Speaker 1: The winning Difference knows that true winning does not have
Speaker 1: to be dictated by the scoreboard. Winning is engaging kids
Speaker 1: in character, building, building confidence, and creating successful habits using sports.
Speaker 2: That's our goal. That's what we need to be doing.
Speaker 2: That's where we're lost.
Speaker 3: This is the Reform Sports Project, a podcast about restoring
Speaker 3: healthy balance and perspective in all areas of sports through
Speaker 3: education and advocacy. Hi, this is Nick Bonacor from the
Speaker 3: Reform Sports Podcast. My guest today is Libby Mascaro, a
Speaker 3: decorated athlete, soccer coach, and mental health advocate. A standout
Speaker 3: soccer player when she attended Mount Lebanon High School, she
Speaker 3: went on to compete at the NCAA Division One level
Speaker 3: for Penn State University. She is a fierce advocate for
Speaker 3: mental health awareness and works closely with the Upper Saint
Speaker 3: Clear Wellness Committee, which she co founded in twenty seventeen,
Speaker 3: the National Alliance on Mental Illness, and the American Foundation
Speaker 3: for Suicide Prevention. She was recently awarded Citizen of the
Speaker 3: Year for her mental health focused work in the Upper
Speaker 3: Saint Clair community. Libby and I discuss her passion for
Speaker 3: mental health advocacy. The commodification of young athletes and sports,
Speaker 3: particularly in youth soccer, and the importance of prioritizing well
Speaker 3: being of young athletes as they navigate the complex dynamics
Speaker 3: of sports and adolescents.
Speaker 4: I've been very much looking forward to having this guest
Speaker 4: on We Connected, you know, through Reformed Sports project. Through
Speaker 4: social media, I kind of became a big fan of
Speaker 4: hers and the work that she does, and you know,
Speaker 4: I've gotten to know her a little bit, you know,
Speaker 4: just through posting and of course doing some due diligence
Speaker 4: reading about her and such, and she's paving the way
Speaker 4: for some really special things and a big advocate for
Speaker 4: youth sports and a coach, former athlete, and mom and
Speaker 4: all these great things. Coach Libby mescarroll, coach, thanks so
Speaker 4: much for hopping on.
Speaker 2: Hey, Nick, First, thank you so much for having me
Speaker 2: to super big.
Speaker 5: Honor and I'm super grateful, so thank you so much
Speaker 5: for taking the time.
Speaker 6: Oh my god, no, no, worse, thank you. You have
Speaker 6: a very I mean.
Speaker 4: You're a deck rated athlete, your coach, club coach, you're
Speaker 4: a mental health advocate. I mean, can you kind of
Speaker 4: give me your backstory, Like, who the hell is Libby
Speaker 4: Matt Carroll.
Speaker 5: Okay, well that's a loaded question, But I would say,
Speaker 5: first of all, I'm a super huge fan of yours.
Speaker 5: Like you said, we connected on social media a couple
Speaker 5: of years ago.
Speaker 2: I noticed a post of yours.
Speaker 5: And it just kind of resonated and clicked with me
Speaker 5: and your huge inspiration for me and how I lead
Speaker 5: my teams, our team, and so I just wanted to
Speaker 5: point that out and thank you for the insanely awesome
Speaker 5: work you're doing. And you're talking about stuff that needs
Speaker 5: to be talked about and a lot of people aren't,
Speaker 5: so thank you for that. So I am, yes, first
Speaker 5: and foremost a mom. I have two daughters, who wants
Speaker 5: a sophomore in high school, one's a freshman. Both play
Speaker 5: high level soccer club soccer for the club that I
Speaker 5: also coach for here in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. It's called Bealing
Speaker 5: Soccer Club. We play in the Girls Academy League. But
Speaker 5: I most importantly my role as a mom. But yes,
Speaker 5: of course, like I said, I'm a coach, and I
Speaker 5: got into coaching many years ago. Actually I was in
Speaker 5: high school and I did a volunteer coach for our
Speaker 5: local travel team. And fast forward when my kids were
Speaker 5: old enough to kick a ball around, I started coaching
Speaker 5: them and then just kind of have continued in this
Speaker 5: coaching role. I've coached to the high school level, but
Speaker 5: most recently with club soccer here in Pittsburgh. But you
Speaker 5: talked about my work with mental health advocacy and awareness. Unfortunately,
Speaker 5: ten years ago, my mother who suffered pretty much most
Speaker 5: of her life, but certainly the last ten to fifteen
Speaker 5: years of her life were the worst. She had a
Speaker 5: very serious mental illness. She unfortunately died by suicide on
Speaker 5: June first of twenty thirteen, And at that point myself
Speaker 5: and my brother kind of catapulted into just throwing ourselves
Speaker 5: into the droves of how we can help people with
Speaker 5: mental illnesses and disorders. So fast forward to today, it's
Speaker 5: actually transform not only how I.
