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Speaker 1: The winning Difference knows that true winning does not have

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Speaker 1: to be dictated by the scoreboard. Winning is engaging kids

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Speaker 1: in character, building, building confidence, and creating successful habits using sports.

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Speaker 2: That's our goal. That's what we need to be doing.

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Speaker 2: That's where we're lost.

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Speaker 3: This is the Reform Sports Project, a podcast about restoring

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Speaker 3: healthy balance and perspective in all areas of sports through

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Speaker 3: education and advocacy. Hi, this is Nick Bonacor from the

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Speaker 3: Reform Sports Podcast. My guest today is Libby Mascaro, a

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Speaker 3: decorated athlete, soccer coach, and mental health advocate. A standout

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Speaker 3: soccer player when she attended Mount Lebanon High School, she

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Speaker 3: went on to compete at the NCAA Division One level

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Speaker 3: for Penn State University. She is a fierce advocate for

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Speaker 3: mental health awareness and works closely with the Upper Saint

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Speaker 3: Clear Wellness Committee, which she co founded in twenty seventeen,

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Speaker 3: the National Alliance on Mental Illness, and the American Foundation

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Speaker 3: for Suicide Prevention. She was recently awarded Citizen of the

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Speaker 3: Year for her mental health focused work in the Upper

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Speaker 3: Saint Clair community. Libby and I discuss her passion for

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Speaker 3: mental health advocacy. The commodification of young athletes and sports,

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Speaker 3: particularly in youth soccer, and the importance of prioritizing well

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Speaker 3: being of young athletes as they navigate the complex dynamics

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Speaker 3: of sports and adolescents.

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Speaker 4: I've been very much looking forward to having this guest

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Speaker 4: on We Connected, you know, through Reformed Sports project. Through

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Speaker 4: social media, I kind of became a big fan of

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Speaker 4: hers and the work that she does, and you know,

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Speaker 4: I've gotten to know her a little bit, you know,

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Speaker 4: just through posting and of course doing some due diligence

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Speaker 4: reading about her and such, and she's paving the way

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Speaker 4: for some really special things and a big advocate for

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Speaker 4: youth sports and a coach, former athlete, and mom and

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Speaker 4: all these great things. Coach Libby mescarroll, coach, thanks so

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Speaker 4: much for hopping on.

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Speaker 2: Hey, Nick, First, thank you so much for having me

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Speaker 2: to super big.

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Speaker 5: Honor and I'm super grateful, so thank you so much

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Speaker 5: for taking the time.

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Speaker 6: Oh my god, no, no, worse, thank you. You have

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Speaker 6: a very I mean.

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Speaker 4: You're a deck rated athlete, your coach, club coach, you're

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Speaker 4: a mental health advocate. I mean, can you kind of

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Speaker 4: give me your backstory, Like, who the hell is Libby

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Speaker 4: Matt Carroll.

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Speaker 5: Okay, well that's a loaded question, But I would say,

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Speaker 5: first of all, I'm a super huge fan of yours.

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Speaker 5: Like you said, we connected on social media a couple

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Speaker 5: of years ago.

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Speaker 2: I noticed a post of yours.

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Speaker 5: And it just kind of resonated and clicked with me

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Speaker 5: and your huge inspiration for me and how I lead

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Speaker 5: my teams, our team, and so I just wanted to

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Speaker 5: point that out and thank you for the insanely awesome

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Speaker 5: work you're doing. And you're talking about stuff that needs

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Speaker 5: to be talked about and a lot of people aren't,

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Speaker 5: so thank you for that. So I am, yes, first

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Speaker 5: and foremost a mom. I have two daughters, who wants

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Speaker 5: a sophomore in high school, one's a freshman. Both play

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Speaker 5: high level soccer club soccer for the club that I

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Speaker 5: also coach for here in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. It's called Bealing

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Speaker 5: Soccer Club. We play in the Girls Academy League. But

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Speaker 5: I most importantly my role as a mom. But yes,

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Speaker 5: of course, like I said, I'm a coach, and I

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Speaker 5: got into coaching many years ago. Actually I was in

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Speaker 5: high school and I did a volunteer coach for our

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Speaker 5: local travel team. And fast forward when my kids were

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Speaker 5: old enough to kick a ball around, I started coaching

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Speaker 5: them and then just kind of have continued in this

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Speaker 5: coaching role. I've coached to the high school level, but

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Speaker 5: most recently with club soccer here in Pittsburgh. But you

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Speaker 5: talked about my work with mental health advocacy and awareness. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 5: ten years ago, my mother who suffered pretty much most

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Speaker 5: of her life, but certainly the last ten to fifteen

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Speaker 5: years of her life were the worst. She had a

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Speaker 5: very serious mental illness. She unfortunately died by suicide on

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Speaker 5: June first of twenty thirteen, And at that point myself

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Speaker 5: and my brother kind of catapulted into just throwing ourselves

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Speaker 5: into the droves of how we can help people with

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Speaker 5: mental illnesses and disorders. So fast forward to today, it's

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Speaker 5: actually transform not only how I.

