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Speaker 1: Just me up and welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.

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Speaker 1: I'm Erica and I'm Mela. Happy Wednesday. What's up? What's up?

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Speaker 1: Nothing that's going on?

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Speaker 2: You know, I'm chilling, I'm tired as a motherfucker, I'm hungover,

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Speaker 2: and also I'm not gonna sleep till tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: Oh okay, okay, yeah, have you backed? Nope?

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Speaker 3: Okay, didn't you tell me you were putting shit in

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Speaker 3: your suitcase?

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Speaker 1: I put three things in that God damn sit.

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Speaker 3: I was like four days ago. You were like all

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Speaker 3: proud of yourself cause you were getting a head start

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Speaker 3: on package. It was three items, okay, and so you failed.

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Speaker 3: Well actually maybe they put word than three items in that.

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Speaker 3: But you know me, I gotta rethink that thing. I

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Speaker 3: gotta I gotta should make.

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Speaker 1: A list their eyebrows right now. I can't still. I

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Speaker 1: forgot this morning. Oh my god, we went.

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Speaker 2: We hadn't meet up last night. I got we got

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Speaker 2: fucked up. I knew we had committed to do something.

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Speaker 2: At eleven thirty in the morning, proceeded to invite people

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Speaker 2: back to Erica's house, sat by the fire, drank more

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Speaker 2: went to Bett like five o'clock in the morning, ravaging

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Speaker 2: the house for fucking cheerios and items that didn't exist.

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Speaker 2: And so this morning, still drunk, trying to look decent,

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Speaker 2: I take whatever pencil I find Erica's makeup closet because

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Speaker 2: it was dark brown.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what the fuck it want. It just

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Speaker 1: like rolled right on into my eyebrows, dark as fuck.

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Speaker 2: I was like, I can't get it off. I look

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Speaker 2: like fucking Ernie and Burt. It's been there all day.

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Speaker 2: I just put the bag. I couldn't even take it off.

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Speaker 2: I was like, I don't have energy for this. They

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Speaker 2: just put my bang in front of it. No, I've forgotten.

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Speaker 1: It's still holding on, girl, it's still there. Fuck. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: enough about these terrible brows. What's up with you? What's

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Speaker 1: going on the same ship?

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Speaker 2: Girl?

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Speaker 1: Good day, been with you? Hashtag blessed? Is that what

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Speaker 1: the kids are doing? I don't know. That was two

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Speaker 1: years ago. I'm old. Oh yeah.

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Speaker 2: One time, She's like, you don't remember hashtag blessed? I

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Speaker 2: was like, no, no, very rare, very rare, Like hashtag

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Speaker 2: you don't remember very rare.

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Speaker 1: You need to calm down. I can't believe. Okay, you

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Speaker 1: know what. Anyway, She's like, yeah, hashtag very rare. I

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Speaker 1: was like, what the fuck are you talking about?

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Speaker 3: Honestly, I don't ask our guests because we have two

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Speaker 3: guests here today. Right now, we have the wonderful, amazing

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Speaker 3: podcast Black Girl and Bravado with us.

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Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, Okay, Germany and Brittany came to join us. Finally,

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Speaker 1: have you heard it very rare? Never?

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Speaker 4: I'm sorry I was waiting.

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Speaker 1: No, there's no Google have tag blessed? Okay? Yeah? That?

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Speaker 1: Oh I haven't like very rare hashtag.

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Speaker 3: I've heard of like hashtag whatever, people using that like

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Speaker 3: in regular conversation.

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Speaker 1: Never heard of hashtag very What was that? What was

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Speaker 1: it from? Also clothing or something?

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Speaker 3: Oh?

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Speaker 1: What?

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Speaker 2: But also one time I was going on a date

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Speaker 2: with this white guy and I was like, he said res,

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Speaker 2: he's making it res And she was like, yeah, shirt

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Speaker 2: for reservation, everything, what likes.

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Speaker 3: I was really surprised that you're from the valley. I

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Speaker 3: never heard of the reds, you know, valley people, short

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Speaker 3: and everything.

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Speaker 1: I never heard. I've never heard. But I know like

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Speaker 1: deeds like I don't know the.

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Speaker 2: Deatsay, do you guys know this is a new one.

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Speaker 1: This is what the kids are using no cap. Oh yeah, no, lie, yeah,

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Speaker 1: we know, like your cap in is likely get lying

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Speaker 1: like he'd be capping.

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Speaker 3: He'd like, yeah, yeah a cap or no fact that

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Speaker 3: we're having this conversation.

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Speaker 1: What does that actually mean? Where it's derived from it?

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Speaker 3: I don't know capital letters, so I don't know, like

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Speaker 3: that's that's the cap, Like I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Rappers saying yeah, boy, you cappen and then how do

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Speaker 1: people know what it meant? I don't know how urban

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Speaker 1: dictionary gas started.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's like I think what it is

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Speaker 3: is like slaying from a certain area, maybe like Atlanta

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Speaker 3: or some southern place, and the same way how we

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Speaker 3: say moded.

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Speaker 1: It goes viral.

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Speaker 3: I'm just saying like I feel like cappen is maybe

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Speaker 3: a new one, like well, like yeah, the kids are

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Speaker 3: saying it if you don't stop with the kids are

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Speaker 3: doing that and the kids, oh yeah, I love thee.

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Speaker 1: What is that? That's the whoa?

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Speaker 2: You know what?

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Speaker 1: Have you seen an Asian guy do it? That's the

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Speaker 1: first guy. I think he's sweepy grand It's just like

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Speaker 1: it is off in his office, like there's like multiple

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Speaker 1: days and he's like he's dead serious.

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Speaker 2: He's like a six year olds Asian man and he's

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Speaker 2: doing and you guys can't see these moves that we're doing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, show it up and then bring it down with it. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Patreon to see the what the kids are doing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 3: The content exclusive dance only on.

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Speaker 1: Patreon on period. Okay, so finally you're here. So happy

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Speaker 1: to have you guys.

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Speaker 2: And I think we've only had a couple other like

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Speaker 2: other black duo podcasts on the show. Yeah, I mean

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Speaker 2: like maybe just one honestly, really is it?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Okay, so we're really happy to have you here. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: trailblazers in the podcast.

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Speaker 5: Our shallow sister podcasters because she is so.

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Speaker 4: Much we can relate to.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, relate on. So tell us, like what your podcast

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Speaker 1: is about? Why started it? Uh?

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Speaker 3: So, where are the Black or Bravado Podcast? It's a

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Speaker 3: motivating and encouraging podcast for color for women. I like,

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Speaker 3: we talk about tons of things, spirituality, entrepreneurship, of self care,

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Speaker 3: self love.

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Speaker 1: Mental health, and mental wellness. Yeah.

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Speaker 5: The way we got started it was random. We were

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Speaker 5: just two friends and you know, you key key with

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Speaker 5: your girlfriends, hang out chat, and something sparked in us

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Speaker 5: to take the.

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Speaker 1: Chats to the podcast in the world.

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Speaker 5: So we started our podcast no real intention or expectation

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Speaker 5: behind it.

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Speaker 1: I mean there was always some sort of intention, but

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Speaker 1: we didn't think we would be.

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Speaker 5: Doing it three years later. Yeah, So we took it

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Speaker 5: to the podcast in space. People were really receptive of it.

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Speaker 5: We liked it ourselves.

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Speaker 1: So here we are today, still podcasts. We don't know

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Speaker 1: how though, we really don't.

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Speaker 4: Each month it's like, oh we still doing this.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, oh they still like it.

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Speaker 1: Okay, we'll come back. Yeah. It's like trial and error.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, hell try, but it's really fulfilling.

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Speaker 1: It's enjoyable. Yeah, it's not always easy, but it's always

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Speaker 1: worth it. Yeah, it's enjoyable. What about you guys individually? Like,

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Speaker 1: who are you?

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Speaker 6: Who is shem So? I'm Jerremany, I'm thirty one.

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Speaker 1: I'm Libra Libra. Yeah, I'm a libra. Oh that's why

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Speaker 1: you'd be in those relationships back to that period. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, this is maybe loving.

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Speaker 3: And I think I just like closeness of relationship, so

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Speaker 3: that also keeps me in.

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Speaker 1: So, yeah, I'm a newly single woman.

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Speaker 3: I have a great dog. I don't know what they'm

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Speaker 3: a I'm a single, loving gal single loving giel.

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Speaker 4: Yes, and I'm Brittany.

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Speaker 5: I'm also thirty one. I'm a vergo and I do

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Speaker 5: I too have a dog. I too am newly single.

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Speaker 1: For fucking Siamese.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like the period now people get on the

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Speaker 3: same period schedule.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, dating schedule.

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Speaker 3: Yeah we're yeah, thank god, we just said that, Like,

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Speaker 3: if a nigga pulls up, we damn their knees with

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Speaker 3: your brother, your friend, we need to be dating at

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Speaker 3: the same time. It's too difficult.

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Speaker 1: Well, it's kind of cool, like you guys are entering

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Speaker 1: this new journey kind of together, so we can.

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Speaker 5: Kind of support each other. I mean, it's been tough

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Speaker 5: for both of us, but bagging it out. Yeah, I'm

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Speaker 5: glad I have some support at this moment.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you need it because it's hard, bitch.

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Speaker 6: I'm like, oh god, I need these niggas to act right.

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Speaker 2: Oh god, I have encourage your guys to be single

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Speaker 2: for at least a year.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, as a child's and I was. The thing is,

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Speaker 7: the thing is that wouldn't be hard.

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Speaker 5: That's not hard for me because I'm already like super particular,

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Speaker 5: super picky. She is like, in order to get into

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Speaker 5: a relationship with someone like again, especially after like being

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Speaker 5: in a relationship for seven.

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Speaker 1: Years, he has to damn or be perfect.

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Speaker 5: I know perfect is impossible, but like my tolerance is

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Speaker 5: just very low for so much that he will probably

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Speaker 5: be damn near perfect.

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Speaker 1: Come on, I.

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Speaker 4: Mean so, I mean, it's not really hard for me

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Speaker 4: to be seen.

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Speaker 1: Is very particular.

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Speaker 3: She'll be like, well, when we were talking, he blinked

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Speaker 3: at me three times.

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Speaker 6: You're pretty things.

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Speaker 1: That makes this When we were talking, he said that

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Speaker 1: he doesn't like to go out. When we were.

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Speaker 5: Talking, he said that he wants seven kids. So what's

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Speaker 5: the point of me? Still, I don't it's no point

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Speaker 5: because like I feel like I have very little time

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Speaker 5: to waste. And okay, yes, of course I can entertain

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Speaker 5: you for like there will be some or someone that's

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Speaker 5: conversed with. But at the end of the day, it's like,

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Speaker 5: I know you're not my type, to be quite honest,

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Speaker 5: like you're just not so I.

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Speaker 1: Don't really I guess I don't really give.

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Speaker 5: People much room to maybe become my type or like

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Speaker 5: to see where it could go. I'm kind of just like, uh, yeah,

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Speaker 5: Like I.

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Speaker 4: Was picking up on this early on, and I'm good

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Speaker 4: pretty much.

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Speaker 2: So, well, that's great, but then you just be alone,

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Speaker 2: because but just be entertaining.

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Speaker 1: Maybe to be married.

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Speaker 3: I never thought I wanted seven kids, but I'm like,

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Speaker 3: I barely want one.

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Speaker 1: So if you're saying you want seven and your compromises four,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, no, everything entertained.

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Speaker 2: Unfortunately, No, I'm good and damn well an no name game.

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Speaker 1: You just don't explore it. Yeah's so nice. He has six.

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Speaker 1: He's thirty five percent of the things that I like,

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Speaker 1: ex relationships. I'm like, but he likes this, he likes that,

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Speaker 1: he likes to dream exactly.

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Speaker 3: It'll be things that I'm like, yeah, and then I'll

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Speaker 3: learn how to work with it.

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Speaker 1: We recently did this thing called manifesting.

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Speaker 2: Oh like manifesting your man Yeah, like writing very.

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Speaker 1: We have we have that list. Yeah, so that's why

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Speaker 1: I'm like, yes.

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Speaker 5: So if someone shows up, that's like not on the list.

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Speaker 5: Are completely opposite that the list. Do you feel like

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Speaker 5: you're in a space where you're like, uh, yeah, no,

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Speaker 5: or do you feel like you're like, well, maybe I

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Speaker 5: want to add something whatever you are to my listen.

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Speaker 2: No, no, do you have to get at least seventy

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Speaker 2: five percent of that list to me if not ninety nine, and.

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Speaker 3: I've got a lot of the other I haven't been.

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Speaker 3: I feel like I haven't really I tolerate. I've tolerated

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Speaker 3: a lot of shit.

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Speaker 1: Now it's like, let me practice just yes, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: like let me see how this works out. That's how

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Speaker 1: I feel.

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Speaker 4: I feel like, I mean, I just I don't know.

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Speaker 5: I just feel like we only have so much time,

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Speaker 5: and I do know what I ultimately want, Like I

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Speaker 5: don't want to be dated forever. I don't want to

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Speaker 5: just be entertaining forever. I want a nigga, a husband.

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Speaker 1: So like, where are you?

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Speaker 3: Where are you in your personal ad?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm like I'm.

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Speaker 1: Looking, so where are you?

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Speaker 5: And I feel like the longer that I just keep

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Speaker 5: someone in this space, I'm not allowing the pone else

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Speaker 5: supposed to be there to really be there because it's

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Speaker 5: like I'm going to be tied up.

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna be feeling like.

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Speaker 5: Okay, well, I feel good, Like maybe he's not necessarily

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Speaker 5: the person that I want, but I don't feel like lonely.

250
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Speaker 5: I do have someone to talk to, I do have

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Speaker 5: someone to go out with, So I mean it's not

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Speaker 5: as bad.

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Speaker 1: It's not the complete ghetto, but it's just like almost

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Speaker 1: like the ouskirts right.

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Speaker 7: Right up in the project versus just like like versus

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Speaker 7: sit in the ghetto.

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Speaker 4: And then one day i wake up in Beverly Hills.

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Speaker 5: So I'm like, you know, I would rather go from

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Speaker 5: the ghetto to Beverly Hills.

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Speaker 1: He in the outskirts, Yeah, outskirts, Yeah, guys, well, just.

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Speaker 4: In the ghetto.

