1 00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:09,840 Speaker 1: I guess let's get started, uh interior or wait? Should 2 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:11,879 Speaker 1: we introduce ourselves really quick? I feel like I always 3 00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:16,720 Speaker 1: forget to have people introduced. Let's all introduce ourselves. My 4 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:19,759 Speaker 1: name is Jamie Loftus. I'm the writer of Santa University 5 00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:22,520 Speaker 1: and I'm gonna be reading the action lines today. Hi, 6 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,439 Speaker 1: I'm Sophia like German and I have I'm playing the 7 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:33,760 Speaker 1: cinematographer Jill Santa Jury of two. I'm I'm, I'm I'm 8 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:38,600 Speaker 1: and I'm playing uh the Santa with all the guns 9 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:47,479 Speaker 1: like also director, Yeah wow. Also this piece. We've been 10 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:49,879 Speaker 1: collaborating in this for a really long time. This is 11 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:54,800 Speaker 1: a Zoom production. I'm Miles, and I am Dan Santa. 12 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:59,880 Speaker 1: I'm Joel. I'm gonna be playing Judge Santa. I'm Jack O'Brien. 13 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:05,319 Speaker 1: I will be God Santa, and also Mike Santa. I'm 14 00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:09,760 Speaker 1: Sharne and i am going to be Intellect Santa, and 15 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:14,720 Speaker 1: I'm Anna Host and I'll be playing Gals Santa. I 16 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:18,240 Speaker 1: am Daniel Goodman. I'll be playing Dean Santa, Jury Elf 17 00:01:18,319 --> 00:01:22,800 Speaker 1: one and Simulation Santa. I am Isaac and I will 18 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:28,920 Speaker 1: be too many DVDs Santa. Hello, I'm Caitlin Durante and 19 00:01:28,959 --> 00:01:39,080 Speaker 1: I'm playing Santa Woman, Cool Santa and Sully. You know Sully. 20 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:53,160 Speaker 1: We all know Sully Interior where poetry lives. Hello, my 21 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:56,680 Speaker 1: name is Grace Thomas Poe to the Santa's and playing 22 00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:59,800 Speaker 1: the part of son at Santa. These are some poems 23 00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:01,920 Speaker 1: that were found in the margins of the script of 24 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:06,520 Speaker 1: Santa University, covered in blue cheese dressing an assaulty substance. 25 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:14,800 Speaker 1: I can only imagine our tears or come, that's right? Um, 26 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:19,480 Speaker 1: The scroll says SunNet Santa fucking read this and this 27 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:25,480 Speaker 1: is how it goes Santa University, Sannet one. We'll figure 28 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:32,600 Speaker 1: out name later. Fuck. Four years four years since Santa's 29 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:38,079 Speaker 1: first took classes in your feed, four years four years 30 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:44,880 Speaker 1: since stand Santa saw Santa's killed for greed, and now 31 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:51,440 Speaker 1: this year, the Santa's face their greatest challenge yet when 32 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:57,959 Speaker 1: Gal and Goth and Intellect go to court and um, 33 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:04,680 Speaker 1: sweat or maybe I should have said what? Although I 34 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:13,240 Speaker 1: must admit that this installment of the scripts not horny, 35 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:20,280 Speaker 1: not a bit. I just learned that a sonnet is 36 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 1: only fourteen lines. Fuck me, I didn't catch you up, 37 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:38,800 Speaker 1: My bad, Try not to one poetry. Santa ascends back 38 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:43,560 Speaker 1: to heaven where she lives and is unfortunately a landlord 39 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:51,720 Speaker 1: fucked up interior a simulation lab outside of time or place. 40 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:55,560 Speaker 1: This page of the script of Santa University is almost 41 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:59,840 Speaker 1: unreadable as it is covered in rago sauce. It's a 42 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:03,040 Speaker 1: very sterile blue laboratory looking room that opens this fourth 43 00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:06,680 Speaker 1: section of the screenplay of Santa University. Simulation Santa sits 44 00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:09,000 Speaker 1: there looking at a monitor that holds an image of 45 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:12,480 Speaker 1: the Jingle Courthouse, a run down courthouse with a few 46 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:16,320 Speaker 1: plastic garlands hanging from the front. Simulation Santa turns to 47 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:19,080 Speaker 1: the camera, looking placid, calm, as if she has never 48 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 1: existed anywhere else. Hello, and welcome to page of Santa University. 49 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:30,400 Speaker 1: I am simulation Santa. And this is the section of 50 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:34,280 Speaker 1: the seven fifty page screenplay of Santa University where an 51 00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:38,119 Speaker 1: audience member realizes that, after eight hours of uninterrupted viewing 52 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,760 Speaker 1: with no pea breaks, while the doors to the theater 53 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:44,440 Speaker 1: are barred shut, the whole movie so far has been 54 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:48,680 Speaker 1: a simulation and a waste of your time. That's right, 55 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:53,039 Speaker 1: a waste of your fucking time. Other simulation Santa enters 56 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:57,159 Speaker 1: holding two bowls of hot, hot, hot pasta. She is 57 00:04:57,200 --> 00:05:01,080 Speaker 1: the same characterist simulation Santa Balsca is attic, like when 58 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:04,680 Speaker 1: Amy Adams isn't available and they cast Isola Fisher, it 59 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:09,839 Speaker 1: will do nuke the pasta from last night. Fuck you. 60 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:14,040 Speaker 1: Other simulation. Santa puts the hot pasta down and shakes 61 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:17,760 Speaker 1: her hands off. That pasta was really hot. Simulation. Santa 62 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:22,520 Speaker 1: looks back to the camera apologetically, we are fraternal. They 63 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:27,120 Speaker 1: should mention how hot rag goo get on the jar. No, 64 00:05:27,279 --> 00:05:31,680 Speaker 1: they shouldn't. Did you tell everyone about the simulation? I 65 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:35,120 Speaker 1: was in the middle of it. In her annoyance simulation, 66 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:37,320 Speaker 1: Santa takes a bite of pasta. It burns the roof 67 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:42,240 Speaker 1: of her mouth, and she howls, fucking unbelievable. It's enough 68 00:05:42,279 --> 00:05:45,960 Speaker 1: to make you drop a ceramic bowl full of barilla 69 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:53,600 Speaker 1: and ragu onto your masterpiece. The screenplay the Santa University simulation, 70 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:56,800 Speaker 1: Santa spits the raggu out into the bowl and exhale 71 00:05:56,839 --> 00:06:01,160 Speaker 1: several times rapidly. She looks back to camera. Sorry, I'm 72 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:04,919 Speaker 1: going to finish this now. Santa University is a simulation, 73 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,440 Speaker 1: as I just told you. But to be honest, the 74 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:10,039 Speaker 1: characters of the movie are not going to find out 75 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,200 Speaker 1: by the conclusion, so it's kind of a wash. I 76 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:15,560 Speaker 1: appreciate the screen time and the SADE card. Do I 77 00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:18,640 Speaker 1: get a sad card? No, you've only had four lines 78 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:22,720 Speaker 1: in this scene. Other Simulation Santa tries to scream and protest, 79 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:26,600 Speaker 1: but she has no more voice. No SAG card for you, Jack, 80 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:32,279 Speaker 1: as we've already spent the entire budget on prosthetic Santa corpses. Okay, 81 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:35,360 Speaker 1: let's get into it. Simulation Santa looks back over to 82 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:37,960 Speaker 1: a different monitor where the script for Santa University, the 83 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:41,000 Speaker 1: first one, of course, appears on screen. Dan Santa weeps 84 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,240 Speaker 1: talking some ship about looking like ship and not being 85 00:06:43,279 --> 00:06:46,400 Speaker 1: able to read. Simulation Santa chuckles and looks back at 86 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,680 Speaker 1: the screen of the Jingle Courthouse, where Dan Santa is 87 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:54,400 Speaker 1: brought into intensel cuffs. A. Yes, the court case, but first, 88 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:59,240 Speaker 1: let's remember what Santa University is all about. Simulation Santa 89 00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:01,800 Speaker 1: starts to sing a slightly modified version of the song 90 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:04,760 Speaker 1: the writer of Santa University wrote last year. Because I'll 91 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:06,679 Speaker 1: be honest, I feel like it didn't get it stee 92 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,240 Speaker 1: because the cast was very large and the writer may 93 00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:11,040 Speaker 1: have been a little anxious to be in a room 94 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:15,320 Speaker 1: with twenty people at once and didn't give effective musical direction. 