WEBVTT - Listener Letters!

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<v Speaker 1>Y'all. We got listening letters, y'all.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm so excited. I can't wait to see what y'all

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<v Speaker 2>be up too lately. Honey, it's been a minute dead Ass.

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<v Speaker 3>Wow.

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<v Speaker 4>It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight

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<v Speaker 4>from the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become

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<v Speaker 4>Webby award winning podcasters in New York Times bestselling authors.

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<v Speaker 2>Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It

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<v Speaker 2>was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable.

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<v Speaker 1>Be wrang or, but most apportantly be us.

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<v Speaker 2>But as we know, life keeps evolving, and so do we,

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<v Speaker 2>and through it all, one thing has never changed this

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<v Speaker 2>because we got a lot to talk about, all right, So.

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<v Speaker 4>We got listening letters, so we don't necessarily do a

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<v Speaker 4>story time.

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<v Speaker 2>But can we cannot say something?

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<v Speaker 5>Real?

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<v Speaker 2>Quick?

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<v Speaker 1>Go ahead, st go ahead.

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<v Speaker 2>I got dressed first this morning.

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<v Speaker 1>Yo.

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<v Speaker 4>You feel line to people the camera like that for

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<v Speaker 4>the record, Put it on the kids that you got

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<v Speaker 4>dressed first, Put it on the good good.

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<v Speaker 2>In my mind, I knew I was wearing this. I

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<v Speaker 2>want to the closet that was pulling out his dead

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<v Speaker 2>Ass shirt too, So technically I got dress first.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna let you have it. I'm gonna let you

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<v Speaker 1>have it.

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<v Speaker 4>And the reason I'm gonna leut you have it is

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<v Speaker 4>because when I put this shirt on, I knew you

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<v Speaker 4>ain't had no shirt on because I was looking.

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<v Speaker 1>At your titties. So I'm gonna let you have it

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<v Speaker 1>because my morning was already made.

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<v Speaker 2>That's good, that's good. I was definitely walking into the

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<v Speaker 2>closet to be like, what's something easy I could put

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<v Speaker 2>on today? And it was my dead ass shirt. Speaking

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<v Speaker 2>of which makes sure y'all get y'all whilet last, because

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<v Speaker 2>fat they're almost going, y'all all right, continue my love.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, speaking of titties, this is gonna lead us into

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<v Speaker 4>the song because this is your favorite song this summer

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<v Speaker 4>right now. Yeah, I remember a little quick story. I

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<v Speaker 4>remember it was about April and there was an announcement

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<v Speaker 4>made about this person and another person going on tour.

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<v Speaker 4>Oh yeah, and I remember Kate putting on her little

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<v Speaker 4>glasses and putting a hair back and the pony talking

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<v Speaker 4>about some Yeah, I'm about to clock in to make

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<v Speaker 4>sure we get these.

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<v Speaker 2>Make sure that we get these. Definitely clocking that's like

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<v Speaker 2>my thing to do. It's like so funny, it's become

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<v Speaker 2>a thing.

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<v Speaker 1>It's become a thing.

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<v Speaker 2>It's become a thing. I have these like classes and.

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<v Speaker 4>The bun, you know, he bun. I'm like, and then

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<v Speaker 4>I'll be thinking this. This song right here is literally

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<v Speaker 4>what be going through my mind.

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<v Speaker 2>Hanny and a honey peck. So we can do.

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<v Speaker 1>Body roll and honey pack.

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<v Speaker 2>Baby, Yeah, Hanny, honey peck HENI honey honey.

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<v Speaker 4>Since two thousand and seven, what was out the first

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<v Speaker 4>song that we body rolled to?

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<v Speaker 1>Let me see if you remember two thousand and seven artists.

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<v Speaker 2>I know, I know so many of them. Come on,

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<v Speaker 2>hold on, run it not running?

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<v Speaker 1>How you body roll and running?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna shoot come on my head right now?

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, good take it? Oh in this room, no tying aways?

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<v Speaker 2>You know what? He can't to.

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<v Speaker 1>Woo toady ray.

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<v Speaker 5>Hope you ready, hope you ready?

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<v Speaker 1>Hope you read.

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<v Speaker 3>Yo?

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<v Speaker 1>Chris?

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<v Speaker 4>That that note right there, that was young Chris. He

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<v Speaker 4>was probably like, what seventeen, that's when the vocals was higher.

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<v Speaker 2>But yeah, it was a little higher. It was a

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<v Speaker 2>little higher.

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<v Speaker 4>I love to take you now, I love to take

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<v Speaker 4>you know. Speaking of taking, you know, we got listening letters.

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<v Speaker 4>Pretty sure somebody gonna be taking somebody down listeners.

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<v Speaker 2>That's usually usually I have a story for us or too,

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<v Speaker 2>So I'm excited to see what we got. We've divvied up,

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<v Speaker 2>so you have some, I have some. So we're gonna

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<v Speaker 2>take a quick break and then we'll get back with

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<v Speaker 2>the first listener letter of the show. So stick around.

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<v Speaker 2>We'll be right back.

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<v Speaker 3>In this.

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<v Speaker 1>I baby of first.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, so we're back with the first one. Let

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<v Speaker 2>me get my duckies in a row. Hey, Deval k

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<v Speaker 2>trips Joshua Haitian accents, Joshua, how do you say to

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<v Speaker 2>the Haitian accent?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm Nigerian too, Joshua.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, very similar. I've been listening to you guys since

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<v Speaker 2>the pandemic and I'm a loyal listener since. Before I

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<v Speaker 2>go too deep into this email, I want to say

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<v Speaker 2>a couple of things. Brooklyn is so big but so small.

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<v Speaker 2>K and I went to the same high school, Midwood,

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<v Speaker 2>during the same years, in class of two thousand and two.

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<v Speaker 2>I went to Flex in Brooklyn a lot back in

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<v Speaker 2>the days, so I probably ran into the val a

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<v Speaker 2>couple of times, especially when they used to do it

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<v Speaker 2>in the Hillo House. Are in the junction?

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<v Speaker 4>Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, that's the junction right by Midwood.

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<v Speaker 2>That's why, that's why right all of us. And also

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<v Speaker 2>before getting deeper pause, such a New York thing. I

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<v Speaker 2>was a very attractive young man with the females before

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<v Speaker 2>I met my wife, which I can't which can be

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<v Speaker 2>the reason for my sexual sex drive. And my wife

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<v Speaker 2>only had one partner before me, so now please help.

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<v Speaker 2>So he was outside, he was a very active young man.

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<v Speaker 2>I wonder who this is? Somebody you know?

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<v Speaker 1>It might be some money I know, all right.

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<v Speaker 2>So now please help. I love my wife, Chris rock Voice.

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<v Speaker 2>I love the parenthe season, all the animation going on here.

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<v Speaker 2>She's a great wife, a great partner, and a great

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<v Speaker 2>mother to our three kids. I'm writing this email out

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<v Speaker 2>of frustration, so it might come off one sided.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you for prefacing that you need to be honest.

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<v Speaker 2>It was my birthday month and I literally only had

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<v Speaker 2>sex once during the month. Wow, And yep, no birthday sex.

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<v Speaker 2>Be My wife and I have been together for twenty

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<v Speaker 2>years and married for twelve of those years, and we

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<v Speaker 2>have three kids. We were from Brooklyn and moved to

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<v Speaker 2>another state during the pandemic because I got transferred from

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<v Speaker 2>my job my oldest son couldn't handle the cold months

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<v Speaker 2>in New York. Anyways, let's get to the real reason

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<v Speaker 2>for writing this email. Throughout my relationship, I've expressed my

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<v Speaker 2>feelings about our sexual lifestyle because it was very spicy,

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<v Speaker 2>very spicy when we started dating, but once I put

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<v Speaker 2>a ring on it, it has been declining since. It

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<v Speaker 2>went from four to five times a week to now

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<v Speaker 2>sometimes one time for the month. And she's okay with that,

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm definitely not okay with that. I can understand

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<v Speaker 2>that she gets overwhelmed with work and having three kids,

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<v Speaker 2>but I am a big help with the kids, taking

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<v Speaker 2>them to school every day and taking them to sports

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<v Speaker 2>practices all the time, and I have a second job

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<v Speaker 2>and it's a part time job. However, when it comes

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<v Speaker 2>to those kind of weeks or months of her being overwhelmed,

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<v Speaker 2>I've learned to leave her alone until she's ready. I

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<v Speaker 2>do anything I can on my end to keep the

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<v Speaker 2>sexual tension going. I go out of my way to

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<v Speaker 2>even doing role play things, the dress up thing. I've

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<v Speaker 2>even tried new things I don't think I would ever

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<v Speaker 2>try before, but I do try to keep things spicy.

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<v Speaker 2>I need help with changing her mind into getting back

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<v Speaker 2>to her old self, but she can't keep up with

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<v Speaker 2>my new little kinks and is unwilling to try. Can

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<v Speaker 2>you guys bring the sex therapists for couples that just

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<v Speaker 2>Can you guys bring this, Yeah, for couples that just suck,

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<v Speaker 2>that's just stuck in the old same sex life like

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<v Speaker 2>Gus you're talking about Shamboo Dran. Can you bring the

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<v Speaker 2>was somewhere else?

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<v Speaker 1>Sorry, guys, sorry y'all.

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<v Speaker 2>Can you guys bring the sex therapist for couples that

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<v Speaker 2>just stuck on the same sex life. I don't know

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<v Speaker 2>what that's supposed to me. I tried making her listen

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<v Speaker 2>to the pot podcast, and she stuck. And she's stuck in

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<v Speaker 2>her old ways. I think it's just a bad grammar.

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<v Speaker 2>She's stuck in her always and she can't. She keeps

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<v Speaker 2>saying that it's not her thing. So I guess maybe

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<v Speaker 2>they were trying to do new things and he's saying it's.

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<v Speaker 1>Not her thing.

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<v Speaker 2>PS. I've had this written in my notes for months

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<v Speaker 2>and I decided to send it almost a year later.

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<v Speaker 2>Feel free to reach out to me if there's a

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<v Speaker 2>bigger issue that you guys can help with.

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<v Speaker 5>So the situation hasn't changed over a year over year.

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<v Speaker 6>Wow.

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<v Speaker 7>Yeah, but at least it's not for lack of trying,

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<v Speaker 7>not on his part. His part, Well, it seemed like

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<v Speaker 7>she tried a little. It just wasn't wasn't her thingybe

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<v Speaker 7>a mental block?

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<v Speaker 5>What does he try? He asked her for. He asked

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<v Speaker 5>her to listen to the podcast. He said, that's not

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<v Speaker 5>her thing.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, listening to the podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Is not listen to the podcast.

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<v Speaker 7>I heard.

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<v Speaker 4>I did too until Josh I thought when you said

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<v Speaker 4>she tried some things but it wasn't her thing.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't know she was talking about the podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, Yeah, he said, I tried to make her listen

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<v Speaker 2>to the podcast, and she's stuck in her always and

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<v Speaker 2>keep saying it's not her thing.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 5>So I think he's trying to enlighten her by getting

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<v Speaker 5>another perspective, and she's just not motivated to do it.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 4>Here, the first thing is that it's not for lack

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<v Speaker 4>of being attracted to each other at some point, because

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<v Speaker 4>they were freaking off.

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<v Speaker 1>They got three kids. There are a lot of variables.

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<v Speaker 4>Number one, he said that she can be overwhelmed and

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<v Speaker 4>she works a lot and stuff with three kids.

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<v Speaker 1>I know For a fact, fatigue puts women in they're

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<v Speaker 1>not in the mood when they tied.

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<v Speaker 4>I know all of the husbands will tell you if

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<v Speaker 4>your wife is just exhausted, she's not going to want

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<v Speaker 4>to have sex. He said he's helping. He takes the

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<v Speaker 4>kids to practice. He does this, I went through the

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<v Speaker 4>same thing. He should see if it's a birth control thing.

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<v Speaker 4>Is she on birth control? That could be affecting her

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<v Speaker 4>mood and willingness to How is she with the way

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<v Speaker 4>she looks because he said he tried to dress an

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<v Speaker 4>up thing. What if she doesn't feel like a version

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<v Speaker 4>of herself that she thinks is attractive because she's the

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<v Speaker 4>one that had to carry three kids like women talk

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<v Speaker 4>about that all the time. I think he should keep

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<v Speaker 4>having the conversation with his wife to see what it

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<v Speaker 4>is you've been through that as far as your sexual appetite,

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<v Speaker 4>not feeling what it was, Maybe you can give him

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<v Speaker 4>some insight on what you will go through.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm curious to know where she stands on it, only

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<v Speaker 2>because is it something that she completely has disregarded or

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<v Speaker 2>is it something that she's willing to work on for

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<v Speaker 2>the sake of her marriage and her husband, Like For me,

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<v Speaker 2>I knew that it wasn't enough to not try to

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<v Speaker 2>keep up with your sex drive, you know what I mean.

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<v Speaker 2>Although there was definitely a deficit, sometimes a bigger deficit

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<v Speaker 2>between the two of us, at certain points I realized

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<v Speaker 2>I had to get to the root cause of it.

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<v Speaker 2>So to your point, having kids, a lot of times

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<v Speaker 2>you just don't feel attractive. Sometimes you are just literally tired.

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<v Speaker 2>Like even now where my sex drive has increased and

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<v Speaker 2>we're in a good place with that, I still know

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<v Speaker 2>that if it's a day when I'm tired for whatever reason, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>it's just I'm just not going to be in the mood. Right.

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<v Speaker 2>So it could be that it could be a hormonal thing.

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<v Speaker 5>Right.

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<v Speaker 2>So they had three kids, if they don't intend to

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<v Speaker 2>have anymore, maybe they can talk about some ways to officially,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, terminate the way the means of getting pregnant,

0:10:58.400 --> 0:11:00.800
<v Speaker 2>whether it's sick, yeah, having a sex to me or something,

0:11:01.080 --> 0:11:02.760
<v Speaker 2>if that's something that they decide to do. Of course,

0:11:02.760 --> 0:11:05.280
<v Speaker 2>as their bodies they can decide. But I think there

0:11:05.320 --> 0:11:08.280
<v Speaker 2>has to be the desire on her part as well

0:11:08.320 --> 0:11:11.840
<v Speaker 2>to want to come to an amends and see where

0:11:11.880 --> 0:11:14.880
<v Speaker 2>the situation, you know, where the issue may lie.

