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Speaker 1: Dating apps should be used like in the same way

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Speaker 1: that fast food is. I don't think you should say

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Speaker 1: never ever eat fast food. People have these like black

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Speaker 1: and white views towards the dating apps. I think they're

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Speaker 1: great in moderation, and you need to be controlling the

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Speaker 1: way you use them. You can't just be on it

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Speaker 1: scrolling mindlessly. There's a time and a place for dating apps,

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Speaker 1: and people should use them like when they make sense

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Speaker 1: when they can't be out there socializing when they're really

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Speaker 1: busy with work. But it shouldn't be the only tool

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Speaker 1: in their tool shed.

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Speaker 2: People are afraid to say, like I'm just tired of them.

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Speaker 2: People look at dating as it's like on off switch.

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Speaker 2: It's just like a part of your life. Hang out

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Speaker 2: with your friends who are in relationships once a month,

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Speaker 2: join a fitness class, go out to eat once a

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Speaker 2: week without your phone the app. We have to realize

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Speaker 2: the crutch. We have to acknowledge who these apps were

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Speaker 2: created for and buy because they're not for you. Most

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Speaker 2: people listening are pretty social people. You can do it.

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Speaker 2: The number one health and well In the podcast, Jay

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Speaker 2: Shetty Jay Sheddy Only shed.

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Speaker 3: Hey, Everyone, Welcome back to on Purpose, the place you

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Speaker 3: come to become the happier, healthier, and more healed. I'm

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Speaker 3: so excited because today I get to invite into the

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Speaker 3: studio two people that I've had the pleasure of getting

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Speaker 3: to know over the last few years. I've been on

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Speaker 3: their show like three times now, and I always have

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Speaker 3: the best time with them. I felt like we hit

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Speaker 3: it off immediately, and it's got more fun every time.

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Speaker 3: So it is an honor to have them on the

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Speaker 3: On Purpose Studio. I'm talking about Jared Freed and Jordana Abraham,

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Speaker 3: the hosts of the hit dating and relationship podcast You Up.

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Speaker 3: If you haven't subscribed already, make sure you go and

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Speaker 3: do that. They break down the confusing, chaotic, and hilarious

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Speaker 3: world of modern dating, which I know all of you

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Speaker 3: need a lot of help with. Jared is a stand

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Speaker 3: up comedian and writer. His work has been featured on

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Speaker 3: Netflix and Comedy Central, and Jordana is the co founder

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Speaker 3: of Betches, a digital media brand with a reach of

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Speaker 3: over forty million across platforms and a leading voice on dating,

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Speaker 3: self development, and modern relationships. Please welcome to On Purpose,

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Speaker 3: Jordana and Jared.

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Speaker 2: Great to be here.

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Speaker 3: Thank you so much.

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Speaker 4: We're so excited.

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Speaker 2: What an intro? Yeah, I mean you do everything. You

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Speaker 2: do everything right, you know, Like I'm just sitting here

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Speaker 2: listening to your intro. I'm like, man, he's nailing it down,

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Speaker 2: just as it down. Like even when you introduce the podcast,

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Speaker 2: like this is the podcast for you know, you tell

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Speaker 2: people what they're listening. I'm like, I feel like I'm

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Speaker 2: in like a you know, a real professional.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, this is a pro is pro you know we

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Speaker 4: are on a lot of podcasts.

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Speaker 2: This is a professional a p.

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Speaker 3: You guys are the tables of ten today. This right,

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Speaker 3: I get to quiz you and make Jared feel uncomfortable.

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Speaker 2: Right, That was always That's always my goal. When you

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Speaker 2: come on, I'm like, how can I get Jay?

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Speaker 4: You mess with him a little bit.

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Speaker 2: A little bit like and you nail. It's just always

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Speaker 2: a surprise.

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Speaker 1: I mean, he always knows how to how to take

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Speaker 1: your annoying questions and turn them into uh and own them, to.

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Speaker 2: Own them, and then you turn them. I've said this

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Speaker 2: to many people. I just I don't want to take

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Speaker 2: over your show. You are doing that. I'm doing that

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Speaker 2: right now, and your audience is like, I hate this guy.

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Speaker 2: He won't shut off. Let Jay do his thing. But

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Speaker 2: I have to say what a great guy you are.

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Speaker 2: I cause I did this bit when you came on

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Speaker 2: the show where I was like, Jay, can you give

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Speaker 2: pep talks to people who are going through it? And

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Speaker 2: then I read this whole sad monologue my life and

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Speaker 2: it wasn't me saying it was me and I but

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Speaker 2: I was joking, but like you know, sometimes sad stories

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Speaker 2: are meant to be funny. And you took it and

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Speaker 2: you were like, you are enough. And then I texted

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Speaker 2: you later that day. You texted me first, hey man,

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Speaker 2: had a great time, and just remember you are enough.

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Speaker 2: It's the sweetest text I have ever gotten in my entime.

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Speaker 2: I want to make sure it's on camera on a

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Speaker 2: podcasts because I can't.

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Speaker 1: He's like this, they're gonna cut this right.

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Speaker 2: Give rid of that sappy shit. Let's talk about dating. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I just have to say, because I you know, sometimes

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Speaker 2: you listen to people, you go what are they like?

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Speaker 2: Off camera? That's like, the is truly the nicest text

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Speaker 2: I've ever gotten. Yeah, I'm going to send more of them. Please.

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Speaker 2: It improved my whole day, Yeah, or month whatever. I'm

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Speaker 2: still talking about.

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Speaker 3: The feelings mutual. You guys have been so kind of

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Speaker 3: had me on three times. We have the best time ever.

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Speaker 3: And I love the side of me you bring out.

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Speaker 3: I don't always get to show that. I don't always

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Speaker 3: get to show that fun and playful, energetic side on

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Speaker 3: my platform. So it's that's a part of me that

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Speaker 3: I get to share with both of you, and so

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Speaker 3: you give me an opportunity to do that.

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Speaker 2: But let's just feel that you always are game. That's

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Speaker 2: the thing, and I you know, we appreciate that so

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Speaker 2: much because some you know, we talk about dating and relationships,

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Speaker 2: which is like a very personal thing, you know, so and.

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Speaker 3: That's what we want to talk about today because my

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Speaker 3: audience community, I've got groups of friends, I've got so

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Speaker 3: many people who've written in, We've we've scoured the world

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Speaker 3: to prepare for this podcast. But the first thing I

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Speaker 3: wanted to start off with is dating. You guys know

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Speaker 3: everything about it. You're doing it, Jared, You're you're not

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Speaker 3: doing it anymore, but as a part of your life.

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Speaker 3: What's your hot take on current dating? Like, what's what's

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Speaker 3: the take, what's the viewpoint that you think is surprising

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Speaker 3: you right now? That's different right now on dating.

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Speaker 2: I think the negativity that's out there right now while

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Speaker 2: it's founded, Like you can always be negative about dating

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Speaker 2: and you'll find a million people that will help you,

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Speaker 2: Like you'll find a million people that will back you

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Speaker 2: up and tell you how right you are for being

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Speaker 2: negative about it. But it's the least helpful thing for

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Speaker 2: your dating life. And it's not the thing that's going

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Speaker 2: to get you on the first date. It's not the

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Speaker 2: thing that's going to make you a better dater. It's

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Speaker 2: the only thing that you can find other people to

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Speaker 2: cheer you on for that actually makes your dating life worse. Like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: because I do these dating pep talks all the time,

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Speaker 2: and it's a joke. It's pointing out why that I

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Speaker 2: heard a relationship and I heard this couple get in

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Speaker 2: a fight. And then I talk about how lucky you

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Speaker 2: are to be single, and I point that out, and

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Speaker 2: you see so many people that are just like it's

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Speaker 2: almost like crazy to me that they never thought of it,

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Speaker 2: Like being single is a good thing you're hopeful you're

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Speaker 2: looking for to make your life better, you know, And

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Speaker 2: I think all you hear about is maybe that you're

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Speaker 2: doing it wrong, or do this, do that and it's like,

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Speaker 2: whatever you're doing is fine, You're you, it's going to

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Speaker 2: work out. But I think the negativity that we see online,

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Speaker 2: like that's easy to do because it's like biting a mosquito,

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Speaker 2: but it feels pretty good, but it's not really helping you.

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Speaker 3: That's a great perspective. I was just talking to my

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Speaker 3: one of my producers. She's in a long distance relationship,

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Speaker 3: and she was saying, every night she goes home, right now,

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Speaker 3: she turns on her favorite show and she just binge

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Speaker 3: watches it and all of our reactions like oh okay,

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Speaker 3: and she's like, I sit alone in the couch and

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Speaker 3: she was like, but actually, this is the last time

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Speaker 3: I'm ever going to get to do this, so I'm

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Speaker 3: loving it like that mindset, actually, oh wow, Like this

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Speaker 3: is the last time ever. It's just going to be

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Speaker 3: me on my couch binge watching whichever show I want

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Speaker 3: and looking at it positively rather than the negative of that.

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Speaker 3: And I think that's you're so right, and I want

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Speaker 3: to dive into that, but I want to hear jor

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Speaker 3: Donna's first.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think going off of that, I think you know,

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Speaker 1: we talk about like you know, no one wants to

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Speaker 1: hear diet and exercise for like, you know, fitness or

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Speaker 1: losing weight. But like, I think that I totally agree

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Speaker 1: with Jarr. I think the diet and exercise of like

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Speaker 1: dating is really like going into anything you're doing in

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Speaker 1: the dating space with a good attitude and then having

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Speaker 1: a full life outside of dating, so it's not the

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Speaker 1: only thing that you're focused on. Because I do think

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Speaker 1: attitude is like seventy percent of it. Like, I think

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Speaker 1: it's such an underrated part. I think so many people

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Speaker 1: think if I just keep going on more dates, more

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Speaker 1: and more, and I'm kind of there, but I don't

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Speaker 1: want to be there. I'm in a negative mindset. I'm

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Speaker 1: on the apps still. I'm so annoyed. I'm still on

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Speaker 1: the apps.

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Speaker 4: You become you.

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Speaker 1: Go on the dates and you think you're actually trying,

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Speaker 1: but you're you're bringing not like a fun, exciting version

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Speaker 1: of yourself that someone would want to date, someone with

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Speaker 1: a full life, someone who just thinks someone would add

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Speaker 1: to their already great life, and you're kind of expecting

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Speaker 1: someone to fill in what's missing. And I think that's

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Speaker 1: really what holds people back, and they don't even realize

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Speaker 1: they're doing it and.

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Speaker 2: When you're holding back, like more on that, just like

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Speaker 2: when you're holding back and you're being negative, like you're

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Speaker 2: not being your full self, so you're not even bringing

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Speaker 2: people into your world like you want. And we're not

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Speaker 2: this like woo woo podcast, but we're not there telling

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Speaker 2: like there's nothing more annoying than like cheer up from

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Speaker 2: your married friend. Oh, you'll find it when you're not looking.

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Speaker 2: It's like GoF you know, like that's not that's not advice,

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Speaker 2: that's not helpful. But it's like the minute you give

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Speaker 2: into like I got this great life, I'm looking for

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Speaker 2: someone to make it better. I'm not looking for just anyone,

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Speaker 2: then you start to have taste, you know. And that's

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Speaker 2: something where people are so afraid to even like admit

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Speaker 2: they go, I'm confused. That's what you hear from people dating.

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Speaker 2: I'm confused. No, you're turned off. Change the wording. Now

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Speaker 2: it's powerful. Now you have taste. Now you have ownership

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Speaker 2: over like, oh I do like and dislike things. I

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Speaker 2: am looking for certain things in a partner, like you know,

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Speaker 2: living your full life. Like when you say these are

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Speaker 2: the things I do, you're willing to have someone go

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Speaker 2: I don't do that, and you can go good, get

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Speaker 2: out of here.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I like that. So let's apply that to

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Speaker 3: what everyone's saying right now, where there's this mass fatigue

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Speaker 3: around dating apps. You both hear it more than anyone

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Speaker 3: of course, where every other person you speak to is

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Speaker 3: just like sick of the ed dating apps. I'm tied

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Speaker 3: of the dating apps. I hear it all the time

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Speaker 3: as well. How do you then apply that to the

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Speaker 3: fatigue around dating apps? So when people are saying to you, hey,

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Speaker 3: I'm exhausted, you're not saying cheer up?

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Speaker 2: What do you say? I think are you saying?

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Speaker 1: I mean, I think dating apps should be used like

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Speaker 1: in the same way that fast food is, like, oh

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Speaker 1: tell me. I don't think you should say never ever

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Speaker 1: eat fast food. You know it's going to ruin your life.

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Speaker 1: And I think people have these like black and white

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Speaker 1: views towards the dating app. I think they're great in moderation,

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Speaker 1: and you need to be controlling the way you use them,

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Speaker 1: just like anything else on the internet, just like Instagram

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Speaker 1: or TikTok, Like you can't just be on it scrolling mindlessly.

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Speaker 1: You can't just be on it swiping mindlessly. I think

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Speaker 1: there's a time and a place for dating apps, and

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Speaker 1: people should use them like when they make sense when

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Speaker 1: they can't be out there socializing when they're really busy

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Speaker 1: with work.

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Speaker 4: But it shouldn't be the.

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Speaker 1: Only tool in their tool shed because just like with

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Speaker 1: fast food, if you eat it all the time, you're

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Speaker 1: gonna be sick.

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Speaker 4: You eat it on a road trip every.

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Speaker 1: Now and then, that's fine, you're like an indulgent have

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Speaker 1: a great time, But like, don't make that the only.

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Speaker 4: Make that in your entire lifestyle.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and we have to like acknowledge that. Like I

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Speaker 2: think people were afraid to say, like I'm just tired

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Speaker 2: of them, Like you hear that. But like if you

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Speaker 2: went to McDonald's every day, If you went to fast

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Speaker 2: food every day and someone was like, yeah, I've eaten, uh,

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Speaker 2: you know, fast food every day for the last week.

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Speaker 2: I'm tired of it, you would go, yeah, you should

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Speaker 2: take some time off of that. Yeah, like you would.

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Speaker 2: We wouldn't look at that person go, well, you're not

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Speaker 2: trying to stop going for fast food. Like people look

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Speaker 2: at dating as it's like on off switch. It's just

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Speaker 2: like a part of your life, and I don't know,

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Speaker 2: it's just it's we like right now, I'm doing We've

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Speaker 2: we've said on the podcast we're doing a summer challenge. Okay, okay,

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Speaker 2: here's the summer challenge. Delete the apps. You're doing it too,

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Speaker 2: I'm doing it too. I'm single. Deleted all the apps. Okay,

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Speaker 2: this is for June July August.

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Speaker 3: And how many apps is that for you?

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Speaker 2: Seventeen? No I I was on one app at the time.

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Speaker 2: Deleted it. Okay, June July August. That's the promise, okay, okay,

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Speaker 2: And then what's your plan? The plan is h hang

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Speaker 2: out with your friends who are in relationships once a month. Okay,

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Speaker 2: make one plan a month with like Jordana and her

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Speaker 2: and her husband, my brother and his wife. Make a

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Speaker 2: plan with someone who's married or in a relationship. Then

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Speaker 2: join a fitness class, do something different, do a different

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Speaker 2: fitness class, whatever it is. Go out to eat once

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Speaker 2: a week every Wednesday, without your phone, put your put

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Speaker 2: on your own, put in your pocket, put your phone

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Speaker 2: in your pocket. Look up. Because we're kind of like

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Speaker 2: addicted to these things, like the app, we have to

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Speaker 2: realize as a crutch, it was made by male nerds

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Speaker 2: to try and be social. If you think about it

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Speaker 2: the app. You never get dumped on an app, You

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Speaker 2: never get broken up with. You never hear a no.

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Speaker 2: It's swipe left, that's a no from you. Swipe right.

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Speaker 2: You either get a match right away or you get nothing.

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Speaker 2: And when you get nothing, what is your brain go?

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Speaker 2: I guess they haven't seen me yet. That was invented

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Speaker 2: by someone who didn't want to go up to someone

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Speaker 2: in public and experience public failure. So we have to

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Speaker 2: acknowledge who these apps are created for and by, because

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Speaker 2: they're not for you. Most people listening are pretty social people.

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Speaker 2: You can do it, but you but sometimes we need

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Speaker 2: to like create these little games like we're doing with

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Speaker 2: this like challenge to get yourself out there because the

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Speaker 2: phone is so addictive. So like I go to dinner

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Speaker 2: on a Wednesday, I sit at the bar and I

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Speaker 2: look up. That's it. I'm not promising you a boyfriend,

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Speaker 2: like nothing going by the way, that's its great, great,

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Speaker 2: I have conversations, I have stories, I have experiences hanging

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Speaker 2: out with your married friends. That is the that's the answer.

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Speaker 2: Because and I speak from the guide perspective on the podcast,

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Speaker 2: like of course, but I'm like I speak for myself.

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Speaker 2: We talked about not saying this anymore, but we say

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Speaker 2: we're not experts. Okay, no one's a dating expert. We are.

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Speaker 2: I'm just an expert my own fear flings and my

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Speaker 2: own experiences. So when I talk on the show, like

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Speaker 2: I was thinking of, like, we have so many women

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Speaker 2: who their response to, like, hang out with their married

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Speaker 2: friends is like, they don't know anybody. They oh, my

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Speaker 2: friend's husbands. They don't know any of their friends. They

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Speaker 2: don't they never have a guy. For me, it's like,

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Speaker 2: first of all, don't hang out with your married friends

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Speaker 2: to get something from it. Hang out with your married

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Speaker 2: friends to hang with them and have a good time

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Speaker 2: and be you okay. And if you do that, what

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Speaker 2: you want from that experience is for the husband to go,

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Speaker 2: oh yeah, Jessica's pretty cool. That's all you want. Why

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Speaker 2: does Coca Cola still have ads? So you think of

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Speaker 2: Coca Cola the first drink when you need a soda,

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Speaker 2: that's same thing you want to make yourself Coca Cola's

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Speaker 2: to your married friends, because that husband does know people.

