1 00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:06,400 Speaker 1: Conversations on life, style, beauty, and relationships. It's The Velvet's 2 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:09,360 Speaker 1: Edge Podcast with Kelly Henderson. I steal some of your 3 00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:24,200 Speaker 1: energy level today twelve twelve, twelve twelve B twelve shot Man. 4 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:26,560 Speaker 1: I was going through I mean I posted these in 5 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:33,720 Speaker 1: these Uh wow, I need a twelve big time. Let 6 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:37,639 Speaker 1: me start that over I. Um, you know, today we're 7 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:40,760 Speaker 1: talking about love and dating and relationships, and we used 8 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,520 Speaker 1: to call it love and sex, and I was sort 9 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:46,360 Speaker 1: of was like, I mean, we're not sex experts. We're 10 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:52,800 Speaker 1: not really, so it's more about like relationships, love, sex, 11 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 1: all of that comes into it, and we're really just 12 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:57,120 Speaker 1: sitting here wanting to talk to you guys about it 13 00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 1: as friends, not experts. We say that over and over 14 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:02,720 Speaker 1: and over because obviously we're not. We don't have it 15 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:06,920 Speaker 1: all figured out clearly. Um, but it is something that 16 00:01:06,959 --> 00:01:09,360 Speaker 1: we all have in common, and I think everyone has 17 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 1: a lot of fears or a lot of thoughts or experiences. 18 00:01:12,959 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 1: I've been going through all of the questions that I 19 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:18,160 Speaker 1: posted on my Instagram today and just getting all the 20 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:21,360 Speaker 1: answers for us to do this podcast, and I'm going 21 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:25,960 Speaker 1: through a breakup and I think I'm just like this 22 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:29,160 Speaker 1: is like, you know, some days in a breakup you're like, Okay, 23 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:32,520 Speaker 1: this is gonna be okay, and I'm gonna be okay, 24 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:35,319 Speaker 1: or even within the day you have these moments and 25 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,160 Speaker 1: then you'll just have a crash a little bit and 26 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:39,600 Speaker 1: it's just sad and like, I think that's just the 27 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:43,280 Speaker 1: process of it of grieving and moving on. And so 28 00:01:43,319 --> 00:01:46,000 Speaker 1: I think being in the midst of this whole day 29 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,880 Speaker 1: has sort of just Yeah, it's been a lot for 30 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:52,280 Speaker 1: me in the state of where my life is right now. Well, 31 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:54,240 Speaker 1: I mean I would hope that some of the people 32 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:58,120 Speaker 1: would make you feel not alone. I mean I haven't seen. Yeah, 33 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:01,600 Speaker 1: maybe there's that, maybe you can try to Yeah, what 34 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:05,720 Speaker 1: a positive spin, what a beachwelve. Yeah, I think I 35 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:08,400 Speaker 1: think it is good. I mean it does definitely help 36 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:09,880 Speaker 1: me not feel alone. And I think a lot of 37 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:13,640 Speaker 1: us actually have way more similarities amongst all of the 38 00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:18,679 Speaker 1: love fears and and um challenges, and so yeah, it 39 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,720 Speaker 1: definitely feels that I think I'm just in a little 40 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:23,480 Speaker 1: funk today. If I'm being really honest with you, guys, 41 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:27,320 Speaker 1: here it is here, we all go through it. Yeah, 42 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:29,000 Speaker 1: I could totally sit here and be like, oh my God, 43 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,520 Speaker 1: we're so grateful and I just can't do that anymore. 44 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:33,680 Speaker 1: I've been talking about it on my Instagram too, And 45 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:35,840 Speaker 1: it's not to be like Debbie Downer. It's just like 46 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:38,600 Speaker 1: this is reality, right, Like life isn't perfect in life 47 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,639 Speaker 1: isn't always easy. That doesn't mean it can't be great 48 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:43,960 Speaker 1: and that there isn't happy to enjoy amongst that. But 49 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:48,200 Speaker 1: it's just like you can't be happy. Yeah, you actually 50 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:51,400 Speaker 1: you actually feel happier if you allow yourself to feel 51 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:54,360 Speaker 1: the sad. I think the whole like dynamic. The difference 52 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:56,280 Speaker 1: of that, like if you if you really work through 53 00:02:56,320 --> 00:03:00,280 Speaker 1: your feelings, the dark parts of them, it only lifts 54 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:03,120 Speaker 1: up the positive feelings even more because you you embrace 55 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:05,679 Speaker 1: them more. And like I think the happiness of the 56 00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:08,000 Speaker 1: joy that comes after the really sad times, you just 57 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:11,360 Speaker 1: appreciate it, believe it. I think we live in a 58 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,720 Speaker 1: world where it's like people say, like pick your chin up, 59 00:03:14,919 --> 00:03:18,839 Speaker 1: like it's like bad to be sad, and I think 60 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:21,200 Speaker 1: it's like, I don't agree that that. I think it's 61 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:24,440 Speaker 1: actually kind of great that you're able to be sad 62 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:28,760 Speaker 1: and be honest about it and show that vulnerability because 63 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:33,560 Speaker 1: there's like a weird sort of it's brave to do that. Thanks, 64 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:38,960 Speaker 1: It's part of my angiogram number. Really uncomfortable in all feelings. 65 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:43,280 Speaker 1: As for you're really uncomfortable, comfortable comfortable. I was going 66 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:48,240 Speaker 1: to say, God's not you. That is a really terrible 67 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:52,880 Speaker 1: existence to be uncomfortable in all feelings. No, no, no, no, 68 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:57,320 Speaker 1: I'm very comfortable in all feelings, being exactly how I 69 00:03:57,360 --> 00:04:00,760 Speaker 1: am good. Actually, I mean, I don't know, I'm not 70 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,920 Speaker 1: comfortable right now, but I'm just like, this is just 71 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,200 Speaker 1: what you're I'm just like, it's like I'm not going 72 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,080 Speaker 1: to try to pretend like I'm not somewhere I am, 73 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:12,160 Speaker 1: if that makes sense. And there's moments like I feel 74 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:14,200 Speaker 1: like this is another thing about grief that I've really 75 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,120 Speaker 1: I want to keep talking about because I think that 76 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:20,000 Speaker 1: it's again, like you said, people trying to breeze past 77 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:23,159 Speaker 1: this stuff. And it's like just because I'm sad in 78 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:26,320 Speaker 1: this moment right now, it's three on Thursday that we're 79 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:31,040 Speaker 1: recording this. Nothing like the last minute. Yeah, um it's 80 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:33,359 Speaker 1: but it's like, in this moment, I am sad, But 81 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,960 Speaker 1: like in an hour or after we record this, I 82 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,960 Speaker 1: could have a total switch of emotions. You know, like 83 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,719 Speaker 1: you really do go through the range and it doesn't 84 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:44,440 Speaker 1: mean like you're stuck in something just because you allow yourself. Yeah, 85 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,200 Speaker 1: you feel your way through things where a lot of 86 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 1: people think their way through things. Right, Oh my god, 87 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:51,839 Speaker 1: you and Marv, I'll tell you what. Look at you 88 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:55,159 Speaker 1: just a basic astrologer over there. It's so true. But 89 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:57,320 Speaker 1: I mean, Marv said, I'm actually here on this earth 90 00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:00,960 Speaker 1: to uh teach people how to feel through things. And 91 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:05,040 Speaker 1: because I have no other options, like I can't when 92 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:08,120 Speaker 1: I try to think through things, I literally go crazy 93 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:10,800 Speaker 1: because my body is just it communicates to me all 94 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:15,080 Speaker 1: this because I feel like when we all try to 95 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:19,760 Speaker 1: rationalize things, like we try to think around the feelings, 96 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:22,840 Speaker 1: so our rational minds don't necessarily line up with like 97 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:26,600 Speaker 1: what our emotional minds are telling us. And um, it's 98 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:28,240 Speaker 1: a lot easier to think your way through it if 99 00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:31,960 Speaker 1: you are willing to accept the emotion that you're feeling, right, 100 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,640 Speaker 1: does that make sense? I'm trying to make you kind 101 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:37,360 Speaker 1: of have to be like, oh, I'm sad. Now, let 102 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:39,719 Speaker 1: me think about the sadness and what's making me sad 103 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:42,040 Speaker 1: and why I'm sad and those things. And then when 104 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,080 Speaker 1: you understand that, then you can think your way out 105 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:47,120 Speaker 1: of it. But if you're just like no, think happy thoughts, 106 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:52,239 Speaker 1: you haven't dealt with the sadness. That's okay. Yeah yeah, 107 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,040 Speaker 1: So I mean I was sitting here reading all these 108 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:57,680 Speaker 1: love questions and I'm like, yeah, I'm sad. I still 109 00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:00,200 Speaker 1: love you know, my ex. It doesn't like just hich 110 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,760 Speaker 1: overnight or whatever. And it's like, even if the breakup 111 00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:04,960 Speaker 1: needed to happen, it's just like, you can still feel 112 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,240 Speaker 1: that emotion. And so I'm just letting myself feel it. 113 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:10,240 Speaker 1: Feel a girl. Yeah there. Now you have all these 114 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:13,120 Speaker 1: students listening to you that you this is how you 115 00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,159 Speaker 1: share with the world, This is this is what you 116 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:19,039 Speaker 1: were put on earth to do. What I mean again, 117 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:24,799 Speaker 1: look at this positivity. Okay, so that's mine. Be sad, 118 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,800 Speaker 1: you're sad, But also, can we talk about the fact 119 00:06:27,839 --> 00:06:29,840 Speaker 1: that you walked into my house today and I was like, 120 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,920 Speaker 1: holy shit, you've lost weight. It's been a week since 121 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,280 Speaker 1: I've seen you a week and I lost thirteen pounds 122 00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:37,479 Speaker 1: this week. My gosh. If you guys listen to our podcast, 123 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:40,320 Speaker 1: last week, Chips started a new diet called the medi 124 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:44,960 Speaker 1: Diet many weight loss, and it really got you. Yeah, 125 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:49,920 Speaker 1: I mean I've I've eaten so much lean protein over 126 00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:52,800 Speaker 1: the last seven days. But it's crazy because it's like, 127 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,200 Speaker 1: my I have to eat between nine hundred and eleven 128 00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:59,480 Speaker 1: hundred calories, which sounds like what like that's you can 129 00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:02,680 Speaker 1: need a easburger at McDonald's that has fourteen hundred calories, 130 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:06,320 Speaker 1: you know, so, but when you're eating lean protein and 131 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,000 Speaker 1: literally the only greens I could eat last week, we're 132 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:13,840 Speaker 1: like romane, lettuce, spinach, kale or broccolini. That was it 133 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,840 Speaker 1: because they're all really super low carb. When you're eating 134 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:22,240 Speaker 1: that much lean protein. There is thirty five calories in 135 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:24,720 Speaker 1: an ounce of chicken, so it takes a lot of 136 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:27,520 Speaker 1: chicken to get to nine calories. Like there were some 137 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,040 Speaker 1: days I had seven hundred calories and I was full 138 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:34,560 Speaker 1: of energy. I'd had three meals and two snacks. Um, 139 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:37,720 Speaker 1: But like my snacks are like you know, sugar free jello, 140 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:40,640 Speaker 1: you know, and can you do like almonds and stuff? 141 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:43,200 Speaker 1: Now the second week, I can. I can have twelve 142 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:47,760 Speaker 1: almonds a day. Yeah, twelve. It's a slippery slope, is 143 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,160 Speaker 1: what my doctor told me. Stay away from nuts because 144 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:53,480 Speaker 1: it's she's like, it's not six handfuls. It's you can 145 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:56,000 Speaker 1: have six twice a day? Is that a life lesson? 