0:11:14.800 --> 0:11:16.440
<v Speaker 4>The one thing he said, though he said he wrote

0:11:16.440 --> 0:11:18.200
<v Speaker 4>it in his notes and he's been keeping it in there.

0:11:18.760 --> 0:11:22.079
<v Speaker 4>So I wonder if either the conversation is not being

0:11:22.160 --> 0:11:25.160
<v Speaker 4>had or it has been had to the point where

0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:27.040
<v Speaker 4>they don't even want to talk about it no more,

0:11:27.080 --> 0:11:28.800
<v Speaker 4>to where he had to write it down and hold

0:11:28.840 --> 0:11:32.000
<v Speaker 4>it for a year later. That's a bigger issue because

0:11:32.000 --> 0:11:34.760
<v Speaker 4>when you start to lose the communication aspect, then you

0:11:34.800 --> 0:11:37.600
<v Speaker 4>start to lose your partner's perspective, and then you start

0:11:37.640 --> 0:11:40.280
<v Speaker 4>creating in your own mind what you think the reason is.

0:11:40.320 --> 0:11:42.800
<v Speaker 4>And that's real bad because a lot of times it's like,

0:11:43.080 --> 0:11:44.120
<v Speaker 4>what am I doing wrong?

0:11:44.200 --> 0:11:44.560
<v Speaker 3>Is it me?

0:11:44.880 --> 0:11:46.559
<v Speaker 4>And I know a lot of times men will do that,

0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:48.920
<v Speaker 4>like my wife may not be attracted to me no more?

0:11:48.960 --> 0:11:49.280
<v Speaker 1>What's me?

0:11:49.400 --> 0:11:50.920
<v Speaker 4>And then what happens is I have to go see

0:11:50.920 --> 0:11:53.000
<v Speaker 4>if I still got that thing right, you know?

0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:54.760
<v Speaker 1>And that's why I say you don't want to ever

0:11:54.840 --> 0:11:55.840
<v Speaker 1>lose the communication.

0:11:56.040 --> 0:11:58.360
<v Speaker 4>Keep talking to your partner, because the more you talk

0:11:58.400 --> 0:11:59.679
<v Speaker 4>to your partner to find out what it is.

0:11:59.840 --> 0:12:02.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm telling you, gentlemen, you have no idea.

0:12:02.320 --> 0:12:06.200
<v Speaker 4>What goes on with your wife's body, and not just

0:12:06.240 --> 0:12:09.959
<v Speaker 4>from a birth control standpoint. But when you have a child, right,

0:12:10.240 --> 0:12:12.079
<v Speaker 4>they said, it takes a year sometimes a year and

0:12:12.120 --> 0:12:14.360
<v Speaker 4>a half until your body goes back to where it

0:12:14.520 --> 0:12:18.280
<v Speaker 4>was the standard before you have a child, Like hormonal changes,

0:12:18.280 --> 0:12:21.839
<v Speaker 4>physiological changes, mental changes, emotional changes, Like, there's a lot

0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:23.720
<v Speaker 4>of things that happen. So when a woman is going

0:12:23.800 --> 0:12:27.080
<v Speaker 4>through three versions of that, there may be a lot

0:12:27.080 --> 0:12:29.200
<v Speaker 4>that's changed in her body. So I just think that

0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:30.719
<v Speaker 4>he should just take the time. If this is the

0:12:30.760 --> 0:12:32.599
<v Speaker 4>woman you want to spend the rest of your life with,

0:12:32.679 --> 0:12:35.200
<v Speaker 4>you've already have three kids, take the time and figure

0:12:35.240 --> 0:12:37.319
<v Speaker 4>out what it could be. Because once you figure it out,

0:12:37.360 --> 0:12:39.360
<v Speaker 4>you can fix it. That's what I think we did.

0:12:39.400 --> 0:12:41.440
<v Speaker 4>I think you and I both came together and say, yo,

0:12:41.840 --> 0:12:45.120
<v Speaker 4>we want to fix this problem. It was diet, it

0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:47.839
<v Speaker 4>was exercise, it was birth control, it was a vasected me.

0:12:48.080 --> 0:12:50.560
<v Speaker 4>It was finding different outlets for the kids so that

0:12:50.640 --> 0:12:52.960
<v Speaker 4>you have space or you're not exhausted by the time week. Like,

0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:55.120
<v Speaker 4>it's so many things that go into that, there's no

0:12:55.240 --> 0:12:55.719
<v Speaker 4>one and.

0:12:55.679 --> 0:12:58.520
<v Speaker 2>The biggest thing is overall effort on both parts, you know.

0:12:58.760 --> 0:13:02.040
<v Speaker 2>So that's not like to see where her mind is

0:13:02.040 --> 0:13:04.240
<v Speaker 2>with things. It's like, does she realize that there's a

0:13:04.240 --> 0:13:07.520
<v Speaker 2>deficit here. Does she realize that once a month is

0:13:07.559 --> 0:13:11.760
<v Speaker 2>not okay for a healthy sex life? You know, that

0:13:11.800 --> 0:13:13.200
<v Speaker 2>would be that'd be interesting.

0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:15.520
<v Speaker 1>I think what you're saying that I think is important.

0:13:15.640 --> 0:13:17.800
<v Speaker 4>Like, I think it's important for people to understand once

0:13:17.840 --> 0:13:20.600
<v Speaker 4>a month is not enough for a healthy sex life.

0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:22.880
<v Speaker 2>Right on either side, on either scharless of who you're

0:13:22.880 --> 0:13:23.560
<v Speaker 2>in a relationship with.

0:13:23.679 --> 0:13:23.839
<v Speaker 5>Right.

0:13:23.960 --> 0:13:26.120
<v Speaker 4>But I think a lot of people are afraid to

0:13:26.120 --> 0:13:29.000
<v Speaker 4>say that because men's sex drives over the course of

0:13:29.800 --> 0:13:33.319
<v Speaker 4>life have been higher than women's. Some people feel uncomfortable

0:13:33.360 --> 0:13:35.160
<v Speaker 4>saying like, well, it's not fair if I have to

0:13:35.240 --> 0:13:37.360
<v Speaker 4>just not have sex because you don't want to. But

0:13:37.440 --> 0:13:39.400
<v Speaker 4>the truth of the matter is when you're in a partnership,

0:13:39.440 --> 0:13:42.400
<v Speaker 4>there is a balance there and you have to meet halfway.

0:13:42.640 --> 0:13:44.880
<v Speaker 4>So maybe you're not doing it five and four times

0:13:44.920 --> 0:13:46.960
<v Speaker 4>a week like you were when you first got married,

0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:49.920
<v Speaker 4>but once a month is definitely going to send somebody

0:13:50.240 --> 0:13:51.760
<v Speaker 4>like bro once a month.

0:13:52.320 --> 0:13:53.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm listen.

0:13:53.960 --> 0:13:56.280
<v Speaker 4>This may be unpopular opinion, and people may be like, well,

0:13:56.320 --> 0:13:57.839
<v Speaker 4>if he if he needed it more than once a month,

0:13:57.880 --> 0:13:59.959
<v Speaker 4>he need to fix that on his own. You cannot

0:14:00.040 --> 0:14:01.920
<v Speaker 4>ask a man who is used to having sex four

0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:04.280
<v Speaker 4>or five times a week to just go to once

0:14:04.320 --> 0:14:06.280
<v Speaker 4>a month because you just don't want to have sex

0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:08.960
<v Speaker 4>no more. That needs to be a conversation.

0:14:08.640 --> 0:14:10.200
<v Speaker 2>Because I know some people who is the other way around.

0:14:10.240 --> 0:14:10.760
<v Speaker 1>Absolutely.

0:14:10.800 --> 0:14:13.560
<v Speaker 2>I know some women who are married to men and

0:14:13.640 --> 0:14:16.079
<v Speaker 2>they have a higher sex drive than their husbands, Like

0:14:16.120 --> 0:14:18.840
<v Speaker 2>teach me the way why? Well, like, how is it

0:14:18.840 --> 0:14:20.960
<v Speaker 2>that yours is higher than your husbands? But it's a

0:14:21.000 --> 0:14:23.000
<v Speaker 2>personal thing. It's a personal thing, And that's why I

0:14:23.040 --> 0:14:25.760
<v Speaker 2>think it really boils down to, like the body. You

0:14:25.840 --> 0:14:27.400
<v Speaker 2>really have to get to the body and the mind

0:14:27.440 --> 0:14:30.120
<v Speaker 2>and figure out, like what is the block there? What's

0:14:30.200 --> 0:14:33.160
<v Speaker 2>not happening? You know, where's the level of attraction? Is

0:14:33.160 --> 0:14:35.440
<v Speaker 2>it still there? You know he seems like he's still

0:14:35.440 --> 0:14:37.680
<v Speaker 2>attracted to his wife like he does. He wants to

0:14:37.680 --> 0:14:39.760
<v Speaker 2>do all the things with her. You know, he's trying.

0:14:40.160 --> 0:14:42.520
<v Speaker 4>My thing is you just it's not enough to say

0:14:42.520 --> 0:14:44.760
<v Speaker 4>to somebody, well I don't want to so figure that out,

0:14:45.000 --> 0:14:48.200
<v Speaker 4>Like that's that's unfair to say to anybody because once

0:14:48.200 --> 0:14:49.920
<v Speaker 4>they go figure it out, you may not like the

0:14:49.960 --> 0:14:52.160
<v Speaker 4>way they want to figure that out. So since you

0:14:52.240 --> 0:14:54.160
<v Speaker 4>want them to do it with you and no one else.

0:14:54.320 --> 0:14:55.560
<v Speaker 4>Let's figure it out togegether.

0:14:55.760 --> 0:14:58.400
<v Speaker 2>You know what I'm saying, Well, good luck, brother man.

0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:03.360
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to bid will hallways bro. You know is

0:15:03.440 --> 0:15:03.920
<v Speaker 2>very small.

0:15:04.120 --> 0:15:06.360
<v Speaker 7>Shan has a masterclass. By the way, I haven't watched

0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:08.400
<v Speaker 7>it yet, but I've seen some clips and it looks

0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:09.120
<v Speaker 7>very interesting.

0:15:09.160 --> 0:15:11.080
<v Speaker 1>So check that out, Matt. You do you know who

0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:13.400
<v Speaker 1>I listened to. I think I said it on it

0:15:14.520 --> 0:15:15.320
<v Speaker 1>because she's been on here.

0:15:15.400 --> 0:15:18.360
<v Speaker 4>Yes, she definitely helped me with understanding women's perspective. That's

0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:20.040
<v Speaker 4>how I learned a lot of stuff about the body

0:15:20.080 --> 0:15:21.680
<v Speaker 4>and the losing phase and stuff.

0:15:22.520 --> 0:15:25.160
<v Speaker 2>And she's very brilliant on that. Actually, it's so funny, y'all.

0:15:25.160 --> 0:15:27.200
<v Speaker 2>We mentioned Shan today because yesterday and when I went

0:15:27.240 --> 0:15:28.960
<v Speaker 2>to open my Instagram app, she was actually one of

0:15:29.000 --> 0:15:31.480
<v Speaker 2>the first people that popped up, and she was fingering

0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:32.040
<v Speaker 2>a grapefruit.

0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:32.720
<v Speaker 7>That's what I saw.

0:15:34.760 --> 0:15:37.880
<v Speaker 2>She was fingering a great friend. She was like, too shallow,

0:15:38.280 --> 0:15:42.200
<v Speaker 2>one one deep, too shallow one deep, And I'm like,

0:15:42.840 --> 0:15:46.160
<v Speaker 2>it should be educational. The fact she was like the

0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:48.680
<v Speaker 2>art of fingering here's and she's like, she says it

0:15:48.800 --> 0:15:52.240
<v Speaker 2>so eloquently that it's not vulgar by any means it's

0:15:52.280 --> 0:15:53.120
<v Speaker 2>just educational.

0:15:53.720 --> 0:15:56.240
<v Speaker 4>You listen to a woman about what effects a woman's body.

0:15:56.440 --> 0:15:58.400
<v Speaker 4>That's one thing I will say. When I started listening

0:15:58.440 --> 0:16:00.800
<v Speaker 4>to Shane, because we've been having out, we were having.

0:16:00.560 --> 0:16:03.440
<v Speaker 1>Our sex about our issues with sex for a minute.

0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:05.560
<v Speaker 2>Yea, if you'll listen to the podcast, do you notice.

0:16:05.320 --> 0:16:07.360
<v Speaker 4>The minute I started listening in the shand we don't

0:16:07.360 --> 0:16:10.600
<v Speaker 4>have as many sex issues anymore. And it's really because,

0:16:10.640 --> 0:16:13.120
<v Speaker 4>and this is the guy's on the truth. As young men,

0:16:13.240 --> 0:16:15.920
<v Speaker 4>we're not taught how to please women.

0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:16.600
<v Speaker 1>Think about it.

0:16:17.520 --> 0:16:20.320
<v Speaker 4>We watch porn, but porn is geared towards what the male,

0:16:21.360 --> 0:16:24.560
<v Speaker 4>so it's geared to us doing what we think women

0:16:24.720 --> 0:16:25.520
<v Speaker 4>want to feel.

0:16:25.800 --> 0:16:27.800
<v Speaker 1>But it's really just what men want to feel. That's

0:16:27.840 --> 0:16:28.360
<v Speaker 1>just a fact.

0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:30.200
<v Speaker 4>So when you live your life and you're trying to

0:16:30.200 --> 0:16:32.200
<v Speaker 4>have sex with women and you're doing what you think

0:16:32.240 --> 0:16:33.120
<v Speaker 4>they want.

0:16:33.800 --> 0:16:36.080
<v Speaker 1>But you're really only doing what makes you feel.

0:16:35.880 --> 0:16:37.880
<v Speaker 4>Good, of course that woman is not gonna want to

0:16:37.920 --> 0:16:39.320
<v Speaker 4>have sex with you all the time.