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Speaker 5: And then one day I'm like, wow, I see why

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Speaker 5: I was in the ghetto. Now I'm here. So yeah,

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Speaker 5: but I'm not gonna act like it's fucking easy, because

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Speaker 5: it's a second. It's fucking Sometimes I'm like, you know what,

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Speaker 5: let me just going over to the Outskirts because bitch,

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Speaker 5: I'm tired and i'm board and I'm alone.

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Speaker 1: So we go in and out of the house because

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Speaker 1: it's into the ghetto, out of the.

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Speaker 2: I'm going back in now. I'm done with this. This

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Speaker 2: they be in a suburb. You got me fucked up.

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Speaker 6: Hard I do the entertain I'm not I'm not. I'm ashamed.

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Speaker 1: I'm not proud of ashamed. I mean, I have y'all

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Speaker 1: have that problem. I'm like, oh, well, you can just

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Speaker 1: go get dinner. A few times. Yes, lay that when

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Speaker 1: we lay up with this nigga. Yeah, speaking of the ghetto.

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Speaker 2: Wait what because because Lord knows this single ship is

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Speaker 2: a mother, I can get up.

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Speaker 1: I mean like specifically in l Aye, it's the picking.

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Speaker 1: It's slim pickens. You're in l A. You got to

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Speaker 1: get this l or is it just.

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Speaker 3: I think it's we write nationwise slim pickens. They were

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Speaker 3: out yesterday and funny enough, how women feel like there's

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Speaker 3: no options for niggas in l A. These men were

285
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Speaker 3: saying that they feel like there's no women. They were like,

286
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Speaker 3: there's not enough. But I'm.

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Speaker 1: With sins.

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Speaker 3: Do feel like that there's a lot of I'm like,

289
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Speaker 3: no women, you're looking at one right right? He said

290
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Speaker 3: look to you that I would never give him a chance,

291
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Speaker 3: No shame, but I didn't take it offensively. I'm like,

292
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Speaker 3: I'm not the type of woman you could have anyway.

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Speaker 5: But you know one thing I saw just yesterday and

294
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Speaker 5: I'm like, you know what, reframe reframe because how we're like,

295
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Speaker 5: being single is the ghetto. It sucks here da da da.

296
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Speaker 5: It was a post like being single is fun, being

297
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Speaker 5: in the relationship is fun. Whatever I am right now

298
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Speaker 5: is fun, Like so we need to stop saying it's

299
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Speaker 5: the ghetto because and I'm like, r, this is where

300
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Speaker 5: we are currently. It's for a reason. And I mean

301
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Speaker 5: san is the ghetto, is gonna probably make it the ghetto,

302
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Speaker 5: you know, calling that shit. So I'm like, let me

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Speaker 5: stop calling this shit the ghetto. Although i mean, I'm

304
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Speaker 5: boxing because it feels like it, but I'm like, let

305
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:56,240
Speaker 5: me try to reframe it. Like being single is fun

306
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Speaker 5: because right now I don't have to pop pissy on command.

307
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Speaker 6: Yes, you don't have a pop pussy I got.

308
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Speaker 1: When you're in I can't get expectations.

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Speaker 5: Maybe when I can't even get home from the barn,

310
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Speaker 5: just go to not worry.

311
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Speaker 4: It's like I gotta come here my night routine.

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Speaker 1: Yeah right.

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Speaker 3: I love the drunk drunk swap talk. I'm like, no, yeah, yeah,

314
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:23,200
Speaker 3: it's always.

315
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Speaker 1: Just want to be drunk.

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Speaker 6: That's just want to be drunk, go to sleep, wake up.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I've definitely been in long term relationships with these kinds,

318
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Speaker 1: Like I don't want to have to before I go

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Speaker 1: to work just to be like okay, it's done. God. Yeah.

320
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Speaker 1: If you're not in a long term relationship, that's probably

321
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Speaker 1: like a three old. Yeah, like I've always drunk.

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Speaker 3: I almost forgot what that feels like that, right, the

323
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Speaker 3: like annoyance of like, please get your dick out of

324
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Speaker 3: my back, I'm asleep. Yeah yeah yeah, and like you

325
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,000
Speaker 3: can't make any sudden movement.

326
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Speaker 1: Right, you have to change your breathing, change your breathing.

327
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Speaker 1: I before had to keep yeah god, yeah I'm like

328
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Speaker 1: that for now. Yeah, I'm happy I don't have to

329
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:07,240
Speaker 1: do that. Yeah.

330
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Speaker 3: So you don't think you can, You're you're you're looking

331
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Speaker 3: for another relationship right now. I'm not looking. Actually, I'm

332
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Speaker 3: in a Yeah, I'm taking you up on the challenge. So,

333
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:20,280
Speaker 3: but I'm trying to I'm not looking, though. I feel

334
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,080
Speaker 3: like I was letting it look for me though. I

335
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:23,720
Speaker 3: was like, I'm not looking, but I'm right here.

336
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Speaker 1: You know, well you're off to the idea. But then

337
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,280
Speaker 1: I do they entertain right?

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00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:29,600
Speaker 2: Yeah?

339
00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:32,480
Speaker 3: And I feel like it's easy for that to happen

340
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:34,800
Speaker 3: when you are somebody who's been in a relationship for

341
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Speaker 3: a long time and then you get out, and then

342
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,520
Speaker 3: people who are always like have been looking at you,

343
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:41,000
Speaker 3: would like romantically, find out you're single. Then they start

344
00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:43,560
Speaker 3: to pursue and it might be someone that you're open

345
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,480
Speaker 3: to dating, but then you end up dating people who

346
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:49,520
Speaker 3: probably you shouldn't be dating. Do you think that you

347
00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:52,400
Speaker 3: know yourself outside of outside of a relationship. That's what

348
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:55,400
Speaker 3: I'm learning right now. I'm getting into that space, like okay,

349
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:56,360
Speaker 3: like what do I like?

350
00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:57,400
Speaker 1: All right?

351
00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:59,600
Speaker 3: If somebody came and they presented this, would you be

352
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:01,960
Speaker 3: strong enough in your own self to be like, yeah,

353
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:03,760
Speaker 3: I don't like that, which is kind of what I'm

354
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:05,800
Speaker 3: struggling with now, Like the whole list, Like I have

355
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:07,600
Speaker 3: everything that I want on a person, but then someone

356
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:10,080
Speaker 3: shows up shows up and I'm like, but he has

357
00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:11,400
Speaker 3: like five out of my ten.

358
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:14,000
Speaker 1: So I could probably finess that and entertaining for right now.

359
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:16,800
Speaker 3: But if I'm sure about my list, and that means

360
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:20,159
Speaker 3: I'm sure about myself outside of the relationship, right and

361
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,080
Speaker 3: I'll be okay with being like, yeah, you don't really

362
00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:25,160
Speaker 3: meet my needs, just go right. But that's the part

363
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:26,720
Speaker 3: that I'm struggling right right.

364
00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:28,639
Speaker 2: I'm not worried that there's not gonna be someone to

365
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:31,080
Speaker 2: fulfill all ten because I know without a shadow of

366
00:17:31,119 --> 00:17:33,520
Speaker 2: a doubt that person yeahware.

367
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:36,200
Speaker 1: And even maybe yes not you right now, that's.

368
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:40,000
Speaker 5: The faith piece, Like well, like this is who's pro who,

369
00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:42,920
Speaker 5: this is who's available right now. So I'm putting all

370
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:45,520
Speaker 5: my stock into this person instead of like having faith

371
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,600
Speaker 5: that there is someone that could.

372
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Speaker 4: Meet the every everything that's on the.

373
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Speaker 1: List and that I deserve. That's really that's how she

374
00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:58,880
Speaker 1: struggles all I have. I deserve to have all this listens. Yeah,

375
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:00,840
Speaker 1: like this is okay, this.

376
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:03,840
Speaker 4: Is normal, Yeah, this is possible.

377
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, those are things.

378
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,320
Speaker 2: You have to affirm yourself like I deserve all this

379
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,159
Speaker 2: ship because we've almost have been taught that, like you

380
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,480
Speaker 2: expect it to not be perfect, Like.

381
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:19,120
Speaker 8: The struggle of narrative, right, just be having somebody wants

382
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:22,600
Speaker 8: to Yeah, that's exactly what I don't know, the struggle

383
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:24,520
Speaker 8: of It's like we gotta go through hell and high

384
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,160
Speaker 8: water for you to get somebody decent.

385
00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:28,679
Speaker 3: You can get seven of those things, but ten of

386
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:31,679
Speaker 3: those things you can't get all to. You gotta like

387
00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:34,360
Speaker 3: you're asking for too much. You're asking for too much,

388
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,840
Speaker 3: and now you gotta work around what the fuck I want.

389
00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:38,800
Speaker 3: And that's why I be dealing with these fu niggas.

390
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:41,640
Speaker 3: And well I even told myself I wasn't gonna say

391
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:45,040
Speaker 3: that anymore. Niggasra I was gonna say, I was gonna

392
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:46,840
Speaker 3: say fuck niggas. I wasn't gonna say nigga ain't shit.

393
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:50,080
Speaker 3: But I kind of took it back today. Okay, I'm

394
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:51,800
Speaker 3: putting it back. Yeah, yeah, I said, you know what

395
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:53,879
Speaker 3: that they aren't a lot of them, so you know,

396
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,439
Speaker 3: they have to be called out of and giving them

397
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,720
Speaker 3: the past to know, even in the past, I just

398
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,840
Speaker 3: felt like, how am I ever going to like get

399
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:02,399
Speaker 3: a good man if I'm always talking negatively about that.

400
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,040
Speaker 1: But then there's just some that just the hard. I know,

401
00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:08,359
Speaker 1: I know that not all men are I know, I

402
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,040
Speaker 1: believe there are good men in this world. I know

403
00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:10,560
Speaker 1: good men.

404
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,760
Speaker 3: I know that, but and I know like I'm flawed

405
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,800
Speaker 3: as well, you know, But.

406
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:20,439
Speaker 1: Then there's certain but don't know. But I guess you

407
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:22,760
Speaker 1: don't do I know? You know? Yeah, I guess we

408
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,159
Speaker 1: have to stay in the vibration of the nigga that

409
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:25,840
Speaker 1: we want.

410
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:28,040
Speaker 4: Which is so tough when you're being met with the

411
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:28,560
Speaker 4: one you don't.

412
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:30,760
Speaker 3: Don't the contrast, right, we have to stay in the

413
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:34,320
Speaker 3: vibration of like, what does my nigga feel like? Is

414
00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:36,520
Speaker 3: the person who's presenting himself do they feel like my

415
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,880
Speaker 3: nigga right, and I have a lot of that feeling

416
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:40,120
Speaker 3: no compromise.

417
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:44,159
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, right, I think one of his nigga's not

418
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:46,520
Speaker 2: gonna be like oh well, I think actually he was

419
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,879
Speaker 2: really nice, like that was.

420
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,560
Speaker 9: Really no, it's gonna be like, oh this is my

421
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:55,080
Speaker 9: yeah exactly, and he was feeling like that before the

422
00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:58,119
Speaker 9: man presents himself, because we often feel like when he

423
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:00,600
Speaker 9: shows up, then I want to feel like this, I'm

424
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,320
Speaker 9: waiting for the person to show up and then I'm

425
00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:06,160
Speaker 9: gonna feel complete, whole, happy, less alone joys.

426
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, like I'm ready to have a good time.

427
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:10,560
Speaker 5: And we feel like we can't feel those things until

428
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,000
Speaker 5: that happens, but we really have to like start feeling

429
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:16,640
Speaker 5: it before so that we can be in the right vibration,

430
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,320
Speaker 5: like you said, to attract that type of person.

431
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:19,760
Speaker 1: Yeah.

432
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:21,560
Speaker 5: So that's why I'm like, I need to quit saying

433
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:25,040
Speaker 5: being single as a ghetto because like right, and also

434
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,840
Speaker 5: saying niggas an' shit because that's how I'm acting and that's.

435
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,879
Speaker 1: How that's what you're attracted. That's what I'm attracting. They

436
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,800
Speaker 1: ain't shit niggas. That's why I was saying that.

437
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:36,520
Speaker 5: Because I'm I'm like whatever, Like however, I'm carrying myself

438
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,000
Speaker 5: whatever's happening wherever I'm placing myself.

439
00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:42,200
Speaker 4: That's where they ain't shit, niggas are right when I'm tired.

440
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,800
Speaker 1: I mean, I I it's hard not to say it,

441
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:51,200
Speaker 1: but I just I attraction. Yeah, it's real. You can't

442
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:54,320
Speaker 1: be selected with it. No, you can't know m M.

443
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:57,200
Speaker 5: But at the same time, these men just gotta do better,

444
00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:59,560
Speaker 5: you know, because we were talking about this is kind

445
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:03,240
Speaker 5: of related the sex trafficking, like you know how it's

446
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,760
Speaker 5: been a big thing, and it just dawned on me,

447
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,520
Speaker 5: like why are so many of our issues caused by men?

448
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:09,119
Speaker 2: Me?

449
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,879
Speaker 4: And are the ones putting us into these cars?

450
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 2: Me?

451
00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:14,600
Speaker 4: And are the ones making us be like the ghetto

452
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:15,520
Speaker 4: and everything else?

453
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,040
Speaker 5: Like the men need to get healed because I'm tired

454
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:22,160
Speaker 5: of them, Like we're too many situations because because men

455
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,280
Speaker 5: and I hate, I don't like to seem like we're

456
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:25,560
Speaker 5: doing the male bashing.

457
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:30,600
Speaker 1: They haven't been held accountable and healed and healed. Yeah,

458
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:33,560
Speaker 1: we can't be doing all the work. No, we can't

459
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,560
Speaker 1: make the babies also be on this self love.

460
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:40,240
Speaker 3: Shit, we're like meditated childhood trauma working.

461
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:43,360
Speaker 1: On you too much. The ones that need healing. Y'all

462
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:48,000
Speaker 1: are really broken. You know, I'm says somebody's broken. They're broken.

463
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:49,919
Speaker 1: She's broken.

464
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:53,600
Speaker 5: That's why if the rest of the men, because there's

465
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:57,679
Speaker 5: some that our are on the train, but if the

466
00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:00,240
Speaker 5: rest of the men would just hop on board, you know,

467
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,560
Speaker 5: catch up dating, we will be doing great.

468
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:06,720
Speaker 2: I wonder why, like why do you think black women

469
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:12,520
Speaker 2: are becoming more self aware and checking in with mental

470
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:15,640
Speaker 2: health and and maybe trauma and there's like this wellness

471
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:19,399
Speaker 2: space to advocate, like and the men are just simply

472
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:20,640
Speaker 2: not getting the memo.

