WEBVTT - Divorce Needs a Rebrand 0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:06.000 This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast. 0:00:07.960 --> 0:00:09.639 Chris Harris and Lauren z Ma coming to you from 0:00:09.680 --> 0:00:12.879 the home office in Austin, Texas, Elsie. One of my 0:00:12.880 --> 0:00:15.920 favorite shows that we do is what we're doing today. 0:00:16.120 --> 0:00:18.960 We're taking the listeners questions. I don't know why we've 0:00:18.960 --> 0:00:20.799 gotten away from this other than we've had great guests 0:00:20.840 --> 0:00:22.959 and we've been just knee deep and so many other 0:00:23.000 --> 0:00:26.320 things to talk about on the podcast. But we thought, man, 0:00:26.360 --> 0:00:29.160 we haven't taken a look at the mail bag in 0:00:29.200 --> 0:00:31.200 a while, and we have a bunch of questions from viewers. 0:00:31.200 --> 0:00:32.920 So that's what we're going to do today. 0:00:32.960 --> 0:00:35.680 Thank you all for sending them and through the show's Instagram. 0:00:35.760 --> 0:00:38.000 At the most dramatic pod ever, and we're going to 0:00:38.040 --> 0:00:39.880 dive right in, Babe. 0:00:39.880 --> 0:00:41.279 I'm going to start with a question for you. 0:00:41.400 --> 0:00:45.400 Okay, just a couple bachelor questions right off the bat. 0:00:46.320 --> 0:00:46.800 This one. 0:00:47.159 --> 0:00:49.440 After your interview with Michael Chris, I went back and 0:00:49.440 --> 0:00:50.520 I watched Bachelor Pad. 0:00:50.560 --> 0:00:54.960 It's so good. Why did they get rid of the franchise? 0:00:56.720 --> 0:01:01.480 Interesting? Because so Bachelor Pad evolved into Bachelor Impaired. Bachelor 0:01:01.560 --> 0:01:04.280 Pad was a good show. It was fun, it was 0:01:04.360 --> 0:01:07.319 really done on the cheap. I mean ABC, as I 0:01:07.319 --> 0:01:09.960 said on the podcast if you missed it, ABC really 0:01:10.000 --> 0:01:14.480 just wanted something in that August September time slot. That 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:17.240 is the death of TV. It's like a wasteland of 0:01:17.280 --> 0:01:19.840 TV is kids aren't in school, you haven't got to 0:01:19.880 --> 0:01:22.399 the fall yet, you're in the late summer, so it's 0:01:22.400 --> 0:01:24.920 always reruns and stuff. And so ABC said, we need 0:01:24.920 --> 0:01:28.040 something to launch the fall shows. Come up with something. 0:01:28.360 --> 0:01:30.760 That's what Bachelor Pad was. Turns out, it was just 0:01:30.760 --> 0:01:33.959 a huge success, but it was a little bit problematic 0:01:34.040 --> 0:01:36.319 in that it was a game show. At the end, 0:01:36.319 --> 0:01:38.440 there was a prisoner's dilemma. A quarter of a million 0:01:38.480 --> 0:01:41.360 dollars was on the line, and the show really became 0:01:41.440 --> 0:01:44.120 about that. And we also have to follow different standards 0:01:44.120 --> 0:01:47.880 and practices. Legally, it's a game show, and we're always, 0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:53.200 you know, as producers were more apt to manipulate and 0:01:53.280 --> 0:01:57.120 bend and try to create drama and love and relationships, 0:01:57.120 --> 0:01:58.920 and you can't do that if there's a quarter million 0:01:58.960 --> 0:02:02.360 dollars on the line. Legally, they weren't supposed to do 0:02:02.400 --> 0:02:05.760 that anyway, And so that is really why Bachelor Pad 0:02:05.800 --> 0:02:08.639 came to an end. And honestly, it became so successful. 0:02:08.960 --> 0:02:11.480 ABC's like, let's do a bigger, better show, and that's 0:02:11.520 --> 0:02:14.040 where Paradise came from. And it became a huge success 0:02:14.080 --> 0:02:16.639 and one of our highest rated shows. 