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Speaker 1: Text you will healing textual You know they say you

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Speaker 1: can lead a horse to water, but you can't make

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Speaker 1: him drink.

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Speaker 2: That's good, Yeah, and we think.

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Speaker 1: The same thing is true with texting. You can give

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Speaker 1: a horse an iPhone, but you can't make him text.

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Speaker 2: Horses, yeah, they can't really use them at all.

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Speaker 1: Well, we have to finish that saying you can't make

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Speaker 1: the horse text, that is, unless your horse emails our

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Speaker 1: show for help, and with our assistance, we'll teach your

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Speaker 1: pony how to trot all over that keyboard. No, it's literal.

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Speaker 1: We teach horses to text in a segment that we

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Speaker 1: call textual healing.

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Speaker 2: A lot of smash phones in this process.

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Speaker 1: Horse texturers, right. So if you haven't heard before, it's

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Speaker 1: our way of helping our listeners or apparently farman who

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Speaker 1: have an issue in the texting department, and maybe they

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Speaker 1: aren't good at texting, maybe the situation is a little

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Speaker 1: bit uncomfortable and they're not sure what to say. Whatever

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Speaker 1: it is, we can help them out with a little

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Speaker 1: bit of textual healing. So, who's today's honored guest that

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Speaker 1: needs our help. His name is Rob.

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Speaker 2: I thought for sure is going to be mister ed, well.

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Speaker 1: Maybe they're related. But Rob, welcome to the show.

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Speaker 3: Thanks thanks for helping me out.

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Speaker 1: Now tell us how we can help heal you textually.

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Speaker 1: What's the situation that you're dealing with?

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Speaker 3: All right, So I've been dating this girl for about

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Speaker 3: three months and we just started becoming official. We became

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Speaker 3: official two weeks ago.

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Speaker 1: Oh cool.

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Speaker 3: I mean, thanks, but I should probably practice that by

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Speaker 3: saying that that's just like really not who I am.

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Speaker 3: I don't usually do that. I don't like, I don't know,

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Speaker 3: I don't like to get tied down. I really hesitate

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Speaker 3: to enter a relationship.

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Speaker 2: Having a girlfriend. Is it really who you are? Is

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Speaker 2: that what you're saying?

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Speaker 3: No, I love to have like people I hang out

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Speaker 3: with and like date, but like being official, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: It always makes me hesitate because.

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Speaker 2: It did she like trick you into this somehow, because

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Speaker 2: it seems like it's.

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Speaker 3: A pretty We dated for about three months and I

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Speaker 3: was like, you know what, I think maybe it's time

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Speaker 3: I just like get over that figure it out. So

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Speaker 3: I did. But then, of course, as soon as I did,

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Speaker 3: everything started to change, and all the reasons I hesitate

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Speaker 3: being in a relationship like started to come true.

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Speaker 1: Oh this happens a lot with guys. I feel like, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're in your twenties and you're like living your best

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Speaker 1: single life and then you decide, oh, maybe I shouldet

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Speaker 1: a girlfriend. You're like, oh, this was a bad idea.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, sort of.

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Speaker 2: What came true. Like, I don't understand why it would

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Speaker 2: change anything.

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Speaker 1: He wouldn't understand Brook you're a woman.

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Speaker 3: It we were like hanging out, just having a good time,

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Speaker 3: but then as soon as we're official, I'm getting constant

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Speaker 3: drama about her friends. I'm like zooming with her parents

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Speaker 3: way too frequently. She's leaving makeup everywhere. There's like makeup

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Speaker 3: stains on every counter in my place.

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Speaker 1: They need any other women that come to your house

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Speaker 1: to know that it's already taken by a woman, Like,

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Speaker 1: oh did you leave the toilet seat up? It's like

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Speaker 1: I'm a whole makeup counting.

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Speaker 2: It sounds like you're like drowning in anxiety.

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Speaker 1: Over this right now.

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Speaker 3: That's exactly it. You're right, I am drowning in anxiety,

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Speaker 3: and that is why I need your help. I just

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Speaker 3: I need to be single again. This is not where

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Speaker 3: I am in life right now. Like maybe someday.

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Speaker 2: But wait, our textual healing is you're going to break

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Speaker 2: up with a girl on text?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and listen before you like?