146 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,640 Speaker 1: Stay away from nuts? Well? Good, good thing. They come 147 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:04,640 Speaker 1: in bear. Also, can we talk about your The Jip 148 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:06,800 Speaker 1: was talking about his blood work and he's like, you know, 149 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,680 Speaker 1: what's so crazy is that she found She told me 150 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,520 Speaker 1: that I have super low testosterone and like it's been 151 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,480 Speaker 1: a thing, what since you were an element She said, 152 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:18,160 Speaker 1: based on when I told her that when I started 153 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:22,640 Speaker 1: gaining weight, because my weight to joy like my whole life. Um, 154 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:24,240 Speaker 1: and it was like I started gaining weight in like 155 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:28,680 Speaker 1: elementary school, and um, she told me that based on 156 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,320 Speaker 1: the things that I had said to her and when 157 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:33,320 Speaker 1: I started gaining weight, that she thought I might have 158 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:37,880 Speaker 1: low testosterone. And I don't remember the like unit of measure, 159 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:40,400 Speaker 1: but it was like whatever that unit of measure was, 160 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:45,640 Speaker 1: twenty one is testicular failure and I'm at and then 161 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,800 Speaker 1: the range I need to get up to like ninety. 162 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:51,440 Speaker 1: So she wants me to start doing hormone replacement therapy, which, 163 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:55,800 Speaker 1: by the way, Deck Shepherd does because here we go, 164 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:59,040 Speaker 1: and um, I had actually asked my pre my like 165 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:01,760 Speaker 1: general care a doctor about this month ago and he's like, 166 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,440 Speaker 1: I don't think you need it, Like, um so I 167 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,360 Speaker 1: kind of just brushed it off, but like, this is 168 00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:09,400 Speaker 1: blood work that shows that I actually do and it 169 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,840 Speaker 1: can improve a lot of things like mood, energy level, erections, 170 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,160 Speaker 1: all of it. You know, it's not just like it's 171 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:18,880 Speaker 1: not just sex drive stuff. It's like everything. But when 172 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:21,839 Speaker 1: we were talking about it earlier, Kelly was like, wait 173 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:25,080 Speaker 1: a minute, what if you started taking this stuff and 174 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:27,240 Speaker 1: then all you want to do is have sex with women? 175 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:28,600 Speaker 1: I was like, what if all I was then you're 176 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:32,560 Speaker 1: not your like your testosterone level has just been really low. 177 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:35,120 Speaker 1: Like I find out that it's just like, it wasn't 178 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:38,000 Speaker 1: that I wasn't interested in women. I just wasn't interested. 179 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,160 Speaker 1: I thought that was gay and then all of a sudden, 180 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:44,640 Speaker 1: I'm going to funk my way through you guys. Actually 181 00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:49,240 Speaker 1: we're here to tell you guys. Yeah. I asked her 182 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:52,560 Speaker 1: who I would date, and she goes, I don't know. Literally, 183 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:58,319 Speaker 1: all you do is hang out with single women. Oh boy, 184 00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:07,199 Speaker 1: well should begin to a girl can dream all of 185 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:10,160 Speaker 1: a sudden that we're dating. Why would it be awkward? 186 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,640 Speaker 1: Just like having to break the news to the rest 187 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:20,199 Speaker 1: of our friends, And yeah, you can't imagine that day. 188 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:22,400 Speaker 1: But I don't think we have to worry about it. 189 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:26,000 Speaker 1: We'll let you guys know. Chip starts his testoster and 190 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:29,079 Speaker 1: treatment and all of a sudden straight but TVD, TVD, 191 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:33,840 Speaker 1: al right, should we get into this? Sure? Okay? So 192 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,640 Speaker 1: the first question I asked on my Instagram was how 193 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:39,240 Speaker 1: many people have you guys said I love you too? 194 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 1: These are all also this is a reminder. This is 195 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:44,400 Speaker 1: the month of Love, and so everything we've talked about 196 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:47,640 Speaker 1: on the Velvet Edge podcast this month has been love related, 197 00:10:47,679 --> 00:10:51,280 Speaker 1: relationship related, when love goes wrong or if you have um, 198 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:55,440 Speaker 1: dysfunctional love, or addicted love. There's Kelly McDaniel's podcast about 199 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:58,400 Speaker 1: mother hunger, why we picked the people we pick, and 200 00:10:58,440 --> 00:10:59,679 Speaker 1: all of the rest of the month is going to 201 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,600 Speaker 1: be in at that as well. So this month, obviously, 202 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:06,440 Speaker 1: our Sex, Dating and Relationships podcast is really geared towards 203 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:11,280 Speaker 1: things about love. Valentine's Day, just the month of love, 204 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:14,800 Speaker 1: and so I wanted to know how many people you 205 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:16,880 Speaker 1: guys said I love you too? First of all, can 206 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:18,920 Speaker 1: we talk about all the math that this involved for me? 207 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:22,559 Speaker 1: And you know this is not my strong scene. I 208 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,480 Speaker 1: had to act like you couldn't add or count well, 209 00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:27,920 Speaker 1: I count well. There were so many So this isn't 210 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,280 Speaker 1: this is what I was trying to tell you earlier. 211 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,400 Speaker 1: I've been spending all of my day going through these answers, 212 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,680 Speaker 1: which I am so appreciative because you guys really came 213 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:38,040 Speaker 1: with your A game on these responses. My Instagram is 214 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:39,959 Speaker 1: at Velvet's Edge by the way, if you don't follow 215 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,000 Speaker 1: it in your listener of this podcast. We do this 216 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:45,160 Speaker 1: every month where I put up questions and the responses 217 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:48,480 Speaker 1: that we use for these podcasts come directly from you guys. 218 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:50,160 Speaker 1: So if you want to participate in that, go follow 219 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:53,080 Speaker 1: me on at Velvet's Edge on Instagram and you'll see 220 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,400 Speaker 1: it when I put it up in my stories to 221 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:58,360 Speaker 1: answer these questions. Um, but with the I love you one. Know. 222 00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:00,920 Speaker 1: There were so many responses, so I was halleying through 223 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:03,920 Speaker 1: them and then I had to do percentage. It was 224 00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,920 Speaker 1: like so official, and I'm like, who do I think 225 00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:10,800 Speaker 1: I'm terrible? No, I'm not good at math. This is 226 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:12,559 Speaker 1: a mess up. When we were having an adapt like 227 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:15,439 Speaker 1: group dinners, I'm always like figure it out and I 228 00:12:15,559 --> 00:12:18,319 Speaker 1: can't do it. Yeah, just tell me what I okay? 229 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,440 Speaker 1: So anyway, how many times have you said it chip, Um, 230 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:26,120 Speaker 1: I counted. I think four, me too. Yeah. My first 231 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,400 Speaker 1: one was my high school girlfriend and I did. I 232 00:12:28,559 --> 00:12:33,360 Speaker 1: was like, I love her, tests I was still um. 233 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:36,280 Speaker 1: The second time was my first boyfriend for sure, and 234 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:39,360 Speaker 1: then my last two like serious relationships. Yeah, that's the 235 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,160 Speaker 1: same for me. My high school boyfriend who I dated 236 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:44,040 Speaker 1: for nine years, which is really bizarre. I said it 237 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:46,960 Speaker 1: to him first, and then I had I've had three 238 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:51,720 Speaker 1: other serious relationships that I've said that word in. Yeah. Yeah, 239 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,560 Speaker 1: I mean I can like kind of look back on 240 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:59,400 Speaker 1: a couple maybe, like my first boyfriend one was like 241 00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:05,080 Speaker 1: I thought I loved him, you know, like, um, I don't. 242 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:07,319 Speaker 1: It's like too hard. It was so many years ago 243 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:08,920 Speaker 1: at this point that it's hard for me to go 244 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:13,880 Speaker 1: back and be like I absolutely did. Um. I mean, 245 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:16,600 Speaker 1: did you say it to him? Yeah? Yeah, I definitely 246 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,320 Speaker 1: said it. Is he a part of the four? Yeah, 247 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,800 Speaker 1: he's a part of the four? Yeah, But you don't 248 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,400 Speaker 1: know if you really I don't know if I actually 249 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:24,839 Speaker 1: I can't remember what I was feeling, like, I know 250 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,720 Speaker 1: that it was like everything was heightened because it was 251 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:32,160 Speaker 1: like my first experience saying very well could have been 252 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:35,240 Speaker 1: like that I was more excited about, like the idea 253 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:40,600 Speaker 1: of it. Yeah but um but yeah, interesting that Actually, 254 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:42,680 Speaker 1: that's an interesting point. And there were a lot of 255 00:13:42,679 --> 00:13:47,000 Speaker 1: people who wrote in saying that they had Like Abby says, 256 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,440 Speaker 1: I've said it eight times, but only three were real. 257 00:13:49,679 --> 00:13:53,200 Speaker 1: The rest I was weak and desperate. Rachel said five, 258 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:56,599 Speaker 1: counting teen years in twenties. Only one of those resonates 259 00:13:56,640 --> 00:14:02,440 Speaker 1: now is true love looking back, um Money said romantic, 260 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:07,640 Speaker 1: I love you fifteen but in retrospect, retrospect, I only 261 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:12,280 Speaker 1: loved or truly loved three of them. So I don't know. 262 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:14,439 Speaker 1: I guess a lot of people like go, like when 263 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:16,440 Speaker 1: you're in high school or younger, maybe say it a 264 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:19,080 Speaker 1: bunch and then you realize I was fortunate enough that 265 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:23,000 Speaker 1: obviously the nine year relationship guy like I truly experienced 266 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:26,960 Speaker 1: real love. And so I actually didn't um say it 267 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,800 Speaker 1: again for many, many years after that because I think 268 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:32,360 Speaker 1: I've realized what it was. And so anyone I dated, 269 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,920 Speaker 1: like temporarily or briefly, like I just knew I didn't 270 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,960 Speaker 1: love them. I couldn't love them yet, like and I 271 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,600 Speaker 1: had the experience of knowing what it felt like. Well, 272 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:44,160 Speaker 1: I wonder how many people someone has said it to 273 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:47,520 Speaker 1: them and they just say it back to like not 274 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:52,400 Speaker 1: feel that, just be awkward space and know. It makes 275 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:56,000 Speaker 1: me sort of freaked out about like hopefully we're at 276 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,080 Speaker 1: the age now. I mean, I'm almost forty year in 277 00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:01,440 Speaker 1: your forties where people would know authentically that they're in love. 278 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,040 Speaker 1: But it's kind of scary if you're like in your 279 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:06,080 Speaker 1: twenties and people are doing that, to think are people 280 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:09,160 Speaker 1: just saying it, like I mean, it's kind of freaky. 281 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:14,600 Speaker 1: I'm trying to remember, Like I don't I can't remember 282 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:18,160 Speaker 1: if any of mine were that situation or not where 283 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:21,560 Speaker 1: you just said it where yeah, or I like just 284 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:25,480 Speaker 1: responded with I love you too. Yeah. I don't think 285 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:28,200 Speaker 1: they're the first time they said it. You could do that. 286 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:31,320 Speaker 1: This is again where I go, like if I can't 287 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:33,320 Speaker 1: if I'm not really feeling something, I can't say my 288 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:38,600 Speaker 1: most recent one I said it first, Um, so I 289 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,800 Speaker 1: can't remember who said it first in the other one, 290 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:45,720 Speaker 1: So I really those brains all they're dead along with 291 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:53,520 Speaker 1: the relationships. Yeah, I've never said it first. I wonder 292 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:55,160 Speaker 1: if that has to do with you being a woman. 293 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:59,040 Speaker 1: I think so, like just patriarchal bullshit. Actually that's not true. 294 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,960 Speaker 1: I said it first one time, but it was like 295 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,320 Speaker 1: he had hinted at something and maybe it was just 296 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:06,520 Speaker 1: like I think I said it. I think I was 297 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:10,440 Speaker 1: also You're like, I love you too. Know he had 298 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,840 Speaker 1: said stuff before. This was maybe the second guy I 299 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,000 Speaker 1: said I love you too, but everyone else said it first, 300 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:18,200 Speaker 1: but I was right there like I felt it too, 301 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,760 Speaker 1: and so it was like it's sort of just like unsaid. 