WEBVTT - Adult Education: How About a Drink? 0:00:01.960 --> 0:00:05.400 Wind down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast. 0:00:06.519 --> 0:00:09.600 Okay, we're back another adult education. 0:00:09.880 --> 0:00:14.600 So there was an enlightenment on Dad Bod's Oh my gosh, 0:00:14.600 --> 0:00:15.120 we're back. 0:00:15.000 --> 0:00:16.799 On Dad Bad Sidney, I told you this was going 0:00:16.880 --> 0:00:21.960 to come back. I just would would I say I didn't. 0:00:21.960 --> 0:00:22.360 I didn't. 0:00:22.440 --> 0:00:25.439 Actually, Sidney just goes I knew it. This is where 0:00:26.360 --> 0:00:28.160 this is where I say men are just a little 0:00:28.200 --> 0:00:29.760 bit more sensitive because I didn't. 0:00:30.040 --> 0:00:31.720 I didn't mean it in a battle. I don't actually 0:00:31.760 --> 0:00:32.400 think you have a. 0:00:32.400 --> 0:00:34.919 Dad bad I know I thought, but lessen. So this 0:00:34.960 --> 0:00:38.839 is so much. This is the difference between being sensitive 0:00:38.880 --> 0:00:46.840 and taking action. So I have a new structured program. Okay, okay, 0:00:47.400 --> 0:00:52.720 monthly program. Okay, okay. I approached someone on on Instagram 0:00:52.760 --> 0:00:56.720 and it's it's quite it's quite funny because he's his 0:00:56.840 --> 0:00:58.640 Instagram name is dad Bod Steve. 0:01:00.440 --> 0:01:02.360 Wait, you're approaching dad bad Steve. 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:03.160 No. 0:01:03.320 --> 0:01:05.640 I spoke to Dad board Steve because I liked the messages. 0:01:05.840 --> 0:01:06.400 GMed him. 0:01:06.600 --> 0:01:08.800 You slid into someone else's DM and this time it 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:13.440 wasn't me. You slid into his Dad Bad Steve's Instagram. 0:01:13.520 --> 0:01:16.559 I liked his messaging on his on his channel because 0:01:16.600 --> 0:01:19.840 he based he bases it around like thirty five and 0:01:19.959 --> 0:01:25.280 up for exercises. Okay, And although I'm pretty coherent and 0:01:25.319 --> 0:01:27.360 when it comes to exercises, I know what I'm doing. 0:01:27.360 --> 0:01:28.679 But I thought, you know what, I'll get somebody that 0:01:28.720 --> 0:01:32.080 gives me structure. So Dad board Steve. All he needed 0:01:32.120 --> 0:01:34.960 to was text coaching to Dad board Steve. 0:01:35.080 --> 0:01:38.880 Oh yeah, superior striker follows Dad Bad Steve on Instagram 0:01:38.920 --> 0:01:41.760 three hundred and eleven thousand followers. 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:45.520 Wait, so we had we had the discussion yesterday and 0:01:45.600 --> 0:01:46.600 I told him, you. 0:01:46.520 --> 0:01:50.800 Are kidding me right now? This is is this for real? 0:01:51.480 --> 0:01:53.240 Yeah, I'm now on. I'm now I'm now on a 0:01:53.280 --> 0:01:55.279 p because we've been so busy the last few weeks 0:01:56.040 --> 0:02:00.480 and I've lesson been stuck in the office right of stuff, 0:02:00.480 --> 0:02:03.240 and I've lost the consistency. So it's not that he's 0:02:03.240 --> 0:02:05.680 going to hold me accountable, but he's just given me, Okay, 0:02:05.920 --> 0:02:09.040 here's your here's your program done. 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:10.080 So what. 0:02:11.880 --> 0:02:15.240 I guess you just randomly went on Instagram and typed 0:02:15.280 --> 0:02:16.120 in Dad bads. 0:02:16.280 --> 0:02:19.280 No, he's a fitness guy. 0:02:19.400 --> 0:02:20.360 How did you find him? 0:02:20.600 --> 0:02:23.760 Because there's loads of fitness I follow loads of fitness 0:02:23.760 --> 0:02:26.280 people and I listened to fitness stuff and he had 0:02:26.280 --> 0:02:30.000 a message around the amount of protein and stuff that 0:02:30.000 --> 0:02:33.040 you