Speaker 2: Help others, but how I coach specifically young female.
Speaker 5: Athletes, which that is what I coach with two other
Speaker 5: coaches who are amazing. We have a roster of sixteen
Speaker 5: players that are just wonderful, amazing young female athletes. But
Speaker 5: there's a certain way, in my opinion, to lead young
Speaker 5: female athletes.
Speaker 4: First of all, I'm sorry you know that you get
Speaker 4: your mom passed and that's okay's and all of that,
Speaker 4: But I love how you're kind of spearheaded, You're kind
Speaker 4: of using that your platform as a way, And I
Speaker 4: guess I want to ask, like, why do you see
Speaker 4: because I've read some articles and you were recently awarded,
Speaker 4: like you have to give me the exactly what it was,
Speaker 4: but you had a big award like Female person of
Speaker 4: the Year, whatever the heck it was, But like, what
Speaker 4: about the correlation and youth sports and mental health? Why
Speaker 4: do you see a correlation there and why do you
Speaker 4: think that that platform is a good place to you know,
Speaker 4: kind of spearhead your mission.
Speaker 5: So the award was given by a local judge who
Speaker 5: give away an award every year or too.
Speaker 2: That the award is called Citizen of the Year.
Speaker 5: So I was awarded that for a couple of reasons,
Speaker 5: which I am insanely humbled. And it's mostly based on
Speaker 5: sort of the community outreach stuff that I've been doing
Speaker 5: the last ten years, mainly with mental health advocacy and awareness.
Speaker 5: I work with a couple of local organizations here, but
Speaker 5: then I do a lot of work in our school
Speaker 5: district specifically for kind of you know, taking care of
Speaker 5: our students here. We have four thousand students in our
Speaker 5: school district. A few years ago, myself and another amazing
Speaker 5: human being started something called the Wellness Committee, where we
Speaker 5: our mission is to make sure the students in our
Speaker 5: district are taken care of, both physically but certainly mentally.
Speaker 5: So I would have to say having two teenage daughters
Speaker 5: and then coaching the exact same age of my daughters.
Speaker 5: For the past I've had this team with a couple
Speaker 5: other coaches our team for I think this is our.
Speaker 2: Fifth season together. So I've seen these girls come up from.
Speaker 5: You ten basically to where we are right now at
Speaker 5: you fifteen.
Speaker 2: But I also live with two teenage daughters.
Speaker 5: So the concept of being this coach but also a
Speaker 5: female but also who happens to be a mom is
Speaker 5: this dynamic that sometimes is hard because you're seeing every
Speaker 5: aspect of the game, the coaching, the leadership, the players.
Speaker 5: I'm seeing it everywhere. I'm seeing the whole circle of
Speaker 5: where we are with this age. So my biggest concern
Speaker 5: is making sure that these players are taking care of
Speaker 5: as a person, a human being, a young female athlete
Speaker 5: before anything else. We need to focus on the person,
Speaker 5: the child the female before they are that player coming
Speaker 5: onto the pitch.
Speaker 2: It's vital.
Speaker 4: So is that a shift, like you know, I would
Speaker 4: assume I have. You know, we just talked about it.
Speaker 4: I have a few more kids than you, but we
Speaker 4: got to be somewhere in the ballpark of around the same.
Speaker 6: You know, I'm probably a few years older than you, maybe.
Speaker 4: But I don't recall when I was growing up there
Speaker 4: being any It was almost like a stigma, like, dude,
Speaker 4: you don't talk about now I'm a guy. Now, maybe
Speaker 4: that's just a gender stereotype and guys are supposed to,
Speaker 4: you know, stick their chest out and make preten everything's
Speaker 4: okay and yad YadA, YadA. I feel like you have
Speaker 4: a lot of you know, high level athletes that are
Speaker 4: that are really turning that and kind of that that
Speaker 4: Scarlett letter is kind of going by the wayside, which
Speaker 4: is a blessing.
Speaker 6: But why, in particular.
Speaker 4: From an overall just youth standpoint, do you feel like
Speaker 4: there's been such a shift from the time that you
Speaker 4: and I may have been coming up and now the
Speaker 4: emphasis on mental mental health.