302 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:24,120 Speaker 1: Maybe you know where the people are emotionally and you're 303 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,160 Speaker 1: like right in line with them, like there's been no 304 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:27,960 Speaker 1: one who's ever said it to me that. I was like, 305 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:34,680 Speaker 1: uh yeah, I like that response. You gave a couple 306 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,440 Speaker 1: of weeks ago that that was like, we're reading the 307 00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:39,280 Speaker 1: same We're on this, I'm reading the same book, but 308 00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:43,280 Speaker 1: we're just not on the same chapter on different chapters. 309 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:45,920 Speaker 1: Said something along I'm reading that book too, but we're 310 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,120 Speaker 1: just in different chapters or something like that, so you 311 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,640 Speaker 1: know that you're kind of getting there. That would still 312 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:53,840 Speaker 1: make me a little better hurt. Maybe it's like, look, 313 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:56,520 Speaker 1: but I would much rather know that someone's like, hey, 314 00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:59,000 Speaker 1: I'm on my way to that, and when they said it, 315 00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:03,840 Speaker 1: you would. That's all this that is honest yeah, and 316 00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:07,480 Speaker 1: it's like you know, when is the right time to 317 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,720 Speaker 1: say it, like the first time that you feel it, 318 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:12,880 Speaker 1: like you don't want to be like, oh, I love you, 319 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,919 Speaker 1: Like you need to process that feeling, make sure that 320 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:19,280 Speaker 1: it's real so that when you do say it, it's 321 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:24,600 Speaker 1: actually truth, so you know it's it's like an awkward thing, 322 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:27,320 Speaker 1: like hey baby, there's something I need to tell you, 323 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:30,320 Speaker 1: Like no, Like I feel like you want it to 324 00:17:30,359 --> 00:17:33,280 Speaker 1: feel really natural and just honest. So I feel like 325 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,840 Speaker 1: when someone drops that on you and you're not ready 326 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:38,160 Speaker 1: to say it, like it's such a sweet answer, like 327 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,639 Speaker 1: I'm walking that path, like let me get there, like 328 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:45,359 Speaker 1: I'm feeling it, Like I always know when it's like 329 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,760 Speaker 1: the simple thing that they're doing. It's like a it's 330 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:51,199 Speaker 1: like a daily task and you look at them and 331 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:54,120 Speaker 1: you're just fucking love how they're doing it, or there's 332 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,479 Speaker 1: some weird quirk that they have and you find yourself 333 00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:59,680 Speaker 1: smiling because you just you're just so overwhelmed with that feeling. 334 00:18:00,119 --> 00:18:02,120 Speaker 1: To me, that's one I always know, Like it's true 335 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:06,040 Speaker 1: left or when you're like leaving, like I don't know 336 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,120 Speaker 1: if you're going on a trip or something, or like 337 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,280 Speaker 1: and you're just like God, it's like you missed them 338 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:13,040 Speaker 1: in such a way that you know it's long. You 339 00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:16,080 Speaker 1: do you want another percentages? Because I spent a lot 340 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:19,399 Speaker 1: of time, I'm gonna take a I'm gonna take a 341 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,800 Speaker 1: guess that they might be accurate or they might not 342 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:26,440 Speaker 1: be they are actually triple chat. Okay, but do what 343 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,320 Speaker 1: I want to know your guests, what do you think 344 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:31,920 Speaker 1: the most are? The highest number? Was like what the average? 345 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:36,280 Speaker 1: Or um? Like, what do you think? I don't know how, 346 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:41,800 Speaker 1: I don't know how to ask math less. I wanted 347 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:45,080 Speaker 1: you to guess what the majority of people said at 348 00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:47,879 Speaker 1: the highest percentage? Does that make sense? How? I just 349 00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 1: like number? But came back with the most yeses? Right? 350 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,800 Speaker 1: Is that? Is this a yes or no question? I 351 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,760 Speaker 1: thought the question the number of people this is so 352 00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:02,280 Speaker 1: complicated on is like Spanish to me, um, I think 353 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:10,320 Speaker 1: eight eight, Like some girls like, oh you think no, no, 354 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:13,000 Speaker 1: you're doing highest number as the most Is that what 355 00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:18,359 Speaker 1: you're saying. I'm saying you guys did not replan this, 356 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:21,080 Speaker 1: so like this is off the cuff. This is I 357 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:23,720 Speaker 1: don't think they know this is off the cuff. This 358 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:27,639 Speaker 1: is so pathetically like, Okay, what do. You're asking me, 359 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:30,040 Speaker 1: what do you think the average number is? I think two? 360 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:33,080 Speaker 1: Is it average? Though? Yeah, if you're like taking the 361 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:38,880 Speaker 1: number of people divided, like you said six, he said seven, 362 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:43,400 Speaker 1: by the number of people, that's the average. It's an average. Okay. See, 363 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:47,560 Speaker 1: I don't even know. That's not even the methods. I 364 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:52,320 Speaker 1: thought it would be the majority of people said X number. 365 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:55,520 Speaker 1: Well that I mean, that would that kind of says 366 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:59,360 Speaker 1: the same thing, like the majority of people do it? Okay, Well, 367 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:04,640 Speaker 1: so your guest is too you are correct. Oh my god, 368 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:10,200 Speaker 1: but seven point six said to followed very closely by three. Oh, 369 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:13,240 Speaker 1: I see what you're saying. That is the majority because 370 00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:24,280 Speaker 1: you went percentages. So I also thought about it because 371 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:26,199 Speaker 1: a couple of people wrote in their age, and I 372 00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:28,560 Speaker 1: think that plays a factor because you know, like I'm 373 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:31,159 Speaker 1: thirty nine. I've said it four times, which feels like 374 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:35,080 Speaker 1: a pretty appropriate number for my age. Like I've had 375 00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:38,960 Speaker 1: four serious boyfriends. I've dated a lot more guys, but 376 00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:41,119 Speaker 1: like I knew I didn't love those guys, you know, 377 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:44,399 Speaker 1: or they were short. Well, I didn't love them, so 378 00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:49,320 Speaker 1: I just left him. But they weren't serious relationships, you know, 379 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,320 Speaker 1: And so like you don't get to that level with somebody, 380 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,240 Speaker 1: but um but yeah, and then like a couple of 381 00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:59,080 Speaker 1: other people had had a few higher number than four, 382 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,560 Speaker 1: but they were age appropriate for that, and I mean, 383 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:04,800 Speaker 1: I don't I'm staying appropriate. I don't know. This isn't judgy, 384 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:06,840 Speaker 1: but it's just like I think that's like about right. 385 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,080 Speaker 1: So I'll probably a lot of our listeners fall into 386 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:12,360 Speaker 1: the two to three category range. Uh, do you want 387 00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:19,040 Speaker 1: to know the third one? Seventeen point six percent said one, 388 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:21,800 Speaker 1: and I think a lot of them said it to 389 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:25,640 Speaker 1: the person they got married to. Wow, he's ruling his eyes. 390 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:30,879 Speaker 1: I'm laughing because I was just thinking about the like debuckle, 391 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,639 Speaker 1: we just went through to get to these percentages. I 392 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:36,960 Speaker 1: just have to say them because it's some time. Yeah, No, 393 00:21:37,119 --> 00:21:39,399 Speaker 1: I love it. I just hadn't seen your lists, so 394 00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:44,520 Speaker 1: I didn't know what was coming average majority. I mean 395 00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:47,239 Speaker 1: that makes sense. It's so funny, like I know so 396 00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:50,760 Speaker 1: many people like cool people, and maybe this is something 397 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:52,560 Speaker 1: even weird to sail out, but I've thought it before, 398 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:56,159 Speaker 1: like people that like marry their high school sweetheart, I'm like, 399 00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:02,040 Speaker 1: that's sex with one person their whole life, right, I mean, 400 00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:05,400 Speaker 1: I'm not it's not judgment. It's just like I can't 401 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:09,960 Speaker 1: wrap my head around me, especially because I'm not gonna 402 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,080 Speaker 1: say any names. But like people that are like really 403 00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:15,280 Speaker 1: interesting and magnetic and good looking, and it's like people 404 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:16,760 Speaker 1: that you would have thought like would have sucked their 405 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:20,440 Speaker 1: way through college, but we're with their high school sweetheart 406 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:22,480 Speaker 1: married them and it's the only person they probably ever 407 00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:26,080 Speaker 1: slept with. It saves you a lot of heartache. Yeah, 408 00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:29,160 Speaker 1: good for this. Seventeen point six Like, do you think 409 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:31,199 Speaker 1: there's a chance that they're just bad and bed like 410 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:33,920 Speaker 1: their whole lives because they haven't. I would hope they 411 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:36,840 Speaker 1: like explore with their partner, but it could be. But 412 00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,760 Speaker 1: if neither of them knows what good is or has 413 00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:42,720 Speaker 1: anything to compare it to, I don't know. I'm like, 414 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:45,920 Speaker 1: you should, if you should ask them about it. Yeah, 415 00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:48,080 Speaker 1: he just whispered somebody to hear it. I'm just like 416 00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:51,080 Speaker 1: I didn't want to know that about that person. I mean, 417 00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,760 Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm just assuming. I would assume you're 418 00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:59,040 Speaker 1: assuming bad at bed because I would to. Um, let's 419 00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:03,720 Speaker 1: see said four. Ten point six percent said five, And 420 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:06,000 Speaker 1: then it gets smaller and small and smaller. There was 421 00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:11,360 Speaker 1: one person one person who has said it twenty times 422 00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:14,320 Speaker 1: some my needs to learn the meaning. Yeah. Then there 423 00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:15,919 Speaker 1: was a couple of people who wrote me in not 424 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:17,480 Speaker 1: a couple, there's a lot actually, and they were like, 425 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:18,960 Speaker 1: I'm one of those people who just says it a 426 00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:22,000 Speaker 1: thousand times a day, you know. Like so I'm wondering if, 427 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:23,880 Speaker 1: like the people that exist like that, who just say 428 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,520 Speaker 1: it all the time, doesn't it lose its luster when 429 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:28,960 Speaker 1: you're saying it to everybody all the time? I love 430 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,359 Speaker 1: you by love you mean it? Yeah, I know I 431 00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:35,000 Speaker 1: think it does. When I was a kid, my mother 432 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:38,720 Speaker 1: used to say, Um, you better tell me you love 433 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:40,320 Speaker 1: me before you go to bed, Like what if I 434 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,640 Speaker 1: die in my sleep? Like she would say that ship 435 00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:45,000 Speaker 1: to me and I said there, I was like, wouldn't 436 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,880 Speaker 1: you rather me say it when I mean it? Like 437 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:50,800 Speaker 1: you know, I love you, mom, But like, wouldn't it 438 00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:53,200 Speaker 1: just melt your heart if I was like, good night, Mom, 439 00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:56,119 Speaker 1: I love you. That's if I'm not a parent. But 440 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:59,240 Speaker 1: like so maybe I'm wrong and I just don't know 441 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:02,480 Speaker 1: how parents feel. But to me, if my kid was 442 00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:04,840 Speaker 1: like just set it out of the blue, I'd be like, 443 00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:06,840 Speaker 1: like I would probably not sleep that night. I'd be 444 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:09,639 Speaker 1: so happy. Yeah, I think you as a parent or 445 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:11,920 Speaker 1: my experience around kids, you you say it to them 446 00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:13,960 Speaker 1: and they say it back most of the time, but 447 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:16,720 Speaker 1: it's still yeah, it's but it's like, yeah, I love you, 448 00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:19,639 Speaker 1: love you too, and it's like if there's no meaning 449 00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:22,840 Speaker 1: behind it other than fail you on that. Yeah, I'm 450 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:24,800 Speaker 1: going to read this last one and then let's move 451 00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:27,480 Speaker 1: on to the next question. But Grace, I just loved 452 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:30,639 Speaker 1: this answer. Grace wrote in and said, one time I 453 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:32,800 Speaker 1: said it to a boyfriend with hearing aids and then 454 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:34,480 Speaker 1: he took him out because it just slipped out of 455 00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:37,080 Speaker 1: my mouth. So she basically said it to this guy 456 00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:40,120 Speaker 1: and he took his hearing aids and pretended not to hear. 457 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:44,640 Speaker 1: How I read that, he was like what and missed it? What? 458 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:50,080 Speaker 1: Sorry about that, Grace. Um, Hey, the next question, do 459 00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:54,800 Speaker 1: you believe in soulmates? Do you? Chip? I do. I don't, 460 00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:57,600 Speaker 1: but I also don't. I think they can be platonic. 