473
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:22,720
Speaker 1: I mean, I know we're smarter. Do you think that

474
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:25,960
Speaker 1: as black women were really hard on our men? Okay,

475
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,520
Speaker 1: that's that's a good that's a good thing. That's a

476
00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:29,440
Speaker 1: good concept.

477
00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:33,679
Speaker 2: Because I remember I had this black professor when I

478
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,280
Speaker 2: went to Clark and I think it was psychology, and

479
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:39,679
Speaker 2: one of the questions was like, why are black men inclined,

480
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,840
Speaker 2: you know, like basically about like dating outside of their race,

481
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:46,240
Speaker 2: Like why do black men seek outside of their race

482
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:46,760
Speaker 2: the most?

483
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:55,040
Speaker 1: And one of the things that he said, okay, but.

484
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:59,119
Speaker 2: One of the things that he said was that black

485
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:02,679
Speaker 2: men felt like they could be more vulnerable out with

486
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:06,680
Speaker 2: women outside of their race. So I'm like, is it

487
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:09,960
Speaker 2: that or is it like you don't wanna you don't

488
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:13,399
Speaker 2: wanna be checked when you're fucking up. I mean, like,

489
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:14,879
Speaker 2: was that I don't know. I don't know if that

490
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,320
Speaker 2: was his his theory, if that was science. I don't

491
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 2: know if he like had proof of that concept. But

492
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:20,760
Speaker 2: that was one of the things that he thought like

493
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:23,680
Speaker 2: they could be more in touch with their feminine side overall.

494
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:27,560
Speaker 2: It was really what he said, m and more your face.

495
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:30,960
Speaker 1: So do you guys think we're too hard on our men?

496
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:35,120
Speaker 4: I personally don't think we're too hard on our men.

497
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:39,479
Speaker 5: I know, okay, yeah, I know that our men have

498
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 5: a Black men have a disadvantage because of oppressionmic oppression.

499
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:53,119
Speaker 5: There's the incarceration rate, and we've also been having a

500
00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 5: lot of men who are homosexual. Like there's just a

501
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,359
Speaker 5: lot of different things that make that are up against

502
00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:02,480
Speaker 5: Black men and maybe make them not available for black women, right,

503
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,680
Speaker 5: And so I understand that. I understand that, but at

504
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:10,600
Speaker 5: the same time, like I feel like black women don't.

505
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:15,359
Speaker 5: I feel like too much pressure is put on black women, Like, yeah,

506
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:17,280
Speaker 5: black women we have to deal with a lot. We're

507
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,399
Speaker 5: dealing with the same things that black men are up

508
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:23,160
Speaker 5: against but there's not the same space made for us

509
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:27,199
Speaker 5: to need assistance or where are the people who are

510
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,040
Speaker 5: looking out for us? Where are the people who aren't

511
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,080
Speaker 5: being hard for us and holding space for us? Like

512
00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:33,119
Speaker 5: why do we always have to be that for someone

513
00:24:33,119 --> 00:24:35,560
Speaker 5: else and we don't get the same in return. So

514
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 5: that's why I don't feel like we're being too hard.

515
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:41,199
Speaker 5: I feel like people just need to grow up and

516
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:45,960
Speaker 5: rise up, like we're all adults here. And a lot

517
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:48,359
Speaker 5: of the times when black men do date outside of

518
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,720
Speaker 5: their race, this is the thing, like a lot of

519
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:55,720
Speaker 5: women who aren't black, other women, let's just use Caucasian women.

520
00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:58,400
Speaker 1: They they have a.

521
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:02,320
Speaker 5: Higher rate of mana rich and also like the relationships

522
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:05,080
Speaker 5: just move at a different pace because that's because they're

523
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:09,000
Speaker 5: conditioned to date men who can provide right. Very rarely

524
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:12,360
Speaker 5: do they have to well based off studies, Yes, I'm

525
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:14,920
Speaker 5: just keeping it on studies. Very rarely do they have

526
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 5: to step up and lead or figure it out the

527
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,919
Speaker 5: men they're dealing with, like some a man.

528
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 1: That does have advantages. We know that white.

529
00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 5: Privilege is real, but also the conditions are just different.

530
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 5: And a lot of the times when they do date

531
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:32,200
Speaker 5: black men. These men have it together. They're celebrities, they're

532
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:36,560
Speaker 5: basketball players, or they just are well off. It's not

533
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:40,480
Speaker 5: like they're taking the men that don't have it together,

534
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 5: you know what I'm saying, Like they're dealing with the

535
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:45,199
Speaker 5: men who are Yes, they're a different race, but they

536
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:48,440
Speaker 5: are more aligned with the white men that.

537
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:50,240
Speaker 1: They would be dating. You know what I'm saying, in

538
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:52,600
Speaker 1: the sense that they have their stuff together.

539
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:55,120
Speaker 2: I agree with that, but don't get a twisted there's

540
00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:59,200
Speaker 2: some white women out here taking some bombs too, yet

541
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:00,679
Speaker 2: the bombs take care of them.

542
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:01,240
Speaker 1: That doesn't.

543
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:05,560
Speaker 2: But however, I do agree, Like I think that that's crazy,

544
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:10,679
Speaker 2: Like I knew that, but I think they're conditioned to

545
00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 2: have a different standard and feel like they deserve that standard.

546
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:18,919
Speaker 2: And whereas how we're depicted and what like, Yeah, I

547
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:20,239
Speaker 2: think that does affect it.

548
00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 1: Like what we should accept are our images of like

549
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:25,960
Speaker 1: love that we see.

550
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:29,760
Speaker 2: And I really feel like, like you said, I feel like

551
00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:34,480
Speaker 2: black men don't value us and don't support us.

552
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:40,400
Speaker 1: So there's that, you know. You know, It's like as

553
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,120
Speaker 1: a culture, we could do better for each other.

554
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:45,080
Speaker 2: But specifically I feel like men, I think we do

555
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:47,800
Speaker 2: have one of the highest rates to date. To date,

556
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:50,880
Speaker 2: the Black men have one of the highest rates more

557
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:54,239
Speaker 2: likely to marry outside of their race, which has a

558
00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:55,520
Speaker 2: lot of other deeper shit too.

559
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:59,920
Speaker 1: But and I hate to say this, on the contrary,

560
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:04,120
Speaker 1: like I have come across other Black women who are just.

561
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:10,680
Speaker 2: Sometimes it's too much, like you calm the fuck down,

562
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:13,399
Speaker 2: you know. And I think there's a lot of you know,

563
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:16,119
Speaker 2: deep rooted things with that too, not feel like we

564
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:18,199
Speaker 2: deserve something, not be able to accept it when it

565
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,840
Speaker 2: is there, Like feeling like someone can take your man at.

566
00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:22,480
Speaker 1: Any time, being overly.

567
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 2: Jealous, overly possessive because we feel like it's not unlikely,

568
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:32,000
Speaker 2: like you know, like you haven't really stood up, been here,

569
00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:34,800
Speaker 2: so yeah, you know what I mean, Like that someone

570
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:36,880
Speaker 2: else could swoop in and take your neggayah and say

571
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 2: where are you at?

572
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:40,320
Speaker 1: What you're doing exactly why?

573
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:41,960
Speaker 2: I don't think you should take you that long to

574
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:43,720
Speaker 2: get from here to hear Nega, what's.

575
00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:46,199
Speaker 1: That you're paying that sense? Yeah, for sure, you know

576
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:46,880
Speaker 1: what I'm saying.

577
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:50,080
Speaker 2: So, I mean, I'm not saying other women other races don't,

578
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:53,480
Speaker 2: you know, from personal experience.

579
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 3: Because we're black speaking from this experience. Yeah, I think

580
00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:00,320
Speaker 3: it goes both ways. Sometimes I feel like we're harder

581
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:03,720
Speaker 3: on man, but then another time I feel like sometimes

582
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:06,040
Speaker 3: we do too much of a caddle and it's been

583
00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:07,800
Speaker 3: a coddle from the mother, and then you get.

584
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:09,919
Speaker 1: To me and you want me to call you and

585
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:10,439
Speaker 1: then mama.

586
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:12,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, it doesn't come full circle where we can just

587
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:14,320
Speaker 3: be like, no, this is how it's supposed to be,

588
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:15,920
Speaker 3: this is what you bring to the table, so on

589
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:18,000
Speaker 3: and so forth, and then the man has been raised

590
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:20,280
Speaker 3: up in the way that he should go, but it

591
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:22,480
Speaker 3: we don't see that all the time, So that is

592
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:24,760
Speaker 3: kind of hard to be. Like, I wanna be supportive,

593
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 3: I want to be nurturing, but then I'm sitting here

594
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:29,560
Speaker 3: having to coach you when you should have came ready made.

595
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:35,719
Speaker 1: Coaching me, but in the way and ship captain all

596
00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:37,800
Speaker 1: the time, ye leave me.

597
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:39,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would love to be let but.

598
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:42,160
Speaker 1: I mean, you can't trust these niggas.

599
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:44,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's it's tough.

600
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 5: Granted I do know that I have had control issues,

601
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:49,600
Speaker 5: but I will.

602
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 1: Rightfully so yeah, induced by them, Yeah, rightfully.

603
00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:56,800
Speaker 5: So it's just my n the moment I'm presented, I'm

604
00:28:56,800 --> 00:29:01,040
Speaker 5: gonna be shook, Like, do you guys, Dad I'm sorry Race.

605
00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:02,160
Speaker 1: I never have. I have.

606
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:10,760
Speaker 6: I'm just kidding, I have as I I mean, he

607
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 6: was cool, he's sweet person.

608
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:15,479
Speaker 1: How long did you guys? How long did your day?

609
00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:19,200
Speaker 6: I think, what what are you about to say? You

610
00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:20,760
Speaker 6: mean like he's not who wasn't white?

611
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:26,240
Speaker 5: We're talking about like, like seriously, there's the difference between

612
00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:28,760
Speaker 5: dating someone else Saudi racing dating a black guy.

613
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:34,680
Speaker 1: MM still sick, They're still sick. There's no difference the ghetto.

614
00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 6: Yeah, to be completely honest, I don't need necessarily think.

615
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:40,320
Speaker 3: I think with dating, I'm a person who Okay, it

616
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:43,080
Speaker 3: could be whatever, but I do love being with like

617
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:45,480
Speaker 3: a black man because there's residence there, right, there's culture,

618
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:46,160
Speaker 3: there's connection.

619
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:48,840
Speaker 1: There's just a different bond that we'd had.

620
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:51,080
Speaker 3: I guess a white man could come along to him,

621
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:52,960
Speaker 3: we might have the same bond, but it hits different

622
00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:55,080
Speaker 3: where we both know what we talking about with like

623
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:55,920
Speaker 3: certain black things.

624
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 1: Y'all know what I'm talking. Yeah, So I love that.

625
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 3: And then I think the person I was dating who

626
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:04,320
Speaker 3: happened to not be black, had a lot of my

627
00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:06,680
Speaker 3: like foundational basics, you know, like let's go out to

628
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:09,440
Speaker 3: dance when we remove culture from it, the core of

629
00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:11,479
Speaker 3: what I would want in a partner he had, right,

630
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:13,920
Speaker 3: And I never even put like must be black or

631
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:18,520
Speaker 3: black nigga doesn't say that on my list, So I think.

632
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:19,160
Speaker 1: That was the difference.

633
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:22,000
Speaker 3: Like he felt more like, oh this is fun, Like

634
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:25,160
Speaker 3: it felt like a like he could be my person, right,

635
00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:28,640
Speaker 3: But when it comes down to shit that they do,

636
00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:30,240
Speaker 3: if you're gonna do some sick shit, you're.

637
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 1: Gonna do it no matter what.

638
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, right, yeah, yeah, and he still needs to be

639
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:37,680
Speaker 3: raised up, that guy, specifically that one.

640
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:41,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, what about you? What do you think are

641
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 1: we hard? You know, I don't know, because I've never

642
00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:47,680
Speaker 1: dated outside my race.

643
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 3: I mean really like I never had a I've never

644
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 3: like personally, I feel like I'm not hard on black men.

645
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:57,440
Speaker 3: I mean I feel like I just hold him accountable

646
00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:00,000
Speaker 3: like I would any man, black, white.

647
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:06,320
Speaker 1: You know whatever. Yeah, but I do know that I

648
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:09,200
Speaker 1: feel like, of course there's black women that are hard

649
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:13,160
Speaker 1: on black men. There's white women that are yes, white

650
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:15,240
Speaker 1: women that are probably not heard on black men. I

651
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:16,760
Speaker 1: feel like white women are not heard of black men,

652
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:19,200
Speaker 1: probably not. No, I can't see it.

653
00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:22,440
Speaker 3: I can't see her going in. I can't see it.

654
00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:26,880
Speaker 3: That means don't get me wrong, there's white girls out there.

655
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:30,200
Speaker 3: That's Oh.

656
00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:33,200
Speaker 4: I thought she looked like Terry Crew's wife.

657
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:34,000
Speaker 1: I think she's just like.

658
00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:36,400
Speaker 2: She's just.

659
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:42,040
Speaker 1: Like she was really holding him accountable. I was like,

660
00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:45,720
Speaker 1: get him, what did she do?

661
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 5: Basically, like she was just talking about like he fucked up.

662
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,480
Speaker 5: I believe there was some infidelity and also just some

663
00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:55,160
Speaker 5: mature and that he needed to do. So she they

664
00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:57,480
Speaker 5: were married at this time, it was earlier in their marriage,

665
00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:00,440
Speaker 5: and she was like, you know, basically I'm not I'm out,

666
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:04,240
Speaker 5: we're done, and he basically has to come back, figure

667
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 5: it out, work it out, and make her believe and

668
00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:08,800
Speaker 5: trust that like he can be in this marriage.

669
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:10,640
Speaker 4: And like she just seemed like she was just really

670
00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:13,160
Speaker 4: strong and who she was. Of course she was hurt,

671
00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:14,280
Speaker 4: batter than.

672
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:20,000
Speaker 5: All that broken, but she didn't seem like she was

673
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:21,479
Speaker 5: just letting him walk all over her.

674
00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:21,720
Speaker 3: You know.

675
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:24,560
Speaker 5: It just seemed more like I value this marriage and

676
00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:26,320
Speaker 5: I want to make it work, so I'm gonna thug

677
00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:26,640
Speaker 5: it out.

