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Speaker 1: Today, I fed up by accidentally training crows to ambush

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Speaker 1: the cops.

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Speaker 2: Okayop, this is okay, Ope.

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Speaker 3: I'm Samuel Donner and I'm not and we tell the

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Speaker 3: funniest stories only.

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Speaker 1: No, not.

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Speaker 2: Sam. Yeah, I have a question for you.

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Speaker 1: Please tell me about a time that you, like, did

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Speaker 1: an accident, you did something that.

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Speaker 2: In a whoopsie did not a little a little oopsie whoopsie.

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Speaker 3: My poo poo, my panties. Yes, respect respectfully. All right,

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Speaker 3: well this isn't quite an oopsie. But like I sa,

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Speaker 3: I run in most mornings that you do that I do.

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Speaker 3: I run run to the beach and I run back.

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Speaker 3: And like every time I am on my run, like

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Speaker 3: up the hill. There's a hill like a right right

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Speaker 3: before I get to my apartment. Every time I run up,

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Speaker 3: I just get hit with the ships, like like I

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Speaker 3: as soon as I get that incline, right, it just

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Speaker 3: a cat what bamn?

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Speaker 2: Like all right?

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Speaker 3: This this is my butthole right right right? Yeah, alright,

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Speaker 3: this is this is the pooles trying to get through.

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Speaker 2: It just wants it just wants to be free. It

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Speaker 2: wants to be free. And I'm trying to run and

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Speaker 2: so I'm running like this right, clenched cheeks, fully clenched.

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Speaker 3: I'm running like a like a like a like a

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Speaker 3: stick figure that has no knees, right, and so like

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Speaker 3: I'm trying to clench those butt cheeks together so make

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Speaker 3: sure nothing releases. You know. It's like Pandora's box up

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Speaker 3: in here, right, Like I don't want to release this

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Speaker 3: this crap onto the world, and so I'm running back.

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Speaker 3: I'm running back and every single time, right, it's like

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Speaker 3: it's like a it's I feel like I'm disarming a bomb.

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Speaker 2: Like it's like, uh, mission impossible.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, dun dun dun't dun't du And I'm like fumbling

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Speaker 3: with the keys to get into the apartment and then

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Speaker 3: I just slam open the.

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Speaker 2: Door like don't, don't, don't don't.

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Speaker 3: And I get to the bathroom and I don't even

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Speaker 3: have Like I'm like I'm like doing like the potty dance,

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Speaker 3: like right, I'm on both teeth and and and and

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Speaker 3: like there are points where it's close calls oh all right, right,

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Speaker 3: there's almost an oops and whoops. You Like I'm like

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Speaker 3: taking down the pants trying to make that poop and

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Speaker 3: it just it like comes.

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Speaker 2: Out all at once.

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Speaker 3: It takes like a oh my god, like almost like

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Speaker 3: a can like and then it's done. But like for

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Speaker 3: it just like always hits me at the same spot,

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Speaker 3: and it's always urgent, and I feel like I'm about

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Speaker 3: to crap my pants. You know, I'm not gonna lie. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: there are times where I've been somewhat unsuccessful.

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Speaker 2: A little your little squeaks out. Huh yeah, little squeaks out,

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Speaker 2: you know, Like I it's like, what can you do?

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Speaker 2: I have an alternative method for you, sir? Taking a

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Speaker 2: dumb on the streets.

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Speaker 1: Uh not quite not quite. So you're running up up

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Speaker 1: a hill, gravity is against you.

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Speaker 2: This is true.

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Speaker 1: I think you should pull those pants down to your

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Speaker 1: ankles and use your butthole as thrust. Oh and then

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Speaker 1: whoa and propel yourself up up the hill. I mean,

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Speaker 1: you are legally spelling at such a ferocious It's true.

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Speaker 2: I would just I would just leap over there.

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Speaker 1: It's kind of like a like in Mario Kart when

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Speaker 1: you get get like a boost up.

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Speaker 3: That's what I got idea, That's what I gotta do.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I think like the the other option is

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Speaker 3: to is just to like go to the dog park,

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Speaker 3: right like all these dogs are pooping everywhere, poop right

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Speaker 3: next to the dog, and then just like make eye contacts.

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Speaker 2: Dominant. That's a dominant power. I would I would be

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Speaker 2: the alpha.

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Speaker 1: That's an alpha dog leader right there, man, that's gonna

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Speaker 1: be our Our alpha podcast is Alpha Dog How to

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Speaker 1: be the alpha.

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Speaker 3: With dogs poop right in front of them and look

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Speaker 3: directly while releasing it.

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Speaker 1: That's honestly a decent TikTok like the Alpha Male podcast,

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Speaker 1: but it's a doge.

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Speaker 3: But don't break eye contact. Yes, yeah, so does that

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Speaker 3: answer your question?

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Speaker 2: You know what?