should be taking when you're slightly older. So I 0:02:33.080 --> 0:02:35.200 then delved a little bit deeper into his page to 0:02:35.240 --> 0:02:38.080 see if he's messaging was actually really good and whether 0:02:38.120 --> 0:02:40.760 it was interesting. And it was so. And I've seen 0:02:40.800 --> 0:02:43.519 the thing that said, okay, just text coaching for your 0:02:43.600 --> 0:02:46.840 your monthly custom exercise plan. 0:02:47.520 --> 0:02:49.120 Does he know like you? 0:02:49.720 --> 0:02:51.360 I knew what I did and how it was? 0:02:51.560 --> 0:02:55.080 Okay, So like, what was your DM? Because I know 0:02:55.160 --> 0:02:57.200 what your DM like coaching? 0:02:57.360 --> 0:02:58.520 I know text on coaching. 0:02:58.720 --> 0:02:59.959 That's all you said, was coaching. 0:03:00.240 --> 0:03:01.960 Well that's what it tells you, right, and then he. 0:03:01.919 --> 0:03:02.520 Sends you the thing. 0:03:02.600 --> 0:03:05.960 But I actually had a conversation with them, and were 0:03:05.960 --> 0:03:07.519 you like my wife said, I have a dad bad. 0:03:14.480 --> 0:03:18.480 Yeah, I said to my had the discussion with my 0:03:18.600 --> 0:03:23.560 wife and she and diirectly gave me a bit up 0:03:23.600 --> 0:03:27.760 the ass, which is good. That's what good wives do. 0:03:28.720 --> 0:03:31.880 They empower the husbands in an indirect manner. 0:03:33.160 --> 0:03:34.480 I literally did not. I think. 0:03:34.560 --> 0:03:36.840 I said, just thought it was funny because his name 0:03:36.920 --> 0:03:37.760 is Dad Bard Steve. 0:03:37.800 --> 0:03:38.880 But it's hilarious. 0:03:39.000 --> 0:03:41.200 But he's good. So I did the first session last night. 0:03:41.720 --> 0:03:44.400 His things that I helped men lose their dad bods 0:03:45.640 --> 0:03:47.600 d M the word coaching to lose yours. 0:03:47.920 --> 0:03:50.080 Then you DM coach. 0:03:54.640 --> 0:03:57.120 Hundreds of fitness mates and I end up text and 0:03:57.360 --> 0:03:58.560 DM and dad bod. 0:03:58.360 --> 0:04:05.280 Steve literally like you're friends with David Beckham and those 0:04:05.320 --> 0:04:07.160 people and fitness trainers. 0:04:06.760 --> 0:04:08.560 And like David Beckham fitness train. 0:04:08.960 --> 0:04:10.800 To say, like you know, like you've worked with the 0:04:10.880 --> 0:04:17.919 most elite athletes and the most elite trainers and nutritionalists 0:04:17.960 --> 0:04:21.880 in this and you're dming Dad bad Steeve on social 0:04:21.920 --> 0:04:24.479 media because you read his thing saying I can I 0:04:24.560 --> 0:04:26.960 help men lose their dad Bad's DM the word coaching. 0:04:27.200 --> 0:04:29.360 That's not what I read. But that's not a read 0:04:29.400 --> 0:04:32.920 fust it was. It was the divine timing of Dad 0:04:32.920 --> 0:04:35.120 Board's message. It's actually quite funny, and some stuff on 0:04:35.120 --> 0:04:37.720 his page it's funny as well. Like some people say, 0:04:38.400 --> 0:04:45.800 it's not a Dad Board, it's a father figure. Oh well, 0:04:46.400 --> 0:04:49.440 so I've got a plan, babe, all right, I have 0:04:49.600 --> 0:04:50.520 got a plan in place. 0:04:51.040 --> 0:04:56.120 Yeah yeah, Again, we could just circle back to the conversation. 0:04:56.400 --> 0:04:58.240 I love your body. I think you look great. I 0:04:58.320 --> 0:05:01.039 never actually know that said you had to I just 0:05:01.120 --> 0:05:03.279 love a dad bad. I love the caush. I don't 0:05:03.360 --> 0:05:06.320 like the super shredded look in men personally. 0:05:06.960 --> 0:05:08.640 I'll probably never have that look aade me. 0:05:09.040 --> 0:05:11.000 It's just not my thing. I know some women like that, 0:05:11.080 --> 0:05:13.360 but I don't. I don't love that where it's they're 0:05:13.560 --> 0:05:17.560 so addicted to in the gym. Does that make sense? 