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Speaker 1: How and me?

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Speaker 3: I know it's like kind of the cowards way out.

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Speaker 3: But I just can't call her. I can't do it

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Speaker 3: in person. I cannot deal with the tears and the drama.

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Speaker 3: I just got a text and get out of this.

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Speaker 2: How do you know if he's even gonna cry?

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Speaker 3: They always cry, They just always.

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Speaker 1: Okay, okay, a breakup. Hell, that's not what I thought

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Speaker 1: we were doing today.

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Speaker 2: I don't think we should do this, please, I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I hate I think that breaking up via text it's

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Speaker 2: like the worst thing possible. I think we should leave

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Speaker 2: you and you have to do it on your own.

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Speaker 2: I agree with you that just because you don't want

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Speaker 2: a title of a state.

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Speaker 3: I agree with you. But I just I really see

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Speaker 3: no other way out. I have to text her.

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Speaker 1: Well, let's be honest, there's no good way to break

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Speaker 1: up with somebody, Like over a phone call isn't good

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Speaker 1: when you go to a restaurant and you have your

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Speaker 1: mistress next to you and you're like, this is what

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Speaker 1: I'm doing now? There's no great way to do it, so,

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Speaker 1: I mean, text is definitely one of the worst I think.

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Speaker 3: At least in a text she can, like I give

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Speaker 3: her the opportunity to, you know, respond however she wants

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Speaker 3: to and like not be embarrassed. At least she can

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Speaker 3: do it on her own without having to be there

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Speaker 3: to see it, you know.

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Speaker 1: All right, Well, so help us out, Like, are you

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Speaker 1: guys currently in the middle of a conversation? Have you

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Speaker 1: texted at all recently? Like what are we working with here?

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Speaker 2: Uh?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, We're not in like a great spot to do this,

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Speaker 3: to be honest. Less than an hour ago, her dad

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Speaker 3: and I were talking zoo because we all talk way

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Speaker 3: too much, and he said he love meeting me and

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Speaker 3: he wants to play golf sometime. He wants to schedule

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Speaker 3: a time to play golf. Like I am rude that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she came in hard and fast, dad and golf already,

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Speaker 2: Like you're two weeks into a relationship.

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Speaker 4: Hold up, we could use that to start the downward spiral,

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Speaker 4: Like we start as a cancel.

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Speaker 2: I hate golf, I hate your family.

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Speaker 4: No, maybe if we find a way to cancel the

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Speaker 4: golf ones, we can also say, you know what, I

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Speaker 4: kind of want to cancel all of it.

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Speaker 2: Like working.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean we did. We do need to respond

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Speaker 1: to the golf request first.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's just I am too busy for now

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Speaker 2: until the next five years.

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Speaker 1: Just no, yeah, well no, I mean we want to

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Speaker 1: say it in like a nice way.

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Speaker 2: You just say this, You say, hey, I think your

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Speaker 2: dad's awesome. To be honest, I'm not quite ready for that.

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Speaker 1: Maybe we say your mom's awesome too.

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Speaker 2: Why would you put your mom into it?

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Speaker 1: Oh? So just the dad's good, Okay.

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Speaker 2: And then you just say I'm not ready for it,

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Speaker 2: which is true. That's an honest text.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Like as a stage in the relationship, I don't

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Speaker 1: see another way to do that. What do you think, Rob?

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Speaker 3: I like that? But then also I got to end

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Speaker 3: it too. Where do I go from there?

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Speaker 2: Well, let's just start here and then we'll get to

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Speaker 2: that whole dumping part next. Okay. When she says you

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Speaker 2: don't want eight paragraphs in one text message, it's been

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Speaker 2: a great ride.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you're right, Okay, let me text here and see

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Speaker 3: how that goes.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, well I don't know. I don't feel good

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Speaker 1: about serious right now? All right? Did you send it?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: All right, This is the nervous part. Yeah, every time.

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Speaker 1: All right, we haven't even delivered the bad news yet,

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Speaker 1: and I'm still feeling all icky inside. Our girl doesn't

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Speaker 1: know what's coming. So, okay, Rob, we're going to play

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Speaker 1: a song. We'll come back and we'll see if you

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Speaker 1: got a text and continue to give you some textual healing.