95 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:19,440 Speaker 1: Fuck you. Here's the first song. It's called Santa University, 96 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:22,280 Speaker 1: except it's all a simulation, so don't worry about it. 97 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:28,480 Speaker 1: Dan Santa looked like shit and couldn't read about it. 98 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:31,880 Speaker 1: But the whole thing was a simulation, and only I 99 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:37,520 Speaker 1: knew other simulation. Santa starts to sing the less charismatically Santa, 100 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:45,160 Speaker 1: you about snow. It's a brutal school where only one 101 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:51,880 Speaker 1: out of forty thousand Santas livy tear and the arrest 102 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:58,880 Speaker 1: are rod to the Sante killing fields. De Santa gave 103 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:04,440 Speaker 1: a brucheure her and Dan Santa says, Sir saved the 104 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:12,480 Speaker 1: brochure for someone else because I still can't read. The 105 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:16,520 Speaker 1: two join in for the chorus in perfect harmony, though 106 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:20,160 Speaker 1: we can see in other simulations and desires that her 107 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:23,240 Speaker 1: lack of charisma is killing her and it's likely held 108 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:25,560 Speaker 1: her back in her career so far. And they sing 109 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:28,400 Speaker 1: and I and I repeat, They sing in perfect harmony. 110 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:42,480 Speaker 1: It's so beautiful. Once Santa this, the rest are killed. 111 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:56,480 Speaker 1: It's a mussical. Well itis is your first first time 112 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:18,000 Speaker 1: listening gassing anger now because the suitio threaten to pull 113 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:29,120 Speaker 1: fun but she comes from well and benefous and never 114 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:45,280 Speaker 1: but deserved. Who said tieversity. That's basically all you need 115 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:52,679 Speaker 1: to know, just like I imagined it, so hunting, so 116 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:56,880 Speaker 1: beautiful simulation. Santa gestures back at the screen of the 117 00:09:57,080 --> 00:10:00,480 Speaker 1: Jingle Courthouse. At this point in the screa, the writer 118 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,839 Speaker 1: of Santa University is betting on the majority of the 119 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:05,800 Speaker 1: audience to be asleep. But Dan Santa is being taken 120 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:09,559 Speaker 1: to court after being accused of stealing the Jingle medallion. 121 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:14,440 Speaker 1: But remember, no matter what happens, this is all a simulation, 122 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:18,920 Speaker 1: and nothing matters. In fact, it's a near certainty that 123 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:22,360 Speaker 1: the simulation has failed. What will happen to us once 124 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:27,680 Speaker 1: simulation fail? You know other simulations, Santa, That's an interesting question. 125 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:30,640 Speaker 1: I think I will probably end up stripping you for 126 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:35,960 Speaker 1: parts and moving to Alaska. Nice on with the show. 127 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:40,360 Speaker 1: The simulation begins to dissolve, just as other simulation. Santa 128 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:43,079 Speaker 1: realizes she said more than five lines and she is 129 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,520 Speaker 1: going to get her sad card. After all, it's a 130 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:49,240 Speaker 1: Christmas miracle because she is dying of chronic dan druff 131 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:53,120 Speaker 1: and needs the insurance badly. Simulation, Santa takes another bite 132 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,679 Speaker 1: of ragou and the roof of her mouth falls off. 133 00:10:56,240 --> 00:11:01,240 Speaker 1: We dissolved to exterior Jingle court house. At this point 134 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:03,920 Speaker 1: in Santa University, it's clear that the heads of production 135 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:07,320 Speaker 1: did not budget the movie. Well. There's an estimated fourteen 136 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:10,920 Speaker 1: dollars left of the one forty million dollar budget, and 137 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:13,240 Speaker 1: it's clear that some of the Christmas declarations have been 138 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:16,400 Speaker 1: relocated from the campus to the courthouse. A cough from 139 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:23,760 Speaker 1: the cinematographer can be heard audibly. Sorry, it's fine, it's fine, 140 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:27,840 Speaker 1: We're gonna put music over the shot. He sniffs loudly. 141 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:32,760 Speaker 1: Fuck they forgot to put music over the shot. Interior 142 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:37,559 Speaker 1: Judge Santa's courtroom is fucking pandemonium, as the Santa's have 143 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:41,079 Speaker 1: no fucking clue This page four eighty seven fifty pages 144 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:44,839 Speaker 1: of Santa University, and they're lost, writhing, confused. Somewhere in 145 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,280 Speaker 1: the dregs of the second act, this page of the 146 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:51,800 Speaker 1: script is covered in macafe coffee. Dan Santa, ever, looking 147 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,439 Speaker 1: like ship and utterly unable to read, sits in the 148 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:57,920 Speaker 1: Santa Defendant box with goth Santa, who wears an oversized 149 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:02,640 Speaker 1: name tag that reads best friend of the Santa defendant. Ah, jeez, 150 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:06,920 Speaker 1: I'm screwed as hell. Beside them is Intellect Santa, dressed 151 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:09,040 Speaker 1: like a lawyer who is about to defend Dan Santa. 152 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:12,280 Speaker 1: In the case of Santa University versus One Dance Santa, 153 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,000 Speaker 1: Judge Santa, a Santa who is a judge, bangs the 154 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:20,760 Speaker 1: jingle gavel, which is festive yet authoritative on her judge 155 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:25,800 Speaker 1: desk hereby call the case of Santa University versus One 156 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:29,840 Speaker 1: Dance Santa to order. I told you, God Santa giggles 157 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,720 Speaker 1: at the sound of Dan Santa's name. They said, your name, 158 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:37,600 Speaker 1: Dan Santa, You're famous. That's right, God Santa. I'm Intellect Santa, 159 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:40,959 Speaker 1: by the way, and I'm Dan Santa's lawyer. That's true. 160 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,640 Speaker 1: And thank you for reminding me of our relationships to 161 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:47,679 Speaker 1: each other. I just passed the Santa bar last night. 162 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:54,760 Speaker 1: It is a difficult test. Quiz me Santa, Jingle Christmas Jingle, 163 00:12:55,559 --> 00:13:00,400 Speaker 1: Jingle Jingle, but only for a first offense. Wow into 164 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:03,479 Speaker 1: like Santa, you are smart as hell due to glasses. 165 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,360 Speaker 1: As you can see, I am wearing glasses, so I 166 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,839 Speaker 1: am a genius. Order in the Jingle court. It is 167 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:13,599 Speaker 1: unclear why Judge Santa is yelling because no one was 168 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:17,120 Speaker 1: really making noise, even though the courtroom is packed. Instead, 169 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:21,599 Speaker 1: everyone was kissing. Did you know that just in the 170 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:26,040 Speaker 1: last year, five baby Santas were conceived and birthed in 171 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:30,280 Speaker 1: Jingle court. Well it's true. Oh wait, I forgot to 172 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:34,319 Speaker 1: say who the plaintiff is suing on behalf of Santa University. 