461 00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:02,440 Speaker 1: I just I mean I think that, um, there are 462 00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:05,360 Speaker 1: people out there that and I think I don't think 463 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:08,280 Speaker 1: that it's like I have a soul mate, you know, 464 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:11,240 Speaker 1: Like I think that there are plenty of souls out 465 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:15,320 Speaker 1: there that are good mates for my soul, and I 466 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:18,920 Speaker 1: just I think, yeah, it's like there's um I think 467 00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:21,200 Speaker 1: about it all the time with some of my closest friends, Like, 468 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:24,119 Speaker 1: of all the people in the billions of people in 469 00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:27,520 Speaker 1: the world, Like, the fact that I can have as 470 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:33,080 Speaker 1: like strong connection with somebody as I do is remarkable 471 00:25:33,119 --> 00:25:35,919 Speaker 1: to me. And the only explanation is that it was 472 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:38,320 Speaker 1: supposed to be and that to me is a soul mate. 473 00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:41,399 Speaker 1: I don't, like, I don't necessarily know that I believe 474 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:44,040 Speaker 1: in like your soul mate being like the person you've 475 00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:47,520 Speaker 1: all in love with for the rest of your line. 476 00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:50,000 Speaker 1: I don't know that that exists. And I do think that, 477 00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:54,159 Speaker 1: like you're someone that you are romantically involved with and 478 00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:56,399 Speaker 1: in love with can also fill the role of a 479 00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:58,480 Speaker 1: soul mate, But I don't. I don't know that I 480 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:01,480 Speaker 1: believe that there's just one. Yeah, that was kind of 481 00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,720 Speaker 1: the majority of the response. I mean, my response would 482 00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:07,680 Speaker 1: be similar in that, like, I feel like my soul 483 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:10,280 Speaker 1: has many mates and my friends. You know, there's definitely 484 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,280 Speaker 1: people in my life who I'm like, Oh, my soul 485 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:14,760 Speaker 1: is so connected to them, and we were supposed to 486 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:18,400 Speaker 1: be together in this lifetime. Um. And if you are 487 00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:24,280 Speaker 1: an astrology person or a spiritual person like that, like Marvis, you, 488 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:27,760 Speaker 1: they believe that you, um kind of have the same 489 00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:30,800 Speaker 1: people in your lifetimes over and over and over, they 490 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,359 Speaker 1: just come in different forms. I mean, I said this 491 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:35,159 Speaker 1: on the last podcast, but he always has told me 492 00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:37,760 Speaker 1: that my ex boyfriend was a brother in a past life, 493 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:42,000 Speaker 1: which I'm like, gross, but um, but We've been in 494 00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:44,600 Speaker 1: each other's lives before and I've felt that, like you know, 495 00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:46,640 Speaker 1: that feeling you have with people where you're just instantly 496 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,720 Speaker 1: connected and you already feels like you know them. That's 497 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:50,720 Speaker 1: why they say that happens. So, I mean, if you 498 00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:53,159 Speaker 1: want to look at soul mates under that under that 499 00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,800 Speaker 1: guy's then yeah, that that way I was gonna ask, like, 500 00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,000 Speaker 1: I mean, that's that seems like it would sort of 501 00:26:58,119 --> 00:27:01,240 Speaker 1: be the like nail on the head finition, Like a 502 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,800 Speaker 1: soul mate would be someone that you actually are friends 503 00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:08,560 Speaker 1: from a past life, you know, or romantic relationship or whatever, 504 00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:12,000 Speaker 1: siblings your souls are connected. Yeah, and so I think 505 00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:14,439 Speaker 1: it just depends. But there's always that thing where it 506 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:17,040 Speaker 1: comes in where people are like, oh, he's my soul mate, 507 00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:21,560 Speaker 1: and I actually don't know that I feel that I've 508 00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:25,159 Speaker 1: had a soul's mate in a romantic relationship. Like, I 509 00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,080 Speaker 1: think there's been certain people who have been in my 510 00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:30,720 Speaker 1: life for reasons, and all of my relationships have served 511 00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:34,080 Speaker 1: a major purpose in my growth and evolution. But like 512 00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:37,800 Speaker 1: if they were your if it was like a soul 513 00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:39,560 Speaker 1: mate connection, does that mean you stay with them for 514 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:42,160 Speaker 1: the rest of your life? Well, I think maybe it 515 00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:46,680 Speaker 1: means that it's like there's something easy about it. Yeah, 516 00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:48,680 Speaker 1: Like I feel like all of us have had really 517 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:52,480 Speaker 1: rocky relationships that we've you know, to varying degrees, like 518 00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:55,040 Speaker 1: fought to like make it work, but there's just something 519 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:59,040 Speaker 1: in there that's, you know, rearing its head like this 520 00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:00,960 Speaker 1: isn't gonna work, and you see it and you try 521 00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,159 Speaker 1: to work around it, but it's there and ultimately it 522 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:05,280 Speaker 1: hasn't worked out. I feel like when you meet a 523 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:09,440 Speaker 1: soulmate romantically, whether it lasts for a long time and 524 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:12,040 Speaker 1: it is who you're with forever, it's just easy. Like 525 00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:14,840 Speaker 1: there's just something that's already there that like you can't 526 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:19,680 Speaker 1: see um. And I like, I mean I feel like 527 00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:22,959 Speaker 1: there I've probably experienced that even in some like just 528 00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:26,320 Speaker 1: dating short term dating things you're like Wow, there's a 529 00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:29,320 Speaker 1: connection here that I've never had before and it didn't 530 00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:32,879 Speaker 1: work out. So maybe it was a soul mate that 531 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,760 Speaker 1: just it didn't work out romantically, you know, or they 532 00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:38,000 Speaker 1: were meant for a certain season, which is a lot 533 00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:40,840 Speaker 1: of what you guys wrote us wrote into us about 534 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:43,320 Speaker 1: you don't believe in one soul mate for the rest 535 00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:47,960 Speaker 1: of your life, but you do feel like you're constantly evolving, 536 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,080 Speaker 1: and so you're attracting in a different soul mate that 537 00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:53,960 Speaker 1: you might need during that time. So, like Tina said, no, 538 00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:57,960 Speaker 1: you're constantly evolving in at attracting different soulmates. They feel 539 00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:01,320 Speaker 1: different space. Um mirr And said, no, you can have 540 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,600 Speaker 1: a deep connection to different people based on where you 541 00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,760 Speaker 1: are in your life. Mary said, I think you find 542 00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:10,000 Speaker 1: someone who is worth making it work, even with both 543 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:12,960 Speaker 1: of your imperfections. So she's speaking to the like, is 544 00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:14,720 Speaker 1: there one soul mate for the rest of your life 545 00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:17,800 Speaker 1: And she's saying no, But you can fall in love 546 00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:21,920 Speaker 1: with someone and be in in a relationship or situation 547 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:25,840 Speaker 1: that you feel they're worth it, and so you do 548 00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:28,520 Speaker 1: the work. When things come up, you work together to 549 00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:30,960 Speaker 1: try to work through them, and you can stay together. 550 00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:34,440 Speaker 1: That's kind of a different dynamic though, what is a 551 00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:37,800 Speaker 1: soul mate and what isn't? Yeah, well, I mean I 552 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:42,000 Speaker 1: feel like if the definition is kind of what we're 553 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:44,640 Speaker 1: saying that we think it is, then the words sort 554 00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:48,080 Speaker 1: of been co opted for the wrong thing. I just 555 00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:52,280 Speaker 1: think that's so cheesy and I think so too and unrealistic, 556 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,880 Speaker 1: because like if everyone, if you operate under the thing 557 00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:56,560 Speaker 1: of like, oh, you have one soul mate, well then 558 00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:58,600 Speaker 1: what if you get divorced or something or something or 559 00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:02,280 Speaker 1: they die and it's like, are you just screwed? Like 560 00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:04,320 Speaker 1: I remember watching there was this episode of Sex in 561 00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:08,720 Speaker 1: the City and Charlotte is reading this book and it's like, oh, 562 00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:12,160 Speaker 1: she says, you have two or you have three great 563 00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:13,680 Speaker 1: loves in your life two or three great loves in 564 00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:16,600 Speaker 1: your life. And Carrie's like, okay, cool, so I'm done 565 00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:18,600 Speaker 1: because she had eighten and big, so it must have 566 00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:22,120 Speaker 1: been two. But um, if so, if you operate under 567 00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:26,000 Speaker 1: some sort of like situation like that real structure like that, 568 00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:28,560 Speaker 1: it's like, then what happens if you don't get it 569 00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:30,800 Speaker 1: right for a minute. I just think that our souls 570 00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:33,640 Speaker 1: call in what we need at the time to keep 571 00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:37,360 Speaker 1: evolving and growing, and so even sometimes in our painful relationships, 572 00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:39,360 Speaker 1: that can be the case where that that was what 573 00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:42,520 Speaker 1: your soul needed to get to this next place in 574 00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:45,720 Speaker 1: your life. Open up your mind's eye so that you 575 00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:50,560 Speaker 1: can actually see what you haven't been seeing, and then 576 00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:53,120 Speaker 1: you're then a real soul mate walks in the door, 577 00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:55,400 Speaker 1: you know, and you might not have been at a 578 00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:57,720 Speaker 1: place to even recognize, you might not have been evolved 579 00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:03,040 Speaker 1: in now. Yeah, it all serves a ABIs I believe. Um, Okay, 580 00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:05,720 Speaker 1: So then the next question would be what is your 581 00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:09,920 Speaker 1: number one fear around love? Do you have one? To yes, 582 00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:15,720 Speaker 1: what I wrote or I mean I didn't write it. 583 00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:19,040 Speaker 1: I did write it, but um, never finding it I 584 00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:22,400 Speaker 1: think is my biggest fear. And it's it's kind of 585 00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:25,280 Speaker 1: like this weird like self fulfilling prophecy sort of circle 586 00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:28,800 Speaker 1: because I'm also like I have an incredible fear of rejection, 587 00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:31,920 Speaker 1: which then makes me not go search for love, which 588 00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:35,719 Speaker 1: then makes me not find it, if that makes sense. Like, 589 00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:38,200 Speaker 1: I don't think rejection is my main fear. I think 590 00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:41,960 Speaker 1: the big fear is not finding it, But I've continue 591 00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:44,280 Speaker 1: to put barriers in place that makes sense to me. 592 00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:49,120 Speaker 1: Um that it's that makes it a reality yeah, and 593 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:52,680 Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know why. Actually, a lot 594 00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:55,160 Speaker 1: of people came back with that similar response, like making 595 00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:58,400 Speaker 1: yourself vulnerable to love is scary enough. But then also 596 00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:02,080 Speaker 1: the other huge one that got was losing it and 597 00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:04,920 Speaker 1: what that would feel like if it went away again, 598 00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:06,520 Speaker 1: And so then you're like, oh, I'm never going to 599 00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:09,320 Speaker 1: find it. But like you said, it's a self fulfilling prophecy. 600 00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:12,840 Speaker 1: In some ways. Mine is that things won't work out 601 00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:16,600 Speaker 1: and I'll feel heartbreak again. So like I get in 602 00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:18,880 Speaker 1: the relationship and I feel to love stuff, and then 603 00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:21,800 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh god, what if this goes away again? 