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Speaker 1: Come up right after this, Okay, Rob, All right, hold

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Speaker 1: on if you're just tuning in for the second part

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Speaker 1: of textual healing. We're on the phone with one of

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Speaker 1: our listeners named Rob, and Rob wants us to help

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Speaker 1: him send a text message to break up with his girlfriend. Now,

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Speaker 1: all of us, all of us in the room were

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Speaker 1: not very supportive of it, except for Brooke, who was

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Speaker 1: very very excited to break up with a guy text.

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Speaker 1: He's terrible. Yeah, I mean, not that smile.

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Speaker 2: I would never break up with someone via text, but

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Speaker 2: you would help another guy do it today. But it's

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Speaker 2: against my better judgment. I'm just going to say that.

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Speaker 2: And Rob, I think there's a better way to do this,

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Speaker 2: but I don't think that you care at this point.

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Speaker 1: I mean, we've already started doing it and we already

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Speaker 1: sent our first text message. Rob said, you know, I

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Speaker 1: really like your dad and I think he's awesome, but

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Speaker 1: I don't think I'm going to be able to play

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Speaker 1: golf with him. That I'm not ready for that, and

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Speaker 1: I know that is Brook's idea. Now, Rob, has your

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Speaker 1: girlfriend responded to that text?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? She did?

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Speaker 2: But why are you so sad? What did she she

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Speaker 2: couldn't have? What's she right?

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Speaker 3: She said why you love golf and then attached golf

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Speaker 3: emoji and a smiley face.

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Speaker 2: Okay, this is where you're gonna have to be honest.

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Speaker 2: This is where you're just gonna have to say, I

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Speaker 2: feel like things are moving too fast between us and

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Speaker 2: I'm not ready to hang out in person with your dad.

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Speaker 1: You can play off the she says you love golf,

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Speaker 1: but then you can respond but I don't love you.

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Speaker 2: Okay, just set you up for Jeffrey. You don't need

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Speaker 2: like a brutal segue there, Like, you don't need that.

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying it's written on the wall for you.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I mean, here's the thing. It sounds like

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Speaker 2: this girl has zero idea of how you feel, so

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Speaker 2: you've done a terrible job at explaining your emotions.

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Speaker 1: Has it ever come up in the conversation before between

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Speaker 1: you two. Does she know anything about this?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I mean I've mentioned before that like I had feelings

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Speaker 3: about hesitating to get into relationships, and.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, when you talk in general, every girl always thinks

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Speaker 2: that were the exception, like, oh, he's had problems with

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Speaker 2: other relationships, but with me, it changed his mind.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but this is good, Like if it has come

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Speaker 1: up in your conversations before, maybe you can make a

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Speaker 1: reference back to it.

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Speaker 2: You Okay, go for it.

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Speaker 1: I'm saying, like, remember that time when we were talking

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Speaker 1: about how I wasn't one hundred percent sure about this.

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Speaker 1: I'm kind of feeling that again.

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Speaker 4: This falls into that category.

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Speaker 1: Of and you're just all you're doing there is you're

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Speaker 1: telling her how you feel. So it's not anything about her.

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Speaker 2: Quick write that down before you forget what he said.

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Speaker 4: I am.

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Speaker 3: That's a perfect idea. Hold on one second. Wait, okay,

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Speaker 3: just reference back the idea that I've told her this before,

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Speaker 3: so it's not her, just me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Like remember when we were in our living room

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Speaker 1: watching Netflix and I said I don't feel comfortable in relationships.

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Speaker 2: Well that's happening right now starting here.

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Speaker 3: Wait, I'm drafting a text. It says remember that time

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Speaker 3: when we were at Chipotle and I was hesitant about

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Speaker 3: having them, But.

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Speaker 2: When we are sharing that rice bowl.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's where it was. Sorry that.

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Speaker 1: It was when she asked for extra guawk and you

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Speaker 1: were like, you know what, I don't know if I'm

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Speaker 1: fully on board with this is.

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Speaker 3: That costs money?

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Speaker 2: Man? No, but that's good. She'll remember exactly what you're

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Speaker 2: talking about.

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Speaker 3: Then hold on. So then I said, the way I

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Speaker 3: was hesitant to have a girlfriend, those feelings are coming back.

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Speaker 3: Just being honest sent.