173 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:38,000 Speaker 1: Is Dean Santa, the dean of Santa University, and therefore 174 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:43,800 Speaker 1: that is his name. Objection, That's right, it's Gal Santa, 175 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:47,760 Speaker 1: the female lead and love interest of Santa University. I'm 176 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:51,560 Speaker 1: just kidding. I just wanted some attention. She high fives 177 00:13:51,559 --> 00:13:55,280 Speaker 1: her father, Dean Santa. You know that sickled fuck? He 178 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:57,800 Speaker 1: says that the plaintiffs stand and holds a sign saying, 179 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:01,800 Speaker 1: go Santa, you like he said a jingle tournament. Good one, 180 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:05,280 Speaker 1: Gal Santa, my daughter and lawyer. Dean Santa breaks the 181 00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:07,719 Speaker 1: fourth wall and looks at the camera. I know what 182 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:12,600 Speaker 1: this looks like, me, Dean Santa. That sickled fuck. Letting 183 00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:16,719 Speaker 1: my daughter litigate Santa University is the most reliably misogynistic 184 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:20,040 Speaker 1: billion dollar franchise that's ever been launched on HBO Max. 185 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,240 Speaker 1: But the writer of Santa University started catching some serious 186 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:28,680 Speaker 1: ship for he rolls his eyes, defining Gal Santa by gender, 187 00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:32,400 Speaker 1: and he rolls his eyes again, but this time one 188 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:34,280 Speaker 1: gets stuck and he has a poke at it for 189 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,600 Speaker 1: a second until it goes back to the regular place 190 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:39,360 Speaker 1: and having to kiss Dan Santa at the end of 191 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:43,400 Speaker 1: the movie. So we let it be a lawyer happy Anyways, 192 00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:45,560 Speaker 1: we see a bunch of Santas that tested well earlier 193 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:48,320 Speaker 1: in the screenplay for Santa University in the audience their 194 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:51,160 Speaker 1: second amendment, Santa holding an armful of guns he snuck 195 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,880 Speaker 1: in after bribing the security elf with a stick of gum. 196 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:58,400 Speaker 1: There's too many DVDs, Santa as the court stenographer, and 197 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,960 Speaker 1: a bunch of people that I don't remember birth remember 198 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,880 Speaker 1: arms where their eyes should be Santa. People like Tim 199 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:08,040 Speaker 1: but he's not there though. Hey everyone, Uh, just wanted 200 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:09,960 Speaker 1: to let everyone know if you need a copy of 201 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:13,920 Speaker 1: the Smurfs, I got a ton of extra copies, Tons, 202 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:20,760 Speaker 1: Dan Santa and Dean Santa, please approach too many DVDs, Santa, 203 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:24,120 Speaker 1: Dan Santa, and Dean Santa do so. It's here we 204 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:27,400 Speaker 1: realize that since the last installment of Santa University, he's 205 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:32,200 Speaker 1: gotten meaning Dean four inches shorter? How did that happen? 206 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:36,080 Speaker 1: Must have happened between pages two hundred and four hundred 207 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:39,200 Speaker 1: and eighty seven. All right, fellas hands on the wide 208 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:44,080 Speaker 1: screen copy of Christmas with the cranks. He extends out 209 00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:46,920 Speaker 1: a still shrink wrapped copy of the underrated classic, and 210 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:48,960 Speaker 1: Dan Santa and Dean Santa put their hands on it. 211 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:52,920 Speaker 1: Tim Mallin is such a cool guy. Karlin Mark's Communist 212 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:57,760 Speaker 1: Manifesto Wikipedia really makes you think you're right, Dean Santa. 213 00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:00,640 Speaker 1: I'm rooting for you to win. Ja me leave. Curtis 214 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,920 Speaker 1: is a sexy lady in my opinion. No, however, I 215 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:07,720 Speaker 1: am innocent, Dan Santa. Do you swear to jingle the truth, 216 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,920 Speaker 1: the whole jingling truth and nothing but the jingling truth 217 00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:15,440 Speaker 1: with an extra jingle thrown in for safety Christmas? Yeah? 218 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:18,160 Speaker 1: Me too, Thank you. Danna Kroyd was good in this. 219 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,560 Speaker 1: Dan Santa and Dean Santa walked back to their seats, 220 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:26,480 Speaker 1: Dean Santa grabbing his crotch for some reason. Judge Santa 221 00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:29,600 Speaker 1: walks around in the court, sweating and looking nervous. Everything 222 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,560 Speaker 1: is writing on this and then here's a song for 223 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:38,000 Speaker 1: Judge Santa called Order in the jingle court, take it 224 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:43,120 Speaker 1: away order in the jingle Court. My job is writing 225 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:49,280 Speaker 1: on this I never remember to listen, and at the 226 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:54,160 Speaker 1: end I usually guess and they choose to spare my life. 227 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:58,200 Speaker 1: But I'm a bullshit at this job, and I can't 228 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:03,560 Speaker 1: connect with my wife. This song goes on for a 229 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:06,720 Speaker 1: while and tells us more about Judge Santa, who is 230 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,920 Speaker 1: only appearing now and won't appear after this scene, about 231 00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,760 Speaker 1: how she cheated her way through law school, bribe Santa 232 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,800 Speaker 1: university administrators to be appointed to the role of judge, 233 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,639 Speaker 1: and had a bad habit of spilling hot coffee on 234 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:21,639 Speaker 1: herself in front of her wife when arguments got too stressful. 235 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:25,399 Speaker 1: If only it had changed the subject. Everyone's pretty bored 236 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:28,600 Speaker 1: and stressed out by the end, and second Amendment Santa 237 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:32,840 Speaker 1: fidgets with his guns nervously. Oh my god, I'm second 238 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:37,320 Speaker 1: Amendment Santa. By the way, the woman who was sitting 239 00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:39,960 Speaker 1: next to him, I'm having a panic attack. The woman 240 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:42,440 Speaker 1: sitting next to him looks around trying to figure out 241 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:46,520 Speaker 1: who he was talking to. Sorry, were you talking to me? 242 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:59,159 Speaker 1: Has a gun just for those of you who are 243 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:11,640 Speaker 1: just listening, And I can't see a real gun as 244 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:18,639 Speaker 1: our Christmas party. I've been fired on that fucking coffee 245 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:31,959 Speaker 1: all day. I'm not one of the guns down, Dan Santa, 246 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:35,600 Speaker 1: You've been brought before the court today accused of stealing 247 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:39,240 Speaker 1: the Jingle medallion. The audience panics at the mention of 248 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:42,280 Speaker 1: the Jingle medallion. Judge Santa quickly reads the rest of 249 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:45,240 Speaker 1: the accusations as well as the misdemeanor counts, were looking 250 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,040 Speaker 1: like she did, not being able to read. In sixteen 251 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:53,560 Speaker 1: homicides intellect, Santa stands objection. Every Santa at Santa University 252 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,639 Speaker 1: has committed homicides. That's the only way the school even works. 253 00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,719 Speaker 1: Judge Santa thinks about this for a moment, then suddenly 254 00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:05,840 Speaker 1: naps the neck of the Jingle. Bailiff susstained. Dan Santa 255 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:09,879 Speaker 1: whispers to God, Santa, is this how court works? I 256 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,520 Speaker 1: don't know. I've only been to goth Court. It's the 257 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,960 Speaker 1: same as Santa Court. But you need to call the 258 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:23,080 Speaker 1: bailiff Jack Skellington and the judge Sally. Oh, that's the 259 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:27,000 Speaker 1: plaintiff is requesting the Dan Santa return the Jingle medallion 260 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:32,080 Speaker 1: and to stop looking like shit. Dan Santa gasps, what 261 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:35,240 Speaker 1: the funk else is he supposed to look like. Dan 262 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:38,679 Speaker 1: Santa and Gal Santa look at him triumphantly and now 263 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:44,119 Speaker 1: invitable Santa attorneys to give their opening statements. Gal Santa 264 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,320 Speaker 1: and Intellect Santa give each other mean looks because women 265 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:49,399 Speaker 1: being mad at each other for reasons that are at 266 00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:53,639 Speaker 1: first unclear, test very well. Gal Santa stands and faces 267 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:59,920 Speaker 1: the crowd. Good morning everyone. My name is gals Santa, 268 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:05,280 Speaker 1: attorney at Jingle, and I'm here today representing not just 269 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:11,440 Speaker 1: Santa University, the university where every year forty thousand Santa's 270 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:16,040 Speaker 1: are admitted and thirty nine thousand, nine nine are murdered 271 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:19,920 Speaker 1: in cold blood before the year is through. This is 272 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:23,240 Speaker 1: useful context for me, a character from Santa University, too. 273 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:28,680 Speaker 1: I am here reclaiming a family heirloom, the Jingle Medallion. 