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:19.359 It does? 0:05:20.160 --> 0:05:23.520 But how do I say this? Because I don't want 0:05:23.560 --> 0:05:27.720 to come off bad either. I think there's when someone 0:05:27.920 --> 0:05:31.520 wants to be in the gym five hours a day. 0:05:31.680 --> 0:05:34.080 To me, that's just a little like I don't know 0:05:35.240 --> 0:05:38.520 that it's a lot. It feels kind of like they 0:05:38.600 --> 0:05:41.280 just care about their appearance maybe or. 0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:42.960 Is that that's job? 0:05:43.120 --> 0:05:45.200 Well, right, if it's their job, then then that makes 0:05:45.240 --> 0:05:48.120 sense to me a one thousand percent. But if it's 0:05:48.200 --> 0:05:51.440 not their job, is that too? What's too much? 0:05:51.480 --> 0:05:52.920 I guess it depends if they've got a wife and 0:05:52.960 --> 0:05:54.440 a family. They've got a wife in a family, then 0:05:54.480 --> 0:05:56.320 it's probably a salefish isn't it to be in the 0:05:56.360 --> 0:05:57.000 gym that long? 0:05:57.960 --> 0:05:59.960 Yeah? So I guess that's just like what is too much? 0:06:00.560 --> 0:06:03.160 I totally would understand if it's their job and and everything, 0:06:03.160 --> 0:06:05.880 but just to to be in there for that long 0:06:06.680 --> 0:06:07.680 when it's not their job. 0:06:07.800 --> 0:06:09.920 That's just good of a dad. Board Steve been fifty 0:06:09.960 --> 0:06:10.920 minutes done. 0:06:12.480 --> 0:06:17.840 Okay, well I'm yeah that's awesome. Honey. 0:06:18.720 --> 0:06:19.760 Yeah, thank you. 0:06:19.800 --> 0:06:21.920 What's how many? How many days? What's your program? 0:06:22.080 --> 0:06:22.159 Like? 0:06:23.000 --> 0:06:24.279 I've got this month? Sort it? 0:06:24.720 --> 0:06:28.320 Yeah, okay, I love it. Well, speaking of you just 0:06:28.360 --> 0:06:31.080 said that you love beer, that. 0:06:31.920 --> 0:06:34.240 I like beer too much and say I love those. 0:06:34.360 --> 0:06:37.320 Differences I love. 0:06:43.920 --> 0:06:51.640 Yeah, okay, would but see that's the thing too, like 0:06:51.680 --> 0:06:53.520 you do things in moderation, so you're not going to 0:06:53.600 --> 0:06:53.960 not have. 0:06:55.440 --> 0:06:56.720 What's what do you mean talk about that? 0:06:58.040 --> 0:07:00.520 Because I think there was a few in my life 0:07:00.520 --> 0:07:04.840 that I had when I had an unhealthy relationship with. 0:07:04.880 --> 0:07:06.200 Would you like to talk more about that? 0:07:06.920 --> 0:07:09.160 I think when there's certain things happen in your life 0:07:09.160 --> 0:07:12.480 and you end up and it's not because because of 0:07:12.560 --> 0:07:16.680 divorce or because of certain incidents, but I think a 0:07:16.720 --> 0:07:19.600 lot of it is loneliness. You know, like when you 0:07:19.640 --> 0:07:22.400 were divorced, you got into you get into habit where 0:07:22.400 --> 0:07:24.480 it's fine just to have a glass of wine ever 0:07:24.520 --> 0:07:28.520 really and it becomes an unhealthy habit. It's not exactly 0:07:29.080 --> 0:07:32.280 totally unhealthy because you're not over drinking or over consuming, 0:07:33.200 --> 0:07:37.400 but you hadn't have a a healthy relationship and a 0:07:37.400 --> 0:07:41.120 lot of it was lonely. It was loneliness because alcohol 0:07:42.000 --> 0:07:43.760 heard something a few months a when it was really 0:07:44.400 --> 0:07:46.720 it was really powerful, and it was alcohol wants you 0:07:46.800 --> 0:07:47.640 to be lonely. 