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Speaker 1: This is Unbreakable with Jay Glacier, a mental health podcast

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Speaker 1: helping you out of the gray and into the blue.

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Speaker 1: Now here's Jay Glacier.

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Speaker 2: Welcome into Unbreakable, a mental health podcast with Jay Glazer.

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Speaker 3: And we have a very.

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Speaker 2: Special guest today. But before I get to him, quick

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Speaker 2: word from our sponsor. If you're like many people, you

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Speaker 2: may be surprised to learn that one in five adults

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Speaker 2: in this country experienced mental illness last year. Get far

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Speaker 2: too many fail to receive the support they need. Carolyn

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Speaker 2: Behavioral Health is doing something about it.

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Speaker 3: They understand the.

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Speaker 2: Behavioral health is a key part of whole health, delivering

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Speaker 2: compassionate care that treats physical, mental, emotional, and social needs

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Speaker 2: and tandem Carolyn behavioral Health raising the quality of life

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Speaker 2: from empathy and action. All right, folks, Exactly a year

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Speaker 2: ago I started this podcast with the same guest I'm

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Speaker 2: having on right now, Shaun.

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Speaker 3: McVay, head coach of the RAMS, who is also very.

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Speaker 2: Integral in me explaining in my book I'm Break about

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Speaker 2: how I turned my depression anxiety into motivation and you

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Speaker 2: can too, who's in a role in that book can

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Speaker 2: explaining mental health and how I explained it to him.

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Speaker 3: We were able to then explain it to the world

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Speaker 3: and really help a lot of people out. Sean at the.

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Speaker 2: Time wasn't really sure about mental health when we were

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Speaker 2: talking about it way back then two years ago. He

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Speaker 2: damned sure understands it now. But you know, Sean, I

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Speaker 2: appreciate you coming joining in. It's special that we had

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Speaker 2: you last year going into week one. Having you this year,

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Speaker 2: this would be our fifty third show wow going in,

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Speaker 2: so I appreciate it. But you know, I kind of

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Speaker 2: wanted to dive into what you've learned over the past

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Speaker 2: year because last year got into what you've learned. Okay,

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Speaker 2: now I get it, Jay, I understand you know some

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Speaker 2: of the trauma that we go through. But obviously last year,

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Speaker 2: at the end of last season, you were really going

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Speaker 2: back and forth even more about whether you're going to

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Speaker 2: coach again or not, and you were going through things

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Speaker 2: that I.

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Speaker 3: Hadn't seen you go through before.

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Speaker 2: So kind of want to dive into what you've learned

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Speaker 2: from the first time you came unbreakable to Now.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, obviously we're such close friends and you

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Speaker 4: mean so much to me, so I appreciate you having

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Speaker 4: me on. I think the first thing is this, when

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Speaker 4: we've talked about it before, you know, you've kind of

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Speaker 4: joked about you know, you haven't really your Your toughest

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Speaker 4: experience was losing the Super Bowl in eighteen, and you know,

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Speaker 4: we would laugh about it, but I didn't really realize.

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Speaker 4: You know, you read about people that go through adversity

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Speaker 4: and you try to always want to, you know, be

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Speaker 4: able to handle things accordingly. But until you go through it,

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Speaker 4: you're not able to really grow through it or talk

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Speaker 4: about it. And I've been so blessed and fortunate and

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Speaker 4: last year, especially from a professional perspective, you know, with

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Speaker 4: how much we put in and how much I love coaching,

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Speaker 4: how much I love this, and sometimes how much your

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Speaker 4: identity can wrongly be tied up in the results. It

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Speaker 4: taught me a lot. And we had had so many

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Speaker 4: things that had gone well in the first five years

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Speaker 4: that I had been a head coach that you know,

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Speaker 4: you talk about going through adversity, then when you're forced

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Speaker 4: to really go through some things and then you reflect

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Speaker 4: back on am I really being the leader the person

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Speaker 4: that I want to be? Am I letting the outside

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Speaker 4: circumstances effect whether it be the security you have in yourself,

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Speaker 4: the identity being the leader that you want to be.

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Speaker 4: And the answer is, I wasn't proud of what I

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Speaker 4: was last year in the midst of a lot of

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Speaker 4: real adversity. What I am grateful for is it forced reflection.

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Speaker 4: It forced me to get grounded in a way that

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Speaker 4: I would have never done otherwise if it wasn't for

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Speaker 4: going through and ultimately hopefully growing through some of the

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Speaker 4: experiences that we had last year. Because it's always about

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Speaker 4: being the person that you want to be, and there's

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Speaker 4: so many things that are outside of your control. But

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Speaker 4: here's what I learned. You want to have values and

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Speaker 4: principles that guide your everyday approach. You want to make

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Speaker 4: sure that you surround yourself with people that are positive influences,

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Speaker 4: that are the all time friends, not just the good

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Speaker 4: time friends. And then you got to do an unbelievable

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Speaker 4: job of having great epic self talk, you know, because

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Speaker 4: so many of your thoughts and the things that you

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Speaker 4: can do can take you down a road that you

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Speaker 4: don't want to go if you're not cognizant of that.