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Speaker 1: It so beautifully answered my question. We went through such

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Speaker 1: such a like I really went through a journey. I

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Speaker 1: felt it felt like I was clenching my own cheeks.

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Speaker 3: Oh wow, dude, when you're on the tip of your

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Speaker 3: seat clenching your cheeks, you know what's the good?

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Speaker 2: You know it's good. It's good.

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Speaker 1: Well, I have another story for you with where someone

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Speaker 1: did an accident and uh he accidentally trained animals to

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Speaker 1: uh to do an.

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Speaker 2: Ambush the alpha of the animal.

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Speaker 1: These animals are today, I fed up by accidentally training

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Speaker 1: crows to ambush the cops.

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Speaker 3: All right, dude, low key, crows are super super smart.

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Speaker 3: They're a little too smart, dude. They're they're fucking they're

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Speaker 3: they're they're spooky smart.

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Speaker 2: They're like dolphins.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they're the dolphins of the sky. Yeah you made

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Speaker 1: that joke on porpoise.

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Speaker 2: Oh.

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Speaker 1: Anyways, so this was a couple halloweens ago. A few

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Speaker 1: years back. I decided to dress up as a cop

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Speaker 1: for Halloween. It was a costume from a popular Halloween store,

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Speaker 1: and not a very well made costume, mind you. I

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Speaker 1: go to the Halloween event and met up with a

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Speaker 1: couple of friends. Now we were gonna go celebrate Halloween

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Speaker 1: the good old fashioned way by getting some nice drinks

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Speaker 1: that make people become drunk idiots.

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Speaker 3: Yes, hallow weekend, Man, Halloween is a about dressing up

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Speaker 3: as as near naked as you can get and then

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Speaker 3: just getting black out drunk.

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Speaker 2: I just go straight straight thong with it, you know.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, you.

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Speaker 3: Know the uh you know the boar at suspenders. Uh

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Speaker 3: yeah that but in black. Yes, yeah, normally I'm wearing

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Speaker 3: just like every my every day every day is just

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Speaker 3: is just the green one, right, But what I want

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Speaker 3: to do the Halloween one now is pure black.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. We have class after all. Yeah, of course we're

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Speaker 2: not beasts of the wild.

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Speaker 1: My friends are also wearing the same crappy cop costume

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Speaker 1: as me. This will be important later. Okay, so we went.

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Speaker 1: We were having a great time drinking and drinking until

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Speaker 1: we were a little bit more drunk than.

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Speaker 2: We should be.

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Speaker 1: Okay, we left the bar and we went to a

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Speaker 1: nearby Halloween event that was happening outdoors. Now, mind you,

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Speaker 1: we're really drunk. Is a couple of skunks over here?

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Speaker 1: Animal drunk as gunks on the point home? Yeah, all right,

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Speaker 1: we get it. You're intoxicated. Whoopsie? Do We hung out

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Speaker 1: and talked to some people, at least I think so.

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Speaker 1: I can't remember all.

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Speaker 2: Of the evening.

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Speaker 1: Oh wait, was it because they were drunk? Yes, that is affirmative.

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Speaker 2: So we are conferring they are drug They are actually intoxicated.

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Speaker 3: They got a they got a couple of mule hairs

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Speaker 3: in the in the wagon.

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Speaker 2: They say, what does that mean? Mule hairs in the wagon?

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Speaker 2: You never heard that. I haven't heard that one. It

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Speaker 2: means drunk.

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Speaker 1: Oh, mule hairs in the wagon? Interesting with them? Oh,

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Speaker 1: I would have really? Actually, am I fucking with you?

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Speaker 1: Or am I fucking with you about fucking with you.

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Speaker 2: Now, he's never gonna tell me no, never know. I'm

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Speaker 2: left in suspense, all right. The comments mule hairs on

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Speaker 2: the lyres, mule hairs on the wagon. That could be

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Speaker 2: a song. Actually mule hairs all the wagon. I was

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Speaker 2: thinking more of it.

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Speaker 1: Maybe a combo like little nas X style country like

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Speaker 1: hip hop, fusire life, little mule hairs on a wagon.

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Speaker 1: Got a bad bitch in her sail wagon, mule hairs

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Speaker 1: dubbing up the wagon, got a few bitch's tails wagon.

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Speaker 1: But I'm not sagging. Yeah, it's really happening. I don't

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Speaker 1: know what you said. I ain't really mad at her

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Speaker 1: because I got mule hairs in a wagon in the

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Speaker 1: wall door.

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Speaker 2: What's happening? That's great? What's bobbin?

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Speaker 1: We were talking with a bunch of people and after

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Speaker 1: a while we saw a bunch of crows. Now I

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Speaker 1: don't know why we had this idea, but we decided

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Speaker 1: that we would run at the crows, screaming at them

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Speaker 1: at the top.

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Speaker 2: Of our lungs.

