1
00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:14,360
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly

2
00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:19,160
Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small

3
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,360
Speaker 1: decisions we can make to become the best possible versions

4
00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:26,480
Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor Joy hard and Bradford,

5
00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:31,920
Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or

6
00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:35,440
Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website

7
00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:39,280
Speaker 1: at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you

8
00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:43,320
Speaker 1: love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is

9
00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:46,280
Speaker 1: not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with

10
00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:57,440
Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much

11
00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,920
Speaker 1: for joining me for session threeh eight of the Therapy

12
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:04,000
Speaker 1: for Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our conversation

13
00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:15,959
Speaker 1: after a word from our sponsors. This week we have

14
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:19,080
Speaker 1: a special episode for you, very near and dear to

15
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:22,679
Speaker 1: my heart and dedicated to the beautiful bonds of sisterhood.

16
00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:26,640
Speaker 1: Many of you know that my debut book, Sisterhood Heels

17
00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:30,640
Speaker 1: the Transformative Power of Healing in Community, releases on June

18
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:34,160
Speaker 1: twenty seven. It is a celebration of and a guide

19
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:38,119
Speaker 1: to the relationships black women have with one another. Well,

20
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,959
Speaker 1: the TVG team got some very early copies of the

21
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,440
Speaker 1: book and had a little book club of their own

22
00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:47,520
Speaker 1: to chat about their thoughts, musings, and praise for Sisterhood

23
00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:50,240
Speaker 1: Heels and we wanted to share it with you, but

24
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:53,240
Speaker 1: the conversation won't stop here. I want you to be

25
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,960
Speaker 1: a part of it as well, so please pre order

26
00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:59,320
Speaker 1: your copy at Sisterhoodheels dot com so that you'll be

27
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,520
Speaker 1: able to join us and the fun as well. If

28
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:05,480
Speaker 1: something resonates with you while enjoying our conversation, please share

29
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,760
Speaker 1: it with us on social media using the hashtag TVG

30
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:12,720
Speaker 1: in session and Sisterhood Heels, or join us in the

31
00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:16,040
Speaker 1: Sister Circle to talk more about the episode at community

32
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:20,320
Speaker 1: dot Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. Here's our conversation from

33
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,400
Speaker 1: our book club to yours.

34
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:27,400
Speaker 2: Hello, I'm Frida Lucas. I'm the senior producer here at

35
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:30,160
Speaker 2: the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, and I have the

36
00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:33,200
Speaker 2: distinct honor to be in conversation with my fellow team

37
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:38,120
Speaker 2: members here at Therapy for Black Girls to discuss Sisterhood Heels,

38
00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:41,840
Speaker 2: the upcoming book and the first book from our illustrious

39
00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:46,440
Speaker 2: leader and founder of Therapy for Black Girls, doctor Joy

40
00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:50,600
Speaker 2: Harden Bradford. And I can speak for myself, have had

41
00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:53,720
Speaker 2: such an incredible joy reading this book and now being

42
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:56,000
Speaker 2: in conversation with you. Also, I'm very very excited for

43
00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:58,760
Speaker 2: us to get started. Before we jump in talking about

44
00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:01,080
Speaker 2: sisterhood heels, I would love to pass it over to

45
00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:03,920
Speaker 2: the team to do introductions, and the first person I'm

46
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:06,440
Speaker 2: going to ask to do introductions is Nisha.

47
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:09,640
Speaker 3: Hello, I'm super excited to be joining you all today.

48
00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:12,680
Speaker 3: I'm Naisha, and I am the community assistant with the

49
00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:15,520
Speaker 3: Therapy for Black Girls Sister Circle. I love what I

50
00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:19,160
Speaker 3: do with our community and I'm just feeling warm and

51
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:22,040
Speaker 3: fuzzy after going through my notes, just you know, ready

52
00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:22,639
Speaker 3: to dive in.

53
00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,480
Speaker 2: Let's pass it over to Kia. Hi.

54
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,839
Speaker 4: My name is Kia, and I'm the business manager here

55
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:30,840
Speaker 4: at Therapy for Black Girls. So I try to coordinate

56
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:33,680
Speaker 4: and make sure that the team is working as effectively

57
00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:37,040
Speaker 4: and efficiently as possible. And I too, am excited to

58
00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:40,000
Speaker 4: discuss this book because it reminded me of some things

59
00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:42,360
Speaker 4: that I had already experienced in life and some things

60
00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:45,200
Speaker 4: that I'm looking forward to implementing, so can't wait to

61
00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:45,800
Speaker 4: get into it.

62
00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:49,800
Speaker 2: And the one and only Gorgeous Hello, everyone, My name

63
00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:50,640
Speaker 2: is Gorgeous.

64
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,320
Speaker 5: I'm the kind since specialist with the team with Therapy

65
00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:57,720
Speaker 5: for Black Girls, I help in the community on Facebook

66
00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:01,200
Speaker 5: as well as help pitch topics and thanks to discuss

67
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,800
Speaker 5: on the podcasts and Bob.

68
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:06,120
Speaker 2: And Lads, but most certainly not Lease Elise.

69
00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,440
Speaker 6: Hey, everyone, I'm Eleisa Ellis, the producer of the Therapy

70
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:10,840
Speaker 6: for Black Girls podcast.

71
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:14,360
Speaker 7: I am so excited to discuss Sisterhood heels today.

72
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,080
Speaker 6: I absolutely love this book and I'm really proud of

73
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:20,960
Speaker 6: doctor Joy and preparing for this conversation, I was thinking

74
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:25,279
Speaker 6: about chapter three being your sister's keeper and being soft

75
00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:28,920
Speaker 6: places to land for each other, and I think that's

76
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,039
Speaker 6: what we have here at this team. Was just so

77
00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:33,560
Speaker 6: heartwarming to discuss it with you, guys. I'm excited to

78
00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:35,640
Speaker 6: see how the Sister Circle talks about the book and

79
00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:39,400
Speaker 6: just our entire audience's response to the release.

80
00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:42,719
Speaker 2: All right, Elise, let's kick it off with these conversation questions.

81
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,880
Speaker 6: Yeah, so, I already talked a little bit about one

82
00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:48,440
Speaker 6: of my favorite parts of the book, chapter three, about

83
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:52,040
Speaker 6: being your Sister's Keeper, and I'm curious what sections of

84
00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:55,760
Speaker 6: the books stood out to you guys and why Global Sisterhood.

85
00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:59,000
Speaker 3: Definitely just from Joy because I'm like, yes, it's how

86
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,920
Speaker 3: you can help a sistem and going into the four

87
00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:05,359
Speaker 3: s's of sistood, being seen, supported, and supporting ourselves as

88
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:09,120
Speaker 3: well as soften. Wow, just breaking that down so we

89
00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:12,280
Speaker 3: can understand how we can work on ourselves and also

90
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:15,200
Speaker 3: be there for one another and also how to help

91
00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,839
Speaker 3: another be seen. I'm like, yes, so we needed this

92
00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:18,280
Speaker 3: for sure.

93
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,400
Speaker 4: I think I like to touch on the book like

94
00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:22,680
Speaker 4: generally speaking, I thought it was such a good balance

95
00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:28,479
Speaker 4: between academic and researched things that you could really take

96
00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:31,440
Speaker 4: from and a conversational tone because I think sometimes that

97
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,719
Speaker 4: things tend to be more one than the other. And

98
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:36,800
Speaker 4: I thought like it really connected with me in a

99
00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:38,800
Speaker 4: good balance because every time I was thinking, well, you know,

100
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,880
Speaker 4: what is the why behind this, it would pop up

101
00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:44,599
Speaker 4: in a way that I could easily digest without having

102
00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,280
Speaker 4: to you know, look up a whole bunch of things,

103
00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,760
Speaker 4: but still feel like I had learned something. So that

104
00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:51,760
Speaker 4: wasn't from one particular chapter, but just throughout the book.

105
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:53,640
Speaker 4: I thought that it was a really good way of

106
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:54,679
Speaker 4: weaving it together.