Speaker 5: I know one thing for sure is as leadership, I
Speaker 5: think the idea of leadership, whether that means a coaching role,
Speaker 5: a parent role, a.
Speaker 2: Director of a club role.
Speaker 5: I just think that we have gotten to a point
Speaker 5: where a couple of things are leading away money ego
Speaker 5: and then this person, this this amazing, wonderful, incredibly talented
Speaker 5: thing in front of you.
Speaker 2: Your player is being kind of tossed to the side.
Speaker 2: It's win it all costs.
Speaker 5: It's transactional versus transformational leadership. We just we've gotten to
Speaker 5: a point where we really, when it comes down to it,
Speaker 5: do we really.
Speaker 2: Care about the player the person? Do we?
Speaker 5: Yes, we care about the player and the athlete winning
Speaker 5: for us, scoring goals, making baskets, whatever it is.
Speaker 2: But how did we get to that point?
Speaker 5: We have to get back to the point of taking
Speaker 5: care and loving the person before what they're doing for
Speaker 5: us on the court, on the pitch.
Speaker 4: I've heard it said that almost like you know, kids
Speaker 4: are becoming commodities, you know, to a certain degree. So
Speaker 4: I'm listening to you and I'm going, is that kind
Speaker 4: of it, like we're almost using and I say we,
Speaker 4: I'm saying in general our generation, like the transformation, like
Speaker 4: is it a matter of rather than looking at young
Speaker 4: people as let's help mold and shape these human beings
Speaker 4: into becoming the best versions of the cellphone and using
Speaker 4: sports as a as a mechanism to do so, versus
Speaker 4: you think it's kind of become I need to use
Speaker 4: these kids to help elevate my status as a coach
Speaker 4: or as an adult.
Speaker 6: Do you think that's kind of yes, gotten out of balance?
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes yes. And it's not just
Speaker 2: club soccer.
Speaker 5: It's not just the realm that I'm in that I
Speaker 5: live in every day. It's not just club soccer. It's
Speaker 5: all sports. It's all youth sports. We have early specialization.
Speaker 5: We have kids being told that they can't play multiple
Speaker 5: sports at ten years old because you know, their soccer
Speaker 5: season is a year long and their parents are paying
Speaker 5: four thousand dollars.
Speaker 2: It's just we've.
Speaker 5: Gotten to this point where we and I say we
Speaker 5: again as a general term, the goal is not the
Speaker 5: person and the player.
Speaker 2: The goal is the coach. What the coach can get
Speaker 2: out of it, what.
Speaker 5: The coach can make, what the coach can do, what
Speaker 5: the club has done. It's all about what we're doing
Speaker 5: for that ego. I think it's a huge issue.
Speaker 2: And there's this quote and one of my biggest.
Speaker 5: Inspirations besides you and several other people. Is the winning difference.
Speaker 5: So it's a guy that I started following on Twitter.
Speaker 5: I'm sure you know you've probably followed him to, Yeah,
Speaker 5: this is an awesome quote and you just touched on it.
Speaker 5: The winning difference knows that true winning does not have
Speaker 5: to be dictated by the scoreboard. Winning is engaging kids
Speaker 5: in character, building, building confidence, and creating successful habits using sports.
Speaker 2: That's our goal.
Speaker 5: That's what we need to be doing. That's where we're lost.
Speaker 5: That is not what we're doing.
Speaker 4: So I got to ask you, how do you, as
Speaker 4: a club coach juggle the balance of and I don't
Speaker 4: know any fees or what about, but how do you
Speaker 4: juggle the performance demands of say a paying customer, write
Speaker 4: a parent versus you know, I guess being able to
Speaker 4: navigate what you believe your core values are your wise
Speaker 4: to coaching. Do you convey that? Do parents come to
Speaker 4: your club knowing like, hey, it's more than sports, O
Speaker 4: Libby coach Mets Carroll like we're doing it for this reason?
Speaker 4: And how do you convey that and navigate? Because I mean,
Speaker 4: let's face it, if you're not winning, you might lose
Speaker 4: all your players and then you have no more kids
Speaker 4: to coach, right, So there's an element of that.
Speaker 6: How do you juggle so a.
Speaker 2: Couple of things.
Speaker 5: The number one job of a coach, in my opinion,
Speaker 5: the only thing that you should be focusing on, of course,
Speaker 5: other things than you know skills. The number one job
Speaker 5: of myself and the other coaches is to build an intentional,
Speaker 5: established culture.
