do you think that you're actively learning new things about yourself?

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Speaker 5: I mean it's not as frequent that I'm learning something

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Speaker 5: you know, fairly shocking about myself as it was in

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Speaker 5: like your twenties or something.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, what was something that you found out about

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Speaker 2: yourself in your twenties.

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Speaker 1: That shocked you well that.

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Speaker 5: I was fine with rejection because I told my mom

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Speaker 5: I wanted to be an actor and She's like, oh,

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Speaker 5: you could never handle the rejection. I was just like okay.

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Speaker 5: And then and then I started doing it, and I

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Speaker 5: was like, this is nothing compared to getting bullied in

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Speaker 5: high school or whatever.

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Speaker 4: Shit.

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Speaker 5: It was like a soft ghost where they never tell

379
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Speaker 5: me if.

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Speaker 2: I got it, yeah, fine, rather than getting hit in

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Speaker 2: the head with a fucking trapper keeper. Absolutely, I would

382
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Speaker 2: choose that any day of the week. Excuse me, I

383
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Speaker 2: just quiet burped just for our guests. I love that

384
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Speaker 2: boom Boom is your Instagram name because I call everything

385
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Speaker 2: a boom boom. Like when I say lower the volume,

386
00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:23,560
Speaker 2: I always go lower it one boom boom. Like if

387
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,960
Speaker 2: I'm talking to someone about a remote, I always say, oh,

388
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Speaker 2: did you like if someone farts, ago, is that a boom?

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Speaker 1: Did you make a boom boom?

390
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:32,080
Speaker 2: And I mean boom boom is applicable to like if

391
00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,400
Speaker 2: my brass strap is like, I'll say, like, can you

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Speaker 2: like tighten it?

393
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Speaker 1: Like if they're getting me dressed, I'll say, can you

394
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:38,600
Speaker 1: tighten it? One boom boom?

395
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,920
Speaker 2: Like I use boom boom all the time. So I

396
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:43,360
Speaker 2: just love that that's your Instagram name. That was first

397
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:45,760
Speaker 2: drew me to you.

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Speaker 5: Well, I feel like when I started it it was

399
00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:51,280
Speaker 5: because whenever anybody would say anything slightly sexy, I'd be like,

400
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Speaker 5: boom boom.

401
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:56,000
Speaker 1: But then recently you realize how unsexy that is.

402
00:15:56,760 --> 00:16:00,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, exactly. And also people told me that a

403
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:03,120
Speaker 5: lot of a lot of when people were children, a

404
00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:05,800
Speaker 5: lot of parents called taking a crap a boom boom

405
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:06,320
Speaker 5: boom boom.

406
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, like I call it, it should do be, but

407
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,600
Speaker 2: there is a boom boom factor to that too.

408
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:13,440
Speaker 1: I didn't want to throw your name and shit right there.

409
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Speaker 2: I actually left that part out, but you brought it back,

410
00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:18,440
Speaker 2: so good for you.

411
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Speaker 4: Thanks.

412
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:21,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, still learning about myself, Yeah, you're still learning.

413
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,840
Speaker 2: So we all are still talk to me now about

414
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:27,160
Speaker 2: the success of being on this show for three seasons,

415
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,720
Speaker 2: what it means to you, about your relationship with Bridget,

416
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,040
Speaker 2: whom I love, and.

417
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:33,360
Speaker 3: Of course you guys mean Bridget Everett, who Jeff stars

418
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:34,520
Speaker 3: with on Somebody Somewhere.

419
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Speaker 2: Bridget once told me we were on the vineyard, Martha's

420
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,280
Speaker 2: vineyard at Amy Schumer's house, and she told me one

421
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Speaker 2: of the funniest sex stories I've ever heard, one of

422
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:45,480
Speaker 2: the most enthralling sex stories I've ever heard, and I

423
00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:48,240
Speaker 2: could not ever get it out of my mind. But

424
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Speaker 2: I will leave that to tell share on her own.

425
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,400
Speaker 2: But tell me about working with her. Tell me about

426
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:54,200
Speaker 2: working on the show.

427
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,280
Speaker 5: Well, I was like, I admired her. I was like,

428
00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:58,880
Speaker 5: I was kind of like the character, and then I

429
00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:00,640
Speaker 5: was like obsessed with her. I just I always went

430
00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:03,320
Speaker 5: and saw her shows in New York and stuff. And

431
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,800
Speaker 5: then she just out of the blue emailed me and said,

432
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Speaker 5: would you be would you be willing to audition for

433
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Speaker 5: my HBO show? And I was like temping. I was like, yeah,

434
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:16,800
Speaker 5: I guess I'll you know, dangne to do it. And

435
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:19,399
Speaker 5: I read the character and I was like, oh, you know,

436
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,280
Speaker 5: this is me. I think she wrote this for me.

437
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,440
Speaker 5: And they were like, no, we didn't. We didn't.

438
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,119
Speaker 1: They didn't, No, they didn't.

439
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:25,480
Speaker 4: No.

440
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:27,760
Speaker 5: And so many people have told me that they also

441
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:31,080
Speaker 5: auditioned for it, and oh wow, yeah, so I know

442
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:33,560
Speaker 5: what I mean. It doesn't matter. I got it.

443
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, it doesn't matter. Really. We need to look forward,

444
00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:37,160
Speaker 1: not in the rear view.

445
00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:39,480
Speaker 2: But you used to always go see her perform right,

446
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:43,280
Speaker 2: and her like cabaret is she performs cabaret right.

447
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:45,320
Speaker 5: I don't want to but it's like, it's not like

448
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:46,600
Speaker 5: she's incredible.

449
00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:48,800
Speaker 1: She was an incredible boy, wild.

450
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:53,040
Speaker 5: And insane and funny, really really really like legit hilarious, funny,

451
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,800
Speaker 5: not like it's not like you know, I once heard

452
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,280
Speaker 5: this song and it's it's really yeah.

453
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,880
Speaker 2: I had to go see somebody do beret once and

454
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:03,040
Speaker 2: I honestly could not believe it.

455
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,080
Speaker 1: I did. I went once.

456
00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:07,440
Speaker 2: It was a friend, and I couldn't stay until the

457
00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:08,680
Speaker 2: end because I couldn't.

458
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:09,320
Speaker 1: Face her afterward.

459
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:12,840
Speaker 2: It was just the opposite of everything that I respond to.

460
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:19,480
Speaker 2: That's exactly respect, It's exactly what you just did right there,

461
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:22,440
Speaker 2: like this talking slash singing to the audience.

462
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:24,200
Speaker 1: I am not on board for that at all.

463
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:28,919
Speaker 2: I want to circle back to No, that's not Bridget

464
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,600
Speaker 2: at all. Bridget is a force and has her own

465
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:34,440
Speaker 2: thing going. She's very unique. I want to circle back

466
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:36,760
Speaker 2: to learning more about yourself at our age, because I

467
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,199
Speaker 2: think I was thinking about this the other day, like

468
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,520
Speaker 2: I heard something about a friend and I and I

469
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,639
Speaker 2: wasn't involved at all, but I'm an interloper. I like

470
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:46,760
Speaker 2: to involve myself, you know, respect, and it was it

471
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,520
Speaker 2: was an issue that I was like, you can't do that.

472
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:50,960
Speaker 2: It's bullying, it's mean to this person, blah blah blah.

473
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,560
Speaker 2: And I had overheard it, and I said, I'd overheard

474
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:54,160
Speaker 2: it from some friends.

475
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:55,479
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm going to say something to her.

476
00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:57,680
Speaker 2: I have to, and they both just kind of looked

477
00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:00,000
Speaker 2: at me and went, well, it's really none of your busines,

478
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,560
Speaker 2: but of course you're going to do it. And I

479
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,520
Speaker 2: was like, because she's gonna hear it from me, and

480
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,280
Speaker 2: she's going to know that it's serious. Like if I

481
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:08,640
Speaker 2: heard this and I was hesitant to even get involved,

482
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,399
Speaker 2: but I was like, no, actually, she needs to hear

483
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:11,679
Speaker 2: it from me because I know she's going to take

484
00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:14,720
Speaker 2: it seriously from me rather than my group of friends

485
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,040
Speaker 2: that were talking to her. Like there's a little bit

486
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:19,560
Speaker 2: more of a you know, dynamic between us, which is

487
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:23,040
Speaker 2: I know that she would listen. And I thought, this

488
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,840
Speaker 2: is exactly the kind of thing that you that you do, Chelsea,

489
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,919
Speaker 2: like I thought before I was like I was. There

490
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,879
Speaker 2: was a moment of hesitation and I said, maybe you

491
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,679
Speaker 2: don't get involved, and I go, no, no, no, this is

492
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:36,000
Speaker 2: actually like important to say out of respect for all women,

493
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,760
Speaker 2: Like it was one of those things, and when I

494
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,720
Speaker 2: did it, it was a reminder of who I am,

495
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,240
Speaker 2: you know what I mean? Like that, Yes, you're always

496
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:45,679
Speaker 2: going to do that. You're always going to do the

497
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,480
Speaker 2: right thing. You're always going to be the person that

498
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,679
Speaker 2: says the uncomfortable thing because it's important, not just to

499
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:52,879
Speaker 2: fucking swing my dick around. It has nothing to do

500
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:54,480
Speaker 2: with that. I'd rather not swing my dick around. My

501
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:58,000
Speaker 2: dick is exhausted. Will you name this episode my dick

502
00:19:58,119 --> 00:19:58,840
Speaker 2: is exhausted?

503
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:03,680
Speaker 5: It was you can actually agree same, my dick is

504
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:06,520
Speaker 5: also exhausted. But I think that the moment of self

505
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:09,840
Speaker 5: reflection before you did it, that's what's important, and that's

506
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:10,560
Speaker 5: where it's growth.

507
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:11,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what's important.

508
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:15,560
Speaker 2: But it's also the other side of it was how

509
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,800
Speaker 2: reliable I am to myself and to my car, Like

510
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,240
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like, I'm not gonna let

511
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,960
Speaker 2: things fall under like sweet be swept under the rug.

512
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,119
Speaker 1: I'm not that personality. I don't like that.

513
00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:27,159
Speaker 2: I'm always going to stand up when something needs to

514
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:30,480
Speaker 2: be said on behalf of a person, an underdog, a woman, whomever,

515
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,160
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, and I like that about myself,

516
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,240
Speaker 2: and sometimes it is being an interloper. But guess what

517
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:38,639
Speaker 2: the net result was exactly what I wanted it to be.

518
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:40,639
Speaker 2: Where this woman was like, I can't believe you heard this.

519
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:43,080
Speaker 2: I can't believe anyone said that. I can't believe I

520
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:45,080
Speaker 2: said that. I'm so embarrassed that you know about this.

521
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:47,320
Speaker 2: And I'm like, I know, but like, you can't do

522
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:50,280
Speaker 2: stuff like that's other women like it's so uncool, especially

523
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:52,280
Speaker 2: when you have a daughter, you know. So it was

524
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:54,080
Speaker 2: like one of those moments where I was really happy

525
00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:57,440
Speaker 2: I did it and I was reminded of my reliability.

526
00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,200
Speaker 2: And I don't know why I'm bringing this up, but

527
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:02,160
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm just talking about learning and growing with yourself.

528
00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:07,240
Speaker 2: You kind of start to settle into your personality and

529
00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:10,159
Speaker 2: then while there are things you always want to change,

530
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:12,639
Speaker 2: there are also things we should remind ourselves that we

531
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:13,840
Speaker 2: like about ourselves.