604 00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:25,320 Speaker 1: Because I've felt such heartbreak in the past from bad breakups, 605 00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:28,880 Speaker 1: and so I don't want to I don't want it again. 606 00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:31,400 Speaker 1: But I can't. I don't know, I can't block myself 607 00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:33,120 Speaker 1: to love because I just want to keep loving. Well, 608 00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:35,560 Speaker 1: what's that song lyric that's like it's better to have 609 00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:38,080 Speaker 1: loved and lost that has never been loved at all 610 00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:40,720 Speaker 1: or never felt love at all? What's that lyric something 611 00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:43,800 Speaker 1: like that? I mean, it's a really like poem or something. Yeah, 612 00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:49,760 Speaker 1: it's it's kind of spot on, Like you know, it's 613 00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:54,760 Speaker 1: you can either choose to never feel love to protect 614 00:32:54,880 --> 00:32:57,520 Speaker 1: yourself for the fear of losing it, or you can 615 00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:02,080 Speaker 1: experience what we all need and want to feel and 616 00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:06,440 Speaker 1: maybe have to suffer the consequences of losing it. I 617 00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:11,680 Speaker 1: just think it's like it's six to one half dozen 618 00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:13,880 Speaker 1: to the other. It's like you have to choose what 619 00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:18,880 Speaker 1: the greater evil is and and decide what where you 620 00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:22,520 Speaker 1: want to like fit in there. Um, what's sort of 621 00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:23,840 Speaker 1: like what you were saying to me at the beginning 622 00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:25,680 Speaker 1: of this podcast. And we didn't feel sad, then we 623 00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:28,400 Speaker 1: wouldn't know what happy felt like. And so if you 624 00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:31,800 Speaker 1: don't feel love, then yeah, I mean, I guess you 625 00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:34,040 Speaker 1: wouldn't feel heartbreak. But are you living every day in 626 00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:36,920 Speaker 1: heartbreak because we're meant to connect with people? Oh no, 627 00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:41,440 Speaker 1: I do. I think it's like you're it's a constant heartbreak. Yeah, 628 00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:44,760 Speaker 1: I think this is like that. I'm like, why did 629 00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:47,480 Speaker 1: I do this to myself? She's about to start crying. 630 00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:50,720 Speaker 1: I hear her voice cracking. It is it's really hard 631 00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:53,400 Speaker 1: because I'm gonna think I am about to I see it. 632 00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:58,240 Speaker 1: Oh God, here we go. Um, okay, let me get 633 00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:02,880 Speaker 1: my thoughts. So I was gonna say I feel like, yeah, 634 00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:05,080 Speaker 1: like it sucks right now, but I mean I've been 635 00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:07,800 Speaker 1: through stuff before and it's like you do get to 636 00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:09,840 Speaker 1: the other side of it. And what I take back 637 00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:15,600 Speaker 1: the love pieces? No, Wow, I didn't touch anything. Computer 638 00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:20,040 Speaker 1: just started talking. It was like, Kelly's just trying to 639 00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:22,800 Speaker 1: help me out. What was that. I'm not sure Susan 640 00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:26,560 Speaker 1: is going to be really upset with you. Um. Yeah. 641 00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:29,439 Speaker 1: I feel like I don't think I would ever try 642 00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:33,320 Speaker 1: to hold myself back from loving again and trying and 643 00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:36,880 Speaker 1: trying to avoid this feeling, because even though I'm in 644 00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:40,160 Speaker 1: pain right now, the love that I felt was still 645 00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:43,080 Speaker 1: worth it. It It was significant. Yeah, does that make sense? 646 00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:45,960 Speaker 1: So I think it is true what you say, like 647 00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:48,600 Speaker 1: it's better to have loved and lost, but it's scary, 648 00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:50,400 Speaker 1: and I think that's what most of us feel on 649 00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:54,799 Speaker 1: the daily, is the losing it or one of the things. 650 00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:56,880 Speaker 1: A lot of people wrote back. I had multiple people 651 00:34:56,920 --> 00:34:59,680 Speaker 1: say that they would they're worried that they're in a 652 00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:02,120 Speaker 1: really relationship and it's so good and the person will 653 00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:05,480 Speaker 1: just fall out of love. So it's like, even we 654 00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:08,839 Speaker 1: can't really let ourselves all the time be comfortable in 655 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,560 Speaker 1: these love relationships or things when they're going good because 656 00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:13,000 Speaker 1: we're like, oh my god, it's going to end. Well. 657 00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:16,200 Speaker 1: You know what's funny about that statement, like that they're 658 00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:18,480 Speaker 1: more worried about someone falling out of love with them 659 00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:20,480 Speaker 1: than them falling out of love with somebody else. We 660 00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:23,560 Speaker 1: give we give people so much power over it, but 661 00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:25,520 Speaker 1: it's just fear. That's when I know I'm living in 662 00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:28,360 Speaker 1: fears when I'm so worried about what someone else is 663 00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:31,719 Speaker 1: going to do that I can't even think about what 664 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:34,000 Speaker 1: I am going to do or think or feel or 665 00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:35,400 Speaker 1: any of that because I'm just like, oh god, I 666 00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,160 Speaker 1: don't you know, you just want to avoid bad feelings. 667 00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:39,759 Speaker 1: I think that only comes when we have had pain 668 00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:41,799 Speaker 1: in our life. Well yeah, I mean look, I think 669 00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:44,480 Speaker 1: it's just a sort of we all want to live 670 00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:47,880 Speaker 1: in like this like copasetic space. And that's you know. 671 00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:50,759 Speaker 1: I learned this every day through management because I have 672 00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:53,239 Speaker 1: to deliver bad news either to the artist or two 673 00:35:53,239 --> 00:35:57,520 Speaker 1: partners that we're working with, and it's like, if I 674 00:35:57,560 --> 00:36:01,360 Speaker 1: can deliver bad news with as much love and honesty 675 00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:04,920 Speaker 1: as as possible, it makes it so much easier because 676 00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:08,359 Speaker 1: the truth is is like ship's going to happen, like 677 00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:12,680 Speaker 1: it's going to happen, And if we can all approach 678 00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:18,040 Speaker 1: it with like, um, grace and humility and love, it 679 00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:20,480 Speaker 1: makes it it's so much easier to get through because 680 00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:22,840 Speaker 1: there are definitely times when I'm like, funck, I just 681 00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:24,520 Speaker 1: don't even want to deal with it, Like if I 682 00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:26,560 Speaker 1: maybe if I just never mentioned it, it'll go away, 683 00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:28,640 Speaker 1: but it doesn't, Like it just gets worse if you 684 00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:31,680 Speaker 1: do that. So um, you know. I think it's the 685 00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:35,920 Speaker 1: same way in a relationship. It's like, Um, I look 686 00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:38,359 Speaker 1: back on some of you know, my even my most 687 00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:40,920 Speaker 1: recent breakup, and I'm like, god, I fucking handled it wrong, 688 00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:43,960 Speaker 1: like just because there were like probably things that I 689 00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:46,240 Speaker 1: should have said, just to be honest, but I didn't 690 00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:48,200 Speaker 1: say him because I didn't want to hurt his feelings, 691 00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:53,600 Speaker 1: you know. And um and because of that, I think 692 00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:56,680 Speaker 1: he was just like where is this coming from? I'm 693 00:36:56,760 --> 00:37:01,640 Speaker 1: so kind yeah, like and like I don't know, I 694 00:37:01,719 --> 00:37:05,600 Speaker 1: was kind of a pussy about it. Um. And that's 695 00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:07,359 Speaker 1: that's a takeaway, Like I don't never want to do 696 00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:12,320 Speaker 1: that again. Um. And I can't even give you specific examples. 697 00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:15,120 Speaker 1: I just remember that, Like all I could say was 698 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:18,520 Speaker 1: I don't know, like I just don't I'm not feeling Yeah, 699 00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:21,200 Speaker 1: And maybe that was my truth in the moment, but 700 00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:27,480 Speaker 1: I just like I in hindsight, I just knew that 701 00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:30,640 Speaker 1: I hadn't handled it right. Yeah. Well, at least you 702 00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:32,560 Speaker 1: learned that in hindsight, because you can do it differently 703 00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:35,560 Speaker 1: the next time. As I, as you were sitting here talking, 704 00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:37,520 Speaker 1: I was thinking to myself, I think the way that 705 00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:39,319 Speaker 1: I'm trying to live my life right now, and I 706 00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:42,640 Speaker 1: think this is maybe one of the things getting me 707 00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:47,280 Speaker 1: through even though maybe today it's like or seem like it, 708 00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:50,239 Speaker 1: but it is that thing where it's like, Okay, it 709 00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:52,440 Speaker 1: hurts right now, but would you take away that pain? No, 710 00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:56,839 Speaker 1: And it's part of the human condition to feel all 711 00:37:56,960 --> 00:38:00,120 Speaker 1: the things. But like no love or no relations and 712 00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:02,799 Speaker 1: ship is for nothing, like none of it is. And 713 00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:06,400 Speaker 1: so looking through the silver lining of what that relationship 714 00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:09,600 Speaker 1: brought to your life, what you learned, um, what I 715 00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:12,680 Speaker 1: figured out, like even things I'm good at that I 716 00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:16,120 Speaker 1: didn't know, you know, or like like in this relationship, 717 00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:18,920 Speaker 1: one of the main parts of it was there was kids. 718 00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:22,200 Speaker 1: And I've never been around kids in a relationship before, 719 00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:23,840 Speaker 1: you know, but it was something I greatly wanted in 720 00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:26,200 Speaker 1: my life, and so I got that experience, and as 721 00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:29,640 Speaker 1: hard as that was to leave to um, it's still 722 00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:32,959 Speaker 1: taught me so much about what that looks like and 723 00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:37,560 Speaker 1: my capabilities there or how you know, whatever just just 724 00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:43,359 Speaker 1: differ UM. But I think it's like we all if 725 00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:46,120 Speaker 1: we keep operating in our lives from a place of fear, 726 00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:48,839 Speaker 1: you do miss out on so much. And so like 727 00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:50,759 Speaker 1: what I'm trying to say to myself right now is 728 00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:54,520 Speaker 1: taking those lessons and also just being curious to what 729 00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:57,120 Speaker 1: the universe is. You know, it's like opening up to 730 00:38:57,160 --> 00:39:01,360 Speaker 1: me because I don't believe the versus cruel or like 731 00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:03,560 Speaker 1: wants us to be in pain. I think it's just 732 00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:06,080 Speaker 1: again part of being human that you will go through 733 00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:10,360 Speaker 1: painful things. But it's like, Okay, well, that relationship served 734 00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:12,920 Speaker 1: this purpose in my life for so many years, and 735 00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:14,960 Speaker 1: I'm grateful for it for that, and I'm grateful for 736 00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:18,680 Speaker 1: those people for that. And how do I evolve and 737 00:39:18,719 --> 00:39:22,000 Speaker 1: grow into this next version of myself that can look 738 00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:27,160 Speaker 1: back graciously and kindly and lovingly versus like being angry, 739 00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:29,279 Speaker 1: which I've done and I still do. But it's just 740 00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:32,640 Speaker 1: like that doesn't make the relationship feel worth it or 741 00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:34,719 Speaker 1: it doesn't make love feel worth it, and so I'm 742 00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:36,920 Speaker 1: not gonna want to do it again if I if 743 00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:38,520 Speaker 1: I stick in that place, you know, And so I 744 00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:42,319 Speaker 1: think it's like coming out of it and just saying like, Okay, well, 745 00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:45,600 Speaker 1: I'm grateful for this. And maybe that didn't work in 746 00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:48,520 Speaker 1: my life for this reason, like there's certain parts of 747 00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:50,520 Speaker 1: it that didn't work and in the next relationship on 748 00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:52,880 Speaker 1: me were conscious of that or maybe I changed and 749 00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:55,880 Speaker 1: I grew and so like it served a purpose for 750 00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:57,560 Speaker 1: as long as it could, and then it was like 751 00:39:57,600 --> 00:40:00,160 Speaker 1: we went in different directions, you know, like a think 752 00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:02,480 Speaker 1: you can just walk away from it with more of 753 00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:04,759 Speaker 1: that kind of learning, and that makes you want to 754 00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:09,200 Speaker 1: open up in the future and keep leving, which is 755 00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:13,040 Speaker 1: the point, right. Um. A lot of people wrote in 756 00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:16,960 Speaker 1: about their biggest fear being betrayal and abandonment, which is 757 00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:19,640 Speaker 1: kind of both to me. Have you ever been cheating 758 00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:24,399 Speaker 1: on um that you know high school girlfriend did? Yeah, 759 00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:28,799 Speaker 1: what a bit? We're actually friends now. Um. Well, you 760 00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:30,720 Speaker 1: know it's funny because I she was a year younger 761 00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:32,560 Speaker 1: than me, and I went to We dated when I 762 00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:34,719 Speaker 1: was a senior, and then I went to college and 763 00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:38,239 Speaker 1: we were still dating and she had sex with my 764 00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:41,239 Speaker 1: one of my high school best friends older brothers at 765 00:40:41,239 --> 00:40:44,440 Speaker 1: a Halloween party, and um, I think this was even 766 00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:46,120 Speaker 1: pre email, and I think I wrote her a letter 767 00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:50,000 Speaker 1: and called her a whore in a letter. A letter. 768 00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:58,000 Speaker 1: It's like it's just like it sounds like so like, um, 769 00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:01,920 Speaker 1: you know Roman, like she opens up her mailbox and 770 00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:06,520 Speaker 1: then the scarlet letta and she wrote me back and said, 771 00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:09,120 Speaker 1: don't judge me by your morals, and like explained why 772 00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:11,319 Speaker 1: she did what she did and you're like, actually, I'm gay. 773 00:41:12,719 --> 00:41:24,839 Speaker 1: I'm gay, mic job. So that was a valuable lesson too. 774 00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:29,480 Speaker 1: It's like she was lonely, it wasn't working anyway, and 775 00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:31,960 Speaker 1: it was just kind of her way out really, so 776 00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:34,759 Speaker 1: it's like that didn't make her a horror. Yeah, I 777 00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:36,840 Speaker 1: wanted to hurt her with words because I was hurting. 778 00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:39,799 Speaker 1: Of course. I never think that cheating is a right. 779 00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:41,560 Speaker 1: I mean, but like in high school, it's not like 780 00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:43,880 Speaker 1: you have the tools to communicate hey, this isn't working, 781 00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:46,840 Speaker 1: and like that's you cheat and you do stupid stuff 782 00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:48,759 Speaker 1: and then you realize that wasn't the right way to 783 00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:51,400 Speaker 1: do that to get out of this relationship or whatever. 784 00:41:51,560 --> 00:41:54,120 Speaker 1: But I haven't cheated want to talk about that a lot, 785 00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:56,839 Speaker 1: but and it fucked me up. It still does. I mean, 786 00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:59,600 Speaker 1: I think it's something that'll take me. I'll take with 787 00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:01,080 Speaker 1: me for the rest of my life, and I try 788 00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:05,319 Speaker 1: not to let it guide my relationships, but it definitely 789 00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:08,560 Speaker 1: comes up. I mean, for sure, if I'm triggered into something, 790 00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:13,279 Speaker 1: my immediate thought is, um, it involves another woman, and 791 00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:15,640 Speaker 1: I just always will probably, But so it takes up 792 00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:19,560 Speaker 1: me being with a partner who can understand that trigger 793 00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:21,839 Speaker 1: and like I can be open and honest with them 794 00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:24,319 Speaker 1: about it, you know, and we can work together through it. 795 00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:27,600 Speaker 1: Well you know, I think we just it's just life 796 00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:29,600 Speaker 1: in general, Like we've kind of like live in the 797 00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:33,720 Speaker 1: grass is greener sort of space. Grass is always greener. 798 00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:37,880 Speaker 1: So it's like even just the like someone who hasn't 799 00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:41,160 Speaker 1: been cheated on, I know, well, I mean I have been, 800 00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:45,960 Speaker 1: but I don't think I carry it in the same way. Um, 801 00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:49,279 Speaker 1: But I always I feel like they're going to find 802 00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:53,480 Speaker 1: somebody better, you know, like that was a fear of 803 00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:57,600 Speaker 1: people's yeah, um, and then they'll just move on. Something 804 00:42:57,640 --> 00:42:59,880 Speaker 1: that I really admire when you see a couple that 805 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:04,040 Speaker 1: it's like, um, really they have like a really strong 806 00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:07,319 Speaker 1: foundation in their relationship, and they can like they'll be like, 807 00:43:07,360 --> 00:43:09,560 Speaker 1: oh that girl's you know, Like they can right in 808 00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:13,040 Speaker 1: front of their partner recognize that someone is hot, or 809 00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:17,080 Speaker 1: they'll talk about it and it's not there's no desire 810 00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:21,120 Speaker 1: in it, it's just them being them. I think it 811 00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:25,120 Speaker 1: takes a lot of safety within their relationship and knowing 812 00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:29,280 Speaker 1: that you're safe and your partner doesn't actually want anyone else, 813 00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:32,080 Speaker 1: do you know what I mean. Also, there's different kinds 814 00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:34,399 Speaker 1: of cheating. I mean, when we talked about this, like 815 00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:37,719 Speaker 1: mine was a completely different scenario than being cheated on 816 00:43:37,719 --> 00:43:40,520 Speaker 1: one time. Like it wasn't that dynamic, and it was 817 00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:44,240 Speaker 1: like a complete double life, and there was multiple people, 818 00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:48,279 Speaker 1: and it never I was never in a secure situation 819 00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:52,480 Speaker 1: and someone's testosterone was in a good place. Someone's a 820 00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:56,480 Speaker 1: lot of things where yeah, it it definitely was like 821 00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:59,120 Speaker 1: a completely different dynamic. And I think a lot of 822 00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:01,440 Speaker 1: people I know, I've gotten messages from people who've been 823 00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:04,360 Speaker 1: through similar and it's and I'm not trying to downplay 824 00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:06,880 Speaker 1: if you got cheated on or there was an affair 825 00:44:06,920 --> 00:44:09,799 Speaker 1: in your relationship that that was easy at all. There 826 00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:12,000 Speaker 1: are different levels of it though, and so I think 827 00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:15,600 Speaker 1: when you're like completely mind fucked for many years and 828 00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:18,840 Speaker 1: then you realize that none of it was true. Yeah, 829 00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:22,520 Speaker 1: the gas lading the line to your face, that is 830 00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:25,960 Speaker 1: something that is really hard to Um. You can't just 831 00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:30,680 Speaker 1: like completely forget that experience from you don't, but you 832 00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:36,359 Speaker 1: can get better and yeah, definitely you can have a happy, 833 00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:40,520 Speaker 1: loving relationship. I think I'm just actually more aware of 834 00:44:40,560 --> 00:44:43,719 Speaker 1: like what a safe relationship looks like, probably than more 835 00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:46,839 Speaker 1: most people are. It's like so on my radar, like 836 00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:50,040 Speaker 1: that safety and trust have to be in the relationship, 837 00:44:50,239 --> 00:44:53,319 Speaker 1: and there's probably indicators that you are going to see 838 00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:57,560 Speaker 1: quickly than someone who hasn't experienced it. That's exactly right. 839 00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:01,279 Speaker 1: When has love failed you? And what did that teach you? 840 00:45:01,520 --> 00:45:03,600 Speaker 1: So let's kind of keep it positive and focus on 841 00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:11,440 Speaker 1: what did I teach you? But when has it failed me? Yeah? Um, 842 00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:17,319 Speaker 1: I think my first boyfriend, Um, because I don't know, Look, 843 00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:19,520 Speaker 1: there were definitely positives. It calls me to come out 844 00:45:19,520 --> 00:45:24,080 Speaker 1: to my family like it put like that relationship like 845 00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:28,239 Speaker 1: changed my life, you know, because it was something that 846 00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:29,640 Speaker 1: I knew that I was going to have to do 847 00:45:29,719 --> 00:45:32,080 Speaker 1: for a really long time, but I didn't want to 848 00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:34,360 Speaker 1: do it until I felt like there was someone that 849 00:45:34,400 --> 00:45:38,759 Speaker 1: I really cared about. And um, you know, I think 850 00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:41,080 Speaker 1: love failed me there because I didn't really know what 851 00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:44,799 Speaker 1: it felt like. Um, and I thought I was in it. 852 00:45:45,440 --> 00:45:52,000 Speaker 1: And um, I because I thought I was in it, 853 00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:54,480 Speaker 1: I don't think I was participating in the relationship in 854 00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:57,080 Speaker 1: the way that I should have or recognizing signs that 855 00:45:57,120 --> 00:45:59,120 Speaker 1: it wasn't gonna work, or all the things. Because when 856 00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:01,120 Speaker 1: we broke up, it like line sided me. I couldn't 857 00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:05,359 Speaker 1: believe it, and um, and you know, ultimately it is 858 00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:07,600 Speaker 1: what it is. Like I survived it. It was fine. 859 00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:10,680 Speaker 1: I moved on, but like it sort of it gave 860 00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:15,200 Speaker 1: me a new foundation and so like I've kind of 861 00:46:15,320 --> 00:46:17,680 Speaker 1: set me free. It's really what it did. And it 862 00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:19,879 Speaker 1: set me on the path to like live an out 863 00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:22,560 Speaker 1: open life. I came out at work and my family knew, 864 00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:25,239 Speaker 1: like suddenly, like the fear of coming out was like 865 00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:28,520 Speaker 1: diminished greatly. See this is what I was saying, Like 866 00:46:28,640 --> 00:46:31,319 Speaker 1: he maybe he wasn't like a soul made in the 867 00:46:31,360 --> 00:46:34,120 Speaker 1: rest of your life, but he served your soul a 868 00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:37,360 Speaker 1: major purpose because it helps you live in your authentic reality. 869 00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:41,560 Speaker 1: That's a huge like takeaway, totally so I mean, thanks 870 00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:44,680 Speaker 1: to that guy until you get on these testos ram 871 00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:47,680 Speaker 1: pills and you're like, like, why did he make me 872 00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:53,440 Speaker 1: get okay? So I said being cheated on was the 873 00:46:53,640 --> 00:46:57,560 Speaker 1: wind love it failed me? Um, And I said that 874 00:46:58,520 --> 00:47:00,920 Speaker 1: or or in relation to is where you just felt 875 00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:03,960 Speaker 1: you realize that people aren't who you thought they were 876 00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:07,280 Speaker 1: or needed them to be. And that's just it's really 877 00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:09,480 Speaker 1: sad when you get to that place, you know, And 878 00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:12,360 Speaker 1: that was mixed into that relationship too. But what that 879 00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:16,560 Speaker 1: taught me was my own strength, Like if I survived 880 00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:18,640 Speaker 1: the stuff that I survived back in the day with that, 881 00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:20,799 Speaker 1: like it was one thing I walked away being like 882 00:47:20,960 --> 00:47:23,439 Speaker 1: I am resilient as fuck, like there is and now 883 00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:27,120 Speaker 1: that that has been true again, like just stuff I face, 884 00:47:27,239 --> 00:47:30,600 Speaker 1: Like I feel confident in my resilience that like I 885 00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:32,960 Speaker 1: can get knocked down pretty fucking hard, but I will 886 00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:35,680 Speaker 1: always come back and I'll come back stronger and better. 887 00:47:36,000 --> 00:47:38,719 Speaker 1: And um, I feel like I'm like a Beyonce song 888 00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:42,320 Speaker 1: right now, but like somebody sign up for World Worldwide 889 00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:50,440 Speaker 1: Wrestling Federation or have you seen me in boxing? Um No, 890 00:47:50,560 --> 00:47:53,000 Speaker 1: but I do feel that, like and I don't that's 891 00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:54,480 Speaker 1: not to be like, oh, I'm just like I can 892 00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:56,080 Speaker 1: come back from anything. But it's just like you just 893 00:47:56,239 --> 00:47:59,200 Speaker 1: learned that about yourself that like you can knock me down, 894 00:47:59,239 --> 00:48:01,239 Speaker 1: but like I will come back, and like it's just 895 00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:04,040 Speaker 1: a different version and it's usually a much it's like 896 00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:08,600 Speaker 1: a better version of myself that I like a lot more. UM. 897 00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:11,839 Speaker 1: Another thing that I learned from that was that when 898 00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:15,440 Speaker 1: hardships come, UM, they can be used to help you 899 00:48:15,520 --> 00:48:19,759 Speaker 1: grow and evolve. Like there's stuff that I learned, either 900 00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:22,360 Speaker 1: about myself or about life about love that I just 901 00:48:22,360 --> 00:48:24,680 Speaker 1: would have never paid attention to or had any sort 902 00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:28,600 Speaker 1: of awareness about, UM if I hadn't faced those challenges, 903 00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:31,560 Speaker 1: And so it helps me to dive so much deeper. 