WEBVTT - Think You’ll Be Happy with Nicole Avant

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<v Speaker 1>Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea.

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<v Speaker 2>I am in parenting mode. I have so many things.

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<v Speaker 2>I have so many children. I have the two Bopsy twins,

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<v Speaker 2>Jesse and Katie, my two sixteen year old twins that

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<v Speaker 2>I am the father too. And I now with Doug,

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<v Speaker 2>we have a family of six again. Kelly and I

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<v Speaker 2>have four children. Doug is making Bernice play, which is

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<v Speaker 2>so cute.

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<v Speaker 3>I was gonna say, how is she adjusting?

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<v Speaker 2>She's not interested in Doug. She's not interested in much.

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<v Speaker 2>But he needs to exercise, he needs to expend his

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<v Speaker 2>energy because he is a fucking lunatic. But he's not

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<v Speaker 2>driving me crazy. I love it because he's patty trained.

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<v Speaker 2>The only really thing I can't deal with is not

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<v Speaker 2>being housebroken, because I can't clean up urine effectively. I

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<v Speaker 2>just get new carpets, and that is expensive after a while.

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<v Speaker 2>But he doesn't come in the bed because Bernice and

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<v Speaker 2>I sleep together and he knows that that's not his

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<v Speaker 2>and she'll go in on him if he tries to

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<v Speaker 2>get in. And we were at the dog park the

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<v Speaker 2>other day and there was a huge dog and Doug

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<v Speaker 2>is running like Doug runs, and and then he ran

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<v Speaker 2>on the dock and the lake is frozen, but not

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<v Speaker 2>completely frozen because it's been a pretty lame winter. So

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, oh my god, and I'm running to

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<v Speaker 2>get him because if he falls in the lake, like

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<v Speaker 2>it's over. And I start running and a running, and

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<v Speaker 2>all of a sudden, you know, he comes back to me.

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<v Speaker 1>Finally.

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<v Speaker 2>He's not great at listening, but I don't ever think

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<v Speaker 2>any of my dogs will become great at listening. And

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<v Speaker 2>Bernice had run after me, after him, and I turned

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<v Speaker 2>around and she I haven't seen her run in years,

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<v Speaker 2>and she was running towards me.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I ran to you.

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<v Speaker 2>Honestly, my heart just bursts open every time I look

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<v Speaker 2>at her little face. She is the sweetest and she's

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<v Speaker 2>good and so oh. So then there was this big

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<v Speaker 2>dog and Dug is running back and forth the dog,

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<v Speaker 2>and then the dog just kind of pounced on Bernice

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<v Speaker 2>and she looked at him with like the biggest fuck

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<v Speaker 2>you eyes I'd ever seen. She was like, get the

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<v Speaker 2>fuck away from me, asshole. And I was like, that

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<v Speaker 2>is my daughter, yea, that is my daughter. I raised

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<v Speaker 2>her to be that have that attitude, and I love

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<v Speaker 2>it to see it.

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<v Speaker 3>We love her just the way she is for having

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<v Speaker 3>that attitude.

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<v Speaker 2>She's so cute. I mean, she is transitioning into the

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<v Speaker 2>next part of her life, which is heaven, well, the

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<v Speaker 2>next part of her afterlife. But it's okay because I'm

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<v Speaker 2>just we're so bonded now.

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<v Speaker 1>Now.

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<v Speaker 2>She puts her paws on my bed when she wants

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<v Speaker 2>me to pick her up because she can't jump, so

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<v Speaker 2>she puts her paws on my bed frame.

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<v Speaker 1>And I mean every.

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<v Speaker 2>Time she does it, I'm like, oh God, come here.

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<v Speaker 2>She's so sweet. I had no idea I was missing

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<v Speaker 2>out on all this love with her because Bert stole

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<v Speaker 2>me from her. Yeah, full body.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, some dogs are just bossy like that, like

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<v Speaker 3>we are, little Lottie. She anytime I go to give

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<v Speaker 3>Mimsy are older dog some love, she like busts in

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<v Speaker 3>front of her.

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<v Speaker 1>She's very bossing.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, dog is doing that too. But I just

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<v Speaker 2>tell Doug to fuck off that. Bernie is my number one.

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<v Speaker 2>Bert is the past, Bernice is the present, and Doug

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<v Speaker 2>is the future. Oh hell, lovely, that's what Jesse said yesterday. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>because I was like yeah, and I was like very

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<v Speaker 2>eloquist sort of Okay, So today we have a very

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<v Speaker 2>exciting guest. She's a very old friend of mine, and

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<v Speaker 2>she wrote.

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<v Speaker 1>A new book.

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<v Speaker 2>Her book is called Think You'll Be Happy, Moving through

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<v Speaker 2>Grief with grit, grace, and gratitude. Her next project is

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<v Speaker 2>six Triple Eight, the true story of a black, all

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<v Speaker 2>female battalion in World War Two, starring Kerrie Washington, coming

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<v Speaker 2>to Netflix this year. So welcome to the podcast, Nicole

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<v Speaker 2>a Vant.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you. I'm happy to be here.

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<v Speaker 2>Very happy to have you because you wrote a very

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<v Speaker 2>beautiful book. Among other other things that you've accomplished in

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<v Speaker 2>your life, which are many. Recently, you published a beautiful

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<v Speaker 2>book called Think You'll Be Happy, which is about grief

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<v Speaker 2>and specifically your own grief related to your mother dying

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<v Speaker 2>very unexpectedly in recent years. So I want to talk

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<v Speaker 2>to you about a how did you feel that you

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<v Speaker 2>were ready to even write a book about something like

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<v Speaker 2>that so soon after the injury.

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<v Speaker 1>So I was already writing a book after I had

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<v Speaker 1>done a documentary on my father called The Black Godfather,

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<v Speaker 1>and the publisher at the time kept saying, you should

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<v Speaker 1>pick the themes of the Black Godfather and maybe we

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<v Speaker 1>can turn this into a book, which I thought was

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<v Speaker 1>a great idea. So we picked the themes that my

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<v Speaker 1>parents kind of live by, which were grit and grace

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<v Speaker 1>and gratitude. Those were like the through line themes. And

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<v Speaker 1>then my mom tragically dies and she's killed, and I said,

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<v Speaker 1>immediately to your point, how the fuck am I going

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<v Speaker 1>to write a book? How am I going to put

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<v Speaker 1>this book out on grit, grace and gratitude. It doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>feel right and I don't feel like writing, by the way,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't feel like finishing. But my father came to

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<v Speaker 1>live with me.

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<v Speaker 2>After your mother was killed.

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<v Speaker 1>After my mother was killed, my father came to live

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<v Speaker 1>with me, and he knew I was writing a book,

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<v Speaker 1>and he kept saying, where's a book? And I said, Dad,

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<v Speaker 1>one thing at a time. Here mom was just killed.

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<v Speaker 1>And he said, but you have to write about Jackie.

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<v Speaker 1>You can't stop writing. You can't let this man take

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<v Speaker 1>away your life, my life, And I said, okay, but

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<v Speaker 1>you know he's of that generation. And it wasn't like immediately,

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<v Speaker 1>but he was saying, I think it would help heal you,

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<v Speaker 1>and I think it's going to help heal your heart

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<v Speaker 1>because he saw that I was just shattered. We were

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<v Speaker 1>all shattered. And so I kept writing. And then her

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<v Speaker 1>last text to me, the last words happened to be

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<v Speaker 1>think you'll be happy, And I thought, you know, of

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<v Speaker 1>course she left me would think you'll be happy. Of

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<v Speaker 1>course she did. So that's how it came to be.

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<v Speaker 1>And it was very cathartic and hard, but it definitely

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<v Speaker 1>helped me heal to the point where I could sit

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<v Speaker 1>and talk to you for sure, Like I don't know

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<v Speaker 1>if I didn't put the book out, if I could

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<v Speaker 1>talk about it the way I'm talking about it.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I think you look at grief. First of all,

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<v Speaker 2>you don't expect things like this to happen in your life.

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<v Speaker 2>For our listeners who are not yet familiar with the book,

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<v Speaker 2>and Nicole's mother was murdered in her own house by

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<v Speaker 2>a burglar or it was a burglary, and presumably she

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<v Speaker 2>surprised him and she was eighty one years old, is

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<v Speaker 2>that right?

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<v Speaker 1>One?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And I think the opening of the book, I

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<v Speaker 2>think really resonated with me because in the face of

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<v Speaker 2>grief and in the face of terror and all of

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<v Speaker 2>the nightmare things that can happen and do happen in

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<v Speaker 2>everyone's life, at some point, you were able to get

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<v Speaker 2>that call in the middle of the night from your

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<v Speaker 2>husband's ed and get up and use all of the

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<v Speaker 2>tools that your mother had blessed you with your entire

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<v Speaker 2>life to face the reality of what needed to be

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<v Speaker 2>done instead of freezing or ineptitude paralysis. And I love

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<v Speaker 2>when you talk about getting up, feeding the dogs, making

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<v Speaker 2>sure they got their food, and letting them out, and

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<v Speaker 2>then going to the hospital, right.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, it's interesting. I love that you love that

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<v Speaker 1>part because a lot of people are like, how could

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<v Speaker 1>you even think of feeding the dogs? But they're seriously

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<v Speaker 1>looking at me, and I think when you're in a

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<v Speaker 1>state of shock, it's still to your point. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>my mom always had to saying of you can't make

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<v Speaker 1>believe it didn't happen. Whatever it was. She would always say,

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<v Speaker 1>you can't make believe that it didn't happen. You have

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<v Speaker 1>to face the reality. And again, at that moment, moment,

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<v Speaker 1>they didn't tell me if she was shot in the hand,

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<v Speaker 1>if it was like she found. No one told me

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<v Speaker 1>there was a burglary, No one told me anything. Get

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<v Speaker 1>to the hospital. Your mom's in surgery. So that's why

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<v Speaker 1>I was able to, Okay, what would mom do? I'm

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<v Speaker 1>looking at these two helpless animals, not even knowing when

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<v Speaker 1>I'm ever going to come home or what's going on.

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<v Speaker 1>I ran downstairs, fed them and I left, and I

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<v Speaker 1>was in that mode of whatever is happening, I need

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<v Speaker 1>to trust somehow that I'm going to get through this

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm gonna be okay, Like I needed to decide

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<v Speaker 1>to be able to overcome whatever was going to face me.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to overcome this. Didn't mean it was going

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<v Speaker 1>to be easy. Didn't mean I was sugarcoating it like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>I'll be fine, but it was Life is not stopping

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<v Speaker 1>for me, Life is not stopping for my family. Life

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't stop for anybody. So I wanted to be as

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<v Speaker 1>courageous as possible and as sane as possible to take

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<v Speaker 1>care of whatever was going to happen, especially knowing that

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<v Speaker 1>my ninety one year old father was at the hospital waiting.

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<v Speaker 2>I think, in the face of this, it's always a

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<v Speaker 2>miracle how we are able to level up, and I

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<v Speaker 2>don't know that everybody feels as able to do that.

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<v Speaker 2>I think there is a level of strength, and we

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<v Speaker 2>have this inner reservoir of strength that we talk about

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<v Speaker 2>on the podcast all the time that when it's time,

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<v Speaker 2>it's like a soul elevation. We have to step up

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<v Speaker 2>to the plate because now we're in charge of a situation.

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<v Speaker 2>It's not a desirable situation. It's horrible, not only for you,

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<v Speaker 2>but for you know, all of the thousands of people

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<v Speaker 2>whose lives she's touched. So I think it's interesting to

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<v Speaker 2>discuss how you have that strength and how you knew

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<v Speaker 2>to tap into that strength, because you talk in the

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<v Speaker 2>book a lot about your mother kind of infecting you

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<v Speaker 2>with the idea throughout your childhood that you have to

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<v Speaker 2>see the best in everybody, and you have to do

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<v Speaker 2>your best, and you have to be well rounded. And

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<v Speaker 2>so let's talk a little bit about that impact that

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<v Speaker 2>she had on you, because I know from my mother dying,

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<v Speaker 2>the lessons she gave me became louder and louder the

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<v Speaker 2>longer she was gone.

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<v Speaker 1>One hundred percent. I think it's you know, my mom

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<v Speaker 1>was a realist, and my mom would always say she

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<v Speaker 1>lived from an eternal perspective. So my mom's whole point is, listen,

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<v Speaker 1>life is great and it's also tough. Life is beautiful

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<v Speaker 1>and it's also messy. You know, she never sugarcoated life

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<v Speaker 1>for me, and her whole point to me growing up

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<v Speaker 1>was part of the circle of life that everyone talks about.

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<v Speaker 1>No one wants to talk about the other part of

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<v Speaker 1>the circle, which is death, and it is coming and

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<v Speaker 1>you don't know when and you don't know how. No

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<v Speaker 1>no one does. And you know, my dad, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>always talked about the dash. What are you going to

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<v Speaker 1>do with your dash? She would always say, you come

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<v Speaker 1>in with a number and you end with a number.

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<v Speaker 1>It's the in between the numbers that make the difference

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<v Speaker 1>in everyone's life. And everyone has to decide, gets to decide.

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<v Speaker 1>I should say, also, how are you going to show up?

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<v Speaker 1>How do you want to show up? Who do you

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<v Speaker 1>want to be in that moment? And my mom, my

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<v Speaker 1>mom said, you know, my mom knew from a very

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<v Speaker 1>young age. She's like, you know, she loved history so much, Chelsea,

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<v Speaker 1>to the point where she was like, so many people

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<v Speaker 1>sacrificed of all colors, of all religions, people have sacrificed

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<v Speaker 1>for years and years for us, for Americans especially, to

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<v Speaker 1>be where we were at that time. She's like, so

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<v Speaker 1>this is not a joke. You know, people in my

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<v Speaker 1>dad's family hit in the face, you know, bricks thrown

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<v Speaker 1>at them, sitting in a sit in you know, marching

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<v Speaker 1>for civil rights. My Auntie's punched in the face by

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<v Speaker 1>mobs of people chased in the streets. Like my mom

0:11:02.000 --> 0:11:06.560
<v Speaker 1>always wanted me to remember, you stand on very strong

0:11:06.600 --> 0:11:10.640
<v Speaker 1>shoulders and tall shoulders. And Andrew Goodman, by the way,

0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:12.880
<v Speaker 1>you know, young Jewish man in New York when he

0:11:12.960 --> 0:11:15.839
<v Speaker 1>went to Mississippi and he was murdered by the klan.