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Speaker 2: Yeah he is talking, yeah, but he meant we don't

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Speaker 2: care about dating and relationships. That's why men don't listen

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Speaker 2: to our podcasts.

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Speaker 3: You know, like right now, you all see Cola right right, right.

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Speaker 2: Right, they're going, oh, I guess I haven't thought of

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Speaker 2: them lately. But if you make yourself the first thought

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Speaker 2: in their brain when cool chick comes up, because it's

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Speaker 2: gonna happen. But that's the thing. So when I hang

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Speaker 2: out with like my brother and his wife, and you know,

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Speaker 2: I'm doing that with his wife, but my brother, you know,

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Speaker 2: my brother is my brother. But like you know, if

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Speaker 2: I go hang out with Jordana and her husband, like

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Speaker 2: he's gonna you know, he comes across. I'm the first

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Speaker 2: thought on it. Why we'll see.

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Speaker 4: He's thinking about it everything.

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Speaker 2: And these are like the things that don't go viral

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Speaker 2: on you know. You know it's a great point, you know,

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Speaker 2: negativity goes viral, Salacious stories go viral. Not hey, go

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Speaker 2: out with your married friends right right? Loose ties?

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Speaker 4: Where do we get that from? Meg something?

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Speaker 2: Sorry our last name right, But we've we've you're our podcast.

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Speaker 2: We've just collected all these experiences that we hear, the

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Speaker 2: the voices of so many people and how they're going

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Speaker 2: through it. And I'm not doubting that it's hard, but

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Speaker 2: it's that's also the fatigue element. Dating apps just get

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Speaker 2: you more, not better. More. It's more intros which are good,

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Speaker 2: more breakups, more, more disappointment, you know, more conversations. If

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Speaker 2: you had more conversations a day, you're gonna find more

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Speaker 2: annoying people a day. So of course you're going to

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Speaker 2: have more stories that are negative. Yeah, So that the

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Speaker 2: fatigue is really you know the yeah, the numbers of

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Speaker 2: it all.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I can't remember the exact math, but Tim Ferriss

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Speaker 3: had broken it down. He was like, for every one

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Speaker 3: hundred people, there's like fivests one psychopath And so when

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Speaker 3: you have like a million follows, you're going to have

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Speaker 3: you know, the same percentage of psychopaths. It's the same

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Speaker 3: on a dating app.

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Speaker 2: If you yeah, like I think I use sweet and

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Speaker 2: low in my coffee. It's like the strongest sweetener. Everyone's

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Speaker 2: going to tell me that I'm going to have a

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Speaker 2: heart attack and I'm going to die. I'm okay with

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Speaker 2: that for a sweeter coffee, I'm okay. But it's you know,

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Speaker 2: dating apps are like sweet and low, Like you're gonna

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Speaker 2: it's really gonna hit you, you know, going to a bar

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Speaker 2: and trying to meet someone new is like putting sugar

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Speaker 2: in your drink. It's not gonna you're only gonna get

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Speaker 2: You're gonna need a lot more sugar.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's gonna it's gonna be a better quality drink.

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Speaker 4: And if you said this, it's like, no, you don't

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Speaker 4: need dating app in the summer.

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Speaker 2: No, right, you don't need in the summer. Right, you

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Speaker 2: are out in the summer, you're taking vacations the summer,

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Speaker 2: you're hanging with friends in the summer.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, hence you're doing the challenge.

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Speaker 2: Now that's why I'm doing the challenge. I mean, what's

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Speaker 2: the complete challenge laid out again? So the summer dating challenges.

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Speaker 2: Delete the apps, just get off them. We'll come back

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Speaker 2: in September.

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Speaker 1: Yes, it doesn't have to be forever.

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Speaker 2: No, it doesn't have to be forever.

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Speaker 4: You can never eat McDonald's the end of the season.

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Speaker 3: You got to wait for the next season.

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Speaker 2: Wait for the next season and see how it goes.

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Speaker 2: We've tried the apps, you hate them. So let's try something. No,

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Speaker 2: go to dinner once a week by yourself, phone in pocket,

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Speaker 2: don't take out your phone. Make it a challenge to yourself.

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Speaker 2: Go to a new fitness class, just because that gets

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Speaker 2: you out and active and doing something new. Hang out

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Speaker 2: with your married friend and their husband, married friend and

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Speaker 2: their wife once a month. Make a plan. It doesn't

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Speaker 2: have to be a vacation, doesn't have to be anything crazy,

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Speaker 2: just hang out with them and have a good time.

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Speaker 2: And I do think the feedback I'm going to give

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Speaker 2: is like, if you come to me and go, well,

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Speaker 2: I didn't work, I think you've looked at it the

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Speaker 2: wrong way. And we're on a wellness podcast, we can

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Speaker 2: think of the intrinsic value of hanging out with your friends.

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Speaker 2: I hope the listenership can understand that sure, because with dating,

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Speaker 2: some people go where's my boyfriend? And I go, you

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Speaker 2: don't sound like someone I would ever want and date.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 1: Well, then again, at the at the end of the

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Speaker 1: at the end of the challenge, you go back on

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Speaker 1: the apps, and you're a more invigorated, more energized person yourself.

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Speaker 2: Who's not.

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Speaker 1: Who's not saying hey as they're opening line because you're

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Speaker 1: more you know, you're you're putting more energy into the

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Speaker 1: interactions that you are having.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I do that like once a week, like once

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Speaker 3: once every two weeks. I've mentally been so disciplined and

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Speaker 3: focused on work, working, eating right, all the rest of

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Speaker 3: it that I need a day where I don't care.

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Speaker 3: And so usually Saturday night is that day. I have this.

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Speaker 3: There's this. I have no idea how this place. I

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Speaker 3: don't want to know. I don't want to get them sued,

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Speaker 3: but I don't know. I have no idea how this

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Speaker 3: place exists. There's this place in La called Mister Charlie's.

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Speaker 3: It is vegan McDonald's. Go outside, it looks like McDonald's.

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Speaker 3: They have an upside down frown. They have a smiley

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Speaker 3: fing like from the outside it's yellow and red like.

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Speaker 3: It literally looks at McDonald's. I as someone who grew

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Speaker 3: up going to McDonald's, but now I'm vegan. I don't

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Speaker 3: eat meat. Have been searching for vegan McDonald's my whole life.

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Speaker 3: I've now found it. And the fries taste the same,

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Speaker 3: the chicken nuggets taste the same, the mayo tastes the same,

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Speaker 3: the lettus taste the same. So Saturday, usually once every

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Speaker 3: two weeks, I will eat chicken nuggets, fries, burger, whatever

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Speaker 3: it is. But it's that feeling of like come Monday morning,

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Speaker 3: I'm reinvigorated to work out again.

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Speaker 4: Exactly.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I have my discipline again because I've allowed my

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Speaker 3: brain the space to go there.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and you probably enjoy it so much more than

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Speaker 1: if you had it. If you had it every day,

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Speaker 1: you wouldn't feel great.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly right. One thing, I've been getting a lot there,

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Speaker 3: And this kind of comes from the point that Jared

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Speaker 3: was talking about. Right now, I have so many single

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Speaker 3: female friends that I think are amazing, yes, that I'd

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Speaker 3: love to introduce to good men. And now it's hitting

430
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:21,760
Speaker 3: me right now that I've not thought of Jared before.

431
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:25,520
Speaker 3: So now now I need to change that up.

432
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,280
Speaker 2: And yeah, I've got it.

433
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:33,560
Speaker 3: Like you weren't friend of mine, you weren't color for me.

434
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:34,080
Speaker 2: I messed up.

435
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:37,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I feel like I have at least let

436
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:42,440
Speaker 3: me think I have at least three to five female friends, yes,

437
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,520
Speaker 3: who I think are awesome, like genuinely think are awesome.

438
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,480
Speaker 3: They're they're like, oh yeah, she's really cool, right, Like,

439
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:52,280
Speaker 3: they're smart, they're thoughtful, they're beautiful, all the rest of it.

440
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:56,240
Speaker 3: And I actually struggle to think of single men I know,

441
00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:58,240
Speaker 3: and that's not what I'm not saying, that they're not

442
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,560
Speaker 3: good men out there. I'm saying, I don't know many

443
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,000
Speaker 3: single men. As a married man, I think most of

444
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,720
Speaker 3: my friends are married or in long term commit relationships

445
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,600
Speaker 3: and they're just struggling out there as well. What are

446
00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:11,240
Speaker 3: you seeing from a woman's perspective, Because to a lot

447
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:15,760
Speaker 3: of them, what they're experiencing is we're strong, confident, ambitious women,

448
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,080
Speaker 3: and a lot of men are intimidated by that.

449
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,960
Speaker 1: Yes, I think this is a conversation where I'm seeing

450
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,000
Speaker 1: all over the place now. I think it's like a

451
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:26,320
Speaker 1: very it feels like a very hot hot topic now

452
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:29,080
Speaker 1: to kind of look at the available single women, I

453
00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:32,080
Speaker 1: totally agree with you. I know so many amazing single women.

454
00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:33,800
Speaker 1: I really don't know that many. I only know one

455
00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:35,120
Speaker 1: amazing single guy.

456
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:39,879
Speaker 4: No, I really don't know that many otherwise.

457
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:41,879
Speaker 1: And I do think part of it is women are

458
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:43,439
Speaker 1: much more likely to want to date men who have

459
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:46,680
Speaker 1: the same education levels as them or higher, or make

460
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,919
Speaker 1: the same amount of money of them as higher or higher.

461
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,520
Speaker 1: And I think men are not necessarily looking for that.

462
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:53,679
Speaker 1: So I think there's a bigger pool for men of

463
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:56,160
Speaker 1: women that they'll be interested in. So I do think

464
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,120
Speaker 1: women I don't want to I don't like the term

465
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:00,679
Speaker 1: dating up or dating, you know, but I think like

466
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:04,639
Speaker 1: when you just look at objective things like education or money,

467
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,800
Speaker 1: a lot of women don't want to date people who

468
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:08,680
Speaker 1: are less educated or have less money than them.

469
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,960
Speaker 2: To add on to this, I'm sorry to interrupt. The

470
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:15,320
Speaker 2: men go by one thing. Am I attractive?

471
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:16,120
Speaker 3: Yeah?

472
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,919
Speaker 2: That's it. That's the checklist right, well, and also that

473
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:23,880
Speaker 2: means that could be that's infinite, right. What you're talking

474
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,760
Speaker 2: about is a checklist that women do. Are they safe?

475
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,399
Speaker 2: Are they educated? Are they they have the ability like?

476
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:31,400
Speaker 2: Are they a good work or are the good death?

477
00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:33,080
Speaker 2: These are all things that they're thinking about, like.

478
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,280
Speaker 1: And there's right, and there's fewer I think men who

479
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:39,360
Speaker 1: meet that criteria for women who are maybe I don't

480
00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:41,120
Speaker 1: want to say more selective, but are just looking at

481
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:43,479
Speaker 1: things in a different way. And I think, as opposed

482
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:46,880
Speaker 1: to how things were twenty or fifty years ago, more

483
00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:48,520
Speaker 1: women are college educated than men.

484
00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:50,600
Speaker 4: Women are making more money than they.

485
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:53,560
Speaker 1: Ever have before, and so I think the pool, especially

486
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:56,160
Speaker 1: as you get older, of men who are at your

487
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:58,359
Speaker 1: level or higher, if that's what you're looking for in

488
00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:01,679
Speaker 1: terms of like those things, is just smaller. So I

489
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,000
Speaker 1: think it just becomes like a numbers game. And I

490
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,359
Speaker 1: don't know if the solution is for people to be

491
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,800
Speaker 1: more open minded, or if the solution is you know

492
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:11,000
Speaker 1: what I mean, or because I think there's still a

493
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:12,800
Speaker 1: little bit of a double standard around a man who

494
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:15,639
Speaker 1: makes less money than his wife or a man that

495
00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:18,360
Speaker 1: has less education than his wife. So I think that

496
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,120
Speaker 1: I mean, I would hope that as the times change,

497
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,639
Speaker 1: people are a little bit more open minded in both directions.

498
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:26,920
Speaker 2: And I think also, like we do this all the time.

499
00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:29,479
Speaker 2: We've talked about this, where are the single men? And

500
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:32,080
Speaker 2: like you just said it, I've said this a million times,

501
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 2: I don't know even as a single man, like I'm

502
00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:37,360
Speaker 2: not a single guy, right, I don't even know where

503
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:40,280
Speaker 2: they would be, Like I actually it's become like kind

504
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:43,400
Speaker 2: of a joke on the show of like where are

505
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:46,720
Speaker 2: these guys? Because if there's all these women. But also

506
00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:49,719
Speaker 2: this dating and relationships is a topic for women, they

507
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:52,040
Speaker 2: get together to talk about this. This is something that

508
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,359
Speaker 2: men just don't generally get it together and talk about,

509
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,600
Speaker 2: so it might not be as you know, in the.

510
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:01,359
Speaker 1: I think for me, you know, like's I think dating

511
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:03,960
Speaker 1: and relationships seems more like a priority for a lot

512
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,639
Speaker 1: of women just societally, they've been told that that's something

513
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:09,600
Speaker 1: they should be thinking about from you know, twenty one

514
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,480
Speaker 1: years old, is like what their future is and who

515
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:14,159
Speaker 1: their husband's going to be and what they're getting. I

516
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:15,880
Speaker 1: don't think men are given that pressure. If a man

517
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:18,639
Speaker 1: goes home for the holidays, he's asked about his job,

518
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:22,119
Speaker 1: he's asked about what's going on at work. He's not

519
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 1: necessarily most of the time being asked about who is dating.

520
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:26,600
Speaker 1: I think that's a question that women are getting a

521
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,000
Speaker 1: lot more and that they're much more invested in finding

522
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:30,959
Speaker 1: a partner than a lot of men are around, at

523
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:32,720
Speaker 1: least men in a similar age group.

524
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:35,160
Speaker 3: So wait, Jared, you were saying you don't have lots

525
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 3: of single guy friend No, that not at all.

526
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 2: Oh that's the thing, Like I'm not rolling with a group.

527
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:42,080
Speaker 2: Like when you hear a woman get broken up with

528
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:44,560
Speaker 2: like the first thing that like a lot of their

529
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:47,160
Speaker 2: friends do. They're like, I know these other single women,

530
00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:49,080
Speaker 2: like they'll try and like fix them up with single

531
00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:52,240
Speaker 2: women to go out with. They're like their new Miranda carry,

532
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:56,600
Speaker 2: you know, Samantha Crew. I've never even heard of that

533
00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:58,480
Speaker 2: for a guy, Like, oh, you got to meet my

534
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,400
Speaker 2: other guy friend and even you were like, hey, because

535
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:04,560
Speaker 2: I moved to Delray Beach, I'm in Florida and Jordana.

536
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:05,840
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, my friends live down there. Do

537
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:07,920
Speaker 2: you want to like hang out with friend? Right? Do

538
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:09,280
Speaker 2: you want to have a friend? I was like, no,

539
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:11,320
Speaker 2: I don't want a friend. I want to go be

540
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:13,560
Speaker 2: lonely at a coffee shop and look at the sun.

541
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:16,000
Speaker 2: You know, like I you know, like I don't want

542
00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:18,720
Speaker 2: like And it's weird because that's my initial reaction. We

543
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:20,000
Speaker 2: want friends, but.

544
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:21,640
Speaker 4: Like the friendless men right there.

545
00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:25,640
Speaker 2: But I have friends. But I swear I got friends,

546
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,879
Speaker 2: you know, Like I sound very defensive, but like I

547
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:31,399
Speaker 2: don't know, like I've thought about this, Like it is

548
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:35,360
Speaker 2: the one thing where I'm like, the numbers aren't this off? Yeah,

549
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:37,719
Speaker 2: but I don't know because I even like my college

550
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:42,160
Speaker 2: friends mostly married, you know, a couple of divorces in there,

551
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:44,719
Speaker 2: high school friends. I got a lot of those still

552
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:49,480
Speaker 2: mostly married. Yeah, but I don't really you know, I'm forty,

553
00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:53,720
Speaker 2: I'm single, and we just we just don't hear from

554
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:56,600
Speaker 2: you know, like you know, I I I know I'm

555
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:57,160
Speaker 2: not alone.

556
00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:59,159
Speaker 3: Yeah, No, I was. I was doing a couple of

557
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:02,080
Speaker 3: guys I know who probably yeah late there, his early

558
00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:04,400
Speaker 3: forties as well, and they were single, and I sent

559
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:07,480
Speaker 3: them a couple of pictures of certain girls that I

560
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:09,439
Speaker 3: know that friends of mine that are looking and you know,

561
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,159
Speaker 3: all that kind of stuff, and it was like immediately

562
00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:14,680
Speaker 3: it was the point that you said, immediately he was like, nah,

563
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:16,800
Speaker 3: she's not you know, not for me, not for me.

564
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,679
Speaker 3: And it was an attraction thing, but it was so

565
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:21,879
Speaker 3: like instant.

566
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:24,000
Speaker 4: Right, whereas a woman will say, like, tell me more about.

567
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 2: It hotly, right, Yeah.

568
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:28,400
Speaker 3: And it was also like I wouldn't necessarily say that

569
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:31,720
Speaker 3: he was out of her league. He just felt he

570
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:32,439
Speaker 3: had more choice.

571
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:37,720
Speaker 2: Listen, let me well, I'll go back and talking about right,

572
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,439
Speaker 2: because I don't think that's why men are saying I

573
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:41,520
Speaker 2: have all these choices.

574
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:44,720
Speaker 3: Before we dive into the next moment, let's hear from

575
00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:48,720
Speaker 3: our sponsors. Thanks for taking a moment for that. Now

576
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 3: back to the discussion.

577
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:53,280
Speaker 2: Like, I think that's something that's easy to like put

578
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:55,119
Speaker 2: on single men, to like hate on that. No, so

579
00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:58,320
Speaker 2: I'm asking I would say that. I mean, I've said

580
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:02,040
Speaker 2: this on the show many like guys, there's a pro

581
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:07,120
Speaker 2: and con, there's there's life is gravity right. The thing

582
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:08,920
Speaker 2: is a guy will not go out with you unless

583
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:13,199
Speaker 2: he's attracted to that's just no, no other questions, just

584
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 2: like your friend. It's that black and white.

585
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:17,159
Speaker 1: I'm saying attracted or not?

586
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:20,280
Speaker 2: Or is it like's I don't know, there's it is.

587
00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:22,960
Speaker 2: And men are like, be I see the we see

588
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 2: the outline of a woman. We go yeah, like the

589
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:28,960
Speaker 2: idea of like will it matter if I wear you

590
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:31,240
Speaker 2: know these types of socks. No, men don't even notice.

591
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:35,159
Speaker 2: We just see im. I'm attracted to that thing. And

592
00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:38,920
Speaker 2: so like when when the guy says he's like, no, attracted,

593
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:40,760
Speaker 2: not going, that's that's a good thing because you're not

594
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:43,119
Speaker 2: on All women can understand that. If you're on a

595
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,119
Speaker 2: day with a guy, if he left the house, you

596
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:48,800
Speaker 2: know one thing he's attracted to. That's a beautiful thing too.

597
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:50,520
Speaker 2: If you think of it that way, you go, I

598
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:51,720
Speaker 2: got one thing out of the way. If I'm on

599
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,280
Speaker 2: a day with a girl, I don't know why she's there.

600
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:56,760
Speaker 2: I don't know if she was forced, she thought she should,

601
00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,760
Speaker 2: if she didn't go, she's not trying. That's a great way,

602
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:02,480
Speaker 2: you know, Like I don't know, Like I don't know

603
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:04,399
Speaker 2: if I could get married a woman. Then out on

604
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:06,400
Speaker 2: our wedding day, She's like, at first I didn't think

605
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:07,160
Speaker 2: he was anything.

606
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 1: I was nice, you can get a foot in the door.

607
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:12,720
Speaker 2: Right, Well it's nice and it's bad, Like I don't

608
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:15,840
Speaker 2: want to hear that. My wife at first was like, oh,

609
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,560
Speaker 2: you know, like but that happens. You know, look at

610
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:21,800
Speaker 2: the our story page for all these women getting married.

611
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:24,120
Speaker 2: It's well, at first I wasn't into him, and then

612
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:25,800
Speaker 2: he came over to me and he touched me with

613
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:27,560
Speaker 2: his clammy hands, and then I was like, oh, I

614
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:29,439
Speaker 2: guess maybe I'll go on a date. Like it's all

615
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:31,879
Speaker 2: this like horrific tale about how this guy like magooed

616
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:35,159
Speaker 2: his way into this woman, and it's like, that's nice

617
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:40,119
Speaker 2: for her. That's a fun marvel, you know story to

618
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:42,920
Speaker 2: tell like your your you know, your beginning.

619
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:44,960
Speaker 1: But like, well, I think women are also more like

620
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:47,600
Speaker 1: I can work with this, right even if someone is not.

621
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:49,760
Speaker 1: I think women are more open to dating men who

622
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:52,800
Speaker 1: aren't exactly the perfect way that they want them to be.

623
00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:54,080
Speaker 4: As soon as they meet them.

624
00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:56,800
Speaker 3: I can change what they wear and I can well.

625
00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 1: Well yeah they're you know, they can, yeah they can,

626
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,520
Speaker 1: they can. They can work with this or they cannot.

627
00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:03,000
Speaker 1: I don't think men are thinking that, and in some

628
00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:05,359
Speaker 1: ways that makes men more romantic. They're like, I'm not

629
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:07,120
Speaker 1: even if I don't like you just as you are,

630
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:09,399
Speaker 1: I'm not going to commit to you. And women are like,

631
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:12,880
Speaker 1: if I like the bones, I can work with them.

632
00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:15,480
Speaker 3: But it's that age old idea of men don't want

633
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:18,960
Speaker 3: women to change, right, but they will, and women want

634
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:20,119
Speaker 3: men to change, but they won't.

635
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:20,560
Speaker 4: Exactly.

636
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 2: It's that balance of right. Men are just I mean,

637
00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:27,000
Speaker 2: like we always hear about like the Disney Princess or

638
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:30,159
Speaker 2: like how the Disney Disney movies convince women they're going

639
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:32,600
Speaker 2: to find a prince charming, and that is very true.

640
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,320
Speaker 2: There's a male version of that, you know, where men

641
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 2: have been told in every Coming of age movie that

642
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:41,160
Speaker 2: this this woman is just going to show up and

643
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:44,200
Speaker 2: she's into video games and she's cool and she gets it.

644
00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:48,440
Speaker 2: Every Coming of age movie is some chick who's like, ah,

645
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:52,120
Speaker 2: like given guys crap, and like she's like this dream

646
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:56,040
Speaker 2: version and you're kind of told and this guy falls

647
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:58,800
Speaker 2: in love, so you're kind of told that like someone's

648
00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 2: gonna come along there all of a sudden, you're gonna

649
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 2: get it, and you're gonna want this monogamous lifestyle. And

650
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:09,640
Speaker 2: you know, I don't think either is fair, you know.

651
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:13,760
Speaker 2: And but the looks thing, it's everyone has a type,

652
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:16,680
Speaker 2: everyone's into something. There's a butt for every seat. I mean,

653
00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:20,240
Speaker 2: I always say this sounds gross, but like everyone's someone's foot.

654
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 2: Like there's men out there masturbating defeat, you know, And

655
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:27,000
Speaker 2: there's so many men masturbating feet that there's a hyperlink

656
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:29,280
Speaker 2: on the porn sites that take you directly to feet.

657
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:35,080
Speaker 2: So someone's foot ugly is not even like hot or attractive.

658
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:36,480
Speaker 1: It is not even a thing, right, But I'm saying

659
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:38,480
Speaker 1: that I don't think that it's yeah, it's not like

660
00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 1: I don't think the key to doing well in dating

661
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:42,840
Speaker 1: is being hot. I think it is really about your

662
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:45,280
Speaker 1: attitude and like again, how happy you are. I think

663
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 1: a happy person, And like again, there's gonna no matter

664
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:50,600
Speaker 1: what you look like, there's gonna be someone who's attracted

665
00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:53,280
Speaker 1: to you. But I think if you are, if someone

666
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 1: someone could be attracted to you physically, and you could

667
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:57,520
Speaker 1: go on the date and you bring a bad attitude

668
00:29:57,560 --> 00:29:59,360
Speaker 1: and you seem unhappy with your life and you seem

669
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 1: unhappy and you seem like you're burnt out just from

670
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:03,680
Speaker 1: being there, and your feeling is like he's not Oh,

671
00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:05,720
Speaker 1: he's not even gonna text me again. Like I think

672
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:07,480
Speaker 1: that that is self sabotaging.

673
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:10,480
Speaker 2: But you feel that, like I listen, Jordana took my

674
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:14,840
Speaker 2: disgusting speech I made. It's not a lot better I

675
00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:18,680
Speaker 2: I it is. You feel that on a date. I

676
00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:20,760
Speaker 2: go out on a lot of I've been on dates

677
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:22,440
Speaker 2: with women who are like the I've had a woman

678
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:24,880
Speaker 2: like and then you got to like turn into a clown.

679
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:26,600
Speaker 2: You gotta be like no, not got you got your

680
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:29,040
Speaker 2: got your got your ear, like, got your nose. Like

681
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:30,960
Speaker 2: you have to like try and make them cheer them

682
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 2: up a little bit, to like go, hey, we're gonna

683
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 2: be on a date. That's not going to be disgusting

684
00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:38,840
Speaker 2: and horrible. You know. So you can feel when someone's

685
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:42,080
Speaker 2: like I've seen it all and it's hard to.

686
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:44,280
Speaker 3: Get and even if you feel you have, the point

687
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 3: is to have the attitude that you're trying to right

688
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:47,280
Speaker 3: even if you have.

689
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:49,040
Speaker 2: Been and you can't tell someone to do that, like

690
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:52,200
Speaker 2: we can talk about it for days, like you got

691
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 2: to figure that out.

692
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,280
Speaker 3: Well. I think I think the challenge is going back

693
00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:58,400
Speaker 3: to the Paul about being attractive. We think being attractive

694
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:02,280
Speaker 3: means being attractive to everyone, right right, We only feel

695
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:05,760
Speaker 3: hot if everyone thinks we're hot. The reality is, no

696
00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:08,640
Speaker 3: one feels that way because not everyone's going to find

697
00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 3: you attractive, no matter how wherever you are on the

698
00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:13,600
Speaker 3: spectrum of it, or however you feel about it. It's

699
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:16,200
Speaker 3: the fact that if someone can go out there, be confident,

700
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 3: put the best version of themselves out there, you're giving

701
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:21,080
Speaker 3: the person who actually finds you attractive the chance to

702
00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 3: do that. We've all met people who are attractive that

703
00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:26,760
Speaker 3: turned us off with their attitude totally. That's like massive.

704
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 1: I mean I think we've met people that were like

705
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:31,520
Speaker 1: maybe borderline attracted to, but seems so happy and so

706
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 1: confident and so happy to be there. Yeah, that it

707
00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:36,400
Speaker 1: makes them more attractive. I think that there's really like

708
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:38,960
Speaker 1: you can't really quantify that, but it definitely I'm sure

709
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 1: it could sway you too. Oh, someone who you're.

710
00:31:41,680 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 2: Attitude, because attitude is everything. I mean, like you get

711
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:47,120
Speaker 2: there and you're like, oh my god. Again. To go

712
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:50,160
Speaker 2: back to like the you know, the coming of age movie,

713
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 2: the chick who gets it, you know, you go, oh

714
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:55,840
Speaker 2: my god, and she's cool and it's fun, and it's like,

715
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:59,000
Speaker 2: you know, you go, oh my god, everything's here, as

716
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 2: opposed to being on a date where it's like, okay,

717
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:04,360
Speaker 2: you know, show me you're not a dick, right, and

718
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 2: you're like, okay, I've seen this before, you know, like

719
00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:10,280
Speaker 2: I'm not going to be the one that because what

720
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,480
Speaker 2: happens is if someone's miserable on a day, you're like,

721
00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:15,920
Speaker 2: if I do make this person happier, Now I've made

722
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 2: promises to them, you know. Now I've you know, love

723
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:22,280
Speaker 2: bomb them or like not even I'm not saying you

724
00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:24,360
Speaker 2: do that to cheer them up, but you go, now

725
00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:27,240
Speaker 2: you've like put on a performance myself, Like I'm performing

726
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:29,680
Speaker 2: I'm not even getting to be the real me here

727
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:31,760
Speaker 2: because I was just spending the whole time trying to

728
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:34,680
Speaker 2: get this person to be happy, and now I've faked it.

729
00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 2: Yeah right, you know I was just gonna say.

730
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:39,280
Speaker 1: I think that also, that attitude thing also helps you

731
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 1: once you're in a relationship. I think everyone thinks like, okay,

732
00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:43,960
Speaker 1: once I like lock it down, then it's over.

733
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:45,480
Speaker 4: But relationships are their.

734
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:48,240
Speaker 1: Own level of work, and I think the best relationship

735
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:50,479
Speaker 1: advice I've ever seen is that if you look for

736
00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:52,520
Speaker 1: what's missing from your partner, if you look for what

737
00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:54,719
Speaker 1: they're not doing, what they could be doing more of,

738
00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 1: that's like they're going to be the reality that you're

739
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:59,240
Speaker 1: living in. If you're looking at what they're doing well,

740
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:01,360
Speaker 1: what they do better than everyone else, Like you're going

741
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:03,479
Speaker 1: to feel really lucky and you're going to feel really happy.

742
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 1: So I think attitude just brings you, not even when

743
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:08,520
Speaker 1: you're single, but once you're like in the relationship, once

744
00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:11,440
Speaker 1: you're like working through that, once you're changing into a

745
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:14,360
Speaker 1: relationship that's a long term marriage or just a long

746
00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:17,040
Speaker 1: term relationship. I think that's the attitude is something you

747
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:19,840
Speaker 1: really need to keep working on and always be trying

748
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:22,000
Speaker 1: to be in a place of looking for what's working

749
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:23,960
Speaker 1: and looking for what's good, whether it's your own life

750
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:25,120
Speaker 1: or your partner.

751
00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:29,880
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think this alpha male high value woman conversation

752
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:35,240
Speaker 3: on TikTok Instagram podcast has put this pressure for women

753
00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:38,240
Speaker 3: to think, you've got to look like a model, right,

754
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 3: You've got to look great in these clothes, without clothes whatever. Right,

755
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:44,680
Speaker 3: there's that pressure for women, and the pressure on men

756
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,920
Speaker 3: is you better be earning multiple six figures, you better

757
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,360
Speaker 3: drive an amazing car, you better have a great future,

758
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:52,920
Speaker 3: and everyone's looking at both of those things, going I

759
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:54,760
Speaker 3: can't live up to either of them, right right?

760
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:56,880
Speaker 2: Right? Do you see that? Or the beauty of being

761
00:33:56,920 --> 00:34:00,800
Speaker 2: a man is that I don't think And this is

762
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 2: where I feel lucky, is that when it comes to dating,

763
00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:08,319
Speaker 2: maybe I'm not making that money, but I can. I

764
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:10,439
Speaker 2: don't think I have to like do the right thing

765
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:13,879
Speaker 2: by other men. Like I never feel judged by other

766
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:16,400
Speaker 2: men for how I date. And I think when we

767
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 2: hear from women that are dating, they're always wondering, am

768
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:22,080
Speaker 2: I doing it right? Is this the right text? Is

769
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:24,359
Speaker 2: this the right way to go? And it's almost like

770
00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:28,160
Speaker 2: who are you asking? Who's to say? And I think

771
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:30,799
Speaker 2: when it comes to those conversations of like you know

772
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:33,800
Speaker 2: who we answer to, like I don't feel the pressure

773
00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 2: with relationships, you know, I can feel it from the

774
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:39,680
Speaker 2: other side of like, hey, what should I wear for

775
00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:42,080
Speaker 2: a first date? You know? Like when we get that question,

776
00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:45,120
Speaker 2: like they're asking us as if we know we're doing

777
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:46,960
Speaker 2: you know, Like again it's like what should we wear

778
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:47,440
Speaker 2: for their dates?

779
00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:48,200
Speaker 3: What do you say?

780
00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:51,280
Speaker 2: Whatever makes you feel comfortable and confident? And that's again

781
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:53,560
Speaker 2: to what Jordana said, the diet and exercise of answers,

782
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:55,960
Speaker 2: like no one wants to hear that. Yeah, well, but

783
00:34:56,080 --> 00:34:58,040
Speaker 2: you have women that write in about this and you're

784
00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:01,480
Speaker 2: like that comes from a place of like, please tell

785
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:02,719
Speaker 2: me I'm doing this right right?

786
00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:03,560
Speaker 4: People want rules.

787
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:06,240
Speaker 1: I think people want like the secret sauce, the formula,

788
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:08,480
Speaker 1: and really it's about you and what works for you.

789
00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:12,360
Speaker 1: And that's again like a less flashy answer, but that's

790
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:14,760
Speaker 1: that's the truth. There is no one way that everyone

791
00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:17,040
Speaker 1: should act. There's no one kind of person that everyone

792
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:19,759
Speaker 1: should be interested in. It's like about what makes you

793
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:22,760
Speaker 1: the best version of yourself and everyone is a different person.

794
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:26,200
Speaker 2: Every time I hear someone say the phrase high value,

795
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:31,359
Speaker 2: I'm like, that person is screw there's awful, unscrewed. They're

796
00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:33,279
Speaker 2: thinking of the wrong thing.

797
00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:35,719
Speaker 1: But think of the Internet, I think. And that's that's

798
00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:37,960
Speaker 1: the issue I think with modern dating. Modern and it's

799
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:40,040
Speaker 1: why it's so hard to sort of like appreciate the

800
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:42,560
Speaker 1: things about your partner that you really love because you're

801
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:44,479
Speaker 1: seeing your scrolling all the time and you're seeing someone

802
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:46,760
Speaker 1: else's partner. So you say, I think of the pooky

803
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:49,480
Speaker 1: and jet thing like someone else's partner surprised them with

804
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:52,080
Speaker 1: this bag, or someone else's partner is taking them on

805
00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:54,319
Speaker 1: these crazy dates, and it's and you look at your

806
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:57,160
Speaker 1: partner and you're like, where's my crazy date, Where's my

807
00:35:57,280 --> 00:36:00,640
Speaker 1: like spontaneous surprise trip. And I think that again, you're

808
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:02,400
Speaker 1: not even thinking about has that even something I want?

809
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:04,920
Speaker 1: Is that even something that works for me? You're just

810
00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:07,880
Speaker 1: constantly comparing. And before you really didn't get that. You

811
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:10,680
Speaker 1: didn't get like the behind the scenes of every single

812
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:14,040
Speaker 1: couple's highlights of like the best moments that they have

813
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:15,879
Speaker 1: to other. No one's putting their fights up, no one's

814
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:18,479
Speaker 1: putting the like stupid argument that they had before bed

815
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:21,000
Speaker 1: on the internet. So you're not seeing what's not working

816
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:23,680
Speaker 1: for other people until you see the divorce post and

817
00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:25,400
Speaker 1: then you kind of go through the back.

818
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:28,560
Speaker 3: That's true at the back. Yeah, it's like it's almost

819
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 3: like twenty five years ago you spoke to less people, right,

820
00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:34,759
Speaker 3: you knew them really deeply, yes, and today you were

821
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:36,680
Speaker 3: exposed to more people, but you know them in a

822
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:40,760
Speaker 3: really shallow surface way. And so if you had four friends,

823
00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:43,560
Speaker 3: you knew who was on the verge of divorce, who

824
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:45,319
Speaker 3: is having a tough time because you all opened up

825
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:47,560
Speaker 3: and you were helping each other out with their problems,

826
00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:50,080
Speaker 3: whereas today you're seeing someone who just took that trip

827
00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:53,920
Speaker 3: for content, like it wasn't Yeah, it wasn't even a trip,

828
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,480
Speaker 3: it was content and they went away and they got

829
00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:58,920
Speaker 3: this sponsor trip. And now it's like, oh, that husband

830
00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:00,799
Speaker 3: does spontaneous stuff whatever it may be.

831
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:03,480
Speaker 1: Right, then you think there's something lacking in your relationship

832
00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:06,000
Speaker 1: when there's not. You're only again, you're only seeing this

833
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:07,560
Speaker 1: one side of it, and you don't really know these

834
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:08,879
Speaker 1: people that well, you.

835
00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:10,960
Speaker 3: Do want messaging then, and people asking you what messages

836
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:13,160
Speaker 3: should be right? How much are you hearing about people

837
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:16,439
Speaker 3: getting chat GPT to write their messages back? And how

838
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 3: how are you both feeling.

839
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:20,520
Speaker 2: More and more? It's crazy, It's it's funny because again

840
00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:23,000
Speaker 2: this goes back to I want to be right. I

841
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:24,719
Speaker 2: don't want to do this wrong, So let me go

842
00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:27,840
Speaker 2: to chat GPT and it will tell me an answer

843
00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:29,560
Speaker 2: that I don't have to think about it anymore.

844
00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:32,759
Speaker 1: Well, listen, I think that there's some merit in chat

845
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 1: GBT and helping as a tool like anything else, Like

846
00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:37,239
Speaker 1: I don't think if you, I don't think you should use.

847
00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:38,840
Speaker 4: It, not even read it and send it.

848
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:41,200
Speaker 1: But I think it's like we did an episode where

849
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:44,040
Speaker 1: we did per someone writes in their breakup text they're

850
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:46,400
Speaker 1: texting someone after three dates to say they're not interested,

851
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:49,280
Speaker 1: and then we have chat GBT write the same text.

852
00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:51,040
Speaker 4: Chat gbt's is better.

853
00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:53,600
Speaker 2: Not a bad job? Yeah it JD.

854
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:55,920
Speaker 1: It's a little more mature, it's a little well it's

855
00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:57,120
Speaker 1: is it as personal?

856
00:37:57,320 --> 00:37:57,920
Speaker 4: Probably not.

857
00:37:58,040 --> 00:37:59,799
Speaker 1: I think you should edit there thing, But I think

858
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:02,880
Speaker 1: if it can help people act like a nicer, better

859
00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:06,319
Speaker 1: member of society, or at least give them somewhere to start, I'm.

860
00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:08,359
Speaker 3: Okay, you're a fan of it for breakups.

861
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:10,200
Speaker 4: I wouldn't want to be told to ask for a

862
00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:11,320
Speaker 4: divorce with chat GBT.

863
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:13,640
Speaker 1: But I think you know, if they read the first

864
00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:16,320
Speaker 1: draft and then someone else edited it, I mean.

865
00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:18,200
Speaker 2: Well, the thing we have to admit to is that

866
00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:21,239
Speaker 2: we've been doing a version of chat GPT from the

867
00:38:21,239 --> 00:38:24,960
Speaker 2: minute dating apps started. Listen, when you're texting, you are

868
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:28,279
Speaker 2: writing your own script. You are being the person you

869
00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:30,919
Speaker 2: would like to be. That's not you on the fly,

870
00:38:31,239 --> 00:38:34,600
Speaker 2: that's not you on improv in the moment. How many

871
00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:37,240
Speaker 2: times have you been in a conversation or an argument,

872
00:38:37,239 --> 00:38:38,440
Speaker 2: and then you went home and you go, I wish

873
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:40,839
Speaker 2: i'd said that. I wish you never do that about

874
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:43,920
Speaker 2: a text text. You go, you say exactly how you

875
00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:46,040
Speaker 2: want to say it, the way you want to say it.

876
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:49,080
Speaker 2: The reality is and what our podcasts we always say,

877
00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:51,160
Speaker 2: we want to make you a better buyer. We're not

878
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:53,640
Speaker 2: going to fix dating. I get put in the position

879
00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:57,319
Speaker 2: of speaking for men, and it sounds very icky. I'm

880
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:59,839
Speaker 2: letting you know exactly what a man is feeling because

881
00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:02,600
Speaker 2: I'm ten percent away from the guy you're dating. So

882
00:39:02,680 --> 00:39:05,160
Speaker 2: I'm telling you what's going on in his head. It's

883
00:39:05,239 --> 00:39:07,239
Speaker 2: up to you to like take that information and do

884
00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:11,600
Speaker 2: the best you can and waste less time. So this

885
00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:15,080
Speaker 2: goes to like the texting and chat GBT and like, listen,

886
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:18,680
Speaker 2: if you want to blame chat GBT for your relationship problems,

887
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:22,920
Speaker 2: it's just the truth. Because right now you're texting with

888
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:27,360
Speaker 2: someone who's googling the movie that you said you loved yeah, or.

889
00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 4: The quote that you said that they didn't fully understand.

890
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:33,040
Speaker 2: Right, They've been doing that since day one. Send me

891
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:35,279
Speaker 2: a movie quote that makes you laugh every time. If

892
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:36,600
Speaker 2: you add none off the top, of your head, but

893
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:39,200
Speaker 2: you thought they were hot. I'll go find a movie quote,

894
00:39:39,440 --> 00:39:42,240
Speaker 2: you know, Like that's just the that's just how it's going,

895
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:45,319
Speaker 2: you know. So all this is to say, like chat

896
00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:48,280
Speaker 2: GBT or someone googling what to text you, you got

897
00:39:48,280 --> 00:39:50,560
Speaker 2: to get in person, right, Well, you've got to have

898
00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:50,960
Speaker 2: a date.

899
00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:53,560
Speaker 1: It's like the same advice that we have for the apps.

900
00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:56,240
Speaker 1: It's like the apps and chat GBT, they're both tools.

901
00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:59,719
Speaker 1: Should you be exclusively communicating with chatgibt? Should you be

902
00:39:59,719 --> 00:40:02,200
Speaker 1: exc lusively only dating on the apps?

903
00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:02,640
Speaker 3: No?

904
00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:05,080
Speaker 1: Is it something you can use when it makes sense?

905
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:06,160
Speaker 2: Yeah?

906
00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:07,560
Speaker 4: Right, or at least to help.

907
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:10,640
Speaker 3: How quickly have you realistically seen people move from the

908
00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:13,120
Speaker 3: apps to an inpressent date. How quick do you like

909
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:14,920
Speaker 3: it to be and how quick is it realistically?

910
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:18,040
Speaker 2: I hate when someone's trying to game the app. So

911
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:21,240
Speaker 2: if someone matches with me and they go, let's skip

912
00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:23,319
Speaker 2: the small talk and go on a date, I don't

913
00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:27,120
Speaker 2: want to date that person. That's my because because I

914
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:29,520
Speaker 2: don't want to waste my time out. We're on a

915
00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:35,080
Speaker 2: dating app, because that gets you the first few conversations

916
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,439
Speaker 2: that make you excited for the day. You're trying to

917
00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:40,840
Speaker 2: reflect that right, it's a verifying process. But when people

918
00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:43,520
Speaker 2: say that, I'm like, what's the catch here? This was

919
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:45,879
Speaker 2: so easy for you to go out? How much time?

920
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:48,960
Speaker 2: How much do you value your day? You don't value

921
00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:51,000
Speaker 2: your day? Why would I want to go out with you?

922
00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:53,160
Speaker 2: But the problem is someone always is going to come

923
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:56,000
Speaker 2: in and go well, I hate pend pals. Yeah, but

924
00:40:56,080 --> 00:40:59,360
Speaker 2: that's not a good answer. That's the answer is nuanced

925
00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:03,520
Speaker 2: and gray. If you're texting for six days before a

926
00:41:03,560 --> 00:41:06,399
Speaker 2: plan is made, yeah, that's a lot long. That's too

927
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:09,520
Speaker 2: long for me. For me, But like, I don't know

928
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:12,400
Speaker 2: what someone needs to feel safe. I don't know what

929
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:16,880
Speaker 2: someone needs to feel excited. You should feel safe and excited.

930
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:19,640
Speaker 2: That's that's the two rules I would give to someone

931
00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:21,920
Speaker 2: to go on a first day. Do you feel safe?

932
00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:22,760
Speaker 2: Are you excited?

933
00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:24,680
Speaker 3: Yeah? And so however long that takes?

934
00:41:24,719 --> 00:41:27,480
Speaker 2: How long does that take? That's that's that's not up

935
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:28,160
Speaker 2: to me to say.

936
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:30,200
Speaker 3: I peasant saw you and felt safe and excited. Indn't

937
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:31,240
Speaker 3: that night and said.

938
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:33,600
Speaker 2: Or they wanted to screw me over and steal my

939
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:37,680
Speaker 2: you know my identity. You feel safe and excited, but can.

940
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:39,920
Speaker 4: You pay for my oil change? We've gotten that you've

941
00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:40,440
Speaker 4: gotten that.

942
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:43,360
Speaker 1: You know what, We've gotten messages where you know the

943
00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:45,960
Speaker 1: guys is I'm so excited to you know, I had

944
00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:47,680
Speaker 1: such a great time. I'd love to go out again.

945
00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:51,000
Speaker 1: And then the woman replies me too, would you mind

946
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:52,040
Speaker 1: paying for my oil team?

947
00:41:52,239 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 2: Right, you're gonna meet crazies, you know, like this, This

948
00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:57,719
Speaker 2: is what happens. You put yourself out there. You gotta

949
00:41:57,719 --> 00:41:59,360
Speaker 2: play in traffic. You want to get hit, and sometimes

950
00:41:59,360 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 2: you get hit by a.

951
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:03,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, so that's a story.

952
00:42:03,239 --> 00:42:06,520
Speaker 2: You know you've lived, right exactly, they tell the tale.

953
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:07,440
Speaker 3: It's a great story.

954
00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:10,520
Speaker 2: But dating the idea of like when should you? How

955
00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:13,680
Speaker 2: should you? We are not here to say like I

956
00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:16,400
Speaker 2: I think that if anyone's trying to tell you they

957
00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:19,600
Speaker 2: are four rules for dating or you know, you should

958
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:21,760
Speaker 2: never this, I think they're trying to sell a book.

959
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:24,759
Speaker 2: You know. We did this to make light and have

960
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:27,600
Speaker 2: fun about a subject that dating. For some people, it's

961
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:30,000
Speaker 2: they're killing it everywhere else and this is the hardest

962
00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:32,840
Speaker 2: thing in their life. That's crazy. And I when I

963
00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:34,920
Speaker 2: first started talking about dating, like as a guy, I

964
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:37,680
Speaker 2: didn't realize the gravity of it for some people. For me,

965
00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:39,759
Speaker 2: it was always fun and I mean that should tell

966
00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:42,560
Speaker 2: every woman out there, like every guy's like they just

967
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:45,680
Speaker 2: think it's fun. They don't think it's the most like

968
00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:48,600
Speaker 2: it's as serious as maybe you're coming at it. This

969
00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:51,920
Speaker 2: isn't every conversation they're having, This isn't podcasts they're listening to.

970
00:42:52,719 --> 00:42:56,239
Speaker 2: So again, like when I first started doing this, you go, oh,

971
00:42:56,239 --> 00:42:58,360
Speaker 2: this is like hilarious, like, oh, let me hear your

972
00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:00,520
Speaker 2: dating problems. And then you start meeting people and you're like,

973
00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:04,480
Speaker 2: oh shit, like this is like real stuff, you know,

974
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:07,520
Speaker 2: like it is they're doing great in their career, their friends,

975
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:11,520
Speaker 2: the family, and then they're like, whats going on here?

976
00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:12,640
Speaker 2: How is this happening?

977
00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:17,439
Speaker 3: Yeah? Son, how are you feeling about Yard's day? Yeah?

978
00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:19,960
Speaker 3: What's my problem?

979
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:21,920
Speaker 1: Maybe not a problem with Jared, I mean like a

980
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:25,800
Speaker 1: lot of the men out there that we've talked about earlier,

981
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:28,200
Speaker 1: like has a lot of options, and sometimes I think

982
00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:30,200
Speaker 1: that's almost like a lot of the issue with today's

983
00:43:30,239 --> 00:43:34,080
Speaker 1: dating world just that, Yeah, especially for men who aren't, you.

984
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:41,279
Speaker 4: Know, right, successful, high high value. No I'm joking, but

985
00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:41,960
Speaker 4: like I'm.

986
00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:43,960
Speaker 2: Not, but like to be doing better. Please follow me

987
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:46,080
Speaker 2: on Instagram. I'd like to be doing better.

988
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:48,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I think, I mean, I think people don't

989
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:50,040
Speaker 1: want to talk about this because it feels icky and

990
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:52,040
Speaker 1: it feels unfair. But I think that women are a

991
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:55,160
Speaker 1: lot of the time they're constrained by one societal norms

992
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:57,359
Speaker 1: that they should be. They're more pressure to settle down

993
00:43:57,400 --> 00:44:00,799
Speaker 1: earlier and to biological realities. Is that in that the

994
00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:03,239
Speaker 1: older you are as a woman, the harder it is

995
00:44:03,280 --> 00:44:06,319
Speaker 1: to have children. And so I think that there's there

996
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:08,920
Speaker 1: is a freedom that men have where they're not constantly

997
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:12,400
Speaker 1: thinking about dating against that that timeframe. And again, it

998
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:14,480
Speaker 1: feels like in a gey conversation, it feels like something

999
00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:15,920
Speaker 1: that shouldn't be true.

1000
00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:16,480
Speaker 4: But it is true.

1001
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:19,799
Speaker 1: So I think that men do have more options and

1002
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:22,160
Speaker 1: in a lot of ways, especially if you're like doing.

1003
00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:24,279
Speaker 4: Well in your career and you're and you're in.

1004
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:26,640
Speaker 1: A city like New York, let's say. And so I

1005
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:29,239
Speaker 1: think that sometimes you can be a little paralyzed.

1006
00:44:28,719 --> 00:44:32,200
Speaker 2: By choice and men will end things before the next step.

1007
00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:37,160
Speaker 2: You know, men will go this is okay. But I

1008
00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:38,839
Speaker 2: don't know if I want to go through the work

1009
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:42,480
Speaker 2: like I'll say men. Maybe I'll speak for myself. I

1010
00:44:42,600 --> 00:44:44,600
Speaker 2: have ended things before the next step because I'm like

1011
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:48,520
Speaker 2: is this the next place off? Like, am I ready

1012
00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:51,879
Speaker 2: for this next phase of life? It's not about the relationship.

1013
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:54,440
Speaker 2: It's about do I want to do the work? Do

1014
00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:56,600
Speaker 2: I want the responsibility? And I have a lot of

1015
00:44:56,800 --> 00:45:00,200
Speaker 2: envy and high regard for people in serious relationships like

1016
00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:02,680
Speaker 2: that takes a lot of confidence. It takes a lot

1017
00:45:02,719 --> 00:45:07,360
Speaker 2: of like a stress and work that I have gone against.

1018
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:10,000
Speaker 2: I've said, well, I'm gonna put my life into you know,

1019
00:45:10,160 --> 00:45:13,399
Speaker 2: stand up in comedy and you know, my work, which

1020
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:17,080
Speaker 2: is an easy excuse for me. I also it's my

1021
00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:21,520
Speaker 2: avoidance of like this next thing of life. That first

1022
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:25,040
Speaker 2: few months of dating you can be You're all potential,

1023
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:28,920
Speaker 2: you know, you get past that you're living in the

1024
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:31,160
Speaker 2: reality of who you are. And I think that's what

1025
00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:33,879
Speaker 2: a lot of men deal with is Like I'd rather

1026
00:45:33,960 --> 00:45:37,480
Speaker 2: be potential than the reality and deal with the.

1027
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:38,719
Speaker 4: Reality the reality or is.

1028
00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:39,480
Speaker 1: And then then.

1029
00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:44,839
Speaker 2: Commitment, commitment is reality like commitment, Like I think it's

1030
00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:47,200
Speaker 2: commitment to like the broader thing. Like to me, when

1031
00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:49,160
Speaker 2: I think of like the next step in relationship, I'm like,

1032
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:54,799
Speaker 2: it's everything. It's house, it's family, it's kids, you know,

1033
00:45:54,880 --> 00:45:57,319
Speaker 2: Like it gets way farther ahead than maybe women think

1034
00:45:57,320 --> 00:45:57,920
Speaker 2: we're thinking.

1035
00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:00,200
Speaker 3: I hear you on that like that resonates with me.

1036
00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:02,200
Speaker 3: It's one of the reasons why we haven't had kids

1037
00:46:02,280 --> 00:46:05,200
Speaker 3: yet was because I was excited to be with my

1038
00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:09,560
Speaker 3: wife to get married, but my career took over, and

1039
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:12,000
Speaker 3: then my wife's career took over, and that was So

1040
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:14,240
Speaker 3: it's weird how you can have that at different phases.

1041
00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:16,759
Speaker 3: So I can relate to what you're saying on the

1042
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:19,400
Speaker 3: children level, where like I want to have kids for sure,

1043
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:22,239
Speaker 3: but I mean we've been together now for twelve years

1044
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:25,200
Speaker 3: and married for nine, and for me, the focus was

1045
00:46:25,480 --> 00:46:27,399
Speaker 3: I'm getting to build and I'm doing what I love

1046
00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:30,600
Speaker 3: and I don't want to end up feeling like I'm

1047
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:33,480
Speaker 3: not paying attention to this young, beautiful child that I

1048
00:46:33,480 --> 00:46:36,120
Speaker 3: brought into the world. And I'll do it when I can.

1049
00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:38,480
Speaker 3: And I feel like that's a very feels like a

1050
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,479
Speaker 3: very masculine trait, And so you're feeling the same.

1051
00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:42,680
Speaker 2: I like the way you're talking.

1052
00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:45,040
Speaker 3: I'm like, I can relate to everything you're saying. It's

1053
00:46:45,120 --> 00:46:48,360
Speaker 3: just I'm married. That's the only I've taken on that commitment.

1054
00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:49,560
Speaker 3: I feel good about that one.

1055
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:51,640
Speaker 2: And we're around the same age yeah, I think like

1056
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:54,480
Speaker 2: there's good and bad everything. As we said before, like

1057
00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:57,400
Speaker 2: our parents like that may have gotten married young. You go, well,

1058
00:46:57,440 --> 00:47:00,200
Speaker 2: I would never do that for me, and they had

1059
00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:02,960
Speaker 2: kids young, and then we kind of were given the

1060
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:07,319
Speaker 2: ability to like push those things off. And again there's

1061
00:47:07,440 --> 00:47:09,160
Speaker 2: positive to that. You get to build your career, but

1062
00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:13,200
Speaker 2: then you get so precious with your life that you're

1063
00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:18,319
Speaker 2: like almost you become too picky, too choosy, too too

1064
00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:23,480
Speaker 2: precious with doing walking forward and what a lot of

1065
00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:26,680
Speaker 2: men will do, Like women will break up after they've

1066
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:29,600
Speaker 2: tried again and again. Men will break up before the

1067
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:31,040
Speaker 2: next step. And that's why a lot of men have

1068
00:47:31,160 --> 00:47:33,400
Speaker 2: the one that got away. You don't hear from women

1069
00:47:33,800 --> 00:47:35,759
Speaker 2: with the one that got away. A lot you hear

1070
00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:37,600
Speaker 2: from men. Oh I could have been married to her.

1071
00:47:37,640 --> 00:47:39,600
Speaker 2: I could have been married to her. I've said that

1072
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:43,120
Speaker 2: about many people I've dated. And that's why it's like,

1073
00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:45,680
Speaker 2: you know, it's funny when you see these tiktoks are

1074
00:47:45,719 --> 00:47:48,800
Speaker 2: so angry, and so the negativity I talked about in

1075
00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:52,960
Speaker 2: the beginning, it's not as personal as it looks the

1076
00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:55,560
Speaker 2: way they're talking about it, even though it's personal to them.

1077
00:47:55,800 --> 00:47:58,759
Speaker 2: Like I know from the male side. It's never been

1078
00:47:58,760 --> 00:48:01,640
Speaker 2: that someone's not worth it or not enough or not

1079
00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:04,000
Speaker 2: you know, someone that I could have been with. It

1080
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:06,960
Speaker 2: was always my own I was thinking. And you know

1081
00:48:07,480 --> 00:48:10,640
Speaker 2: there's a Tony kornheisers a writer. I've heard him say

1082
00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:13,279
Speaker 2: this line, the key of me. We all live in

1083
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:15,000
Speaker 2: the key of me. You know, when you write a story,

1084
00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 2: you write it about yourself. So it's like, I think,

1085
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:18,200
Speaker 2: what a lot of men are going through is the

1086
00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:19,880
Speaker 2: key of me. And it's not as personal to the

1087
00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:22,560
Speaker 2: women that are feeling like, oh okay, I have so much.

1088
00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:25,239
Speaker 3: Choice or they or I thought he could do better.

1089
00:48:25,239 --> 00:48:26,960
Speaker 2: I thought he could do better. It's all that is

1090
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:28,160
Speaker 2: always fraudulent to me.

1091
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:32,000
Speaker 3: I've never heard it that well articulated. That's really interesting

1092
00:48:32,040 --> 00:48:32,239
Speaker 3: to hear.

1093
00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:35,120
Speaker 2: I'm saying. I'm a well articulated person. My mom says

1094
00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:35,719
Speaker 2: that all the time.

1095
00:48:36,239 --> 00:48:38,319
Speaker 3: No, No, I mean that. I mean, I don't think

1096
00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:40,200
Speaker 3: I've heard it put that way before. And I can

1097
00:48:40,239 --> 00:48:43,200
Speaker 3: resonate with it so strongly at different ways in my life, right,

1098
00:48:43,360 --> 00:48:46,000
Speaker 3: I think, right, it's a very it's an ideology that

1099
00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:46,439
Speaker 3: I get.

1100
00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's for all levels of life. I mean,

1101
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:50,960
Speaker 2: you talk about kids, you know, Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

1102
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:54,879
Speaker 3: It's I think that's just a man's mind is like, yeah,

1103
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:56,759
Speaker 3: if you talk to me about kids at thirty, I

1104
00:48:56,760 --> 00:48:59,440
Speaker 3: would have been so scared. Right that guy would have

1105
00:48:59,480 --> 00:49:00,920
Speaker 3: just been like, oh, oh my god, I don't think

1106
00:49:00,920 --> 00:49:02,279
Speaker 3: I could be a dad, right, Like that's how I

1107
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:04,800
Speaker 3: genuinely felt like, right, Whereas now I'm thirty seven, I

1108
00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:06,160
Speaker 3: was like I think about kids a lot.

1109
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:06,600
Speaker 2: Right.

1110
00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:10,360
Speaker 3: That's just a shift that I've been through my own mind,

1111
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:13,080
Speaker 3: you know where at one point if you ask me

1112
00:49:13,080 --> 00:49:14,640
Speaker 3: how to be, like, ah, I'd be fine without them,

1113
00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:16,680
Speaker 3: And now it's like it's a part of something that

1114
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:21,319
Speaker 3: I want and it's such a whether it's age and maturity, biology, finances,

1115
00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:24,680
Speaker 3: I don't know, but there is a sense of that

1116
00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:27,120
Speaker 3: feeling of yeah, it's not really about the other person.

1117
00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:28,799
Speaker 3: I've always know my wife would be to make an

1118
00:49:29,080 --> 00:49:31,960
Speaker 3: amazing mom. That's like it not even the conversation.

1119
00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:34,759
Speaker 2: Well, we get so many emails that are like he

1120
00:49:34,920 --> 00:49:38,280
Speaker 2: ended it and I wasn't looking to marry get married.

1121
00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:41,759
Speaker 2: That's always the response women were right, And it's not

1122
00:49:41,760 --> 00:49:43,440
Speaker 2: like I said I want to get married, and it's

1123
00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:47,000
Speaker 2: like it's really, you know, kind of like the meaning

1124
00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:50,400
Speaker 2: towards the men they're dating, because a lot of women

1125
00:49:50,480 --> 00:49:55,239
Speaker 2: don't think that men have the emotional intelligence to like

1126
00:49:55,560 --> 00:49:56,440
Speaker 2: think that far.

1127
00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:59,560
Speaker 3: Ahead before we dive into the next moment. Let's hear

1128
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:03,239
Speaker 3: from our re sponsors and back to our episode.

1129
00:50:03,520 --> 00:50:04,600
Speaker 4: I don't know if it's demeaning.

1130
00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:06,640
Speaker 1: I think women are like, why don't you just give

1131
00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:07,560
Speaker 1: this a chance?

1132
00:50:07,920 --> 00:50:08,000
Speaker 3: Right?

1133
00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:09,520
Speaker 4: Why don't we see where it can go?

1134
00:50:09,640 --> 00:50:12,160
Speaker 1: And we don't have to get like, yes, why don't we,

1135
00:50:12,239 --> 00:50:14,560
Speaker 1: like a woman who's dating a man for three months, say,

1136
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:17,640
Speaker 1: and he'll he'll break up before they're like in a relationship.

1137
00:50:17,760 --> 00:50:20,160
Speaker 1: And I think there's this frustration of like, I'm not

1138
00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:22,400
Speaker 1: asking you to marry me, right, to commit to forever

1139
00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:25,719
Speaker 1: right now, but why can't you keep dating me or

1140
00:50:25,760 --> 00:50:27,280
Speaker 1: like really really fully commit.

1141
00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:31,080
Speaker 2: I guess it's demeaning to both sides. He's thinking way

1142
00:50:31,120 --> 00:50:35,440
Speaker 2: far ahead, right, way farther ahead than she would even imagine,

1143
00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:38,719
Speaker 2: and he's also not trusting her to be able to

1144
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:40,480
Speaker 2: be told that, like he's ending it.

1145
00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:45,040
Speaker 1: You know, she'll be okay if they date for three

1146
00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:47,040
Speaker 1: years and then don't get married, right, Yeah.

1147
00:50:47,040 --> 00:50:50,240
Speaker 3: And I still go giving away other enough credit based right,

1148
00:50:50,320 --> 00:50:53,000
Speaker 3: we're not giving each other enough credit that oh wait,

1149
00:50:53,040 --> 00:50:56,359
Speaker 3: he's actually thinking twenty five years from now, right, And

1150
00:50:56,400 --> 00:50:59,160
Speaker 3: we're not trusting that she's confident enough to like to

1151
00:50:59,280 --> 00:51:01,440
Speaker 3: dandle a break handle a breakup in five years.

1152
00:51:01,520 --> 00:51:04,360
Speaker 2: Again, both sides of that equation I feel bad for. Like,

1153
00:51:04,360 --> 00:51:06,399
Speaker 2: if someone got dumped after five years and never got

1154
00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:09,319
Speaker 2: married thought they were I'd be like, yeah, that sucks.

1155
00:51:09,160 --> 00:51:11,799
Speaker 1: Right, but she But women have agency too, and I

1156
00:51:11,800 --> 00:51:13,320
Speaker 1: think you see a lot of those stories and you

1157
00:51:13,360 --> 00:51:15,960
Speaker 1: don't get the other side, which is also that like, yeah,

1158
00:51:15,960 --> 00:51:18,480
Speaker 1: if you're dating someone for five years and you've been

1159
00:51:18,520 --> 00:51:21,440
Speaker 1: looking to get married and they and they're not married,

1160
00:51:21,560 --> 00:51:23,799
Speaker 1: you can leave also at any time. Right, that's the

1161
00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:25,880
Speaker 1: credit you're not giving the woman, right, is that Like

1162
00:51:25,960 --> 00:51:27,640
Speaker 1: if you're not giving her what she wants.

1163
00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:29,000
Speaker 2: She can leave, right, Yeah?

1164
00:51:29,080 --> 00:51:31,800
Speaker 3: Fair, Yeah, it's so it's so interesting, right, Like what

1165
00:51:32,080 --> 00:51:34,560
Speaker 3: you're both doing, which I really appreciate, is it's almost

1166
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:37,319
Speaker 3: like if we were able to verbalize this stuff the

1167
00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:40,520
Speaker 3: past that we're talking to right, much harder. It's so

1168
00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:42,960
Speaker 3: much harder, but it would transform everything because you'd actually

1169
00:51:42,960 --> 00:51:44,960
Speaker 3: be able to hear someone's heart, like you'd actually be

1170
00:51:44,960 --> 00:51:47,480
Speaker 3: able to hear and go, wow, I didn't realize you

1171
00:51:47,480 --> 00:51:50,560
Speaker 3: were even looking at it from that really thoughtful perspective.

1172
00:51:50,800 --> 00:51:56,040
Speaker 2: I always have so much joy when a couple says

1173
00:51:56,040 --> 00:51:58,799
Speaker 2: they listen to our podcast together, because I know what

1174
00:51:58,840 --> 00:52:01,440
Speaker 2: you're saying is so true. This is all easy for

1175
00:52:01,560 --> 00:52:04,280
Speaker 2: us to say from the sidelines. It is so easy

1176
00:52:04,280 --> 00:52:06,839
Speaker 2: for us to say, this is simple. Oh, I could

1177
00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:09,600
Speaker 2: give advice on everyone else's relationship. I know exactly what

1178
00:52:09,640 --> 00:52:12,920
Speaker 2: I should do. When I'm in it, I'm like, I'm

1179
00:52:12,920 --> 00:52:15,680
Speaker 2: a bumbling idiot. But when I hear a couple listens

1180
00:52:15,719 --> 00:52:18,640
Speaker 2: to our podcast together, I'm like, we're talking for them,

1181
00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:21,319
Speaker 2: Like it's almost easier to listen than it is to

1182
00:52:21,440 --> 00:52:23,480
Speaker 2: like put these into words. And I'm like, man, they

1183
00:52:23,520 --> 00:52:25,880
Speaker 2: must be doing okay. Like not to give ourselves too

1184
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:27,439
Speaker 2: much credit, but I don't even think.

1185
00:52:27,360 --> 00:52:29,840
Speaker 1: It's well, they're having these conversations and kind of like

1186
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:31,719
Speaker 1: what we said before. It's like, I do think when

1187
00:52:31,760 --> 00:52:34,680
Speaker 1: women break up with men, they're like, please change, please change,

1188
00:52:34,680 --> 00:52:36,680
Speaker 1: please change, and then they don't change, and then finally

1189
00:52:36,719 --> 00:52:38,040
Speaker 1: they break up with them. And I think a lot

1190
00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:40,640
Speaker 1: of men are are maybe more than women, afraid to

1191
00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:43,200
Speaker 1: have a lot of these conversations, and so are kind

1192
00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:45,680
Speaker 1: of just like secretly thinking about like if they should leave,

1193
00:52:45,680 --> 00:52:47,560
Speaker 1: And then women always feel like they're blindsided.

1194
00:52:47,640 --> 00:52:49,880
Speaker 3: That's true, that's absolutely. Men are thinking about it for

1195
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:51,440
Speaker 3: six months do anything?

1196
00:52:51,600 --> 00:52:53,239
Speaker 2: Yes, And the women is like, what do you mean

1197
00:52:54,040 --> 00:52:55,240
Speaker 2: you've done? All were perfect?

1198
00:52:55,680 --> 00:52:57,440
Speaker 1: Because any woman that breaks up with it with her

1199
00:52:57,480 --> 00:52:59,840
Speaker 1: boyfriend will tell you. And I kept asking him not

1200
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:02,200
Speaker 1: to stop getting drunk, and I kept asking him to

1201
00:53:02,200 --> 00:53:03,880
Speaker 1: stop doing this and this and this, and he just

1202
00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:06,440
Speaker 1: wouldn't change. And I really wanted it to work, and

1203
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:08,359
Speaker 1: you just don't really hear that from men.

1204
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:11,839
Speaker 2: I don't know, it just wasn't working. And no one

1205
00:53:11,880 --> 00:53:15,279
Speaker 2: ever asked me after a break of what happened. No one,

1206
00:53:18,239 --> 00:53:20,839
Speaker 2: but generally, like my male friends are, they're just like

1207
00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:22,959
Speaker 2: high fiving me on the way to a dating app,

1208
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:26,160
Speaker 2: you know, like, and if I had to explain what happened,

1209
00:53:26,160 --> 00:53:28,759
Speaker 2: it would just sound like I just gave up, you know, like,

1210
00:53:29,160 --> 00:53:31,759
Speaker 2: which isn't, you know, something I'm proud of, you know,

1211
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:34,560
Speaker 2: but it's not something I ever have to really deal with.

1212
00:53:34,840 --> 00:53:38,240
Speaker 3: So would you say you're not looking for a long term,

1213
00:53:38,239 --> 00:53:40,160
Speaker 3: committed relationship.

1214
00:53:39,760 --> 00:53:45,319
Speaker 2: No, I am, that's crazy. It's no I am, but

1215
00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:47,839
Speaker 2: I'm you know, I'm afraid of it being What are

1216
00:53:47,880 --> 00:53:50,160
Speaker 2: you afraid about? If I was to be really honest

1217
00:53:50,160 --> 00:53:53,440
Speaker 2: about it, I'm afraid of making my choice as someone

1218
00:53:53,440 --> 00:53:54,360
Speaker 2: else's problem.

1219
00:53:54,560 --> 00:53:56,480
Speaker 4: Or are you afraid of making the wrong choice?

1220
00:53:56,719 --> 00:53:58,680
Speaker 2: Right? Also, and then you make the wrong well, you

1221
00:53:58,719 --> 00:54:01,400
Speaker 2: make the wrong choice with the wrong person, right. But

1222
00:54:02,200 --> 00:54:04,160
Speaker 2: I do think I know my taste enough at this

1223
00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:07,160
Speaker 2: point to know who I get along with. And again,

1224
00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:08,799
Speaker 2: like I think a lot of guys, I'm not a

1225
00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:12,279
Speaker 2: soulmate guy. I'm not either like you. I don't think.

1226
00:54:13,080 --> 00:54:14,759
Speaker 2: I just think you can make it work with like

1227
00:54:14,800 --> 00:54:18,840
Speaker 2: a lot of and but they all are very similar types,

1228
00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:24,760
Speaker 2: you know, similar type of personality and and thinking and worldview,

1229
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:27,160
Speaker 2: those types of things. But I do think, you know,

1230
00:54:27,239 --> 00:54:29,839
Speaker 2: I blame stand up and doing comedy, you know, and

1231
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:32,080
Speaker 2: the career I chose. But that's not you know, that's

1232
00:54:32,080 --> 00:54:34,400
Speaker 2: not a really good reason. But I do think the

1233
00:54:34,480 --> 00:54:39,279
Speaker 2: fear of like you are someone else has, Like I

1234
00:54:39,280 --> 00:54:41,720
Speaker 2: if I fail, I fail my own Like that's really

1235
00:54:41,760 --> 00:54:44,440
Speaker 2: easy for me. Like I can sit at home and

1236
00:54:44,680 --> 00:54:47,200
Speaker 2: bury myself in it. I give a lot of credit

1237
00:54:47,239 --> 00:54:50,480
Speaker 2: to Like you're married and you're starting a business, or

1238
00:54:50,480 --> 00:54:52,759
Speaker 2: you're doing things and you got kids that you got

1239
00:54:52,800 --> 00:54:55,319
Speaker 2: to like talk to and they go, what happened? The

1240
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:57,600
Speaker 2: kids asked, what happened? Are you kidding me? I can't

1241
00:54:57,600 --> 00:55:01,200
Speaker 2: even imagine what happened with the big deal. No, we

1242
00:55:01,239 --> 00:55:03,040
Speaker 2: didn't get it. Like what do you say to a kid?

1243
00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:05,200
Speaker 2: I don't know. It's scary.

1244
00:55:05,440 --> 00:55:07,560
Speaker 1: And I think I think you mentioned something a lot

1245
00:55:07,560 --> 00:55:09,520
Speaker 1: that a lot of men feel but maybe don't articulate,

1246
00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:11,960
Speaker 1: is that it is much more like their ability to

1247
00:55:11,960 --> 00:55:15,000
Speaker 1: commit is a lot more tied to how secure they

1248
00:55:15,000 --> 00:55:17,640
Speaker 1: feel financially, how secure they feel in their careers. I

1249
00:55:17,640 --> 00:55:20,360
Speaker 1: don't think I think obviously women care about their careers

1250
00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:22,759
Speaker 1: and how they're doing financially, But I don't think I

1251
00:55:22,760 --> 00:55:24,759
Speaker 1: think most women will say I can date in any

1252
00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:27,560
Speaker 1: phase of my career trajectory. I don't need to be

1253
00:55:27,719 --> 00:55:29,520
Speaker 1: established in order to get married. I don't need to

1254
00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:32,160
Speaker 1: be established in order to have children. I think men

1255
00:55:32,200 --> 00:55:35,400
Speaker 1: are much more like I cannot fully go there unless

1256
00:55:35,560 --> 00:55:37,640
Speaker 1: I feel like I could take care of a family right.

1257
00:55:37,640 --> 00:55:40,360
Speaker 2: And if we go back to that high value douchey conversation,

1258
00:55:40,520 --> 00:55:44,840
Speaker 2: like what makes a guy high value is like career established, safe,

1259
00:55:45,120 --> 00:55:49,000
Speaker 2: providing providing like and doing Okay. I think that that's

1260
00:55:49,080 --> 00:55:53,000
Speaker 2: why we talk about dating as vulnerably and as honestly

1261
00:55:53,120 --> 00:55:55,279
Speaker 2: that's what this is right now, right good. And I

1262
00:55:55,320 --> 00:55:58,200
Speaker 2: think people listening, like when we talk about dating is

1263
00:55:58,239 --> 00:56:01,280
Speaker 2: like I like when I hear people just say, oh good,

1264
00:56:01,480 --> 00:56:04,360
Speaker 2: like I'm not sitting here alone, yeah, dealing with that,

1265
00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:06,960
Speaker 2: but like no long term relationship. Yeah, I'm looking for that.

1266
00:56:07,040 --> 00:56:10,080
Speaker 2: But I'm also like, I feel a little delusional even

1267
00:56:10,120 --> 00:56:13,040
Speaker 2: saying that I was in Australia. I just did shows

1268
00:56:13,040 --> 00:56:15,880
Speaker 2: in Australia and I went to the Great Barrier Reef.

1269
00:56:16,239 --> 00:56:18,759
Speaker 2: I did like the snorkeling of I'm not a snorkeler.

1270
00:56:18,800 --> 00:56:20,719
Speaker 2: I don't know. I was just like they were like,

1271
00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:22,359
Speaker 2: do you want to go snorkeling at the Great Barrier Reef?

1272
00:56:22,400 --> 00:56:23,480
Speaker 2: And I'm like, how am I going to say no

1273
00:56:23,560 --> 00:56:25,480
Speaker 2: to that? Like I'm no, I'd like to sit at

1274
00:56:25,480 --> 00:56:27,200
Speaker 2: the hotel and sit on my phone, Like I can't.

1275
00:56:27,280 --> 00:56:29,520
Speaker 2: I have to do this. This is some fuck list item.

1276
00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:32,239
Speaker 2: So I took a boat like an hour away and

1277
00:56:32,280 --> 00:56:35,600
Speaker 2: we got to the reef and I started snorkeling and

1278
00:56:35,960 --> 00:56:37,920
Speaker 2: the mask kept coming off my face and I was

1279
00:56:38,080 --> 00:56:40,720
Speaker 2: like miserable. Then they give you all this like lube

1280
00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:43,000
Speaker 2: and they say put it on your face. So now

1281
00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:44,600
Speaker 2: I got all this vacaline. They give you all the

1282
00:56:44,640 --> 00:56:46,520
Speaker 2: vacline and then put it on the face and I

1283
00:56:46,600 --> 00:56:48,040
Speaker 2: finally get the thing on it, and I start looking

1284
00:56:48,080 --> 00:56:50,320
Speaker 2: at the fish, and I remember thinking, like ten minutes

1285
00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:53,200
Speaker 2: into this, I'm going, is this is? This is the

1286
00:56:53,200 --> 00:56:55,520
Speaker 2: Gray Berrier reef? And then I'm like it's thinking, but

1287
00:56:55,560 --> 00:56:57,560
Speaker 2: I'm by myself and I'm like looking at this reef

1288
00:56:57,600 --> 00:56:59,880
Speaker 2: and I'm like, shouldn't I see a shark or some

1289
00:57:00,560 --> 00:57:02,759
Speaker 2: turtle eat something, you know, like I And then we

1290
00:57:02,800 --> 00:57:04,040
Speaker 2: got out back on the boat and I was just

1291
00:57:04,080 --> 00:57:06,640
Speaker 2: sitting alone on the boat and I'm like, man, I

1292
00:57:06,640 --> 00:57:08,759
Speaker 2: guess this is why people have relationships, like.

1293
00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:11,120
Speaker 4: Someone to go to the Great Barrier reef and say

1294
00:57:11,160 --> 00:57:12,080
Speaker 4: how horrible it was.

1295
00:57:14,960 --> 00:57:17,680
Speaker 2: And go, man, that sucked right, like you just want

1296
00:57:17,720 --> 00:57:20,040
Speaker 2: to go, oh my god, like and I again, I'm

1297
00:57:20,080 --> 00:57:21,720
Speaker 2: sure someone gets a lot of value from seeing the

1298
00:57:21,720 --> 00:57:23,920
Speaker 2: Great Barrier reef. But like, you know, again, like this

1299
00:57:23,960 --> 00:57:26,560
Speaker 2: is old school shit. I'm not saying I'm saying anything

1300
00:57:26,560 --> 00:57:29,720
Speaker 2: that doctor SEUs didn't say, you know, like it's who

1301
00:57:29,800 --> 00:57:31,400
Speaker 2: you spend the time with and who you get to

1302
00:57:31,400 --> 00:57:34,920
Speaker 2: complain about with, and I think I like, I remember

1303
00:57:34,960 --> 00:57:36,280
Speaker 2: after that trip at austral I was like, I'm not

1304
00:57:36,440 --> 00:57:37,000
Speaker 2: I think I told you.

1305
00:57:37,120 --> 00:57:39,160
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not going, never going to the

1306
00:57:39,160 --> 00:57:41,400
Speaker 1: Great Barrier and again right right.

1307
00:57:41,440 --> 00:57:43,320
Speaker 2: I just remember being on that boat just being like,

1308
00:57:43,360 --> 00:57:45,680
Speaker 2: what the hell am I I was like, do people

1309
00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:48,920
Speaker 2: like this? I don't know. I think people like that.

1310
00:57:48,960 --> 00:57:52,520
Speaker 2: They went with a partner and they were like that sucked, right.

1311
00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:55,080
Speaker 3: That's how I felt watching Superman last week. I'm trying.

1312
00:57:55,160 --> 00:57:56,520
Speaker 3: I'm trying to get all my friends to go watch

1313
00:57:56,560 --> 00:57:58,360
Speaker 3: it to just figure out whether I'm mad or not.

1314
00:57:59,200 --> 00:58:01,479
Speaker 2: It was the West we have ever seen in my Hey,

1315
00:58:01,640 --> 00:58:03,280
Speaker 2: I hated it. It was so about that.

1316
00:58:04,240 --> 00:58:05,720
Speaker 3: Feeling of I didn't go to my wife. I went

1317
00:58:05,800 --> 00:58:07,360
Speaker 3: with a couple of friends and they hated it too.

1318
00:58:07,720 --> 00:58:10,080
Speaker 3: But then the ratings are through the roof, right, and

1319
00:58:10,120 --> 00:58:12,200
Speaker 3: everyone else I haven't I don't know anyone. So when

1320
00:58:12,240 --> 00:58:14,120
Speaker 3: you go watch it, tell me I saw it. What

1321
00:58:14,160 --> 00:58:14,680
Speaker 3: did you think?

1322
00:58:14,720 --> 00:58:20,000
Speaker 2: I like? I didn't like three D. I thought three

1323
00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:21,600
Speaker 2: D any of the comedy.

1324
00:58:21,840 --> 00:58:25,280
Speaker 3: I wasn't laughing. I didn't find the dog cute like

1325
00:58:25,320 --> 00:58:25,960
Speaker 3: I didn't get it.

1326
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:26,880
Speaker 2: I got annoying.

1327
00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:29,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just thought the dog got annoying.

1328
00:58:29,160 --> 00:58:31,200
Speaker 2: I didn't get the film. You're a Superman fan?

1329
00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:33,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love Superman, but like I love the TV

1330
00:58:33,960 --> 00:58:37,040
Speaker 3: version with Do you like Smallville? No?

1331
00:58:37,080 --> 00:58:38,400
Speaker 2: Not Smallville? Is pretty good show?

1332
00:58:38,520 --> 00:58:41,720
Speaker 3: No, not Smallville. The I felt that way. It's it's

1333
00:58:41,760 --> 00:58:43,680
Speaker 3: it's interesting, Jordan. I wanted to ask you that with

1334
00:58:44,360 --> 00:58:46,200
Speaker 3: kind of like the opposite end of what we're talking

1335
00:58:46,200 --> 00:58:47,840
Speaker 3: about with Jared, Like how long have you been married now?

1336
00:58:47,960 --> 00:58:48,800
Speaker 4: Almost four years?

1337
00:58:48,880 --> 00:58:51,720
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, yeah, fine, and what have you like you've

1338
00:58:51,720 --> 00:58:54,600
Speaker 3: been building a business. The business was fairly established at

1339
00:58:54,600 --> 00:58:57,440
Speaker 3: that point, I imagined, But like, what's that been like

1340
00:58:57,520 --> 00:59:00,000
Speaker 3: for you? Where almost all the things Jared are friend

1341
00:59:00,240 --> 00:59:03,840
Speaker 3: of the things you've been doing, what's that like in reality?

1342
00:59:04,520 --> 00:59:07,640
Speaker 1: I think in reality it's like so much less scary

1343
00:59:07,720 --> 00:59:08,600
Speaker 1: than you think it is.

1344
00:59:08,640 --> 00:59:09,080
Speaker 4: I think the.

1345
00:59:09,040 --> 00:59:12,480
Speaker 1: Hardest part is, like, especially for you, is the feeling

1346
00:59:12,520 --> 00:59:15,680
Speaker 1: of like finality and commitment and like this is it.

1347
00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:16,800
Speaker 4: I'm making a choice.

1348
00:59:17,040 --> 00:59:19,040
Speaker 1: But I think nothing makes you feel like an adult

1349
00:59:19,120 --> 00:59:21,960
Speaker 1: more than like really making a choice. And I think

1350
00:59:22,120 --> 00:59:25,120
Speaker 1: being married is making that choice every day and saying

1351
00:59:25,200 --> 00:59:27,240
Speaker 1: you know, I'm gonna look at the positive aspects of

1352
00:59:27,240 --> 00:59:29,320
Speaker 1: what's going on here. Every It doesn't mean like constantly

1353
00:59:29,360 --> 00:59:32,600
Speaker 1: being positive or never sharing something that's bothering you. But

1354
00:59:33,040 --> 00:59:35,040
Speaker 1: I think sort of what you were saying is like

1355
00:59:35,320 --> 00:59:38,040
Speaker 1: the magic of marriage is not necessarily all the good

1356
00:59:38,040 --> 00:59:40,600
Speaker 1: stuff that you're sharing together, but being able to like

1357
00:59:41,120 --> 00:59:43,720
Speaker 1: go through life and experience all the lows and all

1358
00:59:43,760 --> 00:59:46,400
Speaker 1: the highs, and then you really have like this full

1359
00:59:46,560 --> 00:59:49,520
Speaker 1: intertwined experience with someone and they help you grow, they

1360
00:59:49,560 --> 00:59:51,880
Speaker 1: help you, you know, if they're the right person for you,

1361
00:59:51,920 --> 00:59:53,240
Speaker 1: they're help they're supporting you.

1362
00:59:53,280 --> 00:59:55,640
Speaker 4: And I think then for me, what was unique.

1363
00:59:55,360 --> 00:59:57,800
Speaker 1: About meeting my husband as post to anyone else I

1364
00:59:57,840 --> 01:00:00,560
Speaker 1: ever dated, is I just felt like this full I

1365
01:00:00,600 --> 01:00:03,720
Speaker 1: felt so safe and so secure that I could build

1366
01:00:03,720 --> 01:00:05,880
Speaker 1: my career and I could go out there and I

1367
01:00:05,920 --> 01:00:09,360
Speaker 1: could like not be folks hyper focusing on finding the

1368
01:00:09,400 --> 01:00:11,360
Speaker 1: right person because I felt like I had someone who

1369
01:00:11,400 --> 01:00:13,000
Speaker 1: was supportive and who wanted the best for me, that

1370
01:00:13,040 --> 01:00:16,080
Speaker 1: I could be fully myself with and like self actualized.

1371
01:00:16,120 --> 01:00:18,120
Speaker 1: And I think that you would have that totally too,

1372
01:00:18,160 --> 01:00:19,840
Speaker 1: and of course someone to make fun of the barrier

1373
01:00:19,880 --> 01:00:22,439
Speaker 1: reef with and that you know, yeah, to make fun

1374
01:00:22,440 --> 01:00:23,560
Speaker 1: to like also.

1375
01:00:23,400 --> 01:00:25,920
Speaker 2: Go through barrier reef as I call it, yeah.

1376
01:00:25,880 --> 01:00:27,919
Speaker 1: Or to go through like the negative experiences or something

1377
01:00:27,960 --> 01:00:30,360
Speaker 1: horrible happens to you and you have someone who's seen

1378
01:00:30,440 --> 01:00:32,920
Speaker 1: that and they're also then when things are good, they

1379
01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:35,360
Speaker 1: also they can appreciate that with you much more.

1380
01:00:35,600 --> 01:00:38,200
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it was really cool though, because we started

1381
01:00:38,200 --> 01:00:42,200
Speaker 2: this podcast when Jordana was single and also just started

1382
01:00:42,280 --> 01:00:45,520
Speaker 2: dating and started husband. So it was funny to like

1383
01:00:45,720 --> 01:00:47,680
Speaker 2: when in the beginning of this show, like how cool

1384
01:00:47,720 --> 01:00:50,040
Speaker 2: it was to like, it's funny when we first started,

1385
01:00:50,040 --> 01:00:52,320
Speaker 2: Like you know, Jordana asked me questions that are like

1386
01:00:53,160 --> 01:00:55,640
Speaker 2: so you could tell like this is kind of about

1387
01:00:55,680 --> 01:00:58,440
Speaker 2: my dating, Like I'm on a third date, you know,

1388
01:00:58,560 --> 01:01:01,360
Speaker 2: like like would you say to someone going on a

1389
01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:03,320
Speaker 2: third day with someone they kind of like and they

1390
01:01:03,320 --> 01:01:04,600
Speaker 2: think is a good guy, you know, like.

1391
01:01:06,920 --> 01:01:07,520
Speaker 4: I think he did.

1392
01:01:07,600 --> 01:01:10,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, that is the weird You have

1393
01:01:10,280 --> 01:01:13,200
Speaker 2: a dating podcast and you're like the weird part is

1394
01:01:13,240 --> 01:01:15,520
Speaker 2: you're more honest on a podcast than you are than

1395
01:01:15,560 --> 01:01:17,440
Speaker 2: you can be with the people in your life. Like,

1396
01:01:17,480 --> 01:01:21,400
Speaker 2: as that might sound bad, but like you come on here,

1397
01:01:21,160 --> 01:01:23,960
Speaker 2: we're talking, we're chit chatting and that's the beauty of

1398
01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:26,480
Speaker 2: a podcast. You get to like put in a headphone

1399
01:01:26,520 --> 01:01:28,720
Speaker 2: and just sit and be a fly on the wall.

1400
01:01:29,160 --> 01:01:30,480
Speaker 2: And yeah, there's like that.

1401
01:01:30,480 --> 01:01:32,800
Speaker 4: Was a great part of you being in early dating

1402
01:01:32,840 --> 01:01:33,360
Speaker 4: and having you.

1403
01:01:33,440 --> 01:01:35,960
Speaker 1: I would basically like you could be like his mouthpiece

1404
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:38,040
Speaker 1: almost for any fights we got into or anything, and

1405
01:01:38,040 --> 01:01:39,680
Speaker 1: you'd explain the side and.

1406
01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:40,479
Speaker 4: I would get it more.

1407
01:01:40,360 --> 01:01:42,480
Speaker 1: Because you do have like that very unique ability to

1408
01:01:42,480 --> 01:01:45,919
Speaker 1: sort of verbalize what men are thinking or how they're

1409
01:01:45,960 --> 01:01:47,360
Speaker 1: thinking about things.

1410
01:01:47,160 --> 01:01:49,640
Speaker 4: That sometimes you just don't come at things the same way.

1411
01:01:49,680 --> 01:01:52,080
Speaker 1: And that's really the source of most conflict in relationships,

1412
01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:55,080
Speaker 1: is just having a totally different framework for how you

1413
01:01:55,120 --> 01:01:57,440
Speaker 1: see the world or how you would see a specific instance.

1414
01:01:57,440 --> 01:01:58,880
Speaker 1: And a lot of the times men and women are

1415
01:01:58,880 --> 01:02:00,880
Speaker 1: thinking about things really different, right.

1416
01:02:00,640 --> 01:02:03,680
Speaker 2: And that's kind of been like the frustrating part about

1417
01:02:03,680 --> 01:02:07,640
Speaker 2: like the Internet's evolution over the last like seven years

1418
01:02:07,640 --> 01:02:10,360
Speaker 2: of us doing this podcast is like there aren't a

1419
01:02:10,360 --> 01:02:13,320
Speaker 2: lot of male voices, straight male voices in this space.

1420
01:02:14,120 --> 01:02:15,880
Speaker 2: I'm not trying to like pat myself on the back,

1421
01:02:15,960 --> 01:02:18,960
Speaker 2: but like I'm when I come on this podcast, I

1422
01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:23,560
Speaker 2: am I'm telling you exactly how I feel. And it

1423
01:02:23,680 --> 01:02:26,560
Speaker 2: sounds really icky, as I said before, but like this

1424
01:02:26,760 --> 01:02:30,520
Speaker 2: is it, Like I'm not apologizing for it. I'm just

1425
01:02:30,560 --> 01:02:33,240
Speaker 2: telling you. And like the podcast has been great because

1426
01:02:33,480 --> 01:02:35,360
Speaker 2: you know, Jordana has never been like well that's just you.

1427
01:02:35,360 --> 01:02:38,960
Speaker 2: You're gross, you know, like like I am gross, but

1428
01:02:39,040 --> 01:02:41,960
Speaker 2: I am speaking. I'm within. I'm not one hundred percent

1429
01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:45,200
Speaker 2: away from your boyfriend. I'm ten percent away at a max.

1430
01:02:45,720 --> 01:02:47,560
Speaker 2: Most of us are ten percent away from each other.

1431
01:02:47,640 --> 01:02:50,200
Speaker 2: So when we talk about stuff like and you see

1432
01:02:50,240 --> 01:02:53,200
Speaker 2: on the internet like there's no male voice to get

1433
01:02:53,240 --> 01:02:56,640
Speaker 2: back to the horrific stories you hear about dating from

1434
01:02:56,640 --> 01:02:59,440
Speaker 2: the female side, and it's because a lot of the

1435
01:02:59,480 --> 01:03:02,080
Speaker 2: male side of this isn't really morally great.

1436
01:03:02,360 --> 01:03:04,960
Speaker 1: Well, it doesn't feel whole quite as wholesome as the

1437
01:03:05,000 --> 01:03:06,280
Speaker 1: intentions for women, right.

1438
01:03:06,760 --> 01:03:08,600
Speaker 2: The intentions for women on dating afices. I want to

1439
01:03:08,640 --> 01:03:11,200
Speaker 2: find the love of my life and hold hands when

1440
01:03:11,200 --> 01:03:15,440
Speaker 2: we're buried together dead, and nothing can be better than that.

1441
01:03:16,160 --> 01:03:19,280
Speaker 2: I just like to like, how do you you know

1442
01:03:19,680 --> 01:03:21,520
Speaker 2: that doesn't sound great on the internet, and you will

1443
01:03:21,600 --> 01:03:24,640
Speaker 2: find a million voices shouting you down. I'm here to

1444
01:03:24,640 --> 01:03:26,960
Speaker 2: be casual and just have a fun time and maybe

1445
01:03:27,000 --> 01:03:29,240
Speaker 2: if I meet someone great, like we have so many

1446
01:03:29,240 --> 01:03:31,840
Speaker 2: people that ask about and this is like they'll ask

1447
01:03:31,880 --> 01:03:35,040
Speaker 2: about what men write, or people write what they write

1448
01:03:35,080 --> 01:03:38,240
Speaker 2: as what they're looking for, and it'll be like, I'm

1449
01:03:38,280 --> 01:03:41,160
Speaker 2: looking for a long term relationship. I'm looking for short

1450
01:03:41,240 --> 01:03:45,240
Speaker 2: term but open to long. Before that option even exists,

1451
01:03:45,360 --> 01:03:48,520
Speaker 2: I would always say men are looking for short term

1452
01:03:49,000 --> 01:03:51,320
Speaker 2: option for long That's what all men are looking for.

1453
01:03:51,640 --> 01:03:55,000
Speaker 2: The dream of this person waltzing into my life and

1454
01:03:55,000 --> 01:03:58,440
Speaker 2: making me not want anyone else. That's the Disney princess

1455
01:03:58,480 --> 01:04:02,000
Speaker 2: to us. So you know, when we get asked like, oh,

1456
01:04:02,040 --> 01:04:04,200
Speaker 2: what they wrote that they're looking for a long term

1457
01:04:04,240 --> 01:04:06,960
Speaker 2: relationship but they ended it with me, it's like, yeah,

1458
01:04:07,040 --> 01:04:10,000
Speaker 2: that is bullshit. Stop looking at what people you know

1459
01:04:10,040 --> 01:04:11,760
Speaker 2: what they're looking for. The only thing you should trust

1460
01:04:11,800 --> 01:04:14,560
Speaker 2: on a dating app is I only want short term,

1461
01:04:15,080 --> 01:04:18,480
Speaker 2: because that's them being honest. Every guy on there is

1462
01:04:18,760 --> 01:04:21,480
Speaker 2: open to long term, but you know, open to short

1463
01:04:21,520 --> 01:04:24,919
Speaker 2: but hoping for long, and they believe it. So you're

1464
01:04:24,920 --> 01:04:27,120
Speaker 2: not going to win that battle. Hey, but you said

1465
01:04:27,120 --> 01:04:29,320
Speaker 2: you had long term relationship written there. Oh, you're right,

1466
01:04:29,360 --> 01:04:33,080
Speaker 2: I guess we should be together now that's never gonna happen. Yeah,

1467
01:04:33,240 --> 01:04:34,439
Speaker 2: and that doesn't sound great.

1468
01:04:34,680 --> 01:04:35,800
Speaker 3: No, of course not that.

1469
01:04:36,080 --> 01:04:38,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would make out with a bunch of chicks

1470
01:04:38,080 --> 01:04:39,800
Speaker 2: before I met the love of my life. Yeah it

1471
01:04:39,840 --> 01:04:41,440
Speaker 2: doesn't sound great, but that's how most men are going

1472
01:04:41,440 --> 01:04:41,840
Speaker 2: about this.

1473
01:04:42,000 --> 01:04:44,440
Speaker 3: It's really interesting when we think about it, even from

1474
01:04:44,880 --> 01:04:47,640
Speaker 3: if we're a tempest in a way. Yeah, my perspective

1475
01:04:47,640 --> 01:04:50,520
Speaker 3: has been so transformed. And I hear this from men

1476
01:04:50,600 --> 01:04:53,360
Speaker 3: who are married and have kids and so who one

1477
01:04:53,440 --> 01:04:56,320
Speaker 3: step ahead of me in that? And even for me

1478
01:04:57,920 --> 01:04:59,800
Speaker 3: getting married, who is the best decision I ever made

1479
01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:03,920
Speaker 3: because it actually gave me more time, energy, and space

1480
01:05:03,960 --> 01:05:05,960
Speaker 3: to do all the things I loved because as a

1481
01:05:06,000 --> 01:05:08,760
Speaker 3: young man, all I did was chase women and spend

1482
01:05:08,800 --> 01:05:11,959
Speaker 3: loads of time, money, and energy on finding the right girl.

1483
01:05:12,600 --> 01:05:14,280
Speaker 3: All of a sudden, I got all that time back.

1484
01:05:15,160 --> 01:05:18,160
Speaker 3: When you realize how much efficient I have.

1485
01:05:18,080 --> 01:05:21,120
Speaker 2: A buddy in the baking and I'm like, when did

1486
01:05:21,160 --> 01:05:22,360
Speaker 2: this happens? Like I got a wife.

1487
01:05:22,520 --> 01:05:25,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like I'm like a better version of myself.

1488
01:05:25,560 --> 01:05:27,960
Speaker 3: And and I remember speaking to like a lot of

1489
01:05:27,960 --> 01:05:30,720
Speaker 3: successful men, and they were all like the best if

1490
01:05:30,760 --> 01:05:34,800
Speaker 3: you look through history, the most successful and happy successful men.

1491
01:05:34,800 --> 01:05:37,120
Speaker 3: I'm not just talking about financially, just men who were

1492
01:05:37,120 --> 01:05:39,520
Speaker 3: happy and successful. It was because they were committed to

1493
01:05:39,520 --> 01:05:43,160
Speaker 3: one woman, because there's so much time and energy to bill, do,

1494
01:05:43,400 --> 01:05:44,560
Speaker 3: be and be accepted.

1495
01:05:44,640 --> 01:05:45,960
Speaker 2: I don't doubt no, No, I'm not.

1496
01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:47,240
Speaker 3: I'm not preaching no.

1497
01:05:47,200 --> 01:05:48,400
Speaker 2: But I no, no, no. But I know you're not

1498
01:05:48,640 --> 01:05:52,200
Speaker 2: because I've heard you talk about your wife on our

1499
01:05:52,240 --> 01:05:55,880
Speaker 2: podcast and you can tell like this is a partnership.

1500
01:05:56,040 --> 01:05:59,320
Speaker 2: You guys are aiming for the same thing. You seem

1501
01:05:59,360 --> 01:06:01,000
Speaker 2: on the same page, just the way you talk about

1502
01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:04,240
Speaker 2: your relationship. And when you see that and feel that,

1503
01:06:04,360 --> 01:06:08,040
Speaker 2: you go, yeah, of course that's the better option than single.

1504
01:06:08,200 --> 01:06:10,360
Speaker 2: But then you sit here and you go, man, I

1505
01:06:11,120 --> 01:06:12,560
Speaker 2: haven't really had that.

1506
01:06:12,680 --> 01:06:14,760
Speaker 3: And that's the right answer, because you're right, it's not

1507
01:06:14,800 --> 01:06:18,120
Speaker 3: just anyone, right, it's the person that's mutually working on

1508
01:06:18,160 --> 01:06:20,120
Speaker 3: it with you as well. And to your point too,

1509
01:06:20,160 --> 01:06:21,320
Speaker 3: you could I could have been with a lot of

1510
01:06:21,360 --> 01:06:23,360
Speaker 3: different people. I think I could have married a bunch

1511
01:06:23,360 --> 01:06:25,760
Speaker 3: of other people that are dated, but it wouldn't have

1512
01:06:25,840 --> 01:06:29,120
Speaker 3: worked because either I would have lost enthusiasm and energy

1513
01:06:29,440 --> 01:06:31,920
Speaker 3: or they would have Whereas the only reason why this

1514
01:06:31,960 --> 01:06:34,440
Speaker 3: one's working is because both people are willing to put

1515
01:06:34,440 --> 01:06:36,800
Speaker 3: in that energy and that work and that time in

1516
01:06:36,840 --> 01:06:38,880
Speaker 3: a way that I don't think I would have had

1517
01:06:38,920 --> 01:06:42,200
Speaker 3: for anyone else, like you know, and that's that's the

1518
01:06:42,240 --> 01:06:45,120
Speaker 3: part that you're waiting for, and that's important. Yeah, for sure.

1519
01:06:45,480 --> 01:06:47,880
Speaker 3: So I want to go to the final five before

1520
01:06:47,880 --> 01:06:50,640
Speaker 3: we do some segments with you. These questions have to

1521
01:06:50,640 --> 01:06:52,760
Speaker 3: be answered in one word to one sentence maximum.

1522
01:06:52,800 --> 01:06:53,760
Speaker 2: But I'm going to change it for you.

1523
01:06:55,200 --> 01:06:57,440
Speaker 3: I'm going to change it for you, guys, because I

1524
01:06:57,440 --> 01:06:59,840
Speaker 3: don't want to do that, but we've gotta be quick

1525
01:06:59,840 --> 01:07:01,240
Speaker 3: with it.

1526
01:07:01,360 --> 01:07:01,840
Speaker 4: Lightning wrong.

1527
01:07:01,960 --> 01:07:04,960
Speaker 3: So I'm going to give you a little bit of scenarios.

1528
01:07:05,640 --> 01:07:08,280
Speaker 3: So you've been on a few great dates, but you've

1529
01:07:08,800 --> 01:07:11,720
Speaker 3: you're always the one initiating a walk point. Does that

1530
01:07:11,800 --> 01:07:15,040
Speaker 3: stop being their style and stop being assigned. They're not

1531
01:07:15,080 --> 01:07:16,320
Speaker 3: prioritizing you.

1532
01:07:16,400 --> 01:07:19,120
Speaker 1: As soon as you're turned off by that, yeah, I

1533
01:07:19,120 --> 01:07:19,680
Speaker 1: think you know.

1534
01:07:19,960 --> 01:07:22,680
Speaker 2: I this is this is my answer to try this.

1535
01:07:22,720 --> 01:07:25,320
Speaker 2: If you're in a position you're always making the plan

1536
01:07:25,400 --> 01:07:27,959
Speaker 2: and it doesn't you're turned off by it. First of all,

1537
01:07:28,080 --> 01:07:30,400
Speaker 2: established I'm turned off. I don't like that I keep

1538
01:07:30,400 --> 01:07:33,080
Speaker 2: making the plan. That's okay to admit. It's okay to

1539
01:07:33,120 --> 01:07:33,920
Speaker 2: say you're turned.

1540
01:07:33,720 --> 01:07:35,800
Speaker 1: Off if you don't like making the plan. If you

1541
01:07:35,840 --> 01:07:38,120
Speaker 1: don't mind making the plan, that's also okay.

1542
01:07:38,240 --> 01:07:41,360
Speaker 2: Right, both are okay. But if you want the person

1543
01:07:41,400 --> 01:07:43,400
Speaker 2: you're texting with to make the plan and it would

1544
01:07:43,440 --> 01:07:47,160
Speaker 2: make you feel good, send this text you ready, Hey,

1545
01:07:47,880 --> 01:07:50,840
Speaker 2: I'm really busy today, would love to see you again.

1546
01:07:51,000 --> 01:07:52,880
Speaker 2: Make a plan and I'm in nice.

1547
01:07:52,960 --> 01:07:53,400
Speaker 3: I like that.

1548
01:07:53,440 --> 01:07:56,480
Speaker 2: There's no other answer to that than the plan. If

1549
01:07:56,520 --> 01:07:59,680
Speaker 2: there's other answers, they're not really looking to go out,

1550
01:07:59,720 --> 01:08:02,200
Speaker 2: and hopefully you're turned off by that, are they right?

1551
01:08:02,280 --> 01:08:04,000
Speaker 1: Or they're not someone who makes plans and they're not

1552
01:08:04,040 --> 01:08:04,320
Speaker 1: for you?

1553
01:08:04,680 --> 01:08:04,840
Speaker 2: Right?

1554
01:08:05,320 --> 01:08:07,640
Speaker 3: Yeah? Well I said I like great honests. That was

1555
01:08:07,760 --> 01:08:10,480
Speaker 3: very succinct. But Davy, that's good. All right? You matched

1556
01:08:10,480 --> 01:08:12,480
Speaker 3: in a dating app. You've had a great conversation, but

1557
01:08:12,520 --> 01:08:14,840
Speaker 3: they haven't responded in two days. How long do you

1558
01:08:14,840 --> 01:08:15,880
Speaker 3: wait before moving on?

1559
01:08:16,520 --> 01:08:20,800
Speaker 2: Feeling it is the answer? So like that person felt it,

1560
01:08:21,280 --> 01:08:23,920
Speaker 2: I haven't heard from them in two days. Okay, what

1561
01:08:23,960 --> 01:08:26,400
Speaker 2: are you going to do about it? Hey? Checking in?

1562
01:08:26,479 --> 01:08:28,880
Speaker 2: Would love to go out. Make a plan and I'm

1563
01:08:28,920 --> 01:08:34,320
Speaker 2: in right. Make a plan. Positive and direction will get

1564
01:08:34,320 --> 01:08:37,200
Speaker 2: you everything you want in life and my with dating.

1565
01:08:37,400 --> 01:08:42,519
Speaker 2: If you're honest, you will feel dishonesty very quickly be positive. Hey,

1566
01:08:42,520 --> 01:08:45,760
Speaker 2: I've loved chit chatting with you. It's been a couple

1567
01:08:45,760 --> 01:08:49,120
Speaker 2: of days. I'm around next week. Make a plan and

1568
01:08:49,200 --> 01:08:49,559
Speaker 2: I'm in.

1569
01:08:49,680 --> 01:08:50,519
Speaker 4: Make a plan and I'm in.

1570
01:08:50,560 --> 01:08:51,240
Speaker 1: We'll set you free.

1571
01:08:51,439 --> 01:08:56,080
Speaker 2: It will really such simple advice. Yeah, but I only

1572
01:08:56,080 --> 01:08:58,720
Speaker 2: give advice that would work on me. What would work

1573
01:08:58,760 --> 01:09:00,840
Speaker 2: on me? If someone I was texting with but I

1574
01:09:00,880 --> 01:09:03,519
Speaker 2: was just getting the dope, mean hit from their text

1575
01:09:03,560 --> 01:09:04,680
Speaker 2: and I didn't want to go out with them. If

1576
01:09:04,680 --> 01:09:07,000
Speaker 2: they were like, hey, make a plan, I'm in. Time

1577
01:09:07,000 --> 01:09:08,519
Speaker 2: for me to go. Let me put on my hat.

1578
01:09:08,560 --> 01:09:09,320
Speaker 2: I'll be out the door.

1579
01:09:09,520 --> 01:09:09,720
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1580
01:09:09,760 --> 01:09:09,960
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1581
01:09:10,000 --> 01:09:11,880
Speaker 1: And if that doesn't work, If it make a plan

1582
01:09:11,920 --> 01:09:14,320
Speaker 1: and I'm in doesn't work, you've saved your own time something,

1583
01:09:14,360 --> 01:09:16,400
Speaker 1: You've saved your own mental energy even thinking about it,

1584
01:09:16,400 --> 01:09:19,080
Speaker 1: because you've thrown the ball in their court and now

1585
01:09:19,120 --> 01:09:19,600
Speaker 1: you can move on.

1586
01:09:19,920 --> 01:09:20,120
Speaker 2: Right.

1587
01:09:20,600 --> 01:09:24,559
Speaker 3: Great? How do I navigate jealousy of friends, relationships and

1588
01:09:24,680 --> 01:09:26,880
Speaker 3: milestones When I feel stuck behind?

1589
01:09:27,439 --> 01:09:29,880
Speaker 2: Remember that your friends are all liars and they're way

1590
01:09:29,960 --> 01:09:35,719
Speaker 2: up more unhappy than you think they are. They suck.

1591
01:09:35,880 --> 01:09:40,840
Speaker 2: How about that? No, I your friends, and the jealousy

1592
01:09:40,920 --> 01:09:43,479
Speaker 2: probably comes from a place of you assuming. I think

1593
01:09:43,520 --> 01:09:45,240
Speaker 2: if you went out for lunch with a friend that

1594
01:09:45,280 --> 01:09:48,599
Speaker 2: you'd feel jealous of, you'd feel really different after that lunch.

1595
01:09:48,760 --> 01:09:50,760
Speaker 2: I kind of tend to believe that. I call it

1596
01:09:51,080 --> 01:09:55,080
Speaker 2: that guy mode FTG mode where you're like someone will

1597
01:09:55,120 --> 01:09:56,720
Speaker 2: be like, hey, have you met my friend Tim? And

1598
01:09:56,760 --> 01:09:59,519
Speaker 2: I'm like FTG right away, And then you meet them

1599
01:09:59,520 --> 01:10:01,960
Speaker 2: and you go, they're a nice person and they're pretty cool.

1600
01:10:02,120 --> 01:10:04,280
Speaker 2: And so I think, if you're feeling jealousy, does your

1601
01:10:04,320 --> 01:10:06,439
Speaker 2: friends in their relationships go for lunch with them? I

1602
01:10:06,520 --> 01:10:09,479
Speaker 2: think that would be like a purposeful move.

1603
01:10:09,840 --> 01:10:10,880
Speaker 4: I have a slightly different take.

1604
01:10:12,640 --> 01:10:15,080
Speaker 1: I think one I think the feeling of jealousy is

1605
01:10:15,120 --> 01:10:18,360
Speaker 1: really like that's a secondary emotion for what you're really feeling.

1606
01:10:18,360 --> 01:10:20,479
Speaker 1: And maybe what you're really feeling is like a loneliness thing,

1607
01:10:20,520 --> 01:10:22,920
Speaker 1: And I think it's okay to feel that. I think

1608
01:10:22,920 --> 01:10:25,759
Speaker 1: that tells you. That's actually great because it gives you direction.

1609
01:10:25,880 --> 01:10:27,800
Speaker 1: Now you know what you want. So many people have

1610
01:10:27,800 --> 01:10:30,519
Speaker 1: no idea what they want, so I think that's great.

1611
01:10:30,600 --> 01:10:32,960
Speaker 1: I think have lunch with your friends not to see

1612
01:10:32,960 --> 01:10:34,960
Speaker 1: how miserable they are, or maybe that's maybe they are.

1613
01:10:35,240 --> 01:10:37,960
Speaker 1: Maybe they're miserable or maybe they have a great relationship

1614
01:10:37,960 --> 01:10:40,400
Speaker 1: and you can say, what was it about this person

1615
01:10:40,400 --> 01:10:42,880
Speaker 1: that made them different? You can get inspired by them.

1616
01:10:42,920 --> 01:10:44,519
Speaker 1: I think you can change, like we go back to

1617
01:10:44,560 --> 01:10:47,160
Speaker 1: the beginning of the episode. You can change your attitude.

1618
01:10:47,200 --> 01:10:49,519
Speaker 1: You can feel like more excited and kind of get

1619
01:10:49,560 --> 01:10:51,840
Speaker 1: like a tip from them. I think it's okay to

1620
01:10:51,880 --> 01:10:54,960
Speaker 1: feel people are so afraid to say. I feel jealous

1621
01:10:55,560 --> 01:10:57,479
Speaker 1: and I don't know why. It feels like a very

1622
01:10:57,479 --> 01:11:00,559
Speaker 1: icky emotion, but I think it's okay to feel jealous.

1623
01:11:00,600 --> 01:11:03,479
Speaker 1: Like jealousy is like I know what I want. I

1624
01:11:03,560 --> 01:11:06,840
Speaker 1: want that now I can like really work to figure

1625
01:11:06,880 --> 01:11:07,599
Speaker 1: out how to get.

1626
01:11:07,479 --> 01:11:10,639
Speaker 3: It all right, good answers, if that's all right this one.

1627
01:11:11,560 --> 01:11:15,080
Speaker 3: This person's not overly impressive to me, but they're loyal

1628
01:11:15,160 --> 01:11:17,840
Speaker 3: and kind. Do I stay or do I go?

1629
01:11:18,439 --> 01:11:21,200
Speaker 2: I just always think of these things. Would I want

1630
01:11:21,240 --> 01:11:25,400
Speaker 2: that person saying that about me at our wedding? And

1631
01:11:25,560 --> 01:11:27,240
Speaker 2: I wouldn't want to be with that person. I don't

1632
01:11:27,240 --> 01:11:29,479
Speaker 2: want to be with someone who pities me, someone who

1633
01:11:29,520 --> 01:11:33,080
Speaker 2: doesn't think. And again, if you're thinking they're not overly impressive,

1634
01:11:33,120 --> 01:11:36,639
Speaker 2: then you're probably very caught up on what other people

1635
01:11:36,760 --> 01:11:39,600
Speaker 2: think of your partner. And that's probably more of a

1636
01:11:39,640 --> 01:11:42,320
Speaker 2: message to you than it is to how they should be.

1637
01:11:42,920 --> 01:11:44,880
Speaker 2: So maybe you have to go and kind of like

1638
01:11:45,080 --> 01:11:47,720
Speaker 2: work that out and why are you thinking that way

1639
01:11:47,760 --> 01:11:50,599
Speaker 2: about your partner? And you should I would, I would

1640
01:11:50,760 --> 01:11:52,840
Speaker 2: want them to end it with me. I'd be like,

1641
01:11:53,360 --> 01:11:55,559
Speaker 2: I don't want to be thought of like a dog

1642
01:11:56,960 --> 01:11:59,639
Speaker 2: loyal that's what that's how you talk about.

1643
01:11:59,400 --> 01:12:01,840
Speaker 4: The dog, right, I do agree.

1644
01:12:01,880 --> 01:12:03,800
Speaker 1: I think that, like I would have met, I would

1645
01:12:03,800 --> 01:12:06,680
Speaker 1: ask myself what does overly impressive mean to me?

1646
01:12:07,120 --> 01:12:08,840
Speaker 4: And what is that adding to my life?

1647
01:12:09,640 --> 01:12:12,599
Speaker 1: And then I mean, like again, I think part of dating,

1648
01:12:12,680 --> 01:12:14,720
Speaker 1: especially as you get older, is like figuring out what

1649
01:12:14,840 --> 01:12:17,160
Speaker 1: actually matters, and some people call that settling, and I

1650
01:12:17,160 --> 01:12:20,600
Speaker 1: think other people call that prioritizing what's actually important. So

1651
01:12:20,680 --> 01:12:24,360
Speaker 1: I think I would dig deeper into overly impressive, what

1652
01:12:24,400 --> 01:12:26,880
Speaker 1: that means to me, why I'm so interested in it,

1653
01:12:27,280 --> 01:12:29,760
Speaker 1: and what I think that's going to bring to a partnership.

1654
01:12:30,120 --> 01:12:32,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, what was that? All right? Fifth and final question.

1655
01:12:32,120 --> 01:12:33,960
Speaker 3: We asked this to every guest who's ever been on

1656
01:12:34,000 --> 01:12:36,040
Speaker 3: the show, but I'm going to apply it to dating

1657
01:12:36,080 --> 01:12:39,840
Speaker 3: and relationships. If you could create one dating law that

1658
01:12:39,920 --> 01:12:41,960
Speaker 3: everyone in the world had to follow. What would it be.

1659
01:12:42,520 --> 01:12:48,519
Speaker 2: Every time you say you're confused about something, exchange the

1660
01:12:48,520 --> 01:12:53,479
Speaker 2: word confused for turned off. So I'm confused they haven't

1661
01:12:53,479 --> 01:12:57,120
Speaker 2: text me back, I'm turned off that they haven't text me.

1662
01:12:57,320 --> 01:12:58,960
Speaker 3: That's great answer, and.

1663
01:12:58,720 --> 01:13:03,040
Speaker 2: Being turned off doesn't mean it's over. It's something to

1664
01:13:03,040 --> 01:13:07,040
Speaker 2: communicate to the person you're dating. And that's an easy

1665
01:13:07,080 --> 01:13:09,559
Speaker 2: text to send from outside. It's not easy to say

1666
01:13:09,560 --> 01:13:12,040
Speaker 2: on the inside, but to say to someone, hey, I'm

1667
01:13:12,040 --> 01:13:14,559
Speaker 2: a little turned off that you haven't text me back

1668
01:13:14,840 --> 01:13:18,760
Speaker 2: since our date, and that's all you have to say.

1669
01:13:18,760 --> 01:13:21,200
Speaker 2: Because again, I only give advice that works on me.

1670
01:13:22,160 --> 01:13:24,240
Speaker 2: Anytime a woman has told me I've they've been turned

1671
01:13:24,280 --> 01:13:27,920
Speaker 2: off by me, it has motivated me. Take you, impressed them,

1672
01:13:28,680 --> 01:13:33,599
Speaker 2: motivated me to like do either end it or better?

1673
01:13:34,160 --> 01:13:36,080
Speaker 3: Motivated you to some actions make a action.

1674
01:13:36,840 --> 01:13:40,280
Speaker 2: So anytime someone says they're confused about something, I've noticed

1675
01:13:40,280 --> 01:13:42,280
Speaker 2: that that's just their way of not telling us that

1676
01:13:42,320 --> 01:13:46,639
Speaker 2: they're turned off. So take confused, switch it with turned off,

1677
01:13:46,720 --> 01:13:49,840
Speaker 2: and then communicate that great advice to finish this up.

1678
01:13:49,960 --> 01:13:52,360
Speaker 1: I think my mistake I used to make in dating,

1679
01:13:52,439 --> 01:13:56,280
Speaker 1: especially before starting this podcast, is you know, wanting to

1680
01:13:56,400 --> 01:13:58,640
Speaker 1: be the person that someone likes and so said like

1681
01:13:58,720 --> 01:14:01,280
Speaker 1: not stating your own need in an effort to get

1682
01:14:01,320 --> 01:14:03,640
Speaker 1: the widest reach of people who are interested in you.

1683
01:14:04,200 --> 01:14:06,479
Speaker 1: But what I've learned is that when you express your needs,

1684
01:14:06,520 --> 01:14:08,519
Speaker 1: you save your own time and you find the better

1685
01:14:08,560 --> 01:14:10,559
Speaker 1: match for you sooner, because your needs are your needs.

1686
01:14:10,560 --> 01:14:12,000
Speaker 1: There's no such thing as a wrong.

1687
01:14:11,840 --> 01:14:13,760
Speaker 4: Need or a right need. It's what works for you.

1688
01:14:14,200 --> 01:14:16,760
Speaker 1: And the sooner you ask or express your need, the

1689
01:14:16,800 --> 01:14:18,479
Speaker 1: sooner you find out if someone's going to meet it,

1690
01:14:18,520 --> 01:14:20,360
Speaker 1: and the more time you save on your own.

1691
01:14:20,560 --> 01:14:22,759
Speaker 3: Nice stuff, too, Down and Jared, you guys are the best,

1692
01:14:23,160 --> 01:14:26,519
Speaker 3: great advice, great insight anyone who's been listening and watching.

1693
01:14:26,960 --> 01:14:29,280
Speaker 3: Make sure you subscribe to you Up if you haven't already.

1694
01:14:29,640 --> 01:14:31,360
Speaker 3: Make sure you cut this into all your clips for

1695
01:14:31,400 --> 01:14:34,719
Speaker 3: TikTok for Instagram tagle three of us. I love seeing

1696
01:14:35,000 --> 01:14:37,479
Speaker 3: the stuff that resonates with you, the stuff that turned

1697
01:14:37,520 --> 01:14:39,720
Speaker 3: you off, the stuff that brought you to life, the

1698
01:14:39,720 --> 01:14:41,320
Speaker 3: things that you're practicing. I want to know who's doing

1699
01:14:41,360 --> 01:14:43,679
Speaker 3: the challenge with Jared, because yes.

1700
01:14:43,560 --> 01:14:46,920
Speaker 2: It's helpful and it'll make you feel but you'll feel

1701
01:14:46,920 --> 01:14:48,080
Speaker 2: refreshed very quickly.

1702
01:14:48,120 --> 01:14:50,760
Speaker 1: I will say that you could do the challenge in

1703
01:14:50,800 --> 01:14:53,920
Speaker 1: a relationship. You're just you know, put your You're.

1704
01:14:54,360 --> 01:14:55,320
Speaker 4: I'm being more social.

1705
01:14:55,479 --> 01:14:58,560
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, I like the dinner one ya I

1706
01:14:58,680 --> 01:15:01,360
Speaker 2: make a plan with a couple. It really does.

1707
01:15:01,680 --> 01:15:03,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, it changes it, it changes.

1708
01:15:03,479 --> 01:15:05,519
Speaker 4: Get off your phone. The challenge is get off your phone.

1709
01:15:05,640 --> 01:15:08,160
Speaker 2: It's a little bit. Yeah, get when I'm with someone else,

1710
01:15:08,200 --> 01:15:09,880
Speaker 2: I'm off my phone. But love it.

1711
01:15:09,960 --> 01:15:10,639
Speaker 3: You're Dana Jargy.

1712
01:15:10,640 --> 01:15:11,040
Speaker 2: You the best.

1713
01:15:11,040 --> 01:15:12,160
Speaker 3: I hope you come back soon.

1714
01:15:12,439 --> 01:15:12,760
Speaker 2: Thank you.

1715
01:15:12,680 --> 01:15:14,599
Speaker 3: You guys are awesome. I really I hope you'll come

1716
01:15:14,640 --> 01:15:16,599
Speaker 3: back again. We've got lots to moret to talk about

1717
01:15:16,680 --> 01:15:18,439
Speaker 3: next time that I wold have kept you here for

1718
01:15:18,439 --> 01:15:20,839
Speaker 3: another hour if I could have, so, I'm so grateful.

1719
01:15:20,880 --> 01:15:22,400
Speaker 3: Thank you so much. You guys are awesome.

1720
01:15:22,439 --> 01:15:24,880
Speaker 2: You're the best man. We really appreciate it so great.

1721
01:15:24,920 --> 01:15:26,160
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for having us.

1722
01:15:26,320 --> 01:15:28,800
Speaker 3: If you love this episode, you're going to love my

1723
01:15:28,920 --> 01:15:32,360
Speaker 3: conversation with Matthew Hussey on how to get over your

1724
01:15:32,360 --> 01:15:35,360
Speaker 3: ex and find true love in your relationships.

1725
01:15:35,520 --> 01:15:39,800
Speaker 2: People should be compassionate to themselves that extend that compassion

1726
01:15:39,920 --> 01:15:44,000
Speaker 2: to your future self, because truly extending your compassion to

1727
01:15:44,040 --> 01:15:47,040
Speaker 2: your future self is doing something that gives him or

1728
01:15:47,080 --> 01:15:49,439
Speaker 2: her a shot at a happy and a peaceful life.