Speaker 1: Welcome back to a couple's Counseling with Chelsea.
Speaker 2: I am here with my friends Rosebud Baker and her
Speaker 2: husband Andy Haynes.
Speaker 3: Hi.
Speaker 1: Rosebud and Andy, thank you for being here today as
Speaker 1: a couple.
Speaker 2: So tell me how having the baby has impacted your
Speaker 2: relationship in terms of what have you learned about each
Speaker 2: other that you didn't know before, Like you don't know
Speaker 2: what kind of parents somebody else is going to be.
Speaker 4: That's so funny because we were talking about that last night.
Speaker 5: Yeah, what were you saying, Well, I'm really surprised because
Speaker 5: Rosebud can kind of be a hard ass, you know,
Speaker 5: she can kind of be like vaping and telling you
Speaker 5: you suck, you know, from the sidelines, but you know.
Speaker 6: She's just and then also she's like the business acumen.
Speaker 5: You know, she knows how to navigate and she's like
Speaker 5: very punctual about that kind of stuff. And then with
Speaker 5: the baby, she just has this whole thing where she
Speaker 5: drops that whole facade and she's very sweet, probably to
Speaker 5: an embarrassing point where you you know, sing Miss Rachel
Speaker 5: songs to her while making funny faces.
Speaker 6: I didn't think that she would have that switch in her.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say, I was, I can see that
Speaker 2: from your socials and everything.
Speaker 1: Since you've had the child, your baby, the child.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the child, let's call her the child, like she's
Speaker 3: been inhabited by a ghost, yeah, or like she's a child,
Speaker 3: an omens child.
Speaker 2: You've definitely become like a softer version of yourself, which
Speaker 2: is great, and yeah, that's what you want to happen
Speaker 2: when you have a baby, not become.
Speaker 4: Harder right now, that would be that would be concerning.
Speaker 3: But also I watch Andy and I'm like, I was
Speaker 3: a little concerned with Andy before I had the baby
Speaker 3: because I was like, he doesn't make a lot of
Speaker 3: eye contact, you know. He had to be like reminded
Speaker 3: to look at me during our wedding vows, like more
Speaker 3: than three times. So I was like, is he gonna
Speaker 3: make eye contact? Is he going to smile at the baby?
Speaker 3: And he has ended up being the most caring, compassionate,
Speaker 3: Like he's very attuned to her in a way that
Speaker 3: I know for sure my dad wasn't attuned to me.
Speaker 3: So watching him with her has been like a life
Speaker 3: changing experience, and like watching him become a dad has
Speaker 3: been awesome because he's so and he's also like very
Speaker 3: I mean, he can be a little anxious, but I'm
Speaker 3: sort of like, if I feel like anything bad is happening,
Speaker 3: sometimes I shut down and I go like, it's not happening,
Speaker 3: it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. He'll be like, hey,
Speaker 3: we got to take her to the doctor, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean, Like, let's just check this out just
Speaker 3: in case. And like I've learned to like whatever it
Speaker 3: is that he's worried about, I'll just like listen to him,
Speaker 3: and he's just in tune with her.
Speaker 1: It sounds like you have a maternal instinct.
Speaker 5: I mean I was around a lot of women growing up,
Speaker 5: and he said that, yeah, I think I was lacking
Speaker 5: the paternal My dad's great, but I was.
Speaker 6: You know, it was all women growing up. But one
Speaker 6: thing that's funny and your gay uncles.
Speaker 5: Yes, some gay men. But Rosebud also has this weird
Speaker 5: thing where she will become She'll be like, we need
Speaker 5: to start planning her preschool entrance exam, and I'm like,
Speaker 5: you don't want to plan anything. And all of a sudden,
Speaker 5: she's like, do we know where she's going to go
Speaker 5: to college? And I'm like, where did that come from?
Speaker 3: You?
Speaker 4: Don't you know, like I do panic about that kind
Speaker 4: of shit.
Speaker 2: I could also relate to that because it's you know,
Speaker 2: you have a baby, and then there's all these other
Speaker 2: things that go along with it, right and future planning.
Speaker 2: So for someone who doesn't like that, you would I
Speaker 2: do panic because you're like, Andy, you better make a
Speaker 2: fucking plan, right.
Speaker 3: I'm like, what have you filled out any paperwork? I'm like,
Speaker 3: I haven't filled out paperwork. I'm not going to.
Speaker 5: I've done very little planning in that. I'm a I'm
Speaker 5: a plan for fun, not a plan for Yeah, isn't
Speaker 5: that nice?
Speaker 1: What about the nursery?
Speaker 2: Did he help you decorate the nursery because I know
Speaker 2: you're opposed to his decoration.
Speaker 3: No, I don't want him to intervene at all with
Speaker 3: any sort of decor ideas or any kind of he's
Speaker 3: If he even sends me a link to a couch,
Speaker 3: I'm like, get that out of my fucking phone.
Speaker 4: I don't like men's.
Speaker 3: Decore ideas, input, input in my apartment, in my living space.
Speaker 4: And I know we live together, so I apologize.
Speaker 3: I know it's not fair, but I feel like most
Speaker 3: of what they contribute is just like gadgets, and then
Speaker 3: you have just a fucking house full of gadgets. You know,
Speaker 3: it's just there's wires everywhere. He bought this fucking disgustingly ugly.
Speaker 4: Can I talk about this?
Speaker 6: What is it?
Speaker 4: The shower thing? Oh?
Speaker 5: That I mean that was so it's awful. That was
Speaker 5: simply because of last week. I bought it on a whim.
Speaker 4: It was.
Speaker 3: It's so bad I tried using it that our kid
Speaker 3: fell over it.
Speaker 6: It's a hose to the shower head, that's it.
Speaker 4: Why would you ever need that the showerhead is a hose?
Speaker 6: No, because our shower head does not come off.
Speaker 5: And our baby last week had this like weird sickness
Speaker 5: where she had like a virus in her poop, and
Speaker 5: so I tried to wash her butt off in the bath,
Speaker 5: but it just I.
Speaker 3: Came in and he was in a bath with her.
Speaker 3: There's shit in the water. It was like her asshole
Speaker 3: losing her ass.
Speaker 5: And I was like, I don't have any kind of
Speaker 5: like it doesn't come off the wall, So I'm just
Speaker 5: like doing this with the bath water, and then I'm
Speaker 5: just standing in her ship, which is full of a disease.
Speaker 3: Instead of being like instead of being like, I'm never
Speaker 3: gonna do that again. He was like, let me buy
Speaker 3: a hose, so but if I do this again, which
Speaker 3: I'm like, why would you ever?
Speaker 6: It was pretty fun until the baby fell over.
Speaker 4: It sucked. It's ugly. It's like bright. It's like that
Speaker 4: color blue, but it's.
Speaker 6: Not supposed to be permanent. You just put it on
Speaker 6: when you spray the baby off color.
Speaker 5: I want to clarify this. The thing that used to
Speaker 5: annoy me about this design thing. I've totally seeded to
Speaker 5: her decision, mainly because she has the money. But I
Speaker 5: used to be like a big furniture guy, you know
Speaker 5: what I mean. Like I loved like Emes and Brunum
Speaker 5: of Bruno Mars his chairs. But I used to like
Speaker 5: flip Old mid century furniture, and I love design and
Speaker 5: architecture and all that stuff. And so I was like excited,
Speaker 5: and I didn't even care that much. It was just
Speaker 5: that Rosebud was like, you don't get to say anything,
Speaker 5: and I was like but, and she was like, don't
Speaker 5: talk to me about our apartment. And I was like but,
Speaker 5: and she's really good at it, So I'm not mad.
Speaker 2: It's nice that you've seed it, even with your interest
Speaker 2: in those things that you just mentioned. It's nice and
Speaker 2: mask for you to go fine, she obviously cares more
Speaker 2: about it. I'm not gonna do anything and just let
Speaker 2: her fucking dominate in that area.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if there's a chair I need you to flip,
Speaker 3: I'll fucking get that chair and I'll be like, hey,
Speaker 3: can you flip it?
Speaker 1: What is the biggest fight you've had over parenting?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 1: Can you remember?
Speaker 6: It was probably something I was anxious about.
Speaker 4: Yeah, do you have any anxiety?
Speaker 1: Roastbud?
Speaker 3: Probably, But I don't. I sort of shut down and
Speaker 3: get through it. Like my reaction to my own anxiety
Speaker 3: is like be reasonable. Like there's like my dad's voice
Speaker 3: in my head that's like, be reasonable, find a solution,
Speaker 3: do the thing you have to do, and then deal
Speaker 3: with the feelings afterwards.
Speaker 4: So with parenting, if Andy.
Speaker 3: Has like an emotional reaction to something which is perfectly normal,
Speaker 3: I'll get upset that he gets to feel a certain
Speaker 3: way and I don't. But truth be told, Like this
Speaker 3: is all a story that I'm telling myself, do you
Speaker 3: know what I mean? Where it's like I could have
Speaker 3: an emotional reaction You've just been trained not But I've
Speaker 3: just been.
Speaker 4: Trained not to.
Speaker 3: So when I see him having the freedom to express
Speaker 3: himself emotionally, I get upset and I go like, you.
Speaker 4: Can't do that.
Speaker 5: But I'm also like a little much like I'll give
Speaker 5: her that that I pushed a little too far because
Speaker 5: I'm like, I don't go like you're being crazy.
Speaker 6: I just go like, this is awful.
Speaker 5: Like the baby got this rash that's like a staph
Speaker 5: infection back in January.
Speaker 6: We took her to Florida.
Speaker 5: First mistake, Yeah, that's like And then we came back
Speaker 5: and she was just covered in this rash that she
Speaker 5: looked like she was just gonna wilt and die.
Speaker 4: It was just just she didn't look like she was
Speaker 4: gonna die.
Speaker 6: She looked disgusting.
Speaker 4: She looked disgusting.
Speaker 6: Yeah, And I.
Speaker 5: Was freaking out, and the pediatrician kept on being like
Speaker 5: all pediatricians, they can't say like a certain thing, so
Speaker 5: they'll be like, yeah, she should be fine, and You're
Speaker 5: like could it get worse and they're like, ah, probably not.
Speaker 6: Well she looks awful right now. And so I yelled
Speaker 6: at the pediatrician and then Rosie was like, we're getting
Speaker 6: a nanny after that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, because Andy was home with the baby while
Speaker 3: I was while I went back to work.
Speaker 4: So I was like, we're getting a nanny. You need
Speaker 4: to call him.
Speaker 1: Down for Andy. You got a nanny? Yeah, yeah, just
Speaker 1: how is that going?
Speaker 6: It's great, I'll over.
Speaker 4: She changes his diapers.
Speaker 6: Yeah. Yeah, she's Filipina. She makes me Filipino food vegan versions.
Speaker 1: Well I probably know her then.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So what was the biggest fight was something about
Speaker 2: that was like his reaction. It was like, yeah, it
Speaker 2: was like not being compassionate to his reaction.
Speaker 3: Yes, and I'll be like, you're being dramatic when really
Speaker 3: he's just being himself more freely than I'm able to be.
Speaker 4: But it does upset me.
Speaker 3: One time I walked in on him like googling pancreatic
Speaker 3: cancer and I was like, I'm I'm calling a lawyer.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Well, I had an ulcer this summer and nobody knew
Speaker 5: what it was, so I was pretty sure I was
Speaker 5: dying and that was a big We had a couple
Speaker 5: fights throughout that that was really stressful.
Speaker 1: Because she didn't take you seriously.
Speaker 5: Nobody was really like worried about it, even though I
Speaker 5: was like, no, like, my organ's hurt when your organs
Speaker 5: start hurting, You're like, this is it? You know, like,
Speaker 5: I think that's a pretty common feeling. Yeah, And everybody
Speaker 5: was like, what are you talking about? You're fine, and
Speaker 5: I was like, no, something's wrong. And then Rosebud was like,
Speaker 5: you're ruining our time together so with your ulcer, with your.
Speaker 4: Organs, which is like I feel.
Speaker 3: Even as I was getting mad at him, I was like,
Speaker 3: I'm probably making it worse.
Speaker 4: Like I was like, I'm probably adding to the lester.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean it seems like a lot of people
Speaker 2: who have anxiety would get ulcers, don't they. I mean,
Speaker 2: isn't that common because you're stressed out? Yes, a definite cause.
Speaker 6: I don't know.
Speaker 5: I'd never had anything like this before. And I don't
Speaker 5: know if i'd been this anxious before the baby. I
Speaker 5: don't think I had.
Speaker 4: Now you weren't.
Speaker 6: When the baby came along, it was like a whole.
Speaker 1: New really life.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I was very much like i'd get like hypochondria about myself,
Speaker 5: but I didn't really care too much. And I've always
Speaker 5: been very spontaneous and kind of like I'm not scared
Speaker 5: of anything danger wise either. That's another thing, like I'm
Speaker 5: scared if like my toe gets infected. But if you
Speaker 5: give me like a forty foot cliff to jump off
Speaker 5: into water, like, I won't hesitate at all.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Oh that's interesting.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he'll go wade in a dirty lake.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Oh it's almost like you have no fear, but you
Speaker 1: have anxiety.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Interesting, Like I used to when I was a skier,
Speaker 5: you know, and my joints all worked. I would like
Speaker 5: jump off cliffs and do flips and stuff like that.
Speaker 6: That was like my teen years. Yeah, and then no,
Speaker 6: I'm broken, but it's obvious what happened.
Speaker 2: And that's all for this week with Rosebud and Andy.
Speaker 2: Tune in next time as we continue couples counseling with Chelsea.
Speaker 2: You can check out Rosebudd and Andy's podcast. It's called
Speaker 2: Find Your Beach Andy. It will be on tour in Dallas,
Speaker 2: Oklahoma City, and Tulsa in September, Amsterdam on October twenty fifth,
Speaker 2: and then he has two dates in Milwaukee in December.
Speaker 1: So check out his.
Speaker 2: Instagram and TikTok at I'm Andy Haynes hay any Yes
Speaker 2: for tickets to those dates and for more, and you
Speaker 2: could find both Andy and Rosebud. On YouTube. Rosebud will
Speaker 2: be taping her new special on September sixteenth in New
Speaker 2: York at the Village Underground and you can get tickets
Speaker 2: to this and more of her dates at rosebud Baker
Speaker 2: dot com and you can find her on Instagram and
Speaker 2: TikTok at Rosebud Baker upcoming shows that I have.
Speaker 1: I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to Saint Louis and Kansas.
Speaker 2: City, and then i will be in Las Vegas performing
Speaker 2: at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. I'm coming
Speaker 2: to Brooklyn, New York at the King's Theater on November eighth,
Speaker 2: and I have tickets on sale throughout the end of
Speaker 2: the year in December, so if you're in a city
Speaker 2: like Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or New Orleans
Speaker 2: or Omaha, check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
Speaker 5: Okay,