Speaker 1: Laura, let me start backwards here your last paragraph. I
Speaker 1: feel disconnected and I'm questioning if there's any reason to
Speaker 1: spend the rest of my life with him. Yes, Yes,
Speaker 1: there's a reason. Parker back on the podcast today is
Speaker 1: my guest. I love Evan Parker. You claim to be
Speaker 1: the relationship guy on this podcast. I feel like I
Speaker 1: just want to be I want to be put wherever
Speaker 1: I can help the most. This podcast has evolved so
Speaker 1: much into so many different aspects of life, and I
Speaker 1: was just thinking all of the wise men and women
Speaker 1: that you have on this podcast. I always just tend
Speaker 1: to get the younger person questions because it's more fresh
Speaker 1: for me. So I was like, I'll hope whatever I can,
Speaker 1: I tend to be used for the young guy who's
Speaker 1: having relationship issues, which is a very common problem. So
Speaker 1: many questions come up on this podcast and so many
Speaker 1: different categories that we talk about. And you, of all
Speaker 1: the guests that I have, you are more quiet, But
Speaker 1: that's how you are in real life. You're a listener.
Speaker 1: You think you listen, but then when you talk, it's
Speaker 1: like this explosion of wisdom will come in these spurts.
Speaker 1: That's incredible and you're one of the reasons, although you're
Speaker 1: my little brother, you're one of the reasons that you're
Speaker 1: a consistent guest on this podcast, and you're one of
Speaker 1: the reasons that you're on episode one hundred next week.
Speaker 1: So everyone listening, we have pre recorded already episode one hundred.
Speaker 1: This is episode ninety nine. We're gonna have episode one
Speaker 1: hundred coming next Monday. You're not gonna want to miss it.
Speaker 1: So if you listen to this, if you're new, or
Speaker 1: if this is your first one, or if you listen
Speaker 1: all the time, mark on your calendars next Monday morning,
Speaker 1: episode one hundred. I have some all star guests that
Speaker 1: we're all here in a panel together. If you don't
Speaker 1: know about this podcast, we answer your questions, you could
Speaker 1: email them to Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. Grangersmith
Speaker 1: podcast at gmail dot com. Could be any question on
Speaker 1: any topic and any subject, and that's what, like you're saying,
Speaker 1: this podcast has evolved, and that's what it's evolved too,
Speaker 1: to answering your questions. I feel very blessed to have
Speaker 1: people surrounding me in my life wise counsel that I
Speaker 1: could talk to about anything, any kind of subject that
Speaker 1: could be in a setting of the cab of a
Speaker 1: truck on a road trip or sitting around a campfire,
Speaker 1: and it's like, hey, man, could I kind of run
Speaker 1: something by you? I got something going on in my life.
Speaker 1: I want to run it by you. I love that
Speaker 1: I have that wise council, and it occurred to me
Speaker 1: that I should share that wise counsel with the world
Speaker 1: in a podcast form. So and then I'm kind of
Speaker 1: blown away that this podcast has grown to what it is.
Speaker 1: I mean, we're consistently in the top chart of all
Speaker 1: music podcasts in the world, and it's a testament to
Speaker 1: knowing that people genuinely want to talk about life and
Speaker 1: listen about life and listen to listen to other people's questions.
Speaker 1: Because although I'm going to answer several questions on here
Speaker 1: from you guys, obviously most of you will not get
Speaker 1: your question answered on this episode. But I would like
Speaker 1: to think that everything we talk about in the range
Speaker 1: of subjects, something is going to relate to your life
Speaker 1: or you're gonna be able to take some kind of
Speaker 1: nugget out of it. I know I do from my
Speaker 1: own life. I listen to you guys, and I go
Speaker 1: through this podcast, and I ended up learning so much
Speaker 1: about my own life just because of it. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I was going to say, it's just as beneficial for
Speaker 1: us to come together and be thinking about these topics
Speaker 1: and see what people are dealing with on a day
Speaker 1: to day basis, whether you know it or not, some
Speaker 1: of the different issues, and how thirsty they are for
Speaker 1: for knowledge and guidance for sure. And you know, I
Speaker 1: know you do, and I know Chad and Bernie and
Speaker 1: Christian all of us research so much during the week.
Speaker 1: We research other things, and we read so much, and
Speaker 1: we're constantly learning. And now that now that I when
Speaker 1: I read now and I listen to things, I'm in
Speaker 1: my mind, I'm going, ooh, that's a that's a good
Speaker 1: idea to remember. For an answer to a podcast, I
Speaker 1: want to start with an easy one here, like a
Speaker 1: warm up question, and it says the subject line says
Speaker 1: for Parker, it says, how long has it taken you
Speaker 1: to master the piano? Did you take lessons as a child?
Speaker 1: How many years? I truly think acoustic guitar and piano
Speaker 1: are beautiful together. Hint hint, Granger. This question comes from
Speaker 1: Jen Lindler. Well, I was born with it and that's
Speaker 1: pretty much it. I've just always been great, right. I
Speaker 1: once heard a guys say that I may not be
Speaker 1: necessarily gifted in something right off the bat, but I
Speaker 1: have a PhD in persistence, and people are always like, man,
Speaker 1: that's such a gift. That's such a gift. And yes, honestly,
Speaker 1: the gift of persistence is a gift from God. And
Speaker 1: to try to hone in on that is the key.
Speaker 1: And so I've been playing for about four years consistently,
Speaker 1: and I always tell people you're twenty minutes a day
Speaker 1: from becoming a master of whatever you want to become
Speaker 1: a master of. There's exceptions here and there to you
Speaker 1: want to stay in the ballpark of you know what
Speaker 1: you're naturally good at and inclined to do, and what
Speaker 1: you're what you know the desires are that you have.
Speaker 1: And I've always just been interested in piano, and so
Speaker 1: I've been playing about twenty minutes a day for four
Speaker 1: years and that's kind of where I've gotten to where
Speaker 1: I am. So you're you're twenty minutes a day from
Speaker 1: any particular hobby or skill on the side that you
Speaker 1: want to be good at. In a couple of years,
Speaker 1: you'll be you'll be pretty proficient at it. Totally agree
Speaker 1: and the accept your talking about. It's like, for instance,
Speaker 1: an NFL quarterback. You can't practice twenty minutes a day
Speaker 1: and then eventually you're going to be an NFL quarterback.
Speaker 1: There's just certain limitations that we have as humans. But
Speaker 1: I think, for the most part, especially musical instruments, that
Speaker 1: twenty minutes a day thing is you're gonna be proficient
Speaker 1: in guitar or piano no matter who you are, no
Speaker 1: matter if you don't have a creative or a musical
Speaker 1: bone in your entire body. You practice for twenty minutes
Speaker 1: a day for and put that together in a course
Speaker 1: of so many years, you're gonna be able to sit
Speaker 1: around at Christmas time and play Christmas carols on the
Speaker 1: piano or the guitar. You just are so And that
Speaker 1: goes with anything in life. It's not just piano and guitar.
Speaker 1: It's anything you want to get. You want to get
Speaker 1: pretty decent. I mean, if you practice ping pong for
Speaker 1: twenty minutes a day for five years, you're gonna be
Speaker 1: the best ping pong player in your family and in
Speaker 1: your friend group, hands down. Yeah, it's about getting one
Speaker 1: percent better every day and having the humility to set
Speaker 1: the bar properly low for yourself to where it's like
Speaker 1: learning piano and seeing someone else who's really gets really
Speaker 1: easy to compare yourself. You look at Granger and listen
Speaker 1: to him saying you're not going to be that good
Speaker 1: when you first try seeing But if you're able to
Speaker 1: set that bar properly low and be like, Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: going to try to hit these two notes today, or
Speaker 1: I just want to figure out what key this piano
Speaker 1: song is in and I'm going to find it on
Speaker 1: the board and then do it, and then over time,
Speaker 1: that's what's gonna That's what's going to get you to
Speaker 1: that level is is taking it one day at a
Speaker 1: time and not getting discouraged by looking at where someone
Speaker 1: else is before that. And then the other thing is
Speaker 1: where are you finding your validation? Are you are your
Speaker 1: what's the motivation for learning it? Is it to be
Speaker 1: able to impress people to try to make up for
Speaker 1: some insecurity that you have. Are you trying to find
Speaker 1: that validation from other people? Or are you like, I
Speaker 1: just want to learn this because I genuinely like playing
Speaker 1: piano by myself, and if nobody ever hears it, then
Speaker 1: that's okay, But just question yourself too, before you wake
Speaker 1: up ten years down the road and you're like, I
Speaker 1: did that to prove somebody else wrong out of anger
Speaker 1: or spite or pride. And if you can do it
Speaker 1: just because you genuinely enjoy it, you're not trying to
Speaker 1: get validation from it, then that'll help it be longer
Speaker 1: lasting and meaningful. I've heard somebody say before that you
Speaker 1: could always tell in somebody's life how bad somebody wants
Speaker 1: something by the result of what that manifestation is in
Speaker 1: their life. So if someone says, for instance, man, my
Speaker 1: number one goal is to be a great dad, But
Speaker 1: then you look at their life and their kids are
Speaker 1: out of control and they like to spend more time
Speaker 1: on the you know, on the bass boat on the
Speaker 1: weekends than they do throwing the ball with their kid.