274 00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:32,719 Speaker 1: Contained within the medallion are some of the most sensitive 275 00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:37,840 Speaker 1: secrets known to Santa kind. And I'm talking the first thing, 276 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:43,760 Speaker 1: the second thing, and the third and most significant thing. 277 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:48,719 Speaker 1: Ha ha. Nice Gal Santa walks over to the defended stand. 278 00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:57,320 Speaker 1: Consider Dan Santa looks like shit cannot read wants to 279 00:20:57,480 --> 00:21:00,760 Speaker 1: kiss me. But I'm still dating Cool Santa at this 280 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:05,159 Speaker 1: point in Santa University for now, Cool Santa yells out 281 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,320 Speaker 1: from the jury box where he sits with Jury ELF 282 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:12,359 Speaker 1: one and JURYLF two. I'm Cool Santa, the coolest Santa 283 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:18,080 Speaker 1: at Santa University. Dance Santa has everything to gain by 284 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:22,440 Speaker 1: stealing the medallion. It would give him power, influence, the 285 00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:27,360 Speaker 1: ability to seduce. She leans into Dan Santa, any Santa 286 00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:33,160 Speaker 1: he wants Damn, I'm in love as hell, and today 287 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,560 Speaker 1: I will prove that he took it. And if I 288 00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:40,200 Speaker 1: can't prove it, I'm fucked because there was a small 289 00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:43,119 Speaker 1: nuclear explosion in my dorm room and I only have 290 00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:47,359 Speaker 1: six hours before my muscles turned to goo. Wow. Only 291 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:51,159 Speaker 1: paid four of Santa University four and the stakes are 292 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:56,280 Speaker 1: rising with each passing moment. That medallion, if kissed, can 293 00:21:56,400 --> 00:22:00,840 Speaker 1: revert the effects of nuclear muscle goo, and that roommate 294 00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:05,000 Speaker 1: is intellect Santa's dance, stumbling a bit as if perhaps 295 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:12,920 Speaker 1: her muscles may soon turn to Google me. Intellect Santa, 296 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:18,280 Speaker 1: are you done whatever? She walks away, stumbling a little 297 00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:20,000 Speaker 1: due to the fact that she will soon be Google. 298 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:22,199 Speaker 1: Why are they so mad at each other if they 299 00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,639 Speaker 1: are both suffering from the same goo affliction due to 300 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:28,119 Speaker 1: an explosion, that neither of them were responsible for Santa 301 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:34,120 Speaker 1: University four does not seem to answer this question. Gal 302 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:38,040 Speaker 1: Santa is right. What reporters are calling a little chernobyl 303 00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:40,800 Speaker 1: took place in our jingle dorm last night, and we 304 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:45,119 Speaker 1: are absolutely fucked. Which is why I am spending the 305 00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:48,520 Speaker 1: last moments of my life on this Santa universe defending 306 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,960 Speaker 1: the meek, the innocent, and the shitty's looking at us all, 307 00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:58,120 Speaker 1: Dan Santa, She gestures to Dan Santa. Consider Dan Santa's 308 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:01,280 Speaker 1: life at Santa University. He comes from the middle of 309 00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:04,960 Speaker 1: nowhere after losing his job at Lids, being rejected by 310 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:09,160 Speaker 1: his parents Jill and Mike Santa, who abandoned him for clowns. 311 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,440 Speaker 1: They met on Tinder and he comes here. He meets 312 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:15,720 Speaker 1: God Santa, he falls in love with Gal Santa, and 313 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:20,320 Speaker 1: he gets to witness multiple Santa's die each and every day. 314 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:24,560 Speaker 1: Why would he jeopardize the first screenplay he was the 315 00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:28,480 Speaker 1: protagonist of, to Steal the Jingle Medallion. Cool Santa stands 316 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:32,400 Speaker 1: in the jury box. Um, excuse me, it's hot up here. 317 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:36,120 Speaker 1: It's really really hot. I'm okay, but I have guys 318 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:39,520 Speaker 1: in my pocket. I have a gun. Judge Santa is 319 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:42,520 Speaker 1: suddenly jolted to attention, and we realized she has not 320 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:49,200 Speaker 1: been listening even remotely. Sorry, it's hot in the jury 321 00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:54,280 Speaker 1: box where I Cool Santa, who hates Dan Santa, and 322 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:57,960 Speaker 1: two elves who hate Dan Santa will vote whether Dan 323 00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:02,440 Speaker 1: Santa is guilty of beat. We will vote that he 324 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:07,400 Speaker 1: is guilty. I'm I'm so sorry everyone, I just got 325 00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:13,240 Speaker 1: so distracted thinking about make too Many DVDs? Santa? Could 326 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,400 Speaker 1: you read me about the transcript from the last five 327 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:18,400 Speaker 1: minutes Too Many DVD? Santa looks up from a blue 328 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,879 Speaker 1: ray jacket of Whiplash, which he paid five hundred Jingle 329 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,879 Speaker 1: bucks to get Miles Teller to sign. He kiss his 330 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:29,159 Speaker 1: mouth tellers signature. This is his prize possession. He rifles 331 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,359 Speaker 1: through his notes and looks up to Judge Santa with 332 00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:38,920 Speaker 1: regret that, sorry, Judge, I was journaling about Mink. I'm fucked, 333 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:44,400 Speaker 1: Judge Santa. If I may, I would like to bring 334 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:48,840 Speaker 1: some evidence before the court. Dan Santa stands, what about 335 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:53,520 Speaker 1: my evidence? Dan Santa? If you have any evidence, you 336 00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:58,080 Speaker 1: are welcome to show it. When I don't have any evidence, 337 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:02,600 Speaker 1: I was just aashing out girl, Santa, you may bring 338 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:06,440 Speaker 1: your evidence before the court. Dan Santa remained standing and 339 00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:09,480 Speaker 1: brings out into a sweat. He looks around, remembering that 340 00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:12,320 Speaker 1: there hasn't been a song in a while. Should that change? 341 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:15,520 Speaker 1: Oh ship, Dan Santa, are you about to sing a song? 342 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:19,600 Speaker 1: At the very suggestion of a song, Dean Santa seizes up. 343 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,480 Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's been four d and three pages. 344 00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:25,600 Speaker 1: Can't listen to Dad Santa sing another song. I think 345 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:28,239 Speaker 1: he's going to sing another song, Dan Santa, we are 346 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:31,840 Speaker 1: fucking begging you not to sing another song. But it's 347 00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:34,720 Speaker 1: too late. Dan Santa has begun to sing a song, 348 00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:39,480 Speaker 1: and the song is called Evidence to my Heart. This 349 00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:42,719 Speaker 1: one is a belter. They tried to cut this one 350 00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:45,880 Speaker 1: in post, but I wouldn't fucking allow it. I held 351 00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:49,639 Speaker 1: a knife to my throat and I said, it's days, motherfucker. 352 00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:56,600 Speaker 1: I just feel like I can never We just bring 353 00:25:56,720 --> 00:26:02,320 Speaker 1: the movies. Oh but Rich Stalter again. Cal Santa thinks 354 00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:07,600 Speaker 1: A look like shit, and that is because I look 355 00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:13,040 Speaker 1: like shit. Gal Santa sinks the chorus. Women can do anything, 356 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:18,720 Speaker 1: including whatever this is. But I's to here, hat Huh, 357 00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:27,160 Speaker 1: how its ton't just work? Lets, I've got blue rays, 358 00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:32,400 Speaker 1: I've got four kids, But who's gonna love me at 359 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:37,160 Speaker 1: the end of the day. I'm mold as fuck, I'm 360 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:42,800 Speaker 1: rude and mean. But remember he sat to University three 361 00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:48,359 Speaker 1: when I had an evil twin name being. I don't 362 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:53,240 Speaker 1: remember your evil twin bean because I wasn't in that script. 