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Speaker 2: Okay, all right, here it goes. That's like the pitch, right,

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Speaker 2: and then you're going to have to hit it out

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Speaker 2: of the.

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Speaker 1: Park And she can't be mad at you because you're

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Speaker 1: just saying how you feel.

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Speaker 2: Well, of course she can still be mad at him.

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Speaker 2: I mean that's not going to stop it. But I mean,

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Speaker 2: you're right, you're doing it in an honest way at least.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, I want her to like, I don't know

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Speaker 3: that way she can know it's about me and not

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Speaker 3: with her. You know this, doesn't get all upset about it.

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Speaker 3: And then I added a hashtag too, So.

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Speaker 1: What you what you hashtag your text?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just like I don't know, we have this

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Speaker 3: thing we do that sometimes with there were just hashtag.

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Speaker 2: What did you hashtag it?

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Speaker 3: It says hashtag honesty for life?

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Speaker 2: And I use the number four, honesty for life.

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Speaker 3: Okay, you guys don't know. You have no idea. She's

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Speaker 3: gonna like it.

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Speaker 2: She gets it, like, oh my god, has she written

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Speaker 2: you back yet? She like searching that hashtag to see

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Speaker 2: what other great insights she can get from it.

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Speaker 1: Hashtagging your breakup text seems a little odd to me,

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Speaker 1: but I don't know. Maybe I'm out of the game now.

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Speaker 1: Social media coordinator alexis, you're young. How do you feel?

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Speaker 1: How do you been dubbed before? Be a text? Right?

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Speaker 1: Has that happened to you?

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Speaker 2: I mean I haven't used hashtags. I've been broken up

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Speaker 2: with over the phone though.

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Speaker 3: It sucks, but at least you're like alone to cry,

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Speaker 3: you know, and think about what you're well.

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Speaker 1: Maybe if they had hashtag that phone call at the end,

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Speaker 1: it wouldn't have hurt so bad.

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Speaker 2: Hashtag she responded, what did she say?

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Speaker 3: It says aw dot dot dot. I know relationships can

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Speaker 3: be scary, but I'm always here for you. Hashtag honesty

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Speaker 3: for life.

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Speaker 2: Okay, all right now, you're just gonna have to rip

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Speaker 2: the band aid off.

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Speaker 1: Okay, she's not getting what she said.

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Speaker 3: You're saying, I don't know where do I go from here?

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Speaker 4: Hold on, this is good that the hashtag happens to

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Speaker 4: be honesty in it because you can start to slowly

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Speaker 4: break it to her and continuously using hashtag for life

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Speaker 4: because you are being honest. Well, if we are being

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Speaker 4: hashtag honest for life, and then Brook take it from there.

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Speaker 2: You say this isn't working for me. I'm not meant

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Speaker 2: to be in a relationship. You deserve better.

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Speaker 1: Oh you're talking like, really rip the band aid?

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm just saying, if you're gonna do it, why

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Speaker 2: are we gonna draw it out? Man?

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Speaker 1: Friends with them? Yeah, but don't you have it of

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Speaker 1: friends in your life.

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Speaker 2: You don't need to be friends. You the act.

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Speaker 1: That's what Rob wants.

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Speaker 3: You can't break up over text and think they're gonna

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Speaker 3: like you. There's got to if she wants the hook

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Speaker 3: up later, he's right, y.

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Speaker 2: There, we got it, and he's like dog life right there,

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Speaker 2: hashtag dog life.

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Speaker 1: Okay, there has to be a not.

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Speaker 2: Good dirty dog.

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Speaker 1: There's gotta be away. We are trying to figure out

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Speaker 1: a way to be upfront and honest, but still keep

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Speaker 1: it light.

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Speaker 2: Keep it light, keep dumping her light. Just say it's

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Speaker 2: not gonna work.

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Speaker 1: What if you do it in the form of a joke?

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Speaker 1: What what?

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Speaker 2: Here's the punchline?

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Speaker 1: You're single? Yeah? Like, have you seen that movie? Other people?

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Speaker 1: I want to see it.

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Speaker 2: She is not gonna get that, dude, No one's gonna

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Speaker 2: get that joke.

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Speaker 1: That's a pretty it's a pretty sly funny reference.