0:07:48.360 --> 0:07:48.800 Oh wow. 0:07:49.240 --> 0:07:51.720 And it's so true because if you think about it, eventure, 0:07:52.320 --> 0:07:54.880 if you're drinking too much, then you end up having argument, 0:07:54.960 --> 0:07:58.600 you end up ruining relationships, you end up sneaking off 0:07:58.600 --> 0:08:00.600 the drink on your own. It wants it wants you 0:08:00.680 --> 0:08:03.280 to be on your own. And that was something that 0:08:03.440 --> 0:08:06.240 is really It resonated with me like probably like a 0:08:06.280 --> 0:08:07.960 few months ago, a couple of months ago ahead and 0:08:08.000 --> 0:08:08.880 I was like, wow. 0:08:10.080 --> 0:08:12.600 It's kind of true and I won't won't bring up, 0:08:12.760 --> 0:08:13.240 but you know. 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:15.400 It's really true. Like when you talk about the cabin. 0:08:15.200 --> 0:08:17.240 In the woods and yeah, the cabin the woods are 0:08:17.600 --> 0:08:19.680 I just want to go to my office and be alone. 0:08:19.480 --> 0:08:23.080 You know. It's yeah. And there's also the fact that 0:08:23.360 --> 0:08:27.440 during and listen, everybody has different phases in their life. 0:08:27.440 --> 0:08:29.840 But I didn't really have anyone to hold me accountable, 0:08:30.200 --> 0:08:33.480 Like I lived on my own. I was seen Troy 0:08:33.840 --> 0:08:35.920 limited the amounts of times, so so many nights I 0:08:35.960 --> 0:08:38.360 was on my own and you think, oh, it's okay 0:08:38.480 --> 0:08:40.600 just to have another one. It's okay just to have 0:08:40.600 --> 0:08:44.120 another one, but no one's there to be like no, 0:08:46.360 --> 0:08:48.439 not tonight because that's two or three nights in a row. 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:51.679 Or where's you're good at that? What do you mean 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:54.719 you'd be like okay, well, because you know what, I 0:08:54.800 --> 0:08:58.000 try and stick to be a wise the two and 0:08:58.160 --> 0:09:04.040 two method, which what some weeks, but there'll be things 0:09:04.080 --> 0:09:07.160 that I'm like, okay, maybe it's maybe had a couple 0:09:07.200 --> 0:09:09.959 of bios on a Thursday, and then it's a couple 0:09:10.000 --> 0:09:12.120 on a Friday, and then I have to get one 0:09:12.160 --> 0:09:14.880 on a Saturday. Like babe, that's three three nights in 0:09:14.920 --> 0:09:15.240 a row. 0:09:15.920 --> 0:09:17.959 You also told me to hold you accountable, and I 0:09:18.240 --> 0:09:18.959 appreciate it. 0:09:19.600 --> 0:09:22.599 So when someone says hold me accountable, I'm going to 0:09:22.640 --> 0:09:26.160 hold the person accountable and knowing that it is something 0:09:26.200 --> 0:09:31.240 that you want for not only your self, but I 0:09:31.320 --> 0:09:33.560 mean just for your health too, because now that we've 0:09:33.600 --> 0:09:37.320 done more research into alcohol and the effects of alcohol, 0:09:37.920 --> 0:09:41.280 but with holding accountability, it's like, I don't I think 0:09:41.360 --> 0:09:43.080 it's hard to fall like you said, like it is 0:09:43.120 --> 0:09:46.080 a lonely thing or yeah I did. I would listen 0:09:46.280 --> 0:09:50.360 or I would drink, you know, probably out of a 0:09:50.400 --> 0:09:53.160 lonely thing too, and just it was my I think 0:09:53.200 --> 0:09:56.079 for women, it became a this is your mom juice. 0:09:56.080 --> 0:09:58.439 I mean I almost call this podcast mom juice because 0:09:58.440 --> 0:10:00.960 that's how I was, like, oh, just and mom juice. 