678
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:29,280
Speaker 4: But it wasn't easy, Like he felt like he was

679
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:30,600
Speaker 4: fearful of losing hers.

680
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:34,720
Speaker 1: So I was like, you know, I think like the

681
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:41,120
Speaker 1: right man and a real man it's going to act

682
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:43,360
Speaker 1: in that manner, you know what I'm saying.

683
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:46,240
Speaker 2: Like, and if you're you know, like you said, it

684
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:48,160
Speaker 2: doesn't matter what color or if you ain't acting in

685
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:49,480
Speaker 2: the manner, you ain't the one for me.

686
00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:53,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, you need somebody with the lower standard baby food. Right,

687
00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 1: So this is not my podcast.

688
00:32:56,960 --> 00:33:02,000
Speaker 5: I was really gonna say so, like after being in

689
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:05,560
Speaker 5: the long term relationship, like speaking on the Terry Crews

690
00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:08,720
Speaker 5: and I don't know his wife's name incident, Say you

691
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:12,720
Speaker 5: got into a marriage and there was some like infidelity,

692
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:15,960
Speaker 5: do you feel like you would be willing to tolerate

693
00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:17,719
Speaker 5: that or is it like I've been in these long

694
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:20,560
Speaker 5: term relationships this was supposed to be it like you know,

695
00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:25,080
Speaker 5: my happily ever after I'm done, I.

696
00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 3: Think now hopefully I'm doing all the work now as

697
00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:30,600
Speaker 3: a single person to find that my next partner will

698
00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 3: be won't have to cheat. Like if he feels the

699
00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:35,480
Speaker 3: need to do something, we can he can, we can

700
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:37,640
Speaker 3: talk about it and he could probably do it. Really,

701
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 3: you're a offering the hall ask or are you the

702
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 3: kind of person that's like I don't have to possess you,

703
00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 3: I could just experience you and if.

704
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:44,360
Speaker 1: You want to experience.

705
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:48,080
Speaker 3: Now I'm more of like, let's have communication and like

706
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:50,040
Speaker 3: talk about it and check in and see how we

707
00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:51,760
Speaker 3: feel about it, and then take it from there.

708
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:56,800
Speaker 1: Oh okay, but I mean but also and then compromise

709
00:33:56,880 --> 00:34:00,160
Speaker 1: with the three so I'll be there when you do.

710
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:07,240
Speaker 1: I'll be there. Videotape it, right, So let me videotape.

711
00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:13,160
Speaker 1: Let me do this like video. But I guess I

712
00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:17,120
Speaker 1: don't know. Cheating to me is not the end of

713
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:19,719
Speaker 1: the world. It's not. It's not like it doesn't necessarily

714
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:23,920
Speaker 1: it isn't gonna well, I tolerate it forever.

715
00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:24,160
Speaker 2: No.

716
00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:26,360
Speaker 3: I came from a relationship where I was cheated on

717
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:29,319
Speaker 3: a good amount of times and then it was too much,

718
00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:33,320
Speaker 3: you know. But but that's why I feel like communication

719
00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:36,799
Speaker 3: is so because I for me, like in that relationship,

720
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:39,520
Speaker 3: I considered and I kind of wanted to possibly like

721
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:43,560
Speaker 3: have an open relationship, but he didn't want to do that.

722
00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:47,839
Speaker 1: So, like, I don't know. In my marriage, I don't

723
00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:53,800
Speaker 1: believe that monogamy is natural. So I think that I

724
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:56,000
Speaker 1: don't know, it just depend it depends on a lot

725
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:59,920
Speaker 1: of things. What else is going on as long as basically, yeah,

726
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:02,799
Speaker 1: like we need to I totally feel the same way.

727
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:04,920
Speaker 1: I don't think it's like end all be y'all. But

728
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:10,160
Speaker 1: what I do know these niggas can't handle the truth.

729
00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:14,360
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. You're telling nig I was like,

730
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:16,160
Speaker 1: you know, let's talk about it if it comes up.

731
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:18,400
Speaker 1: He's like, she said, I could do it. We're not

732
00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:21,120
Speaker 1: fucking other pictures because she's not gonna get that mad.

733
00:35:21,239 --> 00:35:23,880
Speaker 2: Like really, because it's not a deal breaker and it

734
00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:25,520
Speaker 2: has so much other if there's so many things that

735
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:27,800
Speaker 2: go into it, like is it an emotional relationship?

736
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:30,239
Speaker 1: Is it just sex? It's a new pussy Like I

737
00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 1: get all that, and what else is going on in

738
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:35,120
Speaker 1: our relationship? Right? Like you are, ship is fucked up

739
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:39,719
Speaker 1: and you're doing the ship? Yeah, like right right am?

740
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:44,360
Speaker 1: I completely full and consumed and this seems great. Yeah, nigga,

741
00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:45,160
Speaker 1: I don't.

742
00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:48,080
Speaker 2: Know what you're doing about to his house. It's amazing

743
00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:50,120
Speaker 2: and you're doing a great job. So whenever you don't

744
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:52,719
Speaker 2: keep doing it, as long as we're okay to gain,

745
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:53,640
Speaker 2: I'm getting fucked.

746
00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 1: Didn't getting paid. I feel like I'm learning some shit.

747
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:03,920
Speaker 1: I'm good. You know, hover's doing the outside work. Keep

748
00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:04,239
Speaker 1: it up.

749
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:07,160
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, like if I like, if

750
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:10,319
Speaker 2: you're doing your job, if that mother fucking good, I'm

751
00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:13,080
Speaker 2: not gonna have much to complain about. I'm gonna you know,

752
00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:15,800
Speaker 2: but like if you're like having a full on relationship,

753
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:17,600
Speaker 2: you getting mad at the dinner table because you're texting

754
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:21,279
Speaker 2: somebody else, you're.

755
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:24,840
Speaker 1: Confused a your girlfriend, right answer this morning.

756
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:27,960
Speaker 6: That's so funny that you that you have like that

757
00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:31,480
Speaker 6: you know, energy towards you, like if everything's good.

758
00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:33,759
Speaker 1: I'm good because you know what, like, uncle Jim, I'm

759
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:34,120
Speaker 1: not like that.

760
00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:36,440
Speaker 2: That's not well, I mean it's not It's just like

761
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:39,640
Speaker 2: imagine being like loving someone so much and trusting him

762
00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:41,719
Speaker 2: so much and getting fucked so much and having such

763
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:43,960
Speaker 2: good sacks and traveling the world and they are a

764
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:45,640
Speaker 2: good dad and like every I.

765
00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:49,560
Speaker 1: Mean this is highly like it's probably likely, but and

766
00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:54,279
Speaker 1: then you fucked somebody. Yeah, I'm not gonna be taking

767
00:36:54,320 --> 00:37:00,719
Speaker 1: my motherfuckings. Okay, well all right, well okay, you know,

768
00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:03,120
Speaker 1: like do you want to leave me like you love

769
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:03,680
Speaker 1: this bitch?

770
00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 3: Oh nah, okay cool, and then you guys move on

771
00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:10,839
Speaker 3: from that, meaning it can't be a recurrent thing.

772
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:12,440
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Like it's not a recurring thing.

773
00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:16,960
Speaker 2: But I think honestly, when a man really fucks with

774
00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:20,280
Speaker 2: the woman really loves you and is your like your partner,

775
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:22,160
Speaker 2: I just feel like it's gonna be so clear when

776
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:24,520
Speaker 2: it happens for all us, like, oh are you Ben,

777
00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:28,319
Speaker 2: It's just gonna click. And maybe it's not that fairy tale,

778
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:31,319
Speaker 2: but I just feel like none of those things will

779
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:34,600
Speaker 2: be second thoughts because he's like, this is my person.

780
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:38,359
Speaker 2: Nothing is coming like our like our bond and our

781
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:41,040
Speaker 2: partnership is so much larger.

782
00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:44,080
Speaker 1: You know, it's not just fucking. It's not just family.

783
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:48,080
Speaker 2: It's because we're fucking friends, like our business runs better together.

784
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:52,200
Speaker 1: We're making each other money like it works. And really I.

785
00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:54,840
Speaker 2: Don't care how big somebody else's but is or whatever,

786
00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:58,400
Speaker 2: like it's not going to be this. Yeah, And I

787
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:01,400
Speaker 2: just hope for a relationship that's that like transparent and

788
00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:02,840
Speaker 2: that like solid.

789
00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:07,279
Speaker 1: But I'm not really worried that's what it is. Yeah,

790
00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:09,160
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be worried about a nigga.

791
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:11,080
Speaker 10: No, Like I don't want to be stressed out thinking

792
00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:14,520
Speaker 10: and you're looking at this bitch twice you've been working.

793
00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:16,560
Speaker 1: With this person. Not gonna be like on my toes like,

794
00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:22,239
Speaker 1: I don't like that. Yeah, that creates insecurity, you know. Yeah,

795
00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:25,080
Speaker 1: I want us to be a team, right, you need,

796
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:32,560
Speaker 1: I need Yeah. I I'm trying to talk like he

797
00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:35,480
Speaker 1: already told me, right exactly, but you can't.

798
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 10: I don't tell your panties what right, And it was

799
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:43,520
Speaker 10: kind of whack here he told me he sprayed this

800
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:44,600
Speaker 10: dick with your please.

801
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:50,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you call them wrong witch? Right that thing

802
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:50,880
Speaker 1: you did?

803
00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:51,840
Speaker 4: He didn't like it?

804
00:38:53,920 --> 00:39:00,800
Speaker 1: Oh my god, yeah, oh my god. Wow right everybody,

805
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:02,719
Speaker 1: it's like, you know what, because I know I was

806
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 1: old ass man.

807
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:08,200
Speaker 2: He's like sixty four. He's my homie. He's married and

808
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 2: like it's the weirdest marriage. And we would hang out

809
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:12,040
Speaker 2: all the time. He would pick me up from work.

810
00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:15,000
Speaker 2: He was crazy, would party harder than anybody my age,

811
00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:18,240
Speaker 2: like it was insane. But we became really good friends.

812
00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:23,160
Speaker 2: And he talks so highly of his wife. He loves

813
00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:26,680
Speaker 2: his wife. He loves his fucking wife. And she runs

814
00:39:26,719 --> 00:39:27,320
Speaker 2: the businesses.

815
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:29,320
Speaker 1: They get nay together. She was doing my taxes.

816
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:31,600
Speaker 2: They watch my dog when I'm going to town, like

817
00:39:31,719 --> 00:39:34,720
Speaker 2: and she'd be like, where a bitch come get this nigga.

818
00:39:35,560 --> 00:39:37,120
Speaker 1: You know I ain't going out, No, more like she

819
00:39:37,239 --> 00:39:41,120
Speaker 1: was older to like, like I love and I'm rare.

820
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:43,480
Speaker 1: I'm like, I love everyone. I love people.

821
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:48,320
Speaker 2: Everybody's like respects, like you know, I can connect. But

822
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 2: I was just like, damn, it made me love him

823
00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:53,279
Speaker 2: more that like he loved his wife that fucking much. Yeah,

824
00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:55,680
Speaker 2: and then like it didn't like it wasn't weird, like

825
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:57,960
Speaker 2: obviously we're not gonna be together forty years older than me,

826
00:39:58,040 --> 00:40:01,120
Speaker 2: but I love I just realized, like that exist, and

827
00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:02,080
Speaker 2: he would he would say, he.

828
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:03,879
Speaker 1: Was like, man, I could be s next.

829
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:05,880
Speaker 10: Someone could see me in the street with a sh

830
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:08,400
Speaker 10: you know, kissing down a girl and take a picture

831
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:13,960
Speaker 10: in the news and eleanor be like, cause she don't

832
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:14,439
Speaker 10: give a fuck.

833
00:40:14,480 --> 00:40:16,440
Speaker 1: He's like, she's living up in the rooftop padhouse. You

834
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:19,160
Speaker 1: don't even fuck about that. She was like, sounds about

835
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:23,080
Speaker 1: right to me. That's perfect right up your alley, y.

836
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:26,040
Speaker 2: You know, it's just it's it just makes it makes

837
00:40:26,239 --> 00:40:28,720
Speaker 2: that made sense to me, you know, like that could exist.

838
00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:32,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I'm not just just not worried about somebody

839
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:35,560
Speaker 1: else swooping in. Yeah, cause I'm not bench and you

840
00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:38,120
Speaker 1: know we're on the same page. Cool, Yeah, we're together.

841
00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:39,359
Speaker 3: I love.

842
00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:45,600
Speaker 1: What What has your dating experience been?

843
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:46,600
Speaker 7: Like?

844
00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:46,880
Speaker 3: What?

845
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:47,400
Speaker 1: What do you say?

846
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:47,520
Speaker 2: What?

847
00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:48,160
Speaker 1: What would you say?

848
00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:50,399
Speaker 2: You get a lot like dating out here in LA

849
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:53,440
Speaker 2: Like what what has it been a common occurrence for

850
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:53,880
Speaker 2: all of you?

851
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:55,759
Speaker 1: I haven't had too many.

852
00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:58,839
Speaker 3: Like everybody that I end up dating is somebody I've

853
00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:01,560
Speaker 3: already talked to in the past, So I've never dated

854
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:09,680
Speaker 3: like backstep, I love them.

855
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:17,520
Speaker 6: Yeah, so unfortunatelywhere I.

856
00:41:17,719 --> 00:41:21,719
Speaker 1: Know, I have never like dated, I guess I start

857
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:25,800
Speaker 1: off dating. But is it? Do you feel strange entertaining

858
00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:29,640
Speaker 1: more than one person at one time? Mm hmmm? Do

859
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:32,840
Speaker 1: not like to meet new people? She hasn't allowed herself to.

860
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:35,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, I haven't allowed myself to and I think I

861
00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:39,560
Speaker 3: might even be pocket Yeah, I feel like dang, I

862
00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:41,320
Speaker 3: don't really, I don't know if I have time.

863
00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:41,560
Speaker 2: Not like that.

864
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:45,080
Speaker 3: But you maybe a fake no, since you already know

865
00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:47,880
Speaker 3: that with you, whereas dating and kind of leaves the

866
00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:50,160
Speaker 3: mystery of like do you like me? Yeah, the dating

867
00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:52,000
Speaker 3: is I don't think that could be because that could

868
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:53,600
Speaker 3: be nerve wracking when you go on a date and

869
00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:55,960
Speaker 3: you actually like them person and they're not, like they

870
00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:57,400
Speaker 3: don't call you back when you think they're going to

871
00:41:57,440 --> 00:41:57,920
Speaker 3: call you back.