107
00:05:55,279 --> 00:05:59,440
Speaker 5: I definitely agree with you, Kia from a therapist's perspective

108
00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:04,159
Speaker 5: with the book, Doctor Joy definitely executed well the delivery

109
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:09,279
Speaker 5: of the Jardian and the definitions of attachment theory, Like

110
00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:11,520
Speaker 5: she really broke it down, so, like you said, the

111
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:13,599
Speaker 5: way it was digestible to where you didn't need a

112
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:18,520
Speaker 5: degree in psychology or counseling to be able to understand

113
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:22,919
Speaker 5: these theories and mobalities and practices. I think to go

114
00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,200
Speaker 5: back to your question, at least what was our favorite part.

115
00:06:25,279 --> 00:06:27,600
Speaker 5: One of my favorite parts was where she broke down

116
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:30,920
Speaker 5: the attachment theory because a lot of people aren't aware

117
00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:34,839
Speaker 5: of that, and how we attached in our relationships really

118
00:06:34,839 --> 00:06:36,520
Speaker 5: plays a huge part in how we show up in

119
00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:37,600
Speaker 5: our friendships.

120
00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:41,479
Speaker 8: And even when she broke down and explained I think

121
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:41,800
Speaker 8: it was.

122
00:06:41,839 --> 00:06:45,320
Speaker 5: Eric Ericksson's kind of like the Stages of development that

123
00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:48,320
Speaker 5: was well written and well highlighted as well. I think

124
00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:52,680
Speaker 5: giving people more insights so you can get the understanding of, oh,

125
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:56,599
Speaker 5: my relationships started here, and my relationship maybe with my

126
00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:59,880
Speaker 5: younger sibling, I see that now being implemented my doctor,

127
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,200
Speaker 5: relationships with my best friends or whatever. So you need

128
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:06,400
Speaker 5: to kind of understanpanding the route and basis of friendship

129
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:07,400
Speaker 5: and relationships.

130
00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:10,200
Speaker 8: That was one of my favorite parts.

131
00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:11,200
Speaker 9: I really loved that.

132
00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:14,600
Speaker 6: Part too, because I've read a bit about attachment theory,

133
00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:17,840
Speaker 6: but it's always talked about in terms of romantic relationships,

134
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:22,920
Speaker 6: and so I think sometimes we can prioritize developing and

135
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,920
Speaker 6: growing in romantic relationships but not in friendships. And so

136
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:28,840
Speaker 6: there's a level of introspection in the book that I

137
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:32,280
Speaker 6: really appreciate. In addition to the attachment theory, the questions

138
00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:35,200
Speaker 6: that doctor Joy wrote that I had to ask myself

139
00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:37,080
Speaker 6: about how I'm operating in my friendships.

140
00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:38,360
Speaker 7: I felt like that was really helpful.

141
00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:40,680
Speaker 6: So I wasn't just reading to learn, but I was

142
00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,560
Speaker 6: reading and processing a lot of things in the book

143
00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,960
Speaker 6: to understand myself, and that was really helpful.

144
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:49,640
Speaker 2: So, Nisha, earlier on you brought up the essays of sisterhood,

145
00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:52,520
Speaker 2: and I'd love for us all to touch on how

146
00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:55,800
Speaker 2: do you receive and give sisterhood? And if you feel

147
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:59,960
Speaker 2: comfortable sharing experiences from your own friendships, I'd be delight.

148
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:04,680
Speaker 3: I didn't hear them, so when I was reading that,

149
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:07,920
Speaker 3: I obviously felt seen that I don't be asking for help,

150
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:13,720
Speaker 3: but thankfully I accepted help this weekend, and as I

151
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,160
Speaker 3: was going through my nose, I was like, Okay, nin

152
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:16,920
Speaker 3: you sure you didn't want to take that moment.

153
00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:19,240
Speaker 9: Of help with you accepted it. I was literally.

154
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:21,160
Speaker 3: Walking to a Starbucks and it was a twelve minute

155
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:24,240
Speaker 3: walk but at three minute drive, and I had just

156
00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:26,280
Speaker 3: slept an event and they two sisters.

157
00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:27,240
Speaker 9: They saw me at the event.

158
00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:28,960
Speaker 3: I was like, hey, sis, you just want to ride,

159
00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:31,040
Speaker 3: And it was hard for me to say yes. And

160
00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:33,280
Speaker 3: I've done that to other people, you know, Hey, come on,

161
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,280
Speaker 3: come on the car, come get a ride. I wasn't

162
00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:37,240
Speaker 3: paying ten dollars for the Uber, so I was like,

163
00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:39,200
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna walk this twelve minutes. It's nothing for me.

164
00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:40,920
Speaker 3: But she was like, come on, get in, and I

165
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:43,679
Speaker 3: felt no hesitation at all. I still I felt nervous

166
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:47,320
Speaker 3: accepted help. Not nervous for safety and nothing like that,

167
00:08:47,559 --> 00:08:50,240
Speaker 3: but accepting help. I'm like, why, Like, she's literally going

168
00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:52,920
Speaker 3: down the block just like you. But I had to

169
00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:56,280
Speaker 3: just support myself because you know, it was hot, my

170
00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,120
Speaker 3: person was heavy because I had my laptop in it

171
00:08:58,520 --> 00:08:59,840
Speaker 3: and it felt good.

172
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:01,720
Speaker 7: And then jumping into the support.

173
00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:04,240
Speaker 3: Of course, she supported me at that moment, as I've

174
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:06,280
Speaker 3: done for other people in the same situation.

175
00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:07,400
Speaker 9: Come on, just get in the car.

176
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:08,520
Speaker 3: Were in the same route.

177
00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:10,080
Speaker 4: I was just going to say that I thought it

178
00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:13,720
Speaker 4: was really helpful the whole idea of holding space and

179
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:14,559
Speaker 4: what that means.

180
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:17,679
Speaker 9: And I thought the fact that on page ninety three.

181
00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:20,600
Speaker 4: That the three skills that are needed are active listening,

182
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:24,480
Speaker 4: freedom from distraction, and a spirit of curiosity. I thought

183
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:28,400
Speaker 4: that was really helpful to give people. Myself included bullet

184
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,800
Speaker 4: points on you know, I had a friend and I'm

185
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:34,520
Speaker 4: in that stage right now where people's parents are aging

186
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,880
Speaker 4: and you know, some of them are obviously dying, and

187
00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:41,319
Speaker 4: so the idea of what that means to hold space

188
00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:43,800
Speaker 4: for someone's grief has become very relevant.

189
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:45,800
Speaker 9: So that was a really good reminder for me.

190
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:49,199
Speaker 5: I think for me, the support is huge, especially now

191
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,800
Speaker 5: in this season, and I mean with just having a

192
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:55,120
Speaker 5: newborn baby. So being able to receive health is like

193
00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:57,839
Speaker 5: I have to be okay with like my friends reaching

194
00:09:57,840 --> 00:09:59,360
Speaker 5: out to me and shaking in on me instead of

195
00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:00,640
Speaker 5: being like why are you.

196
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:01,360
Speaker 8: Still texting me?

197
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:04,760
Speaker 5: Like they're feeling annoyed with everybody asking how I'm doing

198
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:06,520
Speaker 5: and how I'm feeling, how the.

199
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:09,360
Speaker 8: Baby is doing, being able to say it's okay.

200
00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:11,920
Speaker 5: People just want to check in on you, like it's okay,

201
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:14,439
Speaker 5: to be checked on, because I'm always that one to

202
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:17,400
Speaker 5: check on everyone else, and so since I am so

203
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,440
Speaker 5: i occupied, I'm unable to do that. Now people are

204
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,240
Speaker 5: checking in on me. It kind of feels a little weird,

205
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:27,280
Speaker 5: but I'm in a space to receive it. So I'm

206
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:30,320
Speaker 5: allowing myself to receive the support from my friends and

207
00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:32,480
Speaker 5: then showing up for me like I show up for them.

