Speaker 1: Wind down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2: Okay, we're back another adult education.
Speaker 1: So there was an enlightenment on Dad Bod's Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: we're back.
Speaker 3: On Dad Bad Sidney, I told you this was going
Speaker 3: to come back. I just would would I say I didn't.
Speaker 2: I didn't.
Speaker 3: Actually, Sidney just goes I knew it. This is where
Speaker 3: this is where I say men are just a little
Speaker 3: bit more sensitive because I didn't.
Speaker 2: I didn't mean it in a battle. I don't actually
Speaker 2: think you have a.
Speaker 1: Dad bad I know I thought, but lessen. So this
Speaker 1: is so much. This is the difference between being sensitive
Speaker 1: and taking action. So I have a new structured program. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: monthly program. Okay, okay. I approached someone on on Instagram
Speaker 1: and it's it's quite it's quite funny because he's his
Speaker 1: Instagram name is dad Bod Steve.
Speaker 2: Wait, you're approaching dad bad Steve.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 1: I spoke to Dad board Steve because I liked the messages.
Speaker 2: GMed him.
Speaker 3: You slid into someone else's DM and this time it
Speaker 3: wasn't me. You slid into his Dad Bad Steve's Instagram.
Speaker 1: I liked his messaging on his on his channel because
Speaker 1: he based he bases it around like thirty five and
Speaker 1: up for exercises. Okay, And although I'm pretty coherent and
Speaker 1: when it comes to exercises, I know what I'm doing.
Speaker 1: But I thought, you know what, I'll get somebody that
Speaker 1: gives me structure. So Dad board Steve. All he needed
Speaker 1: to was text coaching to Dad board Steve.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, superior striker follows Dad Bad Steve on Instagram
Speaker 3: three hundred and eleven thousand followers.
Speaker 1: Wait, so we had we had the discussion yesterday and
Speaker 1: I told him, you.
Speaker 2: Are kidding me right now? This is is this for real?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm now on. I'm now I'm now on a
Speaker 1: p because we've been so busy the last few weeks
Speaker 1: and I've lesson been stuck in the office right of stuff,
Speaker 1: and I've lost the consistency. So it's not that he's
Speaker 1: going to hold me accountable, but he's just given me, Okay,
Speaker 1: here's your here's your program done.
Speaker 2: So what.
Speaker 3: I guess you just randomly went on Instagram and typed
Speaker 3: in Dad bads.
Speaker 1: No, he's a fitness guy.
Speaker 2: How did you find him?
Speaker 1: Because there's loads of fitness I follow loads of fitness
Speaker 1: people and I listened to fitness stuff and he had
Speaker 1: a message around the amount of protein and stuff that
Speaker 1: you should be taking when you're slightly older. So I
Speaker 1: then delved a little bit deeper into his page to
Speaker 1: see if he's messaging was actually really good and whether
Speaker 1: it was interesting. And it was so. And I've seen
Speaker 1: the thing that said, okay, just text coaching for your
Speaker 1: your monthly custom exercise plan.
Speaker 2: Does he know like you?
Speaker 1: I knew what I did and how it was?
Speaker 3: Okay, So like, what was your DM? Because I know
Speaker 3: what your DM like coaching?
Speaker 1: I know text on coaching.
Speaker 2: That's all you said, was coaching.
Speaker 1: Well that's what it tells you, right, and then he.
Speaker 2: Sends you the thing.
Speaker 3: But I actually had a conversation with them, and were
Speaker 3: you like my wife said, I have a dad bad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I said to my had the discussion with my
Speaker 1: wife and she and diirectly gave me a bit up
Speaker 1: the ass, which is good. That's what good wives do.
Speaker 1: They empower the husbands in an indirect manner.
Speaker 2: I literally did not. I think.
Speaker 1: I said, just thought it was funny because his name
Speaker 1: is Dad Bard Steve.
Speaker 2: But it's hilarious.
Speaker 1: But he's good. So I did the first session last night.
Speaker 3: His things that I helped men lose their dad bods
Speaker 3: d M the word coaching to lose yours.
Speaker 2: Then you DM coach.
Speaker 1: Hundreds of fitness mates and I end up text and
Speaker 1: DM and dad bod.
Speaker 3: Steve literally like you're friends with David Beckham and those
Speaker 3: people and fitness trainers.
Speaker 1: And like David Beckham fitness train.
Speaker 3: To say, like you know, like you've worked with the
Speaker 3: most elite athletes and the most elite trainers and nutritionalists
Speaker 3: in this and you're dming Dad bad Steeve on social
Speaker 3: media because you read his thing saying I can I
Speaker 3: help men lose their dad Bad's DM the word coaching.
Speaker 1: That's not what I read. But that's not a read
Speaker 1: fust it was. It was the divine timing of Dad
Speaker 1: Board's message. It's actually quite funny, and some stuff on
Speaker 1: his page it's funny as well. Like some people say,
Speaker 1: it's not a Dad Board, it's a father figure. Oh well,
Speaker 1: so I've got a plan, babe, all right, I have
Speaker 1: got a plan in place.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, Again, we could just circle back to the conversation.
Speaker 3: I love your body. I think you look great. I
Speaker 3: never actually know that said you had to I just
Speaker 3: love a dad bad. I love the caush. I don't
Speaker 3: like the super shredded look in men personally.
Speaker 1: I'll probably never have that look aade me.
Speaker 3: It's just not my thing. I know some women like that,
Speaker 3: but I don't. I don't love that where it's they're
Speaker 3: so addicted to in the gym. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2: It does?