Speaker 1: Then you go, well, then you don't really want to
Speaker 1: be a great dad. Yeah, your actions are so loud,
Speaker 1: I can't hear what you're saying. Yeah, the result is
Speaker 1: right there, the manifestation of what that is. So like
Speaker 1: when someone says, I really really want to learn piano,
Speaker 1: do you play piano? No, I just really want to learn. Well,
Speaker 1: then you don't really want to learn because you're not trying. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so let's go specific to this question from Jen how
Speaker 1: many years and do you take lessons? We'll start with that,
Speaker 1: like be specific about her question, how many years have
Speaker 1: you been playing? I've been playing off and on since
Speaker 1: I was about seventeen. I didn't play for four years
Speaker 1: when I was in college, and I didn't play for
Speaker 1: the first year out of college. I decided to take
Speaker 1: it seriously and start doing literally twenty minutes a day
Speaker 1: is what I started doing about four years ago, a
Speaker 1: little over four years ago. And then I started getting
Speaker 1: to the point where I was like, Okay, I'm getting better.
Speaker 1: I would like some additional guidance to get to the
Speaker 1: next level. And I've been taking lessons once a week,
Speaker 1: which has helped me a lot with accountability and with
Speaker 1: learning the theory and some of the things that I
Speaker 1: don't love doing, like reading sheet music and learning the theory,
Speaker 1: the stuff that's a little bit more boring to me.
Speaker 1: It's helped me be it's helped keep me account and
Speaker 1: I've been taking lessons consistently for a little over one year. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So that goes back to also time blocking your day.
Speaker 1: So Jen, if you really want to learn piano, then
Speaker 1: you just time block your day and you go, okay,
Speaker 1: I need twenty minutes, and you set set your expectations low,
Speaker 1: set the bar low. I think that's a great plan
Speaker 1: in terms of don't tell yourself you're gonna practice for
Speaker 1: two hours a day for seven days a week. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you get burned out. You're gonna get burned out. And
Speaker 1: when you when you don't meet that expectation of yourself,
Speaker 1: you're gonna go, you know what, I was just never
Speaker 1: cut out for it. So I think twenty minutes is
Speaker 1: even ten even if you start with ten, like Jordan
Speaker 1: Peterson would say, set your bar super low, ten minutes
Speaker 1: a day. I'm gonna go ten minutes a day, five
Speaker 1: days a week, Monday through Friday. Ten minutes. And that's
Speaker 1: and that's that's something that you could build on because
Speaker 1: then you go ten minutes works, I'm gonna bump it
Speaker 1: up to fifteen. And you just add all that up
Speaker 1: and you look back one day and you go, wow,
Speaker 1: I play piano. Piano and just any instrument is such
Speaker 1: a such a good analogy for life too, because it's
Speaker 1: so easy to just get caught up in how other
Speaker 1: people are where they're at, or focusing on wanting to
Speaker 1: be able to play the whole song perfectly when it's
Speaker 1: like I just need to focus on playing these few
Speaker 1: notes today correctly and be content with that totally. Let's
Speaker 1: get into some heavy stuff. How about relationship problems? That says, Hey,
Speaker 1: this is Caleb from Arkansas. I'm fourteen. I want your
Speaker 1: advice on relationship problems. I just recently met the most
Speaker 1: wonderful and perfect girl. We started dating for about a month,
Speaker 1: but what hurt me most was when I found out
Speaker 1: her parents didn't want her to date until she's older,
Speaker 1: which I understand and I'm sure you do too, since
Speaker 1: you have a daughter. But we had to break up
Speaker 1: and I fell into a major cloud of depression and
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do about making us how
Speaker 1: this is going to work for our future. Do you
Speaker 1: have any suggestions on how to get rid of depression
Speaker 1: and how to convince her parents? Then I'm not a
Speaker 1: bad kid. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Speaker 1: I love what you do. Keep up the great work.
Speaker 1: God bless thank you. Caleb shout out to Arkansas. It's
Speaker 1: a common question I see this kind of question in
Speaker 1: a different form all the time. Coming into this podcast,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figuret where to start. Fourteen. We'll start
Speaker 1: that he's fourteen, Yeah, exactly. It's not Caleb. It's just
Speaker 1: not a big deal. It is a big deal in
Speaker 1: your world, I understand, But in the perspective of your life,
Speaker 1: it's not a big deal that you found the most
Speaker 1: wonderful and perfect girl. I think you are. You're needing
Speaker 1: something from a wonderful, perfect girl that you are, that's
Speaker 1: making up for something else that you're missing as a
Speaker 1: fourteen year old because you you shouldn't, you shouldn't crave
Speaker 1: this so bad that you go into a cloud of depression.
Speaker 1: I think that's stemming from something else. So let me
Speaker 1: go ahead and answer one part of your question. Do
Speaker 1: you have any suggestions on how to get rid of depression? Brother,
Speaker 1: that's a different there's a different question. Those are two
Speaker 1: profoundly different questions here. And so if this, if this
Speaker 1: is causing you depression or a major cloud as you
Speaker 1: put as you put it, then there's something wrong. There's
Speaker 1: something that's like saying I have a headache, Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I have a headache, and then you go and you
Speaker 1: get an MRI and there's like a growth on your brain,
Speaker 1: Like there's a difference between having a headache because you
Speaker 1: have allergies and there's actually a growth on your brain.
Speaker 1: There's something deeper than allergies going on here with you
Speaker 1: with your headache per se. So then the other part
Speaker 1: of the question is that we'll get into, is you
Speaker 1: found out her parents don't want her to date till
Speaker 1: she's older, which I think is a really good rule,
Speaker 1: And there's something to say for a teenager or young
Speaker 1: twenties in respecting the girl's parents' decision. And that's a
Speaker 1: major thing, right, Respecting what her parents think about her
Speaker 1: age and dating needs to come as a high priority
Speaker 1: to you. You have to honor that, You have to
Speaker 1: honor parents, You have to honor your parents, and you
Speaker 1: need to honor this girl if you truly, if you
Speaker 1: truly think she's a wonderful girl that probably has a
Speaker 1: lot to do with she was brought up the right
Speaker 1: way with parents that are keeping an eye on her. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the older I get, it would be hard to tell
Speaker 1: my fourteen year old self this, But the older I get,
Speaker 1: the more I am aware that it's probably not the
Speaker 1: best idea to be dating anybody unless you're in a
Speaker 1: place to marry them. To the point of dating is
Speaker 1: to be evaluate somebody for marriage. And if you're fourteen
Speaker 1: years old, probably not in that season of your life. Yet.
Speaker 1: You are becoming a young man. You are making friends,
Speaker 1: you're being a part of sports, You're figuring out the
Speaker 1: gifts that God gave you and where you're going to
Speaker 1: be and where He needs you to be. And I
Speaker 1: think that every young man has gone through that early
Speaker 1: teen heartbreak and it's going to be part of it.
Speaker 1: And this is going to be something that he looks
Speaker 1: back on and it's going to be such an awesome
Speaker 1: learning opportunity for him to be like, hopefully look back
Speaker 1: and say, man, I remember when I idolize that relationship
Speaker 1: over a lot of things, and it completely crushed me.