0:10:01.000 --> 0:10:04.080 And you know, it's it's okay to have the glass 0:10:04.080 --> 0:10:05.280 of wine at the end of the day. But I 0:10:05.360 --> 0:10:09.840 became so reliant on having a glass every single day 0:10:09.840 --> 0:10:12.720 that it became a habit. And I don't I've never 0:10:12.840 --> 0:10:14.720 had a habit forming thing. I used to be able 0:10:14.760 --> 0:10:16.840 to smoke with cigarettes and then put them down and 0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:20.240 never have them again. But when I truly had to 0:10:20.800 --> 0:10:22.760 break the habit of drinking every single night, and it 0:10:22.800 --> 0:10:26.679 was Roman that essentially stopped that habit because I didn't 0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:29.040 drink when obviously when I was pregnant. So and then 0:10:29.679 --> 0:10:32.000 learning more stuff talking to people like doctor Aim and 0:10:32.080 --> 0:10:33.960 having you know, people like that on the show and 0:10:34.000 --> 0:10:37.480 just kind of hearing the certain effects of alcohol and 0:10:37.520 --> 0:10:40.760 what it can do. And then you know, I think too, 0:10:40.960 --> 0:10:43.160 for you you grew up in a society or I 0:10:43.559 --> 0:10:47.359 write like people drink Scottish people drink. 0:10:47.920 --> 0:10:49.360 Irish, yeah, a lot. 0:10:49.440 --> 0:10:52.720 And so when I looked in, you know, at our 0:10:52.760 --> 0:10:55.079 relationship with your drinking, it was something where I was like, well, 0:10:55.120 --> 0:11:00.079 that's just his culture. But then you know realize, and 0:11:00.400 --> 0:11:03.240 I think you also heard people say close to you like, hey, 0:11:03.280 --> 0:11:06.240 you're kind of drinking a lot. That that made you 0:11:06.280 --> 0:11:07.960 maybe then take a look at it? 0:11:08.200 --> 0:11:10.640 Yeah, yeah, absolutely. 0:11:10.400 --> 0:11:12.559 And then it made me go, Okay, maybe I can 0:11:12.600 --> 0:11:15.600 then maybe step in two and say, hey, how did 0:11:15.640 --> 0:11:18.240 that make you feel when this person said that, Yeah, 0:11:18.320 --> 0:11:19.280 do you want to address it? 0:11:19.320 --> 0:11:20.200 Do you want to look at it? 0:11:20.440 --> 0:11:21.280 Which I have done. 0:11:21.400 --> 0:11:23.600 Yeah, And I think I'm proud of you for that too, 0:11:23.640 --> 0:11:26.920 because that's that's breaking like a true cultural thing too. 0:11:27.960 --> 0:11:30.840 Yeah, it's I think it's also choosing the right moments 0:11:31.240 --> 0:11:35.800 to drink. I think they realize when I'm emotional because 0:11:35.920 --> 0:11:37.840 I like to have a couple of beers because it 0:11:38.040 --> 0:11:40.040 relaxes my mide. So there's two reasons why I like 0:11:40.080 --> 0:11:41.319 to do it. I have a couple of beers to 0:11:41.400 --> 0:11:45.120 relax and unwind, which is not unhealthy, a couple not 0:11:45.200 --> 0:11:50.280 too unhealthy. But then there's times where it helps me. 0:11:50.600 --> 0:11:52.720 It helps me be creative in my office if I 0:11:52.720 --> 0:11:54.800 sit and have a well I'm doing like app stuff. 0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:58.839 It helps me be creative because you almost lose the 0:11:58.880 --> 0:12:02.040 fear of not the fear of failure, but it takes 0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:04.080 it takes some of the feet away for you to 0:12:04.200 --> 0:12:07.640 then be more creative and you're thinking again. There's a 0:12:07.679 --> 0:12:11.679 balance to that and so this part of me, okay, 0:12:11.720 --> 0:12:15.160 I'm going to have to be creative and I'll use 0:12:15.200 --> 0:12:17.280 a biro too to kind of open up my thinking 0:12:17.360 --> 0:12:19.120 and lose diminish my feels. 0:12:19.160 --> 0:12:19.920 And what's a while. 