Speaker 2: And I will be totally honest.
Speaker 5: When I first started coaching, I knew nothing about culture.
Speaker 2: I didn't even know what the word meant. I didn't
Speaker 2: know anything. I didn't know anybody who talked about culture.
Speaker 5: I probably if I look back, I might be I
Speaker 5: made so many mistakes. The self reflection from my beginning
Speaker 5: days of coaching are enormous, and from what I've learned
Speaker 5: until this point, the number one job is to build
Speaker 5: that culture. So myself up top, looking down with my
Speaker 5: other two coaches to our players, right, we're the ones
Speaker 5: that build this culture.
Speaker 2: You teach them. Does it happen overnight? No way. It's
Speaker 2: an arduous process. It takes time, it takes.
Speaker 5: Commitment, it takes learning, It takes reading, researching, meeting people
Speaker 5: nick like yourself.
Speaker 2: Right, have I learned this.
Speaker 5: Am I doing stuff that I've learned from other people.
Speaker 5: Of course, I have so many people, John Gordon, Kate Levell, Lanceloya,
Speaker 5: Brett Ledbetter Yourself, Great Burge, I mean, greatest coaches of
Speaker 5: all time, Nick Saban, Pat summon Ands Durance Right, all
Speaker 5: of them have created this idea that I lead by,
Speaker 5: so I give them full credit. However, it has taken
Speaker 5: me a lot of time to get where we are today.
Speaker 5: The biggest thing also is teaching your players, your team,
Speaker 5: how to be good teammates. The expert on that is
Speaker 5: a guide, in my opinion, named Lanceloya.
Speaker 2: He's local, He's at a do Boys Pennsylvania. He's insane.
Speaker 2: He wrote a book called The Wee Gear.
Speaker 5: The concept is how your success as a player is
Speaker 5: determined directly by the success of your teammates, meaning you
Speaker 5: will not succeed if your teammates do not succeed. You
Speaker 5: have to teach your players to want their teammates to succeed.
Speaker 5: You cannot want them to fail. You will not be successful.
Speaker 5: Is it a concept that we all think, Wow, that's
Speaker 5: a pretty easy concept to understand, But it's not.
Speaker 2: We have to lead them and teach them.
Speaker 5: I'd also have to say that it's putting everybody's egos aside, coaches, players, directors, owners.
Speaker 5: The other thing is teaching them about servant leadership. Leadership
Speaker 5: is about serving others, period and once you kind of
Speaker 5: develop this established culture, we always have a team meeting
Speaker 5: before our season starts.
Speaker 2: We sit down.
Speaker 5: It's a player led also huge thing. Player led teams win.
Speaker 5: We sit down, the girls are broken up into small groups.
Speaker 5: We talk about what our team goals are, We talk
Speaker 5: about personal goals. We create a team mantra for the
Speaker 5: entire year, but it's player led. The groups come back,
Speaker 5: they present what they decided on.
Speaker 2: And then the team votes. Do I vote? Do our
Speaker 2: other coaches vote? No, it's player led.
Speaker 5: They come up with the culture of the Pillars, what
Speaker 5: they want, their expectations of each other, and.
Speaker 2: That is what we live, breathe by the entire season.
Speaker 3: When we return, Libby and I dive deeper into building
Speaker 3: a strong team culture and mental health awareness in youth sports.
Speaker 3: Before we go to break, I wanted to share some
Speaker 3: exciting news from Team Snap as they have acquired Mojo,
Speaker 3: a leading youth sports technology and media platform. In addition
Speaker 3: to the best in class sports management solutions used by
Speaker 3: two million plus daily active users and more than nineteen
Speaker 3: thousand sports organizations. Mojo brings in award winning library of games, drills,
Speaker 3: and session by session support for youth coaches, as well
Speaker 3: as robust interactive multimedia tools including live streaming for families
Speaker 3: and fans to engage on and off the field. The
Speaker 3: combination of the two industry leading consumer tech platforms also
Speaker 3: creates the most comprehensive suite of B to B tools
Speaker 3: available for youth sports organizations, including powerful content distribution capabilities
Speaker 3: to drive adoption of coaching and training programs, registration tools,
Speaker 3: payment processing, organization management tools, and much more. Head to
Speaker 3: teamsnap dot com slash Mojo today to learn all about it.
Speaker 3: Where we left off, Libby and I were about to
Speaker 3: discuss the importance of culture and accountability in a team's success,
Speaker 3: and her belief that clubs should provide mental health education
Speaker 3: for coaches to better support their players' mental well being.