532
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:18,000
Speaker 5: Yes, exactly, but I think also if you hadn't thought, wait,

533
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:20,040
Speaker 5: is this something I want to do, then I don't

534
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:22,520
Speaker 5: think you would have known that either exactly. And that's

535
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:25,200
Speaker 5: about the growth too, And I like, my big thing

536
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:27,720
Speaker 5: is I want to have compassion for everyone and I

537
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,800
Speaker 5: just made this realization recently where and I always say

538
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:34,000
Speaker 5: for everyone, and in my mind that means like you know,

539
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:36,320
Speaker 5: Donald Trump or whatever, like you know, like even though

540
00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:41,040
Speaker 5: he is a press to people and groups, including groups

541
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,560
Speaker 5: I'm a member of. But I realized, like, I'm not

542
00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:48,720
Speaker 5: ever compassionate to me yourself. Yeah, And that was like

543
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:50,680
Speaker 5: a thing that I just realized about myself and think

544
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:53,760
Speaker 5: and now I'm like really being active to be like

545
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:56,639
Speaker 5: I've journaled for years and when I was writing this

546
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,119
Speaker 5: book and I go back and look at my journal,

547
00:21:58,119 --> 00:22:01,480
Speaker 5: I was like, Jesus, I'm the most mean to myself.

548
00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:06,800
Speaker 5: I mean, it was just like stupid Jeff. If I

549
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:08,439
Speaker 5: found this from someone else, I would have been like,

550
00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:11,080
Speaker 5: what is wrong with this person? Mentally, like why they're

551
00:22:11,119 --> 00:22:16,080
Speaker 5: so obsessed with me? And I found that anyway. So

552
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:17,920
Speaker 5: that's like a thing where I'm like, Okay, I'm growing.

553
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,080
Speaker 5: And it's about self reflection and it's about like taking

554
00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:23,000
Speaker 5: that little moment to be like wait, who are you,

555
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:24,800
Speaker 5: what are you doing this for? Why are you doing this?

556
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,359
Speaker 5: And then you can feel good about being the angeloper

557
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:29,639
Speaker 5: versus yes whips I interloped with.

558
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:31,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I used to interlope too much.

559
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,680
Speaker 2: Like when I wasn't involved and it wasn't my friends,

560
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:35,679
Speaker 2: I would be a stranger on the street, and I

561
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 2: have a problem with that. So but I've basically modulated

562
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,600
Speaker 2: my behavior. Is that the word is there any way

563
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:43,120
Speaker 2: we can make.

564
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,160
Speaker 1: It a little cooler in here.

565
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:47,000
Speaker 2: Jeff took his pants off, and I am now I

566
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,440
Speaker 2: feel like I'm going through perimenopause for the second time.

567
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:54,600
Speaker 1: Turn it down one boom boom. I like your mustard socks. Oh,

568
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:58,199
Speaker 1: thank you, I mean I think I do. I'm just

569
00:22:58,720 --> 00:22:59,119
Speaker 1: thank you.

570
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:02,400
Speaker 5: I like that. Is that aways being truthful?

571
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:07,120
Speaker 2: I'm digesting them. But I like the outfit that you've

572
00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:11,080
Speaker 2: put together. It's like an ensemble peace and I like it.

573
00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:11,560
Speaker 1: I like it.

574
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:11,760
Speaker 4: Well.

575
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,119
Speaker 5: I read on camera and I was like, make it cute.

576
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,880
Speaker 1: Well, that feels so good already. Thanks. I am very

577
00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:19,880
Speaker 1: specific about air conditioning. I want it.

578
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:22,640
Speaker 2: I mean I want it all the time. I want

579
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,520
Speaker 2: it at night, I want it during the day. I

580
00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:26,800
Speaker 2: feel like when there's not circulate, like especially if I'm

581
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,000
Speaker 2: on stage, like the theater has to.

582
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:29,760
Speaker 1: Be fucking cold.

583
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:33,320
Speaker 5: Well, and especially to do comedy. People don't want to

584
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:35,760
Speaker 5: laugh when it's like swampy.

585
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:36,200
Speaker 1: Yeah.

586
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:38,400
Speaker 2: Well, some people don't mind that. Some people just sit

587
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:40,479
Speaker 2: and sweat and they don't care. And you know what

588
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:43,600
Speaker 2: I call those people New Yorkers in the summertime, they're

589
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,600
Speaker 2: sitting and sweating and walking through this like, you know,

590
00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 2: there's something really gross about New York with this steam

591
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:52,120
Speaker 2: coming up in the summertime from the subways and from

592
00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:55,119
Speaker 2: the sores when it's already hot, and it's just like

593
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:57,120
Speaker 2: cement mixing in the air with.

594
00:23:57,119 --> 00:24:02,520
Speaker 1: Like dog shit and fucking no sweet home, Like it

595
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:03,919
Speaker 1: doesn't even have to be summer.

596
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:05,520
Speaker 3: Like I was there a couple of weeks ago in

597
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,800
Speaker 3: the spring, like in April, and it was like fifty

598
00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:09,359
Speaker 3: degrees and I'm sweating.

599
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:10,960
Speaker 1: I was just like, why, yes, it so grow?

600
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:13,880
Speaker 2: Was the air that sounds like Perry metopause, Catherine, there

601
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:17,920
Speaker 2: you go. I'm going through fifty degrees and sweating sounds

602
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:20,119
Speaker 2: like something. How long have you been married?

603
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:23,560
Speaker 5: I don't know how long married, but seventeen years together?

604
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:26,240
Speaker 1: Seventeen years together? And what does your husband do for

605
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:26,639
Speaker 1: a living?

606
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,760
Speaker 5: He's a visual artist, okay, and he teaches.

607
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:31,520
Speaker 2: A visual art And how did you know that he

608
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:33,080
Speaker 2: was the person that you wanted to marry?

609
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:37,200
Speaker 1: Well, when we got the legal were the only person

610
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 1: that asked you.

611
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:47,080
Speaker 5: He's exactly my type. Willing. When we had our first date,

612
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:51,159
Speaker 5: he had volunteered at a shelter for women at a

613
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:53,639
Speaker 5: synagogue the night before, and I had volunteered at a

614
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:56,560
Speaker 5: shelter for men at a Lutheran church the night before,

615
00:24:56,600 --> 00:25:01,360
Speaker 5: and it just felt too cute, really good, really really sweet. Yeah,

616
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:04,040
Speaker 5: it felt very like ordained or what have you.

617
00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:07,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean two volunteers. What are the chances of that?

618
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:09,920
Speaker 5: Well, listen, when you're dating in New York City, it's

619
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:10,359
Speaker 5: pretty rare.

620
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would be pretty rare. Do you still volunteer?

621
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:16,720
Speaker 5: Yeah? I don't, not with that same shelter anymore, but

622
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:17,280
Speaker 5: yes I do.

623
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:19,879
Speaker 2: Oh good for you, I always Yeah, I wish I

624
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:21,080
Speaker 2: was someone who volunteered.

625
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:24,399
Speaker 5: Well, you can't, I mean you, yeah, I could.

626
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:25,880
Speaker 1: I could. You could volunteer.

627
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:29,080
Speaker 2: Barack Obama and Michelle Obama go to soup kitchens and volunteer.

628
00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:30,840
Speaker 5: Not every week or anything.

629
00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:33,440
Speaker 1: No, they don't, but it would be a nice thing

630
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:33,720
Speaker 1: to do.

631
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:35,960
Speaker 2: I like to think I'm doing good things in other ways,

632
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:38,359
Speaker 2: you know, But who cares about being famous? I'm not

633
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:40,840
Speaker 2: talking about that aspect of things of volunteering. You know,

634
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,359
Speaker 2: you either can volunteer or not. It really doesn't matter

635
00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:46,760
Speaker 2: who you are. Yeah, and shout out to all the

636
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:48,399
Speaker 2: famous people who are doing it.

637
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 1: And not getting.

638
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:56,719
Speaker 5: Photographs and volunteering. Yeah, it doesn't even count. There's no camera.

639
00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:00,920
Speaker 2: I don't know, what's something that you've learned about from

640
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:03,080
Speaker 2: being married for this or being together with someone for

641
00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:07,160
Speaker 2: seventeen years? What's something that you've learned about yourself? Did

642
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 2: you know you would be this good in a relationship?

643
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:13,240
Speaker 5: I mean, am I good? I don't know. I mean,

644
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 5: like it just lasts because you don't leave it. It's

645
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:19,000
Speaker 5: not like I mean, I guess the thing that I

646
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:20,719
Speaker 5: learned is like you do have to work at it.

647
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:22,720
Speaker 5: You do have to like check in with people, and

648
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:24,359
Speaker 5: there can be times when you're like, oh man, I

649
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:30,280
Speaker 5: really have been sort of neglecting my spousal duties. That

650
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 5: sounds like oral.

651
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:33,960
Speaker 1: I mean, like I'm not just saying his butthole? Is

652
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:34,920
Speaker 1: that what you meant to say?

653
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:40,199
Speaker 5: Exactly? No, just like I'm busy at my career and

654
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:42,760
Speaker 5: I'm you know, I'm doing press for this book right now,

655
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:46,280
Speaker 5: and so like we have a day every Saturday that

656
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:51,280
Speaker 5: we is like that's a sacred day. We can't If

657
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:53,359
Speaker 5: something really big comes up, we can say yes to it,

658
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 5: but we need to like check in with the other

659
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:56,320
Speaker 5: and stuff like that. Yeah, and that's the kind of

660
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:59,400
Speaker 5: thing that I really would not have done.

661
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:02,160
Speaker 1: Sure, Yeah exactly, that you would have to carve out

662
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:02,639
Speaker 1: that kind.

663
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,879
Speaker 5: Of time, Yeah exactly, and that like I kind of

664
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:07,280
Speaker 5: just thought it would all just happen.

665
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:10,000
Speaker 1: Organically, Yeah, I think. But it is important to know

666
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 1: that relationships take work.

667
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,080
Speaker 2: You're not just gonna you know, people have this idea,

668
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:17,520
Speaker 2: especially young dumb girls, have this idea like they're gonna

669
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:19,879
Speaker 2: get married and everything's just going to come together, and

670
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:22,199
Speaker 2: it's like you're not taking into account any of the

671
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:25,560
Speaker 2: pitfalls of a long term relationship and what can happen

672
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,320
Speaker 2: and all of the drama that goes along with like

673
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:32,000
Speaker 2: life changes and job changes and city changes. Every relationship

674
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:35,359
Speaker 2: takes work, even friendships take work, exactly during certain times,

675
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 2: you know, hopefully it's not all work, but yeah, I

676
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:39,359
Speaker 2: mean right.

677
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:42,359
Speaker 5: And occasionally there's annoying. Like sometimes I think that's a

678
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,480
Speaker 5: surprise too, is that like sometimes I get annoyed by him,

679
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,600
Speaker 5: which like, of course, like you get annoyed by your roommate.

680
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:49,440
Speaker 5: Why wouldn't get annoyed by the person who's not only

681
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:52,480
Speaker 5: in your apartment but in your bed? And you just

682
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:55,600
Speaker 5: have to think, like, well, first of all, we because

683
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:57,520
Speaker 5: I'm a real people pleaser. So for a lot of

684
00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 5: the beginning of a relationship, I just never said like,

685
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:03,880
Speaker 5: it bugs me when you do whatever. And so that's

686
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:05,959
Speaker 5: the big thing that's been for me has been has

687
00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:08,520
Speaker 5: been like, Okay, is this something that is worth saying?

688
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:12,240
Speaker 5: I want? You know, I do I callow Chelsea? Do

689
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:16,080
Speaker 5: I say it? And that's been a really big learning

690
00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:17,440
Speaker 5: curve and it needed a lot.