872
00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:00,840
Speaker 1: And I think I feel side of a lot.

873
00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:02,680
Speaker 3: Of things, and dating would be probably one of those

874
00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:05,040
Speaker 3: things that I would push anxiety and fear, like even

875
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:07,400
Speaker 3: as talking about it right now makes me a little anxious,

876
00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:09,239
Speaker 3: Like dang, I would have to get on some sort

877
00:42:09,239 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 3: of app or meet somebody, trust that they're a good person.

878
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:14,600
Speaker 6: You know, I overthink shit. I'll be like he might

879
00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:16,759
Speaker 6: be a serial killer. Remember that news story.

880
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:19,200
Speaker 1: I think the serial killer thing is like.

881
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:24,920
Speaker 3: That.

882
00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:29,200
Speaker 4: It's most shit you have to think about.

883
00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:31,960
Speaker 5: Like, so I haven't necessarily been like dating in the

884
00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:35,680
Speaker 5: sense of like going out on dates, but I've talked

885
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:38,400
Speaker 5: to people and it's just like, oh hell no, because

886
00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:41,600
Speaker 5: one like we know when you're like in a long

887
00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:45,160
Speaker 5: term relationship, like there's comfort, like I know i'm gonna

888
00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:45,560
Speaker 5: talk to you.

889
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:48,080
Speaker 1: I know you're gonna be hitting me. I'm gonna hit you.

890
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:50,879
Speaker 5: I'm gonna get a quick response, We're gonna have something

891
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:53,640
Speaker 5: to talk about, Like you know, there's that when you're

892
00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:58,120
Speaker 5: meeting these new people, like you said, like the frequency.

893
00:42:57,719 --> 00:42:58,560
Speaker 4: Of the communication.

894
00:42:58,760 --> 00:43:00,520
Speaker 5: It's like do I reach out to you? Do I

895
00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:02,000
Speaker 5: wait for you to reach out to me? Do I

896
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:06,239
Speaker 5: seem thirsty? And my expressing interests like where, like how

897
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:08,279
Speaker 5: do I balance Like I don't wanna seem thirsty, but

898
00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:12,719
Speaker 5: I also don't wanna seem disinterested, And then I don't

899
00:43:12,760 --> 00:43:14,920
Speaker 5: know the LA. I can't say that I've really been

900
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:17,960
Speaker 5: dating in LA because I was in a relationship while

901
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:18,719
Speaker 5: I've been in LA.

902
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:22,359
Speaker 1: But I just feel like, in general, these men are

903
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:25,880
Speaker 1: like lazy as fuck. Yeah, n I really do.

904
00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:28,840
Speaker 4: I feel like they're lazy as fuck. Like we're saying, like,

905
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:30,200
Speaker 4: are we too hard on men?

906
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:30,960
Speaker 2: No?

907
00:43:31,239 --> 00:43:33,080
Speaker 5: I don't think we're hard enough because I feel like

908
00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:35,319
Speaker 5: as women, like I feel like we have to really

909
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:36,960
Speaker 5: be alpha to get what we want.

910
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:38,640
Speaker 1: Like what the fuck you're s.

911
00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:41,120
Speaker 4: You should be pursuing me, right, I feel like you

912
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:42,000
Speaker 4: should be pursuing me.

913
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:43,600
Speaker 1: I'm the woman here, I'm.

914
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:45,680
Speaker 5: The one that you're trying to convince that, Yeah, you

915
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:47,239
Speaker 5: need me on your team, and I want you on

916
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:49,200
Speaker 5: my team too, Like it just seems like.

917
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:51,000
Speaker 1: That's not the vine. Yeah, like we're supposed to like

918
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:53,719
Speaker 1: chase that, like yeah, like they're in the prize. That's

919
00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:56,640
Speaker 1: how I really feel like some a lot of men

920
00:43:56,719 --> 00:43:58,759
Speaker 1: are like, hey, I'm the.

921
00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:04,160
Speaker 3: Catch, Like you know right right, you the fucking audacity, right,

922
00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:06,799
Speaker 3: what do you think I think that I think that.

923
00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:12,680
Speaker 1: We have to oh dating here, Oh lord, you know

924
00:44:12,840 --> 00:44:15,239
Speaker 1: it's been interesting.

925
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:20,320
Speaker 3: I not good. Yeah, I don't know, but but I

926
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:22,680
Speaker 3: mean I recently had a situation that the person was

927
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:24,680
Speaker 3: not from LA and was on the most fun stion ever.

928
00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:26,560
Speaker 1: So it doesn't have to be l A.

929
00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:29,800
Speaker 3: I don't think it's a but, but I think the

930
00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:32,399
Speaker 3: laziness is like I think, I think, yeah, I think

931
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:34,280
Speaker 3: the laziness And there's a lot of options.

932
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:35,320
Speaker 1: There's a lot of I feel like that.

933
00:44:35,480 --> 00:44:37,800
Speaker 3: I feel like the dating apps, specifically in LA, like

934
00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:40,360
Speaker 3: they're like it's heavy and there's always.

935
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:43,319
Speaker 5: All of us bad basers are on there. They're like, whoa,

936
00:44:43,400 --> 00:44:44,839
Speaker 5: okay that bad bags didn't work.

937
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:48,120
Speaker 1: Oh here's more. It's not like with women, we are.

938
00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:52,800
Speaker 5: Like, I mean, he's kind of cute, right right, like

939
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:58,560
Speaker 5: hella ugly like, but with the men, it's probably like okay, Babbage, Babbage, Babbage,

940
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:00,919
Speaker 5: what the fun?

941
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:04,279
Speaker 1: There are a lot of options. I'm afraid to get

942
00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:04,880
Speaker 1: on Hinge too.

943
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:07,799
Speaker 9: We're about to do it right now, give me yeah,

944
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:10,920
Speaker 9: I don't want any ready to see the way because

945
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:12,640
Speaker 9: you get on there and you say you've never been

946
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:13,279
Speaker 9: on a dating app.

947
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:17,759
Speaker 1: No, me too. I really like, I was like, well,

948
00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:20,359
Speaker 1: I was so nervous about someone. I was nervous too.

949
00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:25,480
Speaker 1: I was nervous. But then I started seeing people and

950
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:28,840
Speaker 1: I'm like, were you the fun on here to see me?

951
00:45:29,040 --> 00:45:31,479
Speaker 1: Then I see you. We're both in the same place.

952
00:45:33,160 --> 00:45:34,040
Speaker 1: It's really not right.

953
00:45:34,239 --> 00:45:38,320
Speaker 4: It's really not as taboo as you know.

954
00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:43,440
Speaker 1: Once you pop, your cherry is over. It's really nicely.

955
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:45,840
Speaker 5: But the thing is like, before I got on the

956
00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:47,960
Speaker 5: dating apps, it's been like two months while I'm like,

957
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:48,839
Speaker 5: I'm a fucking bet.

958
00:45:51,080 --> 00:45:53,280
Speaker 4: Before I got on there, I just lost.

959
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:55,759
Speaker 6: My thought before. It's not even big video because before

960
00:45:55,760 --> 00:45:56,520
Speaker 6: you got on there.

961
00:45:56,560 --> 00:45:59,680
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, thanks, I was thinking, like, you know, you

962
00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:01,239
Speaker 5: don't on this date and app and you're gonna have

963
00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:03,040
Speaker 5: all these options and you just get to pick and

964
00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:06,239
Speaker 5: you just go on dates like week and you just

965
00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:07,960
Speaker 5: get to say, Okay, y'all, I want to settle down

966
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:08,200
Speaker 5: with you.

967
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:09,959
Speaker 4: You're the best match.

968
00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:15,440
Speaker 1: No, it's just like dating, like like meeting someone in

969
00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:22,720
Speaker 1: the streets. Yeah, except you're coordinating the ghetto right together.

970
00:46:22,840 --> 00:46:24,880
Speaker 5: It seems like that because I know people have been

971
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:28,480
Speaker 5: on there like for ten months, twelve months and it's like, well,

972
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:30,120
Speaker 5: it's not fucking eat harmony, bitch.

973
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:34,439
Speaker 1: It's not guaranteed man like you, well you will be engaged. Yeah,

974
00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:39,000
Speaker 1: it's not. It's just black people like I'm read to

975
00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:42,080
Speaker 1: you too settled day? I mean you know, I like, yeah,

976
00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:43,400
Speaker 1: you just not eat hard.

977
00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:47,279
Speaker 4: Like I liked.

978
00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:51,080
Speaker 1: It is not in harmony because people be like, why

979
00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:53,160
Speaker 1: are you on this app? And I'm like, my nigga,

980
00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:54,439
Speaker 1: are you here to date?

981
00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:58,960
Speaker 4: Where that's like someone to potentially see if there's a

982
00:46:59,040 --> 00:46:59,759
Speaker 4: lib I don't know.

983
00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:04,600
Speaker 3: No people, Yeah, I'm serious, I'm up with their profound

984
00:47:04,640 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 3: and I don't know to meet someone.

985
00:47:06,960 --> 00:47:08,919
Speaker 5: And I'm like, well, I'm not trying to lock you down.

986
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:11,160
Speaker 5: I'm just out here trying to meet. But they'd be like,

987
00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 5: what are you I'm like a date period, that's it.

988
00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:21,399
Speaker 1: Why are you asking me that companionship? Right?

989
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:22,160
Speaker 3: You know?

990
00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:26,080
Speaker 1: Someone to talk to? I'm like, what do you mean

991
00:47:26,120 --> 00:47:28,120
Speaker 1: when I'm looking for? Then I asked them what are you?

992
00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:31,319
Speaker 1: What are you looking for? They'd be like the same.

993
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:34,839
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, then out the way.

994
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:35,880
Speaker 3: I don't know.

995
00:47:35,960 --> 00:47:38,080
Speaker 4: It's just a little abrasive the way it's asked.

996
00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:41,279
Speaker 2: I'm like, hey, look, somebody was like, well, I just

997
00:47:41,360 --> 00:47:43,120
Speaker 2: want you to know I'm not really for anything serious.

998
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:45,760
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, I necessarily wasn't either, but this fucking

999
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:49,120
Speaker 2: subtitle that you have to pre warming like you know,

1000
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:49,840
Speaker 2: you're trying to.

1001
00:47:49,840 --> 00:47:51,880
Speaker 1: Fuck, period, and that's what's not happening.

1002
00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:53,880
Speaker 4: And I asked someone that too. I'm like, no, I

1003
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:55,479
Speaker 4: didn't even I asked something.

1004
00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:58,840
Speaker 1: I was like, what are you looking for? Something like that?

1005
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 1: He was like, what you think of? That's what I said.

1006
00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:02,719
Speaker 5: I said, what are you looking for? Immediately he said,

1007
00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:04,399
Speaker 5: what do you think I'm just trying to fuck?

1008
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:05,640
Speaker 1: And I said, oh, I.

1009
00:48:07,120 --> 00:48:07,600
Speaker 2: I didn't.

1010
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:10,359
Speaker 4: I was like, I don't like to assume, so that's

1011
00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:11,080
Speaker 4: why I asked.

1012
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:15,000
Speaker 1: But like, my god, yeah, I think I'm just trying

1013
00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:18,000
Speaker 1: to fuck. And I'm like, I didn't. I did not

1014
00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:20,480
Speaker 1: think that. I did not think that, But ship are you?

1015
00:48:20,800 --> 00:48:21,000
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1016
00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:25,719
Speaker 3: And that's what I'm saying these this dating gap has

1017
00:48:25,800 --> 00:48:27,640
Speaker 3: made me have like a little bit of more weirder

1018
00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:28,799
Speaker 3: interactions than men.

1019
00:48:30,680 --> 00:48:32,520
Speaker 1: More than yeah, more weird.

1020
00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:35,240
Speaker 5: And I'm like, usually in person, you know, it flows

1021
00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:37,279
Speaker 5: a little different, but I'm like, when I'm in there,

1022
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:39,319
Speaker 5: you come kind of feel like.

1023
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:42,120
Speaker 4: A defense stuffling.

1024
00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:45,280
Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, you come and sing like jobs.

1025
00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:49,560
Speaker 5: I'm like, and I I was telling myself, I was

1026
00:48:49,719 --> 00:48:51,600
Speaker 5: maybe I was telling you maybe Kaylen or not. I

1027
00:48:51,800 --> 00:48:54,319
Speaker 5: was like, I'm gonna have to consult with someone else

1028
00:48:54,360 --> 00:48:57,279
Speaker 5: who's been on this dating gap to see is it me?

1029
00:48:57,640 --> 00:49:01,520
Speaker 5: Like are you having the same interaction because I don't know,

1030
00:49:01,560 --> 00:49:02,719
Speaker 5: I feel like I'm having.

1031
00:49:02,520 --> 00:49:07,400
Speaker 3: A box yeahs when you talk about it, yeah, like

1032
00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:08,120
Speaker 3: I wasn't.

1033
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:10,319
Speaker 6: But are you in that bag?

1034
00:49:10,719 --> 00:49:10,919
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1035
00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:11,800
Speaker 2: I don't know.

1036
00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:15,040
Speaker 4: I mean, but it's kind of fun sometimes too, so

1037
00:49:15,160 --> 00:49:15,560
Speaker 4: I don't know.

1038
00:49:15,680 --> 00:49:17,840
Speaker 1: It's a game. Yeah, I found your board. You're like,

1039
00:49:18,080 --> 00:49:19,839
Speaker 1: let me just get on here real quick. Yeah, what's

1040
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:22,400
Speaker 1: going on? And they're like oh yeah.

1041
00:49:23,320 --> 00:49:23,720
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1042
00:49:25,560 --> 00:49:27,840
Speaker 1: Yeah. I was telling Jamila like yesterday that like this

1043
00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:30,160
Speaker 1: guy on the Hinge Jop the hinge job.

1044
00:49:32,120 --> 00:49:34,439
Speaker 3: Like we had like two exchanges and then he asked

1045
00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:36,640
Speaker 3: me for my Instagram and I got really annoyed because

1046
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:38,560
Speaker 3: I was like, why why do you want?

1047
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:40,000
Speaker 1: You want to see people?

1048
00:49:40,040 --> 00:49:40,200
Speaker 2: Well?

1049
00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:42,160
Speaker 1: I know, but it's also I don't know. I felt

1050
00:49:42,160 --> 00:49:43,760
Speaker 1: weird about it because I'm like, okay, so I'm.