0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:42.600
<v Speaker 1>I started listening to the Shan and Shan was like, Yo,

0:16:42.680 --> 0:16:46.240
<v Speaker 1>try this, this feels good. This is an arousal spot

0:16:46.680 --> 0:16:48.800
<v Speaker 1>this man, And I was like, let me just try.

0:16:48.560 --> 0:16:55.840
<v Speaker 4>This dumb shit, yo, for real, Like sometimes put your

0:16:55.840 --> 0:16:58.240
<v Speaker 4>ego aside and just listen to the opposite sex, right,

0:16:58.320 --> 0:17:00.600
<v Speaker 4>And that goes both ways for sure. For a woman,

0:17:00.960 --> 0:17:03.440
<v Speaker 4>you don't know what a man wants and how he feels.

0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:05.520
<v Speaker 4>How about we stop trying to guess or listen to

0:17:05.600 --> 0:17:07.760
<v Speaker 4>other women. How about we listen to the men what

0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:08.200
<v Speaker 4>they want.

0:17:08.760 --> 0:17:13.760
<v Speaker 2>Guess who I listen to your partner. That's exactly. If

0:17:13.760 --> 0:17:15.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm doing something and it's getting a certain kind of

0:17:15.800 --> 0:17:17.840
<v Speaker 2>reaction out to him, it's like, Okay, do more of that,

0:17:18.000 --> 0:17:20.320
<v Speaker 2>you know what I'm saying. And also talking through sex

0:17:20.440 --> 0:17:23.439
<v Speaker 2>is also important, absolutely, you know, like, how else are

0:17:23.440 --> 0:17:24.280
<v Speaker 2>we going to do this thing?

0:17:26.600 --> 0:17:27.800
<v Speaker 1>That sex is not?

0:17:27.920 --> 0:17:29.719
<v Speaker 4>It could be, it could be, but that's not what

0:17:29.760 --> 0:17:32.240
<v Speaker 4>you want to do, right. That part got to be

0:17:32.280 --> 0:17:34.840
<v Speaker 4>a team. Talk to your partner, man, listen to the

0:17:34.840 --> 0:17:37.679
<v Speaker 4>opposite sex. Bro, they be having some insight there you go.

0:17:38.280 --> 0:17:39.399
<v Speaker 4>Shout out to Shan once.

0:17:39.280 --> 0:17:42.000
<v Speaker 1>Again, like we've done. Shan has been with three episodes with.

0:17:41.960 --> 0:17:45.200
<v Speaker 2>Us, I think over the course of at least at.

0:17:45.200 --> 0:17:47.440
<v Speaker 1>Least shout out to Sharon.

0:17:48.560 --> 0:17:50.440
<v Speaker 4>They're very open, they're helping a lot of people save

0:17:50.520 --> 0:17:52.000
<v Speaker 4>a lot of marriages and helped us a lot.

0:17:52.080 --> 0:17:57.159
<v Speaker 1>Helped us all. Listen to letter number two. Hi Kadeen

0:17:57.200 --> 0:17:57.560
<v Speaker 1>and the vow.

0:17:57.840 --> 0:17:59.399
<v Speaker 4>First, I want to say thank you, thank you for

0:17:59.440 --> 0:18:02.879
<v Speaker 4>your motivation. I published my first book and I am

0:18:02.960 --> 0:18:03.800
<v Speaker 4>beyond excited.

0:18:04.040 --> 0:18:04.760
<v Speaker 1>I have an update.

0:18:05.040 --> 0:18:06.680
<v Speaker 4>I am the one who sent them a listener letter

0:18:06.680 --> 0:18:08.919
<v Speaker 4>about my husband and daughter calling my name all the

0:18:08.960 --> 0:18:11.119
<v Speaker 4>time to do something for them, and me and my

0:18:11.200 --> 0:18:11.760
<v Speaker 4>husband not.

0:18:11.720 --> 0:18:15.320
<v Speaker 1>Having sex in four years. Yo, what is happening?

0:18:16.119 --> 0:18:18.199
<v Speaker 4>I took your advice and told them no when they

0:18:18.240 --> 0:18:20.920
<v Speaker 4>start calling my name too much. Thank you, I asked,

0:18:20.960 --> 0:18:22.800
<v Speaker 4>what the fuck are you doing that you can't do it?

0:18:23.000 --> 0:18:27.159
<v Speaker 1>I never said the same, but but it worked. I

0:18:27.200 --> 0:18:27.760
<v Speaker 1>bet you did.

0:18:28.320 --> 0:18:30.280
<v Speaker 4>If I get it delayed A vague reply, I tell

0:18:30.320 --> 0:18:32.520
<v Speaker 4>him they are going to have to do it themselves.

0:18:32.560 --> 0:18:36.480
<v Speaker 4>I'm busy, leave me alone. No other explanation. This talks

0:18:36.480 --> 0:18:40.120
<v Speaker 4>about the note man we talked about that has become

0:18:40.119 --> 0:18:42.720
<v Speaker 4>a habit. My husband and I are having sex well,

0:18:43.119 --> 0:18:45.880
<v Speaker 4>it's a slow working progress, whereas he still has health

0:18:45.920 --> 0:18:48.879
<v Speaker 4>issues that he is actually taking the initiative to work on.

0:18:48.920 --> 0:18:52.280
<v Speaker 4>That's what's sab look at that now for the new

0:18:52.280 --> 0:18:54.520
<v Speaker 4>problem thing I thought she was calling tell us.

0:18:54.400 --> 0:18:58.440
<v Speaker 2>Everything were celebrating with you.

0:18:58.640 --> 0:19:00.480
<v Speaker 1>Let me see all right now, it's the new black

0:19:00.520 --> 0:19:03.880
<v Speaker 1>in I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, so well.

0:19:03.920 --> 0:19:07.240
<v Speaker 4>My husband's immediate family have always been close knit, calling

0:19:07.280 --> 0:19:09.800
<v Speaker 4>everyone on their birthday to sing Happy Birthday on FaceTime,

0:19:09.880 --> 0:19:11.000
<v Speaker 4>took family vacations.

0:19:11.040 --> 0:19:12.960
<v Speaker 1>If there was an issue, they would always talk and

0:19:13.040 --> 0:19:13.560
<v Speaker 1>hug it out.

0:19:13.720 --> 0:19:15.720
<v Speaker 4>They are funny because they will bring up something that

0:19:15.720 --> 0:19:18.800
<v Speaker 4>happened thirty years ago and start debating. After about an hour,

0:19:18.880 --> 0:19:21.680
<v Speaker 4>they are onto something else. We lived out of state,

0:19:22.240 --> 0:19:23.760
<v Speaker 4>so we would go see them every summer and have

0:19:23.800 --> 0:19:24.520
<v Speaker 4>the best times ever.

0:19:24.600 --> 0:19:28.080
<v Speaker 1>It sounds like my family. They welcomed me with open arms,

0:19:28.119 --> 0:19:28.440
<v Speaker 1>and when.

0:19:28.320 --> 0:19:30.399
<v Speaker 4>I was having issues with Mama family, they let me

0:19:30.440 --> 0:19:32.000
<v Speaker 4>know why I am their family and we're here for

0:19:32.040 --> 0:19:34.520
<v Speaker 4>them and they're here for me. We even had a

0:19:34.520 --> 0:19:37.399
<v Speaker 4>family group chat. One of my brothers in laws, the

0:19:37.440 --> 0:19:40.920
<v Speaker 4>youngest one, was diagnosed with cancer. We all became even closer,

0:19:41.160 --> 0:19:44.480
<v Speaker 4>making sure he was okay and everything we need. At

0:19:44.480 --> 0:19:46.760
<v Speaker 4>the same time, my father in law was having health issues.

0:19:46.800 --> 0:19:49.320
<v Speaker 4>Fast forward to a few years later, my brother in

0:19:49.400 --> 0:19:52.639
<v Speaker 4>law passed away. Sorry to hear that, we were all devastated.

0:19:52.680 --> 0:19:54.720
<v Speaker 4>My husband and not even considered moving to the same

0:19:54.800 --> 0:19:58.280
<v Speaker 4>state they were in. Slowly but surely unresolved arguments started.

0:19:58.359 --> 0:20:01.000
<v Speaker 4>No one wanted to apologize, They wanted to disown each other.

0:20:01.760 --> 0:20:03.840
<v Speaker 4>They would make this grief does this.

0:20:03.720 --> 0:20:05.560
<v Speaker 1>To families just putting this in it before I finished

0:20:05.560 --> 0:20:09.119
<v Speaker 1>reading this up. They would make up a bit. They

0:20:09.160 --> 0:20:10.600
<v Speaker 1>would make up, but it didn't seem true.

0:20:10.760 --> 0:20:13.760
<v Speaker 4>At some point, there were no birthday songs, no just

0:20:13.800 --> 0:20:17.000
<v Speaker 4>because facetimes, and no family vacations, and now almost everyone

0:20:17.040 --> 0:20:18.680
<v Speaker 4>has deleted themselves from the family group.

0:20:18.760 --> 0:20:19.439
<v Speaker 1>Chat Jesus.

0:20:19.960 --> 0:20:22.000
<v Speaker 4>This is breaking my heart and I've expressed my feelings

0:20:22.000 --> 0:20:24.359
<v Speaker 4>to my husband and he agrees. My question is do

0:20:24.440 --> 0:20:26.439
<v Speaker 4>I say something to the family or stay out of

0:20:26.440 --> 0:20:28.560
<v Speaker 4>it because I am not a blood relative and they

0:20:28.600 --> 0:20:30.080
<v Speaker 4>may not want to listen to me or have a

0:20:30.119 --> 0:20:33.960
<v Speaker 4>problem with me intervening. I need you, I need help, y'all.

0:20:34.000 --> 0:20:36.000
<v Speaker 4>I want the family to be back the way they were,

0:20:36.240 --> 0:20:37.520
<v Speaker 4>but I don't want to overstep.

0:20:37.880 --> 0:20:38.440
<v Speaker 1>That's tough.

0:20:38.800 --> 0:20:41.200
<v Speaker 4>Another thing to mention is if my brother in law

0:20:41.320 --> 0:20:43.240
<v Speaker 4>was still alive, none of this would be going on.

0:20:43.560 --> 0:20:45.040
<v Speaker 4>And if my father in law was not in the

0:20:45.080 --> 0:20:47.840
<v Speaker 4>position he was in as far as his health would,

0:20:48.359 --> 0:20:49.639
<v Speaker 4>he would set everybody straight.

0:20:51.000 --> 0:20:52.880
<v Speaker 2>It's funny how there's always that one person who kind

0:20:52.880 --> 0:20:55.920
<v Speaker 2>of set everybody straight, held things together, you know what

0:20:55.960 --> 0:20:58.439
<v Speaker 2>I'm saying. Like, even on my side of family, like

0:20:58.480 --> 0:21:00.560
<v Speaker 2>my grandmother was the one who kind of I frustrated

0:21:00.600 --> 0:21:03.840
<v Speaker 2>everybody and made sure that they spoken, things were handled.

0:21:04.560 --> 0:21:07.360
<v Speaker 2>But you're missing that one component who you know, would

0:21:07.400 --> 0:21:09.400
<v Speaker 2>have said everybody straight. It's like, damn, what do you do?

0:21:10.960 --> 0:21:11.720
<v Speaker 1>There's a tough one.

0:21:13.080 --> 0:21:17.000
<v Speaker 4>My family be having ay spats when people be leaving

0:21:17.040 --> 0:21:20.639
<v Speaker 4>a group chat and not talking and not going on

0:21:20.680 --> 0:21:24.680
<v Speaker 4>family vacations, and that happened about what two years ago

0:21:25.440 --> 0:21:28.159
<v Speaker 4>and it hasn't been resolved. People just tend to go

0:21:28.200 --> 0:21:31.800
<v Speaker 4>their own ways. I know I'm going mine. Yeah, Like

0:21:31.840 --> 0:21:33.439
<v Speaker 4>I'd love to be the person here to always have

0:21:33.520 --> 0:21:35.760
<v Speaker 4>them mature advice and say this.

0:21:35.720 --> 0:21:36.240
<v Speaker 1>Is what you do.

0:21:36.280 --> 0:21:38.320
<v Speaker 4>But the truth of the matter is there typically is

0:21:38.359 --> 0:21:42.080
<v Speaker 4>somebody who's holding everything together. And if that person's nobody

0:21:42.200 --> 0:21:45.159
<v Speaker 4>is no longer here, then we realized why everybody was

0:21:45.200 --> 0:21:47.480
<v Speaker 4>there to begin with, and it was for that person.

0:21:47.520 --> 0:21:50.040
<v Speaker 1>It wasn't far because everybody don't rock with each other.

0:21:50.440 --> 0:21:53.560
<v Speaker 4>And that's okay too, Like everybody don't have to FaceTime

0:21:53.640 --> 0:21:55.200
<v Speaker 4>every breakfast, every birthday.

0:21:55.400 --> 0:21:56.119
<v Speaker 1>You just don't have to.

0:21:56.160 --> 0:21:58.480
<v Speaker 4>That don't mean that you don't love each other, because

0:21:58.480 --> 0:22:01.760
<v Speaker 4>if someone needs something, you'll still be there. Yeah, but

0:22:01.800 --> 0:22:04.000
<v Speaker 4>we don't have to face time randomly because we don't

0:22:04.040 --> 0:22:06.400
<v Speaker 4>necessarily like each other.

0:22:06.720 --> 0:22:07.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I that' it's okay.

0:22:08.119 --> 0:22:11.959
<v Speaker 2>I think I've also realized with family, it's you're related

0:22:12.000 --> 0:22:14.960
<v Speaker 2>to someone by blood. Of course in relation, however, you

0:22:15.000 --> 0:22:18.560
<v Speaker 2>also realize that family members are humans exept. We're human beings.

0:22:18.920 --> 0:22:21.679
<v Speaker 2>Do we get along with every human being in this world?

0:22:21.720 --> 0:22:21.760
<v Speaker 3>No.