Speaker 4: You mentioned that word culture, but that takes time, right
Speaker 4: you believe in it?
Speaker 6: How often do you you as a coach revisit your why?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 4: Does that something you have to go back to? Because
Speaker 4: I know, even me, if I'm not intentional. I can
Speaker 4: get lost in results, like I can get lost in
Speaker 4: the weeds of things that I know in the long
Speaker 4: term out hey start focusing on short term right what's
Speaker 4: in front of you. So at times I got to revisit, like,
Speaker 4: hold on, let's keep this perspective. Is that something that
Speaker 4: you try to practice and also do you try to
Speaker 4: teach you know your kids?
Speaker 5: That So part of the working hard on it and
Speaker 5: learning and taking the time is staying committed to it
Speaker 5: and being consistent to the culture that the girls have
Speaker 5: established and.
Speaker 2: Holding them accountable. And when the question is every single day, I.
Speaker 5: Mean every single training session, every single huddle, right before
Speaker 5: we you know, we say the starting lineup, and we're
Speaker 5: in our huddle.
Speaker 2: Hugged up really close.
Speaker 5: I say to the girls, who are you playing for?
Speaker 5: They all say each other, and then they go off
Speaker 5: onto the pitch. It's every single training session we talk
Speaker 5: about it.
Speaker 2: It's something that's at the forefront.
Speaker 5: We spend a lot of time with x's and o's.
Speaker 5: Of course, we have insanely talented coaches on this staff tactically,
Speaker 5: but I'm sorry, it's a smaller portion in my opinion,
Speaker 5: to what really drives our team's success. And I'll tell
Speaker 5: you Nick, we have had incredible success. This team, the
Speaker 5: wea coach is very successful. We don't have a whole
Speaker 5: lot of superstars.
Speaker 2: We have a lot of kids who love each other,
Speaker 2: who play for each other. That's why we win. Are
Speaker 2: they talented skills wise? Of course they are. They're incredibly talented, hardworking,
Speaker 2: but they love each other.
Speaker 5: They would run through a brick wall for each other
Speaker 5: when they are on that shield.
Speaker 4: So these girls know each other really well. Right, you're
Speaker 4: building that culture where they love each other. They're building
Speaker 4: that relationship. I know that as a teammate, you hold
Speaker 4: each other accountable, but you also are reluctant at times
Speaker 4: to you know, perhaps convey to a coach if something's
Speaker 4: going on with your teammate. Right, kids keep each other's
Speaker 4: secrets at times you kind of build that bond. How
Speaker 4: do you, as someone who has experience it's with mental health,
Speaker 4: mental illness, how do you handle if you see something
Speaker 4: Because a lot of parents out there, listen, I have
Speaker 4: teenage kids, and sometimes you see something it's just a
Speaker 4: teenage kid being a teenage kid. But when do you
Speaker 4: know that, hey, I maybe need to pay attention to this,
Speaker 4: and I guess, how do you handle that? Because I
Speaker 4: feel like it's something that all of us parents need
Speaker 4: education on it. Some have no experience, I have none,
Speaker 4: and somewhere in the weeds confused.
Speaker 2: That's a really good question.
Speaker 5: And I think sometimes coaches, leaders, directors, owners, they're not
Speaker 5: experts on mental illness and disorders and necessarily advocacy and awareness.
Speaker 5: But we're in this leadership role, so we're kind of
Speaker 5: expected to be educated in that, and I think we're
Speaker 5: trying our best, and I think every coach has their
Speaker 5: way of dealing with it. But for me, it's mostly
Speaker 5: making sure that our players are confident and we have
Speaker 5: open relationships with each other, meaning the communication they're not
Speaker 5: afraid to to me, to our other two coaches. We
Speaker 5: have this very very strong bond and the relationship.
Speaker 2: That we have with each other and that they have
Speaker 2: with each.
Speaker 5: Other, they're confident enough to have those tough conversations or
Speaker 5: even come to us and say, hey, this.
Speaker 2: Is what's going on. I need help.
Speaker 5: So I also think that clubs, maybe in every sport,
Speaker 5: youth sport, there should be maybe some sort of education
Speaker 5: that happens. You know, we get CPR certified, we get
Speaker 5: AED certified. Why are we not having some sort of
Speaker 5: you know course, like kind of like safe sport where
Speaker 5: you go in you have to take something and get
Speaker 5: a certification, you know, a coaching course.
