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Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and

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Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together

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Speaker 1: called defect or Defector, and we're gonna have a new

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Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, This very podcast which has

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Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now, available every rust.

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Speaker 1: Get your podcast at Sucher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right

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Speaker 1: now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now. Go

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Speaker 1: listen to see by. Since you procrastinate so much? Right,

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Speaker 1: Oh boy, why didn't you procrastinate on marriage? Had I

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Speaker 1: known you was gonna piss me off as a business partner?

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Speaker 1: About to rethought this whole being your wife thing too,

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Speaker 1: because I can't differentiate sometimes dead as dead ass. Hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm Cadine and we're the ellis Is. You may know

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Speaker 1: us from posting funding videos without boys and reading each

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Speaker 1: other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make

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Speaker 1: you need derby most days. And one more important thing

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Speaker 1: to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We created

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Speaker 1: this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most

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Speaker 1: taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

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Speaker 1: is a term that we say every day. Where we

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Speaker 1: say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the

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Speaker 1: whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about to

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Speaker 1: take Phillow's talk to a whole new level. Dead ask

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Speaker 1: starts now for bad. I'm so I feel like re energized.

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Speaker 1: It's like a whole new year, whole new world. Yes, well,

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Speaker 1: let's get into story time real quick. Before we get

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Speaker 1: into this, I'm gonna take you guys back way back

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Speaker 1: to January second two. You're so annoying. Go ahead. January

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Speaker 1: two was like the culmination of our holiday break back

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Speaker 1: in Brooklyn, New York. You know, you guys know we

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Speaker 1: relocated to the West Coast, so we went back to

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Speaker 1: Brooklyn for three weeks. Were in this particular morning, the

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Speaker 1: second of January. We were stressed out because we've been

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Speaker 1: living in New York with both of our parents. Were

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Speaker 1: about three weeks. And we love our parents. Don't get

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Speaker 1: me one, we love our parents. But when you go

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Speaker 1: from having your own space with your three kids to

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Speaker 1: going back to living with your in laws on both sides,

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Speaker 1: because we split between her parents and my parents and

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Speaker 1: my brother, it was a lot so we both were

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Speaker 1: just ready to tell each other off. And um, this morning,

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Speaker 1: I was getting ready to get up and go to

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Speaker 1: the gym, so I said, baby, she said yeah. I said,

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Speaker 1: I'm getting ready to go to gym. You come, and

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Speaker 1: she said, yeah, yeah, I'm coming. So I get up,

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Speaker 1: take a shower. She's still in bed. So all right,

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Speaker 1: well let me let me go get something to eat.

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Speaker 1: So I go get something to eat, come back. She's

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Speaker 1: still in bed. So then I go, you know, start

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Speaker 1: stretching downstairs, and well said baby, I'll get ready to leave.

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Speaker 1: She goes, all right, I'm coming, go back upstairs. She's

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Speaker 1: still in bed. So then I didn't get upset because

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Speaker 1: I know that this is a process. But I asked.

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Speaker 1: I said, um, you plan on getting up anytime soon.

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Speaker 1: And then out of nowhere, all the energy that I

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Speaker 1: expected her to have when she got ready for the gym,

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Speaker 1: all that energy came towards me. Why are you watching

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Speaker 1: me to go to the gym? I said, I was coming.

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Speaker 1: When I'm coming, just wait, And I was like, damn,

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Speaker 1: this is the second thing. You clapped. You started clapping

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Speaker 1: and and me when I was home, it just came back.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's just it's cool because at this point,

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Speaker 1: now all I want to do is go to the gym.

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Speaker 1: I don't even care about the scream. And I'm like, well, now,

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Speaker 1: sence you up. Can you get your gass in the

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Speaker 1: shower so we can go in the gym. No, now

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to the gym. Now I'm tight. Now

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Speaker 1: I'm tight because I've waited an hour in fifteen minutes

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Speaker 1: for her because she wanted to go to the gym

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Speaker 1: with me, And now since I tried to get her

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Speaker 1: to push out the gym, now she's making a decision

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Speaker 1: that she's not going to the gym. So now my

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Speaker 1: whole day is messed up because now I go to

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Speaker 1: the gym and I'm mad the whole time I'm in

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Speaker 1: the gym, I'm throwing weights around, I'm running mad fast

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Speaker 1: on the treadmill. I'm welcome. I was helping your workout,

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Speaker 1: that that energy that you needed, that it was the baby.

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Speaker 1: It was all part of the plan. It depends on

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Speaker 1: whose baby were sleeping in, because remember we couldn't sleep

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Speaker 1: good in them. Remember it was in it was in

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Speaker 1: your your brother's bed and your parents house. Yes, that's

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Speaker 1: fairly comfortable. My bad I probably was just time it's

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Speaker 1: comfortable for you. I'm seeing my my back was fucked up.

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Speaker 1: So my back was messed up. I went to the gym.

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Speaker 1: I was in a bad move. Pissed my whole day off.

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Speaker 1: And at that point I realized, you know what, I

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Speaker 1: am no longer going to ask her about when she's

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Speaker 1: going to the gym, And since then I have not

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Speaker 1: mentioned the gym. I just get up and go, and

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Speaker 1: she does this same baby, welcome to the party. Hey,

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Speaker 1: I hit the boy y already. Now my uncles skating

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Speaker 1: the baby go. Welcome to the party. Me late good. Hey,

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Speaker 1: hey baby baby, don't lower your tone because you can

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Speaker 1: get hit. He shout out to Cannasi smoke. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: that's always a Boklyn chief. Used to be a Brooklyn chief.

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Speaker 1: Shout out to the Brooklyn Chiefs. Shout out to the

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Speaker 1: Brooklyn renegades. That's not a thought, for the record, nor

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Speaker 1: does he have guns anywhich. I'm a pop. You're actually

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Speaker 1: you're actually a pop. That's what my kids calling me. Pops.

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Speaker 1: What's up, pops? Do you go? Oh my god, that's

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Speaker 1: that's nostalgic, though, like Brooklyn, we miss Brooklyn. Hey, guys,

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Speaker 1: we'd like to give a shout out to Pop Smoke,

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Speaker 1: who tragically passed away on Wednesday, February nineteen. We recorded

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Speaker 1: this karaoke moment before this happened, and uh, we definitely

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Speaker 1: had to go back and make sure that we paid

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Speaker 1: our proper respects to a Brooklyn and especially a CANARSI

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Speaker 1: legend it's I opened my phone up. Um, you know,

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Speaker 1: my alarm went off and I was snoozing a little

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Speaker 1: bit half awake and I popped open Instagram. That was

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Speaker 1: the first thing I saw. At my heart, I couldn't

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Speaker 1: believe it. It's a shame. Has been a rough year.

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Speaker 1: We've lost a lot of a lot of people this year.

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Speaker 1: And I will say this, you never want to speculate

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Speaker 1: about what happened, how things have happened. Um. I know

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Speaker 1: people are getting information from Instagram, but I will say this,

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Speaker 1: everybody who follows you, it's not rooting for you. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Everybody who's next to you is not your friend. Yeah. Man,

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Speaker 1: make sure that you're aware who you are, what you're doing,

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Speaker 1: and just be safe, man. Yeah. Absolutely, Rest in peace

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Speaker 1: to Pop Smoke and rest in peace bro phrase up

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Speaker 1: to his family. For sure. I had a moment yesterday.

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Speaker 1: Did you know that? I didn't even tell you know.

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Speaker 1: So I had a moment yesterday. UM. Actually always driving

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Speaker 1: to the gym to go work out, the said devlts man,

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Speaker 1: never get to But I was going on my own terms,

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Speaker 1: at my own time. After I had a good night's sleep,

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Speaker 1: thank god. UM, and I got a FaceTime that I

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Speaker 1: missed from my hair stylist Janelle. Janelle ce Lee Smith

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Speaker 1: back home. Shout out to Janelle, my girl, UM. And

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Speaker 1: then she told me that she she said a video

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Speaker 1: and she was actually with um my makeup artists, Nelly,

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Speaker 1: the girl who does my nails, my homies, Tianaiana who

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Speaker 1: I used to work with it Max, she was my

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Speaker 1: manager back in the day. Really good friend of mine.

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Speaker 1: She was literally with like my girls, like my group

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Speaker 1: of people who have either grown with who have taught

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Speaker 1: me so much, or like where my core Gland people

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Speaker 1: or still are. And after off the phone, Janelle, I

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Speaker 1: was like, I want to go. I want to go

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Speaker 1: back to Brooklyn. I don't blame, don't feel like that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think just seeing them all in that space, I

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Speaker 1: was just like, oh my god, I can't believe this.

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Speaker 1: I missed him. I missed y'all. I missed everybody in Brooklyn.

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Speaker 1: But that song definitely gives me a little bit of

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Speaker 1: nostalgia for sure. Um it's inappropriate and maybe because if

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Speaker 1: that was not a thought, but yeah, it just hit,

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Speaker 1: which just remind me good. Yeah, hey, hey, hey baby.

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Speaker 1: But welcome to the party. We're back. We're back. Welcome

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Speaker 1: to the party. Welcome to the party. Folks that made

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Speaker 1: it so appropriate. It's a whole new year, and we're

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Speaker 1: just so excited to be back with y'all. Season three, Yes,

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Speaker 1: three seasons. I never would have imagined, not me, who

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Speaker 1: would have you know? Not me? I mean we were

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Speaker 1: on a little hiatus, little break, you know, through the holidays,

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Speaker 1: and now we're back, and I'm just like really excited, Yes,

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Speaker 1: for a whole another season. We have some awesome topics

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Speaker 1: in store for y'all this season and some great guests.