363 00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:58,160 Speaker 1: I am an elf. I have two sons and lie. 364 00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:02,800 Speaker 1: This page of the script discovered in barbecue sauce the 365 00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:05,560 Speaker 1: writer of Santa University. What have you believe that this 366 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:07,720 Speaker 1: is because she was sharing some new scenes at a 367 00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:11,240 Speaker 1: cookout with her many friends. But sources indicate the sauces 368 00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:13,320 Speaker 1: from a half rack of chili's ribs she ordered to 369 00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:22,800 Speaker 1: the house. Anyway, shehica eva so much evace to more. 370 00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:28,520 Speaker 1: The cinematographer starts coughing again, much harder this time. Dan 371 00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:33,520 Speaker 1: Santa stopped singing and looks to the camera. The coughing continues. 372 00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:37,119 Speaker 1: God Santa stands walking towards the canmera crew of Santa 373 00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:41,080 Speaker 1: University who are only paid in coupons. It's non union. 374 00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:45,840 Speaker 1: The coughing intensifies. It went down the wrong pipe. It 375 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:50,880 Speaker 1: went down the wrong pipe. The cinematographer collapses in front 376 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,359 Speaker 1: of the camera and the cast of Santa University, who 377 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:56,640 Speaker 1: are being paid in Casper mattresses. They only need one, 378 00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:59,960 Speaker 1: but they've all been given five. Run to their assistant. 379 00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:05,840 Speaker 1: The feed cuts interior Judge Santa's courtroom. Twenty minutes later, 380 00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:09,960 Speaker 1: the sound of sirens pulling away. The Casa. Santa University 381 00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:12,879 Speaker 1: is very shaken up, drinking coffee from those teal and 382 00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:16,080 Speaker 1: purple cups and whispering to each other. Duryef One and 383 00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:18,960 Speaker 1: dref to have an audible chat near the camera. They're 384 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:21,800 Speaker 1: big time gossips. I can't believe it. He was eating 385 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:24,680 Speaker 1: buffalo wild wings behind the camera. Poof just like that. 386 00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:28,359 Speaker 1: Did he have kids? Yeah? But I hear the director 387 00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:30,560 Speaker 1: called them and they were like, who cares? We hate 388 00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:36,840 Speaker 1: that guy? Wow? Wow, Cool Santa and too many DVDs. 389 00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:38,920 Speaker 1: Santa walk up to the elves to make small talk. 390 00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,920 Speaker 1: In the background. Second amendment, Santa and Judge Santa sipped 391 00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:45,640 Speaker 1: from the same coffee cup. Is there something going on there? Nice? 392 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:51,040 Speaker 1: I hear the new cinematographer is a huge Roger Deakins fan. 393 00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:55,880 Speaker 1: Things are about to get freaky here. Man. Hi, I'm 394 00:28:56,000 --> 00:29:00,600 Speaker 1: Cool Santa, the coolest Santa at Santa University. We're not 395 00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:04,520 Speaker 1: up for a take right now, buddy, He's method he's method. 396 00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:11,440 Speaker 1: Who cool, I'm cool Santa, the coolest Santa at Santa University. 397 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:15,600 Speaker 1: In a way, you are man, in a way you 398 00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:19,160 Speaker 1: are alright. Alright, we're back up, start with the last 399 00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:22,120 Speaker 1: piece of evidence. The cast of Santa University, too afraid 400 00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:24,680 Speaker 1: of losing their daily rates, are all looking between each other, 401 00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:27,840 Speaker 1: too traumatized by the depth of the cinematographer to mention 402 00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:31,400 Speaker 1: that they never broke for lunch. We uh, we never 403 00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:33,920 Speaker 1: finished my song. Yeah, well we'll do it in post. 404 00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:39,440 Speaker 1: And you were pitchy. Fuck. Everyone is back in their place. 405 00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:43,680 Speaker 1: The second Amendment. Santa, just give Judge Santa a little kiss. 406 00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:47,280 Speaker 1: Oh my god. Gal Santa returns to the front of 407 00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:52,720 Speaker 1: the room and action proceed with your evidence. Gal Santa, 408 00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:58,480 Speaker 1: I'd like to bring Exhibit a B mistletoe to the 409 00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:05,400 Speaker 1: jury audio of Dan Santa and God Santa's podcast. At 410 00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:08,440 Speaker 1: the sound of the word podcast, the entire court injury 411 00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:14,160 Speaker 1: gasp in horror. Jean Santa throws up, not a podcast, 412 00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:19,520 Speaker 1: not a podcast. I'm sick, I'm dying. Juror L three, 413 00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:21,960 Speaker 1: who was napping the whole time, takes out a knife 414 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:25,080 Speaker 1: and stabs himself in the neck. It almost seems involuntary, 415 00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:30,480 Speaker 1: they say, remember me, they collapsed dead, and the court settles. 416 00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:33,400 Speaker 1: One person chuckles a little at the death of Juror 417 00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:37,560 Speaker 1: L three, then disguises it as a cough. What an asshole? 418 00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:41,040 Speaker 1: Or maybe they just laugh when they're scared. Does anyone 419 00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:43,520 Speaker 1: ever tell you that bullshit lie when they're actually laughing 420 00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:49,480 Speaker 1: at you? As I was saying a damning clip from 421 00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:55,960 Speaker 1: Dan and Gods Santa's podcast, dated just last week, she 422 00:30:56,120 --> 00:31:00,280 Speaker 1: starts an audiophile, Hello the Internet. It is no member 423 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:05,560 Speaker 1: one and this is season sixty, episode nine of the 424 00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:14,480 Speaker 1: Daily Santa University Jingle podcast Santa University Podcast, where we 425 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:17,840 Speaker 1: take a look at Santa University subconscious and say, hey, 426 00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:21,040 Speaker 1: why are there so many dead Santa's around campus? Huh? 427 00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:29,040 Speaker 1: There's a cheeto in the north pole for crime. Gasanta 428 00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:31,880 Speaker 1: size and scrubs forward in the podcast over in the 429 00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:34,600 Speaker 1: defendant area. Dan and Gas Santa high five at They're 430 00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:41,200 Speaker 1: awesome podcast. But enough about who looks like shit? That 431 00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:44,200 Speaker 1: is you, my man? But what is going on with 432 00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:48,800 Speaker 1: this jingle medallion? The story of the Jingle medallion is weird. 433 00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:52,240 Speaker 1: It's ripped from the pages of National Treasure Book of Secrets. 434 00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:56,160 Speaker 1: Oh right, yeuhm the unit. The writer of Santa University 435 00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:59,640 Speaker 1: just watched that the other night. Uh Tyberell isn't it. 436 00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:03,560 Speaker 1: Can't believe they got barrel. But this jingle medallion appears 437 00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:06,480 Speaker 1: on page two seventy four the screenplay for Santa University 438 00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:09,160 Speaker 1: kind of like out of nowhere and has kept in 439 00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:12,560 Speaker 1: Dean Santa's office. I would love to touch it, like 440 00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:14,960 Speaker 1: just once, you know, just to feel like the warmth 441 00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:18,320 Speaker 1: of fucking anything. Please take your hands off my arm. 442 00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:21,680 Speaker 1: It doubles as a hard drive where all the secrets 443 00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:25,280 Speaker 1: of the past Santa's are, and even some JPEGs of 444 00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:29,040 Speaker 1: back in the courtroom. Dean Santa stands up frantically stop 445 00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:31,720 Speaker 1: the clip. Gal Santa pauses it a little jarred. The 446 00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:36,400 Speaker 1: crowd settles. What a secondary podcast. This evidence proves that 447 00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:41,160 Speaker 1: Dan Santa knew what the Jingle medallion wasn't expressed interest 448 00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:44,080 Speaker 1: in stealing it because it would be as warm as 449 00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:47,920 Speaker 1: another Santa's touch, and I would know. I am the 450 00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:50,960 Speaker 1: romantic lead of a movie and the primary love interest 451 00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:54,560 Speaker 1: for Dan Santa, even though I have never expressed any 452 00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:59,920 Speaker 1: meaningful interest in him. I'm Dan Santa, and I'm Cool Santa. 