Speaker 1: And you'll learn to just look at relationships in general
Speaker 1: and women from a new perspective for sure. Caleb. I'm
Speaker 1: saying this to you not because I'm looking down on
Speaker 1: you or looking away from the outside looking in. I'm
Speaker 1: saying it because I've lived it. I know Parker's lived it,
Speaker 1: and I know most people listening that have been through
Speaker 1: their teen years have lived it. This is not you're
Speaker 1: not doing something that's out of the ordinary. I understand
Speaker 1: what you're saying, and so that's why I feel like
Speaker 1: I can tell you, buddy, move on, like lean into
Speaker 1: your friends, lean into a hobby. Fourteen is the perfect
Speaker 1: age to really get into a sport or a hobby.
Speaker 1: And I say a hobby because maybe you're just not
Speaker 1: athletic at all. So you could lean into the math
Speaker 1: theme or the chess team, or art, our, theater, our music.
Speaker 1: We just talked about piano. Piano is a great thing
Speaker 1: to lean into. Guitar is a great thing to lean into.
Speaker 1: That's when I learned how to play guitar. It was
Speaker 1: age fourteen. So think of what that did for me.
Speaker 1: Leaning into guitar and pouring that time and energy that
Speaker 1: you'd be pouring into relationship. Pour that into your buddies,
Speaker 1: your guy friends, and an instrument or football or baseball,
Speaker 1: wrestling or soccer or track. Lean into that. The time
Speaker 1: is coming when you're gonna find the perfect girl for you,
Speaker 1: and it might be this one, just not right now. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and in the long run, that's going to be more
Speaker 1: attractive to a girl. Anyway, is when she finds someone
Speaker 1: who is content and is not desperate and is working
Speaker 1: on themselves and working on their purpose rather than trying
Speaker 1: so so hard to get in a relationship or to
Speaker 1: get back with that X. Yep, good advice, Caleb. Move on,
Speaker 1: all right? How about this one? This is a subject
Speaker 1: on EE Apparel, Parker, you are the CEO of Yue Apparel.
Speaker 1: It comes from Michael Buck and he says, Man, what
Speaker 1: an awesome name, Michael Buck. That's good name, Michael Buck.
Speaker 1: Uncle Buck, I wish I could be an Uncle Buck says,
Speaker 1: I don't know any other way to reach you, guys,
Speaker 1: but I was wondering if you could possibly consider releasing
Speaker 1: a line of fire resistant long sleeve shirts. I work
Speaker 1: in the oil and gas industry and resistant clothing is
Speaker 1: a must, and I would love to be able to
Speaker 1: promote EE Nation at work. I strongly believe that I
Speaker 1: wouldn't be the only one to purchase a resistant shirt.
Speaker 1: If you could make this happen, that would be amazing.
Speaker 1: Michael Buck, ee fan, have you ever thought of that, Parker?
Speaker 1: I have not. I will say that as the first
Speaker 1: request we've gotten for that, which is typically not the
Speaker 1: best sign as a business if you don't have clientele
Speaker 1: that is really needing that. And from our point of view,
Speaker 1: we only have a certain amount of money. We're a
Speaker 1: small business that we can spend and it's a big
Speaker 1: risk anytime we do a new product. Michael, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I would love to be able to help you out
Speaker 1: if we get some more requests. I'm sure we could
Speaker 1: look into doing a limited edition run. Beg. We'll say
Speaker 1: this right now because it's live on the podcast, because
Speaker 1: this is out there in the universe now, we could
Speaker 1: say that. Does anyone agree with Michael in comment below
Speaker 1: on if you're on iTunes, give this podcast a rating anyway?
Speaker 1: That's kind of that really would help us. Give us
Speaker 1: a rating and give us a comment. Yes to fire
Speaker 1: resistant clothing. Why does he need it? Again, I'm sure
Speaker 1: he's a firefighter. It's got to be a fire. Don't
Speaker 1: the firefighters have like the protective outer shell they're not
Speaker 1: going to be wearing. Oh no, I'm sorry, he says.
Speaker 1: I work in oil and gas gas. He works in
Speaker 1: oil and gas, so's he's around, you know, dangerous stuff
Speaker 1: every day and he probably has the opportunity to wear
Speaker 1: whatever apparel he wants as long as it's fr so
Speaker 1: comment below. If you're watching on YouTube, comment below say
Speaker 1: yes to fire resistant. If you're on Spotify, I don't
Speaker 1: think you can comment so we will get a good
Speaker 1: reading on what this means. But Michael, thank you for
Speaker 1: being a fan, thank you for supporting YGI apparel, and
Speaker 1: thank you for believing in us enough to trust us
Speaker 1: if we were to make fire resistant that you would
Speaker 1: actually wear it in a danger situation. Yeah. True. Wow, Okay,
Speaker 1: let's go to ooh this is this is a good subjectcline.
Speaker 1: We have time yet, We have time for this one
Speaker 1: and then we'll take a break. The subject line is Christianity,
Speaker 1: extremist and marriage. It says this is from Laura from Ontario, Canada.
Speaker 1: It says, good morning, guys, thanks for doing what you do.
Speaker 1: My husband of sixteen years parenthesis maryan a Catholic church
Speaker 1: turned to Christianity approximately eight years ago. We've been together
Speaker 1: for twenty eight years and have a fifteen year old son.
Speaker 1: I support his journey and can recognize many upsides to
Speaker 1: desire to be with God and follow his word. There
Speaker 1: have been many adjustments along the way, such as Sabbath,
Speaker 1: no mainstream TV, no alcohol, no work, women must work
Speaker 1: outside the home. Just to Laura a few I'm just
Speaker 1: reading it the way it says says. The issue I'm
Speaker 1: struggling with is the fact that eight weeks ago he
Speaker 1: informed me he will not attend my parents' funeral parentheses
Speaker 1: when the time comes, because it will be a Catholic
Speaker 1: ceremony and attending would be sinful in his mind. I
Speaker 1: know full well and have told him that he could
Speaker 1: attend as a non participant, no matter the denomination, in
Speaker 1: order to support his spouse, but he refuses. Although we
Speaker 1: don't agree on all aspects, I'm a believer and would
Speaker 1: not let this affect my relationship with God. God is good.
Speaker 1: I can't help but feel abandoned altogether. I'm really feeling
Speaker 1: completely disconnected from him at this point and questioning if
Speaker 1: there's any reason to spend the rest of my life
Speaker 1: with him. Your thoughts, thanks in advance, really looking forward
Speaker 1: to hearing your views on this. Laura from Ontario, Canada,
Speaker 1: married sixteen years to recap, been together twenty eight and
Speaker 1: have a fifteen year old son. Is there's a lot
Speaker 1: to unpack and this, Yeah, there is a lot to unpack,
Speaker 1: So let me start backwards. Laura let me start backwards
Speaker 1: here your last paragraph. I feel disconnected and I'm questioning
Speaker 1: if there's any reason to spend the rest of my
Speaker 1: life with him. Yes, yes, there's a reason. Let me
Speaker 1: The reason is you've been married sixteen years and you
Speaker 1: have a fifteen year old son. Yes, that's a reason. Listen, everybody, listen.
Speaker 1: Don't look for the back door out of your marriage.
Speaker 1: Stop looking for a way out. This is crushing marriage.
Speaker 1: This is crushing families, This is crushing children. Think what
Speaker 1: this is going to do to a fifteen year old son.
Speaker 1: Think what this is gonna do to his perspective of
Speaker 1: God and country and family and mom and dad and
Speaker 1: life and relationships that he's going to be going through.
Speaker 1: We just heard from a fourteen year old boy. Think
Speaker 1: what's going through these guys' mind, this kid's mind. So
Speaker 1: is there any reason to spend the rest of your
Speaker 1: life with him? Yes, there's a thousand reasons. So stop, guys, girls,
Speaker 1: stop looking for an exit plan of your marriage. You've
Speaker 1: known him for twenty eight years. There's got to be
Speaker 1: something there. There's got to be something there that you
Speaker 1: could salvage. You work marriages, work, work through it, prepare
Speaker 1: for battle. Put your battlegear on. You're going to war, Laura.
Speaker 1: You're going to war against society and the norms and culture,
Speaker 1: and you're going to fight for your marriage. And you're
Speaker 1: going to fight for your husband and let him know
Speaker 1: that no matter what, you're not looking for a way out.