0:22:22.800 --> 0:22:26.560
<v Speaker 2>We chose friends, for example, who become like family because

0:22:26.600 --> 0:22:30.480
<v Speaker 2>we have like mindsets, because we are into the same things,

0:22:30.520 --> 0:22:33.320
<v Speaker 2>we have similar interests. You just may not have that

0:22:33.400 --> 0:22:36.240
<v Speaker 2>kind of connection with a family member, and that's okay,

0:22:36.280 --> 0:22:38.439
<v Speaker 2>not to force it. And I've learned that just with

0:22:38.560 --> 0:22:41.439
<v Speaker 2>my family as well, even in more recent months, Like

0:22:41.760 --> 0:22:44.399
<v Speaker 2>it's okay if everybody's not hunky door all the time,

0:22:44.720 --> 0:22:47.080
<v Speaker 2>I just may not flex with something that you've done

0:22:47.119 --> 0:22:48.760
<v Speaker 2>or a decision that you've made. Does it mean I

0:22:48.800 --> 0:22:51.239
<v Speaker 2>love you any less? No, But it also means that

0:22:51.320 --> 0:22:53.080
<v Speaker 2>we don't have to talk all the time. We're not

0:22:53.320 --> 0:22:55.520
<v Speaker 2>buddy buddy, We're not going to be going on vacation together.

0:22:55.560 --> 0:22:57.440
<v Speaker 2>I'm not coming to your house all the time. You're

0:22:57.480 --> 0:23:00.000
<v Speaker 2>my family member. I love you, but we just don't

0:23:00.400 --> 0:23:01.320
<v Speaker 2>like and that's okay.

0:23:01.560 --> 0:23:03.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, no, I'd have to agree with that.

0:23:03.440 --> 0:23:06.440
<v Speaker 4>Like, just because we don't have an intimate connection doesn't

0:23:06.480 --> 0:23:09.040
<v Speaker 4>mean you're my enemy neither. And that's what people have

0:23:09.119 --> 0:23:12.600
<v Speaker 4>to have to realize, even through social media, even having discussions,

0:23:13.040 --> 0:23:15.720
<v Speaker 4>we can disagree and not be enemies. We can disagree

0:23:15.760 --> 0:23:18.480
<v Speaker 4>on lifestyle not be enemies, you know what I'm saying.

0:23:18.520 --> 0:23:21.880
<v Speaker 4>So I think if it were me, if I were

0:23:21.920 --> 0:23:24.639
<v Speaker 4>hert because you know me, I would definitely say something,

0:23:25.400 --> 0:23:27.320
<v Speaker 4>you know what I'm saying, just to let it be know, Like, hey,

0:23:27.359 --> 0:23:29.640
<v Speaker 4>I just want to let everyone know this is making

0:23:29.680 --> 0:23:33.360
<v Speaker 4>me uncomfortable. I love when everyone was together and FaceTime

0:23:33.359 --> 0:23:35.440
<v Speaker 4>and a birthday, but I noticed that that's not happening.

0:23:35.640 --> 0:23:37.000
<v Speaker 1>I just want to see if there's any way to.

0:23:36.960 --> 0:23:40.040
<v Speaker 4>Reconcile if you get nothing, because there is a chance

0:23:40.400 --> 0:23:44.159
<v Speaker 4>you may get nothing. You have to be comfortable with

0:23:44.320 --> 0:23:48.040
<v Speaker 4>walking away not getting anything, and also not turning that

0:23:48.080 --> 0:23:50.639
<v Speaker 4>person because they didn't respond to you into your enemy,

0:23:51.040 --> 0:23:53.520
<v Speaker 4>because that also what happens, because if someone doesn't respond

0:23:53.520 --> 0:23:55.000
<v Speaker 4>the way you want, people.

0:23:54.720 --> 0:23:58.199
<v Speaker 1>Take it as like a fuck tat You can't you know.

0:23:58.320 --> 0:24:00.720
<v Speaker 4>Number one, this isn't your immediate families or this history

0:24:00.800 --> 0:24:02.840
<v Speaker 4>before you that you don't know, so.

0:24:02.760 --> 0:24:06.200
<v Speaker 1>You can't judge either side. But also why take it personal? Man?

0:24:06.200 --> 0:24:09.240
<v Speaker 4>This is your husband's family. You love them, they love you.

0:24:09.720 --> 0:24:12.480
<v Speaker 4>If it's harder than your husband, I understand it. But

0:24:13.119 --> 0:24:15.119
<v Speaker 4>at this point, what you're going to do force them

0:24:15.160 --> 0:24:16.000
<v Speaker 4>to have a family calling.

0:24:16.040 --> 0:24:17.959
<v Speaker 2>Did she say that her husband was also bothered by

0:24:17.960 --> 0:24:19.440
<v Speaker 2>it too, or was it kind of her looking for them?

0:24:19.560 --> 0:24:21.720
<v Speaker 4>She said her she said, she said, she said, this

0:24:21.760 --> 0:24:24.119
<v Speaker 4>is to me, it's giving like this became part of

0:24:24.160 --> 0:24:26.480
<v Speaker 4>her family, right and she don't like it, which is

0:24:26.520 --> 0:24:28.760
<v Speaker 4>why I would say something, It's not like you just

0:24:28.760 --> 0:24:30.800
<v Speaker 4>stepping in on behalf of your husband. It's like, nah,

0:24:30.880 --> 0:24:33.120
<v Speaker 4>y'all said, I was part of the family. I want

0:24:33.119 --> 0:24:34.879
<v Speaker 4>to still be part of the family where it's the family.

0:24:35.119 --> 0:24:38.000
<v Speaker 4>But you got to be prepared that if they say, like, nah,

0:24:38.040 --> 0:24:39.240
<v Speaker 4>we're not fucking with each other.

0:24:39.359 --> 0:24:41.400
<v Speaker 2>Mm yeah, you know.

0:24:41.359 --> 0:24:43.399
<v Speaker 1>That's just how I feel, how how y'all feel about that.

0:24:44.240 --> 0:24:47.879
<v Speaker 3>I really think it's important as in laws to like

0:24:47.960 --> 0:24:49.320
<v Speaker 3>really be a part of your family.

0:24:50.119 --> 0:24:51.479
<v Speaker 6>You know, both sides of the family.

0:24:51.560 --> 0:24:54.879
<v Speaker 3>So I would say something like, you do have to,

0:24:55.320 --> 0:24:59.200
<v Speaker 3>you know, worry about being respectful and communicating with people

0:24:59.200 --> 0:24:59.920
<v Speaker 3>in a way that they.

0:24:59.880 --> 0:25:02.800
<v Speaker 6>Can and receive it. But I think you are a

0:25:02.800 --> 0:25:03.600
<v Speaker 6>part of the family.

0:25:03.680 --> 0:25:06.240
<v Speaker 3>What the family goes through affects you and your kids,

0:25:06.280 --> 0:25:09.159
<v Speaker 3>and you should be able to talk with people and

0:25:09.200 --> 0:25:11.760
<v Speaker 3>try to actually repair and resolve some stuff.

0:25:11.760 --> 0:25:13.520
<v Speaker 6>Don't be messy now, yeah.

0:25:14.080 --> 0:25:17.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's a difference between messy and it's like, it's

0:25:17.320 --> 0:25:20.000
<v Speaker 2>funny you say that, because the decisions that people make

0:25:20.119 --> 0:25:22.600
<v Speaker 2>then trickle down to like your family and then your children,

0:25:22.680 --> 0:25:26.840
<v Speaker 2>your extended family. We recently had an issue or a

0:25:26.920 --> 0:25:29.320
<v Speaker 2>couple issues with my mom's side of family that was

0:25:29.359 --> 0:25:33.560
<v Speaker 2>trickling down into our household because it wasn't directly towards us,

0:25:33.600 --> 0:25:36.359
<v Speaker 2>but because my mother was affected by these things, it

0:25:36.400 --> 0:25:39.920
<v Speaker 2>then impacted myself and Devour and then the boys because

0:25:39.960 --> 0:25:42.359
<v Speaker 2>we have to exist in this house with my mom.

0:25:42.720 --> 0:25:46.400
<v Speaker 2>So if my mom is walking around here upset, visibly

0:25:46.720 --> 0:25:50.840
<v Speaker 2>sad about things that are transpiring, we have to say something.

0:25:51.560 --> 0:25:53.199
<v Speaker 1>You know, Deval is.

0:25:53.200 --> 0:25:55.480
<v Speaker 2>An in law. Technically we could have been like, you

0:25:55.520 --> 0:25:57.880
<v Speaker 2>know what, Devout, stay out of this because you are

0:25:57.920 --> 0:25:59.560
<v Speaker 2>an in law, but Devo is not an in law.

0:25:59.600 --> 0:26:02.399
<v Speaker 2>DeVos been around for it almost twenty four years that

0:26:02.400 --> 0:26:04.560
<v Speaker 2>I was a son. And Devo was like, my mother

0:26:04.760 --> 0:26:06.679
<v Speaker 2>has an issue, and if my mother has an issue,

0:26:06.680 --> 0:26:08.760
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to address the issue because no one is

0:26:08.760 --> 0:26:11.200
<v Speaker 2>going to disrespect my mother. Yeah, And it became that,

0:26:11.240 --> 0:26:13.200
<v Speaker 2>and he was. He was able to politely but.

0:26:13.200 --> 0:26:15.119
<v Speaker 1>Like you said, and with respect, respectful.

0:26:15.119 --> 0:26:15.480
<v Speaker 6>I didn't.

0:26:15.560 --> 0:26:17.440
<v Speaker 1>I didn't go in like ah no. I was like, look,

0:26:17.440 --> 0:26:18.679
<v Speaker 1>can we just talk about what it is?

0:26:18.960 --> 0:26:19.280
<v Speaker 5>Right?

0:26:19.320 --> 0:26:19.800
<v Speaker 1>And I got that.

0:26:20.880 --> 0:26:23.479
<v Speaker 4>I got the answer right. I didn't agree with the answer,

0:26:24.040 --> 0:26:26.040
<v Speaker 4>but I said, you know what, at least she was

0:26:26.080 --> 0:26:28.119
<v Speaker 4>honest enough to tell me what it is. Do you

0:26:28.200 --> 0:26:30.920
<v Speaker 4>mind if I relay this to Mom? And he said, yeah,

0:26:30.920 --> 0:26:33.160
<v Speaker 4>you can relay it, you know, And that's what I did.

0:26:33.320 --> 0:26:33.920
<v Speaker 1>I related.

0:26:34.640 --> 0:26:37.480
<v Speaker 4>Mom felt lighter because at least she knew what the

0:26:37.560 --> 0:26:40.240
<v Speaker 4>issue was. But them two still ain't rocking with each

0:26:40.280 --> 0:26:42.439
<v Speaker 4>other that close, and now it's not mine, it's not

0:26:42.480 --> 0:26:44.960
<v Speaker 4>on me to make sure to happen. At least we

0:26:44.960 --> 0:26:47.760
<v Speaker 4>were able to get some reconciliation for them to talk.

0:26:48.320 --> 0:26:50.960
<v Speaker 1>We didn't solve the problem. So once they talked, I

0:26:51.080 --> 0:26:51.360
<v Speaker 1>was like.

0:26:51.359 --> 0:26:54.040
<v Speaker 4>Cool, Mom, is happier now, right, you know the person

0:26:54.080 --> 0:26:56.119
<v Speaker 4>she was having an issue with their you know, able

0:26:56.160 --> 0:26:58.680
<v Speaker 4>to converse a little bit, so it's done.

0:26:58.800 --> 0:27:00.479
<v Speaker 2>So that's that's it apart.

0:27:00.840 --> 0:27:03.439
<v Speaker 3>I'm also saying this as somebody that don't come to

0:27:03.480 --> 0:27:06.680
<v Speaker 3>me with the family problems because I be ready to fight,

0:27:10.200 --> 0:27:10.920
<v Speaker 3>be a messy one.

0:27:11.000 --> 0:27:14.960
<v Speaker 4>Absolutely, But that's a that's a very good perspective though,

0:27:14.960 --> 0:27:18.000
<v Speaker 4>because some people won't respond because they know. See how

0:27:18.000 --> 0:27:20.000
<v Speaker 4>you just said, don't come to me with There's some

0:27:20.040 --> 0:27:22.159
<v Speaker 4>people who in the group chat who'll be like, I'm

0:27:22.200 --> 0:27:23.840
<v Speaker 4>not even gonna respond to this because what I say

0:27:23.920 --> 0:27:26.120
<v Speaker 4>is going to be messy or this. So that's why

0:27:26.119 --> 0:27:29.040
<v Speaker 4>you also can't take that she don't respond personally. But

0:27:29.119 --> 0:27:30.800
<v Speaker 4>if they don't respond, it like I'm trying to do

0:27:30.840 --> 0:27:33.080
<v Speaker 4>the mature thing. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

0:27:33.080 --> 0:27:34.720
<v Speaker 1>You got to just accept whatever they say.

0:27:34.800 --> 0:27:36.640
<v Speaker 2>For me, the mature thing was leaving a group chat

0:27:36.680 --> 0:27:38.240
<v Speaker 2>because I was just like, you do what she left.

0:27:38.640 --> 0:27:42.159
<v Speaker 2>I just don't. I just don't want to be I

0:27:42.160 --> 0:27:44.080
<v Speaker 2>don't want to be fake. I want to just like

0:27:44.160 --> 0:27:46.919
<v Speaker 2>remove myself for the best interests of everyone involved. So

0:27:47.119 --> 0:27:49.280
<v Speaker 2>you know, sometimes you got to make those decisions. It's

0:27:49.280 --> 0:27:51.520
<v Speaker 2>just what it is. Josh and Matt, you guys are

0:27:51.640 --> 0:27:54.920
<v Speaker 2>also from Jamaican households. How do y'all feel about intervening

0:27:54.920 --> 0:27:57.399
<v Speaker 2>in people's business or does your family do a lot

0:27:57.440 --> 0:28:00.000
<v Speaker 2>of sweeping under the rug like most Caribbean fits.

0:28:00.600 --> 0:28:03.120
<v Speaker 5>I think it's some sweeping out of the rug. I've

0:28:03.160 --> 0:28:09.720
<v Speaker 5>heard some stuff about my dad from like other like cousins.