Speaker 3: But how do I say this? Because I don't want
Speaker 3: to come off bad either. I think there's when someone
Speaker 3: wants to be in the gym five hours a day.
Speaker 3: To me, that's just a little like I don't know
Speaker 3: that it's a lot. It feels kind of like they
Speaker 3: just care about their appearance maybe or.
Speaker 1: Is that that's job?
Speaker 3: Well, right, if it's their job, then then that makes
Speaker 3: sense to me a one thousand percent. But if it's
Speaker 3: not their job, is that too? What's too much?
Speaker 1: I guess it depends if they've got a wife and
Speaker 1: a family. They've got a wife in a family, then
Speaker 1: it's probably a salefish isn't it to be in the
Speaker 1: gym that long?
Speaker 2: Yeah? So I guess that's just like what is too much?
Speaker 3: I totally would understand if it's their job and and everything,
Speaker 3: but just to to be in there for that long
Speaker 3: when it's not their job.
Speaker 1: That's just good of a dad. Board Steve been fifty
Speaker 1: minutes done.
Speaker 2: Okay, well I'm yeah that's awesome. Honey.
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 2: What's how many? How many days? What's your program?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 1: I've got this month? Sort it?
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, I love it. Well, speaking of you just
Speaker 3: said that you love beer, that.
Speaker 1: I like beer too much and say I love those.
Speaker 2: Differences I love.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, would but see that's the thing too, like
Speaker 3: you do things in moderation, so you're not going to
Speaker 3: not have.
Speaker 2: What's what do you mean talk about that?
Speaker 1: Because I think there was a few in my life
Speaker 1: that I had when I had an unhealthy relationship with.
Speaker 2: Would you like to talk more about that?
Speaker 1: I think when there's certain things happen in your life
Speaker 1: and you end up and it's not because because of
Speaker 1: divorce or because of certain incidents, but I think a
Speaker 1: lot of it is loneliness. You know, like when you
Speaker 1: were divorced, you got into you get into habit where
Speaker 1: it's fine just to have a glass of wine ever
Speaker 1: really and it becomes an unhealthy habit. It's not exactly
Speaker 1: totally unhealthy because you're not over drinking or over consuming,
Speaker 1: but you hadn't have a a healthy relationship and a
Speaker 1: lot of it was lonely. It was loneliness because alcohol
Speaker 1: heard something a few months a when it was really
Speaker 1: it was really powerful, and it was alcohol wants you
Speaker 1: to be lonely.
Speaker 2: Oh wow.
Speaker 1: And it's so true because if you think about it, eventure,
Speaker 1: if you're drinking too much, then you end up having argument,
Speaker 1: you end up ruining relationships, you end up sneaking off
Speaker 1: the drink on your own. It wants it wants you
Speaker 1: to be on your own. And that was something that
Speaker 1: is really It resonated with me like probably like a
Speaker 1: few months ago, a couple of months ago ahead and
Speaker 1: I was like, wow.
Speaker 3: It's kind of true and I won't won't bring up,
Speaker 3: but you know.
Speaker 1: It's really true. Like when you talk about the cabin.
Speaker 3: In the woods and yeah, the cabin the woods are
Speaker 3: I just want to go to my office and be alone.
Speaker 1: You know. It's yeah. And there's also the fact that
Speaker 1: during and listen, everybody has different phases in their life.
Speaker 1: But I didn't really have anyone to hold me accountable,
Speaker 1: Like I lived on my own. I was seen Troy
Speaker 1: limited the amounts of times, so so many nights I
Speaker 1: was on my own and you think, oh, it's okay
Speaker 1: just to have another one. It's okay just to have
Speaker 1: another one, but no one's there to be like no,
Speaker 1: not tonight because that's two or three nights in a row.
Speaker 1: Or where's you're good at that? What do you mean
Speaker 1: you'd be like okay, well, because you know what, I
Speaker 1: try and stick to be a wise the two and
Speaker 1: two method, which what some weeks, but there'll be things
Speaker 1: that I'm like, okay, maybe it's maybe had a couple
Speaker 1: of bios on a Thursday, and then it's a couple
Speaker 1: on a Friday, and then I have to get one
Speaker 1: on a Saturday. Like babe, that's three three nights in
Speaker 1: a row.
Speaker 2: You also told me to hold you accountable, and I
Speaker 2: appreciate it.
Speaker 3: So when someone says hold me accountable, I'm going to
Speaker 3: hold the person accountable and knowing that it is something
Speaker 3: that you want for not only your self, but I
Speaker 3: mean just for your health too, because now that we've
Speaker 3: done more research into alcohol and the effects of alcohol,
Speaker 3: but with holding accountability, it's like, I don't I think
Speaker 3: it's hard to fall like you said, like it is
Speaker 3: a lonely thing or yeah I did. I would listen
Speaker 3: or I would drink, you know, probably out of a
Speaker 3: lonely thing too, and just it was my I think
Speaker 3: for women, it became a this is your mom juice.
Speaker 3: I mean I almost call this podcast mom juice because
Speaker 3: that's how I was, like, oh, just and mom juice.