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Speaker 1: This season in particular, is dedicated to something very special. Baby,

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Speaker 1: what is it? This is gonna make ten years for

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Speaker 1: Codin and I married. It is eighteen years together, but

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Speaker 1: ten years married. This fourth of July, the day I

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Speaker 1: lost my independence. He'll tell you that over and over again,

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Speaker 1: over and over again, because I remember what did you

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Speaker 1: say one year you were just like, yeah, that makes

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Speaker 1: like eight years of slave because we were together at

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Speaker 1: the point I said that we were together for twelve

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Speaker 1: years and years time that was like, that means twelve

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Speaker 1: years of slave, Like to shut up. You know you

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Speaker 1: want to be here, bro, I do? I do. I

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Speaker 1: love it. I love it and procrastination and all absolutely,

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Speaker 1: and this year, um, we are going to be renewing

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Speaker 1: our vows. Yes, So I'm excited about that. I know

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Speaker 1: we decided to dedicate this entire season to the process

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Speaker 1: of getting back together because I've said this a bunch

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Speaker 1: of times on Instagram and Kadan talks about it a lot.

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Speaker 1: How we've like, we're renewing our vows because we have

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Speaker 1: to have a recommitment to each other after being together

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Speaker 1: so long, after going through adulthood together, because we met

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Speaker 1: his children, we met it babies, and now you know,

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Speaker 1: it's almost like, you know what, we're adults now we

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Speaker 1: kind of understand who we are as individuals and understand

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Speaker 1: each other. So let's do a recommitment and let's get

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Speaker 1: this thing going right. I mean, I can't lie, though

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Speaker 1: I do feel some kind of way because you're sound

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Speaker 1: back at the top of the show, I was trying

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Speaker 1: to call me out for not procrastinating, but wanting to

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Speaker 1: are you I thought she'd be happy about that. No, no, no,

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Speaker 1: I didn't say I was. I said the fact that

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Speaker 1: you didn't procrastinate when they came to marriage was completely opposite.

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Speaker 1: Because I couldn't wait, what do you mean? What do

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Speaker 1: I mean? Let me explain something, explain, explain this is

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Speaker 1: what this is what I've learned through through marriage. Right.

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Speaker 1: People show you who they are by little things that

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Speaker 1: they do consistently every day. Right, So people can say

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Speaker 1: one thing, but they'll show you who they are. And

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Speaker 1: Codeine throughout time has showed me, has showed me that

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Speaker 1: she tends to procrastinate on things. And the gym was

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Speaker 1: just one example. Right, I'll give you another example. Oh,

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Speaker 1: now he's pulling up. We'll sweep up the floor, right,

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Speaker 1: I know you do. I know I'm just saying, but

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Speaker 1: this is just an example of your procrastination. So sweep

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Speaker 1: the dust from the floor into a little corner. And

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Speaker 1: then a day later I'll be like, yeah, you're gonna

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Speaker 1: pick that dirt up, and she's like, yeah, I gonna

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Speaker 1: pick it up. I'm just I gotta collect more, like

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Speaker 1: you don't just pick up dirt every single time. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna collect more. And then two weeks ago by the

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Speaker 1: same dirt be sitting there, and she'll clean around the

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Speaker 1: same pile of dirt. And then I realized at this

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Speaker 1: point is that the only reason why she left it

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Speaker 1: there was not only because she procrastinates, would also be

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Speaker 1: because I'm a little bit controlling, because I'm neurotic. Everybody

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Speaker 1: has their issues right, right, and I'm neurotic, right, So

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Speaker 1: I love to have things when I want things and

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Speaker 1: how he wants things. Yes, I know I got my

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Speaker 1: issues too. I got problems. A lot of us got problem.

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Speaker 1: I'm one of them that problem. So when I see something,

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Speaker 1: I gotta have it right now and it has to

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Speaker 1: get done right now. So you've got two people who

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Speaker 1: philosophically exists in two completely different worlds realms altogether, and

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Speaker 1: we work together. And then my thing is to vow

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Speaker 1: if you feel that strongly about the dirt that I

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Speaker 1: sweep into said corner here, the energy that it takes

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Speaker 1: for you to be like, okay, you're gonna pick that

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Speaker 1: dirt up. You can just get the dust pain and

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Speaker 1: pick it up yourself, right, But it's the principle of

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Speaker 1: it is the principle. It's not about the dirt getting done.

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Speaker 1: It's the principle that means I'll be doing double the

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Speaker 1: work all the time, because then I'll be doing the

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Speaker 1: stuff I'm supposed to do and then completing the tasks

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Speaker 1: you're supposed to complete. And that's not fair. I'm a

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Speaker 1: product of my environment, though, because when we go back

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Speaker 1: to my parents house, what do you find in said

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Speaker 1: corners of the kis dirt. There is like literally a

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Speaker 1: corner in my parents house where for years, since I

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Speaker 1: was a child, that's where everyone sweeps the dirt into

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Speaker 1: that corner and eventually picks That's here's the most insane

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Speaker 1: about it. Just the big with the dust pan. They

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Speaker 1: won't pick it up in the dust y'all will lean

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Speaker 1: the dustpan up into the corner right where the broom is.

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Speaker 1: Tell me, I'm lying. You don't put the dustpan and

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Speaker 1: goes behind the water fountain of the water thingy in

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Speaker 1: our house, we don't have a water thing. The dustpan

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Speaker 1: is right parents house. Oh, it depends because cats likes

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Speaker 1: to throw our dustpan in the garb. Depends on the

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Speaker 1: day anyway. That being said, yes, we're talking today about

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Speaker 1: just even the process of working together and how difficult

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Speaker 1: that can be for two people who are married but

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Speaker 1: also business partners at the same time. And the issue

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Speaker 1: to Val and I run into sometimes is that we

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Speaker 1: have to take off that husband and wife cat put

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Speaker 1: on the business partner hat. But if I'm mad at

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Speaker 1: you as husband and wives from time, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to deal with you as a business partner or vice versa.

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Speaker 1: And we actually had a very big argument, huge argument

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Speaker 1: in November. Was it because pretty much Val was getting

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Speaker 1: on me about what were you getting about on me about?

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Speaker 1: I think it was about starting my workout routine again

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Speaker 1: or something. No, it wasn't about starting workout. Sometimes in

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Speaker 1: marriage is what happens. You'll have something on your heart

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Speaker 1: and something will come up and you use that example

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Speaker 1: of what's happening in the present to to bring up

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Speaker 1: other things that have been bothering you. So in our lives,

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Speaker 1: I've always been like an overachiever, go getter. Like I said,

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Speaker 1: I'm very compulsive. Sometimes I don't even think things through,

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Speaker 1: which is not the best thing at times. But sometimes

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Speaker 1: as I see something I wanted I'll go get it.

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Speaker 1: Where Codeine likes to plan and she likes to think

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Speaker 1: things out and she gives out different options and that

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Speaker 1: takes time, and to me it comes across as procrastinating.

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Speaker 1: But to her, that's her process. And before we had

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Speaker 1: this conversation, I just saw it as procrastinating because I

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Speaker 1: didn't understand her process. So she was talking about getting

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Speaker 1: on going on this detox, going on this carb cycling

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Speaker 1: so she can lose weight heading into pilot season. And

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Speaker 1: at this point it was November, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: why would you Why would you wait until the New

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Speaker 1: Year's to start this, And she was like, well, it's

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Speaker 1: the holidays. I know I'm not gonna eat the way

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Speaker 1: I want to eat, so I don't want to start

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Speaker 1: something and then break, you know, break my habit, you know,

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Speaker 1: or create a bad habit of breaking it before I started,

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Speaker 1: because I know the holiday is here. And to me,

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Speaker 1: I was like, that doesn't make any sense. And a

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Speaker 1: lot of times, you you you're so narrow minded when

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Speaker 1: you have a mindset of what you think is right,

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Speaker 1: that you don't understand other people's process. And at the

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Speaker 1: point that's where I was, I was really just being

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Speaker 1: narrow minded because I didn't see her her process. I

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Speaker 1: didn't see a perspective. I just saw that if you

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Speaker 1: can now, why not start now? If you if you

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Speaker 1: start now and you lose a couple of days because

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Speaker 1: you know, you eat bad, at least you started. But

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Speaker 1: for her, that's not a process. So I just started.

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Speaker 1: I used that example to tell her about a lot

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Speaker 1: of different things, not just about the working out and

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Speaker 1: open the floodgates of the vout trying to read me

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Speaker 1: on everything that he's had issues with. According to how

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Speaker 1: I deal with business, I wasn't reading you were here

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Speaker 1: was another example. My My issue at the time was

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Speaker 1: we had just both changed management and we have the

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Speaker 1: same management and a lot of times because we do

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Speaker 1: a lot of things as business partners, management will take

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Speaker 1: on both of us. And my thing to her was

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Speaker 1: if I went out and I got a manager and

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Speaker 1: they want to represent you as well, you're also a

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Speaker 1: representation of me as I'm a representation of you. So

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Speaker 1: if we represent each other individually and as a couple,

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Speaker 1: we have to hold the same standard like a team.