0:12:19.960 --> 0:12:22.120 A lot of entertainers drink before their shows. I mean 0:12:22.160 --> 0:12:24.360 that was me and the band guys would all have 0:12:24.559 --> 0:12:26.680 drinks before the show because it loosens you up. It's 0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:29.400 sometimes some of my best auditions are when I have 0:12:29.400 --> 0:12:32.040 a little glass of wine before because I lose that 0:12:32.320 --> 0:12:35.360 fear or that I get to I feel more playful, 0:12:35.720 --> 0:12:38.880 you know, and it helps me be more creative. But 0:12:39.000 --> 0:12:42.040 on that note, we have Christy Osborne coming in the show. 0:12:42.080 --> 0:12:45.040 She's got a book coming out called Love Life Sober. 0:12:45.679 --> 0:12:46.199 Let's get her on. 0:12:59.080 --> 0:13:01.840 Hey girl, Hi, how are you. 0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:06.080 We're good. We're just you know, chatting all things alcohol 0:13:06.160 --> 0:13:11.079 right before this. So amazing we are We're glad to 0:13:11.160 --> 0:13:11.560 have you on. 0:13:11.600 --> 0:13:14.880 We were just saying how we have we have both 0:13:15.679 --> 0:13:21.439 formed new relationships with alcohol. My new relationship came post 0:13:22.360 --> 0:13:26.480 post baby and Alan you know, he's Scottish, he comes 0:13:26.480 --> 0:13:30.839 from a very cultural background of drinking and and you 0:13:30.880 --> 0:13:33.400 know he's I would say, what in the last year 0:13:33.600 --> 0:13:36.679 or ten months, you've you've kind of readdressed a new 0:13:36.760 --> 0:13:40.520 relationship with alcohol. Yeah, And so when we saw you 0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:42.280 on the rundown, I was like, oh, this is going 0:13:42.320 --> 0:13:44.679 to be interesting because we've we've got some you know, 0:13:45.120 --> 0:13:47.040 someone on here that has some some knowledge and you're 0:13:47.200 --> 0:13:48.080 going to share your story. 0:13:48.160 --> 0:13:49.040 So thanks for coming on. 0:13:49.800 --> 0:13:52.760 Yeah, thanks for having me. And I get the cultural thing. 0:13:52.800 --> 0:13:55.200 I've been living in the UK for the last sixteen years, 0:13:55.320 --> 0:13:58.360 so it's very similar over here in England to Scotland. 0:13:59.360 --> 0:14:03.080 Yeah, yeah, absolutely, Okay, So, how how long have you 0:14:03.200 --> 0:14:04.319 been sober for? 0:14:04.760 --> 0:14:06.640 Since twenty twenty so four years? 0:14:06.840 --> 0:14:09.760 Forgive me what can you share your story to sobriety 0:14:09.800 --> 0:14:10.719 and why you chose that. 0:14:11.000 --> 0:14:14.880 I started drinking like any kind of like normal teenager, 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:19.080 like just tried it, thought it was disgusting, then went 0:14:19.120 --> 0:14:21.800 to college, was in a sorority, but never really wanted 0:14:21.840 --> 0:14:23.960 to get to out of control, and so I was 0:14:23.960 --> 0:14:26.600 like the girlfriend that always held your ponytail back and 0:14:26.640 --> 0:14:31.160 all that. But then I saw upticks in my drinking 0:14:31.240 --> 0:14:33.880 kind of as I got older, moved to the UK, 0:14:34.400 --> 0:14:37.480 I went to law school. It became this this thing 0:14:37.560 --> 0:14:39.320 so that I could rest and kind of get a 0:14:39.360 --> 0:14:40.200 reward after. 0:14:40.040 --> 0:14:41.720 A long day of classes and all that. 0:14:42.320 --> 0:14:44.760 Then I became a mom, and I was alone in 0:14:44.800 --> 0:14:48.200 a country with no friends and no family, and so 0:14:48.560 --> 0:14:51.680 it was the thing that you did with your kind 0:14:51.680 --> 0:14:54.480 of NCT group over here, you're like prenatal group. 0:14:54.920 --> 0:14:57.560 We would go to the parks and we would drink rose. 0:14:58.840 --> 0:15:01.960 And it just became this like like the whole mommy 0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:04.760 wine culture thing, the thing that I did to relax. 0:15:05.520 --> 0:15:09.880 I had pretty bad postpartum after my son and didn't 0:15:09.880 --> 0:15:12.000 know it at the time, but was just really really 0:15:12.080 --> 0:15:14.520 really sad and using the wine as a break at 0:15:14.520 --> 0:15:17.000 the end of the day. I remember we got a 0:15:17.040 --> 0:15:19.160 baby nurse at one point, and the whole point, right 0:15:19.360 --> 0:15:21.280 was for her to get there so I could sleep, 0:15:21.320 --> 0:15:23.880 and I just literally went in my room and had 0:15:23.920 --> 0:15:25.480 a massive glass of red wine. 0:15:26.680 --> 0:15:28.080 And then in twenty eighteen. 0:15:27.760 --> 0:15:31.400 My own mom passed away and that's when I started 0:15:31.520 --> 0:15:35.600 drinking to cope with like some really serious grief, and 0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:39.120 so that looked like drinking at home but also out 0:15:39.160 --> 0:15:42.240 on the town in London with my girlfriends to all 0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:43.040 hours of the night. 0:15:43.760 --> 0:15:45.920 And it just got. 0:15:45.680 --> 0:15:48.960 To the point where I was really, really sad. I 0:15:49.000 --> 0:15:51.680 knew I wasn't in a place where I wanted to 0:15:51.680 --> 0:15:54.000 hang out with my kiddos. And these were two people 0:15:54.000 --> 0:15:57.400 that I prayed for desperately, that I was so grateful 0:15:57.440 --> 0:16:00.920 to have, and I just I preferred having wine or 0:16:00.920 --> 0:16:04.560 I prefer drinking to being with them. And so it 0:16:04.640 --> 0:16:08.040 was two years literally to the day of my mom passing, 0:16:08.080 --> 0:16:10.240 and I just literally looked in the mirror and I 0:16:10.280 --> 0:16:14.680 was like, Jesus, I can't do this anymore. I was exhausted, 0:16:14.760 --> 0:16:17.240 I was fighting with my husband all the time, and 0:16:17.320 --> 0:16:19.720 I just wasn't like being the woman that I wanted 0:16:19.720 --> 0:16:21.920 to be. It was, but there was like no rock 0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:22.960 bottom moment. 0:16:22.880 --> 0:16:23.080 You know. 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:27.760 There wasn't like this duy, There wasn't this massive thing 0:16:27.800 --> 0:16:29.760 that happened. It was just like a slow eroding of 0:16:30.280 --> 0:16:33.600 the person that I wanted to be, my values, like 0:16:33.640 --> 0:16:36.720 my character, and so I just went on this amazing 0:16:37.000 --> 0:16:40.440 journey of learning everything I could about alcohol and starting 0:16:40.440 --> 0:16:43.760 to feel so much better in the promise in the process, 0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:47.080 and so that's kind of yeah, I'd try to do 0:16:47.120 --> 0:16:49.040 that really fast, But there's a lot there. 0:16:50.280 --> 0:16:53.120 Did you try and cut down and provide more balance 0:16:53.160 --> 0:16:56.240 with it, or did you just go from your drinking 0:16:56.320 --> 0:16:58.000 habits to completely sober? 0:16:59.000 --> 0:17:03.840 So I definitely the a few dry januaries, so October 0:17:03.960 --> 0:17:05.960 is all of those things. But when I was doing that, 0:17:06.080 --> 0:17:09.280 it was very much a let me take off thirty 0:17:09.359 --> 0:17:12.280 days to prove to myself that I don't have a problem, 0:17:12.400 --> 0:17:15.800 because everywhere I looked, my drinking looked the same as 0:17:15.840 --> 0:17:19.359 all the other moms around me, and so I just thought, 0:17:19.400 --> 0:17:22.160 if I can take thirty days off and make it 0:17:22.280 --> 0:17:25.160 or thirty one January, then I'm okay, there's something wrong 0:17:25.200 --> 0:17:27.639 with me. I don't have a problem. I can continue 0:17:27.680 --> 0:17:30.679 to like drink like all these other gals around me. 0:17:31.720 --> 0:17:34.040 Well, I think that's an interesting point