453 00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:04,160 Speaker 1: The coolest Santa at the I'd like to call a witness. 454 00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:06,880 Speaker 1: Judge Santa appears to be mouthing her phone number to 455 00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:10,120 Speaker 1: second amenda Santa. Isn't she married? Oh wait that was 456 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:14,000 Speaker 1: the character. This is confusing, I'm drunk. The point is 457 00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:19,040 Speaker 1: that Judge Santa wasn't listening and suddenly jerks back to attention. Right, 458 00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:26,240 Speaker 1: a witness, please, I'd like to call second amendment Santa 459 00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:30,960 Speaker 1: to the stand. Second Amendment Santa can hardly believe it. 460 00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:34,160 Speaker 1: He wasn't even in Santa University three, but here he 461 00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:37,680 Speaker 1: is taking to stand. He does a long shimmy up 462 00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:40,160 Speaker 1: the aisle, pulls out a feather, boa holds a gun 463 00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:43,800 Speaker 1: in each hand. Performatively. It's a bit much, but Dean 464 00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:46,720 Speaker 1: Santa appears to be enjoying it. I used to do 465 00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:50,760 Speaker 1: this in my youth. Second amend of Santa reaches the stand, 466 00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:55,640 Speaker 1: Pa and intellect Santa goes in on him. All right, 467 00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:59,160 Speaker 1: Second amendment Santa. Were you with Dan Santa last night? 468 00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:03,880 Speaker 1: I was, and what were you doing? I was shooting 469 00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,440 Speaker 1: little boxes of dunk Carru's off of Dan Santa's head. 470 00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:08,600 Speaker 1: It's a sick little game I played just to see 471 00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:11,840 Speaker 1: the look on his face, and so he couldn't have 472 00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:15,920 Speaker 1: been stealing the medallion, not unless he was doing so 473 00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:19,520 Speaker 1: with a bleeding head injury. It hasn't clotted, but I 474 00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:25,640 Speaker 1: am very brave. No further questions. She stands, and Gal 475 00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:28,440 Speaker 1: Santa approached the Second Amendment Santa. She itches at her 476 00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:31,440 Speaker 1: back pocket a little, and one of the jury l says, 477 00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:36,560 Speaker 1: hubba hubba, which is gross. Hubba hubba. That is gross? 478 00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:41,760 Speaker 1: Second Amendment? Santa? Will you be making fun of Trial 479 00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:46,279 Speaker 1: of Chicago seven in this year's Santa University? I did 480 00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:49,120 Speaker 1: not watch it too many DVD Santa sucks in the 481 00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:52,640 Speaker 1: air sharply through his teeth. Didn't watch Trial of the 482 00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:59,439 Speaker 1: Chicago seven, fucking Charlatan the only movies that I've seen 483 00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:01,960 Speaker 1: this year? Or Ma and make Would you like to 484 00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:05,280 Speaker 1: hear a joke I made up about this? Gal Santa 485 00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:09,239 Speaker 1: looks at Judge Santa. Judge Santa nods, hello it. This 486 00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:12,960 Speaker 1: is gonna be hilarious. Okay, okay, So, as I said, 487 00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:17,640 Speaker 1: can everyone hear me you second a members Santa can 488 00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:20,080 Speaker 1: barely get through the joke without cracking me up. It's 489 00:35:20,239 --> 00:35:27,640 Speaker 1: so funny. He really knows it. Don't bank my drink alone, 490 00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:34,200 Speaker 1: the court audience burst into confusion. I only saw a bank, 491 00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:38,120 Speaker 1: I only saw a ma. I saw a meme similar 492 00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:40,960 Speaker 1: to this. That joke just sounds like the witness misread 493 00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:45,840 Speaker 1: the joke and thought the misread here Gal Santa looks around, panicked. 494 00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:48,920 Speaker 1: She's lost control of the witness. As Judge Santa bangs 495 00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:52,839 Speaker 1: the jingles gavel, I will have hoda, I will have order. 496 00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:56,160 Speaker 1: The crowd hushes. She turns to second a members Santa, 497 00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:58,440 Speaker 1: and we see the gleam in her eye that reminds 498 00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:02,400 Speaker 1: us there is definitely a vibe. Tween needs two. That 499 00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:10,560 Speaker 1: was a very funny joke. Smiley face emoji, no further questions. 500 00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:13,880 Speaker 1: Second of him in Santa Shimmy's back to his seat, 501 00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:22,160 Speaker 1: whispering sweet nothings to his guns. Thank you. I'd like 502 00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:25,799 Speaker 1: to call to the stand two people who knew Dan 503 00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:29,479 Speaker 1: Santa is a piece of ship more than anyone else, 504 00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:41,839 Speaker 1: Jill and Mike. Santa. The crowder ups into cheers. So amazing. 505 00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:44,279 Speaker 1: Jill and Mike are not in a great mood though. 506 00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:47,680 Speaker 1: They just landed this morning and Santa University could only 507 00:36:47,719 --> 00:36:50,840 Speaker 1: afford to fly them on spirit and not just spirit. 508 00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:53,360 Speaker 1: The spirit tickets where you can't bring any luggage, and 509 00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:55,360 Speaker 1: you don't even know if you're fucking sitting next to 510 00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:58,520 Speaker 1: each other until forty five minutes before the plane takes off. 511 00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:02,719 Speaker 1: That's right, we're back. I had to sit in a 512 00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:08,000 Speaker 1: fucking middle seat. My legs hurt, annoyed, jilled Santa pushes 513 00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:15,760 Speaker 1: intellect Santa as she walks by out of my way. Nepotism, Santa, Hey, judge, 514 00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:18,480 Speaker 1: I call a foul. The judge looks up from her 515 00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:21,000 Speaker 1: copy of The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets Nest and 516 00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:25,200 Speaker 1: squints at the situation. That's a foul. A deafening penalty 517 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:28,920 Speaker 1: horn sounds and too many DVDs. Santa's kicks the dead 518 00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:32,520 Speaker 1: bailiff Santa's body away to pull them into the penalty box, 519 00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:36,440 Speaker 1: which looks exactly like a hockey penalty box. The crowd laughs, 520 00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:39,800 Speaker 1: And last did I mentioned there was a penalty box? 521 00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:44,839 Speaker 1: And now Jill and Mike are inside of it? Any 522 00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:49,680 Speaker 1: other witnesses Gal Santa? Gal thinks hard, sure everyone hates 523 00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:52,960 Speaker 1: Dan Santa. He looks like shit, makes a terrible first impression, 524 00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:55,000 Speaker 1: and I don't even need to say the third thing allowed. 525 00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:57,680 Speaker 1: But there had to be someone who would get him. 526 00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:04,560 Speaker 1: Someone yes, Judge Santa, I would like to call Sully 527 00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:11,680 Speaker 1: to the stand. The crowd panics. Sully's page five hundred 528 00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:16,640 Speaker 1: of Santa University and we're still meeting new characters. Jill 529 00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:19,000 Speaker 1: and Mike. Santa pound on the plexiglass window of the 530 00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:22,560 Speaker 1: penalty box excitedly as Sully, a five six guy from 531 00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:26,600 Speaker 1: Bossing in a flat brim red sox heat approaches the stand. 