1051
00:49:43,640 --> 00:49:45,920
Speaker 3: Gonna give you my Instagram right now, and you're going

1052
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:48,040
Speaker 3: to go look at it right now You're going to

1053
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:50,840
Speaker 3: look at my feed decide who I am based on

1054
00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:53,439
Speaker 3: my Instagram and then I'm just like I just felt

1055
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:55,080
Speaker 3: like a resume and I was like the hinge jop

1056
00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:55,919
Speaker 3: is the resume, nigga?

1057
00:49:58,120 --> 00:50:04,759
Speaker 1: I answered questions access to my people, what I'm doing.

1058
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:08,000
Speaker 1: I asked you to ye ask me that to He

1059
00:50:08,200 --> 00:50:09,719
Speaker 1: was like, do you got it? He was like, it

1060
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:15,040
Speaker 1: was probably probably the same man, man, we probably have

1061
00:50:15,160 --> 00:50:16,040
Speaker 1: the same radius.

1062
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:18,520
Speaker 5: He was like, do you have It was like two

1063
00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:24,759
Speaker 5: conversations something, not two conversations, maybe two sentences right right him.

1064
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:27,600
Speaker 5: He said, you got Instagram and I'm like, look, there's

1065
00:50:27,640 --> 00:50:31,759
Speaker 5: an option to link Instagram and I opted out exactly.

1066
00:50:32,200 --> 00:50:34,560
Speaker 1: I don't even know if intentional.

1067
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:39,759
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, there is an point like it's just yeah,

1068
00:50:41,400 --> 00:50:43,320
Speaker 5: I think when it happened so quickly, it's just a

1069
00:50:43,360 --> 00:50:47,200
Speaker 5: little jarring, like yeah, the names like the second combo,

1070
00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:48,920
Speaker 5: You're like, I want to see you baby, and it's like,

1071
00:50:49,040 --> 00:50:52,680
Speaker 5: hey baby, I'm not I'm not your baby.

1072
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:55,759
Speaker 1: Though she hates that. She's like he called me.

1073
00:50:56,360 --> 00:51:01,560
Speaker 3: Buffing, like some sort of this guy called me like

1074
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:03,400
Speaker 3: he was like hey babe, and I was like, I

1075
00:51:03,440 --> 00:51:04,520
Speaker 3: don't like, I don't like that.

1076
00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:07,000
Speaker 1: Like how like I don't I don't like babe.

1077
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:10,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, I like babes, and I like babe later down

1078
00:51:10,800 --> 00:51:13,280
Speaker 3: the line exactly and we can get to babe.

1079
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:16,759
Speaker 1: It's almost like a red flag if you're like babe. Yeah.

1080
00:51:17,440 --> 00:51:20,040
Speaker 1: Like it's like so soon, it's like are you trying

1081
00:51:20,120 --> 00:51:21,320
Speaker 1: to finessing period?

1082
00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:23,600
Speaker 4: Like do you think I'm just waiting for someone to

1083
00:51:23,640 --> 00:51:24,520
Speaker 4: call me babe?

1084
00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:25,520
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1085
00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:27,600
Speaker 1: So I'm like, yeah, I'm mad.

1086
00:51:28,040 --> 00:51:31,600
Speaker 11: Meanwhile, our black woman too hard on black man, babe

1087
00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:37,160
Speaker 11: four weeks flag the first four weeks, in the first

1088
00:51:37,239 --> 00:51:38,600
Speaker 11: four minutes, oh yeah.

1089
00:51:38,719 --> 00:51:44,399
Speaker 1: And when I'm like, oh yeah, red flag. No, I'm

1090
00:51:44,440 --> 00:51:48,880
Speaker 1: not even on that. Somebody were gonna get yeah, I

1091
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:52,040
Speaker 1: probably would be like me. He called me babe a

1092
00:51:52,160 --> 00:51:53,600
Speaker 1: girl and we're getting married.

1093
00:51:53,640 --> 00:51:55,080
Speaker 6: I'm like, girl, he's rising.

1094
00:51:57,640 --> 00:51:58,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, girl.

1095
00:51:58,320 --> 00:52:02,040
Speaker 3: He used the word intention put him in the I mean,

1096
00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:04,880
Speaker 3: like you know, because he's he's speaking my language. Manifest

1097
00:52:05,000 --> 00:52:10,839
Speaker 3: he sent me like alignment intelligence, his spiritual Yeah, girl,

1098
00:52:11,719 --> 00:52:16,360
Speaker 3: he meditates and just going to therapy, right, that's.

1099
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:19,640
Speaker 5: What that's a new thing they've been saying. But the

1100
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:22,480
Speaker 5: thing is the therapy all day. But are you applying

1101
00:52:23,239 --> 00:52:24,440
Speaker 5: what you learned in therapy?

1102
00:52:24,840 --> 00:52:27,080
Speaker 1: Because he's done his work.

1103
00:52:28,360 --> 00:52:30,680
Speaker 4: Sitting in therapy and he's going in one air and out.

1104
00:52:30,960 --> 00:52:32,160
Speaker 1: Did your go to therapy?

1105
00:52:32,480 --> 00:52:36,600
Speaker 5: Hell no, I'm my exis therapist. He thinks i'm his

1106
00:52:36,719 --> 00:52:39,000
Speaker 5: theories and I'm like, that's where we're having it wrong.

1107
00:52:39,080 --> 00:52:44,960
Speaker 5: I can't be your therapist, right, I'm therapising myself right right,

1108
00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:46,400
Speaker 5: I'm not your therapist.

1109
00:52:47,200 --> 00:52:50,920
Speaker 6: To go to a therapist, please someone who's licensed, not me.

1110
00:52:51,880 --> 00:52:55,080
Speaker 1: I can't help. I cannot because if you say something

1111
00:52:55,120 --> 00:52:57,080
Speaker 1: they like you talked about my family, Like, I'm not

1112
00:52:57,160 --> 00:52:58,040
Speaker 1: talking about your family.

1113
00:52:58,680 --> 00:53:01,839
Speaker 5: I'm just saying that I recognize a pattern that could

1114
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:03,719
Speaker 5: be the reason why you're cutting up.

1115
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:06,920
Speaker 1: Like so, yeah, you're acting as did your ex go

1116
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:09,840
Speaker 1: to therapy? I went a couple of therapy once. It

1117
00:53:09,920 --> 00:53:13,759
Speaker 1: was cute and I was pregnant. That's cute. That was

1118
00:53:13,800 --> 00:53:17,279
Speaker 1: my last, like my last I help.

1119
00:53:17,400 --> 00:53:19,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, like when you go to therapy and then when

1120
00:53:19,280 --> 00:53:21,320
Speaker 2: I leave this singa, I'll say I tried my hardest.

1121
00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:28,360
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, uh he went to the apparently went to

1122
00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:33,239
Speaker 1: therapy after we broke up. M goes twice. Done a

1123
00:53:33,320 --> 00:53:38,080
Speaker 1: little work, I think so, but probably not. Yeah, yeah,

1124
00:53:38,520 --> 00:53:40,680
Speaker 1: are you guys in therapy? I need to be done

1125
00:53:41,120 --> 00:53:41,800
Speaker 1: getting there.

1126
00:53:44,040 --> 00:53:47,120
Speaker 5: For twenty twenty, Like because obviously we talk about therapy

1127
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:49,000
Speaker 5: a lot on our show and we advocate for it.

1128
00:53:49,080 --> 00:53:52,160
Speaker 1: But I'm like, you need therapy. I like, you know,

1129
00:53:52,239 --> 00:53:54,680
Speaker 1: I just feel like I need to go. I just

1130
00:53:54,719 --> 00:53:58,200
Speaker 1: feel like it'll be a good component to my life. Yeah,

1131
00:53:58,239 --> 00:53:59,719
Speaker 1: I go to therapy. I haven't been a while away.

1132
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:00,640
Speaker 3: What you call her?

1133
00:54:00,960 --> 00:54:02,840
Speaker 1: I frequently, did you though when you were going on?

1134
00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:04,879
Speaker 1: It just depends like go in waves and sometimes I'll

1135
00:54:04,920 --> 00:54:08,960
Speaker 1: go like once a week for like a month or

1136
00:54:09,080 --> 00:54:14,160
Speaker 1: two months and then like here and there. But I

1137
00:54:14,239 --> 00:54:16,640
Speaker 1: probably need to do it more consistently, you know. I

1138
00:54:16,760 --> 00:54:18,600
Speaker 1: need to get in I need to get my big

1139
00:54:18,680 --> 00:54:22,520
Speaker 1: toe in there. No, it's definitely because they're gonna shop around, definitely, hope.

1140
00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:23,680
Speaker 4: That's the intimidating part.

1141
00:54:23,880 --> 00:54:25,520
Speaker 1: And then I got to call out time to go

1142
00:54:25,760 --> 00:54:28,719
Speaker 1: see if I mean that's easy Germany come on some

1143
00:54:28,840 --> 00:54:33,000
Speaker 1: hours a session. I just have.

1144
00:54:33,239 --> 00:54:38,760
Speaker 5: I think the part that determines me is like calling around, fine,

1145
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:40,440
Speaker 5: find finally find one, get in.

1146
00:54:40,560 --> 00:54:42,000
Speaker 4: The office and seeing like if it's.

1147
00:54:41,880 --> 00:54:44,920
Speaker 1: Even been talking to them. Oh my, I'd be like

1148
00:54:44,960 --> 00:54:47,400
Speaker 1: what you want to know? You go off recommendation the

1149
00:54:47,480 --> 00:54:50,560
Speaker 1: first time. It's weird too, is it? Yeah? It's like,

1150
00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:52,960
Speaker 1: why are you here? I'm fucked up? Can help me

1151
00:54:53,280 --> 00:54:53,799
Speaker 1: right right?

1152
00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:54,920
Speaker 6: What you want to know?

1153
00:54:55,160 --> 00:54:56,640
Speaker 1: I don't know. This is for you to figure out.

1154
00:54:57,200 --> 00:54:58,480
Speaker 3: I don't even know if I will be able to

1155
00:54:58,560 --> 00:55:00,759
Speaker 3: like openly dialogue with somebody. I'll be like, give me

1156
00:55:00,840 --> 00:55:01,680
Speaker 3: some startup questions.

1157
00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:03,120
Speaker 4: You will be trying to figure out a way to

1158
00:55:03,200 --> 00:55:03,640
Speaker 4: present it.

1159
00:55:03,920 --> 00:55:07,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I box it, like here you go. What

1160
00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:09,960
Speaker 1: do you think about it? Fine? Right, I'm all good?

1161
00:55:10,360 --> 00:55:14,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you've made this power presentation.

1162
00:55:14,600 --> 00:55:17,359
Speaker 1: Yeah. This is found a therapist through a Facebook group?

1163
00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:19,400
Speaker 1: You did? I posted it?

1164
00:55:19,600 --> 00:55:22,560
Speaker 3: I asked I was in this group that is like

1165
00:55:22,680 --> 00:55:24,520
Speaker 3: women of color and I said, does anybody know like

1166
00:55:24,560 --> 00:55:25,960
Speaker 3: a woman of color therapist?

1167
00:55:26,600 --> 00:55:27,600
Speaker 1: And I love her?

1168
00:55:27,960 --> 00:55:31,000
Speaker 3: It was like the best, But I feel like that's

1169
00:55:31,040 --> 00:55:33,400
Speaker 3: like how you can really kind of find like just

1170
00:55:33,600 --> 00:55:34,160
Speaker 3: talk around with.

1171
00:55:34,760 --> 00:55:39,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, I actually do have a like that about it. Okay,

1172
00:55:39,320 --> 00:55:41,840
Speaker 1: Well after you go, slid me your number, yeah, and

1173
00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:43,800
Speaker 1: then we'll go from okay, says it weird. We have

1174
00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:47,840
Speaker 1: the same therapist. She can't tell each other's I'll.

1175
00:55:47,640 --> 00:55:49,520
Speaker 4: Probably be like, let me tell her the same thing

1176
00:55:49,560 --> 00:55:49,920
Speaker 4: I told her.

1177
00:55:49,960 --> 00:55:51,200
Speaker 6: France, they did the same.

1178
00:55:53,400 --> 00:55:58,239
Speaker 3: Advice going back Britney. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, I'm going

1179
00:55:58,280 --> 00:56:02,480
Speaker 3: next year for sure. Yeah, because I definitely must m.

1180
00:56:02,840 --> 00:56:05,080
Speaker 5: I feel like, especially since I'm going through like a

1181
00:56:05,160 --> 00:56:09,120
Speaker 5: transitional period, that it'll be hope.

1182
00:56:09,160 --> 00:56:11,799
Speaker 3: That's when I got therapy when when when my when

1183
00:56:11,880 --> 00:56:16,160
Speaker 3: my relationship ended, I like I needed something to like.

1184
00:56:17,760 --> 00:56:20,560
Speaker 1: My anxiety was at all time high and I actually

1185
00:56:20,640 --> 00:56:21,239
Speaker 1: know what was it.

1186
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:25,319
Speaker 3: No, I got therapy when he was in jail. That's when,

1187
00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:26,880
Speaker 3: because my anxiety was at an all time high. And

1188
00:56:26,880 --> 00:56:29,600
Speaker 3: then I continued it on afterwards and it helped. I mean,

1189
00:56:29,640 --> 00:56:33,080
Speaker 3: it's really helped it. Like she helped me be more accountable.

1190
00:56:33,200 --> 00:56:36,560
Speaker 3: I think podcasting, too, is therapy in so many ways too,

1191
00:56:37,200 --> 00:56:38,960
Speaker 3: And I think maybe that's why I don't go as

1192
00:56:39,040 --> 00:56:41,640
Speaker 3: often cause I feel like I really I'm so I'm

1193
00:56:41,680 --> 00:56:43,560
Speaker 3: talking about my feelings all the time.

1194
00:56:44,600 --> 00:56:46,640
Speaker 1: All the time, so every week.

1195
00:56:47,840 --> 00:56:50,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, whereas before I would just probably I internalized it

1196
00:56:50,920 --> 00:56:56,439
Speaker 3: a lot, you know, I said, I'm all like feeling Yeah,

1197
00:56:57,200 --> 00:56:59,160
Speaker 3: I mean I was obviously talk with my friends with

1198
00:57:00,200 --> 00:57:02,920
Speaker 3: It's different when I feel because even like when we're

1199
00:57:03,040 --> 00:57:05,680
Speaker 3: when we're talking and we're podcasting, it's like we're coming

1200
00:57:05,800 --> 00:57:07,799
Speaker 3: to we're talking, but we're also coming to these things

1201
00:57:07,880 --> 00:57:08,279
Speaker 3: on our.