Speaker 1: Even even if he doesn't attend your parent's funeral, your
Speaker 1: marriage is more important than your parent's funeral. Your parent's
Speaker 1: funeral is important, it's very important, and your husband's attendants
Speaker 1: should be an important thing, but nothing compared to losing
Speaker 1: your marriage, walking out on that, walking out on your
Speaker 1: fifteen year old son. I'm let's start with that, then
Speaker 1: we can. You're fired up right now? Yeah? I see
Speaker 1: this stuff and I'm just like, really, and I haven't
Speaker 1: even begun to unpack how many things are wrong about
Speaker 1: either what her husband is believing or her perspective of
Speaker 1: what she thinks he's believing. I'm assuming she's getting this
Speaker 1: straight from him, and this is a completely distorted view
Speaker 1: of what following Christ means. And it's it's completely against
Speaker 1: anything that the that a christ follower would say. Well,
Speaker 1: the subject was Christianity extremist, and I don't I don't
Speaker 1: really see any any part of this on either side
Speaker 1: being a Christian extremist Ristian. Let me just say, in
Speaker 1: my perspective of what we have blown this word extremist
Speaker 1: out of the planet. But man, I hope to God,
Speaker 1: I hope to God that it would make sense on
Speaker 1: my tombstone to say Christ extremist, Granger Smith Christ extremist.
Speaker 1: I hope to God that that people would think of
Speaker 1: me that way, like I should be so blessed if
Speaker 1: the culture thought of me as an extreme follower of Christ.
Speaker 1: That's amazing. That's what I want to be. In case
Speaker 1: in case anyone hasn't figured that out about me, That's
Speaker 1: what I want to be. And we just got through
Speaker 1: saying whatever you want. You could tell how bad you
Speaker 1: want it by the results of what that is in
Speaker 1: your life. So I hope that the fruits of that
Speaker 1: in my life are evident that I want to be
Speaker 1: passionately pursuing Christ. Guys, that's what Christianity means. It's it's
Speaker 1: not a culture or a heritage. And I don't even
Speaker 1: like the word religion. I was going to say, that's
Speaker 1: the first thing that people say. And I was actually
Speaker 1: at a buddy's ranch this last weekend and their dad,
Speaker 1: or excuse me, his grandfather who owned the ranch. He
Speaker 1: was he was not the biggest proponent of alcohol, and
Speaker 1: he didn't like it when people were drinking on the ranch,
Speaker 1: especially his grandkids. And the guy was like, yeah, he's
Speaker 1: just super religious. And I guess that could be a
Speaker 1: religious thing to become a legalist. But I do think
Speaker 1: it's interesting that a lot of people would view you
Speaker 1: and your spiritual rebirth and becoming a follower of Christ,
Speaker 1: a radical follower of Christ, and they would say, grand
Speaker 1: are super religious. Now what are the connotations to that
Speaker 1: versus being a radical follower of Christ? Do you think
Speaker 1: what is the difference between the right religious The right
Speaker 1: word is legalist. That's what we use. A legalist means.
Speaker 1: If you're very legalistic, then that means you take you
Speaker 1: take pieces of God's commands and you you go overboard
Speaker 1: with that. So, for instance, let's let's dive into this
Speaker 1: little bit no mainstream TV. Like you have to have
Speaker 1: a really good reason as a Christian to say no
Speaker 1: mainstream TV. Like. Maybe your reason could be I am
Speaker 1: extremely addicted to sexual sensuality and if I see it
Speaker 1: in a commercial, then I'm in my mind, I'm gone
Speaker 1: like I'm sinning like crety. Okay, then dude, you probably
Speaker 1: shouldn't watch any mainstream TV. But that's rare. No alcohol,
Speaker 1: that is not a Christian law. It's not a drunkenness
Speaker 1: is but not alcohol like in fact, in fact, the
Speaker 1: Bible says in many points drink and be merry or
Speaker 1: wine brings gladness to the heart. So it's drunkenness that's
Speaker 1: that is. That is the sin. Pork. That's an old
Speaker 1: Jewish Old Testament thing like Christ came to abolish that right,
Speaker 1: And and Peter goes into this whole, this whole thing
Speaker 1: where where he he learns that he can eat pork
Speaker 1: now and then you guys could read this for yourself
Speaker 1: in the New Testament. But because of this old thing
Speaker 1: where he can't eat, he can't eat pork. And then
Speaker 1: he gets around some of his Jewish buddies and they're like,
Speaker 1: you can't eat pork, and this he goes back and
Speaker 1: he and Paul confronts him, and if you're not eating
Speaker 1: pork for a Christian reason, then you that is a
Speaker 1: sin because you are completely misunderstanding what Jesus taught being
Speaker 1: a Christian is being a follower of Christ. It's not
Speaker 1: about being legalistic, or it's not about being super religious,
Speaker 1: and all of these reasons right here. Like you said,
Speaker 1: there's been many adjustments along the way. What I would
Speaker 1: want to see is, here's the many adjustments. He loves more,
Speaker 1: he's more patient, he's more forgiving, he's more understanding. He
Speaker 1: takes us to church every Sunday. He prays with this
Speaker 1: over every meal and before we go to bed, Like,
Speaker 1: those are the things that you would want to see,
Speaker 1: Not here's the reasons. He doesn't eat pork, he doesn't
Speaker 1: watch mainstream TV, no alcohol, women must not work outside
Speaker 1: the home like guys. This is the distorted view, a
Speaker 1: completely distorted view of Christianity. And it sounds like it
Speaker 1: sounds like he has gotten into some cult or some
Speaker 1: sect of Christianity. If you can't go to if you
Speaker 1: feel like you can't go to your parents or your
Speaker 1: in law's funeral because they're Catholic and you don't believe
Speaker 1: in Catholicism, and you are, you're in a trap. You're
Speaker 1: in a dark place. So I guess, to kind of
Speaker 1: sum up this email, I think I think I'm seeing
Speaker 1: I'm seeing some bad stuff on both sides, Laura. On
Speaker 1: your side, you're looking for a way out, and and
Speaker 1: on your husband's side, he's being he's being an extreme legalist.
Speaker 1: And then I want to say one more thing that
Speaker 1: this that stood out to me in this email. You said,
Speaker 1: I support his journey. This is the beginning. I support
Speaker 1: his journey, and I could recognize many upsides to his
Speaker 1: desire to be with God. That is completely underplaying Christianity.
Speaker 1: I see, I see the upsides. This is gonna save guys,
Speaker 1: non believers. This is how this is how I feel
Speaker 1: about this. This is life saving. Following Christ is life saving.
Speaker 1: It's not an upside, there's not It's not a it's
Speaker 1: a perk. It's a nice perk, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So that's that's in that way, you're completely underplaying what
Speaker 1: this could be doing. But then I hear what he's doing,
Speaker 1: and then that's all. This is completely distorted. And and
Speaker 1: you guys need to you need to communicate, you need
Speaker 1: to come together, you need to you need to honor
Speaker 1: each other. So you've got to honor him. Sounds like
Speaker 1: you are Laura, and he has to honor you. And
Speaker 1: you guys need to compromise on a church. You need
Speaker 1: to find your middle ground. You need to go to
Speaker 1: a good Bible believing, Bible believing like church, a church
Speaker 1: that is preaching the Bible that doesn't say you can't
Speaker 1: eat pork. That's a Jewish thing, guys. Uh. And and
Speaker 1: that could be a different email. I know we have
Speaker 1: Jewish people email this podcast. I love that. So that's
Speaker 1: a different a different subject. But if we're not talking
Speaker 1: about that, so I would I would. Here's here's the
Speaker 1: order of what you do. Pray, you get into the word,
Speaker 1: You read the Bible, and you seek wise counsel. Repeat, Pray,
Speaker 1: get into the word, seek wise counsel. Repeat. Whether that
Speaker 1: has to do with jobs or marriage, or are trying
Speaker 1: to find your your path in this world. Pray, get
Speaker 1: into the word, seek wise counsel. The wise counsel being
Speaker 1: people that are already praying and in the word. So pray,
Speaker 1: read the Bible, get in the word, and the seq
Speaker 1: wise counsel that pray and get into the word. I'm
Speaker 1: convinced that those three options, you do, those three things,
Speaker 1: you could solve every problem as that a human could have.
Speaker 1: Do you agree? Yes? I think it would save every
Speaker 1: marriage It would save every every form of depression. It
Speaker 1: would save every lost job and any any question you
Speaker 1: guys have on this podcast. If you pray, you get
Speaker 1: into the word, which means read the Bible, and you
Speaker 1: seek wise counsel of people that praying to the word.
Speaker 1: I could go on forever. I'm like in loop right now,
Speaker 1: but yeah, I get fired up. Let's take a break.
Speaker 1: We'll be right back. Podcast has brought to you guys
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Speaker 1: slash granger to start your Ritual today. Parker Smith my
Speaker 1: brother guest of the podcast today, Did you have anything
Speaker 1: you need to announce fore apparel anything while you're on
Speaker 1: this podcast today? We have our Fall twenty twenty one
Speaker 1: launch coming September seventeenth, that's a Friday at ten am.
Speaker 1: We have like thirty six different products coming. I've worked
Speaker 1: over fifteen months on some of these products. We have
Speaker 1: custom flannels that you've been wearing. Yeah, and you like them, right.
Speaker 1: I love it. I actually love it. I wore it.
Speaker 1: We just played a show last night in Boise, Idaho,
Speaker 1: and flew back this morning. But I wore the red
Speaker 1: and black flannel and it fits me great. I'm not
Speaker 1: trying to overplay this, you know me, Parker. I will
Speaker 1: not wear it on the stage just let tried. I
Speaker 1: won't randomly wear something on the stage just because I'm
Speaker 1: trying to sell it because I think it's something we
Speaker 1: need to market. I will only wear it if it
Speaker 1: fits great and I think it looks cool. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: really special and amazing just to be to the point
Speaker 1: where this is not just a plug of your usual
Speaker 1: artists or influencers merch where we made some T shirts.
Speaker 1: This is stuff that we've been working on for over
Speaker 1: a year. Custom soft shell jackets, canvas work jackets, completely,
Speaker 1: custom hoodies. We analyzed everything in the fit and constructed
Speaker 1: them from scratch. So it's gonna be it's gonna be
Speaker 1: really fun on some September seventeenth, and we will actually
Speaker 1: be in Bristol that day watching the EE car race
Speaker 1: in Bristol, Tennessee, which is going to be amazing too,
Speaker 1: So that'll be a crazy day. Yeah, I love it, man,
Speaker 1: It's the best flannel I've ever born. Now, of course,
Speaker 1: I would say that because we have been going through
Speaker 1: prototype after prototype after like just getting this custom made
Speaker 1: so that it looks and feels and fits good and
Speaker 1: has all the EEE tags on it. So I'm just
Speaker 1: like you said, this iss gone so far past artist
Speaker 1: merch of hats and koozies and stickers and T shirts,
Speaker 1: and now we're truly getting it into an apparel company
Speaker 1: now where we're going to have lifestyle clothing that'll fit
Speaker 1: every season and that something you could wear, you know,
Speaker 1: in cool weather, cold weather, hot weather, that you're truly
Speaker 1: proud of, not just because of a printed design on
Speaker 1: the front of a shirt. So super excited back on
Speaker 1: these questions. The subject line is advice for a fan
Speaker 1: and says, Hey, guys, my name is Josh, I'm nineteen
Speaker 1: years old. I'm from the Sticks in Louisiana. Just needs
Speaker 1: some advice on some stuff I've been dealing with and
Speaker 1: would love a second opinion on the matter. I recently
Speaker 1: had a breakup. It was with this girl for a
Speaker 1: little over four years. I'm about to leave for basic training,
Speaker 1: but I'm just having a lot of trouble, fighting this
Speaker 1: depression and loads of emotions. I love her and I
Speaker 1: want to make her my wife. But well, I guess
Speaker 1: you could say life guid in the way and I'm
Speaker 1: in a lot of pain. I'd love an outside perspective.
Speaker 1: I'd love any advice. I appreciate it. I'm a huge fan.
Speaker 1: Keep up the great work and stay safe. What's up,
Speaker 1: Josh shout out to the sticks in Louisiana nineteen years old.
Speaker 1: Thank you for your service. Thank you for volunteering to
Speaker 1: go to basic training during a crazy time when a
Speaker 1: lot of people are running from the United States Armed Forces.
Speaker 1: They're running like crazy away from it, and you're going
Speaker 1: into the fire, brother, and that says a lot about you,
Speaker 1: says a lot about your integrity and you're resolve and
Speaker 1: what you're wanting to do to keep this country safe,
Speaker 1: to support liberty and go against some evil forces out
Speaker 1: there in the world. We all know that they exist
Speaker 1: if you just watch the news for two seconds. So
Speaker 1: thank you, Josh. I appreciate you. Man Parker. Where do
Speaker 1: we go with this? This is another this is another
Speaker 1: love lost and now they're depressed, but it's a little
Speaker 1: bit different. He's not fourteen, he's nineteen. This is a
Speaker 1: big age difference, and he's going to basic training. Where
Speaker 1: do you start with this? Who broke up with? Who?
Speaker 1: Did they just say that they broke up? He says
Speaker 1: life got in the way. Recently had a break up.
Speaker 1: Didn't really say what happened, except for the fact that
Speaker 1: he says, I love her, I want to make her
Speaker 1: my wife, and life got in the way. I'm in
Speaker 1: a lot of pain. I'd love an outside perspective. Well,
Speaker 1: it's interesting now when you hear people go, we either
Speaker 1: want to break up or we're going to get married.
Speaker 1: It's one of the two, and they just kind of
Speaker 1: use those terms so loosely. Do you love her and
Speaker 1: you want to get married, or did you break up?
Speaker 1: You're not together? True? So what does that mean that
Speaker 1: life got in the way? I mean, I just think
Speaker 1: that it's really easy for the world to tell tell
Speaker 1: us that we are incomplete in our singleness, and that
Speaker 1: if you don't have a family, and you don't have children,
Speaker 1: and you're not building a legacy for yourself as men,
Speaker 1: if you're not building an empire with your career as
Speaker 1: a woman, if you're not having a family, right now
Speaker 1: and you don't have children, it's really easy to think
Speaker 1: that you're incomplete in that. And that's just that's just
Speaker 1: coming from that's a cultural thing. It's coming from the
Speaker 1: TV that we're watching, the romantic comedies that we're watching,
Speaker 1: the sitcoms. It's always easier to see the grass being greener.
Speaker 1: On the other side, fifty percent of marriages end up
Speaker 1: in divorce. Way more than that. People are miserable in
Speaker 1: their marriage and wish that they were single. See last
Speaker 1: question if you want to know more about this, Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: And then married people want to be single in their unhappiness,
Speaker 1: single people want to be married. So it's like, it's
Speaker 1: not about marriage. This is just this is about a
Speaker 1: trend of human beings being discontent where they are. And man,
Speaker 1: I would just say to try to figure out exactly
Speaker 1: what's going on in your heart that you're getting put
Speaker 1: in this place of depression and how did this relationship
Speaker 1: become such an idol to you And there's probably a
Speaker 1: pretty good reason that you broke up, and maybe that's enough.
Speaker 1: I mean, I would probably be extremely upset if someone
Speaker 1: told me this when I was nineteen, and so I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to pick at you or anything. But maybe
Speaker 1: it's something that in the long term you'll say, thank
Speaker 1: God that I went through that so that I could
Speaker 1: be more prepared for future relationships to know that that
Speaker 1: wasn't the end. All. You're nineteen years old, you have
Speaker 1: twenty years to get married. You have thirty years to
Speaker 1: get married if you want. If you really want to
Speaker 1: get married, chances are you're going to get married one day.
Speaker 1: But to idolize it, there's a lot of things that
Speaker 1: I don't have. I don't have I'm not married, I
Speaker 1: don't have a twenty twenty one truck. I drive a
Speaker 1: two thousand and eight Chevy Tahoe. But I'm not going
Speaker 1: to despair that I don't have a brand new car
Speaker 1: right now, a brand new house, or a marriage or kids,
Speaker 1: because that's not ultimate to me, because I know that
Speaker 1: you know, when we die, we're not going to be
Speaker 1: married in heaven, and so there's nothing ultimate about that.
Speaker 1: This is all temporary. So as much as we say this,
Speaker 1: it's always be content where you're at, try to figure
Speaker 1: out prayer, reading God's word, seeking lives counsel. Yeah, there's
Speaker 1: a couple of things that play here. Josh One is
Speaker 1: there is a feeling that every man has of pursuit.
Speaker 1: It's how we're built. Our hearts are built to pursue
Speaker 1: and conquer, and sometimes that gets in the way at
Speaker 1: the beginning of a relationship because whenever you're in pursuit
Speaker 1: and you're in the dating process, you want to go
Speaker 1: ahead and conquer and wrap this up, and you get
Speaker 1: sometimes you get lost in that pursuit and it gets
Speaker 1: destroyed to what this really means in terms of love
Speaker 1: and if you really love this girl, and you can
Speaker 1: get clouded into thinking, yes I do, but you're really
Speaker 1: just wanting to win and you're losing right now, you're
Speaker 1: losing your behind three touchdowns and they have the ball,
Speaker 1: and you just want to win this game. I want
Speaker 1: to marry her. I think that's where it comes in,
Speaker 1: where it's like, are we broken up or should we
Speaker 1: get married? I think it's that's I don't want to win.
Speaker 1: I'm losing, And that's that's a good that's a good
Speaker 1: trait to have, and so many things in life, except
Speaker 1: when it comes to relationships, you got to actually use
Speaker 1: your brain and not your heart. And right now your
Speaker 1: heart is speaking loudly over your brain. I would say
Speaker 1: as far as just her, just pump the brakes, Just
Speaker 1: pump the brakes, Let a little time go by, and
Speaker 1: let you let this heart stop beating so loudly, and
Speaker 1: let your mind take over a little bit, and maybe
Speaker 1: you'll be able to kind of see, you know what
Speaker 1: I did, I mess stuff in these areas, or you
Speaker 1: know what, she wasn't the right one. She was a
Speaker 1: little crazy. I just didn't see it. She's actually a
Speaker 1: little crazy. I didn't. So that little time will help you.
Speaker 1: It's nothing has to happen right now. There's no impending
Speaker 1: finish line that you're nineteen. Like Parker said, you got
Speaker 1: a lot of time, So pump the brakes, Let a
Speaker 1: little time go by. The Other thing that's in play here,
Speaker 1: I think is you're going into basic training, and so
Speaker 1: you're feeling this desperate feeling of taking care of stuff
Speaker 1: at home. So that in the chance that you're going
Speaker 1: to have to be relocated and go to you know,
Speaker 1: Fort Bliss or Fort Hood or Fort Carson, and you're
Speaker 1: going to move around or maybe deployed and you're going
Speaker 1: to be in Germany or Afghanistan if we have to
Speaker 1: go back there next year. You're feeling this thought of Manet,
Speaker 1: what if I get sent off to go to Germany
Speaker 1: and I have to live there for sixteen months and
Speaker 1: a lot of my buddies are married and I don't
Speaker 1: have anything, Then I'm lost, and I just lost all
Speaker 1: this time. But I got this girl, and she's actually
Speaker 1: pretty good. And I know we're broken up, but if
Speaker 1: I could just marry her, I could wrap that up,
Speaker 1: and then she could. I think you're trying to tie
Speaker 1: the knot just to take care of business at home
Speaker 1: because you've got this impending career thing about to happen.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of uncertainty of going into the military,
Speaker 1: going into basic. You don't know what your next five
Speaker 1: years are going to look like. Really, But I'm gonna
Speaker 1: sit here and tell you on this podcast that that's
Speaker 1: a great thing to go into that as a single
Speaker 1: nineteen year old man. No strings, no commitments, no babies
Speaker 1: in the cradle at home, no child support, no bills
Speaker 1: you got to pay, no long distance FaceTime. When enter
Speaker 1: the WiFi is super slow and you're in the middle
Speaker 1: of nowhere, you don't have to worry about any of that.
Speaker 1: It's just you. So this is a time to focus
Speaker 1: on you to develop, you to learn, like Parker said,
Speaker 1: to be content with you and your singleness and focus
Speaker 1: on doing what you want to do in a military.
Speaker 1: You didn't say what, Branch, so I can't say what.
Speaker 1: You can't speculate to what you might be doing. But
Speaker 1: now is the time to really you're going to hone
Speaker 1: in your skills on what the next part of your
Speaker 1: life is going to look like, and you are free
Speaker 1: to do that. So here's the difference. The last time,
Speaker 1: the last question, she's wondering for if she could have
Speaker 1: an exit plan to the marriage, and I'm screaming saying no,
Speaker 1: you can't. But to you, Josh, I'm screaming at you
Speaker 1: saying you're not in it yet, so stay single. You
Speaker 1: see the difference, like, don't rush into this or I'm
Speaker 1: going to be talking to you in fifteen years and
Speaker 1: saying the same thing back to you. You rushed into
Speaker 1: this marriage because you thought you liked you thought you
Speaker 1: loved her, and then you got depressed, and then you
Speaker 1: went into basic and then so you're going ahead and
Speaker 1: married her. Then you guys had a kid and now
Speaker 1: he's eight years old and now you're wife. Don't talk
Speaker 1: to you anymore and you're about to go in your
Speaker 1: third deployment. It's a mess. It's a mess. It's funny
Speaker 1: because it's not funny, but there's not. So another question
Speaker 1: in here that the subject line is military marriage is hard.
Speaker 1: Look I look at it right now. Literally, the military
Speaker 1: marriage is hard is one of the questions on here.
Speaker 1: And so I'm going, I'm going back to you, Josh
Speaker 1: and going don't be one of those statistics. And I
Speaker 1: appreciate you emailing Yeah, it's it's it is hard, and
Speaker 1: it's easy to have a misconstrued idea of It's like,
Speaker 1: what is the gravity of standing up before your friends
Speaker 1: and family and God and making a binding agreement with
Speaker 1: each other that you will be together till death do
Speaker 1: you part? That's a big deal. And I think that
Speaker 1: our society gets so caught up in culture telling us,
Speaker 1: like I said, that we're incomplete without it and that
Speaker 1: we have to do it, and then we get caught
Speaker 1: up in our feelings and don't use our brain instead
Speaker 1: of asking ourselves from the very beginning, what am I
Speaker 1: looking for in a wife? Do I understand what marriage
Speaker 1: is and the amount of work that it takes? Or
Speaker 1: is it just going to be, you know, dinners and
Speaker 1: cleaning and just easy stuff all the time, Like people
Speaker 1: just think it's going to be some fantasy. Well, here's
Speaker 1: how we could help. Let me read this next question.
Speaker 1: We'll go right from Josh right into the next question.
Speaker 1: And maybe this next question I don't know what it's
Speaker 1: about to say, but maybe it will help Josh answer
Speaker 1: his questions better than I can. It says, Hey, Grangeer,
Speaker 1: my name is chargeant Ship Thomas J and I want
Speaker 1: to say, like everyone else, thank you for your music.
Speaker 1: It has saved me a few times, and thank you
Speaker 1: for that. I was so happy to be there for
Speaker 1: your first concert last year in July. The real reason
Speaker 1: I'm messaging you is this. My wife and I are
Speaker 1: both in the United States Army. In the last six
Speaker 1: almost seven months, we've been apart, and in mid July
Speaker 1: we'll be seeing each other for the first time. We
Speaker 1: have been fighting will mostly arguing a lot, and she
Speaker 1: brought up us just being different people and what if
Speaker 1: we're no longer happy with each other. This hurts a
Speaker 1: lot and I'm not sure how to go about this.
Speaker 1: Any advice from you would be very helpful. Thank you
Speaker 1: for your music and the support of your of the
Speaker 1: Arms Forces. Man, thank you, sergeantship, and thank you for
Speaker 1: your service, just like I said to Josh, thank you
Speaker 1: for thank you for volunteering in this crazy time, and
Speaker 1: and and then going through this with your wife who
Speaker 1: and hopefully I'm hoping that Thomas, I hope that this
Speaker 1: this is going to also help Josh. That's my goal
Speaker 1: that you are helping someone else through your email. And
Speaker 1: my answer would be completely different because now a different situation.
Speaker 1: You're married. His wife's name is Amber, by the way,
Speaker 1: so we should we have that in common. So Parker Amber,
Speaker 1: his Amber has told him, through a lot of fighting
Speaker 1: and a lot of arguing, she has told him we
Speaker 1: are different people and we are no longer happy with
Speaker 1: each other. And then Thomas says, this hurts a lot,
Speaker 1: and I'm not sure how to go about it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll answer the best I can as a non married
Speaker 1: twenty eight year old, But I would just say, from
Speaker 1: the experience that I've had with my married friends and
Speaker 1: some of my divorce friends, I think a lot of
Speaker 1: people in the world just kind of like I said earlier,
Speaker 1: have a misconstrued idea of what marriage is, and that
Speaker 1: the gravity of bringing two people together for life and
Speaker 1: all of the challenges that come with it, and exactly
Speaker 1: how hard it is. And people always think that I
Speaker 1: just they'll say, and I just don't know how compatible
Speaker 1: we are, or I just feel like we're different. Like
Speaker 1: he said, It's like, yeah, we are. You're two different
Speaker 1: people that live in a sinful world, right that are
Speaker 1: spending seven months apart. There's always going to be somebody
Speaker 1: out there that's more compatible for you. There's always going
Speaker 1: to be somebody out there that has more in common
Speaker 1: with you. You're two completely different souls trying to do
Speaker 1: this thing called life together, and there's always going to
Speaker 1: be somebody out there that's more compatible. And so it's
Speaker 1: even when you don't feel like it, even when those
Speaker 1: feelings fade at the end of the day, think that
Speaker 1: it comes down to making the choice to stay together
Speaker 1: and make the most of it and do the best
Speaker 1: you can for the sake of the binding agreement that
Speaker 1: you made. Would you agree, I totally agree. This is
Speaker 1: another mind over heart. I think we tend to think
Speaker 1: with our hearts, and God gave us a brain to
Speaker 1: think with our brains. In fact, the Bible says so
Speaker 1: many times that the heart is wicked. But today's culture
Speaker 1: wants to say follow your heart, listen to your heart,
Speaker 1: follow it. No, guys, stop listening to your heart. You
Speaker 1: got to use your brains. And this is a situation
Speaker 1: where exactly what Parker's saying, I totally agree that you're
Speaker 1: going to have to look her in the eye. Communication
Speaker 1: is going to be key here. You look her in
Speaker 1: the eye and say, babe, I think you're right us
Speaker 1: being two different people and no longer happy. But happiness,
Speaker 1: unlike joy, Happiness is a choice that you make. Happiness
Speaker 1: is something that you go. You know what, we're not happy.
Speaker 1: So let's dive into this and let's decide that we
Speaker 1: are going to be happy. Let's find our common ground,
Speaker 1: let's listen more, let's compromise more. And you could also
Speaker 1: say that you guys have been apart for the last
Speaker 1: six seven months. That's a strain on your marriage. So
Speaker 1: you're going through a rough patch, you're going through a
Speaker 1: valley right now. But it's not always. You're not always
Speaker 1: going to be six or seven months apart. This is
Speaker 1: this is a season and you're gonna make it through.
Speaker 1: So be patient through this season and find contentment and
Speaker 1: find find gratitude and lower your expectations. So it's like
Speaker 1: I was saying with Chad a couple weeks ago on
Speaker 1: this podcast, lower your expectations and raise your gratitude. I
Speaker 1: want everyone to understand that I want you to have
Speaker 1: high expectations for your life and your love, in your
Speaker 1: marriage and your relationships, and your kids and your jobs.
Speaker 1: I want you to have high expectations. So don't get
Speaker 1: me wrong, but I want you to have higher gratitude.
Speaker 1: And if you have to lower your expectations a little
Speaker 1: bit in order to make that gratitude pass it, then
Speaker 1: you gotta do what you gotta do. And so right
Speaker 1: now you're going to go. You know what, babe, I
Speaker 1: don't expect us to have great little frivolous conversations on
Speaker 1: the phone or FaceTime or however you guys are talking
Speaker 1: every day. I expect for me personally, I'm speaking for
Speaker 1: myself when I like today, I'm coming off of two
Speaker 1: early morning flights. I flew yesterday. I had an early
Speaker 1: flight to Idaho from Texas. I went hit the ground running.
Speaker 1: We did meet and greets. Chris and I did two
Speaker 1: hundred and ten meet and greets. We went right to
Speaker 1: the stage. I went right to bed, and then I
Speaker 1: had a five o'clock alarm and got an early flight.
Speaker 1: I'm back here in Texas. I know that when I
Speaker 1: do something like this that I'm gonna be a little
Speaker 1: short tempered. My fuse is a little short, and I
Speaker 1: have to recognize that I'm not gonna be my best
Speaker 1: version of myself. So if I start arguing right now
Speaker 1: with my wife, I'm gonna have to quickly recognize I'm sorry, babe,
Speaker 1: I just haven't as much sleep. I'm not myself. I
Speaker 1: need some good sleep. So you guys need a good
Speaker 1: sleep in your marriage, per se, going through a tough
Speaker 1: six or seven months that you just got to get
Speaker 1: through the season, and then you reevaluate once you're back home,
Speaker 1: once you're stable again. Maybe a couple of kids are
Speaker 1: in the mix. But you guys are both out of
Speaker 1: the army, and then you're gonna be in a different place.
Speaker 1: It sounds like you might need a Caribbean vacation. Go
Speaker 1: take a cruise. Now, don't do that. Everyone's saying, don't
Speaker 1: do that. Now. Go to an island somewhere and get
Speaker 1: on a beach and spend some of that army money
Speaker 1: and relax a little bit and just understand each other.
Speaker 1: So when she wants to come at you arguing, what
Speaker 1: if you agreed with her? Got to put away the pride,
Speaker 1: put away all this, all the desire to win and
Speaker 1: just to been Like she's like, you know, you're a punk,
Speaker 1: and you just go, yeah, here, you're right, Like instantly,
Speaker 1: that shuts it down. She can't go after you again,
Speaker 1: She can't go I mean, you're really a punk. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're right. I haven't been the I haven't been there
Speaker 1: like you deserve. You deserve me to be there. You
Speaker 1: deserve the best version of me. And I haven't been that.
Speaker 1: I've been bogged down with work, I've been missing you,
Speaker 1: I've been busy, I've been lacking sleep. This is a
Speaker 1: crazy time, guys, with everything that's been going on with
Speaker 1: the world and everything's going on in the military. This
Speaker 1: it's just a crazy time. You're in a season that
Speaker 1: will pass, and so look at it like that, it's
Speaker 1: a season that's going to pass. In this happiness that
Speaker 1: you're talking about, you don't have. You're acting like we're
Speaker 1: no longer happy, and then that's final, Like that's the end.
Speaker 1: We're no longer happy. Close the book. No, it's just
Speaker 1: a season. You could regain that happiness when you choose to.
Speaker 1: And you are, like you said, you guys are two
Speaker 1: different people. Now that's okay, it's not bad. You don't
Speaker 1: expect when you get married at eighteen or nineteen, don't
Speaker 1: expect to be the same person that you married when
Speaker 1: you're age twenty eight or thirty eight. My wife's not
Speaker 1: the same. She's not the same girl I'm married, and
Speaker 1: I thank god that she's not. I don't want to
Speaker 1: be married to twenty seven year old Amber. I want
Speaker 1: to be married to the thirty eight year old Amber
Speaker 1: because I don't have anything in common anymore with the
Speaker 1: twenty seven year old Amber like I used to. So
Speaker 1: thank god she's not the same, and thank god i'm not,
Speaker 1: and thank god we can evolve through that. But you
Speaker 1: guys are gonna be okay. And you got you, you
Speaker 1: got your you got your priority straight because you're worried
Speaker 1: about it, and that's good. So that's my advice. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have another one, Parker. Sure. I feel like I've
Speaker 1: been yelling for three questions. Now here's the one that says,
Speaker 1: please help my girlfriend broke up with me. I don't
Speaker 1: think I'm gonna read that one. No, I think we're
Speaker 1: kind of covered that I'm picking and choosing. Now, Okay,
Speaker 1: how this seems like it's completely different, says hey grader.
Speaker 1: My name is Brody. I'm from Kentucky. Shout out to Kentucky. Lately,
Speaker 1: my parents have been wanting me to go back to
Speaker 1: high school for the experience. Right now, I'm homeschooled, but
Speaker 1: they want me to go back and experience all sorts
Speaker 1: of stuff. I have major anxiety, so I really don't
Speaker 1: want to know. I really don't want to know how
Speaker 1: I excuse me. So I really don't know how I
Speaker 1: feel about it. And I want to go back, and
Speaker 1: I want to meet all the friends and all that
Speaker 1: sorts of stuff. But I don't know right now if
Speaker 1: high school is right for me. Is he saying how
Speaker 1: old he is? No? So high school age, Brody from Kentucky.
Speaker 1: He's homeschooled. This is an easy one for me for
Speaker 1: its parents want him to go back because they want
Speaker 1: him to experience all sorts of stuff. They're probably seeing
Speaker 1: Brody the they're probably seeing in you. This goes back
Speaker 1: to trust your parents, honor your parents. They're probably seeing
Speaker 1: something in you since they live with you, that they're
Speaker 1: wanting to expand your vocabulary of the world a little bit.
Speaker 1: They're probably seeing, Oh, Brody's getting a little too comfortable
Speaker 1: at home, and that's evident by you having anxiety about
Speaker 1: going back to high school. So first of all, let
Speaker 1: me just start by saying, I'm one hundred percent with
Speaker 1: your parents that you need to go back to high school.
Speaker 1: Why because of the way you're emailing me saying you
Speaker 1: have anxiety, Because then I would say to you, Brody,
Speaker 1: and I'm always speaking this podcast as though we're buddies. Brody,
Speaker 1: I'm talking as we're buddies sitting around a campfire. I
Speaker 1: would say, bro what's going to happen if you have
Speaker 1: anxiety about going to high school? What's going to happen
Speaker 1: after that? What's going to happen in a job, What's
Speaker 1: going to happen in a relationship, What's going to happen
Speaker 1: when you have to do anything else outside of mom
Speaker 1: and Dad's house. That's what they're seeing in this that's
Speaker 1: what they're wanting you to experience. So I think this
Speaker 1: goes back to Parker do hard things. Always Remember, remember
Speaker 1: we talked about this a lot Parker at one point,
Speaker 1: like a year ago. Always in life, when you have
Speaker 1: a fork in the road, choose the harder path, because
Speaker 1: every time you choose the harder path, and then you
Speaker 1: choose another harder path and another harder path, you're separating
Speaker 1: yourself from the rest of the world. If you slowly
Speaker 1: choose hard things, I'm not saying the most difficult decision
Speaker 1: of your life. Make that every time. I'm saying, lean
Speaker 1: into your anxiety and the hard things, and it will
Speaker 1: come back and pay so much tenfold for you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: gotta get out of the comfort zone. Do hard things
Speaker 1: live an easy life? Do easy things live a hard life?
Speaker 1: That's what Tyler said, right, say that again, slowly, slowly
Speaker 1: for anyone taking notes. Wow, if you're taking notes on this,
Speaker 1: that'll be a lot of people take notes to your
Speaker 1: podcast these days. I guess, all right, get your pen out.
Speaker 1: Do hard things live an easy life? Do easy things
Speaker 1: live a hard life? That's the play on words. That's it.
Speaker 1: There doesn't brody. There doesn't need to be anything else
Speaker 1: said besides that, Do hard things live an easy life?
Speaker 1: Do easy things live a hard life? You stay at
Speaker 1: home with mom and dad, you're gonna have a hard life.
Speaker 1: I promise you that anxiety grows from a little baby
Speaker 1: to a huge dragon, one step at a time, one
Speaker 1: day at a time of you staying in your comfort zone,
Speaker 1: and then one day that anxiety is going to be
Speaker 1: so big and your social anxiety and your depression and
Speaker 1: your inability to get out of your comfort zone is
Speaker 1: going to be so big that it's going to be
Speaker 1: really hard to function. So every time you feel that
Speaker 1: little fear, to see that as a step to boom.
Speaker 1: I'm going to step into that and I'm going to
Speaker 1: do it. Yeah, it's a great point. Every time I
Speaker 1: feel that little twinge of anxiety, that's a sign that's
Speaker 1: exactly what I need to do. That's a great point.
Speaker 1: How do you know you're on the right path? If
Speaker 1: you have that little butterfly in your stomach, then you're
Speaker 1: you're on the right path. So let me help your brody.
Speaker 1: Let me help you with a concrete plan of how
Speaker 1: to go back to high school. You wake up, brush
Speaker 1: your teeth, put on your clothes, put on your shoes,
Speaker 1: get in the car, and go to show up. Show up,
Speaker 1: lean into it, show up. You don't have to you
Speaker 1: don't have to have some big elaborate plan. You don't
Speaker 1: have to join the football team at day one and
Speaker 1: fill your schedule. You literally show up. I'm sure you
Speaker 1: can attest to this. Some of the most nerves that
Speaker 1: you've ever had, from being a seventeen year old getting
Speaker 1: on a stage for a first time to being where
Speaker 1: you are now in some of the biggest areas of
Speaker 1: your life, some of the biggest moments of your life.
Speaker 1: When that anxiety is so high and you're so nervous,
Speaker 1: that's usually when you feel the most accomplished afterwards, after
Speaker 1: you step into it. Absolutely and that's where you see
Speaker 1: the most growth. And you know what I do when
Speaker 1: I'm really nervous and I'm going on a stage or
Speaker 1: I'm doing a TV show and I'm really nervous, really nervous,
Speaker 1: you know what I always do. The first thing I
Speaker 1: say to the crowd is I acknowledge that I'm nervous.
Speaker 1: I did that in that sermon in Indiana. I made
Speaker 1: sure that I walked up and then one of the
Speaker 1: first things I said on my first sermon at the
Speaker 1: church was, Wow, I'm really nervous right now. And Brodie,
Speaker 1: you could do the same thing. You could go and
Speaker 1: the teacher could say, hey, how are you doing, Brodie,
Speaker 1: tell me a little bit about yourself, and you go, well,
Speaker 1: I'm actually pretty nervous. I'm a homeschool kid. This is
Speaker 1: new to me and I'm nervous. And opening up that
Speaker 1: kind of vulnerability just makes people's heart go out to you.
Speaker 1: They're just like that. That teacher would be like, well,
Speaker 1: let me help you, let me show you around, let
Speaker 1: me introduce you to two people. They take you under
Speaker 1: your wing. It's instead of trying to cover it up,
Speaker 1: just straight up tell them I'm nervous, and you will
Speaker 1: do well. Brody email back. I want to I see
Speaker 1: what happens to you, and I want to hear a
Speaker 1: report back. But I appreciate you email and shout out
Speaker 1: to Kentucky. I appreciate all you guys so much. I
Speaker 1: want to say again, please. This is episode ninety nine.
Speaker 1: Stay tuned for episode one hundred next Monday. We put
Speaker 1: these out every single Monday morning, somewhere around six thirty
Speaker 1: am Central time. We're trying to hit everybody so that
Speaker 1: you could commute to work with it, or ride with
Speaker 1: it in the truck or whatever you're doing. Listening to
Speaker 1: this podcast. I just I appreciate being up in your
Speaker 1: ear on Mondays, so stay tuned next week episode. If
Speaker 1: you're listening on Apple, leave a review. It would help
Speaker 1: them out a lot. Yep. On the charts, yep, leave
Speaker 1: a review if you're enjoying it. If you want to
Speaker 1: hear more, Parker EEE podcast launches every Wednesday, and you
Speaker 1: pretty much are on that every single Wednesday. Yep. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we got the EEE podcast talking everything outdoors, the office,
Speaker 1: kind of behind the scenes stuff and don't take ourselves
Speaker 1: too seriously. You may get a couple of laughs over there.
Speaker 1: That's Wednesday mornings. Cool. See you guy, Ye thanks for
Speaker 1: joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of
Speaker 1: you guys. You could help me out by rating this
Speaker 1: podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel.
Speaker 1: Hit that little like button and notification spell so that
Speaker 1: you never miss anytime I upload a video. If you
Speaker 1: have a question for me that you would like me
Speaker 1: to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Ye