532 00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:31,160 Speaker 1: Dan Santa is terrified and starts to sob No, that's 533 00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:36,160 Speaker 1: my carter guy, extremely loud and incredibly coach Sully. He 534 00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:40,040 Speaker 1: fired me from the lid store, stole my girlfriend Janine, 535 00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:43,920 Speaker 1: who was in Santa University back in sev and then 536 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:47,560 Speaker 1: never appeared or was mentioned again. They the funk out 537 00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:51,359 Speaker 1: of my script dance Santa. Sully takes the stand. Gal 538 00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:57,920 Speaker 1: Santa closes in. This is her ace in the hall, Sully, Sully, silly, 539 00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:02,120 Speaker 1: you're the assistant manager of a litz. Are you not 540 00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:07,640 Speaker 1: fucking you? I am fucking yes, fucking I am him. 541 00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:14,759 Speaker 1: And you employed Dan Santa? Did you not against my 542 00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:19,320 Speaker 1: fucking will My last guy who worked the red Trevor, 543 00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:22,120 Speaker 1: got his Trevor. I don't know how to do boss 544 00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:28,560 Speaker 1: neccent guys stuck into the slash machine and Auntie and 545 00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:33,279 Speaker 1: and I needed someone fast. Tell me, Sully, you are 546 00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:38,160 Speaker 1: so fucking beautiful, by the way. No, no, no, tell 547 00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:44,640 Speaker 1: me Sully. Was Dan Santa a good employee? Fuck no, 548 00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:48,919 Speaker 1: he stole a fucking flat brim. The crowd erupts into 549 00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:52,120 Speaker 1: a whore. Dan Santa stands up in a fury. I 550 00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:56,360 Speaker 1: stole it to feed my family. Jillan might beat on 551 00:39:56,440 --> 00:40:00,920 Speaker 1: the penalty box. That makes no sense, Dan Santi laccid waste. 552 00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:05,080 Speaker 1: That hat tasted like ship. Sully stands and points a 553 00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:09,040 Speaker 1: finger at Dance Santa. You're a fucking loser. Dance Santa, 554 00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:12,160 Speaker 1: I bet you don't even want the Bruins to win. 555 00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:17,160 Speaker 1: How can you say that? Gal Santa looks at Intelex 556 00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:20,360 Speaker 1: Santa and they both get a little groupier. Remember those steaks, 557 00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:28,600 Speaker 1: little Chernobyl. Anyways, no further questions into Alex Santa. Now 558 00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:34,480 Speaker 1: group here, groups are way to the stand, Sully, No yourana. 559 00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:40,319 Speaker 1: I am a lawyer. Objection, you cannot object. You are 560 00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:45,640 Speaker 1: a witness. Objection, cannot object. I want a lawyer. I 561 00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:48,600 Speaker 1: am a lawyer, and you are so fucking beautiful, by 562 00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:54,000 Speaker 1: the way, And an attempt to seduce Intolexanta Sully takes 563 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:56,160 Speaker 1: a yogurt cup out of his pocket and starts to 564 00:40:56,200 --> 00:41:01,120 Speaker 1: eat the yogurt. It's called jingle yogurt. It's called jingle yogurt. 565 00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:07,000 Speaker 1: But the jingle yogurt is really hot, rotten and reeks. 566 00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:09,080 Speaker 1: So I realized is this at the same time as 567 00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:11,040 Speaker 1: the rest of the court, but has already made a 568 00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:13,120 Speaker 1: big deal about the jingle yogurt and doesn't know how 569 00:41:13,160 --> 00:41:16,920 Speaker 1: to back down. He takes a bite of it. Oh ship, 570 00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:24,000 Speaker 1: He spits out the yogurt and flees the witness stead, 571 00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:27,719 Speaker 1: running into the arms of Dean Santa. They're there, beautiful man, 572 00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:33,200 Speaker 1: They're there, girl, Santa Intellect Santa, do you have any more? 573 00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:36,640 Speaker 1: Another penalty bell rings? Jill and Mike think this means 574 00:41:36,719 --> 00:41:39,440 Speaker 1: they will be released from the penalty box, but it doesn't. 575 00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:42,400 Speaker 1: This crew of Santa University will forget to unlock it 576 00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:44,560 Speaker 1: at the end of the day, leaving them there over 577 00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:47,960 Speaker 1: the weekend and resulting in a number of expensive lawsuits 578 00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:52,360 Speaker 1: that halt production for three years. That's the sound that 579 00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:55,840 Speaker 1: means the writer of Santa University is almost out of 580 00:41:55,960 --> 00:41:59,160 Speaker 1: time to write Santa University, and we need to skip 581 00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:02,720 Speaker 1: to the verdict. I'm cool Santa, by the way, coolest 582 00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:06,440 Speaker 1: Santa at Santa University. Judge Santa puts down the girl 583 00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:09,800 Speaker 1: who kicked the hornets nest okay, Jerry, you may deliberate. 584 00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:13,239 Speaker 1: Is there a different room to go to? Judge Santa 585 00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:16,000 Speaker 1: looks to the camera a beat. The director his is, 586 00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:21,440 Speaker 1: we can't afford a different room. I just make the 587 00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:25,040 Speaker 1: verdict here. We'll talk really loud so we can't hear 588 00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:32,520 Speaker 1: you the Jerry Cool Santa. Jury Elf one and Jury 589 00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:35,239 Speaker 1: elf to start whispering to each other loudly so we 590 00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:42,960 Speaker 1: can hear them saying, da Santa is guilty. I wonder 591 00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:49,360 Speaker 1: what they will decide. I just don't understand why Elizabeth 592 00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:52,600 Speaker 1: and Blanc was reconciled. At the end. Figure did the 593 00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:59,320 Speaker 1: best version. He understands women, Mink, yes, mink. Everyone in 594 00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:02,600 Speaker 1: the court remember a second amendment Santa's hilarious joke from earlier, 595 00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:05,160 Speaker 1: and started to crack up all over again. The joke 596 00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:12,760 Speaker 1: was funny, k alone, don't make as in the movie 597 00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:18,040 Speaker 1: Bank It's it just makes me laugh. It's just good. 598 00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,200 Speaker 1: Cool Santa and the jury Elves turned to the court. 599 00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:27,120 Speaker 1: Cool Santa, here we have made a decision song, we 600 00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:31,719 Speaker 1: decided he was guilty yesterday. Cool Santa and the two 601 00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:35,759 Speaker 1: jury elves sing a funky standard, grinding on each other 602 00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:40,800 Speaker 1: as they sing Dance Santo's guilt tap. You know that 603 00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:47,960 Speaker 1: it's true. We decided yesterday that Dance Santa is gonna pay. 604 00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:53,440 Speaker 1: It's funny because he didn't commit the crime. Dan Santa 605 00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:58,320 Speaker 1: cuts off the song. Everyone is relieved. Cool Santa, being method, 606 00:43:58,560 --> 00:44:00,719 Speaker 1: was taking the grinding too serious, say, and it was 607 00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:07,360 Speaker 1: making everyone uncomfortable. I'd like to call myself to the 608 00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:12,680 Speaker 1: stand until like Santa is so fucking piste. You can't 609 00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:16,520 Speaker 1: do that, Dan santell, You're foolish, scrawny, but gigantic ass 610 00:44:16,719 --> 00:44:19,960 Speaker 1: is gonna blow the entire case. No, no, let him. 611 00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:22,399 Speaker 1: This will be funny, go said here. By the way, 612 00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:24,880 Speaker 1: I feel like I've kind of fallen into the background 613 00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:30,680 Speaker 1: of this one too, But that's a goth's life. Sad 614 00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:34,839 Speaker 1: faced here, Desanta heads to the witness stand and God 615 00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:38,040 Speaker 1: Santa falls excitedly. After all he is Dan Santa's close 616 00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:47,040 Speaker 1: his alley as Sanda University. Hello, everyone, before you announced 617 00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:51,000 Speaker 1: the jingle verdict, I just wanted to say I know 618 00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:54,759 Speaker 1: that I look like ship and cannot read. And yes, 619 00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:59,000 Speaker 1: I took the flat brim hat from lids to feed 620 00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:04,520 Speaker 1: my angry, hungry father. But I did not steal that medallion. No, 621 00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:08,240 Speaker 1: you did, Dan Santa, and now my daughter gonna be goop, 622 00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:14,560 Speaker 1: Gal Santa, as the script of Santa University has indicated 623 00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:18,040 Speaker 1: since your clumsy introduction eight hours ago, I am in 624 00:45:18,239 --> 00:45:21,960 Speaker 1: love as hell with you. I am not interested. Nonetheless, 625 00:45:22,440 --> 00:45:25,680 Speaker 1: I would never want you to turn to goop. Beautiful 626 00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:30,360 Speaker 1: sexy goop that I love? What about me? Oh? Stop that? 627 00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:36,640 Speaker 1: I wish I got a song this year. I would 628 00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:41,240 Speaker 1: never steal a medallion that would turn Gal to Goop. 629 00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:44,680 Speaker 1: It would have to be someone who wanted power, and 630 00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:49,200 Speaker 1: damn Dan Santa as smart as hell in this one, 631 00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:52,920 Speaker 1: the script has to end. The writer is out of 632 00:45:53,040 --> 00:46:00,759 Speaker 1: time and wanted intellect Santa to liquify for the agreasons. 