208
00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:35,520
Speaker 8: So that was a huge reminder for me when I

209
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:36,880
Speaker 8: read that party.

210
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:38,920
Speaker 6: For myself, when I was thinking about the fours is

211
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,800
Speaker 6: of sisterhood, one that I think a lot of people

212
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,560
Speaker 6: come to me for and that I get very freely,

213
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,720
Speaker 6: as like the knowledge of self. If I see a

214
00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,839
Speaker 6: job that my friend might be good for him to

215
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:51,840
Speaker 6: send it. If I'm reading an article, I'm like, oh

216
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:53,719
Speaker 6: my goodness, I just thought of avery, I'm going to

217
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:57,200
Speaker 6: send it immediately. I'm really open to sharing my own

218
00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:00,920
Speaker 6: experiences and like having my friend grow from them, but

219
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,040
Speaker 6: also just like, oh, at least, what is it like

220
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:05,600
Speaker 6: to be vegan? Or like where should I eat an

221
00:11:05,679 --> 00:11:07,720
Speaker 6: x y Z place? Like that's very easy for me,

222
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:11,160
Speaker 6: but what's really hard for me is like to allow

223
00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:14,480
Speaker 6: myself to be soft around other people. I think because

224
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:18,920
Speaker 6: I support people in that way. I don't know, I

225
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:22,439
Speaker 6: just get scared, I guess supporting myself and like allowing

226
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:26,480
Speaker 6: people to see that softer side of me. People tell

227
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,720
Speaker 6: me I can present like a rougher or not a rouffer,

228
00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:32,160
Speaker 6: a tougher exterior, and so being more vulnerable with people

229
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,920
Speaker 6: around me, it can be like really scary, especially because

230
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,000
Speaker 6: I have a bigger family and I have like a

231
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,360
Speaker 6: lot of siblings. Sometime them like I don't need friends,

232
00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:41,560
Speaker 6: but then I realize, like I really do need my

233
00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:43,680
Speaker 6: friends in the same way that they need me.

234
00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:46,880
Speaker 2: I'm hearing a lot of descriptors of the folks in

235
00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:50,320
Speaker 2: this conversation, being the strong friend or the friend that

236
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:53,040
Speaker 2: does the reaching out, the friend who sends the resources,

237
00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:56,360
Speaker 2: And it's making me think about how doctor Joey broke

238
00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:59,319
Speaker 2: down the different type of friends in a group. So

239
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:05,200
Speaker 2: she just the leader, the wallflower, the firecracker, or the

240
00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:08,400
Speaker 2: peace maker. And I'd love to hear from us all

241
00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:12,000
Speaker 2: which one are you? And you might be a different

242
00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,480
Speaker 2: kind of friend in a different group, So if you

243
00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:16,520
Speaker 2: could share what kind of friends you are and then

244
00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:18,800
Speaker 2: also give us a little bit of context for this group.

245
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:22,520
Speaker 2: Is it your high school girlfriends. Is it your friends

246
00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:24,800
Speaker 2: that you met through your parents, Rita.

247
00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:29,000
Speaker 8: I love how you distinguish the groups, because that's.

248
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,400
Speaker 5: The real thing when it comes to my high school friend,

249
00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:35,599
Speaker 5: my college friends, my friends that I develop in motherhood,

250
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:39,240
Speaker 5: now my adult friends, and then my coworker friends.

251
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,480
Speaker 8: Like it's important that you.

252
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:46,360
Speaker 5: Distinguish the group because each each group either you were

253
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:49,720
Speaker 5: a different version of yourself when it developed, right, and

254
00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:54,000
Speaker 5: so from my high school friends, they might still see

255
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:57,920
Speaker 5: me as the firecracker in certain spaces, I'm the one

256
00:12:57,920 --> 00:12:59,160
Speaker 5: that's gonna be like, I'm gonna say it.

257
00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:01,720
Speaker 8: If it is, I'm gonna call it elepant out in

258
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:03,400
Speaker 8: the room because why y'all being weird.

259
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:05,760
Speaker 5: And some of my college friends will see that too,

260
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:07,880
Speaker 5: because we went to high school together. So it's like

261
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:12,880
Speaker 5: an interchangeable role between that and the leader. My adult friends,

262
00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:16,760
Speaker 5: college friends, grad school friends, motherhood friends, they.

263
00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,240
Speaker 8: Will see more of the leader world of me.

264
00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:22,199
Speaker 5: They don't necessarily see that firecracker because with.

265
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:26,280
Speaker 8: Age, I've tould me down right in maturity in life.

266
00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:29,160
Speaker 8: But my high school friends.

267
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:31,240
Speaker 5: When they see me in spaces with the other groups

268
00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:33,680
Speaker 5: of friends, they're looking at me like, well, who is that?

269
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:36,599
Speaker 5: Like is it a gorgeous We know, because normally you

270
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,559
Speaker 5: would have stay at this, So why you're acting scared.

271
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:39,839
Speaker 5: You're not gonna say what you feel.

272
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:40,480
Speaker 8: You know what I mean.

273
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:43,120
Speaker 5: But it's just in the sense of I'm still me,

274
00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:48,640
Speaker 5: but I present different amongst different groups due to the relationship.

275
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,520
Speaker 5: I might feel a little bit more safer with my

276
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,040
Speaker 5: high school friends because of the longevity to.

277
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:57,480
Speaker 8: Be that firecracker. Right, It's about how safe you feel too,

278
00:13:57,559 --> 00:13:58,600
Speaker 8: and how you show up.

279
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:04,360
Speaker 6: It's interesting that you mention safety because I feel safe

280
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:07,240
Speaker 6: when I'm not the only one being the leader in

281
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:10,319
Speaker 6: a friend group. And so I think, because of the

282
00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:12,840
Speaker 6: nature of like my job, being a producer, you have

283
00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,320
Speaker 6: to lead a lot, you have to organize a lot.

284
00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:18,680
Speaker 6: And so when I find myself in situations where I'm

285
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,760
Speaker 6: the only one giving in that way, I get really

286
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:24,080
Speaker 6: nervous and I get overwhelmed because it's like, is this work?

287
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:27,160
Speaker 6: Like I don't like that, And so I think sometimes

288
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,880
Speaker 6: in a friend group, I'm looking for like a collective

289
00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:33,160
Speaker 6: of leaders, and I know, like sometimes we can butt heads,

290
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:35,400
Speaker 6: but I hate feeling like I'm bearing the burden of

291
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:38,320
Speaker 6: like planning things or reaching out or like making sure

292
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:41,920
Speaker 6: everyone's being like really cohesive. But I will say, outside

293
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:45,040
Speaker 6: of being the leader, I am the firecracker. So I'm

294
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:48,120
Speaker 6: a Gemini, I'm a Sagittari's rising, like I'm not afraid

295
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:51,720
Speaker 6: to say it. And I think, you know, sometimes I

296
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:54,800
Speaker 6: think when I was younger, especially with my college friends,

297
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:58,040
Speaker 6: that could cause like a lot of tension. And that's

298
00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:00,560
Speaker 6: where I found myself being like the firecrack but also

299
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:03,600
Speaker 6: being the peacemaker, like allowing everyone to say how they

300
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,040
Speaker 6: feel and being that person who can bring up difficult things,

301
00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:08,960
Speaker 6: but also checking myself and like I'm not bringing up

302
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:12,560
Speaker 6: this difficult thing for drama or to call somebody out

303
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,520
Speaker 6: or to have some tea. It's like, no, I'm bringing

304
00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:16,240
Speaker 6: it up so we can resolve it and we can

305
00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:19,080
Speaker 6: move forward as a friend group. And so I think

306
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:22,240
Speaker 6: naturally i'm the leader, but where I feel my safest

307
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:23,080
Speaker 6: is when I can.

308
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:25,520
Speaker 7: Be the firecracker but also the peacemaker.

309
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,600
Speaker 3: When going through the descriptions, I'm like, I am a

310
00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:32,480
Speaker 3: little bit of everything. And I was thinking about my

311
00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:34,960
Speaker 3: family because I'm not around my family that often. It's

312
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:38,400
Speaker 3: particularly my father's side, and we're planning in the family reunion,

313
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:40,040
Speaker 3: and I was supposed to take the lead on it,

314
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,560
Speaker 3: but apparently people didn't want to come to New York

315
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:45,960
Speaker 3: and they planned something in Florida. So right now I'm

316
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,800
Speaker 3: kind of being the wallflower and being a little quiet,

317
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,400
Speaker 3: and I'm like, you know what, I'm going to still

318
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:53,480
Speaker 3: show up and be there, still be my firecrackerself when

319
00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:56,520
Speaker 3: I get there. I'm leading things. When it comes to hey,

320
00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:59,000
Speaker 3: who's watching all the kids because the family union, who's

321
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:00,920
Speaker 3: watching all the kids while the Millenniums go out to

322
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,000
Speaker 3: the club. I'll be leading that. And then when it

323
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,520
Speaker 3: comes to like serving our elders, I'm ready to make

324
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:07,840
Speaker 3: sure they're served and taken care of. When I was

325
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,560
Speaker 3: listening to at least when she was saying, you know,

326
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,600
Speaker 3: planning different things she produces, I am in the stage

327
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:14,560
Speaker 3: where I'm like looking forward to going to events where

328
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,480
Speaker 3: I don't have to put things together. As you all know,

329
00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:18,480
Speaker 3: I do this for the Sister Circle, but I just

330
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,600
Speaker 3: want to be quiet and enjoy the event and not

331
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:24,480
Speaker 3: plan the event. I'm looking forward to that. I am

332
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,880
Speaker 3: an entrepreneur who I have to take the lead and

333
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,360
Speaker 3: just go for it and just show myself that I

334
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:33,520
Speaker 3: can be the lead. And it's okay of gorgeous also

335
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,160
Speaker 3: meant to something. As I get older, becoming more mature

336
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,960
Speaker 3: and as a parent, I talk so much. I'm like,

337
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:41,200
Speaker 3: I just want to be quiet and be that wallflower

338
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:42,160
Speaker 3: and relax.

339
00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:47,040
Speaker 2: I have noticed in all of my friend groups, I'm

340
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:51,960
Speaker 2: the leader, and I attribute that to for talking astrology.

341
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:56,440
Speaker 2: I'm a cancer son with the Leo Moon, so trying

342
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:59,360
Speaker 2: to be very nurturing all the time, and also boss

343
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:03,760
Speaker 2: lady energy. And so recently, though, with one of my

344
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:06,159
Speaker 2: friend groups, the best way I can describe them is

345
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:10,680
Speaker 2: high school in post college. I met half of them

346
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,879
Speaker 2: through my friends that I knew when I was younger,

347
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:18,400
Speaker 2: and so that's the group. And I was a leader

348
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:22,600
Speaker 2: in this group, and I noticed, to Elisa's point, that

349
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:26,880
Speaker 2: I was the one always planning and coordinating our events,

350
00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:30,680
Speaker 2: and I decided to take a sabbatical from this role.

351
00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:33,159
Speaker 2: But I did not tell the group that I was

352
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,439
Speaker 2: doing that. And I noticed because I do it in

353
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:38,320
Speaker 2: every other category or in every other relationship that I

354
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:41,520
Speaker 2: have where i'm leading, I'm leading. I'm leading. I said, oh,

355
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,720
Speaker 2: if y'all want to be together, somebody else planned it,

356
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:47,480
Speaker 2: but I didn't tell them that. And so recently we

357
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,640
Speaker 2: got on the call that I planned because I took

358
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:51,639
Speaker 2: a year off from planning with these people, so I

359
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:54,600
Speaker 2: planned my first event of this year and they said, oh, Frida,

360
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:57,560
Speaker 2: we missed this so much. You know, we were really

361
00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,520
Speaker 2: appreciated if you did this more. And it was the

362
00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:03,040
Speaker 2: first time I said, okay, y'all, I'm happy to do this,

363
00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:05,000
Speaker 2: but the next one, if you want this to happen,

364
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,560
Speaker 2: I need someone else to plan one. I need to

365
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:10,080
Speaker 2: see someone else take this up, because the reason I

366
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:13,280
Speaker 2: stepped away from y'all is because no one else was

367
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:15,119
Speaker 2: doing anything. And they said, but you didn't tell us.

368
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,879
Speaker 2: You didn't tell us you were upset, and then you

369
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:18,560
Speaker 2: left us for a year, and now we done missed

370
00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,240
Speaker 2: out on a year of sisterhood. And I said, well, damn,

371
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:25,320
Speaker 2: you're right. So this book made me think of that.

372
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:29,520
Speaker 2: And also to the folks who identify as multiples, I

373
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:31,880
Speaker 2: realize I don't want to be the leader in every group.

374
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:34,440
Speaker 2: I'm about to start being a wallflower in some groups.

375
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:35,920
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be a firecracker.

376
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:36,119
Speaker 6: You know.

377
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:39,240
Speaker 2: I need to diversify how I show up because I

378
00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:42,680
Speaker 2: notice I'm over indexing in this leader category and as

379
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:47,560
Speaker 2: a least said as a producer, coordinating and scheduling every day,

380
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:51,000
Speaker 2: and as Naisha said, coordinating and scheduling for other people.

381
00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:53,960
Speaker 2: I need to figure out other ways to show up

382
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:56,840
Speaker 2: and feel like that's enough, because a lot of times

383
00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:59,760
Speaker 2: I think, if I'm not leading, if I'm not directing,

384
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,080
Speaker 2: people aren't going to have a good time, or it's

385
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:05,159
Speaker 2: not going to happen. And allowing other people around me

386
00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:08,160
Speaker 2: to rise to the occasion and do it their way

387
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:09,919
Speaker 2: without thinking that my way is better.

388
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:26,320
Speaker 1: More from the conversation after the break, so.

389
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:30,480
Speaker 6: We touched on the essays of sisterhood where we show

390
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:35,560
Speaker 6: up in our friendships. I'm curious, what else has the

391
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,160
Speaker 6: book taught you about friendship.

392
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:39,840
Speaker 4: One of the things that I felt like are really

393
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:43,000
Speaker 4: validated and putting really good terms for me is that

394
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,159
Speaker 4: I had started many years ago now thinking in my

395
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:49,840
Speaker 4: life concentrically and that as a pyramid where this is.

396
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:51,720
Speaker 9: On top and everything else flows from it.

397
00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:55,199
Speaker 4: I decided that they had to be circles, like it

398
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:56,320
Speaker 4: just was serving me.

399
00:19:56,359 --> 00:20:00,320
Speaker 9: Better to have things not have this hierarchy. I said.

400
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:03,520
Speaker 4: To see that written out and really validated the choices

401
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:06,120
Speaker 4: that I've been making and made me feel like, yeah,

402
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:09,119
Speaker 4: this is This is putting into words what I have

403
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:12,120
Speaker 4: been trying to do, because especially I'm at a stage

404
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,160
Speaker 4: in my life obviously much different than you all, where

405
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:18,040
Speaker 4: I'm about to have an empty nest. My son graduates

406
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:20,879
Speaker 4: from high school, my daughter is in college. So and

407
00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:23,239
Speaker 4: I feel like the decisions that I made when they

408
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:27,639
Speaker 4: were small are coming to blossom because I was like,

409
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,800
Speaker 4: I cannot make them everything. They are the most important

410
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,840
Speaker 4: things in so many ways, but there's got to be,

411
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,840
Speaker 4: Like I said, the way I think I started thinking

412
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:39,080
Speaker 4: about it, with circles that overlap, intertwine, and that there's

413
00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:42,760
Speaker 4: no better or worse, there's no scale like that. They're

414
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,240
Speaker 4: all things that bring value to my life, my friends,

415
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:48,359
Speaker 4: my family, and not just my husband up here and

416
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:52,480
Speaker 4: the kids. That's just to me, setting yourself up for

417
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,720
Speaker 4: not necessarily failure, but just not the richest life you

418
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:56,040
Speaker 4: can have.

419
00:20:56,359 --> 00:20:59,200
Speaker 2: He is so fascinating that you came to this conclusion

420
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:02,280
Speaker 2: to implement this into your life. Was there a catalyst

421
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:05,160
Speaker 2: for this moment? How did you come to this understanding

422
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,560
Speaker 2: of the circles instead of the pyramid? Was there a

423
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,880
Speaker 2: moment that is distinguishable for you?

424
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:12,879
Speaker 4: No, I cannot say that there was any aha moment,

425
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:16,280
Speaker 4: it just became more and more apparent that, like I said,

426
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:20,000
Speaker 4: I come from a relatively patriarchal situation in terms of

427
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:23,960
Speaker 4: the very tereotypical head of household, and not in a

428
00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:26,639
Speaker 4: bad way, but in a way that I was like,

429
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,640
Speaker 4: I'm going to learn from this, and I've been very

430
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,199
Speaker 4: fortunate that I have a partner who's very respectful of

431
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:33,359
Speaker 4: that and very supportive of that because I came to

432
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,439
Speaker 4: this conclusion with him, and not because he was a

433
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,520
Speaker 4: certain way, but because this was a man who was like,

434
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,359
Speaker 4: the fullness and richness of your life is very important,

435
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:45,400
Speaker 4: whether or not we're together or not, So you need

436
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:50,000
Speaker 4: to do whatever is going to fertilize and help that bloom.

437
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:52,520
Speaker 3: It's so funny when doctor Joy put in, she says,

438
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:55,639
Speaker 3: she's going to say the most cliche thing a therapists say,

439
00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:01,080
Speaker 3: everything starts with our earliest experiences. Goodness. This has come

440
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:04,400
Speaker 3: up in individual therapy, of course, and now recently grouped therapy,

441
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:06,280
Speaker 3: because I've been in group therapy for about four or

442
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:10,200
Speaker 3: five weeks, and we all agreed that, you know, our

443
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:13,399
Speaker 3: early experiences helps us understand why we're going through what

444
00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:16,720
Speaker 3: we're going through now while we're seeking growth in different areas.

445
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:20,400
Speaker 3: Me specifically, asking for help was something that I did

446
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:23,399
Speaker 3: not grow up doing. My mom told me to figure

447
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:26,399
Speaker 3: it out, and collectively in group therapy, we said that

448
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:29,159
Speaker 3: a lot of family members told us that. Me specifically,

449
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:31,399
Speaker 3: a teacher told me to figure it out, and I'm like,

450
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:34,760
Speaker 3: you're my teacher and she's supposed to help me. Actually

451
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:36,720
Speaker 3: she was one of my favorite high school teachers, but

452
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:39,520
Speaker 3: that was her way of telling us. Use the internet. Now,

453
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,280
Speaker 3: you know, the internet was booming and just be creative.

454
00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:44,400
Speaker 3: And we didn't know how to ask those things back then.

455
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:46,920
Speaker 3: And I can say for myself speaking to my mom,

456
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,520
Speaker 3: if she told me to figure it out, I had

457
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,080
Speaker 3: to go figure it out. So now, being an adult,

458
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:53,800
Speaker 3: as you were mentioning, free to plan in these things

459
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:56,960
Speaker 3: rather than going to ask someone, I will been twenty

460
00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:59,719
Speaker 3: minutes of loogle trying to find an answer. So now

461
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:02,000
Speaker 3: I'm getting like, no, not, you should don't do this.

462
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:02,320
Speaker 8: I have.

463
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:05,320
Speaker 3: Thankfully I made friends from the Sister Circle from three

464
00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:09,000
Speaker 3: for Thursday in Georgia specifically where I could ask questions

465
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,520
Speaker 3: when I need help. That's just a small example, but

466
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:14,159
Speaker 3: there's so many examples that I could share that my

467
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:16,719
Speaker 3: childhood just shaped who I am, and I'd love to

468
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 3: touch on point as being a mom now. My childhood

469
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:22,639
Speaker 3: showed me what I don't want to show my child

470
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 3: and how I want to be here for her. The

471
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:28,000
Speaker 3: other day, my five year old told her her other mom,

472
00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:30,919
Speaker 3: I can cry because my feelings are valid, and I

473
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:34,160
Speaker 3: said yes, clap clop, clap, snapstat snap all that there

474
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:36,880
Speaker 3: was no debate. We said yes, and she said all

475
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:39,160
Speaker 3: feelings are valid. And I'm like, did I tell her that?

476
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:41,359
Speaker 3: I think I did. If I did it, I'm happy

477
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,439
Speaker 3: wherever she heard it from. It could have been on YouTube,

478
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:45,040
Speaker 3: but I wasn't told that when I was younger.

479
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:50,840
Speaker 6: I think that's really insightful, Like everything starts with like

480
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:54,560
Speaker 6: our previous experiences, our childhood experiences, and it reminds me.

481
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:59,359
Speaker 6: On page eighty eight, doctor Joy writes about trying to

482
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:02,600
Speaker 6: figure out how your own stuff is interfering with being

483
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,320
Speaker 6: able to hold space for someone else.

484
00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:05,720
Speaker 7: And I think that's one.

485
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:08,280
Speaker 6: Of the biggest things at this book kind of knocked

486
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:11,000
Speaker 6: me over the head with is like everyone wants to

487
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,080
Speaker 6: be a great friend, but sometimes we have to realize

488
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:15,960
Speaker 6: when we're giving advice or when we're showing up for someone,

489
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:20,600
Speaker 6: how our past traumas, our experiences, our other relationships might

490
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:23,119
Speaker 6: be blocking or kind of blurring our vision.

491
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 7: And one of the questions that she.

492
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:29,320
Speaker 6: Asks on that page is, is the situation my sister

493
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:31,800
Speaker 6: is confiding in me about too much like when I've

494
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:34,440
Speaker 6: experienced in the past. Am I really listening to her?

495
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:38,200
Speaker 6: Or am I replaying my own situation? And I found

496
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:42,879
Speaker 6: myself on both ends of that spectrum. So someone talking

497
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:45,679
Speaker 6: to me about something they're going through and me like

498
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:48,400
Speaker 6: feeling really triggered and like having a lot to say

499
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,600
Speaker 6: about it, but not backing up and realizing a lot

500
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 6: of what I have to say is kind of based

501
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,000
Speaker 6: off of my own hurt and something I may have

502
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,239
Speaker 6: gone through and I may have experienced, and I'm not

503
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,360
Speaker 6: really listening to her and like holding space for what's

504
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:02,719
Speaker 6: going on with her because I'm so clouded with my stuff.

505
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 6: And so I think what you said, Naisha, really recognizing

506
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,840
Speaker 6: what you want to do differently in a situation when

507
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:11,960
Speaker 6: you're giving advice, but also realizing that like to really

508
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:15,240
Speaker 6: hold space for someone and for other people means that

509
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:16,920
Speaker 6: you kind of have to let go of your past

510
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,320
Speaker 6: hurt and you can always be a friend from an

511
00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:21,680
Speaker 6: informed place. But I really think a lot of time

512
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,800
Speaker 6: we get so wrapped up and so attached to our

513
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:27,159
Speaker 6: own hurts in the past that we're not able to

514
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,359
Speaker 6: really be there for other people. So I think that's

515
00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:31,600
Speaker 6: something the book has really made me think.

516
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:32,600
Speaker 7: About a lot.

517
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:35,880
Speaker 6: And I love this book because I think it's encouraging

518
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,800
Speaker 6: us to take our friendships just as seriously as we

519
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,600
Speaker 6: take our romantic relationships, and so a lot of those

520
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:44,320
Speaker 6: questions kind of prompt me to continue to do that.