1202
00:57:08,200 --> 00:57:14,480
Speaker 2: Own in those very moments, drawing your conclusion, Whereas sometimes

1203
00:57:14,480 --> 00:57:17,280
Speaker 2: if you hadn't been in this platform to be telling

1204
00:57:17,480 --> 00:57:20,160
Speaker 2: these things to begin with, you are not actually thinking

1205
00:57:20,200 --> 00:57:20,520
Speaker 2: about it.

1206
00:57:22,400 --> 00:57:24,240
Speaker 1: So what am I going to do about this shit? Yeah?

1207
00:57:24,480 --> 00:57:26,760
Speaker 3: And I think the more we do this type of work,

1208
00:57:27,120 --> 00:57:29,520
Speaker 3: it stretches your mind and you're you are open and

1209
00:57:29,600 --> 00:57:30,640
Speaker 3: aware to other concepts.

1210
00:57:30,680 --> 00:57:32,760
Speaker 1: And when you have a conversation with somebody else.

1211
00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:34,840
Speaker 3: Not even on air, like when Brittany and I will talk,

1212
00:57:34,960 --> 00:57:38,200
Speaker 3: she'll bring something into my awareness and I'm like, you're right.

1213
00:57:38,240 --> 00:57:39,360
Speaker 1: I do that intentionally.

1214
00:57:39,480 --> 00:57:40,880
Speaker 4: I try to make it a happen.

1215
00:57:41,040 --> 00:57:46,040
Speaker 1: Like I say, I'm saying, no, I'm not saying I'm

1216
00:57:46,040 --> 00:57:47,040
Speaker 1: bringing it to your awareness.

1217
00:57:47,080 --> 00:57:49,440
Speaker 5: I'm saying that I ask questions because that's what I

1218
00:57:49,560 --> 00:57:51,960
Speaker 5: want my friends to do, because sometimes when like you

1219
00:57:52,120 --> 00:57:55,200
Speaker 5: tell your friends something like what kind of like gloss

1220
00:57:55,280 --> 00:57:58,600
Speaker 5: over it or not like dig deep to get to

1221
00:57:58,720 --> 00:58:01,560
Speaker 5: the like ye like to real like meat and potatoes,

1222
00:58:01,680 --> 00:58:03,680
Speaker 5: And I feel like that's kind of doing a disservice

1223
00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:07,200
Speaker 5: because I don't want I don't want like the sugar

1224
00:58:07,280 --> 00:58:10,240
Speaker 5: coated response or like something that I feel like won't

1225
00:58:10,280 --> 00:58:12,440
Speaker 5: allow me to grow, like even if it hurts or

1226
00:58:12,480 --> 00:58:14,840
Speaker 5: it's not something that I necessarily want to hear. I

1227
00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:18,160
Speaker 5: really appreciate like when people like really like help me

1228
00:58:18,320 --> 00:58:21,600
Speaker 5: or dig deep, or like give me a question, that's like, okay,

1229
00:58:21,760 --> 00:58:25,440
Speaker 5: I give you those questions sometimes, but sometimes I.

1230
00:58:25,480 --> 00:58:26,960
Speaker 6: Think you hold that sometimes I do.

1231
00:58:27,280 --> 00:58:33,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, sometimes, and I does because okay, now I done

1232
00:58:33,200 --> 00:58:33,640
Speaker 3: got deep.

1233
00:58:34,680 --> 00:58:38,160
Speaker 1: No, I only do that because you think that you

1234
00:58:38,280 --> 00:58:40,880
Speaker 1: want to help a pease help. No, I don't want

1235
00:58:40,920 --> 00:58:41,720
Speaker 1: to help appease you.

1236
00:58:42,080 --> 00:58:44,360
Speaker 3: I only do that because I'm afraid that I might

1237
00:58:44,440 --> 00:58:46,640
Speaker 3: be like, I know how you're you get to the

1238
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:47,960
Speaker 3: point now we having a the.

1239
00:58:50,280 --> 00:58:50,720
Speaker 1: Right right.

1240
00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:53,240
Speaker 3: No, I only do that because I know that Brittany

1241
00:58:53,400 --> 00:58:57,440
Speaker 3: is very like she You are very your emotions can

1242
00:58:57,520 --> 00:59:01,959
Speaker 3: be very controlled. You control your emotion, emotion response very well,

1243
00:59:02,480 --> 00:59:05,320
Speaker 3: to the point if she says, for instance, a boundary

1244
00:59:05,360 --> 00:59:07,560
Speaker 3: will be said, I don't want to see that or

1245
00:59:07,600 --> 00:59:09,640
Speaker 3: I don't want to hear about it, So then my

1246
00:59:09,800 --> 00:59:12,040
Speaker 3: efforts to respect the boundary will be like I don't

1247
00:59:12,040 --> 00:59:13,520
Speaker 3: want to pry, I don't want to dig, I don't

1248
00:59:13,560 --> 00:59:14,840
Speaker 3: want to bring a question and be.

1249
00:59:14,920 --> 00:59:17,560
Speaker 1: Like, but how do you feel about said thing that happened.

1250
00:59:17,840 --> 00:59:20,440
Speaker 5: Well, you will say no, I would like, for instance,

1251
00:59:20,480 --> 00:59:22,560
Speaker 5: but the boundary y'all say, like, as it pertainstes in

1252
00:59:22,640 --> 00:59:25,120
Speaker 5: my ex I don't. I purposely will not go and

1253
00:59:25,240 --> 00:59:27,280
Speaker 5: look and see what he's doing. I don't want to

1254
00:59:27,320 --> 00:59:32,520
Speaker 5: hear about what he's doing because it triggers I would

1255
00:59:32,520 --> 00:59:33,080
Speaker 5: be triggered.

1256
00:59:34,200 --> 00:59:36,600
Speaker 1: So but the thing is I follow him.

1257
00:59:36,680 --> 00:59:38,720
Speaker 3: There's things that I might see and I'll say like,

1258
00:59:38,880 --> 00:59:41,520
Speaker 3: oh shit, and we'll we'll look at it or whatever

1259
00:59:41,600 --> 00:59:43,800
Speaker 3: it is at that moment, and then Brittany has already

1260
00:59:43,800 --> 00:59:45,920
Speaker 3: said a boundary like technically I didn't even want to

1261
00:59:45,960 --> 00:59:48,560
Speaker 3: see it. Now it's been brought into my awareness. So

1262
00:59:48,680 --> 00:59:51,000
Speaker 3: I don't really know how to at that point be

1263
00:59:51,120 --> 00:59:53,240
Speaker 3: like sometimes I'll say, but okay, how are you feeling?

1264
00:59:53,280 --> 00:59:53,840
Speaker 1: Are you okay?

1265
00:59:54,200 --> 00:59:55,640
Speaker 3: But I don't want to be like, so, do you

1266
00:59:55,680 --> 00:59:57,440
Speaker 3: want to nigga like this in the future or what

1267
00:59:57,520 --> 00:59:59,160
Speaker 3: do you think this says about your choices?

1268
01:00:00,040 --> 01:00:03,080
Speaker 1: I want to open it up, yeah, but I don't.

1269
01:00:02,920 --> 01:00:04,840
Speaker 4: Think you are presented like what would you what do

1270
01:00:04,960 --> 01:00:06,440
Speaker 4: you think that says about your choices?

1271
01:00:06,520 --> 01:00:08,520
Speaker 5: I think it'll come like in the sense of if

1272
01:00:08,560 --> 01:00:11,440
Speaker 5: I'm saying to you, Hey, Germany, I'm considering getting back

1273
01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:13,440
Speaker 5: with this nigga. Then that's when you will say, because

1274
01:00:13,520 --> 01:00:16,080
Speaker 5: I've been ray Charles to what's happening. Then that's when

1275
01:00:16,120 --> 01:00:18,840
Speaker 5: you will be like, honestly, I don't really think it's

1276
01:00:18,880 --> 01:00:21,680
Speaker 5: a good idea because da da da da da, like

1277
01:00:21,760 --> 01:00:22,840
Speaker 5: you know, or however you want to.

1278
01:00:22,840 --> 01:00:25,000
Speaker 1: Present it instead of being like, oh, yeah.

1279
01:00:24,800 --> 01:00:25,840
Speaker 4: I think that's a great idea.

1280
01:00:27,680 --> 01:00:31,400
Speaker 1: And what I do is, you know what, try not

1281
01:00:31,640 --> 01:00:33,320
Speaker 1: give people too much of my own.

1282
01:00:33,520 --> 01:00:35,240
Speaker 5: And it doesn't have to be your own person, but

1283
01:00:35,320 --> 01:00:37,560
Speaker 5: you know that I like concrete details when it's best,

1284
01:00:37,680 --> 01:00:40,680
Speaker 5: like evidence that would eliminate. This is my personal advice.

1285
01:00:40,960 --> 01:00:44,160
Speaker 5: This is saying you are my friend. I care because

1286
01:00:44,240 --> 01:00:46,919
Speaker 5: I have these facts and you already know the vibe

1287
01:00:46,960 --> 01:00:50,760
Speaker 5: and the relationship between Yeah, I like, oh my god, because.

1288
01:00:52,400 --> 01:00:54,720
Speaker 3: That's what's gonna make you like you need the facts

1289
01:00:54,800 --> 01:00:57,640
Speaker 3: you need that's it has to be had her. And

1290
01:00:58,000 --> 01:01:01,200
Speaker 3: I'm the kind of person like, okay, she's here. If

1291
01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:05,120
Speaker 3: we getting back with the nigga, then you.

1292
01:01:05,200 --> 01:01:09,280
Speaker 5: Know that with them, because like I'm securing myself and

1293
01:01:09,440 --> 01:01:12,200
Speaker 5: like if I make a decision, like it's very rare

1294
01:01:12,280 --> 01:01:14,320
Speaker 5: that someone can sway me from the decision that I

1295
01:01:14,520 --> 01:01:17,040
Speaker 5: made and I'm like, Okay, I'm still going to do it.

1296
01:01:17,120 --> 01:01:20,080
Speaker 5: Then that's when you're like, okay, we're doing it. And

1297
01:01:20,200 --> 01:01:22,600
Speaker 5: I'm like, every time I talk about it will in

1298
01:01:22,720 --> 01:01:24,680
Speaker 5: me because I'm.

1299
01:01:24,560 --> 01:01:25,000
Speaker 1: Not like that.

1300
01:01:25,440 --> 01:01:27,640
Speaker 3: But I do try to respect the boundaries that are

1301
01:01:27,800 --> 01:01:29,760
Speaker 3: put put and I think that kind of keeps me

1302
01:01:29,840 --> 01:01:33,280
Speaker 3: from sometimes being like asking more questions that I feel

1303
01:01:33,320 --> 01:01:35,640
Speaker 3: like might be triggering. I don't want to be the trigger.

1304
01:01:35,880 --> 01:01:37,520
Speaker 3: I don't want to bring the nigga into the awareness,

1305
01:01:37,560 --> 01:01:39,160
Speaker 3: and now me bringing them up is triggering.

1306
01:01:39,640 --> 01:01:42,160
Speaker 1: So I struggled, and I'm like, Okay, let me drive.

1307
01:01:42,600 --> 01:01:44,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, let me just just feed me the.

1308
01:01:44,600 --> 01:01:46,040
Speaker 6: Story and then I'm gonna give you two you on it,

1309
01:01:46,880 --> 01:01:49,440
Speaker 6: you know, I know it went somewhere else.

1310
01:01:49,600 --> 01:01:53,160
Speaker 1: No, but friendship boundary. You have to have boundaries.

1311
01:01:53,160 --> 01:01:55,680
Speaker 3: But also, like I think what really makes the difference

1312
01:01:55,720 --> 01:01:57,680
Speaker 3: in friendships too, is like the ones that are aren't

1313
01:01:57,680 --> 01:02:01,120
Speaker 3: afraid to cross someone like you know and then just

1314
01:02:01,240 --> 01:02:04,040
Speaker 3: in to spare your feel your your friend's feelings. Sometimes

1315
01:02:04,040 --> 01:02:05,520
Speaker 3: you got to tell you it's gotta tell people.

1316
01:02:06,040 --> 01:02:09,680
Speaker 1: I'm kind of not scared, you know, Yeah, but you're not.

1317
01:02:11,120 --> 01:02:11,840
Speaker 1: You're in a good way.

1318
01:02:11,880 --> 01:02:13,280
Speaker 3: In a good way because, like I said, you help

1319
01:02:13,360 --> 01:02:15,160
Speaker 3: bring things to my awareness full balance.

1320
01:02:15,280 --> 01:02:17,360
Speaker 1: I mean, I know I can be abrasive too. Sometimes

1321
01:02:17,360 --> 01:02:19,880
Speaker 1: I gotta scale it back and be like, okay, I.

1322
01:02:21,920 --> 01:02:24,320
Speaker 5: I try to kind of try to says if it's welcome,

1323
01:02:25,680 --> 01:02:27,920
Speaker 5: you know, because sometimes it's not.

1324
01:02:28,160 --> 01:02:32,200
Speaker 1: But I feel like I only have two friends, Like

1325
01:02:32,320 --> 01:02:35,480
Speaker 1: I don't just go giving my opinion opinion like I have.

1326
01:02:35,680 --> 01:02:37,080
Speaker 4: Not like I have associates.

1327
01:02:37,120 --> 01:02:40,200
Speaker 5: But I mean as far as like the interactions, I

1328
01:02:40,280 --> 01:02:43,240
Speaker 5: only give that kind of interaction to like two people.

1329
01:02:43,400 --> 01:02:49,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I will, I was hold with others. It's okay, Yeah,

1330
01:02:50,360 --> 01:02:53,560
Speaker 1: I love you. Look, you can't be trusting everybody. M m.

1331
01:02:53,960 --> 01:02:57,440
Speaker 1: Everybody deserves your energy and you're n yeah, well that's

1332
01:02:57,480 --> 01:03:03,120
Speaker 1: a period. It's not as all. Do you have remember

1333
01:03:03,320 --> 01:03:06,760
Speaker 1: anything else? I have an advice question. When I do that,

1334
01:03:07,320 --> 01:03:09,400
Speaker 1: I have, then I gotta go get my kid. Yeah

1335
01:03:09,920 --> 01:03:14,240
Speaker 1: I was age twenty too, I do and I got

1336
01:03:14,280 --> 01:03:16,120
Speaker 1: a pack and I go, oh my god, yes, I

1337
01:03:16,200 --> 01:03:19,840
Speaker 1: waiting like where's my mom? Right? Like I thought you

1338
01:03:19,920 --> 01:03:21,120
Speaker 1: were having it four minutes.

1339
01:03:23,120 --> 01:03:24,640
Speaker 4: They have cell phone, so they call you.

1340
01:03:25,560 --> 01:03:27,360
Speaker 2: I can't remember the password too, like the one if

1341
01:03:27,360 --> 01:03:29,080
Speaker 2: you could facetiday from them and.

1342
01:03:29,160 --> 01:03:31,200
Speaker 1: I think I read just got a phone? Do sh

1343
01:03:31,360 --> 01:03:34,080
Speaker 1: I mean it's called whoever you're with? Phone? Yeah? How

1344
01:03:34,120 --> 01:03:37,480
Speaker 1: my mom? Yeah I know mm mmm not giving you

1345
01:03:37,520 --> 01:03:37,840
Speaker 1: a phone?

1346
01:03:37,880 --> 01:03:38,440
Speaker 2: Girls? Wait?

1347
01:03:39,560 --> 01:03:40,200
Speaker 1: You know kids.

1348
01:03:40,240 --> 01:03:42,280
Speaker 5: I don't know what the age is nowadays. It seems

1349
01:03:42,320 --> 01:03:45,720
Speaker 5: like it dropped every year. They don't have two year olds.

1350
01:03:45,440 --> 01:03:53,800
Speaker 3: Like who okay, this is I'm nervous a question, nonamous, Hi,

1351
01:03:54,000 --> 01:03:56,760
Speaker 3: Erica and Mila. I have been having problems in my relationship.

1352
01:03:57,240 --> 01:03:59,080
Speaker 3: I used to think he was I used to think

1353
01:03:59,120 --> 01:04:01,440
Speaker 3: he was a problem. But I think the problem is

1354
01:04:01,520 --> 01:04:04,760
Speaker 3: my deeply rooted insecurities. When we met, I was confident

1355
01:04:04,840 --> 01:04:07,080
Speaker 3: as fuck, went to school, went to work, and did.

1356
01:04:06,960 --> 01:04:09,560
Speaker 1: My own thing. After having a baby, I am now

1357
01:04:09,800 --> 01:04:22,080
Speaker 1: a sham s a h m sham stay ah wow,

1358
01:04:22,840 --> 01:04:27,160
Speaker 1: she just know that right? Let me look at that.

1359
01:04:29,760 --> 01:04:33,800
Speaker 1: Whoa okay? Okay? And how did you get it so quick?

1360
01:04:35,360 --> 01:04:37,800
Speaker 3: After having a baby? I am now a stay at

1361
01:04:37,840 --> 01:04:42,800
Speaker 3: home mom. I am needy for attention, reassurance, compliments, et cetera.

1362
01:04:43,280 --> 01:04:45,640
Speaker 3: How can I take care of myself mentally and emotionally

1363
01:04:45,760 --> 01:04:48,360
Speaker 3: without depending on him? How can I feel like a

1364
01:04:48,440 --> 01:04:50,040
Speaker 3: strong woman after this transition?

1365
01:04:50,920 --> 01:04:56,800
Speaker 1: Thanks? Mama Love the podcast. You could be a stay

1366
01:04:56,840 --> 01:04:59,400
Speaker 1: at home mom and still have your life too.

1367
01:05:00,120 --> 01:05:03,160
Speaker 2: Stay at home mom doesn't mean you just stay at

1368
01:05:03,200 --> 01:05:04,600
Speaker 2: home always twenty four to seven.

1369
01:05:05,000 --> 01:05:06,680
Speaker 1: If your job, it's your.

1370
01:05:06,680 --> 01:05:09,840
Speaker 2: Job is now to watch, take tend to the house,

1371
01:05:10,320 --> 01:05:12,840
Speaker 2: but you still have time off from that job, and

1372
01:05:13,000 --> 01:05:15,920
Speaker 2: you still have time to do other things and feel

1373
01:05:16,040 --> 01:05:19,040
Speaker 2: sexy and go out and get dressed up with or

1374
01:05:19,080 --> 01:05:21,680
Speaker 2: without your husband. And maybe it's with just your friends

1375
01:05:21,800 --> 01:05:24,479
Speaker 2: because you need to get your roof back a little

1376
01:05:24,480 --> 01:05:27,320
Speaker 2: bit and he needs to chill and watch the baby.

1377
01:05:30,000 --> 01:05:32,480
Speaker 3: I think also like I don't know did she say

1378
01:05:32,480 --> 01:05:35,000
Speaker 3: how old she her baby was. I felt like that

1379
01:05:35,440 --> 01:05:40,200
Speaker 3: after I had a baby. I felt, really, I'm not confident.

1380
01:05:40,720 --> 01:05:43,240
Speaker 3: I need I was so insecure I needed his validation.

1381
01:05:43,520 --> 01:05:44,919
Speaker 3: I didn't feel like he could give I didn't feel

1382
01:05:44,920 --> 01:05:49,480
Speaker 3: like he gave me enough. And I just think like

1383
01:05:49,720 --> 01:05:51,520
Speaker 3: it's mentally like you have to take care of yourself

1384
01:05:51,600 --> 01:05:54,920
Speaker 3: mentally and acknowledge maybe if you are I don't know

1385
01:05:54,960 --> 01:05:58,000
Speaker 3: how far you're pregnant into your post pregnancy you are.

1386
01:05:58,040 --> 01:06:02,040
Speaker 1: But check with yourself and yeah, like Jamila said, you

1387
01:06:02,120 --> 01:06:05,560
Speaker 1: have to go out there and leave the baby at home.

1388
01:06:05,680 --> 01:06:07,840
Speaker 3: Your home is worked. Essentially, if you're a stay at

1389
01:06:07,880 --> 01:06:11,800
Speaker 3: home mom, literally you live at your job. So sometimes

1390
01:06:11,840 --> 01:06:15,000
Speaker 3: you gotta leave that bitch and go do that childless

1391
01:06:16,360 --> 01:06:20,360
Speaker 3: and sometimes yeah, the confidence y I Y. Of course

1392
01:06:20,400 --> 01:06:23,160
Speaker 3: you want validation from your partner and like that's important,

1393
01:06:23,360 --> 01:06:27,040
Speaker 3: but like you gotta find it in yourself too, because

1394
01:06:27,240 --> 01:06:29,000
Speaker 3: he can give you all the compliments in the world,

1395
01:06:29,280 --> 01:06:30,520
Speaker 3: and it could it could not.

1396
01:06:30,600 --> 01:06:33,120
Speaker 1: Be enough, especially if you're not happy with yourself. That's

1397
01:06:33,120 --> 01:06:35,680
Speaker 1: what I realized too, yeah, is that I was never

1398
01:06:35,720 --> 01:06:37,040
Speaker 1: gonna be there even if you did give me the

1399
01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:37,680
Speaker 1: compliments I was.

1400
01:06:37,720 --> 01:06:40,240
Speaker 3: I was so unhappy and I was so depressed and

1401
01:06:40,280 --> 01:06:42,320
Speaker 3: didn't know it that there was no amount that would

1402
01:06:42,360 --> 01:06:44,120
Speaker 3: have made it better cause I just didn't.

1403
01:06:43,840 --> 01:06:46,480
Speaker 1: Feel good y. And you know, you can experience postpartum.

1404
01:06:46,480 --> 01:06:48,200
Speaker 1: I'm like, I wanna say up to three years mm.

1405
01:06:48,480 --> 01:06:49,400
Speaker 1: Post part of it is.

1406
01:06:49,440 --> 01:06:52,959
Speaker 2: It could come and go so and it comes looking

1407
01:06:53,040 --> 01:06:55,200
Speaker 2: so differently, and I think it's definitely not only is

1408
01:06:55,200 --> 01:06:58,160
Speaker 2: it like a hormonal change, cause l now the person's

1409
01:06:58,480 --> 01:07:01,640
Speaker 2: not in your body, but like it's a life Like

1410
01:07:01,840 --> 01:07:05,840
Speaker 2: the transition isn't just physical, it's mental, and there's this

1411
01:07:06,040 --> 01:07:11,080
Speaker 2: battle and you feel almost like a strange from your

1412
01:07:11,120 --> 01:07:14,720
Speaker 2: own body because you know there's just a huge major

1413
01:07:14,800 --> 01:07:17,880
Speaker 2: life transition that's happened, so you don't feel as sexy

1414
01:07:17,960 --> 01:07:20,600
Speaker 2: or you feel like are you Like she mentioned that

1415
01:07:20,680 --> 01:07:21,000
Speaker 2: she was a.

1416
01:07:21,120 --> 01:07:23,040
Speaker 3: Thatch before when she met him, she was in school

1417
01:07:23,200 --> 01:07:25,440
Speaker 3: and like Nash to stay at home mom. So I'm

1418
01:07:25,480 --> 01:07:27,680
Speaker 3: assuming that staying at home and not being in school

1419
01:07:27,800 --> 01:07:31,720
Speaker 3: or pursuing whatever your passions or maybe whether there's being

1420
01:07:31,760 --> 01:07:33,720
Speaker 3: a stay at home mom or not, could make you

1421
01:07:33,880 --> 01:07:35,640
Speaker 3: feel like less confident.

1422
01:07:35,800 --> 01:07:39,040
Speaker 1: So like thinking about like what are your interests? Okay,

1423
01:07:39,120 --> 01:07:40,680
Speaker 1: now you're a stay at home mom, Like, there's.

1424
01:07:40,720 --> 01:07:45,000
Speaker 2: So many cool things you could put dedicate time to still, Yeah,

1425
01:07:45,520 --> 01:07:47,240
Speaker 2: and maybe this is the time to come back to

1426
01:07:47,320 --> 01:07:50,320
Speaker 2: that purpose and see how you can find time to

1427
01:07:50,440 --> 01:07:54,440
Speaker 2: do that while also staying at home. Because I think

1428
01:07:54,520 --> 01:07:57,560
Speaker 2: that when you come up on your purpose, that's what's

1429
01:07:57,560 --> 01:07:59,400
Speaker 2: going to make you happy. And it's not gonna be

1430
01:07:59,480 --> 01:08:01,560
Speaker 2: him compliment mening you or this or that. It's just

1431
01:08:01,640 --> 01:08:03,840
Speaker 2: gonna be like, am I working on what I what

1432
01:08:04,000 --> 01:08:06,040
Speaker 2: I want and what's what my purposes?

1433
01:08:08,560 --> 01:08:08,760
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1434
01:08:09,560 --> 01:08:14,680
Speaker 3: Any contributions, guys, I think that was you girls really

1435
01:08:14,760 --> 01:08:21,679
Speaker 3: pulled it in, all right, y'all well I'm tired.

1436
01:08:21,920 --> 01:08:24,800
Speaker 1: I'm so sir. I gotta pick up my child. Yeah,

1437
01:08:25,160 --> 01:08:31,040
Speaker 1: I gotta go dog children. You're gonna have on that

1438
01:08:31,080 --> 01:08:34,280
Speaker 1: four or five. Yes, thank you for coming to serious

1439
01:08:34,280 --> 01:08:38,880
Speaker 1: from the elm already for having us. I love love you.

1440
01:08:39,160 --> 01:08:42,280
Speaker 1: I'm happy we got to come hang and drink wine

1441
01:08:45,240 --> 01:08:46,479
Speaker 1: and eat Mexican candy.

1442
01:08:47,200 --> 01:08:48,280
Speaker 3: Yes, so.

1443
01:08:50,520 --> 01:08:53,439
Speaker 1: So that's a throwback that candy. That's what I was like,

1444
01:08:53,600 --> 01:08:55,280
Speaker 1: is that Mexican candy?

1445
01:08:55,400 --> 01:08:58,040
Speaker 2: And you guys not like the regular lollipop, like this

1446
01:08:58,240 --> 01:09:00,479
Speaker 2: disgusting one that's squeezed.

1447
01:09:03,479 --> 01:09:06,320
Speaker 1: To me to the fucking sixth grade. Yeah, like like

1448
01:09:06,600 --> 01:09:09,240
Speaker 1: first we'll have to bring you back. Yeah, we'll bring

1449
01:09:09,280 --> 01:09:11,280
Speaker 1: your back that pack. I wanna go on Amazon? Yeah,

1450
01:09:11,520 --> 01:09:17,639
Speaker 1: oh okay, where can the listeners find you? I'm on Instagram.

1451
01:09:17,720 --> 01:09:21,320
Speaker 1: We are at the black Orbrabato pot and I mean

1452
01:09:21,360 --> 01:09:22,599
Speaker 1: we're really can also.

1453
01:09:22,479 --> 01:09:25,120
Speaker 5: Go to our website, the Blackerbrabato dot com and you

1454
01:09:25,200 --> 01:09:26,520
Speaker 5: can listen to the episodes.

1455
01:09:26,640 --> 01:09:29,479
Speaker 1: They are also wherever you listen to the podcast. Yeah,

1456
01:09:29,800 --> 01:09:33,040
Speaker 1: can join us on Patreon for more exclusive contient. Yes,

1457
01:09:34,600 --> 01:09:36,160
Speaker 1: I think that's it, alright, y'all.

1458
01:09:36,160 --> 01:09:37,639
Speaker 3: Well, you know where to find us at Good Mom's

1459
01:09:37,720 --> 01:09:41,519
Speaker 3: Underscore by Choices, join our newsletter on our website, good

1460
01:09:41,560 --> 01:09:43,000
Speaker 3: Moms by Choices dot com.

1461
01:09:43,040 --> 01:09:43,120
Speaker 2: And.

1462
01:09:44,640 --> 01:09:47,639
Speaker 1: Look for upcoming events. We do meet up every month,

1463
01:09:47,800 --> 01:09:53,080
Speaker 1: so we're doing one every boy check in, check in. Alright,

1464
01:09:53,160 --> 01:10:00,240
Speaker 1: y'all bye, Right, The

1465
01:10:00,360 --> 01:10:04,479
Speaker 4: Fastest sort is spread for the fastest sort of the

1466
01:10:04,640 --> 01:10:06,759
Speaker 4: sposo gava contain