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Speaker 2: Help others, but how I coach specifically young female.

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Speaker 5: Athletes, which that is what I coach with two other

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Speaker 5: coaches who are amazing. We have a roster of sixteen

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Speaker 5: players that are just wonderful, amazing young female athletes. But

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Speaker 5: there's a certain way, in my opinion, to lead young

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Speaker 5: female athletes.

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Speaker 4: First of all, I'm sorry you know that you get

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Speaker 4: your mom passed and that's okay's and all of that,

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Speaker 4: But I love how you're kind of spearheaded, You're kind

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Speaker 4: of using that your platform as a way, And I

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Speaker 4: guess I want to ask, like, why do you see

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Speaker 4: because I've read some articles and you were recently awarded,

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Speaker 4: like you have to give me the exactly what it was,

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Speaker 4: but you had a big award like Female person of

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Speaker 4: the Year, whatever the heck it was, But like, what

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Speaker 4: about the correlation and youth sports and mental health? Why

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Speaker 4: do you see a correlation there and why do you

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Speaker 4: think that that platform is a good place to you know,

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Speaker 4: kind of spearhead your mission.

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Speaker 5: So the award was given by a local judge who

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Speaker 5: give away an award every year or too.

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Speaker 2: That the award is called Citizen of the Year.

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Speaker 5: So I was awarded that for a couple of reasons,

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Speaker 5: which I am insanely humbled. And it's mostly based on

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Speaker 5: sort of the community outreach stuff that I've been doing

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Speaker 5: the last ten years, mainly with mental health advocacy and awareness.

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Speaker 5: I work with a couple of local organizations here, but

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Speaker 5: then I do a lot of work in our school

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Speaker 5: district specifically for kind of you know, taking care of

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Speaker 5: our students here. We have four thousand students in our

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Speaker 5: school district. A few years ago, myself and another amazing

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Speaker 5: human being started something called the Wellness Committee, where we

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Speaker 5: our mission is to make sure the students in our

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Speaker 5: district are taken care of, both physically but certainly mentally.

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Speaker 5: So I would have to say having two teenage daughters

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Speaker 5: and then coaching the exact same age of my daughters.

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Speaker 5: For the past I've had this team with a couple

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Speaker 5: other coaches our team for I think this is our.

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Speaker 2: Fifth season together. So I've seen these girls come up from.

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Speaker 5: You ten basically to where we are right now at

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Speaker 5: you fifteen.

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Speaker 2: But I also live with two teenage daughters.

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Speaker 5: So the concept of being this coach but also a

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Speaker 5: female but also who happens to be a mom is

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Speaker 5: this dynamic that sometimes is hard because you're seeing every

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Speaker 5: aspect of the game, the coaching, the leadership, the players.

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Speaker 5: I'm seeing it everywhere. I'm seeing the whole circle of

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Speaker 5: where we are with this age. So my biggest concern

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Speaker 5: is making sure that these players are taking care of

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Speaker 5: as a person, a human being, a young female athlete

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Speaker 5: before anything else. We need to focus on the person,

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Speaker 5: the child the female before they are that player coming

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Speaker 5: onto the pitch.

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Speaker 2: It's vital.

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Speaker 4: So is that a shift, like you know, I would

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Speaker 4: assume I have. You know, we just talked about it.

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Speaker 4: I have a few more kids than you, but we

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Speaker 4: got to be somewhere in the ballpark of around the same.

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Speaker 6: You know, I'm probably a few years older than you, maybe.

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Speaker 4: But I don't recall when I was growing up there

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Speaker 4: being any It was almost like a stigma, like, dude,

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Speaker 4: you don't talk about now I'm a guy. Now, maybe

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Speaker 4: that's just a gender stereotype and guys are supposed to,

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Speaker 4: you know, stick their chest out and make preten everything's

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Speaker 4: okay and yad YadA, YadA. I feel like you have

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Speaker 4: a lot of you know, high level athletes that are

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Speaker 4: that are really turning that and kind of that that

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Speaker 4: Scarlett letter is kind of going by the wayside, which

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Speaker 4: is a blessing.

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Speaker 6: But why, in particular.

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Speaker 4: From an overall just youth standpoint, do you feel like

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Speaker 4: there's been such a shift from the time that you

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Speaker 4: and I may have been coming up and now the

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Speaker 4: emphasis on mental mental health.

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Speaker 5: I know one thing for sure is as leadership, I

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Speaker 5: think the idea of leadership, whether that means a coaching role,

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Speaker 5: a parent role, a.

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Speaker 2: Director of a club role.

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Speaker 5: I just think that we have gotten to a point

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Speaker 5: where a couple of things are leading away money ego

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Speaker 5: and then this person, this this amazing, wonderful, incredibly talented

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Speaker 5: thing in front of you.

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Speaker 2: Your player is being kind of tossed to the side.

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Speaker 2: It's win it all costs.

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Speaker 5: It's transactional versus transformational leadership. We just we've gotten to

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Speaker 5: a point where we really, when it comes down to it,

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Speaker 5: do we really.