0:02:17.120 --> 0:02:18.679 Oh and they didn't do it this summer. I don't 0:02:18.680 --> 0:02:19.480 know if they'll bring it back. 0:02:19.600 --> 0:02:22.040 Yeah, I know they say that they the word is 0:02:22.080 --> 0:02:24.200 they were going to bring it back, but I don't know. 0:02:24.840 --> 0:02:28.440 With the numbers that Bachelor, this Golden Bachelorette has not 0:02:28.520 --> 0:02:31.680 been very successful. The ratings are down considerably and they're struggling, 0:02:32.120 --> 0:02:35.080 don't I don't know they You know, they loved they 0:02:35.120 --> 0:02:37.600 made it big. It was awesome and it employed a 0:02:37.600 --> 0:02:40.520 lot of my friends, including Will's Adams, And I was 0:02:40.520 --> 0:02:43.280 bummed it didn't come back. They they say it is, 0:02:43.360 --> 0:02:45.680 but you know, the networks promise a lot of things. 0:02:45.720 --> 0:02:46.600 We'll see if it comes back. 0:02:46.680 --> 0:02:47.919 Did they actually say it was coming back? 0:02:48.040 --> 0:02:50.280 They did again. I think part of that was because 0:02:50.280 --> 0:02:52.600 they were mad at me for saying it was canceled. 0:02:53.040 --> 0:02:54.640 I didn't say it was canceled. I said it definitely 0:02:54.720 --> 0:02:56.520 was not coming back this summer, which I thought was 0:02:56.560 --> 0:03:00.040 common knowledge. They got mad at me. They had the 0:03:00.040 --> 0:03:03.040 tabloids right immediate article saying that I was wrong and 0:03:03.080 --> 0:03:05.640 I had jumped the gun. I was right, it didn't 0:03:05.680 --> 0:03:07.679 come back. I was like, all you guys got to 0:03:07.720 --> 0:03:09.440 do is wait till June. It's not going to be 0:03:09.480 --> 0:03:13.320 on television. I never got the retraction from those tabloids 0:03:13.639 --> 0:03:16.000 because it was just a statement of fact. I knew 0:03:16.160 --> 0:03:17.800 for a fact that people had already been called. They 0:03:17.840 --> 0:03:20.800 already told the host, they had already told the executive 0:03:20.800 --> 0:03:22.800 producers that the show wasn't coming back, so it wasn't 0:03:22.800 --> 0:03:25.560 a secret. But then they quickly came out and said no, no, 0:03:25.800 --> 0:03:28.280 we'll be back next summer. So I hope they actually 0:03:28.320 --> 0:03:29.680 will be the same. 0:03:29.720 --> 0:03:31.280 Person is bringing up something specific. 0:03:31.360 --> 0:03:33.200 I don't know because I didn't watch Bachelor Pad, but 0:03:33.720 --> 0:03:37.400 Dave planned a full mooch on your lips at the finale. 0:03:37.760 --> 0:03:39.800 I feel like he didn't even kiss Natalie that way. 0:03:39.880 --> 0:03:40.880 Do you remember that. 0:03:41.160 --> 0:03:45.720 David Good, I don't remember that was I assaulted. I 0:03:45.760 --> 0:03:49.000 don't remember that, but I do remember being just so 0:03:49.400 --> 0:03:52.520 shocked at the end of that episode, because you know, 0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:55.000 there's two hundred fifty thousand dollars on the line. I 0:03:55.040 --> 0:03:56.920 don't remember that. I need to go back and. 0:03:56.840 --> 0:03:58.480 Watch, let's go back and watch that. 0:03:58.560 --> 0:04:01.160 Okay, Well, I'll be honest, I didn't even know Bachelor 0:04:01.200 --> 0:04:03.800 Pad was available to watch, Like, are you getting these royalties? 0:04:03.960 --> 0:04:04.920 Where are people watching this? 0:04:05.200 --> 0:04:07.320 I do get some weird royalties sometimes when things are 0:04:07.320 --> 0:04:10.120 sold overseas or you know, it goes somewhere on deep 0:04:10.160 --> 0:04:10.920 cable or something. 0:04:10.920 --> 0:04:12.960 You know, we get a check for like ten cents. 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:14.800 Royalty checks are hilarious. 0:04:14.840 --> 0:04:16.560 I've seen it. We've both gotten checks for like a 0:04:16.600 --> 0:04:17.880 penny before. It's so funny. 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:21.880 In both of your jobs and other views of yours, 0:04:21.920 --> 0:04:26.800 asking previously you did not really speak about politics or journalism. 0:04:26.839 --> 0:04:30.240 Why is it something you are speaking about now? Well, 0:04:30.560 --> 0:04:32.720 I don't totally know how to take this because in 0:04:32.760 --> 0:04:35.200 my previous job I was only a journalist, so I 0:04:35.320 --> 0:04:37.280 definitely talked about journalists. 0:04:37.320 --> 0:04:40.760 So maybe people mean more for you. 0:04:41.800 --> 0:04:44.400 But and I don't think that we're you know, we 0:04:44.440 --> 0:04:46.880 are really to make it clear, We've done a couple 0:04:46.920 --> 0:04:52.159 episodes analyzing the media and the media's coverage of this election, 0:04:52.960 --> 0:04:56.520 media ratings and media personalities, how media personalities are conducting 0:04:56.560 --> 0:05:01.120 themselves as journalists, and that that's where our interest lies. 0:05:01.120 --> 0:05:03.480 We never want to tell you guys who to vote 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:05.960 for or how to vote. But I'm just interested in 0:05:05.960 --> 0:05:08.400 how the media covers it. And we both have deep 0:05:08.440 --> 0:05:12.920 backgrounds in journalism, both went to journalism schools, so definitely 0:05:12.960 --> 0:05:14.960 this is we consider it our industry and we get 0:05:15.000 --> 0:05:18.160 interested in the ratings and how it's being conducted in 0:05:18.160 --> 0:05:18.720 its future. 0:05:18.920 --> 0:05:20.839 I definitely stayed away from it when I was on 0:05:20.920 --> 0:05:23.039 Bachelor and Bacherette because I never wanted that to be 0:05:23.200 --> 0:05:25.120 a topic of discussion. 0:05:25.160 --> 0:05:25.720 Politics. 0:05:25.880 --> 0:05:31.120 Nos, honestly, politics and journalism. I just I didn't dabble 0:05:31.200 --> 0:05:33.679 in any of those things because I knew what people 0:05:33.680 --> 0:05:36.440 were watching the show for, which was I was your escape. 0:05:36.480 --> 0:05:38.560 I wanted to provide that escape. It was a bit 0:05:38.600 --> 0:05:40.800 of a soap opera, if you will, And I always 0:05:40.839 --> 0:05:42.719 wanted to be that for whatever you were going through 0:05:42.720 --> 0:05:45.560 in life, not just politics, but everything. And I've heard 0:05:45.560 --> 0:05:47.840 some great stories that you were our escape if we 0:05:47.839 --> 0:05:49.920 were going through an illness in the family or something, 0:05:49.920 --> 0:05:53.599 and so I was proud to be that. But after 0:05:53.680 --> 0:05:57.440 finding and falling in love with Lauren, there is a 0:05:57.560 --> 0:06:00.240 very particular thing that we are both passionate about. We 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:02.280 both grew up in journalism, we both cut our teeth 0:06:02.320 --> 0:06:05.640 and journalism and it's important to us and we debate 0:06:05.720 --> 0:06:07.600 this all the time, and that's what we wanted this 0:06:08.080 --> 0:06:10.880 podcast to be was honest and what LZ and I 0:06:10.920 --> 0:06:14.039 are really excited about and talking about. And one thing 0:06:14.120 --> 0:06:16.600 is the rise and fall of journalism, how it's evolved 0:06:16.600 --> 0:06:19.039 and what's going on. And I worked my first job 0:06:19.160 --> 0:06:21.240 was at a news station in Oklahoma City. I was 0:06:21.279 --> 0:06:23.760 a journalist and that's what I graduated college with and 0:06:23.800 --> 0:06:26.240 my degree is in journalism. So it's always been near 0:06:26.279 --> 0:06:28.480 and dear to my heart. It's just I never wanted 0:06:28.520 --> 0:06:31.000 to bring that into my bachelor world. But now that 0:06:31.080 --> 0:06:34.080 you and I have these debates, it is fascinating what's 0:06:34.120 --> 0:06:36.200 going on to us. And so it's what Laura and 0:06:36.240 --> 0:06:38.520 I are talking about is we're eating our dinner. So 0:06:38.560 --> 0:06:40.680 it's what we talk about on the most dramatic podcast ever. 0:06:40.880 --> 0:06:43.120 And there's definitely different modes you can be in, right Like, 0:06:43.200 --> 0:06:45.279 for sure with The Bachelor, you were in host mode, 0:06:45.320 --> 0:06:48.720 but you started as a sports broadcaster. I've never been 0:06:48.760 --> 0:06:51.760 a political journalist. But for example, like even being at 0:06:51.839 --> 0:06:56.000 Entertainment Tonight when it was like election time, we would 0:06:56.040 --> 0:07:00.040 sometimes ask celebrities different political questions I mean, obviously the 0:07:00.120 --> 0:07:02.119 celebrities go out and endorse people, so it could become 0:07:02.160 --> 0:07:03.200 the topic of an interview. 0:07:03.200 --> 0:07:05.960 So there's always going to be a little overlap, and 0:07:06.920 --> 0:07:08.520 you might be in different modes. 0:07:08.560 --> 0:07:10.880 I mean, we see people, I think you always have 0:07:10.960 --> 0:07:13.960 to also look at like who's doing the interviews you're 0:07:14.000 --> 0:07:17.280 watching and what they're bringing to the table, Like a 0:07:17.360 --> 0:07:20.480 Joe Rogan is kind of having a conversation with people 0:07:20.520 --> 0:07:23.200 on his podcast. There are some people who are very 0:07:23.240 --> 0:07:28.760 classically trained journalists who should be doing a more you know, 0:07:28.920 --> 0:07:32.440 gritty interview and really pushing their subject and challenging their subject. 0:07:32.480 --> 0:07:34.800 And then you have some people who like, I don't know, 0:07:34.840 --> 0:07:38.760 like a George Stephanopolis. I mean he was a political consultant, right. 0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:41.240 Who then kind of in the amistration. 0:07:41.360 --> 0:07:43.320 Yeah, so then he became an on air political person, 0:07:43.360 --> 0:07:46.240 but then now he sort of does just interviews with people. 0:07:46.320 --> 0:07:49.520 And that's always interesting to me too because he wasn't 0:07:49.600 --> 0:07:52.440 necessarily trained in that world, but he's come into that world. 0:07:52.520 --> 0:07:55.080 So there's different hosts and modes and overlap, and we're 0:07:55.120 --> 0:07:56.000 fascinated by it all. 0:07:56.480 --> 0:07:59.000 I'm going to change direction here and go to kind 0:07:59.000 --> 0:08:01.040 of what our wheel has else is, and that's love 0:08:01.080 --> 0:08:07.600 and relationships. My fiance still flirts. It is something that 0:08:07.800 --> 0:08:11.880 he just cannot help himself with. I know it's harmless 0:08:12.120 --> 0:08:14.600 and he will be coming home with me. Is it 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:17.600 okay to continue to let it go and be more 0:08:17.640 --> 0:08:21.440 secure in myself? Or should I say something because it 0:08:21.520 --> 0:08:24.120 does bother me a little bit? What's your take? 0:08:25.120 --> 0:08:28.320 My take is that if it's something that consistently bothers you, 0:08:28.320 --> 0:08:31.080 you have to say something because where is it going 0:08:31.160 --> 0:08:32.920 to go from here? It's only going to fester, it 0:08:32.960 --> 0:08:37.240 will only you'll probably blow up at some point. I 0:08:37.240 --> 0:08:39.400 don't think you can live in a relationship with something 0:08:39.400 --> 0:08:44.120 that underlying bothers you consistently, right, And I'm not talking 0:08:44.160 --> 0:08:46.520 about oh, he doesn't pick his towel up off the floor, 0:08:46.880 --> 0:08:47.960 you know, pick your battles. 0:08:47.960 --> 0:08:50.920 But this seems like a big enough issue to bring 0:08:51.000 --> 0:08:51.360 up to. 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:53.920 Me, I even just to talk about it, even to just, 0:08:54.200 --> 0:08:56.480 you know, not to come at it from a combative place, 0:08:56.520 --> 0:08:59.199 but to say, hey, you know, can we talk about 0:08:59.200 --> 0:09:02.160 this like it kind of bothers me, It hurts me 0:09:02.200 --> 0:09:04.880 a little bit, And maybe his response will be as 0:09:04.880 --> 0:09:06.839 easily as oh, my gosh, I don't want you to 0:09:06.840 --> 0:09:07.480 feel that way. 0:09:07.720 --> 0:09:08.880 Let me be more aware of that. 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:13.559 People don't know until you say something. So the worst 0:09:13.600 --> 0:09:16.720 thing you can do in this situation is let it go. 0:09:17.080 --> 0:09:18.920 Let it fester, because as you said, it's bothering you 0:09:18.960 --> 0:09:23.880 a little bit, and it will manifest anxiety with you 0:09:24.040 --> 0:09:26.760 and resentment, and eventually that resentment is going to cause 0:09:26.760 --> 0:09:29.000 a bigger problem. So, as Lauren just said, and I 0:09:29.000 --> 0:09:31.679 will echo, you don't have to, you know, do it 0:09:31.720 --> 0:09:35.120 in an attacking way, because it doesn't. It's not the 0:09:35.200 --> 0:09:37.160 end all be all to you, as you said, but 0:09:37.240 --> 0:09:40.000 I definitely would say, hey, babe, look, I know you're 0:09:40.000 --> 0:09:41.800 a flirt and honestly, that's one of the things I 0:09:41.920 --> 0:09:44.720 like about you is you're so personable and charismatic. But 0:09:44.760 --> 0:09:47.400 it does bother me sometimes it goes a little bit 0:09:47.440 --> 0:09:49.840 too far. And look, I love you and I know 0:09:49.880 --> 0:09:53.240 you're going home with me. Can you just be cognizant 0:09:53.240 --> 0:09:54.760 of that so you know, it's all in how you 0:09:54.880 --> 0:09:58.040 articulate it, so he's not defensive. And because it probably 0:09:58.120 --> 0:10:00.800 is something you adore about him, that he was so 0:10:00.880 --> 0:10:02.839 flirty with you and so fun to. 0:10:02.800 --> 0:10:04.760 Be around, I will say we had more on the 0:10:04.800 --> 0:10:05.880 definition of flirt here. 0:10:05.920 --> 0:10:07.840 Yeah, yeah, there's a big spectrum. 0:10:07.880 --> 0:10:10.679 I will say, I think people can talk to people 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:13.360 of other genders and other like, we all have to 0:10:13.400 --> 0:10:16.480 be comfortable and confident in allowing our partner to converse 0:10:16.480 --> 0:10:17.200 with other people. 0:10:18.240 --> 0:10:20.080 But flirting to. 0:10:20.000 --> 0:10:22.400 Me, like, you know, you don't if you're the guy 0:10:22.440 --> 0:10:24.160 and you're engaged to somebody else and you're like, I 0:10:24.160 --> 0:10:26.160 don't know, pulling in another woman to sit on your lap, 0:10:26.200 --> 0:10:28.360 and it's oh, just flirting, No, not okay to me. 0:10:29.120 --> 0:10:30.560 Everybody can feel where their line is. 0:10:42.280 --> 0:10:45.680 Another very interesting one, babe. And I'm dating someone who 0:10:45.760 --> 0:10:48.960 drinks and I am not a big drinker. I feel 0:10:48.960 --> 0:10:51.680 like he wishes I drink more. Do you think a 0:10:51.720 --> 0:10:55.079 relationship with people on two sides of the drink to 0:10:55.160 --> 0:10:56.760 be social fence could work? 0:10:57.600 --> 0:11:00.800 I think that you need to be it a pretty 0:11:00.840 --> 0:11:06.160 similar level of social of socializing as your partner. 0:11:06.240 --> 0:11:06.559 I do. 0:11:07.720 --> 0:11:11.400 I've dated people with addiction struggles in the past, and 0:11:11.440 --> 0:11:16.160 I will say it's hard because when someone is and 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:18.679 this person obviously isn't talking about addiction, but just like 0:11:18.720 --> 0:11:22.080 for comparison's sake, when someone has an addiction issue, that 0:11:22.240 --> 0:11:25.160 has to be like a major priority in their life. 0:11:25.200 --> 0:11:27.320 It has to be for them to stay healthy, and 0:11:27.360 --> 0:11:29.640 it's hard if you're somebody who likes to like go 0:11:29.760 --> 0:11:32.960 out and socialize and have a drink and your partner 0:11:33.520 --> 0:11:37.439 isn't that comfortable with it, or it's even potentially problematic 0:11:37.480 --> 0:11:39.840 for them. I think that it really helps to be 0:11:39.880 --> 0:11:44.400 in a relationship where you socialize similarly like you. You know, 0:11:44.440 --> 0:11:47.160 what I always say is we all want to enjoy life. Right, 0:11:47.200 --> 0:11:49.640 We'll find somebody who enjoys life the same way as you, 0:11:49.679 --> 0:11:51.160 and your life's going to be a lot easier and 0:11:51.240 --> 0:11:55.280 have a lot less conflict. I think drinking at the 0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:58.000 same level, liking to go out at the same level. 0:11:58.040 --> 0:12:00.560 You know some people are homebodies in their relationship together. 0:12:01.200 --> 0:12:02.720 But yeah, I think that's a potential problem. 0:12:02.760 --> 0:12:03.200 What do you think? 0:12:03.320 --> 0:12:07.480 I agree, And you know, you and I have this 0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:10.960 discussion a lot. I think when we're young, you hear 0:12:11.000 --> 0:12:15.240 that opposites a track, opposites a tract, and you know. 0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:16.960 You think I want someone who balances me. 0:12:17.160 --> 0:12:21.000 This person's nothing like me at all. He's a homebody. 0:12:21.240 --> 0:12:23.280 I love to go out and party. We're perfect together. 0:12:24.200 --> 0:12:26.800 You grow up and you learn hmm, I like to 0:12:26.840 --> 0:12:28.240 go out and party and he's a homebody. 0:12:28.440 --> 0:12:31.960 And now I'm out alone. And because I'm out, do. 0:12:31.880 --> 0:12:33.920 You have to be exactly the same? No, And I 0:12:33.920 --> 0:12:36.400 think it is wonderful that you have different attributes than 0:12:36.440 --> 0:12:38.360 I have and vice versa, and we push each other 0:12:38.400 --> 0:12:41.400 and pull each other in different directions to expand our horizons. 0:12:41.800 --> 0:12:46.080 But with that said, I do think similar interest. I'll 0:12:46.080 --> 0:12:49.800 be honest. I love wine. I love going to the 0:12:49.800 --> 0:12:53.240 wine country. We just recently took a trip back to 0:12:53.280 --> 0:12:56.079 where we got married, which was Napa Valley. You love 0:12:56.120 --> 0:12:57.880 it as much as I do. You love the people, 0:12:57.920 --> 0:13:01.600 you love the romance of it. And neither one of us, 0:13:01.679 --> 0:13:04.839 I would say, are huge drinkers. But we both do 0:13:04.960 --> 0:13:07.839 it about the same level, I would say, and it's 0:13:07.840 --> 0:13:10.600 something that's a part of our relationship. And I do 0:13:10.640 --> 0:13:11.880 think that that is important. 0:13:12.120 --> 0:13:13.920 I think you need one of You're going to be 0:13:13.960 --> 0:13:16.440 happy if you find someone who likes to live life 0:13:16.480 --> 0:13:17.240 the same way as you. 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:20.599 So I'll ask you one more question. You need to 0:13:20.679 --> 0:13:24.120 lead this off. This is in your wheelhouse. I am 0:13:24.160 --> 0:13:26.880 having such a hard time getting back into dating after 0:13:26.960 --> 0:13:30.440 my divorce. My self esteem is down and I don't 0:13:30.440 --> 0:13:33.080 want to get on the apps any advice to get 0:13:33.080 --> 0:13:36.000 myself to a place where I am more comfortable to 0:13:36.040 --> 0:13:37.880 get out there. And I'll just let you know too. 0:13:37.920 --> 0:13:41.480 We have a great podcast with doctor Viviana Coole and 0:13:41.600 --> 0:13:44.240 it's kind of dabbles a lot in this, so look 0:13:44.280 --> 0:13:46.960 for that on the most dramatic podcast ever. But Babe, 0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:48.880 this is so in your wheelhouse. 0:13:49.000 --> 0:13:53.040 Well yours too. We're both devor says, but thank you. 0:13:53.040 --> 0:13:54.120 You're just a good hype woman. 0:13:54.200 --> 0:13:56.400 Oh, I just want to give this woman so much hype. 0:13:56.640 --> 0:13:58.719 One thing I hate hearing from friends of mine who 0:13:58.720 --> 0:14:01.640 have gotten divorced or had big breakups is they're afraid 0:14:01.679 --> 0:14:04.160 to get out there. They are you know, they don't 0:14:04.160 --> 0:14:06.440 want to start over that kind of thing. I just 0:14:06.440 --> 0:14:09.520 think we need a massive rebrand on all of these terms. 0:14:10.160 --> 0:14:13.120 Divorce can be a good thing. It's a hard thing, 0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:15.640 but it can be a good thing. Obviously something wasn't working. 0:14:15.960 --> 0:14:19.440 Now is your chance to find something better. Starting over 0:14:19.560 --> 0:14:23.040 can be a great thing. And my biggest thing about 0:14:23.160 --> 0:14:24.640 dating after divorce. 0:14:25.640 --> 0:14:27.320 Look at it as practice. 0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:31.120 This date isn't going to make or break your happiness level. 0:14:31.120 --> 0:14:32.480 It's not going to make or break who you are 0:14:32.520 --> 0:14:34.760 as a person. If it goes horribly. You have a 0:14:34.800 --> 0:14:37.320 great story to tell your friends. When I got divorced, 0:14:37.360 --> 0:14:39.000 I thought, well, I'm going to go out and date, 0:14:39.040 --> 0:14:41.480 and like, who cares what happens. I don't have if 0:14:41.480 --> 0:14:43.240 this date goes badly, I don't have to ever see 0:14:43.240 --> 0:14:46.200 this guy again. And I just looked at it as like, 0:14:46.320 --> 0:14:49.000 let me just go have some fun, meet people, see 0:14:49.000 --> 0:14:52.440 what's out there. And I think dating, like, I actually 0:14:52.480 --> 0:14:54.320 think it's a good thing. To go on as many 0:14:54.400 --> 0:14:57.040 dates as you can. You're getting your reps in, You're 0:14:57.040 --> 0:14:58.440 getting that fear out of you. 0:14:58.520 --> 0:15:01.080 Like it's just like the ten thousand hour rule. You 0:15:01.080 --> 0:15:02.840 get better at something when you do it a lot, 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:04.920 like go out on a lot of dates. 0:15:04.600 --> 0:15:06.960 More than you might even want to with people you 0:15:07.040 --> 0:15:09.640 might not even feel that confident about, just to get 0:15:09.720 --> 0:15:12.480 yourself feeling good and confident and get that practice in. 0:15:12.600 --> 0:15:14.440 I'm guessing the person that asks this is a little 0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:16.600 bit older. You might even have kids, much like I 0:15:16.640 --> 0:15:18.640 did when I started dating, and I look at it, 0:15:18.920 --> 0:15:23.360 what would you tell your child as they start dating? 0:15:23.400 --> 0:15:26.320 What would your advice be? Would it be be timid, 0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:29.600 be afraid it's scary out there? No, you would tell 0:15:29.640 --> 0:15:32.960 your son or daughter get out there. Life's waiting for you. 0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:35.640 Yeah you're going to trip and fall, but that just 0:15:35.680 --> 0:15:38.040 makes for a good story. You pick yourself up. You've 0:15:38.120 --> 0:15:40.200 learned more about yourself. You learn what you like, you 0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:42.320 learn what you don't like, and that makes you better 0:15:42.400 --> 0:15:44.560 for the next person, and then you're going to learn again. 0:15:44.840 --> 0:15:47.200 So what advice would you give a friend? What advice 0:15:47.200 --> 0:15:50.000 would you give your child? Take that advice? It is 0:15:50.080 --> 0:15:53.080 so hard to look in the mirror. But yeah it's daunting, 0:15:53.160 --> 0:15:55.440 Yeah it's scary. But would you tell anybody that those 0:15:55.520 --> 0:15:58.560 are reasons to not get out there and play the game? 0:15:58.760 --> 0:15:59.440 So true we are. 0:15:59.520 --> 0:16:01.560 I always say I try to give myself the advice 0:16:01.640 --> 0:16:03.880 I would give a friend. And you know, I want 0:16:03.880 --> 0:16:06.480 to note here this person says my self esteem is down. 0:16:06.920 --> 0:16:09.480 I hate hearing that from you. I'm sorry and I 0:16:09.560 --> 0:16:09.880 get that. 0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:13.280 You know, when you've been through divorce a rejection period, 0:16:13.720 --> 0:16:15.360 you know, our self esteem takes a hit, and then 0:16:15.400 --> 0:16:17.640 we fear dating is going to be more rejection, our 0:16:17.640 --> 0:16:20.080 self esteem will take more of a hit. But what 0:16:20.120 --> 0:16:22.480 I want to say there is I think everybody out 0:16:22.480 --> 0:16:25.280 there is feeling that way. I think you know, people 0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:27.760 on dating apps everybody's feeling insecure. 0:16:28.160 --> 0:16:30.680 Yeah, and let me just add one more thing. Your 0:16:30.680 --> 0:16:32.840 self esteem might be down because maybe you got out 0:16:32.840 --> 0:16:35.640 of a bad relationship. Maybe he or she said something 0:16:35.640 --> 0:16:38.280 that really hits you, you know, in a bitter way 0:16:38.320 --> 0:16:40.960 as they were walking out the door. You know, it 0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:45.120 can help your self esteem being flirted with, being hit on, 0:16:45.680 --> 0:16:48.480 going on a date, having a good makeout session. So true, 0:16:48.720 --> 0:16:52.400 you don't feel higher in life than when those dopamine, 0:16:52.600 --> 0:16:55.040 you know, and it all kicks in when someone just 0:16:55.080 --> 0:16:57.520 smiles at you from across the bar buys you a drink. 0:16:57.520 --> 0:17:00.160 It doesn't even have to lead to anything but go 0:17:00.240 --> 0:17:03.560 out there and find that. That will build your self esteem. 0:17:05.200 --> 0:17:05.640 All right. 0:17:06.880 --> 0:17:10.200 More dating in a relationship questions. I have been dating 0:17:10.240 --> 0:17:13.919 my boyfriend for four years and he forgot my birthday. 0:17:15.000 --> 0:17:16.919 It's been a few days, still nothing. 0:17:17.440 --> 0:17:18.760 How should I handle it? 0:17:20.400 --> 0:17:22.639 Call a spade a spade man. At this point, you 0:17:22.720 --> 0:17:26.280 got to call it out. It's not like just be like, hey, babe, 0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:30.040 not for nothing, but you missed my birthday. It was 0:17:30.040 --> 0:17:33.800 five days ago. That was a big miss. And my guess, 0:17:33.800 --> 0:17:36.439 if he's a good person, he will throw himself at 0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:39.439 the mercy of the court and be like, oh my god, 0:17:39.560 --> 0:17:42.159 I can't believe I did that. I can't fathom how 0:17:42.160 --> 0:17:44.640 bad I would feel if I missed your birthday, and 0:17:44.840 --> 0:17:48.400 or vice versa, if you missed mine, we would be devastated. 0:17:48.520 --> 0:17:51.920 If life's happening, who knows what he's going through or 0:17:51.960 --> 0:17:54.439 she's going through. Give him a little grace. If you 0:17:54.480 --> 0:17:57.160 really love this person. It's not a career ender, it's 0:17:57.160 --> 0:17:59.840 not a relationship ender. Have a little grace. But at 0:17:59.840 --> 0:18:03.840 the same time, don't just let the animosity build. Say something. 0:18:04.160 --> 0:18:05.479 Just be like, hey, it hurt me a little bit. 0:18:05.520 --> 0:18:07.639 My birthday was last week. Be honest. 0:18:07.840 --> 0:18:09.240 It could be a good wake up call moment. 0:18:09.400 --> 0:18:11.840 Yeah, yeah, I don't think it's a relationship ender, but 0:18:12.040 --> 0:18:13.560 I but I do. 0:18:13.560 --> 0:18:15.840 You think it's a moment where that person will hopefully 0:18:15.920 --> 0:18:18.320 be very sorry. My heart really make it up to you. 0:18:18.320 --> 0:18:19.760 You know, it's funny. My heart just went out to 0:18:19.800 --> 0:18:22.720 the person that forgot. I think. I'm just like, oh god, buddy, 0:18:22.720 --> 0:18:23.880 what did you do? Well? 0:18:23.960 --> 0:18:25.840