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Speaker 2: I think have you seen the movie The Breakup? That's

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Speaker 2: what's happening right now.

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Speaker 1: Oh that's a good one. What do you think about that? Rob?

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Speaker 3: I think maybe it's a little bit on the nose.

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Speaker 3: I don't know. It makes me uncomfortable.

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Speaker 2: Have you heard the band Lonely Island? Because you're about

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Speaker 2: to be on it?

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Speaker 1: You want me to keep going? Brooks too good at

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Speaker 1: the see look, you should break up with more people

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Speaker 1: via text. You're really good at it. I don't know,

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Speaker 1: but Rob, you must you must have thought of this before, Like,

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Speaker 1: you must have thought of excuses that you were going

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Speaker 1: to give her before you came on with us. What

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Speaker 1: were you thinking?

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Speaker 3: What about this? She doesn't like memes, which I think

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Speaker 3: is absolutely crazy. She never laughed memes. Yeah, that's the

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Speaker 3: sign of a crazy person.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so send her. You could send her a

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Speaker 1: meme that said, I'm breaking up with you.

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Speaker 3: Okay, wait about like you guys are saying, you know,

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Speaker 3: we're just want a matter or whatever. But I have

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Speaker 3: like some more honest stuff to add to that. I

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Speaker 3: could say we're incompatible, like puddling wise, because she always

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Speaker 3: wants to be the big spoon and like, honestly, it

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Speaker 3: just makes me feel blessed, manly.

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Speaker 2: Big spoon everyone never I mean maybe if she asks

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Speaker 2: for reasons later, you can add that in. But you

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Speaker 2: want to be big spoon and it's not working for

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Speaker 2: you because of that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's belittling. I feel degraded in your arm. I

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Speaker 3: got another. I could tell her I took one of

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Speaker 3: those genealogy tests and related.

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Speaker 2: Yeah good, good, go with that, Rob.

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Speaker 3: I don't know how you okay that one, do it.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how you approved that unless you like

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Speaker 1: stole some of her saliva.

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Speaker 2: If she's double enough to date you, maybe she deserves reason.

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Speaker 1: Honestly, I don't know what we should do, Like bro,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, none of those necessarily sound like good ideas

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Speaker 1: to us, and we were there kings of bad ideas.

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Speaker 2: Just say it's not working.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, just actually she has texted me.

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Speaker 1: She's joking.

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Speaker 2: Now did she finally send you a me? Could you

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Speaker 2: have to take that reasoning back? No?

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Speaker 3: Listen, it says bt W. Can I ask your opinion

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Speaker 3: on something?

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Speaker 2: Okay?

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Speaker 3: What do you think if I got a breast augmentation

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Speaker 3: and go up to a D.

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Speaker 1: I love you?

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Speaker 2: Who is his chick?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: She's freaking awesome. That too sweet?

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Speaker 1: Now you're the relationship.

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Speaker 2: Now you're bad.

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Speaker 3: I'm curious. I'm not curious about you. Would be like like, wait.

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Speaker 2: So you're not going to send the breakup text now?

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Speaker 3: Actually, guys, I think I'm good.

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Speaker 2: We can work it out.

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Speaker 1: Are you serious?

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Speaker 2: Are worthless?

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Speaker 3: Come on? What would you do? What if someone was like,

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Speaker 3: I'm going to get a crotch enlargement, You'd be down

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Speaker 3: for that, right?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 1: I would That would be so weird.

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Speaker 2: Jo find someone with the size of joke that I'd.

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Speaker 1: Like, No, he's no, he's not talking about a junk enlargement,

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Speaker 1: just the crotch around, an enormous crotch. Bro, what are

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Speaker 1: you doing? Are we? Are we still doing this? Or what.

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Speaker 3: Well, I'm texting her back. I'm just letting her know

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Speaker 3: that that's like a pretty good idea and she can

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Speaker 3: come over tonight we can talk about it.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm mad at your studio. You just

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Speaker 1: wasted the last fifteen minutes of our lives.

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Speaker 3: No, it was super helpful, guys. I'm good. Thank you

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Speaker 3: for our help.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, we'll at least send us some photos

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Speaker 1: of the augmentation. And maybe it's a lie relationship.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean maybe I should because you know, hashtag

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Speaker 3: honesty for life.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.