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Speaker 4: And then I think the last part that I've really

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Speaker 4: focused on Jay is having you know, outstanding daily recovery habits,

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Speaker 4: getting your rest, starting to get an awareness of when

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Speaker 4: you start to get a little bit irritable or edgey,

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Speaker 4: Let's take a break, let's go exercise, let's do some breathing,

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Speaker 4: some meditation. But it's one of those deals. I think

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Speaker 4: the biggest difference, I would say, Jay is is we're

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Speaker 4: always accustomed to we're preparing for a game and then

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Speaker 4: we're either trying to get the result that we want

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Speaker 4: or not. This is a never ending journey. This is

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Speaker 4: the way of life. This is being more the person

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Speaker 4: that I want to be for close friends like you,

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Speaker 4: for my wife Veronica, for the people that I love unconditionally,

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Speaker 4: that love me unconditionally. And while I didn't like a

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Speaker 4: lot of the things that occurred last year, I'm really

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Speaker 4: grateful for the perspective, for the work that it caused,

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Speaker 4: and for where I'm at now. And I think, really

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Speaker 4: the journey is getting ready to get started, and I'm

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Speaker 4: very you know, I'm optimistic that with the people that

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Speaker 4: I'm around, with some of these things that we've started

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Speaker 4: to implement, that you're not going to be so affected

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Speaker 4: by the things that are outside of your control, and

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Speaker 4: you're going to be more consistent with the person you

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Speaker 4: want to be. Very much like we've talked about, but

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Speaker 4: now it's about putting it in action.

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Speaker 2: You just said you're proud of certain things that you

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Speaker 2: how you handle things last year.

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Speaker 3: Explain dive into that.

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Speaker 4: For me, the biggest thing, Jay would be a lot

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Speaker 4: of the things that I internalized. And the main thing

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Speaker 4: what I sometimes lost perspective of is what a blessing

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Speaker 4: this is to be able to be a coach in

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Speaker 4: the National Football League and really a coach in general.

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Speaker 4: I don't take that, you know, mantle lightly in terms

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Speaker 4: of the influence the way you want to positively affect guys,

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Speaker 4: in the way that you want to positively affect situations.

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Speaker 4: Now it can't all be everything is all positive, but

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Speaker 4: it's about are you positively affecting change, whether it be

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Speaker 4: with people or with situations you're part of, and a

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Speaker 4: lot of instances, you know, you challenge your players to say,

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Speaker 4: let's be your best regardless of the circumstances. And I

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Speaker 4: can be honest enough to there were times that I

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Speaker 4: was not. I let the outside circumstances dictate. You know,

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Speaker 4: my overall vibe, the energy and the engagement that I

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Speaker 4: brought to these guys, my enjoyment, the overall security I

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Speaker 4: felt in myself as a person, and I think that

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Speaker 4: was a necessary step for my you know, growth and

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Speaker 4: again just getting back grounded. You know, I could be

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Speaker 4: a stubborn guide Jay. And so you can read about.

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Speaker 2: Oh no you no.

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Speaker 3: But no, not at all.

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Speaker 4: I feel like it forced some reflection, some growth, some relationships,

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Speaker 4: some dialogue where you're coming from a much more educated perspective.

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Speaker 4: I mean we sat on this a year ago and

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Speaker 4: the perspective that I have. And if you said, okay,

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Speaker 4: coming off of the year that we were so fortunate

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Speaker 4: and blessed to have, did you learn more that year?

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Speaker 4: Did you learn more this last year? It's not even close.

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Speaker 4: You know, you become more aware. You learn more when

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Speaker 4: you go through the trials and the tribulations and the

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Speaker 4: challenging things and the things that go the way you

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Speaker 4: want to. But I think it's always about the response.

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Speaker 4: And I think I thought that there was this image

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Speaker 4: that you had to uphold of perfection that just wasn't real,

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Speaker 4: And it's about you know, being the person that you

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Speaker 4: want to be more consistently. But I also think it

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Speaker 4: was about giving myself a little bit more grace. You know,

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Speaker 4: sometimes you can challenge yourself so much. And You've always

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Speaker 4: kind of said this to me, but I'm not going

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Speaker 4: to apologize for having eye expectations. But it's also a

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Speaker 4: let's control what you can control, and let's expend your energy,

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Speaker 4: your engagement, and your effort in those things. And I

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Speaker 4: think having the wisdom to be able to discern the

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Speaker 4: differences between the two can be easier said than done.

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Speaker 4: And the activation part of the plan is the most challenging.

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Speaker 2: Well, listen, I know you're not on social media, so

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Speaker 2: a lot of people, a lot of us, the problem

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Speaker 2: is that we compare ourselves to everybody else's filtered fraction

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Speaker 2: of a second of highlights on social media, or we hear.

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Speaker 3: That outside knows you're not on that, but you are saying.

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Speaker 2: You were comparing yourself to how it happened, So how

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Speaker 2: are you hearing that?

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Speaker 3: Is that?

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Speaker 2: Was that a big problem is that you're comparing yourself

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Speaker 2: to what you were when you, you know, had those

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Speaker 2: winning years as supposed to last year.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that's what it is. I think what

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Speaker 4: you become is you become obsessed with the societal scoreboard

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Speaker 4: instead of the personal scoreboard, and you start worrying about

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Speaker 4: things that are outside of your control, you stop expending

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Speaker 4: your energy on the stuff that is in your control.

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Speaker 4: You know, the way that you continue to pour into

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Speaker 4: these relationships, the way that you go back to work. Like,

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Speaker 4: one of the big things to Jay that I would

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Speaker 4: say is is that I've really gotten into this concept

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Speaker 4: of a growth mindset and a fixed mindset. And I

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Speaker 4: think in a lot of instances, as a result of

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Speaker 4: things going well, you almost become less resilient to when

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Speaker 4: you do face adversity because you think, oh, it just

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Speaker 4: happened that way, instead of no, the work works. The

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Speaker 4: people that you were doing it with were instrumental in

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Speaker 4: the collective success that we were able to achieve as

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Speaker 4: teams in those previous years. And then there are certain

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Speaker 4: things where when you do go through adversity, you only

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Speaker 4: have control over so much. You know, we did have

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Speaker 4: some real things that occurred that were outside of our control.

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Speaker 4: But how do you make sure that you're handling in

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Speaker 4: a manner that when you look back on it, because

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Speaker 4: it's all such temporary moments in time, can you be

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Speaker 4: proud of the friend, the leader, the coach, whether it

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Speaker 4: be the husband, you know, future father here coming up

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Speaker 4: in a couple of months. You know, can you be

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Speaker 4: proud of that? And when I look back on last year,

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Speaker 4: I'm grateful that I can say, no, I wasn't proud

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Speaker 4: of that person, but I can control being a better

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Speaker 4: version of myself because there's been moments of time when

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Speaker 4: you've been that and then having gone through those averse moments,

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Speaker 4: you feel like you're better equipped with the armor to

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Speaker 4: apply the things. And now I'm a big believer in this, Jay,

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Speaker 4: and we've talked about this a lot, like I see

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Speaker 4: better than I hear, Like I can say that right now.

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Speaker 4: The real challenge is going to be if we when

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Speaker 4: we go through adversity at some point, you know, which

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Speaker 4: is inevitable. All right, how steady are you in that storm?

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Speaker 4: How much are you doing the things that you talk about?

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Speaker 4: That's to me when you know I can be able

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Speaker 4: to tell you, you know, I think a lot of this

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Speaker 4: work that we put in because up until this point,

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Speaker 4: you know, this is like training camp in preseason. But

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Speaker 4: now that this season really starts, let's see if we

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Speaker 4: can apply these principles and be the person you want

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Speaker 4: to be for the people that you love. And care

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Speaker 4: about and not be selfishly motivated, but be motivated to

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Speaker 4: do right for others. And that's where you can have

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Speaker 4: your cup full all the time.

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Speaker 2: I've seen a much lighter side of here. Look day

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Speaker 2: one a camp this year. You know, I was joking

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Speaker 2: around your whole sideline because the scoreboard went dead night.

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Speaker 2: I yelled out to your whole sideline, well, we're about

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Speaker 2: to see if he's a commerce aw McVay.

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Speaker 3: And you work.

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Speaker 2: You didn't rip the shit out of everybody. You're much calmer.

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Speaker 2: It was day one. I was proud of you. You're

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Speaker 2: definitely a lot lighter. Is that just for where you're learning?

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Speaker 2: Is that also because you're going to have a kid

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Speaker 2: here in a month and a half.

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Speaker 4: You know what, I think it's a little bit of both.

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Speaker 4: And again here's the thing too, And you know me

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Speaker 4: as well as anybody, Jay, I'm still wired. I'm still

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Speaker 4: you know, an urgent guy that does and have the

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Speaker 4: best patience. I'm working on those things. What I would

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Speaker 4: say is better up to this point is the awareness

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Speaker 4: of when you feel yourself getting to a point that

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Speaker 4: all right, this isn't going to elicit positive change. The

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Speaker 4: feelings that I'm feeling. It's not that I'm going to

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Speaker 4: change part of the DNA, but you can be more

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Speaker 4: aware of it and then apply those principles that I

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Speaker 4: was talking about when I was a little too long

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Speaker 4: winded at the beginning of this conversation. That's what it is.

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Speaker 4: And then you just mentioned it. You know, a lot

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Speaker 4: of the reflection that we had when you're talking about

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Speaker 4: a right how do you get back to, you know,

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Speaker 4: being the person you want to be? How do you

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Speaker 4: put an action plan in place that really makes you feel,

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Speaker 4: you know, good about being the coach that you want

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Speaker 4: to be for the people that you're working with and

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Speaker 4: make sure that this is a blessing and not a burden.

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Speaker 4: And then it's also like, hey, you know, when I'm

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Speaker 4: fortunate enough to have our son in a couple months, here,

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Speaker 4: am I going to be able to say do as

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Speaker 4: Dad did, or you know, do as I say, not

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Speaker 4: as I do, when those inevitable challenges moments in life occur.

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Speaker 4: And that was a big catalyst for you know, doing

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Speaker 4: the work, and now it's about being able to apply

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Speaker 4: it and see if we've built up the armor. And

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Speaker 4: I do think it's not just a journey where you're

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Speaker 4: in this by yourself. You know, it's about having friends

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Speaker 4: like yourself and my wife Veronica, and the people that

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Speaker 4: I love and care about so closely. Yere with the

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Speaker 4: rams that I'm working with, whether it be coaches or players.

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Speaker 3: What was the darkest moment last year?

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Speaker 4: You know, I'll be honest with you, it all blended together.

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Speaker 4: It was more about you. You're just in a rut

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Speaker 4: and you're almost just kind of going through the motions

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Speaker 4: where you feel like you're having an out of body experience.

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Speaker 4: It was just, you know, I would like to think

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Speaker 4: that I've always been a pretty joyful guy, where you've

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Speaker 4: got an optimistic approach and you just lose the essence

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Speaker 4: of the things that if you were to say, I

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Speaker 4: would you want people to describe you? And what do

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Speaker 4: you hope that you come off as towards them based

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Speaker 4: on what you value and what is true to your heart.

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Speaker 4: I think the sad thing is a lot of those

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Speaker 4: things were not reflected, and that's what I don't ever

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Speaker 4: want to do again and again. I don't want to

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Speaker 4: sit here and pretend like everything is all rosy either.

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Speaker 4: But there's certain ways that you can respond and handle

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Speaker 4: things accordingly. And just be that person that ends up

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Speaker 4: being a positive influence with your friends, your family, your players,

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Speaker 4: your coaches, and a lot of instances I was, and

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Speaker 4: I think a lot of the stuff that you went

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Speaker 4: through to you internalize.

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Speaker 1: Now.

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Speaker 4: The people that know me closest, they knew what was

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Speaker 4: going on and that I wasn't myself. I mean, shoot,

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Speaker 4: and it wasn't just last year either. I don't think

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Speaker 4: that this was exclusive to just last year. It just

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Speaker 4: got exclamated because now, oh, by the way, we're not

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Speaker 4: getting the results we wanted. There's been you know, for

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Speaker 4: a few years where you just need to be reflective

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Speaker 4: on making sure that you recommit to the values and

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Speaker 4: principles that are in alignment with being the person want

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Speaker 4: to be, and it had been a while since I

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Speaker 4: had been that person. It just got masked because we

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Speaker 4: were able to have have, you know, some fortunate results

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Speaker 4: that kind of just end up kind of brushing it

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Speaker 4: under the rug and you're not really forced to address

304
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Speaker 4: the things and it's not any new information to you.

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Speaker 4: But I think going through last year made me realize that, like,

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Speaker 4: this wasn't anything new. It just got revealed in a

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Speaker 4: very public fashion because of some of the whether it's

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Speaker 4: the shame, the embarrassment that I felt, and not being

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Speaker 4: the person that I wanted to be.

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Speaker 3: Your your darkest moment for me, you talking about Rosie.

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Speaker 2: Rosie and I went and spent Thanksgiving with you after

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Speaker 2: we got off our show.

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Speaker 3: You told us about your dream. Do you remember that?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, You're like, hey, I tell you. I

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Speaker 3: tell Rosie. I show up.

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Speaker 2: The first thing he says, hey tell you about my

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Speaker 2: dream last night? He said no, you said, oh yeah,

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Speaker 2: I was getting carjacked. This guy pulled the gun out right,

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Speaker 2: do you remember?

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Speaker 4: No, that was I had seen a I had seen

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Speaker 4: it had I was walking out and I had seen

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Speaker 4: the news that somebody had and I, this is this

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Speaker 4: is terrible. I mean they you know you don't want

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Speaker 4: to pull me over right now, I said, I bet

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Speaker 4: you won't. You know it was you know, but that's

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Speaker 4: not even you know, you just realize, like, hey, there

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Speaker 4: were some moments where I was in I was not myself,

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Speaker 4: that's for sure.

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Speaker 3: But that's the thing too, Like even the year before

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Speaker 3: when you were winning, you weren't enjoying it. You weren't

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Speaker 3: you were having these really, really, really dark moments.

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Speaker 2: I think for the pressure of your job, but it's

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Speaker 2: all relative, like all our problems weigh the same. So

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Speaker 2: you know, there's time you see me at really dark

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Speaker 2: moments when you were thinking the outside, man, life is great,

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Speaker 2: and my life is great, but between my ears just

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Speaker 2: sucks sometimes and and I don't see it at the

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Speaker 2: same time, And I think you go through that same

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Speaker 2: thing where, man, your life is great. You're the youngest

341
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Speaker 2: fucking coach in the history of the National Football League.

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Speaker 2: But these stresses and pressures make us think that our

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Speaker 2: lives suck when they don't. And that's that's our biggest.

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Speaker 4: Challenge, so true, and those are in the light. You

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Speaker 4: tell yourself far that I won't be happy unless you

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Speaker 4: achieve X, Y and Z, and then once you do that,

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Speaker 4: it's never enough. And the body is this. I think

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Speaker 4: you can still be a great competitor and try to

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Speaker 4: strive for you know, achieving goals with the people that

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Speaker 4: you care about, but with the right perspective and the

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Speaker 4: right approach that's in alignment with being just more steady

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Speaker 4: and still as a person. And it's all temporary moments

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Speaker 4: in time. But I'll tell you this, jay I, I

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Speaker 4: like I had mentioned earlier. I would never have had

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Speaker 4: the perspective if it wasn't going through and really being

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Speaker 4: the person that I didn't want to be, because again,

357
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Speaker 4: these were things I knew I was linked getting towards.

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Speaker 4: And you're getting further away from the zest and the

359
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Speaker 4: joy for just coaching football and it being a blessing

360
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Speaker 4: and slowly but surely, if you let those outside influences

361
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Speaker 4: or even the conversations you have in your mind, you know,

362
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Speaker 4: totally dictate yourself worth, your identity. Man, it can be

363
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Speaker 4: a really slippery slope and I don't ever want to

364
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Speaker 4: go back to that place. And the challenge are ahead.

365
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Speaker 4: And I think the biggest thing that I've learned that

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Speaker 4: I'm really excited and optimistic about applying is is that

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Speaker 4: like different we're We're all so structured, you know, especially

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Speaker 4: as competitors. You as an athlete, and now you know,

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Speaker 4: you go through coaching and really you're a coach in

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Speaker 4: this light based on the wisdom that you're able to

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Speaker 4: provide and do so many different things. And I'm a coach,

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Speaker 4: but it's like, Okay, how do we make sure that

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Speaker 4: that doesn't just dictate our whole identity based on what

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Speaker 4: those results are while still being a competitor and then

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Speaker 4: just being able to seamlessly move from one thing to

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Speaker 4: the next and know that, hey, you know, the winning

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Speaker 4: is all great, but man, it's ephemeral. It's temporary. But

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Speaker 4: you know what isn't temporary the character that you have

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Speaker 4: and the way that you respond. Like I think about

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Speaker 4: the people I respect the most. You know how much

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Speaker 4: appreciation I have for your willingness and your security to

382
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Speaker 4: be able to acknowledge some of the real things you

383
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Speaker 4: go through. I respect that a lot. But it's like,

384
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Speaker 4: did I ever really, you know, give myself the great

385
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Speaker 4: news some of those things? And I think there's a

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Speaker 4: real comfort and acknowledging that, yeah, I did go through

387
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Speaker 4: some challenging times, but this isn't permanent. You have a

388
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Speaker 4: say in how you want to be able to respond,

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Speaker 4: and we can grab the pen and take hold of it,

390
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Speaker 4: and and there's power and acknowledging that, yeah, you know

391
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Speaker 4: what that was. That was a moment in time, and

392
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Speaker 4: that was a period of time that I wasn't proud

393
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Speaker 4: of that. And I'm optimistic that we can apply the

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Speaker 4: right principles to say that when we talk about this

395
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Speaker 4: again and you really have those experiences that you go through.

396
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Speaker 4: You know what. It wasn't easy, but I was proud

397
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Speaker 4: of the way that we responded in the midst of

398
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Speaker 4: some of those challenging setbacks.

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Speaker 2: I think it makes you so much better of a

400
00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:38,439
Speaker 2: coach if you can use these to discuss them with

401
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Speaker 2: your coaches, with your players.

402
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Speaker 3: It makes you more vulnerable, It connects you more to

403
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Speaker 3: those guys.

404
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:46,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, it humanizes you, right, Yeah, absolutely make you much

405
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Speaker 4: better coach.

406
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Speaker 3: Yeah.

407
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:51,480
Speaker 4: And again, it's like anything else, the experiences helped teach

408
00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:54,880
Speaker 4: you and man in seven years. I might be young

409
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Speaker 4: in age, but sometimes I feel like an old soul.

410
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Speaker 4: But last year was probably the most beneficial. As I

411
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Speaker 4: look back and I reflect back on it, it was

412
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Speaker 4: not at all fun, but it was the most meaningful

413
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Speaker 4: in regards to the lessons that it taught me. And

414
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Speaker 4: I do think a lot of the every part of

415
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Speaker 4: my life is better as a result of some of

416
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Speaker 4: the things that it's forced me to reflect, to change

417
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Speaker 4: into adjust on. As of right now, what I want

418
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Speaker 4: to be able to say to you, Jay, is in

419
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Speaker 4: the midst of the season, when things get tough, or

420
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Speaker 4: once we go through the season, that I can still

421
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,159
Speaker 4: feel confident today. Man. You know, I'm not going to

422
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:33,160
Speaker 4: pretend like I'm going to be cheery if we don't

423
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,240
Speaker 4: get the result we want. Let's not kid ourselves. But

424
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Speaker 4: are you applying the principles and are you utilizing the

425
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Speaker 4: things you learn to beat the person you want to

426
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Speaker 4: be for the players and for the coaches, and having

427
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:46,320
Speaker 4: a life that's guided with real purpose instead of some

428
00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:48,800
Speaker 4: of the selfish stuff that got me twisted up last year.

429
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Speaker 4: Because you know, I don't want to be that guy.

430
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Speaker 2: But I think, like I said, I think if you

431
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,600
Speaker 2: use a lot of this coach, it'll make you I

432
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Speaker 2: just called your coach, which I've never done, but it'll

433
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,720
Speaker 2: make you. It'll make you so much better of a

434
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Speaker 2: coach because think about nowadays, the lack of authenticity. These

435
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,760
Speaker 2: players and a lot of your coaches are around, right,

436
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,879
Speaker 2: they're around, like I said, filter and highlights on social media.

437
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,679
Speaker 2: For looking at Twitter, which is half of them were bots,

438
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:18,159
Speaker 2: half of our thirteen year old kids talking shit for

439
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,800
Speaker 2: their mom's basement. There's so much there's no authenticity. So

440
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:23,800
Speaker 2: if you could use all the dark shit you've been

441
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:28,040
Speaker 2: through to really, you know, lead your players and your

442
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:30,600
Speaker 2: coaches there and be authentic in that way. They don't

443
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,840
Speaker 2: have a lot of authenticity in their life. I think

444
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:34,560
Speaker 2: that really will have a huge effect on them.

445
00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:37,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, and you've mentioned it before. It humanizes

446
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:40,000
Speaker 4: you more. And here's the powerful thing about it too.

447
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:43,560
Speaker 4: It's all true, you know, but people feel that like

448
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,159
Speaker 4: they've seen it, you could talk about it, and then

449
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,840
Speaker 4: it's like, all right, let's come out on the right

450
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:51,440
Speaker 4: end of it, because you show me somebody, I'll show

451
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,960
Speaker 4: you somebody that's had to persevere through some adversity or

452
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:56,000
Speaker 4: gone through some moments that they were not the person

453
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:59,040
Speaker 4: they wanted to be. And you know what, it just

454
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:03,280
Speaker 4: so happens that that reflection has really allowed me to

455
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:05,480
Speaker 4: revisit Like it's so insane to me to think that,

456
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:09,000
Speaker 4: like I stopped loving what I do. And this is

457
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,399
Speaker 4: something that I've always been passionate about. Like if I

458
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:14,399
Speaker 4: had told myself, if you said, okay, what would you

459
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,720
Speaker 4: have what advice would you have given to yourself when

460
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:19,119
Speaker 4: you started this job and some of the feelings that

461
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,320
Speaker 4: I had and the things that I went through last year,

462
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,840
Speaker 4: you almost would have said, are you kid me? Man?

463
00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:26,600
Speaker 4: Get a hold of yourself. But in the midst of

464
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:29,760
Speaker 4: that journey. It can be a real thing, and I

465
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:32,359
Speaker 4: have such a better understanding and appreciation for it. And

466
00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:34,280
Speaker 4: I think that's why a lot of the conversations that

467
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:37,200
Speaker 4: we've had, that you've shared for me, going back prior

468
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:41,000
Speaker 4: to last year, there maybe was an inability to truly understand,

469
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:43,960
Speaker 4: you know, when people go through struggles that are very

470
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:46,160
Speaker 4: real and they're not out of the norm either, they're

471
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:48,480
Speaker 4: just not And it can happen to a lot of

472
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:52,240
Speaker 4: people that are the most driven to try to achieve

473
00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:54,239
Speaker 4: and that's how we are as human beings. But with

474
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:57,239
Speaker 4: the right perspective, the right awareness, And then I think

475
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,840
Speaker 4: the most important thing too, is is like the right

476
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:02,840
Speaker 4: support system, Like you're not in this alone. Like that's

477
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:05,480
Speaker 4: why I love what you're doing, is there's just such

478
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:08,400
Speaker 4: power in that. You know, I had a tendency last year.

479
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:11,560
Speaker 4: The more angry you got or the more you know

480
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:14,239
Speaker 4: down that you got about some of the things going on,

481
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:18,120
Speaker 4: the more I drew inward as opposed to expanding your

482
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:21,520
Speaker 4: arms and reaching out, And that becomes way worse than

483
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:24,439
Speaker 4: anything else, Like you'd never do that.

484
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:27,320
Speaker 2: Two more questions for you. One you know, and I

485
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:29,320
Speaker 2: think you eventual me a lot so out. You know,

486
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:31,920
Speaker 2: two years ago, I thought you were gone going to television.

487
00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:35,840
Speaker 2: Last year, I really thought you were gone. What was

488
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:38,080
Speaker 2: it that flipped you to say, Okay, I'm not gonna

489
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:41,040
Speaker 2: I'm gonna not go on a TV and stay head coach?

490
00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:44,680
Speaker 4: Realizing that, you know, when you really reflect on who

491
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:47,240
Speaker 4: do you want to be and how much you love

492
00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:49,399
Speaker 4: this job and how much you love the blessing that

493
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:52,399
Speaker 4: it provides to be able to positively pour into people,

494
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:54,879
Speaker 4: and then you get the chance to work around a

495
00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:57,240
Speaker 4: game that you've always been passionate about and that you

496
00:22:57,359 --> 00:23:01,879
Speaker 4: love like it's it's It seems so insane to me

497
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:03,880
Speaker 4: that that was even a thought, But it was more

498
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:07,119
Speaker 4: about It was never that I didn't want to coach.

499
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:09,159
Speaker 4: It was more about I wanted to make sure that

500
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,400
Speaker 4: I could have an action plan that was in alignment

501
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:13,520
Speaker 4: with getting back to the person that I wanted to

502
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 4: be for the people that I do it for as

503
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,639
Speaker 4: the players, that's the coaches, and being the leader that

504
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:22,840
Speaker 4: can positively elicit change, whether that be with people or

505
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:26,480
Speaker 4: situations you're part of. And really it was more about

506
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:30,680
Speaker 4: not addressing the insecurities protecting an image that you thought

507
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:32,959
Speaker 4: you were trying to uphold and it seems so silly,

508
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:36,040
Speaker 4: but there's power and acknowledging that, like, while there would

509
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:38,280
Speaker 4: have been maybe some other opportunities, it would have been

510
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:41,840
Speaker 4: a convenient excuse to just run away from the adversity

511
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:44,359
Speaker 4: that we had faced and not addressing the things that

512
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,159
Speaker 4: needed to be addressed to be the person that I

513
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:48,080
Speaker 4: want to be for everybody that I really love and

514
00:23:48,119 --> 00:23:51,240
Speaker 4: care about, And I feel like I'm so far from

515
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:54,080
Speaker 4: that person and now I'm just interested in continuing to

516
00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:57,000
Speaker 4: apply that. And it's not like it's a one day thing.

517
00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:59,320
Speaker 4: It's not like it's a two day thing, or it's

518
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:01,680
Speaker 4: not like it's got end goal to this season.

519
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,400
Speaker 3: This is like what I.

520
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:06,240
Speaker 4: Want to be for my life. And I'm not naive

521
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:08,800
Speaker 4: to think that it's a perfect thing. But you know,

522
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:11,720
Speaker 4: it's like, we have game plans for these games, we

523
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 4: have the things that guide situational decisions, but it's like,

524
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,399
Speaker 4: how often do we have a game plan that really

525
00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 4: guides being the person that we want to be? And

526
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:22,120
Speaker 4: a lot of the things that you went through last

527
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,640
Speaker 4: year forced that reflection. You know, I'm positive and I'm

528
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:27,960
Speaker 4: optimistic about the journey that have been on the last

529
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:30,240
Speaker 4: couple of months, and now I'm really excited to apply

530
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:32,679
Speaker 4: it when it really counts, when I know that the

531
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,679
Speaker 4: challenging triggers and some of the things that are on

532
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 4: the horizon will possibly present themselves, and want to be

533
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:41,439
Speaker 4: steady in the midst of it all, whether it be

534
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:42,960
Speaker 4: good or the challenging times.

535
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:46,159
Speaker 3: Last question, where have you seen yourself forward? Apply it?

536
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:48,840
Speaker 2: But where have you seen something that the past would

537
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:51,440
Speaker 2: have sent you down a tailspin and now you're like, hey,

538
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 2: I was able to handle like this.

539
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:56,720
Speaker 4: There's a lot of instances every day. I mean, you

540
00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:59,000
Speaker 4: alluded to some of the things in training camp. I

541
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,119
Speaker 4: think it's more the awareareness, and then I think it's

542
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 4: more the consistency, not exclusive to at work, but also

543
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:07,720
Speaker 4: at home, Like it's not by coincidence that I'm much

544
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:11,160
Speaker 4: more thoughtful and considerate of Veronica, Like she's always been

545
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 4: so selfless and it's amazing. But I don't think it's

546
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:19,159
Speaker 4: by coincidence that my relationship with my wife, my friendships,

547
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:23,000
Speaker 4: the things that you say you want to be are

548
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:26,120
Speaker 4: just better. And then when you do get to those

549
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 4: moments where you know you're you still have some of

550
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:31,639
Speaker 4: those things that bring up or listed some of the

551
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:33,760
Speaker 4: feelings that you're talking about that you don't want to have,

552
00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:36,480
Speaker 4: or more equipped with tools and weapons to be able

553
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:39,160
Speaker 4: to counter it, whether it be taking a step back,

554
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,560
Speaker 4: I want to take in a breather, making sure that

555
00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:44,240
Speaker 4: I'm better about getting my rest. I think it's really

556
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:46,960
Speaker 4: more about just everyday things, I mean, and then I

557
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,159
Speaker 4: can be more present, you know sometimes I mean, and

558
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,680
Speaker 4: you know, Jay, like when we've spent time like you could,

559
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:56,440
Speaker 4: you're you're not really there, but you're there, and you're

560
00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:59,400
Speaker 4: able to be more present and you're able to compartmentalize

561
00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:01,080
Speaker 4: the parts of your life that, oh, by the way,

562
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:03,280
Speaker 4: make you better about football when you say, let me

563
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:05,000
Speaker 4: take a break from it every now and then, let

564
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:06,800
Speaker 4: me be with my friends. Let me make sure that

565
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 4: I'm you know, being able to get some laughs or

566
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,800
Speaker 4: get the exercise, or be able to have a couple

567
00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:14,120
Speaker 4: of cocktails if we wanted to. But it's just it's

568
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:17,119
Speaker 4: just a better balance, it's a better awareness, and you know,

569
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:20,400
Speaker 4: and I'm looking forward to seeing how that thing unfolds

570
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:23,399
Speaker 4: and illustrates itself, you know, with the with the people

571
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:26,840
Speaker 4: that I really care about as we start this great

572
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:31,800
Speaker 4: challenge coming up here, soon, buddy, brother.

573
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:32,240
Speaker 3: I appreciate you.

574
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:35,680
Speaker 2: Man again, you were guests one and I'll get fifty two.

575
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:39,359
Speaker 4: What do you think you know just from our friendship,

576
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 4: if you were to say some of the things that

577
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:43,800
Speaker 4: maybe you've noticed, I mean, you mentioned on one story,

578
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:46,440
Speaker 4: but like, do you feel like there's a difference or

579
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:47,280
Speaker 4: what would be so.

580
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:50,520
Speaker 2: Much more present? You're enjoying life. You're completely I was

581
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:53,680
Speaker 2: telling Rosie when I came back from camp. I'm like me, Rosie,

582
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,320
Speaker 2: I'm really problem because you knows a lot of things

583
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:58,879
Speaker 2: that I do working myself, and it will work for

584
00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:00,600
Speaker 2: a couple of days and I'll start going down the

585
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:01,520
Speaker 2: rabbit hole and.

586
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:03,240
Speaker 3: It's something we have to passively work on.

587
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,960
Speaker 2: And I said, I'm really proud because he is You're

588
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,680
Speaker 2: You've been a more present friend than you've ever been,

589
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:12,840
Speaker 2: and also more compassion for what you're You know, what

590
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:16,040
Speaker 2: your other friends may be going through, and hey, man,

591
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:17,560
Speaker 2: I got to make sure I'm there for them as

592
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:20,920
Speaker 2: well instead of them just being there for me. And

593
00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:24,320
Speaker 2: I said, you know, he's just he's a different guy.

594
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:28,520
Speaker 2: And I can't wait for your little man to meet

595
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:31,480
Speaker 2: that guy later this year, because this is the guy

596
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:32,040
Speaker 2: you deserve.

597
00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 3: To be. I totally see different. It's a huge change, man,

598
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,439
Speaker 3: absolutely huge change. And I think everybody else is going

599
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 3: to be listen. Whether other people see it or not

600
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:43,240
Speaker 3: doesn't really make a difference. What makes a difference is

601
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:44,800
Speaker 3: that you see it and you keep working on it.

602
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:45,360
Speaker 4: Yeah.

603
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:47,600
Speaker 2: And you also, you're young, dude, You're a young guy.

604
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:50,480
Speaker 2: You know, I mean twenty years older than you. And

605
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:52,480
Speaker 2: you know, we're still I've been through it for for

606
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:54,720
Speaker 2: a long time, even though we're you know, or a

607
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:57,200
Speaker 2: kind of equal footing in our friendship here. I'm been

608
00:27:57,200 --> 00:27:59,439
Speaker 2: going out of twenty years longer and you know, but

609
00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:01,760
Speaker 2: you're still young, so you're still going to be learning

610
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,320
Speaker 2: these things in life. And I am proud of you, man.

611
00:28:04,359 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 2: You have you made the commitment to do the work,

612
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:10,960
Speaker 2: and the work is helping and you could tell that

613
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:14,480
Speaker 2: you're just enjoying life now and things that may have

614
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 2: set you off in the past. Horn and I, as

615
00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:20,639
Speaker 2: your friend, I really love to see you enjoying life.

616
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:22,200
Speaker 2: And I don't give a shit if you go in

617
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:24,560
Speaker 2: eighteen or eighteen and oh man, I just want you

618
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 2: to enjoy the fact that we are blessed here.

619
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,640
Speaker 3: And that's hard for us because We are so damn competitive.

620
00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 4: No doubt, And I love you and I appreciate you.

621
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:36,440
Speaker 4: And you know how my differendships meant and it always has,

622
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:37,160
Speaker 4: always will.

623
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 3: Brother, I appreciate you. Matt Sean McVay joining us second

624
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:43,880
Speaker 3: time on our Unbreakable podcast