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Speaker 1: So I had asked her, did you get back to

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Speaker 1: our manager? Did you get back and She's like, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm working on this, I'm working on that. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, yo, like that's that's not just your manager,

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Speaker 1: that's our manager. When you don't get back, it makes

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Speaker 1: us seem as if we're not serious. So it wasn't

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Speaker 1: just about the working out. It was about her process

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Speaker 1: and how she takes time to do things, and that

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Speaker 1: led to a big argument because it led to other things.

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Speaker 1: We talked about sex all the time and her procrastinating

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Speaker 1: because she has her process of how she wants to

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Speaker 1: do things for me, and based on my love language,

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Speaker 1: I want things done immediate and I want things done spontaneous.

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Speaker 1: So it was like a whole bunch of things started

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Speaker 1: to come out based on this one example. Yes, it

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Speaker 1: bubbled over and we had a huge revelation. We had

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Speaker 1: a very very big revelation. And in that revelation, so

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Speaker 1: pretty much you gave your reason as to why we

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Speaker 1: are into this whole argument or whatnot. Okay, I have

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Speaker 1: a certain way of doing things that historically has worked

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Speaker 1: for me. Some things haven't worked for me in terms

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Speaker 1: of perfect very successful. So I can't even take that

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Speaker 1: from you as I got a method, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean, And with the whole thing with like us

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Speaker 1: having the same management and whatnot. We had to really

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Speaker 1: sit down, I think, both of us having separate meetings

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Speaker 1: with our managers to let them know, yes, we are married,

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Speaker 1: we are a couple. We do a lot of business

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Speaker 1: things together, but we do like to be dealt with

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Speaker 1: as separate entities as well, which I think is very

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Speaker 1: important because not only do we have our own individual endeavors,

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Speaker 1: but we also have um different ways of doing things.

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Speaker 1: So us always being grouped together and lumped together and

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Speaker 1: things was a problem for us, and I think in

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Speaker 1: part for our manager that's the first time they've ever

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Speaker 1: dealt with a married couple, so they dealt with us

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Speaker 1: as a married couple as opposed to to different clients.

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Speaker 1: So good exactly. So that being said, it was a

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Speaker 1: lot easier. So then we got we got to separating

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Speaker 1: like group chats, and you know, things really became divided

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Speaker 1: at that point. And so far since we've done that,

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Speaker 1: I think that we've both been functioning really well because

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Speaker 1: you know, it's not just an overload of information where

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Speaker 1: I'm getting information about Devo or he's getting information about me,

355
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Speaker 1: and then we can both just focus on that um

356
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Speaker 1: but I think the bigger problem for us here is

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Speaker 1: the fact that, you know, we started out our relationship

358
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Speaker 1: on the same page about what we wanted to do

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Speaker 1: in life. You know, we made plans. We told you God,

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Speaker 1: we had a plan right from the start, from early.

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Speaker 1: Let you know what they say, sometimes opposite attract and

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Speaker 1: as like minded as we are, as you know, entrepreneurs,

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Speaker 1: as parents, um as partners, Devo is like to do

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Speaker 1: it now kind of person and I'm the chronic procrastinator,

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Speaker 1: Like that's just what it is, um. And as a

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Speaker 1: couple and as parents and as business partners, we really

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Speaker 1: had to figure out how to work with each other

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Speaker 1: on seven basis when do we actually like punch the

369
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Speaker 1: clock out of work and become husband and wife because

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Speaker 1: that was becoming an issue for me. That was becoming

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Speaker 1: an issue for me as well. It's like I'm arguing

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Speaker 1: with you as a business partner, we have a disagreement,

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Speaker 1: or we have a heavy load of work to be done,

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Speaker 1: and Develo wanted to get all of it done. Now

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Speaker 1: Me not even as much procrastinating, but me just saying,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I want to clock out of work

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Speaker 1: so I could spend time with my husband for an

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Speaker 1: hour or two, and you know, I think it's not

379
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:03,359
Speaker 1: to put you off. I think it's unfair for me

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Speaker 1: to label it as procrastinating, because while having these conversations,

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Speaker 1: I learned that you just have a different process and

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Speaker 1: because your process takes longer than mind doesn't mean that

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00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:17,080
Speaker 1: you're procrastinating. But that was me, in my narrow mindedness,

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Speaker 1: thinking that if she doesn't get it done as fast

385
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Speaker 1: as I get it done or how I would have

386
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:25,400
Speaker 1: gotten it, you didn't care about it as much. That's

387
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,440
Speaker 1: just how it came across to me. Though you understand

388
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:28,800
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Thank you for admitting that. I think

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00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:30,960
Speaker 1: this is the first time you've actually admitted that to me. Yeah,

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00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,800
Speaker 1: I waited. I waited till now because I wanted to

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00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:38,000
Speaker 1: make sure I have my words properly together, you know,

392
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:40,200
Speaker 1: because this is not you know, I didn't want to

393
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,199
Speaker 1: say it and forget what I was saying. So I

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00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:43,840
Speaker 1: wanted to make sure my thoughts were together when I

395
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:46,680
Speaker 1: said this to you, and not for nothing. Giving you

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00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:50,040
Speaker 1: your space to be your own entity within our business

397
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:53,720
Speaker 1: allowed me to watch how you got things done. If

398
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:56,560
Speaker 1: you think about it, we haven't even given each other

399
00:20:56,640 --> 00:21:00,359
Speaker 1: any space to see how our process works. So before

400
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:03,000
Speaker 1: I could even watch your process, I was criticizing yours

401
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:06,040
Speaker 1: and saying that it was done the wrong way. And

402
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,639
Speaker 1: a lot of that comes because, like I said, I'm

403
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:12,080
Speaker 1: very neurotic. I can be controlling at times, but I'm

404
00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:15,400
Speaker 1: also like I've been very successful at everything that I've

405
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:19,439
Speaker 1: done in my life because I don't think about what

406
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:22,040
Speaker 1: could go wrong. And this is what I also realize

407
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:25,040
Speaker 1: is different between you and I. And I don't know

408
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:26,520
Speaker 1: if this is a male female thing or just a

409
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,159
Speaker 1: personality thing, but I've always been a dreamer and I

410
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:31,800
Speaker 1: don't feel like there are any bad decisions. I feel

411
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:33,600
Speaker 1: like you make a decision in life, and you make

412
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,439
Speaker 1: the best out of whatever decision you make. Whereas you

413
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:41,160
Speaker 1: and another example, pick and clothes, I'll go into my closet,

414
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:43,800
Speaker 1: I'll see something, I'm gonna pick it up. I'm gonna

415
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:45,719
Speaker 1: say this fits, and I'm gonna make a dope outfit

416
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:51,960
Speaker 1: out of whatever this is. You I'm going to try

417
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:57,240
Speaker 1: a couple of things, mix and match. But that's your process.

418
00:21:57,280 --> 00:22:00,800
Speaker 1: That's your process. It takes it takes a about three hours,

419
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:07,280
Speaker 1: and usually you look but you look good and I

420
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:10,479
Speaker 1: gotta respect your process, although it's different than mine. I

421
00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:15,000
Speaker 1: gotta respect your process. And I have to admit from

422
00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:20,440
Speaker 1: November to now, you have you've lost over twelve pounds,

423
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:24,199
Speaker 1: you've created more content for social media, You've been in

424
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,959
Speaker 1: a better place, in part because I'm not on your

425
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,560
Speaker 1: ass all the time. I think that had a lot

426
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:30,760
Speaker 1: to do with it. And I was gonna say, not

427
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:34,800
Speaker 1: having you breathing down my neck with every single move

428
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,680
Speaker 1: that had to be made actually gave me a little

429
00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:40,320
Speaker 1: bit of relief. I'm not gonna lie. Hey, you know,

430
00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:42,239
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. And the funny thing is, when

431
00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:43,520
Speaker 1: I said that to you that I was going to

432
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,119
Speaker 1: do that, the first thing you said was, oh, we

433
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:48,080
Speaker 1: don't gotta be like that. Devout why you're acting like that,

434
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:49,919
Speaker 1: and said I thought you were just being dramatic, and

435
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:51,240
Speaker 1: I thought you were just trying to just say, you

436
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:53,119
Speaker 1: know what, k I'm just gonna wash my hands of

437
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:54,920
Speaker 1: you and you figure it out. And I was just like,

438
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:56,800
Speaker 1: in that moment and in the space we were in

439
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,600
Speaker 1: at that time, it did seem like you were just

440
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:01,320
Speaker 1: it was coming for not from not the most positive place.

441
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:04,600
Speaker 1: But that's why I didn't say it or didn't. I

442
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:08,560
Speaker 1: try now because I know that my words can come across,

443
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:11,720
Speaker 1: especially if the temperature of the room is it's very,

444
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:15,600
Speaker 1: very hot. I know that no matter what I say,

445
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 1: it can be taken with a negative. So when I

446
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:20,919
Speaker 1: said to you, you know what I'm gonna do, I'm

447
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:22,600
Speaker 1: gonna step back and let you do your thing. I

448
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:25,560
Speaker 1: didn't want it to I didn't mean it as fuck you,

449
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:27,919
Speaker 1: I don't care no more. It was more like, you

450
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,520
Speaker 1: know what, let me give her some space to be

451
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 1: who she wants to be within this business, not marriage,

452
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:36,320
Speaker 1: within this business, so that I can see your process,

453
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:38,080
Speaker 1: so I can learn, and then you can just be,

454
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:39,880
Speaker 1: in turn a husband and I can be a wife

455
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,320
Speaker 1: and we can enjoy the times that we are not working.