0:28:09.920 --> 0:28:11.600
<v Speaker 5>But then sometimes you just got to just be like,

0:28:12.800 --> 0:28:17.760
<v Speaker 5>who am I talking to? Right? Yeah? So, Like, although

0:28:17.800 --> 0:28:19.879
<v Speaker 5>I do think it's a very important families to fix

0:28:19.920 --> 0:28:23.159
<v Speaker 5>certain issues, sometimes you just gotta realize, nah sign that

0:28:23.280 --> 0:28:25.320
<v Speaker 5>nigga crazy and whatever he thinks, let him stay in

0:28:25.320 --> 0:28:27.560
<v Speaker 5>his bubble because we already know what the truth is.

0:28:27.680 --> 0:28:30.239
<v Speaker 5>If we're trying to fix it for the sake of

0:28:30.280 --> 0:28:33.720
<v Speaker 5>his mental stability, it ain't even worth it because he

0:28:33.800 --> 0:28:36.200
<v Speaker 5>gonna think whatever he think, he's been thinking what he

0:28:36.280 --> 0:28:39.720
<v Speaker 5>be gonna think for years regardless, right, So, Like, and

0:28:39.840 --> 0:28:44.800
<v Speaker 5>sometimes you just got a way the cost cost benefit

0:28:44.920 --> 0:28:47.040
<v Speaker 5>ratio in terms of what you're doing. Like, if you're

0:28:47.080 --> 0:28:50.080
<v Speaker 5>stressing yourself out trying to fix people's problems and people

0:28:50.160 --> 0:28:53.920
<v Speaker 5>are the actual problem, then sometimes it's like it's a

0:28:53.920 --> 0:28:54.400
<v Speaker 5>net loss.

0:28:54.440 --> 0:28:56.840
<v Speaker 2>Yea Yeah, isn't it interesting when you realize whose surfaces

0:28:56.840 --> 0:28:58.720
<v Speaker 2>at the top is the problem. You're like, oh, you're

0:28:58.800 --> 0:29:01.760
<v Speaker 2>the problem all along. And then sometimes it's children. We

0:29:01.800 --> 0:29:03.280
<v Speaker 2>don't realize that. But when you grow up to be

0:29:03.280 --> 0:29:07.360
<v Speaker 2>an adult and you take inventory of folks, you're like, oh, now,

0:29:07.400 --> 0:29:10.480
<v Speaker 2>I understand why this family member has distanced themselves. I

0:29:10.560 --> 0:29:13.240
<v Speaker 2>understand why you've been labeled the black sheep because you woken.

0:29:13.280 --> 0:29:16.040
<v Speaker 2>You understand what's going on, and you're not subscribing to

0:29:16.080 --> 0:29:18.600
<v Speaker 2>the script. That's the reason why. That's why it flex

0:29:18.680 --> 0:29:21.720
<v Speaker 2>with you, because you don't take bullshit. Okay, makes sense?

0:29:21.920 --> 0:29:25.120
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, Like, sometimes these issues be like a zero sum game,

0:29:25.600 --> 0:29:28.080
<v Speaker 5>like I'm gonna fix it till I turn my face,

0:29:28.200 --> 0:29:30.680
<v Speaker 5>like till everything turns blue. But at the same time,

0:29:31.320 --> 0:29:37.120
<v Speaker 5>I've exhausted every piece of energy. I'm combating lies that

0:29:37.200 --> 0:29:40.520
<v Speaker 5>didn't really even exist and they only stemmed from you. Yeah,

0:29:40.600 --> 0:29:43.360
<v Speaker 5>I'm good. I f it's something similar happened with me

0:29:43.440 --> 0:29:46.160
<v Speaker 5>between my dad and my not similar, but something happened

0:29:46.160 --> 0:29:49.760
<v Speaker 5>between my dad. I see, nothing happened. My cousin thinks

0:29:49.800 --> 0:29:52.080
<v Speaker 5>something happened to my dad and my aunt and now

0:29:52.160 --> 0:29:54.880
<v Speaker 5>her my other cousin bring it to me. She was like, yeah,

0:29:54.880 --> 0:29:57.760
<v Speaker 5>well your dad did this, and I'm like, that's not

0:29:57.840 --> 0:30:01.040
<v Speaker 5>my dad's character. Y'all know my dad. That's character. And

0:30:01.080 --> 0:30:03.440
<v Speaker 5>at one point I wanted to call my other cousin

0:30:04.040 --> 0:30:06.080
<v Speaker 5>who was the source of all this mess, and I'm

0:30:06.120 --> 0:30:10.600
<v Speaker 5>just like, why, ye right, I was in sleep to

0:30:10.640 --> 0:30:11.680
<v Speaker 5>try to fix what he think.

0:30:12.880 --> 0:30:16.040
<v Speaker 4>Josh bro when I tell you, I understand one thousand

0:30:16.040 --> 0:30:18.880
<v Speaker 4>percent because I am there the same way this. Would

0:30:18.920 --> 0:30:22.800
<v Speaker 4>you think, all right, I'm the villain in your life

0:30:22.880 --> 0:30:24.560
<v Speaker 4>story me, I'm the villain.

0:30:24.880 --> 0:30:27.120
<v Speaker 1>I'll just be the villain. And I'm not asking no

0:30:27.200 --> 0:30:28.680
<v Speaker 1>more not to be the villain. I'm just gonna be

0:30:28.680 --> 0:30:29.080
<v Speaker 1>the villain.

0:30:29.160 --> 0:30:30.840
<v Speaker 5>And in our case, my dad was a villain. But

0:30:30.880 --> 0:30:34.400
<v Speaker 5>I saw my dad not flinch. If they think I'm

0:30:34.400 --> 0:30:38.280
<v Speaker 5>the villain and I ain't do nothing, I'm cool. My

0:30:38.360 --> 0:30:41.000
<v Speaker 5>thing is, I'm just it's my cousins. So now I

0:30:41.040 --> 0:30:45.760
<v Speaker 5>hear my cousins carrying you, because I know that's not

0:30:45.880 --> 0:30:49.120
<v Speaker 5>my dad's character. If y'all think that's my dad's character,

0:30:49.240 --> 0:30:52.360
<v Speaker 5>and my dad don't he not flinching. I just think

0:30:52.400 --> 0:30:53.880
<v Speaker 5>whatever y'all gonna think, I don't even care.

0:30:54.000 --> 0:30:56.040
<v Speaker 1>I try, I try to my cousin.

0:30:56.960 --> 0:30:59.320
<v Speaker 4>Somebody was making me the villain in their life story,

0:31:00.160 --> 0:31:02.080
<v Speaker 4>and my cousin was like, y'all know that's not the

0:31:02.160 --> 0:31:06.360
<v Speaker 4>Vows character. Literally, she blacked on everybody, and then the

0:31:06.400 --> 0:31:10.440
<v Speaker 4>people around her made her the villain. And I told her,

0:31:10.840 --> 0:31:12.760
<v Speaker 4>I said, Yo, if they want me to be the villain,

0:31:12.840 --> 0:31:14.240
<v Speaker 4>just let let me be the villain.

0:31:14.280 --> 0:31:16.080
<v Speaker 1>Bro, I don't care no more.

0:31:16.360 --> 0:31:19.640
<v Speaker 4>Like I literally feel just like your pops, because I've

0:31:19.680 --> 0:31:20.920
<v Speaker 4>tried for years to.

0:31:20.880 --> 0:31:22.000
<v Speaker 1>Show that I'm not the villain.

0:31:22.040 --> 0:31:24.000
<v Speaker 4>But then I realized you want me to be the

0:31:24.080 --> 0:31:25.800
<v Speaker 4>villain for reasons that have nothing to do with me.

0:31:26.240 --> 0:31:28.840
<v Speaker 4>These are things that you gotta deal with. So I'm

0:31:28.840 --> 0:31:30.520
<v Speaker 4>here trying to fight to show you that I'm not

0:31:30.560 --> 0:31:31.720
<v Speaker 4>the villain, and every time I.

0:31:31.680 --> 0:31:32.840
<v Speaker 1>Do it, I do it wrong.

0:31:33.720 --> 0:31:35.480
<v Speaker 4>It's like, just like you said, it's like I'm fighting

0:31:35.480 --> 0:31:38.280
<v Speaker 4>a battle. You want to believe that. So since you

0:31:38.360 --> 0:31:41.400
<v Speaker 4>want to believe it, go believe it. Ever since i've

0:31:41.440 --> 0:31:43.160
<v Speaker 4>been doing that and letting them believe it, I've been

0:31:43.200 --> 0:31:43.600
<v Speaker 4>at peace.

0:31:44.560 --> 0:31:45.280
<v Speaker 1>I've been at peace.

0:31:45.400 --> 0:31:46.560
<v Speaker 5>I'm batman, bro.

0:31:46.680 --> 0:31:49.440
<v Speaker 4>Like I sometimes you gotta let family just be all right,

0:31:49.480 --> 0:31:51.200
<v Speaker 4>all right, Well, it is.

0:31:51.120 --> 0:31:54.680
<v Speaker 2>What it is. It is what it is, yes, ma'am.

0:31:54.840 --> 0:31:57.280
<v Speaker 7>I think I grew up with a lot of cousins immediate,

0:31:57.320 --> 0:31:59.960
<v Speaker 7>so I don't ever have these situations. So it's interesting

0:32:00.200 --> 0:32:00.840
<v Speaker 7>for me to hear this.

0:32:00.960 --> 0:32:02.719
<v Speaker 4>Yo, man, let me tell you something about family, bro

0:32:03.000 --> 0:32:05.920
<v Speaker 4>and not for nothing. You don't even you can't blame cousins.

0:32:06.000 --> 0:32:09.000
<v Speaker 4>Sometimes the people who really be the issue be at

0:32:09.000 --> 0:32:11.480
<v Speaker 4>the top of the family. It be the matriarchs and

0:32:11.520 --> 0:32:14.320
<v Speaker 4>the patriots who have their own flaws right, who say

0:32:14.400 --> 0:32:16.520
<v Speaker 4>things and they manipulate, and then it becomes the uncles

0:32:16.520 --> 0:32:17.040
<v Speaker 4>and the aunts.

0:32:17.160 --> 0:32:18.640
<v Speaker 1>Then it goes down to the cousins.

0:32:18.960 --> 0:32:21.640
<v Speaker 4>And what happens is the cousins are the lively, twenty

0:32:21.760 --> 0:32:24.240
<v Speaker 4>year old ones who think they gonna solve that. They

0:32:24.240 --> 0:32:26.600
<v Speaker 4>got the energy to do it. The only way it

0:32:26.600 --> 0:32:29.240
<v Speaker 4>can get healed. Seriously, if it comes from the people time.

0:32:29.600 --> 0:32:31.920
<v Speaker 4>But I've watched in my family and I've watched other families,

0:32:31.920 --> 0:32:32.440
<v Speaker 4>the people at.

0:32:32.400 --> 0:32:35.920
<v Speaker 1>The top do this. You don't, don't worry about it, no,

0:32:36.040 --> 0:32:37.800
<v Speaker 1>just just let it, just let it be what.

0:32:37.800 --> 0:32:40.360
<v Speaker 2>It is, get over it. It's okay, just let it be.

0:32:40.760 --> 0:32:43.240
<v Speaker 2>My grandmother's favorite thing to say, well what do is done?

0:32:43.880 --> 0:32:45.000
<v Speaker 2>And I'm like, what does that mean?

0:32:45.680 --> 0:32:53.920
<v Speaker 5>What is done, what's.

0:32:50.720 --> 0:32:52.360
<v Speaker 2>Already done, is done. So it's like, let it be.

0:32:52.440 --> 0:32:54.280
<v Speaker 2>There's nothing we could do at this point forgive and forget,

0:32:54.360 --> 0:32:56.840
<v Speaker 2>like they're very much from that school of folk, and

0:32:56.840 --> 0:32:59.400
<v Speaker 2>it's like, but nothing was addressed. I can't forgive and

0:32:59.440 --> 0:33:02.000
<v Speaker 2>forget because nothing was addressed. You know, it's just been

0:33:02.480 --> 0:33:03.200
<v Speaker 2>kind of swept.

0:33:03.200 --> 0:33:05.240
<v Speaker 4>The issues that are going in my family happened from

0:33:05.280 --> 0:33:09.600
<v Speaker 4>generations before I wasn't even born, but those same issues

0:33:09.840 --> 0:33:12.320
<v Speaker 4>where their ugly head today.

0:33:12.080 --> 0:33:15.560
<v Speaker 1>With my kids. I go to do something with my

0:33:15.680 --> 0:33:17.400
<v Speaker 1>kids and it's just like you just like your father

0:33:17.440 --> 0:33:22.120
<v Speaker 1>because you didn't what what what happened? I don't even

0:33:22.160 --> 0:33:25.680
<v Speaker 1>know when it's in Magan seventy six, which I wasn't.

0:33:25.440 --> 0:33:32.240
<v Speaker 4>Even alive, Mix one last year, and that with families,

0:33:32.240 --> 0:33:35.280
<v Speaker 4>it really be that like sometimes I'm elders yo. After

0:33:35.400 --> 0:33:37.600
<v Speaker 4>years of sweeping stuff under the rugs now the young

0:33:37.640 --> 0:33:39.360
<v Speaker 4>people trying to fix.

0:33:39.120 --> 0:33:41.360
<v Speaker 2>It and they have no clue about this, no clue

0:33:41.360 --> 0:33:43.160
<v Speaker 2>what's happening rug.

0:33:44.440 --> 0:33:47.760
<v Speaker 1>The rug that this episode should be don't move.

0:33:47.600 --> 0:33:50.560
<v Speaker 2>Around, don't move the rug heavy. There's lots of dust

0:33:50.640 --> 0:33:52.840
<v Speaker 2>nights under there. A breakout.

0:33:53.120 --> 0:33:54.000
<v Speaker 1>Let's take a quick breaking.