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Speaker 2: Care about the player the person? Do we?

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Speaker 5: Yes, we care about the player and the athlete winning

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Speaker 5: for us, scoring goals, making baskets, whatever it is.

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Speaker 2: But how did we get to that point?

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Speaker 5: We have to get back to the point of taking

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Speaker 5: care and loving the person before what they're doing for

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Speaker 5: us on the court, on the pitch.

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Speaker 4: I've heard it said that almost like you know, kids

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Speaker 4: are becoming commodities, you know, to a certain degree. So

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Speaker 4: I'm listening to you and I'm going, is that kind

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Speaker 4: of it, like we're almost using and I say we,

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Speaker 4: I'm saying in general our generation, like the transformation, like

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Speaker 4: is it a matter of rather than looking at young

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Speaker 4: people as let's help mold and shape these human beings

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Speaker 4: into becoming the best versions of the cellphone and using

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Speaker 4: sports as a as a mechanism to do so, versus

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Speaker 4: you think it's kind of become I need to use

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Speaker 4: these kids to help elevate my status as a coach

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Speaker 4: or as an adult.

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Speaker 6: Do you think that's kind of yes, gotten out of balance?

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Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes yes. And it's not just

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Speaker 2: club soccer.

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Speaker 5: It's not just the realm that I'm in that I

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Speaker 5: live in every day. It's not just club soccer. It's

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Speaker 5: all sports. It's all youth sports. We have early specialization.

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Speaker 5: We have kids being told that they can't play multiple

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Speaker 5: sports at ten years old because you know, their soccer

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Speaker 5: season is a year long and their parents are paying

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Speaker 5: four thousand dollars.

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Speaker 2: It's just we've.

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Speaker 5: Gotten to this point where we and I say we

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Speaker 5: again as a general term, the goal is not the

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Speaker 5: person and the player.

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Speaker 2: The goal is the coach. What the coach can get

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Speaker 2: out of it, what.

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Speaker 5: The coach can make, what the coach can do, what

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Speaker 5: the club has done. It's all about what we're doing

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Speaker 5: for that ego. I think it's a huge issue.

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Speaker 2: And there's this quote and one of my biggest.

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Speaker 5: Inspirations besides you and several other people. Is the winning difference.

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Speaker 5: So it's a guy that I started following on Twitter.

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Speaker 5: I'm sure you know you've probably followed him to, Yeah,

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Speaker 5: this is an awesome quote and you just touched on it.

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Speaker 5: The winning difference knows that true winning does not have

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Speaker 5: to be dictated by the scoreboard. Winning is engaging kids

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Speaker 5: in character, building, building confidence, and creating successful habits using sports.

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Speaker 2: That's our goal.

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Speaker 5: That's what we need to be doing. That's where we're lost.

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Speaker 5: That is not what we're doing.

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Speaker 4: So I got to ask you, how do you, as

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Speaker 4: a club coach juggle the balance of and I don't

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Speaker 4: know any fees or what about, but how do you

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Speaker 4: juggle the performance demands of say a paying customer, write

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Speaker 4: a parent versus you know, I guess being able to

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Speaker 4: navigate what you believe your core values are your wise

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Speaker 4: to coaching. Do you convey that? Do parents come to

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Speaker 4: your club knowing like, hey, it's more than sports, O

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Speaker 4: Libby coach Mets Carroll like we're doing it for this reason?

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Speaker 4: And how do you convey that and navigate? Because I mean,

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Speaker 4: let's face it, if you're not winning, you might lose

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Speaker 4: all your players and then you have no more kids

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Speaker 4: to coach, right, So there's an element of that.

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Speaker 6: How do you juggle so a.

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Speaker 2: Couple of things.

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Speaker 5: The number one job of a coach, in my opinion,

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Speaker 5: the only thing that you should be focusing on, of course,

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Speaker 5: other things than you know skills. The number one job

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Speaker 5: of myself and the other coaches is to build an intentional,

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Speaker 5: established culture.

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Speaker 2: And I will be totally honest.

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Speaker 5: When I first started coaching, I knew nothing about culture.

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Speaker 2: I didn't even know what the word meant. I didn't

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Speaker 2: know anything. I didn't know anybody who talked about culture.

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Speaker 5: I probably if I look back, I might be I

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Speaker 5: made so many mistakes. The self reflection from my beginning

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Speaker 5: days of coaching are enormous, and from what I've learned

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Speaker 5: until this point, the number one job is to build

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Speaker 5: that culture. So myself up top, looking down with my

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Speaker 5: other two coaches to our players, right, we're the ones

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Speaker 5: that build this culture.

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Speaker 2: You teach them. Does it happen overnight? No way. It's

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Speaker 2: an arduous process. It takes time, it takes.

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Speaker 5: Commitment, it takes learning, It takes reading, researching, meeting people

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Speaker 5: nick like yourself.

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Speaker 2: Right, have I learned this.

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Speaker 5: Am I doing stuff that I've learned from other people.