456
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:45,760
Speaker 1: Because I'm not gonna lie to you. I hate being

457
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:47,920
Speaker 1: punished as a husband for things that I say as

458
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:50,719
Speaker 1: a business partner. It's just not fair to me. I agree,

459
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:52,680
Speaker 1: And the same thing happens with me as a wife.

460
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,280
Speaker 1: Like I may say something to you that you don't like,

461
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,200
Speaker 1: or me make a decision you don't like, and then

462
00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:58,480
Speaker 1: the rest of the evening is blown or the rest

463
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,320
Speaker 1: of the day is blown. Because it's like feel some

464
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,359
Speaker 1: kind of way about Devot the business partner, not Devout

465
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:07,280
Speaker 1: the husband. And in part I will also say you

466
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:12,320
Speaker 1: stepping back right and being like whatever case you figured out,

467
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 1: you got your process, you figured it out. The competitor

468
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:20,960
Speaker 1: in me was not about to prove you, right. I

469
00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:23,960
Speaker 1: understand that. So if I had to do anything at

470
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:26,840
Speaker 1: that point other than just legitimately working on things that

471
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:28,399
Speaker 1: I know I needed to work on in terms of,

472
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,840
Speaker 1: like you know, not getting things done in a timely

473
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:34,359
Speaker 1: fashion or like putting things off, I was gonna do

474
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 1: that just because Devo said that I couldn't do it.

475
00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:43,119
Speaker 1: I get it. I need you to also understand where

476
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 1: I was coming from with my mentality. Right. It may

477
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:50,959
Speaker 1: come across as controlling and may come across as crazy

478
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:53,520
Speaker 1: at Tom's, but there's a different stress that's put on

479
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,520
Speaker 1: me as a man in this relationship than that's put

480
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:59,520
Speaker 1: on you. Okay, because if our marriage feels and we

481
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:03,960
Speaker 1: have nancial struggles, they're not gonna look at you and say, codem,

482
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:06,480
Speaker 1: what happened? Why? They're gonna look at me as the

483
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:09,280
Speaker 1: man and said you're supposed to provide? And I accept that.

484
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:12,080
Speaker 1: I accept that that honor and that challenge is a man,

485
00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:15,680
Speaker 1: because you have to accept that you brought our three

486
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:18,520
Speaker 1: children's life into this world. You had to do that.

487
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:20,960
Speaker 1: I can't. I couldn't do that, you know what I'm saying.

488
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:24,000
Speaker 1: So this in part is my responsibility to make sure

489
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:27,560
Speaker 1: that we are taking care of financially in our businesses succeed.

490
00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 1: So with that being said, there there is a certain

491
00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:33,200
Speaker 1: stress that's on my head that isn't on your head.

492
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,160
Speaker 1: You get to be free and do things in your

493
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:39,120
Speaker 1: own time because there are certain things that I take

494
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:41,200
Speaker 1: care of that you don't worry about. You understand what

495
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 1: I'm saying because you have made it known and I

496
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:45,919
Speaker 1: think you recently did a post on Instagram about this

497
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:48,640
Speaker 1: that a lot of like that's you or we spoke

498
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:50,240
Speaker 1: about it at one of the live shows that like

499
00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 1: you take on that as the man of the house

500
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:55,720
Speaker 1: to be able to provide. You know, bills are taken

501
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:57,560
Speaker 1: care of and that. So I will say that, yes,

502
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,080
Speaker 1: you definitely have that under control, and not that I

503
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:04,040
Speaker 1: don't assist with that. When I income by the income

504
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:05,439
Speaker 1: that I bring in, it's not that I don't assist

505
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:07,520
Speaker 1: with that, but I understand what you're saying when you

506
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:11,240
Speaker 1: say you feel like that responsibility or that stress is

507
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:13,520
Speaker 1: on you. Yeah, because I feel like there's a sense

508
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:16,600
Speaker 1: of urgency with my life every day when I wake up.

509
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:20,360
Speaker 1: Because of entrepreneurs um, I don't get a consistent paycheck

510
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:22,600
Speaker 1: every two weeks where I know this money is coming

511
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:24,440
Speaker 1: in and I go to working clock in and clock out.

512
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:27,200
Speaker 1: I have to build business constantly, so when I wake

513
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:29,359
Speaker 1: up in the morning, there's a sense of urgency that

514
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 1: exists that I know I have to make a certain

515
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:34,520
Speaker 1: amount of money for us to survive and thrive and

516
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:37,760
Speaker 1: build for our boys. That sense of urgency doesn't exist

517
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:39,959
Speaker 1: with you because that stress isn't on you. So you

518
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:41,840
Speaker 1: can wake up in the morning and say, you know what,

519
00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:45,480
Speaker 1: I don't really feel like doing this right now. I'll

520
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:49,199
Speaker 1: go through my process. Whereas for me that process I'm

521
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:53,000
Speaker 1: not allowed that particular process because the mortgages do on

522
00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:56,119
Speaker 1: the first rent for all other properties to do on

523
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:58,520
Speaker 1: the first card, notes to do on the fifteen. You

524
00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:02,440
Speaker 1: understand what I'm saying. So for me, I I will

525
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:06,920
Speaker 1: apologize for how I was trying to put a sense

526
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:09,480
Speaker 1: of urgency underneath you, but I want you to understand

527
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:11,640
Speaker 1: where I was coming from. It wasn't a thing where

528
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:13,680
Speaker 1: I was just trying to control you, but there was

529
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:15,640
Speaker 1: a reason behind it. I think we should talk about

530
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:21,680
Speaker 1: to the the difference or maybe that fine line between

531
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:26,480
Speaker 1: pushing someone and then motivating someone, Like what's the difference there?

532
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:28,160
Speaker 1: Because to you, I know a lot of the times

533
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:30,600
Speaker 1: you had seen it as I'm just trying to motivate

534
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,080
Speaker 1: you to just be like this, or it's worked for

535
00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:35,159
Speaker 1: me when I did it this way. So take a

536
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:37,040
Speaker 1: look at the blueprint that I've laid out and try

537
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:39,160
Speaker 1: that and see if it works, because that's you trying

538
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:41,200
Speaker 1: to find a way to motivate me to get things done,

539
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,720
Speaker 1: thinking that maybe I needed the motivation, whereas for me,

540
00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:46,200
Speaker 1: I was just going through my process. Like I phone

541
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:49,960
Speaker 1: also lie and say that it's just not me putting

542
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:51,520
Speaker 1: things off, because I do do that a lot, So

543
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:53,159
Speaker 1: it's not like I was trying to necessarily find the

544
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:56,080
Speaker 1: motivation with certain things. But like, do you ever feel

545
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:59,639
Speaker 1: like sometimes you pushing me is really just trying to

546
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:01,560
Speaker 1: motivate me or is it just really out of share

547
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:03,680
Speaker 1: frustration that you you want me to get things done

548
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:06,120
Speaker 1: the way you want them done. No, I honestly feel

549
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:08,760
Speaker 1: like it's it's motivation. But I do realize that there

550
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:12,440
Speaker 1: are different personalities that exists in the world. Like I

551
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:15,080
Speaker 1: was an elite athlete at the Division one level, then

552
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:17,760
Speaker 1: I was a pro athlete. There's a certain mindset that

553
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:20,960
Speaker 1: I have that carries me throughout the rest of my

554
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:23,720
Speaker 1: life as an athlete that is never going to go away.

555
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 1: And sometimes it does get frustrating for me when I

556
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:29,120
Speaker 1: see people who are talented who don't put the same

557
00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:33,480
Speaker 1: amount of work into their dream as I would put

558
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:38,360
Speaker 1: in because I don't understand that mentality of I want this,

559
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:41,000
Speaker 1: it's right there. All I gotta do is work hard

560
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:42,120
Speaker 1: to get it. But then they're like, you know what,

561
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 1: I'll do it tomorrow. Like I just don't understand that mindset.

562
00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 1: And that's not just for you, that's just about people.

563
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:49,600
Speaker 1: Like as a coach, when I when I first retired

564
00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:51,880
Speaker 1: from the NFL and I started coaching, there were young

565
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:54,920
Speaker 1: kids who were way more talented than me who just

566
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 1: would not put the work in and it was frustrating,

567
00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:01,040
Speaker 1: Like I would be screaming, cursing, holler and trying to

568
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:03,200
Speaker 1: find different ways to motivate them and they just didn't

569
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:05,600
Speaker 1: get it. They just wouldn't it didn't matter what I did,

570
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:08,760
Speaker 1: they didn't get it. And and realistically, it wasn't until

571
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 1: I had children that I realized that you you cannot

572
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 1: make or mold someone's you know, personality, or will they

573
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:21,760
Speaker 1: their work ethic they have a certain work ethic or

574
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 1: they don't. You can provide them with the tools and

575
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:26,440
Speaker 1: they can choose to see it. But once someone has

576
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:29,160
Speaker 1: decided that they're not gonna do something, you can't want

577
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 1: it or do it for them more than they want

578
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:33,640
Speaker 1: to do it themselves. And I think in this past year,

579
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:37,720
Speaker 1: I've learned that not only about myself my kids, and

580
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:39,920
Speaker 1: I've learned that about you. You have to allow people

581
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:43,000
Speaker 1: to go through their process because there's so many different

582
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,840
Speaker 1: ways to be successful, not the devoal way. There's a

583
00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:48,320
Speaker 1: lot of successful people in the world who probably don't

584
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:51,000
Speaker 1: do things the way I do things. So let me

585
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 1: step back and allow you to create your process and

586
00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 1: also go through your failures the same way. I've gone

587
00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:00,200
Speaker 1: through my failures doing things in my process, but had

588
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:02,240
Speaker 1: to go through them first. Yeah, I'm trying. I felt

589
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:04,160
Speaker 1: like I was trying to avoid you going through the failure.