521
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 2: One thing this book has taught me and shared with

522
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:56,200
Speaker 2: me is a toolkit of language to have difficult conversations

523
00:25:56,240 --> 00:26:00,040
Speaker 2: with people, and doctor Joy broke it down for so

524
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:04,600
Speaker 2: many scenarios that I can anticipate having. So for me,

525
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:07,760
Speaker 2: I'm turning thirty this year, and I'm at that place

526
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:12,159
Speaker 2: where people are going to start having more children, more marriages,

527
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:14,760
Speaker 2: and then you know, for this thirties decade, there could

528
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:17,400
Speaker 2: also be divorce. There could also be parental loss. There's

529
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:18,600
Speaker 2: just going to be a lot of things that I

530
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:21,879
Speaker 2: anticipate is going to happen to and around the people

531
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:24,520
Speaker 2: that I love, and I just want to share one

532
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,720
Speaker 2: of them, which was if you've noticed a change in

533
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:31,240
Speaker 2: your friend since your engagement or wedding. She writes, Hey,

534
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 2: I just wanted to check in with you. It feels

535
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,840
Speaker 2: like something's been off ever since I got engaged slash married.

536
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:39,360
Speaker 2: I know this is a huge change for all of us.

537
00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:41,560
Speaker 2: Is there anything you want to check in about? There

538
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,639
Speaker 2: was one for that. There was one about having a baby.

539
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:46,000
Speaker 2: If your friend is having a difficult time conceiving and

540
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:48,360
Speaker 2: you're really excited, but you know they're dealing with something.

541
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:52,480
Speaker 2: And at this place in my life and in reading

542
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:56,040
Speaker 2: this book, it affirmed for me that the friends that

543
00:26:56,119 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 2: I have will be open to these kinds of conversations,

544
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:03,199
Speaker 2: that we can get through them, and the power in

545
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 2: that as opposed to what I may have done in

546
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:09,480
Speaker 2: my teens or in my twenties, which is just fade away.

547
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,000
Speaker 2: But in reading this book, I realized, Oh, I'm going

548
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,719
Speaker 2: to need these friends throughout this decade, through the forties

549
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:19,879
Speaker 2: through the fifties, this strong sisterhood and having this language

550
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:23,520
Speaker 2: to identify these conversations. And as I think at least

551
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 2: you pointed out a aspect of curiosity and almost like

552
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:30,760
Speaker 2: an optimism that this conversation is going to go well

553
00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:33,959
Speaker 2: because I know my sister and I am proactively speaking

554
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 2: about it. It just made me feel not like I'm

555
00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:40,520
Speaker 2: excited to have these conversations because I'm not, but feeling

556
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:44,320
Speaker 2: empowered that I actually can navigate them well.

557
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:47,159
Speaker 5: I think you spoke a huge point for you to

558
00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 5: in that ability to navigate it well and being able

559
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:52,600
Speaker 5: to speak to it well, because I think that that's

560
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:55,639
Speaker 5: a common fear for a lot of people, right, like,

561
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,280
Speaker 5: what do I say? I don't want them to think

562
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:01,480
Speaker 5: I'm jealous. I don't want want them to think or

563
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:03,239
Speaker 5: feel no type of way. I don't want this to

564
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:07,280
Speaker 5: make our friendship, you know, change, So it's like handing

565
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:10,040
Speaker 5: that optimism I think definitely is a key factor and

566
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:12,159
Speaker 5: a key point. And I was going to speak to

567
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:13,800
Speaker 5: that part of the book too, that was the part

568
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:18,520
Speaker 5: I was going to life, but no, you you definitely

569
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:20,640
Speaker 5: hit the points that I don't really hit on. So oh, yes,

570
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 5: I agree with you on that one.

571
00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:25,080
Speaker 4: And at a certain point, I know she says that

572
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:28,199
Speaker 4: the validation of change being okay, that sometimes you have

573
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,119
Speaker 4: to leave the people where they're at and that's okay.

574
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:34,920
Speaker 4: And I think just having that put out there and

575
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:37,879
Speaker 4: explicit terms was really helpful because you know, you go

576
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,480
Speaker 4: back and forth about different things, and there are certain

577
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:44,320
Speaker 4: situations that'm not salvageable and that's okay. And you have

578
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 4: to be at peace with the ending of it that

579
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 4: there's not necessarily going to be closure with it, and

580
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:52,240
Speaker 4: that's okay.

581
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 9: And like I said, as somebody.

582
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:56,960
Speaker 4: Who's very solution oriented, like you tell me something, then

583
00:28:57,120 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 4: I'm going to ask you a d C D that

584
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:04,400
Speaker 4: acceptance of things is something that I definitely have to

585
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:07,360
Speaker 4: be very conscious of because it's difficult for me.

586
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:10,840
Speaker 2: Kia. You brought up closure, and when doctor Joy wrote

587
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 2: closure is not something other people give to you, I

588
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:17,280
Speaker 2: put the book down. I say, wow, Okay.

589
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:21,640
Speaker 4: On that same note, there's an author called Cheryl Strait.

590
00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:25,240
Speaker 4: I'm pretty sure that acceptance is a small quiet room.

591
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:29,360
Speaker 4: And I feel that so much because acceptance isn't this great,

592
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:30,400
Speaker 4: big feeling.

593
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:32,480
Speaker 9: It's okay, you.

594
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:36,680
Speaker 4: Know, it's not an oversized emotion necessarily, it can be

595
00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:39,360
Speaker 4: something very I mutant and only like you said, like closure,

596
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:40,160
Speaker 4: it's cousin.

597
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:44,160
Speaker 3: Freedom. When you mentioned that line, I'm just like it

598
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:47,120
Speaker 3: was like a godcousness, like you need to figure this out,

599
00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:49,760
Speaker 3: and not in the most common way. It doesn't come

600
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:52,120
Speaker 3: from the other person. And after being on three for

601
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,680
Speaker 3: Thursday with Doctor Joy for almost two years, she's brung

602
00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:58,400
Speaker 3: this up many times. So you know, working on yourself

603
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:01,840
Speaker 3: will help you heal, you're expecting it from the next person,

604
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 3: then you know it's going to take a little longer.

605
00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:05,760
Speaker 3: And these are her exact words, that process is going

606
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:08,600
Speaker 3: to take a little longer than you expect. And it's

607
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,640
Speaker 3: just bad line. And I went back to it and

608
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:13,800
Speaker 3: I'm like, yeah, period. She said it.

609
00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:19,440
Speaker 1: More from the conversation after the break.

610
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 6: So for our next question, it kind of touches a

611
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:36,360
Speaker 6: little bit on what Frida mentioned earlier about approaching conflict

612
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:39,400
Speaker 6: and friendships, and she's talked about how she implemented that

613
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:42,240
Speaker 6: in some of her own friendship So I'm curious, what

614
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,280
Speaker 6: have you guys taken from the book and how have

615
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:47,320
Speaker 6: you already started to implement it in your own friendships.

616
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:51,080
Speaker 6: I'll start so similar to Frida, I really love the

617
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:59,640
Speaker 6: section about conflict because, as I said before, I am

618
00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:03,200
Speaker 6: the erecracker but also the peacemaker, and I.

619
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:05,920
Speaker 7: Think I've always struggled.

620
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:09,440
Speaker 6: I've been good at being confrontational, but struggled to have

621
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 6: like a soft and caring aspect to it, and so

622
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:15,400
Speaker 6: I really appreciated a lot of the prompts. I guess

623
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:19,280
Speaker 6: they take an approach that's not confrontational, because Frieda wret

624
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:21,800
Speaker 6: the prompt about someone getting engaged and seeing their friend

625
00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:24,320
Speaker 6: be distant. You could be like, you're being really shady

626
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:25,400
Speaker 6: ever since I got engaged.

627
00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:26,080
Speaker 9: I don't like that.

628
00:31:28,240 --> 00:31:31,960
Speaker 6: Instead of realizing, like where is this other person operating from,

629
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:34,600
Speaker 6: they may be heard. And so I think what the

630
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:37,440
Speaker 6: book has made me see our ways I can continue

631
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:41,400
Speaker 6: to exude softness but also continue.

632
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:43,000
Speaker 7: To approach conflict in a healthy way.