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Speaker 5: Of course, I have so many people, John Gordon, Kate Levell, Lanceloya,

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Speaker 5: Brett Ledbetter Yourself, Great Burge, I mean, greatest coaches of

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Speaker 5: all time, Nick Saban, Pat summon Ands Durance Right, all

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Speaker 5: of them have created this idea that I lead by,

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Speaker 5: so I give them full credit. However, it has taken

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Speaker 5: me a lot of time to get where we are today.

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Speaker 5: The biggest thing also is teaching your players, your team,

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Speaker 5: how to be good teammates. The expert on that is

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Speaker 5: a guide, in my opinion, named Lanceloya.

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Speaker 2: He's local, He's at a do Boys Pennsylvania. He's insane.

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Speaker 2: He wrote a book called The Wee Gear.

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Speaker 5: The concept is how your success as a player is

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Speaker 5: determined directly by the success of your teammates, meaning you

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Speaker 5: will not succeed if your teammates do not succeed. You

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Speaker 5: have to teach your players to want their teammates to succeed.

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Speaker 5: You cannot want them to fail. You will not be successful.

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Speaker 5: Is it a concept that we all think, Wow, that's

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Speaker 5: a pretty easy concept to understand, But it's not.

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Speaker 2: We have to lead them and teach them.

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Speaker 5: I'd also have to say that it's putting everybody's egos aside, coaches, players, directors, owners.

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Speaker 5: The other thing is teaching them about servant leadership. Leadership

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Speaker 5: is about serving others, period and once you kind of

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Speaker 5: develop this established culture, we always have a team meeting

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Speaker 5: before our season starts.

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Speaker 2: We sit down.

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Speaker 5: It's a player led also huge thing. Player led teams win.

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Speaker 5: We sit down, the girls are broken up into small groups.

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Speaker 5: We talk about what our team goals are, We talk

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Speaker 5: about personal goals. We create a team mantra for the

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Speaker 5: entire year, but it's player led. The groups come back,

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Speaker 5: they present what they decided on.

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Speaker 2: And then the team votes. Do I vote? Do our

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Speaker 2: other coaches vote? No, it's player led.

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Speaker 5: They come up with the culture of the Pillars, what

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Speaker 5: they want, their expectations of each other, and.

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Speaker 2: That is what we live, breathe by the entire season.

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Speaker 3: When we return, Libby and I dive deeper into building

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Speaker 3: a strong team culture and mental health awareness in youth sports.

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Speaker 3: Before we go to break, I wanted to share some

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Speaker 3: exciting news from Team Snap as they have acquired Mojo,

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Speaker 3: a leading youth sports technology and media platform. In addition

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Speaker 3: to the best in class sports management solutions used by

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Speaker 3: two million plus daily active users and more than nineteen

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Speaker 3: thousand sports organizations. Mojo brings in award winning library of games, drills,

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Speaker 3: and session by session support for youth coaches, as well

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Speaker 3: as robust interactive multimedia tools including live streaming for families

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Speaker 3: and fans to engage on and off the field. The

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Speaker 3: combination of the two industry leading consumer tech platforms also

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Speaker 3: creates the most comprehensive suite of B to B tools

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Speaker 3: available for youth sports organizations, including powerful content distribution capabilities

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Speaker 3: payment processing, organization management tools, and much more. Head to

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Speaker 3: teamsnap dot com slash Mojo today to learn all about it.

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Speaker 3: Where we left off, Libby and I were about to

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Speaker 3: discuss the importance of culture and accountability in a team's success,

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Speaker 3: and her belief that clubs should provide mental health education

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Speaker 3: for coaches to better support their players' mental well being.

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Speaker 4: You mentioned that word culture, but that takes time, right

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Speaker 4: you believe in it?

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Speaker 6: How often do you you as a coach revisit your why?

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Speaker 3: Like?

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Speaker 4: Does that something you have to go back to? Because

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Speaker 4: I know, even me, if I'm not intentional. I can

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Speaker 4: get lost in results, like I can get lost in

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Speaker 4: the weeds of things that I know in the long

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Speaker 4: term out hey start focusing on short term right what's

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Speaker 4: in front of you. So at times I got to revisit, like,

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Speaker 4: hold on, let's keep this perspective. Is that something that

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Speaker 4: you try to practice and also do you try to

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Speaker 4: teach you know your kids?

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Speaker 5: That So part of the working hard on it and

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Speaker 5: learning and taking the time is staying committed to it

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Speaker 5: and being consistent to the culture that the girls have

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Speaker 5: established and.

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Speaker 2: Holding them accountable. And when the question is every single day, I.

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Speaker 5: Mean every single training session, every single huddle, right before

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Speaker 5: we you know, we say the starting lineup, and we're

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Speaker 5: in our huddle.

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Speaker 2: Hugged up really close.

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Speaker 5: I say to the girls, who are you playing for?

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Speaker 5: They all say each other, and then they go off

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Speaker 5: onto the pitch. It's every single training session we talk

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Speaker 5: about it.

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Speaker 2: It's something that's at the forefront.

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Speaker 5: We spend a lot of time with x's and o's.