691
00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:19,919
Speaker 1: Of like therapy and yeah, no, I could relate to

692
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:23,439
Speaker 1: that completely. Oh really yeah, because I used.

693
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:26,480
Speaker 2: To just pop off and now it's more like discerning.

694
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:29,840
Speaker 2: I'm more discerning and it's more focused and targeted. Right,

695
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:32,280
Speaker 2: And I used to just suppress, right, I would now

696
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:36,080
Speaker 2: know I have the opposite explode explode explode You're suppress suppressed,

697
00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:36,960
Speaker 2: were opposite.

698
00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 1: Do you know what number you are on the enneagram?

699
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:39,360
Speaker 1: Do you know what an anagram?

700
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 5: Three wing two?

701
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:44,680
Speaker 2: Oh, okay, three wing two, I'm in two three.

702
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, it's like oh that, yeah, that makes total sense.

703
00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:51,480
Speaker 5: I'm just getting into the enneogram and I love it.

704
00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:53,320
Speaker 5: But you know when I first found out, I was

705
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:57,720
Speaker 5: a three in college. When I was in my Christian college,

706
00:28:57,800 --> 00:29:01,280
Speaker 5: I took a class called Locations and Voices, and our

707
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:03,200
Speaker 5: campus pastor gave us the enneagram test.

708
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:07,520
Speaker 2: Wow, really rising, Yeah, that sounds like modern, very modern,

709
00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:10,600
Speaker 2: because I feel like the enneagram is like a new thing.

710
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:13,040
Speaker 1: I mean, but I don't know why I think that.

711
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:16,200
Speaker 5: Well, it was at least around in nineteen ninety three

712
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:16,640
Speaker 5: or four.

713
00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:18,800
Speaker 2: It was that's when the Internet was invented by Al

714
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 2: Gore nineteen ninety four.

715
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 1: Do you remember that?

716
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:23,200
Speaker 5: That's like the thinks how.

717
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 2: We're going to take a break and we'll be right

718
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:32,840
Speaker 2: back with Jeff Hiller, And we're back with Boom boom

719
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:36,200
Speaker 2: Jeff Hiller. He is the author of his latest book, well,

720
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:39,320
Speaker 2: his only book. It's called Actress of a Certain Age,

721
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 2: My twenty year trail to overnight success.

722
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:43,720
Speaker 1: Let's put him on the New York Times bestseller list.

723
00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:46,480
Speaker 2: Okay, guys, let's all make sure we order a copy

724
00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:47,800
Speaker 2: to support him.

725
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:50,640
Speaker 1: And how funny this book is. Because I read it,

726
00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:52,280
Speaker 1: you're going to laugh. It's worth it.

727
00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:54,960
Speaker 2: We all need something to escape, and we all need

728
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 2: to be laughing a lot more as far as I'm concerned. Okay,

729
00:29:57,800 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 2: we're going to take some callers and we're going to

730
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 2: give it. Okay, Yeah, Catherine, what.

731
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 1: Do we have in store for us?

732
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:03,960
Speaker 6: Well?

733
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:05,840
Speaker 3: I love that you called him boom boom Jeff Hiller,

734
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:07,040
Speaker 3: like the jeff Is in quotes.

735
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:09,440
Speaker 1: That's that's my favorite. Yeah, I've for made the Jeff

736
00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:11,920
Speaker 1: is in quotes. It's actually boom boom Hiller.

737
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:16,400
Speaker 3: Well, our first question comes from Rob. He says, help,

738
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:18,840
Speaker 3: I'm a liberal gay man and my mom won't stop

739
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:22,400
Speaker 3: sending me bibles. Dear Chelsea, I'm a thirty six year

740
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:24,520
Speaker 3: old gay man who's been out and proud for fourteen

741
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:29,080
Speaker 3: plus years. I come from a very evangelical, Republican Midwestern family,

742
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:31,840
Speaker 3: and I'm the polar opposite of them all. I still

743
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:35,240
Speaker 3: identify as Christian, but in a more new agy spiritual way.

744
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:37,360
Speaker 3: I can count on one hand how many times in

745
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 3: the past decade I've seen the inside of a church,

746
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:41,080
Speaker 3: and it was probably for a wedding or a funeral,

747
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:43,480
Speaker 3: or because it's my polling place and I was voting

748
00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:47,280
Speaker 3: blue down the ballot. I'm super progressive, and my family

749
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:50,840
Speaker 3: knows this about me as I'm extremely outspoken about it. Overall,

750
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 3: they've been very loving and accepting of who I am.

751
00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:55,880
Speaker 3: They've really come a long way. However, my mom especially

752
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:59,160
Speaker 3: continues to shove religion down my throat. I have more

753
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:01,560
Speaker 3: Bibles than I possibly know what to do with. Yet,

754
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:04,360
Speaker 3: for my last birthday, she sent me another one. I

755
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:06,280
Speaker 3: wanted to be like, thanks, let me just go add

756
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:08,080
Speaker 3: this to the stack of other Bibles you've sent me

757
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:09,880
Speaker 3: over the years. A couple of years ago, for the

758
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:12,800
Speaker 3: Fourth of July, she sent me a bunch of Americana.

759
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:14,320
Speaker 1: Shit to put around my house, including.

760
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:16,920
Speaker 3: But not limited to, a red, white and blue cross

761
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:18,600
Speaker 3: that says God Bless America.

762
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:19,280
Speaker 1: Barf.

763
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:22,880
Speaker 3: Basically, any opportunity she gets, she sends me some Christian

764
00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:25,000
Speaker 3: craft that I don't need or want. It doesn't help

765
00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:27,800
Speaker 3: that she works at hobby goddamn lobby and gets a discount.

766
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:30,000
Speaker 1: I know she's coming from a loving place.

767
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 3: And means well, but I swear to God, if I

768
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:34,280
Speaker 3: get one more effing Bible or Christian nickknack and the mail,

769
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:36,600
Speaker 3: I'm going to scream, please help rob.

770
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 1: First of all, why are people sending Bibles?

771
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:39,760
Speaker 4: Like?

772
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:41,960
Speaker 2: Is there new information coming out in the Bible. Is

773
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 2: there a new edition or something.

774
00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:47,000
Speaker 5: I think for certain Christian folks like a different there

775
00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:49,040
Speaker 5: might be a different translation, or have like a.

776
00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:51,560
Speaker 2: Nice cover, or what are we translating it from? What

777
00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:55,040
Speaker 2: language was it originally written? Hebrew is the Old Testament,

778
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:58,600
Speaker 2: Greek is the new Okay Hebrew and Greek? Okay, Yeah,

779
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:02,240
Speaker 2: I feel like Bibles are wrapped, you know what I mean?

780
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:05,920
Speaker 2: Like it's enough, we get it and they're out there.

781
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:08,200
Speaker 2: There's enough out there. We don't need to be re

782
00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:12,680
Speaker 2: interpreting them. It's like, stop it with this. First of all,

783
00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:14,600
Speaker 2: you have to have a very direct conversation with your mother.

784
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:17,360
Speaker 2: I would say, she's obviously a Bible thumper, and she's

785
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:19,600
Speaker 2: going to be very upset that you don't want this.

786
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:21,880
Speaker 2: So you have to think of a very gentle way

787
00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:23,960
Speaker 2: to just say I'm up to my ears and fucking

788
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:26,120
Speaker 2: Bibles and I need you to back up. But I

789
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:28,040
Speaker 2: do think it's worth saying that too. What do you

790
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:30,080
Speaker 2: think I mean you come from a religious background.

791
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 1: I don't.

792
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 5: It's true, and I'm also like from the because my

793
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:36,200
Speaker 5: mom also was very much into church and stuff and

794
00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 5: she and I think like the more important thing is

795
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:43,000
Speaker 5: that she's supportive outside of the gift giving section, which

796
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:46,160
Speaker 5: I think is sort of obviously probably really difficult for

797
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:49,800
Speaker 5: her and beautiful that she does that. But I think

798
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:52,800
Speaker 5: that what you're saying is right. A polite, tactful way

799
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:56,080
Speaker 5: of saying I think I'm good on Bibles is maybe enough.

800
00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:58,640
Speaker 5: But if she sends you fourth of July stepp like,

801
00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 5: I don't know, you know, sometimes people just you get

802
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 5: a gift from your nana and you're like, this is

803
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:07,600
Speaker 5: not something I'm ever gonna.

804
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 2: Maybe you could just collect all of her stuff and

805
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:12,160
Speaker 2: give it to someone like that, you know, like someone

806
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:15,160
Speaker 2: in your neighborhood, like regift it, drop it off in

807
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:17,600
Speaker 2: front of someone tells who you know will appreciate it,

808
00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:20,200
Speaker 2: and then you take the conversation you you know, I mean,

809
00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:22,360
Speaker 2: it's worth having a conversation anyway, because I don't think your.

810
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:23,080
Speaker 1: Mom's gonna listen.

811
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:26,360
Speaker 2: She's gonna probably it will probably like tamp it down

812
00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:28,360
Speaker 2: a bit, all of the things you're getting, but she'll

813
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:30,960
Speaker 2: probably continue to send. If she works at a Holly lobby, Like,

814
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:32,960
Speaker 2: it sounds like you're gonna get gifts.

815
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:34,480
Speaker 5: Regardless that's her type or taste.

816
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you're gonna have to think of a way

817
00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:38,680
Speaker 2: to like repurpose her gifts, you know what I mean,

818
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:40,960
Speaker 2: so that you can deal with it head on, but

819
00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:43,000
Speaker 2: then also deal with the reality that you're gonna continue

820
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:45,240
Speaker 2: to get those gifts because mothers don't really listen to

821
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:46,840
Speaker 2: their children exactly.

822
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:49,360
Speaker 5: And is this an issue that you're willing to have

823
00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:51,360
Speaker 5: like a knockdown drag out for.

824
00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:53,840
Speaker 1: Oh, it's not like that. This is a light question.

825
00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 2: We don't have to of course, it's not so serious,

826
00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 2: but it is annoying to I mean, I would be

827
00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:00,440
Speaker 2: pissed if I were getting this, but I didn't grow

828
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:03,200
Speaker 2: up in an religious background, so I have no history

829
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:04,920
Speaker 2: of this, So I would be pissed because it would

830
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:09,880
Speaker 2: be coming out of the fucking blue as much confused

831
00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:12,719
Speaker 2: as Oh my god, I just love the idea of

832
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:15,600
Speaker 2: me opening up a Bible even in hotel rooms when

833
00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:18,120
Speaker 2: I see one, I'm annoyed. I'm like, why don't push

834
00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:21,320
Speaker 2: that on me? But yeah, it's not a serious situation,

835
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:23,399
Speaker 2: but you should. You can say something to your mom

836
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:24,799
Speaker 2: absolutely offhandedly.

837
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:26,680
Speaker 3: I wonder if you could say like that when you

838
00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 3: sent me for my last birthday was my favorite. I

839
00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:30,719
Speaker 3: don't need any more options, like.

840
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:33,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, about that.

841
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:35,480
Speaker 2: That's like a mislead and I don't think that works

842
00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 2: with religious people in direct.

843
00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:40,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's probably true, all right, Rob well bred?

844
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:42,080
Speaker 1: Do we have Timothy.

845
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:45,600
Speaker 2: Shalli May that's okay crazy? He calls in every week.

846
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:47,960
Speaker 2: It's like and it's always about Kylie Jenner. It's so

847
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:51,000
Speaker 2: embarrassing every week and it's like, how she hasn't heard

848
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:52,840
Speaker 2: about this at all yet, It's amazing.