Speaker 2: We have to do certain things to be a coach
Speaker 2: in order to coach at certain levels.
Speaker 5: Right, So this mental health part of sports is so enormous.
Speaker 2: I think it would be wonderful if we had coaches
Speaker 2: being you.
Speaker 5: Know, responsible for taking some sort of know, baseline course
Speaker 5: for mental health, just so you know the signs and
Speaker 5: the symptoms and the questions to ask or how you
Speaker 5: can help them. And certainly since COVID, you know, we're
Speaker 5: dealing with unfortunately a very large and serious epidemic with
Speaker 5: mental health crisis.
Speaker 2: We are in a mental health crisis for our young kids.
Speaker 2: We are.
Speaker 5: The data shows it, the research shows it. So I
Speaker 5: think maybe one of those things that we can do
Speaker 5: going forward is educate our leaders maybe a little bit
Speaker 5: more on mental health.
Speaker 4: So do you feel like it's a conversation that parents
Speaker 4: should be having because you struggle in a game?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 4: My kids wrestle someone you know, has a bad match
Speaker 4: one of their teammates, and then they get pissed right.
Speaker 6: Kids are kids.
Speaker 4: They get upset, right, There's a difference between these are
Speaker 4: disappointed in your results and maybe something else going. Is
Speaker 4: it as simple as just pay check on your teammate?
Speaker 4: Is there any type of like things that you could
Speaker 4: put in your kids head or me as a parent,
Speaker 4: can pay attention to some red flags? I know you
Speaker 4: mentioned confidence, but is it like, is it just the
Speaker 4: obvious things like staying in the room, not talking, But
Speaker 4: then you do research sometimes and it's like, you know,
Speaker 4: sometimes a sixteen year old will just shut down, you know,
Speaker 4: So how do you know it?
Speaker 6: Is it probing questions?
Speaker 4: Is it just keeping the dialogueal because I struggle with
Speaker 4: it as a parent of you know, three teenagers right
Speaker 4: now at times.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm living with two teenage girls. It's like a mystery.
Speaker 5: It's like I saw something on Twitter.
Speaker 2: It was funny. It was a meme.
Speaker 5: It said something like having a teenage kid in your
Speaker 5: house is like having, you know, like something that wants
Speaker 5: something to do with you. And you text them, hey, honey,
Speaker 5: I love you so much. You're the best thing that's
Speaker 5: ever happened to me. I'm so proud of you, and
Speaker 5: they reply back, Okay, it's like, oh geez, like they
Speaker 5: like literally they said nothing to you back.
Speaker 2: I think right.
Speaker 5: Now, the biggest thing is to especially when you know
Speaker 5: they lost a match, they lost a game, or maybe
Speaker 5: we won and they think they didn't play well. You know,
Speaker 5: it's all over the internet. It's talked about a million times.
Speaker 5: When they get into the car, and I did not
Speaker 5: do this in the beginning. I will tell you this
Speaker 5: is something I learned. When they get in the car,
Speaker 5: I always let them speak first. I say nothing about
Speaker 5: the game. I don't And I think for me, I'm
Speaker 5: forty six, we grew up different, right, we grew up
Speaker 5: with a parent. You know, it was like this hardcore
Speaker 5: you know, leadership and feedback. And I think sometimes that's okay,
Speaker 5: But I think that we need to stop talking to
Speaker 5: our kids when they don't want to talk.
Speaker 2: Number one.
Speaker 5: So maybe maybe realizing that and just reading the room.
Speaker 5: But I think the biggest thing is just being being
Speaker 5: just a sounding board.
Speaker 2: Just be a mom, just be a dad. They just
Speaker 2: want you to be with them.
Speaker 5: They just want you to sit there. They just want
Speaker 5: you to listen. That's all they want. They don't want
Speaker 5: to hear anything about how they played, how they didn't
Speaker 5: play the other thing. That's the worst possible thing they
Speaker 5: can do. That I think is a big sign is
Speaker 5: if they start comparing themselves to others. Comparison is the
Speaker 5: thief of joy, and it's the thief of in my opinion,
Speaker 5: confidence and true talent or true potential.
Speaker 2: I think compare is huge.
Speaker 5: Or saying things like you know, I'm not good enough
Speaker 5: or oh my gosh, so and.
Speaker 2: So is so much better than me. I think that's
Speaker 2: a big red flag. But it's tough. It's tough. I'll
Speaker 2: tell you.
Speaker 6: I gotta say it happened not too long ago.