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Speaker 5: Of course, we have insanely talented coaches on this staff tactically,

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Speaker 5: but I'm sorry, it's a smaller portion in my opinion,

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Speaker 5: to what really drives our team's success. And I'll tell

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Speaker 5: you Nick, we have had incredible success. This team, the

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Speaker 5: wea coach is very successful. We don't have a whole

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Speaker 5: lot of superstars.

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Speaker 2: We have a lot of kids who love each other,

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Speaker 2: who play for each other. That's why we win. Are

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Speaker 2: they talented skills wise? Of course they are. They're incredibly talented, hardworking,

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Speaker 2: but they love each other.

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Speaker 5: They would run through a brick wall for each other

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Speaker 5: when they are on that shield.

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Speaker 4: So these girls know each other really well. Right, you're

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Speaker 4: building that culture where they love each other. They're building

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Speaker 4: that relationship. I know that as a teammate, you hold

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Speaker 4: each other accountable, but you also are reluctant at times

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Speaker 4: to you know, perhaps convey to a coach if something's

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Speaker 4: going on with your teammate. Right, kids keep each other's

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Speaker 4: secrets at times you kind of build that bond. How

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Speaker 4: do you, as someone who has experience it's with mental health,

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Speaker 4: mental illness, how do you handle if you see something

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Speaker 4: Because a lot of parents out there, listen, I have

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Speaker 4: teenage kids, and sometimes you see something it's just a

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Speaker 4: teenage kid being a teenage kid. But when do you

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Speaker 4: know that, hey, I maybe need to pay attention to this,

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Speaker 4: and I guess, how do you handle that? Because I

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Speaker 4: feel like it's something that all of us parents need

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Speaker 4: education on it. Some have no experience, I have none,

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Speaker 4: and somewhere in the weeds confused.

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Speaker 2: That's a really good question.

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Speaker 5: And I think sometimes coaches, leaders, directors, owners, they're not

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Speaker 5: experts on mental illness and disorders and necessarily advocacy and awareness.

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Speaker 5: But we're in this leadership role, so we're kind of

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Speaker 5: expected to be educated in that, and I think we're

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Speaker 5: trying our best, and I think every coach has their

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Speaker 5: way of dealing with it. But for me, it's mostly

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Speaker 5: making sure that our players are confident and we have

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Speaker 5: open relationships with each other, meaning the communication they're not

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Speaker 5: afraid to to me, to our other two coaches. We

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Speaker 5: have this very very strong bond and the relationship.

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Speaker 2: That we have with each other and that they have

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Speaker 2: with each.

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Speaker 5: Other, they're confident enough to have those tough conversations or

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Speaker 5: even come to us and say, hey, this.

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Speaker 2: Is what's going on. I need help.

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Speaker 5: So I also think that clubs, maybe in every sport,

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Speaker 5: youth sport, there should be maybe some sort of education

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Speaker 5: that happens. You know, we get CPR certified, we get

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Speaker 5: AED certified. Why are we not having some sort of

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Speaker 5: you know course, like kind of like safe sport where

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Speaker 5: you go in you have to take something and get

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Speaker 5: a certification, you know, a coaching course.

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Speaker 2: We have to do certain things to be a coach

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Speaker 2: in order to coach at certain levels.

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Speaker 5: Right, So this mental health part of sports is so enormous.

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Speaker 2: I think it would be wonderful if we had coaches

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Speaker 2: being you.

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Speaker 5: Know, responsible for taking some sort of know, baseline course

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Speaker 5: for mental health, just so you know the signs and

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Speaker 5: the symptoms and the questions to ask or how you

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Speaker 5: can help them. And certainly since COVID, you know, we're

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Speaker 5: dealing with unfortunately a very large and serious epidemic with

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Speaker 5: mental health crisis.

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Speaker 2: We are in a mental health crisis for our young kids.

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Speaker 2: We are.

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Speaker 5: The data shows it, the research shows it. So I

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Speaker 5: think maybe one of those things that we can do

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Speaker 5: going forward is educate our leaders maybe a little bit

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Speaker 5: more on mental health.

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Speaker 4: So do you feel like it's a conversation that parents

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Speaker 4: should be having because you struggle in a game?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 4: My kids wrestle someone you know, has a bad match

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Speaker 4: one of their teammates, and then they get pissed right.

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Speaker 6: Kids are kids.

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Speaker 4: They get upset, right, There's a difference between these are

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Speaker 4: disappointed in your results and maybe something else going. Is

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Speaker 4: it as simple as just pay check on your teammate?

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Speaker 4: Is there any type of like things that you could

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Speaker 4: put in your kids head or me as a parent,

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Speaker 4: can pay attention to some red flags? I know you

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Speaker 4: mentioned confidence, but is it like, is it just the

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Speaker 4: obvious things like staying in the room, not talking, But

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Speaker 4: then you do research sometimes and it's like, you know,

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Speaker 4: sometimes a sixteen year old will just shut down, you know,

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Speaker 4: So how do you know it?

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Speaker 6: Is it probing questions?