633
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:45,800
Speaker 6: And I think something I think about is back in

634
00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:50,240
Speaker 6: twenty twenty, I had a friend who I approached about

635
00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 6: just not a very similar situation not hearing from her,

636
00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:56,200
Speaker 6: especially during the pandemic. We lived around the corner from

637
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:58,800
Speaker 6: each other, we were only people in our city, and

638
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:02,120
Speaker 6: I remember I had a lot of pent up aggression

639
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:03,560
Speaker 6: about that situation.

640
00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 7: But something from like six.

641
00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 6: Months ago, and then something from two weeks ago, and

642
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:09,680
Speaker 6: I was realizing I came to her and I was

643
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:10,680
Speaker 6: at level ten.

644
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 7: And she didn't even know that something was wrong.

645
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:16,920
Speaker 6: And so I constantly think about also looking at my

646
00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:19,760
Speaker 6: own past her and like what feelings with my friends?

647
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:24,160
Speaker 6: Haven't I resolved in approaching any conflict, because, like Naisha said,

648
00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:27,280
Speaker 6: the past really does inform everything we do and how

649
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:30,400
Speaker 6: we operate in every relationship, and so we're not taking

650
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 6: the steps to address conflict as it's presented to us,

651
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:36,120
Speaker 6: we can have a lot of pent up aggressions, so

652
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:40,479
Speaker 6: that softness and that care to our friendships can kind

653
00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:43,080
Speaker 6: of be lost when we want to resolve conflict if

654
00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:45,160
Speaker 6: we're not really checking in with ourselves and then if

655
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:48,280
Speaker 6: we're not thinking about where's the other person on this scale?

656
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:50,360
Speaker 6: Have we talked about this before or is this like

657
00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 6: a new issue that I'm bringing up to them?

658
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:55,320
Speaker 7: And so the book has really helped me. I started

659
00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 7: to be a lot more self aware when approaching conflict.

660
00:32:58,560 --> 00:32:59,920
Speaker 7: But who else I'm curious?

661
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:03,680
Speaker 4: I think for me just a reminder to be intentional

662
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:07,760
Speaker 4: and that to continue to cultivate new friendships, new relationships,

663
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:10,160
Speaker 4: that it doesn't have to be static.

664
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:11,840
Speaker 9: That it doesn't mean that you're going to.

665
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:15,680
Speaker 4: Necessarily feel the same sense of kinship with people who

666
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:19,120
Speaker 4: you've known for decades. But the way to cultivate anything,

667
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:21,120
Speaker 4: like I said, is to be intentional about it and

668
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:24,960
Speaker 4: to really be open to continuing to be there for

669
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:28,440
Speaker 4: the black women who I'm at encounter in more casual situations,

670
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:32,000
Speaker 4: to be, like I said, really purposeful and cultivating relationships

671
00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:34,280
Speaker 4: with them, which I think I have been, but just

672
00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:38,120
Speaker 4: a reminder to go that extra mile because we're all we've.

673
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:39,640
Speaker 8: Gone, I think.

674
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 5: For me, it definitely reminded me that my close friends

675
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 5: don't live here in Atlanta, right, and so it's like, oh,

676
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:50,480
Speaker 5: you need to like find and put yourself back out

677
00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:53,000
Speaker 5: there now, especially since things are a little bit more

678
00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:54,800
Speaker 5: safer regarding.

679
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:57,520
Speaker 8: The pandemic and meet more people like BRNT and I know.

680
00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:00,640
Speaker 5: People, but I need to spend time and engage. It's

681
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 5: like I haven't fully invested like I should. And so

682
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:06,640
Speaker 5: it was a huge reminder of like, if you want

683
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:09,279
Speaker 5: things to look different, you want that support to be

684
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:13,400
Speaker 5: more immediate and accessible to you instead of long distance,

685
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:16,600
Speaker 5: then I have to, you know, show up and really

686
00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:17,480
Speaker 5: put forth effort.

687
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:20,600
Speaker 2: What she said gorgeous made me think about a song

688
00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:26,160
Speaker 2: I learned in elementary school, and it was make new friends,

689
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 2: but keep the one is sober and the other there's gold.

690
00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 2: I also recent I love that song. I don't know

691
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 2: if y'all learned that it's a very California school song. Anyway.

692
00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 2: I also just moved to a new place. I'm in Washington,

693
00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:48,759
Speaker 2: DC and realizing the same thing. I actually need to

694
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:51,960
Speaker 2: not be team no new friends, and if I want

695
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:57,399
Speaker 2: d C to be as wonderful and miraculous as other

696
00:34:57,440 --> 00:34:59,759
Speaker 2: places I've lived, like New York City or the Bay

697
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:03,560
Speaker 2: Air to be fruitful and bountiful, I have to take

698
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:07,960
Speaker 2: that extra step and work on those relationships. I will

699
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:11,240
Speaker 2: also say this past weekend I had the opportunity to

700
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:15,000
Speaker 2: go to Los Angeles to celebrate my friend's thirtieth birthday,

701
00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:19,920
Speaker 2: and weeks leading up to it, I was very reluctant.

702
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:21,319
Speaker 2: I wasn't sure if I was going to be able

703
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:23,520
Speaker 2: to go, and I just wasn't sure if I was

704
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:25,920
Speaker 2: wanting to spend the money and do all those things.

705
00:35:25,960 --> 00:35:28,719
Speaker 2: And then I think it affirmed for me that the

706
00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:32,280
Speaker 2: right friends and the commitment to the right friends really

707
00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:35,239
Speaker 2: just energizes me in a way I can't even describe.

708
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:39,239
Speaker 2: So spending one weekend with her makes me feel like

709
00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:42,719
Speaker 2: I have the energy for March in April and May.

710
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:47,120
Speaker 2: It was just that kind of experience and how real

711
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:51,040
Speaker 2: sisterhood whether it's seven years old or whether you know

712
00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:56,000
Speaker 2: it's just seven months old, really impacts my health. And

713
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 2: I think that's also one key takeaway from the book.

714
00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:07,239
Speaker 2: Black women make me feel healthier, safer, more able to

715
00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:10,080
Speaker 2: be myself and to be in this world. And I

716
00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:13,080
Speaker 2: had never thought of it like that, even growing up,

717
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:16,680
Speaker 2: going back to what we were talking about, our experiences,

718
00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:19,640
Speaker 2: our shape by our past or remember elders in my

719
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:23,359
Speaker 2: community telling me things like, oh, you know, don't keep

720
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:26,680
Speaker 2: your friends too close, or don't tell your friends about

721
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:29,600
Speaker 2: your money, don't tell your friends about your man. And

722
00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:33,400
Speaker 2: then one day I was like, do you have friends?

723
00:36:33,719 --> 00:36:35,360
Speaker 7: Do you do you have friends?

724
00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:39,560
Speaker 2: Because what you're telling me is to fear the black

725
00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:42,799
Speaker 2: women that are around me. And granted, caution is necessary.

726
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:48,080
Speaker 2: Everyone cannot be trusted. But I am so deeply moved

727
00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:51,920
Speaker 2: and poured into by black women and so that's what

728
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:54,000
Speaker 2: this book reminded me of. It's just the power of

729
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:56,280
Speaker 2: friendship in a way that I had never thought about before.

730
00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:59,440
Speaker 3: That's the joy. I actually mentioned that I forget which chapter,

731
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:01,560
Speaker 3: but she said, you know, after that girl's trip and

732
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:04,800
Speaker 3: you feel full and you feel whole. Yes, it happened

733
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:05,000
Speaker 3: for you.

734
00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:08,120
Speaker 4: Freda and it reminded her respect and take something some

735
00:37:08,239 --> 00:37:12,240
Speaker 4: elders and to discard others. Right, you have to figure

736
00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:15,240
Speaker 4: out what to take and what to leave behind, because

737
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:16,040
Speaker 4: I know the same.

738
00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:18,719
Speaker 9: It's true, you know, in terms of generational things.