Speaker 3: And you know, it's it's okay to have the glass
Speaker 3: of wine at the end of the day. But I
Speaker 3: became so reliant on having a glass every single day
Speaker 3: that it became a habit. And I don't I've never
Speaker 3: had a habit forming thing. I used to be able
Speaker 3: to smoke with cigarettes and then put them down and
Speaker 3: never have them again. But when I truly had to
Speaker 3: break the habit of drinking every single night, and it
Speaker 3: was Roman that essentially stopped that habit because I didn't
Speaker 3: drink when obviously when I was pregnant. So and then
Speaker 3: learning more stuff talking to people like doctor Aim and
Speaker 3: having you know, people like that on the show and
Speaker 3: just kind of hearing the certain effects of alcohol and
Speaker 3: what it can do. And then you know, I think too,
Speaker 3: for you you grew up in a society or I
Speaker 3: write like people drink Scottish people drink.
Speaker 1: Irish, yeah, a lot.
Speaker 3: And so when I looked in, you know, at our
Speaker 3: relationship with your drinking, it was something where I was like, well,
Speaker 3: that's just his culture. But then you know realize, and
Speaker 3: I think you also heard people say close to you like, hey,
Speaker 3: you're kind of drinking a lot. That that made you
Speaker 3: maybe then take a look at it?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3: And then it made me go, Okay, maybe I can
Speaker 3: then maybe step in two and say, hey, how did
Speaker 3: that make you feel when this person said that, Yeah,
Speaker 3: do you want to address it?
Speaker 2: Do you want to look at it?
Speaker 1: Which I have done.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think I'm proud of you for that too,
Speaker 3: because that's that's breaking like a true cultural thing too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's I think it's also choosing the right moments
Speaker 1: to drink. I think they realize when I'm emotional because
Speaker 1: I like to have a couple of beers because it
Speaker 1: relaxes my mide. So there's two reasons why I like
Speaker 1: to do it. I have a couple of beers to
Speaker 1: relax and unwind, which is not unhealthy, a couple not
Speaker 1: too unhealthy. But then there's times where it helps me.
Speaker 1: It helps me be creative in my office if I
Speaker 1: sit and have a well I'm doing like app stuff.
Speaker 1: It helps me be creative because you almost lose the
Speaker 1: fear of not the fear of failure, but it takes
Speaker 1: it takes some of the feet away for you to
Speaker 1: then be more creative and you're thinking again. There's a
Speaker 1: balance to that and so this part of me, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm going to have to be creative and I'll use
Speaker 1: a biro too to kind of open up my thinking
Speaker 1: and lose diminish my feels.
Speaker 2: And what's a while.
Speaker 3: A lot of entertainers drink before their shows. I mean
Speaker 3: that was me and the band guys would all have
Speaker 3: drinks before the show because it loosens you up. It's
Speaker 3: sometimes some of my best auditions are when I have
Speaker 3: a little glass of wine before because I lose that
Speaker 3: fear or that I get to I feel more playful,
Speaker 3: you know, and it helps me be more creative. But
Speaker 3: on that note, we have Christy Osborne coming in the show.
Speaker 3: She's got a book coming out called Love Life Sober.
Speaker 3: Let's get her on.
Speaker 5: Hey girl, Hi, how are you.
Speaker 2: We're good. We're just you know, chatting all things alcohol
Speaker 2: right before this. So amazing we are We're glad to
Speaker 2: have you on.
Speaker 3: We were just saying how we have we have both
Speaker 3: formed new relationships with alcohol. My new relationship came post
Speaker 3: post baby and Alan you know, he's Scottish, he comes
Speaker 3: from a very cultural background of drinking and and you
Speaker 3: know he's I would say, what in the last year
Speaker 3: or ten months, you've you've kind of readdressed a new
Speaker 3: relationship with alcohol. Yeah, And so when we saw you
Speaker 3: on the rundown, I was like, oh, this is going
Speaker 3: to be interesting because we've we've got some you know,
Speaker 3: someone on here that has some some knowledge and you're
Speaker 3: going to share your story.
Speaker 2: So thanks for coming on.
Speaker 4: Yeah, thanks for having me. And I get the cultural thing.
Speaker 4: I've been living in the UK for the last sixteen years,
Speaker 4: so it's very similar over here in England to Scotland.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, absolutely, Okay, So, how how long have you
Speaker 3: been sober for?
Speaker 5: Since twenty twenty so four years?
Speaker 3: Forgive me what can you share your story to sobriety
Speaker 3: and why you chose that.
Speaker 4: I started drinking like any kind of like normal teenager,
Speaker 4: like just tried it, thought it was disgusting, then went
Speaker 4: to college, was in a sorority, but never really wanted
Speaker 4: to get to out of control, and so I was
Speaker 4: like the girlfriend that always held your ponytail back and
Speaker 4: all that. But then I saw upticks in my drinking
Speaker 4: kind of as I got older, moved to the UK,
Speaker 4: I went to law school. It became this this thing
Speaker 4: so that I could rest and kind of get a
Speaker 4: reward after.
Speaker 5: A long day of classes and all that.
Speaker 4: Then I became a mom, and I was alone in
Speaker 4: a country with no friends and no family, and so
Speaker 4: it was the thing that you did with your kind
Speaker 4: of NCT group over here, you're like prenatal group.
Speaker 5: We would go to the parks and we would drink rose.
Speaker 4: And it just became this like like the whole mommy
Speaker 4: wine culture thing, the thing that I did to relax.
Speaker 4: I had pretty bad postpartum after my son and didn't
Speaker 4: know it at the time, but was just really really
Speaker 4: really sad and using the wine as a break at
Speaker 4: the end of the day. I remember we got a
Speaker 4: baby nurse at one point, and the whole point, right
Speaker 4: was for her to get there so I could sleep,
Speaker 4: and I just literally went in my room and had
Speaker 4: a massive glass of red wine.
Speaker 5: And then in twenty eighteen.