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Speaker 4: Is it just keeping the dialogueal because I struggle with

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Speaker 4: it as a parent of you know, three teenagers right

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Speaker 4: now at times.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm living with two teenage girls. It's like a mystery.

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Speaker 5: It's like I saw something on Twitter.

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Speaker 2: It was funny. It was a meme.

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Speaker 5: It said something like having a teenage kid in your

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Speaker 5: house is like having, you know, like something that wants

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Speaker 5: something to do with you. And you text them, hey, honey,

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Speaker 5: I love you so much. You're the best thing that's

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Speaker 5: ever happened to me. I'm so proud of you, and

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Speaker 5: they reply back, Okay, it's like, oh geez, like they

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Speaker 5: like literally they said nothing to you back.

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Speaker 2: I think right.

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Speaker 5: Now, the biggest thing is to especially when you know

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Speaker 5: they lost a match, they lost a game, or maybe

442
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,919
Speaker 5: we won and they think they didn't play well. You know,

443
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,919
Speaker 5: it's all over the internet. It's talked about a million times.

444
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,320
Speaker 5: When they get into the car, and I did not

445
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,520
Speaker 5: do this in the beginning. I will tell you this

446
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:56,320
Speaker 5: is something I learned. When they get in the car,

447
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:59,680
Speaker 5: I always let them speak first. I say nothing about

448
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:02,880
Speaker 5: the game. I don't And I think for me, I'm

449
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:07,720
Speaker 5: forty six, we grew up different, right, we grew up

450
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,720
Speaker 5: with a parent. You know, it was like this hardcore

451
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:15,480
Speaker 5: you know, leadership and feedback. And I think sometimes that's okay,

452
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:19,960
Speaker 5: But I think that we need to stop talking to

453
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:21,960
Speaker 5: our kids when they don't want to talk.

454
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 2: Number one.

455
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:25,480
Speaker 5: So maybe maybe realizing that and just reading the room.

456
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:30,000
Speaker 5: But I think the biggest thing is just being being

457
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:31,879
Speaker 5: just a sounding board.

458
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:35,959
Speaker 2: Just be a mom, just be a dad. They just

459
00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:38,000
Speaker 2: want you to be with them.

460
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:39,560
Speaker 5: They just want you to sit there. They just want

461
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:41,840
Speaker 5: you to listen. That's all they want. They don't want

462
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,280
Speaker 5: to hear anything about how they played, how they didn't

463
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:46,879
Speaker 5: play the other thing. That's the worst possible thing they

464
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:48,879
Speaker 5: can do. That I think is a big sign is

465
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,960
Speaker 5: if they start comparing themselves to others. Comparison is the

466
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:55,360
Speaker 5: thief of joy, and it's the thief of in my opinion,

467
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:58,960
Speaker 5: confidence and true talent or true potential.

468
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:00,640
Speaker 2: I think compare is huge.

469
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:03,720
Speaker 5: Or saying things like you know, I'm not good enough

470
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:05,120
Speaker 5: or oh my gosh, so and.

471
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:06,880
Speaker 2: So is so much better than me. I think that's

472
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:11,120
Speaker 2: a big red flag. But it's tough. It's tough. I'll

473
00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:11,399
Speaker 2: tell you.

474
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:13,800
Speaker 6: I gotta say it happened not too long ago.

475
00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:16,679
Speaker 4: My my son is a senior in high school who's

476
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:19,359
Speaker 4: really even keeled and is he loves competing and all

477
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:21,280
Speaker 4: that as a wrestler. But he had a match and

478
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:23,240
Speaker 4: he lost, and he lost in like the last like

479
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:24,800
Speaker 4: seven seconds, and he was so pissed.

480
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:26,600
Speaker 6: He just got turned at the rock and he just

481
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,680
Speaker 6: gassed out. Anyway, but he's so mad.

482
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 4: And it was like five minutes after the match, and

483
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:32,120
Speaker 4: I was going to go down and say, man, proud

484
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:32,200
Speaker 4: of you.

485
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:35,840
Speaker 6: A good try. And I can tell I could tell

486
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,000
Speaker 6: immediately I didn't you said. I think you said read

487
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:41,159
Speaker 6: the room, and I could tell because I said, I said, Tyler.

488
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:43,480
Speaker 6: He didn't respond, and that's not normal for him.

489
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:45,560
Speaker 4: Usually he's like, hey, you know, because he knows I'm

490
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:47,040
Speaker 4: not gonna like criticize him or anything.

491
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:47,359
Speaker 2: I don't.

492
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:49,600
Speaker 4: I don't do, I don't, I don't really care. But

493
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,520
Speaker 4: he was hot, like what I mean by high. He

494
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:53,359
Speaker 4: was pissed, and I said, Tyler. Then I went and

495
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,880
Speaker 4: pull my armor. His dad, just leave me alone right now.

496
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:59,120
Speaker 4: And I initially I wanted to like, go, oh, dude.