849
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:55,239
Speaker 5: He's always just like, uh, my girlfriend.

850
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:57,239
Speaker 1: Do you believe that those two are together? When you

851
00:34:57,239 --> 00:35:01,040
Speaker 1: see Timothy Shallaby and Ken.

852
00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:02,920
Speaker 5: Is it kindler Kylie?

853
00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:07,080
Speaker 2: I don't know, it's Kylie. Yeh oh, never mind that.

854
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:08,720
Speaker 2: We'll get back to that.

855
00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:10,920
Speaker 1: We get to that. We have a caller. I can see.

856
00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:12,839
Speaker 1: We're so sorry we got sidetracked.

857
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:18,960
Speaker 3: Well, Timothy says. His subject line is open relationship or

858
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:22,080
Speaker 3: break up. Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend of a little over

859
00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:24,279
Speaker 3: a year and I recently moved to the Netherlands from

860
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:27,319
Speaker 3: South Africa. Our sex life has never been great, but

861
00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:29,439
Speaker 3: we really love each other and we make a great team,

862
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:32,960
Speaker 3: although recently we've been having lots of disagreements. The move

863
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:35,560
Speaker 3: and adapting to a new country has understandably put a

864
00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:38,320
Speaker 3: lot of pressure on the relationship. I'm generally a happy

865
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:41,080
Speaker 3: person and I'm committed to self improvement, et cetera. But

866
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:42,759
Speaker 3: my boyfriend is not on the same page with me

867
00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:45,239
Speaker 3: about that. I recently started to feel like we're not

868
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 3: on the same page regarding our personal growth and emotional

869
00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:51,440
Speaker 3: maturity in general. My boyfriend brought up the option of

870
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 3: trying an open relationship, which I'm happy to do because

871
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:57,080
Speaker 3: our sex life is basically non existent. Although this could

872
00:35:57,080 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 3: be really good for us, I also feel like it

873
00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:01,160
Speaker 3: could be the beginning of the end. And all of

874
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:02,920
Speaker 3: these things have made me think about the future of

875
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:05,200
Speaker 3: our relationship and if I want to continue with it

876
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:07,960
Speaker 3: at all. What makes things even more tricky is that

877
00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:10,319
Speaker 3: I'm moved over on his visa, so I'm pretty sure

878
00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:12,120
Speaker 3: I would have to leave the country if we broke up,

879
00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:14,239
Speaker 3: which would suck because it wasn't easy to get here

880
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:16,600
Speaker 3: in the first place. I love him dearly and he's

881
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:18,480
Speaker 3: very important to me, but I feel like he needs

882
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 3: to do a lot of growing and I don't know

883
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:21,160
Speaker 3: if I should be a part of that.

884
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:22,480
Speaker 5: Please help. By Timothy.

885
00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:27,280
Speaker 2: Hi Timothy, this is our special guest today, Jeff Hiller. Hikay,

886
00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:32,240
Speaker 2: you can call him boom boom boom. Right, that's another

887
00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:34,480
Speaker 2: thing I call boom boom's penises. I always go, oh,

888
00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 2: look at it, he's gotta he Or I'll say to

889
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:38,000
Speaker 2: a friend like if I I'll be like tod eve

890
00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:38,920
Speaker 2: a nice boom boom.

891
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:41,400
Speaker 1: So boom boom is just a great word for everything

892
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:41,879
Speaker 1: I think.

893
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:44,560
Speaker 2: So, Okay, what are you thinking in terms of if

894
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:47,799
Speaker 2: this relationship It sounds like this relationship is coming to

895
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:51,120
Speaker 2: a head, and that's okay, But I just want to

896
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:54,239
Speaker 2: talk about your like actual logistics, like for living, Like

897
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:56,880
Speaker 2: if you guys do break up, what are you prepared

898
00:36:56,920 --> 00:36:57,239
Speaker 2: to do?

899
00:36:57,800 --> 00:36:59,480
Speaker 1: Are you going to go back to South Africa?

900
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:02,920
Speaker 2: Like if that, if this is a real conversation, then

901
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:04,719
Speaker 2: we should we talk about those things.

902
00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:08,680
Speaker 4: Yeah. So I wasn't exactly sure how it worked because

903
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:11,360
Speaker 4: I've moved over on his visa, so I did a

904
00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 4: little bit of digging. So it does seem like if

905
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:18,600
Speaker 4: we break up, then I wouldn't have any other choice

906
00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:22,800
Speaker 4: but to go back to South Africa unless we find

907
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 4: some way to work around that. But legally that is

908
00:37:26,719 --> 00:37:27,800
Speaker 4: what will have to happen.

909
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:29,160
Speaker 1: Are you guys legally married?

910
00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:33,600
Speaker 4: No? No, No, we're just like dating.

911
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:36,120
Speaker 1: And you can bring somebody over on your visa if

912
00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:36,839
Speaker 1: you're dating them.

913
00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:42,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, what about and then moving back to South

914
00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:44,080
Speaker 2: Africa an option?

915
00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 1: Like, how do you feel about that?

916
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:50,719
Speaker 4: Crazy about it? Because I mean I obviously sold all

917
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:54,319
Speaker 4: my stuff there, used all my savings and everything to

918
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:58,799
Speaker 4: move here. It was very stressful. We just kind of

919
00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:03,439
Speaker 4: like rebuilt our life and like create a little home here.

920
00:38:03,719 --> 00:38:06,560
Speaker 4: So I mean you were looking forward to like traveling

921
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:08,840
Speaker 4: because it's so much easier to travel when you're in

922
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:13,480
Speaker 4: living Europe. And I found a job here, which is

923
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:15,879
Speaker 4: also not very easy for.

924
00:38:16,320 --> 00:38:19,919
Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, so yeah, so ideally you want to stick

925
00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:20,479
Speaker 2: around there.

926
00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:23,000
Speaker 1: Is your boyfriend open to like couple's counseling.

927
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:27,400
Speaker 4: I'm trying to get him to just see a therapist himself,

928
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:31,520
Speaker 4: but he he's not very open to the idea. I

929
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:35,040
Speaker 4: keep bringing it up because I've been in therapy for

930
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:38,080
Speaker 4: like ten years, so I know the benefits of it

931
00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:41,360
Speaker 4: and I know he needs it. Like the other day,

932
00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:44,800
Speaker 4: he asked me something in shame bless him. He's very sweet,

933
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:47,719
Speaker 4: but he asked me, do you think trauma from your

934
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:53,799
Speaker 4: childhood plays over into your adult life? And I was like, uh, Yeah,

935
00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:56,160
Speaker 4: that's like exactly what happens.

936
00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:59,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, so he's not really.

937
00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:02,799
Speaker 4: He hasn't been in therapy, so he doesn't know the

938
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 4: benefits from it.

939
00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:04,880
Speaker 1: Is he younger?

940
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:09,040
Speaker 4: He's only three years younger than I am, but I

941
00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:13,359
Speaker 4: feel like there's quite a difference in emotional maturity between us.

942
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:17,040
Speaker 2: He would he is he someone who would read a book,

943
00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:19,040
Speaker 2: like if you brought home a book based on like

944
00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:22,040
Speaker 2: about what he had the question he asked you and said, oh,

945
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:24,000
Speaker 2: I found this at the bookstore. Here's a book on

946
00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:26,040
Speaker 2: childhood trauma. I thought you might be interested in this.

947
00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:27,440
Speaker 2: Do you think he would read that?

948
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:30,839
Speaker 4: Yeah, I could try that, Like I read a lot

949
00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:33,920
Speaker 4: of self out books. So then it kind of caught

950
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:34,600
Speaker 4: on with him.

951
00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:37,440
Speaker 1: Oh well that's something that's not nothing.

952
00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:41,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, for sure. No, he's definitely like looking into

953
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:46,680
Speaker 4: himself a little bit more. But like I don't really

954
00:39:46,719 --> 00:39:51,160
Speaker 4: want to, Like, leaving him is not really what I

955
00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:52,920
Speaker 4: want to do. I really, so then don't.

956
00:39:53,239 --> 00:39:55,439
Speaker 1: So then don't You're not there. You're not there yet.

957
00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:58,280
Speaker 2: And and right now I think what you should focus

958
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:00,000
Speaker 2: is on, like what do you how do you feel

959
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:01,359
Speaker 2: about open relationships?

960
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:02,000
Speaker 1: What's your like?

961
00:40:02,239 --> 00:40:04,120
Speaker 5: Well, I mean I feel like, as long as both

962
00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:06,239
Speaker 5: partners are into it, which it sounds like you are,

963
00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:08,080
Speaker 5: then why not I mean, I think it sounds like

964
00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:09,120
Speaker 5: you find your own relationship.

965
00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:11,239
Speaker 2: I think it sounds like an opportunity for him to

966
00:40:11,239 --> 00:40:13,680
Speaker 2: grow up a little bit too, having an open relationship,

967
00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:16,080
Speaker 2: Because when you have an open relationship, like what I

968
00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:19,400
Speaker 2: would suggest is creating, like to have parameters and have

969
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:22,799
Speaker 2: boundaries and have an understanding about how much information you

970
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:26,239
Speaker 2: both want, how much information you both need. Those kinds

971
00:40:26,239 --> 00:40:30,040
Speaker 2: of adult conversations are going to lead to more intense

972
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:33,759
Speaker 2: conversations about emotions and about and like even though you're

973
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:37,520
Speaker 2: a little bit farther along on like an emotional maturity level,

974
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:41,640
Speaker 2: it's good to as a practice have conversations like that

975
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:45,560
Speaker 2: where you're including him, like you're introducing a subject matter, like, Okay,

976
00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:46,719
Speaker 2: what are the rules going to be?

977
00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 1: How are we going to feel? What if I feel

978
00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:50,520
Speaker 1: emotionally left out?

979
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:53,160
Speaker 2: Is it okay for me to come to and say, actually,

980
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:55,719
Speaker 2: I don't feel comfortable with this, Like you can have

981
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 2: adult conversations that kind of pull him into a more

982
00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:00,560
Speaker 2: mature position.

983
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:01,760
Speaker 1: Do you know what I'm saying?

984
00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:04,120
Speaker 5: And the boundaries that you said at the top don't

985
00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:08,359
Speaker 5: have to necessarily be constant. You know, you can say like, oh,

986
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:10,279
Speaker 5: actually I thought I was okay with that thing, but

987
00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:11,120
Speaker 5: I'm not or whatever.

988
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:15,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, like it's actually I'm like, this whole open relationship

989
00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:18,000
Speaker 2: thing is actually an opportunity for you to have more

990
00:41:18,120 --> 00:41:22,239
Speaker 2: depth within your relationship. So I would say that that

991
00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:24,960
Speaker 2: to go for it. I mean, you're kind of at

992
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:27,279
Speaker 2: your wits end. I ideally what you want to do

993
00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:29,200
Speaker 2: is get him into therapy so that he could start

994
00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:33,360
Speaker 2: having some real conversations. But until that can happen, I

995
00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:36,760
Speaker 2: would really share the books you're reading. I would share

996
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:40,160
Speaker 2: the topics that you're that you're interested in, like the

997
00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:43,960
Speaker 2: things that you're reading about self help or childhood trauma,

998
00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:46,600
Speaker 2: and not in a patronizing way as a way to

999
00:41:46,680 --> 00:41:48,640
Speaker 2: like bounce it off of him, like what do you

1000
00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:49,239
Speaker 2: think about this?

1001
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:51,640
Speaker 1: I read this, I'm not sure I agree with this?

1002
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:54,080
Speaker 1: Do you agree with this? What do you think about this?