904 00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:33,160 Speaker 1: I mean, it's probably why I'm on the path that 905 00:48:33,239 --> 00:48:35,480 Speaker 1: i'm one now with being so curious about all the 906 00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:37,840 Speaker 1: stuff I'm curious about and like why people do the 907 00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:41,880 Speaker 1: things I do spirituality in general, Like it completely gave 908 00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:46,040 Speaker 1: me a whole spiritual existence that I didn't have before. UM. 909 00:48:46,120 --> 00:48:48,759 Speaker 1: And then also I think something I've learned when love 910 00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:52,080 Speaker 1: goes bad is that you will love again. Like I 911 00:48:52,080 --> 00:48:54,520 Speaker 1: think one of the things that I thought back in 912 00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:56,919 Speaker 1: the day after that, because I was engaged to that guy, 913 00:48:57,200 --> 00:48:58,920 Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my god, I can't. I 914 00:48:58,920 --> 00:49:01,520 Speaker 1: don't think I'm ever going to love again. And I have, 915 00:49:01,719 --> 00:49:06,279 Speaker 1: I mean I have twice since, and um yeah, and 916 00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:10,520 Speaker 1: maybe they didn't work out ultimately, but they definitely served 917 00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:12,560 Speaker 1: a major purpose in my life, all of them. And 918 00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:16,640 Speaker 1: knowing that my heart is capable of feeling the things 919 00:49:16,360 --> 00:49:19,520 Speaker 1: that love feeling again, and also like on a deeper level, 920 00:49:19,560 --> 00:49:22,879 Speaker 1: because I think that I've like grown so much from 921 00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:24,960 Speaker 1: that pain that, like we said, like, if I hadn't 922 00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:27,239 Speaker 1: felt such a deep amount of pain, I don't know 923 00:49:27,280 --> 00:49:30,239 Speaker 1: that I'd be able to love as hard as I do. Um, Like, 924 00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:31,960 Speaker 1: I think it's in my nature love, but I think 925 00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:35,960 Speaker 1: like feeling so low definitely gave me the ability to 926 00:49:36,080 --> 00:49:39,799 Speaker 1: feel so much greater, like in a more intimate kind 927 00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:42,600 Speaker 1: of love that I didn't know even existed before that. 928 00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:46,560 Speaker 1: So it's good in a lot of ways. Um Amanda 929 00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:49,360 Speaker 1: said to what she learned when love went bad was 930 00:49:49,400 --> 00:49:52,080 Speaker 1: to speak up and when someone will never meet your needs, 931 00:49:52,200 --> 00:49:56,319 Speaker 1: to walk away. And after a divorce, nothing scares me, 932 00:49:56,800 --> 00:50:00,840 Speaker 1: she said. I love that, um Jesse, to stand up 933 00:50:00,880 --> 00:50:06,480 Speaker 1: for yourself and not to settle um endless summer. I 934 00:50:06,520 --> 00:50:10,240 Speaker 1: see sometimes they're just these Instagram texts. You can't change 935 00:50:10,239 --> 00:50:12,239 Speaker 1: someone who doesn't want to change, so love them for 936 00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:14,279 Speaker 1: who they are. That's a good one. And if you 937 00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:15,840 Speaker 1: can't love them for who they are, it's probably not 938 00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:20,880 Speaker 1: the relationship for you. Um Mary said, being cheated and 939 00:50:20,960 --> 00:50:23,799 Speaker 1: taught me everything sad is for a time in your 940 00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:25,959 Speaker 1: life is temporary. That's sort of what I was saying. 941 00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:30,280 Speaker 1: You will love again. Um this girl said, love fails 942 00:50:30,320 --> 00:50:32,560 Speaker 1: me often because it's imperfect, but it teaches me to 943 00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:39,240 Speaker 1: see past imperfection and love anyway. Have any thoughts about 944 00:50:40,040 --> 00:50:43,719 Speaker 1: was taking it all in? Um this this girl said, 945 00:50:43,760 --> 00:50:45,320 Speaker 1: this is sad to me, but she said my parents 946 00:50:45,360 --> 00:50:47,800 Speaker 1: were incapable of the love I needed as a child. 947 00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:51,000 Speaker 1: But it taught me that I can give love to 948 00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:53,239 Speaker 1: myself and the love that I need, which I think 949 00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:56,120 Speaker 1: that's why we're all here anyway, because no one's gonna 950 00:50:56,120 --> 00:50:59,080 Speaker 1: love us perfectly, right, and so it's a lot of 951 00:50:59,080 --> 00:51:02,719 Speaker 1: it's about how we love ourselves. Um Debbie said, not 952 00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:06,520 Speaker 1: to give more than you want to and to preserve 953 00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:09,680 Speaker 1: and grow yourself at the same time. I think that's 954 00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:13,560 Speaker 1: a huge one. To keep growing. Um what's the number 955 00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:18,919 Speaker 1: one challenge you face in your love relationships Chip, Um, 956 00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:24,239 Speaker 1: protecting my independence. Yeah, I have a habit of like 957 00:51:24,840 --> 00:51:29,520 Speaker 1: when I'm in a love relationship, of like giving myself 958 00:51:29,560 --> 00:51:33,760 Speaker 1: over like completely, and then I resent the other person 959 00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:41,200 Speaker 1: because there aren't boundaries. Um And uh, yeah, that's what 960 00:51:41,280 --> 00:51:43,920 Speaker 1: I want to I really want to avoid that in 961 00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:47,560 Speaker 1: my next relationship. But I'm like, it's such an easy trap, 962 00:51:47,680 --> 00:51:50,520 Speaker 1: I think to fall into because it's like when you're excited. 963 00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:53,320 Speaker 1: When I'm excited about somebody, I like, I want to 964 00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:55,239 Speaker 1: be with them all the time and dive in and 965 00:51:55,360 --> 00:51:59,920 Speaker 1: like make my life your life. And um, and I think, 966 00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:03,640 Speaker 1: you know, it's really important to be an individual in 967 00:52:03,680 --> 00:52:06,440 Speaker 1: a relationship, like you have to show up and be 968 00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:09,120 Speaker 1: a part and do your part and be there, but 969 00:52:09,239 --> 00:52:12,799 Speaker 1: like you have to have independence. I have a really 970 00:52:12,800 --> 00:52:14,839 Speaker 1: hard time with that too. I put that mine was 971 00:52:14,920 --> 00:52:19,560 Speaker 1: not losing myself the same thing. I mean. It's hard though, because, 972 00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:21,799 Speaker 1: like you said, life is so busy too, and so 973 00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:24,359 Speaker 1: when you're especially if you have kids, I think it's 974 00:52:24,360 --> 00:52:26,840 Speaker 1: like you that becomes your priority is like the family, 975 00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:32,000 Speaker 1: and so it's hard to not lose yourself and your 976 00:52:32,040 --> 00:52:37,719 Speaker 1: independence amongst that person and then the children or even 977 00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:40,280 Speaker 1: just that person in general. I've done it without kids too, 978 00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:42,520 Speaker 1: but it's yeah, it's really hard. A lot of people 979 00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:46,960 Speaker 1: said that not losing myself. Um, communication, that was a 980 00:52:47,040 --> 00:52:49,839 Speaker 1: huge one. That was like the big challenge that is 981 00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:52,920 Speaker 1: that's the hardest between two people. I think in general, 982 00:52:53,400 --> 00:52:55,440 Speaker 1: I think that's when a relationship doesn't work. There like, 983 00:52:55,520 --> 00:52:58,800 Speaker 1: if you can't communicate, then like what do you what 984 00:52:59,040 --> 00:53:03,480 Speaker 1: is there? You know, it's funny. I think the breakdown 985 00:53:03,480 --> 00:53:06,720 Speaker 1: and communication often comes with people not wanting to fight, 986 00:53:06,920 --> 00:53:08,839 Speaker 1: Like I don't want to make their feelings. I don't 987 00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:10,319 Speaker 1: want to hurt their feelings. I don't want this to 988 00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:12,880 Speaker 1: turn into a fight. But you know what, fighting is 989 00:53:12,920 --> 00:53:17,080 Speaker 1: actually healthy and also healthy fighting like yeah, but I 990 00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:21,000 Speaker 1: don't mean punching, I mean arguing. Yeah. I find that 991 00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:24,719 Speaker 1: if you communicate about something, it doesn't turn into a fight. 992 00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:26,600 Speaker 1: Actually it's it might be hard, it might be a 993 00:53:26,600 --> 00:53:29,640 Speaker 1: hard conversation, but then it can be over. When you 994 00:53:29,760 --> 00:53:33,360 Speaker 1: don't communicate, it just builds and builds and builds, and 995 00:53:33,400 --> 00:53:36,040 Speaker 1: then it lasts and last and last, and it's resentment 996 00:53:36,160 --> 00:53:38,920 Speaker 1: and it is a form of communicating, though it's an 997 00:53:38,920 --> 00:53:42,560 Speaker 1: aggressive form of it. There's a healthy fighting. I mean, 998 00:53:42,600 --> 00:53:47,440 Speaker 1: I think if you can disagree, like understand there's two perspectives, 999 00:53:47,680 --> 00:53:50,520 Speaker 1: talk through something and respect the other person, like have 1000 00:53:50,640 --> 00:53:53,719 Speaker 1: a quote unquote healthy fight. I don't know. To me, 1001 00:53:53,760 --> 00:53:55,680 Speaker 1: it's just like you got to just talk about it 1002 00:53:55,840 --> 00:53:57,759 Speaker 1: and then you got to just move on. But if 1003 00:53:57,760 --> 00:54:00,480 Speaker 1: you can't talk about it, you really can't move one. Right, 1004 00:54:00,960 --> 00:54:04,280 Speaker 1: that's a problem, Hannah said, trusting myself after not seeing 1005 00:54:04,280 --> 00:54:08,319 Speaker 1: red flags before. That's a tough one. I've dealt with 1006 00:54:08,360 --> 00:54:10,560 Speaker 1: that too, when you or when you see them and 1007 00:54:10,600 --> 00:54:12,840 Speaker 1: you ignore them and then you stay way longer and 1008 00:54:12,880 --> 00:54:17,560 Speaker 1: you're like, damn it. I saw. How about when say, 1009 00:54:17,600 --> 00:54:20,040 Speaker 1: it's like when your friend is dating somebody and you 1010 00:54:20,080 --> 00:54:22,759 Speaker 1: see the red flags? When is it okay for you 1011 00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:26,080 Speaker 1: to say something? I don't know. I know, it's like 1012 00:54:26,080 --> 00:54:29,920 Speaker 1: it's such a weird position because there's so many situations 1013 00:54:29,920 --> 00:54:32,960 Speaker 1: where I've heard of that happening and the friend just 1014 00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:34,960 Speaker 1: gets mad at you. I think you have to wait 1015 00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:37,839 Speaker 1: till they bring it up. Yeah, well I had um. 1016 00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:40,600 Speaker 1: I mean, this is obviously it involves high school, so 1017 00:54:40,640 --> 00:54:43,840 Speaker 1: it's we weren't mature enough to really understand the situation. 1018 00:54:43,880 --> 00:54:46,200 Speaker 1: But one of like the people in our friends was 1019 00:54:46,239 --> 00:54:48,799 Speaker 1: being cheated on and we all knew it you have 1020 00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:51,960 Speaker 1: to and but we also knew that she wouldn't believe it. 1021 00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:54,480 Speaker 1: And it was one of those things where it's like 1022 00:54:54,719 --> 00:54:58,600 Speaker 1: that came true and it almost ended a friendship until 1023 00:54:58,719 --> 00:55:08,080 Speaker 1: she finally learned the true But yeah, I mean it 1024 00:55:08,160 --> 00:55:11,200 Speaker 1: was like those sorts of things. It's like that was scarring. 1025 00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:15,160 Speaker 1: Like likes no, I always tell all my friends and like, 1026 00:55:15,160 --> 00:55:17,879 Speaker 1: if you know something like that, you better tell me. 1027 00:55:18,880 --> 00:55:21,080 Speaker 1: But I guess some people wouldn't want to know that. 1028 00:55:21,160 --> 00:55:23,560 Speaker 1: One's tough though cheating to me, that feels different, like 1029 00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:27,719 Speaker 1: it's fact if you're going to tell something. I agree 1030 00:55:27,760 --> 00:55:31,239 Speaker 1: with that. Um Becca said, I've never had a relationship 1031 00:55:31,239 --> 00:55:33,920 Speaker 1: where I didn't lose myself. I give everything to please them. 1032 00:55:34,080 --> 00:55:37,520 Speaker 1: Like we said, intimacy was one of the main ones 1033 00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:41,640 Speaker 1: we got back, uh, which is interesting, Like I think 1034 00:55:41,640 --> 00:55:44,120 Speaker 1: a lot of people, I think as humans were wired 1035 00:55:44,160 --> 00:55:46,919 Speaker 1: for connection and so we want love, but a lot 1036 00:55:46,920 --> 00:55:49,640 Speaker 1: of people truly fear intimacy. And so you get in 1037 00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:51,640 Speaker 1: a relationship and you put your walls up and you're 1038 00:55:51,680 --> 00:55:54,040 Speaker 1: just like I want this, But then we do to 1039 00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:57,920 Speaker 1: the self sabotaging stuff or whatever the wall is, because 1040 00:55:57,920 --> 00:56:02,440 Speaker 1: we're actually truly like it's so scared of the thought 1041 00:56:02,800 --> 00:56:08,320 Speaker 1: of being fully seen. It's scary. It's incredibly terrifying. Trust 1042 00:56:08,560 --> 00:56:11,839 Speaker 1: that was a big one, a big challenge, a lot 1043 00:56:11,960 --> 00:56:13,960 Speaker 1: of that. I mean, I definitely think there has to 1044 00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:16,880 Speaker 1: be safety in the relationship, and I think it's about 1045 00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:20,359 Speaker 1: finding a partner that you can communicate with, and then 1046 00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:23,279 Speaker 1: it's about like if you trust For me, at least, 1047 00:56:23,320 --> 00:56:28,799 Speaker 1: it's been like, if I'm trusting myself, then I know 1048 00:56:28,840 --> 00:56:31,040 Speaker 1: what to do about their relationship. But it takes a 1049 00:56:31,080 --> 00:56:33,239 Speaker 1: lot for me to trust myself fully because I have 1050 00:56:33,680 --> 00:56:35,480 Speaker 1: all these voices in my head that I'll be like, oh, 1051 00:56:35,560 --> 00:56:37,319 Speaker 1: is this from the past? Are you bringing your old 1052 00:56:37,320 --> 00:56:39,839 Speaker 1: baggage in? Or like does this truly just not work 1053 00:56:39,920 --> 00:56:42,880 Speaker 1: for you in this capacity? So does that make sense? 1054 00:56:44,200 --> 00:56:48,320 Speaker 1: I think too, it's like it's really easy to blame 1055 00:56:48,360 --> 00:56:50,200 Speaker 1: yourself for the things that have happened in the past, 1056 00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:54,759 Speaker 1: and that makes it really difficult to trust yourself, you know, yeah, 1057 00:56:55,640 --> 00:56:59,680 Speaker 1: um when in fact, like being cheated on often doesn't 1058 00:56:59,760 --> 00:57:02,800 Speaker 1: have anything to do in your case, it didn't have 1059 00:57:02,840 --> 00:57:06,040 Speaker 1: anything to do it. Um. I mean, sometimes I think 1060 00:57:06,200 --> 00:57:09,319 Speaker 1: there are there's surely cases where it has something to 1061 00:57:09,360 --> 00:57:11,880 Speaker 1: do with the person, but um, in your case, it didn't. 1062 00:57:11,960 --> 00:57:17,040 Speaker 1: So um this girl said, not letting my hyper independence 1063 00:57:17,080 --> 00:57:21,200 Speaker 1: put up walls to love. That's a hard one. Brittany said, 1064 00:57:21,240 --> 00:57:24,120 Speaker 1: I'm independent out of fear. I don't need anyone attitude. 