0:11:16.720 --> 0:11:20.319
<v Speaker 1>My mom said she and her friends were traumatized by that.

0:11:20.360 --> 0:11:22.520
<v Speaker 1>She didn't know Andrew, she didn't need to know Andrew.

0:11:22.720 --> 0:11:25.080
<v Speaker 1>She didn't need to know James, she needs to know Michael.

0:11:25.120 --> 0:11:27.040
<v Speaker 1>She didn't need to know those three. But what she

0:11:27.200 --> 0:11:32.720
<v Speaker 1>did know was people are actually going out and dying

0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:35.920
<v Speaker 1>for other people to have civil rights. That people are

0:11:35.920 --> 0:11:39.200
<v Speaker 1>going out and sacrificing their lives. So the least we

0:11:39.280 --> 0:11:43.400
<v Speaker 1>can do is show up and live, you know. That

0:11:43.600 --> 0:11:46.400
<v Speaker 1>was her whole motto was show up and live this

0:11:46.520 --> 0:11:50.680
<v Speaker 1>life that we've been given. And freedom isn't easy and

0:11:51.000 --> 0:11:53.880
<v Speaker 1>you shouldn't take it for granted. So my mom raised

0:11:53.880 --> 0:11:57.880
<v Speaker 1>me with this idea of use your freedom wisely, use

0:11:57.960 --> 0:12:00.160
<v Speaker 1>the freedom that you've been given. By the way, if

0:12:00.200 --> 0:12:02.560
<v Speaker 1>you choose not to do shit with your life, yeah,

0:12:02.640 --> 0:12:05.680
<v Speaker 1>you're lucky. Someone died for you to have that choice too,

0:12:06.040 --> 0:12:08.840
<v Speaker 1>you know, And she said, and I would hate to

0:12:08.840 --> 0:12:11.200
<v Speaker 1>see you waste your life. I would hate to see

0:12:11.240 --> 0:12:15.160
<v Speaker 1>you not appreciate the blessings that you've been bestowed. So

0:12:15.720 --> 0:12:18.160
<v Speaker 1>that I think, and to your point about this strength

0:12:18.200 --> 0:12:20.880
<v Speaker 1>and this reservoir of strength, I think it's like the

0:12:20.920 --> 0:12:23.960
<v Speaker 1>story of the mom pulling out a child from under

0:12:24.000 --> 0:12:27.240
<v Speaker 1>a car. It's that same strength that we all read

0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:29.960
<v Speaker 1>about of some accident and the mother runs out and

0:12:30.000 --> 0:12:33.480
<v Speaker 1>she's able to overturn a car. It's an energy and

0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:37.280
<v Speaker 1>a soul force that comes through I think, especially women,

0:12:37.880 --> 0:12:41.360
<v Speaker 1>that it's there. But I think my mom, to your point,

0:12:41.400 --> 0:12:44.720
<v Speaker 1>infecting me with it and filling me up with this

0:12:44.880 --> 0:12:53.280
<v Speaker 1>sense of being tenacious and grateful and responsible definitely gave

0:12:53.320 --> 0:12:55.320
<v Speaker 1>me the energy to show up at the hospital that

0:12:55.440 --> 0:12:57.920
<v Speaker 1>morning and get the news that she didn't make it

0:12:57.960 --> 0:12:58.520
<v Speaker 1>through surgery.

0:13:00.600 --> 0:13:00.800
<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

0:13:00.880 --> 0:13:03.000
<v Speaker 2>You talk about energy in the book, and you talk

0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:07.199
<v Speaker 2>about energy being joy Yeah. Yeah, so, And I love

0:13:07.240 --> 0:13:09.920
<v Speaker 2>that because that is true, because it is a you know,

0:13:09.960 --> 0:13:13.120
<v Speaker 2>we're always it's output. It's like, do you want to

0:13:13.120 --> 0:13:15.280
<v Speaker 2>be joyful? Do you want to spread joy? Do you

0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:18.120
<v Speaker 2>want to illuminate people around you? You know what kind

0:13:18.120 --> 0:13:21.720
<v Speaker 2>of energy field are you leaving when you leave a situation?

0:13:22.280 --> 0:13:24.440
<v Speaker 2>And I think that energy and joy are just like

0:13:24.520 --> 0:13:27.800
<v Speaker 2>so beautifully interwoven. And I haven't ever read about it

0:13:27.800 --> 0:13:29.800
<v Speaker 2>the way you wrote about it in the book.

0:13:29.800 --> 0:13:33.480
<v Speaker 1>Oh Thank You. I think that we are all towers

0:13:33.520 --> 0:13:38.120
<v Speaker 1>of energy, and we can put out whatever we decide.

0:13:38.480 --> 0:13:40.040
<v Speaker 1>So if we want to put out joy, if you

0:13:40.040 --> 0:13:41.800
<v Speaker 1>want to put out light, if you want to put

0:13:41.800 --> 0:13:45.160
<v Speaker 1>out you know, laughter, all of it go ahead. If

0:13:45.200 --> 0:13:46.920
<v Speaker 1>you want to put out misery and you want to

0:13:46.960 --> 0:13:49.520
<v Speaker 1>be a victim, and you want to put out negativity,

0:13:49.559 --> 0:13:53.800
<v Speaker 1>And everyone has free will. And I'm a big believer

0:13:53.880 --> 0:13:57.080
<v Speaker 1>in when when when you are grateful for everything you have,

0:13:57.160 --> 0:14:00.480
<v Speaker 1>And I'm talking everything that you know. You know, our kids,

0:14:00.520 --> 0:14:02.400
<v Speaker 1>Tony and Sarah, and every day I was.

0:14:02.480 --> 0:14:04.960
<v Speaker 2>I diviginized her son, her steps on Tony. I just

0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:08.160
<v Speaker 2>want all of our listeners to know that I mounted

0:14:08.240 --> 0:14:12.000
<v Speaker 2>him one night at Ted Nichole's house and he became

0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:14.960
<v Speaker 2>a man after that. So i'd i'd like to go

0:14:15.040 --> 0:14:16.360
<v Speaker 2>on the record with that, thank you.

0:14:19.560 --> 0:14:23.360
<v Speaker 1>I would remind them even the fact that you're turning

0:14:23.360 --> 0:14:26.040
<v Speaker 1>on the water, we have indoor plumbing, which again my

0:14:26.160 --> 0:14:30.760
<v Speaker 1>dad didn't have indoor plumbing, heat, anything, food, nothing like zero,

0:14:31.240 --> 0:14:33.080
<v Speaker 1>didn't have a pot to pisson. So I think when

0:14:33.120 --> 0:14:36.960
<v Speaker 1>you are joyous and grateful and positive for everything in

0:14:37.000 --> 0:14:39.120
<v Speaker 1>your life, the fact that you could walk and talk

0:14:39.360 --> 0:14:42.520
<v Speaker 1>here and see anything, you have children, dogs, at all

0:14:42.560 --> 0:14:45.960
<v Speaker 1>of it. The more I noticed, the more I'll tell

0:14:46.000 --> 0:14:48.920
<v Speaker 1>you this, when I don't focus on what I'm grateful for, Chelsea,

0:14:49.080 --> 0:14:53.440
<v Speaker 1>and I don't become on purpose about my energy, it's

0:14:53.480 --> 0:14:56.120
<v Speaker 1>all over the place, and it's very easy to become

0:14:56.200 --> 0:14:59.600
<v Speaker 1>negative if you're not focused on what you want to

0:14:59.600 --> 0:14:59.960
<v Speaker 1>put out.

0:15:00.520 --> 0:15:04.360
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely, I think also to being grateful for the things

0:15:04.360 --> 0:15:07.560
<v Speaker 2>that don't go well, so because that is that there's

0:15:07.640 --> 0:15:11.280
<v Speaker 2>always a lesson in everything, even in as horrible as

0:15:11.320 --> 0:15:14.880
<v Speaker 2>it sounds. In death, the acceptance of someone moving on

0:15:15.320 --> 0:15:18.360
<v Speaker 2>and the idea which is so comforting, you know. And

0:15:18.400 --> 0:15:20.320
<v Speaker 2>you talk about religion a lot, and you quote a

0:15:20.320 --> 0:15:23.320
<v Speaker 2>lot of verses from different books in the Bible, and

0:15:23.920 --> 0:15:27.640
<v Speaker 2>I think it's religion is such a good tool for death, right,

0:15:27.760 --> 0:15:30.440
<v Speaker 2>It's a good tool for a plethora of things, but

0:15:30.440 --> 0:15:34.680
<v Speaker 2>for death specifically. Yeah, it can give you hope in

0:15:34.920 --> 0:15:38.160
<v Speaker 2>the emptiness you know that you feel because when you're

0:15:38.160 --> 0:15:41.960
<v Speaker 2>knowledgeable and in touch with the idea that yes they're

0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:44.240
<v Speaker 2>not physically here, but no one is ever really gone.

0:15:44.360 --> 0:15:48.360
<v Speaker 2>Energy doesn't ever die. That our mothers and whomever we

0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:51.360
<v Speaker 2>love that we've lost, it's an honor to have been

0:15:51.800 --> 0:15:54.600
<v Speaker 2>with them and spend that time with them, and they

0:15:54.640 --> 0:15:58.560
<v Speaker 2>have injected that energy, injected and infected in the most

0:15:58.600 --> 0:16:01.960
<v Speaker 2>positive way into us, and it is our light to

0:16:02.000 --> 0:16:05.760
<v Speaker 2>carry on and shine on for them and in honor

0:16:05.840 --> 0:16:06.520
<v Speaker 2>of them.

0:16:06.760 --> 0:16:09.960
<v Speaker 1>Yes, in honor of them. That is what helped me

0:16:10.080 --> 0:16:13.080
<v Speaker 1>get through this the most, which is it's like an

0:16:13.200 --> 0:16:17.480
<v Speaker 1>energetic baton. The batons are passed, the energy is passed

0:16:17.520 --> 0:16:20.000
<v Speaker 1>on to us. And what am I gonna do with

0:16:20.040 --> 0:16:22.360
<v Speaker 1>my baton? What am I going to do? Of course

0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:24.520
<v Speaker 1>I want to carry on my mother's legacy. Of course

0:16:24.560 --> 0:16:27.200
<v Speaker 1>I want to share her life and her lessons and

0:16:27.240 --> 0:16:31.600
<v Speaker 1>her love. But to your point, that's what it is.

0:16:31.640 --> 0:16:33.880
<v Speaker 1>And I think the greatest way to honor people who

0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:37.120
<v Speaker 1>are no longer with us physically is to make the

0:16:37.160 --> 0:16:39.920
<v Speaker 1>best out of our lives. I know my mom is

0:16:40.000 --> 0:16:43.800
<v Speaker 1>really happy right now watching a because she, you know,

0:16:44.280 --> 0:16:46.520
<v Speaker 1>love being the center of attention. So believe me, my

0:16:46.560 --> 0:16:48.920
<v Speaker 1>mom loves the positive attention she's getting, but in the

0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:52.720
<v Speaker 1>best way, because I know she feels Oh thank god,

0:16:52.840 --> 0:16:55.400
<v Speaker 1>none of this went to waste, you know, like I

0:16:56.280 --> 0:16:58.840
<v Speaker 1>put a lot of good out into the universe. And yes,

0:16:58.920 --> 0:17:01.600
<v Speaker 1>something tragic happens, and it was in three minutes, like

0:17:01.640 --> 0:17:04.439
<v Speaker 1>I was struck by lightning. But look at the good

0:17:04.920 --> 0:17:08.120
<v Speaker 1>and the ripple effect of the goodness. I can't tell

0:17:08.119 --> 0:17:10.600
<v Speaker 1>you the letters and the notes Chelsea that I received

0:17:10.600 --> 0:17:15.560
<v Speaker 1>from people around the world about how much me sharing

0:17:15.600 --> 0:17:20.359
<v Speaker 1>my story has helped them get up, not be you know,

0:17:20.400 --> 0:17:21.760
<v Speaker 1>I had one guy who at me, he goes, I

0:17:21.800 --> 0:17:25.399
<v Speaker 1>haven't even you know, really gone out of my house

0:17:25.440 --> 0:17:28.520
<v Speaker 1>almost for two years. I mean, just so crippled by

0:17:28.560 --> 0:17:32.880
<v Speaker 1>grief to the point where you can't even function. And

0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:35.640
<v Speaker 1>I think our parents bring us here. We come through them,

0:17:35.640 --> 0:17:38.920
<v Speaker 1>our mothers, we come through them, and it's our job

0:17:39.040 --> 0:17:42.719
<v Speaker 1>to really to Our job is to live the failures

0:17:42.800 --> 0:17:45.959
<v Speaker 1>in the quote unquote bad things that happen to all

0:17:46.000 --> 0:17:48.159
<v Speaker 1>of us, or any negativity that comes in, they are

0:17:48.200 --> 0:17:52.160
<v Speaker 1>also gifts. I agree with you. When the doors closed, Yeah,

0:17:52.240 --> 0:17:55.840
<v Speaker 1>sometimes you know, sometimes that relationship is not going to work. Great,

0:17:56.000 --> 0:17:58.400
<v Speaker 1>take the lesson and the blessing and move the fuck on.

0:17:58.600 --> 0:18:02.359
<v Speaker 2>And be grateful it's over. Be great, yeah, and show grace,

0:18:02.560 --> 0:18:06.560
<v Speaker 2>like if a relationship ends, be graceful about it, that's okay.

0:18:06.800 --> 0:18:09.520
<v Speaker 2>Like not everyone is meant to be here your entire life.

0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:12.600
<v Speaker 1>That's not Ever. My mom used to say, everyone has

0:18:12.640 --> 0:18:14.879
<v Speaker 1>to get off the train. At some point. Some people

0:18:14.880 --> 0:18:16.800
<v Speaker 1>are going to ask you to get off their train.

0:18:17.800 --> 0:18:20.680
<v Speaker 1>We're going to ask people to get off your train.