0:33:54.160 --> 0:33:55.760
<v Speaker 2>Take a quick break and we'll be back y'all with

0:33:55.760 --> 0:34:11.920
<v Speaker 2>the rest of our list and letters here today. All right,

0:34:11.960 --> 0:34:14.480
<v Speaker 2>and we're back with our third of the day. Hey

0:34:14.560 --> 0:34:16.680
<v Speaker 2>de Valen Kadeem. My name is Katrina. I'm thirty two

0:34:16.719 --> 0:34:18.920
<v Speaker 2>years old. I have two beautiful daughters and a handsome

0:34:18.920 --> 0:34:21.440
<v Speaker 2>stepson who I feel like I gave birth to, So

0:34:21.520 --> 0:34:24.000
<v Speaker 2>he's mine. I don't care what nobody says. I hear that.

0:34:24.800 --> 0:34:27.080
<v Speaker 2>Me and their father, which is my husband, have been

0:34:27.080 --> 0:34:29.520
<v Speaker 2>together for almost seven years, and man, the first two

0:34:29.920 --> 0:34:32.800
<v Speaker 2>were the best years of our relationship. After having our youngest,

0:34:32.840 --> 0:34:36.400
<v Speaker 2>which is our only child we have together, things in

0:34:36.440 --> 0:34:40.080
<v Speaker 2>our relationship have changed. A year after having her, he

0:34:40.200 --> 0:34:42.360
<v Speaker 2>as my fiancee at the time, went and slept with

0:34:42.400 --> 0:34:45.840
<v Speaker 2>another woman, and as most women do, we blame ourselves.

0:34:45.880 --> 0:34:48.560
<v Speaker 2>So I decided to forgive him because one I had

0:34:48.600 --> 0:34:50.279
<v Speaker 2>just had a baby a year ago and quit my

0:34:50.360 --> 0:34:53.360
<v Speaker 2>job due to her being born during COVID. To my knowledge,

0:34:53.400 --> 0:34:56.200
<v Speaker 2>it was the first time and lastly because I just

0:34:56.200 --> 0:34:59.200
<v Speaker 2>didn't want to be alone. Over time, things started to

0:34:59.200 --> 0:35:01.720
<v Speaker 2>get worse to where he would ignore me for days

0:35:01.760 --> 0:35:05.759
<v Speaker 2>at a time, leaving me to battle the mental exhaustion, confusion,

0:35:06.239 --> 0:35:11.719
<v Speaker 2>confusing leaving me to battle the mental exhaustion, confusing and

0:35:11.760 --> 0:35:15.799
<v Speaker 2>more ambition, men's confusion, and more, whilst going through all

0:35:15.840 --> 0:35:18.200
<v Speaker 2>of this silent treatment, carrying the weight of our home

0:35:18.239 --> 0:35:21.360
<v Speaker 2>and our kids, till he decided to join the community again.

0:35:22.360 --> 0:35:24.880
<v Speaker 2>Fast forward to twenty twenty four, I decided to go

0:35:24.960 --> 0:35:27.640
<v Speaker 2>to cosmetology school and he did not like that because

0:35:28.040 --> 0:35:30.480
<v Speaker 2>I was then starting to do things that only served me.

0:35:31.719 --> 0:35:33.920
<v Speaker 2>He picked first with me.

0:35:35.000 --> 0:35:36.120
<v Speaker 6>Fights.

0:35:36.120 --> 0:35:39.120
<v Speaker 2>Oh, fights, that's why, Okay, it's wrong, typo. He picked

0:35:39.120 --> 0:35:42.799
<v Speaker 2>fights with me right before important days like my having

0:35:42.880 --> 0:35:46.120
<v Speaker 2>my mind scrambled and more. On June twenty four, twenty

0:35:46.120 --> 0:35:48.680
<v Speaker 2>twenty five, my favorite aunt passed and during her time

0:35:48.719 --> 0:35:51.359
<v Speaker 2>on hospice, he showed very little support, and one day

0:35:51.400 --> 0:35:55.320
<v Speaker 2>wanted to argue about clothes, leaving us to once again

0:35:55.600 --> 0:35:57.800
<v Speaker 2>for I don't know the million of time, not speak

0:35:57.840 --> 0:36:01.040
<v Speaker 2>for two weeks. The day I decided to drop this

0:36:01.160 --> 0:36:03.760
<v Speaker 2>stress with him. The next day, my aunt passed away

0:36:03.920 --> 0:36:06.800
<v Speaker 2>in front of my eyes. I asked for counseling twice

0:36:06.840 --> 0:36:10.680
<v Speaker 2>and the answer was no, I want to separate. So

0:36:10.920 --> 0:36:15.279
<v Speaker 2>I moved me and my daughters now. I moved out

0:36:15.400 --> 0:36:17.719
<v Speaker 2>be and my daughters now, and we're Almost a year later,

0:36:17.840 --> 0:36:21.520
<v Speaker 2>nothing has changed. Still being ignored for weeks and days,

0:36:21.600 --> 0:36:24.279
<v Speaker 2>and now he's doing it to our children. I just

0:36:24.320 --> 0:36:27.719
<v Speaker 2>want to know. I just wanted y'all to know that

0:36:28.280 --> 0:36:30.680
<v Speaker 2>you guys podcast has helped me be able to navigate

0:36:30.719 --> 0:36:33.799
<v Speaker 2>certain situations in my marriage with my husband, hoping for

0:36:33.840 --> 0:36:36.319
<v Speaker 2>a better outcome. You guys opened my mind up to

0:36:36.400 --> 0:36:38.840
<v Speaker 2>so many other points of views that I finally realized

0:36:38.880 --> 0:36:41.520
<v Speaker 2>that this man doesn't value me as a person because

0:36:41.560 --> 0:36:44.759
<v Speaker 2>I've expressed to him the ignoring me for days and

0:36:44.800 --> 0:36:47.719
<v Speaker 2>weeks remind me, reminds me of my childhood trauma, and

0:36:47.760 --> 0:36:51.680
<v Speaker 2>he keeps doing it. He's also chose to do me

0:36:51.880 --> 0:36:55.200
<v Speaker 2>the worst and use me as a punching bag. Leaving

0:36:55.280 --> 0:36:58.000
<v Speaker 2>him has broken my heart, but I also knew that

0:36:58.040 --> 0:37:00.880
<v Speaker 2>things wouldn't change. Thank you for in me with the

0:37:00.920 --> 0:37:03.919
<v Speaker 2>tools to build their strength and speak out against him.

0:37:04.239 --> 0:37:07.960
<v Speaker 2>This podcast has helped me through sleepless nights, shower cries,

0:37:08.080 --> 0:37:11.240
<v Speaker 2>and stop me from crashing out. Y'all are truly amazing people,

0:37:11.320 --> 0:37:14.080
<v Speaker 2>and may God continue to bless your union and your family.

0:37:15.080 --> 0:37:15.920
<v Speaker 1>Thank you so much.

0:37:16.160 --> 0:37:20.600
<v Speaker 4>I do have some words for her, though, Wow, sir,

0:37:21.400 --> 0:37:23.880
<v Speaker 4>the fact that he's just doing this behavior, and this

0:37:23.920 --> 0:37:25.359
<v Speaker 4>is what you have to see about a listening letter.

0:37:25.400 --> 0:37:27.719
<v Speaker 4>We do understand that very it's one sided, of course,

0:37:27.719 --> 0:37:30.319
<v Speaker 4>because it's her perspective, but based on even know what

0:37:30.400 --> 0:37:32.960
<v Speaker 4>she's saying, right, you can read in between the lines

0:37:33.600 --> 0:37:36.759
<v Speaker 4>he has a child, right, She tinks on the child

0:37:36.800 --> 0:37:40.120
<v Speaker 4>as her child, so clearly he doesn't have as much

0:37:40.160 --> 0:37:42.640
<v Speaker 4>going on with her child. She moved both of the

0:37:42.719 --> 0:37:45.960
<v Speaker 4>children out, and he doesn't speak to either child, right

0:37:46.160 --> 0:37:49.080
<v Speaker 4>or her, which means this is consistent behavior with the

0:37:49.080 --> 0:37:51.279
<v Speaker 4>same behavior he showed with the mother of the last child.

0:37:51.360 --> 0:37:53.680
<v Speaker 1>You see what I'm saying, Like, if you read enough,

0:37:53.719 --> 0:37:54.640
<v Speaker 1>you'll realize.

0:37:54.280 --> 0:37:56.480
<v Speaker 4>Like he's doing the same thing in matters right now,

0:37:56.520 --> 0:37:58.279
<v Speaker 4>I don't know much about him, so I'm not trying

0:37:58.280 --> 0:38:00.759
<v Speaker 4>to psychoanalyzing, but it sounds like to me he does

0:38:00.800 --> 0:38:04.239
<v Speaker 4>not like women, you know what I'm saying, someone who

0:38:04.239 --> 0:38:06.480
<v Speaker 4>always pick fights and you want to you know anything

0:38:06.480 --> 0:38:09.239
<v Speaker 4>that's about her, He gets upset, doesn't talk to her

0:38:09.280 --> 0:38:09.840
<v Speaker 4>for weeks.

0:38:10.040 --> 0:38:11.640
<v Speaker 1>He may be married, or he may like.

0:38:11.600 --> 0:38:13.600
<v Speaker 4>What she offered in the beginning, but he doesn't love

0:38:13.680 --> 0:38:16.760
<v Speaker 4>her the same way he didn't love the woman before

0:38:16.800 --> 0:38:20.320
<v Speaker 4>her Like this, This behavior doesn't seem like an isolated incident.

0:38:20.360 --> 0:38:22.000
<v Speaker 1>This is years of the same behavior.

0:38:22.239 --> 0:38:24.880
<v Speaker 4>And even though it's from her perspective and it's one sided,

0:38:25.239 --> 0:38:27.400
<v Speaker 4>you can read between and see what's going on. What

0:38:27.520 --> 0:38:31.400
<v Speaker 4>type of person has not one, but three women outside

0:38:31.400 --> 0:38:33.560
<v Speaker 4>of the house that he has a relationship with her,

0:38:33.920 --> 0:38:35.560
<v Speaker 4>both of the daughters, and you don't reach out for

0:38:35.600 --> 0:38:39.040
<v Speaker 4>two weeks. I don't have a daughter. I know Josh

0:38:39.120 --> 0:38:40.960
<v Speaker 4>has a daughter. Would you ever in your life?

0:38:41.000 --> 0:38:43.400
<v Speaker 5>Absolutely not, bro, You ain't gonna ask that you see what.

0:38:43.400 --> 0:38:48.040
<v Speaker 4>I'm saying, regardless with this has I'm glad that she

0:38:48.160 --> 0:38:50.719
<v Speaker 4>realizes that it's not her. You know what I'm saying

0:38:51.719 --> 0:38:54.719
<v Speaker 4>want to do is me he has issues that he

0:38:54.760 --> 0:38:56.160
<v Speaker 4>has to deal with. I don't know the man, so

0:38:56.160 --> 0:38:58.160
<v Speaker 4>I don't know what the issues are. But I'm glad

0:38:58.160 --> 0:38:59.960
<v Speaker 4>that she realized that those issues are.

0:38:59.800 --> 0:39:01.000
<v Speaker 1>Not her fault.

0:39:02.360 --> 0:39:04.680
<v Speaker 4>And I hope you listening when when you hear this,

0:39:04.880 --> 0:39:07.600
<v Speaker 4>make sure that those young ladies that you are taking

0:39:07.640 --> 0:39:10.520
<v Speaker 4>care of understanding that their father not being there has

0:39:10.600 --> 0:39:13.400
<v Speaker 4>nothing to do with them, because remember she says she has.

0:39:13.280 --> 0:39:14.920
<v Speaker 1>Her own traumas from her childhood.

0:39:15.440 --> 0:39:17.600
<v Speaker 4>I hope she makes sure that dumb little girls know

0:39:17.719 --> 0:39:19.880
<v Speaker 4>that the way their father acts is not how all

0:39:20.040 --> 0:39:20.560
<v Speaker 4>men act.

0:39:21.080 --> 0:39:23.240
<v Speaker 1>That's not every dad. You know what I'm saying.

0:39:23.520 --> 0:39:26.200
<v Speaker 4>Their dad has issues. So I just if you're listening,

0:39:26.239 --> 0:39:28.560
<v Speaker 4>I hope you are. You did the right thing, you know,

0:39:28.640 --> 0:39:30.520
<v Speaker 4>by making sure that you and yours is okay.

0:39:30.880 --> 0:39:31.480
<v Speaker 6>You know what I'm saying.

0:39:31.520 --> 0:39:33.560
<v Speaker 4>I hope that you would try to keep having communication

0:39:33.640 --> 0:39:35.920
<v Speaker 4>because those girls are going to need their father. But

0:39:36.040 --> 0:39:38.080
<v Speaker 4>if not, and he's not going to be a present father,

0:39:38.160 --> 0:39:40.600
<v Speaker 4>the type of father that's going to make those girls

0:39:40.640 --> 0:39:42.759
<v Speaker 4>feel empowered to be the best version of themselves and

0:39:42.840 --> 0:39:43.440
<v Speaker 4>screw him.

0:39:43.880 --> 0:39:46.520
<v Speaker 1>Like one thing I can't do is the deadbeat dad thing.

0:39:47.160 --> 0:39:48.839
<v Speaker 2>You know what I'm saying. I just can't do that either.

0:39:49.000 --> 0:39:51.799
<v Speaker 1>I can't. I can't make excuses you. A woman can

0:39:51.800 --> 0:39:53.680
<v Speaker 1>be anything under the sun.

0:39:53.960 --> 0:39:55.760
<v Speaker 4>But if you laid down with her and you chose

0:39:55.800 --> 0:39:57.839
<v Speaker 4>to have a child with her, you don't didn't get

0:39:57.840 --> 0:40:00.000
<v Speaker 4>to say I'm walking away from that child.

0:40:00.080 --> 0:40:01.760
<v Speaker 1>You know what I'm saying. Do you lay down with her?

0:40:02.040 --> 0:40:02.640
<v Speaker 1>You know what I'm saying.