590
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:07,160
Speaker 1: It's about pushing, pushing, and we were failing. It's almost

591
00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 1: like yeah, it's almost like you've taken on that role

592
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:10,720
Speaker 1: of like a parent, Like I don't want her to

593
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:13,600
Speaker 1: go through this like hurt or this missing out or something,

594
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:15,960
Speaker 1: so let me try to like get it done, which

595
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:19,560
Speaker 1: I completely understand. You know, part of it for me, um,

596
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:22,280
Speaker 1: you just having the personality being like the go getter

597
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:24,240
Speaker 1: and the doer and do it now and like a

598
00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:26,880
Speaker 1: hundred and ten percent all the time and never let down.

599
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm also in the position in the

600
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,400
Speaker 1: household as the wife and the mom and as your

601
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:36,880
Speaker 1: partner to also provide or help to provide a sense

602
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:40,280
Speaker 1: of balance for you and leave it to you. You

603
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,400
Speaker 1: never clock out, and that takes a toll on you.

604
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:45,239
Speaker 1: You know, you have times where if you're using your

605
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:47,360
Speaker 1: body as an instrument as an actor, you sometimes you

606
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:49,840
Speaker 1: look tired, and I'm like, babes, I think you need

607
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:52,120
Speaker 1: to like put your phone down, put it on do

608
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:53,960
Speaker 1: not disturb for a little bit, or put it on

609
00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:57,200
Speaker 1: silent and actually sleep a full eight hours of sleep

610
00:30:57,240 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 1: at night, or take a nap if you need it,

611
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:01,040
Speaker 1: or maybe we need to clock out and take a

612
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:04,160
Speaker 1: weekend to just like reconnect and that sense of balance

613
00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:07,120
Speaker 1: that I helped to provide. Is not me just saying

614
00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:09,280
Speaker 1: they put it off because it's not important at the time,

615
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:12,280
Speaker 1: but sometimes just for our mental health and for the

616
00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:15,480
Speaker 1: health of our relationship, for our children's sustenance, like it's

617
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:19,200
Speaker 1: necessary for us to have that, you know. So it's

618
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:21,400
Speaker 1: not always just about me trying to put things off

619
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:24,239
Speaker 1: just because I feel like it's not that important at

620
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:26,040
Speaker 1: the time. But some things just really are not that

621
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:28,280
Speaker 1: important at the time. And I feel like we have

622
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 1: a very big example in that with the recent tragedy

623
00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:37,880
Speaker 1: that happened with Kobe Bryant and um the other eight

624
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:41,000
Speaker 1: lives that were lost, Like it really put in perspective

625
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:44,280
Speaker 1: sometimes just really spending quality time with family when you

626
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:47,080
Speaker 1: have the time, or making the time for it. You know,

627
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:50,120
Speaker 1: he passed away doing something that he loved to do,

628
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:53,480
Speaker 1: being a dad. You know, those parents and those children together,

629
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:56,560
Speaker 1: they were families doing things together. Like so it just

630
00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:59,240
Speaker 1: those moments that I want to really be able to

631
00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:03,560
Speaker 1: like hone in on for us. Um it's not necessarily procrastinating.

632
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:05,520
Speaker 1: It's just like, you know what, some things can wait,

633
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:09,760
Speaker 1: and there's a difference are so as it pertains to

634
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 1: working with a spouse, UM, and I guess different styles

635
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:17,320
Speaker 1: of how you get to whatever the goal is. So

636
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 1: it's like you make the goal, UM, and you have

637
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:21,600
Speaker 1: the method to get there, even if the method is

638
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:24,600
Speaker 1: not the same. I think there's a great respect maybe

639
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:27,080
Speaker 1: for even just trying to understand or appreciate the way

640
00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 1: in which your spouse arrived at that end goal. Does

641
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:33,280
Speaker 1: that make sense? Absolutely? I agree with you with thousand,

642
00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 1: but also understanding that their process is different than yours,

643
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:40,400
Speaker 1: and their process may change throughout life. The same person

644
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:44,479
Speaker 1: that you met that was eighteen is now thirty, and

645
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:47,760
Speaker 1: the way they process things, then you can't expect them

646
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:50,200
Speaker 1: to remain in that same process or mode of process

647
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:52,960
Speaker 1: now as they continue to evolved as a human. No,

648
00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:56,800
Speaker 1: for sure, definitely. So thank you for admitting to me

649
00:32:56,880 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 1: earlier that you know you were maybe not the best

650
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 1: that the way you handled that last argument we had

651
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:06,120
Speaker 1: where you know, you were just kind of placing how

652
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:09,120
Speaker 1: you felt I should have done things, you know what

653
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:11,080
Speaker 1: I mean, It all came from a good place to

654
00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:13,840
Speaker 1: place of love. I was just, you know, the sense

655
00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:16,680
Speaker 1: of urgency that I felt as a husband and a provider.

656
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:19,320
Speaker 1: I was trying to make sure that you know, if

657
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:21,240
Speaker 1: this is what you wanted to do, then know I

658
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:25,000
Speaker 1: appreciate that. I think, yeah, it definitely kind of masks

659
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:27,360
Speaker 1: itself as like you were picking on me in a sense.

660
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:30,520
Speaker 1: But I know how you try to motivate people, and

661
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 1: I want to I've experienced that with seeing you do

662
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:34,880
Speaker 1: it with other people. You know what I mean. And

663
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:36,920
Speaker 1: it goes back to this saying that you had on

664
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 1: the back of your T shirts. Remember when you you

665
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:43,080
Speaker 1: had to elite prototype that talent when talent doesn't work hard.

666
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:46,360
Speaker 1: There you go. That rings so true. Yes, yes, ma'am.

667
00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:48,000
Speaker 1: And I don't want to be the talent that don't

668
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:53,960
Speaker 1: work hard. Oh my God also wants u. So we're

669
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:56,280
Speaker 1: going to take a break and get into listener letters,

670
00:33:56,320 --> 00:34:06,480
Speaker 1: but of course ads first, so stick around this for

671
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:11,440
Speaker 1: the record. There it is a win for the ages.

672
00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:17,320
Speaker 1: Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring sports icons.

673
00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:21,399
Speaker 1: In his story, it comes with many chapters. I am

674
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:26,719
Speaker 1: deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior, but here

675
00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:34,600
Speaker 1: it is the return to glory. This is All American,

676
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:38,560
Speaker 1: a new series from Stitcher hosted by me Jordan Bell.

677
00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:41,320
Speaker 1: You realized Tiger Woos doesn't know who he is best

678
00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:44,680
Speaker 1: in the history of gaul no question in my mind.

679
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 1: And this season, with the help of journalist Albert Chen,

680
00:34:49,920 --> 00:34:53,799
Speaker 1: we're asking what if the story of Tiger Woods that

681
00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:59,080
Speaker 1: the media has been telling, what if it's been completely wrong?

682
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:02,560
Speaker 1: All a Mary can Tiger is out now. Listen and Stitcher,

683
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:13,560
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app. It's time for

684
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:18,239
Speaker 1: Canine's favorite part of the show. Are you going to

685
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 1: say that every episode this season? Probably the first seven.

686
00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:24,279
Speaker 1: I'll stop after the first seven. Lucky number seven my

687
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:26,920
Speaker 1: favorite next to karaokey because I like to hear you.

688
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:30,360
Speaker 1: But I'm the one that always be saying all the lies.

689
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:33,800
Speaker 1: You know, I'm trying to let me get into this nosiness.

690
00:35:33,840 --> 00:35:35,759
Speaker 1: You know Conine, she'd be reading y'all listening to letters.

691
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:39,040
Speaker 1: She'll be like, I can't say this on the air.

692
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 1: I can't say my invisible pearls. I'm like, listen, guys,

693
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:45,000
Speaker 1: there's about so much we can help with, but nah,

694
00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:48,480
Speaker 1: go ahead check it. Okay. So I've been married for

695
00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:50,520
Speaker 1: six years. We have not been in a good place

696
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:53,279
Speaker 1: because mentally I've checked out. We have two kids, three

697
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:55,720
Speaker 1: year old boy, two month old girl. We are originally

698
00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:58,600
Speaker 1: from New York City, and moved to Delaware. Why would

699
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:00,640
Speaker 1: you do that five years ago? When my husband joined

700
00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:02,919
Speaker 1: the air for us? Now it makes sense. After doing

701
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:05,440
Speaker 1: four years and he decided he wanted to stay in Delaware.

702
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:08,520
Speaker 1: I initially and deep down still did not want to

703
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:10,720
Speaker 1: stay here. I expressed this to him, and he convinced

704
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:13,040
Speaker 1: me that we could not return back to our hometown

705
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:15,319
Speaker 1: because of the cost of living and wanted more for

706
00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:18,799
Speaker 1: our children. Understandable, I do not like it here. I

707
00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 1: have no family village out here, and he is always

708
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:24,440
Speaker 1: at work and I and only leave the weekends for

709
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:26,080
Speaker 1: us to spend time with each other due to his

710
00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:28,160
Speaker 1: work schedule. I work as well, but I feel like

711
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:30,359
Speaker 1: a single parent Monday through Friday. That can be tough.