0:18:21.680 --> 0:18:25.160
<v Speaker 1>But do it gracefully to your point and be grateful

0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:30.080
<v Speaker 1>for whatever, take whatever lesson and whatever blessing. And for me,

0:18:30.359 --> 0:18:32.120
<v Speaker 1>for example, I had to learn a lesson. I got

0:18:32.119 --> 0:18:35.600
<v Speaker 1>at a very bad relationship, very emotionally abusive a long

0:18:35.600 --> 0:18:38.720
<v Speaker 1>time ago. And the greatest lesson was what the hell

0:18:38.760 --> 0:18:41.760
<v Speaker 1>would I think that I'm worthy of just that shit?

0:18:42.600 --> 0:18:45.240
<v Speaker 1>Thank you very much for showing me that I'm actually

0:18:45.280 --> 0:18:49.040
<v Speaker 1>worth something. What your pain gave me, you know it.

0:18:49.880 --> 0:18:51.840
<v Speaker 1>It was a lot of grief and a lot of

0:18:51.960 --> 0:18:55.679
<v Speaker 1>questioning myself, but I had to. I used to ask myself, like,

0:18:55.720 --> 0:18:58.439
<v Speaker 1>you know, am why am I attracting these kind of

0:18:58.480 --> 0:19:01.439
<v Speaker 1>people into my life? And then I switched the question

0:19:01.600 --> 0:19:06.199
<v Speaker 1>and I asked myself, now, why am I attracted to

0:19:06.800 --> 0:19:10.240
<v Speaker 1>this type of person? What in me is attracted to

0:19:10.359 --> 0:19:13.119
<v Speaker 1>this kind of behavior, so what always comes back to me?

0:19:13.200 --> 0:19:16.159
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, no, this energy doesn't align with me. So

0:19:16.280 --> 0:19:18.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna and I still grieve about it. I still

0:19:18.680 --> 0:19:20.800
<v Speaker 1>grieved about it, and then I got Ted. Do you

0:19:20.840 --> 0:19:22.600
<v Speaker 1>know what I mean? I would have never met Ted

0:19:23.200 --> 0:19:26.000
<v Speaker 1>and I would have never accepted Ted and loved him

0:19:26.040 --> 0:19:29.760
<v Speaker 1>the way I do had I not gone through people

0:19:29.760 --> 0:19:31.360
<v Speaker 1>who were completely opposite of Ted.

0:19:32.119 --> 0:19:34.720
<v Speaker 2>Right, So let me pivot a little bit because I

0:19:34.760 --> 0:19:37.879
<v Speaker 2>know your father recently passed away, Clarence Avont, who was

0:19:37.920 --> 0:19:42.199
<v Speaker 2>a very well known music mogul. So how do you

0:19:42.320 --> 0:19:44.240
<v Speaker 2>square that? Because I know I bumped it to you.

0:19:44.240 --> 0:19:47.280
<v Speaker 2>We kind of briefly touched upon it about you know,

0:19:47.359 --> 0:19:51.280
<v Speaker 2>your dad and your mom being back together, which is

0:19:51.320 --> 0:19:54.399
<v Speaker 2>the way I like to look at things. And how

0:19:54.480 --> 0:19:57.679
<v Speaker 2>did how did this impact you knowing that you were

0:19:57.720 --> 0:20:00.760
<v Speaker 2>losing him but he was returning to her.

0:20:01.000 --> 0:20:04.960
<v Speaker 1>You know, Chelsea, I every single day I prayed that

0:20:05.040 --> 0:20:08.000
<v Speaker 1>he would have the most peaceful transition because I thought,

0:20:08.119 --> 0:20:10.200
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if I can handle another tread. You know,

0:20:10.400 --> 0:20:13.760
<v Speaker 1>let's he's here with me. I pray it's as peaceful

0:20:13.760 --> 0:20:18.040
<v Speaker 1>as possible, which it was, thank God, and the fact

0:20:18.080 --> 0:20:20.280
<v Speaker 1>that he was able to pass away in our home,

0:20:20.320 --> 0:20:23.280
<v Speaker 1>which was which became his home, but he was surrounded

0:20:23.280 --> 0:20:27.840
<v Speaker 1>by his things and you know, close family members, best

0:20:27.840 --> 0:20:29.800
<v Speaker 1>friends were able to come by and kind of say

0:20:29.800 --> 0:20:33.639
<v Speaker 1>their goodbyes as he was just slowly, quietly fading away.

0:20:34.160 --> 0:20:36.359
<v Speaker 1>Cancer didn't take it. Nothing took him. It's like it

0:20:36.480 --> 0:20:39.399
<v Speaker 1>just it was old age and time to go was

0:20:39.440 --> 0:20:43.240
<v Speaker 1>twenty months after my mom and he was so trying

0:20:43.280 --> 0:20:45.119
<v Speaker 1>to hang on about the book. He's like, when's the

0:20:45.160 --> 0:20:48.040
<v Speaker 1>book coming out? And he read the galleys, like I need,

0:20:48.080 --> 0:20:50.879
<v Speaker 1>I need to watch the book, and I knew. I

0:20:51.000 --> 0:20:52.920
<v Speaker 1>just knew. I was like, I know he's going to

0:20:53.000 --> 0:20:55.359
<v Speaker 1>go before the book, but at least he read it.

0:20:55.760 --> 0:20:58.640
<v Speaker 1>He read the galley and I have to say it

0:20:58.840 --> 0:21:03.800
<v Speaker 1>was It gave me peace knowing that it was peaceful, quiet,

0:21:04.080 --> 0:21:07.720
<v Speaker 1>beautiful at home and that he was going to be

0:21:08.600 --> 0:21:11.920
<v Speaker 1>with my mom energetically they would be reconnected, and that

0:21:12.119 --> 0:21:16.159
<v Speaker 1>gave me. That actually gave me joy. And I was

0:21:16.240 --> 0:21:19.000
<v Speaker 1>so proud of his soul. That's what I kept telling

0:21:19.040 --> 0:21:21.480
<v Speaker 1>him as he was leaving. I go, look at the

0:21:21.600 --> 0:21:26.080
<v Speaker 1>fucking life that you've lived. This is thirty lifetimes in

0:21:26.240 --> 0:21:29.639
<v Speaker 1>one life. You had no rights, you had no family,

0:21:29.680 --> 0:21:31.639
<v Speaker 1>you had nothing. You were on your own since you

0:21:31.680 --> 0:21:35.080
<v Speaker 1>were fifteen. And look what you did with your energy,

0:21:35.200 --> 0:21:37.879
<v Speaker 1>and look at the lives that you've changed. And I

0:21:37.920 --> 0:21:41.240
<v Speaker 1>was so happy that I was able to tell him that. Yeah.

0:21:41.280 --> 0:21:43.399
<v Speaker 2>You know, it's interesting because you know, when you have

0:21:43.520 --> 0:21:48.320
<v Speaker 2>someone die so tragically and in such a traumatizing way

0:21:48.359 --> 0:21:53.800
<v Speaker 2>as your mother did, it's almost like the next death

0:21:54.520 --> 0:21:59.000
<v Speaker 2>you're so ready for it. It's like it's almost like when

0:21:59.000 --> 0:22:03.160
<v Speaker 2>my brother died on unexpectedly tragically, it was like anything

0:22:03.200 --> 0:22:06.399
<v Speaker 2>after that was okay. Like my mom dying, I was like,

0:22:06.720 --> 0:22:09.320
<v Speaker 2>I'll help you. I remember showing up to the hospital

0:22:09.320 --> 0:22:11.320
<v Speaker 2>and my mom saw me come in and was like,

0:22:11.359 --> 0:22:14.119
<v Speaker 2>thank god you're here. I just want to die. Please.

0:22:14.160 --> 0:22:16.320
<v Speaker 2>They're trying to keep me alive. I know you'll help

0:22:16.359 --> 0:22:18.640
<v Speaker 2>me die. And I was like, no problem, I got you,

0:22:18.720 --> 0:22:21.199
<v Speaker 2>like I will, I will help you. And I was like,

0:22:21.320 --> 0:22:24.639
<v Speaker 2>I remember the contrast of the two things. I was like,

0:22:24.760 --> 0:22:25.520
<v Speaker 2>I could take.

0:22:25.359 --> 0:22:30.320
<v Speaker 1>Anything, anything on one hundred percent. I can deal with anything. Right.

0:22:30.480 --> 0:22:32.880
<v Speaker 1>The dad, you know, before he passed away in our home,

0:22:32.920 --> 0:22:34.880
<v Speaker 1>he had had a stroke. I'm the one who found him.

0:22:34.920 --> 0:22:37.960
<v Speaker 1>I found him and I was like, bringing up, I

0:22:38.000 --> 0:22:40.800
<v Speaker 1>can handle this because I've already been through the worst

0:22:40.840 --> 0:22:46.480
<v Speaker 1>freaking thing ever. And then I made a decision, Oh Dad,

0:22:46.600 --> 0:22:47.879
<v Speaker 1>you know what. I don't know how long you have

0:22:48.000 --> 0:22:51.240
<v Speaker 1>after this, but I promise you, I'm going to help

0:22:51.280 --> 0:22:56.080
<v Speaker 1>you make the greatest transition ever. I promise you. I'm

0:22:56.119 --> 0:22:59.280
<v Speaker 1>not leaving your side. I'm going to make you comfortable.

0:22:59.640 --> 0:23:01.800
<v Speaker 1>Whatever for drugs they give you and they allow me

0:23:01.840 --> 0:23:04.000
<v Speaker 1>to give you, bring it on, like this is gonna

0:23:04.000 --> 0:23:07.720
<v Speaker 1>be painless for you, and I'm gonna walk you. I'm

0:23:07.720 --> 0:23:10.320
<v Speaker 1>gonna walk you over, you know. And it was Ted

0:23:10.600 --> 0:23:13.720
<v Speaker 1>who actually I left the room and I knew he

0:23:13.760 --> 0:23:16.000
<v Speaker 1>was leaving, and I it was so heavy for me.

0:23:16.119 --> 0:23:17.879
<v Speaker 1>It was that death rattle. I don't know if you

0:23:18.040 --> 0:23:20.720
<v Speaker 1>heard that, but it was this horrible uff that's the worst,

0:23:20.800 --> 0:23:22.600
<v Speaker 1>and it's kept scaring me. And I knew I was

0:23:22.600 --> 0:23:26.680
<v Speaker 1>making my dad anxious. And Ted freaking stepped in and

0:23:26.760 --> 0:23:29.840
<v Speaker 1>I said, Okay, I have a feeling he's going and

0:23:29.880 --> 0:23:32.480
<v Speaker 1>I have said everything, and you need to have your

0:23:32.520 --> 0:23:35.479
<v Speaker 1>time with him. And Ted freakin walked, took him to

0:23:35.520 --> 0:23:39.560
<v Speaker 1>the other side, held his hand, you know, did whatever

0:23:39.600 --> 0:23:40.960
<v Speaker 1>he needed to do in the room, He goes, I

0:23:41.000 --> 0:23:43.080
<v Speaker 1>don't know every old Catholic prayer that I knew as

0:23:43.119 --> 0:23:45.320
<v Speaker 1>a child kept coming out of my mouth. But you

0:23:45.320 --> 0:23:47.200
<v Speaker 1>know what was great is that they had that moment

0:23:47.240 --> 0:23:50.800
<v Speaker 1>and my dad went out listening to Frank Sinatra, Duke Ellington,

0:23:51.160 --> 0:23:54.560
<v Speaker 1>Louie Armstrong, all the music that he brought into the world,

0:23:54.560 --> 0:23:58.320
<v Speaker 1>Bill Withers. We just we sent him out in the

0:23:58.359 --> 0:23:58.920
<v Speaker 1>best way.

0:23:59.560 --> 0:24:01.639
<v Speaker 2>Okay, on that note, we're going to take a break.

0:24:01.840 --> 0:24:03.360
<v Speaker 2>We're going to come back and we're going to talk

0:24:03.359 --> 0:24:11.840
<v Speaker 2>to some callers. Nicole, Okay, okay, all right, and we're back.

0:24:12.040 --> 0:24:12.600
<v Speaker 1>We're back.

0:24:13.040 --> 0:24:16.240
<v Speaker 3>Our first caller is Akronefa.

0:24:16.160 --> 0:24:19.920
<v Speaker 2>And she related to Aquafina. She is not, but she's

0:24:20.000 --> 0:24:20.440
<v Speaker 2>real cute.

0:24:20.480 --> 0:24:21.360
<v Speaker 1>She's real cute.

0:24:21.920 --> 0:24:24.320
<v Speaker 3>Let me just preface this with she wrote in about

0:24:24.320 --> 0:24:26.840
<v Speaker 3>a year after her mom had died, and at that

0:24:26.920 --> 0:24:29.360
<v Speaker 3>time she was struggling with a lot of daily stuff

0:24:29.440 --> 0:24:32.119
<v Speaker 3>like making sure that she was getting exercise and feeding

0:24:32.119 --> 0:24:34.560
<v Speaker 3>herself right and all that kind of stuff. So she

0:24:34.680 --> 0:24:37.480
<v Speaker 3>says she's back on track with that, but wrote in

0:24:37.520 --> 0:24:42.560
<v Speaker 3>about finding her creative side again. You're Chelsea. I'm thirty

0:24:42.560 --> 0:24:45.040
<v Speaker 3>three years old, and in September of twenty twenty one.

0:24:45.280 --> 0:24:48.480
<v Speaker 3>After just a three week battle with pancreatic cancer, my

0:24:48.600 --> 0:24:51.480
<v Speaker 3>dear world of a mother passed away. It's been over

0:24:51.520 --> 0:24:54.320
<v Speaker 3>two years and I have stabilized myself. I have a

0:24:54.320 --> 0:24:56.720
<v Speaker 3>full time job in higher ed and I go to

0:24:56.760 --> 0:25:00.800
<v Speaker 3>therapy weekly and all my essential physical needs are met. However,

0:25:01.320 --> 0:25:04.040
<v Speaker 3>I feel like my spirit is unrecognizable from what it

0:25:04.119 --> 0:25:08.840
<v Speaker 3>was before. I'm a musician. I play the flute, piano, bass, guitar,

0:25:09.000 --> 0:25:12.199
<v Speaker 3>produce and write songs. Ever since my mom passed, I

0:25:12.240 --> 0:25:14.480
<v Speaker 3>haven't been able to write any songs, and instead of

0:25:14.520 --> 0:25:19.960
<v Speaker 3>practicing music, I found myself disassociating, wasting time binging YouTube videos.