1003
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:56,520
Speaker 2: You know, just try to engage him a little bit

1004
00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:59,799
Speaker 2: more in what you're interested in, and even if he's

1005
00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:02,800
Speaker 2: not there yet, just introduced the subject matters, you know

1006
00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:05,399
Speaker 2: what I mean. So there are there are catchphrases he's

1007
00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:09,120
Speaker 2: heard childhood trauma. Does that roll over into your adult life? Like,

1008
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:11,799
Speaker 2: that's good that he said that sentence, regardless of whether

1009
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:12,640
Speaker 2: he understands it.

1010
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:17,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, fair enough. Just on the open relationship thing, I

1011
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:20,120
Speaker 4: have a little bit of an update. After going back

1012
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:22,600
Speaker 4: and forth, he actually told me so he wants to

1013
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:26,080
Speaker 4: try it. This was like two weeks ago. So we

1014
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:28,440
Speaker 4: were like, yeah, cool, let's go out, let's go try it,

1015
00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:32,120
Speaker 4: let's go have fun. So we went to a few

1016
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:36,120
Speaker 4: bars in Amsterdam, and towards the end of the night,

1017
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 4: we were both standing kind of outside and then this

1018
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:43,040
Speaker 4: really attractive guy came up and like just fully kissed

1019
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,960
Speaker 4: me on the mouth and it lasted for like one

1020
00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:48,040
Speaker 4: and a half seconds, and then I pushed him away

1021
00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:49,840
Speaker 4: because I knew this was going to be a problem,

1022
00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:51,960
Speaker 4: And I looked over at my boyfriend and he was

1023
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:55,839
Speaker 4: not even looking at me, didn't speak to me. And

1024
00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:58,840
Speaker 4: then on our way home, he was just like, I

1025
00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:02,800
Speaker 4: can't do this, can't handle you being intimate with anyone

1026
00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:05,960
Speaker 4: else than me. Like then, it was just such a

1027
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:10,320
Speaker 4: It's such and been such an emotional rollercoaster from him

1028
00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:12,600
Speaker 4: being on board with it and they not, and then

1029
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 4: yes and then no. So currently it's no, but okay,

1030
00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:20,440
Speaker 4: I feel like it's gonna come up again at some point.

1031
00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:25,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, but these are also opportunities to have more conversations

1032
00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:28,520
Speaker 2: around the subject matter of having an open relationship, talking

1033
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:32,160
Speaker 2: about boundaries, talking about intimacy, talking about what doesn't feel right,

1034
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:34,560
Speaker 2: like would it feel better if you weren't kissing someone,

1035
00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:36,960
Speaker 2: if you were just having sex with them, Like really

1036
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 2: introducing all of these because the more you can get

1037
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:40,120
Speaker 2: him talking, the more that.

1038
00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:41,680
Speaker 1: He's going to open up emotionally.

1039
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:43,960
Speaker 2: And I know it's not your job, but if you're

1040
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:46,840
Speaker 2: in this relationship and you're committed to staying in the Netherlands,

1041
00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:48,920
Speaker 2: then you kind of have to make this effort.

1042
00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:51,320
Speaker 5: But I would also say, like being in a relationship

1043
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:53,759
Speaker 5: that's not right is not worth not moving back to

1044
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:54,440
Speaker 5: South Africa.

1045
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:57,839
Speaker 3: Maybe see if there's like another plan you can do

1046
00:43:57,920 --> 00:43:59,880
Speaker 3: with your work, if there even if it takes a

1047
00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:01,600
Speaker 3: lot little bit of time, just to have that as

1048
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:02,560
Speaker 3: sort of a backup plan.

1049
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:05,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, you've got one footed out the door,

1050
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:08,000
Speaker 2: you know, I mean clearly, so I know it's not

1051
00:44:08,040 --> 00:44:10,279
Speaker 2: a desirable place to be, but I would say to

1052
00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:14,960
Speaker 2: exhaust all your efforts before you shut the door. For

1053
00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 2: obviously multiple reasons, and one of those being geographic.

1054
00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:23,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think we we we have had a problem

1055
00:44:23,239 --> 00:44:27,000
Speaker 4: of just being like honest with each other, having honest conversations,

1056
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:31,480
Speaker 4: saying how we feel, and that's only recently been really

1057
00:44:32,120 --> 00:44:36,080
Speaker 4: talked about. So yeah, it's it's it's a lot of

1058
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:39,120
Speaker 4: things that we're going through at the moment, but our

1059
00:44:39,200 --> 00:44:42,600
Speaker 4: six life is like it's been a problem for a while.

1060
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:44,400
Speaker 5: So how long have you been together?

1061
00:44:45,560 --> 00:44:47,799
Speaker 4: Only a year and a half, But it's been like

1062
00:44:47,960 --> 00:44:49,920
Speaker 4: a problem kind of from the beginning.

1063
00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:52,319
Speaker 1: What's the problem?

1064
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:55,839
Speaker 4: So the problem is mostly with me. I've kind of

1065
00:44:55,920 --> 00:45:02,280
Speaker 4: like lost my physical attraction towards him. Like I really

1066
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:04,799
Speaker 4: love him, there's no doubt in my mind about that.

1067
00:45:05,040 --> 00:45:10,040
Speaker 4: But I just can't get that physical attraction back, and

1068
00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:13,520
Speaker 4: I feel really guilty about it. And every time like

1069
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:16,960
Speaker 4: I can see him trying to, like, you know, engage,

1070
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:19,759
Speaker 4: I feel really guilty and I feel bad, but I

1071
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:22,200
Speaker 4: don't really know what to do about it.

1072
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:24,200
Speaker 1: Can you actually physically have sex with him?

1073
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:25,160
Speaker 5: Or you can't?

1074
00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:26,920
Speaker 4: I really don't want to.

1075
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:32,000
Speaker 2: Okay, I don't mean to laugh, but I mean, it

1076
00:45:32,160 --> 00:45:35,000
Speaker 2: really sounds like you're not in this relationship anymore.

1077
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:36,440
Speaker 1: It sounds like it's your friend.

1078
00:45:37,520 --> 00:45:39,760
Speaker 4: I know it feels like I'm yeah.

1079
00:45:40,719 --> 00:45:43,040
Speaker 1: Okay, let me ask you is he where is he

1080
00:45:43,120 --> 00:45:43,960
Speaker 1: in your relationship?

1081
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:46,399
Speaker 2: Like if you said, like, okay, this is our last

1082
00:45:46,520 --> 00:45:49,719
Speaker 2: ditch effort, I'm not feeling it. We're not feeling it,

1083
00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:51,880
Speaker 2: we're not in sync. I really want us to go

1084
00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:54,840
Speaker 2: to therapy as our kind of like last effort.

1085
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:56,319
Speaker 1: What would he say to that.

1086
00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:58,960
Speaker 4: I think it would It might be open to it.

1087
00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:02,960
Speaker 4: I just wanted him to go to therapy first a

1088
00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:04,120
Speaker 4: little bit, just so you can.

1089
00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:06,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, but don't make it about him. Make it about you.

1090
00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:08,160
Speaker 2: The only way to get someone to go to therapy

1091
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:10,240
Speaker 2: is to make it about you. You have a problem

1092
00:46:10,320 --> 00:46:12,600
Speaker 2: with your sex, that's a perfect thing, like, hey, i'd

1093
00:46:12,640 --> 00:46:14,520
Speaker 2: love to figure this out. He knows that you're having

1094
00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 2: trouble with sexually, right, he's part of this equation, right, And.

1095
00:46:18,239 --> 00:46:21,359
Speaker 5: Some couple's therapy can demystify individual therapy, so it might

1096
00:46:21,400 --> 00:46:22,760
Speaker 5: actually be a perfect way to.

1097
00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:25,480
Speaker 2: Introduce him to Oh that's extra the excellent yes very

1098
00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:28,279
Speaker 2: well said, that's exactly right. You know, you get in

1099
00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:30,640
Speaker 2: there because it's your problem, Like I want to work

1100
00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:33,400
Speaker 2: on our sex life. I know this is my issue,

1101
00:46:33,480 --> 00:46:36,640
Speaker 2: you know, take responsibility and then that it becomes like

1102
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:39,959
Speaker 2: less of a less intimidating for him to go into

1103
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:42,600
Speaker 2: a therapy session when you're framing it that it's more

1104
00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:43,160
Speaker 2: about you.

1105
00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:47,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's that's a very good idea. I think that's okay.

1106
00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:50,279
Speaker 2: And then hopefully that can lead into single therapy. Like

1107
00:46:50,360 --> 00:46:54,120
Speaker 2: Jeff said, you know, hopefully with his exposure to therapy,

1108
00:46:54,160 --> 00:46:56,080
Speaker 2: he'll like it. So I think your job is to

1109
00:46:56,120 --> 00:46:58,680
Speaker 2: find a couple, get him to agree to that, Try

1110
00:46:58,719 --> 00:47:00,239
Speaker 2: to tell him that you really want to work your

1111
00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:01,520
Speaker 2: relationship and that you know.

1112
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:02,799
Speaker 1: You're aware of the issue.

1113
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:04,960
Speaker 2: We're going to have an open relationship now you don't

1114
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:07,560
Speaker 2: want to he's got jealousy issues, Okay, that's fine, You're

1115
00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:09,600
Speaker 2: going to respect all of it. But you do want

1116
00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:13,480
Speaker 2: to work on your relationship, even from sexual standpoint, you know,

1117
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:16,280
Speaker 2: starting there so that you can get him into therapy

1118
00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:18,239
Speaker 2: and yeah, and then start with that.

1119
00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:21,839
Speaker 5: Also, it's just it's so much easier to have a

1120
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:25,239
Speaker 5: third person there to help you discuss things like I'm

1121
00:47:25,239 --> 00:47:27,920
Speaker 5: no longer attracted to you. That would be very difficult

1122
00:47:27,960 --> 00:47:30,279
Speaker 5: to bring up to someone who you are no longer

1123
00:47:30,320 --> 00:47:30,880
Speaker 5: attracted to.

1124
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:31,319
Speaker 6: No.

1125
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:33,480
Speaker 4: I think it's horrible to bring up.

1126
00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:36,719
Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be a permanent thing. You might

1127
00:47:36,840 --> 00:47:39,160
Speaker 2: just not be attracted to him right now, you know

1128
00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:41,719
Speaker 2: what I mean? If you build this relationship back, there's

1129
00:47:41,760 --> 00:47:43,880
Speaker 2: always people that come back from this that can have

1130
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:46,840
Speaker 2: sex after periods of not having sex. So I wouldn't

1131
00:47:46,840 --> 00:47:48,840
Speaker 2: look at it as like a final thing, like this

1132
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:50,960
Speaker 2: is not your you know, final act.

1133
00:47:51,040 --> 00:47:53,719
Speaker 1: But put it in an effort to salvage the relationship.

1134
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:56,680
Speaker 5: Okay, I'm going to do that and get a couple

1135
00:47:56,680 --> 00:47:59,960
Speaker 5: of therapists who certified in sex therapy. There's a special certification.

1136
00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:01,680
Speaker 1: Oh good, good to know.

1137
00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:03,800
Speaker 3: I also think it's a little bit of a shortcut

1138
00:48:03,840 --> 00:48:06,040
Speaker 3: if you find if you're able to find a queer therapist,

1139
00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:08,520
Speaker 3: just so like there is a shorthand there.

1140
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:10,240
Speaker 5: Do they have those in Amsterdam?

1141
00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:17,040
Speaker 4: I haven't heard good things about therapists in the Netherlands.

1142
00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:21,360
Speaker 4: Apparently they're not very not great. But I mean, we

1143
00:48:21,400 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 4: can always do it like zoom.