0:40:02.680 --> 0:40:04.759
<v Speaker 4>And the reason why I'm saying that is because a

0:40:04.800 --> 0:40:06.520
<v Speaker 4>lot of times men like to put off with I

0:40:06.560 --> 0:40:09.000
<v Speaker 4>can't do it because of her. It's like, well, y'all

0:40:09.040 --> 0:40:11.160
<v Speaker 4>did something and you were able to figure out how

0:40:11.200 --> 0:40:13.120
<v Speaker 4>to do that, right, you know what I'm saying. So

0:40:13.200 --> 0:40:15.120
<v Speaker 4>what the time you spent to figure out how to

0:40:15.120 --> 0:40:17.319
<v Speaker 4>do that, figure out how to get to your child, right?

0:40:17.360 --> 0:40:19.160
<v Speaker 2>Because it seems like she, even though she did move

0:40:19.160 --> 0:40:22.239
<v Speaker 2>the girls out, it was more so for a safety reason. Yeah,

0:40:23.040 --> 0:40:25.160
<v Speaker 2>but she doesn't seem like the type that would be

0:40:25.200 --> 0:40:27.560
<v Speaker 2>like you can't see your daughters and you can't be

0:40:27.600 --> 0:40:29.320
<v Speaker 2>around your daughters. It seems like she would try to

0:40:29.320 --> 0:40:31.160
<v Speaker 2>at least encourage somewhat.

0:40:30.880 --> 0:40:32.719
<v Speaker 1>Of a hell so much it's hurting her for him,

0:40:32.800 --> 0:40:33.320
<v Speaker 1>for him.

0:40:33.160 --> 0:40:35.160
<v Speaker 2>Not to talk, I wouldn't.

0:40:35.600 --> 0:40:37.920
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, there's no way. I just I feel bad for her.

0:40:37.960 --> 0:40:39.040
<v Speaker 4>I feel bad for the girls.

0:40:39.800 --> 0:40:40.160
<v Speaker 1>I do.

0:40:40.480 --> 0:40:42.239
<v Speaker 2>And she asked for counseling and he said no, he

0:40:42.320 --> 0:40:44.560
<v Speaker 2>just wants I just want to separate. So it seems

0:40:44.560 --> 0:40:45.480
<v Speaker 2>like he was also looking for.

0:40:47.200 --> 0:40:49.960
<v Speaker 5>You see what I'm saying, always on hot spits, and

0:40:50.000 --> 0:40:51.319
<v Speaker 5>he's arguing with her, like.

0:40:52.000 --> 0:40:53.319
<v Speaker 1>You know what I'm saying. It sounds like he don't

0:40:53.320 --> 0:40:55.120
<v Speaker 1>he don't like her, you know what I'm saying.

0:40:55.160 --> 0:40:56.560
<v Speaker 4>If this is not the first time, it's like he

0:40:56.600 --> 0:40:58.759
<v Speaker 4>got to deal with his own issues before he pro

0:40:58.840 --> 0:41:01.680
<v Speaker 4>creates and marries some body again, right, because now all

0:41:01.719 --> 0:41:03.800
<v Speaker 4>you're doing is creating broken hearts that are going to

0:41:03.880 --> 0:41:07.160
<v Speaker 4>go out, and if they're not healed properly, they're going

0:41:07.200 --> 0:41:09.200
<v Speaker 4>to create more broken hearts, you know what I'm saying.

0:41:09.280 --> 0:41:12.680
<v Speaker 4>So I'm glad that she saw through all of that

0:41:12.760 --> 0:41:15.080
<v Speaker 4>and realized what it was and didn't say, oh, it's me,

0:41:15.880 --> 0:41:19.200
<v Speaker 4>because then that can be dangerous if she stays in

0:41:19.200 --> 0:41:21.520
<v Speaker 4>the house with them two little girls and let.

0:41:21.320 --> 0:41:23.239
<v Speaker 1>This continue to go on and them little girls grow

0:41:23.320 --> 0:41:24.920
<v Speaker 1>up thinking that that's how a mas supposed to treat

0:41:24.960 --> 0:41:26.120
<v Speaker 1>a woman too.

0:41:26.239 --> 0:41:27.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, for sure.

0:41:27.120 --> 0:41:27.959
<v Speaker 1>Shout out to you.

0:41:28.080 --> 0:41:30.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Katrina, thanks so much for listening. And I have

0:41:30.360 --> 0:41:32.840
<v Speaker 2>to know that the things that we say resonate with people.

0:41:32.840 --> 0:41:34.480
<v Speaker 2>You know, sometimes we just sit here with me talking

0:41:34.600 --> 0:41:37.799
<v Speaker 2>like we talk, We shoot the ship, we share our experiences.

0:41:37.840 --> 0:41:40.680
<v Speaker 2>We never profess to be, you know, therapists or anything

0:41:40.760 --> 0:41:43.279
<v Speaker 2>like that, but it's it's just a part of the

0:41:43.280 --> 0:41:45.319
<v Speaker 2>reason that kind of reiterates why we do what we do.

0:41:45.360 --> 0:41:47.360
<v Speaker 2>We just want to share because hopefully it helps people,

0:41:47.719 --> 0:41:49.880
<v Speaker 2>you know, at least work on their relationships or know

0:41:49.920 --> 0:41:52.239
<v Speaker 2>when it's time to throw in the towels. So good

0:41:52.280 --> 0:41:52.799
<v Speaker 2>for you. Girl.

0:41:55.120 --> 0:41:56.680
<v Speaker 1>Think we got time for one more? We got ten?

0:41:57.239 --> 0:41:59.759
<v Speaker 4>We got time for one more, right, but you think

0:41:59.760 --> 0:42:01.799
<v Speaker 4>one more moment of truth and we don't do moment

0:42:01.800 --> 0:42:02.719
<v Speaker 4>of truth for listening letters.

0:42:02.719 --> 0:42:06.239
<v Speaker 2>Do you all right?

0:42:06.320 --> 0:42:09.399
<v Speaker 1>Y'all? We got time for one more listener letter. Let

0:42:09.400 --> 0:42:12.719
<v Speaker 1>me see what we got. This was long too, because hey,

0:42:12.800 --> 0:42:13.560
<v Speaker 1>the Valen Kadeen.

0:42:13.640 --> 0:42:15.440
<v Speaker 4>I just want to first off a first start off

0:42:15.440 --> 0:42:16.640
<v Speaker 4>by saying I'm a huge fan.

0:42:16.760 --> 0:42:18.280
<v Speaker 1>I love you guys down bad.

0:42:18.760 --> 0:42:20.799
<v Speaker 4>But on a serious note, I am a thirty year

0:42:20.840 --> 0:42:23.880
<v Speaker 4>old African American woman from Memphis, Tennessee, Tennessee Shout out

0:42:23.920 --> 0:42:27.480
<v Speaker 4>Tennessee families from Morristown. I have two beautiful daughters, four

0:42:27.480 --> 0:42:29.600
<v Speaker 4>and eleven, and I am also married to the father

0:42:29.680 --> 0:42:33.560
<v Speaker 4>of my kids. We will be married five years. It's October, congratulations.

0:42:33.800 --> 0:42:36.439
<v Speaker 4>We are high school sweethearts and have been together since

0:42:36.440 --> 0:42:40.279
<v Speaker 4>twenty twelve. Of course, just like every other marriage relationship,

0:42:40.280 --> 0:42:43.680
<v Speaker 4>we have problems, but nothing we can't fix. Right exactly, well,

0:42:43.719 --> 0:42:45.960
<v Speaker 4>I thought so too. Shouldn't have said exactly before?

0:42:45.960 --> 0:42:47.879
<v Speaker 1>He said that My husband.

0:42:47.640 --> 0:42:50.960
<v Speaker 4>Has just went on a solo trip somewhere and refused

0:42:50.960 --> 0:42:53.440
<v Speaker 4>to share his location with me. This has also been

0:42:53.480 --> 0:42:56.200
<v Speaker 4>a conversation in the past about location sharing because he

0:42:56.280 --> 0:42:58.640
<v Speaker 4>drives trucks for his job and I never know where

0:42:58.680 --> 0:43:01.680
<v Speaker 4>he is. I am not wanting the location to be controlling,

0:43:01.719 --> 0:43:03.520
<v Speaker 4>but I do feel as if I should have the

0:43:03.560 --> 0:43:06.080
<v Speaker 4>location due to him being on the road the majority

0:43:06.080 --> 0:43:08.960
<v Speaker 4>of the day driving just for safety reasons. Well. Upon

0:43:09.040 --> 0:43:11.840
<v Speaker 4>departing from his solo trip on what I thought was

0:43:11.840 --> 0:43:13.600
<v Speaker 4>his trip back home to me and his kids, I

0:43:13.600 --> 0:43:15.600
<v Speaker 4>look on his iPad that he left at his home

0:43:16.400 --> 0:43:18.479
<v Speaker 4>that has his location and see that he is going

0:43:18.520 --> 0:43:21.239
<v Speaker 4>in the opposite way from our estate. I see that

0:43:21.280 --> 0:43:23.719
<v Speaker 4>he is headed to Alabama. I give him a call

0:43:23.760 --> 0:43:25.960
<v Speaker 4>and he tells me he about to check out if

0:43:26.000 --> 0:43:27.399
<v Speaker 4>his hotel and find somewhere to eating.

0:43:27.440 --> 0:43:28.680
<v Speaker 1>Head home line number one.

0:43:29.080 --> 0:43:31.800
<v Speaker 4>I further watched a location for about another thirty minutes

0:43:31.880 --> 0:43:34.000
<v Speaker 4>or so, and also check his master to see he

0:43:34.080 --> 0:43:35.480
<v Speaker 4>put an actual addressing.

0:43:37.480 --> 0:43:39.120
<v Speaker 1>So me, be and me here we go to this be.

0:43:41.800 --> 0:43:42.520
<v Speaker 6>To me and me.

0:43:42.640 --> 0:43:44.879
<v Speaker 1>I look up the address and it pulls up a house,

0:43:44.920 --> 0:43:46.800
<v Speaker 1>So I immediately think the worse.

0:43:47.400 --> 0:43:48.879
<v Speaker 4>So I give him a call back and I ask

0:43:48.920 --> 0:43:51.560
<v Speaker 4>because there's someone with him. He proceeds to tell me

0:43:51.800 --> 0:43:55.120
<v Speaker 4>no period and then I ask him why is his

0:43:55.200 --> 0:43:57.880
<v Speaker 4>location showing in Alabama when he should still be in Nashville.

0:43:58.400 --> 0:43:59.920
<v Speaker 4>He proceeds to tell me that he is on it

0:44:00.120 --> 0:44:07.480
<v Speaker 4>way back to what is this Bucketssies the gas station. Oh,

0:44:07.520 --> 0:44:09.640
<v Speaker 4>he's on his way back to one his way to BUCkies,

0:44:09.840 --> 0:44:11.560
<v Speaker 4>but did not want to tell me because he knew

0:44:11.600 --> 0:44:13.960
<v Speaker 4>I would be mad. Well about forty minutes later, he

0:44:14.000 --> 0:44:16.640
<v Speaker 4>is finally at the address. I asked, whose address is that?

0:44:16.680 --> 0:44:18.880
<v Speaker 4>And I asked him to face time me and he

0:44:18.920 --> 0:44:21.120
<v Speaker 4>has nothing If he has nothing to hide, he doesn't

0:44:21.160 --> 0:44:23.280
<v Speaker 4>FaceTime me, and I don't hear from him for a minute.

0:44:23.640 --> 0:44:24.799
<v Speaker 1>He stayed at the address for.

0:44:24.760 --> 0:44:27.520
<v Speaker 4>An hour plus, so I let a few hours pass

0:44:27.600 --> 0:44:28.760
<v Speaker 4>by and I ask.

0:44:28.680 --> 0:44:31.000
<v Speaker 1>If he cares to explain. He ignores my calls for

0:44:31.040 --> 0:44:31.399
<v Speaker 1>an hour.

0:44:31.640 --> 0:44:33.960
<v Speaker 4>He eventually calls me back and admitted that he went

0:44:34.000 --> 0:44:36.920
<v Speaker 4>to see a woman, but but will not tell me

0:44:37.000 --> 0:44:40.240
<v Speaker 4>anything else except for they were not sexually active.

0:44:41.239 --> 0:44:45.080
<v Speaker 1>Line number three, Dang, don't have to.

0:44:45.080 --> 0:44:46.920
<v Speaker 2>Pick up Facebook marketplace food.

0:44:46.960 --> 0:44:47.719
<v Speaker 1>It's not done yet.

0:44:51.320 --> 0:44:55.480
<v Speaker 4>I was an elite line pickup Facebook marketplace food.

0:44:55.960 --> 0:45:01.600
<v Speaker 2>That's where Helace seafood boils and everything.

0:45:02.440 --> 0:45:04.840
<v Speaker 6>Yes, they do, all right.

0:45:04.920 --> 0:45:11.480
<v Speaker 1>Let me finish. I'm not doing finished. I don't talk

0:45:11.520 --> 0:45:13.200
<v Speaker 1>to him on his whole ride home, which is about

0:45:13.239 --> 0:45:13.760
<v Speaker 1>four hours.

0:45:13.760 --> 0:45:15.640
<v Speaker 4>He gets home and asks me if I want to talk,

0:45:15.680 --> 0:45:18.719
<v Speaker 4>and of course I say yes exclamation point because I

0:45:18.719 --> 0:45:22.120
<v Speaker 4>want to know everything. Exclamation point. How did you meet

0:45:22.120 --> 0:45:25.839
<v Speaker 4>this woman? How long have you been conversing everything? Exclamation point.

0:45:26.040 --> 0:45:27.799
<v Speaker 4>He proceeds to tell me that she worked at one

0:45:27.800 --> 0:45:30.120
<v Speaker 4>off his stops he makes on his route and delivering.

0:45:30.320 --> 0:45:32.680
<v Speaker 4>He tells me they have been talking for a few years,

0:45:32.680 --> 0:45:34.840
<v Speaker 4>and they stopped talking for a year or so after

0:45:34.880 --> 0:45:37.600
<v Speaker 4>she moved to Alabama. Long story short, they have been

0:45:37.600 --> 0:45:40.279
<v Speaker 4>having an emotional affair for a couple of years, so

0:45:40.400 --> 0:45:43.320
<v Speaker 4>long that they are telling each other that they love them.