0:25:20.359 --> 0:25:22.640
<v Speaker 3>Sometimes I feel like I can create music, but if

0:25:22.680 --> 0:25:24.439
<v Speaker 3>I can't share it with my mom and watch her

0:25:24.480 --> 0:25:26.919
<v Speaker 3>eyes light up and make her proud, what's the point.

0:25:27.760 --> 0:25:29.439
<v Speaker 3>I feel a call to live out my dream to

0:25:29.480 --> 0:25:31.680
<v Speaker 3>create music, but I don't know how to push past

0:25:31.760 --> 0:25:34.359
<v Speaker 3>the immense grief. Any words of wisdom on how to

0:25:34.400 --> 0:25:39.520
<v Speaker 3>get back to myself? Akronefa hikati hi.

0:25:42.119 --> 0:25:42.520
<v Speaker 1>Hi.

0:25:42.640 --> 0:25:44.800
<v Speaker 2>This is our special guest, Nicole a Vant, and we

0:25:44.880 --> 0:25:47.040
<v Speaker 2>both have mothers that have passed away. So you're talking

0:25:47.040 --> 0:25:48.159
<v Speaker 2>to the right group of people.

0:25:48.760 --> 0:25:51.639
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, I know, and I think we're all pisces.

0:25:52.359 --> 0:25:55.960
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, fun. When's your birthday?

0:25:56.440 --> 0:25:57.119
<v Speaker 5>March third?

0:25:57.640 --> 0:25:57.840
<v Speaker 1>Oh?

0:25:57.880 --> 0:26:02.840
<v Speaker 2>Perfect, Nicole, when's yours March six? Okay, great, aren't you yes?

0:26:02.960 --> 0:26:06.800
<v Speaker 2>February A. Yeah, Well, I'm so sorry that you lost

0:26:06.800 --> 0:26:08.800
<v Speaker 2>your mother, and we both know what that feels like.

0:26:09.119 --> 0:26:12.200
<v Speaker 2>It's a big, big void. But I'm going to start

0:26:12.240 --> 0:26:17.040
<v Speaker 2>by saying that you have to know and believe and feel,

0:26:17.320 --> 0:26:20.640
<v Speaker 2>like when you close your eyes and you center yourself

0:26:20.720 --> 0:26:23.960
<v Speaker 2>and you really just let yourself feel, you're gonna know

0:26:23.960 --> 0:26:28.640
<v Speaker 2>that your mother is still with you, and you're postponing

0:26:28.800 --> 0:26:33.679
<v Speaker 2>all the joyfulness that you can experience knowing that she

0:26:33.840 --> 0:26:36.760
<v Speaker 2>is with you, sharing that like if you're not happy,

0:26:36.840 --> 0:26:40.520
<v Speaker 2>she's not happy, and all of this, Like you know,

0:26:40.600 --> 0:26:42.600
<v Speaker 2>my mother will never hear this music. Yes, your mother

0:26:42.640 --> 0:26:45.480
<v Speaker 2>will hear this music. You have to believe that your

0:26:45.520 --> 0:26:49.480
<v Speaker 2>mother is with you and watching you, because none of

0:26:49.480 --> 0:26:52.240
<v Speaker 2>our mothers are just off and running up in heaven

0:26:52.400 --> 0:26:55.960
<v Speaker 2>like you know, having a keger. They're here to guide us.

0:26:56.000 --> 0:26:58.840
<v Speaker 2>Like I truly believe in This wasn't my belief system

0:26:58.880 --> 0:27:01.240
<v Speaker 2>for a very long time, but I've seen proof of

0:27:01.280 --> 0:27:03.480
<v Speaker 2>it in my life and in other people's lives. They

0:27:03.480 --> 0:27:05.440
<v Speaker 2>are there, to guide us once they leave us. Your

0:27:05.440 --> 0:27:08.679
<v Speaker 2>mother is never going to abandon you. You know, they

0:27:08.720 --> 0:27:12.280
<v Speaker 2>couldn't if they wanted to. It's just impossibly, like physiologically,

0:27:12.280 --> 0:27:16.479
<v Speaker 2>there's too strong of a bond. And so I really

0:27:16.480 --> 0:27:19.240
<v Speaker 2>think you need to turn that thought process just on

0:27:19.359 --> 0:27:23.600
<v Speaker 2>its head and really just every morning, wake up and

0:27:23.680 --> 0:27:26.520
<v Speaker 2>say to your mother, Okay, this is what we're doing today.

0:27:26.640 --> 0:27:29.760
<v Speaker 2>Like act like she is with you every single moment,

0:27:30.200 --> 0:27:32.359
<v Speaker 2>and you're going to start to feel that, and you

0:27:32.440 --> 0:27:35.199
<v Speaker 2>need to believe that because that's what's going to motivate you.

0:27:35.240 --> 0:27:38.080
<v Speaker 2>She would never want you just wasting away and to

0:27:38.160 --> 0:27:41.160
<v Speaker 2>be mourning for this long and to just be depressed

0:27:41.200 --> 0:27:43.800
<v Speaker 2>and scrolling through YouTube. That's not what she wants for you.

0:27:44.600 --> 0:27:47.400
<v Speaker 1>I agree with Chelsea. I would say that your mom.

0:27:47.880 --> 0:27:49.919
<v Speaker 1>You know, sometimes I had to ask. I had to

0:27:49.960 --> 0:27:52.520
<v Speaker 1>pretend as if my mom was sitting next to me,

0:27:53.680 --> 0:27:55.760
<v Speaker 1>and I would say, Okay, what do you want from

0:27:55.760 --> 0:27:58.280
<v Speaker 1>me today? What do you want from me? And you'll

0:27:58.280 --> 0:28:01.439
<v Speaker 1>get it immediately. Your mom, of course, she gave you life,

0:28:02.119 --> 0:28:05.159
<v Speaker 1>and she gave you a beautiful energy to live, and

0:28:05.160 --> 0:28:10.000
<v Speaker 1>you're obviously a creative person. Your job or your next

0:28:10.040 --> 0:28:13.600
<v Speaker 1>step is to like Chelsea said, accept what it is,

0:28:13.720 --> 0:28:18.920
<v Speaker 1>but also, you know, decide to honor your mom. Decide

0:28:18.960 --> 0:28:22.160
<v Speaker 1>to honor her, decide to what made her happy. By

0:28:22.160 --> 0:28:24.000
<v Speaker 1>the way, I'm just asking you what did make her

0:28:24.000 --> 0:28:27.159
<v Speaker 1>happy besides your mean Like for me, for example, I

0:28:27.200 --> 0:28:29.159
<v Speaker 1>had to think about, Okay, one of the movies my

0:28:29.200 --> 0:28:32.800
<v Speaker 1>mom loved watching, and I started watching those movies. What's

0:28:32.840 --> 0:28:36.359
<v Speaker 1>the music? Oh, she loved Johnny Mathis, she loved Lionel Ritchie.

0:28:36.440 --> 0:28:38.400
<v Speaker 1>So I would play it over and over and over

0:28:38.440 --> 0:28:40.920
<v Speaker 1>again just to kind of feel her energy. And I

0:28:40.960 --> 0:28:43.479
<v Speaker 1>think Chelsea's right, like the thing that your mom wants,

0:28:43.800 --> 0:28:48.240
<v Speaker 1>you can't see her physically, but energetically she is always

0:28:48.280 --> 0:28:52.800
<v Speaker 1>with you. And I know for myself, the greatest gift

0:28:52.840 --> 0:28:55.600
<v Speaker 1>I could have can give my mom every day is

0:28:55.640 --> 0:28:58.760
<v Speaker 1>to live my life to the fullest that I can

0:28:58.880 --> 0:29:02.240
<v Speaker 1>and be as creative as possible and joyous as possible.

0:29:02.280 --> 0:29:05.120
<v Speaker 1>And it doesn't mean it's easy. It's not, but you

0:29:05.200 --> 0:29:08.480
<v Speaker 1>do have to make the decision. Once you make the decision,

0:29:08.520 --> 0:29:13.040
<v Speaker 1>your energy follows your decision. Oh remember that your energy

0:29:13.120 --> 0:29:16.320
<v Speaker 1>follows whatever decision you're going to make. If you want

0:29:16.360 --> 0:29:20.080
<v Speaker 1>to be miserable, your energy says Okay, if you want

0:29:20.080 --> 0:29:22.680
<v Speaker 1>to feel like a victim, your energy will say okay.

0:29:23.200 --> 0:29:25.160
<v Speaker 1>But if you say I want to be victorious, I

0:29:25.160 --> 0:29:27.760
<v Speaker 1>want to honor my mom. I don't know how, but

0:29:27.880 --> 0:29:30.440
<v Speaker 1>I want it, the energy will follow.

0:29:31.520 --> 0:29:35.719
<v Speaker 2>And Pisces have big energy. Yes, yes, So you have

0:29:35.760 --> 0:29:38.880
<v Speaker 2>to be very mindful about your energy because when it's negative,

0:29:39.000 --> 0:29:42.920
<v Speaker 2>it's real negative, and when it's positive, it's real positive.

0:29:43.160 --> 0:29:43.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:29:43.480 --> 0:29:44.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Nikicole.

0:29:45.120 --> 0:29:48.440
<v Speaker 3>You talk in your book about getting grounded before having

0:29:48.520 --> 0:29:51.320
<v Speaker 3>to do something that's difficult or you know, as you

0:29:51.360 --> 0:29:53.560
<v Speaker 3>were going through this process, a couple of different friends

0:29:53.560 --> 0:29:55.760
<v Speaker 3>pointed out, like, you need to get grounded right now

0:29:55.920 --> 0:29:58.120
<v Speaker 3>at different points. Can you talk a little bit about

0:29:58.120 --> 0:30:01.000
<v Speaker 3>that and what's specifically to do to ground yourself.

0:30:01.200 --> 0:30:03.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that's a great point. One thing that I did

0:30:04.080 --> 0:30:06.800
<v Speaker 1>was my friend walk me out on the grass, you know,

0:30:06.960 --> 0:30:10.080
<v Speaker 1>take off your shoes, get to any piece of grass anywhere.

0:30:10.120 --> 0:30:11.880
<v Speaker 1>It doesn't have to be at your house anywhere, and

0:30:11.960 --> 0:30:13.920
<v Speaker 1>just walk in the park. But it helps you feel

0:30:13.960 --> 0:30:16.880
<v Speaker 1>grounded because when you're connected to nature and when you're

0:30:16.880 --> 0:30:20.560
<v Speaker 1>connected to the earth, and if you're not outside, meditate,

0:30:20.680 --> 0:30:24.680
<v Speaker 1>you know, ground yourself. Sit. There's a million gazillion guided

0:30:24.720 --> 0:30:28.040
<v Speaker 1>meditations that are free everywhere. I mean, the access we

0:30:28.120 --> 0:30:32.320
<v Speaker 1>all have to help and energy and grounding ourselves is

0:30:32.320 --> 0:30:35.200
<v Speaker 1>there sometimes, you know, for me, I get in the bathtub,

0:30:35.240 --> 0:30:37.280
<v Speaker 1>I want to meditate, I want to pray. I want

0:30:37.320 --> 0:30:41.480
<v Speaker 1>to ask for you know, light and love and purpose

0:30:41.600 --> 0:30:44.280
<v Speaker 1>or whatever it is to put my intention out. There

0:30:44.280 --> 0:30:46.760
<v Speaker 1>were days where I thought, I don't even want to

0:30:46.800 --> 0:30:49.320
<v Speaker 1>get out of bed. I don't want to function, I

0:30:49.320 --> 0:30:51.880
<v Speaker 1>don't want to look at anybody. I want to scroll

0:30:51.920 --> 0:30:55.720
<v Speaker 1>on Instagram. But I'm choosing and deciding to bring in

0:30:55.760 --> 0:30:58.480
<v Speaker 1>a different energy and call on something bigger than you.

0:30:58.560 --> 0:31:01.240
<v Speaker 1>By the way, because believe me, life is much bigger

0:31:01.280 --> 0:31:03.200
<v Speaker 1>than all of us. But you have to work with

0:31:03.440 --> 0:31:07.680
<v Speaker 1>the energy of the universe and it's free, but you

0:31:07.800 --> 0:31:10.760
<v Speaker 1>have to work with it and your music. If you're

0:31:10.800 --> 0:31:12.600
<v Speaker 1>a musician, that means you already worked with it.

0:31:13.200 --> 0:31:15.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you, and you didn't answer. I don't think we

0:31:15.040 --> 0:31:16.840
<v Speaker 2>got to get an answer to your question about what

0:31:16.880 --> 0:31:19.840
<v Speaker 2>did your mom really enjoy? Like what made her happy?

0:31:21.040 --> 0:31:23.800
<v Speaker 5>She loved gardening, and it's okay that you still do.

0:31:24.600 --> 0:31:29.200
<v Speaker 5>She was a dancer and used to teach African dance classes.

0:31:30.000 --> 0:31:34.520
<v Speaker 5>She actually was also a musician and toured with a

0:31:34.640 --> 0:31:39.200
<v Speaker 5>Ghanian artist when she was younger, so she always was

0:31:39.320 --> 0:31:43.040
<v Speaker 5>obviously very supportive of my music. I did I say

0:31:43.080 --> 0:31:45.360
<v Speaker 5>she liked to cook. She loved to cook, and she

0:31:45.440 --> 0:31:50.400
<v Speaker 5>was always very curious about foods from other countries, especially

0:31:50.440 --> 0:31:54.760
<v Speaker 5>African foods from other countries in Africa. And cooking is

0:31:54.800 --> 0:31:57.520
<v Speaker 5>actually something that I've just been able to get back

0:31:57.560 --> 0:32:03.400
<v Speaker 5>into in terms of taking care of myself and because

0:32:03.400 --> 0:32:05.400
<v Speaker 5>it was something that we really like to do together

0:32:05.680 --> 0:32:09.479
<v Speaker 5>and share and compare recipes. I'm so sorry I didn't realize.