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Speaker 3: Your crows will remember that ship. Just don't piss off

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Speaker 3: a crow because they will be after you for the

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Speaker 3: rest of your life.

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Speaker 2: Or the rest of their life. That's a little foreshadowing.

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Speaker 1: Oh shit, Okay, it seemed like a good idea at

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Speaker 1: the time because once again.

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Speaker 2: We were drunk. We got it, you were drunk. Okay.

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Speaker 1: The crows flew off and probably would have been okay

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Speaker 1: if we hadn't seen them. Later on as we were

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Speaker 1: walking home. Oh no, yes.

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Speaker 2: We ran into of the crows again. Those crows want revenge, dude, Halloween,

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Speaker 2: so they're like, they're they're ready.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, this is this is the time when this

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Speaker 1: is their like prime. Yeah, crows on Halloween are the

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Speaker 1: most evil.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Later, as we were walking home, we saw a bunch

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Speaker 1: of crows congregated around some food. Being the idiots that

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Speaker 1: we were, we decided to chase them away from the food,

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Speaker 1: because everyone loves being chased away while they're eating food.

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Speaker 2: Yes they do. No, they don't.

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Speaker 1: You would think that would be the end of the

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Speaker 1: story and bitch, but as many people know, crows do.

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Speaker 2: Not forget, and they don't forgive. So about a month.

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Speaker 1: Later after the party, I saw a bunch of mean,

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Speaker 1: mugging looking crows hanging outside around a cop car. Remember

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Speaker 1: my friends and I were cop costumes when we terrorized them.

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Speaker 1: When the cops got back from getting some coffee, the

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Speaker 1: crows started swarming and just in general pecking them, badgering them,

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Speaker 1: and just being jerks to them. Those crows are after them,

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Speaker 1: after them. I didn't think much of it at the time.

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Speaker 1: About two months later, I saw yet another incident.

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Speaker 2: Around my place of work.

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Speaker 1: This time I was driving on the highway to work,

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Speaker 1: and I saw the cops had pulled someone over for speeding.

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Speaker 2: As they got out of.

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Speaker 1: The car to walk towards the speeder, a bunch of

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Speaker 1: crows just appeared out of nowhere and started clawing and

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Speaker 1: ripping at the cops. They were being really seriously aggressive.

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Speaker 1: The cop basically had a look on his face like

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Speaker 1: he was saying efitt and he just went back to

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Speaker 1: the car. So he didn't even like go to give

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Speaker 1: the guy the feeding dick. He's just like, forget this,

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Speaker 1: I'm out, and just went back.

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Speaker 2: In his car. I'm audi.

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Speaker 1: For the next several months, I've seen numerous groups of crows,

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Speaker 1: murder of crows, oh, picking on cops around this city. Eventually,

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Speaker 1: I finally put the puzzle pieces together. The crows we

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Speaker 1: picked on when we were in cop costumes had told

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Speaker 1: their fellow crow buddies to pick on anyone wearing a dude.

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Speaker 3: All right, So, like, I know, we have all these

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Speaker 3: like protests that get the police stuff, you know, like

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Speaker 3: you know, making sure that our our cops are actually

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Speaker 3: serving the people. But if they ever don't, we unite

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Speaker 3: with the crows and show those cops who was boss.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, honestly I think they were. They were serving some

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Speaker 1: just desserts.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, dude. Crow.

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Speaker 3: Also, like, I actually saw a story on Reddit a

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Speaker 3: couple days ago about a guy who like it was

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Speaker 3: like it was a question. He's like, I have been

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Speaker 3: giving a crow a grape every time it gives me

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Speaker 3: a stick. Now it's getting me bigger and bigger sticks.

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Speaker 2: What do I do?

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Speaker 3: And then someone in the comments is like, start giving

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Speaker 3: it higher rewards for better things, and then until it

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Speaker 3: gives you money, and then just train this crow. Every

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Speaker 3: time it gives you a dollar or like some kind

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Speaker 3: of money, you give it like a treat.

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Speaker 2: That is genius.

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Speaker 3: We need to start working with crows a little bit, ye, dude.

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Speaker 3: The crow the crow human alliance needs to be stronger.

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Speaker 3: I mean, there's a reason that Rick and Morty episode

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Speaker 3: was so strongly tying humans to crows because it should happen.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I haven't seen that Rick and Morty episode, by

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Speaker 2: the way, watch it. Watch it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I haven't watched it, so I will have to

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Speaker 1: watch it. Yeah, but you know we should always watch

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Speaker 1: ooh okay.

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Speaker 2: Oh watch it on YouTube, Spotify, Dick Doc and you

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Speaker 2: got to be real one. Support us on Patreon.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, join the family aerial cases Aphorius to Vinia, Muhammed, Amanda,

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Speaker 1: Will Connor, Desiree, Keegan, and Kathy Wiggley.

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Speaker 2: See so by