497
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:01,480
Speaker 4: I wanted to like visualize him as like a seven

498
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:03,840
Speaker 4: year old, like dude, I'm your dad. But I walked away,

499
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:06,560
Speaker 4: and I was like, man, he handled that probably one

500
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:08,760
Speaker 4: hundred times better than I did when I was sixteen

501
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:10,760
Speaker 4: years old and my dad was annoying me for a second,

502
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:12,720
Speaker 4: like cause I was like spoiled brat at times, and

503
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:14,760
Speaker 4: I'd be like, Dad, leave me the hell of Like

504
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:16,679
Speaker 4: I was obnoxious at times. I didn't want to hear

505
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:18,960
Speaker 4: from anybody, particularly my dad if I like struck out.

506
00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:21,960
Speaker 6: In a baseball game. But then like I gave him space.

507
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,119
Speaker 4: I walked away, and I'm like, man, I messed up

508
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,840
Speaker 4: right there, Like I could tell he was just he

509
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:28,480
Speaker 4: needed a look, you need a little bit of time.

510
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:31,560
Speaker 4: He was still breathing heavy, and even though my intentions

511
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:33,639
Speaker 4: were good, it was like, I think that's such a

512
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:36,120
Speaker 4: great point, a little bit of common sense. At times

513
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:37,919
Speaker 4: it's like, how would I feel? Do I want to

514
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:38,840
Speaker 4: hear from anybody?

515
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:39,200
Speaker 6: Really?

516
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:41,760
Speaker 4: And if my coach says something to me, that's my coach.

517
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 4: But it's like sometimes you need a breather and reading

518
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,200
Speaker 4: the room kind of understanding, like, hey, let's give it

519
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 4: a little bit of time. Even I fall short in that,

520
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:51,640
Speaker 4: and I think it's I think it's such a great

521
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,240
Speaker 4: simple piece of advice is let them come to you,

522
00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:54,399
Speaker 4: you know.

523
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:55,800
Speaker 6: I think that that's a good thing, Like we.

524
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:58,840
Speaker 4: Don't have to initiate every conversation, particularly you know, after

525
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:00,840
Speaker 4: they have a bad event or or something doesn't go

526
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:01,240
Speaker 4: their way.

527
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:04,080
Speaker 5: Well, I think it's teenagers in general. I mean, like

528
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:06,800
Speaker 5: we have two daughters. My husband gets so upset and

529
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:09,600
Speaker 5: takes it so personally. If my sixteen year old comes

530
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:12,399
Speaker 5: down the stairs in the morning grumpy and doesn't want

531
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:14,479
Speaker 5: to talk to anybody, I read the room and I'm like,

532
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:15,720
Speaker 5: I'm getting out of the way of her.

533
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:18,640
Speaker 2: Oh boy, what do you want for breakfast? Nothing? Okay,

534
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:20,520
Speaker 2: do you need water?

535
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:24,040
Speaker 5: No, And then my husband he bops into the kitchen like, hey, everybody,

536
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:24,600
Speaker 5: good morning.

537
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 2: I mean, he's trying to be positive.

538
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:28,560
Speaker 5: He's amazing and very loving and kind, and they look

539
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:30,439
Speaker 5: at him like they want to stab him, and he

540
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:35,399
Speaker 5: gets very upset. We've had some conversations about your husband

541
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:38,520
Speaker 5: a little, I know, I know. So we've had many

542
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:40,720
Speaker 5: conversations about like, honey, just read the room.

543
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:41,920
Speaker 2: It's six forty.

544
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:44,199
Speaker 5: Five in the morning. They probably don't. It's just just

545
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:46,520
Speaker 5: teenage girls. And he said, oh, but you know they're

546
00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:48,440
Speaker 5: so mean to me. I'm like, honey, they're not being mean.

547
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:51,560
Speaker 2: It's just it's just teenage girls. Got to get some

548
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:53,639
Speaker 2: thick skin, you know. But then I think back, like

549
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:55,960
Speaker 2: I like that to my mom and my dad, like,

550
00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:58,280
Speaker 2: oh gosh, I guess I was. I mean, I don't

551
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:02,720
Speaker 2: think that has changed. It's just we just I think we're.

552
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:06,000
Speaker 5: Just more aware of how we can be dealing with

553
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:11,640
Speaker 5: them in these situations, just being present, just reading the room, you.

554
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:16,479
Speaker 2: Know, being empathetic. They already have enough pressure on them anyway.

555
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,840
Speaker 5: If a kid makes a mistake in a game, don't

556
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:23,120
Speaker 5: you think they already feel terrible? I mean they do.

557
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:27,040
Speaker 5: They already feel terrible. There's no reason for us to

558
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:30,600
Speaker 5: revisit that. The moment has come and gone.

559
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:36,360
Speaker 2: There's nothing anybody can do about it. It's over. Why.

560
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:37,680
Speaker 2: That's one of the biggest things.