too, because when 0:17:34.080 --> 0:17:40.240 I've spoken to people that help with mental health and 0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:45.240 you know the things that are happening around alcohol, a 0:17:45.280 --> 0:17:47.440 lot of people will say, well, I don't drink during 0:17:47.480 --> 0:17:48.960 the week I just drink on the weekends. But the 0:17:48.960 --> 0:17:51.400 problem is is the binge drinking, so you are drinking 0:17:51.560 --> 0:17:56.240 so much on the weekends that it is it's almost 0:17:56.720 --> 0:17:58.320 you're gonna drink more than if you just had a 0:17:58.320 --> 0:18:00.600 glass during the week each each day, like you there, 0:18:01.000 --> 0:18:04.600 that's that's now the epidemic is what they're saying with 0:18:04.600 --> 0:18:07.600 with alcohol abuse is the binge drinking. When you do drink, 0:18:07.640 --> 0:18:11.119 you're drinking so much, and it's like, that's that's where 0:18:11.400 --> 0:18:12.359 the problem comes in. 0:18:13.160 --> 0:18:16.800 Yeah, one hundred percent. And the problem with the whole 0:18:16.960 --> 0:18:19.159 I'm not drinking during the week thing, right, is that 0:18:19.200 --> 0:18:22.720 you're just constantly making these rules for yourself that then 0:18:22.800 --> 0:18:26.280 you tend to end up breaking because alcohol is really 0:18:26.320 --> 0:18:29.080 really addictive, right, and this is why I feel like 0:18:29.160 --> 0:18:32.640 it gets into this the insidious for women, and then 0:18:32.760 --> 0:18:35.639 we can't hold up to these rules that we're making 0:18:35.680 --> 0:18:38.639 for ourselves. We can't do the you know, wine and 0:18:38.680 --> 0:18:40.960 then water on a night out or eat first, and 0:18:41.040 --> 0:18:43.080 all these rules that you're making for yourself, and so 0:18:43.200 --> 0:18:46.000 then you end up feeling like this failure and then 0:18:46.160 --> 0:18:48.960 the goalposts are always moving, right, It's like all of 0:18:49.000 --> 0:18:52.959 a sudden, Thursday is the new weekend or Wednesday or whatever. 0:18:53.119 --> 0:18:56.800 So strange this day and for that day, yes exactly. 0:18:57.119 --> 0:19:04.560 Yeah, yeah, still providing excuses, don't you. Yeah, and you 0:19:04.640 --> 0:19:07.879 start finding ways to okay, well I can. I'm okay 0:19:07.920 --> 0:19:09.960 to do it here because I did this here, or 0:19:10.000 --> 0:19:11.720 I spent four days not doing it, so now I 0:19:11.760 --> 0:19:14.000 can do it for three days. It's almost like when 0:19:14.000 --> 0:19:18.880 you're younger and you have mates who have jobs, whether 0:19:18.880 --> 0:19:21.160 they're so miserable in their jobs that they just live 0:19:21.359 --> 0:19:24.639 for the weekends. So Friday comes, they walk out of 0:19:24.680 --> 0:19:27.720 their office and they go crazy for three days. It's 0:19:27.720 --> 0:19:30.200 almost what it's like, well, okay, i've spent the last 0:19:30.200 --> 0:19:34.639 five days not having ending. I can just go. I 0:19:34.720 --> 0:19:37.119 used to do that when I played. I would not 0:19:37.200 --> 0:19:39.280 drink from months and months and months because I was 0:19:39.920 --> 0:19:42.320 a professional. And then we'd have like ten days off 0:19:43.119 --> 0:19:45.639 and the team would go on a night out and 0:19:45.680 --> 0:19:48.320 I'd only drink once, but that one night would be 0:19:49.240 --> 0:19:52.280 just absolute craziness, and the whole team would be like 0:19:52.320 --> 0:19:55.040 that because you don't drink much when you play, so 0:19:55.080 --> 0:19:57.480 it's like, Okay, you've waited, you've waited, you've waited, and 0:19:57.560 --> 0:19:59.959 now you binge and all of a sudden you're love. 0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:02.199