739
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:21,360
Speaker 4: I remember I was at a family wedding and a

740
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:24,399
Speaker 4: woman who I loved dearly and respected so much. When

741
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:26,719
Speaker 4: she found out, I was like excited to tell her, Oh,

742
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:27,800
Speaker 4: I work with all.

743
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,040
Speaker 9: Black women, and she was like, how is that.

744
00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:32,839
Speaker 4: It just felt very like, this is a black woman

745
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 4: who I've known because she was like because she was

746
00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:40,719
Speaker 4: bringing her own previous experiences, and I was like, it

747
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:43,240
Speaker 4: is truly wonderful. And like I said, this is somebody

748
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:46,680
Speaker 4: who has always been very supportive of me and just

749
00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:50,920
Speaker 4: so inspirational. So to hear her try to give me

750
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:53,799
Speaker 4: her hurt in some ways it was or to color

751
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 4: my experience with hers.

752
00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 9: I felt, just like I said, it was very eye

753
00:37:58,080 --> 00:37:58,759
Speaker 9: opening to me.

754
00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:03,360
Speaker 2: So for our closing, we'd love to hear why do

755
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:07,319
Speaker 2: you think this book is important to have in the

756
00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:10,440
Speaker 2: library of another black woman? Why would another black woman

757
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:18,919
Speaker 2: want to have this book in her library.

758
00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:22,600
Speaker 5: I think it would be important because this book is

759
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:27,279
Speaker 5: something you can grow with in the sense of starting.

760
00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:30,520
Speaker 8: Maybe whether it's Genant's eighteen or young adulthood. Throughout the

761
00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:33,520
Speaker 8: transition of adulthood.

762
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:36,279
Speaker 5: It grows with you and you can always reference that

763
00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:39,760
Speaker 5: depending on the chapter phase you were in in life

764
00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 5: and have to navigate different relationships and situations.

765
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:46,960
Speaker 3: Every Black woman needs this book in their lives because,

766
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:50,040
Speaker 3: as Reeda mentioned earlier, there's a toolkit on how to

767
00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:53,560
Speaker 3: approach different conversations and rather than going to someone who

768
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:56,200
Speaker 3: has not seen the research and done the research themselves,

769
00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:58,920
Speaker 3: the toolkit is there as well as if you want

770
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:01,239
Speaker 3: to be seen and if you want ideas or how

771
00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:04,400
Speaker 3: to grow sisterhood, Heels will definitely give that to you.

772
00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:07,600
Speaker 4: I think the word decolonized is thrown around a lot.

773
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:11,440
Speaker 4: Decolonize your fitness, decolonize different aspects of your life, but

774
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:14,719
Speaker 4: I don't think people necessarily know what that means or

775
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:16,160
Speaker 4: how to do it. And I think that this book

776
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:20,080
Speaker 4: really is a key or it's how to take frameworks

777
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:23,840
Speaker 4: that weren't meant for us and really apply them in

778
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:25,880
Speaker 4: ways that can benefit.

779
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:26,720
Speaker 9: Us and allow us to grow.

780
00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:29,000
Speaker 4: So, like I said, I think that that's one of

781
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:31,280
Speaker 4: the buzzwords that you hear people talk a lot about

782
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:35,319
Speaker 4: but just see ways in which you can heal, but

783
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:38,800
Speaker 4: that are outside of the standard ways that we've been taught.

784
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:42,920
Speaker 6: I think Sisterhood Heels is important in another Sister's bookshelf

785
00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:46,520
Speaker 6: because a lot of life can feel like we're just

786
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:49,360
Speaker 6: winging it, and I don't think our relationships have to

787
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:52,000
Speaker 6: feel that way. I think sometimes we talk a lot

788
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:56,120
Speaker 6: about friendships being natural and connections being natural, and that's

789
00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:58,960
Speaker 6: great and that's fine, but to maintain and to grow

790
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:00,560
Speaker 6: it does take a lot of heart, hard work. And

791
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:03,320
Speaker 6: I don't think it's wrong to listen to a podcast

792
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:07,560
Speaker 6: episode there for black girls to read Sisterhood Heels, or

793
00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:10,160
Speaker 6: to go to a talk the Sisterhood Heels book tour

794
00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:15,040
Speaker 6: and get your friendships together and really like check yourself

795
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:16,600
Speaker 6: and say how can I be a better friend?

796
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:17,880
Speaker 7: How can I be a better sister?

797
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:21,160
Speaker 6: And so I encourage everyone to buy the book, to

798
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:23,080
Speaker 6: read the book, to share a copy with the friend,

799
00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:25,360
Speaker 6: because friendship doesn't have to be hard.

800
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:27,319
Speaker 7: It doesn't have to be this big.

801
00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:31,000
Speaker 6: Secret or something that just happens and unfolds naturally like

802
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:34,400
Speaker 6: thirty forty year. Friendships really do take hard work, and

803
00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:35,920
Speaker 6: I know everyone wants.

804
00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:39,439
Speaker 2: That beautifully said by all of you, by all of us.

805
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:44,839
Speaker 2: Sisterhood Heels is available for purchase at all booksellers as

806
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:47,680
Speaker 2: of June twenty seven, twenty twenty three. It has been

807
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:49,759
Speaker 2: our honor to talk with you about this book, and

808
00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:52,400
Speaker 2: prayerfully we'll be able to do this again, because this

809
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:55,479
Speaker 2: is just scratching the surface of the incredible work doctor

810
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:57,560
Speaker 2: Joy has done to put this book together for all

811
00:40:57,600 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 2: of us to enjoy and grow from. So thank you

812
00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:01,960
Speaker 2: all so much for joining us.

813
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:07,600
Speaker 1: So As many of you may have been able to tell,

814
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:10,160
Speaker 1: I was not a part of the conversation the team had,

815
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:12,960
Speaker 1: and I'm so honored and touched by all of their

816
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 1: takeaways and the stories they shared. A huge thank you Takiya, Gorgeous, Frieda, Elise,

817
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:22,640
Speaker 1: and Naisha for letting us inside their book club. I

818
00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:24,920
Speaker 1: would also be honored if you would take a moment

819
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:27,880
Speaker 1: to pre order your copy of Sisterhood Heels right now,

820
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:30,960
Speaker 1: as pre orders are incredibly important to the life of

821
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:34,120
Speaker 1: a book. They are would demonstrate that there is interest

822
00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:38,839
Speaker 1: for a particular topic and really indicate to bookstores, publishing companies, etc.

823
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:42,520
Speaker 1: That you want more of a certain thing. Pre Orders

824
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:45,120
Speaker 1: let stores know how many books to have on hand,

825
00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:48,040
Speaker 1: and I want as many sisters as possible to be

826
00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:51,399
Speaker 1: able to find out about Sisterhood Heels, So please help

827
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:54,800
Speaker 1: me out by making your pre order today at Sisterhoodheels

828
00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:58,000
Speaker 1: dot com and then text two of your girls to

829
00:41:58,080 --> 00:42:01,040
Speaker 1: encourage them to grab it as well. If you're looking

830
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:03,920
Speaker 1: for a therapist in your area, check out our therapist

831
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:08,000
Speaker 1: directory at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash directory. And

832
00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:10,680
Speaker 1: if you want to continue digging into this topic or

833
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:13,719
Speaker 1: just be in community with other sisters, come on over

834
00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:16,480
Speaker 1: and join us in the Sister Circle. It's our cozy

835
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:19,600
Speaker 1: corner of the Internet designed just for black women. You

836
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:23,120
Speaker 1: can join us at community dot Therapy for Blackgirls dot com.

837
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:27,360
Speaker 1: This episode was produced by Frida Lucas and Elise Ellis

838
00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:31,319
Speaker 1: and editing was done by Dennison Bradford. Thank y'all so

839
00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:34,080
Speaker 1: much for joining me again this week. I look forward

840
00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:37,120
Speaker 1: to continuing this conversation with you all real soon.

841
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:38,600
Speaker 8: Take good care.

842
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:44,200
Speaker 3: What's