633 00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:05,839 Speaker 1: Gal Santa's eyes wide, and is Dan Santa implicating her? 634 00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:14,719 Speaker 1: Is Dan Santa implicating her? You mean me? I mean me? Yes, 635 00:46:14,960 --> 00:46:19,120 Speaker 1: Gal Santa, you stole the medallion. Also, I saw it 636 00:46:19,200 --> 00:46:22,480 Speaker 1: in your back pocket because I like to steal a peek. 637 00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:26,879 Speaker 1: You know that's my daughter's asks you're talking about pole? 638 00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:32,040 Speaker 1: What can I say, the point is Gal stole it, 639 00:46:32,760 --> 00:46:38,640 Speaker 1: so I stole the Jango medallion. Fine. Wow. She takes 640 00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:41,279 Speaker 1: the Jingle medallion out of her back pocket, where this 641 00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:43,640 Speaker 1: has been visible in at least half of the shots 642 00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:47,320 Speaker 1: she's appeared in so far. Whatever you are picturing, the 643 00:46:47,440 --> 00:46:50,200 Speaker 1: Jingle medallion looks like it is much uglier than that. 644 00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:57,319 Speaker 1: Oh that's it, man, That looks like shit better than 645 00:46:57,440 --> 00:46:59,960 Speaker 1: Dan Santa. This is my last line in Sandy univer 646 00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:05,279 Speaker 1: But it wasn't because I wanted power, which I did want. 647 00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:09,520 Speaker 1: And it wasn't because I hate intellect Santa, because women 648 00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:13,240 Speaker 1: hating each other for no reason. Tests well, it's because 649 00:47:13,360 --> 00:47:17,640 Speaker 1: I wanted to be a lawyer. Dean's Santa turns to 650 00:47:17,719 --> 00:47:21,840 Speaker 1: the camera crooked smile face, and now all of you know, 651 00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:27,440 Speaker 1: I'm more than just Gal Santa, nepotism princess of Santa University. 652 00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:31,640 Speaker 1: I'm Gal Santa, someone who will litigate you into an 653 00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:34,600 Speaker 1: early grave and snap your fucking neck to be the 654 00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:39,040 Speaker 1: final Santa at Santa University. Intellect Santa tries to clap, 655 00:47:39,239 --> 00:47:43,479 Speaker 1: but she's gotten too goopy. Gal Santa offers the Jingle 656 00:47:43,560 --> 00:47:47,719 Speaker 1: medallion to Intellect Santa, who kisses it. Her posture immediately improves. 657 00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:51,760 Speaker 1: She at all goopy. Now, Gal Santa kisses the medallion 658 00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:56,400 Speaker 1: as well, and the same happens. Do you forgive me, Daddy? 659 00:47:58,360 --> 00:48:00,640 Speaker 1: I guess we're out of time. Now give me that 660 00:48:00,719 --> 00:48:04,400 Speaker 1: fucking medallion. Dean Santa tries to snatch the medallion, but 661 00:48:04,520 --> 00:48:07,560 Speaker 1: he is gross and his hands are constantly covered in butter, 662 00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:11,800 Speaker 1: so the medallion slips out of his hand and flies 663 00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:15,520 Speaker 1: into the air. As we hear Ave Maria play? Can 664 00:48:15,600 --> 00:48:20,799 Speaker 1: we play Ave Maria? I swear to fucking God Through 665 00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:25,320 Speaker 1: a series of fucking clumsily edited shots, the medallion lands 666 00:48:25,400 --> 00:48:29,840 Speaker 1: into the hard drive of too many DVDs Santa's laptop, 667 00:48:29,960 --> 00:48:35,080 Speaker 1: which he's had the whole time. No, not the Santa data, 668 00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:40,120 Speaker 1: too many DVD Santa turns the screen to the audience. 669 00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:43,880 Speaker 1: It's a collection of JPEGs of Santa asses through the years. 670 00:48:44,239 --> 00:48:46,320 Speaker 1: Everyone gets so horny that I don't know what to do. 671 00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:51,920 Speaker 1: I dream of adding my ass to this holy roster. 672 00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:55,640 Speaker 1: My ass would add something a little different, as it 673 00:48:55,719 --> 00:48:59,480 Speaker 1: has a tattoo of a phoenix. My asses a gun. 674 00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:03,600 Speaker 1: I guess we're just not going to read the verdict. 675 00:49:04,239 --> 00:49:11,120 Speaker 1: Did this pass the Bechdel teste cast at all in 676 00:49:11,239 --> 00:49:16,200 Speaker 1: no way. Dan Santa looks to the camera. It's just 677 00:49:17,360 --> 00:49:37,560 Speaker 1: another year at the theme from Santa said, we all 678 00:49:37,680 --> 00:49:47,480 Speaker 1: got there. The new cinematographer keels over dead the and yeah, perfect, 679 00:49:48,200 --> 00:49:55,840 Speaker 1: another amazing year of Santa University. Thank thanks everyone, Thanks script, 680 00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:59,279 Speaker 1: Thank you wrote it all immediately before we had to 681 00:49:59,320 --> 00:50:05,319 Speaker 1: read it. Could not be me doing that sort of thing. 682 00:50:08,520 --> 00:50:12,759 Speaker 1: I'm welcome, welcome feedback. I asked to kill Robert and 683 00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:14,920 Speaker 1: I didn't get to and I'm sad about it. I 684 00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:17,000 Speaker 1: have wanted a song and I didn't get a song. 685 00:50:17,160 --> 00:50:20,239 Speaker 1: So well that was the rehearsal right you did that 686 00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:22,359 Speaker 1: was yeah, we're actually going to do the whole thing 687 00:50:22,719 --> 00:50:27,160 Speaker 1: right right now, So a few more hours now, Well 688 00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:30,719 Speaker 1: we're gonna do notes, right So who should I start with? Yeah? Yeah, 689 00:50:30,800 --> 00:50:35,800 Speaker 1: I would love some feedback. Yeah, a little clunky sometimes 690 00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:38,760 Speaker 1: if you wrote it like the reading could have been smoother. 691 00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:41,359 Speaker 1: So I think you give be relaxed a little bit. Yeah, yeah, 692 00:50:41,520 --> 00:50:46,799 Speaker 1: just relax okay, okay, okay, no, no whole other thing 693 00:50:47,520 --> 00:50:49,920 Speaker 1: I think when I like ace Ventura kind of a 694 00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:53,640 Speaker 1: thing I thought I thought that Dan Santa had an 695 00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:57,200 Speaker 1: Australian accent. Yes, I was going to bring he did. 696 00:50:57,760 --> 00:51:00,800 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's changed. I don't know. I oh, I 697 00:51:00,920 --> 00:51:05,319 Speaker 1: was looking forward to I think I had it in one, 698 00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:09,239 Speaker 1: and then the first year this is it was in 699 00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:11,080 Speaker 1: one of the I had to I listen. I had 700 00:51:11,120 --> 00:51:12,560 Speaker 1: to listen to all of them because I forget what 701 00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:16,880 Speaker 1: happens in all of them. Every year the Lord, you 702 00:51:17,040 --> 00:51:18,799 Speaker 1: do it in all of the second one, and then 703 00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:20,560 Speaker 1: at the beginning of the third one, and then you 704 00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:24,360 Speaker 1: bail out in the middle of the third one, so 705 00:51:24,800 --> 00:51:28,200 Speaker 1: canonically it's no longer. And see I do that, so 706 00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:34,840 Speaker 1: anyone can play Dan Santa. Yeah, exactly, talk like Sully 707 00:51:34,960 --> 00:51:37,439 Speaker 1: from now on, like all the time. Please. Oh yeah, 708 00:51:37,560 --> 00:51:41,480 Speaker 1: I'm just now changing my entire personality to reflect Sully. 709 00:51:42,960 --> 00:51:47,320 Speaker 1: I forgot to resolve Judge Santa and secondimender Santa. You know, 710 00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:49,520 Speaker 1: there's just there's gonna be a fifth year. There just 711 00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:52,640 Speaker 1: has to be a fifth year. We I we also 712 00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:57,160 Speaker 1: never really declared a verdict um, so that's kind of 713 00:51:57,280 --> 00:52:01,520 Speaker 1: up in the air. What a cliff finger. Yeah yeah, 714 00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:09,880 Speaker 1: well thanks everyone, uh, happy holidays, Yeah yeah, thanks for 715 00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:18,520 Speaker 1: including me. This was fun. Happy Honda Days interior where 716 00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:27,560 Speaker 1: poetry Sonnet Santa has another couplet written on the back 717 00:52:27,680 --> 00:52:34,200 Speaker 1: of the five fourteenth page of Santa University, a script 718 00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:37,800 Speaker 1: that couldn't even get a fucking meeting neck we be, 719 00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:43,960 Speaker 1: and look at how that worked out. Santa University outlived 720 00:52:44,280 --> 00:52:50,880 Speaker 1: we be. Really think about that anyways? Sonnet Santa reads 721 00:52:50,920 --> 00:52:55,879 Speaker 1: another shitty sonnet to close out the show. She's too 722 00:52:56,000 --> 00:53:00,520 Speaker 1: good for this. She's a landlord in heaven applauline that 723 00:53:00,719 --> 00:53:09,160 Speaker 1: never becomes relevant to Santa University. She reads Santa University 724 00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:17,160 Speaker 1: Sonnet to even worse. So there you go, my frothy friends. 725 00:53:17,800 --> 00:53:21,920 Speaker 1: The Santa's went to court. It will never come up again. 726 00:53:22,560 --> 00:53:28,160 Speaker 1: Next year's all about sports. I must admit I poetry. 727 00:53:28,320 --> 00:53:32,200 Speaker 1: Santa did not read over the script. I don't know 728 00:53:32,320 --> 00:53:37,440 Speaker 1: how port went for Dan, the Santa who looks like shit. Instead, 729 00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:41,200 Speaker 1: I walked my dog and wondered how the script could 730 00:53:41,280 --> 00:53:48,800 Speaker 1: exist buck Santa University. But it should be on the blacklist, Sannet. 731 00:53:48,840 --> 00:53:54,759 Speaker 1: Santa looks at the camera peacefully. Is anyone going to 732 00:53:54,880 --> 00:53:59,040 Speaker 1: tell you that sonnet was only twelve lines? Guess not 733 00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:07,319 Speaker 1: layand lords. See you next year, folks. HM