Speaker 4: My my son is a senior in high school who's
Speaker 4: really even keeled and is he loves competing and all
Speaker 4: that as a wrestler. But he had a match and
Speaker 4: he lost, and he lost in like the last like
Speaker 4: seven seconds, and he was so pissed.
Speaker 6: He just got turned at the rock and he just
Speaker 6: gassed out. Anyway, but he's so mad.
Speaker 4: And it was like five minutes after the match, and
Speaker 4: I was going to go down and say, man, proud
Speaker 4: of you.
Speaker 6: A good try. And I can tell I could tell
Speaker 6: immediately I didn't you said. I think you said read
Speaker 6: the room, and I could tell because I said, I said, Tyler.
Speaker 6: He didn't respond, and that's not normal for him.
Speaker 4: Usually he's like, hey, you know, because he knows I'm
Speaker 4: not gonna like criticize him or anything.
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 4: I don't do, I don't, I don't really care. But
Speaker 4: he was hot, like what I mean by high. He
Speaker 4: was pissed, and I said, Tyler. Then I went and
Speaker 4: pull my armor. His dad, just leave me alone right now.
Speaker 4: And I initially I wanted to like, go, oh, dude.
Speaker 4: I wanted to like visualize him as like a seven
Speaker 4: year old, like dude, I'm your dad. But I walked away,
Speaker 4: and I was like, man, he handled that probably one
Speaker 4: hundred times better than I did when I was sixteen
Speaker 4: years old and my dad was annoying me for a second,
Speaker 4: like cause I was like spoiled brat at times, and
Speaker 4: I'd be like, Dad, leave me the hell of Like
Speaker 4: I was obnoxious at times. I didn't want to hear
Speaker 4: from anybody, particularly my dad if I like struck out.
Speaker 6: In a baseball game. But then like I gave him space.
Speaker 4: I walked away, and I'm like, man, I messed up
Speaker 4: right there, Like I could tell he was just he
Speaker 4: needed a look, you need a little bit of time.
Speaker 4: He was still breathing heavy, and even though my intentions
Speaker 4: were good, it was like, I think that's such a
Speaker 4: great point, a little bit of common sense. At times
Speaker 4: it's like, how would I feel? Do I want to
Speaker 4: hear from anybody?
Speaker 6: Really?
Speaker 4: And if my coach says something to me, that's my coach.
Speaker 4: But it's like sometimes you need a breather and reading
Speaker 4: the room kind of understanding, like, hey, let's give it
Speaker 4: a little bit of time. Even I fall short in that,
Speaker 4: and I think it's I think it's such a great
Speaker 4: simple piece of advice is let them come to you,
Speaker 4: you know.
Speaker 6: I think that that's a good thing, Like we.
Speaker 4: Don't have to initiate every conversation, particularly you know, after
Speaker 4: they have a bad event or or something doesn't go
Speaker 4: their way.
Speaker 5: Well, I think it's teenagers in general. I mean, like
Speaker 5: we have two daughters. My husband gets so upset and
Speaker 5: takes it so personally. If my sixteen year old comes
Speaker 5: down the stairs in the morning grumpy and doesn't want
Speaker 5: to talk to anybody, I read the room and I'm like,
Speaker 5: I'm getting out of the way of her.
Speaker 2: Oh boy, what do you want for breakfast? Nothing? Okay,
Speaker 2: do you need water?
Speaker 5: No, And then my husband he bops into the kitchen like, hey, everybody,
Speaker 5: good morning.
Speaker 2: I mean, he's trying to be positive.
Speaker 5: He's amazing and very loving and kind, and they look
Speaker 5: at him like they want to stab him, and he
Speaker 5: gets very upset. We've had some conversations about your husband
Speaker 5: a little, I know, I know. So we've had many
Speaker 5: conversations about like, honey, just read the room.
Speaker 2: It's six forty.
Speaker 5: Five in the morning. They probably don't. It's just just
Speaker 5: teenage girls. And he said, oh, but you know they're
Speaker 5: so mean to me. I'm like, honey, they're not being mean.
Speaker 2: It's just it's just teenage girls. Got to get some
Speaker 2: thick skin, you know. But then I think back, like
Speaker 2: I like that to my mom and my dad, like,
Speaker 2: oh gosh, I guess I was. I mean, I don't
Speaker 2: think that has changed. It's just we just I think we're.
Speaker 5: Just more aware of how we can be dealing with
Speaker 5: them in these situations, just being present, just reading the room, you.
Speaker 2: Know, being empathetic. They already have enough pressure on them anyway.