1144
00:48:23,719 --> 00:48:27,080
Speaker 2: Yeah virtually, yeah, you could do it exactly, So who

1145
00:48:27,080 --> 00:48:28,840
Speaker 2: cares about that? You can do it over zoom with

1146
00:48:28,880 --> 00:48:31,960
Speaker 2: someone in New York or la or London or somewhere

1147
00:48:32,040 --> 00:48:33,640
Speaker 2: where there's better therapists.

1148
00:48:33,960 --> 00:48:35,839
Speaker 1: Isn't there aren't there a lot of therapists from the.

1149
00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:38,759
Speaker 2: Netherlands or psychic Well, I guess those are from like

1150
00:48:38,760 --> 00:48:40,520
Speaker 2: the eighteenth century, so I register ship.

1151
00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:42,200
Speaker 1: We've had to update. They're dead.

1152
00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:46,319
Speaker 4: Maybe everyone has been. People love to say negative things

1153
00:48:46,320 --> 00:48:49,120
Speaker 4: about the Netherlands, like the doctors are terrible, the therapists

1154
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:52,359
Speaker 4: are terrible, blah blah blah. So who knows. Maybe it's

1155
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:53,200
Speaker 4: just live.

1156
00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:57,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, Well, I mean I hope we helped you.

1157
00:48:57,280 --> 00:48:58,759
Speaker 1: I mean I don't really feel like we did.

1158
00:49:00,480 --> 00:49:01,439
Speaker 4: You back with us.

1159
00:49:02,120 --> 00:49:05,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, why don't you have that conversation with him and

1160
00:49:05,160 --> 00:49:07,439
Speaker 2: try and nail down a couple's therapists, you know, even

1161
00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:09,160
Speaker 2: if it's in the States, Just so you guys can

1162
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:12,439
Speaker 2: start having more conversations. And I would say, one thing

1163
00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:15,560
Speaker 2: is I understand you're more far, You're farther along in

1164
00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:19,360
Speaker 2: your spiritual journey. Don't judge him so much. Try not

1165
00:49:19,520 --> 00:49:22,120
Speaker 2: to try to try to flip the switch in your

1166
00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:25,279
Speaker 2: head and think of him as like that's an opportunity

1167
00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:28,839
Speaker 2: to actually teach and for him to learn more, Like

1168
00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:31,200
Speaker 2: you can be a party to that, you can be

1169
00:49:31,360 --> 00:49:34,400
Speaker 2: like part of his exposure to different things. But not

1170
00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:36,840
Speaker 2: in a condescending or patronizing way.

1171
00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:39,320
Speaker 1: He is your equal. You're in a relationship.

1172
00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:43,760
Speaker 2: You can't be superior to him because you're more emotionally mature.

1173
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:45,640
Speaker 2: You kind of just have to look at him like

1174
00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:48,360
Speaker 2: he has a different set of circumstances in a different history,

1175
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:50,840
Speaker 2: and you're both in the same place at the same time.

1176
00:49:51,120 --> 00:49:53,840
Speaker 2: So like, how can you help each other grow and

1177
00:49:53,880 --> 00:49:55,960
Speaker 2: how can you help each other learn? And that goes

1178
00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:57,719
Speaker 2: for your growth and you're learning too.

1179
00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:00,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, because judgment is a real boner killer.

1180
00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:03,040
Speaker 2: But take those first steps and let and hit us

1181
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:08,000
Speaker 2: back and let us know what happens. Okay, I'll do that, Okay, okay, Timothy,

1182
00:50:08,200 --> 00:50:09,120
Speaker 2: thanks for calling.

1183
00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:09,759
Speaker 4: It, Timothy.

1184
00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:17,799
Speaker 1: Okay, by that made my boner go down, that that call.

1185
00:50:18,160 --> 00:50:20,560
Speaker 3: I know that's tough when you just aren't attracted to

1186
00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:21,280
Speaker 3: someone anymore.

1187
00:50:21,680 --> 00:50:24,080
Speaker 1: No, I feel like that's the end of the road.

1188
00:50:24,280 --> 00:50:27,359
Speaker 2: But but there are stories about people who have completely

1189
00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:30,319
Speaker 2: lost their boners, so to speak, for their spouses and

1190
00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:31,359
Speaker 2: then reclaimed them.

1191
00:50:31,400 --> 00:50:33,400
Speaker 5: Well, I think what you're saying about, like having that

1192
00:50:33,480 --> 00:50:35,640
Speaker 5: judgment of you, it really is. It builds up this

1193
00:50:35,719 --> 00:50:39,279
Speaker 5: resentment and this sort of you know, not interesting, so

1194
00:50:39,320 --> 00:50:41,040
Speaker 5: that we'll kill your sex drive too.

1195
00:50:40,960 --> 00:50:44,440
Speaker 2: For that person, especially if you're thinking someone is stupid

1196
00:50:44,680 --> 00:50:47,080
Speaker 2: or they're not up, they're not as smart as you

1197
00:50:47,160 --> 00:50:49,279
Speaker 2: are or spiritually advanced as you are.

1198
00:50:49,320 --> 00:50:51,320
Speaker 1: Like that, you get into tricky territory.

1199
00:50:51,360 --> 00:50:54,400
Speaker 2: It's like you can be like a spiritual narcissist, you

1200
00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:55,120
Speaker 2: know what I mean?

1201
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:57,320
Speaker 5: God, what a what a coined term?

1202
00:50:57,440 --> 00:50:58,719
Speaker 1: Okay, we're going to take a break.

1203
00:50:58,719 --> 00:51:00,319
Speaker 2: I'm gonna boom boom boom boom, and then we're going

1204
00:51:00,360 --> 00:51:07,000
Speaker 2: to be back, and we're back with boom boom end

1205
00:51:07,080 --> 00:51:08,440
Speaker 2: quotes Jeff Hiller.

1206
00:51:10,680 --> 00:51:14,319
Speaker 3: Well, our last color today is Judith, and she has

1207
00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:17,279
Speaker 3: one of my favorite subject lines I've ever seen in

1208
00:51:17,320 --> 00:51:18,240
Speaker 3: our email inbox.

1209
00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:20,759
Speaker 1: It is my mom married.

1210
00:51:20,480 --> 00:51:24,320
Speaker 3: Her dead stepsister's husband, and now I have an uncle daddy.

1211
00:51:24,840 --> 00:51:28,720
Speaker 1: Wait a second, my mom married again.

1212
00:51:29,239 --> 00:51:34,719
Speaker 3: My mom married her dead stepsister's husband, and now I

1213
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:38,600
Speaker 3: have an uncle daddy.

1214
00:51:39,480 --> 00:51:41,799
Speaker 1: So she says, this is a long with buckle up,

1215
00:51:41,840 --> 00:51:44,399
Speaker 1: but just ae stepsister.

1216
00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:46,279
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's so.

1217
00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:48,080
Speaker 2: Why does she have an uncle daddy? Oh because it's

1218
00:51:48,080 --> 00:51:50,560
Speaker 2: her stepdad. Yeah, that's her uncle. Okay, this isn't the

1219
00:51:50,600 --> 00:51:51,120
Speaker 2: worst news.

1220
00:51:51,160 --> 00:51:55,560
Speaker 3: Okay, no, okay, Judith says, Dear Chelsea, I'm Judith, a

1221
00:51:55,600 --> 00:51:58,560
Speaker 3: forty seven year old single mom. Despite life surprises, I

1222
00:51:58,560 --> 00:52:01,160
Speaker 3: strive for purpose and gratitude daily. I have one issue

1223
00:52:01,200 --> 00:52:02,880
Speaker 3: I can't get over, and I thought i'd email you,

1224
00:52:03,239 --> 00:52:05,000
Speaker 3: the one person who tell me if I'm being a

1225
00:52:05,000 --> 00:52:07,960
Speaker 3: stubborn asshole. My seventy two year old mom just got

1226
00:52:07,960 --> 00:52:10,880
Speaker 3: married for the fourth time. While multiple marriages don't FaZe me,

1227
00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:13,400
Speaker 3: it's her taste in men that's the problem. I know

1228
00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:14,919
Speaker 3: You're like, isn't one of them your dad?

1229
00:52:15,080 --> 00:52:15,319
Speaker 1: Yes?

1230
00:52:15,360 --> 00:52:15,719
Speaker 4: He was.

1231
00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:18,160
Speaker 3: He was a volatile addict. Her second was a jackass.

1232
00:52:18,160 --> 00:52:21,120
Speaker 3: Her third was a paranoid hoarder. In twenty nineteen, she

1233
00:52:21,200 --> 00:52:23,600
Speaker 3: retired and became single finally, and went to live with

1234
00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:26,160
Speaker 3: my sister. When the pandemic lifted. She had the idea

1235
00:52:26,200 --> 00:52:28,320
Speaker 3: of driving around the country in a customized van.

1236
00:52:28,239 --> 00:52:29,200
Speaker 1: To explore the world.

1237
00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:31,239
Speaker 3: A hippie at heart, we told her to go for it,

1238
00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:33,920
Speaker 3: make the most of her life. About seven months into

1239
00:52:33,960 --> 00:52:37,000
Speaker 3: her vagabond journey, she stopped in Mississippi to attend her

1240
00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:40,480
Speaker 3: stepsister's funeral. She reconnected with the side of the family

1241
00:52:40,520 --> 00:52:42,879
Speaker 3: and decided to stay an extra week. This is where

1242
00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:46,520
Speaker 3: things get weird. She begins talking about her stepsister's husband.

1243
00:52:46,280 --> 00:52:47,920
Speaker 5: A lot Larry. This, Larry that.

1244
00:52:48,640 --> 00:52:49,279
Speaker 1: Here's the thing.

1245
00:52:49,520 --> 00:52:52,440
Speaker 3: Larry has been our uncle our entire lives, and he sucks.

1246
00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:55,280
Speaker 3: He is one of those military guys who yelled, talks,

1247
00:52:55,400 --> 00:52:58,719
Speaker 3: knows everything, and is outright socially belligerent. I didn't like

1248
00:52:58,760 --> 00:53:00,800
Speaker 3: it when I was four, and I don't like him now.

1249
00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:03,520
Speaker 3: After a couple months, my mom tells us she's going

1250
00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:06,919
Speaker 3: on a cross country train ride with Larry. I sarcastically joke,

1251
00:53:07,040 --> 00:53:08,040
Speaker 3: what are you banging Larry?

1252
00:53:08,080 --> 00:53:08,319
Speaker 5: Now?

1253
00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:10,360
Speaker 1: She stammers, I want to vomit.

1254
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:13,640
Speaker 3: This is six months after her stepsister has died, You know,

1255
00:53:13,719 --> 00:53:15,440
Speaker 3: the one who is Larry's wie for forty seven years.

1256
00:53:15,520 --> 00:53:18,360
Speaker 1: They were together since high school. Six months later she

1257
00:53:18,440 --> 00:53:18,920
Speaker 1: moves in with.

1258
00:53:18,920 --> 00:53:20,960
Speaker 3: Him, and a few months after that she announces she's

1259
00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:23,719
Speaker 3: marrying him. In an email to us, she says, there's

1260
00:53:23,719 --> 00:53:25,440
Speaker 3: not a wedding, they're just going to the Justice of

1261
00:53:25,480 --> 00:53:27,480
Speaker 3: the Peace. The next day, we wake up to a

1262
00:53:27,480 --> 00:53:30,640
Speaker 3: Facebook post. They're standing under a tree. She had a bouquet,

1263
00:53:30,719 --> 00:53:33,840
Speaker 3: a new dress. His family was there. We were not invited.

1264
00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:37,000
Speaker 3: Here's my predicament. Last week she asked if they could

1265
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:39,880
Speaker 3: come visit. This means her and Larry. I am the

1266
00:53:39,920 --> 00:53:42,320
Speaker 3: only sibling who hasn't spent time with them. Two of

1267
00:53:42,360 --> 00:53:44,200
Speaker 3: them tolerate him, the other has tried it and is

1268
00:53:44,239 --> 00:53:47,120
Speaker 3: done trying. The idea makes me rage. I want to

1269
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:49,200
Speaker 3: say no, I want no part of him in my life?

1270
00:53:49,480 --> 00:53:50,600
Speaker 3: Am I being too stubborn?

1271
00:53:50,760 --> 00:53:55,040
Speaker 1: Chelsea? What do I do about my uncle daddy? Judith? Hard?

1272
00:53:55,120 --> 00:53:55,160
Speaker 6: No?

1273
00:53:56,440 --> 00:53:56,680
Speaker 5: Hard?

1274
00:53:56,760 --> 00:53:56,840
Speaker 3: No?

1275
00:53:58,239 --> 00:54:02,399
Speaker 1: Hi? Hey, how are you? This is our special guest

1276
00:54:02,480 --> 00:54:03,600
Speaker 1: Jeff Hiller is here today.

1277
00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:04,359
Speaker 6: Hi.

1278
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:07,160
Speaker 7: I totally know who you are. I'm a huge failureself.

1279
00:54:07,480 --> 00:54:08,680
Speaker 5: Oh thank you?

1280
00:54:08,719 --> 00:54:09,239
Speaker 7: So you're no?

1281
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:12,000
Speaker 1: Yes, I would say a hard no. I listen.

1282
00:54:12,160 --> 00:54:15,120
Speaker 2: I'm of the belief at our age. You're forty seven.

1283
00:54:15,160 --> 00:54:18,080
Speaker 2: IM a few years older than you. Jeff is forty nine.

1284
00:54:18,800 --> 00:54:20,160
Speaker 1: We don't have to.

1285
00:54:19,800 --> 00:54:22,360
Speaker 2: Tolerate this kind of bullshit anymore. I don't want to

1286
00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:24,040
Speaker 2: be around people I don't want to be around.

1287
00:54:24,120 --> 00:54:25,080
Speaker 1: I've earned the right.

1288
00:54:25,560 --> 00:54:28,719
Speaker 2: I have extended my generosity for years leading up to

1289
00:54:28,760 --> 00:54:32,000
Speaker 2: this point and tolerated people that I don't have to

1290
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:34,960
Speaker 2: tolerate in my family and outside of my family, and

1291
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:37,840
Speaker 2: I'm just I'm not really willing to do that anymore.

1292
00:54:38,080 --> 00:54:39,879
Speaker 2: And I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It's

1293
00:54:40,040 --> 00:54:42,320
Speaker 2: creating a healthy bat who wants that guy in their house?

1294
00:54:42,600 --> 00:54:45,120
Speaker 1: Fucking yelled talking at you. No, no, you.

1295
00:54:45,239 --> 00:54:48,279
Speaker 2: Already stated that your mother and then and your mother

1296
00:54:48,440 --> 00:54:51,200
Speaker 2: is kind of has been kidnapped by him, basically, right,

1297
00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:54,120
Speaker 2: I mean, so she's been hijacked by this man. And

1298
00:54:54,640 --> 00:54:57,200
Speaker 2: while that sucks, and I know you love your mother,

1299
00:54:57,800 --> 00:55:00,600
Speaker 2: you can easily say I want to see you, but

1300
00:55:00,640 --> 00:55:02,359
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't want to see him, and so

1301
00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:04,520
Speaker 2: if you ever want to see me alone, let me know.

1302
00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:06,880
Speaker 2: But I'm not really interested in hanging out with Jeff

1303
00:55:07,239 --> 00:55:09,279
Speaker 2: my uncle as my father.

1304
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:16,640
Speaker 1: Or Larry. Sorry I got to do with Jeff. Sorry,

1305
00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:19,919
Speaker 1: you know what he did. Jeff knows what he's done,

1306
00:55:20,480 --> 00:55:20,880
Speaker 1: what I did.

1307
00:55:21,560 --> 00:55:26,040
Speaker 5: No regrets, you know. I I have this like.

1308
00:55:26,160 --> 00:55:28,560
Speaker 1: Okay, and again go no, no, go for it.

1309
00:55:28,640 --> 00:55:30,960
Speaker 5: I you know, I people walk over me sometimes so

1310
00:55:31,719 --> 00:55:35,640
Speaker 5: grain of huge salt. But my thought is, Okay, it's

1311
00:55:35,680 --> 00:55:39,080
Speaker 5: clear your mom has terrible taste in men, and I

1312
00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:42,200
Speaker 5: have I don't have family, but I have good friends

1313
00:55:42,200 --> 00:55:46,600
Speaker 5: who have truly just shitty tasting men, and I'm wondering

1314
00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:49,080
Speaker 5: if you could just say, like, you know, I'd love

1315
00:55:49,120 --> 00:55:52,080
Speaker 5: to see you, and I'll go to dinner with Larry,

1316
00:55:52,360 --> 00:55:55,759
Speaker 5: but I can't have him staying in the house. Is

1317
00:55:55,800 --> 00:55:58,239
Speaker 5: that enough or you think no, just across the board,

1318
00:55:58,239 --> 00:55:58,920
Speaker 5: don't come at all?

1319
00:55:59,200 --> 00:56:01,320
Speaker 2: Well no, I mean I think anything's an option. I

1320
00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:02,960
Speaker 2: think this is why you know, this is why you're here.

1321
00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:04,160
Speaker 2: You have a point of view.

1322
00:56:04,239 --> 00:56:06,279
Speaker 5: Well, because I just feel like, you know, I got

1323
00:56:06,320 --> 00:56:09,440
Speaker 5: a dead mom and I just feel like, I don't know.

1324
00:56:09,400 --> 00:56:10,840
Speaker 2: If you could have hung out with your mom and

1325
00:56:10,920 --> 00:56:13,200
Speaker 2: a big asshole with her, you're saying that you would

1326
00:56:13,239 --> 00:56:13,560
Speaker 2: have done that.

1327
00:56:16,400 --> 00:56:20,000
Speaker 5: Well, I I just feel like this could possibly create,

1328
00:56:20,520 --> 00:56:22,200
Speaker 5: you know, a rift.

1329
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:24,520
Speaker 2: But I feel like if that rift has been created

1330
00:56:24,600 --> 00:56:26,000
Speaker 2: already right not by you, but.

1331
00:56:26,160 --> 00:56:27,560
Speaker 7: Yes, no, you all are.

1332
00:56:28,280 --> 00:56:31,440
Speaker 6: I feel so validated right now because literally what the

1333
00:56:31,480 --> 00:56:33,400
Speaker 6: both of you are saying is what my friends and

1334
00:56:33,440 --> 00:56:36,360
Speaker 6: family around me are saying. Chelsea, I'm one hundred percent

1335
00:56:36,400 --> 00:56:39,680
Speaker 6: with you. In fact, I've used the word kidnapped multiple times.

1336
00:56:39,719 --> 00:56:41,799
Speaker 6: I'm like, it's like he stole our mom from her

1337
00:56:41,840 --> 00:56:45,279
Speaker 6: family because he needed a replacement. Yeah, But then I

1338
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:48,520
Speaker 6: have people saying, but you know, it's your mom. She's

1339
00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:51,120
Speaker 6: seventy two. You might have five to ten good years

1340
00:56:51,120 --> 00:56:54,120
Speaker 6: with her left and be the bigger person.

1341
00:56:55,280 --> 00:56:57,160
Speaker 7: But when it boils.

1342
00:56:56,760 --> 00:56:59,319
Speaker 6: Down to it, it's like I don't want to go

1343
00:56:59,360 --> 00:57:02,000
Speaker 6: to dinner with him because I feel like I can't

1344
00:57:02,040 --> 00:57:03,240
Speaker 6: control my face.

1345
00:57:03,800 --> 00:57:04,960
Speaker 5: Well, you've made the choice.

1346
00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:06,160
Speaker 7: Then I think like I don't know.

1347
00:57:06,120 --> 00:57:08,440
Speaker 6: How to look at him and be kind or nice.

1348
00:57:08,880 --> 00:57:10,279
Speaker 6: I don't trust myself.

1349
00:57:10,520 --> 00:57:12,239
Speaker 1: Great, these are all your answers.

1350
00:57:12,520 --> 00:57:14,400
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm not a people pleaser anymore. I don't have

1351
00:57:14,440 --> 00:57:16,880
Speaker 6: to do this. I've learned that lesson I've pushed through

1352
00:57:16,880 --> 00:57:19,520
Speaker 6: in my forties to like stand up for what I

1353
00:57:19,560 --> 00:57:21,760
Speaker 6: think is healthy and the people I want in my life.

1354
00:57:22,040 --> 00:57:24,560
Speaker 6: But there is some lingering guilt, and I just don't

1355
00:57:24,600 --> 00:57:28,160
Speaker 6: know if I'm being too stubborn, because, like I said,

1356
00:57:28,160 --> 00:57:30,880
Speaker 6: my other siblings half stepped in and tried, and they

1357
00:57:30,920 --> 00:57:34,800
Speaker 6: all say, like, girl, we didn't enjoy it either, but

1358
00:57:34,960 --> 00:57:36,880
Speaker 6: it's one of those things. We're doing it for our mom,

1359
00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:40,480
Speaker 6: and I just would prefer not to. I just don't

1360
00:57:40,520 --> 00:57:41,280
Speaker 6: know if I'm being.

1361
00:57:42,520 --> 00:57:44,120
Speaker 1: So I don't think. I don't think it matters that

1362
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:47,160
Speaker 1: you're being stubborn. I really don't. I think I completely

1363
00:57:47,160 --> 00:57:49,960
Speaker 1: support your decision to say this.

1364
00:57:49,920 --> 00:57:52,120
Speaker 6: Is just a I'm the third of four and we

1365
00:57:52,120 --> 00:57:54,520
Speaker 6: were all we're all very close, like my mom had

1366
00:57:54,520 --> 00:57:55,600
Speaker 6: four kids in six years.

1367
00:57:55,680 --> 00:57:56,720
Speaker 7: Wrap your head around that.

1368
00:57:56,920 --> 00:57:59,640
Speaker 6: So it's like boom boom boom boom boom with us,

1369
00:58:00,360 --> 00:58:02,800
Speaker 6: and we all feel the same way for the first

1370
00:58:02,840 --> 00:58:06,960
Speaker 6: time ever about something. But usually I'm the people pleasing

1371
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:09,640
Speaker 6: little child that can be friendly and like.

1372
00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:10,960
Speaker 7: Keep her chin up and do whatever.

1373
00:58:11,040 --> 00:58:13,480
Speaker 6: But when I got divorce, like eight years ago, I

1374
00:58:13,560 --> 00:58:14,200
Speaker 6: quit doing that.

1375
00:58:14,360 --> 00:58:16,960
Speaker 7: I just don't do that anymore. I'm not performing for anyone.

1376
00:58:17,280 --> 00:58:19,480
Speaker 7: I don't want to have to be forced into things

1377
00:58:19,480 --> 00:58:20,360
Speaker 7: that I want to be into.

1378
00:58:20,400 --> 00:58:22,240
Speaker 6: And I want to stand in my own power and

1379
00:58:22,240 --> 00:58:24,120
Speaker 6: my own decision making and let the people that I

1380
00:58:24,240 --> 00:58:26,280
Speaker 6: trust into my circle and into my world.

1381
00:58:26,560 --> 00:58:28,200
Speaker 7: And so I did talk to my therapists about just

1382
00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:29,040
Speaker 7: going to dinner with.

1383
00:58:29,040 --> 00:58:33,360
Speaker 6: Him, and even then it feels like I'm going to

1384
00:58:33,400 --> 00:58:36,840
Speaker 6: be fake or performing for them, and I don't want

1385
00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:39,440
Speaker 6: to put myself in a situation where I'm not being real,

1386
00:58:39,600 --> 00:58:40,880
Speaker 6: you know what I mean, or authentic.

1387
00:58:41,360 --> 00:58:44,840
Speaker 5: You've done the work too, You've like really thought about

1388
00:58:44,920 --> 00:58:48,200
Speaker 5: this and talk about with your therapist and your siblings.

1389
00:58:48,320 --> 00:58:50,320
Speaker 1: I feel like you've Yeah, I mean, how many more

1390
00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:51,160
Speaker 1: opinions do you need?

1391
00:58:51,840 --> 00:58:52,760
Speaker 7: Just yours? Chelsea.

1392
00:58:52,840 --> 00:58:55,280
Speaker 1: I just want yours.

1393
00:58:55,440 --> 00:58:57,280
Speaker 5: You blame me, I would trust it.

1394
00:58:57,320 --> 00:58:59,680
Speaker 1: Then, Yeah, for sure, you got it. You got this.

1395
00:59:00,040 --> 00:59:01,160
Speaker 1: Don't do it, don't do it.

1396
00:59:01,160 --> 00:59:02,880
Speaker 2: Be nice to your mother, tell her you love her,

1397
00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:04,560
Speaker 2: and then you're always open to seeing her.

1398
00:59:04,600 --> 00:59:05,120
Speaker 1: She's your mother.

1399
00:59:05,160 --> 00:59:08,120
Speaker 2: You'll always love her. Reiterate that, always say that. Make

1400
00:59:08,160 --> 00:59:10,760
Speaker 2: sure she knows. But you're not interested in hanging out

1401
00:59:10,760 --> 00:59:12,880
Speaker 2: with Logan or Larry or whatever.

1402
00:59:14,160 --> 00:59:16,440
Speaker 5: The fact that they met at her funeral.

1403
00:59:17,800 --> 00:59:20,760
Speaker 2: But this happens all the I have a grandfather, not

1404
00:59:20,800 --> 00:59:23,600
Speaker 2: my grandfather, but my nieces have a grandfather. He married

1405
00:59:23,640 --> 00:59:26,800
Speaker 2: his cousin right after his wife died, like the cousin

1406
00:59:26,840 --> 00:59:28,800
Speaker 2: that looks the most like his ex wife or his

1407
00:59:28,840 --> 00:59:29,360
Speaker 2: dead wife.

1408
00:59:29,760 --> 00:59:32,240
Speaker 1: This happens all over. This happens to men all the time.

1409
00:59:32,280 --> 00:59:34,880
Speaker 1: They men can't be alone there are and so they

1410
00:59:34,960 --> 00:59:38,919
Speaker 1: immediately they're like, oh, you're alive, Okay, you come with me.

1411
00:59:39,560 --> 00:59:42,840
Speaker 2: It's like, what what is the Are there any prerequisites

1412
00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:44,640
Speaker 2: to us being a relationship.

1413
00:59:46,360 --> 00:59:50,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, I support you, I'm with you, Thank you, Chelsea.

1414
00:59:51,080 --> 00:59:52,760
Speaker 1: But what's up with that dog in the background. Is

1415
00:59:52,760 --> 00:59:53,640
Speaker 1: that dog a Republican?

1416
00:59:53,760 --> 00:59:57,600
Speaker 7: Wise Texas? Trust me?

1417
00:59:57,920 --> 01:00:00,920
Speaker 1: Okay, I just want to me. I can hate Republicans

1418
01:00:01,080 --> 01:00:01,880
Speaker 1: live in Texas.

1419
01:00:02,160 --> 01:00:02,400
Speaker 4: I do.

1420
01:00:02,520 --> 01:00:06,000
Speaker 6: I'm in Dallas, but I'm in a very blue, beautiful space.

1421
01:00:06,120 --> 01:00:08,280
Speaker 7: Don't worry like I'm.

1422
01:00:07,720 --> 01:00:09,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, the dog is very cute.

1423
01:00:09,720 --> 01:00:11,000
Speaker 1: Thank you, Judith.

1424
01:00:11,040 --> 01:00:12,680
Speaker 3: Will you take a picture of that and text it

1425
01:00:12,720 --> 01:00:14,200
Speaker 3: to me so we can include it in the video?

1426
01:00:14,720 --> 01:00:16,120
Speaker 7: Absolutely? Absolutely yes.

1427
01:00:16,160 --> 01:00:18,080
Speaker 6: I work with rescue animals and so I'm in my

1428
01:00:18,160 --> 01:00:21,240
Speaker 6: office and we're celebrating big dog energy.

1429
01:00:21,760 --> 01:00:25,040
Speaker 2: Oh good, Okay, well, thanks for calling in Jja, thank

1430
01:00:25,080 --> 01:00:25,760
Speaker 2: you so much.

1431
01:00:25,880 --> 01:00:28,360
Speaker 1: Tell your mom I set aloute girl.

1432
01:00:28,400 --> 01:00:30,440
Speaker 7: I just hope she doesn't know this podcast happens, so

1433
01:00:30,480 --> 01:00:32,160
Speaker 7: we'll see what pray for me.

1434
01:00:34,240 --> 01:00:38,760
Speaker 2: I doubt Larry's an avid listener, and apparently he's deciding

1435
01:00:38,800 --> 01:00:40,280
Speaker 2: what she's listening to these days.

1436
01:00:40,360 --> 01:00:42,240
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, take care, jud.

1437
01:00:42,120 --> 01:00:45,120
Speaker 2: All right, thank you, bye bye bye. Don't you feel

1438
01:00:45,120 --> 01:00:50,720
Speaker 2: like we solve the world's problems today? I mean, honestly, wow, definitely.

1439
01:00:53,800 --> 01:00:55,560
Speaker 1: What we started with him. I mean, he's got a

1440
01:00:55,560 --> 01:00:56,440
Speaker 1: lot of problems.

1441
01:00:57,040 --> 01:00:57,240
Speaker 5: You know.

1442
01:00:57,320 --> 01:01:01,000
Speaker 2: Imagine imagine going to a city, moving with somebody on

1443
01:01:01,160 --> 01:01:04,760
Speaker 2: their visa and then you're beholden to them and you're

1444
01:01:04,800 --> 01:01:07,920
Speaker 2: not really in you're not sexually A tract that he

1445
01:01:08,040 --> 01:01:09,800
Speaker 2: has a lot of problems and if we could solve

1446
01:01:09,840 --> 01:01:13,440
Speaker 2: that in a podcast, then this would be more successful.

1447
01:01:14,160 --> 01:01:17,480
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. We would be getting awards, Michelin.

1448
01:01:17,160 --> 01:01:23,960
Speaker 5: Star rating, Michelin Star, We're the first star podcast.

1449
01:01:26,240 --> 01:01:28,720
Speaker 2: We'd have a bakery, we would have we would have

1450
01:01:28,800 --> 01:01:30,280
Speaker 2: Michelin stars, you guys.

1451
01:01:31,600 --> 01:01:34,760
Speaker 1: If we can solve every fucking problem problem not solved?

1452
01:01:34,800 --> 01:01:36,280
Speaker 1: For tim was that his name?

1453
01:01:36,400 --> 01:01:36,800
Speaker 7: Timothy?

1454
01:01:37,760 --> 01:01:40,840
Speaker 2: Okay, well, Timothy from South Africa who's in the Netherlands.

1455
01:01:41,200 --> 01:01:44,280
Speaker 2: I was like, it was like, looks like he's searching

1456
01:01:44,320 --> 01:01:47,640
Speaker 2: for Dutch people. Well, we have to wrap things up.

1457
01:01:47,800 --> 01:01:53,560
Speaker 2: This is it's over. This podcast episode is over.

1458
01:01:53,880 --> 01:01:54,280
Speaker 1: Everyone.

1459
01:01:54,680 --> 01:01:57,440
Speaker 2: I want every you've been boom boomed everyone, everyone to

1460
01:01:57,560 --> 01:01:59,720
Speaker 2: order a copy of Actress of a Certain Age, My

1461
01:01:59,800 --> 01:02:04,160
Speaker 2: twenty year trail to overnight success. It's really worth it.

1462
01:02:04,280 --> 01:02:06,560
Speaker 2: And you've been a pleasure. I'm so happy that.

1463
01:02:06,680 --> 01:02:07,760
Speaker 1: Have we ever met before?

1464
01:02:07,920 --> 01:02:10,640
Speaker 5: No, no, but I will. You did one time on

1465
01:02:10,720 --> 01:02:15,600
Speaker 5: Chelsea Lately. I did this truly ridiculous musical in real life,

1466
01:02:15,680 --> 01:02:19,000
Speaker 5: and you did your monologue about it and you called

1467
01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:23,280
Speaker 5: it a gay hate crime in reverse. And I do

1468
01:02:23,360 --> 01:02:25,400
Speaker 5: have a slight sense of pride about that.

1469
01:02:25,520 --> 01:02:29,800
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, and now I do too. It's a wonderful. Well,

1470
01:02:29,840 --> 01:02:33,080
Speaker 2: I'm wonderful to relive memories like that, to cruise down

1471
01:02:33,120 --> 01:02:37,600
Speaker 2: memory lane. Before our podcast was a Michelin star. God,

1472
01:02:37,640 --> 01:02:39,240
Speaker 2: what a day, what an afternoon?

1473
01:02:39,880 --> 01:02:42,200
Speaker 5: Thank you, Jeff, Thank you seriously, thank you.

1474
01:02:42,760 --> 01:02:45,880
Speaker 2: Okay. My remaining dates for Vegas, There are remaining dates

1475
01:02:45,920 --> 01:02:51,560
Speaker 2: for this year. Summertime is coming and I will be

1476
01:02:51,920 --> 01:02:56,479
Speaker 2: in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July fifth.

1477
01:02:56,560 --> 01:02:59,440
Speaker 2: We will be the next date that I'm there, July fifth,

1478
01:02:59,480 --> 01:03:03,520
Speaker 2: August thirtieth, and then November one and twenty ninth.

1479
01:03:03,880 --> 01:03:06,200
Speaker 1: November one and November twenty.

1480
01:03:06,000 --> 01:03:09,160
Speaker 2: Ninth, I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo

1481
01:03:09,520 --> 01:03:11,800
Speaker 2: performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.

1482
01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:14,800
Speaker 1: It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,

1483
01:03:15,360 --> 01:03:15,760
Speaker 1: thank you.

1484
01:03:16,640 --> 01:03:17,880
Speaker 5: Do you want advice from Chelsea?

1485
01:03:18,160 --> 01:03:21,640
Speaker 3: Right into Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Find

1486
01:03:21,680 --> 01:03:24,840
Speaker 3: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching

1487
01:03:24,920 --> 01:03:26,080
Speaker 3: at Dear Chelsea pod.

1488
01:03:26,600 --> 01:03:27,880
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea is edited

1489
01:03:27,920 --> 01:03:32,120
Speaker 3: And engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And

1490
01:03:32,160 --> 01:03:34,400
Speaker 3: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot

1491
01:03:34,400 --> 01:03:36,840
Speaker 3: com