0:45:43.640 --> 0:45:46.640
<v Speaker 4>He tells her he loves her. At night, while next

0:45:46.640 --> 0:45:49.480
<v Speaker 4>to me in the bed, he claims that he doesn't

0:45:49.840 --> 0:45:52.759
<v Speaker 4>not love her, but does in fact have feelings for her.

0:45:54.120 --> 0:45:55.719
<v Speaker 1>This has hurt me to my core.

0:45:57.320 --> 0:45:59.239
<v Speaker 4>I know that was a lot to unpack, and I

0:45:59.280 --> 0:46:01.759
<v Speaker 4>know y'all have not been in a similar situation, but

0:46:02.320 --> 0:46:05.400
<v Speaker 4>y'all give great advice. I'm not asking for advice and

0:46:05.520 --> 0:46:07.759
<v Speaker 4>if I should leave or not, just advice on how

0:46:07.760 --> 0:46:08.920
<v Speaker 4>to be okay with myself.

0:46:09.440 --> 0:46:10.640
<v Speaker 1>This ain't got nothing to do with you.

0:46:11.280 --> 0:46:14.239
<v Speaker 4>I can't help but to think this, yo, I can't help,

0:46:14.239 --> 0:46:15.920
<v Speaker 4>but let me finish this because I can't help but

0:46:15.960 --> 0:46:17.879
<v Speaker 4>to think what I did to make him do this.

0:46:18.480 --> 0:46:21.000
<v Speaker 4>I am emotionally so hurt. I would not wish this

0:46:21.000 --> 0:46:21.920
<v Speaker 4>heartache on anyone.

0:46:22.880 --> 0:46:26.360
<v Speaker 7>That's the worst thing. That's an emotional cheating the physical.

0:46:27.440 --> 0:46:32.840
<v Speaker 5>I don't believe him.

0:46:31.760 --> 0:46:36.680
<v Speaker 1>Way to give her a hug if it was emotional.

0:46:36.760 --> 0:46:40.239
<v Speaker 5>Let's be aware. Let's be really like, why why am

0:46:40.280 --> 0:46:42.640
<v Speaker 5>I spending time with you on the phone, like to

0:46:42.680 --> 0:46:45.040
<v Speaker 5>get this emotional bond and then I drive to go

0:46:45.080 --> 0:46:47.799
<v Speaker 5>see you and then we just high that for an

0:46:47.800 --> 0:46:51.840
<v Speaker 5>hour stato salad.

0:46:55.360 --> 0:46:57.919
<v Speaker 1>He was wanting, I swear man.

0:46:59.160 --> 0:47:01.000
<v Speaker 5>But she's braaming herself. That's part of that.

0:47:01.000 --> 0:47:02.840
<v Speaker 1>That's the problem, right listening.

0:47:03.239 --> 0:47:06.680
<v Speaker 5>Part of it could be she could be a character

0:47:06.800 --> 0:47:09.680
<v Speaker 5>in the story of why he's doing it, but she's

0:47:09.800 --> 0:47:12.440
<v Speaker 5>not the reason why he's doing it, right, that's the

0:47:12.440 --> 0:47:13.760
<v Speaker 5>first thing that she needs to understand.

0:47:13.920 --> 0:47:16.440
<v Speaker 1>That's I'm an agreement with John too.

0:47:16.520 --> 0:47:17.960
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, you can be a character in.

0:47:17.920 --> 0:47:20.279
<v Speaker 4>The story, right, but you're not the reason someone has

0:47:20.320 --> 0:47:22.520
<v Speaker 4>to make a choice. And often the choice lies with

0:47:22.560 --> 0:47:25.040
<v Speaker 4>the person. Nobody made him do that, So get that

0:47:25.120 --> 0:47:27.040
<v Speaker 4>off your mind, that what made him do that?

0:47:27.080 --> 0:47:27.840
<v Speaker 1>You didn't do anything.

0:47:27.880 --> 0:47:29.600
<v Speaker 2>And the first thing is not wanting to share location

0:47:29.760 --> 0:47:32.440
<v Speaker 2>like it's valid for you saying my man drives, trust

0:47:32.480 --> 0:47:35.359
<v Speaker 2>God forbid something happens. It's like, we have life through

0:47:35.400 --> 0:47:37.239
<v Speaker 2>sixty and we know, like, if there's nothing to hide,

0:47:37.239 --> 0:47:40.360
<v Speaker 2>why not have your location shared? For safety first and foremost.

0:47:40.640 --> 0:47:43.759
<v Speaker 4>I'm honest, bro, I need then to have life three

0:47:43.840 --> 0:47:47.080
<v Speaker 4>sixty because if that thing goes off or she says,

0:47:47.080 --> 0:47:50.080
<v Speaker 4>babe and I don't have her, I can go there

0:47:50.080 --> 0:47:52.280
<v Speaker 4>and get to my wife in twenty minutes.

0:47:52.320 --> 0:47:53.759
<v Speaker 2>And I want that, you know what I'm saying, and

0:47:54.160 --> 0:47:54.640
<v Speaker 2>not that.

0:47:54.640 --> 0:47:55.280
<v Speaker 1>Not for nothing.

0:47:55.440 --> 0:47:58.600
<v Speaker 4>And I shared my location and we talk about we

0:47:58.600 --> 0:48:00.200
<v Speaker 4>have our passwords and stuff that you are if I

0:48:00.239 --> 0:48:02.160
<v Speaker 4>call you and I say this, that you know something's

0:48:02.160 --> 0:48:02.600
<v Speaker 4>going on.

0:48:03.080 --> 0:48:04.800
<v Speaker 1>As my life partner, Bro, I just need you to

0:48:04.840 --> 0:48:07.480
<v Speaker 1>know where I'm at. You know what I'm saying. I

0:48:07.520 --> 0:48:08.560
<v Speaker 1>need to know where you're at.

0:48:08.680 --> 0:48:08.880
<v Speaker 3>You know.

0:48:08.920 --> 0:48:10.960
<v Speaker 4>And then maybe it's because we're not cheating that it's

0:48:11.000 --> 0:48:13.520
<v Speaker 4>easy for us to think about how logical that makes sense.

0:48:14.280 --> 0:48:16.319
<v Speaker 5>That's exactly what that is. But you know, I think

0:48:16.360 --> 0:48:18.920
<v Speaker 5>one of the biggest problems is is that while he

0:48:19.000 --> 0:48:22.080
<v Speaker 5>was driving, she was talking to him right, so like

0:48:22.680 --> 0:48:25.759
<v Speaker 5>he has so many outs to like not do it. Yeah,

0:48:26.040 --> 0:48:29.800
<v Speaker 5>he did come clean, but after probably her being a

0:48:29.920 --> 0:48:34.920
<v Speaker 5>pest and after seeing her and he has so many

0:48:35.080 --> 0:48:38.680
<v Speaker 5>like outs. It's is unfortunate that she feels like she's

0:48:38.719 --> 0:48:39.360
<v Speaker 5>to blame for this.

0:48:39.520 --> 0:48:43.360
<v Speaker 4>But I know, and I will say, it's not easy

0:48:43.880 --> 0:48:45.879
<v Speaker 4>driving trucks. You know, I have a friend drives a truck.

0:48:46.040 --> 0:48:48.279
<v Speaker 4>I have a couple guys that know drive trucks. You

0:48:48.320 --> 0:48:50.200
<v Speaker 4>spend a lot of time on the road. You don't

0:48:50.200 --> 0:48:51.839
<v Speaker 4>get to see your family, you don't get to see

0:48:51.840 --> 0:48:55.359
<v Speaker 4>your kids. And I'm not giving him an excuse, But

0:48:55.400 --> 0:48:57.560
<v Speaker 4>what I'm saying is, if you are driving a truck,

0:48:57.760 --> 0:49:00.359
<v Speaker 4>you need to have those conversations with your significant others

0:49:00.360 --> 0:49:02.239
<v Speaker 4>so that y'all can find out how to work through this.

0:49:03.040 --> 0:49:05.160
<v Speaker 4>I never drove a truck, but we lived long distance

0:49:05.160 --> 0:49:07.680
<v Speaker 4>for two years when I was playing ball in Michigan

0:49:07.760 --> 0:49:09.680
<v Speaker 4>and she was living in Long Island, bro It was

0:49:09.719 --> 0:49:11.200
<v Speaker 4>the worst times of our relationship.

0:49:11.680 --> 0:49:14.640
<v Speaker 5>But is supposed to make the hard go finder right.

0:49:15.080 --> 0:49:17.040
<v Speaker 5>So when I when we see each other, it's supposed

0:49:17.040 --> 0:49:19.719
<v Speaker 5>to be like it was the fact that you are

0:49:19.800 --> 0:49:24.160
<v Speaker 5>apart and your apartmentally means that something is happening, like

0:49:24.320 --> 0:49:25.400
<v Speaker 5>long before he.

0:49:25.440 --> 0:49:27.880
<v Speaker 7>Was occupying Josh.

0:49:27.920 --> 0:49:29.680
<v Speaker 2>That's a good point because if he's driving trucks and

0:49:29.719 --> 0:49:32.040
<v Speaker 2>he's on the road a lot, y'all should be like, damn,

0:49:32.080 --> 0:49:33.960
<v Speaker 2>I can't wait till I Yeah. It should be like, oh,

0:49:33.960 --> 0:49:35.759
<v Speaker 2>we have space to miss each other. And then it's

0:49:35.800 --> 0:49:39.600
<v Speaker 2>like internal combustion. I mean, you know combustion when you

0:49:39.640 --> 0:49:46.360
<v Speaker 2>get together. But yeah, exactly. But if you commus in Alabama,

0:49:46.520 --> 0:49:51.160
<v Speaker 2>then that's the problem. All the things.

0:49:51.480 --> 0:49:55.279
<v Speaker 4>You know, what do you remember those times? And this

0:49:55.320 --> 0:49:58.319
<v Speaker 4>is the thing people think is controlling. Right when you

0:49:58.360 --> 0:50:00.440
<v Speaker 4>want to see your partner because you haven't seen them

0:50:00.480 --> 0:50:02.000
<v Speaker 4>for days, Bro, that's not controlling.

0:50:02.080 --> 0:50:02.200
<v Speaker 2>Bro.

0:50:02.600 --> 0:50:04.359
<v Speaker 4>Me and Kay used to be on FaceTime when we

0:50:04.360 --> 0:50:06.000
<v Speaker 4>was in Michigan. No, there was no face time. There

0:50:06.080 --> 0:50:08.279
<v Speaker 4>was when I first went to Michigan. I used to

0:50:08.280 --> 0:50:09.680
<v Speaker 4>call her like, Yo, you got to send me these

0:50:09.680 --> 0:50:11.719
<v Speaker 4>pictures please, I just want to see you.

0:50:11.880 --> 0:50:15.400
<v Speaker 2>I used to have my digital camera taking pictures, uploading

0:50:15.440 --> 0:50:21.720
<v Speaker 2>to my laptop to email, like rushing home from class,

0:50:21.719 --> 0:50:26.000
<v Speaker 2>emailing that in an email. They still still there, but

0:50:26.080 --> 0:50:27.680
<v Speaker 2>like that, that's what it was. And then it was

0:50:27.680 --> 0:50:29.799
<v Speaker 2>like babe and booking my flight. Every time we left

0:50:29.840 --> 0:50:31.759
<v Speaker 2>each other, it's like, okay, we got to count down

0:50:31.760 --> 0:50:33.320
<v Speaker 2>the days till we could see each other again.

0:50:33.560 --> 0:50:34.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:50:34.160 --> 0:50:36.080
<v Speaker 2>So the fact that he's not even yearning to be

0:50:36.160 --> 0:50:39.399
<v Speaker 2>back home like that, it's like we're gonna have to y'all,

0:50:39.400 --> 0:50:41.480
<v Speaker 2>don't have to have a serious conversation, sist.

0:50:41.880 --> 0:50:44.720
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, see which I can do the reconcile if possible,

0:50:44.760 --> 0:50:47.400
<v Speaker 4>if possible, because the lives is a lot, and making

0:50:47.440 --> 0:50:49.720
<v Speaker 4>that many choices and choosing to lie that many times.

0:50:52.440 --> 0:50:54.000
<v Speaker 2>All right, y'all, if you want to be featured as

0:50:54.000 --> 0:50:56.520
<v Speaker 2>a future listener letter here we have listening to other episodes,

0:50:56.520 --> 0:50:58.680
<v Speaker 2>and you know we usually end each podcast with one,

0:50:58.719 --> 0:51:01.400
<v Speaker 2>so be sure to email us at the Ellisadvice at

0:51:01.440 --> 0:51:02.640
<v Speaker 2>gmail dot com.

0:51:02.680 --> 0:51:05.360
<v Speaker 4>The's t h E E L l I S A

0:51:05.480 --> 0:51:08.240
<v Speaker 4>d V I c E at gmail dot com.

0:51:08.280 --> 0:51:10.839
<v Speaker 2>All right, and no big round robin moment of truth.

0:51:10.880 --> 0:51:13.000
<v Speaker 2>But I do want to thank everybody for continuing to

0:51:13.040 --> 0:51:15.640
<v Speaker 2>listen to for continuing to write in. This just shows

0:51:15.640 --> 0:51:18.160
<v Speaker 2>me that you guys are still so engaged with our podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>There's so many places that you can listen to podcasts

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<v Speaker 2>and access you know, anything to watch or listen to.

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<v Speaker 2>But the fact that you guys continue to show up

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<v Speaker 2>for us here we appreciate y'all so much and shout

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<v Speaker 2>out to our Patreon gang. Be sure to follow us

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<v Speaker 2>You can find us on social media at ellisver After.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm at Kadeen, I am I am Daval, I'm on

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<v Speaker 2>the Score My Dogs, and I'm Joshua Underscore Dwaine.

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<v Speaker 6>And I'm at Traps, The Cool t R I b

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<v Speaker 6>b Z The Cool on Everything.

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<v Speaker 1>And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review, subscribe, and.

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<v Speaker 3>Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted by

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<v Speaker 3>Kadeen and Deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video, production

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<v Speaker 3>by Joshua Duane and Matthew Ellis, video editing by Lashawn Rowe.

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<v Speaker 2>Gift to Ki