Speaker 5: If a kid makes a mistake in a game, don't
Speaker 5: you think they already feel terrible? I mean they do.
Speaker 5: They already feel terrible. There's no reason for us to
Speaker 5: revisit that. The moment has come and gone.
Speaker 2: There's nothing anybody can do about it. It's over. Why.
Speaker 2: That's one of the biggest things.
Speaker 5: I don't understand with coaches and with parents. I had
Speaker 5: a girl this spring miss a PK. She's one of
Speaker 5: our best PK hitters, never missed one that we practiced
Speaker 5: all year. She missed it. Okay, it was a very
Speaker 5: important game. She missed the penalty kick. Her body language
Speaker 5: immediately changed. I've known this kid for years. I know
Speaker 5: how head works. She's dedicated, she's loyal, she works hard
Speaker 5: on and off the field. I mean, best best kid
Speaker 5: you could have on your team in every sense of
Speaker 5: the word.
Speaker 2: Great kid, great player, great teammate. She was devastated.
Speaker 5: She comes off the field halftime and just completely falls
Speaker 5: into my arms. I mean, the kid was sobbing. What
Speaker 5: am I going to say to her? Nothing I'm gonna
Speaker 5: say to her is going to help, whether it's bad
Speaker 5: or good.
Speaker 2: So you just sit there, You let her cry, you
Speaker 2: let her fall.
Speaker 5: Into your arms, You let her sob get it out.
Speaker 5: You know, we made the decision not to start in
Speaker 5: the second half because we knew she wasn't ready, and
Speaker 5: you know what happened. There was no reason for anybody
Speaker 5: to say anything to her other than just we love you.
Speaker 5: Her teammates responded like that, we just loved on her,
Speaker 5: which she's still upset after the day went on, of
Speaker 5: course she was.
Speaker 2: Did it take her a couple of days to come around, Yes,
Speaker 2: but nobody intervened. We just loved on her.
Speaker 6: Sometimes it's just that freaking easy.
Speaker 4: I love that, man, And it's amazing the power of
Speaker 4: your teammates just and your coaches just hey, it's all right,
Speaker 4: and it kind of makes you realize it's way it's
Speaker 4: way more about you know, and as time time a
Speaker 4: lot of oftentimes heals all wounds and you.
Speaker 6: Just you know, have perspective. Coach obviously you know your passion,
Speaker 6: your enthusiasm. We're very like mind. I can talk to
Speaker 6: you all day long, but we don't have all day.
Speaker 6: Where can people find you?
Speaker 4: Where can I know if they google you, there's all
Speaker 4: different articles and blah, like what where can they find
Speaker 4: your content?
Speaker 6: And how can they get in touch with you?
Speaker 2: So I would say.
Speaker 5: The most the most engaged for me with the coaching
Speaker 5: and the culture and.
Speaker 2: The leading with love stuff is probably on Twitter. So
Speaker 2: I'm on Twitter. I mean, I'm on Instagram. You know.
Speaker 5: Again, my main role is a mom, but of course
Speaker 5: the coaching part of it is my second passion and
Speaker 5: mental health. But I mean the biggest thing is just,
Speaker 5: you know, lead with love. Whether you're a teacher, you know,
Speaker 5: a coach, a player, a director, a leader in any
Speaker 5: sense of the word, in any level of life, organizationally,
Speaker 5: business wise, you lead with love. You love your people.
Speaker 5: They will do anything for you. And guess what the
Speaker 5: winning comes like, It just comes. You lead with love,
Speaker 5: you love your people, It trickles.
Speaker 2: Down and you win. I promise.
Speaker 6: Libby mes garrow freaking awesome. I love it.
Speaker 4: Cannot thank you enough for coming on sharing your Perspective've
Speaker 4: definitely run this back again. I wish you nothing but success.
Speaker 4: Let's keep in touch and thanks so much for sharing.
Speaker 2: Thank you for having me, Nick, I really appreciate it.
Speaker 3: That's Libby Mescaro, a decorated athlete, soccer coach, and mental
Speaker 3: health advocate. Thanks for listening to the Reform Sports podcast.
Speaker 3: If you've enjoyed this episode, we would appreciate it. If
Speaker 3: you took a moment to rate and review our podcast.
Speaker 3: As we work to grow our community of supporters and
Speaker 3: advocates for more reform sports content, please subscribe to our
Speaker 3: newsletter and blog at Reformsports Project dot com. You can
Speaker 3: also follow us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn.