Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and
Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together
Speaker 1: called defect or Defector, and we're gonna have a new
Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, This very podcast which has
Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now, available every rust.
Speaker 1: Get your podcast at Sucher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right
Speaker 1: now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now. Go
Speaker 1: listen to see by. Since you procrastinate so much? Right,
Speaker 1: Oh boy, why didn't you procrastinate on marriage? Had I
Speaker 1: known you was gonna piss me off as a business partner?
Speaker 1: About to rethought this whole being your wife thing too,
Speaker 1: because I can't differentiate sometimes dead as dead ass. Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm Cadine and we're the ellis Is. You may know
Speaker 1: us from posting funding videos without boys and reading each
Speaker 1: other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make
Speaker 1: you need derby most days. And one more important thing
Speaker 1: to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We created
Speaker 1: this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most
Speaker 1: taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 1: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
Speaker 1: is a term that we say every day. Where we
Speaker 1: say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the
Speaker 1: whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about to
Speaker 1: take Phillow's talk to a whole new level. Dead ask
Speaker 1: starts now for bad. I'm so I feel like re energized.
Speaker 1: It's like a whole new year, whole new world. Yes, well,
Speaker 1: let's get into story time real quick. Before we get
Speaker 1: into this, I'm gonna take you guys back way back
Speaker 1: to January second two. You're so annoying. Go ahead. January
Speaker 1: two was like the culmination of our holiday break back
Speaker 1: in Brooklyn, New York. You know, you guys know we
Speaker 1: relocated to the West Coast, so we went back to
Speaker 1: Brooklyn for three weeks. Were in this particular morning, the
Speaker 1: second of January. We were stressed out because we've been
Speaker 1: living in New York with both of our parents. Were
Speaker 1: about three weeks. And we love our parents. Don't get
Speaker 1: me one, we love our parents. But when you go
Speaker 1: from having your own space with your three kids to
Speaker 1: going back to living with your in laws on both sides,
Speaker 1: because we split between her parents and my parents and
Speaker 1: my brother, it was a lot so we both were
Speaker 1: just ready to tell each other off. And um, this morning,
Speaker 1: I was getting ready to get up and go to
Speaker 1: the gym, so I said, baby, she said yeah. I said,
Speaker 1: I'm getting ready to go to gym. You come, and
Speaker 1: she said, yeah, yeah, I'm coming. So I get up,
Speaker 1: take a shower. She's still in bed. So all right,
Speaker 1: well let me let me go get something to eat.
Speaker 1: So I go get something to eat, come back. She's
Speaker 1: still in bed. So then I go, you know, start
Speaker 1: stretching downstairs, and well said baby, I'll get ready to leave.
Speaker 1: She goes, all right, I'm coming, go back upstairs. She's
Speaker 1: still in bed. So then I didn't get upset because
Speaker 1: I know that this is a process. But I asked.
Speaker 1: I said, um, you plan on getting up anytime soon.
Speaker 1: And then out of nowhere, all the energy that I
Speaker 1: expected her to have when she got ready for the gym,
Speaker 1: all that energy came towards me. Why are you watching
Speaker 1: me to go to the gym? I said, I was coming.
Speaker 1: When I'm coming, just wait, And I was like, damn,
Speaker 1: this is the second thing. You clapped. You started clapping
Speaker 1: and and me when I was home, it just came back.
Speaker 1: You know, it's just it's cool because at this point,
Speaker 1: now all I want to do is go to the gym.
Speaker 1: I don't even care about the scream. And I'm like, well, now,
Speaker 1: sence you up. Can you get your gass in the
Speaker 1: shower so we can go in the gym. No, now
Speaker 1: I'm not going to the gym. Now I'm tight. Now
Speaker 1: I'm tight because I've waited an hour in fifteen minutes
Speaker 1: for her because she wanted to go to the gym
Speaker 1: with me, And now since I tried to get her
Speaker 1: to push out the gym, now she's making a decision
Speaker 1: that she's not going to the gym. So now my
Speaker 1: whole day is messed up because now I go to
Speaker 1: the gym and I'm mad the whole time I'm in
Speaker 1: the gym, I'm throwing weights around, I'm running mad fast
Speaker 1: on the treadmill. I'm welcome. I was helping your workout,
Speaker 1: that that energy that you needed, that it was the baby.
Speaker 1: It was all part of the plan. It depends on
Speaker 1: whose baby were sleeping in, because remember we couldn't sleep
Speaker 1: good in them. Remember it was in it was in
Speaker 1: your your brother's bed and your parents house. Yes, that's
Speaker 1: fairly comfortable. My bad I probably was just time it's
Speaker 1: comfortable for you. I'm seeing my my back was fucked up.
Speaker 1: So my back was messed up. I went to the gym.
Speaker 1: I was in a bad move. Pissed my whole day off.
Speaker 1: And at that point I realized, you know what, I
Speaker 1: am no longer going to ask her about when she's
Speaker 1: going to the gym, And since then I have not
Speaker 1: mentioned the gym. I just get up and go, and
Speaker 1: she does this same baby, welcome to the party. Hey,
Speaker 1: I hit the boy y already. Now my uncles skating
Speaker 1: the baby go. Welcome to the party. Me late good. Hey,
Speaker 1: hey baby baby, don't lower your tone because you can
Speaker 1: get hit. He shout out to Cannasi smoke. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: that's always a Boklyn chief. Used to be a Brooklyn chief.
Speaker 1: Shout out to the Brooklyn Chiefs. Shout out to the
Speaker 1: Brooklyn renegades. That's not a thought, for the record, nor
Speaker 1: does he have guns anywhich. I'm a pop. You're actually
Speaker 1: you're actually a pop. That's what my kids calling me. Pops.
Speaker 1: What's up, pops? Do you go? Oh my god, that's
Speaker 1: that's nostalgic, though, like Brooklyn, we miss Brooklyn. Hey, guys,
Speaker 1: we'd like to give a shout out to Pop Smoke,
Speaker 1: who tragically passed away on Wednesday, February nineteen. We recorded
Speaker 1: this karaoke moment before this happened, and uh, we definitely
Speaker 1: had to go back and make sure that we paid
Speaker 1: our proper respects to a Brooklyn and especially a CANARSI
Speaker 1: legend it's I opened my phone up. Um, you know,
Speaker 1: my alarm went off and I was snoozing a little
Speaker 1: bit half awake and I popped open Instagram. That was
Speaker 1: the first thing I saw. At my heart, I couldn't
Speaker 1: believe it. It's a shame. Has been a rough year.
Speaker 1: We've lost a lot of a lot of people this year.
Speaker 1: And I will say this, you never want to speculate
Speaker 1: about what happened, how things have happened. Um. I know
Speaker 1: people are getting information from Instagram, but I will say this,
Speaker 1: everybody who follows you, it's not rooting for you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Everybody who's next to you is not your friend. Yeah. Man,
Speaker 1: make sure that you're aware who you are, what you're doing,
Speaker 1: and just be safe, man. Yeah. Absolutely, Rest in peace
Speaker 1: to Pop Smoke and rest in peace bro phrase up
Speaker 1: to his family. For sure. I had a moment yesterday.
Speaker 1: Did you know that? I didn't even tell you know.
Speaker 1: So I had a moment yesterday. UM. Actually always driving
Speaker 1: to the gym to go work out, the said devlts man,
Speaker 1: never get to But I was going on my own terms,
Speaker 1: at my own time. After I had a good night's sleep,
Speaker 1: thank god. UM, and I got a FaceTime that I
Speaker 1: missed from my hair stylist Janelle. Janelle ce Lee Smith
Speaker 1: back home. Shout out to Janelle, my girl, UM. And
Speaker 1: then she told me that she she said a video
Speaker 1: and she was actually with um my makeup artists, Nelly,
Speaker 1: the girl who does my nails, my homies, Tianaiana who
Speaker 1: I used to work with it Max, she was my
Speaker 1: manager back in the day. Really good friend of mine.
Speaker 1: She was literally with like my girls, like my group
Speaker 1: of people who have either grown with who have taught
Speaker 1: me so much, or like where my core Gland people
Speaker 1: or still are. And after off the phone, Janelle, I
Speaker 1: was like, I want to go. I want to go
Speaker 1: back to Brooklyn. I don't blame, don't feel like that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think just seeing them all in that space, I
Speaker 1: was just like, oh my god, I can't believe this.
Speaker 1: I missed him. I missed y'all. I missed everybody in Brooklyn.
Speaker 1: But that song definitely gives me a little bit of
Speaker 1: nostalgia for sure. Um it's inappropriate and maybe because if
Speaker 1: that was not a thought, but yeah, it just hit,
Speaker 1: which just remind me good. Yeah, hey, hey, hey baby.
Speaker 1: But welcome to the party. We're back. We're back. Welcome
Speaker 1: to the party. Welcome to the party. Folks that made
Speaker 1: it so appropriate. It's a whole new year, and we're
Speaker 1: just so excited to be back with y'all. Season three, Yes,
Speaker 1: three seasons. I never would have imagined, not me, who
Speaker 1: would have you know? Not me? I mean we were
Speaker 1: on a little hiatus, little break, you know, through the holidays,
Speaker 1: and now we're back, and I'm just like really excited, Yes,
Speaker 1: for a whole another season. We have some awesome topics
Speaker 1: in store for y'all this season and some great guests.
Speaker 1: This season in particular, is dedicated to something very special. Baby,
Speaker 1: what is it? This is gonna make ten years for
Speaker 1: Codin and I married. It is eighteen years together, but
Speaker 1: ten years married. This fourth of July, the day I
Speaker 1: lost my independence. He'll tell you that over and over again,
Speaker 1: over and over again, because I remember what did you
Speaker 1: say one year you were just like, yeah, that makes
Speaker 1: like eight years of slave because we were together at
Speaker 1: the point I said that we were together for twelve
Speaker 1: years and years time that was like, that means twelve
Speaker 1: years of slave, Like to shut up. You know you
Speaker 1: want to be here, bro, I do? I do. I
Speaker 1: love it. I love it and procrastination and all absolutely,
Speaker 1: and this year, um, we are going to be renewing
Speaker 1: our vows. Yes, So I'm excited about that. I know
Speaker 1: we decided to dedicate this entire season to the process
Speaker 1: of getting back together because I've said this a bunch
Speaker 1: of times on Instagram and Kadan talks about it a lot.
Speaker 1: How we've like, we're renewing our vows because we have
Speaker 1: to have a recommitment to each other after being together
Speaker 1: so long, after going through adulthood together, because we met
Speaker 1: his children, we met it babies, and now you know,
Speaker 1: it's almost like, you know what, we're adults now we
Speaker 1: kind of understand who we are as individuals and understand
Speaker 1: each other. So let's do a recommitment and let's get
Speaker 1: this thing going right. I mean, I can't lie, though
Speaker 1: I do feel some kind of way because you're sound
Speaker 1: back at the top of the show, I was trying
Speaker 1: to call me out for not procrastinating, but wanting to
Speaker 1: are you I thought she'd be happy about that. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I didn't say I was. I said the fact that
Speaker 1: you didn't procrastinate when they came to marriage was completely opposite.
Speaker 1: Because I couldn't wait, what do you mean? What do
Speaker 1: I mean? Let me explain something, explain, explain this is
Speaker 1: what this is what I've learned through through marriage. Right.
Speaker 1: People show you who they are by little things that
Speaker 1: they do consistently every day. Right, So people can say
Speaker 1: one thing, but they'll show you who they are. And
Speaker 1: Codeine throughout time has showed me, has showed me that
Speaker 1: she tends to procrastinate on things. And the gym was
Speaker 1: just one example. Right, I'll give you another example. Oh,
Speaker 1: now he's pulling up. We'll sweep up the floor, right,
Speaker 1: I know you do. I know I'm just saying, but
Speaker 1: this is just an example of your procrastination. So sweep
Speaker 1: the dust from the floor into a little corner. And
Speaker 1: then a day later I'll be like, yeah, you're gonna
Speaker 1: pick that dirt up, and she's like, yeah, I gonna
Speaker 1: pick it up. I'm just I gotta collect more, like
Speaker 1: you don't just pick up dirt every single time. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna collect more. And then two weeks ago by the
Speaker 1: same dirt be sitting there, and she'll clean around the
Speaker 1: same pile of dirt. And then I realized at this
Speaker 1: point is that the only reason why she left it
Speaker 1: there was not only because she procrastinates, would also be
Speaker 1: because I'm a little bit controlling, because I'm neurotic. Everybody
Speaker 1: has their issues right, right, and I'm neurotic, right, So
Speaker 1: I love to have things when I want things and
Speaker 1: how he wants things. Yes, I know I got my
Speaker 1: issues too. I got problems. A lot of us got problem.
Speaker 1: I'm one of them that problem. So when I see something,
Speaker 1: I gotta have it right now and it has to
Speaker 1: get done right now. So you've got two people who
Speaker 1: philosophically exists in two completely different worlds realms altogether, and
Speaker 1: we work together. And then my thing is to vow
Speaker 1: if you feel that strongly about the dirt that I
Speaker 1: sweep into said corner here, the energy that it takes
Speaker 1: for you to be like, okay, you're gonna pick that
Speaker 1: dirt up. You can just get the dust pain and
Speaker 1: pick it up yourself, right, But it's the principle of
Speaker 1: it is the principle. It's not about the dirt getting done.
Speaker 1: It's the principle that means I'll be doing double the
Speaker 1: work all the time, because then I'll be doing the
Speaker 1: stuff I'm supposed to do and then completing the tasks
Speaker 1: you're supposed to complete. And that's not fair. I'm a
Speaker 1: product of my environment, though, because when we go back
Speaker 1: to my parents house, what do you find in said
Speaker 1: corners of the kis dirt. There is like literally a
Speaker 1: corner in my parents house where for years, since I
Speaker 1: was a child, that's where everyone sweeps the dirt into
Speaker 1: that corner and eventually picks That's here's the most insane
Speaker 1: about it. Just the big with the dust pan. They
Speaker 1: won't pick it up in the dust y'all will lean
Speaker 1: the dustpan up into the corner right where the broom is.
Speaker 1: Tell me, I'm lying. You don't put the dustpan and
Speaker 1: goes behind the water fountain of the water thingy in
Speaker 1: our house, we don't have a water thing. The dustpan
Speaker 1: is right parents house. Oh, it depends because cats likes
Speaker 1: to throw our dustpan in the garb. Depends on the
Speaker 1: day anyway. That being said, yes, we're talking today about
Speaker 1: just even the process of working together and how difficult
Speaker 1: that can be for two people who are married but
Speaker 1: also business partners at the same time. And the issue
Speaker 1: to Val and I run into sometimes is that we
Speaker 1: have to take off that husband and wife cat put
Speaker 1: on the business partner hat. But if I'm mad at
Speaker 1: you as husband and wives from time, I don't want
Speaker 1: to deal with you as a business partner or vice versa.
Speaker 1: And we actually had a very big argument, huge argument
Speaker 1: in November. Was it because pretty much Val was getting
Speaker 1: on me about what were you getting about on me about?
Speaker 1: I think it was about starting my workout routine again
Speaker 1: or something. No, it wasn't about starting workout. Sometimes in
Speaker 1: marriage is what happens. You'll have something on your heart
Speaker 1: and something will come up and you use that example
Speaker 1: of what's happening in the present to to bring up
Speaker 1: other things that have been bothering you. So in our lives,
Speaker 1: I've always been like an overachiever, go getter. Like I said,
Speaker 1: I'm very compulsive. Sometimes I don't even think things through,
Speaker 1: which is not the best thing at times. But sometimes
Speaker 1: as I see something I wanted I'll go get it.
Speaker 1: Where Codeine likes to plan and she likes to think
Speaker 1: things out and she gives out different options and that
Speaker 1: takes time, and to me it comes across as procrastinating.
Speaker 1: But to her, that's her process. And before we had
Speaker 1: this conversation, I just saw it as procrastinating because I
Speaker 1: didn't understand her process. So she was talking about getting
Speaker 1: on going on this detox, going on this carb cycling
Speaker 1: so she can lose weight heading into pilot season. And
Speaker 1: at this point it was November, and I was like,
Speaker 1: why would you Why would you wait until the New
Speaker 1: Year's to start this, And she was like, well, it's
Speaker 1: the holidays. I know I'm not gonna eat the way
Speaker 1: I want to eat, so I don't want to start
Speaker 1: something and then break, you know, break my habit, you know,
Speaker 1: or create a bad habit of breaking it before I started,
Speaker 1: because I know the holiday is here. And to me,
Speaker 1: I was like, that doesn't make any sense. And a
Speaker 1: lot of times, you you you're so narrow minded when
Speaker 1: you have a mindset of what you think is right,
Speaker 1: that you don't understand other people's process. And at the
Speaker 1: point that's where I was, I was really just being
Speaker 1: narrow minded because I didn't see her her process. I
Speaker 1: didn't see a perspective. I just saw that if you
Speaker 1: can now, why not start now? If you if you
Speaker 1: start now and you lose a couple of days because
Speaker 1: you know, you eat bad, at least you started. But
Speaker 1: for her, that's not a process. So I just started.
Speaker 1: I used that example to tell her about a lot
Speaker 1: of different things, not just about the working out and
Speaker 1: open the floodgates of the vout trying to read me
Speaker 1: on everything that he's had issues with. According to how
Speaker 1: I deal with business, I wasn't reading you were here
Speaker 1: was another example. My My issue at the time was
Speaker 1: we had just both changed management and we have the
Speaker 1: same management and a lot of times because we do
Speaker 1: a lot of things as business partners, management will take
Speaker 1: on both of us. And my thing to her was
Speaker 1: if I went out and I got a manager and
Speaker 1: they want to represent you as well, you're also a
Speaker 1: representation of me as I'm a representation of you. So
Speaker 1: if we represent each other individually and as a couple,
Speaker 1: we have to hold the same standard like a team.
Speaker 1: So I had asked her, did you get back to
Speaker 1: our manager? Did you get back and She's like, no,
Speaker 1: I'm working on this, I'm working on that. And I
Speaker 1: was like, yo, like that's that's not just your manager,
Speaker 1: that's our manager. When you don't get back, it makes
Speaker 1: us seem as if we're not serious. So it wasn't
Speaker 1: just about the working out. It was about her process
Speaker 1: and how she takes time to do things, and that
Speaker 1: led to a big argument because it led to other things.
Speaker 1: We talked about sex all the time and her procrastinating
Speaker 1: because she has her process of how she wants to
Speaker 1: do things for me, and based on my love language,
Speaker 1: I want things done immediate and I want things done spontaneous.
Speaker 1: So it was like a whole bunch of things started
Speaker 1: to come out based on this one example. Yes, it
Speaker 1: bubbled over and we had a huge revelation. We had
Speaker 1: a very very big revelation. And in that revelation, so
Speaker 1: pretty much you gave your reason as to why we
Speaker 1: are into this whole argument or whatnot. Okay, I have
Speaker 1: a certain way of doing things that historically has worked
Speaker 1: for me. Some things haven't worked for me in terms
Speaker 1: of perfect very successful. So I can't even take that
Speaker 1: from you as I got a method, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, And with the whole thing with like us
Speaker 1: having the same management and whatnot. We had to really
Speaker 1: sit down, I think, both of us having separate meetings
Speaker 1: with our managers to let them know, yes, we are married,
Speaker 1: we are a couple. We do a lot of business
Speaker 1: things together, but we do like to be dealt with
Speaker 1: as separate entities as well, which I think is very
Speaker 1: important because not only do we have our own individual endeavors,
Speaker 1: but we also have um different ways of doing things.
Speaker 1: So us always being grouped together and lumped together and
Speaker 1: things was a problem for us, and I think in
Speaker 1: part for our manager that's the first time they've ever
Speaker 1: dealt with a married couple, so they dealt with us
Speaker 1: as a married couple as opposed to to different clients.
Speaker 1: So good exactly. So that being said, it was a
Speaker 1: lot easier. So then we got we got to separating
Speaker 1: like group chats, and you know, things really became divided
Speaker 1: at that point. And so far since we've done that,
Speaker 1: I think that we've both been functioning really well because
Speaker 1: you know, it's not just an overload of information where
Speaker 1: I'm getting information about Devo or he's getting information about me,
Speaker 1: and then we can both just focus on that um
Speaker 1: but I think the bigger problem for us here is
Speaker 1: the fact that, you know, we started out our relationship
Speaker 1: on the same page about what we wanted to do
Speaker 1: in life. You know, we made plans. We told you God,
Speaker 1: we had a plan right from the start, from early.
Speaker 1: Let you know what they say, sometimes opposite attract and
Speaker 1: as like minded as we are, as you know, entrepreneurs,
Speaker 1: as parents, um as partners, Devo is like to do
Speaker 1: it now kind of person and I'm the chronic procrastinator,
Speaker 1: Like that's just what it is, um. And as a
Speaker 1: couple and as parents and as business partners, we really
Speaker 1: had to figure out how to work with each other
Speaker 1: on seven basis when do we actually like punch the
Speaker 1: clock out of work and become husband and wife because
Speaker 1: that was becoming an issue for me. That was becoming
Speaker 1: an issue for me as well. It's like I'm arguing
Speaker 1: with you as a business partner, we have a disagreement,
Speaker 1: or we have a heavy load of work to be done,
Speaker 1: and Develo wanted to get all of it done. Now
Speaker 1: Me not even as much procrastinating, but me just saying,
Speaker 1: you know what, I want to clock out of work
Speaker 1: so I could spend time with my husband for an
Speaker 1: hour or two, and you know, I think it's not
Speaker 1: to put you off. I think it's unfair for me
Speaker 1: to label it as procrastinating, because while having these conversations,
Speaker 1: I learned that you just have a different process and
Speaker 1: because your process takes longer than mind doesn't mean that
Speaker 1: you're procrastinating. But that was me, in my narrow mindedness,
Speaker 1: thinking that if she doesn't get it done as fast
Speaker 1: as I get it done or how I would have
Speaker 1: gotten it, you didn't care about it as much. That's
Speaker 1: just how it came across to me. Though you understand
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Thank you for admitting that. I think
Speaker 1: this is the first time you've actually admitted that to me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I waited. I waited till now because I wanted to
Speaker 1: make sure I have my words properly together, you know,
Speaker 1: because this is not you know, I didn't want to
Speaker 1: say it and forget what I was saying. So I
Speaker 1: wanted to make sure my thoughts were together when I
Speaker 1: said this to you, and not for nothing. Giving you
Speaker 1: your space to be your own entity within our business
Speaker 1: allowed me to watch how you got things done. If
Speaker 1: you think about it, we haven't even given each other
Speaker 1: any space to see how our process works. So before
Speaker 1: I could even watch your process, I was criticizing yours
Speaker 1: and saying that it was done the wrong way. And
Speaker 1: a lot of that comes because, like I said, I'm
Speaker 1: very neurotic. I can be controlling at times, but I'm
Speaker 1: also like I've been very successful at everything that I've
Speaker 1: done in my life because I don't think about what
Speaker 1: could go wrong. And this is what I also realize
Speaker 1: is different between you and I. And I don't know
Speaker 1: if this is a male female thing or just a
Speaker 1: personality thing, but I've always been a dreamer and I
Speaker 1: don't feel like there are any bad decisions. I feel
Speaker 1: like you make a decision in life, and you make
Speaker 1: the best out of whatever decision you make. Whereas you
Speaker 1: and another example, pick and clothes, I'll go into my closet,
Speaker 1: I'll see something, I'm gonna pick it up. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: say this fits, and I'm gonna make a dope outfit
Speaker 1: out of whatever this is. You I'm going to try
Speaker 1: a couple of things, mix and match. But that's your process.
Speaker 1: That's your process. It takes it takes a about three hours,
Speaker 1: and usually you look but you look good and I
Speaker 1: gotta respect your process, although it's different than mine. I
Speaker 1: gotta respect your process. And I have to admit from
Speaker 1: November to now, you have you've lost over twelve pounds,
Speaker 1: you've created more content for social media, You've been in
Speaker 1: a better place, in part because I'm not on your
Speaker 1: ass all the time. I think that had a lot
Speaker 1: to do with it. And I was gonna say, not
Speaker 1: having you breathing down my neck with every single move
Speaker 1: that had to be made actually gave me a little
Speaker 1: bit of relief. I'm not gonna lie. Hey, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. And the funny thing is, when
Speaker 1: I said that to you that I was going to
Speaker 1: do that, the first thing you said was, oh, we
Speaker 1: don't gotta be like that. Devout why you're acting like that,
Speaker 1: and said I thought you were just being dramatic, and
Speaker 1: I thought you were just trying to just say, you
Speaker 1: know what, k I'm just gonna wash my hands of
Speaker 1: you and you figure it out. And I was just like,
Speaker 1: in that moment and in the space we were in
Speaker 1: at that time, it did seem like you were just
Speaker 1: it was coming for not from not the most positive place.
Speaker 1: But that's why I didn't say it or didn't. I
Speaker 1: try now because I know that my words can come across,
Speaker 1: especially if the temperature of the room is it's very,
Speaker 1: very hot. I know that no matter what I say,
Speaker 1: it can be taken with a negative. So when I
Speaker 1: said to you, you know what I'm gonna do, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna step back and let you do your thing. I
Speaker 1: didn't want it to I didn't mean it as fuck you,
Speaker 1: I don't care no more. It was more like, you
Speaker 1: know what, let me give her some space to be
Speaker 1: who she wants to be within this business, not marriage,
Speaker 1: within this business, so that I can see your process,
Speaker 1: so I can learn, and then you can just be,
Speaker 1: in turn a husband and I can be a wife
Speaker 1: and we can enjoy the times that we are not working.
Speaker 1: Because I'm not gonna lie to you. I hate being
Speaker 1: punished as a husband for things that I say as
Speaker 1: a business partner. It's just not fair to me. I agree,
Speaker 1: And the same thing happens with me as a wife.
Speaker 1: Like I may say something to you that you don't like,
Speaker 1: or me make a decision you don't like, and then
Speaker 1: the rest of the evening is blown or the rest
Speaker 1: of the day is blown. Because it's like feel some
Speaker 1: kind of way about Devot the business partner, not Devout
Speaker 1: the husband. And in part I will also say you
Speaker 1: stepping back right and being like whatever case you figured out,
Speaker 1: you got your process, you figured it out. The competitor
Speaker 1: in me was not about to prove you, right. I
Speaker 1: understand that. So if I had to do anything at
Speaker 1: that point other than just legitimately working on things that
Speaker 1: I know I needed to work on in terms of,
Speaker 1: like you know, not getting things done in a timely
Speaker 1: fashion or like putting things off, I was gonna do
Speaker 1: that just because Devo said that I couldn't do it.
Speaker 1: I get it. I need you to also understand where
Speaker 1: I was coming from with my mentality. Right. It may
Speaker 1: come across as controlling and may come across as crazy
Speaker 1: at Tom's, but there's a different stress that's put on
Speaker 1: me as a man in this relationship than that's put
Speaker 1: on you. Okay, because if our marriage feels and we
Speaker 1: have nancial struggles, they're not gonna look at you and say, codem,
Speaker 1: what happened? Why? They're gonna look at me as the
Speaker 1: man and said you're supposed to provide? And I accept that.
Speaker 1: I accept that that honor and that challenge is a man,
Speaker 1: because you have to accept that you brought our three
Speaker 1: children's life into this world. You had to do that.
Speaker 1: I can't. I couldn't do that, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So this in part is my responsibility to make sure
Speaker 1: that we are taking care of financially in our businesses succeed.
Speaker 1: So with that being said, there there is a certain
Speaker 1: stress that's on my head that isn't on your head.
Speaker 1: You get to be free and do things in your
Speaker 1: own time because there are certain things that I take
Speaker 1: care of that you don't worry about. You understand what
Speaker 1: I'm saying because you have made it known and I
Speaker 1: think you recently did a post on Instagram about this
Speaker 1: that a lot of like that's you or we spoke
Speaker 1: about it at one of the live shows that like
Speaker 1: you take on that as the man of the house
Speaker 1: to be able to provide. You know, bills are taken
Speaker 1: care of and that. So I will say that, yes,
Speaker 1: you definitely have that under control, and not that I
Speaker 1: don't assist with that. When I income by the income
Speaker 1: that I bring in, it's not that I don't assist
Speaker 1: with that, but I understand what you're saying when you
Speaker 1: say you feel like that responsibility or that stress is
Speaker 1: on you. Yeah, because I feel like there's a sense
Speaker 1: of urgency with my life every day when I wake up.
Speaker 1: Because of entrepreneurs um, I don't get a consistent paycheck
Speaker 1: every two weeks where I know this money is coming
Speaker 1: in and I go to working clock in and clock out.
Speaker 1: I have to build business constantly, so when I wake
Speaker 1: up in the morning, there's a sense of urgency that
Speaker 1: exists that I know I have to make a certain
Speaker 1: amount of money for us to survive and thrive and
Speaker 1: build for our boys. That sense of urgency doesn't exist
Speaker 1: with you because that stress isn't on you. So you
Speaker 1: can wake up in the morning and say, you know what,
Speaker 1: I don't really feel like doing this right now. I'll
Speaker 1: go through my process. Whereas for me that process I'm
Speaker 1: not allowed that particular process because the mortgages do on
Speaker 1: the first rent for all other properties to do on
Speaker 1: the first card, notes to do on the fifteen. You
Speaker 1: understand what I'm saying. So for me, I I will
Speaker 1: apologize for how I was trying to put a sense
Speaker 1: of urgency underneath you, but I want you to understand
Speaker 1: where I was coming from. It wasn't a thing where
Speaker 1: I was just trying to control you, but there was
Speaker 1: a reason behind it. I think we should talk about
Speaker 1: to the the difference or maybe that fine line between
Speaker 1: pushing someone and then motivating someone, Like what's the difference there?
Speaker 1: Because to you, I know a lot of the times
Speaker 1: you had seen it as I'm just trying to motivate
Speaker 1: you to just be like this, or it's worked for
Speaker 1: me when I did it this way. So take a
Speaker 1: look at the blueprint that I've laid out and try
Speaker 1: that and see if it works, because that's you trying
Speaker 1: to find a way to motivate me to get things done,
Speaker 1: thinking that maybe I needed the motivation, whereas for me,
Speaker 1: I was just going through my process. Like I phone
Speaker 1: also lie and say that it's just not me putting
Speaker 1: things off, because I do do that a lot, So
Speaker 1: it's not like I was trying to necessarily find the
Speaker 1: motivation with certain things. But like, do you ever feel
Speaker 1: like sometimes you pushing me is really just trying to
Speaker 1: motivate me or is it just really out of share
Speaker 1: frustration that you you want me to get things done
Speaker 1: the way you want them done. No, I honestly feel
Speaker 1: like it's it's motivation. But I do realize that there
Speaker 1: are different personalities that exists in the world. Like I
Speaker 1: was an elite athlete at the Division one level, then
Speaker 1: I was a pro athlete. There's a certain mindset that
Speaker 1: I have that carries me throughout the rest of my
Speaker 1: life as an athlete that is never going to go away.
Speaker 1: And sometimes it does get frustrating for me when I
Speaker 1: see people who are talented who don't put the same
Speaker 1: amount of work into their dream as I would put
Speaker 1: in because I don't understand that mentality of I want this,
Speaker 1: it's right there. All I gotta do is work hard
Speaker 1: to get it. But then they're like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I'll do it tomorrow. Like I just don't understand that mindset.
Speaker 1: And that's not just for you, that's just about people.
Speaker 1: Like as a coach, when I when I first retired
Speaker 1: from the NFL and I started coaching, there were young
Speaker 1: kids who were way more talented than me who just
Speaker 1: would not put the work in and it was frustrating,
Speaker 1: Like I would be screaming, cursing, holler and trying to
Speaker 1: find different ways to motivate them and they just didn't
Speaker 1: get it. They just wouldn't it didn't matter what I did,
Speaker 1: they didn't get it. And and realistically, it wasn't until
Speaker 1: I had children that I realized that you you cannot
Speaker 1: make or mold someone's you know, personality, or will they
Speaker 1: their work ethic they have a certain work ethic or
Speaker 1: they don't. You can provide them with the tools and
Speaker 1: they can choose to see it. But once someone has
Speaker 1: decided that they're not gonna do something, you can't want
Speaker 1: it or do it for them more than they want
Speaker 1: to do it themselves. And I think in this past year,
Speaker 1: I've learned that not only about myself my kids, and
Speaker 1: I've learned that about you. You have to allow people
Speaker 1: to go through their process because there's so many different
Speaker 1: ways to be successful, not the devoal way. There's a
Speaker 1: lot of successful people in the world who probably don't
Speaker 1: do things the way I do things. So let me
Speaker 1: step back and allow you to create your process and
Speaker 1: also go through your failures the same way. I've gone
Speaker 1: through my failures doing things in my process, but had
Speaker 1: to go through them first. Yeah, I'm trying. I felt
Speaker 1: like I was trying to avoid you going through the failure.
Speaker 1: It's about pushing, pushing, and we were failing. It's almost
Speaker 1: like yeah, it's almost like you've taken on that role
Speaker 1: of like a parent, Like I don't want her to
Speaker 1: go through this like hurt or this missing out or something,
Speaker 1: so let me try to like get it done, which
Speaker 1: I completely understand. You know, part of it for me, um,
Speaker 1: you just having the personality being like the go getter
Speaker 1: and the doer and do it now and like a
Speaker 1: hundred and ten percent all the time and never let down.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm also in the position in the
Speaker 1: household as the wife and the mom and as your
Speaker 1: partner to also provide or help to provide a sense
Speaker 1: of balance for you and leave it to you. You
Speaker 1: never clock out, and that takes a toll on you.
Speaker 1: You know, you have times where if you're using your
Speaker 1: body as an instrument as an actor, you sometimes you
Speaker 1: look tired, and I'm like, babes, I think you need
Speaker 1: to like put your phone down, put it on do
Speaker 1: not disturb for a little bit, or put it on
Speaker 1: silent and actually sleep a full eight hours of sleep
Speaker 1: at night, or take a nap if you need it,
Speaker 1: or maybe we need to clock out and take a
Speaker 1: weekend to just like reconnect and that sense of balance
Speaker 1: that I helped to provide. Is not me just saying
Speaker 1: they put it off because it's not important at the time,
Speaker 1: but sometimes just for our mental health and for the
Speaker 1: health of our relationship, for our children's sustenance, like it's
Speaker 1: necessary for us to have that, you know. So it's
Speaker 1: not always just about me trying to put things off
Speaker 1: just because I feel like it's not that important at
Speaker 1: the time. But some things just really are not that
Speaker 1: important at the time. And I feel like we have
Speaker 1: a very big example in that with the recent tragedy
Speaker 1: that happened with Kobe Bryant and um the other eight
Speaker 1: lives that were lost, Like it really put in perspective
Speaker 1: sometimes just really spending quality time with family when you
Speaker 1: have the time, or making the time for it. You know,
Speaker 1: he passed away doing something that he loved to do,
Speaker 1: being a dad. You know, those parents and those children together,
Speaker 1: they were families doing things together. Like so it just
Speaker 1: those moments that I want to really be able to
Speaker 1: like hone in on for us. Um it's not necessarily procrastinating.
Speaker 1: It's just like, you know what, some things can wait,
Speaker 1: and there's a difference are so as it pertains to
Speaker 1: working with a spouse, UM, and I guess different styles
Speaker 1: of how you get to whatever the goal is. So
Speaker 1: it's like you make the goal, UM, and you have
Speaker 1: the method to get there, even if the method is
Speaker 1: not the same. I think there's a great respect maybe
Speaker 1: for even just trying to understand or appreciate the way
Speaker 1: in which your spouse arrived at that end goal. Does
Speaker 1: that make sense? Absolutely? I agree with you with thousand,
Speaker 1: but also understanding that their process is different than yours,
Speaker 1: and their process may change throughout life. The same person
Speaker 1: that you met that was eighteen is now thirty, and
Speaker 1: the way they process things, then you can't expect them
Speaker 1: to remain in that same process or mode of process
Speaker 1: now as they continue to evolved as a human. No,
Speaker 1: for sure, definitely. So thank you for admitting to me
Speaker 1: earlier that you know you were maybe not the best
Speaker 1: that the way you handled that last argument we had
Speaker 1: where you know, you were just kind of placing how
Speaker 1: you felt I should have done things, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, It all came from a good place to
Speaker 1: place of love. I was just, you know, the sense
Speaker 1: of urgency that I felt as a husband and a provider.
Speaker 1: I was trying to make sure that you know, if
Speaker 1: this is what you wanted to do, then know I
Speaker 1: appreciate that. I think, yeah, it definitely kind of masks
Speaker 1: itself as like you were picking on me in a sense.
Speaker 1: But I know how you try to motivate people, and
Speaker 1: I want to I've experienced that with seeing you do
Speaker 1: it with other people. You know what I mean. And
Speaker 1: it goes back to this saying that you had on
Speaker 1: the back of your T shirts. Remember when you you
Speaker 1: had to elite prototype that talent when talent doesn't work hard.
Speaker 1: There you go. That rings so true. Yes, yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1: And I don't want to be the talent that don't
Speaker 1: work hard. Oh my God also wants u. So we're
Speaker 1: going to take a break and get into listener letters,
Speaker 1: but of course ads first, so stick around this for
Speaker 1: the record. There it is a win for the ages.
Speaker 1: Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring sports icons.
Speaker 1: In his story, it comes with many chapters. I am
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Speaker 1: You realized Tiger Woos doesn't know who he is best
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Speaker 1: And this season, with the help of journalist Albert Chen,
Speaker 1: we're asking what if the story of Tiger Woods that
Speaker 1: the media has been telling, what if it's been completely wrong?
Speaker 1: All a Mary can Tiger is out now. Listen and Stitcher,
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app. It's time for
Speaker 1: Canine's favorite part of the show. Are you going to
Speaker 1: say that every episode this season? Probably the first seven.
Speaker 1: I'll stop after the first seven. Lucky number seven my
Speaker 1: favorite next to karaokey because I like to hear you.
Speaker 1: But I'm the one that always be saying all the lies.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm trying to let me get into this nosiness.
Speaker 1: You know Conine, she'd be reading y'all listening to letters.
Speaker 1: She'll be like, I can't say this on the air.
Speaker 1: I can't say my invisible pearls. I'm like, listen, guys,
Speaker 1: there's about so much we can help with, but nah,
Speaker 1: go ahead check it. Okay. So I've been married for
Speaker 1: six years. We have not been in a good place
Speaker 1: because mentally I've checked out. We have two kids, three
Speaker 1: year old boy, two month old girl. We are originally
Speaker 1: from New York City, and moved to Delaware. Why would
Speaker 1: you do that five years ago? When my husband joined
Speaker 1: the air for us? Now it makes sense. After doing
Speaker 1: four years and he decided he wanted to stay in Delaware.
Speaker 1: I initially and deep down still did not want to
Speaker 1: stay here. I expressed this to him, and he convinced
Speaker 1: me that we could not return back to our hometown
Speaker 1: because of the cost of living and wanted more for
Speaker 1: our children. Understandable, I do not like it here. I
Speaker 1: have no family village out here, and he is always
Speaker 1: at work and I and only leave the weekends for
Speaker 1: us to spend time with each other due to his
Speaker 1: work schedule. I work as well, but I feel like
Speaker 1: a single parent Monday through Friday. That can be tough.
Speaker 1: We just purchased our first home in Delaware last year
Speaker 1: because last year December, and now I feel stuck. My
Speaker 1: question is what should I do? Should I continue to
Speaker 1: allow my husband to lead our family with my sentiments
Speaker 1: or not being acknowledged and we are not on the
Speaker 1: same page and I being selfish? Codeine? Help? Does she
Speaker 1: ask for my whole specifically? You know, she's a she's
Speaker 1: a wife. Well, no, I mean I understand, I mean
Speaker 1: clearly child. You're not checked all the way out because
Speaker 1: you have a two month old baby girl, so you
Speaker 1: you know there was something, there was something happening recently.
Speaker 1: Um in there. But I do understand the feeling of
Speaker 1: not being happy in the space that you're in, Like
Speaker 1: we had even spoken about it, um before in another
Speaker 1: episode where you know, I was deval thought he was
Speaker 1: providing this stellar lifestyle for me, where in the same breath,
Speaker 1: I honestly felt like I was just stuck and trapped
Speaker 1: and I had nothing for myself. And it's really really
Speaker 1: kind of debilitating when you feel like you lose your
Speaker 1: sense of purpose, especially with having the weight of the
Speaker 1: children on her the entire time. UM. I do understand though,
Speaker 1: his his mindset with the cost of living, Like you
Speaker 1: think about what I'm the home you've purchased in Delaware
Speaker 1: and potentially the space you've gotten with the children and everything,
Speaker 1: versus what you would pay for a space in New York,
Speaker 1: which is one of the reasons why we've relocated from
Speaker 1: New York, and just wanting more for the children. UM.
Speaker 1: But I do believe like within a relationship, within a marriage,
Speaker 1: that there comes these levels of sacrifices, right, So with
Speaker 1: the sacrifice. This maybe that period in time where you
Speaker 1: shouldn't necessarily check out, but you should understand and realize
Speaker 1: that there may be a necessary sacrifice happening. So that
Speaker 1: is sacrificing maybe a bit of your happiness or a
Speaker 1: bit of of your freedom, or a bit of the
Speaker 1: time that you want with him during the week because
Speaker 1: there's a bigger picture here, or there's a bigger end goal. Um.
Speaker 1: And I mean it's a major accomplishment being able to
Speaker 1: purchase your first home. Um. You know, the feeling of stuckness.
Speaker 1: I don't think you should necessarily feel stuck, but yeah,
Speaker 1: because there's always something else, um, that you can potentially
Speaker 1: work on. So maybe having the conversation with him to
Speaker 1: let him know, like, you know, I this may be
Speaker 1: something short term for us. You know, does he feel
Speaker 1: the same way? UM? Is there a possibility that provided
Speaker 1: you know, income increases or opportunity increases, that you can
Speaker 1: maybe move closer back to the Tri state area. UM.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's a conversation that you've had
Speaker 1: with him, but I do understand the mindset with him
Speaker 1: as a man, like de Vo said, feeling like Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm the leader of the household. I want to work
Speaker 1: in conjunction with my wife because that's also very important.
Speaker 1: No one wants to feel like they're just being you know,
Speaker 1: blindly lad, but you know, working in partnership to know that, Okay,
Speaker 1: what's going to be our next move. Maybe you can
Speaker 1: give each other a time frame, like for example, in
Speaker 1: deval and I relocated out here to l A knowing
Speaker 1: that we were still going to kind of be like
Speaker 1: bicoastal or tri coastal with Atlanta included knowing that, okay,
Speaker 1: is there a time frame that we're gonna be here.
Speaker 1: Is it gonna be three years, is it gonna be
Speaker 1: five years? In the next five years, we'll be working
Speaker 1: towards moving to another location, you know. So just having
Speaker 1: a plan, I think it's very important. Um, this is
Speaker 1: the thing. The first thing is never feel stuck. This
Speaker 1: is our first episode for I want to put this
Speaker 1: out there for everybody. You are capable of building the
Speaker 1: life that you want. I need everyone to understand this.
Speaker 1: There is no such thing as a bad decision in life.
Speaker 1: Once you've thought about it, you make a decision. You
Speaker 1: make the best out of whatever decision you made. If
Speaker 1: you sit back and dwell on bad decisions. You can't
Speaker 1: possibly move forward because you're thinking about things that happened
Speaker 1: in the past. If the decision is already made. For example,
Speaker 1: you said you purchased this home and you feel stuck.
Speaker 1: Don't feel stuck. You purchased this home. Now, like Kadin said,
Speaker 1: make a plan to where if you want to get
Speaker 1: back to New York, how can you financially survive and
Speaker 1: thrive in New York the way you can survive and
Speaker 1: thrive in Delaware. Like Kadin also said, as the man
Speaker 1: of the house, I assume you you you know you
Speaker 1: appreciate him as the leader. He's trying to make decisions
Speaker 1: that best affected children first, as he said, and then
Speaker 1: you guys, so as parents, it is going to take
Speaker 1: some sacrifice. But that doesn't mean that you have to
Speaker 1: sit back and just accept everything that happens. Build a
Speaker 1: plan with your partners, say yo, baby, I ultimately want
Speaker 1: to get back to New York in three or four years.
Speaker 1: So that means you work extra shifts during the week,
Speaker 1: and that means you you take you know, save a
Speaker 1: little bit of money here, don't go on this trip here,
Speaker 1: so you can you know, purchase another home or you
Speaker 1: can use this home in Delaware as a rental property
Speaker 1: to then get a home in New York so you
Speaker 1: can supplement your income. There are so many different ways
Speaker 1: for you to build a life that you want. Just
Speaker 1: don't feel stuck. Maybe is don't like it's too early
Speaker 1: in the year for you to be stuck. You guys
Speaker 1: have two kids, you're both doing well. You know, you
Speaker 1: just bought a property. Life is really not that bad.
Speaker 1: It may not be exactly what you want in this moment,
Speaker 1: but also understand your life is not going to be
Speaker 1: defined by what is happening only in this moment. Keep building,
Speaker 1: moving forward, do it together. Grow It's that's my insists.
Speaker 1: I don't feel bad for you because you're in Delaware
Speaker 1: and New York is about a three hour drive. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: I have a six hour flight to get back to
Speaker 1: New York to get back home. Girl. So if it
Speaker 1: means maybe like taking road trips up on the weekends
Speaker 1: or you know, when the kids have off from school,
Speaker 1: I mean three and two months old, you maybe have
Speaker 1: some flexibility. I'm hoping with your job that to be
Speaker 1: able to take the weekends and then maybe drive up
Speaker 1: to New York to get your a little fixed because me,
Speaker 1: I will hop a plane ride baby in a heartbeat
Speaker 1: to get back to Brooklyn to get my little refill
Speaker 1: of that energy and that vibe and then come back
Speaker 1: to the West Coast. Absolutely, don't don't discredit the fact
Speaker 1: that you are two months postpartum. Go see someone and
Speaker 1: talk to someone. If you're feeling stuck. I don't know
Speaker 1: if you're dealing with some sort of depression. Codeine suffered
Speaker 1: from a little bit of a walking depression where she
Speaker 1: was functional, but she had a little bit of postpartum
Speaker 1: depression with So go speak to someone. Find out if
Speaker 1: these feelings you have are about your life, or if
Speaker 1: they're emotional, or if their hormonal, or if there's something
Speaker 1: different going on. So go speak to somebody, or definitely
Speaker 1: speak to you and don't check out check back in.
Speaker 1: Maybe all right, and on to the second one. I'll
Speaker 1: read this one. It says high Codeine and de vow. Hey. First,
Speaker 1: let me say that I love you both in your union.
Speaker 1: Thank you. You all are super relatable as my as
Speaker 1: my husband and I are both working parents with four
Speaker 1: children at home. I'm writing to get some advice and
Speaker 1: if I should leave my full time job to pursue
Speaker 1: a career in real estate. My husband is supportive and
Speaker 1: actually proposed the idea of me becoming a full time
Speaker 1: realtor and leaving my current full time job. The problem
Speaker 1: I'm having is that I've been working since I was fourteen,
Speaker 1: and I've never been without a steady paycheck. Also, these
Speaker 1: four children need to be taken care of, and Mama
Speaker 1: don't want them to struggle. I'm battling with myself. My
Speaker 1: husband is able to cover the bills, and it will
Speaker 1: be tight for some time, but we both see the
Speaker 1: vision and see ourselves in a much better financial situation.
Speaker 1: When I start booming CIST, they'll start booming CIST. The
Speaker 1: question is how do I release the fear of taking
Speaker 1: the leap and leaving my full time job. Girls, get
Speaker 1: on comfortable sis. Growth that's worth having comes from being uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: that level of discomfort that you're gonna have a little bit.
Speaker 1: I mean, you have all the boxes checked. It's gonna
Speaker 1: be separate. You have all the boxes check. Your husband
Speaker 1: and and it is supportive. Okay, Um, he could cover
Speaker 1: all the bills, you know what I mean. The kids
Speaker 1: won't have to struggle like they're really you have all
Speaker 1: the boxes checked to be able to, you know, if
Speaker 1: your heart is in this real estate thing, to go
Speaker 1: ahead and do it like I had that moment a
Speaker 1: couple of years back. Um was a lot of years
Speaker 1: back now that I think about it. With makeup. You know,
Speaker 1: I was working at the Matt counter out in New York,
Speaker 1: and you know, it wasn't fulfilling for me. I wasn't happy.
Speaker 1: I didn't have the time that I wanted with my family.
Speaker 1: And but I was used to every you know, two weeks,
Speaker 1: not even every week because they paid weekly and I
Speaker 1: was just getting that money in my account. I had
Speaker 1: my benefits and I was good. Um, but I just
Speaker 1: wasn't happy. I was not happy. And it just took
Speaker 1: a level of me having the support of my husband
Speaker 1: and saying, you know what, I know that I can
Speaker 1: do more on my own. I can be control, in
Speaker 1: control of my career, I can be in control of
Speaker 1: my destiny and in turn control of my family time. Um.
Speaker 1: So of course it took a little sacrifice in the beginning,
Speaker 1: you know, cutting back and being strategic with budget, which
Speaker 1: y'all know I hate the word budget because budgets are
Speaker 1: made to be rugged. Okay, but I did um work
Speaker 1: with Devol to know that, Okay, this is the kind
Speaker 1: of life style we want to live, So in order
Speaker 1: to make that happen, we're gonna have to pull from here, there,
Speaker 1: and there. But it's all a sacrificial period that had
Speaker 1: to take place for that growth to happen. And it's
Speaker 1: important for you to understand this. This fear that you
Speaker 1: feel has been ingrained in us as workers to constantly
Speaker 1: feel like we have to work for somebody in order
Speaker 1: to survive in America. That's not a healthy fear. Okay.
Speaker 1: The only reason why you're in America to work is
Speaker 1: to build capital, to create your own dreams, to build
Speaker 1: your own business so you can ultimately generate your own
Speaker 1: revenue and have autonomy over your whole your own life. Ultimately,
Speaker 1: that's what the American dream is. The American dream is
Speaker 1: not to work on the five, work until you sixty five,
Speaker 1: you get two weeks vacation, then you die at seventy
Speaker 1: five because you only have ten years to to enjoy
Speaker 1: your retirement. No, the goal is to make that money
Speaker 1: you sacrifice in your twenties and your thirties and your forties,
Speaker 1: making that money so that you can start your own
Speaker 1: business so that you can say, you know what, I'm
Speaker 1: not clocking in nobody else's dream anymore. I'm clocking into
Speaker 1: my own dream. Once you save that money and you
Speaker 1: have the support system you said, you have your husband,
Speaker 1: you put that time and energy that you were putting
Speaker 1: into someone else's dream be putting into your own. I'm
Speaker 1: telling you they're gonna be years like the first two
Speaker 1: or three years, where you're gonna feel like, oh, this
Speaker 1: is a struggle. But once you hit that breakthrough and
Speaker 1: the money is coming in from real estate and you
Speaker 1: can go to all of your children's games, you can
Speaker 1: go to all of their recitals, you can take them
Speaker 1: to school in the morning, you can pick them up
Speaker 1: after school. It is the greatest feeling in the world.
Speaker 1: Like Codein and I are at that point now in
Speaker 1: our life. But there was a five year span in
Speaker 1: particular where I turned in my Audie. I was taking
Speaker 1: the train Codina and I didn't go on vacation because
Speaker 1: I was building a business and Codein was working at mac.
Speaker 1: Once we built that business, we switched. She was at
Speaker 1: home building her business and I was working because I
Speaker 1: had the consistent paycheck from the time that she let
Speaker 1: me build my business. Then she see I stayed home
Speaker 1: and I was building my business making money. It was tough.
Speaker 1: I made sure the builds are paid every month. I
Speaker 1: was played paycheck to paycheck, save a little bit so
Speaker 1: I could be paycheck to paycheck. Then Codein hit a
Speaker 1: point where, yeah, wedding makeup was flourishing and money was
Speaker 1: just constantly coming in. Like she was like, I'm booked,
Speaker 1: I'm booked, I'm booked. I'm constantly booked. And she was like, whoa,
Speaker 1: I got money for the next three months print because
Speaker 1: we were going to check the check. So I was like, well,
Speaker 1: I've already paid those rents because my business was building.
Speaker 1: So we were like, wait a minute, we actually have
Speaker 1: money that we can save, and we actually have money
Speaker 1: where we can do things. And then before we knew it,
Speaker 1: we had done what we wanted to do. We had
Speaker 1: stopped expecting for someone else to give us our money
Speaker 1: to live our life, and we had learned to build
Speaker 1: it on our own. That's where you want to get to,
Speaker 1: and you can do it. Don't let people tell you can't.
Speaker 1: Don't let them scare you into or you won't have
Speaker 1: health insurance and you won't have the steady paycheck. The
Speaker 1: steady paycheck is to keep you comfortable enough to help
Speaker 1: build somebody else's dream. Investing yourself, trust your husband, and
Speaker 1: get it done right. Now, that was a whole word.
Speaker 1: I'm telling you. I don't want to shade though to
Speaker 1: the nine to five. I don't want to make sure
Speaker 1: we're clear on that. I understand that we're talking about
Speaker 1: in the context of this listener there at the nine
Speaker 1: to fives, because some people enjoy living that type of life.
Speaker 1: For this woman in particular said that she doesn't feel
Speaker 1: happy living that type of life. Exactly if you don't
Speaker 1: feel happy something perfect example, my brother, my brother loves
Speaker 1: clocking in and clocking out like he loves it. That's
Speaker 1: he wakes up in the morning. He loves it. There's
Speaker 1: no shade. And my brother makes very good money. He
Speaker 1: takes his vacation when he takes his vacation. And the
Speaker 1: thing is, though, he loves his job to be able
Speaker 1: to do. If you're working to get a paycheck and
Speaker 1: you don't love your job, it's different. For sure. He
Speaker 1: loves his job. He loves his job. Your job right,
Speaker 1: because some people are just aren't natural entrepreneurs, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. So they you know, it depends on
Speaker 1: what's going to make you the happiest. So ultimately, Sis,
Speaker 1: like I said, you have all the boxes checked, go
Speaker 1: ahead and take that leap of faith for sure. For sure.
Speaker 1: And if you want to go ahead and take a
Speaker 1: leap into our listener letter mailbox and you want to
Speaker 1: be featured whatever I listening letters, go ahead and email
Speaker 1: us at dead as Advice at gmail dot com and
Speaker 1: we will check our mailbox and see what y'all talking
Speaker 1: about for next episode. All right, so let's close out
Speaker 1: with the moment of truth. You know, like we said,
Speaker 1: it's a new year. You know, we talked about people
Speaker 1: not necessarily being evenly yoked. Um, that's the topic that
Speaker 1: we're talking about today. So what's your your takeaway Bay
Speaker 1: from today's episode. This is my takeaway that I've learned.
Speaker 1: It's very very quick when you're dating somebody, you tend
Speaker 1: to wish for You don't want any harm to ever
Speaker 1: come to them. You wish you could do things for
Speaker 1: them that they don't have to go through any anything
Speaker 1: in life. You just want to make sure that you
Speaker 1: do it for them. Right. A lot of times you
Speaker 1: hinder your partner by expecting them to do things your
Speaker 1: way because you feel that if they do it their
Speaker 1: own way, they're not going to be successful. I was
Speaker 1: guilty of that, and I was wrong, because you are
Speaker 1: being successful doing it your way. I just figured me,
Speaker 1: being controlling a little bit, wanted you to do it
Speaker 1: my way so I can ensure that you would have
Speaker 1: some level of success, which is a fallacy you create
Speaker 1: for yourself. Allow your partner to go through their own process,
Speaker 1: even if your business partners, and not not just spouses,
Speaker 1: if your business partners, allow your spouse to go through
Speaker 1: their own business process so that you don't get upset
Speaker 1: as a husband or a wife for things that they
Speaker 1: said as a business part for sure, as long as
Speaker 1: it's not a detriment to to like the marriage or
Speaker 1: to the business. Like of course you want to take
Speaker 1: those things in mind. If you do, you do see
Speaker 1: that they're on the road to something potentially like crushing
Speaker 1: and burning, then of course it makes sense to second.
Speaker 1: And you know, my mom, and the truth I think
Speaker 1: is going to remain the same at least when it
Speaker 1: pertains to us, and it's that, you know, balance is
Speaker 1: so important with everything and knowing that sometimes you just
Speaker 1: have to clock out. Sometimes you have to put the
Speaker 1: phone down. Sometimes you have to just let things wait.
Speaker 1: And it's not because you just don't want to get
Speaker 1: it done or there's a level of procrastination evolved. It's
Speaker 1: just that sometimes for our own relationship, for our own sanity,
Speaker 1: for our own mental health, for our own you know,
Speaker 1: vibe and energy, sometimes you have to know when to
Speaker 1: be able to clock out, especially if you're working with
Speaker 1: your spouse right well, be sure to follow us on
Speaker 1: social media. That's I am Developed and Cadine I am
Speaker 1: And if you're listening on Apple Podcast, be sure to rate,
Speaker 1: review and subscribe. Please do because season three is kicked
Speaker 1: off us. It is upon us, it is here, it arrived.
Speaker 1: We're here dead Ass as dead Ass is a production
Speaker 1: of Stitcher. We are produced by Jackie Sojico and No Opinion.
Speaker 1: Our executive producer T Squares. Our associate producers are Triple
Speaker 1: and Kristen Torres. Our Chief content Officer is Chris Bannon,
Speaker 1: Studio engineer and original music is by Brendan Burns and
Speaker 1: last but not least, we are mixed by Andy Kristens.
Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth. We
Speaker 1: have a podcast going on right now. It's part of
Speaker 1: the Stitchen Everywhere called Abstraction that's available everywhere. Get the
Speaker 1: podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right now to
Speaker 1: the Distraction right now. It's out. Do it please,