0:32:10.120 --> 0:32:14.160
<v Speaker 2>No, don't apologize, it's okay. Yeah, these are all Listen,

0:32:14.280 --> 0:32:16.920
<v Speaker 2>everything you're saying is a gift. You have all of

0:32:16.920 --> 0:32:19.600
<v Speaker 2>these gifts from your mother that you can honor her with.

0:32:19.680 --> 0:32:21.720
<v Speaker 2>You can cook with her, and you can cook with

0:32:21.760 --> 0:32:24.440
<v Speaker 2>her in mind, and the music that you're making is

0:32:24.480 --> 0:32:26.920
<v Speaker 2>with her in mind, something that she would love to

0:32:27.000 --> 0:32:29.600
<v Speaker 2>dance to, something that she would love to sing along to.

0:32:30.120 --> 0:32:33.080
<v Speaker 2>All you have to do is reframe the way that

0:32:33.120 --> 0:32:36.040
<v Speaker 2>you're looking at this death. You know, instead of it

0:32:36.120 --> 0:32:38.320
<v Speaker 2>being a void, you can fill that void up with

0:32:38.400 --> 0:32:40.960
<v Speaker 2>all of these things that you mentioned, between gardening and

0:32:41.000 --> 0:32:45.120
<v Speaker 2>cooking and traveling and different African cuisine, all of This

0:32:45.200 --> 0:32:48.760
<v Speaker 2>is such a gift that she's given you, and now

0:32:48.760 --> 0:32:52.120
<v Speaker 2>it's your turn to show her and honor her with

0:32:52.240 --> 0:32:55.960
<v Speaker 2>all of those things. And you're gonna be okay, you

0:32:56.000 --> 0:32:58.720
<v Speaker 2>know what I mean. You're here because you're you've gotten

0:32:58.760 --> 0:33:02.920
<v Speaker 2>yourself this far. You're here because of you. Yeah, and

0:33:03.000 --> 0:33:06.560
<v Speaker 2>you're not alone. So many people, I mean almost you know,

0:33:06.720 --> 0:33:09.360
<v Speaker 2>everyone at a certain time in their life, almost everybody

0:33:09.520 --> 0:33:12.920
<v Speaker 2>has a parent die, and so that has to give

0:33:12.960 --> 0:33:16.600
<v Speaker 2>you some sort of comfort to know that this you're surviving, right,

0:33:16.680 --> 0:33:18.400
<v Speaker 2>and you're going to get through it, and it's going

0:33:18.480 --> 0:33:20.680
<v Speaker 2>to get easier and better for you.

0:33:21.440 --> 0:33:25.400
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you're going through your human experience. And I'm sorry

0:33:25.480 --> 0:33:28.400
<v Speaker 1>that you're in so much pain. But to Chelsea's point,

0:33:28.480 --> 0:33:31.720
<v Speaker 1>to go out and garden with your mom and cook

0:33:31.760 --> 0:33:34.520
<v Speaker 1>with your mom, and dance with your mom and making

0:33:34.600 --> 0:33:38.760
<v Speaker 1>music with your mom. It helps fill that emptiness that

0:33:38.800 --> 0:33:42.239
<v Speaker 1>you're feeling. And Chelsea's right, it does get easier. But

0:33:42.560 --> 0:33:44.520
<v Speaker 1>I believe me, I feel your pain right now. I'm

0:33:44.560 --> 0:33:47.440
<v Speaker 1>watching you and I feel it and I understand it

0:33:47.840 --> 0:33:50.280
<v Speaker 1>and don't feel bad about it either. By the way,

0:33:50.720 --> 0:33:54.600
<v Speaker 1>move through your grief, but just move through it. That's

0:33:54.600 --> 0:33:55.400
<v Speaker 1>the only way out.

0:33:55.600 --> 0:33:58.680
<v Speaker 2>Is through yes. And also you know, like when you

0:33:58.720 --> 0:34:01.800
<v Speaker 2>find yourself, I would say, in these moments where you

0:34:01.840 --> 0:34:04.320
<v Speaker 2>feel like you're cruising the internet or you're doing something

0:34:04.360 --> 0:34:07.280
<v Speaker 2>that isn't really stimulating, that's just kind of word. I

0:34:07.280 --> 0:34:10.520
<v Speaker 2>would urge you to take that time recognize, Okay, this

0:34:10.560 --> 0:34:13.000
<v Speaker 2>isn't a good use of my time, and then go

0:34:13.080 --> 0:34:15.520
<v Speaker 2>do one of those activities that you shared with your mother.

0:34:15.960 --> 0:34:19.919
<v Speaker 2>Use that time to reconnect with her. And also when

0:34:19.960 --> 0:34:24.279
<v Speaker 2>you feel overwhelmed and you are emotional, sit down and

0:34:24.320 --> 0:34:27.640
<v Speaker 2>be that way. Sit down and I and once you

0:34:27.680 --> 0:34:30.880
<v Speaker 2>sit with anything that you're going through, it will release

0:34:31.080 --> 0:34:33.879
<v Speaker 2>and you'll give yourself ten minutes or thirty minutes, and

0:34:33.920 --> 0:34:37.360
<v Speaker 2>you'll be surprised that once you really honor those feelings,

0:34:38.320 --> 0:34:41.520
<v Speaker 2>they don't last forever. You know, they happen, it'll keep

0:34:41.640 --> 0:34:44.680
<v Speaker 2>coming up, but they don't last forever. So it's up

0:34:44.680 --> 0:34:47.359
<v Speaker 2>to you to kind of just reframe your whole life

0:34:47.360 --> 0:34:50.440
<v Speaker 2>in the way that you're operating around this grief and

0:34:50.719 --> 0:34:53.680
<v Speaker 2>embrace it and also go towards your mother, like with

0:34:53.719 --> 0:34:56.439
<v Speaker 2>all of these activities, and you're going to feel better

0:34:56.520 --> 0:34:58.279
<v Speaker 2>and you're going to feel her presence. I promise you.

0:35:00.000 --> 0:35:02.640
<v Speaker 1>Thank you God bless thank you.

0:35:03.560 --> 0:35:05.839
<v Speaker 3>Take some time for yourself right now when we get

0:35:05.880 --> 0:35:08.799
<v Speaker 3>off the line. It take some time and just be

0:35:08.920 --> 0:35:09.560
<v Speaker 3>where you're at.

0:35:10.000 --> 0:35:13.520
<v Speaker 2>Okay, all right, Okay, sending you a lot of love, honey,

0:35:13.920 --> 0:35:14.239
<v Speaker 2>Thank you.

0:35:14.440 --> 0:35:15.520
<v Speaker 5>I really appreciate it.

0:35:16.040 --> 0:35:18.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, bye bye.

0:35:19.160 --> 0:35:22.799
<v Speaker 3>You know, something that both of you said made me think.

0:35:22.880 --> 0:35:25.399
<v Speaker 3>You know, we think of like when someone crosses over

0:35:25.440 --> 0:35:28.080
<v Speaker 3>there in the Great Beyond or they're in heaven and

0:35:28.120 --> 0:35:31.360
<v Speaker 3>it's way out there. But I think a lot of

0:35:31.400 --> 0:35:34.360
<v Speaker 3>spiritual thinkers and how you to relate to your mother's

0:35:34.520 --> 0:35:37.400
<v Speaker 3>is no, they're right here. And a lot of spiritual

0:35:37.400 --> 0:35:38.080
<v Speaker 3>thinkers talk.

0:35:37.960 --> 0:35:40.359
<v Speaker 1>About the veil. You know, there's just a veil that's

0:35:40.440 --> 0:35:41.120
<v Speaker 1>right here.

0:35:41.680 --> 0:35:44.080
<v Speaker 3>And it's even biblical like in the Bible to talk

0:35:44.080 --> 0:35:46.279
<v Speaker 3>about the Kingdom of God is at hand, and some

0:35:46.320 --> 0:35:50.040
<v Speaker 3>people interpret that to mean it's right here, heaven, whatever

0:35:50.040 --> 0:35:54.560
<v Speaker 3>you want to call it is just beyond our vision basically,

0:35:54.600 --> 0:35:57.319
<v Speaker 3>And you can talk to your loved one that has passed.

0:35:57.040 --> 0:35:59.800
<v Speaker 2>On, Nicole, do you feel like you do you feel

0:35:59.800 --> 0:36:02.440
<v Speaker 2>this same presence of your mom that you do with

0:36:02.520 --> 0:36:05.799
<v Speaker 2>your dad since he's passed on, because I don't feel

0:36:05.840 --> 0:36:10.319
<v Speaker 2>my dad anywhere. Yeah, don't I think he's paying for

0:36:10.440 --> 0:36:12.600
<v Speaker 2>all of his wrongdoings and is in some sort of

0:36:13.000 --> 0:36:18.200
<v Speaker 2>purgatory used car dealership situation trying to figure out why

0:36:18.239 --> 0:36:21.920
<v Speaker 2>it was such a fucking asshole. And that's but I

0:36:21.960 --> 0:36:24.040
<v Speaker 2>never feel my father.

0:36:24.239 --> 0:36:29.320
<v Speaker 1>Ever interesting, I feel I feel them both. My mom

0:36:29.960 --> 0:36:32.360
<v Speaker 1>came in a few times early and then it felt

0:36:32.360 --> 0:36:35.120
<v Speaker 1>like she went away. But I started to feel her

0:36:35.480 --> 0:36:37.520
<v Speaker 1>more in the music, like you know what I mean,

0:36:37.680 --> 0:36:40.440
<v Speaker 1>or or like this certain hummingbird would just come at

0:36:40.440 --> 0:36:44.000
<v Speaker 1>me every single day, and the dragonfly which I'm wearing one,

0:36:44.280 --> 0:36:46.600
<v Speaker 1>they would they're hovering around me all the time. And

0:36:46.640 --> 0:36:49.880
<v Speaker 1>she and every piece of her stationary has a dragonfly,

0:36:49.960 --> 0:36:52.120
<v Speaker 1>and her whole thing was a dragon And she used

0:36:52.120 --> 0:36:55.440
<v Speaker 1>to say, that's what I'm gonna I'll always be something

0:36:55.480 --> 0:36:57.160
<v Speaker 1>for you, and I asked her to be. I was

0:36:57.280 --> 0:37:02.400
<v Speaker 1>very specific on everything. And my dad I feel differently

0:37:02.520 --> 0:37:05.879
<v Speaker 1>in a different way and not as strong yet as

0:37:05.960 --> 0:37:09.400
<v Speaker 1>my mom, but but I can. He's just started to

0:37:09.440 --> 0:37:12.279
<v Speaker 1>come in more recently, and it's more of I could

0:37:12.280 --> 0:37:14.440
<v Speaker 1>feel him because he's such a doer. Now what are

0:37:14.440 --> 0:37:16.200
<v Speaker 1>you doing next? What's what's the next thing? And what

0:37:16.360 --> 0:37:18.919
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, Dad, just give me one minute, just there's

0:37:18.960 --> 0:37:21.279
<v Speaker 1>a lot that's been going on, but it's so his

0:37:21.600 --> 0:37:25.560
<v Speaker 1>energy of what's next, Let's go, let's go, keep going,

0:37:25.640 --> 0:37:30.279
<v Speaker 1>like let's go. My mom is very graceful and gentle,

0:37:30.520 --> 0:37:34.520
<v Speaker 1>and so I feel him differently. Someone will send me

0:37:34.560 --> 0:37:38.600
<v Speaker 1>a quote like thanks mom, got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

0:37:38.640 --> 0:37:42.240
<v Speaker 1>I got it. Yeah yeah, that's funny.

0:37:46.600 --> 0:37:52.520
<v Speaker 3>Our next caller is James. He is in Ohio and

0:37:52.719 --> 0:37:56.719
<v Speaker 3>recently had to move home after losing his sister. So

0:37:57.480 --> 0:38:00.640
<v Speaker 3>he says, Dear Chelsea, I found your podcast a while

0:38:00.719 --> 0:38:03.239
<v Speaker 3>back and have been listening to Dear Chelsea every day

0:38:03.280 --> 0:38:04.080
<v Speaker 3>while I'm driving.

0:38:04.600 --> 0:38:05.960
<v Speaker 1>I love hearing your advice.

0:38:05.680 --> 0:38:07.560
<v Speaker 3>And would love to get your input on a situation

0:38:07.640 --> 0:38:11.399
<v Speaker 3>I'm experiencing. Last year, I lost my sister suddenly when

0:38:11.400 --> 0:38:13.440
<v Speaker 3>she was killed in a car crash. It was the

0:38:13.440 --> 0:38:16.719
<v Speaker 3>most difficult loss I've ever experienced. It got to a

0:38:16.719 --> 0:38:19.040
<v Speaker 3>point where I wasn't eating or sleeping, and if I

0:38:19.080 --> 0:38:21.799
<v Speaker 3>had any sort of joy, it was immediately followed by

0:38:21.840 --> 0:38:24.879
<v Speaker 3>immense guilt. After a couple months of this, I ended

0:38:24.920 --> 0:38:27.319
<v Speaker 3>up seeing a grief specialized therapist and it has been

0:38:27.400 --> 0:38:31.520
<v Speaker 3>tremendously helpful. My mother asked me to move home to

0:38:31.560 --> 0:38:33.400
<v Speaker 3>help her and my other sister take care of my

0:38:33.480 --> 0:38:36.600
<v Speaker 3>deceased sister's kids. I wanted to help out. So here

0:38:36.680 --> 0:38:39.560
<v Speaker 3>I am, and I'm struggling. I've got a new job here,

0:38:39.640 --> 0:38:41.240
<v Speaker 3>but it's not what I'm used to and it's harder

0:38:41.280 --> 0:38:44.879
<v Speaker 3>to get by. Moreover, I'm afraid that by coming back

0:38:44.920 --> 0:38:47.799
<v Speaker 3>to my small town in Ohio, I'll get trapped. Will

0:38:47.840 --> 0:38:48.920
<v Speaker 3>I stay for one year?

0:38:49.200 --> 0:38:50.120
<v Speaker 1>Two ten?

0:38:50.640 --> 0:38:52.439
<v Speaker 3>I want to put my family first, but I don't

0:38:52.440 --> 0:38:55.000
<v Speaker 3>want to lose myself and my own endeavors in the process.

0:38:55.320 --> 0:38:59.560
<v Speaker 2>James, Wow, Hi Jane, Hi James, this is n call

0:38:59.600 --> 0:39:01.800
<v Speaker 2>our special guests today.

0:39:02.440 --> 0:39:02.720
<v Speaker 1>Wow.

0:39:02.800 --> 0:39:04.160
<v Speaker 2>That's a huge responsibility.

0:39:04.960 --> 0:39:07.520
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, no, it's it's it's hard, but I just I

0:39:07.560 --> 0:39:10.880
<v Speaker 4>feel like anyone would do the same in my situation.

0:39:11.719 --> 0:39:16.080
<v Speaker 6>Yes, I mean, yeah, there's kids, so it's like how.

0:39:15.960 --> 0:39:18.080
<v Speaker 2>Old are they and how and how many are there?

0:39:18.239 --> 0:39:20.800
<v Speaker 4>Well, to give you, like some background on my family,

0:39:20.800 --> 0:39:21.960
<v Speaker 4>I have a twin sister.

0:39:22.400 --> 0:39:24.839
<v Speaker 6>She has two kids that are seven and six.

0:39:25.000 --> 0:39:28.840
<v Speaker 4>And then I had my older sister, she had a

0:39:28.960 --> 0:39:31.000
<v Speaker 4>six year old, five year old, four year old, and

0:39:31.040 --> 0:39:32.919
<v Speaker 4>then she was also pregnant at the time.

0:39:34.520 --> 0:39:37.479
<v Speaker 2>And so your twin sister is still with you, where

0:39:37.480 --> 0:39:38.000
<v Speaker 2>does she live?

0:39:38.160 --> 0:39:40.640
<v Speaker 4>Yes, she lives in the town I'm in now, So

0:39:41.400 --> 0:39:43.080
<v Speaker 4>we're all together now good?

0:39:43.680 --> 0:39:48.720
<v Speaker 2>And you are this primary caretaker or are you guys

0:39:48.719 --> 0:39:50.439
<v Speaker 2>collectively taking care?

0:39:51.040 --> 0:39:51.200
<v Speaker 1>No?

0:39:51.280 --> 0:39:54.719
<v Speaker 4>So right now, right now, my mom is the primary caretaker.

0:39:55.280 --> 0:39:58.799
<v Speaker 4>The dad is not around like at all, maybe a

0:39:58.880 --> 0:40:02.680
<v Speaker 4>day out of the month, so it's primarily my mom.

0:40:02.800 --> 0:40:05.279
<v Speaker 4>I'm like, I'm kind of here as like I'll take

0:40:05.320 --> 0:40:07.879
<v Speaker 4>them to like appointments, or I'll pick them up from

0:40:07.920 --> 0:40:10.279
<v Speaker 4>school if they need to be picked up. I try

0:40:10.280 --> 0:40:12.759
<v Speaker 4>to do like fun like uncle things when I can.

0:40:12.920 --> 0:40:16.320
<v Speaker 4>But my mom is the primary caretaker right now.

0:40:16.560 --> 0:40:19.759
<v Speaker 2>And so are you? How are the kids mentally and

0:40:19.800 --> 0:40:22.480
<v Speaker 2>emotionally right now? How long ago did this happen?

0:40:22.760 --> 0:40:27.480
<v Speaker 4>This is November of twenty twenty two, so over a

0:40:27.560 --> 0:40:30.399
<v Speaker 4>year ago. I mean they're all still so young. They

0:40:30.400 --> 0:40:34.719
<v Speaker 4>really don't understand. They like bring it up so nonchalantly though,

0:40:34.760 --> 0:40:36.359
<v Speaker 4>like that they don't have a mom.

0:40:36.680 --> 0:40:38.920
<v Speaker 2>I mean, it sounds like you would benefit from having

0:40:38.920 --> 0:40:41.360
<v Speaker 2>a therapist. Now. It's a big responsibility. What you're doing.

0:40:41.960 --> 0:40:43.840
<v Speaker 2>It is a big gift that you have been given,

0:40:44.239 --> 0:40:46.759
<v Speaker 2>even though it may not feel like one. You're giving

0:40:46.800 --> 0:40:49.000
<v Speaker 2>a gift to your sister, You're giving a gift to

0:40:49.040 --> 0:40:51.600
<v Speaker 2>these children, and you're gifting your mother and your other

0:40:51.719 --> 0:40:54.520
<v Speaker 2>sister by chipping in. And there really is nothing more

0:40:54.560 --> 0:40:56.799
<v Speaker 2>important than showing up in a time like this for

0:40:56.880 --> 0:40:59.600
<v Speaker 2>your family. And it doesn't have to be forever. And

0:40:59.680 --> 0:41:02.600
<v Speaker 2>you may, you know, you may want it to be

0:41:02.719 --> 0:41:04.759
<v Speaker 2>at some point, you may change your mind from where

0:41:04.800 --> 0:41:06.920
<v Speaker 2>you are right now. But I would say what you're

0:41:06.920 --> 0:41:10.240
<v Speaker 2>doing is so honorable. Remember this every you know, every

0:41:10.280 --> 0:41:12.399
<v Speaker 2>morning when you wake up, you know that you are

0:41:12.400 --> 0:41:17.440
<v Speaker 2>doing something so like a valor. It's just and there's

0:41:17.560 --> 0:41:20.160
<v Speaker 2>nothing I don't think in the world that is more

0:41:20.160 --> 0:41:22.319
<v Speaker 2>important than showing up for your family in a time

0:41:22.440 --> 0:41:25.160
<v Speaker 2>like this. So I understand that you don't want to

0:41:25.280 --> 0:41:27.360
<v Speaker 2>you're not really that psyched about Is it that you

0:41:27.360 --> 0:41:30.040
<v Speaker 2>don't really want to be staying in that town for

0:41:30.160 --> 0:41:31.600
<v Speaker 2>very long? Is that how you're feeling.

0:41:32.080 --> 0:41:34.040
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, Like, as soon as I thin eighteen, I was like,

0:41:34.160 --> 0:41:35.919
<v Speaker 6>I'm leaving a town. I'm doing my own thing.

0:41:36.080 --> 0:41:38.000
<v Speaker 4>I'm like, God, I'm wanted to travel, I want to

0:41:38.080 --> 0:41:41.160
<v Speaker 4>like explore, I want to grow. I mean, there's nothing

0:41:41.160 --> 0:41:44.120
<v Speaker 4>in this town other than my family, but there's no

0:41:44.239 --> 0:41:46.640
<v Speaker 4>room for growth. It feels like in this town so

0:41:46.760 --> 0:41:49.320
<v Speaker 4>that's I mean, that's why I always wanted to see

0:41:49.440 --> 0:41:51.879
<v Speaker 4>where life can take me. But yeah, now that I'm

0:41:51.920 --> 0:41:54.520
<v Speaker 4>back here, and like I mean, I'm just used some

0:41:54.560 --> 0:41:57.400
<v Speaker 4>big cities and now like I'm looking like outside, and

0:41:57.520 --> 0:41:59.680
<v Speaker 4>I see a field and I see another field and

0:41:59.680 --> 0:42:03.600
<v Speaker 4>there's just nothing. There's a deserted town right now. But

0:42:04.320 --> 0:42:05.480
<v Speaker 4>I want to be here from my family.

0:42:05.520 --> 0:42:09.680
<v Speaker 2>But it's like how long, right, and how long has

0:42:09.680 --> 0:42:09.920
<v Speaker 2>it been?

0:42:10.400 --> 0:42:12.200
<v Speaker 6>I've been here for about seven months now?

0:42:12.840 --> 0:42:15.120
<v Speaker 2>Okay, Well, I think you should give yourself some just

0:42:15.280 --> 0:42:17.680
<v Speaker 2>time frame, you know what I mean to just and

0:42:18.040 --> 0:42:21.160
<v Speaker 2>also be very vocal with your mother and discuss it

0:42:21.200 --> 0:42:22.920
<v Speaker 2>with her, like what do you think a fair amount

0:42:22.960 --> 0:42:25.359
<v Speaker 2>of time is? Because she doesn't want you to give

0:42:25.360 --> 0:42:27.200
<v Speaker 2>your life away, And there's a way that you can

0:42:27.239 --> 0:42:30.600
<v Speaker 2>move somewhere to a city that's close by that has

0:42:30.680 --> 0:42:34.719
<v Speaker 2>more action and actually remain having like a presence at

0:42:34.719 --> 0:42:37.440
<v Speaker 2>home with your niece and nephew and with your family.

0:42:37.960 --> 0:42:40.440
<v Speaker 2>And I think you know, and that's why it would

0:42:40.480 --> 0:42:42.600
<v Speaker 2>be helpful for you to talk to someone too about

0:42:42.600 --> 0:42:45.239
<v Speaker 2>what that timeframe is. What is a reasonable amount of time?

0:42:45.520 --> 0:42:47.160
<v Speaker 2>Like is it another five months to make it a

0:42:47.200 --> 0:42:49.520
<v Speaker 2>full year? Do you want it to be two years.

0:42:49.880 --> 0:42:53.760
<v Speaker 2>I think you have to be very overly communicative instead

0:42:53.760 --> 0:42:58.120
<v Speaker 2>of under communicative, because that way there's no surprises. You know,

0:42:58.160 --> 0:43:01.319
<v Speaker 2>you can have you expressed your mother your desire to

0:43:01.360 --> 0:43:03.279
<v Speaker 2>not stay here permanently.

0:43:03.920 --> 0:43:04.440
<v Speaker 6>I haven't.

0:43:04.760 --> 0:43:07.960
<v Speaker 4>She's retiring next year, so I was gonna stay until

0:43:08.000 --> 0:43:10.600
<v Speaker 4>then and kind of like assess the situation then, like

0:43:10.840 --> 0:43:12.719
<v Speaker 4>does she need me, does she want me here?

0:43:13.480 --> 0:43:15.759
<v Speaker 6>Do the kids? I mean, I'm I'm just trying to

0:43:15.760 --> 0:43:17.879
<v Speaker 6>see what she wants, because I mean, you.

0:43:17.800 --> 0:43:20.600
<v Speaker 2>Should be talking to her about these things. You need

0:43:20.640 --> 0:43:22.880
<v Speaker 2>to talk to her about it so that the conversation

0:43:23.040 --> 0:43:26.719
<v Speaker 2>can grow and evolve so that you're not you know,

0:43:26.880 --> 0:43:28.799
<v Speaker 2>it's then it's not a decision like I'm moving in

0:43:28.840 --> 0:43:31.640
<v Speaker 2>a week, you know what I mean, It's no one

0:43:31.640 --> 0:43:34.680
<v Speaker 2>could communicate enough. You know your feelings. You have every

0:43:34.760 --> 0:43:36.480
<v Speaker 2>right to have your own life. You have every right

0:43:36.560 --> 0:43:40.560
<v Speaker 2>like you're here at a very important time in everyone's lives,

0:43:40.600 --> 0:43:43.359
<v Speaker 2>and that is great. But you don't have to sacrifice

0:43:43.400 --> 0:43:45.600
<v Speaker 2>your life for the you know, for all of it.

0:43:45.719 --> 0:43:48.000
<v Speaker 2>You still have to make a contribution to your family.

0:43:48.680 --> 0:43:51.360
<v Speaker 4>My mom and my sister, my twin sister, are like

0:43:51.440 --> 0:43:52.840
<v Speaker 4>sacrificing their lives.

0:43:53.280 --> 0:43:55.840
<v Speaker 6>So I just feel like it should be like an equal,

0:43:56.200 --> 0:43:57.200
<v Speaker 6>like a people thing.

0:43:57.800 --> 0:44:01.880
<v Speaker 3>You were in a big city in the same state, correct, Yeah,

0:44:01.920 --> 0:44:04.759
<v Speaker 3>so if you're close enough by, you know, I think

0:44:04.800 --> 0:44:06.480
<v Speaker 3>one of the biggest things that someone who is in

0:44:06.520 --> 0:44:09.680
<v Speaker 3>a primary caregiving role can have is a little bit

0:44:09.719 --> 0:44:12.120
<v Speaker 3>of respite and a little bit of rest. Like your

0:44:12.160 --> 0:44:15.600
<v Speaker 3>mom is in this primary caregiving role. So maybe it's not, hey,

0:44:15.640 --> 0:44:18.480
<v Speaker 3>you're there all the time, but maybe it's, hey, one

0:44:18.480 --> 0:44:21.120
<v Speaker 3>weekend a month, she gets to have the weekend off

0:44:21.160 --> 0:44:23.200
<v Speaker 3>from the kids, and you have them come and stay

0:44:23.200 --> 0:44:25.240
<v Speaker 3>with the fun uncle in the big city.

0:44:25.560 --> 0:44:25.719
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:44:25.719 --> 0:44:28.080
<v Speaker 3>I know that's what my nieces and nephews love to do,

0:44:28.280 --> 0:44:29.920
<v Speaker 3>is like, come stay with me for a weekend.

0:44:30.600 --> 0:44:30.799
<v Speaker 6>Yeah.

0:44:31.200 --> 0:44:33.960
<v Speaker 4>I was definitely going to reassess the situation, Like once

0:44:34.000 --> 0:44:36.040
<v Speaker 4>my mom retires, I was going to like see, like

0:44:36.360 --> 0:44:38.200
<v Speaker 4>I should maybe consider like moving away.

0:44:38.239 --> 0:44:41.040
<v Speaker 6>But I wanted to like address that once that happens.

0:44:41.360 --> 0:44:42.879
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I think you should do it. I don't

0:44:42.880 --> 0:44:44.719
<v Speaker 2>think you have to do it today, but I think

0:44:44.760 --> 0:44:46.560
<v Speaker 2>you should do it. I don't think you should wait

0:44:46.680 --> 0:44:49.919
<v Speaker 2>until that. I think it's better everyone needs. It's better

0:44:49.960 --> 0:44:52.880
<v Speaker 2>when everyone has the information. You know that you're thinking

0:44:52.920 --> 0:44:55.640
<v Speaker 2>of to just share it with her, just even now.

0:44:56.080 --> 0:44:58.319
<v Speaker 2>That's a great time to be like, Hey, I'm just

0:44:58.400 --> 0:45:01.560
<v Speaker 2>thinking this. I'm thinking maybe when you retire, I might

0:45:01.640 --> 0:45:05.239
<v Speaker 2>move to a bigger city and still remain obviously a

0:45:05.239 --> 0:45:08.040
<v Speaker 2>big role in these kids' lives and I can offer up,

0:45:08.320 --> 0:45:10.960
<v Speaker 2>you know, taking them once a month, a week and

0:45:11.040 --> 0:45:13.080
<v Speaker 2>a month or these are the things I'm thinking. Let

0:45:13.160 --> 0:45:15.719
<v Speaker 2>me know what you're thinking, and then it becomes a

0:45:15.760 --> 0:45:19.840
<v Speaker 2>conversation rather than an announcement. Nicole, what do you think now?

0:45:19.960 --> 0:45:24.200
<v Speaker 1>I agree completely, and I think that the more communication

0:45:24.360 --> 0:45:27.440
<v Speaker 1>the better, so that there are no surprises. And I

0:45:27.480 --> 0:45:30.239
<v Speaker 1>think that especially since it's your mom and it doesn't

0:45:30.280 --> 0:45:33.320
<v Speaker 1>have to be today or tomorrow, but sooner than later.

0:45:34.160 --> 0:45:38.000
<v Speaker 1>I agree with Chelsea. There's nothing better than anyone friend's family,

0:45:38.080 --> 0:45:40.759
<v Speaker 1>anyone just showing up for people in need. It's the

0:45:40.800 --> 0:45:43.239
<v Speaker 1>greatest human thing I think we can give to each

0:45:43.239 --> 0:45:46.080
<v Speaker 1>other is to show up. That's what people want. And

0:45:46.880 --> 0:45:49.680
<v Speaker 1>your perspective, you know, even change your perspective. You're the

0:45:49.719 --> 0:45:52.719
<v Speaker 1>hero in their life for right now. Doesn't mean that

0:45:52.840 --> 0:45:56.760
<v Speaker 1>you have to be in this role forever, but right now,

0:45:56.800 --> 0:45:59.520
<v Speaker 1>in this moment, I know that life throw you a curveball,

0:45:59.640 --> 0:46:03.160
<v Speaker 1>and it sucked and it's painful, but you are their

0:46:03.200 --> 0:46:06.280
<v Speaker 1>hero in the moment. You've been chosen in this moment

0:46:06.480 --> 0:46:08.520
<v Speaker 1>to show up kind of with a cape or not

0:46:08.880 --> 0:46:12.759
<v Speaker 1>and bring healing and bring restoration and bring a sense

0:46:12.800 --> 0:46:17.279
<v Speaker 1>of stability because they're young and they need it. But

0:46:18.440 --> 0:46:20.960
<v Speaker 1>you also do have a life and you don't. You're

0:46:21.000 --> 0:46:23.040
<v Speaker 1>looking like, am I going to have to sacrifice my

0:46:23.200 --> 0:46:25.560
<v Speaker 1>needs and my wants and my desires for the rest

0:46:25.560 --> 0:46:28.520
<v Speaker 1>of my life? And the answer is no. But there

0:46:28.640 --> 0:46:31.360
<v Speaker 1>is a process, and I think that the sooner you

0:46:32.200 --> 0:46:36.399
<v Speaker 1>all get on the same page probably the better for you.

0:46:36.960 --> 0:46:39.359
<v Speaker 1>But if you look at it as we've all been

0:46:39.440 --> 0:46:41.439
<v Speaker 1>chosen for different things, and we don't know what life

0:46:41.520 --> 0:46:43.760
<v Speaker 1>is going to throw at us, and we all have trials,

0:46:43.760 --> 0:46:46.560
<v Speaker 1>and we all have tribulations, and we all have challenges,

0:46:47.400 --> 0:46:50.520
<v Speaker 1>and then our job is to show up in whatever

0:46:50.560 --> 0:46:56.120
<v Speaker 1>it gives us as the strongest person we can be physically,

0:46:56.200 --> 0:46:59.400
<v Speaker 1>emotionally and spiritually. Our job is to just show up.

0:46:59.480 --> 0:47:03.320
<v Speaker 1>As I mean, I'm telling you, when my mom was killed,

0:47:03.480 --> 0:47:08.760
<v Speaker 1>I had no idea what to do, but I chose. Okay,

0:47:09.000 --> 0:47:11.120
<v Speaker 1>I didn't expect my ninety one year old father to

0:47:11.160 --> 0:47:13.440
<v Speaker 1>move in with me. I didn't expect to become a.

0:47:13.400 --> 0:47:16.560
<v Speaker 2>Caregiver exactly, you know, seriously.

0:47:16.320 --> 0:47:21.040
<v Speaker 1>But I then created new habits for myself and just

0:47:21.320 --> 0:47:25.439
<v Speaker 1>once I accepted, oh, okay, this is what life gave

0:47:25.480 --> 0:47:29.359
<v Speaker 1>to me in this moment, and in this moment, I'm

0:47:29.400 --> 0:47:33.320
<v Speaker 1>going to be the hero that is needed in the moment.

0:47:34.040 --> 0:47:36.840
<v Speaker 1>Doesn't mean forever. And I'm a completely different situation. You

0:47:36.880 --> 0:47:38.759
<v Speaker 1>have young children you're talking about. I had a ninety

0:47:38.760 --> 0:47:40.680
<v Speaker 1>one year old, so I knew I was going to

0:47:40.760 --> 0:47:44.560
<v Speaker 1>be sacrificing for hand in hand unch amount of time.

0:47:44.719 --> 0:47:47.239
<v Speaker 1>But you have and I like the idea of you

0:47:47.320 --> 0:47:51.720
<v Speaker 1>going and visiting your big city, you know, and also

0:47:52.000 --> 0:47:54.520
<v Speaker 1>there will be I promise you. I know you don't

0:47:54.520 --> 0:47:56.720
<v Speaker 1>see it, but even though you're in a small town,

0:47:57.560 --> 0:48:02.319
<v Speaker 1>I promise you, there are little diamonds somewhere, and yes

0:48:03.120 --> 0:48:06.440
<v Speaker 1>there's something there. I promise you. It's not gonna look shine,

0:48:06.920 --> 0:48:08.360
<v Speaker 1>it's not going to be big, it's not going to

0:48:08.400 --> 0:48:11.560
<v Speaker 1>be pretty, but it doesn't mean the diamond isn't there.

0:48:13.000 --> 0:48:13.479
<v Speaker 1>It's there.

0:48:13.600 --> 0:48:16.439
<v Speaker 4>No, it's when I was living in like the big city,

0:48:16.480 --> 0:48:19.239
<v Speaker 4>I was like just living a care free life, just

0:48:19.320 --> 0:48:22.719
<v Speaker 4>doing whatever I wanted to and now like this, it's

0:48:22.719 --> 0:48:26.560
<v Speaker 4>just it's a lot different now and I appreciated of it.

0:48:26.600 --> 0:48:28.640
<v Speaker 4>I'm actually back in school now because I was like,

0:48:28.640 --> 0:48:30.960
<v Speaker 4>if I'm going to be in this town, at least

0:48:31.320 --> 0:48:31.760
<v Speaker 4>I need.

0:48:31.640 --> 0:48:32.480
<v Speaker 6>To grow somehow.

0:48:33.320 --> 0:48:35.120
<v Speaker 1>Back in school good.

0:48:34.960 --> 0:48:37.399
<v Speaker 4>And I'm like, I am kind of thinking like maybe

0:48:37.440 --> 0:48:41.120
<v Speaker 4>I can like change the view of the city, help

0:48:41.160 --> 0:48:41.799
<v Speaker 4>the city grow.

0:48:41.840 --> 0:48:44.160
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, but yeah, that's awesome.

0:48:44.560 --> 0:48:46.360
<v Speaker 1>Yes, there you run with that.

0:48:46.360 --> 0:48:50.399
<v Speaker 2>That's that's injecting something into something instead of looking at

0:48:50.400 --> 0:48:53.600
<v Speaker 2>something and having this narrow viewpoint like, oh, this city sucks.

0:48:53.920 --> 0:48:57.880
<v Speaker 2>Not no, it doesn't. Your attitude about it kind of sucks.

0:48:58.320 --> 0:49:01.000
<v Speaker 2>Just you got to make us. You have the ability

0:49:01.040 --> 0:49:04.680
<v Speaker 2>to make anything fun. Wherever I go, it's a good time,

0:49:05.200 --> 0:49:07.440
<v Speaker 2>you know what I mean. So you need to remember,

0:49:07.640 --> 0:49:10.200
<v Speaker 2>like you we all have the power to do that. Yes,

0:49:10.280 --> 0:49:12.640
<v Speaker 2>and you can make Yeah. I love what you just said,

0:49:12.719 --> 0:49:15.520
<v Speaker 2>Like you could change the city, you could help the city,

0:49:15.560 --> 0:49:18.360
<v Speaker 2>you could do something creative. You're going back to school,

0:49:18.400 --> 0:49:21.560
<v Speaker 2>that's awesome. And yeah, you just needed a little pep

0:49:21.600 --> 0:49:22.360
<v Speaker 2>talk and you.

0:49:22.520 --> 0:49:25.640
<v Speaker 1>Change your perspective in two that you change your perspective.

0:49:25.640 --> 0:49:28.720
<v Speaker 1>And how we both responded, Oh, there you go because

0:49:28.760 --> 0:49:31.879
<v Speaker 1>you change your perspective and how you were gonna look at.

0:49:31.880 --> 0:49:34.279
<v Speaker 2>It, Like, what are your ideas? What do you mean

0:49:34.280 --> 0:49:36.200
<v Speaker 2>by that? Like do you have anything in mind?

0:49:36.840 --> 0:49:38.320
<v Speaker 6>I do have something in mind.

0:49:38.360 --> 0:49:40.719
<v Speaker 4>One of my niece or nephews has autism, like a

0:49:40.800 --> 0:49:43.920
<v Speaker 4>developmental disability, and there's no resources here for that.

0:49:44.560 --> 0:49:46.640
<v Speaker 2>Perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect.

0:49:46.960 --> 0:49:47.600
<v Speaker 1>This is great.

0:49:47.920 --> 0:49:49.680
<v Speaker 6>So I want to look into that.

0:49:50.040 --> 0:49:52.440
<v Speaker 4>Actually, I only have one more class left for my degree,

0:49:52.440 --> 0:49:55.520
<v Speaker 4>which for it's like a social work degree, But I

0:49:55.600 --> 0:49:56.680
<v Speaker 4>want to look into that.

0:49:57.080 --> 0:49:59.799
<v Speaker 6>Great, amazing the process is on that.

0:49:59.840 --> 0:50:03.279
<v Speaker 4>But because there is like kids with autism or any

0:50:03.360 --> 0:50:06.680
<v Speaker 4>developmental disability, there's there's nothing resources here.

0:50:06.760 --> 0:50:08.080
<v Speaker 6>So I'm going to I'm going to look into that.

0:50:08.400 --> 0:50:10.879
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, because maybe that's why you're there. By the way,

0:50:11.560 --> 0:50:13.000
<v Speaker 1>now you're going to be the miracle for a lot

0:50:13.000 --> 0:50:13.600
<v Speaker 1>of other people.

0:50:14.080 --> 0:50:16.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, listen, you're going to be fine. You're doing a

0:50:16.640 --> 0:50:19.680
<v Speaker 2>great thing. You're doing an amazing thing. Like focus on

0:50:19.719 --> 0:50:22.399
<v Speaker 2>the task at hand and then do everything you can

0:50:22.840 --> 0:50:27.040
<v Speaker 2>in your schooling in your free time to actually make something,

0:50:27.280 --> 0:50:30.439
<v Speaker 2>make the situation there better. And what you just said

0:50:30.480 --> 0:50:34.240
<v Speaker 2>is perfect. I mean, go for it and keep us posted.

0:50:34.600 --> 0:50:35.399
<v Speaker 6>Oh I well know.

0:50:35.360 --> 0:50:39.080
<v Speaker 4>That you guys are also like influential and inspirational people,

0:50:39.160 --> 0:50:41.520
<v Speaker 4>so it's really nice to hear this advice.

0:50:42.200 --> 0:50:44.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, you just need a little boost.

0:50:44.520 --> 0:50:45.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:50:45.040 --> 0:50:47.279
<v Speaker 2>And every time you think like you're just like I

0:50:47.320 --> 0:50:49.200
<v Speaker 2>hate this place, just think of me kicking you in

0:50:49.239 --> 0:50:49.760
<v Speaker 2>the ass.

0:50:52.239 --> 0:50:54.160
<v Speaker 6>Okay, that's the pose of reinforcement.

0:50:54.200 --> 0:50:58.560
<v Speaker 3>I need see what diamonds you can find. Okay, James, Okay, thanks,

0:50:58.960 --> 0:50:59.560
<v Speaker 3>take care.

0:51:00.239 --> 0:51:01.239
<v Speaker 6>Thank you guys so much.

0:51:01.880 --> 0:51:02.760
<v Speaker 2>You're so welcome.

0:51:02.880 --> 0:51:05.200
<v Speaker 1>Good luck by by.

0:51:05.680 --> 0:51:08.279
<v Speaker 2>Oh we turned that beat around you guys. Way to go,

0:51:08.320 --> 0:51:09.600
<v Speaker 2>team go.

0:51:10.600 --> 0:51:11.239
<v Speaker 1>James go.

0:51:12.080 --> 0:51:14.600
<v Speaker 3>Well, let's take our last little break and we'll end

0:51:14.640 --> 0:51:16.280
<v Speaker 3>on a little bit of a lighter note.

0:51:16.520 --> 0:51:22.879
<v Speaker 2>Okay, and we're back.

0:51:23.239 --> 0:51:26.600
<v Speaker 3>So our last question. Both of you talk a lot

0:51:26.640 --> 0:51:32.120
<v Speaker 3>about this meditations Loving Kindness, Maggie says, Dear Chelsea, I've

0:51:32.160 --> 0:51:34.520
<v Speaker 3>been binging episodes lately, so I thought i'd write in.

0:51:34.840 --> 0:51:38.000
<v Speaker 3>I'm having trouble with a coworker. She's routinely been annoying

0:51:38.080 --> 0:51:41.200
<v Speaker 3>and even occasionally unkind to me, and recently snagged a

0:51:41.200 --> 0:51:43.719
<v Speaker 3>promotion I was up for. I can't help but feel

0:51:43.800 --> 0:51:46.480
<v Speaker 3>jealousy toward her and a sourness about my higher ups

0:51:46.520 --> 0:51:49.000
<v Speaker 3>making a decision that I think was wrong, But I

0:51:49.000 --> 0:51:51.200
<v Speaker 3>think I need to opt for forgiveness toward all of them,

0:51:51.360 --> 0:51:53.560
<v Speaker 3>or I'm just going to start hating my job. How

0:51:53.560 --> 0:51:55.840
<v Speaker 3>do I create a sense of loving kindness for someone

0:51:55.880 --> 0:51:56.440
<v Speaker 3>I don't like?

0:51:56.640 --> 0:51:59.840
<v Speaker 2>Maggie, Okay, well we've said this before, but there is

0:51:59.840 --> 0:52:02.799
<v Speaker 2>a loving kindness meditation that you do for people that

0:52:02.840 --> 0:52:05.560
<v Speaker 2>you don't like or you feel have wronged you, and

0:52:05.880 --> 0:52:08.719
<v Speaker 2>you do it for twenty eight days. Google it. You

0:52:08.760 --> 0:52:12.680
<v Speaker 2>send out peace, love, joy to someone you love, to

0:52:12.760 --> 0:52:16.000
<v Speaker 2>someone who's neutral, to someone you don't love, and to

0:52:16.040 --> 0:52:20.640
<v Speaker 2>someone you actively dislike. And it's a very good practice

0:52:20.680 --> 0:52:22.919
<v Speaker 2>because you do not want to harbor that. You don't

0:52:22.920 --> 0:52:24.120
<v Speaker 2>want to be in work. You don't want to be

0:52:24.200 --> 0:52:26.520
<v Speaker 2>a victim. You don't want to be angry that someone

0:52:26.560 --> 0:52:29.520
<v Speaker 2>got something that you didn't. If anything that is meant

0:52:29.560 --> 0:52:32.759
<v Speaker 2>for you will not pass you. So if that was

0:52:32.800 --> 0:52:35.600
<v Speaker 2>promotion wasn't yours, something is going to happen down the

0:52:35.680 --> 0:52:38.480
<v Speaker 2>line that is going to be better suited and probably

0:52:38.480 --> 0:52:41.160
<v Speaker 2>even better than that promotion, whether it's a different job

0:52:41.320 --> 0:52:44.560
<v Speaker 2>eventually or whatever. That's the way the world works, and

0:52:44.719 --> 0:52:49.200
<v Speaker 2>especially when you can be graceful about not getting what

0:52:49.239 --> 0:52:52.680
<v Speaker 2>you wanted and I think meditation is just too powerful,

0:52:52.719 --> 0:52:55.839
<v Speaker 2>too not You know, everyone wants to meditate and they

0:52:55.840 --> 0:52:59.280
<v Speaker 2>want immediate results, and that's just not how it works.

0:52:59.600 --> 0:53:01.879
<v Speaker 2>You have to keep putting marbles in the marble jar,

0:53:02.040 --> 0:53:06.200
<v Speaker 2>and then all of a sudden, your meditation you feel it,

0:53:06.280 --> 0:53:08.040
<v Speaker 2>and you feel it every day and you're like, oh,

0:53:08.080 --> 0:53:10.400
<v Speaker 2>this is right, this is the feeling I was after.

0:53:10.760 --> 0:53:14.040
<v Speaker 3>And our brains really are plastic, like they can change,

0:53:14.120 --> 0:53:17.440
<v Speaker 3>they can morph. And you talk in your book about

0:53:17.680 --> 0:53:20.759
<v Speaker 3>sometimes it feels like you're tricking your brain into seeing

0:53:20.840 --> 0:53:21.880
<v Speaker 3>the positive side.

0:53:21.920 --> 0:53:23.440
<v Speaker 2>Can you talk a little bit about that.

0:53:23.719 --> 0:53:28.640
<v Speaker 1>As you literally are. I mean, your subconscious mind doesn't

0:53:28.680 --> 0:53:32.080
<v Speaker 1>know the difference. But to what Telsea was saying before,

0:53:32.120 --> 0:53:35.160
<v Speaker 1>you have to first of all, you can't create when

0:53:35.200 --> 0:53:38.160
<v Speaker 1>you're negative. It's a very difficult place to start when

0:53:38.160 --> 0:53:41.040
<v Speaker 1>you're in negativity and bitterness and anger. Oh but let

0:53:41.080 --> 0:53:43.160
<v Speaker 1>me create a really good job for myself. It's not

0:53:43.160 --> 0:53:46.320
<v Speaker 1>going to work. They're releasing and letting go and forgiveness.

0:53:46.360 --> 0:53:48.680
<v Speaker 1>By the way, when I say it's never condonement, you're

0:53:48.719 --> 0:53:52.080
<v Speaker 1>not condoning a behavior. You're not condoning bad behavior. You're

0:53:52.080 --> 0:53:55.880
<v Speaker 1>not condoning the bitchiness or negativity or the betrayal or

0:53:55.920 --> 0:54:00.319
<v Speaker 1>any of it. But when you do those meditations and

0:54:00.360 --> 0:54:02.560
<v Speaker 1>you bless someone, I had to do it. I bless

0:54:02.600 --> 0:54:04.239
<v Speaker 1>you with love and I release you in peace. I

0:54:04.239 --> 0:54:06.200
<v Speaker 1>had to do this to enemies in my life all

0:54:06.239 --> 0:54:08.360
<v Speaker 1>throughout my life. I bless you with love, and I

0:54:08.400 --> 0:54:09.920
<v Speaker 1>release you in peace. I don't even want to think

0:54:09.920 --> 0:54:13.160
<v Speaker 1>about you, but I also don't want to harbor all

0:54:13.239 --> 0:54:16.319
<v Speaker 1>of the negativity that I feel towards that person or

0:54:16.360 --> 0:54:20.960
<v Speaker 1>the situation. And then once you release all that toxic

0:54:21.120 --> 0:54:24.560
<v Speaker 1>energy from you, then you get into a space of creation.

0:54:25.400 --> 0:54:27.879
<v Speaker 1>And that's when you visualize, and that's when you see

0:54:27.920 --> 0:54:30.320
<v Speaker 1>yourself in the end, and that's when you see yourself

0:54:30.360 --> 0:54:32.560
<v Speaker 1>having what you have. But I promise you I've tried it,

0:54:32.560 --> 0:54:35.120
<v Speaker 1>and it doesn't work. You can't have the poison and

0:54:35.160 --> 0:54:37.919
<v Speaker 1>the negativity and the anger and the bitterness and try

0:54:37.920 --> 0:54:42.680
<v Speaker 1>to create greatness. It's just it's like you're sweating upstream

0:54:42.920 --> 0:54:45.959
<v Speaker 1>constantly of Oh, I hate this person. I can't believe

0:54:46.000 --> 0:54:47.719
<v Speaker 1>this person. I can't you know. My dad always used

0:54:47.719 --> 0:54:49.920
<v Speaker 1>to say to me, it is what it is, what

0:54:50.120 --> 0:54:53.320
<v Speaker 1>are you going to do about it? I'd never grasped

0:54:53.440 --> 0:54:55.440
<v Speaker 1>and what he was saying was you have to accept

0:54:55.440 --> 0:54:58.040
<v Speaker 1>the energy that showed up. Just accept it. You don't

0:54:58.040 --> 0:55:00.600
<v Speaker 1>have to like it, but you have to own that

0:55:00.680 --> 0:55:04.160
<v Speaker 1>it's here. And then you decide what am I going

0:55:04.239 --> 0:55:08.680
<v Speaker 1>to do about it? So it becomes your responsibility to

0:55:08.840 --> 0:55:12.200
<v Speaker 1>shift the energy and shift yourself. And if it's leaving

0:55:12.200 --> 0:55:15.640
<v Speaker 1>a job or getting better at the job or whatever

0:55:15.719 --> 0:55:18.080
<v Speaker 1>it is, but it is what it is, what you're

0:55:18.080 --> 0:55:20.200
<v Speaker 1>going to do about it. It's we all have to

0:55:20.200 --> 0:55:24.360
<v Speaker 1>ask ourselves that all of the time. And I think

0:55:24.440 --> 0:55:27.080
<v Speaker 1>that that's the way you shift your energy because the

0:55:27.120 --> 0:55:30.640
<v Speaker 1>brain will follow where you tell it to go. The subconscious,

0:55:30.680 --> 0:55:34.040
<v Speaker 1>I should say, will do that. That's why affirmations work.

0:55:34.320 --> 0:55:37.319
<v Speaker 1>That's why your energy shifts with affirmations. It's not a joke.

0:55:37.719 --> 0:55:41.640
<v Speaker 1>There's nothing WOOO about it. It's science and every religion

0:55:41.680 --> 0:55:42.279
<v Speaker 1>talks about it.

0:55:42.880 --> 0:55:44.520
<v Speaker 2>Amen, I love it.

0:55:45.120 --> 0:55:47.279
<v Speaker 3>Thank you so much, Nichole. This episode's gonna bring a

0:55:47.280 --> 0:55:48.400
<v Speaker 3>lot of light to a lot of people.

0:55:50.280 --> 0:55:52.840
<v Speaker 2>And I yes, and everyone and who hasn't read the

0:55:52.840 --> 0:55:55.040
<v Speaker 2>book think you'll be happy. Please pick it up because

0:55:55.080 --> 0:55:58.440
<v Speaker 2>it is a very beautiful way to look at the world,

0:55:58.719 --> 0:56:01.520
<v Speaker 2>to look at death, to look at grief, and to

0:56:01.680 --> 0:56:06.200
<v Speaker 2>rise to the occasion rather than letting the occasion topple you.

0:56:06.800 --> 0:56:07.239
<v Speaker 1>I love that.

0:56:08.680 --> 0:56:09.799
<v Speaker 2>I just thought that up, guys.

0:56:10.000 --> 0:56:11.239
<v Speaker 1>I love that. Thank you.

0:56:12.040 --> 0:56:14.359
<v Speaker 2>Okay, Nicole, I love you so nice to.

0:56:14.360 --> 0:56:16.160
<v Speaker 1>Talk with you, Hoks so much, sweetheart.

0:56:16.920 --> 0:56:19.400
<v Speaker 2>Okay, So show dates coming up Canadian show dates. These

0:56:19.400 --> 0:56:22.279
<v Speaker 2>are for Canadians, guys. I'm coming February ninth. I'll be

0:56:22.280 --> 0:56:26.759
<v Speaker 2>in Winnipeg, Victoria, BC is March eighth. Then I will

0:56:26.800 --> 0:56:30.360
<v Speaker 2>be in Salt Lake City April fourth, and Denver April fifth.

0:56:30.640 --> 0:56:34.880
<v Speaker 2>I'm coming to Arizona at Maricopa April twelfth. April thirteen,

0:56:34.960 --> 0:56:38.480
<v Speaker 2>I'll be in Brooks, California at the Cash Creek Casino,

0:56:38.920 --> 0:56:41.080
<v Speaker 2>and then I'm going to be in Santa Rosa Sunday,

0:56:41.120 --> 0:56:45.400
<v Speaker 2>April fourteenth. I'm coming to Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland on

0:56:45.480 --> 0:56:51.960
<v Speaker 2>April twentieth, Gary, Indiana, Prior Lake, Minnesota. Coming to Oklahoma, Norman,

0:56:52.120 --> 0:56:55.160
<v Speaker 2>Oklahoma on May third and May fourth. I will be

0:56:55.200 --> 0:56:59.600
<v Speaker 2>in Thackerville, Oklahoma for my rescheduled Windstar World Casino date.

0:57:00.120 --> 0:57:02.080
<v Speaker 2>And I want to make sure that I give a

0:57:02.080 --> 0:57:04.880
<v Speaker 2>shout out to our show for Netflix. As a joke festival,

0:57:04.920 --> 0:57:07.200
<v Speaker 2>I put together a show with some of my favorite comics.

0:57:07.440 --> 0:57:10.239
<v Speaker 2>It's May eleventh at the YouTube Theater Downtown, which I've

0:57:10.239 --> 0:57:11.799
<v Speaker 2>never performed in, so that's going to be fun. It's

0:57:11.800 --> 0:57:14.680
<v Speaker 2>a pretty big I have Beteo Lane, I have Fortune

0:57:14.719 --> 0:57:18.120
<v Speaker 2>Themester performing, I have Sam Jays on the show and

0:57:18.240 --> 0:57:22.120
<v Speaker 2>Vanessa Gonzale. So we it is called a Jew two Mexicans,

0:57:22.200 --> 0:57:25.600
<v Speaker 2>No a Jew, two gays at a Mexican. No a Jew,

0:57:25.760 --> 0:57:29.280
<v Speaker 2>three gays at a Mexican. So it's political correctness that

0:57:29.320 --> 0:57:32.120
<v Speaker 2>it's finest. And then I will be in Verona, New

0:57:32.200 --> 0:57:35.120
<v Speaker 2>York on May twenty sixth, and then I'm coming to

0:57:35.120 --> 0:57:40.720
<v Speaker 2>Australia in July and New Zealand July fifth, Auckland and

0:57:40.880 --> 0:57:45.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm coming to Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Brisbane, Sydney and

0:57:45.160 --> 0:57:49.240
<v Speaker 2>then Thursday, August first, which is a long way away

0:57:49.840 --> 0:57:52.480
<v Speaker 2>and a date I am just seeing that I am

0:57:52.480 --> 0:57:55.560
<v Speaker 2>not ready to announce. Okay, So those are all my

0:57:55.640 --> 0:57:58.560
<v Speaker 2>dates for that are up and available, so get your tickets.

0:57:58.560 --> 0:58:01.640
<v Speaker 2>I can't wait to see you. Uh yeah, that's it.

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<v Speaker 3>If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email

0:58:05.000 --> 0:58:07.840
<v Speaker 3>at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be

0:58:07.840 --> 0:58:10.880
<v Speaker 3>sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

0:58:10.920 --> 0:58:14.560
<v Speaker 3>and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and

0:58:14.640 --> 0:58:17.000
<v Speaker 3>be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot

0:58:17.080 --> 0:58:19.680
<v Speaker 3>com