Speaker 4: My own mom passed away and that's when I started
Speaker 4: drinking to cope with like some really serious grief, and
Speaker 4: so that looked like drinking at home but also out
Speaker 4: on the town in London with my girlfriends to all
Speaker 4: hours of the night.
Speaker 5: And it just got.
Speaker 4: To the point where I was really, really sad. I
Speaker 4: knew I wasn't in a place where I wanted to
Speaker 4: hang out with my kiddos. And these were two people
Speaker 4: that I prayed for desperately, that I was so grateful
Speaker 4: to have, and I just I preferred having wine or
Speaker 4: I prefer drinking to being with them. And so it
Speaker 4: was two years literally to the day of my mom passing,
Speaker 4: and I just literally looked in the mirror and I
Speaker 4: was like, Jesus, I can't do this anymore. I was exhausted,
Speaker 4: I was fighting with my husband all the time, and
Speaker 4: I just wasn't like being the woman that I wanted
Speaker 4: to be. It was, but there was like no rock
Speaker 4: bottom moment.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 4: There wasn't like this duy, There wasn't this massive thing
Speaker 4: that happened. It was just like a slow eroding of
Speaker 4: the person that I wanted to be, my values, like
Speaker 4: my character, and so I just went on this amazing
Speaker 4: journey of learning everything I could about alcohol and starting
Speaker 4: to feel so much better in the promise in the process,
Speaker 4: and so that's kind of yeah, I'd try to do
Speaker 4: that really fast, But there's a lot there.
Speaker 1: Did you try and cut down and provide more balance
Speaker 1: with it, or did you just go from your drinking
Speaker 1: habits to completely sober?
Speaker 4: So I definitely the a few dry januaries, so October
Speaker 4: is all of those things. But when I was doing that,
Speaker 4: it was very much a let me take off thirty
Speaker 4: days to prove to myself that I don't have a problem,
Speaker 4: because everywhere I looked, my drinking looked the same as
Speaker 4: all the other moms around me, and so I just thought,
Speaker 4: if I can take thirty days off and make it
Speaker 4: or thirty one January, then I'm okay, there's something wrong
Speaker 4: with me. I don't have a problem. I can continue
Speaker 4: to like drink like all these other gals around me.
Speaker 3: Well, I think that's an interesting point too, because when
Speaker 3: I've spoken to people that help with mental health and
Speaker 3: you know the things that are happening around alcohol, a
Speaker 3: lot of people will say, well, I don't drink during
Speaker 3: the week I just drink on the weekends. But the
Speaker 3: problem is is the binge drinking, so you are drinking
Speaker 3: so much on the weekends that it is it's almost
Speaker 3: you're gonna drink more than if you just had a
Speaker 3: glass during the week each each day, like you there,
Speaker 3: that's that's now the epidemic is what they're saying with
Speaker 3: with alcohol abuse is the binge drinking. When you do drink,
Speaker 3: you're drinking so much, and it's like, that's that's where
Speaker 3: the problem comes in.
Speaker 4: Yeah, one hundred percent. And the problem with the whole
Speaker 4: I'm not drinking during the week thing, right, is that
Speaker 4: you're just constantly making these rules for yourself that then
Speaker 4: you tend to end up breaking because alcohol is really
Speaker 4: really addictive, right, and this is why I feel like
Speaker 4: it gets into this the insidious for women, and then
Speaker 4: we can't hold up to these rules that we're making
Speaker 4: for ourselves. We can't do the you know, wine and
Speaker 4: then water on a night out or eat first, and
Speaker 4: all these rules that you're making for yourself, and so
Speaker 4: then you end up feeling like this failure and then
Speaker 4: the goalposts are always moving, right, It's like all of
Speaker 4: a sudden, Thursday is the new weekend or Wednesday or whatever.
Speaker 4: So strange this day and for that day, yes exactly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, still providing excuses, don't you. Yeah, and you
Speaker 1: start finding ways to okay, well I can. I'm okay
Speaker 1: to do it here because I did this here, or
Speaker 1: I spent four days not doing it, so now I
Speaker 1: can do it for three days. It's almost like when
Speaker 1: you're younger and you have mates who have jobs, whether
Speaker 1: they're so miserable in their jobs that they just live
Speaker 1: for the weekends. So Friday comes, they walk out of
Speaker 1: their office and they go crazy for three days. It's
Speaker 1: almost what it's like, well, okay, i've spent the last
Speaker 1: five days not having ending. I can just go. I
Speaker 1: used to do that when I played. I would not
Speaker 1: drink from months and months and months because I was
Speaker 1: a professional. And then we'd have like ten days off
Speaker 1: and the team would go on a night out and
Speaker 1: I'd only drink once, but that one night would be
Speaker 1: just absolute craziness, and the whole team would be like
Speaker 1: that because you don't drink much when you play, so
Speaker 1: it's like, Okay, you've waited, you've waited, you've waited, and
Speaker 1: now you binge and all of a sudden you're love.
Speaker 1: I was like what the hell are you doing to me?
Speaker 1: You're not done this for months and now you're now
Speaker 1: you're killing me and your and your book. There's a
Speaker 1: reference of a no failed plan mm hmm, and you
Speaker 1: offer a forty day alcohol fast.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Can I ask why why? The forty days is a
Speaker 1: science behind that, based on physiological systems and no.
Speaker 4: So my the book Mary's basically scripture, So the Bible
Speaker 4: with neuroscience and my story because when I was doing
Speaker 4: all of my research and then I started coaching gals,
Speaker 4: I couldn't find something that had that had both, and
Speaker 4: so the forty days is a reference to.
Speaker 5: Forty the Bible. Yeah.
Speaker 4: So, but the no fail part is what I love
Speaker 4: talking about because the thing is is that I, as
Speaker 4: we were talking about, with all the rules, this is
Speaker 4: about learning and growing in curiosity and grace and not
Speaker 4: not failing. And so much much of the sober Verse
Speaker 4: is about counting days and then if you get to
Speaker 4: you know, day whatever they ten, let's say, and on
Speaker 4: day eleven you have a drink, you have to go
Speaker 4: back to day one. And that's just so extremely defeating.
Speaker 4: And so this is just about for forty days, look
Speaker 4: at your relationship with alcohol, get curious, figure out why
Speaker 4: you're drinking in the first place, and figure out if
Speaker 4: alcohol is actually doing those things. And so it doesn't
Speaker 4: matter if you actually have a drink as long as
Speaker 4: you learn from it. And I have lots of exercises
Speaker 4: in the book of if you have a drink, did
Speaker 4: it actually do that thing? If let's say relaxation, for example,
Speaker 4: did it actually relax you beyond the thirty minutes? What
Speaker 4: did you feel like the next day? Did you really
Speaker 4: stick to your plan of one? And so it's really
Speaker 4: about getting curious about the why behind your drinking because
Speaker 4: we have so many subconscious beliefs, and most of them
Speaker 4: are positive, even though we've had you know, negative experiences
Speaker 4: with alcohol, that alcohol benefits us in a number of ways.
Speaker 4: So it's getting really curious about is that true or not.
Speaker 4: So I don't even you know, I don't care if
Speaker 4: you have a few drinks along the way, like obviously
Speaker 4: you'll feel better and you'll have more positive benefits if
Speaker 4: you don't. But this is about grace and compassion and
Speaker 4: learning and figuring out if your life is better without
Speaker 4: alcohol or even just you know, on a break.
Speaker 3: I think this the thing that can be challenging because
Speaker 3: I have definitely I mean, I really drink now, I
Speaker 3: really do.
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 3: I mean, gosh, like we talked about earlier in the show,
Speaker 3: when I was divorced, I would have a glass of
Speaker 3: wine every night, and it was to what you said,
Speaker 3: it was the mama, mama, mama time and this was
Speaker 3: my you know, I couldn't wait to pour that glass
Speaker 3: of wine when I put the kids to bed, to
Speaker 3: just like relax and you know, have peace. And then
Speaker 3: when we started dating, it was something fun that we
Speaker 3: did together. And then it was after having our child
Speaker 3: that I was just like, I really want to form
Speaker 3: a new relationship with alcohol because I actually don't like
Speaker 3: the way it makes me feel. I don't sleep good.
Speaker 3: You know, I've heard all the negative benefits of it.
Speaker 3: There are times when I do enjoy it, you know,
Speaker 3: when I have like tonight, I've got a yugur night
Speaker 3: with my girls. But there are also I feel like
Speaker 3: there's this and I want to say pressure, and I
Speaker 3: also don't want and I'm gonna give give an example
Speaker 3: and I'm not saying you do this at all. But
Speaker 3: the other night, when we had our friends come over,
Speaker 3: I said, you know, I'm not going to drink tonight
Speaker 3: because I actually just didn't want to, but I felt
Speaker 3: the pressure of having to drink because we were going
Speaker 3: to have a game night with our friends and this
Speaker 3: is what Everyone's going to have a drink And if
Speaker 3: I'm the only one not drinking, then that must mean
Speaker 3: that I'm not fun. Right by no means no, no, I'm
Speaker 3: not putting this on you at all. This is what
Speaker 3: I make up about myself that people are going to
Speaker 3: think that I must not be the fun one, nor
Speaker 3: am I going to have fun if everyone is not drinking.
Speaker 3: And I did say I'm not going to He's like,
Speaker 3: you're not gonna and you said like, well you're not gonna.
Speaker 3: You don't You're not gonna drink, And I'm like no,
Speaker 3: and you didn't press it. But there was a piece
Speaker 3: of me that was like, does he think that I'm
Speaker 3: not fun now because I don't want to have a
Speaker 3: glass of wine because I want to.
Speaker 2: I want it to almost.
Speaker 3: Be okay and and more normal that you don't have
Speaker 3: to have a drink when you're having parties with your friends,
Speaker 3: that you can just you know, like I just I
Speaker 3: had my little hydro drug and who they didn't know
Speaker 3: what was in it, but I knew it was just
Speaker 3: water with a little bit of lemon, you know, because
Speaker 3: I actually just didn't want to drink. I wanted to
Speaker 3: just because because I just know all the negatives that
Speaker 3: I'm now feeling in my forties with alcohol, and I'm like,
Speaker 3: I don't even I don't want to have a sleepless,
Speaker 3: sweaty night of not feeling good or like having that anxiety,
Speaker 3: Like I just don't want to feel that, you know,
Speaker 3: I like it for the thirty minutes of like that
Speaker 3: calmingness or that calm feeling, but then afterwards, I just
Speaker 3: I don't like how I feel in the middle of
Speaker 3: the night or when I wake up in the morning,
Speaker 3: or how my body feels, and so I just I
Speaker 3: want it to be And you probably are, like when
Speaker 3: you open a beer, you might feel my judgment of
Speaker 3: oh here's he's drinking.
Speaker 2: I don't do you feel that or is that your
Speaker 2: your in ourself?
Speaker 1: I probably used to not so much now because I've
Speaker 1: I've controlled it and balanced it out a lot more.
Speaker 1: But I think you do. I think when when it's
Speaker 1: been a question that's been raised, like going back to
Speaker 1: you one where you were, I would raise that because
Speaker 1: I know that you enjoy having a glass. Very rarely
Speaker 1: we have more than than one glass. So that's why
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, you're not drinking. That's strange, Okay, because
Speaker 1: I know you enjoy it. But yeah, there'll be times
Speaker 1: on like maybe so I like to I like to
Speaker 1: grab it if I'm I grill a lot, like we
Speaker 1: I grill like five times a week, probably four times
Speaker 1: a week, so on like a Thursday or a Friday
Speaker 1: or a satur when I'm grilling. I like to have
Speaker 1: a beer when I'm grilling, And there's sometimes I'll go
Speaker 1: into the fridge and I can feel the eye following
Speaker 1: me all the way the fridge, all the way to
Speaker 1: the group.
Speaker 2: I love it. I you know, I also just don't like.
Speaker 3: I also know your habit that you're also trying to break,
Speaker 3: you know. So it's like that hard thing where I
Speaker 3: want him to enjoy his thing, but also I know
Speaker 3: the negative side effects. I know he's working to clean
Speaker 3: his liver right now. I know you're you know what
Speaker 3: I mean, Like, we're working so hard to clean our
Speaker 3: clear our systems of the the damage that we've put
Speaker 3: on it, whether it being stress or the food we've
Speaker 3: eaten or the things that we've consumed alcohol wise.
Speaker 4: So yeah, the good news is that a lot of
Speaker 4: those non alcoholic beers taste like the quote quote real thing.
Speaker 4: My husband's gotten really into the non alcoholic beers.
Speaker 3: Well, even said like we've been even drinking a lot
Speaker 3: of Stevia because you just like the fizz of like
Speaker 3: the carbonation.
Speaker 1: Some things I would like. I just love having the refreshing,
Speaker 1: culminated drink. So the some things like I'm happy just
Speaker 1: gonna like and might be a fridge those like the
Speaker 1: Stavia Cola's called some things that going on, I don't
Speaker 1: want to be. I just want to sparkling combinated refresh
Speaker 1: and drink. So maybe it's a maybe it's my relationship
Speaker 1: with colbination that's a problem.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 4: I'm like really into my sparkling water. But you bring
Speaker 4: up a really good point. And so the fun part
Speaker 4: of it too. I talk a lot about this in
Speaker 4: the book of Giving alcohol jobs, and that was my
Speaker 4: hardest to break as well, was alcohol is fun. It
Speaker 4: makes me fun, it brings the fun, and so it
Speaker 4: was just doing a lot of testing of that out.
Speaker 4: Is that true can I have fun without alcohol? And
Speaker 4: it took some time and doing different things, and then
Speaker 4: to the grilling part of it, right, it's the job
Speaker 4: of almost the ritual of having the thing at the
Speaker 4: end of the day of grilling for the family.
Speaker 5: And having that glass.
Speaker 4: And the good news is is that we're in a
Speaker 4: time now where there's so many options with different mocktails
Speaker 4: and stuff like that. So it's really about just asking
Speaker 4: what is the job that I'm giving out alcohol and
Speaker 4: is it actually accomplishing that job or doing the opposite,
Speaker 4: which I know if if there are listeners that like
Speaker 4: are into their their drinking, that sounds like a totally
Speaker 4: crazy thing, But it's just about open, being open and
Speaker 4: curious with all of it.
Speaker 2: M hmm yeah.
Speaker 3: And and then you know in groups such settings, people
Speaker 3: are like, you know, like even tonight girls knife, I
Speaker 3: was to say I'm not having I would probably get
Speaker 3: a comment being like, oh, you're not drinking? Why does
Speaker 3: that have to be even a question?
Speaker 1: Are you pregnant?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely not. But also like I just I guess,
Speaker 3: I just don't. I wish that wasn't even a post question,
Speaker 3: and like why are you not drinking? Couldn't be like, well,
Speaker 3: why who cares? Who cares if I drink? Who cares
Speaker 3: if I don't?
Speaker 2: Why? Why are you not? Why?
Speaker 3: Why are you eating a cookie? And I'm not like,
Speaker 3: I'm not going to say like, oh, you're not eating
Speaker 3: a cookie. I know, but I just for some reason,
Speaker 3: it bothers me that that's even like a question.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it bothered me too. It's I tell clients to
Speaker 4: respond to that with I'm trying something new and I'm
Speaker 4: learning that I'm feeling so much.
Speaker 5: Better without it.
Speaker 4: And if your girlfriends are good, that's a hard one
Speaker 4: for them to argue with, if you're feeling better or
Speaker 4: sleeping better. The other one, too, is like we're all
Speaker 4: we're all struggling with anxiety, right, and we know so
Speaker 4: much now about how alcohol affects cortisol and adrenaline and
Speaker 4: how long it stays in our system. So you have
Speaker 4: a glass of wine on a Monday at book club
Speaker 4: and your cortisol levels are still spiked seven days later,
Speaker 4: you know, And we have so much on our plates.
Speaker 4: Is as moms, we don't need that, And so it's
Speaker 4: we have so much more information now about how it's
Speaker 4: actually affecting our brains and our bodies, and so as
Speaker 4: soon as and you can be the first mover in
Speaker 4: your friend group too, write and start like lying this
Speaker 4: down very gently and gracefully. But we know a lot
Speaker 4: about how it doesn't make us feel good and how
Speaker 4: it Yeah, so.
Speaker 3: I heard, and I'm going to butcher the timing of
Speaker 3: what this quote said or this article said. But it
Speaker 3: was like in ten or fifteen years, alcohol will be
Speaker 3: viewed the same way that cigarettes are viewed today.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, let's see.
Speaker 4: I don't know the exact timeline, but we know, as
Speaker 4: I said, we know so much information.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 4: It's a class one carcinogen right up there with tobacco
Speaker 4: and asbestos and like all these things that are really
Speaker 4: really awful for us. It's directly linked now to breast cancer.
Speaker 4: And I don't like love rattling these facts off, because
Speaker 4: I don't. I think it's hard to come from a
Speaker 4: scare tactic place. But it's more of empowering and educating ourselves.
Speaker 4: Right that three glasses of wine is that going to
Speaker 4: increase your breast cancer risk by fifteen percent? There are
Speaker 4: health organizations say that it does, and so it's just
Speaker 4: about empowering ourselves and learning. Just like we didn't know
Speaker 4: all the bad things tobacco and cigarettes we're doing to us.
Speaker 4: We're learning so much more now.
Speaker 3: So what do you say to the people that talk
Speaker 3: about the benefits of potentially having a glass of wine.
Speaker 3: I mean, you look at people in Italy and they're
Speaker 3: living their best life, like having all the carbs, all
Speaker 3: the alcohol, and they're living long and they look healthy.
Speaker 2: I don't know, yeah they are.
Speaker 4: But a lot of the research about alcohol being good
Speaker 4: like red wine for your heart that we all grew
Speaker 4: up with that message, right, has been completely debunked that
Speaker 4: alcohol is actually like really really really bad for your heart.
Speaker 4: The World Heart Federation came out with the statement on that,
Speaker 4: I want to say, two years ago, and then the
Speaker 4: whole blue zones argument, which I get a lot. Actually,
Speaker 4: the research is showing that there's just as much death
Speaker 4: coming out of Europe from alcohol use is there as
Speaker 4: there is in the States.
Speaker 5: We actually just.
Speaker 4: Had an expert on about that over on my podcast
Speaker 4: talking about that exact same.
Speaker 5: Thing of you know, we looked really pretty, but there's.
Speaker 4: Just as much illness and death coming from alcohol abuse
Speaker 4: in Europe. I mean it's like, you know, Scotland and England.
Speaker 4: We love to drink over here.
Speaker 3: So I didn't know that about the heart and the
Speaker 3: wine stuff, because I mean, yeah, I used to. This
Speaker 3: is so messed up. But you know, I'm a Christian
Speaker 3: and I would always be like, it's my Jesus juice,
Speaker 3: like Jesus drink wine, you.
Speaker 5: Know, but that's the name of my podcast. But Jesus
Speaker 5: drink wine.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, there you go.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And then that's what I would always say, it's
Speaker 3: my Jesus juice.
Speaker 2: But no, it's not.
Speaker 4: Apparently well, I mean we I fick that the whole
Speaker 4: other episode. But everything, right, the Bible says everything's permissible,
Speaker 4: but not everything is beneficial. And the whole reason I
Speaker 4: wanted to write this book is I ended up getting
Speaker 4: closer to Jesus. I ended up renewing all of my
Speaker 4: faith and everything when I let go of alcohol. And
Speaker 4: so you know, it's possible. It's one of those things
Speaker 4: that are standing in the way. Although I heard that
Speaker 4: that Bible study a lot, right, But Jesus drink wine.
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 3: What would you say to the person that is sober curious?
Speaker 3: Do you talk about that in your book? Like what's
Speaker 3: the maybe one of the first steps to enter into
Speaker 3: that sober curious because I mean that is a there
Speaker 3: are many people on Instagram talking about they're living a
Speaker 3: sober curious life now on social media.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's lots of exercises in the book, but one
Speaker 4: of the first one is just to get really curious
Speaker 4: about the why behind your drinking, right the jobs that
Speaker 4: you're giving alcohol.
Speaker 5: Figure out what it is.
Speaker 4: That you need at the end of the day. Another
Speaker 4: way to put that is like, what's the unmet need?
Speaker 4: The kids are screaming, you know all the what do
Speaker 4: you really need right now? Do you need arrest? Do
Speaker 4: you need five minutes alone? Do you need to go
Speaker 4: to bed early? Do you need to call your best friends?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 4: What do you actually need? And get and get really curious.
Speaker 4: Then if alcohol is is doing that for you, Because
Speaker 4: we all drink for reasons as women, they're very very
Speaker 4: similar and as soon as we can start like eliminating
Speaker 4: of those reasons, then you're drinking less and that's a win.
Speaker 1: Is the book is the book mostly for women? As
Speaker 1: a can man benefit for this from this? Was it
Speaker 1: just purely directed towards females.
Speaker 4: I wrote it for women because I felt really alone
Speaker 4: when I started my own journey, and I didn't know
Speaker 4: any other women that were curious about this, and so
Speaker 4: I wrote it towards women. But I mean, anybody can
Speaker 4: benefit from a forty day break or getting curious, So yeah,
Speaker 4: anybody can read it.
Speaker 3: Was your husband sober or did he kind of come
Speaker 3: along the journey with you?
Speaker 5: He was the first person I'd said something to.
Speaker 4: I was like, babe, I have no idea what this means.
Speaker 4: I don't know if it's going to be forever, but
Speaker 4: right now, I just know I need to take a break.
Speaker 4: And so for a very long time, he didn't drink
Speaker 4: in the house. This was also during COVID, but he
Speaker 4: cut back majorly. But he'll still have a beer when
Speaker 4: he's grilling, or you know, on a night out with colleagues,
Speaker 4: he'll have it drink, but he's massively cut back. And
Speaker 4: I talk about in the book how it's just done
Speaker 4: wonders for our marriage because we're not having those stupid
Speaker 4: fights all the time, fickering.
Speaker 2: Did you find that the fights were mostly alcohol related?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: I used to do this thing where at the end
Speaker 4: of the night I would write, like one eye open
Speaker 4: in my phone about why we were fighting all the
Speaker 4: reasons I was right, so that then the next morning
Speaker 4: I could win the argument. But of course you go
Speaker 4: back and you read those texts and they don't make sense.
Speaker 3: But yeah, I mean there is something to be said.
Speaker 3: I mean alcohol can can cause a lot of issues,
Speaker 3: probably in relationships with with with drinking and guaranteed, I
Speaker 3: don't know what about free do you? Do you ever
Speaker 3: find a place where you think you would not not
Speaker 3: ever have alcohol?
Speaker 1: No, because I don't really. There'll be there'll be a
Speaker 1: time and a place where I'll find complete and piece
Speaker 1: and by balance with it. But I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: think I want a life where I don't want to
Speaker 1: have one or two beers where I'm grilling. And so
Speaker 1: I think i'll I'll get.
Speaker 2: What is the why? Though? For you, I'm just curious.
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't really know what the why is.
Speaker 1: I think it. I think it brings there's a part
Speaker 1: of it brings a certain amount of peace while it's
Speaker 1: for the thirty minutes or whatever science says. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think it's I think it's a man thing of
Speaker 1: I like to I just like to have a beer
Speaker 1: now and again. And I don't think I'll ever lose
Speaker 1: that habit. I don't either get to a point where
Speaker 1: it'll be healthier, and who knows, I might get to
Speaker 1: a point where I'm just like, you know what I've got.
Speaker 1: I've limited it so much that why even why even
Speaker 1: do it at all?
Speaker 3: I don't know, Coach, what do you hear when you do?
Speaker 3: What do you What do you hear when you hear that?
Speaker 4: I think that if you have peace around it, right,
Speaker 4: a lot of the of the That's the thing that
Speaker 4: my client say when they fully give up, is that
Speaker 4: that mental noise of should I, shouldn't I, and all
Speaker 4: the rules we were talking about. When that goes, you
Speaker 4: have so much more mental real estate and more peace.
Speaker 4: And so if it's not clogging up your mind and you're.
Speaker 5: In your you do have a good relationship with.
Speaker 4: It, that's one hundred percent fine. I think I'm talking
Speaker 4: to the gals who know that they're drinking too much
Speaker 4: and are sick and tired of struggling with being stuck
Speaker 4: in this pattern and not know how to address it
Speaker 4: when it looks like every you know, everyone around you
Speaker 4: is drinking, and so we also all have our things right.
Speaker 4: It might not be alcohol, It might be social media.
Speaker 4: It might be we all have our things that are
Speaker 4: are distracting and so.
Speaker 2: This ism is what yeah is what it is?
Speaker 3: What I say, we all have that one thing that's
Speaker 3: some sort of ism in our life.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but Chrissy, thank you for coming on. Everyone.
Speaker 3: Get Love Life Sober available September twenty fourth, a forty
Speaker 3: day alcohol fast to rediscover your joy, improve your health,
Speaker 3: and renew your mind.
Speaker 2: And where else can our listeners find you?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm on Instagram.
Speaker 4: At love Life Sober with Christy and I also have
Speaker 4: a podcast but Jesus drink Wine and other stories that
Speaker 4: kept us stuck.
Speaker 2: I love it. Thank you so much for coming on.
Speaker 4: Thanks babe. Nice to meet you guys.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think it's good. I think the balance is
Speaker 3: a good thing. But I also the more I think
Speaker 3: we dive into health things, it might be something that
Speaker 3: we both look at and go okay, because I could
Speaker 3: be one hundred percent done. I could be sober and
Speaker 3: not drink anymore. No, it sound good for you, it's
Speaker 3: not very nice, but it's just like I because I've
Speaker 3: cut that habit in a way where I don't feel.
Speaker 2: Like I need it.
Speaker 1: You've cut it down so much know that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well it's again. I just I don't like how
Speaker 2: it feel.
Speaker 3: And I feel like when you stop too, you didn't
Speaker 3: you also recognize the benefits?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think those. I know that if I have
Speaker 1: more than if I have more than probably two, if
Speaker 1: I have more than three drinks like three beers, I
Speaker 1: know that I'm gonna wake up during the night and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna have fears about things. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: wake up and think, why did you drink more than
Speaker 1: three beers? And it almost brings it just it just
Speaker 1: brings all the dark things from your life and the
Speaker 1: fears up when you go to sleep. And then I
Speaker 1: know that if I drank too much, I wake up,
Speaker 1: and so therefore I just tend not to do that
Speaker 1: to a point where I don't want to wake up
Speaker 1: with fear and anxiety.
Speaker 2: So that's like one the only.
Speaker 1: Fear and anxiety I have at night now is when
Speaker 1: you elbow me when I'm snoring. Anxiety. I have been
Speaker 1: elbowed midnight.
Speaker 3: Elbow I do it kind now. Anyways, all right, well,
Speaker 3: we'll see you next week.