712
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:32,839
Speaker 1: We just purchased our first home in Delaware last year

713
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:35,640
Speaker 1: because last year December, and now I feel stuck. My

714
00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:37,880
Speaker 1: question is what should I do? Should I continue to

715
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 1: allow my husband to lead our family with my sentiments

716
00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:42,440
Speaker 1: or not being acknowledged and we are not on the

717
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:48,000
Speaker 1: same page and I being selfish? Codeine? Help? Does she

718
00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:51,960
Speaker 1: ask for my whole specifically? You know, she's a she's

719
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,040
Speaker 1: a wife. Well, no, I mean I understand, I mean

720
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:56,080
Speaker 1: clearly child. You're not checked all the way out because

721
00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:58,640
Speaker 1: you have a two month old baby girl, so you

722
00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:01,759
Speaker 1: you know there was something, there was something happening recently.

723
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,640
Speaker 1: Um in there. But I do understand the feeling of

724
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:07,000
Speaker 1: not being happy in the space that you're in, Like

725
00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:09,880
Speaker 1: we had even spoken about it, um before in another

726
00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:12,800
Speaker 1: episode where you know, I was deval thought he was

727
00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:16,040
Speaker 1: providing this stellar lifestyle for me, where in the same breath,

728
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:18,440
Speaker 1: I honestly felt like I was just stuck and trapped

729
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:21,240
Speaker 1: and I had nothing for myself. And it's really really

730
00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:23,719
Speaker 1: kind of debilitating when you feel like you lose your

731
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:27,320
Speaker 1: sense of purpose, especially with having the weight of the

732
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:30,919
Speaker 1: children on her the entire time. UM. I do understand though,

733
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:34,000
Speaker 1: his his mindset with the cost of living, Like you

734
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:37,480
Speaker 1: think about what I'm the home you've purchased in Delaware

735
00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:40,480
Speaker 1: and potentially the space you've gotten with the children and everything,

736
00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:43,520
Speaker 1: versus what you would pay for a space in New York,

737
00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:45,759
Speaker 1: which is one of the reasons why we've relocated from

738
00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:48,759
Speaker 1: New York, and just wanting more for the children. UM.

739
00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:51,960
Speaker 1: But I do believe like within a relationship, within a marriage,

740
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 1: that there comes these levels of sacrifices, right, So with

741
00:37:56,680 --> 00:38:00,920
Speaker 1: the sacrifice. This maybe that period in time where you

742
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:04,240
Speaker 1: shouldn't necessarily check out, but you should understand and realize

743
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:07,319
Speaker 1: that there may be a necessary sacrifice happening. So that

744
00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:10,840
Speaker 1: is sacrificing maybe a bit of your happiness or a

745
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 1: bit of of your freedom, or a bit of the

746
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:15,360
Speaker 1: time that you want with him during the week because

747
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:18,600
Speaker 1: there's a bigger picture here, or there's a bigger end goal. Um.

748
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 1: And I mean it's a major accomplishment being able to

749
00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:24,120
Speaker 1: purchase your first home. Um. You know, the feeling of stuckness.

750
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:27,279
Speaker 1: I don't think you should necessarily feel stuck, but yeah,

751
00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:30,480
Speaker 1: because there's always something else, um, that you can potentially

752
00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:33,000
Speaker 1: work on. So maybe having the conversation with him to

753
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:35,279
Speaker 1: let him know, like, you know, I this may be

754
00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:38,080
Speaker 1: something short term for us. You know, does he feel

755
00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:41,600
Speaker 1: the same way? UM? Is there a possibility that provided

756
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:44,480
Speaker 1: you know, income increases or opportunity increases, that you can

757
00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:47,600
Speaker 1: maybe move closer back to the Tri state area. UM.

758
00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:49,399
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's a conversation that you've had

759
00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:52,399
Speaker 1: with him, but I do understand the mindset with him

760
00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:55,320
Speaker 1: as a man, like de Vo said, feeling like Okay,

761
00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:57,520
Speaker 1: I'm the leader of the household. I want to work

762
00:38:57,560 --> 00:39:00,400
Speaker 1: in conjunction with my wife because that's also very important.

763
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:02,520
Speaker 1: No one wants to feel like they're just being you know,

764
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:06,280
Speaker 1: blindly lad, but you know, working in partnership to know that, Okay,

765
00:39:06,360 --> 00:39:08,239
Speaker 1: what's going to be our next move. Maybe you can

766
00:39:08,239 --> 00:39:10,440
Speaker 1: give each other a time frame, like for example, in

767
00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:13,160
Speaker 1: deval and I relocated out here to l A knowing

768
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:14,600
Speaker 1: that we were still going to kind of be like

769
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:18,440
Speaker 1: bicoastal or tri coastal with Atlanta included knowing that, okay,

770
00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:20,000
Speaker 1: is there a time frame that we're gonna be here.

771
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:21,640
Speaker 1: Is it gonna be three years, is it gonna be

772
00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:24,520
Speaker 1: five years? In the next five years, we'll be working

773
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:28,080
Speaker 1: towards moving to another location, you know. So just having

774
00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:30,640
Speaker 1: a plan, I think it's very important. Um, this is

775
00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:33,920
Speaker 1: the thing. The first thing is never feel stuck. This

776
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:36,360
Speaker 1: is our first episode for I want to put this

777
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:39,840
Speaker 1: out there for everybody. You are capable of building the

778
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,480
Speaker 1: life that you want. I need everyone to understand this.

779
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:46,000
Speaker 1: There is no such thing as a bad decision in life.

780
00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:48,480
Speaker 1: Once you've thought about it, you make a decision. You

781
00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:51,239
Speaker 1: make the best out of whatever decision you made. If

782
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:54,400
Speaker 1: you sit back and dwell on bad decisions. You can't

783
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:56,800
Speaker 1: possibly move forward because you're thinking about things that happened

784
00:39:56,840 --> 00:39:59,920
Speaker 1: in the past. If the decision is already made. For example,

785
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:01,840
Speaker 1: you said you purchased this home and you feel stuck.

786
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:05,279
Speaker 1: Don't feel stuck. You purchased this home. Now, like Kadin said,

787
00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:06,920
Speaker 1: make a plan to where if you want to get

788
00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:11,000
Speaker 1: back to New York, how can you financially survive and

789
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:13,759
Speaker 1: thrive in New York the way you can survive and

790
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:17,319
Speaker 1: thrive in Delaware. Like Kadin also said, as the man

791
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:20,839
Speaker 1: of the house, I assume you you you know you

792
00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:23,719
Speaker 1: appreciate him as the leader. He's trying to make decisions

793
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:26,759
Speaker 1: that best affected children first, as he said, and then

794
00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:28,719
Speaker 1: you guys, so as parents, it is going to take

795
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:31,120
Speaker 1: some sacrifice. But that doesn't mean that you have to

796
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:34,480
Speaker 1: sit back and just accept everything that happens. Build a

797
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:37,520
Speaker 1: plan with your partners, say yo, baby, I ultimately want

798
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:39,840
Speaker 1: to get back to New York in three or four years.

799
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:43,200
Speaker 1: So that means you work extra shifts during the week,

800
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:45,279
Speaker 1: and that means you you take you know, save a

801
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:47,000
Speaker 1: little bit of money here, don't go on this trip here,

802
00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:49,560
Speaker 1: so you can you know, purchase another home or you

803
00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:51,720
Speaker 1: can use this home in Delaware as a rental property

804
00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:53,080
Speaker 1: to then get a home in New York so you

805
00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:55,800
Speaker 1: can supplement your income. There are so many different ways

806
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:58,400
Speaker 1: for you to build a life that you want. Just

807
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:01,640
Speaker 1: don't feel stuck. Maybe is don't like it's too early

808
00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:03,840
Speaker 1: in the year for you to be stuck. You guys

809
00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:07,120
Speaker 1: have two kids, you're both doing well. You know, you

810
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:10,040
Speaker 1: just bought a property. Life is really not that bad.

811
00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:12,120
Speaker 1: It may not be exactly what you want in this moment,

812
00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:14,040
Speaker 1: but also understand your life is not going to be

813
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:18,240
Speaker 1: defined by what is happening only in this moment. Keep building,

814
00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:23,960
Speaker 1: moving forward, do it together. Grow It's that's my insists.

815
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:26,440
Speaker 1: I don't feel bad for you because you're in Delaware

816
00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:28,440
Speaker 1: and New York is about a three hour drive. Meanwhile,

817
00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 1: I have a six hour flight to get back to

818
00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:33,560
Speaker 1: New York to get back home. Girl. So if it

819
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:36,120
Speaker 1: means maybe like taking road trips up on the weekends

820
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:38,560
Speaker 1: or you know, when the kids have off from school,

821
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:40,640
Speaker 1: I mean three and two months old, you maybe have

822
00:41:40,719 --> 00:41:42,920
Speaker 1: some flexibility. I'm hoping with your job that to be

823
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:44,839
Speaker 1: able to take the weekends and then maybe drive up

824
00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:46,440
Speaker 1: to New York to get your a little fixed because me,

825
00:41:46,680 --> 00:41:50,120
Speaker 1: I will hop a plane ride baby in a heartbeat

826
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:53,120
Speaker 1: to get back to Brooklyn to get my little refill

827
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:55,759
Speaker 1: of that energy and that vibe and then come back

828
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:58,919
Speaker 1: to the West Coast. Absolutely, don't don't discredit the fact

829
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:02,080
Speaker 1: that you are two months postpartum. Go see someone and

830
00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:03,960
Speaker 1: talk to someone. If you're feeling stuck. I don't know

831
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:06,560
Speaker 1: if you're dealing with some sort of depression. Codeine suffered

832
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:08,520
Speaker 1: from a little bit of a walking depression where she

833
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:11,000
Speaker 1: was functional, but she had a little bit of postpartum

834
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:14,200
Speaker 1: depression with So go speak to someone. Find out if

835
00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:16,239
Speaker 1: these feelings you have are about your life, or if

836
00:42:16,239 --> 00:42:18,480
Speaker 1: they're emotional, or if their hormonal, or if there's something

837
00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:21,160
Speaker 1: different going on. So go speak to somebody, or definitely

838
00:42:21,320 --> 00:42:23,160
Speaker 1: speak to you and don't check out check back in.

839
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:27,920
Speaker 1: Maybe all right, and on to the second one. I'll

840
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:31,800
Speaker 1: read this one. It says high Codeine and de vow. Hey. First,

841
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:34,120
Speaker 1: let me say that I love you both in your union.

842
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:37,080
Speaker 1: Thank you. You all are super relatable as my as

843
00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:39,399
Speaker 1: my husband and I are both working parents with four

844
00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:42,239
Speaker 1: children at home. I'm writing to get some advice and

845
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:44,720
Speaker 1: if I should leave my full time job to pursue

846
00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:47,440
Speaker 1: a career in real estate. My husband is supportive and

847
00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:49,919
Speaker 1: actually proposed the idea of me becoming a full time

848
00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 1: realtor and leaving my current full time job. The problem

849
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:56,719
Speaker 1: I'm having is that I've been working since I was fourteen,

850
00:42:57,160 --> 00:43:00,520
Speaker 1: and I've never been without a steady paycheck. Also, these

851
00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:03,200
Speaker 1: four children need to be taken care of, and Mama

852
00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:07,759
Speaker 1: don't want them to struggle. I'm battling with myself. My

853
00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:09,759
Speaker 1: husband is able to cover the bills, and it will

854
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:12,440
Speaker 1: be tight for some time, but we both see the

855
00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:15,880
Speaker 1: vision and see ourselves in a much better financial situation.

856
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:19,480
Speaker 1: When I start booming CIST, they'll start booming CIST. The

857
00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:21,640
Speaker 1: question is how do I release the fear of taking

858
00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:27,080
Speaker 1: the leap and leaving my full time job. Girls, get

859
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:35,600
Speaker 1: on comfortable sis. Growth that's worth having comes from being uncomfortable,

860
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:38,279
Speaker 1: that level of discomfort that you're gonna have a little bit.

861
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:40,600
Speaker 1: I mean, you have all the boxes checked. It's gonna

862
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:43,080
Speaker 1: be separate. You have all the boxes check. Your husband

863
00:43:43,239 --> 00:43:46,759
Speaker 1: and and it is supportive. Okay, Um, he could cover

864
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:50,160
Speaker 1: all the bills, you know what I mean. The kids

865
00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:53,120
Speaker 1: won't have to struggle like they're really you have all

866
00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:55,880
Speaker 1: the boxes checked to be able to, you know, if

867
00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:58,480
Speaker 1: your heart is in this real estate thing, to go

868
00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:01,560
Speaker 1: ahead and do it like I had that moment a

869
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:04,239
Speaker 1: couple of years back. Um was a lot of years

870
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:06,799
Speaker 1: back now that I think about it. With makeup. You know,

871
00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:09,879
Speaker 1: I was working at the Matt counter out in New York,

872
00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:12,279
Speaker 1: and you know, it wasn't fulfilling for me. I wasn't happy.

873
00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:14,280
Speaker 1: I didn't have the time that I wanted with my family.

874
00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:16,760
Speaker 1: And but I was used to every you know, two weeks,

875
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:20,160
Speaker 1: not even every week because they paid weekly and I

876
00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:21,839
Speaker 1: was just getting that money in my account. I had

877
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:24,520
Speaker 1: my benefits and I was good. Um, but I just

878
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:27,239
Speaker 1: wasn't happy. I was not happy. And it just took

879
00:44:27,239 --> 00:44:29,600
Speaker 1: a level of me having the support of my husband

880
00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:32,120
Speaker 1: and saying, you know what, I know that I can

881
00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:34,120
Speaker 1: do more on my own. I can be control, in

882
00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:36,560
Speaker 1: control of my career, I can be in control of

883
00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:39,440
Speaker 1: my destiny and in turn control of my family time. Um.

884
00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:41,280
Speaker 1: So of course it took a little sacrifice in the beginning,

885
00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:43,919
Speaker 1: you know, cutting back and being strategic with budget, which

886
00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:46,319
Speaker 1: y'all know I hate the word budget because budgets are

887
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:50,719
Speaker 1: made to be rugged. Okay, but I did um work

888
00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:52,920
Speaker 1: with Devol to know that, Okay, this is the kind

889
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:54,879
Speaker 1: of life style we want to live, So in order

890
00:44:54,920 --> 00:44:57,239
Speaker 1: to make that happen, we're gonna have to pull from here, there,

891
00:44:57,280 --> 00:45:00,319
Speaker 1: and there. But it's all a sacrificial period that had

892
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:02,680
Speaker 1: to take place for that growth to happen. And it's

893
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:05,759
Speaker 1: important for you to understand this. This fear that you

894
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:09,880
Speaker 1: feel has been ingrained in us as workers to constantly

895
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:12,520
Speaker 1: feel like we have to work for somebody in order

896
00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:16,920
Speaker 1: to survive in America. That's not a healthy fear. Okay.

897
00:45:17,040 --> 00:45:19,480
Speaker 1: The only reason why you're in America to work is

898
00:45:19,520 --> 00:45:22,799
Speaker 1: to build capital, to create your own dreams, to build

899
00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:25,839
Speaker 1: your own business so you can ultimately generate your own

900
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:29,760
Speaker 1: revenue and have autonomy over your whole your own life. Ultimately,

901
00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:32,279
Speaker 1: that's what the American dream is. The American dream is

902
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:35,239
Speaker 1: not to work on the five, work until you sixty five,

903
00:45:35,320 --> 00:45:38,360
Speaker 1: you get two weeks vacation, then you die at seventy

904
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:41,080
Speaker 1: five because you only have ten years to to enjoy

905
00:45:41,120 --> 00:45:43,520
Speaker 1: your retirement. No, the goal is to make that money

906
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:46,680
Speaker 1: you sacrifice in your twenties and your thirties and your forties,

907
00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:48,680
Speaker 1: making that money so that you can start your own

908
00:45:48,719 --> 00:45:50,719
Speaker 1: business so that you can say, you know what, I'm

909
00:45:50,760 --> 00:45:53,640
Speaker 1: not clocking in nobody else's dream anymore. I'm clocking into

910
00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:56,200
Speaker 1: my own dream. Once you save that money and you

911
00:45:56,200 --> 00:45:58,400
Speaker 1: have the support system you said, you have your husband,

912
00:45:58,600 --> 00:46:00,600
Speaker 1: you put that time and energy that you were putting

913
00:46:00,640 --> 00:46:03,080
Speaker 1: into someone else's dream be putting into your own. I'm

914
00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:05,759
Speaker 1: telling you they're gonna be years like the first two

915
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:07,440
Speaker 1: or three years, where you're gonna feel like, oh, this

916
00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:10,520
Speaker 1: is a struggle. But once you hit that breakthrough and

917
00:46:10,560 --> 00:46:12,880
Speaker 1: the money is coming in from real estate and you

918
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:15,200
Speaker 1: can go to all of your children's games, you can

919
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:17,000
Speaker 1: go to all of their recitals, you can take them

920
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:18,880
Speaker 1: to school in the morning, you can pick them up

921
00:46:18,920 --> 00:46:22,680
Speaker 1: after school. It is the greatest feeling in the world.

922
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:26,160
Speaker 1: Like Codein and I are at that point now in

923
00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:29,680
Speaker 1: our life. But there was a five year span in

924
00:46:29,719 --> 00:46:32,880
Speaker 1: particular where I turned in my Audie. I was taking

925
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:35,720
Speaker 1: the train Codina and I didn't go on vacation because

926
00:46:35,719 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 1: I was building a business and Codein was working at mac.

927
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:42,400
Speaker 1: Once we built that business, we switched. She was at

928
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:44,680
Speaker 1: home building her business and I was working because I

929
00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:46,759
Speaker 1: had the consistent paycheck from the time that she let

930
00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:49,839
Speaker 1: me build my business. Then she see I stayed home

931
00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:52,040
Speaker 1: and I was building my business making money. It was tough.

932
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:54,239
Speaker 1: I made sure the builds are paid every month. I

933
00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:56,360
Speaker 1: was played paycheck to paycheck, save a little bit so

934
00:46:56,360 --> 00:46:59,000
Speaker 1: I could be paycheck to paycheck. Then Codein hit a

935
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:05,040
Speaker 1: point where, yeah, wedding makeup was flourishing and money was

936
00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:06,880
Speaker 1: just constantly coming in. Like she was like, I'm booked,

937
00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:09,919
Speaker 1: I'm booked, I'm booked. I'm constantly booked. And she was like, whoa,

938
00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:13,200
Speaker 1: I got money for the next three months print because

939
00:47:13,200 --> 00:47:16,399
Speaker 1: we were going to check the check. So I was like, well,

940
00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:19,640
Speaker 1: I've already paid those rents because my business was building.