561
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 5: I don't understand with coaches and with parents. I had

562
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:45,720
Speaker 5: a girl this spring miss a PK. She's one of

563
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:50,000
Speaker 5: our best PK hitters, never missed one that we practiced

564
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:53,000
Speaker 5: all year. She missed it. Okay, it was a very

565
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:56,600
Speaker 5: important game. She missed the penalty kick. Her body language

566
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:59,720
Speaker 5: immediately changed. I've known this kid for years. I know

567
00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:02,960
Speaker 5: how head works. She's dedicated, she's loyal, she works hard

568
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:05,960
Speaker 5: on and off the field. I mean, best best kid

569
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,080
Speaker 5: you could have on your team in every sense of

570
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:08,440
Speaker 5: the word.

571
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:12,720
Speaker 2: Great kid, great player, great teammate. She was devastated.

572
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:17,199
Speaker 5: She comes off the field halftime and just completely falls

573
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 5: into my arms. I mean, the kid was sobbing. What

574
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:23,440
Speaker 5: am I going to say to her? Nothing I'm gonna

575
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:25,280
Speaker 5: say to her is going to help, whether it's bad

576
00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:25,680
Speaker 5: or good.

577
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:28,320
Speaker 2: So you just sit there, You let her cry, you

578
00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:29,240
Speaker 2: let her fall.

579
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:32,120
Speaker 5: Into your arms, You let her sob get it out.

580
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,000
Speaker 5: You know, we made the decision not to start in

581
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:36,399
Speaker 5: the second half because we knew she wasn't ready, and

582
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:38,920
Speaker 5: you know what happened. There was no reason for anybody

583
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,000
Speaker 5: to say anything to her other than just we love you.

584
00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:44,440
Speaker 5: Her teammates responded like that, we just loved on her,

585
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:46,600
Speaker 5: which she's still upset after the day went on, of

586
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:47,239
Speaker 5: course she was.

587
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,360
Speaker 2: Did it take her a couple of days to come around, Yes,

588
00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:52,359
Speaker 2: but nobody intervened. We just loved on her.

589
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:54,840
Speaker 6: Sometimes it's just that freaking easy.

590
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:56,879
Speaker 4: I love that, man, And it's amazing the power of

591
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 4: your teammates just and your coaches just hey, it's all right,

592
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:01,920
Speaker 4: and it kind of makes you realize it's way it's

593
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:04,639
Speaker 4: way more about you know, and as time time a

594
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 4: lot of oftentimes heals all wounds and you.

595
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:11,119
Speaker 6: Just you know, have perspective. Coach obviously you know your passion,

596
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:13,240
Speaker 6: your enthusiasm. We're very like mind. I can talk to

597
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:15,040
Speaker 6: you all day long, but we don't have all day.

598
00:28:15,119 --> 00:28:16,359
Speaker 6: Where can people find you?

599
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:18,400
Speaker 4: Where can I know if they google you, there's all

600
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:21,440
Speaker 4: different articles and blah, like what where can they find

601
00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:22,000
Speaker 4: your content?

602
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:23,359
Speaker 6: And how can they get in touch with you?

603
00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:24,560
Speaker 2: So I would say.

604
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:27,880
Speaker 5: The most the most engaged for me with the coaching

605
00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:28,760
Speaker 5: and the culture and.

606
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:32,239
Speaker 2: The leading with love stuff is probably on Twitter. So

607
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:35,840
Speaker 2: I'm on Twitter. I mean, I'm on Instagram. You know.

608
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 5: Again, my main role is a mom, but of course

609
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:40,440
Speaker 5: the coaching part of it is my second passion and

610
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:43,840
Speaker 5: mental health. But I mean the biggest thing is just,

611
00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:48,320
Speaker 5: you know, lead with love. Whether you're a teacher, you know,

612
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:52,560
Speaker 5: a coach, a player, a director, a leader in any

613
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 5: sense of the word, in any level of life, organizationally,

614
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:59,400
Speaker 5: business wise, you lead with love. You love your people.

615
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:01,640
Speaker 5: They will do anything for you. And guess what the

616
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:04,600
Speaker 5: winning comes like, It just comes. You lead with love,

617
00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:06,280
Speaker 5: you love your people, It trickles.

618
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 2: Down and you win. I promise.

619
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:10,760
Speaker 6: Libby mes garrow freaking awesome. I love it.

620
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:14,240
Speaker 4: Cannot thank you enough for coming on sharing your Perspective've

621
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:16,800
Speaker 4: definitely run this back again. I wish you nothing but success.

622
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:19,200
Speaker 4: Let's keep in touch and thanks so much for sharing.

623
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:21,480
Speaker 2: Thank you for having me, Nick, I really appreciate it.

624
00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:25,520
Speaker 3: That's Libby Mescaro, a decorated athlete, soccer coach, and mental

625
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:29,080
Speaker 3: health advocate. Thanks for listening to the Reform Sports podcast.

626
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:31,640
Speaker 3: If you've enjoyed this episode, we would appreciate it. If

627
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:33,840
Speaker 3: you took a moment to rate and review our podcast.

628
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:36,200
Speaker 3: As we work to grow our community of supporters and

629
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:39,880
Speaker 3: advocates for more reform sports content, please subscribe to our

630
00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:43,040
Speaker 3: newsletter and blog at Reformsports Project dot com. You can

631
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:46,560
Speaker 3: also follow us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn.