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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea.

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Speaker 2: I am in parenting mode. I have so many things.

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Speaker 2: I have so many children. I have the two Bopsy twins,

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Speaker 2: Jesse and Katie, my two sixteen year old twins that

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Speaker 2: I am the father too. And I now with Doug,

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Speaker 2: we have a family of six again. Kelly and I

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Speaker 2: have four children. Doug is making Bernice play, which is

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Speaker 2: so cute.

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Speaker 3: I was gonna say, how is she adjusting?

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Speaker 2: She's not interested in Doug. She's not interested in much.

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Speaker 2: But he needs to exercise, he needs to expend his

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Speaker 2: energy because he is a fucking lunatic. But he's not

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Speaker 2: driving me crazy. I love it because he's patty trained.

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Speaker 2: The only really thing I can't deal with is not

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Speaker 2: being housebroken, because I can't clean up urine effectively. I

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Speaker 2: just get new carpets, and that is expensive after a while.

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Speaker 2: But he doesn't come in the bed because Bernice and

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Speaker 2: I sleep together and he knows that that's not his

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Speaker 2: and she'll go in on him if he tries to

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Speaker 2: get in. And we were at the dog park the

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Speaker 2: other day and there was a huge dog and Doug

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Speaker 2: is running like Doug runs, and and then he ran

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Speaker 2: on the dock and the lake is frozen, but not

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Speaker 2: completely frozen because it's been a pretty lame winter. So

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Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, and I'm running to

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Speaker 2: get him because if he falls in the lake, like

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Speaker 2: it's over. And I start running and a running, and

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Speaker 2: all of a sudden, you know, he comes back to me.

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Speaker 1: Finally.

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Speaker 2: He's not great at listening, but I don't ever think

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Speaker 2: any of my dogs will become great at listening. And

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Speaker 2: Bernice had run after me, after him, and I turned

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Speaker 2: around and she I haven't seen her run in years,

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Speaker 2: and she was running towards me.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I ran to you.

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Speaker 2: Honestly, my heart just bursts open every time I look

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Speaker 2: at her little face. She is the sweetest and she's

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Speaker 2: good and so oh. So then there was this big

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Speaker 2: dog and Dug is running back and forth the dog,

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Speaker 2: and then the dog just kind of pounced on Bernice

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Speaker 2: and she looked at him with like the biggest fuck

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Speaker 2: you eyes I'd ever seen. She was like, get the

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Speaker 2: fuck away from me, asshole. And I was like, that

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Speaker 2: is my daughter, yea, that is my daughter. I raised

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Speaker 2: her to be that have that attitude, and I love

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Speaker 2: it to see it.

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Speaker 3: We love her just the way she is for having

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Speaker 3: that attitude.

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Speaker 2: She's so cute. I mean, she is transitioning into the

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Speaker 2: next part of her life, which is heaven, well, the

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Speaker 2: next part of her afterlife. But it's okay because I'm

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Speaker 2: just we're so bonded now.

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Speaker 1: Now.

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Speaker 2: She puts her paws on my bed when she wants

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Speaker 2: me to pick her up because she can't jump, so

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Speaker 2: she puts her paws on my bed frame.

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Speaker 1: And I mean every.

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Speaker 2: Time she does it, I'm like, oh God, come here.

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Speaker 2: She's so sweet. I had no idea I was missing

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Speaker 2: out on all this love with her because Bert stole

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Speaker 2: me from her. Yeah, full body.

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Speaker 3: You know, some dogs are just bossy like that, like

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Speaker 3: we are, little Lottie. She anytime I go to give

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Speaker 3: Mimsy are older dog some love, she like busts in

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Speaker 3: front of her.

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Speaker 1: She's very bossing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, dog is doing that too. But I just

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Speaker 2: tell Doug to fuck off that. Bernie is my number one.

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Speaker 2: Bert is the past, Bernice is the present, and Doug

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Speaker 2: is the future. Oh hell, lovely, that's what Jesse said yesterday. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: because I was like yeah, and I was like very

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Speaker 2: eloquist sort of Okay, So today we have a very

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Speaker 2: exciting guest. She's a very old friend of mine, and

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Speaker 2: she wrote.

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Speaker 1: A new book.

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Speaker 2: Her book is called Think You'll Be Happy, Moving through

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Speaker 2: Grief with grit, grace, and gratitude. Her next project is

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Speaker 2: six Triple Eight, the true story of a black, all

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Speaker 2: female battalion in World War Two, starring Kerrie Washington, coming

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Speaker 2: to Netflix this year. So welcome to the podcast, Nicole

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Speaker 2: a Vant.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. I'm happy to be here.

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Speaker 2: Very happy to have you because you wrote a very

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Speaker 2: beautiful book. Among other other things that you've accomplished in

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Speaker 2: your life, which are many. Recently, you published a beautiful

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Speaker 2: book called Think You'll Be Happy, which is about grief

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Speaker 2: and specifically your own grief related to your mother dying

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Speaker 2: very unexpectedly in recent years. So I want to talk

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Speaker 2: to you about a how did you feel that you

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Speaker 2: were ready to even write a book about something like

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Speaker 2: that so soon after the injury.

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Speaker 1: So I was already writing a book after I had

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Speaker 1: done a documentary on my father called The Black Godfather,

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Speaker 1: and the publisher at the time kept saying, you should

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Speaker 1: pick the themes of the Black Godfather and maybe we

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Speaker 1: can turn this into a book, which I thought was

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Speaker 1: a great idea. So we picked the themes that my

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Speaker 1: parents kind of live by, which were grit and grace

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Speaker 1: and gratitude. Those were like the through line themes. And

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Speaker 1: then my mom tragically dies and she's killed, and I said,

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Speaker 1: immediately to your point, how the fuck am I going

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Speaker 1: to write a book? How am I going to put

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Speaker 1: this book out on grit, grace and gratitude. It doesn't

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Speaker 1: feel right and I don't feel like writing, by the way,

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Speaker 1: I don't feel like finishing. But my father came to

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Speaker 1: live with me.

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Speaker 2: After your mother was killed.

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Speaker 1: After my mother was killed, my father came to live

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Speaker 1: with me, and he knew I was writing a book,

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Speaker 1: and he kept saying, where's a book? And I said, Dad,

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Speaker 1: one thing at a time. Here mom was just killed.

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Speaker 1: And he said, but you have to write about Jackie.

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Speaker 1: You can't stop writing. You can't let this man take

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Speaker 1: away your life, my life, And I said, okay, but

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Speaker 1: you know he's of that generation. And it wasn't like immediately,

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Speaker 1: but he was saying, I think it would help heal you,

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Speaker 1: and I think it's going to help heal your heart

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Speaker 1: because he saw that I was just shattered. We were

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Speaker 1: all shattered. And so I kept writing. And then her

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Speaker 1: last text to me, the last words happened to be

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Speaker 1: think you'll be happy, And I thought, you know, of

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Speaker 1: course she left me would think you'll be happy. Of

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Speaker 1: course she did. So that's how it came to be.

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Speaker 1: And it was very cathartic and hard, but it definitely

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Speaker 1: helped me heal to the point where I could sit

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Speaker 1: and talk to you for sure, Like I don't know

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Speaker 1: if I didn't put the book out, if I could

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Speaker 1: talk about it the way I'm talking about it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you look at grief. First of all,

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Speaker 2: you don't expect things like this to happen in your life.

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Speaker 2: For our listeners who are not yet familiar with the book,

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Speaker 2: and Nicole's mother was murdered in her own house by

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Speaker 2: a burglar or it was a burglary, and presumably she

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Speaker 2: surprised him and she was eighty one years old, is

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Speaker 2: that right?

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Speaker 1: One?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think the opening of the book, I

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Speaker 2: think really resonated with me because in the face of

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Speaker 2: grief and in the face of terror and all of

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Speaker 2: the nightmare things that can happen and do happen in

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Speaker 2: everyone's life, at some point, you were able to get

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Speaker 2: that call in the middle of the night from your

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Speaker 2: husband's ed and get up and use all of the

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Speaker 2: tools that your mother had blessed you with your entire

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Speaker 2: life to face the reality of what needed to be

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Speaker 2: done instead of freezing or ineptitude paralysis. And I love

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Speaker 2: when you talk about getting up, feeding the dogs, making

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Speaker 2: sure they got their food, and letting them out, and

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Speaker 2: then going to the hospital, right.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's interesting. I love that you love that

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Speaker 1: part because a lot of people are like, how could

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Speaker 1: you even think of feeding the dogs? But they're seriously

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Speaker 1: looking at me, and I think when you're in a

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Speaker 1: state of shock, it's still to your point. You know,

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Speaker 1: my mom always had to saying of you can't make

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Speaker 1: believe it didn't happen. Whatever it was. She would always say,

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Speaker 1: you can't make believe that it didn't happen. You have

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Speaker 1: to face the reality. And again, at that moment, moment,

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Speaker 1: they didn't tell me if she was shot in the hand,

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Speaker 1: if it was like she found. No one told me

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Speaker 1: there was a burglary, No one told me anything. Get

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Speaker 1: to the hospital. Your mom's in surgery. So that's why

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Speaker 1: I was able to, Okay, what would mom do? I'm

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Speaker 1: looking at these two helpless animals, not even knowing when

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Speaker 1: I'm ever going to come home or what's going on.

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Speaker 1: I ran downstairs, fed them and I left, and I

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Speaker 1: was in that mode of whatever is happening, I need

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Speaker 1: to trust somehow that I'm going to get through this

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Speaker 1: and I'm gonna be okay, Like I needed to decide

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Speaker 1: to be able to overcome whatever was going to face me.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to overcome this. Didn't mean it was going

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Speaker 1: to be easy. Didn't mean I was sugarcoating it like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'll be fine, but it was Life is not stopping

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Speaker 1: for me, Life is not stopping for my family. Life

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Speaker 1: doesn't stop for anybody. So I wanted to be as

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Speaker 1: courageous as possible and as sane as possible to take

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Speaker 1: care of whatever was going to happen, especially knowing that

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Speaker 1: my ninety one year old father was at the hospital waiting.

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Speaker 2: I think, in the face of this, it's always a

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Speaker 2: miracle how we are able to level up, and I

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Speaker 2: don't know that everybody feels as able to do that.

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Speaker 2: I think there is a level of strength, and we

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Speaker 2: have this inner reservoir of strength that we talk about

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Speaker 2: on the podcast all the time that when it's time,

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Speaker 2: it's like a soul elevation. We have to step up

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Speaker 2: to the plate because now we're in charge of a situation.

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Speaker 2: It's not a desirable situation. It's horrible, not only for you,

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Speaker 2: but for you know, all of the thousands of people

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Speaker 2: whose lives she's touched. So I think it's interesting to

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Speaker 2: discuss how you have that strength and how you knew

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Speaker 2: to tap into that strength, because you talk in the

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Speaker 2: book a lot about your mother kind of infecting you

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Speaker 2: with the idea throughout your childhood that you have to

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Speaker 2: see the best in everybody, and you have to do

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Speaker 2: your best, and you have to be well rounded. And

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Speaker 2: so let's talk a little bit about that impact that

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Speaker 2: she had on you, because I know from my mother dying,

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Speaker 2: the lessons she gave me became louder and louder the

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Speaker 2: longer she was gone.

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Speaker 1: One hundred percent. I think it's you know, my mom

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Speaker 1: was a realist, and my mom would always say she

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Speaker 1: lived from an eternal perspective. So my mom's whole point is, listen,

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Speaker 1: life is great and it's also tough. Life is beautiful

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Speaker 1: and it's also messy. You know, she never sugarcoated life

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Speaker 1: for me, and her whole point to me growing up

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Speaker 1: was part of the circle of life that everyone talks about.

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Speaker 1: No one wants to talk about the other part of

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Speaker 1: the circle, which is death, and it is coming and

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Speaker 1: you don't know when and you don't know how. No

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Speaker 1: no one does. And you know, my dad, you know,

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Speaker 1: always talked about the dash. What are you going to

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Speaker 1: do with your dash? She would always say, you come

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Speaker 1: in with a number and you end with a number.

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Speaker 1: It's the in between the numbers that make the difference

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Speaker 1: in everyone's life. And everyone has to decide, gets to decide.

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Speaker 1: I should say, also, how are you going to show up?

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Speaker 1: How do you want to show up? Who do you

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Speaker 1: want to be in that moment? And my mom, my

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Speaker 1: mom said, you know, my mom knew from a very

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Speaker 1: young age. She's like, you know, she loved history so much, Chelsea,

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Speaker 1: to the point where she was like, so many people

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Speaker 1: sacrificed of all colors, of all religions, people have sacrificed

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Speaker 1: for years and years for us, for Americans especially, to

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Speaker 1: be where we were at that time. She's like, so

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Speaker 1: this is not a joke. You know, people in my

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Speaker 1: dad's family hit in the face, you know, bricks thrown

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Speaker 1: at them, sitting in a sit in you know, marching

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Speaker 1: for civil rights. My Auntie's punched in the face by

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Speaker 1: mobs of people chased in the streets. Like my mom

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Speaker 1: always wanted me to remember, you stand on very strong

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Speaker 1: shoulders and tall shoulders. And Andrew Goodman, by the way,

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Speaker 1: you know, young Jewish man in New York when he

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Speaker 1: went to Mississippi and he was murdered by the klan.

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Speaker 1: My mom said she and her friends were traumatized by that.

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Speaker 1: She didn't know Andrew, she didn't need to know Andrew.

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Speaker 1: She didn't need to know James, she needs to know Michael.

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Speaker 1: She didn't need to know those three. But what she

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Speaker 1: did know was people are actually going out and dying

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Speaker 1: for other people to have civil rights. That people are

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Speaker 1: going out and sacrificing their lives. So the least we

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Speaker 1: can do is show up and live, you know. That

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Speaker 1: was her whole motto was show up and live this

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Speaker 1: life that we've been given. And freedom isn't easy and

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Speaker 1: you shouldn't take it for granted. So my mom raised

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Speaker 1: me with this idea of use your freedom wisely, use

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Speaker 1: the freedom that you've been given. By the way, if

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Speaker 1: you choose not to do shit with your life, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're lucky. Someone died for you to have that choice too,

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Speaker 1: you know, And she said, and I would hate to

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Speaker 1: see you waste your life. I would hate to see

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Speaker 1: you not appreciate the blessings that you've been bestowed. So

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Speaker 1: that I think, and to your point about this strength

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Speaker 1: and this reservoir of strength, I think it's like the

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Speaker 1: story of the mom pulling out a child from under

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Speaker 1: a car. It's that same strength that we all read

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Speaker 1: about of some accident and the mother runs out and

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Speaker 1: she's able to overturn a car. It's an energy and

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Speaker 1: a soul force that comes through I think, especially women,

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Speaker 1: that it's there. But I think my mom, to your point,

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Speaker 1: infecting me with it and filling me up with this

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Speaker 1: sense of being tenacious and grateful and responsible definitely gave

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Speaker 1: me the energy to show up at the hospital that

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Speaker 1: morning and get the news that she didn't make it

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Speaker 1: through surgery.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: You talk about energy in the book, and you talk

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Speaker 2: about energy being joy Yeah. Yeah, so, And I love

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Speaker 2: that because that is true, because it is a you know,

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Speaker 2: we're always it's output. It's like, do you want to

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Speaker 2: be joyful? Do you want to spread joy? Do you

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Speaker 2: want to illuminate people around you? You know what kind

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Speaker 2: of energy field are you leaving when you leave a situation?

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Speaker 2: And I think that energy and joy are just like

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Speaker 2: so beautifully interwoven. And I haven't ever read about it

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Speaker 2: the way you wrote about it in the book.

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Speaker 1: Oh Thank You. I think that we are all towers

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Speaker 1: of energy, and we can put out whatever we decide.

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Speaker 1: So if we want to put out joy, if you

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Speaker 1: want to put out light, if you want to put

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Speaker 1: out you know, laughter, all of it go ahead. If

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Speaker 1: you want to put out misery and you want to

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Speaker 1: be a victim, and you want to put out negativity,

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Speaker 1: And everyone has free will. And I'm a big believer

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Speaker 1: in when when when you are grateful for everything you have,

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Speaker 1: And I'm talking everything that you know. You know, our kids,

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Speaker 1: Tony and Sarah, and every day I was.

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Speaker 2: I diviginized her son, her steps on Tony. I just

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Speaker 2: want all of our listeners to know that I mounted

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Speaker 2: him one night at Ted Nichole's house and he became

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Speaker 2: a man after that. So i'd i'd like to go

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Speaker 2: on the record with that, thank you.

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Speaker 1: I would remind them even the fact that you're turning

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Speaker 1: on the water, we have indoor plumbing, which again my

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Speaker 1: dad didn't have indoor plumbing, heat, anything, food, nothing like zero,

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Speaker 1: didn't have a pot to pisson. So I think when

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Speaker 1: you are joyous and grateful and positive for everything in

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Speaker 1: your life, the fact that you could walk and talk

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Speaker 1: here and see anything, you have children, dogs, at all

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Speaker 1: of it. The more I noticed, the more I'll tell

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Speaker 1: you this, when I don't focus on what I'm grateful for, Chelsea,

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Speaker 1: and I don't become on purpose about my energy, it's

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Speaker 1: all over the place, and it's very easy to become

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Speaker 1: negative if you're not focused on what you want to

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Speaker 1: put out.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, I think also to being grateful for the things

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Speaker 2: that don't go well, so because that is that there's

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Speaker 2: always a lesson in everything, even in as horrible as

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Speaker 2: it sounds. In death, the acceptance of someone moving on

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Speaker 2: and the idea which is so comforting, you know. And

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Speaker 2: you talk about religion a lot, and you quote a

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Speaker 2: lot of verses from different books in the Bible, and

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Speaker 2: I think it's religion is such a good tool for death, right,

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Speaker 2: It's a good tool for a plethora of things, but

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Speaker 2: for death specifically. Yeah, it can give you hope in

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Speaker 2: the emptiness you know that you feel because when you're

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Speaker 2: knowledgeable and in touch with the idea that yes they're

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Speaker 2: not physically here, but no one is ever really gone.

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Speaker 2: Energy doesn't ever die. That our mothers and whomever we

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Speaker 2: love that we've lost, it's an honor to have been

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Speaker 2: with them and spend that time with them, and they

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Speaker 2: have injected that energy, injected and infected in the most

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Speaker 2: positive way into us, and it is our light to

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Speaker 2: carry on and shine on for them and in honor

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Speaker 2: of them.

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Speaker 1: Yes, in honor of them. That is what helped me

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Speaker 1: get through this the most, which is it's like an

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Speaker 1: energetic baton. The batons are passed, the energy is passed

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Speaker 1: on to us. And what am I gonna do with

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Speaker 1: my baton? What am I going to do? Of course

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Speaker 1: I want to carry on my mother's legacy. Of course

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Speaker 1: I want to share her life and her lessons and

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Speaker 1: her love. But to your point, that's what it is.

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Speaker 1: And I think the greatest way to honor people who

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Speaker 1: are no longer with us physically is to make the

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Speaker 1: best out of our lives. I know my mom is

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Speaker 1: really happy right now watching a because she, you know,

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Speaker 1: love being the center of attention. So believe me, my

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Speaker 1: mom loves the positive attention she's getting, but in the

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Speaker 1: best way, because I know she feels Oh thank god,

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Speaker 1: none of this went to waste, you know, like I

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Speaker 1: put a lot of good out into the universe. And yes,

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Speaker 1: something tragic happens, and it was in three minutes, like

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Speaker 1: I was struck by lightning. But look at the good

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Speaker 1: and the ripple effect of the goodness. I can't tell

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Speaker 1: you the letters and the notes Chelsea that I received

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Speaker 1: from people around the world about how much me sharing

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Speaker 1: my story has helped them get up, not be you know,

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Speaker 1: I had one guy who at me, he goes, I

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Speaker 1: haven't even you know, really gone out of my house

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Speaker 1: almost for two years. I mean, just so crippled by

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Speaker 1: grief to the point where you can't even function. And

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Speaker 1: I think our parents bring us here. We come through them,

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Speaker 1: our mothers, we come through them, and it's our job

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Speaker 1: to really to Our job is to live the failures

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Speaker 1: in the quote unquote bad things that happen to all

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Speaker 1: of us, or any negativity that comes in, they are

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Speaker 1: also gifts. I agree with you. When the doors closed, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: sometimes you know, sometimes that relationship is not going to work. Great,

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Speaker 1: take the lesson and the blessing and move the fuck on.

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Speaker 2: And be grateful it's over. Be great, yeah, and show grace,

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Speaker 2: like if a relationship ends, be graceful about it, that's okay.

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Speaker 2: Like not everyone is meant to be here your entire life.

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Speaker 1: That's not Ever. My mom used to say, everyone has

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Speaker 1: to get off the train. At some point. Some people

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Speaker 1: are going to ask you to get off their train.

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Speaker 1: We're going to ask people to get off your train.

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Speaker 1: But do it gracefully to your point and be grateful

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Speaker 1: for whatever, take whatever lesson and whatever blessing. And for me,

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Speaker 1: for example, I had to learn a lesson. I got

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Speaker 1: at a very bad relationship, very emotionally abusive a long

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Speaker 1: time ago. And the greatest lesson was what the hell

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Speaker 1: would I think that I'm worthy of just that shit?

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Speaker 1: Thank you very much for showing me that I'm actually

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Speaker 1: worth something. What your pain gave me, you know it.

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Speaker 1: It was a lot of grief and a lot of

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Speaker 1: questioning myself, but I had to. I used to ask myself, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, am why am I attracting these kind of

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Speaker 1: people into my life? And then I switched the question

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Speaker 1: and I asked myself, now, why am I attracted to

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Speaker 1: this type of person? What in me is attracted to

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Speaker 1: this kind of behavior, so what always comes back to me?

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Speaker 1: I'm like, no, this energy doesn't align with me. So

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna and I still grieve about it. I still

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Speaker 1: grieved about it, and then I got Ted. Do you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean? I would have never met Ted

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Speaker 1: and I would have never accepted Ted and loved him

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Speaker 1: the way I do had I not gone through people

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Speaker 1: who were completely opposite of Ted.

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Speaker 2: Right, So let me pivot a little bit because I

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Speaker 2: know your father recently passed away, Clarence Avont, who was

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Speaker 2: a very well known music mogul. So how do you

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Speaker 2: square that? Because I know I bumped it to you.

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Speaker 2: We kind of briefly touched upon it about you know,

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Speaker 2: your dad and your mom being back together, which is

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Speaker 2: the way I like to look at things. And how

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Speaker 2: did how did this impact you knowing that you were

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Speaker 2: losing him but he was returning to her.

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Speaker 1: You know, Chelsea, I every single day I prayed that

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Speaker 1: he would have the most peaceful transition because I thought,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I can handle another tread. You know,

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Speaker 1: let's he's here with me. I pray it's as peaceful

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Speaker 1: as possible, which it was, thank God, and the fact

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Speaker 1: that he was able to pass away in our home,

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Speaker 1: which was which became his home, but he was surrounded

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Speaker 1: by his things and you know, close family members, best

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Speaker 1: friends were able to come by and kind of say

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Speaker 1: their goodbyes as he was just slowly, quietly fading away.

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Speaker 1: Cancer didn't take it. Nothing took him. It's like it

409
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Speaker 1: just it was old age and time to go was

410
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Speaker 1: twenty months after my mom and he was so trying

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Speaker 1: to hang on about the book. He's like, when's the

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Speaker 1: book coming out? And he read the galleys, like I need,

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Speaker 1: I need to watch the book, and I knew. I

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Speaker 1: just knew. I was like, I know he's going to

415
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Speaker 1: go before the book, but at least he read it.

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Speaker 1: He read the galley and I have to say it

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Speaker 1: was It gave me peace knowing that it was peaceful, quiet,

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Speaker 1: beautiful at home and that he was going to be

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Speaker 1: with my mom energetically they would be reconnected, and that

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Speaker 1: gave me. That actually gave me joy. And I was

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Speaker 1: so proud of his soul. That's what I kept telling

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Speaker 1: him as he was leaving. I go, look at the

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Speaker 1: fucking life that you've lived. This is thirty lifetimes in

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Speaker 1: one life. You had no rights, you had no family,

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Speaker 1: you had nothing. You were on your own since you

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Speaker 1: were fifteen. And look what you did with your energy,

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Speaker 1: and look at the lives that you've changed. And I

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Speaker 1: was so happy that I was able to tell him that. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: You know, it's interesting because you know, when you have

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Speaker 2: someone die so tragically and in such a traumatizing way

431
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Speaker 2: as your mother did, it's almost like the next death

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Speaker 2: you're so ready for it. It's like it's almost like when

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Speaker 2: my brother died on unexpectedly tragically, it was like anything

434
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:06,399
Speaker 2: after that was okay. Like my mom dying, I was like,

435
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:09,320
Speaker 2: I'll help you. I remember showing up to the hospital

436
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:11,320
Speaker 2: and my mom saw me come in and was like,

437
00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:14,119
Speaker 2: thank god you're here. I just want to die. Please.

438
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:16,320
Speaker 2: They're trying to keep me alive. I know you'll help

439
00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:18,640
Speaker 2: me die. And I was like, no problem, I got you,

440
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:21,199
Speaker 2: like I will, I will help you. And I was like,

441
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:24,639
Speaker 2: I remember the contrast of the two things. I was like,

442
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:25,520
Speaker 2: I could take.

443
00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:30,320
Speaker 1: Anything, anything on one hundred percent. I can deal with anything. Right.

444
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,880
Speaker 1: The dad, you know, before he passed away in our home,

445
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:34,880
Speaker 1: he had had a stroke. I'm the one who found him.

446
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:37,960
Speaker 1: I found him and I was like, bringing up, I

447
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,800
Speaker 1: can handle this because I've already been through the worst

448
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:46,480
Speaker 1: freaking thing ever. And then I made a decision, Oh Dad,

449
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:47,879
Speaker 1: you know what. I don't know how long you have

450
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:51,240
Speaker 1: after this, but I promise you, I'm going to help

451
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:56,080
Speaker 1: you make the greatest transition ever. I promise you. I'm

452
00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:59,280
Speaker 1: not leaving your side. I'm going to make you comfortable.

453
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:01,800
Speaker 1: Whatever for drugs they give you and they allow me

454
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:04,000
Speaker 1: to give you, bring it on, like this is gonna

455
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:07,720
Speaker 1: be painless for you, and I'm gonna walk you. I'm

456
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,320
Speaker 1: gonna walk you over, you know. And it was Ted

457
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:13,720
Speaker 1: who actually I left the room and I knew he

458
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,000
Speaker 1: was leaving, and I it was so heavy for me.

459
00:23:16,119 --> 00:23:17,879
Speaker 1: It was that death rattle. I don't know if you

460
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,720
Speaker 1: heard that, but it was this horrible uff that's the worst,

461
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:22,600
Speaker 1: and it's kept scaring me. And I knew I was

462
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:26,680
Speaker 1: making my dad anxious. And Ted freaking stepped in and

463
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 1: I said, Okay, I have a feeling he's going and

464
00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:32,480
Speaker 1: I have said everything, and you need to have your

465
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:35,479
Speaker 1: time with him. And Ted freakin walked, took him to

466
00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 1: the other side, held his hand, you know, did whatever

467
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:40,960
Speaker 1: he needed to do in the room, He goes, I

468
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:43,080
Speaker 1: don't know every old Catholic prayer that I knew as

469
00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:45,320
Speaker 1: a child kept coming out of my mouth. But you

470
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:47,200
Speaker 1: know what was great is that they had that moment

471
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:50,800
Speaker 1: and my dad went out listening to Frank Sinatra, Duke Ellington,

472
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:54,560
Speaker 1: Louie Armstrong, all the music that he brought into the world,

473
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 1: Bill Withers. We just we sent him out in the

474
00:23:58,359 --> 00:23:58,920
Speaker 1: best way.

475
00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:01,639
Speaker 2: Okay, on that note, we're going to take a break.

476
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,360
Speaker 2: We're going to come back and we're going to talk

477
00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:11,840
Speaker 2: to some callers. Nicole, Okay, okay, all right, and we're back.

478
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:12,600
Speaker 1: We're back.

479
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:16,240
Speaker 3: Our first caller is Akronefa.

480
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:19,920
Speaker 2: And she related to Aquafina. She is not, but she's

481
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:20,440
Speaker 2: real cute.

482
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:21,360
Speaker 1: She's real cute.

483
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,320
Speaker 3: Let me just preface this with she wrote in about

484
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:26,840
Speaker 3: a year after her mom had died, and at that

485
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:29,360
Speaker 3: time she was struggling with a lot of daily stuff

486
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:32,119
Speaker 3: like making sure that she was getting exercise and feeding

487
00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:34,560
Speaker 3: herself right and all that kind of stuff. So she

488
00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:37,480
Speaker 3: says she's back on track with that, but wrote in

489
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:42,560
Speaker 3: about finding her creative side again. You're Chelsea. I'm thirty

490
00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:45,040
Speaker 3: three years old, and in September of twenty twenty one.

491
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:48,480
Speaker 3: After just a three week battle with pancreatic cancer, my

492
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:51,480
Speaker 3: dear world of a mother passed away. It's been over

493
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,320
Speaker 3: two years and I have stabilized myself. I have a

494
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:56,720
Speaker 3: full time job in higher ed and I go to

495
00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:00,800
Speaker 3: therapy weekly and all my essential physical needs are met. However,

496
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:04,040
Speaker 3: I feel like my spirit is unrecognizable from what it

497
00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:08,840
Speaker 3: was before. I'm a musician. I play the flute, piano, bass, guitar,

498
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:12,199
Speaker 3: produce and write songs. Ever since my mom passed, I

499
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:14,480
Speaker 3: haven't been able to write any songs, and instead of

500
00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 3: practicing music, I found myself disassociating, wasting time binging YouTube videos.

501
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:22,640
Speaker 3: Sometimes I feel like I can create music, but if

502
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:24,439
Speaker 3: I can't share it with my mom and watch her

503
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,919
Speaker 3: eyes light up and make her proud, what's the point.

504
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,439
Speaker 3: I feel a call to live out my dream to

505
00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:31,680
Speaker 3: create music, but I don't know how to push past

506
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:34,359
Speaker 3: the immense grief. Any words of wisdom on how to

507
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:39,520
Speaker 3: get back to myself? Akronefa hikati hi.

508
00:25:42,119 --> 00:25:42,520
Speaker 1: Hi.

509
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 2: This is our special guest, Nicole a Vant, and we

510
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:47,040
Speaker 2: both have mothers that have passed away. So you're talking

511
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:48,159
Speaker 2: to the right group of people.

512
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:51,639
Speaker 5: Yeah, I know, and I think we're all pisces.

513
00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:55,960
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, fun. When's your birthday?

514
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:57,119
Speaker 5: March third?

515
00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:57,840
Speaker 1: Oh?

516
00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 2: Perfect, Nicole, when's yours March six? Okay, great, aren't you yes?

517
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:06,800
Speaker 2: February A. Yeah, Well, I'm so sorry that you lost

518
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:08,800
Speaker 2: your mother, and we both know what that feels like.

519
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:12,200
Speaker 2: It's a big, big void. But I'm going to start

520
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 2: by saying that you have to know and believe and feel,

521
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:20,640
Speaker 2: like when you close your eyes and you center yourself

522
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:23,960
Speaker 2: and you really just let yourself feel, you're gonna know

523
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:28,640
Speaker 2: that your mother is still with you, and you're postponing

524
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:33,679
Speaker 2: all the joyfulness that you can experience knowing that she

525
00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:36,760
Speaker 2: is with you, sharing that like if you're not happy,

526
00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:40,520
Speaker 2: she's not happy, and all of this, Like you know,

527
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:42,600
Speaker 2: my mother will never hear this music. Yes, your mother

528
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:45,480
Speaker 2: will hear this music. You have to believe that your

529
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:49,480
Speaker 2: mother is with you and watching you, because none of

530
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:52,240
Speaker 2: our mothers are just off and running up in heaven

531
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:55,960
Speaker 2: like you know, having a keger. They're here to guide us.

532
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,840
Speaker 2: Like I truly believe in This wasn't my belief system

533
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 2: for a very long time, but I've seen proof of

534
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:03,480
Speaker 2: it in my life and in other people's lives. They

535
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:05,440
Speaker 2: are there, to guide us once they leave us. Your

536
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:08,679
Speaker 2: mother is never going to abandon you. You know, they

537
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:12,280
Speaker 2: couldn't if they wanted to. It's just impossibly, like physiologically,

538
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:16,479
Speaker 2: there's too strong of a bond. And so I really

539
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:19,240
Speaker 2: think you need to turn that thought process just on

540
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:23,600
Speaker 2: its head and really just every morning, wake up and

541
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 2: say to your mother, Okay, this is what we're doing today.

542
00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 2: Like act like she is with you every single moment,

543
00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:32,359
Speaker 2: and you're going to start to feel that, and you

544
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,199
Speaker 2: need to believe that because that's what's going to motivate you.

545
00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:38,080
Speaker 2: She would never want you just wasting away and to

546
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:41,160
Speaker 2: be mourning for this long and to just be depressed

547
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:43,800
Speaker 2: and scrolling through YouTube. That's not what she wants for you.

548
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,400
Speaker 1: I agree with Chelsea. I would say that your mom.

549
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:49,919
Speaker 1: You know, sometimes I had to ask. I had to

550
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,520
Speaker 1: pretend as if my mom was sitting next to me,

551
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:55,760
Speaker 1: and I would say, Okay, what do you want from

552
00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:58,280
Speaker 1: me today? What do you want from me? And you'll

553
00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:01,439
Speaker 1: get it immediately. Your mom, of course, she gave you life,

554
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:05,159
Speaker 1: and she gave you a beautiful energy to live, and

555
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 1: you're obviously a creative person. Your job or your next

556
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:13,600
Speaker 1: step is to like Chelsea said, accept what it is,

557
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:18,920
Speaker 1: but also, you know, decide to honor your mom. Decide

558
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:22,160
Speaker 1: to honor her, decide to what made her happy. By

559
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 1: the way, I'm just asking you what did make her

560
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:27,159
Speaker 1: happy besides your mean Like for me, for example, I

561
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,159
Speaker 1: had to think about, Okay, one of the movies my

562
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 1: mom loved watching, and I started watching those movies. What's

563
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:36,359
Speaker 1: the music? Oh, she loved Johnny Mathis, she loved Lionel Ritchie.

564
00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:38,400
Speaker 1: So I would play it over and over and over

565
00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 1: again just to kind of feel her energy. And I

566
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:43,479
Speaker 1: think Chelsea's right, like the thing that your mom wants,

567
00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:48,240
Speaker 1: you can't see her physically, but energetically she is always

568
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:52,800
Speaker 1: with you. And I know for myself, the greatest gift

569
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 1: I could have can give my mom every day is

570
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:58,760
Speaker 1: to live my life to the fullest that I can

571
00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 1: and be as creative as possible and joyous as possible.

572
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:05,120
Speaker 1: And it doesn't mean it's easy. It's not, but you

573
00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:08,480
Speaker 1: do have to make the decision. Once you make the decision,

574
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:13,040
Speaker 1: your energy follows your decision. Oh remember that your energy

575
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:16,320
Speaker 1: follows whatever decision you're going to make. If you want

576
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:20,080
Speaker 1: to be miserable, your energy says Okay, if you want

577
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 1: to feel like a victim, your energy will say okay.

578
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:25,160
Speaker 1: But if you say I want to be victorious, I

579
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 1: want to honor my mom. I don't know how, but

580
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:30,440
Speaker 1: I want it, the energy will follow.

581
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:35,719
Speaker 2: And Pisces have big energy. Yes, yes, So you have

582
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 2: to be very mindful about your energy because when it's negative,

583
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:42,920
Speaker 2: it's real negative, and when it's positive, it's real positive.

584
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:43,360
Speaker 1: Yeah.

585
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:44,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, Nikicole.

586
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:48,440
Speaker 3: You talk in your book about getting grounded before having

587
00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:51,320
Speaker 3: to do something that's difficult or you know, as you

588
00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:53,560
Speaker 3: were going through this process, a couple of different friends

589
00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:55,760
Speaker 3: pointed out, like, you need to get grounded right now

590
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 3: at different points. Can you talk a little bit about

591
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:01,000
Speaker 3: that and what's specifically to do to ground yourself.

592
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:03,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a great point. One thing that I did

593
00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 1: was my friend walk me out on the grass, you know,

594
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:10,080
Speaker 1: take off your shoes, get to any piece of grass anywhere.

595
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be at your house anywhere, and

596
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:13,920
Speaker 1: just walk in the park. But it helps you feel

597
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:16,880
Speaker 1: grounded because when you're connected to nature and when you're

598
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:20,560
Speaker 1: connected to the earth, and if you're not outside, meditate,

599
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:24,680
Speaker 1: you know, ground yourself. Sit. There's a million gazillion guided

600
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:28,040
Speaker 1: meditations that are free everywhere. I mean, the access we

601
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:32,320
Speaker 1: all have to help and energy and grounding ourselves is

602
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:35,200
Speaker 1: there sometimes, you know, for me, I get in the bathtub,

603
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:37,280
Speaker 1: I want to meditate, I want to pray. I want

604
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:41,480
Speaker 1: to ask for you know, light and love and purpose

605
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:44,280
Speaker 1: or whatever it is to put my intention out. There

606
00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 1: were days where I thought, I don't even want to

607
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:49,320
Speaker 1: get out of bed. I don't want to function, I

608
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:51,880
Speaker 1: don't want to look at anybody. I want to scroll

609
00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:55,720
Speaker 1: on Instagram. But I'm choosing and deciding to bring in

610
00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:58,480
Speaker 1: a different energy and call on something bigger than you.

611
00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:01,240
Speaker 1: By the way, because believe me, life is much bigger

612
00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:03,200
Speaker 1: than all of us. But you have to work with

613
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:07,680
Speaker 1: the energy of the universe and it's free, but you

614
00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 1: have to work with it and your music. If you're

615
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:12,600
Speaker 1: a musician, that means you already worked with it.

616
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:15,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, you, and you didn't answer. I don't think we

617
00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 2: got to get an answer to your question about what

618
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:19,840
Speaker 2: did your mom really enjoy? Like what made her happy?

619
00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:23,800
Speaker 5: She loved gardening, and it's okay that you still do.

620
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:29,200
Speaker 5: She was a dancer and used to teach African dance classes.

621
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:34,520
Speaker 5: She actually was also a musician and toured with a

622
00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 5: Ghanian artist when she was younger, so she always was

623
00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:43,040
Speaker 5: obviously very supportive of my music. I did I say

624
00:31:43,080 --> 00:31:45,360
Speaker 5: she liked to cook. She loved to cook, and she

625
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:50,400
Speaker 5: was always very curious about foods from other countries, especially

626
00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 5: African foods from other countries in Africa. And cooking is

627
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 5: actually something that I've just been able to get back

628
00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:03,400
Speaker 5: into in terms of taking care of myself and because

629
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 5: it was something that we really like to do together

630
00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:09,479
Speaker 5: and share and compare recipes. I'm so sorry I didn't realize.

631
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:14,160
Speaker 2: No, don't apologize, it's okay. Yeah, these are all Listen,

632
00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:16,920
Speaker 2: everything you're saying is a gift. You have all of

633
00:32:16,920 --> 00:32:19,600
Speaker 2: these gifts from your mother that you can honor her with.

634
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:21,720
Speaker 2: You can cook with her, and you can cook with

635
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 2: her in mind, and the music that you're making is

636
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:26,920
Speaker 2: with her in mind, something that she would love to

637
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 2: dance to, something that she would love to sing along to.

638
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:33,080
Speaker 2: All you have to do is reframe the way that

639
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:36,040
Speaker 2: you're looking at this death. You know, instead of it

640
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 2: being a void, you can fill that void up with

641
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:40,960
Speaker 2: all of these things that you mentioned, between gardening and

642
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:45,120
Speaker 2: cooking and traveling and different African cuisine, all of This

643
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:48,760
Speaker 2: is such a gift that she's given you, and now

644
00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:52,120
Speaker 2: it's your turn to show her and honor her with

645
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:55,960
Speaker 2: all of those things. And you're gonna be okay, you

646
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,720
Speaker 2: know what I mean. You're here because you're you've gotten

647
00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 2: yourself this far. You're here because of you. Yeah, and

648
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:06,560
Speaker 2: you're not alone. So many people, I mean almost you know,

649
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:09,360
Speaker 2: everyone at a certain time in their life, almost everybody

650
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:12,920
Speaker 2: has a parent die, and so that has to give

651
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:16,600
Speaker 2: you some sort of comfort to know that this you're surviving, right,

652
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:18,400
Speaker 2: and you're going to get through it, and it's going

653
00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:20,680
Speaker 2: to get easier and better for you.

654
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:25,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're going through your human experience. And I'm sorry

655
00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:28,400
Speaker 1: that you're in so much pain. But to Chelsea's point,

656
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:31,720
Speaker 1: to go out and garden with your mom and cook

657
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:34,520
Speaker 1: with your mom, and dance with your mom and making

658
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:38,760
Speaker 1: music with your mom. It helps fill that emptiness that

659
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:42,239
Speaker 1: you're feeling. And Chelsea's right, it does get easier. But

660
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:44,520
Speaker 1: I believe me, I feel your pain right now. I'm

661
00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:47,440
Speaker 1: watching you and I feel it and I understand it

662
00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:50,280
Speaker 1: and don't feel bad about it either. By the way,

663
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:54,600
Speaker 1: move through your grief, but just move through it. That's

664
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:55,400
Speaker 1: the only way out.

665
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:58,680
Speaker 2: Is through yes. And also you know, like when you

666
00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:01,800
Speaker 2: find yourself, I would say, in these moments where you

667
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:04,320
Speaker 2: feel like you're cruising the internet or you're doing something

668
00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:07,280
Speaker 2: that isn't really stimulating, that's just kind of word. I

669
00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:10,520
Speaker 2: would urge you to take that time recognize, Okay, this

670
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:13,000
Speaker 2: isn't a good use of my time, and then go

671
00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:15,520
Speaker 2: do one of those activities that you shared with your mother.

672
00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:19,919
Speaker 2: Use that time to reconnect with her. And also when

673
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:24,279
Speaker 2: you feel overwhelmed and you are emotional, sit down and

674
00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:27,640
Speaker 2: be that way. Sit down and I and once you

675
00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:30,880
Speaker 2: sit with anything that you're going through, it will release

676
00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:33,879
Speaker 2: and you'll give yourself ten minutes or thirty minutes, and

677
00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:37,360
Speaker 2: you'll be surprised that once you really honor those feelings,

678
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:41,520
Speaker 2: they don't last forever. You know, they happen, it'll keep

679
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:44,680
Speaker 2: coming up, but they don't last forever. So it's up

680
00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:47,359
Speaker 2: to you to kind of just reframe your whole life

681
00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:50,440
Speaker 2: in the way that you're operating around this grief and

682
00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:53,680
Speaker 2: embrace it and also go towards your mother, like with

683
00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:56,439
Speaker 2: all of these activities, and you're going to feel better

684
00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:58,279
Speaker 2: and you're going to feel her presence. I promise you.

685
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 1: Thank you God bless thank you.

686
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:05,839
Speaker 3: Take some time for yourself right now when we get

687
00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:08,799
Speaker 3: off the line. It take some time and just be

688
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:09,560
Speaker 3: where you're at.

689
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, Okay, sending you a lot of love, honey,

690
00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:14,239
Speaker 2: Thank you.

691
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:15,520
Speaker 5: I really appreciate it.

692
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:18,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, bye bye.

693
00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:22,799
Speaker 3: You know, something that both of you said made me think.

694
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:25,399
Speaker 3: You know, we think of like when someone crosses over

695
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:28,080
Speaker 3: there in the Great Beyond or they're in heaven and

696
00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:31,360
Speaker 3: it's way out there. But I think a lot of

697
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:34,360
Speaker 3: spiritual thinkers and how you to relate to your mother's

698
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:37,400
Speaker 3: is no, they're right here. And a lot of spiritual

699
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:38,080
Speaker 3: thinkers talk.

700
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:40,359
Speaker 1: About the veil. You know, there's just a veil that's

701
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:41,120
Speaker 1: right here.

702
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 3: And it's even biblical like in the Bible to talk

703
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:46,279
Speaker 3: about the Kingdom of God is at hand, and some

704
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:50,040
Speaker 3: people interpret that to mean it's right here, heaven, whatever

705
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:54,560
Speaker 3: you want to call it is just beyond our vision basically,

706
00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:57,319
Speaker 3: And you can talk to your loved one that has passed.

707
00:35:57,040 --> 00:35:59,800
Speaker 2: On, Nicole, do you feel like you do you feel

708
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:02,440
Speaker 2: this same presence of your mom that you do with

709
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:05,799
Speaker 2: your dad since he's passed on, because I don't feel

710
00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:10,319
Speaker 2: my dad anywhere. Yeah, don't I think he's paying for

711
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 2: all of his wrongdoings and is in some sort of

712
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:18,200
Speaker 2: purgatory used car dealership situation trying to figure out why

713
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:21,920
Speaker 2: it was such a fucking asshole. And that's but I

714
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:24,040
Speaker 2: never feel my father.

715
00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:29,320
Speaker 1: Ever interesting, I feel I feel them both. My mom

716
00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:32,360
Speaker 1: came in a few times early and then it felt

717
00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:35,120
Speaker 1: like she went away. But I started to feel her

718
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:37,520
Speaker 1: more in the music, like you know what I mean,

719
00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:40,440
Speaker 1: or or like this certain hummingbird would just come at

720
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:44,000
Speaker 1: me every single day, and the dragonfly which I'm wearing one,

721
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:46,600
Speaker 1: they would they're hovering around me all the time. And

722
00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:49,880
Speaker 1: she and every piece of her stationary has a dragonfly,

723
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:52,120
Speaker 1: and her whole thing was a dragon And she used

724
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:55,440
Speaker 1: to say, that's what I'm gonna I'll always be something

725
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:57,160
Speaker 1: for you, and I asked her to be. I was

726
00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:02,400
Speaker 1: very specific on everything. And my dad I feel differently

727
00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:05,879
Speaker 1: in a different way and not as strong yet as

728
00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:09,400
Speaker 1: my mom, but but I can. He's just started to

729
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:12,279
Speaker 1: come in more recently, and it's more of I could

730
00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:14,440
Speaker 1: feel him because he's such a doer. Now what are

731
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:16,200
Speaker 1: you doing next? What's what's the next thing? And what

732
00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:18,919
Speaker 1: I'm like, Dad, just give me one minute, just there's

733
00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:21,279
Speaker 1: a lot that's been going on, but it's so his

734
00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 1: energy of what's next, Let's go, let's go, keep going,

735
00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:30,279
Speaker 1: like let's go. My mom is very graceful and gentle,

736
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:34,520
Speaker 1: and so I feel him differently. Someone will send me

737
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:38,600
Speaker 1: a quote like thanks mom, got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

738
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:42,240
Speaker 1: I got it. Yeah yeah, that's funny.

739
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:52,520
Speaker 3: Our next caller is James. He is in Ohio and

740
00:37:52,719 --> 00:37:56,719
Speaker 3: recently had to move home after losing his sister. So

741
00:37:57,480 --> 00:38:00,640
Speaker 3: he says, Dear Chelsea, I found your podcast a while

742
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:03,239
Speaker 3: back and have been listening to Dear Chelsea every day

743
00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:04,080
Speaker 3: while I'm driving.

744
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:05,960
Speaker 1: I love hearing your advice.

745
00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:07,560
Speaker 3: And would love to get your input on a situation

746
00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:11,399
Speaker 3: I'm experiencing. Last year, I lost my sister suddenly when

747
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:13,440
Speaker 3: she was killed in a car crash. It was the

748
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:16,719
Speaker 3: most difficult loss I've ever experienced. It got to a

749
00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:19,040
Speaker 3: point where I wasn't eating or sleeping, and if I

750
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:21,799
Speaker 3: had any sort of joy, it was immediately followed by

751
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:24,879
Speaker 3: immense guilt. After a couple months of this, I ended

752
00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:27,319
Speaker 3: up seeing a grief specialized therapist and it has been

753
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:31,520
Speaker 3: tremendously helpful. My mother asked me to move home to

754
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:33,400
Speaker 3: help her and my other sister take care of my

755
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:36,600
Speaker 3: deceased sister's kids. I wanted to help out. So here

756
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:39,560
Speaker 3: I am, and I'm struggling. I've got a new job here,

757
00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:41,240
Speaker 3: but it's not what I'm used to and it's harder

758
00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:44,879
Speaker 3: to get by. Moreover, I'm afraid that by coming back

759
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:47,799
Speaker 3: to my small town in Ohio, I'll get trapped. Will

760
00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:48,920
Speaker 3: I stay for one year?

761
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:50,120
Speaker 1: Two ten?

762
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:52,439
Speaker 3: I want to put my family first, but I don't

763
00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:55,000
Speaker 3: want to lose myself and my own endeavors in the process.

764
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:59,560
Speaker 2: James, Wow, Hi Jane, Hi James, this is n call

765
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:01,800
Speaker 2: our special guests today.

766
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:02,720
Speaker 1: Wow.

767
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 2: That's a huge responsibility.

768
00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, it's it's it's hard, but I just I

769
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:10,880
Speaker 4: feel like anyone would do the same in my situation.

770
00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:16,080
Speaker 6: Yes, I mean, yeah, there's kids, so it's like how.

771
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:18,080
Speaker 2: Old are they and how and how many are there?

772
00:39:18,239 --> 00:39:20,800
Speaker 4: Well, to give you, like some background on my family,

773
00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:21,960
Speaker 4: I have a twin sister.

774
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:24,839
Speaker 6: She has two kids that are seven and six.

775
00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:28,840
Speaker 4: And then I had my older sister, she had a

776
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:31,000
Speaker 4: six year old, five year old, four year old, and

777
00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:32,919
Speaker 4: then she was also pregnant at the time.

778
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:37,479
Speaker 2: And so your twin sister is still with you, where

779
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:38,000
Speaker 2: does she live?

780
00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:40,640
Speaker 4: Yes, she lives in the town I'm in now, So

781
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:43,080
Speaker 4: we're all together now good?

782
00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:48,720
Speaker 2: And you are this primary caretaker or are you guys

783
00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:50,439
Speaker 2: collectively taking care?

784
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:51,200
Speaker 1: No?

785
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:54,719
Speaker 4: So right now, right now, my mom is the primary caretaker.

786
00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:58,799
Speaker 4: The dad is not around like at all, maybe a

787
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 4: day out of the month, so it's primarily my mom.

788
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:05,279
Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm kind of here as like I'll take

789
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:07,879
Speaker 4: them to like appointments, or I'll pick them up from

790
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:10,279
Speaker 4: school if they need to be picked up. I try

791
00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:12,759
Speaker 4: to do like fun like uncle things when I can.

792
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:16,320
Speaker 4: But my mom is the primary caretaker right now.

793
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:19,759
Speaker 2: And so are you? How are the kids mentally and

794
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:22,480
Speaker 2: emotionally right now? How long ago did this happen?

795
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:27,480
Speaker 4: This is November of twenty twenty two, so over a

796
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:30,399
Speaker 4: year ago. I mean they're all still so young. They

797
00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:34,719
Speaker 4: really don't understand. They like bring it up so nonchalantly though,

798
00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:36,359
Speaker 4: like that they don't have a mom.

799
00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:38,920
Speaker 2: I mean, it sounds like you would benefit from having

800
00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:41,360
Speaker 2: a therapist. Now. It's a big responsibility. What you're doing.

801
00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:43,840
Speaker 2: It is a big gift that you have been given,

802
00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:46,759
Speaker 2: even though it may not feel like one. You're giving

803
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:49,000
Speaker 2: a gift to your sister, You're giving a gift to

804
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 2: these children, and you're gifting your mother and your other

805
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:54,520
Speaker 2: sister by chipping in. And there really is nothing more

806
00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:56,799
Speaker 2: important than showing up in a time like this for

807
00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:59,600
Speaker 2: your family. And it doesn't have to be forever. And

808
00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:02,600
Speaker 2: you may, you know, you may want it to be

809
00:41:02,719 --> 00:41:04,759
Speaker 2: at some point, you may change your mind from where

810
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:06,920
Speaker 2: you are right now. But I would say what you're

811
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:10,240
Speaker 2: doing is so honorable. Remember this every you know, every

812
00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:12,399
Speaker 2: morning when you wake up, you know that you are

813
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:17,440
Speaker 2: doing something so like a valor. It's just and there's

814
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:20,160
Speaker 2: nothing I don't think in the world that is more

815
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:22,319
Speaker 2: important than showing up for your family in a time

816
00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:25,160
Speaker 2: like this. So I understand that you don't want to

817
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:27,360
Speaker 2: you're not really that psyched about Is it that you

818
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:30,040
Speaker 2: don't really want to be staying in that town for

819
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:31,600
Speaker 2: very long? Is that how you're feeling.

820
00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:34,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, Like, as soon as I thin eighteen, I was like,

821
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:35,919
Speaker 6: I'm leaving a town. I'm doing my own thing.

822
00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 4: I'm like, God, I'm wanted to travel, I want to

823
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:41,160
Speaker 4: like explore, I want to grow. I mean, there's nothing

824
00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:44,120
Speaker 4: in this town other than my family, but there's no

825
00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:46,640
Speaker 4: room for growth. It feels like in this town so

826
00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:49,320
Speaker 4: that's I mean, that's why I always wanted to see

827
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:51,879
Speaker 4: where life can take me. But yeah, now that I'm

828
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:54,520
Speaker 4: back here, and like I mean, I'm just used some

829
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:57,400
Speaker 4: big cities and now like I'm looking like outside, and

830
00:41:57,520 --> 00:41:59,680
Speaker 4: I see a field and I see another field and

831
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:03,600
Speaker 4: there's just nothing. There's a deserted town right now. But

832
00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:05,480
Speaker 4: I want to be here from my family.

833
00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:09,680
Speaker 2: But it's like how long, right, and how long has

834
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:09,920
Speaker 2: it been?

835
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:12,200
Speaker 6: I've been here for about seven months now?

836
00:42:12,840 --> 00:42:15,120
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, I think you should give yourself some just

837
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:17,680
Speaker 2: time frame, you know what I mean to just and

838
00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:21,160
Speaker 2: also be very vocal with your mother and discuss it

839
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:22,920
Speaker 2: with her, like what do you think a fair amount

840
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:25,359
Speaker 2: of time is? Because she doesn't want you to give

841
00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:27,200
Speaker 2: your life away, And there's a way that you can

842
00:42:27,239 --> 00:42:30,600
Speaker 2: move somewhere to a city that's close by that has

843
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:34,719
Speaker 2: more action and actually remain having like a presence at

844
00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:37,440
Speaker 2: home with your niece and nephew and with your family.

845
00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:40,440
Speaker 2: And I think you know, and that's why it would

846
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:42,600
Speaker 2: be helpful for you to talk to someone too about

847
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:45,239
Speaker 2: what that timeframe is. What is a reasonable amount of time?

848
00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:47,160
Speaker 2: Like is it another five months to make it a

849
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:49,520
Speaker 2: full year? Do you want it to be two years.

850
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:53,760
Speaker 2: I think you have to be very overly communicative instead

851
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:58,120
Speaker 2: of under communicative, because that way there's no surprises. You know,

852
00:42:58,160 --> 00:43:01,319
Speaker 2: you can have you expressed your mother your desire to

853
00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:03,279
Speaker 2: not stay here permanently.

854
00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:04,440
Speaker 6: I haven't.

855
00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:07,960
Speaker 4: She's retiring next year, so I was gonna stay until

856
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:10,600
Speaker 4: then and kind of like assess the situation then, like

857
00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:12,719
Speaker 4: does she need me, does she want me here?

858
00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:15,759
Speaker 6: Do the kids? I mean, I'm I'm just trying to

859
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:17,879
Speaker 6: see what she wants, because I mean, you.

860
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:20,600
Speaker 2: Should be talking to her about these things. You need

861
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:22,880
Speaker 2: to talk to her about it so that the conversation

862
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:26,719
Speaker 2: can grow and evolve so that you're not you know,

863
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:28,799
Speaker 2: it's then it's not a decision like I'm moving in

864
00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:31,640
Speaker 2: a week, you know what I mean, It's no one

865
00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:34,680
Speaker 2: could communicate enough. You know your feelings. You have every

866
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:36,480
Speaker 2: right to have your own life. You have every right

867
00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:40,560
Speaker 2: like you're here at a very important time in everyone's lives,

868
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:43,359
Speaker 2: and that is great. But you don't have to sacrifice

869
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:45,600
Speaker 2: your life for the you know, for all of it.

870
00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:48,000
Speaker 2: You still have to make a contribution to your family.

871
00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:51,360
Speaker 4: My mom and my sister, my twin sister, are like

872
00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:52,840
Speaker 4: sacrificing their lives.

873
00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:55,840
Speaker 6: So I just feel like it should be like an equal,

874
00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:57,200
Speaker 6: like a people thing.

875
00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:01,880
Speaker 3: You were in a big city in the same state, correct, Yeah,

876
00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:04,759
Speaker 3: so if you're close enough by, you know, I think

877
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:06,480
Speaker 3: one of the biggest things that someone who is in

878
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:09,680
Speaker 3: a primary caregiving role can have is a little bit

879
00:44:09,719 --> 00:44:12,120
Speaker 3: of respite and a little bit of rest. Like your

880
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:15,600
Speaker 3: mom is in this primary caregiving role. So maybe it's not, hey,

881
00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:18,480
Speaker 3: you're there all the time, but maybe it's, hey, one

882
00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:21,120
Speaker 3: weekend a month, she gets to have the weekend off

883
00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:23,200
Speaker 3: from the kids, and you have them come and stay

884
00:44:23,200 --> 00:44:25,240
Speaker 3: with the fun uncle in the big city.

885
00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:25,719
Speaker 1: You know.

886
00:44:25,719 --> 00:44:28,080
Speaker 3: I know that's what my nieces and nephews love to do,

887
00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:29,920
Speaker 3: is like, come stay with me for a weekend.

888
00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:30,799
Speaker 6: Yeah.

889
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:33,960
Speaker 4: I was definitely going to reassess the situation, Like once

890
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:36,040
Speaker 4: my mom retires, I was going to like see, like

891
00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:38,200
Speaker 4: I should maybe consider like moving away.

892
00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:41,040
Speaker 6: But I wanted to like address that once that happens.

893
00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:42,879
Speaker 2: I mean, I think you should do it. I don't

894
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:44,719
Speaker 2: think you have to do it today, but I think

895
00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:46,560
Speaker 2: you should do it. I don't think you should wait

896
00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:49,919
Speaker 2: until that. I think it's better everyone needs. It's better

897
00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:52,880
Speaker 2: when everyone has the information. You know that you're thinking

898
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:55,640
Speaker 2: of to just share it with her, just even now.

899
00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:58,319
Speaker 2: That's a great time to be like, Hey, I'm just

900
00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:01,560
Speaker 2: thinking this. I'm thinking maybe when you retire, I might

901
00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:05,239
Speaker 2: move to a bigger city and still remain obviously a

902
00:45:05,239 --> 00:45:08,040
Speaker 2: big role in these kids' lives and I can offer up,

903
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:10,960
Speaker 2: you know, taking them once a month, a week and

904
00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:13,080
Speaker 2: a month or these are the things I'm thinking. Let

905
00:45:13,160 --> 00:45:15,719
Speaker 2: me know what you're thinking, and then it becomes a

906
00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:19,840
Speaker 2: conversation rather than an announcement. Nicole, what do you think now?

907
00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:24,200
Speaker 1: I agree completely, and I think that the more communication

908
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:27,440
Speaker 1: the better, so that there are no surprises. And I

909
00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:30,239
Speaker 1: think that especially since it's your mom and it doesn't

910
00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:33,320
Speaker 1: have to be today or tomorrow, but sooner than later.

911
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:38,000
Speaker 1: I agree with Chelsea. There's nothing better than anyone friend's family,

912
00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:40,759
Speaker 1: anyone just showing up for people in need. It's the

913
00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:43,239
Speaker 1: greatest human thing I think we can give to each

914
00:45:43,239 --> 00:45:46,080
Speaker 1: other is to show up. That's what people want. And

915
00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:49,680
Speaker 1: your perspective, you know, even change your perspective. You're the

916
00:45:49,719 --> 00:45:52,719
Speaker 1: hero in their life for right now. Doesn't mean that

917
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:56,760
Speaker 1: you have to be in this role forever, but right now,

918
00:45:56,800 --> 00:45:59,520
Speaker 1: in this moment, I know that life throw you a curveball,

919
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:03,160
Speaker 1: and it sucked and it's painful, but you are their

920
00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:06,280
Speaker 1: hero in the moment. You've been chosen in this moment

921
00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:08,520
Speaker 1: to show up kind of with a cape or not

922
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:12,759
Speaker 1: and bring healing and bring restoration and bring a sense

923
00:46:12,800 --> 00:46:17,279
Speaker 1: of stability because they're young and they need it. But

924
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:20,960
Speaker 1: you also do have a life and you don't. You're

925
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:23,040
Speaker 1: looking like, am I going to have to sacrifice my

926
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:25,560
Speaker 1: needs and my wants and my desires for the rest

927
00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:28,520
Speaker 1: of my life? And the answer is no. But there

928
00:46:28,640 --> 00:46:31,360
Speaker 1: is a process, and I think that the sooner you

929
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:36,399
Speaker 1: all get on the same page probably the better for you.

930
00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:39,359
Speaker 1: But if you look at it as we've all been

931
00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:41,439
Speaker 1: chosen for different things, and we don't know what life

932
00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:43,760
Speaker 1: is going to throw at us, and we all have trials,

933
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:46,560
Speaker 1: and we all have tribulations, and we all have challenges,

934
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:50,520
Speaker 1: and then our job is to show up in whatever

935
00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:56,120
Speaker 1: it gives us as the strongest person we can be physically,

936
00:46:56,200 --> 00:46:59,400
Speaker 1: emotionally and spiritually. Our job is to just show up.

937
00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:03,320
Speaker 1: As I mean, I'm telling you, when my mom was killed,

938
00:47:03,480 --> 00:47:08,760
Speaker 1: I had no idea what to do, but I chose. Okay,

939
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:11,120
Speaker 1: I didn't expect my ninety one year old father to

940
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:13,440
Speaker 1: move in with me. I didn't expect to become a.

941
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:16,560
Speaker 2: Caregiver exactly, you know, seriously.

942
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:21,040
Speaker 1: But I then created new habits for myself and just

943
00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:25,439
Speaker 1: once I accepted, oh, okay, this is what life gave

944
00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:29,359
Speaker 1: to me in this moment, and in this moment, I'm

945
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:33,320
Speaker 1: going to be the hero that is needed in the moment.

946
00:47:34,040 --> 00:47:36,840
Speaker 1: Doesn't mean forever. And I'm a completely different situation. You

947
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:38,759
Speaker 1: have young children you're talking about. I had a ninety

948
00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:40,680
Speaker 1: one year old, so I knew I was going to

949
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:44,560
Speaker 1: be sacrificing for hand in hand unch amount of time.

950
00:47:44,719 --> 00:47:47,239
Speaker 1: But you have and I like the idea of you

951
00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:51,720
Speaker 1: going and visiting your big city, you know, and also

952
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:54,520
Speaker 1: there will be I promise you. I know you don't

953
00:47:54,520 --> 00:47:56,720
Speaker 1: see it, but even though you're in a small town,

954
00:47:57,560 --> 00:48:02,319
Speaker 1: I promise you, there are little diamonds somewhere, and yes

955
00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:06,440
Speaker 1: there's something there. I promise you. It's not gonna look shine,

956
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:08,360
Speaker 1: it's not going to be big, it's not going to

957
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:11,560
Speaker 1: be pretty, but it doesn't mean the diamond isn't there.

958
00:48:13,000 --> 00:48:13,479
Speaker 1: It's there.

959
00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:16,439
Speaker 4: No, it's when I was living in like the big city,

960
00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:19,239
Speaker 4: I was like just living a care free life, just

961
00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:22,719
Speaker 4: doing whatever I wanted to and now like this, it's

962
00:48:22,719 --> 00:48:26,560
Speaker 4: just it's a lot different now and I appreciated of it.

963
00:48:26,600 --> 00:48:28,640
Speaker 4: I'm actually back in school now because I was like,

964
00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:30,960
Speaker 4: if I'm going to be in this town, at least

965
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:31,760
Speaker 4: I need.

966
00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:32,480
Speaker 6: To grow somehow.

967
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:35,120
Speaker 1: Back in school good.

968
00:48:34,960 --> 00:48:37,399
Speaker 4: And I'm like, I am kind of thinking like maybe

969
00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:41,120
Speaker 4: I can like change the view of the city, help

970
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:41,799
Speaker 4: the city grow.

971
00:48:41,840 --> 00:48:44,160
Speaker 2: I don't know, but yeah, that's awesome.

972
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:46,360
Speaker 1: Yes, there you run with that.

973
00:48:46,360 --> 00:48:50,399
Speaker 2: That's that's injecting something into something instead of looking at

974
00:48:50,400 --> 00:48:53,600
Speaker 2: something and having this narrow viewpoint like, oh, this city sucks.

975
00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:57,880
Speaker 2: Not no, it doesn't. Your attitude about it kind of sucks.

976
00:48:58,320 --> 00:49:01,000
Speaker 2: Just you got to make us. You have the ability

977
00:49:01,040 --> 00:49:04,680
Speaker 2: to make anything fun. Wherever I go, it's a good time,

978
00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:07,440
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. So you need to remember,

979
00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:10,200
Speaker 2: like you we all have the power to do that. Yes,

980
00:49:10,280 --> 00:49:12,640
Speaker 2: and you can make Yeah. I love what you just said,

981
00:49:12,719 --> 00:49:15,520
Speaker 2: Like you could change the city, you could help the city,

982
00:49:15,560 --> 00:49:18,360
Speaker 2: you could do something creative. You're going back to school,

983
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:21,560
Speaker 2: that's awesome. And yeah, you just needed a little pep

984
00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:22,360
Speaker 2: talk and you.

985
00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:25,640
Speaker 1: Change your perspective in two that you change your perspective.

986
00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:28,720
Speaker 1: And how we both responded, Oh, there you go because

987
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:31,879
Speaker 1: you change your perspective and how you were gonna look at.

988
00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:34,279
Speaker 2: It, Like, what are your ideas? What do you mean

989
00:49:34,280 --> 00:49:36,200
Speaker 2: by that? Like do you have anything in mind?

990
00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:38,320
Speaker 6: I do have something in mind.

991
00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:40,719
Speaker 4: One of my niece or nephews has autism, like a

992
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:43,920
Speaker 4: developmental disability, and there's no resources here for that.

993
00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:46,640
Speaker 2: Perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect.

994
00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:47,600
Speaker 1: This is great.

995
00:49:47,920 --> 00:49:49,680
Speaker 6: So I want to look into that.

996
00:49:50,040 --> 00:49:52,440
Speaker 4: Actually, I only have one more class left for my degree,

997
00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:55,520
Speaker 4: which for it's like a social work degree, But I

998
00:49:55,600 --> 00:49:56,680
Speaker 4: want to look into that.

999
00:49:57,080 --> 00:49:59,799
Speaker 6: Great, amazing the process is on that.

1000
00:49:59,840 --> 00:50:03,279
Speaker 4: But because there is like kids with autism or any

1001
00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:06,680
Speaker 4: developmental disability, there's there's nothing resources here.

1002
00:50:06,760 --> 00:50:08,080
Speaker 6: So I'm going to I'm going to look into that.

1003
00:50:08,400 --> 00:50:10,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, because maybe that's why you're there. By the way,

1004
00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:13,000
Speaker 1: now you're going to be the miracle for a lot

1005
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:13,600
Speaker 1: of other people.

1006
00:50:14,080 --> 00:50:16,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, listen, you're going to be fine. You're doing a

1007
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:19,680
Speaker 2: great thing. You're doing an amazing thing. Like focus on

1008
00:50:19,719 --> 00:50:22,399
Speaker 2: the task at hand and then do everything you can

1009
00:50:22,840 --> 00:50:27,040
Speaker 2: in your schooling in your free time to actually make something,

1010
00:50:27,280 --> 00:50:30,439
Speaker 2: make the situation there better. And what you just said

1011
00:50:30,480 --> 00:50:34,240
Speaker 2: is perfect. I mean, go for it and keep us posted.

1012
00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:35,399
Speaker 6: Oh I well know.

1013
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:39,080
Speaker 4: That you guys are also like influential and inspirational people,

1014
00:50:39,160 --> 00:50:41,520
Speaker 4: so it's really nice to hear this advice.

1015
00:50:42,200 --> 00:50:44,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you just need a little boost.

1016
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:45,000
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1017
00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:47,279
Speaker 2: And every time you think like you're just like I

1018
00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:49,200
Speaker 2: hate this place, just think of me kicking you in

1019
00:50:49,239 --> 00:50:49,760
Speaker 2: the ass.

1020
00:50:52,239 --> 00:50:54,160
Speaker 6: Okay, that's the pose of reinforcement.

1021
00:50:54,200 --> 00:50:58,560
Speaker 3: I need see what diamonds you can find. Okay, James, Okay, thanks,

1022
00:50:58,960 --> 00:50:59,560
Speaker 3: take care.

1023
00:51:00,239 --> 00:51:01,239
Speaker 6: Thank you guys so much.

1024
00:51:01,880 --> 00:51:02,760
Speaker 2: You're so welcome.

1025
00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:05,200
Speaker 1: Good luck by by.

1026
00:51:05,680 --> 00:51:08,279
Speaker 2: Oh we turned that beat around you guys. Way to go,

1027
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:09,600
Speaker 2: team go.

1028
00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:11,239
Speaker 1: James go.

1029
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:14,600
Speaker 3: Well, let's take our last little break and we'll end

1030
00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:16,280
Speaker 3: on a little bit of a lighter note.

1031
00:51:16,520 --> 00:51:22,879
Speaker 2: Okay, and we're back.

1032
00:51:23,239 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 3: So our last question. Both of you talk a lot

1033
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:32,120
Speaker 3: about this meditations Loving Kindness, Maggie says, Dear Chelsea, I've

1034
00:51:32,160 --> 00:51:34,520
Speaker 3: been binging episodes lately, so I thought i'd write in.

1035
00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:38,000
Speaker 3: I'm having trouble with a coworker. She's routinely been annoying

1036
00:51:38,080 --> 00:51:41,200
Speaker 3: and even occasionally unkind to me, and recently snagged a

1037
00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:43,719
Speaker 3: promotion I was up for. I can't help but feel

1038
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:46,480
Speaker 3: jealousy toward her and a sourness about my higher ups

1039
00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:49,000
Speaker 3: making a decision that I think was wrong, But I

1040
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:51,200
Speaker 3: think I need to opt for forgiveness toward all of them,

1041
00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:53,560
Speaker 3: or I'm just going to start hating my job. How

1042
00:51:53,560 --> 00:51:55,840
Speaker 3: do I create a sense of loving kindness for someone

1043
00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:56,440
Speaker 3: I don't like?

1044
00:51:56,640 --> 00:51:59,840
Speaker 2: Maggie, Okay, well we've said this before, but there is

1045
00:51:59,840 --> 00:52:02,799
Speaker 2: a loving kindness meditation that you do for people that

1046
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:05,560
Speaker 2: you don't like or you feel have wronged you, and

1047
00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:08,719
Speaker 2: you do it for twenty eight days. Google it. You

1048
00:52:08,760 --> 00:52:12,680
Speaker 2: send out peace, love, joy to someone you love, to

1049
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:16,000
Speaker 2: someone who's neutral, to someone you don't love, and to

1050
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:20,640
Speaker 2: someone you actively dislike. And it's a very good practice

1051
00:52:20,680 --> 00:52:22,919
Speaker 2: because you do not want to harbor that. You don't

1052
00:52:22,920 --> 00:52:24,120
Speaker 2: want to be in work. You don't want to be

1053
00:52:24,200 --> 00:52:26,520
Speaker 2: a victim. You don't want to be angry that someone

1054
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:29,520
Speaker 2: got something that you didn't. If anything that is meant

1055
00:52:29,560 --> 00:52:32,759
Speaker 2: for you will not pass you. So if that was

1056
00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:35,600
Speaker 2: promotion wasn't yours, something is going to happen down the

1057
00:52:35,680 --> 00:52:38,480
Speaker 2: line that is going to be better suited and probably

1058
00:52:38,480 --> 00:52:41,160
Speaker 2: even better than that promotion, whether it's a different job

1059
00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:44,560
Speaker 2: eventually or whatever. That's the way the world works, and

1060
00:52:44,719 --> 00:52:49,200
Speaker 2: especially when you can be graceful about not getting what

1061
00:52:49,239 --> 00:52:52,680
Speaker 2: you wanted and I think meditation is just too powerful,

1062
00:52:52,719 --> 00:52:55,839
Speaker 2: too not You know, everyone wants to meditate and they

1063
00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:59,280
Speaker 2: want immediate results, and that's just not how it works.

1064
00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:01,879
Speaker 2: You have to keep putting marbles in the marble jar,

1065
00:53:02,040 --> 00:53:06,200
Speaker 2: and then all of a sudden, your meditation you feel it,

1066
00:53:06,280 --> 00:53:08,040
Speaker 2: and you feel it every day and you're like, oh,

1067
00:53:08,080 --> 00:53:10,400
Speaker 2: this is right, this is the feeling I was after.

1068
00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:14,040
Speaker 3: And our brains really are plastic, like they can change,

1069
00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:17,440
Speaker 3: they can morph. And you talk in your book about

1070
00:53:17,680 --> 00:53:20,759
Speaker 3: sometimes it feels like you're tricking your brain into seeing

1071
00:53:20,840 --> 00:53:21,880
Speaker 3: the positive side.

1072
00:53:21,920 --> 00:53:23,440
Speaker 2: Can you talk a little bit about that.

1073
00:53:23,719 --> 00:53:28,640
Speaker 1: As you literally are. I mean, your subconscious mind doesn't

1074
00:53:28,680 --> 00:53:32,080
Speaker 1: know the difference. But to what Telsea was saying before,

1075
00:53:32,120 --> 00:53:35,160
Speaker 1: you have to first of all, you can't create when

1076
00:53:35,200 --> 00:53:38,160
Speaker 1: you're negative. It's a very difficult place to start when

1077
00:53:38,160 --> 00:53:41,040
Speaker 1: you're in negativity and bitterness and anger. Oh but let

1078
00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:43,160
Speaker 1: me create a really good job for myself. It's not

1079
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:46,320
Speaker 1: going to work. They're releasing and letting go and forgiveness.

1080
00:53:46,360 --> 00:53:48,680
Speaker 1: By the way, when I say it's never condonement, you're

1081
00:53:48,719 --> 00:53:52,080
Speaker 1: not condoning a behavior. You're not condoning bad behavior. You're

1082
00:53:52,080 --> 00:53:55,880
Speaker 1: not condoning the bitchiness or negativity or the betrayal or

1083
00:53:55,920 --> 00:54:00,319
Speaker 1: any of it. But when you do those meditations and

1084
00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:02,560
Speaker 1: you bless someone, I had to do it. I bless

1085
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:04,239
Speaker 1: you with love and I release you in peace. I

1086
00:54:04,239 --> 00:54:06,200
Speaker 1: had to do this to enemies in my life all

1087
00:54:06,239 --> 00:54:08,360
Speaker 1: throughout my life. I bless you with love, and I

1088
00:54:08,400 --> 00:54:09,920
Speaker 1: release you in peace. I don't even want to think

1089
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:13,160
Speaker 1: about you, but I also don't want to harbor all

1090
00:54:13,239 --> 00:54:16,319
Speaker 1: of the negativity that I feel towards that person or

1091
00:54:16,360 --> 00:54:20,960
Speaker 1: the situation. And then once you release all that toxic

1092
00:54:21,120 --> 00:54:24,560
Speaker 1: energy from you, then you get into a space of creation.

1093
00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:27,879
Speaker 1: And that's when you visualize, and that's when you see

1094
00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:30,320
Speaker 1: yourself in the end, and that's when you see yourself

1095
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:32,560
Speaker 1: having what you have. But I promise you I've tried it,

1096
00:54:32,560 --> 00:54:35,120
Speaker 1: and it doesn't work. You can't have the poison and

1097
00:54:35,160 --> 00:54:37,919
Speaker 1: the negativity and the anger and the bitterness and try

1098
00:54:37,920 --> 00:54:42,680
Speaker 1: to create greatness. It's just it's like you're sweating upstream

1099
00:54:42,920 --> 00:54:45,959
Speaker 1: constantly of Oh, I hate this person. I can't believe

1100
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:47,719
Speaker 1: this person. I can't you know. My dad always used

1101
00:54:47,719 --> 00:54:49,920
Speaker 1: to say to me, it is what it is, what

1102
00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:53,320
Speaker 1: are you going to do about it? I'd never grasped

1103
00:54:53,440 --> 00:54:55,440
Speaker 1: and what he was saying was you have to accept

1104
00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:58,040
Speaker 1: the energy that showed up. Just accept it. You don't

1105
00:54:58,040 --> 00:55:00,600
Speaker 1: have to like it, but you have to own that

1106
00:55:00,680 --> 00:55:04,160
Speaker 1: it's here. And then you decide what am I going

1107
00:55:04,239 --> 00:55:08,680
Speaker 1: to do about it? So it becomes your responsibility to

1108
00:55:08,840 --> 00:55:12,200
Speaker 1: shift the energy and shift yourself. And if it's leaving

1109
00:55:12,200 --> 00:55:15,640
Speaker 1: a job or getting better at the job or whatever

1110
00:55:15,719 --> 00:55:18,080
Speaker 1: it is, but it is what it is, what you're

1111
00:55:18,080 --> 00:55:20,200
Speaker 1: going to do about it. It's we all have to

1112
00:55:20,200 --> 00:55:24,360
Speaker 1: ask ourselves that all of the time. And I think

1113
00:55:24,440 --> 00:55:27,080
Speaker 1: that that's the way you shift your energy because the

1114
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:30,640
Speaker 1: brain will follow where you tell it to go. The subconscious,

1115
00:55:30,680 --> 00:55:34,040
Speaker 1: I should say, will do that. That's why affirmations work.

1116
00:55:34,320 --> 00:55:37,319
Speaker 1: That's why your energy shifts with affirmations. It's not a joke.

1117
00:55:37,719 --> 00:55:41,640
Speaker 1: There's nothing WOOO about it. It's science and every religion

1118
00:55:41,680 --> 00:55:42,279
Speaker 1: talks about it.

1119
00:55:42,880 --> 00:55:44,520
Speaker 2: Amen, I love it.

1120
00:55:45,120 --> 00:55:47,279
Speaker 3: Thank you so much, Nichole. This episode's gonna bring a

1121
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:48,400
Speaker 3: lot of light to a lot of people.

1122
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:52,840
Speaker 2: And I yes, and everyone and who hasn't read the

1123
00:55:52,840 --> 00:55:55,040
Speaker 2: book think you'll be happy. Please pick it up because

1124
00:55:55,080 --> 00:55:58,440
Speaker 2: it is a very beautiful way to look at the world,

1125
00:55:58,719 --> 00:56:01,520
Speaker 2: to look at death, to look at grief, and to

1126
00:56:01,680 --> 00:56:06,200
Speaker 2: rise to the occasion rather than letting the occasion topple you.

1127
00:56:06,800 --> 00:56:07,239
Speaker 1: I love that.

1128
00:56:08,680 --> 00:56:09,799
Speaker 2: I just thought that up, guys.

1129
00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:11,239
Speaker 1: I love that. Thank you.

1130
00:56:12,040 --> 00:56:14,359
Speaker 2: Okay, Nicole, I love you so nice to.

1131
00:56:14,360 --> 00:56:16,160
Speaker 1: Talk with you, Hoks so much, sweetheart.

1132
00:56:16,920 --> 00:56:19,400
Speaker 2: Okay, So show dates coming up Canadian show dates. These

1133
00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:22,279
Speaker 2: are for Canadians, guys. I'm coming February ninth. I'll be

1134
00:56:22,280 --> 00:56:26,759
Speaker 2: in Winnipeg, Victoria, BC is March eighth. Then I will

1135
00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:30,360
Speaker 2: be in Salt Lake City April fourth, and Denver April fifth.

1136
00:56:30,640 --> 00:56:34,880
Speaker 2: I'm coming to Arizona at Maricopa April twelfth. April thirteen,

1137
00:56:34,960 --> 00:56:38,480
Speaker 2: I'll be in Brooks, California at the Cash Creek Casino,

1138
00:56:38,920 --> 00:56:41,080
Speaker 2: and then I'm going to be in Santa Rosa Sunday,

1139
00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:45,400
Speaker 2: April fourteenth. I'm coming to Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland on

1140
00:56:45,480 --> 00:56:51,960
Speaker 2: April twentieth, Gary, Indiana, Prior Lake, Minnesota. Coming to Oklahoma, Norman,

1141
00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:55,160
Speaker 2: Oklahoma on May third and May fourth. I will be

1142
00:56:55,200 --> 00:56:59,600
Speaker 2: in Thackerville, Oklahoma for my rescheduled Windstar World Casino date.

1143
00:57:00,120 --> 00:57:02,080
Speaker 2: And I want to make sure that I give a

1144
00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:04,880
Speaker 2: shout out to our show for Netflix. As a joke festival,

1145
00:57:04,920 --> 00:57:07,200
Speaker 2: I put together a show with some of my favorite comics.

1146
00:57:07,440 --> 00:57:10,239
Speaker 2: It's May eleventh at the YouTube Theater Downtown, which I've

1147
00:57:10,239 --> 00:57:11,799
Speaker 2: never performed in, so that's going to be fun. It's

1148
00:57:11,800 --> 00:57:14,680
Speaker 2: a pretty big I have Beteo Lane, I have Fortune

1149
00:57:14,719 --> 00:57:18,120
Speaker 2: Themester performing, I have Sam Jays on the show and

1150
00:57:18,240 --> 00:57:22,120
Speaker 2: Vanessa Gonzale. So we it is called a Jew two Mexicans,

1151
00:57:22,200 --> 00:57:25,600
Speaker 2: No a Jew, two gays at a Mexican. No a Jew,

1152
00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:29,280
Speaker 2: three gays at a Mexican. So it's political correctness that

1153
00:57:29,320 --> 00:57:32,120
Speaker 2: it's finest. And then I will be in Verona, New

1154
00:57:32,200 --> 00:57:35,120
Speaker 2: York on May twenty sixth, and then I'm coming to

1155
00:57:35,120 --> 00:57:40,720
Speaker 2: Australia in July and New Zealand July fifth, Auckland and

1156
00:57:40,880 --> 00:57:45,120
Speaker 2: I'm coming to Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Brisbane, Sydney and

1157
00:57:45,160 --> 00:57:49,240
Speaker 2: then Thursday, August first, which is a long way away

1158
00:57:49,840 --> 00:57:52,480
Speaker 2: and a date I am just seeing that I am

1159
00:57:52,480 --> 00:57:55,560
Speaker 2: not ready to announce. Okay, So those are all my

1160
00:57:55,640 --> 00:57:58,560
Speaker 2: dates for that are up and available, so get your tickets.

1161
00:57:58,560 --> 00:58:01,640
Speaker 2: I can't wait to see you. Uh yeah, that's it.

1162
00:58:02,560 --> 00:58:04,960
Speaker 3: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email

1163
00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:07,840
Speaker 3: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be

1164
00:58:07,840 --> 00:58:10,880
Speaker 3: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

1165
00:58:10,920 --> 00:58:14,560
Speaker 3: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and

1166
00:58:14,640 --> 00:58:17,000
Speaker 3: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot

1167
00:58:17,080 --> 00:58:19,680
Speaker 3: com