1065 00:57:24,160 --> 00:57:26,280 Speaker 1: I'm hard to love in that way. Do you feel 1066 00:57:26,280 --> 00:57:29,800 Speaker 1: do you relate to that? Yeah, I mean, I uh, 1067 00:57:30,800 --> 00:57:34,320 Speaker 1: I appreciate my independence a lot. I mean, I'm forty 1068 00:57:34,400 --> 00:57:38,200 Speaker 1: six years old, I live alone, I've got great friendships, 1069 00:57:38,200 --> 00:57:39,960 Speaker 1: I kind of go and do. I don't have any children, 1070 00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:43,760 Speaker 1: I don't have two dogs. It's easy to hire a dogwalker. Um. 1071 00:57:43,800 --> 00:57:47,680 Speaker 1: So I love my independence. I love that, like I 1072 00:57:47,720 --> 00:57:49,320 Speaker 1: can just kind of pick up and go and be 1073 00:57:49,360 --> 00:57:50,800 Speaker 1: wherever I need to be, and I don't have to 1074 00:57:50,800 --> 00:57:56,720 Speaker 1: answer to anybody. So that's difficult because the opposite of 1075 00:57:56,760 --> 00:57:58,920 Speaker 1: that is not being able to go and do all 1076 00:57:58,920 --> 00:58:02,040 Speaker 1: the things that I've loved doing. Um. But I think 1077 00:58:02,040 --> 00:58:06,320 Speaker 1: I'm also at an age where it's like settling down 1078 00:58:06,480 --> 00:58:08,720 Speaker 1: is not as scary anymore, you know, Like I don't 1079 00:58:08,760 --> 00:58:10,480 Speaker 1: want to be out and about all the time, and 1080 00:58:11,480 --> 00:58:14,320 Speaker 1: it would be nice to like have a romantic getaway 1081 00:58:14,360 --> 00:58:18,600 Speaker 1: and do some traveling with somebody in that way. Um, 1082 00:58:18,640 --> 00:58:22,440 Speaker 1: but yeah, I mean I definitely struggle with that. Um. 1083 00:58:22,480 --> 00:58:25,320 Speaker 1: A lot of women wrote in and said insecurity was 1084 00:58:25,320 --> 00:58:27,800 Speaker 1: the biggest challenge they faced. That made me think about, 1085 00:58:27,920 --> 00:58:29,280 Speaker 1: you know, I do that this work with that guy 1086 00:58:29,360 --> 00:58:31,240 Speaker 1: Jake Woodard, I went to that conference, and he's been 1087 00:58:31,280 --> 00:58:34,040 Speaker 1: on the podcast a bunch. He always says, Um, if 1088 00:58:34,080 --> 00:58:37,120 Speaker 1: you're in a relationship with a masculine man and he 1089 00:58:37,200 --> 00:58:39,880 Speaker 1: kind of operates like a picture a stool, and if 1090 00:58:39,920 --> 00:58:44,680 Speaker 1: the stool is like wobbly, like if he's inconsistent, or um, 1091 00:58:44,720 --> 00:58:47,880 Speaker 1: he's kind of flighty, or you can't trust him because 1092 00:58:48,200 --> 00:58:49,680 Speaker 1: you know he's shown you in the past that like 1093 00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:52,960 Speaker 1: he's not reliable, then why would you go stand on 1094 00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:55,640 Speaker 1: top of that stool? Like we're supposed to be able 1095 00:58:55,720 --> 00:58:59,080 Speaker 1: as the feminine energy to bring our energy in and 1096 00:58:59,160 --> 00:59:02,440 Speaker 1: as creative flowing capacity, but we need a sturdy foundation 1097 00:59:02,560 --> 00:59:05,640 Speaker 1: to stand on. And so if you're feeling insecure in 1098 00:59:05,640 --> 00:59:09,320 Speaker 1: a relationship, I wonder sometimes what kind of foundation is 1099 00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:12,080 Speaker 1: your partner providing for you? Because as the masculine, that 1100 00:59:12,360 --> 00:59:15,640 Speaker 1: is the energy that they lead with. But I know 1101 00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:19,320 Speaker 1: I've been in relationships before where it's like, for whatever reason, 1102 00:59:19,360 --> 00:59:22,880 Speaker 1: if it was like emotional immaturity, or if the guy 1103 00:59:23,000 --> 00:59:26,360 Speaker 1: just wasn't there, like the wobbly feeling, it makes me 1104 00:59:26,520 --> 00:59:29,440 Speaker 1: a crazy person. And I because if I feel insecure, 1105 00:59:29,480 --> 00:59:31,920 Speaker 1: it's like, you do everything you can to try to 1106 00:59:31,920 --> 00:59:34,720 Speaker 1: get secure in the relationship and make them the man 1107 00:59:34,800 --> 00:59:36,920 Speaker 1: you need them to be or whatever it is, and 1108 00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:39,600 Speaker 1: it does it makes you crazy. And that's when you 1109 00:59:39,640 --> 00:59:42,800 Speaker 1: have to trust yourself. It goes back to that to know, Okay, 1110 00:59:42,840 --> 00:59:45,840 Speaker 1: this isn't a situation that serves me. It all works together. 1111 00:59:46,040 --> 00:59:48,520 Speaker 1: It really does, really does. Let's talk about Valentine's Day 1112 00:59:48,520 --> 00:59:50,520 Speaker 1: really quick, because I know we need to go. Let's 1113 00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:54,480 Speaker 1: leave all let's leaven good. I feel like this's always 1114 00:59:54,480 --> 00:59:56,120 Speaker 1: it's like when the edge is like a little bit 1115 00:59:56,160 --> 00:59:59,040 Speaker 1: like wan want, I'm like I feel guilty about it 1116 00:59:59,080 --> 01:00:01,600 Speaker 1: a little bit. Just in a little email today, guys, 1117 01:00:02,040 --> 01:00:06,800 Speaker 1: you know part of the process life, do you do 1118 01:00:06,840 --> 01:00:11,120 Speaker 1: you like Valentine's Day? I asked the question what do 1119 01:00:11,160 --> 01:00:13,240 Speaker 1: you think about Valentine's Day? And the majority of the 1120 01:00:13,280 --> 01:00:15,480 Speaker 1: answer we're like, this is a bullshit holiday that's for 1121 01:00:15,800 --> 01:00:18,640 Speaker 1: commercial reasons only. It's like America's way to make more money. 1122 01:00:18,840 --> 01:00:21,240 Speaker 1: You know, it's like that. I mean, it's not untrue, 1123 01:00:21,480 --> 01:00:24,840 Speaker 1: like it's I call it a Hallmark holiday. I know 1124 01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:27,200 Speaker 1: it is that, Am I the only cheesy one. I 1125 01:00:27,240 --> 01:00:29,720 Speaker 1: just think it's like, why not embrace a time to 1126 01:00:29,760 --> 01:00:32,520 Speaker 1: celebrate the people you love, as long as it's not 1127 01:00:32,600 --> 01:00:36,120 Speaker 1: the only time you do that. I think a lot 1128 01:00:36,120 --> 01:00:40,440 Speaker 1: of people use as an excuse to like, um, you know, 1129 01:00:40,600 --> 01:00:43,720 Speaker 1: check a box for a year, and it's well, that's bullshit, 1130 01:00:43,920 --> 01:00:46,160 Speaker 1: you know. Um, I think we should be letting the 1131 01:00:46,200 --> 01:00:51,080 Speaker 1: people we love know that we love them all the time. Um. 1132 01:00:51,160 --> 01:00:54,200 Speaker 1: And we shouldn't be bowing to corporate America to buy 1133 01:00:54,240 --> 01:00:56,720 Speaker 1: a bunch of candies and Teddy Bears and flowers and 1134 01:00:56,720 --> 01:01:00,640 Speaker 1: ship like that on a specific day. Um. I did 1135 01:01:00,640 --> 01:01:02,480 Speaker 1: a little research and just to see I was like, 1136 01:01:02,480 --> 01:01:05,920 Speaker 1: where did it even come from? So um, you know, 1137 01:01:06,040 --> 01:01:12,240 Speaker 1: I did super academic research on Wikipedia dot com and um, dude, 1138 01:01:12,320 --> 01:01:16,920 Speaker 1: it has been It's it's the Feast of St. Valentine's 1139 01:01:16,960 --> 01:01:21,440 Speaker 1: which um he was He was a mar a Christian martyr, 1140 01:01:22,160 --> 01:01:29,080 Speaker 1: and he died. He was martyred in um to, which 1141 01:01:29,120 --> 01:01:31,240 Speaker 1: is weird to like read it. It's only like three 1142 01:01:31,320 --> 01:01:35,320 Speaker 1: numbers long um. And then in four eighty they started 1143 01:01:35,360 --> 01:01:39,880 Speaker 1: the fast the Feast of St. Valentine's um to celebrate 1144 01:01:39,960 --> 01:01:45,640 Speaker 1: him um. And it has it's just sort of taken on. 1145 01:01:46,080 --> 01:01:49,680 Speaker 1: There's like people go to there's all of his there's 1146 01:01:49,720 --> 01:01:52,480 Speaker 1: a lot of things of his, including like his skull 1147 01:01:52,600 --> 01:01:56,880 Speaker 1: and his crown of flowers and they're there across churches 1148 01:01:56,920 --> 01:02:01,040 Speaker 1: in Rome and um people make pilgrimage still like go 1149 01:02:01,480 --> 01:02:05,480 Speaker 1: like seek love um at the altar of some of 1150 01:02:05,480 --> 01:02:09,760 Speaker 1: his stuff. So it's been going on since four Wow. 1151 01:02:11,040 --> 01:02:14,440 Speaker 1: So that's the history. That's your history. Lesson folks for 1152 01:02:14,480 --> 01:02:20,760 Speaker 1: the day from Chip doors Um. I think personally it's 1153 01:02:20,760 --> 01:02:23,120 Speaker 1: sort of like that thing where it's like you put 1154 01:02:23,120 --> 01:02:25,600 Speaker 1: an intention behind something, and of course I don't think 1155 01:02:25,600 --> 01:02:27,840 Speaker 1: this should be the only day, but like why not 1156 01:02:28,240 --> 01:02:30,760 Speaker 1: take the time to have a celebration and if you're 1157 01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:32,680 Speaker 1: not in a relationship, Like I mean this is coming 1158 01:02:32,720 --> 01:02:35,320 Speaker 1: from the single girl over here, but it's like I'm 1159 01:02:35,360 --> 01:02:38,720 Speaker 1: going to see Dodu Alibo with a bunch of my girlfriends, 1160 01:02:39,160 --> 01:02:42,000 Speaker 1: a bunch of my girlfriends and Chip and I think 1161 01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:47,000 Speaker 1: we're going separately. Yeah, um, but it's just like okay, fine, 1162 01:02:47,080 --> 01:02:48,880 Speaker 1: Like let's make a fun plan. Like I just love 1163 01:02:48,920 --> 01:02:51,840 Speaker 1: any excuse to make a fun plan. And so if 1164 01:02:51,840 --> 01:02:55,280 Speaker 1: that happens to be a holiday, fine, But are you 1165 01:02:55,320 --> 01:02:57,800 Speaker 1: mad if like your significant other doesn't get you a 1166 01:02:57,800 --> 01:03:00,920 Speaker 1: present on value? Well, I actually just appreciate card, like 1167 01:03:01,000 --> 01:03:03,000 Speaker 1: I would. I prefer it to be I'm such a 1168 01:03:03,040 --> 01:03:06,160 Speaker 1: words of affirmation person that as long as you know, 1169 01:03:06,240 --> 01:03:09,000 Speaker 1: like or I would rather you write me a card 1170 01:03:09,120 --> 01:03:12,680 Speaker 1: that talks about the real ship or the love you feel, 1171 01:03:13,080 --> 01:03:16,400 Speaker 1: or the look back on our year from the last year, 1172 01:03:16,480 --> 01:03:20,760 Speaker 1: you know, just like something sentiment feb of course, but 1173 01:03:20,920 --> 01:03:24,320 Speaker 1: like most people don't. And so if it's like this 1174 01:03:25,160 --> 01:03:28,720 Speaker 1: excuse to do that, then great do I don't want 1175 01:03:28,720 --> 01:03:30,160 Speaker 1: someone to have an excuse to do it. I want 1176 01:03:30,160 --> 01:03:32,560 Speaker 1: someone to want to do it, of course. I just 1177 01:03:32,600 --> 01:03:35,160 Speaker 1: think I look at it more as the reminder of, Oh, 1178 01:03:35,240 --> 01:03:37,240 Speaker 1: let me think about all the love in my life 1179 01:03:37,320 --> 01:03:40,680 Speaker 1: and appreciate that today and be really grateful for it 1180 01:03:40,760 --> 01:03:43,160 Speaker 1: and show my gratitude to the people that I love 1181 01:03:44,280 --> 01:03:48,760 Speaker 1: that show some gratitude to do I am going. Yeah, 1182 01:03:50,520 --> 01:03:52,480 Speaker 1: I've been listening to her music for like a week 1183 01:03:52,520 --> 01:03:55,240 Speaker 1: because I've needed dance parties to give repeat the first 1184 01:03:55,240 --> 01:03:58,120 Speaker 1: record on repeat. Same. Okay, here's the question that do 1185 01:03:58,160 --> 01:04:00,600 Speaker 1: you listen to the one with the baby or not? It? No, 1186 01:04:00,640 --> 01:04:05,200 Speaker 1: I don't. I hate that he said the things he 1187 01:04:05,280 --> 01:04:07,360 Speaker 1: said because I just love that version so much more. 1188 01:04:07,520 --> 01:04:10,240 Speaker 1: But I mean the original version is amazing too. It is. 1189 01:04:10,880 --> 01:04:13,400 Speaker 1: It's just the cancel culture I hate, you know, And 1190 01:04:13,400 --> 01:04:14,840 Speaker 1: I'm just like, can you just not come back and 1191 01:04:14,880 --> 01:04:19,040 Speaker 1: apologize and like you didn't really, Yeah, that's the problem. 1192 01:04:19,240 --> 01:04:25,440 Speaker 1: Just apologize. Um, do you think it's cheesy to have 1193 01:04:25,480 --> 01:04:29,600 Speaker 1: sex on Valentine's Day? That was you know what's funny? 1194 01:04:29,600 --> 01:04:31,920 Speaker 1: I mean I think that plays into the whole last question. 1195 01:04:32,720 --> 01:04:36,360 Speaker 1: I think yes, Like it's like saving yourself for prom, 1196 01:04:36,400 --> 01:04:41,400 Speaker 1: Like there's nothing special about that day in particular. It's true, 1197 01:04:41,800 --> 01:04:45,400 Speaker 1: so why like why put a weird marker on it? 1198 01:04:45,480 --> 01:04:47,240 Speaker 1: Like have sex when you want to? That's what a 1199 01:04:47,320 --> 01:04:49,800 Speaker 1: lot of people wrote anywhere, Like it just feels so forced. 1200 01:04:50,200 --> 01:04:53,120 Speaker 1: It's sort of like scheduled sex. Though again where I'm 1201 01:04:53,160 --> 01:04:56,200 Speaker 1: like the advocate of, like, Okay, well you have an 1202 01:04:56,240 --> 01:04:59,000 Speaker 1: excuse to make for a sexy night, why not do 1203 01:04:59,040 --> 01:05:00,880 Speaker 1: it if it falls on your a schedule night? Then 1204 01:05:01,520 --> 01:05:03,600 Speaker 1: oh my god. I mean I guess look if you're 1205 01:05:03,600 --> 01:05:06,520 Speaker 1: in a relationship where you're having to schedule things. By 1206 01:05:06,600 --> 01:05:08,840 Speaker 1: all means have sex on Valentine's Day because it means 1207 01:05:08,840 --> 01:05:10,600 Speaker 1: you might be getting extra night of booty. But what 1208 01:05:10,760 --> 01:05:13,720 Speaker 1: if your partner like draws you a bath and like 1209 01:05:13,880 --> 01:05:18,560 Speaker 1: makes it special? It doesn't. But do most people do 1210 01:05:18,600 --> 01:05:22,920 Speaker 1: that on a fucking Tuesday? No? They should, they should, 1211 01:05:23,080 --> 01:05:25,560 Speaker 1: but they we don't. We get busy in our lives. 1212 01:05:25,960 --> 01:05:30,000 Speaker 1: So I just say take the like extra special celebration 1213 01:05:30,040 --> 01:05:32,439 Speaker 1: time and use it. Well, I think we should take 1214 01:05:32,480 --> 01:05:35,800 Speaker 1: the sentiment of Valentine's Day and try to inject it 1215 01:05:35,840 --> 01:05:40,000 Speaker 1: into more days of the year. Okay, fine. Someone wrote 1216 01:05:40,000 --> 01:05:42,000 Speaker 1: in an asked is Chip going to have sex on 1217 01:05:42,080 --> 01:05:47,400 Speaker 1: Valentine's Day? I hope maybe I'll make somebody at Dualipa 1218 01:05:46,440 --> 01:05:49,680 Speaker 1: will I don't know. There's definitely a be gay boys 1219 01:05:49,680 --> 01:05:53,520 Speaker 1: there and maybe some women. If where are we going after? 1220 01:05:53,600 --> 01:05:55,480 Speaker 1: For you that? You know what's funny? We're going. One 1221 01:05:55,480 --> 01:05:57,160 Speaker 1: of the people that I'm going with is our friend 1222 01:05:57,160 --> 01:05:59,480 Speaker 1: Courtney his British, and I like in my mind when 1223 01:05:59,480 --> 01:06:01,680 Speaker 1: she says that she says do or leaper, she does 1224 01:06:01,760 --> 01:06:07,680 Speaker 1: she has ours rebercre she calls a reber or leaper. 1225 01:06:09,080 --> 01:06:11,920 Speaker 1: That doesn't sound that doesn't sound very sexy, though, I 1226 01:06:11,960 --> 01:06:13,880 Speaker 1: don't think that's what you lead with to whoever it 1227 01:06:13,920 --> 01:06:15,640 Speaker 1: is you're taking home that night. Yeah, I'm like, do 1228 01:06:15,720 --> 01:06:20,280 Speaker 1: you love do or leaper? Oh my god. Well, I 1229 01:06:20,320 --> 01:06:23,160 Speaker 1: hope you guys maybe listen to this and it makes 1230 01:06:23,160 --> 01:06:25,560 Speaker 1: some fun plans for Valentine, whether it's with your girls, 1231 01:06:25,760 --> 01:06:30,640 Speaker 1: your gaze, your guy, whatever it is, yeah, yourself. I 1232 01:06:30,640 --> 01:06:33,680 Speaker 1: mean maybe it's like a self care thing. You set 1233 01:06:33,760 --> 01:06:35,880 Speaker 1: up a nice little yeah, get a massage, set up 1234 01:06:35,880 --> 01:06:42,400 Speaker 1: a nice baths situation for yourself, a master bait. I 1235 01:06:42,400 --> 01:06:44,280 Speaker 1: don't know. I just don't think it has to be cheesy. 1236 01:06:44,280 --> 01:06:46,200 Speaker 1: I think it's all about the intentiony but behind it. 1237 01:06:46,480 --> 01:06:49,200 Speaker 1: So anyway, sorry for the email is today, y'all. Just 1238 01:06:49,200 --> 01:06:53,080 Speaker 1: I'm having a day and it looks see I'm telling 1239 01:06:53,080 --> 01:06:55,640 Speaker 1: you it passes like I'm feeling much better now that 1240 01:06:55,720 --> 01:06:59,240 Speaker 1: we kind of talked about. Its absorbed all your positive 1241 01:06:59,360 --> 01:07:04,840 Speaker 1: energy and lack of beast aster and well this concludes 1242 01:07:04,960 --> 01:07:07,880 Speaker 1: all of the questions. Um, next time or next month, 1243 01:07:07,920 --> 01:07:09,439 Speaker 1: we'll have the same thing where I'll ask you guys 1244 01:07:09,440 --> 01:07:11,400 Speaker 1: some questions on Instagram, but you can always email us 1245 01:07:11,400 --> 01:07:14,040 Speaker 1: as well. At the Edge at Velvet Edge dot com, 1246 01:07:14,040 --> 01:07:15,520 Speaker 1: we will at the end of the month still have 1247 01:07:15,600 --> 01:07:19,520 Speaker 1: the listener emails. Uh podcast, I couldn't think of that word. Well, 1248 01:07:19,880 --> 01:07:23,240 Speaker 1: brains spasm episode coming, So whatever is coming up for 1249 01:07:23,280 --> 01:07:25,160 Speaker 1: you this month if we're saying something that is like, 1250 01:07:25,240 --> 01:07:27,320 Speaker 1: you're like, what if you want to write in about 1251 01:07:27,320 --> 01:07:29,680 Speaker 1: adult breastfeeding, you know, any of the stuff we've talked 1252 01:07:29,680 --> 01:07:32,440 Speaker 1: about so far. I still feel shocked about that whole podcast. 1253 01:07:32,520 --> 01:07:33,960 Speaker 1: I don't really know how I feel about it. I 1254 01:07:34,040 --> 01:07:36,880 Speaker 1: might have seen the video that she referenced. What video 1255 01:07:37,080 --> 01:07:40,360 Speaker 1: the one of you drinking breast milk? Oh? Yeah, friend 1256 01:07:40,440 --> 01:07:45,280 Speaker 1: found that video when and I don't think I go 1257 01:07:45,920 --> 01:07:48,520 Speaker 1: it's like milk. No, it was the app your friend 1258 01:07:48,520 --> 01:07:51,040 Speaker 1: goes it tastes like milk, and you're like, whole milk, 1259 01:07:51,080 --> 01:07:54,280 Speaker 1: whole milk, which I'm very free. So it was very shocking. 1260 01:07:55,000 --> 01:07:57,800 Speaker 1: Um yeah, but anyway, you guys keep the emails coming 1261 01:07:57,840 --> 01:07:59,720 Speaker 1: to the Edge at velvets Edge dot com. You can 1262 01:07:59,720 --> 01:08:02,240 Speaker 1: always hit me up on Instagram at Velvet's Edge Chip. 1263 01:08:02,880 --> 01:08:06,840 Speaker 1: I'm on Instagram at chip doors a chap d R. 1264 01:08:07,680 --> 01:08:09,760 Speaker 1: I love that you paused, as if you're getting out 1265 01:08:09,800 --> 01:08:12,000 Speaker 1: of saying that now, like that's just a thing. She 1266 01:08:12,120 --> 01:08:14,680 Speaker 1: threw a look at me like I was like hello, 1267 01:08:16,200 --> 01:08:19,599 Speaker 1: silent pause. Um. Anyway, as you guys go into this 1268 01:08:19,640 --> 01:08:23,479 Speaker 1: weekend and leading up to Valentine's Day, it's Monday, it's 1269 01:08:23,520 --> 01:08:26,000 Speaker 1: the big day. I hope you make some special plans 1270 01:08:26,000 --> 01:08:30,040 Speaker 1: with a special someone or yourself, and I hope that 1271 01:08:30,240 --> 01:08:38,360 Speaker 1: you continue to always live on the edge. Casual clouse, 1272 01:08:38,920 --> 01:08:41,840 Speaker 1: this is a little clock, all right. Happy Valentine's Day, y'all. 1273 01:08:42,080 --> 01:08:42,479 Speaker 1: By