941
00:47:19,960 --> 00:47:21,960
Speaker 1: So we were like, wait a minute, we actually have

942
00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:24,799
Speaker 1: money that we can save, and we actually have money

943
00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:27,440
Speaker 1: where we can do things. And then before we knew it,

944
00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:30,879
Speaker 1: we had done what we wanted to do. We had

945
00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:34,920
Speaker 1: stopped expecting for someone else to give us our money

946
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:36,960
Speaker 1: to live our life, and we had learned to build

947
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:39,360
Speaker 1: it on our own. That's where you want to get to,

948
00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:42,319
Speaker 1: and you can do it. Don't let people tell you can't.

949
00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:44,520
Speaker 1: Don't let them scare you into or you won't have

950
00:47:44,560 --> 00:47:46,920
Speaker 1: health insurance and you won't have the steady paycheck. The

951
00:47:46,960 --> 00:47:49,520
Speaker 1: steady paycheck is to keep you comfortable enough to help

952
00:47:49,520 --> 00:47:53,360
Speaker 1: build somebody else's dream. Investing yourself, trust your husband, and

953
00:47:53,400 --> 00:47:55,959
Speaker 1: get it done right. Now, that was a whole word.

954
00:47:57,680 --> 00:48:00,640
Speaker 1: I'm telling you. I don't want to shade though to

955
00:48:00,719 --> 00:48:03,680
Speaker 1: the nine to five. I don't want to make sure

956
00:48:03,719 --> 00:48:05,919
Speaker 1: we're clear on that. I understand that we're talking about

957
00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:09,640
Speaker 1: in the context of this listener there at the nine

958
00:48:09,640 --> 00:48:12,680
Speaker 1: to fives, because some people enjoy living that type of life.

959
00:48:12,680 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 1: For this woman in particular said that she doesn't feel

960
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:18,200
Speaker 1: happy living that type of life. Exactly if you don't

961
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:22,680
Speaker 1: feel happy something perfect example, my brother, my brother loves

962
00:48:22,920 --> 00:48:25,799
Speaker 1: clocking in and clocking out like he loves it. That's

963
00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:28,000
Speaker 1: he wakes up in the morning. He loves it. There's

964
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:30,560
Speaker 1: no shade. And my brother makes very good money. He

965
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:32,880
Speaker 1: takes his vacation when he takes his vacation. And the

966
00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:36,080
Speaker 1: thing is, though, he loves his job to be able

967
00:48:36,080 --> 00:48:40,040
Speaker 1: to do. If you're working to get a paycheck and

968
00:48:40,040 --> 00:48:42,480
Speaker 1: you don't love your job, it's different. For sure. He

969
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:47,239
Speaker 1: loves his job. He loves his job. Your job right,

970
00:48:47,280 --> 00:48:50,040
Speaker 1: because some people are just aren't natural entrepreneurs, you know

971
00:48:50,040 --> 00:48:51,560
Speaker 1: what I mean. So they you know, it depends on

972
00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:54,400
Speaker 1: what's going to make you the happiest. So ultimately, Sis,

973
00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:56,480
Speaker 1: like I said, you have all the boxes checked, go

974
00:48:56,480 --> 00:48:59,680
Speaker 1: ahead and take that leap of faith for sure. For sure.

975
00:49:00,360 --> 00:49:02,640
Speaker 1: And if you want to go ahead and take a

976
00:49:02,719 --> 00:49:05,840
Speaker 1: leap into our listener letter mailbox and you want to

977
00:49:05,840 --> 00:49:08,840
Speaker 1: be featured whatever I listening letters, go ahead and email

978
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:13,680
Speaker 1: us at dead as Advice at gmail dot com and

979
00:49:13,920 --> 00:49:16,879
Speaker 1: we will check our mailbox and see what y'all talking

980
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:25,200
Speaker 1: about for next episode. All right, so let's close out

981
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:28,279
Speaker 1: with the moment of truth. You know, like we said,

982
00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:31,200
Speaker 1: it's a new year. You know, we talked about people

983
00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:35,560
Speaker 1: not necessarily being evenly yoked. Um, that's the topic that

984
00:49:35,560 --> 00:49:37,640
Speaker 1: we're talking about today. So what's your your takeaway Bay

985
00:49:37,719 --> 00:49:40,840
Speaker 1: from today's episode. This is my takeaway that I've learned.

986
00:49:40,840 --> 00:49:45,120
Speaker 1: It's very very quick when you're dating somebody, you tend

987
00:49:45,160 --> 00:49:48,480
Speaker 1: to wish for You don't want any harm to ever

988
00:49:48,520 --> 00:49:50,600
Speaker 1: come to them. You wish you could do things for

989
00:49:50,680 --> 00:49:52,560
Speaker 1: them that they don't have to go through any anything

990
00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:54,200
Speaker 1: in life. You just want to make sure that you

991
00:49:54,239 --> 00:49:56,160
Speaker 1: do it for them. Right. A lot of times you

992
00:49:56,239 --> 00:49:59,279
Speaker 1: hinder your partner by expecting them to do things your

993
00:49:59,320 --> 00:50:00,799
Speaker 1: way because you feel that if they do it their

994
00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:02,840
Speaker 1: own way, they're not going to be successful. I was

995
00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:05,799
Speaker 1: guilty of that, and I was wrong, because you are

996
00:50:05,840 --> 00:50:08,680
Speaker 1: being successful doing it your way. I just figured me,

997
00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:11,120
Speaker 1: being controlling a little bit, wanted you to do it

998
00:50:11,200 --> 00:50:13,000
Speaker 1: my way so I can ensure that you would have

999
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:15,959
Speaker 1: some level of success, which is a fallacy you create

1000
00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:19,280
Speaker 1: for yourself. Allow your partner to go through their own process,

1001
00:50:19,360 --> 00:50:22,160
Speaker 1: even if your business partners, and not not just spouses,

1002
00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:24,879
Speaker 1: if your business partners, allow your spouse to go through

1003
00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:28,320
Speaker 1: their own business process so that you don't get upset

1004
00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:31,399
Speaker 1: as a husband or a wife for things that they

1005
00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:33,200
Speaker 1: said as a business part for sure, as long as

1006
00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:35,920
Speaker 1: it's not a detriment to to like the marriage or

1007
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:38,040
Speaker 1: to the business. Like of course you want to take

1008
00:50:38,040 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 1: those things in mind. If you do, you do see

1009
00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:42,120
Speaker 1: that they're on the road to something potentially like crushing

1010
00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:44,120
Speaker 1: and burning, then of course it makes sense to second.

1011
00:50:44,480 --> 00:50:45,680
Speaker 1: And you know, my mom, and the truth I think

1012
00:50:45,719 --> 00:50:48,120
Speaker 1: is going to remain the same at least when it

1013
00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:51,000
Speaker 1: pertains to us, and it's that, you know, balance is

1014
00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:55,440
Speaker 1: so important with everything and knowing that sometimes you just

1015
00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:58,840
Speaker 1: have to clock out. Sometimes you have to put the

1016
00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:02,439
Speaker 1: phone down. Sometimes you have to just let things wait.

1017
00:51:02,840 --> 00:51:04,839
Speaker 1: And it's not because you just don't want to get

1018
00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:07,959
Speaker 1: it done or there's a level of procrastination evolved. It's

1019
00:51:08,040 --> 00:51:12,480
Speaker 1: just that sometimes for our own relationship, for our own sanity,

1020
00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:16,080
Speaker 1: for our own mental health, for our own you know,

1021
00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:19,120
Speaker 1: vibe and energy, sometimes you have to know when to

1022
00:51:19,160 --> 00:51:21,359
Speaker 1: be able to clock out, especially if you're working with

1023
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:26,440
Speaker 1: your spouse right well, be sure to follow us on

1024
00:51:26,520 --> 00:51:30,000
Speaker 1: social media. That's I am Developed and Cadine I am

1025
00:51:30,080 --> 00:51:32,640
Speaker 1: And if you're listening on Apple Podcast, be sure to rate,

1026
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:37,200
Speaker 1: review and subscribe. Please do because season three is kicked

1027
00:51:37,239 --> 00:51:41,200
Speaker 1: off us. It is upon us, it is here, it arrived.

1028
00:51:41,320 --> 00:51:49,040
Speaker 1: We're here dead Ass as dead Ass is a production

1029
00:51:49,120 --> 00:51:52,920
Speaker 1: of Stitcher. We are produced by Jackie Sojico and No Opinion.

1030
00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:56,880
Speaker 1: Our executive producer T Squares. Our associate producers are Triple

1031
00:51:57,000 --> 00:52:00,640
Speaker 1: and Kristen Torres. Our Chief content Officer is Chris Bannon,

1032
00:52:01,160 --> 00:52:04,360
Speaker 1: Studio engineer and original music is by Brendan Burns and

1033
00:52:04,520 --> 00:52:07,799
Speaker 1: last but not least, we are mixed by Andy Kristens.

1034
00:52:12,840 --> 00:52:15,160
Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth. We

1035
00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:17,120
Speaker 1: have a podcast going on right now. It's part of

1036
00:52:17,160 --> 00:52:20,480
Speaker 1: the Stitchen Everywhere called Abstraction that's available everywhere. Get the

1037
00:52:20,520 --> 00:52:24,719
Speaker 1: podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right now to

1038
00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:27,080
Speaker 1: the Distraction right now. It's out. Do it please,